Medianar "Methods of family education as the basis of the formation of a harmoniously developed personality of a child. Types of family education and methods of child education. Family Education and Family Pedagogy

06.05.2019

in the process of upbringing their children, parents tend to use one (or several times at once) from the main tactics of family education: dictate, guardianship, confrontation, peaceful coexistence and cooperation. Let's look at what the difference between each of these approaches to education is different, and how they are reflected on the formation of the child's personality.

Most teachers agree that the family as the primary socialization institution has the greatest impact on formation of the child's personality. It is relationships with relatives and loved ones allow him to master new patterns of behavior and know the world around. At the same time, in the process of upbringing their children, parents tend to use one (or several several) from the main tactics of family education:

dictate;
guardianship;
confrontation;
peaceful coexistence;
cooperation.

Let's look at what the difference between each of these approaches to education is different, and how they are reflected on the formation of the child's personality.

Dictate

It is clear that most parents do not tend to intentionally become dictators. Typically, this is due to an excessive desire to make a son or daughter obedient, because it is, in their opinion, one of the most important tasks in education.

Having put forward the constant requirements, such mothers and dads completely forget about the manifestation of respect for the child, they often admit rudeness, completely ignore his opinion and interests. Thus, the dictatorial approach suppresses the desire for the manifestation of initiative and self-esteem.

Over time, the child who has grown in the dictator family begins to frankly hate his parents! And in some cases, this is manifested not only in outbreaks of rudeness and rebellion, but also in the use of physical force towards parents and others who are trying to impose their opinions.

Oboek

Despite the seeming diametrical opposite, the educational tactics in the form of custody is similar to dictate. Just instead of excessive demands, there is an excessive love for the child and its comprehensive guardianship. All solutions take parents: how to get dressed, with whom to walk what to eat. In the early years, when children appear a kind of impulse "I myself", with an excessive care on the part of the parents, the desire for self-identification in the child is inferior to indifference - "Let mom and dad decide".

As a result, children become crazy and in the future may experience difficulties in solving even the most simple life issues. Brighter, the result of the guardianship is manifested in adolescence, when a child wants to be more independent and experiences self-affirmation, and permanent parental care Only prevents him from this. And when he begins to rebel, parents regard such behavior as a manifestation of disrespect and ungratefulness.

In the reasonable limits of the guardianship can be a positive effect, but only in the case when it acquires the nature of the coercion of children to justice and independence.

Confrontation

This tactic involves the position of non-interference and injection hostility between family members. Parents are not particularly interested in the life of children, but every time they are noticing their shortcomings and mistakes. At the same time, the communication between family members is accompanied by irritation, the statement of mutual offensive and gloating, regarding the failures of other family members. What is the most interesting chosen by them confrontation tactics With his own child, they explain very simple: "We strive to raise a strong person who knows how to stand up" and "who, if not we, will indicate him for its shortcomings and mistakes."

Naturally, such a style of education will definitely leave a negative imprint on the character of the child. With age, he will start repaying the parents of the same coin, responding to coldness and misunderstanding indifference and rudeness.

Similar coexistence, in terms of pedagogy, is unacceptable. Parents must constantly be interested in the life of a child and support it both in endeavors and in difficult life situations.

Peaceful coexistence

The position of parents who prefer peaceful coexistence with their child comes down to the following: "Let it get used to be independent, I do not interfere in his business." In such a family, parents work, children learn - all are busy with their affairs and are not particularly interested in the lives of other family members. Often, this is due not to so much the employment of parents, how much inability and reluctance to communicate with the child.

In a similar family, as a rule, an individual grows, for which the family is not a "home hearth" and does not have much value. Without receiving parental heat, he will not be able to share them with others and take care of a close person.

Cooperation

The most optimal option of child-parent relations, among those described by us family education tacticsMany experts call cooperation. In this case, the traits of the individual are overcome, giving way to the traits of the collectivist. The child feels like a family member, participates in her affairs and decision making.

However, parents should not be forgotten that support should proceed not only on their part (assistance in studying, learning labor skills, support in difficult circumstances), but also from the child. This does not mean that you need to constantly score to him with adult problems. It is necessary to simply provide him with the opportunity to take the most active participation in solving any important issue for the family (for example, the choice of the resting place, the choice of furniture, the definition of place of residence, etc.).

Instead of imprisonment

If you already stick to (or plan to stick) any particular education tactics (perhaps not even mentioned by us), this does not mean that you can not take something useful from other tactics. For example, from dictate you can take the ability to be an authority for a child, from the guardianship - a manifestation of care, from confrontation - the ability to point out errors in time, from coexistence - the development of independence, from cooperation - support each other in all endeavors.

The main thing is to find a harmonious balance between independence and care, authoritarianism and permissiveness, demanding and mutual respect.

Summary: The psychological atmosphere in the family is the main factor of family education. Family education tactics. Parentian dictation. Excessive guardianship. Confrontation, family wars. Non-interference is the path of the formation of an individual. Cooperation is the optimal type of family education.

There will be no obstacles to the mutual understanding of parents and children, depends mainly on the general psychological atmosphere in the family.

It is possible to conditionally distinguish five lines of development of family relations, types of socio-psychological climate of the family and, accordingly, a cloth of family upbringing. Although, of course, there are many transitional, erased, intermediate modifications and options.

