Elizarov A. N. Fundamentals of individual and family psychological counseling: textbook. There are four main reasons why you should arrange family councils

As often happens, people live under one roof, but remain strangers to each other.

Family Meeting Tips

1. Hold meetings once a week by choosing a time that will ensure the presence of all family members. Do not change this time in the best interests of one or another family member.

2. Disconnect for this time telephone so that no one can interfere with you. This will help your children realize that these meetings are important events for the whole family.

3. Decisions should be made on the basis of family unanimity, not the will of the majority. If after discussion you do not achieve general agreement, then the decision is postponed until the next meeting. Strive to make decisions that will benefit everyone. Let everyone make a commitment to uphold the decision.

4. At every meeting choose a new host and a secretary (in turn). All family members should support the leader in every possible way. The role of the secretary is to keep a record of what was discussed and what decisions were made. This is necessary so that during the week there are no disagreements on the decisions made.

5. Start your meeting with encouraging statements to each family member. Use such words: “I really like that you ...” or “I am grateful to you that you ...” Teach children to respond with words of gratitude to praise addressed to them.

6. Family routines and meeting “agendas” are best affixed in a prominent place to remind everyone of what to do.

7. Teach children to accompany their complaints with options for solving the problem they face.

Remember that the person who is not involved in solving the problem becomes part of the problem himself.

8. Consider at the meeting the schedule of affairs for each day of the coming week, providing for joint activities of all family members.

9. For meetings to be more productive, conduct them in the common room, removing unnecessary items from the table and arranging chairs so that those who are seated are facing facing each other ... Under no circumstances should meetings be held over food.

10. Always end meetings in a fun and enjoyable way ... The "ending" is left to the host to choose. You can offer a light and unusual snack, some sweet dish for evening tea, an exciting game, or something else interesting for everyone.

11. If your children are reluctant to attend such meetings, monitor your actions, which may discourage children from participating in them.

1.2. If someone nevertheless misses the meeting, then he still has to carry out the decisions made at it.

13. Be sure to make sure everyone leaves the meeting feeling satisfied.

I am sure that even after several meetings you will feel that a period of harmony and mutual understanding is beginning in the family.

Family Law Tasks.

Objective 1. Popov, at the age of 10, was left an orphan and was taken up by his uncle, who had a daughter, Larisa. The children grew up and were brought up together, and when they turned 18, they decided to get married, but the registry office refused to register their marriage on the grounds of close relationship and taking into account the objections of Larisa's parents.
Are the actions of the registry office legal? Will it changejudgment if it is established that the uncle adopted Popowha

Objective 2. Mikheeva and Tretyakov decided to keep their premarital surnames when they got married. However, before the birth of the child, they decided that they should have a common surname, and applied to the registry office with an application to assign them a common surname by joining. The registry office refused to change their surname, citing the fact that this is allowed only upon marriage or divorce, and that a double surname is not allowed.
Are the actions of the registry office legal? When does a spouse have the right to decide the issue of changing the surname? Is double allowedWhat is the name under the legislation of the Russian Federation?

Objective 3. Kharisova and Knyazev were in close relations for two years without marriage. On May 2, 1996, Knyazev died in the line of duty. On February 1, 1997, a son was born to Kharisova. She applied to the court to establish the fact that the Knyazevs recognized paternity, indicating that they lived as one family and were expecting her pregnancy. Knyazev was very upset that they had no children, which was known to all of their friends and parents of Kharisova. Kharisova found out about her pregnancy soon; after the death of Knyazev. Their common acquaintances with Knyazev, although they sympathized with her, were glad that she would have the memory of her beloved person. Establishment of the fact of recognition of paternity is necessary for Kharisova to apply for a pension in the event of the death of the breadwinner and inheritance.
Knyazev's mother, as his only heiress, objected to the establishment of the fact of recognition of paternity. She explained to the court that this child was not born of Knyazev, since he could hardly have children. He was never treated for infertility, but his first wife divorced him due to lack of pregnancy. She is now married to another man and has a son. Cohabiting with Kharisova, Knyazev also did not have children, which he greatly regretted, since he and Kharisova had a good relationship.
How to solve the case? What fact and in what order should be established in this case?

