Addiction to a person. How to tell if it is affection or serious feeling? How to get rid of addiction to a guy or a girl

There is no love without attachment, but not all attachment is a sign of love. How to get rid of attachment to a person if besides it there are no more feelings left?

Attachment to inanimate an object or phenomenon of the world (things, home, habits) is recognized as such. If a person says: “This is my favorite jacket,” both him and those around him will understand that this is not love, but affection.

It is much more difficult, and sometimes it is simply impossible to distinguish love on your own. to a person from attachment to him. Unless attachment to another person is a symptom of some mental disorder(for example, Adele's syndrome), it is difficult to find the sign by which it becomes clear that attachment has become excessive.

Getting rid of attachment is even more difficult. Even realizing that the relationship can in no way be called love and it would have been worth breaking up long ago " vicious circle”, This is not easy to do. When a person is attached, it is as if something is holding him back against his will.

How often people confuse love and love addiction! You can live for years in delusion, and once waking up to understand that all this time there was a stranger nearby, but who became a "drug" without which it is impossible to live.

Strong love affection like any other dependencies(from alcohol, nicotine, gambling and computer games, other). Another person becomes an object of dependence, because he is a source of pleasure, satisfies needs, promotes an illusory feeling of well-being, harmony, happiness, or is simply a habit, without which it is difficult to imagine existence. The presence of a loved one next to you becomes that "dose" that is needed every day.

When there is an idea in the mind that without a person life will lose its meaning, and the understanding that sooner or later you will still have to part with him is absent or denied, there is painful attachment.

People are always attached to relatives, friends and loved ones. If there was no affection in love, perhaps there would be no institution of the family, a man and a woman would not consider it necessary to be faithful to each other, mothers would not take care of their children.

Nature itself has ordered so that people get used to and become attached to each other. Everything is not too romantic and even quite prosaic - a person needs to have a connection with his own kind in order to survive and continue the human race.

Everyone wants to be loved, so that there is someone nearby who will understand, support, help, comfort, and to whom you can also give your love.

V human body there is a hormone responsible for tender affection - oxytocin... It is called one of the hormones calm love... This hormone is essential element the formation of the initial mother-child relationship in a woman immediately after childbirth.

Scientists argue that without oxytocin, a man and a woman would end the relationship immediately after the first stage of the relationship (the stage of violent love and passion) has passed, and the child who was born during this period of time was of no use to anyone.

So, attachment to a person should be considered in two forms:

• attachment as an integral part of love,
• attachment as a painful addiction.

The difference between affection and love

Painful attachment can be characterized as "symbiosis." Symbiosis- a form of relationship in which one partner or both benefit from each other.

Wanting to constantly be close to a partner and doing everything in order to become one with him, the dependent partner forgets about himself.

By getting too attached to someone, an adult loses his individuality. Each partner should have personal space and freedom of action (but not growing into permissiveness). This is beneficial not only for the individual, but also for the relationship. By "merging" with a partner, one can cease to be an interesting person for him, thereby depriving the relationship of development and dooming them to death.

Unlike love, affection for a partner which is an addiction, characterized by:

• obsessive thoughts and the desire to be with your loved one all the time;
• hobby only for the external data of the partner and physical attraction to him;
• inconstancy of interest (a person is sometimes very interesting, sometimes almost indifferent);
• the suddenness of the acute sensation of lack of a loved one nearby;
• the emergence of obstacles on the path of personal development and growth due to the loss of interest in anything other than the personality of the partner;
• an obstacle to the emergence of positive feelings towards other people;
• significant narrowing of the circle of communication;
• an acute experience of separation, leading to a depressive state;
• quarrels for the sake of quarrels, and not for the sake of finding compromises and finding a constructive solution to problems;
• lack or difficulty of making plans for the future;
• focus on meeting their own needs and requirements.

If all thoughts, actions, interests are associated with a loved one, and actions performed "in the name of love" harm the rest of life, we can talk about a deep symbiotic affection.

It should be noted that at the beginning of the relationship (during candy-bouquet period), the state of obsession with a person is normal and necessary for the occurrence healthy attachment to him. The only difference is that a loving person "builds" personal relationships into his life, and a painfully attached person replaces it with them.

If you are unlucky enough to become attached to the wrong person, we recommend reading the books by I. Korchagina “Forget him in 8 days! How to get rid of attachment to the wrong man and find happiness ”and“ How to get over unhappy love ”

Fighting attachment

Freeing yourself from attachment to a person is not easy, just like any other addiction. Most likely, it will be hard and painful, and thoughts of returning to the previous model of behavior will haunt.

