How to return old feelings: men answer. How to return love when love is no more

29.05.2019

Love is a fragile delicate flower that can crumble even from a light breath of a cold wind. Only wisdom, which comes as a person grows up spiritually, is capable of saving it. Until recently, everything was fine with you, you warmed up from an all-consuming tenderness for each other, held hands and merged together in strong embraces, and now there is coldness and irritation in your eyes, indifferent words on your lips, and in life there is one household routine. What if this happened, how to return the previous brightness to feelings?

A thin line between falling in love and love

Don't rush to get depressed. In fact, things may not be as bad as you think. Many young couples, who have not previously entered into a serious relationship, tend to exaggerate love, believing that throughout their lives it should remain ardent, passionate, often going to extremes. It seems that your heart will always beat faster when you meet, kisses will flow endlessly, and you will spend all your free time in each other's arms. I don’t want to disappoint those who are inclined to think so, but, alas, no one has managed to maintain relationships at this level throughout their lives. And is it really necessary?

There is a thin, almost imperceptible line between falling in love and love, crossing which at a certain stage of your relationship, instead of passion you begin to experience tenderness, instead of groundless jealousy - anxiety for your loved one, instead of enjoying your heightened feelings - caring for him. Everything is so simple and complicated at the same time. But this is true love, which consists of trust, understanding and respect. And what we talked about earlier is blind love, which can pass in a week, or it can develop into true strong love. Now think - perhaps love has not gone anywhere, but you just moved on to the next step in your relationship?

Love is a house built with your hands

Love does not tolerate indifference and quarrels, it does not develop by itself. Building relationships is an ongoing job for both members of your union. Day after day, year after year, you must build your relationship and strengthen your love. Only in this case you will never have problems with mutual understanding, trust and care for each other.

What is needed to ensure that the relationship does not fade away, but only strengthens over time?

Learn to talk to each other right away. Do not keep silent about some minor grievances and discontent. They have a very unpleasant property to accumulate, multiply and take on exaggerated forms. Therefore, it is better to discuss any incident right away, to put everything in its place. It may turn out that there are no reasons for resentment at all.
Tolerance of each other is very important. Young people tend to idealize their future chosen one, and when it comes to serious relationships, and even more so before marriage, there comes a period of painful disappointment - they understand that their partner is far from ideal. You can spend your whole life in search of the perfect man or the ideal woman, but you never find anyone who meets your requirements. Because they don't exist. Learn to put up with each other's shortcomings, justify them with other advantages, try to understand, analyze actions, build strong walls of your family happiness.
Don't try to change your partner. Not every psychologist can make adjustments to an already formed personality, but your annoying indications of mistakes and shortcomings can cause him to feel that you are unhappy with him, find fault with all the little things, that he is a source of irritation for you. Attempts to change your partner very often end in a breakup.
Learn to trust each other - unfounded jealousy has never strengthened a relationship. She brings negativity into the communication of two loving people, a certain amount of bile, a desire for revenge. First, make sure of the fact of treason and only then draw conclusions. There are relationships built on trust, but on jealousy - never!

What if love has faded away?

If you are sure that instead of warmth in your relationship, a period of coolness has come, do not panic, do not listen to harmful advice from your friends like "threaten him with parting" or "make him jealous." This should not be done under any circumstances. Imagine, it can happen that, in response to your threat to leave him, he will silently collect things and disappear from your life. And an attempt to provoke jealousy can turn into scandals instead of reconciliation. So it's up to you to decide.

Instead of acting like an unintelligent teenager, act like a wise adult - try to refresh the relationship and understand what exactly led to the imbalance. Where do you start?

