Transitional age in girls signs and symptoms. Adolescents: a difficult age. How to help your child during the transition period

09.08.2019

In the life of every girl there comes a moment when changes take place in her body. Many parents are afraid of this and do not understand why growing up for girls is very difficult. After all, only recently she was a quiet, calm child who offend anyone. And now she constantly snaps, closes herself in her room and began to study poorly. All this is because physiological changes occur that affect the psyche and emotional state of the child. They will be discussed in this article.

When do physiological changes begin in girls?

The first thing that worries parents is when the child's transitional age begins. This is especially true for the girl. This period of life is very difficult for them. And the main thing is that there is a person next to him who will help and explain all these processes. For some girls, the transitional age may begin earlier, for example, at 8-9 years old. And she begins to feel uncomfortable among other classmates, as she begins to change. For others, the transition to adolescence may begin later. And this is also natural. According to general data, the pubertal period starts from 10-11 years.

An important question is, how long does the transitional age last for girls? For 6-8 years, the girl develops and forms. By the age of 17, the transitional age ends, and the little girl turns into an adult, beautiful girl. Puberty can be divided into three stages:

Preparatory;
Puberty;
Postpubertal.

This path is long and if at the same time everything is done correctly, then this period of life will be much easier.

What physiological changes await the girl?

The transition from a little girl to a "beautiful swan" is rather difficult, as the body begins to rebuild. So he prepares the girl's body and body for adulthood. Indeed, in the future she will also become a mother. Here is a detailed list of all the changes that take place in the body:

From 8-12 years old. The ovaries begin to develop, and with them all the genitals. Estrogen is produced. The thighs begin to round, the milk ones swell and hurt a little. Hair grows in the groin and armpits. With physical activity, sweat discharge becomes more abundant, they have an unpleasant, pungent odor. If earlier the girl washed her head 1 time in 3 days, then during the transition period this procedure becomes more frequent, since the hair becomes dirty faster due to the sebaceous glands. The first acne appears on the face.
From 12 to 14 years old. This is the period when a girl begins her first menstrual cycle. They mean that puberty has begun. This cycle will be established throughout the year. On average, they will last 4-7 days, and the interval between them will be 3-5 weeks. This period will pass without ovulation, as the body is just getting ready. As soon as ovulation begins, this will be a signal that the girl is ready to become a mother. Each person's periods pass differently, and if the child feels discomfort, then you should consult a gynecologist.
From 14-16 years old. Fast weight gain. This is the so-called puppy subcutaneous fat. Because of this, many girls are complex and consider themselves fat. The child may have general ailments due to the fact that the organs do not have time to grow behind the body. The arms and legs are lengthening rapidly. The baby's gait is also beginning to change. Sometimes she looks very awkward.
From 16-18 years old. The body stops growing so actively. Now his task is to form. The girl's body takes on a pleasant, beautiful shape. The child's growth stops. Anatomically, a girl will develop until she is 23 years old.

Parents need to talk with the child in advance so that the transition period is not a shock for him. Children very often close when they are in the stage of obscurity. After all, they do not understand what is happening to them. Mom should definitely talk to the girl about menstruation so that she will not be stressed when that day comes. Talk to children and then, in case of any problem, they will run to you. Help them cope with adolescence with dignity.

As a student grows up, parents have a lot of questions, some of them about the sexual development of their child. Not only behavior and mood change, but mental and physical development is enhanced. Puberty for boys and girls occurs at different times, for each case it is an individual process that begins with intensive growth.

What is puberty

The period from 10 to 16 years old is that difficult time when there is a transitional age among the representatives of the stronger sex. It can last less than the specified interval, and it ends as unexpectedly as it began. Physiological changes in adolescence end with the body's ability to reproduce, when a child once turns into an adult man. In addition, radical changes are taking place in psychology, perception of the world, and attitude to the world around them. For parents, transitional age is a global problem that takes years to overcome.

When does puberty begin in boys

The answer to the question of how long the transitional age lasts for boys is ambiguous and has its own individual characteristics. In some schoolchildren, it begins at the age of 9, while others do not feel the first symptoms by the age of 11. The restructuring of the adolescent organism starts from the age of 10, and the post-pubertal period ends closer to the age of 16. This transitional state begins with a hormonal surge. The boy is not aware of such changes, but they are obvious to everyone around him. Puberty occurs in several stages - each has different symptoms.

