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At three years and three months, the development of the child allows him to learn to ride a tricycle without the help of adults. In addition, at this age, children independently know how to ride a swing, slide down a sled from small slides. They show great interest in peers, change toys with pleasure, play joint games.

It is still difficult for babies at three years and three months to perform several activities at the same time. At the same time, children are distinguished by courage and even desperation: almost all three-year-olds are not afraid of water, heights, they are happy to take risks if they feel the support of an adult. three year olds very energetic, they run a lot, dance, jump, play with the ball with pleasure.

Features of the cognitive development of a three-year-old

At three years and three months, the baby knows several primary colors, and also tries to identify some of the shades. If you ask the baby to find a particular color in the picture, he will do it with enthusiasm.

Toddlers at three years and three months demonstrate active cognitive development. They play with in-ear toys, putting the smaller ones into the larger ones,
they play with the pyramid, collecting it in the right order - by the colors of the rings or by size.

At this age, the development of a child can be accelerated by selecting games for him based on flat geometric shapes, such as a trapezoid, a circle, a square, a triangle. Children at the age of three years and three months already know how to distinguish them from each other, moreover, they will be able to navigate in the configuration volumetric figures, choosing, for example, suitable holes for them.

How else is the cognitive development of the child expressed after three years? Here are his main skills in this area:

  • the child is able, while playing, to determine by touch geometric figures and name them;
  • collects a pyramid of more than 10 rings;
  • folds a mosaic according to a drawing or diagram;
  • knows how to name large, small objects, giving a name to what is between them - “medium”;
  • puts together simple puzzles from several parts;
  • remembers the place where there was a toy hidden by adults, and points to it;
  • imitates writing and reading adults;
  • draws the missing details in the drawings;
  • draws geometric shapes;
  • draws author's pictures, explaining what is depicted on them;
  • sculpts simple figures;
  • makes simple applications according to templates.

After three years, children show a keen interest in role playing, with pleasure playing the roles of adults, such as mom, dad or caregiver. During the game, kids fantasize, come up with rules, actively use objects and substitute toys.

Features of the social and emotional development of the baby

At three years and three months, the child's social and emotional development shifts to new level. For the baby during this period it is very important to feel the support and approval of adults. Children try to be more independent and independent, they are not afraid to take the initiative,
they are sincerely upset when things don't work out as planned, and are proud when everything goes according to plan.

A feeling of dominance over peers is especially pronounced at this age. It is very important for kids after three years to prove to themselves and adults that they are the best, regardless of whether it will be a rivalry in a race with the same kids or climbing a gymnastic ladder.

A three-year-old kid is curious and shows interest in everything that surrounds him. It's interesting that long-term memory crumbs is based on experienced impressions, the shelf life of which can exceed a year or a year and a half.

One of the achievements of the child fourth year life is the control of emotions. In crowded places, the child already knows how to restrain screams and tantrums, tries to follow the rules of behavior, listens to the requests of adults and tries to fulfill them.

The baby shows disobedience in case of intentional restriction of his desires, as well as a lack of understanding by adults of what he wants to convey to them. The child insists on his own and is genuinely upset if he is punished or scolded.

Acting, in his opinion, badly, the child is tormented by shame and remorse. He knows that he did something wrong, and already foresees the negative reaction of adults to his act. Also, kids are able to evaluate the actions and behavior of other children, condemning them or encouraging them.

At this age, it is normal for babies to display a variety of emotions, ranging from jealousy to anger or joy. The kid already knows how to apply in practice
non-verbal ways of communication, uses facial expressions, gestures, postures and expressive movements.

It is also noteworthy that at three years and three months, the baby understands humor perfectly, listens with pleasure to fairy tales, songs, stories, experiences the emotions of the main characters, showing a desire to discuss their actions with adults.

At three years and three months, babies are especially emotionally responsive, respond positively to singing and music, try to dance, observing the rhythm, clap their hands to the beat of the music and stomp. Children give preference to cheerful music, bright pictures. Kids show interest in drawing and modeling, they just love outdoor games.

How does speech develop in a child?

