Married to a Foreigner: Real Stories of a Clash of Cultures

In our age of globalization, marrying a foreigner, and even moving to his country, is no longer as incredibly exotic as in the days of Anna Yaroslavna. And it's easier to get used to a new life: everywhere the same jeans, bathrooms, traffic lights and shops. But this sameness is exclusively external. Local cultural peculiarities do not allow you to relax so immediately, you have to get used to it!

Husband - German

I am Belarusian. Germans eat potato pancakes with jam and apple mousse. I still cannot bear it. In Belarus, potato pancake is a sacred and necessarily salty dish that is eaten with sour cream and all sorts of gravy. And the mother-in-law is also offended that I call her “you”. In the case of their family, this is not a sign of special respect, but, as it were, “non-recognition” of it as a member of the family. Like, “I don’t know you, you are strangers to me”. The Germans are also very surprised that I try to wipe every wound with vodka. As for Eastern European cuisine, they are amazed at HOW MUCH we cook when we are waiting for guests or for the holidays.

Husband - Turk

In big cities, Turkey is such a Muslim Europe. Only in the mornings, not the bells ringing, but the muezzins shouting, you just need to get used to it. I still have not got used to the end ... It is difficult to walk the streets with small children, covers with a wave of public affection. Here is a real cult of childhood. This is not for show, in families he is even stronger, Turkish children are very much pampered, ridiculed, squeezed. But it is very easy to go shopping without even knowing the language. Local sellers are so pumped that they will understand even hums and gestures and will put exactly what you need on the counter.

Almost all women love to cook, and many men, too, are very conspicuous after Russia. Everyone loves to eat no less, the portions are large, there are no picnics of the “shashlik-juice-salad” format, they carry refrigerated bags with a huge amount of food. I had no problems with my husband on the basis of different cultures, he was immediately determined that he would marry a European woman and give it, bring it at the snap of your fingers, if you want coffee, ask it out loud or do it yourself. The only battle we had was over intimate hair. Here it is customary to remove it bald, no modest and short haircuts are recognized, this is dirt. But this battle took place even before the wedding.

Husband - Ukrainian from the provinces

The culture change was very radical, because not only the country was changing, I moved from city to village. Immediately - a new style of communication. I tried to communicate with my mother-in-law by name and patronymic. But here there is only “mother - you”. They also immediately pulled me down when she called my husband a diminutive name (that is, not an affectionate one, but a diminutive one), well, for example, “Vanka”. “Did you quarrel with him or don't you respect? Do not speak like that in public, otherwise rumors will circulate. "

On Sunday, nothing can be done categorically! For me, working and accustomed to the urban lifestyle, it was a torment of martyrdom. Postpone cleaning for the weekend, and then - oops, already it. And that's all. Then I learned to plan, and to be honest, to get around the ban. The husband supports. There was a funny cultural moment. Taught with the kids English times. There the sentence “Who made the birdhouse? - Me. And when did you do it? - On Sunday". The kids had cognitive dissonance.

There is a very fatty cuisine here, they can serve stewed duck with fresh milk, for me this is just horror, horror. So it was here that my husband had to get used to my traditions. And I made a kind of mix of this and that. I like. She even taught okroshka to eat :)

Husband is Italian

I didn't have a culture shock in Italy, because I often went there before getting married. Well, the main points surprising Russian wives.

Food intake is strictly according to the schedule. If a guest comes, it is not customary to dump everything that is from the refrigerator. Not because they are greedy, but because it is believed that a person simply cannot be hungry during a non-meal time. And at lunchtime, a polite person simply never comes to anyone and does not even call, for this is sacred. Guests are offered drinks: aperitif, coffee, water. To feed a person, you need to invite him to lunch or dinner. If you ask an Italian if he is hungry, he looks at his watch before answering. For Italians, food is ... well, it's everything for them. But you don't need to drink to the bottom, you don't even need to drink at all.

It is not customary to make comments even in the most affectionate and polite manner. And a hint of a showdown is considered inappropriate behavior. Well, that is, some, of course, quarrel with neighbors, relatives, but this usually means a final break in diplomatic relations. It is not welcome to discuss any serious topics and even more so to argue. It is customary to nod in agreement at any nonsense that they tell you. At first I wondered: why does everyone always agree with me? :) Then I figured it out. :).

This is all from the experience of communication in a small village in Lombardy (one of the most economically developed regions in the North of Italy). Some things may be different in the South. But food is sacred throughout Italy.

Husband - Greek

One of the first discoveries - hot water is not always available, but it is heated by a boiler and ends quite quickly. We turn on the heating for an hour or two in winter. Because +18 in the house is quite warm, and you can get used to it. But +15 is pretty cold.

