Types of family unions and violation of family relationships. The specifics of the spousal conflict. Causes of violation of family interaction
A rare divorce does not result from a marital conflict for various reasons. Conflict is a conscious clash, confrontation between at least two people, groups, their mutually opposite, incompatible, mutually exclusive needs, interests, goals, types of behavior, relationships, attitudes that are essential for the individual and group (s).
Marital conflict is a rather complex phenomenon, covering different levels of interaction between spouses. The conflict itself cannot be assessed unequivocally only as a negative phenomenon in family life. The role of the conflict is largely determined by the family microclimate, the general background of communication, mutual satisfaction, the degree emotional attachment spouses.
Family conflicts are divided into constructive and destructive. In a constructive conflict, as a result of a clash of different opinions and assessments, a mutually acceptable solution to the issue arises, a feeling of satisfaction is born, tension and irritation decrease. In the case of a destructive conflict, dissatisfaction with the outcome of the interaction arises, which is usually not associated with finding a mutually acceptable solution to the problem; there remains a feeling of the inevitability of new such collisions, emotional stress, irritation, annoyance.
Of significant importance in the emergence of a conflict are those expectations that were formed in people by the time of marriage in relation to their future family, inclinations, personality traits, specificity of the sociocultural environment of their upbringing.
Family psychologists point out the following spheres of family life, which most often act as sources of marital conflicts: 1) problems of relations with relatives and friends; 2) issues related to the upbringing of children; 3) the manifestation of the spouses' desire for autonomy; 4) situations of violation of role expectations; 5) situations of mismatch of norms of behavior; 6) the manifestation of the desire for domination, power; 7) manifestation of jealousy; 8) discrepancies in relation to money.
In a study by O.E. Zuskova and V.P. Levkovich (1987), the following sources of conflicts in marital interaction were identified:
1) Systematic violation of ethics by spouses family communication, low culture of communication (inattention, rudeness, sarcasm, etc.)
2) Insufficient satisfaction of the need to protect the "I-concept" in the process of conjugal interaction. The stability of the "self-concept" is supported, in particular, by the constancy of the forms of communication expected from the social environment. Support, mutual understanding, emotional comfort contributes to the awareness of the importance and value of your "I", the preservation of their own dignity;
3) Differences in the spouses' ideas about the distribution of family roles, about their implementation. The conflict can be especially acute because of the divergence in the idea of family leadership;
4) Features of interaction associated with mutual awareness of various aspects of life and personal characteristics of the spouses. The unwillingness of the spouses to inform each other about their affairs, intentions, the desire to conceal some information give rise to suspicion, mutual distrust, emotional stress;
5) Conflict in the family is associated with the peculiarities of the moral motivation of the spouses: the higher the level of moral motivation of the spouses, the lower the level of conflict in the family. Motivational structure higher type characterized by the predominance of a person's orientation towards self-esteem as the leading motive of behavior (instead of orientation towards the assessment of others). Spouses with a high level of moral motivation are largely aware of themselves as subjects of their own activities, guided in their actions by conscience, as the main regulator of behavior.
The stability of a marriage depends not only on the satisfaction of the material needs of the spouses, but also on the satisfaction of emotional and psychological needs. Each of the spouses must satisfy their need for positive emotional feelings. A marriage is stable only when not one of the spouses experiences feelings of alienation and mental loneliness.
As factors preventing the emergence and development of destructive conflicts in marriage and family relations, first of all, one can name an increase in the level of the spouses' communicative competence, associated, first of all, with a change in the attitude towards the world around, towards people, towards oneself. Equally important is the spouses' mastery of a special system. practical techniques conflict-free communication. Success family relations is also largely determined by the formation of the individual style of marital interaction, including the nature of communication, methods of contact with others, ways of overcoming disagreements, and the psychological microclimate of the family.
Researchers of family relations have come to the conclusion that a crisis-free development of the family is impossible, but not all reasons lead to destruction. Factors that can destroy a marriage include:
1. Overload and physical exhaustion. This is a grave danger. This is especially true for those young people who have just started their professional or academic career. It is dangerous to try to pay attention to everything at once: to study at the institute, to work full-time, to raise children, to equip life and to do business. Young couples often do just that. Due to moral and physical strength begins to miss. The situation is most fraught with conflicts if the spouse is busy at work, and the spouse devotes himself to raising children and keeping the house. Initially, resentment and bitterness accumulate, which subsequently leads to conflicts.
2. Abuse of credit and quarrels about spending.
3. Selfishness.
4. Intervention of parents. Some parents find it hard to imagine that their children are adults, independent people, and if they live nearby, they often interfere in the lives of young people, undermining their relationship.
5. Unrealistic expectations. Some people on the verge of marriage expect something truly extraordinary: an unbreakable idyll. Inevitable disappointment is an emotional trap.
6. Drunkenness and drugs. They kill not only marriages, but people as well.
7. Anything that, as it were, "illegally" is introduced into the relationship of the spouses, is capable of getting between the spouses (for example, jealousy, low self-esteem and etc.).
8. Pornography, gambling, all addictions in general.
In addition, there are the following factors:
· Strengthening the economic independence and social equality of women;
· Liberalization of views on divorce;
· Liberation from class, racial and national prejudices;
· Increase in life expectancy;
· Reducing the influence of parents on the choice of spouses;
· Inadequate motivation for marriage of one or both partners.
The process of family breakdown begins long before the official divorce. This period was called the pre-divorce situation. Family relationships during this period are characterized by high psychological tension and dysfunction, which can accompany former spouses and their children for a very long time.
Schneider identifies the following main reasons for divorce (as a percentage of the number of people surveyed different ages):
· Material, everyday problems - 55;
• drunkenness of one of the spouses - 39;
· Weakening of the value of the family for the current generation - 27;
· Adultery - 19;
· Psychological incompatibility - 17;
• monotony and boredom of family life - 12;
· new love - 11;
· Absence of children - 7;
· Other - 2;
· Find it difficult to answer - 6.