At the age of three years and three months, babies already speak quite confidently, their active vocabulary contains many new words that they use when communicating, as well as for expressing feelings, desires, and impressions.

In speech three year old simple, grammatically correct sentences prevail. In some cases subordinate clauses begin to appear in it. Very often the child comments on his own actions.

At three years and three months speech development the child is accompanied by the improvement of his oral literacy. The baby already changes words by cases and numbers, knows interrogative words, replenishes the stock of adjectives and adverbs, uses prepositions. The child listens to adults, memorizes and repeats whole phrases from songs, fairy tales and poems, tries to pronounce sounds and words as correctly as possible.

At the same age, children have a desire to rhyme. They are happy to invent rhymes, invent their own children's words, incomprehensible to adults, and follow the reaction of others around them. Toddlers willingly enter into a dialogue with both adults and children, name animals, insects, objects and phenomena in the pictures, give them simple descriptions.

Very often, it is at the age of three that parents decide to send their babies to kindergartens, believing that they are strong enough and their psychoemotional development allows them to communicate with peers and caregivers without the presence of parents. Nevertheless, not all children, even at the age of three years and three months, are ready to enter the Kindergarten. The development of each baby is individual, therefore, before making such a decision, it does not hurt to consult with a pediatrician.

After three years, active physical development child, which is expressed in a change in the proportions of his body, improvement physical qualities. The baby is stretched in growth, becomes more coordinated, fast and hardy. He does a lot, and most importantly, he practically does not get tired, trying to be constantly on the move.

In order for the development of the crumbs to proceed correctly, parents must take care of organizing for him correct mode day, preferably with daytime sleep or at least rest.

If you plan to register a child in a kindergarten, then you need to try to bring the home regime of the day as close as possible to the garden one. The baby will need to be awakened no later than eight in the morning, fed breakfast no later than nine, go for walks with him twice a day, be sure to teach him to be independent in respect of hygiene, if adults have been responsible for this so far.

It would be useful to take a walk with the baby near the kindergarten where it will be decorated, get to know the teacher, the children. Such simple steps will help the child prepare for admission to kindergarten, and his subsequent adaptation will be quick and painless.

The body changes its size and proportions, the child no longer looks like a chubby baby. Large and fine motor skills, physical activity reaches a maximum.

The rapid development of the brain leads to the expansion of the intellectual capabilities of the child. There is a transition from visual-effective thinking to figurative, speech is enriched, memory and imagination develop.

In a fairly short time, the personality of the child changes completely. These changes affect his character, his main activities and relationships with other people - adults and peers. It is at the age of three that the foundations of the image of his “I” are formed and the attitude to the world around him is determined.

In connection with such a global "restructuring" inner peace, the child quite often becomes moody and difficult.

Physiology

Compared to more younger age, there are no special changes in the diet and daily routine (unless you enroll the baby in kindergarten). continuous night sleep, one daytime sleep, four meals a day. On the third birthday, you can introduce the child to the sweet.

Skills

A child of this age is characterized by an extremely high need for movement.Three-year-olds are constantly improving their motor skills. Development comes first gross motor skills - the ability to perform movements that require the participation of the whole body (running, jumping, squatting, turning).

Three year old child:

♦ Moves quite smoothly and dexterously, maintains balance well.

♦ Easily changes direction and stops on the go.

♦ Able to walk on toes, stand on one leg.

♦ Confidently jumps, including over small obstacles.

♦ Catches and kicks the ball.

♦ Goes up and down the stairs, holding on to the railing and even without support.

♦ Riding a tricycle.

During this period, improvements fine motor skills although the child still has difficulty making precise movements.

However, a three-year-old child is able to:

♦ Put on and take off simple clothes, unfasten buttons and handle large zippers, take off Velcro shoes.

♦ Use cutlery correctly, eat and drink carefully.

♦ Hold the pencil with your index finger and thumb, make balls and rollers from plasticine, cut the paper with scissors.

♦ Can draw a circle, horizontal and vertical lines, the first little men appear.

Thus, the child becomes more and more independent in carrying out daily activities.

