The role of parents' personal example in raising a child. The Role of a Positive Example of Parents in Raising Children

The decrees and documents of the general education school especially emphasize the importance of moral education in the formation of a new person, pointing out the need to form a high upbringing and culture of behavior in children and adolescents.

The solution to this problem must begin from the first days of a child's life, forming in him moral feelings and habits, moral consciousness and moral behavior - everything that is the basis of upbringing.

A person's upbringing lies in his spirituality and harmony of moral feelings, spiritual subtlety and ability to self-control, as well as in his responsibility and sense of duty to society, manifested in work, communication with people, and culture of behavior.

All parents want to see their child well-mannered. But good breeding is not formed by itself, as other parents believe. The very definition of "good breeding" says that this is the result of a long and persistent polishing of a person, the result of his upbringing in the broadest sense of the word. Unfortunately, some parents believe that the culture of behavior and communication, politeness, restraint is the lot of adults and therefore they say: "Everything will come with age, but for now, ask him, after all, a child!"

They do not consider it necessary to acquaint him with the elementary norms of decency. It seems natural to them that a child, having met an adult at the door, pushes him away and tries to rush forward, does not know how to behave at the table, in transport. For some reason, all these and similar signs of bad manners do not disturb some parents. Indeed, no matter how developed, intelligent and outwardly attractive a child is, if he interferes in the conversation of adults, does not know how to politely ask a question, does not know how to greet elders, is too much talkative, then such a child makes an unpleasant impression. They say about him: "ill-bred". And how often you have to blush for the behavior of children who have matured, but never learned to behave as required by the circumstances. Cause?

They do not know the elementary laws of community life: they do not know how to distinguish ease from looseness; not familiar with the existing etiquette of human relations ...

Already at preschool age, one should develop such skills and habits that would initiate the further improvement of the personality, general development and upbringing. In this regard, one should not forget about the nature of adults, because a small child begins to learn forms of behavior, imitating close people. No wonder they say: children are the mirror of their parents. The child begins to adopt their habits, gestures, methods of communication when he is not yet able to assess how beautiful and moral they are. That is why it is so important for adults to take a picky look at themselves: what our example teaches the child.

“Six-year-old Anton, seeing his neighbors at the entrance, smiles at them affably and clearly says:“ Hello ”. You can see from his face that it gives him pleasure. This is what he does, following the example of his father and mother. In addition, he knows what this greeting means, his dad explained to him:

Saying "Hello" means wishing you health. This, as you understand, is a good wish, which means that it must be pronounced kindly and politely. Having met at the entrance with the adults, Anton tries to let them pass ahead of him. He does this, too, following the example of the Pope.

Unfortunately, children see other examples as well. Somehow I happened to witness such a scene. A young dad with his son entered the bus. The boy looks no more than six. They sat down in the empty seats for passengers with children, and dad, putting his hand on the boy's back, immediately dozed off. Following the example of his father, the son also closed his eyes. However, from under the slits, his eyes continued to observe road events.

At the nearest stop, a woman entered and stopped nearby. The boy tried to free himself from under his father's hand in order to get up, but the hand pressed his son imperiously to the seat:

Sit down! ”He ordered without opening his eyes.

So I want to give in ...

And I said - sit! - repeated the father.

The boy obediently sat down, and, looking into the impassive face of the dozing papa, said loudly:

And in kindergarten Irina Petrovna says that the boys ...

Can you shut up ?! ”interrupted his father.

And here is the stop that made the young dad and son get up ...

Heading for the exit, he leaned over to his son and laughed:

In our country, women have the same rights as men. So that's it!

The ability to behave well should be considered in close interdependence with the development of the moral basis of the individual, with the formation of moral concepts: you cannot teach a child to do the right thing without a moral assessment of his own actions. But moral development occurs correctly only when adults take into account the age capabilities of children, when their requirements do not deviate from the development of the child.

Already in early childhood, a child is able to learn the simplest rules of communication with others. So, at two or three years old, the baby is able to show elementary feelings of responsiveness, benevolence, respect for all family members, for peers.

At three to four years of age, the child has access to some simple forms of organized behavior not to interfere with the surrounding shouting and noise, in public places, do not shout, do not speak loudly, do not push passers-by. Children of this age can already play amicably with a peer, and, if necessary, give in to him, share toys, take care of him.