They don't swear - they talk about the weather. They don't kill each other - they talk about football. They are not in a fit, but talking about politics. It is better to give up places in public transport to old people. And especially to old women - you will be more whole. Compared to Athenian drivers, Moscow drivers are bunnies. In Athens, driving at a red light and pedestrians crossing the road is a common thing. Also scold them that they do not run quickly enough.

Do not ask the names of babies under two years old. Their name is toddler or toddler. The name will be given at the christening. Forget what you want to call your child. He will be called by the name of his father-in-law or mother-in-law. Such a tradition, unbreakable. Well, if you want to insist on your own - get ready for war.

What other birthday? Name days - this is a holiday with gifts and congratulations. What other New Year? Christmas! And the most important holiday is Easter. Everyone celebrates, even atheists.

Husband - Basque

I am Ukrainian. How did our cultures collide? Elementary. Only I eat borscht, because "beets are the food of cows." Well, please. In retaliation, I don't make local food. What? Tortilla? It's su-u-hard and only local people can do it. So let them do it. We have dinner like that on Thursdays. And on other days of the week, something is also invented local, and that I also do not cook. Food talks - I don't know who speaks more, Spaniards or Italians :) Cold? The same parsley as in Greece: 18 is almost hot. 19 - all the windows open and there is a groan, there is nothing to breathe, they say.

Spaniard husband

Spain surprised me with perhaps a more reverent attitude towards name days. Some people love them more than the birthday itself) Well, little things - other holidays. Family dinner when everyone is invited is Christmas. New Year is so, for young people an excuse to get out to the disco, and on January 2, if you please, go to work!

Having lunch, especially at work, is better with someone. At first it was annoying, but now I normally tell my colleagues, they say, order a place for me in a restaurant. If it is lunch or dinner on the card, and not a set lunch, then they order several dishes to be “shared” with everyone. Married men, especially with children, share the hardships of everyday life with their spouses. But this mostly applies to young people, not older than forty.

Husband - Canadian

Mutual understanding with him is much greater than with Russian men. But I still struggle with some habits. I don't like it when they sit with the curtains closed during the day under electric light - here I often come across this. And I also have a "law of surfaces" - that which stood in an unknown place on the floor on the dining table is not put, etc. And the locals are very calm about this, they can pour water into the kitchen sink after washing the floors.

People eat Russian dishes, sometimes I cook on request. But nobody eats caviar, which is a shame. Sometimes I feel like it, but I even have a lot of a small jar. And no one else drinks cognac except me.

Husband is Japanese

In this country, a foreign wife will never be her own, and they will demonstrate it to her, although not to spite. She is forever a stranger. And it is more difficult for her to find a job than for a Japanese woman. We'll have to get used to the fact that all money and all property is in the husband. He even receives child benefits in a bank account. In general, a Japanese husband should be chosen even more carefully than any foreigner. The wife will be very financially dependent.

It would never occur to a Japanese man to help around the house. The requests will surprise him. He will not carry the cup from the table to the sink after him. Even very kind and loving. At most, he will go for a walk with the children, so that it would be easier for his wife to clean up. It is not customary for wives to help carry heavy bags or give gifts. In fact, in five years you can teach him how to help a little, for example, toss dirty socks into the washing machine. But this will take a tremendous amount of effort.

When a Japanese husband comes home in the evening, everything should be perfect there: dinner is ready, the house is cleaned, the children are nicely dressed. And no girlfriends in his house! There is a day for girlfriends. If your husband suddenly comes earlier than usual, and you are drinking tea with a Japanese friend, the Japanese woman will blow up and, constantly bowing and apologizing, will literally run away.

And one more detail - the husband and wife hardly talk here, this is normal. At the same time, he may even love her very much. But he has no idea what to talk about. He expresses his love in two ways: either he earns more so that his wife can afford cute personal purchases, or he makes time to stay at home, go somewhere with the whole family for a walk.

The article was prepared by Lilit Mazikina

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A girl turned to our editorial office. She said that she had become a victim of violence - and by a foreign citizen whom she considered her fiancé. At the same time, the girl said that at one time she believed that she herself was to blame for the fact that she was in such a situation. She told her story because she hopes it will prevent other Kyrgyz women from repeating her mistakes.

Kaktus.mediа consulted with a lawyer, who explained how, from a legal point of view, one should behave when faced with violence. Note that all names in this story have been changed. Photos are also illustrative.

Karina always had a dream - to marry a foreigner. She met foreign princes on special dating sites, but they were all wrong.

At some point, the girl resigned herself to reality and married a local boy. But the marriage with him was unhappy. And after a while, the young people broke up.

Karina was 27 years old when a long-standing dream of a foreigner reminded of herself with a message from one of the dating sites from a Frenchman of Serbian origin named Sasha.

The girl told the correspondent about this love site... Note that we present the facts as Karina herself stated them.