Sometimes it is difficult to throw away old broken furniture, let alone a weakening of the connection with a person. If this connection only brings harm and pain, it is better to break the relationship altogether. But if the relationship is great, you just need to adjust your behavior and change your way of thinking.

With a problem painful attachment a loved one is often consulted by psychologists. Experienced specialist will help to understand the problem and contribute to its resolution. You can try to get rid of attachment to a person on your own.

Tasks that you need to put in front of you:

• become an independent, full-fledged person;
• to be in a relationship not because "I can't live without him," but because "I love him."

Psychologists recommend adhere to this order of actions:

1. Define that attachment is a painful addiction and not just a component of love. This can be done based on knowledge of the signs of attachment.
2. To find out, which is the object of the dependency. What is in a loved one or what aspect of the relationship with him is that "drug" without which it is impossible to live? We'll have to start slowly limiting ourselves in this. This way you can reduce not only addiction, but also prevent manipulation by the partner. The main thing is not to rush.
3. Find fear, which makes you "cling" to the person. Answer the question: "Why am I so afraid of losing him?" and work with that fear.
4. To realize that everything in the world comes, there is nothing eternal and unchanging. A person comes into the world alone and also leaves. You cannot tie a person to yourself, you can only love a person, respecting independence.
5. To work over inner freedom. Free yourself from chilling fears, stereotypes, self-doubt, reveal the boundaries of possibilities, abilities, choice of actions.

As a rule, all those benefits that, literally and figuratively, a loved one gives, you can:

• find in yourself or learn to create on your own;
• receive from another person, object, activity, and so on.

But the addict does not see such opportunities, believes that only this partner is the source of benefits, and therefore is afraid of losing it.

Such a blessing, which is seen as vital as air, is usually itself love another man. That is why people who do not love themselves and believe that no one else will love them become very attached to the very first person who falls in love with them or at least talks about love.

If you always look for the source of happiness in outside world, including in another person, there will always be attachment and fear of loss. Happiness- this is a state of mind, it is inside, not outside. Only this inner sensation happiness is everlasting, does not cause dependence, gives freedom, harmony, peace and opens the way to disinterested love.

It can be very difficult to survive parting, especially if it seems that you have fallen in love until the last breath. Although, as practice shows, the word “seems” is the most appropriate here. If you really love a person, you will never cling to the hem of his coat if he leaves.

You will sincerely wish him happiness where he found it. Yes, you, like everyone else, will be offended, hurt and unpleasant because you have been betrayed. But you will never obsessively follow a man, overwhelm him with letters and SMS-kami, rain down on him a flurry of calls with a plea to return and intrigue his new passion, if any. Otherwise, it is not about love at all, but rather its opposite - love or emotional dependence.

Black out the past

How to get rid of attachment to a person if your fates did not coincide with him, and you had a chance to part?

First of all, you must understand a simple but very wise truth - "You can't be cute by force".

Therefore, if you want to free yourself from the shackles of painful addiction, you will have to let go of a person not only physically, but also morally, somewhere in the depths of yourself and your soul.

It may sound corny, but you will have to close the door to your past. It is not at all necessary to hang chains and locks on this door, since theoretically, the past can knock on it again (we bet that you are waiting for this, but you cannot purposefully wait for this). Get ready for any turn of events and enjoy the freedom.

Your loved one, who left you now, may return to you after a while. But now you must understand the main thing - on this stage life, your paths diverged, and you cannot be together. Just take it for granted, which cannot be changed.

Your relationship has reached an impasse, regressed, or completed its development. Perhaps someday you will meet again with already renewed people, with different goals, interests and life attitudes... And the beginnings of love that were between you can bloom again. But now this is not possible because you have not found common ground.

Even if you consider returning your loved one right now, theoretically it is possible. But what will come of this? An alliance with a mass of old and new claims to each other? Who needs it - you? To your loved one? Unlikely.

Therefore, try not to stir up the past and leave it alone. Do not be selfish and do not try to adjust the development of events to suit your momentary interests. Finally, think again about the fact that you will not be happy with this person at this stage of your life.

Distinguish love from affection

If you hate everything and everyone, presenting your ex with a new passion, then you do not love him. When a person experiences truly deep love feelings, any possessiveness is alien to him. He is glad that his passion is alive, healthy and happy, albeit in another place. You cannot control someone's destiny and force a person to be "on a leash" with you.

Learn to distinguish love from attachment and prioritize. If now you cannot be together, be a couple, sincerely wish the person happiness and leave him alone.

