Summary of individual interviews with parents at the dhow. Forms of work with parents individual forms of work with parents

This is the most accessible form of establishing a connection between a teacher and a family; it can be used both independently and in combination with other forms: a conversation when visiting families, at a parent meeting, consultation.

The purpose of the pedagogical conversation is to exchange views on a particular issue; to provide parents with timely assistance on a particular issue of education, to contribute to the achievement of a unified point of view on these issues.
The leading role here is assigned to the educator, he plans in advance the topic and structure of the conversation.
It is recommended that when conducting a conversation, choose the most suitable conditions and start it with neutral questions, then go directly to the main topics.
Its feature is the active participation of both the educator and the parents. Conversation can arise spontaneously on the initiative of both the parents and the teacher. The latter thinks over what questions he will ask the parents, communicates the topic and asks them to prepare the questions that they would like to receive an answer to. When planning the topics of conversations, one must strive to cover, if possible, all aspects of education. As a result of the conversation, parents should gain new knowledge on the issues of teaching and educating a preschooler.
The conversation begins with general questions, it is imperative to bring facts that positively characterize the child. It is recommended to think over in detail its beginning, on which the success and progress depends. The conversation is individual and addressed to specific people. The educator should choose recommendations suitable for this family, create an environment conducive to "pour out" the soul. For example, a teacher wants to find out the peculiarities of raising a child in a family. You can start this conversation with the positive characteristics of the child, show, even if insignificant, his successes and achievements. Then you can ask the parents how they have achieved positive parenting results. Further, you can tactfully dwell on the problems of raising a child, which, in the opinion of the educator, still need to be finalized. For example: "At the same time, I would like to draw attention to the education of industriousness, independence, hardening of the child, etc." Give specific advice.
Algorithm for conducting a conversation with parents
The preliminary stage is to create the conditions for an effective conversation.
It is necessary to equip a special place (a separate room or a specially fenced off space). It is better to arrange furniture so that the principle of "equal", "eye to eye" is observed: two identical armchairs, separated by a coffee table (1.5 m from each other); dim lighting is desirable. There should also be a coat rack and a mirror.
Preliminary appointment for a meeting
Preparing a teacher for a conversation: prepare the results of diagnostics, drawings, application work, manual labor, a child's notebook; audio and video recordings of observations of his activities.
Technology (rules) of conducting a conversation.
1. Greetings. Purpose: to create a welcoming environment.
Meet the parent, take him to the room, offer to choose a comfortable place. Before starting a conversation, you can joke, express your opinion about the weather, etc. If people have not met before, an official acquaintance takes place: "What is your name and patronymic? What do you want me to call you?"
In further conversation, it is necessary to address the person by name each time. This creates the conditions for the individualization of contact, as if bringing people together.
During the conversation, it is imperative to take into account the cultural, national characteristics of a person, his educational level.
2. Conversation.
During the conversation, the teacher sits on a chair, leaning against the back, in a comfortable position, his head is slightly tilted forward. If the initiator of the conversation is the teacher, then he begins his message with positive responses about the child, then moves on to the goal and subject of the conversation.
For a better understanding of the interlocutor, it is recommended, carefully but imperceptibly observing him, to adjust to his posture and speech rate.

It is useful to learn how to use positive “open” gestures to communicate successfully with people and to get rid of negative gestures. It will make you feel comfortable with people and make you attractive to them.
The teacher should show empathy in conversation (empathy - entering the spiritual world of another person), which helps to objectively assess the situation and understand it.
During the conversation, a simple, accessible language is used, preferably without evaluative phrases (happened, worries, happened, etc.) and without scientific terms.
It is very important to be able to keep a pause so that the interlocutor can understand his experience, comprehend what has been said.
If you listen "correctly" to the interlocutor, then his negative experiences weaken, he begins to talk about himself more and more and as a result he "moves forward" in solving his problem.
When answering the question of the interlocutor, it is sometimes useful to repeat how you understood what happened, and to "identify" his feelings.
These communication skills are based on humanistic principles: respect for the personality of the interlocutor, recognition of his right to his own desires, feelings, mistakes, attention to his worries.
During the dialogue, the feedback technology is applied (repetition and generalization of what was said). This makes it possible for a person to understand how the interlocutor perceives him. The following introductory phrases are used:
- Did I understand you correctly?
- If I am mistaken, you correct me.
Parents have the right to disagree with the teacher. If the teacher feels such resistance, he notes this: "It is difficult for you to accept ... you do not want to agree ..." Thus, the teacher refuses the desire to reorient the interlocutor and shows his desire to admit that he is right in some way ...
You should not be afraid of the negative attitude of the parents towards the results of the conversation. The main thing is to arouse their interest, feelings and understanding of the subject of the conversation.
Further joint work will help to achieve a common positive decision.
3. End of the conversation.
Finishing the conversation, you can make a comment to the interlocutor: "You know how to understand the situation", make it clear that the conversation was successful. You can recommend to meet with a specialist, read the necessary literature, invite to observe the child in kindergarten ("Masters of good deeds", open classes). It is advisable to arrange a second meeting.
If the conversation drags on, you can look at the clock and stop the conversation with the phrase: "But this moment requires special attention. We will talk about it next time. Today our time ends. Thank you for coming." After that, get up and escort the interlocutor to the door.

Parents should be sure that the caregiver treats their child well. In order to earn the trust of parents, the teacher can organize his interaction with them as follows (V.A.Petrovsky).
1st stage - "Broadcasting a positive image of the child to the parents." The teacher never complains about the child, even if he has done something.
2nd stage - "Transmission to parents of knowledge about the child, which they could not get in the family." The teacher informs about the successes and characteristics of the child's development in the preschool educational institution, the peculiarities of his communication with other children, the results of educational activities, sociometry data, etc. At the same time, the principle “your child is the best” is respected.
3rd stage - "Familiarization of the educator with the problems of the family in raising a child." At this stage, the active role belongs to the parents, the educator only supports the dialogue, not giving value judgments.
4th stage - "Joint research and formation of the child's personality." Only at this stage can a teacher who has won the parents' trust by successfully carrying out the previous stages, can begin to carefully advise parents.

Questions for analysis after interviewing parents

1. What is the purpose of the meeting in terms of its pedagogical significance for parents
2. How successful was the organization of the meeting: the stages of its holding, the methods used to activate the parents, evoking their response, interest, etc.
3. Analyze your communication style with your parents during the meeting. Was he the same throughout the meeting or not? Was your communication with your parents dialogical or was it reduced to your monologue?
4. What difficulties did you face during the meeting? Did they not depend on you or did your own actions lead to them? What helped or prevented you from coping with them?
5. Describe the emotional side of the meeting (general emotional atmosphere, elements of humor, "entertainment", ease, etc.)

Synopsis of an individual conversation with parents of young children "Early age crisis".

Purpose of the conversation - providing consultative and preventive assistance to parents, increasing the psychological and pedagogical competence of parents and teachers. The objectives of the conversation: expanding the ideas of parents about the causes of negative children's behavior; informing about the peculiarities of development of children of early preschool age, normative crises of development; providing an opportunity to analyze the relationship with your child and identify the mechanisms for the formation of capricious behavior or stubbornness; developing the ability of parents to identify the reasons for the negative behavior of children and to correct their behavior in relations with a child in difficult situations.

Content of the thematic conversation:Parents of young children often have to deal with their whims, tantrums and stubbornness. The reasons and mechanisms for the formation of such negative behavior in children are often very difficult to understand not only for the parents themselves, but for educators and teachers. An important psychological aspect is the so-called “normative developmental crises” of children. A crisis is a necessary and natural stage in the life of every child, when changes in behavior and development accumulate and a transition to a qualitatively new stage occurs. Experts note that every crisis is accompanied by the appearance of stubbornness, disobedience, whims, which the child is extremely vividly manifests. It is impossible to bypass or avoid the crisis, since it is natural and, moreover, is essential for the personal development of the child. The reason for the emergence of the crisis is that children have new needs, and the old forms of their satisfaction are no longer suitable, sometimes even interfere, restrain, and therefore cannot fulfill their functions.