Physiological signs of puberty

A boy at the transitional age of 10 years is growing rapidly, stretching. Mom and Dad may notice that his height has increased by 10-12 cm, this is not the limit. The voice begins to break down, so sometimes it is very difficult to recognize the interlocutor of a teenager during a telephone conversation. Boys become wider in the shoulders, and the reason for this is the active growth of bones, an increased set of muscle mass.

The transitional age in boys is complemented by sexual development, increased vegetation on the body. Many young men in this difficult period strive to grow a beard in order to look much older than their years, to attract the attention of girls. A surge in hormones makes a guy nervous and irritable, there is an instability of the male central nervous system. In this state, the adolescent is characterized by symptoms of hyperactivity or, conversely, obvious signs of depression. This is how the son becomes a man, and the adults must accept it.

Acne may appear on the face, and acne symptoms are not excluded. This is a temporary phenomenon that causes discomfort, inner self-doubt, instills an inferiority complex. From external changes, it is worth adding manifestations of skin pigmentation, increased sweating due to the increased work of the sebaceous glands. Hair can change its structure, and it appears not only throughout the body, but also in especially piquant places.

Psychological changes

The transitional age in boys is characterized by increased sensitivity and serious interest in the representatives of the opposite sex. From now on, he experiences not only emotional, but also physical attraction, seeks to achieve the object of desire. This is how the first relationship arises, the beloved girl and the ardor of feelings appear. There is a complete misunderstanding in the family, and the boy may even leave home.

Puberty is a difficult time when teenage boys consider themselves to be overly adults and may fall into questionable company. They are driven by curiosity and a desire to show themselves, their self. However, a lack of life experience leads to colossal problems. A teenager has a pair game with his parents: he tries in every way to separate from them, and they return him to the family. The conflict between generations is obvious, the transitional age for boys may be somewhat delayed.

What is important for parents to know

Boys just need to survive adolescence, especially since this unpleasant phenomenon sooner or later passes away anyway. Dad and mom should not only be wiser, but also show restraint, loyalty, maintain diplomatic relations in the family, while not letting their child get out of control. One mistake - and adolescence can erase adulthood.
In adolescence, a teenager experiences physical and emotional development, and breaking his voice is not the only sign of growing up. Productive sperm and rash actions can lead to early fatherhood. To prevent this from happening, adults should talk with their son, tell him about the principles and aspirations of adults, and become a role model.
When certain difficulties of adolescence in boys are difficult to overcome, it is imperative to use the help of a psychologist, but in no case put pressure on the teenager with your authority, life experience, and totalitarian position. If you find a common language in a timely manner, then this difficult time will fly by for anxious parents in an instant.

Video: characteristics of adolescence

Yesterday your son and daughter were obedient, good children and suddenly became rude, harsh, uncontrollable? Do you feel that you cannot cope with your offspring, do you lose control over him? Yes, the transition period is a very difficult stage in the life of a teenager and the whole family. How to build relationships and not miss the child?

Rampant hormones

Scientifically, this period is called pubertal. It represents the transition from childhood to adulthood and lasts from 12 to 16 years (with some fluctuations in one direction or another). This stage is very difficult and dramatic for teenagers.

One of the main reasons for these difficulties is puberty, - explains psychologist Elena Shramko. Adolescents become extremely sensitive to outsiders' assessment of their appearance, and this is combined with arrogance and categorical judgments about others. Attentiveness coexists in them with amazing callousness, painful shyness - with swagger, the desire to be recognized and appreciated by others - with ostentatious independence, the fight against authorities and generally accepted rules - with the deification of idols, the psychologist emphasizes.

At this age, teenagers begin to dislike their appearance, their own body. A year ago, the child did not think about it, everything suited him, and now he often repeats: "I am ugly / ugly!" (although in reality everything is the other way around). A teenager is embarrassed to show his body, makes you leave the room when he changes his clothes, forbids you to enter the bathroom when he washes, refuses to be photographed, although he previously willingly posed for the camera.