The feeling of affection borders on the feeling of love, and here it is almost impossible to distinguish one from the other. When loving people long time live in marriage, they also become attached, get used to each other. Sometimes this happens not only on the physical, but also on mental level... If you are alone, you involuntarily begin to imagine the presence of a loved one, no matter what you do. You constantly remember the routes you walked together, watch a "common" movie, listen to your songs. You cook his favorite dinner purely automatically and buy him in the supermarket favorite wine.

This is a mental, psychic attachment to a person. Alas, it is quite difficult to "etch" her out of yourself, and sometimes even impossible until a new person appears in your life. But still try to calm down and look at everything soberly.

Become a whole person - watch "your" movies, listen to "your" music ", buy your favorite wine for dinner. Attend courses and seminars that interest you. It is possible that the person left not at all because he fell out of love, but because he was frightened by such a "dog's" affection on your part.

Each of us is looking for an integral personality that would harmoniously complement our essence. Psychological slaves are not needed by anyone, and if you continue in the same spirit, with a new passion you will suffer the same sad fate.

Be in society

In psychology, the reasoning about how to get rid of attachment to a person comes down to one thing - the "addict" needs to be fed by an outside society. At this stage, in no case should you rush to active searches"Wedge", that is, consolation in the face of another man. But you need society now like air.

Try to contact him. Learn to trust other people and value their support, communicate with them and fully develop. Learn from the experience of others, but do not gloat at all if someone is in a similar situation.

How else to get rid of painful attachment to a man? If you feel really bad, contact knowledgeable people, for example, a practicing psychologist.

He will definitely be able to help you come to terms with yourself and find a way out of this situation. If you are a believer, going to church and addressing the saints will not be superfluous. People say that it saves them even better than psychologists.

How to get rid of attachment to a man?

Many people who experience hard parting often need only feeling self-importance and significance to another. And here psychology is not needed - after all, you yourself understand that you are used to taking care of your loved one, doing so that he feels good, comfortable and pleasant. Feeling is important for any person self-worth and that's completely normal. But this nuance does not have to be limited to one individual.

Try the following:

1. Take things, food and hygiene items to the "Baby House";
2. Visit a hospice and help local patients (at the same time you will see and understand how insignificant your problems are compared to those of those who lie there);
3. Take yourself a stray kitten or puppy;
4. Help an animal shelter or local foundation;
5. Take patronage over any lonely old woman (or old man) living near you. Go weekly to help them around the house, buy some food and medicine, and give injections if needed.

Doing good is always useful and pleasant, especially if you do it from pure heart without pursuing any specific purpose. So you will again feel like a full-fledged, necessary member of society. And besides, good deeds, like evil, always return threefold.

And if you selflessly help people in need, you will become much happier, and, as Angelina Jolie said, "Someone will definitely write down all your good deeds in the Book of Life, and will reward you for them".

How else to get rid of emotional attachment?

Get yourself interesting hobby or find your dream job. So you, again, will be involved in society and its global goals, and besides that, you will extract your own profit. Cultivate talents in yourself that you probably forgot about, dissolving in that person.

Read the article and draw your own conclusions about all the words written.

Until we understand and feel what attachment is, we cannot figure out how to get rid of attachment to a person or object.

Affection can be so strong and invisible at the same time that it really affects our whole life.

Affection is an emotional nourishment from someone. or an object to improve your own well-being.

We can only be attached to good emotions and good feelings... Very many people become attached to their "soul mate", alcohol, tobacco, tasty and unhealthy food, to laziness. Some people get attached to the Internet, to TV, because they are sources good emotions, security.

There is nothing wrong with affection or love. That's why no need to beat yourself up or scold yourself because of this... This is how it happened. You become attached, and there is nothing wrong with focusing your attention on getting pleasure from something or someone. We enjoy life and that's perfectly normal.

Temporary addiction

In life, many had attachments, for example, to the opposite sex.

We become attached, and we feel good as long as the object to which we are attached allows us to receive from it those emotions, pleasures and feelings that we like. But absolutely every person and every object in this world is temporary. This means that it is now and tomorrow it may not be.

And the problem is that ATTACHMENT = DEPENDENCE.

Of course, we don't want to be addicted. We don't want to depend on anything, but we still want to enjoy what is temporary. Any relationship is temporary.... Money, work, favorite TV show, favorite clothes, car are temporary. Having lost all this, we are upset and want to learn more about how to get rid of love addiction.

Sooner or later, the object will disappear... Whole cities, people disappear, new ones appear. Or people simply leave, do not want to have a relationship with a person and new ones appear.

Everything in this world comes and goes. Therefore, initially treat everything as temporary.