Six-year-olds: children are able to evaluate their own and other people's actions, therefore it is especially important to form in them a susceptibility to positive examples and a negative attitude towards bad ones. They have value judgments about their own behavior: "I behaved well" or "I upset my grandmother with my act!"

The kid is ashamed that he misbehaved, offended a friend or let his mother down by not fulfilling his promise, etc. He develops collectivistic skills, he is drawn to joint activities with children, he knows how to respect the general idea of ​​the game and obey its rules. The task of adults is to pay special attention to the further education of respect, friendliness, restraint in relation to loved ones and others.

It is important to ensure that the politeness of children is based on sincerity, benevolence, respect for others, otherwise it ceases to be a sign of moral education. You cannot consider a child polite just because he says “thank you” when leaving the table, and when addressing an adult he says the obligatory “please”. This is not enough. Try dropping an object - a handkerchief, notebook, pencil - and see how your child reacts, picks it up and serves you, or "doesn't notice." How it will do it - readily or just remark aloud: "It was dropped." Or maybe he will serve with the expectation of praise?

Sometimes we are tolerant of a child's unceremoniousness and unobtrusiveness. How, for example, can such manifestations be assessed?

…. Whoever comes into the house runs to the door, quits his occupation. He looks expectantly into the hands of the newcomer and after a short pause asks:

"What did you bring me?"

Then he pulls the guest into the room, trying to completely capture his attention: "Play with me", "Do you want me to tell a poem?" What do you do in such cases? Do you explain to your child how to behave, do you say that affection towards strangers is inappropriate. “This is how you can behave with close people - mom, dad, grandmother. And with strangers it is better to be friendly, polite, hospitable. " Along the way, do you reveal that it is necessary to be restrained: not to show curiosity, asking the guest questions: “Who is he? Where did you come from? Why did you come? When will it leave? etc.; do not strike up conversations if the guest is not inclined to support them.

Are you trying to cultivate sensitivity in your child? This moral quality is manifested in caring for people, the ability to empathize, help, comfort. Is your son, daughter capable of this? For example, show empathy if the house is in trouble or someone is sick? Do you teach your child to show sensitivity to close people - dad, mom, grandmother, grandfather, not to upset them with your behavior, offer them your help, notice their mood and physical condition, inquire about their well-being, reckon with their affairs, not disturb their rest ?

Already an older preschooler should have an elementary sense of tact.

... Lena, returning from school and seeing that dad was having supper, pushed the plate away from him and put a book in front of him: "I'll read it to you now!" And when the father objected, saying that he would listen a little later, the daughter pouted aside: "I will not play with you!"

In such cases, the child is explained that this is not the way to behave: “Dad came home from work, he was tired, he had to rest and eat. And you interfere with him ... the one who loves his dad does not act like that. "

It is important that parents, with all their closeness to the child, know how to maintain some distance.

A.S. Makarenko said that not only closeness is needed between an adult and a child, but also some distance. It is impossible for the child to tolerate familiarity with the parents; otherwise the signs of the educator and the educated are erased, and it is difficult for the child to determine the boundaries of what is permissible. Do you teach your child to be considerate? Seeking courtesy from children, we want it to manifest in them out of good intentions: to show attention, to help loved ones or people around them.

You came home from work. How will the child meet you - will he hasten to free your hands from the burden, will he provide home shoes? And when you start preparing for dinner, will he offer to help set the table? Or will he sit down first and wait for him to be served? Are you fostering humility in your child? This moral trait characterizes genuine upbringing. A modest person does not try to appear original, does not stick out his "I", behaves simply, naturally, with dignity.

Modesty is accompanied by respect and sensitivity to people and at the same time high demands on oneself. Do you teach children not to brag about their successes, such as a successfully completed assignment, a beautiful dress, or a toy? Not to talk about what he knows little about? Do you overwhelm the child, creating a sense of exclusivity in him?

How often do you say: "You are the same as everyone else", "Not only you can, but others too!"

Unfortunately, one can often observe how other parents admire their child: he is developed beyond his years, and is witty, and draws better than others, and he knows a lot of poetry, and his costume is more elegant than his peers. They try to promote him to the leader in children's undertakings, instructing: “Do not yield to others, let them yield to you. Don't be silly! " They are encouraged to recite or sing in public, having previously recommended their child as unusually talented (in his presence!)

From individual random actions, a character trait is formed - an exaggerated conceit, a desire to put one's "I" in the foreground.