Task 4. The Busovs, upon divorce, came to an agreement that their daughter Olga for 4 years would stay with her father, daughter Elina for 2 years with her mother. The administration of the children's center, which both girls attended, with the support of neighbors, turned to the guardianship authorities with a request to protect the rights of the children, since they miss each other, when in the morning each of the parents brings the girls to the combine and they meet in the lobby, it is impossible to watch without tears. how they rejoice, kissing and hugging each other, how after dinner they treat each other with sweets and try to go to each other's bed. Even more tragic is the picture in the evening, when the parents take the girls to different houses. Both sisters cry bitterly, ask their parents not to take them away from each other. Parents are nervous, trying to end this scene as soon as possible, yelling at the children, forcibly pulling them apart.
Appearing on a call from the guardianship authorities, the parents explained that dividing the children is the only acceptable option for them, since after exchanging an apartment, everyone got a one-room apartment, and the two girls have nowhere to live together. The guardianship authorities filed a lawsuit for the removal of the children and placing them together in a foster family, where living conditions made it possible to keep both girls in the same room.
Are the actions of the guardianship authorities legal? How to solve delo?

Task 5. Bolotova and Vishnevsky had a son, Vladimir, in respect of whom they were deprived of parental rights. Vladimir was placed in an orphanage. The administration of the orphanage filed a claim against the parents of the child for the recovery of alimony. The court recovered in favor of the child care institution alimony in the amount of 1/4 of the parents' earnings, i.e. from each parent 1/8 of their earnings. Alimony was received by the administration, which received money and spent it on the maintenance of children in the orphanage.
Are the decisions of the court and the actions of the administration legal?child care institution? What is the order of spending the alimentov for a child placed in a child care institution?

Task 6. Shumilin for 17 years, married Ushakova for 15 years. Their marriageable age was lowered in the manner prescribed by law. Ushakova had a child at the age of 1 year. Shumilin wished to adopt him and turned to the guardianship authorities in order to collect all the necessary documents. Ushakova's mother, the grandson's guardian, objected to the adoption, since she herself wanted to adopt the child. However, Shumilin's wife gave her consent to adoption only to her husband, while she herself asked to keep her parental rights. The guardianship authorities explained to Shumilin that until the age of 18 he cannot be an adoptive parent, and after 18 he must register on a centralized register of candidates for adoptive parents. Also, the child must be registered centrally. But in practice, adoption is impossible until his wife turns 18, since the child's guardian objects to adoption, i.e. his grandmother, without whose consent the adoption is not allowed. The consent of the child's mother has no legal significance, since she herself is a minor.
Are the explanations of the guardianship authorities legal? What are requiredwhat are the claims against candidates for adoptive parents?
Does consent to adoption have a legal meaning,given by underage parents of a child?

Task 7. Ageeva, after the death of her husband, remarried with Surkov. A year after the marriage was concluded, Surkov demanded that the marriage be declared null and void. it turned out that Ageeva could not have children due to her trauma, and the spouses did not undergo a medical examination before marriage. Ageeva did not acknowledge the claim, arguing that it was not necessary to undergo a medical examination, and there were no grounds for invalidating the marriage. Please resolve the dispute.

Problem 8. Golskaya inherited a residential building with a land plot from her grandmother. Spouse Golskoy convinced her that it was necessary to sell this house and, adding funds, purchase more comfortable housing in the city for permanent residence. Golskaya agreed to sell a house with a land plot and, adding 50,000 rubles, the couple bought a three-room apartment for 600,000 rubles. After 3 years, the couple quarreled, and Golskaya filed a lawsuit for divorce (in the absence of her husband's consent to divorce) and for the division of jointly acquired property. Golskoy's spouse demanded that a three-room apartment be included in the property to be divided as acquired during the marriage, although registered in the ownership of Golskaya. Golskaya believed that since it was she who invested most of the funds from the sale of property (a house with a land plot) inherited, the house belongs to her, and her husband is entitled to compensation in the amount of 25,000 rubles. - half of the amount invested from the general income of the spouses. Who owns the purchased apartment (public or private)? How should the dispute be resolved?