An important condition for the study is the principle of non-identity of the motives for divorce and its reasons. Most often, the following motives for divorce are distinguished: common views and interests (including religious differences), inconsistency (incompatibility) of characters, violation marital fidelity, lack or loss of a feeling of love, love for another, frivolous attitude to conjugal duties, bad relationship with parents (intervention of parents and other relatives), drunkenness (alcoholism) of a spouse, lack of normal living conditions, sexual dissatisfaction.
The motive for divorce is understood as the justification for the decision that the needs for marriage cannot be met in the given marriage union.
At the level of everyday consciousness, it is difficult to assess the totality of all the reasons that led to a divorce, attention is often fixed on the most obvious ones, such as drunkenness or violation of marital infidelity. Frequently used motives make it possible to get away from explaining the reasons (inconsistency of characters, bad living conditions). Former spouses give different reasons for the decision to dissolve the marriage. The motive "violation of marital infidelity" is put forward by 51% of men and only 28% of women, this confirms the well-known observation that men strongly negatively relate to the fact female infidelity; 44.3% of women and only 10.6% of men attribute the divorce to “spouse's drunkenness”.
The choice of areas of work to prevent divorce directly depends on the reasons leading to this phenomenon. After all, it is precisely by eradicating the causes and motives that destroy the family that we can talk about strengthening the marriage.
Throughout its life cycle, the family constantly encounters a variety of difficulties, unfavorable conditions, problems. The illness of one of its members, housing difficulties, conflicts with social environment, the implications of wide social processes(war, social crises, etc.) is not a complete list of them. In this regard, the family often faces difficult problems that can negatively affect her life.
It is not surprising that both the difficulties faced by the family and their consequences for it are of considerable interest to sociologists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Research in this area clearly focuses on two fronts. The first is the study of the family in conditions of difficulties arising from the unfavorable action of broad social processes: wars, economic crises, natural disasters, etc. These questions are most widely presented in the pre-war and post-war works of American researchers. The second is the study of “normative stresses,” that is, the difficulties encountered in the life of a part of families under normal conditions. These are difficulties associated with the passage of the family through the main stages of the life cycle, as well as problems that arise if something disrupts the life of the family: prolonged separation, divorce, death of a family member, serious illness, etc.
All these circumstances lead to complex and numerous consequences and manifestations of violations in the life of the family. This is, on the one hand, an increase in conflicts in relationships, a decrease in satisfaction with family life, a weakening of family cohesion; on the other hand, the growing efforts of the family to preserve it, and the growing resistance to difficulties. The complexly mediated connections between the true sources of difficulties and their comprehension by family members have been determined; revealed a relatively independent impact on the life of the family as objective difficulties and associated violations, and the subjective perception of them. Among the types of subjective awareness of violations in the life of a family, its members are currently the most studied motives of family conflicts and divorces, problems and reasons for contacting family counseling.
In general, family disorders are a complex formation, including the factors that determine it (the difficulty faced by the family), adverse consequences for the family, its reaction to the difficulty, in particular the comprehension of the violation by family members.
Consider the main points involved in the occurrence and manifestation of a family disorder.
Factors contributing to a family disorder. In the literature, there are also other designations: "problem", "family difficulty", "events and circumstances that cause stress."
We are talking about a very wide range of circumstances, the characteristics of the external social environment, the living conditions of the family, changes in the personality of its members, which impede the functioning of the family or put its members in front of the need to resist unfavorable changes.
All the numerous difficulties that arise in front of the family and threaten its life, can be divided primarily according to the strength and duration of their action. Special meaning at the same time have two groups of family difficulties: superstrong and long-term (chronic) stimuli. An example of the former is the death of a family member, the news of adultery, a sudden change in fate and social status, for example, the arrest of a family member in connection with a crime, a sudden and severe illness.
Chronic difficulties include excessive physical and mental stress in everyday life and at work, difficulties in solving the housing problem, long and persistent conflict between family members, etc.
Among the difficulties faced by the family, two types of them can also be distinguished: those associated with a sharp change in the family's lifestyle (life stereotype) and with the summation of difficulties, their "overlap". An example of the first type is mental difficulties that arise during the transition from stage to stage of the life cycle. Such transitions in the family, as a rule, are accompanied by a rather drastic change in lifestyle (marriage and the beginning life together, the appearance of a child, the termination of educational activities by the family).
An example of difficulties of the second type is the need for a practically simultaneous solution of a number of problems at the beginning of the second stage (immediately after the first child appears in the family), namely, completion of education and mastering a profession, solving the housing problem, first acquiring property, caring for a child.
According to the source of occurrence, family difficulties can be subdivided into: related to the stages of the family's life cycle; due to unfavorable life cycle options; situational impacts on the family.
The so-called "normative stressors" pass through the stages of the life cycle, that is, difficulties that are quite common, which in more or less acute form experienced by all families: difficulties of mutual psychological adjustment; problems arising in the formation of relationships with relatives in solving the housing problem at the first stage of family life; problems of upbringing and caring for a child, conducting labor-intensive household- on the second.
The combination of the listed difficulties at certain points in the family life cycle leads to family crises.
Of undoubted interest are the studies of Czech scientists who established and described two “ critical period"In family life. The first of them, more intense, is observed between the 3rd and 7th years of the family's existence and reaches its greatest severity between the 4th and 6th years. The second crisis is brewing between the ages of 17 and 25. In both cases, there is an increase in dissatisfaction. A leading role in the case of the first crisis is acquired by a frustrating change in emotional relationships, an increase in the number of conflict situations, an increase in tension (as a manifestation of difficulties in restructuring emotional relationships between spouses, a reflection of everyday and other problems); the second crisis - an increase in somatic complaints, anxiety, a feeling of emptiness in life associated with the separation of children from the family.
Identification of crisis periods in the life of a family can have an important prognostic value and help to mitigate them or prevent unfavorable crisis manifestations.