Crisis 1 year. At the end of the first year of life, the social situation of complete fusion of the child with the adult undergoes dramatic changes. The child begins to understand and share: I am a child, and he is an adult, we are different, separate. This is the essence of the crisis of the first year of life. At this age, the child acquires a certain degree of independence: the first words appear, the ability to walk, actions with objects develop, but the range of possibilities for implementing this is not yet developed enough. The ability to move independently, the ability to find many interesting things that require study and experimentation with them, are manifestations of children's curiosity, the desire to get acquainted with everything that is found around them is a natural need of this age. And the prohibitions, which the baby does not understand, cause his protest, manifested in crying, stubbornness, discontent. The will of the child for the first time collides with the will of an adult: the child seeks to act on his own, to be independent, to choose objects, to communicate of his own free will. In addition, the child develops a desire for communication, but there are still no opportunities (active speech, words) to express all this. This is how the crisis of one year is formed. It gets deeper the more parents resist the child's wishes. The child's whims, in fact, is an indicator that it is time for adults to change their behavior and attitude towards their own child, since the previous stereotypes of communication are no longer suitable. The first year crisis marks the transition from the infant to early childhood. The symptoms of this crisis, and any other, is a surge of independence, the appearance of affective reactions. Affective reactions in a child usually arise when adults do not understand his desires, his words, his gestures and facial expressions, or understand but do not do what the child wants. Strong affective reactions occur to inhibitions on the part of adults and can manifest themselves in screaming, loud crying, falling to the floor, tantrums and aggressive reactions.

The crisis is 2.5–3 years old. In the third year of life, children usually experience a crisis, which is expressed in stubbornness, "scandalous" behavior and a negative attitude towards adults. The most popular phrase at this age is “I myself!”.

“The crisis of three years” is a conventional concept in psychology, since the first signs of a crisis can often be seen as early as 1.5 years old, and its peak falls on the age of about three years (2-3.5 years). This age crisis, which occurs during the transition from an early age to preschool, is also characterized by a sharp and radical restructuring of the existing personality mechanisms, the formation of new features of the child's consciousness and personality, and the transition to a new type of relationship with others. The crisis of three years can be expressed in the manifestation of such symptoms as negativism, stubbornness, obstinacy, self-will, rebellion, devaluation, desire for despotism. For the first time they were identified and described by E. Koehler in the work "On the personality of a three-year-old child." L. S. Vygotsky called the seven most striking features of a child's behavior during a three-year crisis "a seven-star symptom."

Let's take a closer look at these symptoms.

Negativism is a negative reaction associated with the attitude of one person to another person. A child does not do something just because a certain adult suggested it to him. Negativism is selective: the child ignores the demands of one family member or one teacher, but with others he is quite obedient. The main motive for action is to do the opposite, that is, the exact opposite of what he was told.

Stubbornness is the reaction of a child who insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he demanded it from an adult, and the child cannot refuse his own decision even under changed circumstances. Stubbornness should be distinguished from persistence in achieving a particular goal.

Obstinacy is directed generally against the norms of upbringing, the system of relationships, the way of life in the family, and not against a specific adult.

Self-will is the child's desire to do everything himself (the key words in the speech “I myself!”), The manifestation of the initiative of his own action, which is inadequate to the child's capabilities and causes additional conflicts with adults. learn new things, master actions and behavioral skills. The child begins to actively satisfy the cognitive need. This is manifested in his activity, curiosity. But the manifestation of initiative can cause conflicts with adults, since it is often inadequate to the child's capabilities. He asserts himself, and this contributes to the emergence of children's pride - the most important stimulus for self-development and self-improvement.

Rebellion protest - manifests itself in frequent conflicts with parents. It is important for a child that the people around him take his independence seriously. If the child does not feel that he is considered, that his opinion and desires are respected, he begins to protest. He rebelled against the old framework, against the old relationship. American psychologist E. Erickson believes that it is at this age that will, independence and independence begin to form in a child.

Devaluation - in the eyes of the child, everything that was familiar, interesting, and dear to him before is devalued. A symptom of depreciation can manifest itself in the fact that the child begins to swear, tease and call parents names, and break favorite toys.

Despotism - the child manifests despotic power in relation to loved ones, forces the parents to do whatever he requires. The reasons for the emergence of negativism, stubbornness, self-will and other symptoms in behavior are explained by the fact that the child begins to realize himself as an independent person and show his own will. The aggravation of relationships with adults can be a consequence of the authoritarian model of interaction in the family, limitation of the independence and personal initiative of the child, the frequent and inadequate use of prohibitions and punishments, as well as the presence of overprotectiveness in education, inconsistency and inconsistency in the requirements for the child of the people around them. LS Vygotsky emphasized that behind any negative symptom of a crisis "there is a positive content, which usually consists of a transition to a new and higher form."

The positive personal acquisitions of children at this stage of development are the formation of a new level of self-awareness, the desire for independence, the development of activity, volitional qualities, the establishment of new and deeper relationships with adults in communication, play, cognitive and objective activity, in which the importance of a positive assessment of personal achievements, successes of children.

However, sometimes a three-year crisis can proceed without any obvious negative manifestations. The opinion that this can somehow negatively affect the mental development or formation of the personality is wrong. In a development crisis, the main thing is not how it proceeds, but what it leads to. The appearance of such qualities as will, independence, pride in achievements is a sure sign of the adequate development of the child's personality at this age stage. It is important to distinguish and highlight the crisis manifestations of capriciousness and stubbornness from the situational or developing into a permanent trait of a child's character in response to disharmonious parenting styles in the family. The cause of childish moodiness can be a chronic or just beginning somatic illness. If a child is experiencing physical pain, if he is stuffy, hot, if he is nauseous or has chills, he may not be able to say this in words (especially when it comes to a child of an early age), but will demonstrate the discomfort he is experiencing in the form changes in behavior. This behavior will be protesting or inconsistent, emotionally contradictory or inhibited.

Very often, the main reason for childish moodiness is various types of upbringing disorders in the family. In this case, the child's message can be read like this: "I need to be treated differently!" The most common types of upbringing disorders in preschoolers are hyperprotective (permissive) and hypoprotective (prohibitive). A combination of both violations is especially disastrous for children's balance (for example, parents bring up in severity, and grandmother allows absolutely everything). Hyperprotection leads to the fact that the child practically does not know the word "no". Any prohibition causes a violent and prolonged protest from him. Persistent attempts to introduce such a child "into the framework" lead to seizures resembling hysterical (lips turn blue, breathing becomes intermittent, movements lose coordination). Often, parents are afraid of such formidable manifestations and abandon their attempts, which further exacerbate the situation.

Hypoprotection in its extreme form leads to the depletion of adaptive reserves. A child who is forbidden by everything, at first tries to comply with all the prohibitions and to please his parents, but soon begins to feel that "you cannot live like this." And then on the other hand, but we still end up with the same protest, capricious behavior that annoys parents even more. Parents forbid the child to be capricious, he protests against the prohibition of protest - and this vicious circle can turn for years. A different educational orientation of family members caring for a child can also be a violation of upbringing. For example, a hyperprotective mom and a hypoprotective dad.

Sometimes the child's caprices are a symptom of intrafamilial disharmony. In this case, when analyzing the situation, it is not possible to reveal any hypo or hyperprotection, the child seems to be brought up correctly, sometimes even “according to science,” but relations within the family are extremely tense. Here whims - messages from a child are translated unambiguously: “I don’t want people who are significant to me to quarrel with each other!” There is no innate peacefulness or, moreover, altruism on the part of the child. It’s just that the spiritual energy, which by right should have belonged to him, is spent by adults on sorting out the relationship with each other. And the child is naturally unhappy with this. And it also naturally demonstrates this dissatisfaction with others. Recommendations of a teacher-psychologist: "What to do when a child is capricious?"