How speech develops

By the age of three speech activity child increases many times over. Lexicon the baby is approximately 1000-1500 words, he uses almost all parts of speech, speaks in sentences of 3-6 words and generally learns the grammatical structure of the language.

In general, by the end of the third year of life, the child’s social circle expands significantly: he talks a lot both with close adults and with strangers, with peers.

The child's speech often accompanies him independent activity, the baby comments on his actions with objects (“threw the ball”) and refers to toys (“eat, doll”).

A three-year-old listens with pleasure to audio recordings, fairy tales and poems performed by an adult, easily memorizes them and reproduces them almost verbatim. In addition, he actively “plays” with the language, experiments with rhymes, and invents non-existent words.

If the child is already three years old, but he does not speak in phrases or is completely silent, then consultation of specialists is necessary - a speech therapist, neuropathologist, psychologist.

How to play

At this age, the type also changes dramatically. gaming activity child. Before the game was like a disparate set of activities with toys. For example, an adult showed how to feed and put the doll to bed, the child simply repeated after him. Such games were reduced to a simple manipulation of objects (the kid loads the cubes into the machine and immediately pours out).

Now the child is emotionally involved in the game, its duration and variability increase. A plot appears in the game, all actions become logically connected and consistent. The child takes bricks to the construction site, builds a house there and inhabits it, sets up a garden nearby and feeds vegetables to the new settlers.

But the most important thing is that substitutions appear in the child's play.Most three-year-olds easily “turn” one object into another and give them the appropriate names. A bucket becomes a hat, a felt-tip pen becomes a thermometer, balls become apples. The appearance of such symbols in the game indicates that the child is now able to go beyond the specific situation using his own imagination.

Now the game is the most important part of a child's life, an activity in which his emotional and intellectual development takes place.

Psychological features

At the age of three, the desire for separation from the adult sharply increases in the child. The kid increasingly says: “I myself”, “I want”, “I won’t”, and demonstrates his independence fromloved ones. This period is called the "crisis of three years."

The child acts contrary to any suggestions of an adult, becomes stubborn and throws tantrums “from scratch”. He strives to do everything the other way around, opposes the will of the elders;rejects what he used to do daily. At the same time, ohHe tries to independently do something for which he is objectively not yet ready.

Not all children have a crisis manifested in such acute negative forms. Someone reacts not so violently or very briefly in time. However, relationships with close adults and with oneself undergo significant changes in any case. There is a formation of own "I" of the child.

As the crisis emerges, the child ceases to oppose himself so desperately to the adult. He has a different way of self-affirmation: now he strives to achieve a result in his activity, and having achieved the desired one, he tries to demonstrate his successes to an adult and get his approval.

The child does not just put a cube on a cube - it is important for him to build the highest possible tower and hear praise from the parent: “What a tall tower! You did great!" Now the child looks at himself through the eyes of an adult, he becomes extremely sensitive to how others evaluate his achievements. This is how feelings begin to form. dignity and self-respect.

Tips for parents of a three-year-old

« » –test for the whole family. It is very important to go through it “correctly”, because how the parent-child relationship during this period, the future of the child depends.

There is no single recipe for how to respond to the tantrums of a three-year-old. The main thing is to make him understand that conflicts can be resolved in different ways.

The parent categorically prohibits some things, and the child will have to put up with it. You can’t run away from your mother near the roadway, it’s life-threatening, and there can be no way to show independence. A toddler may violently protest against the restriction of his freedom - scream and break out, however, in matters of health and safety, the adult's reaction should be unequivocal.

If we are talking about less serious disagreements, then you can use different tactics of behavior.

Sometimes it is necessary to distract the child - by talking or playing, to arrange a competition. For example, to offer a stubborn three-year-old to play "who will put on the jacket faster." IN game form you can collect toys for speed or brush your teeth with the doll.

Sometimes you can give in to the child, because he also has the right to his opinion and personal preferences. Doesn't want to eat semolina? Offer a choice of buckwheat or rice. Refusing to go to bed now? Read the book for another fifteen minutes. We are not talking about indulging the slightest whims, but sometimes it is worthwhile to meet halfway, showing respect for the desires and needs of the child.