Difficulties caused by unfavorable life cycle options are those that arise in the absence of one of its members (spouse, children) in the family. The reasons may be divorce, prolonged separation of spouses, the presence of an illegitimate child, the death of one of the family members, the childlessness of the spouses. With all the variety of these options for the development of the family, a number of common sources of disorders are noted. This is, firstly, the so-called functional emptiness, that is, a situation when one of the roles necessary for the successful existence of a family is not fulfilled. With the departure, for example, of the father's family, a certain part of his "share" in upbringing is no longer replenished. Secondly, there may be difficulties in adaptation to a fact, an event that gave rise to an unfavorable variant of the development of the family (divorce, death of one of the family members, the need to raise a child out of wedlock, etc.) these processes are well shown on the material of sociological studies of the perception of divorced post-divorce situations.
Situational disturbances include difficulties that are relatively short in duration and pose a significant threat to the functioning of the family (serious illness of family members, large property losses, etc.). A significant role in the psychological effect of these difficulties is played by the factor of suddenness (unpreparedness of the family for the event), exclusivity (a difficulty that affects many families is more easily experienced), a feeling of helplessness (the confidence of family members that they cannot do anything to protect themselves in the future).
Adverse Effects of Difficulty. Marital disorder... The significance of a particular difficulty for the family depends primarily on how far-reaching adverse consequences it has for the life of the family. Thus, the loss of a certain amount of money for one family is a serious disruption of its life, for another it is not, depending on what means these families have at their disposal.
The various consequences of the impact of difficulties on the family can be divided according to which spheres of family life they primarily have an adverse effect: violation of the educational functions of the family, matrimonial relations and so on. When considering violations of the family, it is also taken into account how they affect its members. As a rule, a disruption in the life of the family leads to dissatisfaction of needs, in one way or another inhibits the development of the personality, causes the emergence of states of dissatisfaction, neuropsychic tension, anxiety. One of the most important from the point of view family psychotherapy, the consequences of violations are their adverse effect on mental health individual (psycho-traumatic action).
Family efforts to counter abuse. The family, faced with a difficulty, more or less actively opposes it, seeks to prevent unpleasant consequences. Research shows quite significant differences in how families respond to difficulties. In some cases, difficulties have a clearly mobilizing, integrating effect; in others, on the contrary, they weaken the family, lead to an increase in its contradictions. This feature of the response different families especially clearly seen in the case of "normative stress", that is, family collisions with the usual for a certain stage difficulties.
The unequal resilience of families to hardships is explained in different ways. Refers to a specific mechanism to ensure a successful response to a violation. Most often, they talk about the mechanism of "problem solving", about families that are able to solve problems (identify them, put forward versions of the solution, choose the most successful of them). Certain groups of family characteristics are also distinguished, due to which it more easily adapts to unfavorable conditions. Among these features are the flexibility of relationships, the average (not too rigid and not too "vague") degree of clarity in the formulation of role expectations, cohesion, "openness" in the perception of the surrounding world, that is, the absence of a tendency to ignore some of the information about it the world.
Both approaches have certain disadvantages. Indeed, a family's ability to withstand difficulties and disruptions depends in no small measure on the ability of its members to recognize and solve the problems that arise from that difficulty. Psychological research and psychotherapeutic experience have confirmed that increasing the family's ability to solve the problems it faces, preparing for them increase the family's stress resistance. At the same time, this approach does not sufficiently take into account the fact that the problems faced by the family are of a special nature. Their solution is determined not only by the intellectual acceptance of some kind of action option. Often the solution family problem- this is a certain self-restraint of each of its members, a decrease in the level of consumption, taking on a greater load, a greater exertion of will, an improvement in mutual understanding, etc.
These processes no longer belong to one family mechanism for solving the problem, but cover the most diverse aspects of its life. The family reacts to difficulty as a whole, as a single system.
As for the second approach, it is distinguished by a certain tautology. It is clear that flexibility, "openness" and other characteristics listed above contribute to the adaptation of the family to new difficult conditions, to overcome them. The only trouble is that the very presence of these qualities in a family is often established by finding out how flexible, "openly", etc., the family behaves when faced with various difficulties. It turns out vicious circle: Why does the family cope well with adverse conditions? Because flexibility, "openness" is inherent in it. How do we know that she has these traits? From observations of how she adapts to difficult conditions.
At the center of our approach is the concept of latent family dysfunction. By latent disorder, we mean one that, under normal, normal conditions, does not have any significant negative impact on her life. However, when a family finds itself in difficult conditions, it is precisely this that plays a significant role, determining the family's inability to withstand such conditions. Both in ordinary and unusual conditions, family members communicate, having certain feelings for each other, distribute rights and responsibilities among themselves, etc. But in ordinary (favorable, and even more "hothouse") conditions, certain violations in all these areas. Not too significant violations of mutual understanding, moderately expressed conflicts, reduced ability of family members to regulate the level of their requirements for each other in these conditions may not have a significant impact on the life of the family. Difficult conditions are a different matter. The degree of mutual understanding, mutual affection that existed in the family in favorable conditions is no longer enough. This is where the difference arises in the reaction of families to difficulties. In families where there are no latent disturbances or they are minimal, it is possible to mobilize the family, strengthen its cohesion, and intensify joint actions. In families with such disabilities, this is difficult to achieve. This is how the above described so different reactions of different families to difficult conditions arise. Families without latent impairments in these conditions begin to function better, and those with them - worse.
The concept of latent disorders, in our opinion, makes it possible to more accurately and multilaterally understand the interaction between the family and the most varied difficulties that it confronts. In accordance with this, difficult conditions do not simply act as a factor that disrupts certain aspects of the life of the family. First of all, they reveal latent disturbances in her life activity, “reveal” her “weak points”, and these disturbances, in turn, determine the reaction to difficulties.
Topic 8 Violation of spousal relations
| Parameter name | Meaning |
| Topic of the article: | Topic 8 Violation of spousal relations |
| Category (thematic category) | Psychology |
1. Essence, reasons, types of marital conflicts
2. Typical problems conjugal relations
3. Crisis periods of marital relations
Conflict is a clash of oppositely directed goals, interests, positions, opinions of the subjects of interaction.
