Types of love: Maternal and fatherly love
04.07.2016 17:20
Each child, at birth needs love Father and Mother. I draw your attention that he needed not specific people, namely love - maternal and fatherly. In the event that it is not enough, it may face a number of problems in adulthood.
As you know, in defining love, I adhere to Fromma's glance and therefore, if my clients talk about love for their children, then I first find out - that their children can do. Genuine love manifests itself in teaching a child with a new one. A child by 6-10 years should be able to dress himself, brushing his teeth, clean up. If at such an age, the child is still not independent, it can be said that his parents did not love him. After all, love is not just hugs, games, affection or gifts. Parental love is such a process of upbringing, in which the knowledge of the child's knowledge and the acquisition of them independence takes place. Determine - love a child or not - it is possible for those skills and skills that he owns.
Loving parents will prepare a child for life, and he will leave them early, achieving himself. There are very common cases when when improper education and excessive care, children remain with their parents for quite a long time. They do not decide to change their lives and do not try to leave, but stay with their parents until their pension.
I am convinced that the love of children to parents does not exist. Love is like the meaning of life, should have a future, for the sake of her you need to work and strive, and parents - they are not eternal, according to the laws of nature they leave much earlier than children. And, if the children will love parents, they will lose the meaning of life after their death. Live love is important and necessary in childhood, but then a person must live himself and look for his way.
Mother's love
Do what you want, I will love you anyway!
A big mistake to talk to a child when he indulges that he is bad and you don't love it. Baby love is needed, his confidence depends on it. If love is not enough, the child is trying to find it, somehow achieve it. This leads to incorrect development. Mother Ideally loves the child just for being there is definitely. Then the child will grow harmoniously and will be psychologically healthy. Here is this unconditional love that should surround the baby from the very beginning of life until it walks and is tied to mom, called Infantile. Its absence or lack can lead to the fact that a person will always feel alarm and look for safety. While the baby does not go to himself, he cannot exist without a mother, he must grow, knowing and feeling that there is someone who always protects and support.
But you need to remember that too much caress is also a deviation. If the mother pays a lot of attention to the child and constantly hugs and strokes him, especially if the child is already adult, perhaps a woman of complexity in sexual relationships.
When a 7-year-old child asks his parents to climb him - this indicates the deviations and spoils of an adult person, because bodily strokes are needed from a sexual partner, and not from Mom. Children's age lasts up to 5 years, then this is an already formed personality with its idea of \u200b\u200brelationships. Therefore, you do not need to spoil your children the future and create problems with the opposite sex. For example, if the mother exhibits an excessive caress for his 8-year-old son, he will have difficulties in building relationships with his peers - it will be bored with them. It is extremely important that the infantile love moms is natural, without conventions and punishment, the nature provided for everything, so if the child is simply loved, he will grow healthy.
You can go where you want!
At the next stage, love becomes mature - that is, the time comes to let go of the child from himself ("You can go where you want"). You will be surprised, but such love should begin after a year - as soon as the child began to go. We also happen that the mother of Mom does not let go from himself until the end of the institute leads to school and in the section, follows and escorts, fear of letting go.
Mature maternal love is expressed in the fact that the child tries everything himself, chooses his way, makes his mistakes, but at the same time he always feels the support of his mother and knows that she loves him anyone and will support if necessary. Mature love also forms a healthy person, because without such love, a person grows insecure in itself, incapable of decision-making.
Father's love
Such love is also divided into several species and, unlike the maternal, is not unconditional, but has the cause. We can say that this is love for something.
Do like me!
Infantile love dad lasts up to 7-8 years - and it helps the child to learn many necessary household skills. It works on the principle of "do as me." When the child learned something to do something, he shows it dad - I learned to dress, brushing my teeth, wear shoes. Without this type of love, a person would not be raised at all and would not know how to behave in society, the basis of everything is the most common skills - service itself, hygiene, food. The child is very important for the approval of his father, hearing him, he goes to develop and learn further.
Do what you want, because you are smart!
Mature father's love is acting according to the scheme - "Do what you want, because you are smart!". She helps to believe in itself, develop creative potential, teaches to look for solutions to the task yourself. If this love was not enough, then a person will always act with a loaf on others.
By the way, the attitude of the father to their children, talks about his success. If he exists excessive attention to them, then it does not go to work in production, and in the future relations with his wife can deteriorate. He feels a significant figure not in production, but only a child.
