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Children pay more attention to him. Deficit of parental attention. Formal attention or communication without emotion

One summer a German family was visiting our country house. Sabina, Gernet and 3-year-old Robert. Here I also "spied" a wonderful family rule, which, before this acquaintance, we did not apply here.

Jean Ledloff

Should a mother always meet the baby's needs for her presence and attention? There are fears that over-focusing will lead to being spoiled.

Evolution has provided babies with the signals and gestures that promote healthy development and are the smartest ways to respond to them. As parents, we must follow our impulse to rush to our babies when they cry, smile back at them, talk to them when they babble, and so on. Babies are biologically prepared to guide us through the experiences they have "is necessary, and our relationship with them will develop in the most favorable way if we follow their prompts.

Research by Ainsworth and others has been shown to support this position. The attachment of one-year-olds to their parents was strong if they were sensitive and quick to respond to the signals of their babies. At home, these babies cry less often than other babies and are relatively independent. They seem to develop the feeling that they can always get the parent's attention when needed, so they can relax and explore the world around them. Of course, these babies keep track of where the parents are; the attachment system is too strong to be completely turned off. But even in the new environment, they do not show undue concern about the presence of the mother. On the contrary, they use it as a reliable starting point for their research. They dare to move away from it to study their surroundings, and despite the fact that they look around and, perhaps, return to it from time to time, after a short time they resume their studies. “This picture,” Bowlby said, “is indicative of a good balance between exploration and attachment” (1982, p. 338).

Parents, Bowlby says, can raise a spoiled and pampered child. But this will not happen as a result of their excessive sensitivity and responsiveness to the baby's signals. If we look closely, we see that the parent takes all the initiative. The parent can achieve closeness to the child or pour out love on him, whether the child wants it or not. The parent is not oriented toward the child (p. 375).

In recent years, many parents have found new ways to intervene. They provide their babies and toddlers with all kinds of early stimulation, from educational pictures to computers, in an attempt to accelerate the intellectual development of their children. Ainsworth considered this parental behavior unhealthy because it took away too much initiative from the child (cited by Kagep, 1994, p. 416).

Parents can be more beneficial, Ainsworth and Bowlby argue, by empowering children to follow their own interests. Often times, parents can do this simply by being available to the child, providing him with a reliable starting point in his research. For example, when a little girl wants to climb a large rock or plunge into the surf, the presence of a parent is necessary for the child's safety and assistance if needed. But the child does not need the supervision and guidance of a parent. All he needs is the availability of a patient parent. This alone gives him the necessary confidence "to boldly master new activities and explore the world for himself.

As children mature, they can successfully spend longer and longer periods of time in complete isolation from their primary caregivers. Five-year-olds can go to school for half a day or more, and teenagers can spend weeks or even months away from home. However, we all overcome life's hardships with the greatest confidence when we know we have a home, held by our family or companions, to which we can return. "All of us, from cradle to grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from some reliable starting point provided by our object (s) of affection" (Bowlby, 1988, p, 62 ).

Separation

Bowlby, as we have seen, was one of the first to draw attention to the potentially damaging effects of separation from parents. His work with James Robertson in the early 1950s. convinced many that admitting a small child to a hospital with infrequent parental contact causes severe distress in the child, and over the years, more and more hospitals began to allow mothers and fathers to share a ward with their young children.

Bowlby's work also has implications for the selection of foster parents and caregivers. If we need to move a child from one family to another, we must take into account the attachment stage of the toddler. If possible, it would seem most sensible to place your baby in a permanent home during the first few months of life, before he begins to direct his love to any one person. Separation is most likely to be most painful between 6 months and 3-4 years of age. During this time, attachments are intensely developed in the child and the independence and cognitive abilities to cope with separation are lacking in an adaptive manner (Ainsworth, 1973).

Boarding deprivation

As noted, Bowlby was also one of the first to draw attention to the potentially harmful effects of foster care. In the early 1950s. he noticed that in many orphanages, contact between children and adults is so rare that children are unable to bond with any adult. Bowlby's work has had a positive impact on this area as well.