All this happens because serious hormonal changes are taking place in his body, all organs and systems are being restructured. During this period, adolescents need material for building fabrics, so they eat a lot (especially boys). At the same time, they have appetite swings.

In adolescents 13-14 years old, there is often an alternation of bursts of activity, - says Doctor of Psychology, Professor Anna Prikhozhan. Either the child is vigorous and active, then he suddenly becomes tired, right up to complete exhaustion. This is associated with the phenomenon of "teenage laziness" (you can often hear complaints from adults that a teenager is lazy, wants to lie down all the time, cannot stand upright, constantly strives to lean on something). The reason for this is increased growth, which requires a lot of strength and reduces endurance. Teenagers become awkward, they often break something. One gets the impression that there is malicious intent here, although, as a rule, this happens against the wishes of the teenager and is associated with the restructuring of the motor system, says Anna Prikhozhan.

So the child gradually turns into an adult. All this requires a lot of physical and mental strength. In this case, it happens that the child does not want to grow up, on the contrary, wants to stay in childhood. He subconsciously feels that he is passing from the usual childhood state to something else. What it will bring him, he does not yet know, but now he only feels discomfort.

Challenging behavior

The behavior of the child also changes dramatically. He is constantly rude, closes himself in his room, does not let him near him. He often has mood swings. He does not allow himself to be hugged or kissed. When you try to do it, it pushes you away, behaves like a hedgehog.

Refuses to clean in his room (it is impossible to go there, everything is scattered on the floor, cabinets wide open); refuses to do household chores (take out the trash, take a walk with the dog, etc.), and if he does it, then with a creak and through endless reminders.

He seems to deliberately make you angry, provoke a scandal. He stops obeying, becomes so harsh that it is impossible to communicate with him. And even, it happens, begins to call names, using, among other things, obscene language ...

You feel confused and powerless: is this really your child? Do not wonder. This behavior is expressed in the desire to develop their own (and not dictated by parents or society) view of things. At this age, adolescents have already accumulated tension from the pressure of parents, school, says psychologist, psychotherapist Elena Savina. The teenager believes that he is able to live independently and make decisions. And adults often continue to talk to him like a small child. Hence - a huge protest against the adult world. A teenager thus declares himself to the world, while his life goals have not yet been determined, there is no emotional stability, and the state of "dreams" is stronger than the consciousness of the need to learn and grow up.

The birth of a personality

And how to behave? What to do? We must understand that in this difficult period, the child becomes a person. In no case should he be humiliated. Moreover, swing! Treat him as a person, no matter how difficult it may be at times.

Although a teenager strives for independence, in problematic life situations he tries not to take responsibility for the decisions made, and expects help from adults, says Elena Shramko. The adolescent "sense of adulthood" is expressed mainly in a new level of aspirations, ahead of the position in which the adolescent actually finds himself. It is very important for him that his adulthood is noticed by others, so that the form of his behavior is not childish. His ideas about the norms of behavior provoke discussion of adult behavior, which is usually very impartial, hence conflicts arise, ”the psychologist explains.

Now the main thing for a teenager is understanding, support. He needs your love more than ever, although outwardly he pretends that he does not need adults. In fact, he needs a trusting relationship with a loved one who will listen to him, support, approve, say the right words.

Despite the fact that the teenager is protesting against you, he painfully lacks communication with adults who are able to answer the questions that concern him, - explains Elena Savina. But he accepts this communication only when they speak to him on equal terms, without moralizing, shouting, simply sharing his observations from life and describing that in this case the result will be like this, and in this case it will be like this. Give him the opportunity to think for himself, and you, as looking ahead, lay out a map of life in front of him. Your interest in the child's life should be really real, and not only in the part where something needs to be prohibited or tracked down. It is the acceptance of the child as an adult that should be at the heart of your relationship with a teenager, says the psychologist.

A teenager needs to know that you love him, that he is dear to you. How is this expressed? The ability to forgive. If a conflict happened yesterday, do not remember it, do not itch, do not read lectures. The teenager remembers what happened, he himself is worried. Therefore, do not stir up yesterday. Say what you think about this once and close the topic.

