How to live with a husband if there is no mutual understanding? Mutual understanding in the family. Rules of Mutual Understanding

18.04.2019

The issue of mutual understanding in the family is quite acute. If people who are going to live together all their lives do not have mutual understanding in the process of communication, they will not be happy together..

So if you still don't know how to find mutual language with his wife, it's time to find out.

Learn to understand what a woman wants

To find a common language with his wife, learn to understand what she wants. For example, what does a woman who just woke up want? If you think carefully, you can come to the conclusion that she needs breakfast in bed to recharge her energy for the first half of the day. Get up early, get ready flavored coffee, make scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs or other light meal.

If a woman came home not in the mood, she obviously needs to rest for a while. Send her to lie on the couch and watch your favorite talk show or series, and cook dinner yourself and do all the household chores. If after that your spouse will look at you with grateful eyes, then you understood her correctly. Otherwise, just leave her alone for a while, perhaps until the morning.

Be patient and considerate to a woman

In the matter of achieving mutual understanding in communication, you patience will help. If you are not nervous, no matter what you are told, you will quickly convey to your spouse the meaning of your words and catch the meaning of what she said. If you are not patient and attentive to the desires of your spouse, you will not be able to understand much.

For example, in ten minutes the broadcast of the World Cup final starts, and the wife asks you to do something. You simply will not catch the essence of the request, as you will be very busy with other things. Now try not to think about the fact that football will be shown on TV. You will be able to watch the match on replay tomorrow morning. Now think about what your woman wants from you. Do you immediately understand what you are asking? That's the same. This time, the request stuck in your brain because you thought about it..

The problem of mutual understanding is the problem of both partners

That's why should be resolved together. Nobody asks you to delve into the arguments about the psychology of human communication. Try to play one simple game. Its essence lies in guessing the continuation of the phrase spoken by the partner. For example, the wife says “Tomorrow we will finally go ...”. Think about where you were going to go with her, but never went (it’s not for nothing that your wife said “finally”). Remembered? Your wife has been calling you to the opera for a long time, but there was still no time, and then they completely forgot about it. That is, your answer: "... to the opera."

Such “guessing games” will help you achieve mutual understanding in communication. And in a family this is the most important thing. Can't be without it

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. I have such a problem. I am 30 years old, this is my first marriage, I have known my wife for 2 years in general, my wife is 28 years old, we have been married for a year. And in recent times we can't find a common language constant quarrels She constantly threatens divorce and asks me to divorce her. And this was facilitated by the fact that at one time I did not tell her that female acquaintances came to work for me for help (I worked as a salesman in a hardware store at that time and they came purely for shopping), she was infuriated and she said, that I'm lying to her. The second factor, she read my correspondence with my childhood friend, where I sometimes told him between the lines how difficult it is for me with my wife, while he always advised me to talk to her, but once he said - you can’t with her, so get a divorce, Naturally, this was not taken as advice, but regarded as a joke. But my wife took it as an insult, there was a scandal, she broke my phone, and after that now she constantly remembers this, even though I asked for forgiveness. Now she thinks that I am stone, deaf, and everything is indifferent to me. And as it turned out, I turn out to be a gigolo, because. when I quit my old job and while I was looking for a new one, we lived on my wife’s salary, and also the fact that we went on vacation at the expense of my mother-in-law, although she made it clear that this was a gift from her. And what to do now, I do not know. Help me.

The psychologist Unterova Victoria Vladimirovna answers the question.

Hello Alex! After 1-1.5 years family life many spouses are in crisis. This is due to the fact that there is less romance in relationships, there is a need to jointly solve various everyday issues, something can annoy. It is important not to be silent when you do not like something, but to speak about it. You are trying to do this, judging by the description of the situation, but then conflicts arise.

To avoid quarrels, you can talk about what you don’t like without reproaches, but only talking about your feelings and experiences, for example: “I’m upset because it turns out like this ...”, “I care about ...” and etc. If the wife is not ready to listen to you at a certain moment: she is on edge, screaming, interrupting, then you can give her and yourself time to calm down. For example, say that you want to talk when you are both calm, so for now, go to the shower / take a short walk, and then, when both have cooled down, discuss the issue that is bothering her.

If the wife is ready to discuss, then you can invite her to write on a piece of paper what she does not like now in your relationship, and then invite her to jointly find ways to solve these problems.

But all this is only suitable if your wife is not against a peaceful dialogue and really wants to improve relations.

Although she tells you about the divorce, but, nevertheless, she does not leave, does not take any action for parting, all this remains only words and there is a chance to improve relations.

