How to drive laziness out of a child. How to deal with a child's laziness? Homework training
A lazy child is a disaster for parents: it is impossible to make a housekeeper out of him and not to instill an interest in work, he often finds it difficult to find a common language with his peers, and does not study well. What to do? Read general advice and then a psychologist's perspective on the problem. It turns out that the problem of childish laziness is deeper than one might think at first glance.
GENERAL TIPS FOR COMBATING LAZY:
Do not finish things for the child ("You take a long time to clean, let me do it myself!");
Do not extinguish his initiative ("You will do it wrong");
Do not label him as a lazy person ("You are as lazy as your dad!");
Include competitive moments ("Who will collect the toys faster?");
Set aside a special time for laziness;
Do not abuse such lazy leisure activities as a computer and TV;
Assign a number of feasible things to the child;
Do not use labor as a punishment ("For this you will wash the dishes today!");
Help your child find and find activities that are interesting to him.
"The laziness of children is one appearance, a fiction, and not a real phenomenon; I looked at it more closely and it disappeared." How do you like this opinion of the famous Russian teacher Peter Kapterev? He believed that behind the words "laziness", "laziness" are hidden absolutely specific reasons for the child's unwillingness to engage in this or that business, moral or physical, and parents must understand and eliminate them - then the word "laziness" will become mythical, non-existent.
The phlegmatic is not to blame
Children who are naturally lazy do not exist. Every healthy child in early childhood is quite active for himself, from him you only hear: "I myself," he gets angry when he is not allowed to do something on his own. Passivity, inactivity - which parents also see as manifestations of laziness - most often indicate that the child is simply unwell.
Among younger students, inability is often mistaken for laziness. The child has not yet learned how to properly organize his work: he grabs at one thing, then at another, he does not succeed, he gets tired, is disappointed, leaves everything ... As a result, the lessons are done somehow and over time he is more and more reluctant to take for them: why do something if it still doesn't work?
Sometimes laziness is mistakenly called pronounced manifestations of temperament. The phlegmatic kid is inactive, slow, swinging for a long time. It is useless to urge him on and accuse him of laziness, anyway he will work at the pace dictated by his inner warehouse. The person is not to blame for not being able to work, like these lively guys around him, who have everything in their hands on fire. But at the same time, the same choleric people who need vigorous activity are considered lazy, and it is difficult for them to do boring, monotonous work. For them to play is a real thing, but to collect scattered toys in the sandbox is a deadly longing.
On praise by leaps and bounds
Sometimes you just want to yell, or even swing your belt at the child, "chopping" into a computer shooter, while you expect him to make efforts to correct the twos. But will it help? It is easy to force a person to do your will, but how can you break your mother's laziness?
Courtyard, sandbox. Here everyone is busy with business. Someone loads a dump truck with sand, others make Easter cakes, collect pebbles ... In childhood, play is a real work. And with what zeal children strive to achieve their plans, to take, for example, the same first step! Is it possible to suspect the laziness of a child who is trying and trying to dig an ever crumbling and crumbling underground passage in the sandbox? Why then the same child is not forced to take out the trash or solve a math problem?
This is a catastrophe! Our five-year-old Natalia decided to help her grandmother wash the dishes! So, like last time, there will be a puddle near the sink, hands are wet up to the elbows, and it’s good if all this lasts only half an hour and the dishes remain intact ...
Grandma can't stand:
Natasha, don’t, go play, you won’t do it right anyway! Wipe even later for you!
And the child obediently goes where he was sent. Read a book, play or do homework. And so I wanted to help, do something myself ...
At three or four years old, children are striving for independence - so give them the opportunity to enjoy it! Of course, at first it turns out badly - but in order to learn something, you need to start doing it! Here the kid puffs, sniffs, but at the same time he is crawling on his bed, refueling it. Praise him for even the smallest success! And let him bring the matter to the end. He brought him, washed the dishes, put the pillow back in place - appreciate his work, children grow by leaps and bounds on praise.
He will continue to be happy to do the same housework, if over and over again he increases his importance in his own eyes, receiving bonuses in the form of praise or something more weighty from adults. He gets motivation to work, what could be more important than that?