In 1970, continuing this tradition, pediatricians Marshall Klaus and John Kennell began to argue that routine hospital care for a newborn baby was already a form of boarding deprivation. Until then, newborns in maternity hospitals were generally kept separate from their mothers for extended periods. The baby was in the children's ward and was fed every 4 hours. This practice served to prevent infection, but the main effect, according to Klaus and Kennell (1970), was to prevent mothers from starting to bond with their babies. This is especially undesirable because the first few days can be a "sensitive period" in the bonding process.

Klaus and Kennell (1970, 1983) indicated that on. Throughout much of human evolution, mothers carried newborns on them, and in this motherly environment, babies displayed reactions and qualities that facilitated the formation of attachment from the very beginning. Newborns open their eyes wide and liven up for a short time, stop crying when they are on the shoulder of an adult, rejoice that they are being nursed, and amaze their parents with their cute appearance. Such reactions and qualities immediately awaken a feeling of love in the mother. She loves her baby, who looks at her carefully, who is comforted by her embrace, who enjoys her breasts and who looks so adorable. Thus, the mother immediately begins to connect with the baby - or began before the advent of modern maternity hospitals.

KlauS & Kennell (1983) pointed to a number of studies that indicate that development is more successful when mothers and babies are provided with at least a few extra hours of care during their maternity hospital stay. Mothers look more confident and calm and breastfeed more often, and babies appear happier. However, critics make strong arguments that Klaus and Kennell exaggerated the degree of research support (Eyre, 1992). Despite this, Klaus and Kennell sparked interest in the earliest stages of attachment and had a positive impact on maternity policy, which now allows for closer contact between mother and baby.

Day care (American nursery)

With an increasing number of American mothers working outside the home, families are turning to day care centers and sending their children to them at an ever younger age. Indeed, day care for babies (children under 12 months of age) has become commonplace.

To some extent, day care has become a political issue. Some people argue that day care supports women's right to professional careers. Others advocate day care because it allows poor parents to work and earn more money. However, Bowlby (Kagep, 1994, chap. 22) and Ainsworth questioned its usefulness. Does early day care interfere with bonding with the parent? What are the emotional effects of daily separation from your parents in the first few years of life?

Research on these issues is still incomplete, but it is clear that even infants who spend several hours a day in day care centers tend to bond with their parents rather than their caregivers (Clark-Stewart, 1989). It is also clear that children who are sent to day care centers after 12 months of age generally do not suffer negative consequences - provided that the day care is of good quality (provided by permanent staff who take care of the needs of each child). But many researchers worry about children who are sent to day care centers before 12 months of age. These babies often have insecure, avoidant attachment to their parents. Yet it seems that this risk can be compensated for by sensitive, responsive parenting behavior and high quality day care (Rutter & O "Connor, 1999; Stroufe et al., 1996, pp. 234-236). quality day care is not always easy to find or afford.

In some ways, the quest for quality day care actually reflects the broader issues of modern society, as Bowlby (1988, pp. 1-3) and Ainsworth (Kagep, 1994, p. 415) have tried to point out. Previously, in rural communities, parents could take their children with them to work in the fields or workshop and may have received a lot of help from grandparents, aunts and uncles, teenagers and friends. It was also a time of play and socialization with children. In today's hectic world, the situation is different. Parents usually live separately from their relatives and have to raise their children alone, and moreover, they often return home from work too tired to show real responsiveness to their children. Attempts to set aside half an hour of "quality time" for the kids every night only indicate how busy the parents have become. Thus, while quality day care may seem desirable, what parents really need is a work and social innovation that will allow them to spend significantly more time with their children, relaxing and enjoying it.

Dislike and overlooking are two extremes that break children's lives. How to understand if a child receives enough attention and love? Does he get them at all? If not, why not? How do disliked children feel and how does the lack of parenting affect their adult life?