The specificity of family conflicts lies in the fact that their participants, as a rule, are not opposing parties who adequately realized their goals, rather they are victims of their own unconscious personality traits and inadequate vision of the situation.
The structure of the conflict is characterized by a conflict situation (participants and the object of the conflict) and an incident (open collision of the participants in the conflict).
Specifications family conflict include the initiator (potential initiator) of the conflict͵ the participants in the conflict͵ whose composition may go beyond nuclear family, the way of resolving (processing) the conflict the dynamics of its course and the results.
The following stages are distinguished in the dynamics of the conflict: the emergence of an objective pre-conflict situation; awareness of this situation as a conflict one; incident; resolution (end of the conflict); post-conflict situation.
We can talk about the positive (constructive) and negative (destructive) functions of the conflict.
Given the dependence on dynamics, there are actual conflicts, ᴛ.ᴇ. currently being implemented and directly related to a specific problem, and progressing, in which the scale and intensity of the opposition of the participants is growing more and more; habitual conflicts that arise for any reason and are characterized by emotional fatigue of partners who do not make real efforts to resolve them. Behind the usual conflicts, as a rule, deep-seated contradictions are hidden, suppressed and displaced from consciousness.
In terms of severity, conflicts are open, clearly manifested in behavior and implicit, hidden.
At the root of the conflict are the reasons that determine its zone:
‣‣‣ inadequate motivation for marriage;
‣‣‣ violation of the role structure of the family due to inconsistency in the ideas of its members about family life, family values;
‣‣‣ unresolved problems of family leadership;
‣‣‣ inconsistency and inconsistency of ideas about the values, goals and methods of raising children;
‣‣‣ disharmony sexual relations;
‣‣‣ violation and distortion of the feeling of love;
‣‣‣ limiting opportunities for personal growth;
‣‣‣ complication of interpersonal communication;
‣‣‣ low level material well-being;
‣‣‣ cramped living conditions;
‣‣‣ ineffective planning and budget execution;
‣‣‣ financial disagreements related to exaggerated material needs of one of the family members, with the decision on the contribution of each of the spouses to the family budget;
‣‣‣ low level of cooperation, mutual assistance and mutual support in solving household problems of the family, dividing domestic work, caring for children and the elderly;
‣‣‣ ineffective system of relations between the nuclear family and the extended family due to excessive blurring or rigid boundaries;
‣‣‣ inability of the nuclear family to flexible border reconstruction family system, especially in the transitional stages of its life cycle;
‣‣‣ ineffective system of interaction between parent and child subsystems, excessive rigidity of their boundaries;
‣‣‣ jealousy, adultery;
‣‣‣ deviant behavior of one of the family members (alcoholism, aggression and violence, use of psychoactive substances, addiction to gambling, etc.);
‣‣‣ inconsistency of marital ideas about the optimal mode of spending leisure time, rest, the nature of relationships and communication with friends.
The reasons given define conflict zones͵ which are correlated with the main functions of the family.
Typical problems underlying marital conflicts:
Lack of understanding between spouses:
Inability of one or both spouses to understand each other, to accept a point of view
The inability of one or both spouses to prove St. being right about something family life
Difficulty of spouses in reaching agreement on any issue of family life
Lack of desire of one or both spouses to go to a meeting with others.
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dr.
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when discussing and deciding on any issue of family life.
Incompatibility of characters:
One or both spouses have such character traits that are unacceptable in dealing with people;
Actions on the part of the spouse cause opposition, negative reaction from the other spouse;
One or both spouses are not able to calmly talk to others.
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with others, are often irritated without a sufficient reason.
Incompatibility of habits, deeds, actions:
the habits of one of the spouses are unacceptable to the other, irritate him;
One or both spouses in different life situations behave in such a way that their behavior does not suit the other;
Actions taken by one of the spouses create problems for the others, prevent them from achieving their own goals;
One or both spouses at the same time have any bad habits psychologically unacceptable to others.
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of people.
Differences in views on intra-family issues requiring consensus:
Distribution of roles and responsibilities in the family;
Distributions within the family budget;
Apartment equipment;
Intra-family life;
Nutrition;
Teaching and raising children;
Family recreation organizations;
Relationship with relatives.
Sexual Relationship Problems:
Low culture of sexual relations between spouses;
Psychophysiological problems;
Incompatibility of spouses;
The costs of raising one or both spouses
Conflicts and disagreements in the relationship of spouses are due to the emergence of normative and non-normative crises of life together.
Normative crises in the development of the family system are associated with the transition from stage to stage of the family life cycle and consist in resolving contradictions between the new tasks facing the family and the nature of interaction and communication between family members. P. Boss calls the difficulties experienced by most families at the time of changes in their functions and structure, normative stressors. Each transition sets new goals and objectives for the family and requires structural and functional restructuring, including a change in the hierarchy of family functions, addressing the issue of leadership and leadership, and the distribution of roles. Successful resolution of transition crises ensures the effective functioning of the family and its harmonious development.
Non-standard family crises are caused by events such as divorce, adultery, changes in the composition of the family not related to the birth of a child, adoption of adopted children, the impossibility of spouses living together for various reasons, teenage pregnancy, financial difficulties.
S. Kratokhvil identifies the “standard” time of the onset of such crises based on the length of the marriage: in the intervals of 3-7 and 17-25 years of experience.
The crisis of 3-7 years has been going on for about a year. It manifests itself in a loss of romantic moods, a decrease (loss) of mutual understanding, an increase in conflicts, emotional tension, a feeling of dissatisfaction with marriage, and adultery.
Its occurrence is facilitated by the following factors:
‣‣‣ disappearance romantic mood, active rejection of the contrast in the behavior of a partner during the period of falling in love and in everyday family life;
‣‣‣ an increase in the number of situations in which spouses have different views on things and cannot come to an agreement;
‣‣‣ more frequent manifestations of negative emotions, increased tension in relationships between partners.