If the wife is not ready for dialogue, then you can try to take matters into your own hands by trying to eliminate possible reasons her irritation. For example, if you are not yet employed in new job- strenuously search for it and take shape. If your wife is very worried about the trip paid for by your mother-in-law, start at least gradually giving this money to your mother-in-law, if you can’t give the entire amount at once.

You can also think about what actions you can express love for your wife and carry out these actions, create more pleasant moments together. Thus, when your behavior changes, the behavior of your wife will also begin to change, since everything is interconnected in the family.

Alex, since you wrote here, you clearly care about what is happening in your family, and it's great that you are ready to work on relationships. Family life is rarely smooth and serene, but when spouses overcome difficulties, look for an opportunity to understand each other, to agree - this brings them closer.

In family life, not only feelings are important. Domestic difficulties can extinguish any passion, and the lack of mutual understanding sooner or later leads to divorce or painful coexistence side by side. And no matter how strong the feelings that connected two people are, over time the passion will fade away, and interest will disappear, if you do not try to find a common language with your husband . And having managed to do this, you will not only revive past feelings but become more closer friend friend.

Understanding how to find a common language with your husband

In order to find a common language with any person, you need to understand him. After all, it is precisely because of a misunderstanding of the actions and words of another that problems arise. We treat people according to own attitude to the surrounding world. It is very difficult for us to put ourselves in the place of another person and try to understand why he does it this way and not otherwise. No wonder they say that everyone judges others by themselves, trying on others their values and views. This is good and bad, it's just easier and more convenient. But still, for life, it is best to learn to hear and feel another person. The time you spend on similar changes in their nature, will pay off in full.

No matter how hard it is to change, for harmonious family relations you need to be more wise, patient and understanding, and your husband will definitely appreciate it. And even if it seems that this is unfair, it is worth considering that it is still much easier for a woman to show flexibility and wisdom than to try to force a man to adapt to her. For some reason, the representatives of the stronger sex are deeply convinced that this will somehow negatively affect their self-esteem and respect from others. It will not work to change such a view of things, because this is the main core strong men. Therefore, the task of a woman is to remember this, and under no circumstances try to break her beloved. It is better to understand how best to convey to him what you want, and not expect him to do what you think.

Men think completely differently than the fair sex. This should not be forgotten if you want to avoid big disagreements. They see things differently the world. They have a completely different scale of values and attitude to events. They draw completely different conclusions from what is happening, as women think. Understanding this fact will allow you not to rush in assessing the actions, thoughts and desires of your beloved husband.

In no way does the stronger sex accept restrictions. You can achieve what you want only if the man himself is deeply convinced that he needs it. And it doesn’t matter at all, for himself or for the woman he loves, because when he understands that for his wife his act has great importance, he will try to do just that, and not otherwise. Seeing joy in the eyes of his beloved, a man more than ever feels joy and pride in himself, so strong and courageous.

The same restrictions that seem important to his wife, but are absolutely unacceptable to him, will become a serious irritant for him, and even if he refuses to meet friends or watch a match of his favorite sports team once, the chances of finding him in bad mood will increase. You should not rejoice ahead of time if the spouse is too obedient and fulfills all your requirements, giving up his hobbies. Over time, the power of passion will decrease - this is an objective fact, and it will not be replaced by mutual understanding and deep kinship of souls, which allows you to live a long and happy life together, but huge list claims for the fact that earlier you forced him to give up what he loves.

Above all, men value freedom, which is why they are in no hurry to tie the knot. Therefore, it is reckless to use his feelings to adjust for yourself. When a person is surrounded by fences, he turns into a ram, it is unlikely that you fell in love with him because he obeyed you in everything and acted like women. But, unfortunately, in family life, many women for the sake of own peace of mind turn representatives strong half humanity to the weak. And in the end, either they themselves are disappointed in such a man who without them is not able to take a step or make an important decision, or he, throwing off the shackles, goes to the one who is ready to find a common language with him, not trying to break him.

O male friendship only the lazy did not hear. Unlike women, most men are friendly long years. Do not interfere with their communication. The position of the spouse does not mean at all that the beloved must now give up everything that is dear to him. Of course, this should not harm the family, but that is why it is very important to find a common language with your husband. If his friends good people, do not interfere with their meetings, but on the contrary, invite them home, or when your husband invites you with him, do not refuse, referring to urgent matters.

Mutual understanding can be achieved only when people have a lot in common, there is something that unites them and brings joy.