Problem 9. Elena Firsova, a resident of Vladimir, while working as a waitress in the Pizza cafe, met Ilya Fadeev. The latter, giving a generous tip to Elena Firsova, came to the cafe the next day and offered her a deal: he gives her a significant amount of money, she registers a marriage with him and registers the municipal fund in her three-room apartment. Elena Firsova agreed. Ilya Fadeev settled in an isolated room, which included a sofa, wardrobe, TV, stereo and refrigerator. A month after that, Elena Firsova was sent to the hospital with myocardial infarction. After treatment, she was recognized as a disabled person of the 2nd group and was no longer able to work as a waitress. She was given a small pension. A year later, Ilya Fadeev filed a lawsuit for divorce with Elena Firsova and the division of common property. Elena filed a counterclaim against Ilya with the court to declare the marriage invalid, since during the year they had a separate household without starting a family or making joint property. At the same time, she asked the court to award her alimony from Ilya Fadeev, since she cannot work as a waitress, and cannot master another profession, since she is already fifty-five years old. She became a disabled person during her marriage.
1. Can the marriage of Elena Firsova with Ilya Fadeev be called fictitious? How can Elena Firsova prove that she and Ilya Fadeev did not actually have a family?
2. Is Elena Firsova's claim to award her alimony from Ilya Fadeev legitimate?
3. Is Ilya Fadeev's demand for the division of common property legal?
4. What decision should the court make?

Problem 10. Svetlana Eliseeva, a resident of Vladimir and a third-year student at VSPU, met Roman Teterin, a fourth-year student at VYUI. Svetlana and Roman fell in love with each other. Roman Teterin invited Svetlana Eliseeva to marry him. She agreed, but said that she could not leave Vladimir to his destination in the city of Lensk (Yakutia), since she needed to graduate from the institute. However, after graduating from the institute, Svetlana did not go to her husband, but got a job in her specialty in Vladimir. Roman Teterin, having arrived on vacation in Vladimir, began to insist that Svetlana quit her job and leave with him. Svetlana valued her place of work and did not want to leave. Roman believed that if she married a law enforcement officer, she was obliged to follow him to his place of service and live with him. Svetlana did not seem obliged to do this, she believed that it was possible to live in different cities and visit each other during the holidays.
1. Is Roman Teterin's statement that Svetlana Eliseeva, as his wife, must follow him to his place of service and live with him is legitimate?
2. Is it legitimate for Svetlana Eliseeva to say that she and her husband can live in different cities?
3. How does the Family Code interpret the spouses' right to choose their place of residence?

THE MAIN PURPOSE of the "Family Council" is to fill the lack of communication, which is the main cause of conflicts in the family.

WHAT TO DISCUSS?

EVERYTHING that is related to family affairs: how many times to spend watching TV, who is to clean the apartment, family walks and picnics, etc.

The child must get used to the fact that he has not only rights, but also responsibilities. Children can bring their problems to the Council: what time to return home, pocket money, whether it is possible to close the door in their room with a key, whether it is possible to feed a neighbor's dog ... etc.

Each family member can discuss whatever he sees fit. The list of questions should be in a place convenient for everyone, for example, near the phone, so that everyone can fix their idea at any time. These recordings are especially good for children. This gives them confirmation that they are engaging in important adult activities.

WHEN, HOW, WITH WHOM, AND WHERE TO DISCUSS?

1. First of all, you need to clearly define the time and place of the Council. The employment of everyone is taken into account and at the same time - no excuses are accepted!

2. In order for the situation not to get out of control, it is necessary to clearly limit the time of the Soviets. For example, no more than forty minutes.

3. The Family Council should include all family members living under the same roof (including grandparents and young children).

4. Everything possible should be done to ensure that everyone can attend the meeting, but no one should be forced.

5. The absent person must follow the decisions that will be made.

6. Decisions made at the Council cannot be unilaterally violated or ignored. If this happens, it should be discussed at the next meeting.

WHAT TO DISCUSS FOR?