In some situations, the baby needs to be given the opportunity to throw out his emotions, relieve stress and accept the situation as it is. If you decide not to buy a tenth car for your son, and he throws a scandal in the store, then there is nothing left but to wait out the storm. The demands to "shut your mouth" and "calm down now" will have the exact opposite effect. You just need to be there, hug, wipe your tears. You can even say nothing, much more important - tactile contact and attention.

In such situations, the adult himself must remain calm and try not to look at others, because most often the parents yell at the child, because they are “ashamed in front of people”.

When the child has cried and calmed down, you need to tell how to behave, explain why you did it this way and not otherwise. Educational conversations will be effective only if they take place in an atmosphere of calm and trust.

Important! It is at the age of three that the child realizes that his desires do not always coincide with the desire of others. If you do not extinguish each conflict situation screams and, moreover, slaps, then the child masters different strategies of behavior and learns to reckon with the will of other people.

The crisis of three years will end sooner or later, but what the child learns as a result will remain with him for many years.

Age after two years often becomes the age of inexplicable stubbornness and negativism. This is very important period in the development of the baby.

During the crisis of three years, the baby is aware of himself and strives for independence. He discovers for the first time that he is the same person as others, for example, like his parents. One of the manifestations of this discovery is the appearance in his speech of the pronoun "I". Prior to this, the child speaks of himself only in the third person or calls himself by name.

A new awareness of oneself is manifested in the desire to imitate adults, imitate their behavior and try to different ways assert your equality with them.

The child begins to form a will, which is called "autonomy" or independence. Children do not want to experience excessive control from adults and strive to do independent choice in many, even minor situations.

If parents noticed this moment and realized that it was time to rebuild and change former attitude to a child, the crisis of three years can go quite smoothly and painlessly. In the case when there were warm feelings between the parents and the child, friendly relations, and a friendly atmosphere reigned in the family, parents will even be surprised if someone tells them that their child is at a difficult stage of development. But if the parents have not realized that the old methods of communicating with the child are no longer relevant at the new age stage, then the child can turn into a completely uncontrollable little tyrant.

The child begins to realize himself as a separate person, with his own desires and characteristics. At this age, the child has new favorite words and expressions “I AM”, “DO NOT WANT” and “NO”.

The kid often acts the other way around: you call him, and he runs away; ask to be careful, and he deliberately scatters things. The child screams, may stomp his feet, swing at you with an angry, angry face. Thus, the baby shows his activity, independence, perseverance in achieving the desired. But the skill for this is still not enough. He begins to dislike something, and the child expresses his displeasure very emotionally.

The crisis can begin as early as 2.5 years, and end in 3.5 - 4 years.

Parents are horrified: something terrible has begun to happen to the child! Frequent tantrums, sometimes on the verge of seizures: try, do not buy a toy, falls to the floor and yells like a cut! Incredible stubbornness, disobedience… “Get off! This is my chair, I sat on it!” - shouts to dad, and in the eyes of genuine anger. What happened to the baby? “We missed the moment, and we have some kind of monster growing!” - parents state in alarm. "Dismissed utterly!" - Grandparents grumble.

“Nothing of the kind, everything is in perfect order!” say child psychologists. It's just that a child has a crisis of three years, which is necessary for him to grow up like air. It is in the third year of life that the baby for the first time persistently informs us: “I myself! I'm already an adult!

The crisis of three years must take place in the life of every child. If not, then something is wrong with the baby. Crisis is good! Yes, parents are waiting difficult period, but it defines a new, very important stage in the development of the child.

There are several such crises in a child's life, and each of them can become a creative and progressive stage of growth. It is at the age of three that it is important to support the baby's desire for self-affirmation and adulthood! If your baby is two years old: expect a crisis! It will grow gradually, reach a stormy peak - with those very tantrums and conflicts, and then come to naught, becoming a great school of life for the baby.

Seven signs of a three-year crisis.


It is important to distinguish normal problems growth from being spoiled or from the whims of a baby associated with a lack of mother's love and warmth.