This article is not about how to raise children, how to communicate with them, how much time to spend. There is a video on my YouTube channel in which I analyzed this topic in detail.

Be sure to check it out, video link... Here we will talk about more complex issues - the causes and consequences of the lack of parental attention and love.

I would like to point out right away that everything that will be discussed below is more related to children of preschool age - from 0 to 6 years old. It is during this period that basic attitudes are formed, which the child will be guided by throughout his life. And the attention of parents, communication with them is a key factor in the formation of his personality.

How to understand a child's behavior that he lacks attention

Just the other day I observed the situation (after which I decided to write this article): a young woman with a boy of 4-5 years old was sitting at a table next to us in a family restaurant. They ordered pizza. While waiting for the order, my mother whiled away the time on the phone. The boy played with a transforming car and tried in every possible way to involve his mother in his game: “Mom, look how her doors (cars) open! Mom, do you think she can drive fast? Mom, mom, she even has pedals! " Mom responded, ugukala, without looking up from the phone.

Having failed to get attention about his mother, the boy left her alone and continued the game alone. He started ramming the glass of juice that the waiter had brought in with a typewriter and pushing it to the edge of the table. A minute later, the glass, or rather the fragments remaining from it, lay on the floor in a burgundy pool of cherry juice. And the kid with downcast eyes listened to the angry tirade of his mother, who called him a bully and threatened to leave him without dessert for his bad behavior.

Interestingly, there was not even a drop of regret or remorse for the trick in the boy's eyes. No, there was satisfaction in them - he won, achieved his goal, my mother paid attention to him, and everything else - her reproaches, threats - did not matter to him.


In this situation, the boy's behavior clearly expressed a lack of parental attention. How else can there be a lack of active communication with parents:

  • The child is capricious, does not obey, behaves aggressively;
  • Constantly trying to snuggle up to mom, take her hand;
  • Interrupts, interrupts the conversation when the mother communicates with someone;
  • Violates the rules and boundaries of acceptable behavior;
  • Doesn't want to contact peers;
  • Closes in itself.

The first four points can also be a consequence of the other extreme - an excess of attention from relatives and permissiveness. You can tell a lack of communication from being spoiled by the reaction of your parents. If mom or dad are genuinely indignant, scold their child, try to force him or her to behave adequately, as in the situation described above, the problem is precisely the lack of attention. If the parents persuade the baby, ask him to calm down, give him what he requires, most likely the problem is in permissiveness.

But isolation, lack of communication never arise from an excess of attention. It is just his lack that makes the baby distrustful, fearful, detached. He does not know how to communicate, does not know how to react correctly to others.

Why doesn't mom have enough time for a baby

To solve a problem, you need to be aware of it. If you understand that your child lacks attention, there is no need to "urgently do something." First, figure out why this situation has arisen. There can be many formal reasons:

  1. Work a lot;
  2. I get very tired;
  3. I do not have time, because there are a lot of household chores;
  4. There are younger children who need attention more, etc.

When naming one of them, make sure that your inner problem is not disguised under it.

The child was unwanted

When children are not born out of great love, they have little chance of receiving sincere care from their mother. If the pregnancy was unplanned, very early, or from an accidental relationship, the child can cause her emotional rejection.

A 15-year-old mother is unable to give her baby either love or full attention, since she herself still needs maternal care. Also, a baby born from an accidental relationship or, even worse, as a result of rape, will be for the mother a reminder of a stupid act that broke her life, or psychological trauma. Naturally, mom will by hook or by crook avoid communicating with him. She can conscientiously fulfill basic parenting duties, but she is unlikely to succeed in giving him warmth, unconditional love.

The child has become unwanted

An even more difficult and traumatic situation for the child's psyche. Why does a son or daughter suddenly become unwanted? There may be several reasons. For example, a woman gave birth to a child to keep a man, and it worked for a while. A year, two, three, while the child was very young, her husband stayed with her, but then he broke off the relationship anyway. Since the baby was originally a tool for mom, and not a goal, after her husband left, he ceased to be of interest to her. Moreover, it became a hindrance for her, a burden that prevents her from building new relationships.