The love of parents is the feeling that should always be in moderation without surplus and shortages. Because the deviation in any direction will create a child a lot of problems in the future. Parents should always be remembered that our children should do in their own way, because this is the main difference from animals, just this is progress - through changes in behavior. If we were always acted as our ancestors - the development would not have been and still lasted the stone age. Therefore, it is worth supporting children in everything, they have their own way.
In conclusion, I want to answer the question I ask me many - "How to raise a child to one parent?". I gave the answer to him at the beginning of this article, but I repeat once again - the child is not needed by the parents, as such, and we need the infantile and mature love of the father and mother.
Excess father's feeling occurs, and often. And this topic should be considered. Because it is a feeling, like all overhaul, brings problems and men themselves, and in whole family, and, of course, children.
There was such an opinion in society that it seems to be confirmed that men love children less. But we will not rush - let's look attentively.
Watch your fathers when they are not busy business and communicate with children. You will see a lot of interesting things! Often you can see how the father shows tenderness, sensitivity, care is greater than the mother.
Very often, the fathers are encountered exorbitant love for her daughter, turning into jealousy. As a result, his father's feeling prevents her to find his pair and create a family.
The "crown of celibacy", as sometimes referred to as the cause of loneliness, often form the fathers with their strong love for her daughter.
The very phenomenon of excess father's feeling also negatively affects fate, as well as an excessive maternal feeling. But the deep reasons for them are different.
The father's excess feeling may occur when there is not enough love between parents, and the man "gets" the missing women's energies in his daughter, not wanting to let her go from himself.
This is the main reason. In this soil, even rape with the fathers of their daughters occur. (Still, much more often, a man "gets" love on the side.) Thus, there are peculiar love triangles: Mother, daughter and father.
The chapter of the family to fulfill his destination - to follow a certain idea (Egregor), contributing to its implementation in the material world, to embody it in life - a feedback to the energy of the sense of a woman is necessary. But, if the family is wrong and the wife does not feel love for her husband or pulled away from him, engaged in the problems of their parents, then her place occupies a daughter. So daughter, energy / psychologically, becomes his father's wife. This is completely destructive as for her own destiny, and for the fate of her descendants.
Get rid of such "paternal feelings" is very difficult. For this reason, the daughter often marries the unloved man, just to escape from under parental care. And there are still a lot of such unreasonable marriages on the basis of "Runners from Parents". But this is a start to life! And very often the fate of such a family goes awry.
Much less often manifests over sons.
If she is still present, it is not so negative, since the fathers seek to transfer their skills and skills to sons, introduce into their male space. In principle, in this case, you can see the positive moments of the manifestation of the love of the Father, implemented in the formation of a man from the boy.
Fig. 6. Icon Joseph Wrap with Jesus Christ.
A much more difficult situation, when the Father, due to the lack of sons in the family, is trying to present the girl in the form of his son.
Fathers seek to have an heir! This also comes from ancient times when the inheritance was made to transmit sons. This is an old, patriarchal look at the family, but many still carry this atavism in themselves. And when girls are born, everyone is born, but there is no sone, when the waiting of the son is already overwhelmed by the bowl, the father takes another daughter as a son: it starts to include it in his affairs, takes on fishing, hiking, gives to sports sections ... That is, consciously or unconsciously forms In it "Patzanka". Often, his father wishes her and clothes to wear a boyish, and the hairstyle appropriate.
So since childhood, men's qualities are cultivated in the girl. She spends more time with boys, plays their games, girls' interests, the dolls are already uninteresting to her ... Thus, a young girl comes to life, who has been playing the role of "his boyfriend" for a long time among men, and how he is friends with them Woman does not manifest.
In childhood, the father's boyish education makes her life much more complicates her life. And if she marries, then such a state of "unisex" she quickly goes into the state of the mother, and without becoming a woman. And then her life is developing in the scheme that was described in the article "Excessive Maternal Love", with all its problems.
As we see, you should also be careful with your father's feeling. And it is not so destroying in society only because, perhaps, the fathers in the first place is the work, activities. Excessive desire for work and children arises from fathers only when a harmonious relationship between husband and wife is not built in the family. And the fathers themselves, of course, suffer from excessive feelings for children.
A lot of fate is broken due to the fact that the fathers for children live with an unloved woman and, even having met love, remain in the family, despite the fact that the families have long been not ...
Situations where men refuse love because of children are quite common. For such behavior costs the main reason - the mental immaturity of a man, that is, a man is still not a man and cannot accept a male decision. And if we consider that mentally immature men in society more than half, it becomes clear why such an inadequate, the no-minded behavior of men is quite common.