Try to read and analyze the child's message as accurately as possible, which is inherent in his momentary or long-term moodiness. After reading the message, clearly tell the child exactly how you understood it and what you are going to do about it. If you are not going to do anything, then be sure to inform about this and explain the reason. For example: “I perfectly understand that you are tired, and I very much sympathize with you. But we have to walk two more blocks to the stop, and we don't have a stroller. So we have to go as we walked. I am absolutely sure that you will be able to make it. " If the child, interrupting the whining, wants to correct you or make some additions, listen carefully to him and be sure to praise him for his constructivism. For example: “Well done for explaining. Now it has become much clearer to me what exactly bothers you. Now it will be easier for us to deal with it. ”Never mind a child if he talks about his condition. He knows better what exactly he is experiencing. Don't replace his own sensitivity with yours. In the future, this can lead to very unpleasant consequences, when an already grown-up child will be guided by his parents or peers in search of an answer to the question “what do I feel now?”. You yourself understand that the answer received will have nothing to do with the child's true feelings. A common mistake of parents is the selection of options for a naughty child, the item on the list (Are you tired? Maybe your head hurts? Or maybe your tummy? Or maybe your grandmother offended you? Or do you want to eat?). In this case, it will not be about the actual message of the child, but about the most advantageous offer. So, after analyzing the situation, in an affirmative tone tell the child the fruit of your thoughts and give him the opportunity to agree with you or object to you. Teach your child to express his feelings in words, not whims. There is only one way for this - the parents themselves must talk about their feelings in the presence of the child. For the prevention of children's whims and the fight against the already developed emotional instability, the unified educational position of all family members taking part in childcare is of great importance. In both strict and democratic families, children quite easily adapt to the existing rules if these rules are uniform and supported by everyone. family members. Consistency in statements and demands made by the same family member is imperative. No matter how your mood and circumstances change, but if you have already forbidden something to a small child, then let it be "no". If you already allowed, then endure all the consequences to the end. If you said when you went out for a walk that you would not buy anything in a stall today, then stick to this position. Despite all the whims. Your only concession is also a message. From you to the child. And the text of this message is as follows: "Sometimes, under some (not entirely clear) circumstances, whims from me you can get what you want." Having received such a message, the child will inevitably try. The teacher's recommendations: "How to cope with a capricious child?" Have you ever thought about the fact that often during our everyday worries we do not notice how our children are changing? We are always close to our child, and it is no wonder that sometimes we do not keep up with the time and perceive him as if he is still the baby he was six months ago. We continue to communicate with him as with a baby, do for him what he can already cope with on his own. But it also happens that we are ahead of events and it seems to us that the child is already old enough to study for a long time, to be assiduous, responsible, and executive, although in fact he is not at all ready for this. That is why it is very important to know about the age characteristics of the child. Understand that a small child has a completely different perception of time. For him, only the present exists. And your attempts to appeal even to the immediate future of them− Remember that observing reasonable safety should not deprive the baby of the opportunity to discover new and interesting.] Your parental anxiety should not replace the development opportunities for your child, which occurs at this age through perception, and therefore through constant exploration of new things.− Treats the child calmly and friendly. If possible, understand his emotional state and urgent needs, since at this age the child is not always able to articulate and state them clearly.− Provide opportunities for a wide variety of games, mainly with items. Some children can themselves enthusiastically put objects into one another, disassemble into parts, shift them, mastering the initial stages of analysis and synthesis. But at 2–3 years old, in the process of playing, the baby most often needs the company of his mother or adults who love him, because he needs compatibility and benevolent cooperation.− Talk with your baby more often, read fairy tales, books to him, discuss what he saw or what he took part in. Periodic contacts with unfamiliar children or adults are useful, since the child is forced to diligently pronounce what the mother usually understood perfectly.− Give your child the opportunity to play with small material: buttons, cereals, cones, pebbles, and other objects of different sensations. Necessarily under the supervision of an adult!− Realizing that an energetic and active child is natural, although at times exhausting. Therefore, you need to be prepared for this and, if possible, organize a safe space in which the baby could freely use his energy for outdoor games. It will be great if it is you who, at least sometimes, will be his partner in the game.− have enough time to choose something. All his desires have the same power: at this age there is no subordination of motives and it is difficult for a child to make a decision what to choose at the moment. He wants everything at once. What should parents do to help their child get through a three-year-old crisis? In relation to a child of crisis age, an adult needs endurance and calm exactingness in fulfilling the rules of everyday life. Hands should be washed before eating. Wear a hat in windy weather and do not run barefoot on the floor with clean feet before going to bed. Behavioral requirements must be clearly formulated and the adult must be consistent in their performance. It is impossible today to prohibit eating with dirty hands, and tomorrow not to pay attention to the child's dirty hands, not to notice anything. The kid can read as many texts as possible, in which the overturning of familiar situations is played up. A classic example is "Confusion" by K. Chukovsky. There are many similar rhymes in folklore collections for kids, in translations of English texts for little ones. In addition to reading, whenever possible, anticipating the emergence of conflict situations, you need to offer the three-year-old a game called "Do the opposite." “Let's do the opposite today. I'll tell you: "Antosha, don't my hands!" Oh, you take it and wash it! I'll tell you: "Antosha, we are not going for a walk!" What are you supposed to do? " etc. The child is incredibly happy with the conditions of such a game. They correspond to his inner state. An adult is required to frown with all his might and pretend to be indignant: “No! Just look! We're not going for a walk! And he's already dressed! We all sit down at the table with dirty hands! And for some reason he washed them! " The play position maintained by an adult delights the child. Try to develop the correct line of your behavior, become more flexible in educational activities, expand the rights and responsibilities of the baby and, within reason, give him a taste of independence in order to enjoy it. Know that your child does not just disagree with you, he tests your character and finds weak points in him to influence them when defending his independence. He checks with you several times a day to see if what you prohibit him is really forbidden, or maybe it is possible. And if there is even the slightest possibility "you can", then the child does not achieve his goal with you, but with dad, grandmothers, grandfathers. Don't be angry with him for that. And it is better to balance correctly the encouragement and punishment, affection and severity, while not forgetting that the child's “egoism” is naive. After all, it was we, and no one else, who taught him that any of his wishes is like an order. And suddenly - for some reason something is impossible, something is forbidden, something is denied to him. We have changed the system of requirements, but for some reason it is difficult for a child to understand. And he tells you "no" in revenge. Do not be offended by this on him. After all, this is your usual word when you bring him up. And he, considering himself independent, imitates you. Therefore, when the desires of the baby far exceed the real possibilities, find a way out in the role-playing game, which from the age of three becomes the leading activity of the child. It is necessary to restructure the relationship with the child on the basis of greater equality than it was before. If parents during this period begin to provide the child with more freedom and independence, then they support his new idea of ​​himself and teach him to reasonably distinguish between those areas of life in which he can really behave "like an adult" and those in which he is still still a small child in need of help and guidance. This will gradually lead to overcoming the symptoms of the crisis. It is important for you as his parents:− to receive help from an adult at a time when something does not work out for him, since a child at 2–3 years old can react very affectively to failures: get angry, cry, swear, throw things;− continue to build relationships with adults. A child at this age is very dependent on parents, emotionally tuned in to them, needs support, participation, care and safety. He expects from an adult a direct participation in all his affairs and a joint solution to almost any problem facing him. The peer is not yet of particular interest to the child; children play “side by side, but not together”;− play, because it is in the game that important mental functions begin to actively develop: perception, imagination, thinking, memory. Through the game, the kid learns the world around him, learns the laws of interaction;− master speech as widely as possible, since it helps both in the development of the child's contact with the world, and in the development of his thinking. At this age, a child's vocabulary is growing rapidly, and the number of spoken words is always less than the number of understood ones;− master the small movements of the fingers through playing with small objects, because the development of fine motor skills in children is directly related to the development of the brain and speech;− move a lot, because through movement he develops and learns his body, and also masters the surrounding space;− but, his capabilities and needs, as well as be ready for changes in his character or type of behavior, which become especially evident during age crises. Undoubtedly, all children are different, and each child grows in his own way, but, nevertheless, there are general patterns of development. For example, at 2–3 years old, a child still cannot concentrate for a long time, is easily distracted, at 3 years old he can be naughty and do the opposite, at 6–7 years old his desire for independence increases, etc. unbearable requirements, and at the same time keep up with his real capabilities, in order to be patient and calmly treat all the manifestations of your child, you need to know about the characteristics characteristic of a particular age period. At this age, the baby still cannot control himself at will, his behavior is mostly involuntary. He is very emotional, but his emotions are fickle, it is easy to distract him, switch from one emotional state to another. The child's speech is actively developing. At this age, it is important for your child: Relates calmly and with understanding to the child's emotional outbursts in case of difficulties. Anger or tears when a child does not succeed in some difficult task for him is quite natural. The easiest way to deal with whims is to shift your focus. Just change the subject. For example, he does not want to brush his teeth and wash, ask him: "What did you do today in the kindergarten?" Instead of being rude to insist on your own, focus your toddler's attention on the pleasant things about the upcoming action. Say, for example, “Let's taste the new toothpaste! She's so sweet! " (The pasta may not be new or sweet at all, but the goal will be achieved - the baby will be interested!) Bring imagination into the routine process. For example, you might say, "Let's fly to the bath like dragons!" - grab the baby, spin around with him along the road and sink into the water with a growl. Or, noticing that the child is about to scream, turn to the side, put your finger to your lips and say: “W - w - w! The gray wolf is coming! Let's hide from him! " We assure you that the child will forget about tears and will want to play hide and seek with the wolf. Don't be afraid to look funny. The more ridiculous you behave, the better. Grab something and pretend to talk to it. Or jump on one leg. Forget about seriousness, turn into a child for a moment. Be sure to reinforce the child's good behavior with praise. Many parents simply do not know how to praise their children. Meanwhile, praise for children is like water and sun for plants. Praise should be immediate. As soon as you see something positive, immediately praise your child for it. All your attention should be given to the good, not the bad, behavior of your child. Psychologists advise: “Ignore the behavior that you do not like. Praise the behavior you like. " If you follow this rule, your "moody monster" will very soon learn to listen to you. Remember that it is better to prevent capriciousness and initially avoid mistakes in raising a child than to correct your mistakes later. This will take a lot of time and patience, and most importantly, love and attention, then after a while you will see that your capriciousness has changed for the better.− are not perceived at all.