How to extinguish a conflict

The famous American psychologist J. Scott advises during conflicts not to throw accusations and insults, but to speak only about your feelings. Therefore, if you want the child to really understand you, say only what you are feeling at the moment. For example, refrain from an offensive tone, do not declare: "You are behaving ugly, you are rude, you are rude!" How much can you repeat! .. "and so on.

Instead, voice your feelings, say how you are feeling at the moment. For example: “When you talk rudely to me, it depresses me, I worry that you don’t love me”, “When your room is such a mess, I feel that my request is not important to you, and this painfully". Perhaps the child will say in response: "I do not care!". But this is just a mask. In fact, he will remember your words, they will affect him. But insults directed at him will cause him even more aggression. And your feelings are very important to him, although he tries to hide it. By talking about how you feel, you will stop the conflict, prevent it from developing further.

Go without criticism

In adolescence, a teenager has a very vulnerable psyche. He reacts to everything too sharply. His emotions are seething, so his reaction may be out of proportion to the offense. It can be the most acute and unpredictable when adults try to humiliate him, infringe on his pride.

The child's psyche is now unbalanced, there is no life experience. If he does not find understanding anywhere, he may end up in the wrong company, where, as he thinks, he will be understood. And the worst thing is that a child can do the irreparable ...

Pavel Astakhov, the Russian Commissioner for Children's Rights, considers the situation with child suicides in Russia extremely alarming. In terms of the total number of suicides, the Russian Federation is in sixth place in the world. However, in terms of the suicide rate among adolescents aged 15-19, Russia ranks first in Europe and one of the first places in the world. In our country, the death rate of adolescents from suicide exceeds the world rates by almost 3 times! And this happens because sometimes children simply have no one to turn to for help. “Teachers and guardianship and guardianship authorities do not always pay attention to the difficult situation in which the child finds himself,” says Pavel Astakhov.

Just in case, write down the phone numbers of all of your child's friends, and preferably their parents. Know the contacts of teachers, teachers of the circles that your child attends.

This period must be experienced

While your child is going through a transition period, be sure to have a lot of patience, love, and most importantly, the ability to forgive. To get through this period without loss, you need diplomacy, flexibility and agility.

Do not lisp with the teenager, do not pester him with unnecessary questions. Be patient and considerate. Your child is now very vulnerable, take care of him. Aim for the future, move forward together and remember that this period will pass. You just have to be patient and wait. And all will be well!

Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru

So, we smoothly approached one of their difficult and important periods in the girl's life -. This period starts from about 12-13 years old and lasts until adulthood. At this time, a fully grown girl, when comparing herself with adults, may come to the conclusion that, in principle, there is practically no difference between her and adults. At the same time, the girl begins to feel like an adult, and will resolutely shy away from her attitude towards children. This is a special period and a very difficult one.

With all the seeming external adulthood, the girl herself and those around her do not feel that she is truly and fully adult, but at the same time the girl has a great desire for those around her to recognize her adulthood. Scientists and psychologists describe this transitional age as a kind of special interval between children's games and serious responsible actions and actions of adults, and thus they call this period "serious games". Girls in adolescence look with disdain at the games of children, they no longer want to deal with toys that have recently been very close and loved. All her affairs, for which she is accepted, are of a very serious nature, the girl's intentions are also full of seriousness, but this is so far only up to a certain limit.

However, in reality, everything that the girl does is not yet fully realized and produced by her, she is only trying new social roles for herself. Examples of such new actions and deeds can be relationships with the opposite sex and "love games" with flirting and coquetry, dreamy and romantic actions. No less superficially during this period, girls can relate to the choice of a further profession and preparation for entering educational institutions after school, as well as to practicing any sports or participating in any events. Such types and patterns of behavior will be especially important for the development of the personality of a teenage girl, since in such situations she will learn many new qualities for herself. She will learn how to measure her desires and strengths, set goals and achieve them, establish an attitude to various kinds of interests, in order to understand what is really interesting and important.