I allowed myself to use terms for this typology, which are more familiar to diplomats and political scientists, military and professors of military academies than teachers and parents, and, nevertheless, quite accurately characterize the phenomena of interest to us: dictate, custody, confrontation, peaceful coexistence on The basis of non-interference and cooperation.

A question may arise: is it appropriate to use these terms in the field of children's and family psychology? Tactics, for example, is a combination of funds and techniques in the struggle for achieving the goal. But what kind of struggle in the family can we talk about? Who am who fighting? Children with parents? Parents with children?

We did not mean anything like this using the terms "tactics", "strategy", although such a struggle sometimes takes place. You can fight not only with someone, but also, most importantly, for something and in the name of something.

Parents are fighting for ensuring that their children grew as they want to see them, and this struggle is not against children, but for them. The tactics of such a struggle can be very and very different: successful or unsuccessful, correct or erroneous, skillful or inept, scientifically based or anti-scientific. This tactic corresponds to the type of family relationships and, ultimately, is generated by them. That's what it will be discussed further.

This type of family relationship is repeatedly and brightly described on the pages of fiction. Mr. Dombee near Charles Dickens, an old man of Karamazov at F. M. Dostoevsky, Evgraph Shiryaev from the story of A. P. Chekhov "Heavy people", James Brodya from Archibald Cronain and a string of other as despotic fathers, who are tirasing their families, could be here Excellent illustrations.

However, with the development of civilized society, the extreme manifestations of family despotism, which felt scenes and the types of many writers are fed. Nevertheless, it is impossible to argue that the question is exhausted. Dictate in the family, where one members suppress themselves in other independence, the initiative, self-esteem, and now it can manifest itself in forms, perhaps, not so sharp, but rather defined.

No one argues - parents can and should make requirements for their child, based on the goals of education, morality standards, specific situations in which pedagogically and morally acquitted solutions. But the maximum demanding of the elders should be combined with the maximum trust and respect for it - otherwise, the demanding is turning coarse pressure, coercion. Adopted by the theory of upbringing and ascending to A. S. Makarenko "Maximum Requirement - Maximum Respect and Trust" is a convincing alternative to dictate in family relations.

It is significant that the history of family dictators described by the artistic prose masters always ended in the collapse of all hopes and plans of tyranans. Deployed end of the tyranny Mr. Dombey. And it's not just the death of the Florence field and the care of Florence. Children were not at all such as they saw a worm and cruel father in their dreams. It should be said that psychologically fiasco educational principles of dictate is natural.

Parents prefering to all types of influence order and violence are inevitably faced with the resistance of the education facility - a child who is responsible for pressure, coercion, threats and other cruel measures of influencing with their countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbreaks, and sometimes frank hatred. But even if the resistance is broken, the victory turns out to be Pyrical. Together with broken persistence, many valuable qualities of personality are broken, extremely valuable: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in themselves and their capabilities.

The coalded authoritarianity of the parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, deprivation of his right to vote in solving issues to it relating - all this is a guarantee of the catastrophic failure of the formation of his personality. It is difficult to predict the fate of a young man who presented the victim of such a educational system. Maybe it will grow up, fitlener, coward, maybe Cynic, Ham, Despot. It may happen, and will be spoiled under the influence of any empty influence, and everything will cost without serious consequences.

But one thing can be said with complete confidence: no matter what the goals of the education pursue parents who adhere to dictate tactics - they can not consciously plan to raise the scoundrel or Hama - their goals will not be achieved, from their son or daughter will turn out what they are they did not expect. The positive effect of such education, even if it is the result of the best motives of the father and mother, knowingly zero.

Here it would be possible to put a point, but how not to say that dictate in the family is far from always similar to the street with one-sided movement. A child can be not only an object, but also a dictatorship subject.

There are families in which the child is a real little tyrant. In fact, it is often happening in families, where the child is sick and parents, imbued with pity and compassion, are ready to do everything to compensate for what his illness deprived. Or it may be a long-awaited child born in the family of elderly parents who have lost hope for offspring. As a rule, the failure of such a baby does not have anything, any of its requirements is unconditionally executed.

I remember such a picture. Old Moscow House, asphalt courtyard almost without greens. The guys play the game, now forgotten: "twelve sticks" - a complicated version of hide and seekers. From the second floor, a female voice is distributed from the window:

Little Johnny, go dining!
Silence. Again the same voice:
- Little John! We are waiting for you!
No one responds. In the voice of a woman sounds despair:
- Soup will cool, Little Way. Go home.

From the packs of guys are separated by a freckled teenager and, looking up, shouts:
- I will not! I do not want! Loose!
- But, Vovik, you have a bad breakfast today! I'm waiting for you. Go home, please, Little John!

Silence again. Little Johnny (his street nickname Japanese) rolls the cement seam wall and finally makes a decision:
- Let's come here! Here I will eat!
- Well, how so, Little Johnny ... It's uncomfortable. Why ... well, well, I'll carry you a plate right now.

Woman surrender. Not there was something. The new order makes it get out of the window, and boys get closer:
- Swipe soup to me! On the rope!
Guys frozen: what will happen?
- Japanese, what did you sleep? Yes, you now ... - threw one of them.

Self-confident answer:
- And you look, what will happen, and after saying.

Son knew his mother better. Soon out of the window, slowly crawled down the soup plate, slowly cracked down (exactly a plate! I remember well) and approved on my knees drank on the boy. In the same way, bread and a spoon wrapped in a large napkin were launched.

He lazily chopped soup and surprised by his comrades churred proudly:
- And she has a trained ... Not that yours! ..