Further more. Assign some household responsibilities to the growing up children and insist on their fulfillment, and the instructions should be specific, really necessary, and not invented for educational purposes. And continue to emphasize that the bread is, say, bought fresh, the dust has been wiped clean. And rewards are necessary just like air! It is better for a younger child to openly say that by unloading you, he got the opportunity, for example, to stay at the zoo for a longer time, go to the cinema, and with older children, you can already talk about the "honest" section of homework.
With household chores, the child begins to develop an attitude towards work as a vital need. And if you repeatedly pulled out a broom from Natasha, who was raising clouds of dust in the apartment, a broom from her hands - do not be surprised when, having grown up, she can calmly walk past a sink full of dishes and will not strive to take on at least part of household chores, as they say, "default". And is it only home?
Hormonal laziness
The presence-absence of a "motive" also explains the behavior of the so-called lazy people at school age. Let's start with the fact that a child who avoids lessons by all means, most likely, simply does not have his own motivation for his most important, only one, one might say, business, sincerely not understanding why he himself needs all these lessons, homework, etc. etc. Then he gets so used to the constant supervision of adults that he concludes: "They need this, not me." And it seems that he is not a lazy person, he is interested in a lot of things, but in school matters he is a bum bum.
Isn't it time for you to weaken your petty every minute attention and exactingness? Otherwise, the label "lazy" will become unexpectedly attractive for the child - maybe they will at least leave him alone, because those around him are unhappy with him anyway, and meaningless activity "out of stick" can cause nothing but disgust and the desire to avoid overloads. Maybe try to convey to the child the meaning of his work, explain that if he does not know and know how, he will not be needed by anyone except his parents. Look for the meaning for which he will strive to class. Let it be only communication with peers - and for this you might want to go to school! As soon as the child begins to do what is interesting to him, what is important to him, laziness will disappear, and the grades will improve.
Laziness often turns around and, on the contrary, an overestimation of a person's talents, and his automatically increasing self-esteem. A really smart, capable, boastful child does not want to study, because everything is already easy for him, and he considers himself the best in the class and without any extra effort on his part. In parental complaints about a lazy person, one can even hear something like admiration - a storehouse of abilities, he would move mountains if he wanted to, but "laziness was born ahead of him." It comforts and relaxes you, and the person is so asserted in his innocence: he has the abilities - so they will manifest themselves without unnecessary efforts on his part. And it would be better if he heard from you that laziness and talent are mutually exclusive concepts and that the first is burying the second in the ground.
It sometimes seems that teenagers are completely in this laziness - lying on the couch, sitting in front of the monitor or strolling through the streets. At the same time, they often say that they have not had time to rest, that they need to relax, "have fun". But the person is young, more or less healthy, he does not go to work and is not overloaded with household chores - but he is fooling around, taking time off, you are sure. And in vain. At a certain age, physiology interferes with the matter: global changes are taking place in the adolescent's body associated with hormonal changes, and this really causes a constant feeling of fatigue. Rather than blaming him hourly for idleness, start "feeding" him with vitamins, go somewhere together, organize a vacation for him yourself, if you already want to control your child inside and out.
Every person needs to relax after a hard day at work to recuperate. But for some, the rest is delayed, developing into laziness. So that it does not go into the chronic stage, it is necessary to start the fight as early as possible.
According to psychology, if you overcome laziness, you can change your life for the better. There are many ways to do this, but they do not give the required effect forever. The stimulus is needed daily. How to deal with laziness and apathy in order to get rid of them?
The right motivation
Psychology says that in order to overcome laziness, you need to find motivation to take action. In most cases, it is her absence that plays a decisive role. If there is no motivation to work, there are many reasons not to do it.
To gain motivation, you can engage in self-hypnosis. Constantly to yourself, you need to repeat phrases that will help tune in the right way. Psychology believes that an effective way to get rid of laziness and change your life for the better is to reward yourself. You need to mentally promise yourself a reward when the result is obtained. Despite the absurdity that this approach may seem at first glance, this method really has every chance of success.
Performing step by step actions
The main mistake of a person is that he tries to do several things at the same time. However, instead of saving time, you get a completely different result. It's hard to focus on multiple activities at once. As a result, concentration is lost when focusing on different things. In such a situation, fatigue sets in, laziness prevails over a person, and it is not easy to get out of her slavery.