Features in health at this age

Puberty or the process of transformation of a girl into a girl is usually considered to begin with the appearance of her first menstruation. If earlier in girls menstruation began at the age of 13-15 years, then the current accelerated girls can begin to menstruate as early as 11-12 years. And if the girl is not prepared for this process, it will be stressful for her. If there is blood on her underwear, the girl may feel stress and fear to tell her mother about what happened, or she may just start to panic that she has some kind of disease. Therefore, mothers should take care of this in advance and tell their daughter that she is growing up and that she will soon have a period of menstruation, which will be accompanied by just such phenomena. It is important to explain this in detail, calmly and easily, that this is a normal period of female maturation, that it is worth rejoicing for the fact that a girl is becoming an adult.

Naturally, the girl will need to be taught how to use hygiene products and behavior during her period so that they are as comfortable as possible for her. Regular menstruation may take a long time to establish, and it will take about a year and a half after the first menstruation until the cycle evens out. It is also important to tell the girl that the appearance of the first menstruation with an unsettled cycle is an opportunity, albeit mostly theoretical, to become pregnant. Therefore, it is necessary to talk about sexual activity and protection, as well as about the moral and ethical consequences of early sexual intercourse. Modern girls grow up early, and accordingly, many of them start their sex life also early, no matter how much we would like to believe them and think that they are quite babies.

A normal menstrual cycle will be considered its length from 21 to 32-35 days, and the cycle is considered from the first day of menstruation to the first day of the next menstruation. Mom, at least at first, needs to carefully monitor the frequency of changing pads and the abundance and duration of the girl's discharge, the normal first menstruation can last up to seven to ten days, but then the cycle is shortened to 3-6 days. It is also important to remember that very recently established menstruation and the cycle may still be unstable, and they can easily get lost under the influence of unfavorable external and internal factors. A young girl's period may not start on time due to climate change or stress, heavy stress and overwork, due to serious illness and hypothermia. Such delays in menstruation or earlier, untimely onset will not yet indicate the presence of any violations in the field of reproductive health, but you still need to monitor this.

Special attention, mothers!

It is important to pay attention to abnormalities in the puberty of your daughter and see a doctor in the following cases. This is necessary if the first menstruation lasted less than three days or lasted more than 10 days, this requires contacting a gynecologist. Especially dangerous is the presence of bleeding with a decrease in hemoglobin and a violation of general well-being, these are signs of inattention to reproductive health and serious deviations. It is also worth contacting a doctor in the absence of menstruation at the age of 14-15 years, or a break of more than 2-3 months after the first menstruation. The opinion of women that irregular periods are not dangerous, and that after marriage and the birth of children, everything will work out by itself will be completely wrong. Such irregular cycles can be serious health problems and can lead to infertility.

In the presence of such complaints of a girl about pain in the lower abdomen (and in the absence of menstruation at the same time), which usually occur during menstruation, a feeling of tension and discomfort in the living, it is also important to visit a gynecologist. Such complaints can give abnormalities in the development of the genitals with overgrowing of the opening in the hymen area, and then, with the accumulation of blood, it can protrude outward due to tension and filling of the vagina with bloody discharge. In this case, it is important not to miss the moment, since stagnation of blood can lead to its outflow into the fallopian tubes and into the ovaries of the abdominal cavity. And then serious intervention of doctors will be required.

Also, menstruation in girls who are not sexually active can be somewhat painful due to the presence of the hymen, which can sometimes interfere with the normal flow of blood. Usually, after the onset of sexual intercourse, such soreness disappears. But in the presence of severe discomfort and soreness, it is worth showing the girl to the gynecologist, while the doctor will be able to more accurately establish the causes of painful menstruation - it can be infantilism and immaturity of the genital area, the presence of hormonal problems in the body, the presence of an infectious-inflammatory process, and even the presence of surgical pathologies. In addition, pain is possible due not only to pathologies, but also in the presence of strong muscles in the internal organs (smooth muscles), if the girl is actively and does a lot of sports or dancing.