For example, the need for pity, the adoption of pity is the state of an immature man.
It is necessary to realize and interact with such a person accordingly. Do not go for him about, do not feed his pity, but to show the path of the man.
You can confidently say that for most The correct system of intramearial relations is the same stumbling block, which they most often stumble in life, stuffing the bumps, losing their loved ones, shortening their lives.
Very often we see how two "semi-finished products" - have not yet consisted of a man and a woman - give birth to the third ...
One of the principles of creating a happy family is the mutual birth in the family relations of a true woman and a real man, and then the birth of children.
Stop breeding problem children and create marriage instead of families!
God as a replacement father
Another important consequence of problems in the relationship between fathers and children is the departure of children in religion, the search for them of God. It always means that the child's father did not fulfill the duties of the elder and did not meet the needs of the younger in defense and upbringing (knowledge transfer). And then the child is looking for a replacement to the parent in the image of God. With this, the child can already be under thirty and forty - he remained a dissatisfied little child and never Doros completely to an adult.
Unfortunately, for example, Christian religions do not contribute to the establishment of self-sufficient personalities and welcome the delay in the psychological development of people. Let me explain more:
Absolutely correct biblical postulate is this: God is love itself! And God is everywhere and in everything. Everything that we looked is filled with love is the space of love God That is, by God. God-love is everywhere: both in the man itself, and in those who are next to him, in their children, parents, affairs - in all surrounding. This love of God as the air that fills everything and without which there is no life.
When a person in his consciousness under God understands some particular superfluousness (Jesus Christ), and not a comprehensive love, not the life itself, he leads God from himself and puts him out. Based on the commandment "Love God, first of all," a person in the first place and puts such God, and he always assigns the role of the eternal Son (daughter), that is, leads itself from the first position. The whole value system is violated. There is a deep ideological misconception, breaking the whole life of a person.
In this case, a person will never be able to become an "adult" (as in life, when the son or daughter is subordinated to the father or mother). It is difficult for him to solve complex tasks: to find half (why the child is a wife or husband?), Creatively implemented (to be a creator - a husband, father), be free (what freedom, when someone stands over a person?). Thus, a person can remain a psychic and spiritual child all his life. Such a person is easy to manage.
Sooner or later, and better in a timely manner, every person needs to be an adult! It is necessary to get out of the care of parents and start an independent life, to become the Sun, around which the planets are kids.
The one who gods throughout life puts the above itself will not be able to reveal his true essence and even more so become the Creator. Many people like to be in a state of the child - less responsibility: God-Father will tell, teach, will help, protects, feed, cure, will save ...
God created us in the image and likeness to its In order to have equal Partner in the knowledge of his magnificence! And it will not wait for it, when we become adults, we will be friends and cooperate with him!
How can you start growing up?
"A person needs to be honest to admit that he often agreed with such a comfortable position of an eternal child, did not want to take the responsibility of a mature man and passed his rights to many earthly and heavenly egrem. After all, it is much easier to shift responsibility for someone else. To take responsibility for yourself is the prerogative of an adult. When a person does it, he is literally born a second time - it becomes twice born.
The second childbirth, mental, is extremely important for later life, and if they did not take place, the person goes to life immature and incomprehensible things happen to him.
Mental Birth is the process of finding a child from under the influence of parents and a kind. This is the most important stage in the mental development of the individual when in the process of mental maturation, self-determination occurs, awareness of himself free and capable of independent creation of his life.
Different people have this process at different times.
Unborn mentally, a person at any age remains inadequate. It is difficult for him to take a correct decision, as it is in the mental womb, in the so-called "mental placenta", and perceives the world around her feelings and mentality.
Mentally unborn fear of deep, trusting relationships with women, fear responsibility. And when you hear from women: "Now there are no men!", I want to say: "Yes, indeed, more than 60 percent of men around are mentally unbounded people. But, dear women who raised them like? Who drowned them in her love? Who does not let go of their children before his mortal threshold, and then keeps about the world? "
As a rule, men's energies, father's energy were suppressed in mentally unborn children. It is very often underestimated by the role of the Father in the life of children, especially if he left the family or drank. But it is here that the important key to solving the issue of mental birth. After all, it is often the child becomes a stumbling block in relations and the cause of the collapse of the family - the mother puts the child to the first place and thereby violates the value system.