For starters, just try to talk. You should not do this harshly and decisively - you can scare your soul mate. Do it in a relaxed atmosphere with a glass of good wine. Start from afar, don't apply pressure. In the course of a sincere conversation, all problems themselves will fly off the tongue. And then everything is in your hands. Knowing the problem can help you solve it.
Try to freshen up your intimate relationship. Perhaps because of everyday problems, busyness or fatigue, you stopped paying enough attention to them. But the quality of the relationship as a whole depends on the harmony of intimate life. Begin to act as passionate as you did at the beginning of the relationship. Moreover, now you have the trump card in your hands - you have already studied your partner and know exactly how to please him.
A harmonious relationship should be harmonious in everything. Find a common new hobby. Nothing brings people together like a similarity of interests. Moreover, a hobby may turn out to be the most unexpected - spearfishing, dancing, wrestling or searching for treasures. The main thing is that both of you are interested.
Treat each other more carefully. Spend more time together, try not to create annoying situations, be sympathetic to the weaknesses of your chosen one.

What else can you say to couples who suddenly feel cold? The main or even a prerequisite for the success of the operation is the readiness for changes of both partners. You cannot build houses and build a fortress on the site of the ruins alone. So first you need to come to a general agreement and promise each other to do your best to fix the situation. If you can do this, then you will definitely be able to do the rest.

No matter how difficult the relationship may sometimes seem, do not show weakness - do not tear them up because of some trifle or misunderstanding. Try to overcome this period and, perhaps, you will enjoy the sunset together, even in old age.

When newlyweds get married, they dream that they will have a close-knit family. And at first it is usually so, but years pass, and love gradually fades away, passion dulls, feelings become dimmer. How to get love back in a relationship? How to revive old feelings?

Why is love fading away?

For some couples, love does not fade away all their lives, others are not so lucky. But that doesn't mean that love isn't worth fighting for. If at the beginning of the relationship she was, then she can be returned.

We must start with the reasons for the extinction of love. Why it happens? There may be several reasons:

monotonous life - minor problems, lack, work, home, children, constant worries and moreover, every day the same thing. Of course, this annoys, dulls feelings, there is fatigue from such a life and from relationships as well;
constant conflicts - if you often quarrel (and over trifles, including), then love gradually turns into irritation and even hatred or indifference. While some couples enjoy quarrels, it’s on the contrary, enlivens their relationship;
growing up of children - if the relationship was based on caring for children, then when they leave the family, a big problem arises. The spouses each live their own lives, together they are bored, there are no common interests. The couple simply does not know how to live their independent and interesting life without children.

And if several reasons coincide, then the cooling of feelings in a couple is inevitable. However, everything is fixable if there is a desire on both sides. The main thing is to find out what caused the fading of feelings, deal with the problems, discuss everything together, and then start solving them. If love is real, it can be revived and returned.

What is true love? This is devotion, trust, sincerity, tenderness. True love usually arises slowly. First you need to get to know the person, and then you can really love him. A love that flares up like a spark instantly is rather a hobby that can go away in 1-3 years.

If there is true love, then the absence of a loved one only sharpens the feeling. And such love will surely stand the test of time and distance.

The same can be said for difficulties. A strong family with real love is only hardened by ore and trials. Yes, everyone has a rough time. However, with a simple hobby, difficulties can lead to quarrels and conflicts, it can even come to a divorce. For example, families often break up when a baby is born. After all, the child needs to be given maximum attention and therefore the spouse feels left out. The family should go through this period together, helping each other, and not expressing resentments and claims. After all, the point is to support each other and protect relationships, and not selfishly think only about yourself and your desires. And only with true love this is possible.

Or one of the spouses becomes seriously ill. Treatment usually requires a lot of effort, time and money. In addition, the other half becomes for a while relatively weak and helpless, not so attractive. This is also a test of true love.

Quarrels and conflicts occur in every family. However, a loving person will try to find a compromise, to solve the problem that has arisen. And so that the spouse does not remain offended. If this is just a hobby, and not, each of the spouses behaves selfishly and tries to do better only for themselves, and not for the family.

What to do if feelings began to fade? We'll have to work hard.