You need to learn to keep everything under control in order to prove to yourself your capabilities. Only in this way the tasks set for a person will be given easily, it will be possible to get rid of laziness and change life for the better.
Gymnastics as a source of energy
Some people underestimate the effect of exercise. It is possible that for a person suffering from laziness, they will be a burden. You should make a lot of efforts and break out of her slavery, start playing sports. Physical activity allows you to fill the body with energy, so it will be easier to work. In addition, this is still a great chance to tone your muscles and get rid of extra pounds.
It is not at all necessary to engage in intense workouts, simple exercises or an ordinary walk are enough. Fresh air strengthens the nervous system and allows you to focus on important tasks.
Divide the work into several stages
Sometimes laziness overcomes a person with the mere awareness of the forthcoming work of large volumes. In this case, you can divide it into several stages. Performing each of them, a person will realize that he is nearing the end. It is easy to work if you find the right approach to the implementation of the required actions.
Pay attention only to positive examples
Other people's achievements are an incentive to work. They inspire, force them to prove to themselves that overcoming difficulties is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. Psychology advises people who are trying to overcome laziness to pay attention to examples of successful people. If there are those around who do not want to work, it will not be easy to get rid of her. Parents must definitely direct their children to this path, especially in the process of raising a teenager.
Setting a deadline
If fatigue makes itself felt when it is necessary to start working, it is worth setting a deadline for yourself to complete an action. By mentally adhering to it, you can tune in the right way. This method is suitable, for example, for a teenager who constantly postpones the study of school material. In this case, you can still think about the consequences. For example, it is easy for a teenager to overcome laziness if he realizes the risks of failure of the exam.
Self-organization
Psychology notes that the problem most people have is the inability to organize their own time. As a result, irritation and fatigue sets in, it is not possible to have time to do everything that is planned. How to overcome such apathy and not give up?
It is sometimes very easy to overcome laziness in yourself if you organize your time correctly. It is advisable to make a list of all the things that need to be done regularly. The secondary tasks should be included in a separate list. After that, you need to set aside time for each task, distributing your day wisely. It should be remembered that breaking the clutter is easier than starting your own home. Crossing out the work done from the list, a person gets much more pleasure than thinking about the fact that you need to defeat laziness and get down to business.
Children and family to help
When a person starts a family, he immediately has a lot of worries, there is not enough time for anything, not to mention thinking about how to overcome laziness. In his head, there is always the thought that he needs to feed his family. As a result, the actions are performed automatically.
During the period of raising a child, laziness disappears by itself. Even fatigue is less common, despite a whole bunch of worries and problems. Difficulties arise over time, and not in order to defeat laziness. And experienced parents know firsthand how hard it is to bring up a teenager. Therefore, psychology strongly recommends that everyone who suffers from a similar problem start a family and change their lives for the better.
Every person can defeat laziness. It's just that not everyone has such a goal. First of all, you need to start with motivation and self-organization. But do not get too carried away, otherwise the reason for the lack of performance may not be laziness, but physical fatigue. Rest is also necessary for a person. When fatigue can be overcome, you can start performing new tasks, and then life will definitely change for the better.
The transition from junior to high school age is usually not easy. New teachers, changing body shapes, first falling in love - all this causes a storm of emotions. Often during this period, teenagers become lazy, so parents need to know how to deal with laziness. The best advisor in this matter is a psychologist who knows all the features of adolescence.
Reasons for laziness in a teenager
The adolescent crisis is associated with changes in life. At the age of 11-13, he feels like an adult, independent, so any requests from his elders seem insignificant to him. He becomes lazy.
This may be due to the following reasons:
- Temperament. If a student is lazy in his studies, this is due to the psychological properties of his personality. It is difficult for a choleric to focus on the teacher's words, so over time, interest in learning disappears, and laziness appears.
- Lack of interest. In order for a son to be active in any kind of activity, he must be interested. Lack of motivation always breeds laziness.
- Lack of self-esteem. A person may be afraid to do something new, because he doubts the successful results of his activity.
- Overwork. Too much exercise has a negative effect on physical activity. Everyone should have time to rest.
The main thing is to identify in time the cause of laziness in a teenager. Otherwise, every year he will become more and more lazy and will not be able to do something on his own.