1. Negativism. child gives backlash"No!" not so much on the action that he is asked to perform, but on the demand or request of a certain adult. He doesn't do something just because a certain adult suggested it to him. In this case, the child ignores the demands of one family member or one teacher, but can obey others.

At first glance it seems to behave like this disobedient child any age. But with ordinary disobedience, he does not do something because he does not want to do exactly this, for example, go to bed on time. If he is offered another occupation, interesting and pleasant for him, he will immediately agree.

Negativism is an act of a social nature: it is most of all addressed specific people. With a sharp manifestation of negativism by a child, communication with an adult can take on an extreme form, when the child replies in defiance to any statement of an adult: “Eat soup!” - “I won’t!”, “Let’s go for a walk” - “I won’t go”, “Hot milk” - “No, not hot” and so on.

At the age of three, the child for the first time becomes able to act contrary to his immediate desire. The child's behavior is determined not by this desire, but by relationships with an adult. The motive of behavior is already outside the concrete situation. Remember: negativism is not a pathology or a sophisticated desire of a child to annoy an adult.

Of course, negativism is a crisis phenomenon that should disappear with time. But the fact that at the age of 3 a child gets the opportunity to act not under the influence of any random desire, but on the basis of other, more complex and stable motives, is an important achievement in his development.

When a child is told “yes” and he repeats “no”, the baby makes it clear that he has the right to his own views and wants to be considered. The child wages a struggle for his autonomy, a struggle for his right to choose, which is completely necessary condition for personal development. Faced with a categorical rejection of such behavior on the part of the parents, the baby finds himself in conditions unfavorable for gaining experience that is vital for the formation of his personality.

If on this stage no life little man completely ignored by adults, then a boy or girl may not extract the best life lesson. The meaning of this lesson boils down to something like this: if you want to be good, you must always agree with external opinion, especially authoritative opinion. Having taken in early childhood such a decision, many boys and girls, who please their parents and teachers with obedience, are far from always able to say “no” when older comrades invite them to take part in unseemly acts.

An adult who causes flashes of negativism in a child should analyze the nature of the relationship with the baby. Perhaps he is too demanding of the child, too strict with him or inconsistent in his actions. Sometimes an adult, unwittingly, can provoke outbreaks of negativism. This happens when an authoritarian model of interaction with a child is used.

Negativism can disappear very quickly if adults do not indulge in lengthy disputes with the baby, do not try to “eradicate sedition” in the bud and insist on their own. At the same time, negativism can be turned into a game that teaches the baby to express his desires and intentions differently. You can, for example, play the game "I don't want to." And the role naughty child Mom could play. And then the child himself will have to find correct solution for the “capricious little mother”, thereby suggesting how best to behave.

This example clearly shows that the correct position of the parents is certainly important. But also important are the methods by which they can “honorably” get out of difficult situation in a relationship with a child.

2. Stubbornness. The kid insists on something only because he himself suggested it.

Buy a ball!

Mom buys, but after a minute the balloon is no longer needed.

Buy a car!

Do you really need her?

A minute later, interest in the machine was gone, and she was lying around without wheels. The explanation is simple: in fact, the child is not interested in both the ball and the machine, but it is important for him to insist on his own. If mom doesn't buy - hysterical! But stubbornness must be distinguished from perseverance: at other times, the car is of real research interest, and your baby will play with it for a long time.

Stubbornness is the reaction of a child who insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he himself told adults about it. He demands that his opinion be taken into account. His initial decision determines all his behavior, and the child cannot refuse this decision even under changed circumstances.

Stubbornness is not the persistence with which a child achieves what he wants. Stubbornness differs from perseverance in that stubborn child continues to insist on his decision, although he no longer wants it so much, or does not want it at all, or has long lost his desire.

Domestic psychologists give the following example of stubbornness: “Grandma asks three-year-old Vova to eat a sandwich. Vova, who is playing with the constructor at this time, refuses. Grandmother asks him again and again, begins to persuade. Vova does not agree. Grandmother comes up to him after forty minutes and again offers to eat a sandwich. Vova, who is already hungry and is not averse to eating the proposed sandwich, rudely replies: “I said - I won’t eat your sandwich! I won't do it for anything!" The grandmother, upset and offended, begins to scold the boy: “You can’t talk to your grandmother like that. Grandma is twenty times older than you. I know better than you what you need to eat.