And then one of the guys, the struggle, with a cry: "What kind of you are!", I knocked the plate with him and went on a physiognomy. He burst home with the roar ... The guys were separated, having fun at the second floor windows.

In a year or two, after I remembering the lunch we, the guys of this yard, went to the front. Many have not returned. The struggle did not return (the name of the Hero of the Soviet Union, the Guard of Senior Lieutenant Boris Nikolayevich Dmitrievsky was named our street). Vladimir district did not return. The mother was not much survived the son and her husband (the latter died before the war herself). It remained on the second floor of a fancy apartment. New tenants told that a letter was found in the dresser, where the death of Rskogo was reported: by the sentence of the military tribunal, he was shot for cowardice and desertion ...

I am far from thought to bind directly the tyranny behavior of the Son in relations with loved ones and the greatest military crime. But the features of the scoundrel shared by his family in front of the surrounding years during a number of years, and not remembered, no one was surprised then, in 1945, that Vladimir district, one for all of our district died not a glorious, and shameful death.

Little despot, accustomed to not meet resistance to his dictate in the family, abroad, as a rule, has no privilege and must adapt and catch. This leads to a kind of split personality. It gets along with cruelty to one and imprisonment in front of others, rudeness and cowardice, sassay and humiliation. As an easy, such a person becomes a hypocrite and a traitor - he regrets only himself and he loves himself. It is difficult to say that worse: despotism from above or despotism from below. Both worse!

Oboek

In essence, dictate parents and guardianship - the phenomena of one order. Differences in shape, not essential. Yes, of course, Dictate implies violence, order, hard authoritarianism, and guardianship - care, fence against difficulties, affection. However, the result largely coincides: children do not have independence, the initiative, they are somehow removed from solving issues related to, especially, common family problems.

The impulse emerging in early childhood, almost the instinct "I myself", gives way to sluggish indifference: "Let mom, let the dad, will decide, will help." "Dictate Bona" - a child's despoticism, which was just said, is also the current side of excessive guardianship that affirms the child in the position of a small god. However, it is not at all necessary guardianship generates extremes of despotic behavior. This may not be if the parents do not lose their own dignity and know how to make themselves respect. But in this case, the negative consequences of the guardianship as family education tactics will definitely affect.

The question of the active formation of the identity of the child is moving into the background. Another problem is coming to the departure of pedagogical action - meeting the needs of the child and the fence of it from difficulties. Guardianship as an educational tactic is a frank enemy of labor education, because the swelling, first of all, is fencing from labor efforts and responsibility. To destroy the person with the help of excessive guardianship, in general, it is easier than to make sure.

I remember a witty fairy tale of one of the modern writers. Here are traditional characters: father, stepmother, native daughter, stepdaughter. Of course, the stepmother seeks to destroy Padderitsa and make a loved daughter. And, of course, all this happens when the father's full failure, the soul of the incorrect in the villain-stepmother. However, the fairy tale does not flow through a familiar bed.

Steph reveals uncommon abilities and, in any case, in the social psychology of family relations, it is excellently oriented. It suits so that her native daughter's native daughter, but a hateful stepdaughter. She, this stepdaughter, eat sweetly, sweet drinks yes to a step sister smokes. And that day in work and in the forest, and in the field, and at home. The cunning plan brings fruit. As expected, an excellent prince appears and, of course, falls in love with a modest, worker and intelligent machekhin daughter and with a laugh turn away from the stepdaughter, the dures, the idleness and sweet tooth ...
Well, this fairy tale has a deep meaning and not bad illustrates the possible beneficial fruits as a system of education.

Parents who are constantly concerned that any everyday difficulties do not fall into their child so that not him, God forbid, did not blow the wind of everyday life, so that it was not blown in the paired atmosphere of the family greenhouse, actually make all the work for him. Essentially, they refuse to think about serious preparation of a teenager to a collision with a reality for the threshold of the native home. And, therefore, they have a bad service to native child, who, let's say, no one in the future, besides them, will not fit the peril.

But here is an interesting circumstance. According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of disruptions and "uprising" in transition. Just these children who seem to complain not to what, so rapidly they settled in the family nest, begin to rebel against parental care. What's the matter? Ingratitude? But she should also have their explanations. What else?

However, it is not so difficult to explain. As evidenced by the data of age psychology, the central neoplasm in adolescence becomes the "feeling of adulthood", the desire if not to be, then in any case it is considered adults. The emerging new life position of the teenager, who in every way seeks to approve its independence, confesses with everyday care, and it becomes the soil generating conflicts and protest.

Yesterday, another mother sanctioned the choice of friends, chose clothes and shoes to their taste, carefully wrapped the neck and fastened the top button coat - you are exposed to cold! - Checked homework, pulled a heavy suitcase from hand - give me a dad, do not forget that you had an extension of the inguinal rings, you want to earn a hernia! And it was taken as proper. Today...

So that I put this?! You still have a whirlpit and booties!
- We have all the guys go without hats. Well, with the fact that eighteen degrees. I have some thick hair, no frost will take.
- Let's agree again and forever. My diary is not a calendar - there is nothing there every day to look. I heard, heard dad studied. Your Arshin is not an international measure ...