If we take into account that the birth of a child occurs in a family about 3-4 years of marriage, then it is easy to see that the chronological interval of 3-7 years of marriage is linked to the stage of the family with small children (infancy and young age), ᴛ .ᴇ. with the period of the most severe restructuring of the family system - the beginning of parenting, the forced alienation of a young mother from professional and learning activities, restriction of spouses in familiar way life, communication, leisure, a decrease (as a rule) in the level of material well-being of the family. Τᴀᴋᴎᴍ ᴏϬᴩᴀᴈᴏᴍ, these recurring crises of the family are due to changes in its functions and structure.
The crisis of 17-25 years is not so pronounced, but more prolonged (up to several years). Its symptoms are an increase in emotional instability, the emergence of a feeling of loneliness associated with the departure of adult children from the family, the experience of aging.
Its occurrence often coincides:
‣‣‣ with the approach of the period of involution, with an increase in emotional instability, fears, the appearance of various somatic complaints;
‣‣‣ with the emergence of a feeling of loneliness associated with the departure of children;
The second “standard” time interval of the onset of the crisis covers the period “family with teenage children”, the particular vulnerability of which we have already discussed above, and the period of separation of adult children associated with the completion of the function of their upbringing.
Τᴀᴋᴎᴍ ᴏϬᴩᴀᴈᴏᴍ, the most striking manifestations of crises in the life cycle of a family are associated with the beginning of the implementation by spouses of the function of parenting and raising children and with its termination.
Literature:
1.
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3.
4.
Topic 9 Divorce as a socio-psychological phenomenon
1. Socio-psychological essence of divorce. Reasons and motives for divorce
2. The dynamics of divorce
3. Consequences of divorce
· Divorce - ϶ᴛᴏ divorce, ᴛ.ᴇ. its legal termination during the life of the spouses. Divorce is an abnormal family crisis, the main content of which is a state of disharmony caused by a violation of the homeostasis of the family system, requiring the reorganization of the family as a system.
Reasons for divorce:
E. Tiit (1980) identifies three groups of risk factors for divorce:
1. Personal risk factors: individual psychological characteristics of spouses, experience of family life of the grandparent family, the state of neuropsychic and somatic health of the spouses, socio-demographic characteristics.
2. Risk factors due to the history of creating a family: conditions of acquaintance; features of the premarital period, motivation for marriage, primary compatibility of a married couple.
3. Unfavorable conditions for the functioning of the family: unfavorable housing and material and economic conditions, low efficiency of the role behavior of family members, deprivation of the significant needs of family members, deviant behavior spouses, high conflict, sexual disharmony.
Divorce is the result of the destabilization of marital relations, which is preceded by a rather lengthy process in which stages and periods are identified.
J. Lee's concept of the breakdown of emotional relationships:
1. Awareness of dissatisfaction.
2. Expression of dissatisfaction.
3. Negotiations.
4. Making decisions.
5. Transformation of relationships.
Stephen Duck identified 4 phases of the breakdown of emotional relationships:
1. Intrapsychic (internal) One or both spouses have a feeling of internal dissatisfaction. Possible outcomes of this phase:
• accept this and express pleasure on the surface or not show your dissatisfaction in any way;
· Decide to express your displeasure to your partner.
2. Interpsychic (between spouses), or dyadic - partners discuss their relationship. In this phase, self-disclosure rises, the spouses try to experiment. This can take years. The outcome is also possible in two ways:
• restructuring of relations - their stabilization;
Decay acceptance (if the experiment ended unsuccessfully)
3. Social phase - other people (relatives, friends) are involved in the process of family disintegration. The fact of the disintegration must become “common property”, must “be sanctioned by others”. The environment and ceases to perceive the spouses as a couple. The outcome of this phase: the termination of social relations, the disintegration of the family.
4. Finishing phase (as if intrapsychic again): ex-spouses process the experience gained within themselves and remain with their experiences, memories. The outcome of this phase is possible in two ways:
• reconciliation with the situation, with oneself;
Extraction of positive moments, lessons, acquisition personal experience;
· What happened is perceived as a failure attributable to oneself. This entails breakdowns, tantrums, neuroses.
A. Maslow proposed a dialectical model of the divorce process, which includes seven stages and the corresponding therapeutic methods for helping its participants:
1. Emotional divorce. Pair therapy or the participation of a couple in group therapy is appropriate.
2. Time for reflection, despair before divorce. Pair therapy, therapy in a divorce situation, or some form of group therapy is possible.
3. Legal divorce... At this stage, children especially need psychological help. The therapeutic intervention should be beneficial for all seven and for each individual.
4. Economic divorce. Therapeutic intervention can be individual for adults and group for children.
5. Striking a balance between parenting responsibilities and the right to custody.
6. Time for self-exploration and return to balance after divorce. Individual therapy for adults and children and group therapy for singles is possible.
7. Psychological divorce. Various types of therapy are possible.
Behavior strategies in a pre-divorce situation:
1. Belligerently hating (return a spouse at any cost).
2. Exacerbation of love - search for any options how to keep, attract a partner.
3. Accept reality as it is.
Post-divorce situation
The nature of the response to the termination of the relationship depends on the event of the divorce itself (its form, depth, duration, the number of participants involved), the attitude of the spouses towards it, and the available resources.
The end of marital relations - it is not easy to change a person's marital status, but to change his entire way of life - economic, social, sexual. The depression experienced by a spouse after a divorce should be more severe and prolonged than after the death of a spouse. People around you rarely support a divorced spouse. Divorce gives rise to many problems, both conscious (where to live? How to live?) And unconscious (the depth of the crisis after the collapse of the marital relationship).
