When to beat your wife. And rarely any of these wives asks the question: shouldn't I break my husband over the knee? Why not whip him when he is reaching for a bottle? Hits harder - loves more

When we watch the news, where they talk about some exotic madness from the land of sands and ancient tombs, we understand that “their culture is different,” so a lot can be forgiven and understood. But when we see the prerequisites for this hell in our country, it’s already difficult to understand something - bills have been introduced, normality has again been put in cancer, and “ traditional values" v again rewritten.

This happens, for example, with the topic of domestic violence. It is actively discussed in the media at the suggestion of the chairman of the committee. State Duma for family, women and children. This committee, in theory, should modernize Russian legislation so that living in a family was a thrill. But Elena Mizulina, an inveterate accordion player, cat lady and lover of generating memes with the speed of the fall of the Schiaparelli spacecraft, perceives the buzz differently, and therefore asks to decriminalize family beatings. This means that you can beat children and wives without fear of criminal consequences (you will get off with a fine). The bill was rejected, but the whole story exposed the sharp edges of public consciousness. There were many people who believe that education is a sane idea.

It may be that we are saturated with paranoia, but what if our country turns into the same “exotic madness”, which will be shown on TV somewhere in Poland or New Zealand under the cries of “no need to condemn them, it's just a different culture”? If so, then we will join a wonderful company, where beatings are just a component family life.

Afghanistan

Hafiza from Afghanistan was seven years old when her father married her to a man who was 42 years old. For ten years she endured daily beatings, torture and sexual abuse.

“I was too young to understand what was happening. I thought he was my uncle. My childhood ended the day we met. I would like to be born a man. Even if I were blind or crippled, life would still be better. Men don't have to suffer like that. "

This country is famous not only for its perfect hashish, but also for all sorts of goodies in the legislation that will appeal to our State Duma committee on family, women and children. No, you don’t think that there is no law in this state. Any woman has the right to go to court if her husband beats her, but they rarely do this, and when they do, they get more punches from above. Not only from her husband, but also from the court. After all, the Afghan court is the most liberal and kind-hearted in the world, after which all wives return to their husbands, realizing that it is better to walk with a broken face than with a severed head. The statistics for the country are terrifying. According to the organization “ Women for Afghan Women »90% Afghan women suffer from domestic violence.

Pakistan

The husband should be allowed to lightly beat his wife if she does not follow his orders or refuses to dress according to his wishes.
- Council for Islamic Ideology of Pakistan -

The sun rose in Pakistan and the Punjab regional parliament passed legislation to protect all oppressed women. It described the problems of psychological pressure, financial harassment and, of course, physical abuse. However, the law did not come into force because the Council for Islamic Ideology did not approve it. As a result, the guys from the council decided to write their own version of the bill with blackjack and whores. It turned out to be something very strange, because the law against the oppression of women eventually became the law that paints these oppression in all its glory. It is difficult to understand this whole story, but one thing is clear - the elite of the state itself does not know what to do, and women continue to be beaten, because society is used to it. Meanwhile, eight thousand women were killed in marriage between 1994 and 2007, according to the Pakistani Medical Association. Spiritually, patriotic and family.

Jordan

A fabulous country and quite rich in comparison with other states in the region. A good army, and even the king looks more like an American billionaire than an Islamic ruler. From the outside it seems that women feel good there. Our compatriots, for example, generally only dream of being a rich Jordanian guy. This is evidenced by Google, chock-full of queries "Russian women in Jordan", "the life of Russian women in Jordan" and so on.

But when they come to this country, in addition to the charming buildings of the city of Petra, they receive a portion of the "fun" Jordanian traditions, which will be better described by the results of surveys conducted in the country itself. For example, Jordanian middle class represented by students of higher educational institutions in the amount of 91% support beating of wives. At the same time, the women themselves do not seem to mind, but there is a whole system: a) 83% of Jordanian women approve of beating if the wife is cheating on her husband; b) 60% of women approve of beating if the wife is guilty of burning food; c) 52% of women approve of beating if the wife refused to follow her husband's instructions. We can say that the girlfriends are there with character, and not everything is so bad. In addition, burning food is clearly a demonic offense.