Features of girls of this age

Girls at this age are prone to stress, and, according to research by specialists, acute or chronic stress can trigger many health disorders in adolescent girls. It can be soreness of menstruation, the presence of bleeding from the uterus, delayed menstruation up to their complete cessation (amenorrhea). Also, after the growth jump has occurred in the prepubertal period, the girl's body weight begins to increase due to the formation of fat deposits in the abdomen and thighs. This is a completely normal process of forming a feminine figure, which leads many of the girls to complexes - they consider themselves fat. Due to this, there is a formation of restrictions on food, and a sharp weight loss at a given age can lead to the formation of then difficult-to-correct metabolic and endocrine changes, to developmental delays and many diseases. It is important to remember that this kind of fatty deposits in medicine are called "puppy fat" and as they grow and mature, they gradually disappear, being replaced by muscles and connective tissue.

A particular disorder in girls is caused by skin problems, which are manifested in the excessive activity of the sebaceous or sweat glands, which gives an unpleasant odor of sweat from the body. Hair can quickly get dirty, and pimples and pustules can appear on the skin of the back, chest and face. During this period, hygiene should be given special attention, as well as the correct daily and nutritional regimen should be observed. Due to such actions, you can significantly reduce the appearance of discomfort and hormonal imbalance. Usually, with the establishment of regular menstruation, all skin problems disappear. The very same puberty is completed by about 18 years.

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For every mother, her beloved son always remains a baby. She remembers every moment of his life: from birth to the first significant victories. And, often, the beginning of the transitional age in the boy catches his mother by surprise. This is a difficult period of discovery for both the child and the parents. The family way of life, built over the years, is being violated, quarrels, screams, misunderstandings and a dull wall of resentment on both sides come to replace peace and serenity. At what age does the transitional age begin in boys? How do you pass this challenging test? How to deal with a teenager? Is it possible to survive the transitional age of a son and remain friends with him? We will try to answer all these questions in our article.

When does puberty begin in boys?

The transitional age in boys occurs in everyone in different ways and depends, first of all, on the physiological characteristics of the child - namely, on the work of the hormonal system. It is the sex hormones that are responsible for the restructuring of the body, which leads to external and internal changes in boys. Also, an important role in entering puberty is influenced by living conditions, the level of physical development, the emotional and mental state of the child, heredity and even ethnicity. Pernicious habits - smoking, alcohol, etc. - have a rather serious impact on the maturation of boys. These factors inhibit the process of sexual development, since they inhibit the child's hormonal system.

As a rule, the onset of puberty in boys is between 10-12 years old, and by the age of 15 the young man becomes sexually mature. However, the full maturation of the body occurs only by the age of 23-25. These indicators are averaged and deviations from it for 2-3 years are not critical.

Signs of adolescence in boys

Parents raising young men often ask themselves a question - when the transitional age begins in boys and what are the signs of the beginning of this period. The boy's transitional age is a rather long process, which can be conditionally accommodated in the time frame from 9 to 17 years. The peak of these changes occurs mainly at 12-14 years of age. If we adhere to the official terminology of psychologists, then transitional age is a time period during which a child experiences puberty, accompanied by rapid physical development and excessive production of hormones. Very clear wording, isn't it? But in reality, everything is not easy. A teenager who yesterday was a sweet and affectionate son suddenly becomes withdrawn, aggressive, even hysterical in some moments. He is rude for any reason, is ashamed of his appearance and strives with all his might to position himself as an adult independent man, completely independent of his parents. He seems like a stranger to himself in this family and the world in general. The main task of parents is to support and be able to accept the child with all his changes, fears and complexes. After all, he is still your son, who cannot cope with the growing up suddenly on him.

Physiological features of adolescence in boys

A difficult age in a child begins with a physical restructuring of the body, which is accompanied by the following signs:

A sharp leap in growth. From the age of 12, a boy can annually add up to 10 cm in height. Bones are actively growing and muscles are developing.
Weight loss. Due to the increased growth, the child's body does not have time to assimilate and store useful substances and trace elements in reserve. All forces are spent on the growth of bones, therefore, during the transition period, boys experience a lack of weight, in some cases even dystrophy.
Changes in body relief. The figure of a teenager begins to form like a "man's", the shoulders become wider, and the hips are narrower.
"Breaking" the voice. The voice coarsens, becomes lower in tone. Usually this process stretches for 1-2 years until the end of puberty.
Body hair growth. Hair begins to grow in the intimate area and armpits. Later, fluff appears over the upper lip and vegetation on the arms and legs.
Enlargement of the genitals. From 10 to 13 years old, there is an increase in the genitals, pigmentation of the mosquito appears.
The appearance of acne on the face and body. The active work of the sebaceous glands provokes acne and blackheads on the face, which some adolescents struggle with for years, while for others, everything goes away after a few months.
Uncontrolled ejaculation during sleep. In adolescence, a boy is faced with such a phenomenon as wet dreams. In fact, this is a completely normal stage of growing up.