Realize all this and build new relationships with the Father is very important, even if he has already died. The moment of awareness of the role of the father and a deeper acceptance of him is a turning point in a person's life.
It is extremely important to go through such awareness and many women. It is in establishing relationships with the father often there are often keys to get rid of loneliness, for harmonious relationships with men, in general - for a happy family life. A woman may be much more important than a man to build a relationship with his father. The deeper awareness of the role of the father radically changes the life of a woman.
Not until the end of the birth is mentally actually much more than we think. Take any family and see what role the mother or father play in the life of children, what fate in children, what is the parents. And you can easily see many of the listed signs of excess parental feeling. In the reality of families in the mercy of parental love, most.
To ensure a happy life to children, you need to use one faithful tool - to create the space of love between parents. This is a truly universal tool!
(according to the book Anatoly Nekrasov "Putting of Maternal Love")
Similar information.
How the father affects the fate of his children, and what changes in the perception of the world in girls, if the family was incomplete. Let's deal with.
Different (I wrote about this in previous articles of the cycle about incomplete families). Mother transmits information and experience of an emotionally sensual sphere, lays the concept of home, his rituals, traditions.
Father is a guide to the world of society, takes his children from the house.
Here we will dwell and more consider the role of the Father from a religious and psychological point of view.
- At all, it is not by chance that the word "father" appears in the biblical scriptures, because God is our father and God there is love, so the figure of the father in the life of every child is archived, it still connects with the spiritual world. And for the girl, his father is her own beginning, its foundation of adult life.
- Our good "grandfather" Sigmund Freud argued that the role of the Father is associated with the law, he embodies the taboo and prohibitions. In the work of E. Fromma "The Art of Love" speaks of two types of parental love: maternal and paternal. So, paternal love, according to the author, is due, it must be earned, and for this comply with the requirements and traditions.
So let's start with me. I was lucky, I had a father and mother. The climate in the family was not always healthy, my father was quite authoritarian. Due to these circumstances and psychological injuries, I had to register at my psychotherapist, to sit in meditations hours, write a ton of letters with reflexes in the childhood period, but the result was received, now my parents are my value, my property, and my father is my support and protection.
In my opinion, every father is very lucky in this world if his daughter is born. Neither the mother nor the wife will never be able to give the love that daughter can give.
They form the basis of the knowledge of real love without such phrases as: "Could and better", "yes for what you love." They contain the great gift of forgiveness, the most honest and loving dialogue is built.
It so happened that most of my girlfriends and clients in the treatment of incomplete families in which there was no father, or the Father's figure replaced with stepfather ... Apparently, the opposites are attracted.
Once my girlfriend said that she had to get married faster. I am very interested in and surprised me, I began to dig deeper. The answer was awesome: "I want me to altar to the altar and was at the birthday of my family's birth next to me."
So my dad will be the will of Fate became the father of another female soul. Now I am gladly watching, as they welcome, rewrite in social networks and are convened.
Why, being already in adulthood, the woman is so necessary a patronizing, accepting, loving Father's figure? What is going on in young heads and hearts of small girls who have no father?
Here are a few quotes from real stories:
- "Years in 5, when we have not yet started living with stepfather, I began to understand that there are still a father in families, but I understood it, because of the kindergarten they took their dads. At this time, I asked questions to my mother, why dad never takes me and why others have, but I do not have. "
- "From early childhood I felt like mom is physically physically and morally. What I am in some extent of the burden. From this there was a fear of "to become visible", we can say, to harm her even more. Further events with stepfather generally cut off any fantasy row about a happy family. "
- "When the awareness came that the Father is not, at the same time the program was included in my head that I should now take care of my mother and be the father of the family. That in this life everything needs to do and develop resilience and strength. Then it seemed to me that I didn't need my father that I did not care. "
It is sad to realize this, but many now, reading these lines, saw their childhood and their pain in it. If you realized it, I found courage to voiced it, then you will probably have a resource.
At the age of 12 years, the girls are emotionally linked with dad. They expect attention from him, love, the patronage is more than from the mother. Dad becomes an unbreakable wall between good and evil, source of rest, care and protection.
In the girls in this age period, a healthy self-assessment is formed, it feels worthy of attention, respect and permits to be different - that's what they give healthy relationships with the Father.
It can be said that the resentment on his father closes us the doors to love and forms a negative attitude towards all men.
Let's look at the most commonly encountered models of the formation of negative installations in girls raised in families without a father.