For all positions - Afront. And it is difficult to understand anything to parents, and nothing can be done: everything meets in the bayonets - suspiciously, irreconcilable. Rejuvenation of excessive guardianship; The spring, compressed to the limit, straightens, breaking the current system of family relationships. The riot against the affectionate guardianship Pope and Mom in their consequences is not much different from the fight against the parent hard dictate. The form of protest can be different - from the cold politeness of the removal and alienation to a gross, ruthless essay. It already depends on the individual characteristics of the personality of the teenager and the nature of the reaction of parents on the developing situation.

It is difficult to give a recipe, how to behave in this critical situation to parents. In all likelihood, there is no such recipe suitable for each family. One thing is obvious - it is necessary to resolutely revise the system of relations with the son or daughter. Find ways of flexible transition from the type of communication, which is characterized by the "moral obedience", to the type of relationships specific to adult people.

Of course, an adult man is extremely difficult to overcome the inertia of the established relationship with children. Many are talking like this: "What an adult is he, he and today, how should the neck and ears do not know how", "adult, and did not earn a penny in life independently." So it is so, but only the adulthood is measured from two sides by different standards.

Parents take into account the relative stability of a teenager's life situation (he was and remains a schoolboy, financially dependent on them), the presence of visible children's damns - "I don't please for my own, so he is five spoons in the sand in tea." "And the conclusion is made:" What an adult is he, as it was inconsistent, so remained, for nothing that the mustache makes his way. " Let's say right, this conclusion is subjective, and dubious.

If you keep in mind the position and measure of a teenager, then here is another logic: "I have sixteen years old, I read books, maybe two times more than you with your father, taken together. What about what I do not earn, ourselves did not want me to finish the nine board, to work went - I would not sit on your neck to hell knows what age. Why guys in the yard, even those who are already going to army, do not hold me for a small one, and at home They want with me, then they do as with a first grader. In the sports shooting was not allowed - I'll break my hands there, and now I have a discharge on sambo, this is what, a trifle? With rita, everything is very serious, and my father asks : You're probably still with girls you fight? "

This or any other, such an inner monologue, says not one boy who gives the parents to understand that he still needs care. Undoubtedly, and he is far from objectivity, and it really does not really have a lot of foundations to claim adult rights. And yet the equilibrium in the family will be restored only if the parties find the forms of a reasonable compromise, and the father and the mother will take due respect to the rights of an adheating member of their family.

But it is important to emphasize that the conflict does not arise in families, where, without refusing to control, without which the education of man is unthinking, parents still ride a minimum in his younger school. If this comparison is pervertible here, they, holding the main strategic heights of family pedagogy, namely, controlling the observance of the rules of morality, taking care that their child does not grow dependent and drone, so that he fulfills his social debt, doing well in school, - represents the maximum Independence in solving constantly emerging tactical tasks, intervening only when it is impossible not to intervene, and not for each occasion and occasion.

If the guardianship, which represents the form of a certain activity of parents in the family relationship system, acquires the nature of the coercion of children to liability and independence, then let it be a guard! It does not bring harm and the conflict does not give up. It is said that the war is a division of diplomacy, but other means. If relatively peaceful family relationships come into a dead end if dictate tactics meet resistance and, as they say, the braid finds on the stone - in whose hands this braid is either, elder or younger, - if guardianship becomes burdensome and do not want to put up more And guarding do not intend to refuse it, then then these are the "other means".

Confrontation

It was possible to think that in this large apartment there is a long-term positional war ... who argues - the whole life of a person consists of victories and defeats, but if people are close to each other, the victory of one is the victory of everyone, the defeat is experienced by everyone on equal. It was different here. Fought among themselves.
- got two? Well, what my mother spoke! This is all because of Kupaunov, yesterday the whole evening was spent with him on the model, and today - two!
- Dad, I received a twice for the control in mathematics. We wrote her to that week. Remember, I went after influenza to school. And we just started doing the model yesterday ...
- All the same, you will not touch this model anymore. Do you work! And that the legs of Coupunov did not have in the house!
- Well, what are you attached to Kupaunov? It learns well, it doesn't swear, it does not stick ... - The boy throws a slanting view towards the mother and quietly adds: - Drunk does not come to visit and does not drink vodka with anyone. Here it is not driek ...
"It still lack it .." - the father begins, and suddenly the meaning of the said. - What do you mean?! What do you allow yourself?! Yes, I'm with you now ...

Lower the curtain over this scene. And without it is clear that the enmity, the war is familiar in this family. It is difficult to count on the fact that the world will come here between generations. Irritation accumulates, mutual resentments grow, constant confrontation causes the parties to notice and exaggerate each other's weaknesses. There is a gloatery about failures, troubles that fall out to the other.
- Did not accepted? Serves you right. Ballerina! This is with your posture, a figure! To sew better learning, - with undisguised pleasure, the mother of his daughter, who returned after the unsuccessful debut in the ballet studio, speaks.

You may not doubt that when the mother does not have trouble at work, it will not find sympathy from his daughter - the account will be paid by the same coin.

All as in war. However, in war, as a rule, the strongest wins. Here in both directions - the victory can not be. "Cold War", as children grow up and begin to deny the moral obedience, goes to "hot." The forces of the parties are balanced by: rudeness - rudeness, for gloating - gloating. Pedagogical collapse turns around the collapse of the family.

I don't want to do too pessimistic forecasts - after all, sometimes somehow it goes around and formed, but finally the payback comes only after many years, when the helpless parents in turn will be forced to submit to the morals of obedience, which will be able to present them who have entered into force and Preserving fighting qualities children.