India

I don't want to unite all countries with one cultural code, so let's add a little Indian spice to the dish of domestic violence. In India a big problem with rape, which has been bleeding for centuries. Even though the Indians show excellent growth economy, industry and education, they are still divided into castes. A caste society has its pluses, but also minuses, because a person of the highest caste can always dodge any legislative initiative. They are trying to fix this, the problem of rape and domestic violence is discussed on the central Indian television channels, huge protests are held in large cities demanding a fair trial, but India is a country of contrasts.

The traditional upbringing of the "silent majority", which takes all these demonstrations to the same place, is very strong. The rural population lives by the 1983 law, which does not recognize domestic violence for the crime. You can rape your wife using it, because sex is part of spousal rights... This law was repealed in 2006, but it still lives on in the minds of many people in India. Plus, the dowry theme also fuels the whipping addiction.

If the groom receives little money for marriage, then his family is so indignant that all this can lead to murder. Moreover, a popular method of murder is burning alive. The percentage of those convicted of these crimes is monstrously low. Courts last for decades. At the same time, the judges themselves make concessions to those who belong to the higher castes.

Now I know exactly what cognitive dissonance is. Recently I saw a video on the network how two Muslim women, joking and having fun, talk about punishing (read beating) their wives, implying themselves that it is good and right, even demonstrating how, in what cases and how exactly a man can beat his wife.

The subject of punishment tells the subject, who applies physical measures to him, how best to do it! And this is not a joke!
Read it yourself.

Beating wives as punishment and edification - for the most part modern world nonsense, but not for everything. For example, for some part of the followers of Islam, this is the norm of life. And since this phenomenon is common, then conversations about it are conducted as about any everyday issue - be it a recipe for baklava or a method of pruning grapes. Or in books about Islamic etiquette the readers are explained in detail which wife deserves to be beaten, what exactly should be beaten, where should be hitting and what should be said at the same time. But it is one thing when men talk about it, as the embodiment of this tradition, and quite another - women ...

A video with a conversation between two Muslim women, where they discussed how to beat his wife for a husband, appeared on Facebook about a month ago and immediately scattered across the public and the media. Both women participating in the discussion agree that if a wife is cheating or cheating, she can be hit, but if, for example, she refuses to cook, then this is probably impossible.

Both women live in Australia. The one on the left is called Rome Alluche, she is a teacher primary grades at a Sydney school. Her interlocutor is Atika Latifi. Both of them belong to the radical Islamist movement "Hizb ut-Tahrir" (banned in Russia), among them men are allowed to "punish" women.

Atika Latifi demonstrates a special small stick "sivak" intended for symbolic punishment of "disobedient" wives. Then they share their knowledge and experience, telling that for punishment you can use not only him, but also a twisted scarf or a piece of cloth.

"This is a symbolic act, a beautiful blessing of Allah," the clearly obedient wives assert.

At the same time, both agree that, of course, only those wives who have sinned should be punished - that is, they showed disrespect for Allah or their husband. Retribution, in their opinion, is inevitable in the following cases:
disobedience to her husband,
amoral behavior,
deception,
reception in the house of guests objectionable to her husband.

"Well, such an insignificant sin as an uncooked dinner should not be punished," both agree with this.

Why does the husband have the right to discipline? - they ask themselves and the audience. - Because he is the head of the family and must be able to put things in order in it. On the part of the husband, such actions are proof that he "loves his wife and fears for her." In addition, the spouse is prohibited from immediately applying physical pressure. First, the wife needs to be reprimanded. If she does not correct her behavior, stop sharing a bed with her. Well, if this does not help, then you can hit her - slightly.

"The husband is allowed to hit his wife as an excuse to teach her a lesson. It should not be painful or rude, it is done for her own good."