Analysis and self-examination

Taking a close look inside yourself, you can see the source and the place that allows you to enjoy.

Ask these questions right now in relation to your loved one, car or apartment.

Imagine this object or person and ask yourself:

1. What will happen if this person is not there? Will I worry, suffer and fear this?
2. Why am I going to worry? Why am I afraid of losing this in my life?

Answer - it is the fear of losing comfort, pleasure, fear of not feeling loved and lonely... This is the fear of stopping receiving the pleasures that we get now with this person.

This is because without all this external, we will not feel so good. Our mood will drop because we search internally for sources of pleasure.

This is because our society is not concerned with itself. Our society has different trends, different fashions. People live on money, live on the idea of ​​fame, popularity, security, but all this does not bring happiness, does not bring independence and tranquility. This does not give anything of the most important to a person. And at the level of feelings, all this pours out into inner emptiness, depression, addiction, worries, fears of losing. A hasty search begins for a way to help get rid of attachment to a person or object.

My video

Is it true that the girl's favorite things, given to you at some time, reinforce the addiction to her?

What to do if a relationship breaks up?

I talk about this and many other things in my video.

Ditching Attachments: Stop Taking Your State from the Outside

Outwardly, people can be very rich, but inwardly they are very empty.! I am not saying to drop everything external, let it be - it does not bother anyone.

Just stop raising your mood thanks to external objects, external paraphernalia.

For example, the idea that a guy has a girlfriend makes him feel better every day. He needs to stop thinking about the fact that he has a girlfriend from the very beginning of the day. Maximum free yourself from the idea that you have something in this world... Find a small moment in your head that allows you to enjoy and throw it away. You just stop thinking about him. You just stop enjoying it.

Do it all slowly, not all at once. It's like a diet.

You will feel worse at first.... But this is necessary. Throw away attachments from your life, even though it will be difficult at first.

Live with the idea that you are already doing well.... You go on dropping and removing attachments from your life.

You have a loved one, but you should not draw emotions out of him in order to increase your condition.

Over time, you will learn not to think that you have it. At the same time, you will not be afraid to lose it. Ultimately, you will be able to get rid of the love addiction. You no longer need to suck out states from somewhere, because your state is already better.... Thanks to self-development, you find the reasons why you are dependent on something, discard them - this increases your internal state, your inner self-esteem. You start to love yourself more, to be more independent.

Why fortune is not the main thing

"Happiness is a state, and the person has no control over the state.

Freedom is understanding, to which by chance and desire you can come.

When you are free you cannot be unhappy and you are no longer interested in experiencing happiness - since this will already be another sensation against the background of your freedom.

Therefore, freedom is much more fundamental and limitless than any happiness.

And it is this kind of freedom that is happiness ".©

Attachment is a habit receive good condition from the outside. But the state should not be a priority for you. The state is always changing and always different. You shouldn't depend on it and get too hung up on it.

The fortune comes and goes... You don't have to take it from the outside, take it from the inside. The condition should not be based on external factors.

Everything is temporary: you are already full and independent on your own

Then you will notice that everything in your life is no longer yours... Even your wife or husband is no longer yours, because you no longer want him to be yours.

You no longer suck feelings out of your partner. You are still there, you still love each other.

This understanding improves your relationship.... But you are no longer afraid of losing a person. Therefore, you know that now your state does not depend on a person or an object in this world.

Nothing in this world can make you feel better.

Not because you become insensitive. On the contrary, because you fill yourself with such feelings and states, which do not depend on anything external.

You begin to love yourself truly, becoming an independent and happy person.

Realize that pleasure is not happiness.!

Someday you will still lose everything. Everything is subject to time.

Therefore, everything will go away from you. Either we or our loved ones will leave.

In 100 years, there will be no us and all that we use now. So what is the use of getting attached and expecting this to be with us forever?

Don't be stupid no need to strive for external pleasures.

We are just living this life now, enjoying. We see how all this happens, we create, we love, we do business, we have a rest.

The meaning of life is love! And love is the meaning of life. But love is not attachment, it is not fear! This is independence! Love is primarily love towards yourself.

And any fears and experiences appear primarily due to a lack of love in relation to yourself!

Love yourself more than you love yourself now.

Has it happened to you: met a person and felt such an instant and amazing power attraction that immediately decided that he is your only one?

You are so close and you feel so comfortable that you think you finally found your soul mate.

But is it? Did love come? Or is it an elementary attachment to a person? Do you love him or do you desperately need him? And what, ask, is the difference?