Photo: how to find a common language with your husband

Top 7 how to find a common language with your loved one

Try to understand what is important to your husband in your relationship. What he likes and what he doesn't. What actions give pleasure, and what he clearly does not like. If your relationship has gone wrong, such an analysis can help restore peace to the family. But if everything is very neglected, you will have to be patient to convince your husband that you have changed and are ready to reckon with what he wants to receive from the woman whom he once called his wife.

For the representatives of the stronger sex, it is very important when they are listened to and feel the mood. There is nothing nicer than attentive listener especially after a hard day at work. And if this listener becomes a beloved woman, what else is needed for complete happiness.
Offended by his words or deeds, do not be silent, say so directly. Men do not know how to read minds and it is unlikely that, with all their desire, they will be able to understand how they managed to offend. They will immediately notice a displeased expression on their faces and an oppressive silence, but they will not find out its cause, but will immediately think that they have not managed to make their beloved happy. And their attempts to apologize or make amends for it is not clear why you are unlikely to like it.
Do not accumulate resentment for months, but immediately explain what he did wrong. Only without tears and screams, representatives of the strong half of humanity are horrified, as they do not like it when they raise their voice or throw tantrums. Take care of your health and his. Try to discuss the accumulated issues at least 2 times a week.

Please discuss any questions in good location spirit. Do not demand, do not ask, but ask, offer and let the man make a decision and take responsibility for decision. Do not seize the initiative, do not take on your fragile shoulders all the responsibilities around the house, especially if you also work, like your spouse. Distribute responsibilities not in an ultimatum form, but by asking your husband for help. loving man will never refuse his chosen one.
Accept your loved one for who they are. Do not look for flaws in him, do not criticize and do not try, by humiliating him, to force him to do something. Comparison with other men, a skeptical attitude towards his ability to earn money and provide for his family will not cause any positive changes, but will only gradually develop in him the desire to run away from you as far as possible. Few people like to be around a person who hurts without trying to support and help. In the end, you fell in love with him for who he is, so continue to love, rejoicing in his virtues, gently and imperceptibly, helping to get rid of obvious shortcomings and problems.

Learn to speak. Do not lock yourself in, do not expect your husband to guess about your desires. Talk about what you would like to buy or receive as a gift, but evaluate its possibilities. The presence of a large income does not always depend on a man, not everyone can be oligarchs, and happiness is not in money. You can live without a fur coat, and without a yacht, and without a million in a bank account, you can’t live only without your loved ones nearby, those who understand perfectly and will always support, no matter what happens.

Without mutual understanding, it is impossible to comfortably exist anywhere, neither in a team, nor in society, and even more so in a family. If a loving people cannot find a common language with each other, then trust, understanding, care, tenderness, and, in the end, love will disappear from the relationship. They become strangers to each other. Therefore, when a woman does not want to lose her beloved, she, first of all, needs to find a common language with her husband, and then everything will work out by itself.

Then you will have to remember all your life together: she is the person whose love you need to keep in your heart, having gone through quarrels, insults, mutual reproaches and misunderstandings. Only in this way, years later, you can understand that feelings have not gone anywhere, they just become calm, warm, homely. But, unfortunately, many couples do not stand the test of time. And the reason for this is the lack of such a quality as patience. Often such a character trait is absent precisely. When claims against your wife accumulate, do not make a scandal. And invite her to talk, peacefully discuss your common problems and try to find compromises in all matters.

If life is not going well with you, do not look for consolation on the side. Many men create the illusion of happiness, torn between family and. But for those who take the problems seriously, this state of affairs does not bring joy. On the contrary, sooner or later there is a need with one of. And it often happens that you don’t want to leave your soulmate. After all, there is no guarantee that complete harmony will reign in the new. Indeed, a period of grinding will also begin in it, and it is possible that mutual understanding will disappear. So, there is no need to rush to change your wife, you need to correct your own view of the relationship.

Find an approach to your soulmate. Understand that sometimes the irritability and discontent of the spouse are caused by elementary fatigue. After all, household chores are not romantic encounters. A woman creates comfort in the house, takes care of you, which is a lot of work. And, of course, if you show a desire to help her in something, then you will show your love. You may have to overpower yourself, overcome your own laziness, but believe me, family happiness worth it.

Go for concessions. When a quarrel arose from some trifle, sometimes important only for a woman, show nobility. Remember that you are a representative of the strong half of humanity, and give in. The sad result in the form of should have the right to exist only in the most extreme case: if you finally and irrevocably come to the conclusion that your wife is already an unloved stranger to you.

Should you change yourself or your spouse?