Balakleyskaya Hope
Consultation for teachers "Conversations and consultations with parents as forms of implementation of an individual approach to parents"

Conversations and consultations with parents as forms of implementation of an individual approach to parents.

The pedagogical education of parents involves according to

E.P. Arnautova, systematically held and theoretically grounded meetings with them, the purpose of which is to transfer knowledge, formation of ideas, skills, abilities of mothers and fathers in various aspects of family education.

In our work, we agree with the opinion of T.A. Markova, who believes that teacher talks with parents- the most accessible and common form of establishing communication between teachers and families, his systematic communication with the father and mother of the child, with other family members. Conversations help to resolve the difficulties of individual families, are addressed to specific people and are dedicated to a specific situation, pointed out

V.M. Ivanova.

Active participation in conversation and educator, and parents- an essential feature of this shape allowing to carry out effective impact on parents... It should also be noted that the leading role in the emergence conversations should belong to the educator, since the activity of the educator causes a response parents, considered T.A. Markova.

Educator should think in advance where to start conversation what questions will he ask to parents to reveal their understanding of the issues discussed, attitude towards them. By negotiating with parents about the time of the conversation, the teacher informs her topic and asks to prepare questions to which they would like to receive an answer, noted T. A. Markova.

Material for conversations with parents give the caregiver supervision baby: for his observance of the rules of behavior in a team, for his attitude towards children, for adults and their requirements, for his attitude towards activities; conversations with the child, revealing his knowledge, ideas, motives of behavior.

According to T.A. Markova, pedagogical conversation should be extremely specific and meaningful. Parents should result in conversations new knowledge on the training and education of preschoolers, conversation should awaken parents' interest in pedagogical problems, increase a sense of responsibility for raising children.

To establish contact with parents in the process of conversation, to involve them in the discussion, the educator must provide for a number of conditions, in particular, think over the place and time of the conversations. Parents should have sufficient time to discuss the intended issues without haste. But it is important not only to get in touch with parents, make them want to communicate, but also be sincere in conversation, answer questions truthfully. This succeeds if parents see the researcher's deep interest in the fate of the child, benevolence and at the same time erudition, the ability to help in education. During conversations with parents do not keep detailed records, as this is confusing parents and thus reduces the efficiency conversations.

As T. A. Markova rightly notes, the educator always has facts that positively characterize the child. These facts must be cited in conversations, then the negative that the educator is forced to say about the child, parents perceived not so painfully.

Thus, the most important principles conversations with parents: active position teacher which gives conversation focus, sets the tone, but its main task is to cause interlocutor to a frank conversation. Conversation will be effective if bilateral activity is achieved conversing and the conversation proceeded from the position of the interests of the child.

Zh.R. Bereznya distinguishes a special species individual conversation with parents - typical conversation... As the author notes, the typical conversation has a similarity to a questionnaire, since it is carried out on pre-planned questions.

Summarizing the above, we define the value individual conversation in the following:

Disposes to a more open conversation about all aspects of the child's life;

Helps the caregiver inform parents about changes in the development and behavior of their children;

It makes it possible to find out what educational influences a family has on a child in a given period (therefore, the content of such conversations is determined by the child's behavior).

Hence, conversation is a means of making contact with parents, studying the family education of the child and the influence on the nature of this education.

Another of forms of individual work with parents are consultations. Counseling for parents, according to T.A. Markova, by their nature are close to conversations... The main difference is that when consultation answering questions parents, educator seeks to give them qualified advice, to teach them something. Consultations as one of forms of individual, differentiated work with parents, helps, on the one hand, to get to know the life of the family better and to provide help where it is most needed, on the other hand, encourages, parents take a serious look at your children, identify traits, their character, think about the best ways to educate them. Consultation allows you to discuss quite deeply any specific issue, analyze it, get acquainted with the experience of educating others parents and draw conclusions for raising your child. Subject consultations is determined by the tasks of the comprehensive education of children and the needs parents(what questions do they ask, what difficulties they are experiencing).

T.A. Markova noted in her research that the recommendations, advice given to parents should be specific, taking into account the living conditions of the family and individual characteristics of the child... Each counseling should give parents something new, useful, expand them pedagogical knowledge... Success consultations largely depends on tact, sensitivity and responsiveness teacher in relation to parents, from the ability to convince. Consultation like conversation, requires preparation, since parents are not satisfied with the general answers. Before advising anything to parents, to resolve some of their doubts, educator must carefully examine the fact that caused parents contact him: chat with family members, read the relevant literature, pick up interesting examples from practice, if necessary - visual material: children's work, crafts, books, sometimes even visit the family.

When analyzing pedagogical literature, we drew attention to the fact that different researchers have different attitudes to the specifics of the conduct. So, A.S. Spivakovskaya believes that in raising a child, everyone parent is a creator, the discoverer that his experiences and thoughts are deep individual and unique, and in this regard, you do not need to give them ready-made recipes and advice, you need to give them guidelines, directions of searches, so that parents realized the importance of independent work, which is to influence and change not only children, but also themselves.

Unlike A.I. Vasilyeva, Ya.I. Kovalchuk believes that individual conversations with parents should not be accidental, during the arrival of children or going home. The present conversation requires special training from the teacher material: information about the child, about his interests, behavior, selection of drawings and crafts. Conversation in private makes parents more frank and talkative.

It should also be noted that when working with parents the teacher confronts the parents different levels of educational opportunities. As noted by O. L. Zvereva, in working with parents with a high level of educational opportunities, which the author refers to group 1 individual conversations and consultations are carried out to support "positive" parenting experience and style of family relationships, help to parents to establish themselves in the correctness of the methods used, to promote the development of creativity in educational activities.

Working with a family with an average level of educational opportunities

(2 gr.) aim individual consultations and conversations is to identify the nature of the difficulties experienced, the mistakes made and specific assistance in education. Individual work with a family with a low level of educational opportunities (3 gr.) the most difficult. According to O. L. Zvereva, typical of these parents is disbelief in the possibility of education. Formed "vicious circle"- disobedience of the child, wrong methods of influence, uncontrollability of the child. Have parents' opinion is strengthened that baby "Difficult to educate", they are looking for negative traits from him, confirming this opinion. At the same time, they are characterized by conservatism regarding their own educational methods, there is no doubt about their correctness. Some of them refuse to attend classes, citing the lack of time, the fact that in the classroom "You won't get anything new"... With this category parents should be interviewed individually, identifying the difficulties experienced in raising a child, giving specific recommendations, briefly revealing the content of problematic issues, advise to analyze more often teaching activities, the motives of the child's actions, his reaction to the educational influences of adults. Joint with parents the analysis of their educational activities shows, notes O. L. Zvereva, a lack of knowledge parents... With the in-depth work of educators with parents the latter are interested. They are more likely to ask for answers to their questions.

O. L. Zvereva, Ya.I. Kovalchuk believe that oral consultations it is better to spend on a specially appointed day. It is better to coordinate the days and hours with parents, since many of them are busy at work in the evening, study in evening universities, etc. Sometimes there are unplanned consultations, when parents ask to answer a question. It is not scary if the educator doubts something, is not sure of the correctness of the knowledge he has.