Vova lowers his head down, his nostrils flare noisily, his lips are tightly compressed. Grandmother, seeing her grandson's lowered head, thinks that she "won", and complacently asks: "Well, Vova, will you eat a sandwich?" Vova, instead of answering, throws the details of the designer on the floor, tramples them with his feet and shouts: “I won’t, I won’t, I won’t eat your sandwich!” He cries because he wants to eat for a long time, but does not know how to adequately get out of this situation and give up his word.

Adults who are next to the child at such a moment should teach the baby what to do in this case, and not drive him into a corner with their demands. Of course, the grandmother can "win the battle" by making the child do what she demands. But it is better for an adult not to take the position of "who wins." This will only lead to increased tension and possibly hysteria in the child. In addition, the child can learn the adult's non-constructive behavior, and he will act in a similar way in the future.

How to deal with a stubborn child?

  • Be sensitive. Intervene less in the actions of the child, do not rush him. Sometimes it is more convenient for a mother to do something for the child, for example, to dress, feed, clean, etc., but do not rush. Let him dress and undress to his heart's content, clean up spilled toys, and comb his hair in front of a mirror. Be patient. This period in a relationship with a child is not only his growing pains, but also an exam for adults.
  • Be more flexible and resourceful. For example, a child refuses to eat, although you know for sure that he should already be rather hungry. Don't beg him. And, for example, set the table and put a toy next to it. Pretend that she came to dinner and asks the baby, as an adult, to try if the soup is too hot and feed her. The result is amazing: many children, carried away by the game, sit next to the toy and somehow imperceptibly eat the contents of the plate with it.

Or another example: “I will not wear mittens (take off my pajamas, wash my hands, etc.!” A parent can say in a calm voice: “Yes, of course, I DO NOT ALLOW you to wear mittens for a walk (take off your pajamas before dinner, wash your hands with soap and wipe them with a towel)". The child usually immediately begins to put on mittens, take off pajamas, etc. These are the "little tricks" that allow you not to bring communication to a conflict!

  • Three-year-old children expect close people to recognize their independence and self-reliance. Therefore, expand the rights and responsibilities of the baby. Allow him to exercise his independence within reasonable limits.

The child wants to help his mother put things in order - great! Give him a rag, a broom or a vacuum cleaner in his hands and do not forget about praise. If parents during this period begin to give the baby more freedom, then by doing this they support his new idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhimself and teach him to distinguish between those areas of life in which he can really behave almost like an adult, and those in which he still remains a small child, in need of help and guidance.

3. obstinacy. The kid suddenly rebels against the usual things that he used to do without problems. She categorically refuses to wash, eat, dress. For example, a child already knows how to eat with a spoon, but he may flatly refuse to eat on his own.

Unlike negativism, obstinacy is not directed at a person, but against the former way of life, against the rules that were in the life of a child up to three years old. Obstinacy is expressed in a kind of childish discontent, causing a reaction with which the child responds to everything that is offered to him and what is being done. Authoritarian upbringing in the family, when parents often use orders and prohibitions, contributes to a vivid manifestation of obstinacy.

From the usual insufficient compliance of the child, obstinacy differs in tendentiousness. The child rebels, his displeased, defiant behavior tendentious in the sense that it is really imbued with a hidden rebellion against what the child has dealt with before.

Very often, parents of three-year-old children complain that the child suddenly begins to show his independence. He shouts that he will tie his shoelaces himself, pour soup into a bowl himself, and cross the road himself. Moreover, often he does not know how to do this, but, nevertheless, requires complete independence.

Parents, depending on the situation, on the individual characteristics of the child, on family traditions, can solve the problem different ways: distract the child, persuade him, let him act independently. But if this action is dangerous for the life and health of the baby, adults must definitely prohibit the child from doing this (for example, crossing the road, turning on the gas).