Parents need to help cope with adolescent crisis. To do this, you must take into account a number of recommendations:
- It is necessary to listen to the student, be interested in his problems and help solve them. He must understand that his opinion is taken into account, and his parents take care of him.
- Pay attention to sleep. Often a person is inattentive, not collected and lazy due to insomnia, which can be caused by falling in love or suffering stress.
- It is necessary to explain to the student that he has a number of duties that he must perform. But he should not be allowed to have all the housework on his shoulders. Even if his parents are at work every day, he also needs time for leisure. It is recommended that you make a list of household chores for each family member.
In adolescence, parental care is very important. Therefore, you should not try to cope with laziness by forcing a teenager to do something. He himself must understand the importance of vigorous activity.
Welcome to the site "My Child" today let's talk why the child is lazy? How to deal with a child's laziness?
Very often, I hear from parents that the child is completely lazy, does not want to do anything, nothing will interest him. Why is the child lazy? What to do?
Why is a child lazy, the main reasons
Before trying to wean a child from being lazy, you need to understand the reason why he is lazy, what pushes him to do it?
The right thing to do here would be to start fighting the initial causes of children's laziness, rather than forcing the child to do something from under the stick. Threats, punishments, lectures, shouts, obscene words - all this is not correct, I think that you yourself know this.
I agree to force the child in this way, you can do something, but this is not what is needed here. So that the child himself wants to for example: Remove toys - motivation is needed!
Remember that laziness is a kind of protection for the human psyche. Therefore, before you start to fight with children's laziness, think about whether you want more from your child than he really can.
It also happens that the parents do little with the child, i.e. the baby is developing, but not quite fully, so something does not work out for him and he just stops trying. And the parents think that he is lazy and begin to swear at him.
If we talk about a child of school age (primary grades), then psychologists say that they do not need to be overwhelmed. What does it mean?
Let me give you an example:
Most parents want children that are not executable, so that they go to the boxing section, and to the music school, and also so that they have time to do their homework.
Stop! You can't do that, let him have more free time!
The younger the child, the more fatigue he has, and this can lead to a breakdown, and a breakdown is indifference, but otherwise laziness.
Also, do not teach your child to use the grading system. What does it mean?
Let me give you an example:
The mother asks the child to do something, and he receives some kind of reward for this (candy, money, etc.). In the future, the child does not understand, but why do something if nothing happens for it. At first, the parents taught the kid to expect a "score" for every action that requires very little effort and is not fun, and then suffer.
Laziness from parents!
In most cases, the child takes an example from the parents themselves. If mom and dad spend all their time lying on the couch, i.e. Nobody shows an example of hard work to a child, where does it come from?
It happens on the contrary, parents work hard, repeat that they need to work, but the child is still lazy. Why?
Yes, because the parents teach the child that work is something unpleasant, but still overcome by them every day.
Let me give you an example:
The father tells his child that I also don't want to go to work to earn money, I want them to appear themselves, but I still go. Therefore, you also go clean your room or wash the dishes. What are the conclusions of the child? The child begins to understand that work and study are hard, so he wants nothing but to have fun.
Look for a compromise with your child, invite him to make a choice, what will you do today? Clean up a room? Or wash the dishes? Sometimes it helps too!
Conclusion
1. It is important for parents to understand why the child is lazy!
2. The child must have enough free time, so restructure his schedule. The younger the child, the more time for games and entertainment.
3. Motivation is your faithful assistant. Think about how you can interest the child, "carrot and stick" will not work here.
4. When you are trying to wean a child from being lazy, you yourself should be more positive about your business and responsibilities.
5. Find compromises with your child.
And in conclusion, I want to make a small gift for you, this is my free book on child psychology, you can pick it up here.
This is where I will end this article. Health to you and your children!
I constantly come across the fact that parents accuse teenagers of being lazy: "He's so lazy. He doesn't need anything, do something." That is, they sign their own powerlessness and try to find someone responsible. Laziness usually means two things: does not want to study and does nothing around the house; more often the first is all the same. That is, the child is not at all interested in school subjects, somehow completes homework, skips school. He does nothing at home either: he does not wash the dishes, does not walk the dog, the room is a mess. You need to remind me to cook potatoes many times - he will forget anyway.