Peaceful coexistence

The fourth type of family tactics is peaceful coexistence from the standpoint of non-interference. Here everything looks quite affordable. Everyone has their own things, their own problems, their difficulties and successes. Parents work, children learn, everyone has their own sphere, their own branch of activity. No one passes the demarcation line, can only be misunderstanding. And it seemed that such type of relationship in the family should only be welcomed.

It happens that parents even experience pride, supporting such neutrality.
Mother says: "Senya lives his life, I am my own, (she is divorced with her husband).
Class teacher asks: "When did Semen come home yesterday?" - I say: "It seems in seven." - "Well, here you see, and from school went into two. Where was he, what did you do five hours?" - I do not know what he did. I never asking him. It will be necessary - he will tell himself. He learns not bad, teachers do not complain. Does he ask about my affairs about my life? Probably not. Why does he need it? I have my own, he has his own.

The withdrawal of the world of the child and adults is often literally declared, the "pedagogical" foundation is even supplied to it - let it grow independent, independent, discharged, free. How to treat it? There are, of course, different family circumstances. I admit that, in particular, my interlocutor had good reasons - it is difficult to raise the Son without a father. But most often, at the base of this type of relationship - the passivity of the educator, which evades active intervention, preferring comfortable and does not require mental costs with a teenager.

What is the result? Becoming on the path of the formation of an individual, parents reap the bitter fruits of individualism. Family as a center of attraction, as an emotional magnet, as a family hearth for a child does not exist. The life of relatives, their joy and adversity for him for seven seals. And sooner or later, the critical moment comes - the trouble, the disease, difficulties, - when they will also require participation, and inclusion in world-world problems, and good feelings, and will be removed in its full inability to all this. They will take bitterly regarding the insolvency of the young man as a son, the girls as a daughter, without giving themselves the report in the fact that this is the inconsistency of the established system of family relations.

Cooperation

But there must be an optimal type of family education tactics. Yes, this is cooperation. It is in the situation of cooperation that the individualism of the child is overcome, the traits of the collectivist are formed. And this already assumes that the family acquires special quality, becomes a special type group, turns into a team.

Collaboration should be the subject of a special analysis of social psychology in the context of the problem of the team.

It is this way that the organization of links of senior and younger generations, as cooperation, seems to be optimal, and not care, non-interference and coexistence.

But is it possible to talk about the cooperation of a man and a woman, for example, at the age of 33-36 years, and a twelve-year-old girl, their daughters. It would seem that cooperation is clearly not equal. But it seems that there is no contradiction. I would not like to be limited to the retelling of the examples of the successful participation of children in homework well-known in our popular pedagogical literature (Cleaning, purchasing products, washing dishes, care for younger brothers and sisters, etc.). This is, of course, the essential side of the joint activity, and it is impossible to miss it.

But there is another aspect of considering the problem of cooperation of generations, actually psychological.
We must not forget that society makes the requirements for each of its member, and to adult, and to the child. This set of requirements was recorded in training production norms, rules of behavior, moral criteria, etc. Social assessment of a person - regardless of its age - depends on how much it complies with these criteria, rules and standards, fulfills its obligations. And there is another aspect of cooperation between children and parents - "participation".

The great Russian thinker Alexander Nikolayevich Radishchev, speaking of the merits of human, emphasized: "... the person of all there is a matter of the merchant." "Participation" - an emotional effective inclusion in the affairs of another person, active assistance, sympathy, empathy - cementing the relationship between generations in the family, does not leave places indifference, worn, egoism. Responsiveness with troubles and difficulties, the desire to immediately respond is the form of manifestation of "participation" and evidence of readiness for cooperation and support.

The harmony of family relations involves reciprocity in manifestation. Of course, parents, as a rule, offering a child cooperation and support in affairs (helping to learn, teaching labor and sports skills, sharing responsibility with him in difficult circumstances, etc.), detect "participation". However, is it always inherent in the addressee of parental emotions? Unfortunately, not always the child meets reciprocity.

The life of an adult is abounding complex, sometimes just difficult, sometimes dramatic situations. If we want our son or our daughter to be closer, relative (notice, we are talking about whether they are closer to move towards us, as parents encourage to rapprochement over), then the first rule is not to protect them from the sorrows and joys An adult, but not only to do with their witnesses, but also directly by their participants. And to go to it as early as possible, straight and boldly, giving affordable (taking into account the age) clarification.

It is appropriate to remember the book of K. Chukovsky "from two to five." The kid enthusiastically shines the poetic lines from him: "Bim, Bom, Tili, Tili, we cut our mother!" This, of course, is very funny, but the life drama of the situation appears behind this charming naivety of the child, by which Mom, obviously, held her son, carefully closing his eyes with his hand, left him indifferent and insensitive.

You know, the husband falls on the operation. Very serious. And his heart ... In general, what do you advise me? Say Leshe or not? Husband says - no need. Tell me, they say, I left for a business trip, I don't need to worry about him, Max. How to be?

Your husband will come to the amendment, we will hope for it, "says the teacher. "Let it be for Alesh the biggest happiness, let him dream about that day when his father, leaning on his shoulder, will come out of the hospital." How happily will be to help you in care of recovering. Feel the necessary, useful, support for mom and father. No no! He must know. Do not hide him from life!

So the participation is tied, without which the cooperation of generations is unthinkable. Family, three or four people connected by related bonds, may become, and may not become a team depending on which nature will acquire their relationship whether it will be confrontation, coexistence or participation and cooperation.