Keep in mind that you are not going to solve problems at all. The goal of the Family Council is to IMPROVE RELATIONSHIP AND COMMUNICATION. Therefore, it is important not only to discuss, but to give everyone the opportunity to speak out and be able to listen to everyone's point of view.

HOW TO DO THE ADVICE?

1. Everyone should preside over the Council in turn, even children (from a certain age).

2. Parents should not take the position of Supreme Power.

3. The opinion of all should be taken into account and seriously considered.

5. Everyone must comply with the decisions made by the Council.

6. You can not attack specific people - you can laugh at individual actions or deeds, including your own, and not at people.

THE MAIN IMPORTANT is to "meet" regularly. Getting started is easy, but running a Family Council on an ongoing basis is much more difficult. Some family members may be reluctant to discuss certain issues. In this case, you can organize various sub-tips - with a limited range of issues for discussion. For example, for adults, for children, for spouses, etc.

WHAT DOES IT GIVE?

A SENSE OF ESSENCE is a very important quality that only a family can give to a developing person. Therefore, regular participation of children in the Family Council is a good preparation for life. They develop a sense of social equality - my voice is just as important as the opinion of the other, although I am still small.

Children, seeing how adults respect each other's opinion, how their family world is ruled not by Power and Strength, but by Equality and Justice.

According to the observations of specialists, using the "Family Council" technique, many families have improved the situation after the first meeting. Plus, six nights a week were problem-free. The main thing in the Family Council is not to let the situation in the family develop on its own, to take it into our own hands and learn to come to mutual agreement.

Prepared by V. Pasnichenko

- one of the most important means of solving various problems in the process of raising children. A family council is a discussion by all family members of both difficulties and various everyday issues that arise in the life of the family. For such communication, we advise you to set aside a specific hour for a specific day of the week. The advice can firmly enter the way of life of the family.

The meeting time should not be changed without the consent of all family members. Everyone is expected to be present on the council. If someone doesn’t want to participate in it, then omtai will obey the decisions taken at the council. Therefore, it is in the interests of all family members to come to the council, since here they can express their opinion.

The personal questions of individual family members may not always be brought up to the council. Depending on the circumstances, parents resolve the issues for discussion in a tactful, democratic manner. However, each family member has the right to propose a problem for discussion and express their opinion. All together are looking for ways to solve the problem. In a family council, the voices of parents and children have equal weight.

We advise you to establish the following principle: a decision made a week after the council comes into force, and until the next meeting, it is impossible to resume discussion of this problem. If by the time of the next council it turns out that the decision made last week was unsuccessful, the search for a new way begins. In this case, we always advise you to pose the question like this: "What should we do now?" The new decision is also taken by all together!

At the family council, a mother of four, ages four to sixteen, raised the issue of the dire dining environment. The children were late for the table. The father was indignant at their lateness and inability to behave at the table. Mutual irritation and bickering created an extremely unpleasant atmosphere. One of the children suggested that everyone should eat when it was convenient for him and in their rooms, and the general meals would be canceled.

Other kids picked up the idea. They said it would be very cool! The mother agreed to the proposal, while the father angrily protested. The mother asked: "How can we give the children food now?" - "We will take it ourselves." - "But what about the dirty dishes?" "Okay," said the mother. "Then I'll wash her." The father was forced to give in, because he was left alone against this proposal. The mother prepared dinner, and the parents dined in their room in the evening, ignoring the children. An hour later, the mother washed the dirty dishes left in the kitchen sink.

After four days, the children began to show discontent. Not everyone brought dirty dishes to the kitchen, so there weren't enough clean ones. One child complained about his brother not taking his dirty dishes to the kitchen or throwing away moldy food debris.

To all complaints, the mother answered: "We will discuss this at the next council." And of course, this idea was unanimously rejected at the meeting. All the children wanted to dine together again. The parents asked each of them to comment on how family meals should go.

Even young children can take part in a family council. We recommend that you entrust the role of the chairman of the council to everyone in turn, so that no one becomes “the main one” in it. The chairperson should ensure that every family member has an opportunity to speak up. Even if parents see that the child's proposed plan of action is unsuccessful, they must still submit to the general decision, come to terms with the inconveniences that arise from it, and give the children the opportunity to be convinced of their unsuccessful choice. Children’s experience teaches much more than parental guidance or coercion.