And hence the corresponding behavior characteristic of an egoist. This is incompatible with modesty. Recently, many parents want their child to behave in a relaxed manner (note, relaxed, and not at ease).

But, alas, they cannot always determine the boundaries where relaxedness ends and looseness begins. One mother who tried to make the child behave in a relaxed manner and therefore was not ashamed of strangers, instructing him: "Do not pay attention to anyone, behave as if no one is looking at you."

Later, when her son became a schoolboy, she complained: “My son does not even consider us a bit, he does what he wants. He pushed me so hard in front of strangers that my father and I were ready to fall through the earth out of shame! They reprimanded him, and he answered: “What did I say so special! Just think!

A growing person learns specific ideas about how to behave along with the accumulation of moral habits, the development of moral consciousness and behavior. In this regard, what does the “Education and Training Program” recommend at each age level? It is useful for your parents to know about this in order to navigate in family pedagogy.

Nina Zhdanova

The less children the more important it matters to them example of an adult... Force example in its clarity and concreteness, which corresponds to such psychological characteristics of preschoolers as imagery, efficiency and concreteness of mental functions, high imitation and suggestibility. The child tries to reason like a father or mother, acts like a friend.

Good example- the greatest helper in the upbringing of a child. By imitating, he replenishes his life an experience: enriches speech (uses words and phrases heard from others); develops taste (he is attracted by what dad, mom likes and is evaluated positively); acquires skills (trying to do everything as deftly as grandma); adopts motor stereotypes (walks, laughs, gestures like a grandfather).

Force examples in that that the child, of his own free will, imitates his chosen one. He strives to resemble a person whom he loves, respects, considers beautiful, fair. For a child, such people are always mother and father.

Parents bring up children with their own upbringing. Every minute of contact with a child should enrich his mind, shape his personality.

It is important that at any time the father and mother can tell their sons and daughters: "Do and do as we do".

Only then parent demands acquire special persuasiveness and authority.

And in order to show in pictures example of parents in the lives of children conducted a survey among children "What kind of dad will you be?" "What kind of mom will you be?" Here are some excerpts: "I will be good, I will not scold children, I will have them two: girl and boy. I will feed them when my mother is not at home. I will take them to the circus, to the zoo and take pictures. " “I will live with my mother. A normal family will be. A lot of children. In the city I will buy fruits for children. I will make children draw. I will not punish, just sit on the chair. I will buy a computer for myself. And I will buy all the children ”“ Kind, affectionate, I will take them to your kindergarten. I will take them to dances. I will call the doctor for them. If they play around, I will not beat them, I will put them in a corner "

“There will be two children, I will take them to my grandmother. And my husband will earn money ”“ I will have 7 children. Whatever they want, I will allow them to do, to buy everything. ”“ I will drive a car and give children a ride. I will play with them and tease them. I will buy toys for them and drive them on a swing. " "I will not work, my mother does not work ..."

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A parent is an example for their child

No wonder they say thatparents are an example for children ... If you want your child to grow up as a worthy person, receive the necessary knowledge and be able to use it correctly in life, become an example for him in this. From an early age, children should seecorrect parenting behavior in the family, good, sincere relations. It is from the parents that the child receives that base of values, which remains with him until the end of his life. Of course, parents are not the only ones who influence a child's worldview. These are kindergarten teachers and school, from where the child draws a lot of new knowledge, meets new people, joins a new team. And here it is very important that the child does not go down the wrong path, falling into the wrong company. That is why parents should instill in the child the key concepts of what is right and wrong from childhood.

Some parents believe that it is not necessary to show visible love for the child, otherwise he will become spoiled. However, in reality, when a child feels the true love of his parents, he grows up uncomplexed. Parental love is the foundation on which the child's character and personality are built. If it is not there, it leads to isolation, aggression, depression. In addition, feeling the love of parents from childhood, the child will grow up with a firm feeling that he should also have such a warm relationship in his family.

Psychologists say that the most important thing in raising a child is deep psychological contact with him. This implies, first of all, communication with the child. Dialogue is what is most important in the relationship between parents and children, as psychologists emphasize. In order for the dialogue to work, it must be built on a common vision of the situation, a general focus. A child should not live his own life, sitting in a corner and playing with toys. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happens in many cases. Some parents believe that once they buy their child a new toy, they may no longer pay attention to him. This is by no means the concern in question, but simply a dismissal of parental responsibilities, expressed materially.