Cooperation involves employees. That's just a question: how many of them are necessary for the success of cooperation? Someone necessarily hurry to reply: Three (apparently, there will be a father, mother, child). Someone will say: five means Grandma and grandfather did not remain forgotten. Still would! In the family ensemble, they are not from the latter. And rarely, rare someone will increase these number by expanding the younger age contingent. In any case, it is difficult to expect that we will pass beyond the magic number "Seven". I even somehow faced an attempt to justify the desire not to increase the size of the family with the help of the reference to the latest data of social psychology (however, my interlocutor was a scientist).

He talked to me something like this: "Well, what kind of cooperation can we talk about when the family grows up to a two-digit number. Cooperation means sympathy, pity for each other, special sensitivity and, most importantly, effective assistance. Without this, cooperation is unthinkable. And you remember experiments Laetina (Famous Western Psychologist)? He proved experimentally that the more witnesses from someone else's misfortune, the less victims of the chance of helping. Each apparently believes that the other must take care of the victim.

In a large family, this approach is likely, moreover, it is inevitable. There are so many children that the "value" will inevitably fall, the Universal Fund of Empathy (Recall once again that this term designate pity, sympathy, empathy. - A. L.) is divided into all, and the divider is so great that private It turns out insignificantly small. No, love, and mutual understanding, and cooperation is the function of a small group of closely related people. The smaller the family, the greater the chances of rally on an emotional basis and successfully cooperate in solving public-friendly problems. "

I had to argue. Yes, B. Litein's experiments are well known, and I consider it purity to question their purity. Doubt on I take the opportunity to make far-reaching conclusions from these experiments. Domestic psychologists have already had no reason to assert that the results of experiments conducted on random groups of people should not extend to the teams.

Authoritative and authoritarian styles

With authoritative upbringing, the mother and father are emotionally warmly belong to children, but the control over them is quite high. Parents recognize and in every way encourage the independence of the child. This style is characterized by readiness as the baby grows to revise the requirements and rules for it.

Authoritarian style is expressed by low levels of emotional perception of children and high levels of control. Communication of such parents with a child is more reminiscent of Dictate, when all requests are pronounced in the form of orders, and the requirements, prohibitions and rules are not changing under any pretext.

Liberal and indifferent styles

In the family where children take warmly emotionally, and control over them is low (up to all overview and permissiveness), the liberal style of education reigns. There are practically no requirements and rules at the same time, and the level of management leaves much to be desired.

With an indifferent style, parents take very little participation in the upbringing, the child is perceived emotionally cold, his needs and interests simply ignore. There is practically no control from the father and mother.

Of course, each of the described styles of exposure affects the child in a certain way. But the types of family education are played by the dominant role in the formation of personality. Them and consider in more detail.

Harmonious type

Types of family education of the child are divided into harmonious and disharmonious. The first implies:

mutual emotional support;
maximum satisfaction of the needs of all family members, both adults and children;
recognition of the fact that a child is a person, and he can choose his own way of development;
encouraging the independence of children.

In addition, in difficult situations, mutual respect and equal rights of parents and a child in decision making are applied. The system of requirements for Chad here is always justified by its age and individuality. Control from parents is systematic, gradually the small member of the family gets used to self-control. Promotions and punishment are always deserved and reasonable. Parents have constancy and consistency in education issues, but everyone has the right to their own look at the situation. Mother or father can make changes to the education system according to the age of children.

Disharmonious types of family education

They are very diverse, but there are general signs, in varying degrees corresponding to each family of this category. First of all, the disharmonious types of family education and are characterized by a low emotional level of child acceptance and even the possibility of emotional rejection. Of course, there is no reciprocity with this respect. Parents are practically disassembled and do not have a consensus in matters of education. In relations with children, they are often inconsistent and contradictory.

The disharmonious types of family education are characterized by the fact that in different spheres of life, parents limit the child, often unjustified. In terms of the requirements, there may be two polar positions here: either they are overestimated or practically absent. In the latter case, permissiveness reigns. Control from parents is not where necessary, and it is not enough. Punishments are undeveloped and too frequent or, on the contrary, they are missing.

The disharmonious types of family education of the child are distinguished by the fact that in everyday communication with his daughter or son, an increased conflict is observed. The needs of children are satisfied or not enough or excessively. These types are most often found:

Hypoprotection and hyperpretation

These are two polar versions when concerns, attention, control, interest in the child and its needs or not enough (hypoprotection), or too much (hyperpretation).

Contliminate type

It assumes the presence of different looks of different views on the upbringing they embody. The impact on the child periodically varies depending on its age, but at the same time educational strategies mutually exclusive and incompatible.

Increased moral responsibility

High demands are presented, often inappropriate age and individuality.

HyperSocializing education

In this case, the first place is put forward by the successes, achievements of the child, the attitude towards him of peers, the principle of debt, responsibility, responsibilities. All this is done without taking into account the individual qualities and age of children.

Cruel treatment

With this type of parenting is heavier than mispretten, and there are no encouragements.

Cult disease

The child is treated as a weak, patient, helpless, creating a special atmosphere around it. This leads to the development of egoism and the feeling of its exclusivity.

In addition to styles and types, there are methods of family education. They will be discussed below.

Methods of influence on children

Types of family education and family relationships involve the following ways of influence: love, trust, personal example, showing, discussion, empathy, instructions, control, elevation, humor, praise or promotion, punishment, traditions, sympathy.