The answer about school is simple. He is not interested. And, unlike an adult, a teenager, most likely, will not do anything out of a sense of duty. Yes, and this is a disastrous path - duty must be balanced with pleasure, and this is the lot of balanced adults.
You need interest in learning, the satisfaction of which gives instant reward, that is, positive emotions. Or, a delayed result and delayed emotion may be the motivation for learning. Now it is difficult for a school to compete with the Internet and computer games. The interest and motivation must be colossal. But the more difficult the task, the more benefit we can get from trying to solve it.
In order for a teenager to enjoy mental activity, for a start, you can try to concentrate on several objects in which there is at least minimal interest, try to show the curious moments of this subject (gravity in physics, for example), explain historical processes in your own words. You can try to interest in something other than the school curriculum - there are excellent BBC documentaries about animals, space, history; educational films are also broadcast on National Geographic and Discovery channels. The most important thing is to awaken the curiosity that you want to satisfy.
If we talk about "deferred gingerbreads", then the question arises of how to convey to a teenager that he needs to enter a university, that knowledge workers earn more manual workers, and you can get to a university only by exam results? And if the threats "you will be a janitor", "you will go to the saleswoman" do not work? It is possible to say a couple of times about this (just calmly), it is also useful to give examples from your life or the life of friends. No effect? So invite your teenager to go work on vacation or even after school. By law, this can be done from the age of fourteen. Let him try, there are no risks. If he doesn't want to take the Unified State Exam, let him go to college; at the age of 16-17, almost all processes are reversible - he wants to study further, he returns to school, he can go to external studies. Outside of school, preparing for the Unified State Exam is no problem - courses, teachers.
As far as housework is concerned, it is perfectly acceptable to allow your room not to clean if it is separate and if it does not lead to epidemics. This is a private space worthy of hands-off! But it is necessary to demand order in public places - not with lectures and shouting, but firmly announce what needs to be done. It is far from the fact that a teenager will immediately rush to perform feats in the name of cleaning the kitchen space. However, patience, humor, and the process may shift. It is unlikely that a child will do everything perfectly - not all people are perfectionists in the household, and it is not of great value for adolescents. But there is no point in quarreling and blaming the child for a couple of crumbs left. Better in relationships (and cleaner in the kitchen) will definitely not get better.
The age of 12-14 years in tribes and ancient religions is the age of initiation, that is, the transition from childhood to adulthood. From that moment on, the parents were not responsible for the children! And it is at this age that intellectual thinking begins to work - the formation of logical connections, the identification of the general from the particular and vice versa.
In order to awaken the need to achieve a goal, the goal, first of all, must be one's own, not a parent's. The best thing that can be done for a teenager to start setting his own goals (and goals come from desires, although not only) is to move away, not to choke him with yourself, to give him space. This is not a feat or sacrifice, but a manifestation of respect for his personal, already adult boundaries.
“And he doesn't need anything,” I hear from my parents. Because what he once needed at an earlier age, the parents devalued and / or replaced it with what they themselves need. If you listen and take a closer look, it often turns out that a teenager still needs something: learn to draw, play the guitar, speak a not very popular language, program. They just need what their parents consider a whim and a useless occupation. But these are his desires and goals, and if they are encouraged or at least not interfered with, experience in satisfying desires and achieving goals will appear. He wants to learn to sing - let him sing, play chess - let him play. Such interests, no less than school subjects, are beneficial in intellectual development, and their role in emotional development is invaluable. And the point here may not be in the chess category, but in the process.
Parents are especially annoyed by teenagers lying on the couch for many hours. It is to us, in our hectic life, full of running, at times meaningless and ineffective, such inaction seems to be a crime. In adolescence, this so-called laziness is often a transitional "vacuum" period between the exit from family history, generic clichés and adulthood, YOUR adult life.
It is difficult to do without a definite, dosed effect on adolescents, but you need to act not with threats, but with specific measures - offer the teenager to work (nothing terrible will happen to the child), turn off the Internet, if the requirements are not met, close the laptop with a key (in extreme cases). Consistency in parents, sincere interest, respect for the adolescent's personal space and goals, the right to independence, sometimes in harsh conditions, are the ingredients with which a teenager can become an independent adult.