A similar thing can happen in a family with a planned, beloved child. We examined this situation in consultations with Svetlana. She and her husband dreamed of a child for several years, but Sveta could not get pregnant. After long-term treatment and three IVF procedures, Angelinka was born - a long-awaited daughter. The happiness of the parents knew no bounds. The husband spent every free minute with the baby: changing diapers, bathing, feeding, walking, playing with her. When the baby was two years old, their relationship began to deteriorate. As Svetlana eventually found out, the reason was another woman, to whom her husband eventually left.

Sveta and Angelina were left alone. Growing up, the daughter became more and more like her father, who, after the divorce, did not stop caring for her. The ex-husband regularly took her to his place, spent with her almost every weekend. Naturally at home Angelinka constantly chattered about her dad.

This all wildly irritated Svetlana. And she began to avoid communication with her daughter in all possible ways. She hired a nanny, for the weekend, if her father did not pick up the girl, she took her to her mother or to her mother-in-law. At some point, Sveta realized that she was taking out anger and resentment on her daughter, which she still felt towards her husband. She turned to me with a request to help sort out this situation, so as not to alienate her daughter forever with her coldness.

A mother remarries and gives birth to a child from a new husband, and children from a previous marriage become unnecessary - also a common situation. And it often happens like this: while the mother and her second (third) husband do not have common children, the man perceives her child very well, treats him like a father, they have an excellent relationship. But as soon as a joint baby appears, he completely withdraws from his adopted son or daughter, begins to perceive them as something foreign, alien. Mom is also not up to older children. She is busy with the trouble of a crumb, which tied her even more tightly to her husband and alienated her from her brother or sister.

The child has become uninteresting

Such a situation may seem impossible - how can a child get tired of the mother, become uninteresting to her? But this happens quite often. There are two reasons for this.

Biological

Until about 3-4 years old, a woman is forced to take care of a child by genetics, the same maternal instinct. After four years, physiologically and psychologically, children are already formed and are able to socialize and survive on their own.

Up to the Late Middle Ages, from the age of five, and sometimes even earlier, children were involved in field work, to help around the house. Let me remind you that in those days, almost all families had many children. On average, 8, 10, 12 children of different ages grew up in each house. Naturally, the mother's attention was enough only for the youngest.

Gradually, the number of children in families decreased and parents had the opportunity to take care of their children for longer. But this was no longer due to instinct. They just didn't have younger children who needed care. Over time, raising children to a later age became a social norm. However, the genetic attitudes and the "duration" of the maternal instinct have not changed.

Psychological

Parents can lose interest in children when they turn 3-4 years old for another reason. Until this age, the baby was like a toy for them that you can dress, feed, put to bed. He did not require active communication. Yes, the baby laughed, cried, was capricious, but he did not ask questions. And from the age of three or four, having learned to speak, he began to demand completely different attention from his parents - conscious, intellectual and maximally interactive.

Now he can ask questions. And he has so many things to ask mom or dad about. But not every parent wants to spend hours answering the banal questions of their child - why is the grass green, why is the sun shining, where does the water come from. And even more so to questions to which he does not know the answer or does not know how to answer - why the cock will climb on the hen, why the lamp lights up in the lamp, why can dad call his grandmother a "witch" (when she does not hear), but he cannot.

Many parents get tired of such communication. It is still not possible to speak with the five-year plan as an equal, as with an adult, and it is difficult and uninteresting to answer his children's questions in a language that is understandable to him. So that the child does not bother with their "stupid why", parents try to keep him busy in every possible way - toys, TV, gadgets.

During the last trip to Lviv, a family was traveling with me in a compartment - mom, dad and daughter of about four years old. Both parents and the child whiled away the time with smartphones. The girl watched cartoons, played games, and when she got bored, she molested with different "why" then to mom, then to dad. Adults did not want to tear themselves away from gadgets, and for every second question of the crumbs, they answered: "Baby, ask Siri" (Siri is the voice assistant in the iPhone). As a mother, I was very sorry for the girl, and as a psychologist, for her parents. After all, with such an attitude, they deprived the daughter of the most important thing - parental attention, and themselves - the pleasure of participating in her development.