The degree of such "good" is sometimes so clearly visible on the face that hijab does not help either. In the fall, a story was shown on Moroccan TV with a make-up artist's advice on how to disguise traces of her husband's beatings so that they would not interfere with their wives' news ordinary life... It turns out that bruises will not be so noticeable if you use, for example, loose powder.

Dr. Gazi Al-Shimari, Expert on family relations, Saudi Arabia:
If the husband says to his wife: "Be careful, the children are playing next to the stove or" Take the children away from the electrical outlet, "and she replies:" I am busy, "then the wife can be hit with a toothbrush or something similar. Never hit her with a bottle with water, plate or knife - this is prohibited.

George Busquet, author of Sex Etiquette in Islam:
You should beat women, yes, but there are many ways to do this: if a woman is thin, then you need to beat with a cane, if she has a powerful physique - with a fist, a plump woman - with an open palm. Thus, the one who hits will not injure himself.

Abdul Latif Mushtahiri, author of You Ask and Islam Answers:
If weaning your wife from bed does not work and your wife continues to behave disobediently, it means that she belongs to the type of cold and stubborn women - her character can be corrected by punishment, that is, beating. You need to beat so as not to break bones and not provoke bleeding. Many wives have a similar character, and only this way can bring them to their senses.

Ghassan Asha, author of the book "On the Submission of Women in Islam":
The husband has the right to inflict corporal punishment on his wife if she:
- Refuses to do anything to look attractive to her husband.
- Refuses to satisfy his sexual needs.
- Leaves home without permission.
- Disregards their religious duties.
The instrument of punishment (the rod) should be kept in sight so that your wife can always see it.

I understand, traditions, respect, but good gentlemen, we live in the 21st century, people have gathered on Mars, how is it possible ...

Based on materials:

A woman does not need to hit sensitive parts of her body - face, chest, stomach, head, etc. The blows need to be directed to specific areas of the body, such as the legs and arms.

Do not use a stick that is too thick. The rod should be thin and light and should not leave scratches or bruises on the skin.

The blows should not be strong and hard, since your ultimate goal is to cause mental suffering in a woman, but not physical.

Dr. Gazi Al-Shimari, Family Relations Expert, Saudi Arabia

Never punch a woman in the face. The husband should warn his wife about the number of blows: one blow, two, three, four, ten.

If the husband says to his wife: “Be careful, the children are playing next to the stove” or “Take the children away from the electrical outlet,” and she replies, “I'm busy,” then the wife can be hit with a toothbrush or something similar. Never hit her with a water bottle, plate or knife - this is prohibited.

You need to be careful when hitting women, because causing pain is not your goal. When we hit animals, the goal is to summon pain and make you obey, because the animal will not understand if you say to him: "Oh, camel, come on, move forward!" The camel and the donkey will not understand what you want from them until you hit them. But a woman is primarily influenced by emotions, not pain.

You should beat women, yes, but there are many ways to do this: if a woman is thin, then you need to beat with a cane, if she has a powerful physique - with a fist, a plump woman - with an open palm. Thus, the one who hits will not injure himself.

Weekly program "Shariah and Life", Al-Jazeera TV

Hitting is not for every wife. Some wives perceive being beaten as humiliation, while others are comfortable with being beaten, and it is the latter who can be influenced by beating if they rebel against their husbands.

If weaning your wife from bed does not work and your wife continues to behave disobediently, it means that she belongs to the type of cold and stubborn women - her character can be corrected by punishment, that is, beating. You need to beat so as not to break bones and not provoke bleeding. Many wives have a similar character, and only this way can bring them to their senses.

The husband has the right to inflict corporal punishment on his wife if she:
- Refuses to do anything to look attractive to her husband.
- Refuses to satisfy his sexual needs.
- Leaves home without permission.
- Disregards their religious duties.

The instrument of punishment (the rod) should be kept in sight so that your wife can always see it.