Socio-psychological consequences of divorce:
1. Decrease in fertility;
2. Worsening conditions for family education;
3. Decrease in human performance;
4. Deterioration in health indicators, increase in morbidity and mortality (for divorced persons within a year after divorce, the risk of diseases increases by 30%);
5. The growth of alcoholism;
6. Increase in the number of suicidal outcomes;
7. Increased risk of mental illness.
Literature:
5. Karabanova O.A. The psychology of family relationships and the basics of family counseling. M., 2004.
6. Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling / Ed. N.N. Posysoeva. M., 2004
7. Prokhorova O.G. Fundamentals of family psychology and family counseling. M., 2007.
8. The psychology of family relationships with the basics of family counseling. Ed. Silyaeva E.G. M., 2002
Topic 8 Violation of marital relations - concept and types. Classification and features of the category "Topic 8 Violation of marital relations" 2017, 2018.
The creation of harmonious relations, a prosperous psychologically comfortable climate in the family should be the first task of spouses and parents, since without this it is impossible to form a healthy, full-fledged personality of the child. Deviations in family relationships negatively affect the formation of the child's personality, character, self-esteem and other mental qualities of the personality; these children may have various problems: a state of increased anxiety, deterioration in school performance, difficulties in communication, and many others. The influence of the family on the formation of the child's personality is recognized by many educators, psychologists, psychotherapists, and neuropsychiatric specialists.
The need for communication appears in a child from the first days of life. Without sufficient satisfaction of this need, not only his mental, but also physical development becomes flawed.
The termination of child-parent contact for a long time disrupts the natural formation of many of the qualities of children. The family creates optimal opportunities for intensive communication between a child and adults both through his constant interaction with parents and through the connections that they establish with others (family, neighborhood, professional, friendly communication, etc.).
Consistency or, on the contrary, disorganization of marital relations has a significant impact on the child (both the first and the second can be characteristic of any type of family). There is evidence that a dysfunctional family negatively affects the cognitive activity of the child, his speech, intellectual, personal development. A regularity has been established according to which children brought up in a conflict family turn out to be ill-prepared in family life, and marriages contracted by immigrants from them break up much more often. The conflict atmosphere in the family explains the paradoxical situation when “difficult” children grow up in families with good material conditions and a relatively high culture of their parents (including pedagogical) and, conversely, when good children grow up in poorly provided families with parents with low education ... Neither material conditions, neither the culture nor the pedagogical knowledge of parents are often able to compensate for the educational inferiority of the stressful, tense atmosphere of the family.
Anomalies in the mental and moral development of a child that arise in conditions of dysfunctional family relationships are not only a consequence of them. They can arise under the influence of a number of side, accompanying social phenomena, which often become the cause of the conflict itself or act on it as catalysts (negative orientations of parents, their low spiritual culture, selfishness, drunkenness, etc.).
The emotional state of parents is acutely perceived by children of any age. Where parental relationships are distorted, children develop abnormally. In such conditions, the ideas about the bright ideals of love and friendship that a person learns at an early age on the example of the closest people - father and mother are clouded or even lost. In addition, conflict situations lead to severe mental trauma. In families with abnormal relations between spouses, children with mental abnormalities are more than twice as likely to occur. In persons brought up in families where parents were in conflict with each other, the massiveness of neurotic reactions noticeably increases. Spiritual development the child largely depends on the contacts that are established between parents and children. The influence of parental attitudes towards children on the characteristics of their development is multifaceted. There is enough convincing evidence that in families with strong, warm contacts, respectful attitude towards children, they more actively develop such qualities as benevolence, the ability to empathize, the ability to resolve conflict situations etc. They are characterized by a more adequate awareness of the image of "I", its integrity, and, consequently, a more developed sense of human dignity. All this makes them sociable, ensuring high prestige in the peer group.
There are options for relationships that interfere with the normal development of the child's personality.
Many researchers come to the conclusion that the peculiarities of the relationship between parents and children are fixed in their own behavior and become a model in their further contacts with others.
The attitude of the parents, which is characterized by a negative emotional coloring, hurts and hardens the child. Since the child's consciousness is prone to one-sided conclusions and generalizations due to the limited life experience, the child has distorted judgments about people, erroneous criteria for their relationship. The rudeness or indifference of the parents gives the child reason to believe that the stranger will cause him even more grief. This is how feelings of hostility and suspicion, fear of other people arise.
The formation of a child's personality occurs both under the direct influence of the objective conditions of his life in the family (family relations, the structure and size of the family, the example of parents, etc.), and under the influence of purposeful upbringing on the part of adults. Upbringing activates the process of mastering socially necessary norms of behavior by a child, has a serious impact on his ability to perceive the spontaneous influences of the environment, and stimulates the assimilation of a positive example.
The success of the conscious educational activity of adults depends on many circumstances. It becomes effective if it is not carried out in isolation from real life parents, but finds its confirmation in it. The influence on family education is exerted by the spiritual culture of parents, their experience of social communication, family traditions... A special role belongs to the psychological and pedagogical culture of parents, which makes it possible to narrow down that element of spontaneity inherent in family education to a greater extent than any other form of it.
Personality trait junior schoolchildren anxiety may become. High anxiety acquires stability with constant dissatisfaction with studies on the part of parents. Let's say a child gets sick, lags behind his classmates and finds it difficult to get involved in the learning process. If the temporary difficulties experienced by him annoy adults, if the parents all the time tell the child that he will not be able to catch up with the missed program, the child develops anxiety, fear of falling behind classmates, staying on retraining, fear of doing something bad, wrong. The same result is achieved in a situation where the child learns quite successfully, but the parents expect more and make unrealistic - high demands.
Due to the growth of anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements decrease, failure is fixed. Self-doubt leads to a number of other traits:
• the desire to thoughtlessly follow the instructions of an adult;
· Act only according to samples and templates;
· Fear of taking the initiative;
· Formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action;
• fear of going to something new;
• take on a new business;
· Set goals and achieve them.
Adults dissatisfied with declining productivity educational work the child, more and more focus on these issues in communication with him, which increases emotional discomfort.
It turns out a vicious circle: the unfavorable personality traits of the child are reflected in his learning activity, the low performance of the activity causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, enhances the child's peculiarities. You can break this circle by changing the attitudes and assessments of the parents. Parents, focusing on the child's smallest achievements, without blaming him for individual shortcomings, reduce his level of anxiety and thereby contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.