First of all, it is worth analyzing the pastime of each spouse. Do you often go to concerts, cinema or theater together? Do you have a general interesting activity? If not, then it is urgent to change it. Joint trips, travels, vacations, as well as will help revive the senses. The more time spouses spend together, the better for them. You just need to spend time with pleasure, and not doing a duty. Therefore, you need to find what the two really like. For example, go fishing together, ride bicycles, do ballroom dancing, yoga, cooking, photography. There are many options.

In addition, if there are conflicts, they must be resolved. And for this, you should calmly talk, discuss the problem (without turning to a quarrel), express your claims and listen to the claims of your spouse. After that, find a compromise.

If the problem is that the children have grown up and left the family, the couple must learn to live again only with each other. It might be a little tricky at first. However, if the spouses are interested in spending time together, then this transitional period will not be so difficult. But if in the family all the attention was directed only to the younger generation, it will be more difficult. The couple must remember how good it was for them at the beginning of the relationship, when there were no children. That is, you have to learn to live together and enjoy it. And high-quality communication, hobbies and general interesting activities will help in this. Gradually, a warm relationship will return to the family, love will begin to revive again.

Love must be supported and protected. Despite the fact that true love is very lasting, but time, distance and trials can dull the senses. However, this does not mean that love is gone. You just need to work a little, remember that the most beloved person is nearby, despite all his shortcomings. Declaration of love, affectionate words, gentle touches - all this will help to revive fading feelings.

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Until recently, you were in love. He gave flowers, looked after beautifully, called with affectionate words. You counted the minutes before the meeting, planned to live a long and happy life together. But years passed, and all romance disappeared somewhere from your relationship. Love began to fade.

What to do? Break up? Do not rush! If there was love, then it can be resurrected. You just have to work a little. After all, love is a verb, which means it presupposes action.

So go for it! Here are 10 tips to help bring love back to fading relationships.

Fall in love with yourself

Remember how you dressed up for your first dates. Remembered? Now look at yourself in the mirror. Do you still see that beautiful girl there? If not, then we urgently need to fix it. Become the one he fell in love with again!

Change your favorite jeans for a feminine dress, put on heels, do the styling, go to the beautician. Your task is to make him fall in love with yourself again, but first, fall in love with yourself! After all, as a woman treats herself, so her man treats her.

Even if you are a housewife, this is not a reason to wear old pants and a stretched T-shirt. You can find wonderful home dresses for your home. You should like yourself in the reflection.

Take care of yourself

Each person should have a favorite business, hobby, hobby. Something that inspires and ennobles, that you can immerse yourself in and forget about time and problems.

Engage in self-development: read books, go to exhibitions, museums, develop!

Passionate people are interesting to others, including men. Let him look at you and admire you! You yourself will begin to value yourself more. Create the best version of yourself! So that he sees in you the woman that he would not like to lose.

Step back and look at him from the side

Falling in love with yourself is not enough, you have to fall in love with him again. To do this, look at him not with a blurry gaze, but from the side, as if you saw him for the first time. Remember why you chose him once.

Now imagine that he is not yours. That you can't come up and hug him. Imagine that he is a free man and can be with another woman. How is it? Don't want to lose it? Heart skipped inside? Appreciate what you have.

No claims

Stop making claims to him. No one owes nothing to nobody. If you don't like something, tell him about it, but not with a pretense, but out of your feelings.

Say it with love, without accusations, otherwise he will begin to defend himself, and it will not lead to anything good. A heart-to-heart conversation is the best thing that can help with any problem. Open your heart and talk to it from it.

Stop focusing on flaws

At the beginning of a relationship, we do not notice the shortcomings of a partner, at first they seem to us even cute. But a month passes, or a second, a year, and we are annoyed by his champing, throwing socks all over the apartment, an open tube of toothpaste, etc.

But you yourself deliberately chose him. No need to try to change a man, just accept him as he is. Think, in fact, these are such trifles. And the third point will help you with this.

You can also talk to him about what you don't like using the fourth point. And remember, there are no perfect people! Surely you also have similar flaws that you do not notice.