Let's look at the main causes of quarrels and misunderstandings. A woman should always remember that a man fell in love with her exactly the way she is. Therefore, you should not adapt to your husband. With this approach, the spouse may move away, since the wife will no longer have that zest that attracted him. Yes, and changing to the interests and tastes of her husband, a woman thereby invades her husband's personal space. And men don't like it.

This also applies to the fact that women often try to remake their loved one so that their mother and friends like him. Trying to change his wardrobe taste preferences to food. It must be remembered that a man did not marry girlfriends or mother. I liked it exactly the way it is real, and not remade. And a man is more comfortable being himself.

Lack of positive

You can't be constantly negative or pessimistic. A man, returning home from work, from friends, from parents, wants to relax and unwind, and not listen to the next reproaches and how bad everything is. This does not mean that you need to give up on everything and pull on yourself. No, you just need to find time for this, and not bother with the same conversations day after day. And sometimes you just need to give the family a break from everyday troubles with an ordinary trip to nature and completely renounce all problems. Devote time only Otherwise, communication between a husband and wife may completely stop.

Wife is smartest

Men do not like women who consider themselves much smarter than her husband. They begin to teach what he himself knows well. And it’s better to take into account the rules of communication with your husband that spouses do not like phrases: “I thought so; I said that it would; you should have listened to me and so on.” Such phrases are best avoided. Otherwise, you can completely lose your husband. They like to be the head of the family, which means they are the smartest.

Resentment for no reason

You have to stop for no reason. After all, there are often grievances: he did not notice new hairstyle, a new dress and the like. If it really was important event, and the spouse did not notice, it is better to say this directly, and not be silent with resentment and cry into the pillow. Thus, you can avoid another scandal, and not wait for the husband to stop communicating.

Stubbornness and lack of trust

You need to rein in your stubbornness. Know how to take the first step towards reconciliation. Try to listen and understand. Let your spouse express his point of view or explain the reason for the misconduct (for example, why he was late).

You must have confidence in your husband. Often a woman starts a quarrel with her husband because of distrust (jealousy), thereby trying to make it clear how she values or is jealous of him. And the man in response begins to simply move away, not seeing this subtext. It’s better to say right away, directly: “I love you and therefore I’m jealous.” The main thing to remember is that the most strong marriage can only be built on complete trust.

Responsibilities in the family

In the family, all responsibilities should be distributed evenly. But if it so happened that the husband works, and the wife is a housewife, then this should not be taken for granted. You have to be grateful to your husband. Or a spouse says words of love every day, and silence in response. Eventually it will all stop. The husband will be pleased with the usual thanks, even for the fact that he took out the trash, took the child from the kindergarten. You need to be able to express in time and correctly how much you appreciate the care and love of your spouse. Unrequited feelings and actions quickly fade away.

Failure outside the home

You should not carry home all the failures from work or splash out resentment on your girlfriend on your spouse. When stepping over the threshold, everything that does not concern the family should be left outside the door. Otherwise, conversations in the family will only be about work. And you just can't take a break from it. At home, conversations should only be about family. Then there will never be problems in communicating with her husband. And work problems are solved at work.

Money

An important reason for quarrels is financial difficulties. Many women are brought up in such a way that a man is a breadwinner and must financially provide for the family. But if there are difficulties with cash, then this is not only a problem for the husband. The wife should also help to get out of difficult situation, and not sit back and wait for the husband to steer the situation. If the wife does not have the opportunity to earn extra money, then she must learn to save. After all, it is not in vain that there is an expression: “I am rich not because I earn a lot, but because I know how to save.”

Parenting

Family quarrels are due to different views for the upbringing of children. In almost every family, mothers pamper children. And dad, on the contrary, is strict with them. And that's okay. This is how children see male and female upbringing. Mom teaches children to be kind, and dad teaches strictness and responsibility. That is why it is important for a child to accept both parents in the upbringing.

intimacy

intimate question also not rare cause quarrels. Sometimes a woman has little intimacy due to the fact that her husband works hard and gets tired. And it also happens that a woman feeds her husband with breakfast, enduring physical proximity the next day. You need to understand and feel your husband. Try not to refuse intimacy when the husband wants it. You should also understand when the spouse is tired and cannot.

A woman must be beautiful!

The last point, but no less important. A woman must take care of herself. Quite often, ladies, being married, forget about themselves. Start recruiting overweight dressing sloppily even for a walk. Forget about hairstyles. You need to try to keep yourself in shape so that your spouse falls in love every day more and more.