1. In girls who are adults without a Father's figure, only an example of a mother, who "and the horse will stop, and will enter the burning horse," because of which the installation is formed - I can be happy without a man, I can give birth to a child for myself, Father is an excess figure in the family.
2. The most sick and deep psychological trauma is the inability to trust the man, rely on him. Girls who have already become girls, in 19-20 years old do not know how to trust our beloved whole, because they never lived on their own experience with their own father.
In an adult life of his future chosen one, they will always check for strength, always wait for the trick and subconsciously strive to break the relationship.
3. The desire to control everything and dominate also with their roots goes to childhood, in which there was no father. A girl without a father grows with a feeling of "no one to protect me." Especially if she has no older brothers. So, it is necessary to defend yourself.
The above described above is the statement that in your family it will be that way, it is just the models that can be transformed, to change the current installations.
For healthy mental development, the girl who grows in an incomplete family, it is important to observe the following points:
- If you grow a daughter without a father and there is no possibility to establish a connection with my native father, the first thing you need to do is build communication with families of friends, relatives in which both parents watch and listen, as happens in full families interaction. This will help consolidate from childhood awareness of the fact that in a pair is better than alone, it will help to form a family integrity.
- It is necessary to divide your resentment on the former husband and his relationship with my daughter. Need to forget, delete the phrase from your lexicon: "Your father does not represent anything with itself (he is a bastard, a traitor, etc.)", "Dad - bad", "Yes, you don't need your father." The girl should understand herself, what place he takes in her life.
- When a stepfather or a new man appears in the family, the woman subconsciously seeks to erase the memories of the past. Eliminate the daughter of his father's daughter from life will be too expensive to cost you personally, as it will turn her disappointment in the mother.
In our world, it is laid out by nature and protect new offspring in a pair: in animals, in mammals and in humans. In the life of each family there are different scenarios, so it is important to be very attentive and sensitive to your children.
Do not be shy to ask for help, if you feel that you do not cope, refer to the specialists. Find the strength to love and forgive. And if there is at least one chance of one hundred to save the family - do not miss it, thereby you can make it happy, your children and even our grandchildren.
Types of love: Maternal and fatherly love
When a child is only born, he needs maternal and fatherly love. I emphasize: the child is not a mother and dad needed, but also need maternal and fatherly love. And if he does not receive them as a child, then his whole life will go awry.
Thanks to the definition of love, Fromma can, for example, understand, like a child's mother or not. When parents come to me and say: "I love my child," then I want to find out - is they really loved? To do this, I ask them such a question: "What can he do?"
If he is not developed, can not do what he should do at his age, then his parents did not love him, but they just called their sense of love. For example, if the girl of six years knows how to wash, wash the floors and dishes, herself dresses and cleans his teeth, then this girl was really loved. They taught her at this useful work ...
An important digression.
Love - Educational Process
Love is not giving any expensive gifts, and this is such an educational process, during which the child is becoming more and more independent. Determined by the love of the skill with which the child masters. Thus, once again, I emphasize that if a child in 6-10 years old can not do anything, it means that his parents do not like him.
I have a firm conviction: the maternal and father's love is, but there are no love of children to parents at all, there are no nature. And when you know the true state of things, then you feel a lot to understand a lot in life. After all, the light is sometimes easier to navigate than in the darkness.
What is my point of view based on? You see, a person should have the meaning of life. And the meaning of life primarily in itself. Who helps me to find this meaning? My bosses, my staff, my sexual partners, children as my continuation. And parents - what should I love them? You imagine, if my meaning of life is love for parents, what can happen? According to the laws of life, parents will go to the light earlier me. And if I love my parents, and they die, then I lose the meaning of life. Right? Children need our parental love, and then they have to do without it.
I have a firm conviction: the maternal and father's love is, but there are no love of children to parents at all, there are no nature.
Mikhail Litvak
Children will sooner or later leave the parental home. And if you raised well, they will leave you pretty early. If it was poorly brought up, then they will sit on your neck for a long time. Many are afraid to lose children, so badly raising them. Then these kids sit down on the neck, poor parents raise them to retirement. Not to his pension. To retirement of their children.
However, those who are still dependent on their parents, I do not urge certainly throwing them. It is necessary to leave gradually in order not to hurt them.
Maternal and fatherly love have their own nuances. My son Igor Mikhailovich improved the ideas of fromm. He divided the maternal and fatherly love for infantile and mature. Then we will consider in detail these concepts.
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