If you want your child to become a worthy person, pay attention first of all to yourself and your attitude to life. Exactlyparents are an example for children ... Actions, demeanor at home and in society, the system of values ​​- all this the child sees first of all at home. If you want your child to respect you and take your opinion into account, become an authority for him. You just need to start from childhood, otherwise it may be too late later. If the behavior of the parents is poor, the child may eventually set foot on the same path. Do not be a negative example for your children, and then you will have a reason for pride and a reliable support in old age.

Currently, on the territory of our country there are a large number of children's educational and developmental institutions of various forms of ownership: preschool institutions (kindergartens), schools, boarding schools, extended day groups, early development centers, mini-kindergartens. However, they do not in any way diminish the role of the family in raising a baby.
The family is one of the main links in the upbringing of children. An important role in the process of forming a baby's personality from birth is played by the personal example of parents. A positive example is an important factor in upbringing and a means of a child's cognition of life. Toddlers do not yet sufficiently distinguish between what is good and what is bad, therefore they imitate both good and bad deeds of their parents.
For a child, parents are everything! They lay the foundations for the most important personality traits of their baby: kindness, hard work, respect for others, accuracy, honesty and other qualities. Each parent has their own goals for raising a child. Even in the same family, parents do not agree on the upbringing process. The main principle of raising children is the personal example of parents, because it is he who lays the foundations of the morality and moral properties of the child's personality. Sometimes people around them argue that dysfunctional children grow up in prosperous families. Yes, it happens when you consider that the example of parents is only one of the many principles of raising children. Of course, many other factors affect the child, but we are considering one of the main ones - the personal example of the parents.

What is the personal example of parents expressed ?:

◦ Parents' behavior is a role model for their children. Children absorb more what they see. If a mother uses affectionate words in her speech, then the child will use them. If parents allow rude expressions, then children will use profanity in games and communication;

◦ Expressing a personal relationship to surrounding events. If parents saw a person smoking, then they should specifically and accurately say that this negatively affects health. And no meaningful words. Express your attitude sincerely;

◦ Compliance of words with deeds. If you require something from a child, then you yourself fulfill this requirement. For example, if you require your child to carefully fold their belongings, then always fold your belongings neatly yourself.

If the child has a choice - to do what the parents say or how they do, then they will choose the second option. You can tell a child a hundred times: “You can't lie!”, But you yourself often tell a lie in front of a child. In the worst case, you persuade to tell someone (for example, dad) not what it was in reality. You push the child to lie.

Family upbringing mistakes:

Problem children are most often the result of improper family upbringing. There are several groups of mistakes that many parents make. They can be conditionally divided into groups:

1. Wrong expression of their feelings by parents;
2. Incompetence of parents;
3. Lack of understanding of the importance of parental example in the process of raising kids.

Let's take a closer look at the third group - a lack of understanding of the importance of parenting in the process of raising kids.

The socialization of your baby initially occurs at home, in the family. It is the parents who demonstrate by their behavior vivid and typical examples of patterns of behavior in society. Therefore, it is not surprising that boys can imitate an aggressive father, and girls can imitate a rude and unrestrained mother. The vast majority of children become antisocial, because they have adopted the example of their parents. & Nbsp & nbsp
Very often, many parents underestimate the role of their own example in the process of raising babies, and also demand from them what they do not do themselves. Children brought up in this way begin to be capricious, disobey adults, parents lose their authority for them.
A big and no less serious mistake in upbringing is the lack of uniform requirements for mom and dad. An unfavorable psychological microclimate at home leads to the appearance of a child's isolation, mental disorders, and sometimes even hatred of the parents themselves.

About the actions of adults ...:

Very often, parents, expressing complaints about their child's disobedience, use the expression: "How many do not tell you - everything is useless." Many parents think that a child can be raised with words. Is the word the main means of education? In the upbringing of a child, first love and care for the child is important, then - the personal example of the parents, and only then - the words of an adult. The personal example of parents is the most important method of education. From the first days of life, the child absorbs what he sees around him. The child does not act as he is taught, but as his parents do. Everything they see is conveyed in their games. If you watch their role-playing game "Family", you can see a copy of family relationships. A bad example for a child is when the words of the parents are at odds with their deeds. Therefore, when dad says that girls must be respected, and he himself allows mom to be rude, will the boy behave with dignity with the female sex? If an adult allows rudeness with a child, then the child will copy it. Sometimes parents wonder where a child's bad habits come from. Adults begin to blame everyone around their baby. Unfortunately, they do not see that the kid copied this bad habit from them. Parental behavior is the most important parenting factor. It is important to always remember that adults bring up a baby not only in the process of talking to him, teaching, and ordering. They actively and imperceptibly shape the personality of the baby every minute of his life: how the parents dress, communicate, rejoice, and be sad. All life principles of adults have a huge role for the baby and his future life in society.