1. Demonstration - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others around. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned and "disliked" in the family. But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are not made by neglected children, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even breaking the rules of conduct. ("Better to let them scold than not notice"). The task of adults is to do without lecture and edification. Make comments as less emotionally as possible, ignore minor offenses and punish major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). It is much more difficult for an adult than respect to an anxious child.
If for a child with high anxiety, the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.
3. "Avoiding reality." It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot fulfill it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid to cause disapproval by their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, show attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways creative self-realization relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.
In a crisis, it almost always seems that nothing can be changed. Even if this is true, then there is only one way out - a person is able to change his attitude towards what happened.
Since success in solving a difficult life situation depends primarily on the person himself. Consider her relationship to her own ability to resolve conflict, overcome tension, reduce anxiety. First of all, let's define our understanding of the concept of “self-rehabilitation”.
Rehabilitation in a personal context is the activation of the functions of a constructively positive adaptation to society after overcoming a difficult life situation. This recovery is at a higher quality level, if a person becomes able to overcome the difficulty constructively than by the beginning of psychological and rehabilitation influences.
In contrast to rehabilitation as professional assistance to a person who has fallen into life crisis situation, self-rehabilitation is aimed at independent work a person with him in difficult life circumstances, which cannot yet be called crisis. Self-rehabilitation is self-help in productively overcoming internal and external obstacles, getting out of a difficult situation, returning to a temporarily lost trajectory of life.
Such psychological assistance helps to reveal the subjective potential of a person, stimulates independent searches for inner integrity, harmony, new opportunities for self-development, self-realization, facilitates the development of individual strategies transformation of a problem situation, an outdated, chronic conflict, a painful state into the stages of personal maturation, closer to oneself, to one's own essence.
In a family, each person is individual and unique: family members see and evaluate their own family life... This determines the characteristics of the family, its type, which is determined by such an indicator as the quality of family relations.
American psychologist Muriel James, highlights the following types family unions: marriage of convenience, spiritual union, romantic marriage, partnership-marriage, marriage based on love.
Marriage of convenience. People who marry for reasons of profit most often view this union as practical solution some special problem. Historically, the oldest foundation of marriage has been profit. V different times marriage solved a variety of problems: political, dynastic, economic, psychological, sexual, etc.
Some people see the psychological benefit of marriage in relieving themselves of loneliness. They try to get married out of fear or anxiety about their lonely future.
Usually if we strive to get married for the sake of our peace of mind and psychological comfort, then we are trying to start a family to satisfy our need to take care of someone or in order to feel taken care of ourselves.
One of the main reasons for a marriage of convenience, which unites a man and a woman for living together, can be considered the desire to create a family. The expected benefit may be in the form of child-rearing assistance or financial support. Quite often, the creation of a family is facilitated by the need for the future partner to perform burdensome household functions - washing, cooking, repairing household items, etc.
Even more often, marriage is based on economic considerations.Another type of marriage of convenience is the so-called dynastic marriage.... This also includes marriages for political reasons.
Marriages for convenience concluded for purely rational reasons, often provide a practical solution to the most different problems... They can maintain their strength and stability for a long time, as long as the relationship between the spouses remains beneficial to both partners. Sometimes the comfort found in marriage becomes more stable, and marriages themselves gradually begin to include elements of romanticism. As a result, partner relationships develop into true love.
The internal cohesion of the modern family depends mainly on psychological reasons. Economic and economic interdependence alone is not enough for family cohesion, unlike in the past. The leading role here is played by family ties based on love, the desire of spouses for harmonious relationships, on the unity of views on the main issues of the life of all family members, on mutual understanding, respect, mutual responsibility and courtesy, on the unity of the requirements of all adult family members to children and to each other.
A wordless relationship is established between many spouses - partners feel each other, as if tuned in to the same wave, feeling a complete kinship of souls.
Romantic marriage... Muriel James examines romantic love like love to some extent idealized, close to the state acute love, passion, fueled by strong, exciting erotic feelings... Sometimes passion develops into true love for life, but it can remain just a passion.
Often married couples who entered into marriage with such feelings later complain that "they have no romance at all", that "the heat of passion has disappeared." The ending honeymoon for such spouses, it means, as it were, the end of the period of romantic passion and the extinction of the "fever" that previously caused a mixture of suffering and delight when obstacles seemed so difficult and torment so strong.
The romance of love involves recognizing and treating a loved one as special and beautiful, but not as an adored or idealized person. Romance is necessary for the real daily life of the spouses, but it should also be in the intimate directions of the conjugal union.
Marriage partnership. If romantic marriages are most often created on the basis of abstract dreams and tragic anguish, then marriage partnerships are much closer to real life.
Marriage-partnership is often found between spouses for whom romantic relationships in themselves do not bring joy and pleasure, and sexual desires have died out as a result of illness or some other reason. This is due to the fact that people tend to choose their friends and especially to marry those who are equal to them not only in terms of their intellectual level, but also in terms of their attractiveness. Experiments confirm this “equal” phenomenon.
For older people, this is especially important when there is a person next to whom you can share all the joys and sorrows of life, about whom you can take care of, thanks to whom the person is deprived of loneliness. Consequently, a marriage based on companionship, is created when the interests of both partners are common.
Open marriage... Behind the "open marriage" is a special worldview that excludes such concepts as physical betrayal, guilt arising from it; freedom of extramarital sexual contacts of each partner is not interpreted by the other as a betrayal. Such a marriage is built on the voluntary acceptance by a couple of principles and desires that suit both partners. The "participants" of such a marriage cease to profess sexual monogamy, adherence to one partner who is a spouse, and begin with the knowledge and approval of each other to diversify their sexual contacts, while remaining faithful and, most importantly loving couple... Their supporters sharply and clearly share the physical affection that they periodically feel for various partners, and then true feeling that they feed to each other.