We agree with the opinion of O. L. Zvereva, who recommends giving different advice for parents, instructions for self-observation, for the analysis of their own educational activities. For example, you can set questions: "What are your own mistakes you associate the child's disobedience, his whims, etc.", "Is the unity of requirements for the child always observed in the family?" For parents assignments should be given - to observe when the child shows disobedience, in what tone comments are given to him, how he reacts to them, whether adults make concessions, etc. You can also suggest keeping a diary - let parents write down the most interesting manifestations and try to interpret them.

As a result of the teacher of conversations and counseling parents can change their behavior, in particular, the methods of influencing the child, for example, more influence on his feelings, consciousness, use play techniques, rely on what the child already knows, instill confidence in his own strength. Parents will come to the conclusion that they should more often look critically at their parenting experience, look at themselves "From the outside".

L.V. Kotyrlo, T.A. Markova, considered it necessary to note important points when conducting individual conversations and consultations:

1) it is necessary to notify parents about the day and topic of individual conversations, especially inactive to parents.

2) hostile or negligent attitude at a meeting, constant claims and reproaches, requests are unacceptable "Take action at home about the child's behavior".

3) it is important to think carefully about the content and conversation form and design your behavior in advance in case of possible complications.

4) you should start a conversation with a characteristic "Positive" the child's sides, good intentions or acquired skills.

5) you need to win the favor interlocutor to find tactful message form about, which raises doubts, give advice or suggest looking for ways to overcome difficulties.

6) try to be patient and attentive, spare pride parents, it is impossible to belittle their authority, no matter how small they are in raising a child. Considering the question of the meaning conversations consider it important to emphasize that conversations with parents significantly increase the level pedagogical culture of parents, they have a need to look closely at their child - his behavior, actions, a benevolent desire to understand their child is manifested. Such observation helps to capture the inner state of the child, to understand his feelings, to understand the motives of his actions, to see the good that needs to be encouraged, and the bad that needs to be corrected.

Having considered the opinion of various researchers, we can conclude that individual conversation is the most effective form of work with parents. Individual conversation presupposes openness, confidentiality, direct contact, as well as one more positive moments: it can be carried out at a convenient for everyone parent time and not be limited by time frames. Joint analysis of educational activities parents during the conversation can show parents their lack of pedagogical knowledge, the need to more often address troubling questions to educators, as well as in acquaintance with the literature pedagogical nature, i.e. shape the need for self-education in this area.

Do you want, do you want

But the point, comrades, is

That, first of all, you-

Parents,

And the rest will come later.

V.V. Mayakovsky

Purpose: to contribute to an increase in the level of parental competence.

1. How to instill in a child a love of reading (memo "Tips for fostering a love of books")

All parents know about the benefits of reading, so it is quite natural and legitimate for them to be anxious if the child does not like books. "What should be done to make the child love reading?" They often ask. "We buy a lot of books, and the son does not even look at them."

Of course, those parents are mistaken who think that it is worth buying a book and the child will immediately like it. On the part of the parents, a lot of attention is required to the reading of the younger student, help and guidance of his reading. We need to teach children to love the book.

Most junior high school students love to read a book.

But they cannot choose the book themselves. Therefore, it is very important that adults keep track of the selection of books for children's reading.

For every child's age there are recommended lists of literature "What to read to children". They are available in every school and district library. These lists, compiled taking into account the age of the children, include works of fiction and popular science literature, books by classics and contemporary writers, Russian and foreign literature, poetry and prose.

Parents should ensure that books that are suitable for their age fall into the hands of children.

While following the reading of children, it is imperative to strive to ensure that the books are of a variety of topics: fairy tales, stories about animals and plants, adventures, stories about war and heroes, about the peaceful labor of adults and children, about school, about music, art.

When choosing books, one must take into account the individual interests of children. Guys, especially boys, are often only fond of adventure literature. This craving for adventure, a sharp, exciting storyline is quite natural, but it must be directed in the right direction. We must make sure that the books of the adventure genre are not the only ones in the reading of children, so that books intended for adults do not fall into their hands.

If the child is especially interested in the life of plants or animals, new cars, travel, books should be selected from which he could receive new and interesting information for him.

Especially it is necessary to pay attention to the development of children's interest in popular science literature. Students should read books of geography, natural history, technology available to them.

Parents should help the child develop reading techniques, for this it is necessary to exercise him in reading aloud, so that adults can control the correctness of reading. Therefore, parents need to be especially attentive to the selection of the first books for independent reading. Books should be with bright pictures, with an interesting plot and small in volume, so that the child can quickly read them.

In instilling love for the book in children of primary school age, seemingly insignificant external moments can play a positive role. So, for example, your own library, a shelf for books, the ability to exchange books with friends - all this arouses children's interest in books.

In order to teach children to read on their own, you can use the following technique. An adult starts reading to a child, but stops reading aloud at the most interesting place. Carried away by the events of the book and the desire to find out what will happen to the heroes of the book next, the child in most cases continues to read on his own. Adults should then ask him what he read about, praise him for his independence, express the hope that now he will always read himself.

Fostering a love of books is much faster and easier in those families where adults themselves love to read, talk a lot about books, and devote their leisure time to reading. If the father and mother do not find time to read books, then, of course, it can be more difficult to get the child to read.

Parents should very patiently, but unswervingly demand from the children what books of this writer he has already read and what he knows about him, whether he has already met the drawings of the book illustrator.

It is necessary for the child to read the book carefully, slowly.

For children of primary school age, viewing the illustrations is of great educational value. They help the child to understand and remember what he has read. Many pictures make it possible to imagine those phenomena and objects that the child cannot see directly.

Looking at the pictures, you can visit the north and tropical countries: living far from the sea, see steamers and a raging ocean, find out how children live in other states.

It is important to teach children to look at the drawings in the book, to notice interesting details.

It is very good when children talk about what they have read. By telling, the child develops his speech, he develops the ability to highlight the main thing in the book. In the course of the story, the attitude towards the actions of the heroes, towards the events described is more clearly formed. If the child finds it difficult at first to tell about what he has read, you need to help him with the help of questions: what did you learn from the book? When and where was it? What did you like the most?

Questions about what he read are also important because parents can control the child's reading: whether he has read the whole book, whether he understands everything in it, whether his opinion about the behavior of the characters is correct. Such questions discipline children, allow them to read more carefully and remember what they read. It is necessary to encourage the desire of children to draw a picture themselves for what they read.

It is very good if the family practices joint reading of books aloud. This brings children and parents closer together, helps parents get to know children better, understand their hobbies and interests.

First of all, an interesting and entertaining book is chosen so that the children are happy to wait for the evening when everyone will sit down and read. You should read aloud in turn, today the father reads, tomorrow the son, etc. Reading aloud is a useful exercise for children: they get used to reading expressively, loudly and clearly.

It is necessary to determine the duration of reading no more than 45 minutes so that reading does not tire the children, does not dull interest in the book.

It is good when parents and children share their impressions of the book. If a dispute arises, if children express a wrong opinion, it is necessary to help them in a tactful manner to understand what they have read.

The family fosters a culture of handling books. First, you need to teach your children to take care of the book. Children should know that the book must not be thrown, torn, drawn on it, folded at the corners of the pages, and pictures must not be cut out of it. Especially it is necessary to take good care of the library book. It must be wrapped in clean paper and, after reading it, must be handed over right on time.

It is also necessary to teach children to observe basic rules of reading hygiene. Children should know to take care of their eyes. Can't read in low light. The lamp should be on the side of the child's left hand, the light from it should not fall into the eyes, but only fall on the surface of the table where the book is. When reading, you should give your eyes a short rest.

Memo

1. Instill in your child an interest in reading from early childhood.

2. Buy books, choose books that are bright in design and interesting in content.

3. Read systematically to your child. This will form the habit of reading the book on a daily basis.

4. Discuss the book you read with your family members.

6. If you are reading a book to your child, try to interrupt reading at the most interesting place.

7. Remembering with the child the content of the previously read, deliberately distort it to check how he remembered the previously read text.

share your childhood impressions of reading this or that book, compare yours and his impressions.

9. Have a discussion at home about the books you have read.

10. Buy, if possible, the books of the authors loved by the child, arrange his personal library.

11. Cultivate respect for the book by displaying your family's relics.

12. Give your child good books with a dedication, good and warm wishes.

Years later, it will become a happy reminder of the home, its traditions, dear and close people.