Psychological problems of adolescence in boys

The physiological changes taking place in the child determine the adolescent's behavior and have an active influence on his psycho-emotional state. In a short

For a period of time, colossal transformations take place in the body of a young man, to which the child's psyche still does not have time to adapt. The body revolts and manifests itself in a very diverse way:

Emotional instability. A sudden change of mood, from calm to storm, is a common situation in a house where there is a teenager. The usual remark provokes, then tears, then the desire to argue.
Coarseness. An obedient child suddenly turned into a rude and cynical boor. All his words are brightly negative. The whole environment of a young man suffers from rudeness: parents, brothers and sisters, peers, teachers.
Aggression. Dissatisfaction with oneself and rejection of one's new changed body in many cases results in aggression towards others. For some, these are just school fights for leadership in the classroom, while others have serious offenses with drives to the police. I would like to note that aggression is still a natural manifestation in a boy's transitional age. He becomes a man and tries on a life model of behavior, at this moment his future male strategy is laid. Of course, you need to be able to distinguish between natural aggression, which helps to determine the role in life, from its extreme manifestations - cruelty and the desire for delinquency.
Attraction to the opposite sex. Unexpectedly for himself, the young man begins to experience an irresistible attraction to girls. At this moment, the basic norms of behavior with the opposite sex are laid. Errors and rejections are perceived harshly and painfully.
Sui cid. For a teenager, this seems to be the easiest way out of the vicious circle of misunderstanding and problems. Unfortunately, in Russia, the percentage of teenage suicides is increasing every year.

The boy's attempts to prove his masculinity to the whole world are especially troublesome. A teenager begins to position himself as an adult man, there is a rapid reassessment of values and a change in life orientations. He tries to independently resolve all issues, overcome the difficulties encountered alone. And these attempts are always very disturbing for parents, because as soon as a boy is faced with a question, the solution of which is beyond his powers due to a lack of life experience, he becomes even more aggressive and withdrawn.

Errors in the behavior of parents of a child of transitional age

Probably not a single family was able to easily survive the transitional age of their child and avoid mistakes. Moreover, each child is different, each case must be considered separately. There is no classification and template of parental mistakes that would be an assistant in such a difficult situation. But we can distinguish two models of parental behavior, unambiguously, unacceptable, and leading to the path of even greater problems and misunderstandings in communicating with their child.

Loyalty and unconditional acceptance of the situation

Faced with changes in their child, parents rush to sources of information. In a short period of time, they read articles on the Internet, books by eminent psychologists, conduct a blitz survey of friends and relatives who at one time experienced the problems of adolescence. Unfortunately, from all this abundance of information, they take out the main idea - the transitional age is not eternal, you need to love and endure. Such parents remain unperturbed when faced with the child's rudeness in their address, calm when the son brings only deuces from school or does not spend the night at home. They take the position of an observer and patiently wait for their sweet and kind child to return to them. This role is fundamentally flawed and disastrous!

Yes, a teenager needs a lot of love. Yes, he needs understanding and patience. But do not expect that the transition age will end as suddenly as it began and everything will return to normal. The child changes and will never be the same again! He, like air, needs help, advice, guidance and life guidelines. Without them, he will not be able to orient himself in the world that has become so unfamiliar and alien. It depends on the parents whether a teenager will step into adulthood as a harmonious and happy personality.

Severity and rejection

Another variant of parental misbehavior that leads to serious problems with a teenager is the manifestation of excessive severity. Such parents adhere to a despotic manner of upbringing, they believe that all the difficulties of adolescence are far-fetched and the source of their appearance is shortcomings in upbringing. In a harsh and categorical form, they suppress stubbornness, self-will, and the desire for independence in a teenager. A child in such a family feels rejected and misunderstood, and sees two ways out of the situation: to submit or to resist. Both the one and the other option does not lead to the harmonization of the personality. Submission, suppression of a teenager as a person is a direct road to suicide. Resisting parental will can lead to drugs, alcohol and, as a result, problems with the law or even death of the child.