"Abandoned" children

  • Mom is raising a child alone. To provide for herself and him, she is forced to work hard, and she does not have the physical ability to take care of him.
  • The parents divorced and the mother, so that her son or daughter does not interfere with her rebuilding her personal life, sends him (her) to her grandmother.
  • The woman remarries and the new spouse does not accept her child from the previous marriage. In order not to lose her husband (who, by the way, can force her to choose between him and her son / daughter), she gives the baby to her parents to be raised.
  • Mom, for some reason, does not accept the child, does not love him and realizes this. She feels that she cannot give him either warmth or affection. She understands that with a grandmother who adores her grandson, her baby will be better.

And although there can be many reasons, the result is one - the child feels abandoned. It seems to him that he is to blame for something, that he is bad, so he was left. At the same time, he does not stop believing that someday his mother will take him away. He will try very, very hard, and his mother will appreciate his efforts, see that he is good, that there is something to love him for. Moreover, this paranoid desire to prove to the mother that he is worthy of her love, can haunt him all his life.

Gifts instead of attention

Replacing attention and communication with gifts is such a common parenting practice that it resembles an epidemic. Yes, it is often easier for mom and dad to make money and buy another toy for the child than to set aside time for a heart-to-heart talk. Or watch a movie together and then discuss it. It's easier to go with him to the entertainment center and send him to the trampolines for a couple of hours, and wander around the shops or drink coffee in the cafeteria yourself, than to listen to children's fantasies or answer crumbs' questions.

But all these gifts cannot replace the child with full-fledged confidential communication. In the end, he devalues ​​such “buy-offs” and tries in every possible way to force his parents to pay attention to him, or he becomes isolated, becomes detached, indifferent.

Formal attention or communication without emotion

Mom formally takes care of the child, satisfies all his basic needs - feeds, dresses, puts on shoes, takes him to mugs, sections, buys toys, puts him to bed, reads fairy tales at night - but does not show any emotions. Physically, she can spend a lot of time with her daughter or son, but there is no emotional connection between them.

In what cases does this happen and how the child perceives it:

  1. When mom is constantly depressed. Watching her depressed state, the daughter (son) feels guilty. It seems to him that it was she (he) who did something bad and upset mommy. The child tries to please his mother, to do something pleasant for her. And so it can go on all life.
  2. When a younger child appears or a brother / sister is seriously ill and the mother completely switches to him. What is the baby left without maternal attention doing? He tries in every possible way to return it. He can behave destructively - fight, break something, throw tantrums. On the contrary, he may try to be good so that he is "loved again." And he can also get sick, deliberately injure himself in order to make his mother pay attention to him.
  3. When the mother does not love the child and does not accept him. At the same time, she is afraid of the condemnation of others and formally cares about him, perhaps even indulges him too much. However, mom doesn't feel it. Listens, but does not hear, hugs, but without tenderness, plays with him, but emotionally remains indifferent. As in the previous case, the child will try by any means to evoke at least some emotions. If not love, then at least pity or sympathy. On this psychosomatic basis, he can develop a variety of diseases.

The child says that no one needs it. Is this a cry for help or blackmail?

“Nobody loves me! Nobody needs me! Mom, why did you give birth to me? " Such words of a five-year-old son scared my client and she turned to me for help. Nadezhda said that she was raising the child alone, trying to give him all the best: they relax in foreign resorts, go to the cinema, to the skating rink or to the park every weekend, the house is literally packed with toys. Nadezhda has her own business, which takes a lot of time, but she still tries to carve out at least half an hour for the child every day. And she doesn't understand what her son is missing.