1. Labor education of children in a family

Unfortunately, in some families there is a misconception that children should be protected from labor. Parents often refer to their own difficult life path and strive to make the child's life easier, protecting him from relatively difficult and unpleasant work duties. “It was hard for us, we started working early - let it be easier for the children” - this fairly widespread reasoning of adults is deeply mistaken and entails harmful consequences, primarily for children and the parents themselves. There are parents, including mothers, who believe that domestic work is the lot of women, and therefore only girls are taught to do it. As a result, boys begin to feel ashamed of "girls' deeds" and refuse to do them. Parents should be convinced that boys and girls should be equally accustomed to all types of domestic work, to self-service. In this case, of course, their age and capabilities should be taken into account. Differences should be made in some cases: a boy walks to fetch water, fetch firewood, since this is more difficult work, and a girl is embroidering and sewing.

The father's example plays an important role in teaching boys to do housework. If the father never helps the mother, he speaks out loud that this or that business is feminine and unworthy of a man, then the sons, naturally, will begin to be ashamed of homework, refuse it.

Those parents who protect their children from work do not strictly ask them for performing the necessary household chores, even if not very interesting, sometimes tedious and monotonous, make children unhappy. Freed from domestic work, children grow up, on the one hand, simply inept, and on the other, disrespectful to work. Parents should be reminded of the words of A. S. Makarenko, who wrote: “We know very well how much more fun and happier people live who can do a lot, who succeed and argue, who will not get lost under any circumstances, who know how to own things and command by them. And vice versa, we always pity those people who ... do not know how to serve themselves, but always need a nanny, then a friendly service, then help, and if no one helps them, they live in an uncomfortable environment, sloppy, dirty, bewildered. "

Gradually, you can accustom a child to perform a particular type of work by organizing joint work of parents and children. At first, parents play the main role in work, and children perform separate operations, separate assignments. When the child has mastered this or that work and begins to freely cope with it, he should be given independent tasks.

First, the child needs to be given small tasks, and then switch to another job as the previous one is completed. At first, the child gets tired out of habit, you should quickly switch it to another, easier job. The gradual involvement of children in homework helps to develop the necessary skills and abilities in them. Domestic work becomes not burdensome for the child, the necessary labor effort is developed in him.

One of the main conditions in the upbringing of industriousness is the serious interest of parents in the work of children - educational, domestic, socially useful. Parents must constantly show a pronounced interest in the labor activity of their son or daughter, in its results.

The participation of a child in domestic work teaches a son, daughter, family member to fulfill his first duty to his parents and loved ones, hence the natural need to fulfill the social duty of an adult citizen then grows.

Useful Tips

1. Be consistent in your requirements.

2. Consider the individual and age characteristics of your children.

3. Before entrusting something to a child, show an example of the correct fulfillment of the assignment, teach this to your son or daughter, complete the assignment several times with joint efforts.

4. Do not forget about the game moments in the labor education of children.

5. Teach your child to respect the work of other people, to take good care of the results of their work. Tell the children about your work and the work of your friends.

6. Tactfully evaluate the results of the child's work. The teacher supplements each advice with explanations on how to correctly implement them.

Home errands:

- to assist parents in cleaning the apartment;

- clean up your desk and your room;

- take care of a younger brother or sister;

- wash your small things;

- wash tea utensils;

- taking out the trash;

- feed pets, birds, aquarium fish;

- walking with a dog and a cat;

- buy bread and milk.

1. What can you do with a child!

Parents from the very birth of their baby often dream that he would grow up as a harmonious personality. And they put a lot of effort into this: they educate, teach, instruct, develop. But at the same time, they do not follow the elementary rules of raising a baby. Our life is fast, and we want to do a lot. And we hurry up, make inappropriate, offensive remarks, sometimes in an ugly form. Or, on the contrary, we do not notice the efforts of the child, we do not provide the most important support - parental support. And then, years later, we see in the children the obvious mistakes of our "efforts." But it's' too late. The results of upbringing are not encouraging.

Remember, if you want the child to cope with the difficult periods of his own formation, to be happy in adulthood and not have complexes, in no case IT IS FORBIDDEN:

1. Ignore the child. This phenomenon is quite common. On the one hand, the baby is littered with toys, books, fed, dressed, shod, looked after. On the other hand, parents never have time for it. They both work, are busy with household chores, are carried away by their own worries and do not notice the child's requests for communication, joint games, at best they send him to the TV.

In addition, parents have a habit of discussing their problems with the child, to arrange conflicts, believing that the child is small and therefore "still does not understand anything." This is mistake. The baby may not understand the essence of the conflict, but he will understand that the father and mother are quarreling, and this will cause him such negative emotions as fear of one of the parents or both, guilt (many children consider themselves to be the cause of parental quarrels), and etc. In addition, the child unwittingly adopts the manner of communication when sorting out the relationship.

1. Laugh at the child and humiliate him. Parents may not even suspect that some of their statements about the child sound with a derogatory accent. This happens quite often. "Do not touch, you are still small!", "Children cannot do this!" etc. Such comments cause resentment and anger in the child, and these two feelings gradually begin to dominate in the baby's soul. At the same time, the scenario for the development of internal qualities can be completely different: some children will be provoked to lack confidence in their own strengths in the future, others to aggression.
2. Disregard the child's opinion. What parents think of to consult with their son or daughter if they are planning a renovation, moving, planning the birth of another child, and so on? Most often, adults simply inform the child about their decision, regardless of his opinion. His voice is not taken into account on family councils, or he is always in the minority.

And then why be surprised when, in a few years, a teenager begins to behave, according to the parents, disregarding, not interested in their life and problems? He had long been taught that no one cares about his opinion! Now parents have to reap the seeds they sowed with their own hands.

1. How can you teach your child good behavior?

"Just look at this disgrace!", "What a slob you are!", "When you have already learned to do what you are told!" Unfortunately, it is worth observing the parents and the child for a while in some crowded place, and you may hear phrases like these. Such comments and remarks only worsen the child's self-esteem, do not teach him the correct behavior, but only inform that he did something bad.

How, then, can we teach our children the desired behavior? Without lectures, shouting, endless remarks? How can you help your child understand what kind of behavior you expect from him? How do you teach him this behavior? One of the most effective paths you can take is positive reinforcement.

Positive reinforcementis teaching the child the desired behavior not through criticism of bad behavior, but through the encouragement of good behavior. How to do it? Adults should focus on what the child is doing right, right, well, and tell him about it, encourage him, instead of focusing on bad behavior, constantly criticizing him. It often happens that adults do not pay attention to good behavior, taking it for granted, but notice exactly bad behavior and always talk about it to the child. Reinforcement of good behavior in this case does not happen, but the opposite happens: a constant focus on bad behavior. Try to do things differently - celebrate your child for good behavior.

Rules and restrictions.The child should be clearly and clearly warned in advance about the behavior that they expect from him and told him about the consequences of disobedience. But this does not mean that the child should not be punished. Punishment in the form of stopping playing with a child, temporarily limiting some pleasures are natural consequences of disobedience that the child should be aware of. But you are responsible for clearly and clearly explaining to the child in advance, possibly several times, what kind of behavior you expect from him, what is right to do and what is not. Be sure that the child heard and understood you, and also knows about the actions that you will take in case of disobedience.

Our children need clear rules and explanations, and they need to know what will follow if they do not obey. It is important to talk about this in a calm tone, using positive words, and not those that undermine the child's faith in himself, his self-esteem. It is also important to consistently fulfill what you promised your child in case of disobedience. Everything is very simple. Respect, clarity, and clarity of explanation, encouragement of good behavior, consistent action in the event of bad behavior, and more respect. Let's analyze the situation where little Maxim is invited to Vanya's birthday. Maksim's mom knows that he is a very active boy. When they come to Vanya's apartment, Maksim's mother tells him: "Please, behave well when visiting." Maxim received a very vague, "general" warning. Since he is in anticipation of the holiday, most likely he is not "imbued" by his mother's address.

In Vanya's apartment, Maxim is delighted with balloons, gifts, cakes and a large number of children. He runs around the rooms, makes a noise, quarrels with another boy over a toy, calls him names, yells, spills juice on his shirt, whines that they didn’t have enough ice cream for him, doesn’t listen to Vanya’s mother, and drops a piece of cake on the carpet in the living room. Maksim's mom is terrified, yells at him, scolds him, in the end they dress and leave ahead of time. She is very ashamed of her son, and all the way she tells him about it, not caring especially about the fact that strangers hear it. Maxim is crying quietly all this time.