How to survive the boy's transitional age and remain friends?

Physiological and psycho-emotional changes make the boy's transitional age a very difficult period in life. How can you help him get through this difficult time? How not to lose your credibility and remain friends? Every parent asks himself these questions. It's hard to be a true friend to a teenager, but it's worth trying. Sooner or later, all parenting efforts will be rewarded with an open and happy smile of a grown-up son.

Trusting relationship with the child- this is the basis on which fragile mutual understanding is built in adolescence. Of course, building these relationships is necessary from early childhood. If this did not work with the baby, then most likely it will not work with the teenager. It doesn't matter who the child trusts more, dad or mom, the main thing is that this person exists. And it is through him that all important points and decisions should be conveyed. So they will be more easily perceived and taken into action. You need to prepare for the transitional age in advance - listen to your son. No matter how busy the day is, set aside half an hour to communicate with your child. This time should belong only to him and you. No questions about school, no preaching. The topic and flow of the conversation are determined by the child, and the parent should be an active listener and an enthusiastic spectator. Make such communication a daily, good tradition from childhood, then the teenager will easily and naturally talk about his affairs and problems.

Interests of a teenager must become the interests of the parents. Very often, parents do not know what their children are fond of. Many people only call the computer, without even knowing which sites are frequently visited. Share all the interests of children, do it sincerely. If your son enjoys cycling, buy yourself an iron horse and ride together on weekends. Swimming, playing musical instruments, fixing a car - all these should become your hobbies together. This is the only way to preserve the fragile adult-child bond, which in most cases breaks down in adolescence. A special place in the life of a teenager, especially a boy, is occupied by friends, whom parents must know by sight. It's good if all your friends come into the house. This allows parents to discreetly keep their son's surroundings under control.

Social networks- the main competitor of parents in the struggle for the soul of a teenager. In the modern world, not a single adult can do without social networks, what can we say about those who strive to imitate their parents and children in everything. If the child has his own page, then be sure to add to him as a friend. This should be done at the age of 8-10, when children still easily let their parents into their lives. In the future, this will allow you to unnoticeably look into the secret thoughts and fears of the growing man. Always look through how a teenager lives on the Internet, what interests him, what posts he posts. This attentiveness in some cases will save the child from many harmful hobbies. There is a lot of controversy about the dangers of the Internet and computer games. Many videos have been filmed and posted on this topic, teenagers who killed their parents because of the ban on computer games often began to appear in crime news. A clear regulation of the time that can be spent at the computer will help to avoid these problems. A teenager should know how much time he is allowed to spend at the computer. And no pleading or persuasion should influence this regulation.

Independent decision making- the natural right of a growing up boy. To avoid serious and irreversible mistakes, allow him to make decisions in the so-called "comfort zone". Where the mistake does not become fatal, and the teenager will be able to bear responsibility for his decision. His desire for independence will be satisfied, and the understanding of responsibility, inexorably following the adoption of this or that decision, will force him to seriously and thoughtfully approach any problem.

The period of emotional storms gives rise to a feeling of general misunderstanding and rejection in the adolescent. Therefore, when you are faced with a problem of a difficult age, try to find a common language with your child. Spend more time together - go out into the countryside, go to the movies, walk, visit entertainment centers or an ice rink. If the situation is at an impasse, take a short vacation and go on vacation or go on a short hike. The main thing is more communication and joint positive emotions. Try to find something that your child really likes and channel all your energy in the right direction. By doing what he loves, a teenager can relax and get emotional relaxation. Try to listen to your child and give them the opportunity to grow, make and learn from early mistakes.

The difficulties of adolescence frighten many parents of teenagers, but if you show maximum patience and endurance, then this period will pass with minimal shocks for all of you.

Love your children. Love the rough and ridiculous, stubborn and shy, cynical and so vulnerable. Help them get through their transitional age with your wisdom and boundless love.

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