Children fully reflect the actions of adults:

For others to change their attitude towards you, you need to change their personal emotions. This is also the case in the family. Children learn the world around them through their families. If the parents are always in a good mood, do not lose heart, are confident in themselves, then the child will perceive the world positively, they will treat people well. If parents are often in a bad mood, anxious, unsure of themselves, then the child will negatively perceive the world around him, he will expect trouble from the people around him.

It is very important for parents to monitor their facial expressions, feelings, condition. If parents are anxious, afraid of everything, then children will experience such feelings. In such situations, you need to start with yourself. Calm down, stop worrying about any reason, control your intonation, voice, facial expressions.
To make the child feel the love of the parents, speak to him affectionately, direct a benevolent glance at him. It is very important to maintain a friendly psychological atmosphere at home, pay attention to the colors, surrounding sounds. Talk to family members in a soft voice, monitor TV viewing, control the games your child is playing. There is a wise proverb: “All that you are looking for - look in yourself.” & Nbsp & nbsp Therefore, if you notice any behavioral disorders in a child, analyze your actions, hobbies, personality traits. When raising a child, start with yourself. Children follow the behavior of adults, so parents must control their actions. When adults do the right thing, children do not need to talk about them, they absorb all the good without additional information.

Dear parents, in raising a child, start with yourself, with your positive actions, then the child will develop positive character traits!

How do parents influence children ?:

1. 70 - 80% of their qualities children receive from their parents by inheritance, the rest - in the process of upbringing;
2. Parents are not always an example for their children. For example, in a prosperous family, obedient children do not always grow up. Also, it is not necessary that there should be problem children in a dysfunctional family;
3. In upbringing, the attitude of parents to a child is important. The attitude of parents to a child is of different types: blind love, normal attitude, lack of attention to the child, indifference to the child, lack of parental feelings for their child.

Attention! There are cases ::

Some children do not succumb to the positive influence of their parents;
- Some children from disadvantaged families are not like their parents;
- In a family of several children there is a child who is not like his parents.

Why don't children always imitate their parents ?:

◦ A child inherits his qualities from his ancestors, from both parents, which are difficult for him to intertwine, therefore, as a result, we get a child who often does not resemble them in both internal and external qualities;
◦ If a child is born with a gene for independence, then he implements it from childhood: he does not obey adults, does not trust people, independently explores the world around him;
◦ If a child was born without a gene for independence, then he is obedient, conflict-free, and learns well. In this case, the parents consider their child to be similar to themselves.

The attitude of parents as an example for children:

If parents treat their child badly, then over time, the child will show negative attitudes towards them. When a bad relationship develops between parents, then the children will treat them badly over time. This can be especially pronounced in independent children. But even addicted children can show bad attitudes towards such parents over time. In this case, the parents are setting a bad example for the children. However, when a child becomes an adult, he can repeat the fate of his parents, despite the fact that he himself condemns the parents. But there are times when children are estranged from their parents in childhood and build their lives differently from their parents. Parents are always role models for their children, because the child knows his parents better than other people.
The tasks of parenting is to develop the positive and suppress the negative qualities of the child. & Nbsp & nbsp & nbsp & nbsp

On the authority of adults ...:

The degree to which parents influence their babies largely depends on the authority of the adult. The higher the authority of an adult, the stronger the influence on the actions of the baby. The authority of a parent is a very important condition for upbringing. If adults are not an authority for a child, then he does not listen to them, is capricious, rude. Children should see their parents as their best friends. The authority of adults falls when they lie in communication with others or excessively show blind love for the child, satisfy all their desires, and also humiliate or suppress the personality of the child.

Workshop for parents:

Here are some simple exercises to help parents evaluate their behavior and analyze how it can affect the parenting process.