Parents raise children not only with words and belief, but, first of all, a personal example. Therefore, it is important to correctly organize the personal and social behavior of the mother and father. Mom and dad will not have a positive influence on the child, if they do not seek to become better. Family education methods work only when parents are engaged in self-education.

Impact on young children

Family education of preschoolers must be organized so that the requirements for the child have been agreed between parents. This will help children correctly behave, teach to manage its emotions and actions. It is necessary to talk about the requirements of the child in the form of wishes, requests or council, since the order tone will cause a negative reaction.

In any team, traditions are a reflection of the nature of communication and the level of pupil. The same applies to the family. Folding customs and traditions have a beneficial effect on children. In addition, it is soluing parents and a child. When preparing for the holidays, kids are involved in the household side of life. They help to clean and decorate the house, take part in the preparation of food and table setting, prepare gifts and postcards for relatives.

Main components of families

Family education of preschoolers is a little different from the upbringing of children of other ages. The family in which Harmony reigns is protection, support for the child, thanks to this, confidence also appears and a sense of necessity in this world, which creates peace of mind. The emotional compatibility of all members creates the necessary tone in communication, for example, it is manifested when the joke of a mother or father is able to prevent the brewing conflict, discharge the tension. Hence the beginning and the development of a sense of humor in a child, which will allow him to be self-critical, to be able to laugh at himself and their behavior, to gain resistance in life situations, and not be touchy and tearful.

Best model of relationship

Family education and family pedagogy are aimed at creating conditions under which a child has a relationship model. According to it, he will build all his life further, will create a family, bring up children and grandchildren. What should be this model? Family education occurs in the atmosphere of goodwill, warmth, happiness and love, and the features of children are necessarily taken into account. Parents seek to develop the ability and the best quality of the child, taking it as it is. Requirements for children are based on mutual respect. Education is based on the positive qualities of the child, and not on negative. Otherwise, the kid will acquire a bunch of complexes.

Finally

Thus, thinking about the correctness of the child's upbringing, look first on the outside. After all, children copy parents. Strive to become better, and the child will also begin to change. Harmony your family!

1. My theme of my speech:"Child education. Five Tactics of Family Education "

I took the epigraph to my speech by the words of the famous teacher V.A. Sukhomlinsky:

2. "Loving your children, learn to love them, do not teach - you will cry at old age years - here, in my opinion, one of the wisest truths of motherhood and paternity."

Parable.

Life lived people are unreasonable, and approached the abyss. Further - death!

How do we be, who will save us? - people were worried. Let's go to the sage.

With the sunrise of the morning star comes a traveler of eternity. He will save you! - Told the sage.

People stood all night at the road and waited for the sunrise of the morning stars; It was necessary to meet the traveler of eternity.

Not him. ... And this is not him. ... And he is not ... - People said, seeing early hurrying. One was not clouded in white clothes - it means that he is not. The second did not have a long snow-white beard - he is also not. The third did not hold the staff in his hands and did not look tired - it means that he was not.

But now the morning star rose.

People stared at the road - where is the traveler?

Somewhere I soldered the larks.

Somewhere I called the foal.

Somewhere I cried a child.

And the traveler of eternity on the road people did not see.

Came to wisely with a complaint:

Where is the promised traveler of eternity?

(- And you, dear parents, guess who was it?)

Did you hear the child's crying? - asked the sage.

But it is crying a newborn! - people answered.

He is eternity traveler! He is your Savior!

So people saw a child - their hope.

3. - The child is both eternity traveler! It is from him that the salvation of the human race depends. And why?

And because it is our children to live in the future.

4. If you take advantage of psychologists, you can imagine that the child's soul is a complete bowl. How do you want to see your child? What traits does he have to possess? What qualities would you like to get it?

Probably, each of you dreams that his child grew up healthy, strong, smart, honest, fair, noble, caring. And none of the loving parents wishes the child to become a false, hypocritical, mean. ...

Look, what a bright, beautiful soul in a child! And all this is the hopes and dreams of his parents.

And so that this bowl does not spill, did not break, but became even richer, the family in which your child lives, should be one of the few places where the child can feel like a person, to receive confirmation of its importance and uniqueness. The family gives the first lessons of love, understanding, confidence, faith.

Yes, the family theme worried people at all times. Each family itself decides how to raise your child. There is no consensus in this matter. Each adult can play a huge role in the child's life - creative or destructive.

5. One of the main functions for parents is their function to raise children. It is from the parents that depends on how the future child becomes: kind or angry, bitch or patient, loving or indifferent. It is in the family that all the qualities are formed.that will allow him throughout the life of being a person.

6. It is parents who can give a child tenderness, affection, love, heat, support, understanding, approval, care, praise, smile.

So the main five tactics we use when upbringing our children:1) dictate 2) guardianship, 3) confrontation, 4) peaceful coexistence, 5) cooperation.

7 dictate.

Dictate in the family, where one members suppress themselves in other independence, the initiative, self-esteem, and now it can manifest itself in forms, perhaps, not so sharp, but rather defined.

Parents preferring all types of impactorder and violence Inevitably collide with the resistance of the education object - a child who is responsible for pressure, coercion, threats and other cruel measures of exposure to their countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbreaks of rudeness, and sometimes frank hatred. The coalded authoritarianity of the parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, deprivation of his right to vote in solving issues to it relating - all this is a guarantee of the catastrophic failure of the formation of his personality.