Waiting for happiness

We often absorb the feelings and moods of other people, we get used to their way of life, their beliefs. Affection is deep emotional connection with another person.

The tendency to form such bonds is a universal trait. human life... And the possibility of losing a partner can cause fear, despair, uncertainty, and become destructive.

If an irresistible bond arises with a narcissist, it is difficult for you to separate yourself from him, you have become his prey. But you don't get it until it's too late. Instead, you think you have fallen in love.

For example, moving to new town, new job, discomfort in a new environment. Big changes are always stressful in life. And at this time, you become vulnerable.

But then a meeting takes place. He is friendly, cheerful, willing to help. He shows you a safe place to drop your car in for repairs, he invites you to the bar for a coffee after work. It even helps you arrange furniture in your new apartment.

He offers the help and companionship you want and need. He also makes you laugh and tells you how good you are, how he has been waiting for you all his life. You feel appreciated, it is flattering. You are relieved to find that you can rely on someone. You feel loved.

Relationship begins

But soon everyone around is wondering what these two saw in each other. You have nothing to do.

However, attachment arose. And you stay together, even if this person begins to demand more, even when you are no longer comfortable with him.

No matter what, you don't part because the thought of losing is terrifying. But you have to wonder, is it affection or love? The only thing that really unites you is the need for someone, the need to feel that someone cares about you.

This is attachment. It is needed to raise self-esteem, to fill the void. He- like a port in a storm. But this is not enough for love. Love is not need or despair.

Any port will come in handy during a storm. But you don't have to stay there. If he is not your man, you should not even drop anchor. No attachment, no suffering. You just need to not give up, keep the sails.

Remember, you can handle it yourself, you can weather this storm. And when it's over, you are sure to meet someone who weathered their storm as well. You will be able to face life with courage and count on true love.

New sensations or nostalgia

We tried to explain what attachment to a person is, how it differs from love. In fact, these concepts are so close that it is not always possible to separate them.

Sometimes affection disguises itself as love. But this is just caring for someone and gratitude for the time spent together. If a physical element is added to the relationship, then these concepts become even more difficult to distinguish.

Often, attachment is considered love by those who have not yet experienced true love. Spending a lot of time together, getting used to each other, young people think that this is the same feeling ...

It is important to keep in mind that love has all the components of attachment, but not vice versa. It is much deeper than attachment, more stable and more intense.

Another feeling that makes it even more difficult to separate love and affection is nostalgia. Sometimes you feel longing for the time you spent with someone and mistake it for love. You feel sentimental when you remember your relationship with your ex. It is not necessary to continue your relationship in the future if it ended for objective reasons.

When you are evaluating a current relationship or thinking about continuing it in the future, you need to stop and consider what is going on. Are you in love or have an affection?

Perhaps you just feel nostalgic for the past? There is no shame in any of these situations, but it is important to distinguish between them. Love is measured by the measure of forgiveness, attachment by the pain of parting.

Or maybe it's still Love?

So, we see how close the concepts of attachment and love. Romantic affection can flow into love, or it can become a burden and an obstacle to real feelings. Let's name some of the signs of true love.

1. You cannot stop thinking about this person.
2. You can talk for hours, forgetting about the time.
3. You want to make each other happy.
4. He awakens the best qualities in you.
5. You accept him for who he is, with quirks, relatives and friends.

Maintain a balance between love and passion. Take your time to get attached to each other, let the relationship develop naturally... The more you are willing to bring love, honesty, passion, and romance into your relationship, the easier it will be to attract someone who shares the same qualities.

Is it possible to discern feelings?

There are many different techniques, tests that help you understand yourself. Let's try to understand how to distinguish attachment from love. The test below will help you come to an opinion.

Question	Attachment	Love
What attracts in a partner?	Figure, Beautiful face, achievements, career	Personality as a whole
Do you remember the beginning of a relationship?	Sympathy at first sight	Slow development
Is your interest constant?	Variable	Constant deep feeling
How does feeling affect life?	Disorganizes. Abandoned business (not always)	Most of the best qualities manifest
Attitude towards others?	Indifferent to everyone except the object	Favorite - main person but other people are not indifferent either
How does breakup affect?	Feelings fade	Feelings are heightened
Do you often quarrel?	Often because there is nothing to talk about	Quarrels fade over time
Positioning yourself in a relationship?	Me and him, mine and him	We, us, our
Selflessness or selfishness?	Will I be happy with him?	I want to make him happy

It is important to remember that time is your like-minded person in resolving the issue of affection and love.

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Do not rush to run down the aisle or leave, let some time pass. And the problem will be solved by itself.