Notice the virtues and praise the actions

We quickly get used to the good, take it for granted. I propose to return to the third point again. Look at his merits, evaluate them, remind him of them at any opportunity.

Tell him what you admire about him. It will fill both of you. He will be pleased, and you will remember why you chose and fell in love with this man.

Does he open the door for you? Look him in the eye and tell him how caring he is. Coming back from the store, you go light, and he has six heavy bags? Admire its strength. Did he change the light bulb? Hug him with the words about how economic he is.

When he sees that you notice and appreciate everything that he does for you, he will want to do even more for you!

Give thanks

Oh, this is my favorite! If you still have not realized the power of this instrument, then begin to master it immediately. With the power that gratitude is endowed with, perhaps only love can compare.

Thank you for everything he does for you. It's a trifle for you, but he is pleased. Do not be shy and do not be greedy in emotions.

Gave flowers, be delighted and thank. Watch what happens to him. He will like the sensations that your gratitude gives, which means that he will want to repeat them.

But don't forget what a gift, such a gratitude. No need to rush to the neck with kisses, chamomile. A modest "thank you" and a kiss on the cheek will suffice. But be sure to back it up with emotion.

Well, for a gorgeous gift - a corresponding gratitude. Turn on your fantasy! If he gave you a car, you can thank you at night in the Scheherazade style, for example.

By the way, sometimes the reverse scheme also works, when a man wants to thank his woman by giving her something expensive.

Ask for help

Turn off the function "I myself" in yourself. Be weak, let him be strong. Give pleasure to your man to do things for you, even if the most trifling things to begin with, for example, replacing a light bulb or delivering a car for MOT. Ask him about it.

Men like to help women. And don't forget the fifth point: thank. This is his reward!

Let him be a knight and perform feats for you. Then you will become a princess for him.

Spend time with him, go on dates

People are united by shared experiences. Create it more often, and in a positive way. Plan joint trips, going to the cinema, to the theater, create family traditions, for example, going out with the whole family. Add new experiences to your life by booking a table at the restaurant on the 63rd floor. Buy a certificate for an air flight.

Don't forget about romance too! Plan a romantic date, buy incense, candles, download music to create an atmosphere, put on beautiful underwear. Sometimes you can pamper a man by learning an erotic dance for him, or come to our Academy and master it. Turn on your imagination and create!

Talk only good things about your man

Whatever your relationship is now, you should not demonstrate it in public: swear, insult or humiliate your man. Remember, you are a team. Hence, they must be at the same time.

Not worth it to girlfriends. The quarrel between you will end, and your words will remain in the memory of your friends, who, at any opportunity, will remind you how “good” he is.

Why create a negative reputation for your own couple in the eyes of others? Take care of your relationship! And in general, you should not wash dirty linen in public.

On the contrary, tell only good things about him, admire him publicly, show his value and the harmony of your couple! Then soon you will see how a man gratefully supports you. This will strengthen your pair many times over!

The easiest way to return the feelings that once made you choose this particular person as your life partner is to return to the past. Your memories and feelings will help you with this. What you felt when he first took you by the hand, invited you on a date, kissed - all these feelings and circumstances serve as so-called psychological anchors.

It could be tunes you both loved, restaurants or public gardens where your first dates were. Do not set yourself the task of resurrecting everything, try to observe how you feel now under the same circumstances. As you look at pictures of your first new year or vacation together, be together, tell each other how you feel, and think about what you both are missing.

Secret 2. Accept each other completely

With all the flaws and annoying habits. We know that there are no people without minuses. At first we do not notice them, because falling in love blinds. But everyday life gradually opens our eyes and turns cute features into the horrors of being together. Much has not caused tides of tenderness for a long time, but with the passage of time it is more difficult and more difficult to put up with something.

At first we see only the good and love for it. However, those relationships that cannot be destroyed also develop happily because in them we know about the bad and accept it. How to do it? First, talk about it. Do not offend your partner, explain that you value his feelings, are grateful for them, but there is also something that can be changed for the better. This will allow him to show his love without causing resentment. The more compromises you find, the less irritation will remain in your couple. What to fight with and what not to pay attention to - you must solve these issues together, without emotions and mutual accusations.