8. Sheek.

The very name of the "guardianship" is already emphasized by the essence of the method, testifying to the "superfluid" of the child. Such a child is deprived of independence and does not seek her. After all, the fact that it is different from others, he was inspired by him from birth, and he knows perfectly well that he is unique. The child was accustomed to obey and follow the advice of adults who thought all his life to the slightest smallest things "developed", her route, involuntarily turning into dictators. They, not conscious of this, from the most good motives dictate every step by the child and control it in everything, probably even in thoughtsEveryone, you can run barefoot - it can not be broken by a leg; All children eat ice cream - and he cannot, it is cold, and suddenly ... angina; everyone is allowed to swim in the river, besides him: there deeply, suddenly hesitates

Such children already become adults, can replenish the ranks of losers, it is very difficult for them to live in the team. Quite often, the hyperemp not stopped and in adolescence leads to a rapid protest response

The child is deprived of independence, follows adult advice
Parents dictate every step to the child and control in everything
Growing bevelous, difficulties in communication

9. Confrontation

And without it is clear that the enmity, the war is familiar in this family. It is difficult to count on the fact that the world will come here between generations. Irritation accumulates, mutual resentments grow, constant confrontation causes the parties to notice and exaggerate each other's weaknesses. There is a gloatery about failures, troubles that fall out to the other.

Did not accepted? Serves you right. Ballerina! This is with your posture, a figure! To sew better learning, - with undisguised pleasure, the mother of his daughter, who returned after the unsuccessful debut in the ballet studio, speaks.

You may not doubt that when the mother does not have trouble at work, it will not find sympathy from his daughter - the account will be paid by the same coin.

10. Peaceful coexistence

The fourth type of family tactics is peaceful coexistence from the standpoint of non-interference. Here everything looks quite affordable. Everyone has their own things, their own problems, their difficulties and successes. Parents work, children learn, everyone has their own sphere, their own branch of activity. And it seemed that such type of relationship in the family should only be welcomed.

11.Sotrudacy

And you wondered which of these types is you used? Think and try to make adjustments to your style with a child. After all, if he is just today on the entire sprout, which is eager for moisture and heat, then tomorrow he will give you already fruits, in which worms may appear, destroying them.

12. When we think about the types of raising children, they involuntarily come to mind the words L. N. Tolstoy:"The main mistake of the parents is that they are trying to raise children without raising themselves!".

But who of us is not without sin? Everyone has a negative character trait that prevents us better. The dignity of man is that he recognizes his shortcomings and is trying to fix them.

Dear teachers and in the same person many parents, remember that the child is a traveler of eternity, and it will be in it, as in the mirror, is reflected by your future.

Family education - The general name for the processes of influence on children from parents and other family members in order to achieve the desired results.

The family for the child is both the habitat, and the educational environment. The influence of the family especially in the initial period of the child's life most exceeds another educational impact. The family reflects both the school, and the media, public organizations, friends, the influence of literature and art. This allowed teachers to bring dependence: the success of the formation of a person is determined, primarily, family. The role of the family in the formation of personality is determined by addiction: what family, such a person who grown in it.

Social, family and school is carried out in an inseparable unity.

Problems of family education in the part where they come into contact with the school are studied by the general, in other aspects - social.

Family influence:

the family carries out the socialization of the personality;
the family ensures the continuity of traditions;
the most important social function of the family is the upbringing of a citizen, a patriot, future family man, a law-abiding member of society;
a significant influence has a family to choose from the profession.

Composite components of family education:

physical - it is based on a healthy lifestyle and includes the right organization of the routine of the day, sports, hardening the body, etc.;
moral - Rod relationship forming personality. Education of irreversive moral values \u200b\u200b- love, respect, kindness, decency, honesty, justice, conscience, dignity, debt;
intellectual - suggests the interested participation of parents in the enrichment of children with knowledge, forming the needs of their acquisition and continuous update;
aesthetic - It is intended to develop the talents and talent of children or simply give them an idea of \u200b\u200bthe beautiful, existing in life;
labor - Laying the basis of their future righteous life. A person who is not accustomed to work is one way - the search for "easy" "life.

General Methods of Family Education

If the family affects the processes and the results of the formation of the personality, then, it is the family who must pay primary knowledge society and the state in organizing the right educational impact.

Methods of education of children in the family - These are the paths by which the targeted pedagogical influence of parents on the consciousness and behavior of children is carried out.

Methods of family education carry a bright imprint of the personality of parents and are inseparable from them. How many parents are so many methods species.

Basic family education methods:

conviction (explanation, suggestion, advice);
personal example;
promotion (praise, gifts, interesting for children perspective);
punishment (deprivation of pleasure, refusal of friendship, corporal punishment).

Factors of choosing family education methods for children:

Knowledge of their children, their positive and negative qualities: what they read what are interested in which orders are performed, what difficulties are subject to, etc.
Personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of the family relationship, the desire to educate a personal example also affects the choice of methods.
If parents prefer joint activities, practical methods usually prevail.

Pedagogical culture of parents has a decisive influence on the choice of methods, funds, forms of education. It has been noticed that in the families of teachers, educated people, children are always better brought up.

Dictate

Oboek

Confrontation

Peaceful coexistence

Cooperation

Instead of imprisonment

Other publications on this article:

Authoritative and authoritarian styles

Liberal and indifferent styles

Harmonious type

Disharmonious types of family education

Methods of influence on children

Impact on young children

Main components of families

Best model of relationship

Finally

Family influence:

General Methods of Family Education