4. willfulness. Now the same, painfully familiar, “I myself!” always comes to the fore. He strives to do everything he can and cannot do. Much has not yet worked out, he understands that he needs to turn to an adult for help, but pride does not allow, because he himself is already an adult! poor little man I am torn apart by an internal contradiction: I myself can’t, and I can’t ask adults. Conflict, grief, hysteria, roar ...

5. protest, riot. The kid goes into conflict with everyone, and it seems to his parents that he is maliciously mocking them. Throws a toy:

Pick up, I can't! - commands mom.

No, just pick it up.

I can't! You lift! - and hysteria.

6. Depreciation. Defiantly breaks toys, turns out a cosmetic bag and draws on the walls with her mother's best lipstick. Can call names, screw into speech rude and even curse words heard somewhere. Psychologists explain: by doing so, he reminds: "I'm in charge here!".

What is devalued in the eyes of a child? What used to be familiar is interesting and expensive. Three year old can discard or even break an adored toy (favorite things in the past are depreciated). Such phenomena indicate that the child's attitude to other people and to himself is changing. He is psychologically separated from close adults.

7. Despotism and jealousy.

I said that dad would sit in this chair, not in the chair!

Try dad to move - hysteria! If there are other children in the family, the little despot will spitefully throw away their toys, push the "rival" off his mother's knees.

In a family with only child the despotism of a son or daughter can often be shown. In this case, the kid, by all means, wants to make sure that any of his desires is fulfilled, he wants to become "master of the situation." The means that he will use in this case may be very diverse, depending on " weak spot in the behavior of parents.

If there are several children in the family, the same symptom can be called jealousy. The child is forced to share power over others with a brother or sister. This situation does not suit him, and he fights for power with all his might. Jealousy can manifest itself openly: children often fight, quarrel, try to subdue an opponent, show that one of them is better, “more important”.

To prevent this from happening, parents should be more sensitive to the needs of each child in the family. Sometimes it is better to postpone some household chores, but be sure to give at least a few minutes of undivided attention to each of the children, no matter what age they are during the day. Any child needs that mom or dad for, even the shortest, time "belong" only to him alone, when there is no need to share parental love with whoever.

These are the main symptoms of the crisis of three years. It is not difficult to see, having considered these symptoms, that the crisis manifests itself mainly in such features that make it possible to recognize in it a kind of rebellion against authoritarian upbringing, it is like a protest of a child in the logic “No!”. This is a protest of a small person who demands independence, who has outgrown those norms of interaction and forms of guardianship that developed at an early age.

All symptoms are around the axis "I" of the child and the people around him. These symptoms indicate that the child's attitude to the people around him or to his own personality is changing. In general, the symptoms, taken together, give the impression of the emancipation of the child: before, adults "led him by the hand", but now he has a tendency to "walk on his own." Personal action and consciousness “I AM”, “I WANT”, “I CAN”, “I DO” appear (it is during this period that many children begin to use the pronoun “I” in speech).

The crisis of three years (as, indeed, any other crisis) will be acute only if adults do not notice or do not want to notice the changes taking place in the child, if the parents, by all means, strive to preserve the former nature of the relationship in a family that the child has already outgrown. In this case, adults try to restrain the activity and independence of their child. The result can only be a growing mutual misunderstanding, frequent conflicts.

The crisis of the third year of life is the period when the child first begins to realize: he has grown up and also already represents something, can influence other people and circumstances, decide for himself what to do, what he wants and does not want. He feels like a big person and requires appropriate attitude and respect! And we, parents, still dictate and command - what to wear, when to eat and sleep, how to play and what to do. That's why rebellion is born: I decide everything myself! Moreover, the conquest of the right to self-determination takes place not only in the struggle with adults, but also with oneself.

It is infinitely difficult for parents to withstand stubbornness, screams, tantrums. But remember: your baby himself is much harder in these contradictions of his! He does not realize what is happening to him, and is not in control of his emotions, the storm overtakes him from the inside. This is how the formation of the psyche occurs in agony.