The mother suggested that the family council discuss the problems arising from the guests who were invited home after school, ten-year-old Jean and seven-year-old Jerry. When the son and daughter brought their friends on the same day, something terrible began at home. Children ran around the apartment, jumped out onto the street and back, chased each other up the stairs, ran a race with the dog, played the piano “Chizhik -fyzhik ", turned on the TV at full power. After setting out the reasons for her dissatisfaction, the mother said:" I think you need to bring your friends in turn on certain days and hours. How do you look at this? "

Jean agreed and said that she would like to invite the kids on Mondays and Fridays after school. Jerry sat drowned in an armchair, drawing patterns with his fingers. He was silent. The mother asked if he would agree to bring his companions on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. He nodded indifferently. “What about the noisy running around the house?” His father said. “It would be nice for your friends to learn how to behave.” “I think you need to explain to them how to behave in our house, right?” The mother interjected. Jean agreed. Jerry pouted and said nothing.

The following Monday, Jean brought two friends home and they played quietly. Jerry brought in a friend too. “I'm sorry Jerry, but it's not your turn to bring guests tonight.” “Can we play outside?” “Yes,” Jerry came to the door four times over the next hour, wondering if they could watch TV or have some milk and cookies. His mother refused every request. A few minutes later, the mother accidentally looked out the window and saw Jerry standing by the fence, using a small hole as a toilet. "Jerry! I'm sorry, but your friend will have to leave and you will have to return home. " The son shouted: "It is your own fault that you did not let me go home and I could not get to the toilet."

Jerry is depressed that his mother and "good" sister are acting in concert. At the council, he did not offer anything, since he decided that they would not reckon with him anyway. Nevertheless, although he was reluctant, he nevertheless agreed with their decision, and then, expressing his resentment, he began to misbehave.

Probably, it would be better, after proposing a problem for discussion, to ask the children what, in their opinion, should be done. The first time, such a question would probably have puzzled the children, and they would not have been able to answer. After waiting a little, the mother could offer her idea in the form of a question: "Do you think it might be worth inviting friends one by one?"

After Jerry showed his attitude to the decision of the family council, it was necessary to discuss this issue at the next meeting. Maybe Jerry would agree to participate in the discussion if his mother showed understanding of his position: “Maybe Jerry thinks that he is not considered. He didn't seem to like the solution of the previous advice very much. What do you think of that, Jerry? " Discussion begins. Probably, the boy should be given the opportunity to be the first to express his opinion. At first, he may not want to talk. But, if the parents are all the time sincerely interested in his opinion, he is likely to overcome his prejudice to the issue and take part in the conversation.

We advise parents to take into account that such a meeting ceases to be family advice if only mother and father talk about their problems and offer their solutions. It is necessary to strive to ensure that children take the most active, equal participation in it.

The family, consisting of educated and wealthy parents and three daughters, gathered for a family consort. The girls knew that their parents wanted to buy a new house and were thinking of consulting their children about it. The eldest girl offered her contribution: fifteen dollars, the middle one ten, and the youngest five dollars. This money was their personal savings. Parents were seized with complete confusion. What should they do now? Concerned and confused, they turned to experts for advice.

The parents thought their daughters were acting this way because they had no idea how much the new house might cost. When the children were asked about this, they gave a roughly correct large figure. The parents were again very surprised. What to do in such a situation? The father was advised to contribute fifty dollars to the consultation and send the girls to buy a house. He followed this advice, and that was the end of it.

Such problems will not lead parents to such confusion if they give free rein to their imaginations and imagine how they would behave if not children, but their adult friends came up with such proposals. The parents could say how much money they intend to contribute and invite the children to discuss the problem again.
The success of the family council is determined by the extent to which family members are willing to approach the problem as a problem that concerns everyone. Living together involves the constant interaction of all family members. However, it is possible on condition of warm, friendly, benevolent relations based on mutual understanding, trust and respect between all family members. The atmosphere of responsibility for each other and complete equality creates the most favorable conditions for the upbringing of children, the formation of their personality.