Isn't this situation familiar to you? If not, then great! And yet, let's see how Maxim's mother could have acted differently: "Maxim, I know that you are very much looking forward to Vania's birthday. Before we go to him, I want us to sit down together and talk about how to behave properly at a party. " Maxim and mom sit on the sofa and talk calmly for a while: "Maxim, it will be fun and interesting at a party. There will be a lot of children, and I want you to understand some rules on how to behave, okay?" (Maxim nods). "When we are visiting, I want you to listen to your inner voice, even if you are very happy, okay? (Maxim nods). I want you to listen to Vanya's mother and do what she will tell you, good? (Good, - he says, - says Maxim.) "A few more things. Please walk calmly when you are in the apartment and be careful with the furniture, okay? (Maxim nods). I want you to say "Thank you" and "Please" and only speak good words. If you can't do everything I told you, we will have to leave the guests, you know? "

When they drive up to Vanya's house, mom says to Maxim: "Let's repeat once again how to behave correctly at his birthday, okay?" We need to listen to our inner voice, listen carefully to adults, right? We need to walk, not run around in the apartment, say "Thank you" and "Please" and not say bad words. Can you do this so that we don't leave ahead of time? "Maxim readily nods his head. He understands all my mother’s words. He now knows what is expected of him. Of course, he will be very excited, and perhaps spill juice on his shirt ( or maybe not if he doesn't run.) If he starts quarreling with other guys, mom can quietly remind him: “Remember, we talked with you that you have to be polite and say only good words. This means giving in to other children. Let's not say bad words, I don't want to leave now, do you? "When Vanina's mother says that cakes can only be eaten in the kitchen, Maxim will most likely obey her. If so, then on the way home Maxim needs to be praised for this , and say that he tried to behave well at a party. You don't even need to mention the juice (because it was by accident).

If Maxim does not obey, and nevertheless behaves badly, you need to leave the guests, as my mother promised. He will cry, but the mother can say calmly, but firmly: "If the children say bad words and quarrel, they have to leave the guests early." Later, when Maxim calms down, mom can talk to him again about how important it is to obey and what happens when he does not obey.

Criticism. Even when criticism is necessary, it is important to "shape" it into positive, constructive words. This means that you should tell the child about what kind of behavior you expected from him, rather than scold him for how he actually behaved. In the first case, the child will understand how he needed to behave. In the second case, the child will only hear that he did something wrong. For example: "Don't paint on the floor!" can be replaced with: "Please, draw only on paper. Now you need to wipe the paint off the floor." It is also very important not to confuse the behavior of the child with his personality. Agree, there is a big difference between: "You did not put your socks in place" and "You are a slob", between: "You told me a lie" and "You are a deceiver", between: "You did not put your toys away" and "You - lazy. " And the best thing, of course, is to say: "You need to put your socks back in place", "You need to tell only the truth", "You need to put your toys away." Accustom yourself to this, and your work will certainly bear fruit!

Accidents. It is important to remember that accidents happen, especially when children are 1-5 years old. There is no need to scold a child for pushing something, breaking, breaking, ruining something by accident. It's a big mistake to scold him for accidental, unintentional actions! After all, you can drop or break something, and no one dares to scold you for it. Try to simply explain what exactly happened and why. And do not "get stuck" on this longer than necessary: ​​"Oh! The glass overturned - no big deal. It happened because it was too close to the edge of the table. Let's put it here, closer to the middle, so that it does not interfere with your elbows when are you eating, okay? "

To summarize:

1. By calmly and clearly explaining the rules and restrictions to the child in advance, you help him understand the desired behavior BEFORE problems arise.

2. By recognizing your child for good behavior, rather than criticizing him for bad behavior, you help him learn faster.

3. If criticism is nevertheless necessary, criticize only the behavior, not the personality of the child.

4. When criticizing, talk about what kind of behavior you expected from the child, and not about the fact that something did not work out for him.

5. If a child does something by accident, just explain to him what's what, without scolding.

1. Parents about punishment

By spanking a child, you teach him to be afraid of you.

By showing your children the worst traits of your character, you are setting them a bad example.

Corporal punishment requires less intelligence and ability from parents than any other educational measure.

Flip flops can only validate, but not change, a child's behavior.

If you spank a child "under the hot hand", it means that you are less in control of yourself than you require from the child.

The task of disciplinary technique is to change the child's desires, not just his behavior.

Very often, punishment does not correct behavior, but only transforms it.

Punishment forces the child to fear losing parental love. He feels rejected and begins to be jealous of his brother or sister, and sometimes of his parents.

The punished child may develop hostility towards the parents. And as soon as two feelings - love and hate - unite in him, a conflict immediately arises.

Frequent punishment encourages the child to remain infantile.

Punishment can force the child to attract the parent's attention by any means necessary.

You cannot punish a child under 2.5-3 years old.

How to replace punishment?

Patience. This is the greatest virtue a parent can have.

Explanation ... Explain to your child whyhis behavior is wrong, but be very brief.

Distraction. Try to offer your child something more attractive than what he wants. Leisurely. Do not rush to punish your son or daughter - wait until the act is repeated.

Award-winning. They are, after all, more effective than punishment.

1. Self-esteem. How to educate him?

A high level of self-esteem is a very valuable trait of a child's character. Self-reliance helps him cope with growing challenges.

Self-esteem is born of self-esteem. If a child does something well, he feels satisfied. When he often succeeds. He has faith in his abilities. The child wants to learn everything that other children and adults can do. He seeks to comprehend more and more difficult activities.

A child who lacks a sense of self-confidence should be given the opportunity to show their abilities. Every child knows how to do something well. The question is. What exactly.

Adults should think: "What is the easiest thing for a child?" watch the child. See what he likes to do, what types of activities he prefers. Most likely, he will choose such cases that he succeeds in.

Adults should organize the lives of children in such a way that they can confirm and develop their success. It is very important to keep the kids enthusiastic.

Sometimes you need to reconsider your views on which activities are suitable for boys and which are for girls. A boy may prefer dancing, and a girl may prefer karate. The main thing is that you show understanding. Children's interests often change, but the feeling of being understood will last a lifetime.

There are other ways to build on children's successes. Let the child do some simple assignments. The child can, for example, arrange the plates on the table, sweep in the kitchen after dinner. The child is very pleased when the drawing he has drawn is hung on the wall.

It is important that the child is successful in new activities. Success in this case is determined not so much by the end result as by the child's desire to learn something new.

Divide the child's assignment into a series of small assignments. When he completes the first, move on to the second, third, etc. Praise him along the way. Do not rush the child and do not rush to do something for him yourself. This will make him feel incompetent. The time and effort you spend will pay off a hundredfold - the child will respect himself.

Praise is fundamental to building self-esteem. It is an acknowledgment of the child's merits. The child needs to be praised.

Concrete praise is most helpful. It is better to tell a child who rides a bicycle: "you are great for stopping at the corner" than simply to state: "You are great." You will emphasize the desired behavior, and the child will understand how he should behave, and not only be glad that he is just “well done”, and will not know why.

Think before praising your child. Not a very good compliment like: "You are much more generous than your brother." The child should be praised for a good deed (“Well done, you shared a cookie”), not because he is better than his brother.

It is necessary to teach the child himself to recognize his own achievements, otherwise he will remain dependent on the opinions of others. Encourage your child to evaluate their own skills. What can he do well? How he does it? If a child brings a drawing from kindergarten, let him tell why he likes it. If you built a house out of blocks, ask how he managed to make them.

The child should strive to establish his authority. Give him the opportunity to “educate” other children.

1. Crybaby

What a surprise - a childish whim? Often on the street or in transport you can see a screaming baby who rests and does not agree to calm down. Dissatisfied or more often indifferent passers-by will drop: what a capricious child. Many consider children's tantrums and whimpers, or, as usual, whims, a manifestation of bad manners, naturally, blaming the parents for this. However, like everything related to children, this problem has more complex connections and causes.

" What to do when a child throws a tantrum and scandals until he gets his way?"

Why are children moody?