During the consultations, Nadya said that she gave birth to a child quite late, at 42 years old. It was a child "for myself." Within three weeks after giving birth, she had to return to work, the babysitter took care of the baby. Six months later, she had the opportunity to expand the business, but for this she had to travel often and for a long time. For almost two years, she dropped out of the life of a young son. And a year later, she caught herself thinking that the birth of a child was a mistake. The woman in every possible way drove this thought away from herself and tried to spend as much time as possible with her son, showered him with gifts.

What was really going on? The mother did not feel love for her child, because of this she felt guilty. In order to somehow drown out the feeling of guilt, she tried her best to be a good mom. But it is impossible to deceive a child. He feels an emotional gap between himself and his mother. Hence the feeling of uselessness.

In this situation, the boy's words "They do not love me, I am not needed" are a cry of despair. But there are situations when children use such phrases to manipulate their parents corny. Children are very talented manipulators. They quickly grope for the weak points of their parents and beat them without hesitation. “If you don’t buy me this toy, then you don’t need me.” "Mom loves Sergei, she bought him a new phone." With such phrases, they cling to what is called a living, demanding parents to prove their love. It is enough to fall for such a trick once so that the child actively uses it to get what he wants.


It is very important to distinguish cry for help from manipulation. In the first case, you need to objectively assess the relationship with the child and, before it's too late, change them. In the second, on the contrary, you need to put a stop to attempts to manipulate you.

How disliked children grow up

Lack of love, understanding in childhood will certainly affect the adult life of the child. How exactly depends on how he tries to get the attention of his parents in childhood. There are several possible scenarios.

  • If a child tried to deserve, to earn love by some kind of achievement, it is quite possible that, as an adult, he will achieve tremendous success in the social sphere, in business, in science. Even after the death of his parents, he will continue to prove that he was worthy of attention, that he can be proud of. But all his successes and achievements will not be able to heal childhood trauma, he will not be satisfied, he will not be sincerely happy.
  • If in childhood a child sought attention in destructive ways - bad behavior, evil antics, cruelty, with a high probability, becoming an adult, he will continue in the same spirit. Only his antics will become even more destructive. An unloved child has every chance of becoming a sociopath, going to prison, addicted to drugs or gambling addiction.
  • If it was possible to receive the mother's attention only during illness, for which the child ate snow in winter, and drank cold water in the summer or specially injured himself, in adulthood he risks getting more serious diseases - oncology, depression, multiple sclerosis, etc. Naturally, the cause will be psychosomatics.

What other problems do disliked children face in adulthood?

  • They do not know how to feel themselves and their desires. It is the parents who form this ability in the child. By giving him feedback, they show that the little person exists, that he has needs that can and should be satisfied.
  • The ability to love is also acquired in childhood. If a child does not know what it is like to be loved, to give and receive love, he will not be able to do this as an adult. An unloved girl cannot become a loving mother, she does not know how it is.
  • Low self-esteem, inability to receive satisfaction from one's achievements are also side effects of childhood without parental attention and love.

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Very often, parents realize their mistakes too late, when it is already impossible or extremely difficult to correct them. Therefore, if you have even the slightest doubt whether your baby has enough attention, whether you are expressing your love correctly, put aside everything and analyze the situation. If you understand that you cannot do this on your own, come to me for a consultation. Don't leave the problem unresolved. You now know what it is fraught with.

You may also be interested in

Why is it important to make time for your child?

Many people argue that the child is the most important thing in life, and that their love simply knows no boundaries, since there is nothing more precious. However, as practice has shown, modern parents devote more time to an apartment, a car and a summer residence, but not to their beloved baby. In fact, taking care of secondary things for the good of the child has become more important than himself!

All parents shouldgive the child time, since it is extremely important for his development, education and formation as a person. It should always be remembered that our life is short, and therefore, it would be extremely foolish to devote it entirely to work and not pay attention to loved ones.

You can't let your life slip through your fingers, pushing away those who really love us. After all, if tomorrow you are gone, then another person will quickly take a place at work. But your children will not be able to replace you with anyone, because for them you are valuable already by your very existence.