Love-match... The word "love" is used in a variety of ways. Defining their relationship, men and women say that they have fallen in love or stopped loving, have lost love. Love is the name for the feeling that people have for their family, friends and loved ones. All these manifestations of the feeling of love are very important for people.
Feelings that arise between a man and a woman who show interest in each other can give rise to real mutual love even when interest takes a disguised form of some benefit. People interested in each other are potentially able to create their own marriage for the sake of love. In marriage, love usually manifests itself more fully and strongly. She focuses on a specific person, tying together inner essence two people.
A marriage that includes elements of reciprocity consists of experiences of extraordinary depth and romantic outbursts of delicious passion, alloy common interests and expressions of great and reliable friendship. All these moments cement marriage, create unity, not excluding the possibility of solitude. In a marriage based on a feeling of love, both can successfully coexist.
The most durable and successful marriages are those in which feelings and reason do not replace, but complement each other. If you do not rush from one extreme to another, do not strive to get happiness immediately, but understand what and how it is built from, you can find feelings where they did not seem to exist, or lead a marriage to a happy longevity, in which love seems to have disappeared ...
As we have already noted, the type of family is determined by the quality of family relationships, which include the following phases:
1. Choosing a partner.
2. Romanticizing relationships... At this stage, lovers are in a symbiotic relationship, perceive only dignity in a partner, look at each other "through pink glasses". Absent real perception yourself and the other in marriage. If the motivation for marriage was contradictory, then many of the properties of the partner, which were not noticed at the beginning, can then be perceived as hypertrophied.
3... Individualization of the style of matrimonial relations. Formation of rules. As a result of negotiations, rules are developed that determine who, how and in what sequence performs certain actions in the family. Many repeated rules become automatic. As a result, some interactions are simplified and some are ineffective.
4. Stability / Variability. Spouses go through various trials every day, answering the questions: what to give preference to? repeat what has already become the rule or try to create a new one. In a normally functioning family, the tendency towards stability is counterbalanced by the tendency towards change. If there is a rigid fixation of rules in the family, then the marriage acquires signs of a dysfunctional relationship, becomes stereotyped and monotonous.
5. Existential Assessment Phase... The spouses sum up the results of their life together, find out the degree of satisfaction / dissatisfaction with the years they have lived. The main outcome of this phase is deciding whether the marriage was genuine (harmonious and desirable) or accidental.
Family relationships, as a rule, play the role of the most important significant for the individual, that is, they play a leading role in the system of personal relationships, in addition, they are multifaceted and dependent on each other. The sphere of leisure, housekeeping, emotional and sexual-erotic relationships are closely related, making even a slight change in at least one of them causes changes in other spheres.
Throughout the entire life cycle, the family faces various difficulties, unfavorable conditions - all this leads to disruptions in the life of the family (disruption of family functions, as well as marital relations).
What types of problems are typical for families?
1... Violation of the ideas of family members about the family and each other's personality. Each member of the family, one way or another, imagines her. Partly his ideas are accurate, partly distorted and incomplete. However, regardless of their truth, they play huge role in family life. The importance of understanding family performances(the internal picture of the family) is recognized by both domestic and foreign scientists, moreover, in a variety of directions. Some of them believe that a distorted idea of a person about himself and his relationships with other people is most often the result of a variety of family problems.
2. Violation of the communication process. Violation of beliefs about another family member is seen as one of the important sources of impairment. communication process(Bodalev A.A., 1982; Eidemiller E.G., Yustitsky V.V., 1990). Interpersonal communication requires communicators to have a good idea of each other's personality. A distorted image of another family member can act as a serious barrier to mutual understanding in information communication. Mutual understanding between spouses is seen as one of the most important prerequisites for family stability. In the process of communication, discrepancies arise between the messages sent and received, since one speaker - the listener cannot master all the potentialities of each word. Gordon's research (Gorgon T., 1975) showed that a significant part of the information that family members usually exchange eludes the person who transmitted it, and the latter is inclined to believe that everything he wanted to say is perceived and understood.
3. Violation of the mechanisms of family integration. A truly family man knows that his whole life is closely connected with the life of his family, his leisure is inseparable from the leisure of the family, many important needs for him are satisfied in the family, that is, we can talk about the integration of the individual with the family. Violation of the integration mechanisms is expressed in the tendency of separate satisfaction of one's needs (absence of a common household, separate rest, cash, company). In addition, mutual trust (trust in credit) decreases, there is no feeling that if I am doing something for myself, then I am doing for another. The reasons for violations of family integration are:
- a) the characterological characteristics of the spouses that prevent the formation of sympathy and empathy for each other;
- b) unconscious attitudes (naive psychological ideas);
- c) lack of family members' skills to identify qualities that cause sympathy.
Rule: roles in the family should be allocated in such a way as to give their needs the best possible satisfaction.
The roles of the "family scapegoat", "family martyr", "sick family member" and others are pathologizing, that is, they can lead to disruption of the life of the family and the trauma of its members. Sometimes, one of the family members plays a role that is traumatic for himself, but psychologically beneficial to other family members. In other cases, family members directly or indirectly encourage someone in the family to take on such a role. The pathologizing role of one family member can be traumatic for others, not for himself. Currently, a considerable number of pathologizing roles have been identified, and their description has been given. Eidemiller E.G. and Yustitskis V.V. proposed their classification. It is based on two criteria: the sphere of family life, the violation of which is associated with the emergence of pathologizing roles and the motive for their emergence.
S.V. Ponasenkova, Vitebsky State University, Vitebsk, BelarusDisruption of family relationships is a complex problem that requires a complex, interdisciplinary study. In each individual case of family counseling, the psychologist should rely on different methods and tricks to reveal this violation family relations and propose a system of measures for its correction.
Literature:
1. Rogov E.I. Relationship psychology: men and women. - M .: Publishing house "VLADOS-PRESS", 2002. - 288 p.
2. Eidemiller EG, Yustitskis V. Psychology and psychotherapy of the family. - 3rd ed. - SPb .: Peter, 2002 .-- 656 p.