Exercise "Home Conversations"

Remember what you talk to the children about at home? What attitude do you convey when talking about people and events? Analyze. Make a conclusion. Children develop an attitude towards their surroundings depending on what they hear in a relaxed atmosphere.

Dear Parents! If you did a bad thing with a child, do not be afraid to admit it, explain to the child what made you do this. Your honesty, openness will only strengthen family relationships and will be an excellent example for children.

Exercise "Requirements for the child"

Parents need to fill out a table of three columns: in the first, write down the requirements that you make to the child; in the second - what requirements do you make to the child, but you yourself do not fulfill them; in the third - what requirements for the child you fulfill and therefore can demand their fulfillment from the child. This table looks like this:

Now it's time to analyze the table and understand what points the adults themselves need to work on so that the requirements for the baby are literate and reasonable, and the upbringing is productive and effective.

Dear parents, before raising a child, start with yourself, with your positive actions, friendly relations with others. Only in this case, your child will develop positive character traits! Be an authority and a true friend for your child!

When parents are smart

And virtuously humble

The sons are also well-behaved.
Sebastian Brunt

Throughout the history of mankind, people have always been worried and worried about one question that remains relevant to this day: how to raise a child?

In order to find the answer to this question, thousands of books on morality are still being written, recommendations are given. Each scientist views the most important aspects of child education differently, but they all have a common point of view. It consists in the fact that the personality of the parent himself plays the most important role in the upbringing of a child. Parents' own behavior is the most powerful way to influence a child. In this case, I.G. Pestalozzi was sure, even the punishment is perceived by the child as justice.

The defining condition for personality development is the relationship that develops in the interaction of children and parents, reflected in the family structure. The life of adult family members leaves its imprints in the minds of children much earlier than they begin to realize that they have already developed habits, needs, tastes, ready-made ideas, etc.

The personal example of the parents is of great importance for the child, as it influences the formation of character, life positions, the level of self-esteem, his behavior, attitude towards people, in general, the formation of his personality.

Thanks to the emotional connection of those who love and understand their responsibilities, parents from an early age form the child's norms and style of behavior, explain to him the world of human values, inspire what can and should not be done. In the process of development, the child learns these commands, prohibitions, views so that they become his own convictions.

Parents- it is a mirror, but a mirror that can change or make itself similar to the one who looks into it or tries to learn something from him. From the first days of life, the child assimilates social experience, as if capturing it. It looks like a photograph. Saw - photographed. The world around, phenomena and events, the actions of people. Children are more likely to act differently from what their parents teach, but how they live.

According to Eric Byrne, childhood experience is the basis for the formation of a person's life plan or scenario.

Relationships with loved ones in the childhood period of life is the source of the formation of a system of relationships in adulthood. By looking at parents and unconsciously imitating them, the child learns family patterns of behavior. If a husband and wife do not respect each other, swear and shout, and then teach the child to be polite, give advice on how he needs to live in his family, then these words are difficult to perceive as "truth", because the personal example of the parents tells a different story. Sometimes in such families, children do not accept the parents' program, reject it and build a different family strategy. This means that, deep down, they are not satisfied with the relationship of their parents, this relationship is not an example for them.

In order for you to become a personal example for the child, you can take the following upbringing recipe as a basis: "The basic law of raising children in a family"- take acceptance, add recognition to it, mix with a certain amount of love and availability, add self-responsibility, seasoned with loving father and mother authority and personal example.

Adopt a child- it means to love him for the fact of his existence, and not for the mark in the diary. It is a boundless belief that the child you gave life to will live up to your expectations. This is the patience of the parents. Patience is not about tolerating the child's misdeeds and closing his eyes, but about giving him time to feel and realize what he has done.

Availability in the recipe for upbringing, this is very relevant for our 21st century, because we are very busy, we work a lot, and being available means finding strength, postponing business, work and communicating with the child. Parents should remember that spending time with their own child does not mean reading morality to him or checking the lessons, being available - it means reading the question in the eyes of the child, and answering him, entrusting him with their experiences, and helping him get through it. So that our children, especially in adolescence, would not say that we live with our parents in different dimensions, we do not understand each other, and we do not find time for each other.

Confession forms in children a sense of their own worth and need in their family, this is approval, praise (for something), a positive reaction of the family to even minor efforts of the child, especially if something does not work out for him in educational activities.