We save time for the child! is a priority position. For the rest, we allocate time according to the residual principle.

Most often, small children are given increased attention, but as soon as the child grows up, parents begin to devote minimal time to the child, thus trying to teach him to be independent. However, children's independence and the manifestation of parental attention are two different things. According to statistics, the most independent and caring children grow up from those who receive a lot of parental attention.

In practice, spending time with your child is very easy and enjoyable. It is enough to talk to him, accompany him with hugs and a look, all this will be simply priceless for the child, no matter how old he is. Be sure to let us understand that it is more important than your job, your car, and everything that you devote a lot of time to. Thanks to such simple methods, the child will gain confidence and self-respect, and this will certainly be useful to him in the future. Just systematically debug all your affairs and devote yourself to the child. Of course, it is very important to feed, clothe and give space for development. But this cannot replace parental attention, and at the same time, your attention should not turn into close control, which develops inferiority in children.

Be sure to think about how much time you devote to your child and try to devote at least a minute more to him every day. Remember that the child will be the main support for you in old age.


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Parent meeting on the topic

"Computer and its impact on human health"

annotation

Scenario development will help in organizing and conducting parenting meetings in educational institutions. It is necessary to realize that teaching children the skills to lead a healthy lifestyle, to treat the work at a computer correctly is a responsibility that students, parents and teachers should share among themselves. In this scenario, a fully developed program is given for holding a parent-teacher meeting with a discussion of the problem of the negative impact of computers on human health. The application of this scenario is relevant at any stage of the educational process and for students who use it in their educational and non-educational activities.

The purpose of the parent meeting:

Prevention of computer-related diseases

Tasks:

Formation of the need for a healthy lifestyle and understanding of the importance of health for the development of a harmonious personality,

Help parents understand the need to talk with their child about the dangerous effects of the computer;

Inform children and parents about the dangers and benefits of a computer,

Develop a conscious negative attitude towards computer harm.

Form of conducting : round table.

Equipment : computer, presentation, computer monitor,.

Epigraphs:

Nothing drains and destroys a person like prolonged physical inactivity.

Aristotle

The only beauty I know is health.

Heinrich Heine

Only the sickly and the weak die, the healthy and the strong always emerge victorious in the struggle for existence.

Charles Darwin

The structure of the parent meeting

I. Introductory remarks by the class teacher.

II. Press releases. Student messages

III. Presentation: "Influence of the computer on human health"

IV. Questionnaire

V. Speech by the doctor

Vii. Closing remarks from the class teacher.

Parent-teacher meeting

I. Introduction by the class teacher

Teacher: Today, in the modern world, a personal computer has long been transformed from a luxury into one of the most important things in the home of almost every person.

One should not ignore the fact that despite all the contribution that computer technology has made to the development of civilization, it also left a "dark" imprint on human health. That is why parents, when purchasing a computer, tablet, etc. things, no doubt, very useful - must understand that they are responsible for the impact this technique can have. Is there harm, and how can it be so dangerous? Discussions about this have been going on for a long time and today there are at least three main types of negative influence of a computer on a person and his health.

It can be concluded that a computer is an irreplaceable thing, without which it is almost impossible to do today. However, a computer can be both useful and harmful. Studying the problem of the influence of a computer on human health, it becomes obvious that information technologies have a negative effect on the body. Moreover, "communication" with a smart machine requires a clear setting of working hours and the development of sanitary and hygienic rules to reduce and prevent such impacts. The good news is that a child who is familiar with the computer from childhood feels more confident, because he has access to the world of modern technologies. The bad news is that if the regime is not observed, the computer turns from friend to enemy. We must not forget that everything is good in moderation.

A computer is of great importance in a child's life - it helps in learning, for preschoolers - you can draw and play on a computer. The only question is, what kind of games will they be? Most of the games that can now be found on the Internet have a negative impact on both the physical and mental health of children.