There are three types of women you cannot talk to without having a whipping rod ready. The first type is a girl who was raised like that. Her parents told her: "Eat!" - she answered "I do not want!" - and they beat her for it. With such a wife, you can build relationships only by using Physical punishment... The second type is a woman who ignores her husband or treats him condescendingly. With this, too, only a whip can help. And the third type is a perverted woman who does not obey her husband until he forces her to obey, using force and beating.

The woman should be hit with something light, such as a toothbrush or hand. A husband beating his wife makes her understand: woman, you have gone too far. Punches to the face are not allowed as bruising can make a woman ugly.

Family therapist from Saudi Arabia Khaled Al-Sakabi posted a video on how to beat his wife correctly. The specialist believes that it is possible to beat his wife, and in some cases even necessary, reported The Independent. The absolute confidence the therapist exudes when talking about beating wives is sometimes shocking.

According to Al-Sakabi, the problem is that not all men know how to beat their wives correctly. However, before proceeding with " educational measures punishment ”, it is necessary to remember that it is necessary to beat wives for the purpose of discipline, and not in order to take out anger at them.

According to an Arab expert, husbands should try 2 tricks before taking extreme measures:

1. First, the wife needs to be reminded of her husband's rights and responsibilities.
2. Second, you should try to ignore your wife in bed. But here, too, there are some nuances. You cannot go to sleep in another house, as this means taking out dirty linen in public. You have to go to the same bed with your wife, but turn your back on her. Or lie on another bed in the same room. Either the husband or wife can lie on the floor. The point is to be in the same room.

Only if all else fails, you can proceed to physical punishment. At the same time, the psychotherapist emphasizes that, unfortunately, many husbands beat their wives incorrectly. In no case should you beat your wives with a stick or sharp object.

Small sticks or a folded handkerchief are used for whipping. Sharp or larger objects should not be used, the family therapist explains, noting with regret that some husbands use similar measures.

A psychotherapist from Saudi Arabia believes that beating wives is necessary for discipline. Some wives do not want to understand that they have less rights than men.

Why beat your wife?

As Al-Sakabi explains, many wives make the mistake of thinking they are entitled to equal treatment. In fact, it is big mistake... The wife should be submissive and obedient to her husband.

In addition, wives sometimes provoke their husbands to use force by shouting something like, "Come on, hit me if you are a man."

Similar ideas about “disobedience” and the need to physical punishment cited by supporters. It's amazing how similar the ideas and explanations are for why physical force is absolutely necessary.

Read also:

Khaled Al-Sakabi, a Saudi family therapist, has posted a video on how to beat wives. The Saudi did not reveal anything new, but the St. Petersburg police receive up to 20 calls a day from those who have not read the Koran and Domostroy.

Your advice on correct punishment Al-Sakabi recorded bad wives back in February, but the general public began to amaze what he saw only after a doctor in mid-April "promoted" the Institute for Media Research in the Middle East. To date, the video teaching "waif-beating" on youtube has about 230 thousand views. Not the most outstanding indicator, but it turned out to be enough for a universal cry: the revelations of Al-Sakabi were noticed both in Russia and in the West.

What does the family therapist focus on? First of all, as befits a specialist, Al-Sakabi warns of the dangers that lie in wait for a devout Muslim on the way to enlighten his fined spouse:

"... This topic is fraught with many dangers, but by the will of Allah we can stay on the bridge of piety."

Before punishment, a Muslim woman should be reminded of her duties - giving the last opportunity for immediate repentance. The execution itself should not be carried out with a piercing or cutting object; a handkerchief is perfect for admonition. For science's sake, you should stop communicating with your wife in bed. Al-Sakabi concludes his story by stating the alarming fact that many wives strive for equality with their husbands, which is not good.

Again, nothing innovative was said. Al-Sakabi simply recalled the traditions of family life laid down in the Koran. Women (like men) are encouraged by the holy book of Muslims to behave chastely:

“Tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their genitals” (Surah 24, ayah 31).

Punishment of a wife for adultery is death, but not publicly and without force. Here is how it is said in the recognized as one of the most successful poetic translation of the Koran, made by Valeria Porokhova.