The formation of responsibility in him is of great importance in the life of a child. Parents must demonstrate to their children their own responsibility to them on a daily basis. It is wisdom and responsibility that they do what they promise. And if for some reason this did not happen, they try to fix it. Raising responsibility in a child means using the method of restrictions in education, learning to say "no", "no". There is nothing worse in family education, when one parent says "no" and the other permits.

Almost everyone wants to be proud of their child. The basis for success in this can be the inner harmony of each of the parents and the peace between them. And if you want to teach your child something, learn first yourself. If, for example, you do not always know how to control your own emotions, then it will be difficult for you to teach this to a child. And the most important thing is to know that the most important thing in life is the interests of the child, love and care.

Parental demand for yourself, parental respect for your family, parental control over your every step - this is the first and most important method of upbringing!

Personal example acquires educational value only when the authority of parents is recognized by children. In the behavior of parents, including the entire paternal and maternal life - work, thought, habits, feelings, aspirations, are the roots of authority, which should lie in the parents themselves, regardless of their attitude towards children.

Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary gives the following definition to this word:
Authority- 1) generally recognized value, influence, 2) a person enjoying influence, recognition. The authority of parents lies in their ability to raise and educate children without belittling their dignity or exalting it; this is constant work on themselves for self-improvement and self-education.

As a hint, several basic principles of parenting by example are offered to parents:

The unity of word and deed. The fundamental principle is that if parents demand truthfulness and honesty from their child, but in fact do not reinforce these demands with their behavior, then the effect of such suggestion will not be. The discrepancy between word and deed brings great harm in education.

· Reasonable love and respect for children. The most effective means of education are love and affection. With their help, it is easy to evoke good feelings in a child, to cultivate good habits and to teach him to order, work and obedience.

· Unity of requirements and educational influences on children from parents and other adults. Inconsistency and inconsistency will nullify all "joint" efforts to mold the "ideal" from the child.

Rules (restriction, requirement, prohibition) must be in the life of every child. There shouldn't be too many of them, and they should be flexible and not very harshly categorical. Parental requirements should not conflict with the essential needs of the child. For example, a very mobile child cannot be without movement for 2 hours on parental order. The rules must be agreed between adults.

· The tone in which the demand or prohibition is communicated should be more friendly-explanatory than imperative.

· To support the basic aspirations of the child (I am good, I love, I can, I am!).

This can be done with the following methods:

· We never say that “you are bad”, but only “you did badly”;

· cooperative activity;

· Do not interfere when he copes himself; help if asked;

· Maintain success;

· Share your feelings;

· Resolve conflicts constructively;

· Talk affably;

Students in one of the schools proposed their own version of the True Parent Code:

Ø If the parents demand from the child that he read a lot and with pleasure, they read a lot themselves and with pleasure, despite the lack of time.

Ø If parents demand that the child does not lie, they do not lie to themselves, or to others, or to their own child.

Ø If parents demand from the child to show hard work, they themselves show it and create conditions for the formation of the child's ability to work.

Ø If parents want their child not to become addicted to alcoholic beverages from early childhood, they themselves should not create a cult of alcoholic beverages in their family. The cult of alcoholic beverages can be manifested in the fact that even on children's holidays, parents cannot do without them.

Ø If parents want their child to treat grandfathers and grandmothers with care and respect, they start with themselves and treat their parents with respect and respect themselves.

Ø If parents want their child not to treat school and learning with prejudice, they themselves remember school days with pleasure and with the warmest feelings.

A. S. Makarenko wrote to his parents: “Your own behavior is the most decisive thing. Do not think that you are raising a child only when you talk to him, or teach him, or order him. You bring him up at every moment of your life, even when you are not at home, how you dress, how you talk to other people and about other people, how you rejoice or grieve, how you treat friends and enemies, how you laugh , you read the newspaper - all this is of great importance for the child. The child sees or feels the slightest changes in tone, all the turns of your thought reach him in invisible ways, you do not notice them. And if at home you are rude, or boastful, or get drunk, and even worse, if you insult your mother, you no longer need to think about parenting: you are already raising your children and raising badly, and no best advice and methods will help you. "

· Do a little experiment.

First test task.

Write down the rules that you require your child to follow on a piece of paper. Now honestly and frankly admit to yourself which of these requirements you do not fulfill in your life. Cross them out. Check what's left again. If you can show your child an example in the "uncrossed" rules, then you can boldly, with a clear conscience, demand their implementation.