Therefore, if there is no common language with her husband, then you need to assess the situation in the family. You should also review all the described causes and try to eradicate them. Living in a family where peace, understanding and love is much more pleasant. And in order to quickly figure out how to find a common language with your husband, there are several useful tips. We will consider them further.

positive and praise

How to improve communication with your husband? Try not to get hung up on problems and always be positive. Turn any problem into a joke or see it as a benefit (for example, the cash income or fired, then it's time to master new profession which will be more interesting and profitable). Desperate situations can not be. And if you sit and lament, then the problems will not be solved

It is also important to praise your husband as often as possible and say that you can only be proud of him. Of course, without going too far. Men are the same children and they love to be petted and praised. And there is enough swearing at work. Kindness and affection are needed at home.

You need to try not to be offended and not swear over trifles

The woman was originally considered wiser than men. And this needs to be backed up with action. You should not raise a scandal (or be silent all evening) if the husband forgot to buy bread after work. It’s easier to quickly go yourself or ask your spouse to take another walk for a fresh loaf.

Since men are children, then you need to be able to make concessions to them. Allowing her husband to watch football, despite the fact that the series is on another channel. Also, wait an hour after your spouse returns from work, and then start telling everything that happened during the day. Give me some peace.

Do not keep your husband on a leash!

The spouse must have free time to communicate with friends, the opportunity to go fishing. You need to know that communication with your wife will not replace communication with friends. Sometimes you just need to take a break from each other.

Diversity

Diversify your routine. These can be picnic trips, trips to another city for the weekend, so as not to remember problems in everyday life. Get away from reality. Even changes in intimate life can please a husband. They allow you to relax domestic problems.

Hobbies and control

Well, if there are joint hobbies. You can watch movies together in the evenings. Or just learn to play your husband's favorite games on the computer, in his team. Go to the gym with your husband and much more.

Stop controlling every step. Learn to trust your husband completely. When a husband sees trust, he will not want to lose it. And he will also be completely open to communication, when they do not find fault with his every word and do not look for a dirty trick and betrayal.

Learn to listen!

In a good family, the wife should be able to listen to her husband and be interesting interlocutor. Then there will be no such situation that there is no common language with her husband. You need to be able to direct the actions of the spouse in right direction. But do it as if the husband himself decided and did it. Do important things, such as buying an apartment, together, taking into account the wishes of each other.

intimate life should not be domestic. You need to be able to diversify it. Watch, for example, an adult movie together or buy an intriguing Underwear. Can play in role-playing games. Intimate life in men is often in the first place.
You should not blame your husband for low earnings, even if it is so. It is better to help find a way out of the situation. You need to be supportive. Motivate the spouse (and not reproaches) to increase income. And when you achieve success, be sure to appreciate it.
If in family life there are serious problems and a complete misunderstanding of each other, then it's time to arrange a reconciliation dinner. You can even visit the salon, buy a new, intimate dress. cover festive dinner with wine and talk calmly, find out all the claims of the husband, and then, of course, analyze them together. Try to remember the day you met and make it clear that this is how you liked each other. In no case should a quarrel arise or continue.
The husband should feel like the head of the family. Do not put yourself above your spouse. So you can humiliate your husband. And here, even if you know how to find a common language with your Scorpio husband, it will be extremely difficult to change the situation. No information will help. By the way, for a Scorpio man, being the main one is extremely important.
You need to show your husband that they are always waiting for him in the house and are very glad to see him, that he is needed and missed. And if by the time he comes home from work he is greeted with a ready dinner (and not scandals), then he will appreciate it according to his merits.
You should not run to your mother or girlfriend for advice on how to find a common language with your husband when problems arise in the family. You need to solve them without outside help. Try not to allow outside advisers to climb into the family at all.
Appreciate your husband for who he is. You don't have to try to change it. When they climb into the male space, the partner begins to resemble a hedgehog in behavior. And it starts to move away. You need to be able to love all its advantages and disadvantages.

Former spouse

If you need to find a common language with ex-husband, then the main thing here is not to offend him during meetings and not to say that he is the root of all misfortunes. Forget about resentment and remember that he is already just a part of the past that cannot be changed. try to maintain friendly relations for the sake of the children. A good trick would be to remember together only good moments from life together. In this case, most often there is a common language.

Conclusion

The psychology of communication with her husband is sometimes known for years. The main thing is that a man should know that he is loved, trusted and appreciated. Do not load your spouse with mistrust and constant reproaches. A woman has always been softer and can quickly level the situation in the family. The most important thing is to know how to find a common language with your husband. And together, no problems are terrible. And in old age you can be proud of a happy and strong family.