And if any of your women
He will commit a disgusting deed,
Then call four witnesses from among you.
And if (this sin) is confirmed by them,
Keep your wives in their homes
Until death overtakes them
Or until the Lord disposes of them in another way (Sura 4, ayah 15).

The spouse may be subject to non-lethal punishment for other sins. The Qur'an indicates the sequence of actions of the instructing husband.

And as for those women
The disobedience you fear
(First) exhort them,
(And if that doesn't help)
You wean them off the bed,
(And if this does not help),
You can hit them (lightly).
And if they become obedient to you,
Then do not look for a quarrel with them.
Truly, the Lord is exalted and great! (Surah 4, ayah 34).

So, the question "to beat or not to beat" in the Quran is not worth it. It is clear what to beat - but by what method? And here different interpreters come to the rescue. The site "The Position of Women in Islam" specifies aspects of enlightenment:

“... A weak beating, which does not break bones and does not leave marks and does not fall on the face, since its goal is education, not torment, so that she feels that her behavior is unacceptable ... banned Islam ... Beating is final stage education ".

In St. Petersburg, Islam has not yet taken the place of the dominant religion, therefore, responding to the topic that has become topical, it would be fair to pay attention to the "titular" religion. The Bible, defining the order of the relationship between a man and a woman, calls in the New Testament:

“Let each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife fear her husband. "

More specifics can be found in the encyclopedia of family life. Ancient Rus- the famous "Domostroy". The conventional wisdom that it spells out the rule of "hitting your wife on Fridays" is nothing more than the speculation of empty-headed people who take every ringing on faith. Nevertheless, some indications of the path to family happiness there is.

Domostroy clearly defines the criteria for a good spouse: "A wife is kind, and hardworking, and silent - a crown to her husband ... a drunken husband is bad, but a drunken wife is not good for the world."... If the spouse doesn't answer the above requirements, then the punishment must follow. True, a wise book does without specifics: "... a husband should punish his wife, privately admonish her with fear, and having punished, forgive and caress."

True, the conclusion that not everything was so chocolatey in Russia with domestic violence can be made by reading Domostroy a little further. Among the methods of admonishing and exhorting servants who have been fined, there are explanations that Russian women, if they happened to be in servants, sometimes got hard on nuts:

“When they beat them like that in the hearts or from the rupture, many troubles happen because of that: blindness and deafness, and the arm, leg and finger are dislocated, headaches and toothaches come, and in pregnant women and children in the womb are injured. As a punishment, whipping is both reasonable and painful, and scary and healthy. "

The historian Nikolai Kostomarov wrote about the reality that reigned in Russia in his work "An Outline of the Domestic Life and Morals of the Great Russian People in the 16th - 17th Centuries":

“The treatment of husbands with wives was as follows: as usual, the husband hung a whip, exclusively assigned to his wife and called a fool; for insignificant guilt, the husband dragged his wife by the hair, stripped naked, tied them with ropes and beat the fool to blood - this was called teaching his wife; for some husbands, instead of a whip, they played the same role as a cane, and a wife was flogged, as little child while others, on the other hand, had a club - and they beat their wife like cattle. This kind of treatment not only did not seem reprehensible, but was also imputed to the husband as a moral obligation. Whoever did not beat his wife, the pious people said that he did not build his house and did not care about his soul, and he himself would be ruined both in this century and in the future, and that he would destroy his house ”.

Despite the fact that centuries have passed, many Petersburgers still bond their families according to the behests of their ancestors, regardless of their confessional affiliation. According to unofficial information received by Fontanka from a law enforcement source, the St. Petersburg police receive from 10 to 20 complaints about domestic assault on a daily basis. First of all, this applies to residential areas, the south of the city is considered more conflict. Many statements are taken back. Violence is complained of in the most different families, regardless social status... And in ten percent of cases, the spouses complain about the heavy hand of the husbands who fell under the distribution.

Tatiana Vostroilova,
Evgeny Khaknazarov,
"Fontanka.ru"