The peak of the crisis - tantrums. Moreover, if up to two years they also sometimes happened, but were associated with overwork, which means that it was necessary to calm and help, now hysteria has become a tool of manipulation. The child seems to be testing his parents (not on purpose, of course!), whether this method will help to achieve his desire or not. By the way, tantrums require spectators - that's why the kid loves to make a scene in a store, on a playground or right in the middle of a city street.

By the way, the crisis of three years is similar to teen crisis. And on how wisely the parents behave, it will largely depend on what will be teenage years- a severe catastrophe with bad company and mother's tears, or a successful, albeit difficult, attainment of adulthood.

How to behave so that everyone is a winner?

  • Change the tactics and strategy of communication with the child: it's time to recognize that he is an adult (well, almost), respect his opinion and desire for independence. It is not necessary to do for the child what he can do himself, let him try as much as possible - everything that is not life-threatening: washing the floor, setting the table, washing. Well, he will carry water, break a couple of plates - not a great loss ... But how much he will learn and how he will be able to assert himself!
  • Constantly offer choice (or the illusion of choice). Let's say mom knows - it's time for a walk, and suggests: "Kostya, shall we go for a walk on foot on the stairs or on the elevator?" (Options: In a black jacket or green? Will you eat borscht or porridge? From a plate with a flower or with a typewriter? With a spoon or a fork?).
  • Do not force, but ask for help: "Seryozha, take me by the hand across the road, otherwise I'm scared." And now the son tightly clings to his mother by the hand - the situation is under control and without conflict.
  • It is necessary to expect that a child needs more time for everything than an adult, because he still has a different type nervous system and rhythm of life. Let's say that a mother needs a few minutes to dress herself and dress the child, but now he dresses himself, which means that the process must begin half an hour earlier.

All this will help prevent tantrums. And yet they inevitably happen, and very often in public. What to do then?

  • To the ultimatum demand of the child, we say a firm and tough “No!”. And we turn away. The main thing is to maintain external calmness and impassivity - no matter how hard it may be. The kid screams, falls to the floor, knocks with his feet, passers-by look accusingly ... We'll have to be patient. You follow the lead, and hysteria will become a child's habitual tool for manipulating parents.
  • If the little shrew defiantly fell into a puddle or onto the roadway, we take it in an armful, transfer it to safe place and put it as they took it - let it scream there. Alas, exhortations at such a moment may not help, you just have to wait until the storm has passed.
  • Creating pleasant perspectives - sometimes this also helps to calm. For example, mom says: “Kolya, you screamed because you really wanted to watch a cartoon. But now we're going to buy bread. On the way we will buy felt-tip pens, we will draw.
  • Finally the baby calmed down. At the same time I realized that the method does not work. Do not criticize him: "Why are you yelling, I'm ashamed, people are looking at you ...". It’s better to say bitterly: “It’s very unpleasant for me that such a cry turned out ...” or “I’m so angry at what happened that I just want to scream myself!”. Such phrases teach the child to express their emotions. Later, he will also say something like this: “I’m sorry that you didn’t notice my efforts!”. And it’s easier for yourself when you speak out your feelings, and it’s clear to others what the causes of the outbreak are.

Typical mistakes of parents during the crisis of three years of their child is their lack of a firm position, a clear definition of what and how to demand from the child, how exactly to take into account the peculiarities of this age stage. Often different family members cannot agree with each other on the principles of upbringing, which creates additional difficulties. An approach that requires the child to obey his parents completely and breaks his will is also mistaken. The consequence of typical parental mistakes the formation of a "vicious circle" is becoming: mistakes "spur" negative emotions child, and their increase leads to an increase in the confusion of parents, self-doubt, and emotional breakdowns.

The correct actions of parents imply an understanding of the behavior of the child, the meaning of his actions. They rely on a clear position that determines when, how and what to insist on, what in the child’s behavior to put up with, what educational practices useful to use.

In order to successfully pass the crisis of three years, we must remember the principles: firmness in intentions, but flexibility in actions. At the same time, it is important to take into account individual characteristics baby. It is useful to have in reserve various pedagogical techniques that allow parents to help their child successfully overcome the crisis and ascend to a new age stage of personality development.