A small person comes into our world without having the skills to communicate with others. He learns this gradually. And best of all, he learns exactly those ways of interacting with other people that turn out to be the most effective. Parents, for whom the child's crying turns out to be the strongest argument in the dialogue with the child, teach the baby to solve all problems with tears and screams ("after a few minutes of hysteria, my nerves are not enough - I understand that it is easier for him to solve everything than this endure! "). In the same way, children learn the habits of throwing themselves on the floor, crawling under the sofa, refusing to eat, etc.

How to distinguish moods from mental disorders?

The answer, as a rule, is given by the parents themselves: "With me he scandals, yells, falls to the floor and bursts into tears, but with dad he never allows himself this!"

This is really the main sign. A capricious child does not always throw tantrums and not everywhere. In most cases, this happens at home with parents, especially with mom, while alone with dad or at a party, he can behave approximately.

How to wean a child to be capricious?

The child should know: if he was told "no", no hysteria will help.

Children's whims must cease to be an effective means of influencing adult behavior. That's why:

1. Before you prohibit something to the little brawler, decide: are you ready to calmly endure a tantrum without succumbing to the temptation to give up and buy ice cream, let the calculator play, etc.
2. If you suspect that you still cannot resist the pressure of the child for a long time, it is better to give in right away. In the end, what's the big deal if a kid lets boats into a puddle? It is much worse if the child realizes that the ban does not mean anything yet, and if there is a little scandal, it will be canceled ...
3. Try to get things to work in concert.
4. Consider whether you are using similar techniques to get your way in disputes with your husband, your parents and the child himself? The fact is that it is often the parents who demonstrate to the child examples of such behavior. If mom, demanding something from dad, screams and regularly throws tantrums, the baby will do the same!

What cartoons should children watch?

Target: Explain to parents the useful and negative sides of watching modern cartoons.
Material: projector, computer.
Conversation progress:
I am worried about this question:
- Our children are becoming more angry, cruel and aggressive. Observing the children, I saw that they copy the behavior of cartoon characters. Children, attacking everyone and breaking all the rules, suddenly realize that it is very pleasant to be the main one, strong, when everyone obeys you and everyone is afraid. Heroes set them a bad example, which children carry into their lives. If a child watches such cartoons often, he learns the example of an all-conquering superman for whom there are no laws. (It is imperative to give such examples from the life of the group, I am sure every teacher has them in abundance.)
Today cartoons for children have become something of a toy or a book. And they form the soul and mind of the child, bring up his tastes and views on the world. Children themselves are not yet able to deal with such a flow of information that falls on them in the form of cartoons. They are not able to understand what is good and what is bad. Their inner world is just taking shape, and everything that they see on the screen plays an essential role in its formation.
At the same time, cartoons are also a means of education, and for preschoolers, when they still do not know how to read and write, this is the main means of education. Children of all ages love cartoons. They are close in their developing, educational capabilities to a fairy tale, a game, live human communication. The characters show the child a variety of ways to interact with the world around them. They form in children ideas about good and evil, standards of good and bad behavior. The events taking place in the cartoon make it possible to raise the child's awareness, develop his thinking and imagination, and shape his worldview. And therefore, a child should not be prohibited from watching cartoons. Then how to be?
Of course, I understand that when you come home tired from work you need to rest. You put your child in front of the TV for an hour or two and it seems to you that the problem is solved. But there is no need to strictly control what and when they look. And it is best to view with him to comment and explain the plot that is happening on the screen, since the child cannot filter out the information being viewed, which is negative. Who besides you will explain to them what is good and what is bad? In these stories, there is very often a conflict, a fight, a battle, a shootout, a murder - these are elements of aggressive behavior and violence, which the children then transfer into real life. All viewed, of course, is deposited in the minds of children. Most of all negative aspects are present in modern cartoons. And a lot of aggression was originally laid down in foreign cartoons. Let's watch these films:
movie 1
movie 2

Our old cartoons are certainly much more sincere, cleaner and kinder. In "Soviet" cartoons, the evil character was usually angry because he was alone. And as soon as he found friends, he got along. Kindness was the foundation of Soviet cartoons. Think about how long you've seen these cartoons on the screen:
movie 3
I very often hear complaints from parents that children watch cartoons all day long and they simply cannot be taken away from them, and at the same time you forget that you yourself put your children on them, sitting them down in front of the TV, so that the children do not interfere with you. go about your business. You must understand that not a single cartoon, even the most instructive, can replace communication with parents for a child. Children need to feel the love of their parents, their attention and presence. You need to find time for a child, even if it will not be so much. If this does not happen, do not be surprised that children began to behave aggressively, laugh hysterically and start pinching or biting other people, imitating the cartoon characters they adore. Watch the behavior of the child, try to remove from viewing what negatively affects the psyche of your child. And keep in mind, if you forbid your child to watch a cartoon, he will stop watching it with you. But who guarantees that he will not watch it without you, given the current availability of many television and Internet channels. Or he will not start hysteria and naughty because of this. The ban is probably an extreme measure. It is important for the child to understand himself what is wrong with these cartoons and their characters, and why you should not become the same as them. And you must help him in this understanding so that the baby draws the right conclusions and makes an informed decision. It is important to understand that not a single wonderful cartoon can replace children with positive, full-fledged communication with their parents. He needs words of support, our smiles and love.
Probably every parent should determine for himself how harmful this or that cartoon is for his child.
According to psychologists, here are some signs of dangerous cartoons:
- Colors are too bright. Acid-bright colors and dynamic scenes with flash on the screen oversaturate the psyche of children. If you watch such cartoons in the evening, the child will be too overexcited, and it will be difficult for parents to put him to bed. In addition, bright cartoons can negatively affect the vision of a child and even provoke an epileptic seizure in sick children.
- Loud soundtrack. Harsh sounds, intense music have a depressing effect on the child's psyche, cause headaches and increased anxiety.
- The presence of scenes of aggression and violence. You should avoid cartoons where the characters show increased aggression towards each other, constantly fight, harm others, as well as the demonstration of the attributes of death (murder weapons, cemeteries, blood, skulls). A child after watching can show aggression and cruelty in real life.
- The bad (deviant) behavior of the heroes is not punished in any way, and sometimes even welcomed. In a cartoon, characters can offend, rob, kill, and at the same time not be subjected to condemnation and punishment. Young children develop an idea of ​​permissiveness, the standards of good behavior are destroyed, and social prohibitions are lifted. You should also avoid cartoons in which there is no clear line between good and evil, where even good characters can commit bad deeds for their own interests.
- The screen displays life-threatening behavior. Cartoons, where the characters "reckless", jump from the rooftops, run along the roadway, endanger their lives, have a negative impact on the instinct of self-preservation in children. Preschoolers tend to imitate their favorite characters, and such examples can turn into trauma and a terrible disaster for the family.
- There are scenes of disrespect for people, plants and animals. In many modern cartoons there are mockery, mockery of weak, helpless characters, an ugly attitude towards old age, motherhood. If the beloved hero is ill-mannered, cocky and rude, then the child's cynical obscene behavior will not keep you waiting.
- Ugly, unsympathetic characters. For children, the appearance of the characters is very important, because they identify with them. If a child sees monsters, monsters, ugly heroes on the screens, then his inner world, self-awareness suffers. Sharp angular superheroes can be perceived by girls as an example of a future man, and big-eyed mysterious and enigmatic heroines - as an ideal for boys.
- Broadcast of non-standard examples of sex-role behavior. Many modern cartoons show courageous women who wear men's clothes, show strong-willed character traits and demonstrate strength, and vice versa. In preschool age, children are sexually identified. Watching such scenes can have a negative impact on the child's behavior.
- Slangy, obscene expressions. Even, at first glance, in the most harmless cartoons such expressions sometimes slip through. Children immediately memorize "interesting" words. Parents say one thing, and cartoons show that you can swear, as a result, the child is at a loss, the authority of the parents may be shaken.
Psychologists recommend refusing to show cartoons to children under 2 years old. Before turning on the cartoon, parents should carefully review and analyze it according to the above criteria. Even if the cartoons have been tested for safety, they should not exceed 1.5 hours per day. According to experts, the cartoon should be a holiday for the child.
Decide for yourself and follow the children's reactions and select cartoons for your child. And don't download it by watching. Better read a book with your child. Maybe this book you read will turn out to be much more interesting than a cartoon. Indeed, in the process of reading, we can think out characters, thoughts and images, and also personify some of our part in the hero. So there will be much more benefit for the child. Aggression of children has become a real problem in today's society!
movie 1

movie 2

movie 3

Thank you for the attention!