Secret 3. Create something new

Walking in the past may not be enough. After all, the evening of memories will end, and you will have to return to weekdays. Everyday life takes away strength, and feelings fade. Years after they met, they begin to miss the feeling of novelty, which was so exciting and captivating at the beginning. In addition to memories of the past, you can come up with new traditions of your couple, creating pleasant events for both of you. the easiest way is to sit at home, at best you download a movie and watch it sitting side by side.

But this will not revive the passion and those emotions that you want to experience again. Undoubtedly, any attempt to refresh the relationship, even if not the most successful, is better than inaction. But it's more important to try to understand what you can give each other here and now. The experience of parting teaches us to appreciate what we have lost, and it’s not just passion. After divorces, former spouses often regret such simple things as communication, care, ordinary human warmth. Try to understand what in your partner you would be sad without - this is what can become a solid foundation for a relationship of a new order. Stronger, more serious and stable.

Secret 4. Realize changes in yourself

Longing for the past feelings for a long time, we remember ourselves as the people we were. Although in reality, dissatisfaction concerns the present day. It is not always possible to immediately understand how people in a couple have changed, but the important thing is that it was the relationship that made them different. If you had a different husband, you would not have become what you are now. Growing up and wisdom is a necessary stage for a full life, otherwise we would all remain naive and infantile boys and girls. Remember that your luggage is due in part to the person around you.

Secret 5. Miss each other

How long have you been bored? We were looking forward to meeting, as then, for the first time, and shuddered from the phone call. In the modern world, this is difficult: the Internet and a bunch of useful gadgets create the illusion of full-fledged communication and presence. But real separation can still be arranged. At least agree that you will not bother each other and bother your partner for a while. Only talk to each other when you actually have something to say. Be a little further apart,.

Together with the channel's experts, we figure out what to do if the relationship is going through a crisis.

Instructions

What gets in the way Behind the unnecessary husk, you may not see what is really valuable, so first you need to "clean" your life of garbage. How? Do a general cleaning of the house, put things in order. A person who lives in a gloomy and cluttered room feels that way himself - gloomy and “cluttered”. What love can we talk here?

Discuss mutual claims to each other. Not in the form of a scandal, of course, but through a calm and friendly dialogue. Talk about possible solutions to the problem. If your spouse is into something, think about how you can fix the situation. If your spouse's behavior does not suit you in any way, calmly express it to him. The claim must be very specific.

New experiences When your home and relationships are in order, you can look for fresh experiences. Go to the cinema, theater, picnic in the woods; hike if you are tourism lovers. Do something together that will add variety to your life. If it's winter outside and you are not shy about prying eyes, go out into the yard and make a snowman, finally. Surely, after all, you used to have many common hobbies, only in the everyday hustle and bustle you somehow forgot about them.

Memories of Past Reflect on how your relationship began. It is important to remember only the good, not to delve into old grievances. Review old photos. Find in the closet those things in which you walked at the very beginning of your romance. Think of your mutual friends and acquaintances. If possible, invite them to visit (have you already put things in order anyway?).

Sex: If you lack passion and variety in your intimate life, just try some time from sex (of course, by agreeing in advance with your partner). Don't make sex a routine.

When people are together for many years, they often begin to realize that their the senses fade away. Sometimes this is noticeable only in one partner, and the second is satisfied with everything, but in any case, in order to maintain the relationship, you must try to renew your the senses.

Instructions

Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Try to feel the state of falling in love, because passion is the feeling that needs constant support. Think back to the old days, when you wandered around the city at night holding hands. Visit the first date and your favorite cafes and restaurants. This will help restore your.

Remember the old happy days, how good it was for you together at the very beginning of your life together, those tenderness and that overwhelmed you. Try to keep the feeling of warmth and joy between you in the present.