The first thing I would like to mention is the emission of electromagnetic waves. This radiation is harmful even for adults and is natural for children. Be aware that if your child constantly sits in front of the computer, then he is threatened with cancer, endocrine, brain disorders, and decreased immunity. And these are not all the consequences.

The second point concerns the mental stress of children. Look at the child from the outside, how he behaves while playing a computer game. He is all tense, forgets literally everything, hears no one, sometimes even screams, and then he may even cry. The child is stressed! And the further, the more.

But the main harm is spiritual harm. The child's consciousness turns towards a godless, immoral worldview. Let it be virtually, but children learn to kill on the computer and not only some negative characters, various monsters, monsters, but also each other.

Vi. Speech by a psychologist. Escape from reality

In his life, a person feels a natural need for release from daily worries, problems and troubles. Computer games are the easiest and most affordable way to simulate another world or life situations. The computer provides an opportunity to live in a different reality, without problems, and where there is no study, which you need to attend daily, etc. In this sense, it may seem that computer games serve as a means of relieving stress, reducing the level of depression. However, children often abuse their departure from the real world, losing their sense of proportion, playing for a long time. As a result, there is a danger of not temporary, but complete detachment from reality, the formation of a very strong psychological dependence on the computer. In the course of various kinds of research, it was found that the more problems a child has in life, the more eagerly he plunges into the virtual environment. Computer addiction is inherent in people with a delicate vulnerable psyche. When they turn on the computer, children are instantly immersed in a surreal world, where they become free and carefree. Over time, addiction to the computer develops. Doctors have long noted that frequent flickering of light negatively affects the rhythms of the brain. Pleasure is achieved by simply stimulating the corresponding structures in the brain, this has a relaxing effect on the personality and acts like a drug, such children are not interested in anything else.

"Kids online" Social networks

Parents often wonder how they can spend so much time at the computer when the weather is so nice! Really,modern teens and social media have become almost inseparable , this is an Internet addiction that has captured the minds of children and filled their entire inner world. After all, ten years ago in the courtyards one could see noisy teenage companies and hear the sonorous laughter of children. Now children and adolescents are increasingly spending time at their favorite computers, which have replaced them with real friends, entertainment and even parents. Teens and social media - is this a problem?Dear parents, please raise your hands, whose children are active users of social networks? How do you feel about this and do you think this is a problem? our children grow and mature in the virtual space, despite all the prohibitions and restrictions. Today it is too late and foolish to deny the impact of the worldwide web on children. It's time to think about how to use it correctly in the upbringing of the younger generation. ... (Parents give arguments)

Often the tandem "adolescents and social networks" is disastrous for the child's psyche, and sometimes life. Communicating on social networks, a teenager joins various groups, subcultures, meets dubious people. All this can turn badly for the unstable psyche and even the life of a teenager who easily enters into trust and gives in to influence.

Another negative side of adolescents' communication on social networks is the limitation of communication opportunities in the real world.... Often adolescents who are accustomed to making acquaintances “in absentia” experience problems in making real acquaintances. Indeed, on the Internet, a child can choose any role for himself, make himself better, more beautiful, invent himself ideal, but in life everything is not so simple, because you are who you are, and some are not ready to accept it.

Artificial friends on social media make it impossible for teens to experience the sincerity of true friendship. Unfortunately, more and more often friendship is measured by the number of virtual friends, rather than real ones.

Parents whose children go missing on social media face adolescent indifference and inattention ... After all, he believes that it is on the Internet that real life is raging, and conversations with parents seem boring and meaningless.

Do you know what your kids are doing online? Anyone would like to comment on this? (Answers of parents).

Let's think about why our children are on social networks?

Maybe they lack your attention?

The topic "Teens and Social Networks" is quite exciting for most parents who are so lacking in communication with their children. Talk with your child more often, try to captivate him, become an interesting interlocutor for him. Then you can get the teen's precious attention.

VII. The final word of the teacher

Teacher:

I hope, dear parents, after today's conversation you will be more attentive to your children, limit them in the time of working at the computer and watching TV and give them more of your attention.