Acquaintance:

- When we met, I immediately liked Sasha's photo. He looks like a very pleasant, endearing man. He was 44 years old. But the age difference did not scare me, because I had already realized that Western men do not start a family early. But young girls are preferred. Usually a man in his 50s will look more at a girl in his 20s and 25s, and even 30-year-olds have very little chances of getting to know each other.

I thought he was the one. Sasha gave the impression of an intelligent and well-read person. After a month of our online communication, we agreed to meet in Turkey.

Perhaps you are asking why not in Kyrgyzstan or in his homeland in France? It's just that a ticket from France to Kyrgyzstan is more expensive than from France to Turkey. And in order to fly to his country, I would have to get a visa, which is long and costly.

First meeting:

We spent two weeks there together and it was unforgettable. Sasha rented a car and we toured all the beautiful places on the south coast. He took me to beautiful restaurants, lived in luxury hotels, in general, for me all this was such a beautiful fairy tale that suddenly came true in reality.

Against the background of all these vivid impressions, my love grew. When we met, Sasha turned out to be very charming. You know, he is the type of person who knows how to please everyone. In general, I lost my head and did not even notice the bell, which should have alerted me: some time after arriving in Turkey, Sasha began to incline me towards intimacy. But my principle is that having sex before marriage is wrong. So I didn't give in.

Before leaving back to Kyrgyzstan, he invited me to go to him in Toulouse, this is a city in France, on a bride's visa.

The bride visa (groom visa) is a type of visa, which can be named differently depending on the consulate, and is designed to enter the country for the purpose of marriage. This visa is also called a marriage visa, or a marriage visa.

Of course, all this was too unexpected and fast, but I fell in love so much that I simply could not think of anything else.

What happened on his part, I do not know. He saw my calm and flexible character. Understood my oriental mentality. I knew that if he marries me, he will always be in the first place in my life. Western men want this. They look for this in our women. Their weaker sex is no longer weaker, and many men cannot accept this.

Moving to Toulouse:

A month later, I packed my things and went to him on the bride's visa. Of my relatives in Kyrgyzstan, only my mother. I didn't tell her much. I knew her prejudice against foreigners, I understood that she would be against my, such a sudden, move.

When I flew to Toulouse, the fairy tale that happened to me in Turkey continued in France. He showed me the city. We went to beautiful places, restaurants, I went to the ballet for the first time, which, of course, left many vivid impressions in me.

Sex:

We lived together for a month, and Sasha again began to bring me to the topic of intimacy. At first, he simply persuaded, and then said that he could not marry a girl until he slept with her, since only after intimacy he could consider her completely his own. In the end, I had no choice but to give in to him.

I was just very scared that because of my principle he would refuse to marry me. After all, I had already fallen in love with him very much and did not want him to leave me.

I very much regretted it later. Seeing that it was very easy to influence me, Sasha every time began to threaten me to terminate the engagement and send me back when he didn’t like something.

Quarreling:

Over time, I noticed that he often creates situations that made me nervous, made me unhappy.

For example, we planned to buy me a wedding dress. He is a manager and an engineer in one company, he works a lot, so he was free only on Saturday and Sunday. But on Sunday bridal salons are closed, so we agreed to go for a dress on Saturday.

When that day I did not find him at home and called him, it turned out that Sasha decided not to go for a dress, but to spend time alone at his dacha.

In the evening, returning to the city, he saw that I was upset and psychotic because of the broken plans. Instead of comforting me and somehow smoothing the situation, he began to push me even more and shoot all this on a cell phone camera.

Then we still bought a dress for me, but the next day after another quarrel, my dress disappeared. I looked for him everywhere, in the house, in all the rooms. I was very scared that he sent this dress back to the store and decided to part with me. I got hysterical, I called him in tears to make up. In the evening, when he arrived home, he admitted that the dress had been hanging in his garage all this time. He did it on purpose to piss me off.

Of course I reacted! And he, instead of smoothing the situation, again began to simply laugh at me and take pictures of how angry I am.

In addition to filming my tantrums, he sometimes called his family, in particular, his sisters, and told them about how I behave.

The beatings:

After a while, things got worse. During our quarrels, he began to raise his hand to me. Sometimes Sasha strangled me and threatened to kill me.

I would probably also be able to shoot all this, so that I have proof. But his mood changed too suddenly. Our quarrels began at one moment, and at another he was calm again.

Therefore, he always had evidence of my alleged insanity, and I had nothing. Once he even called the police to us after another quarrel and told them that I was beating him. Fortunately, they did not believe him. Where am I - small and thin - to hit a big and strong man.

Relations with his family worsened even further. They did not know either Russian or English, and therefore believed only what he told them. During my time in Toulouse, I did not learn French well enough to easily express my thoughts.

His sisters and he eventually started making fun of me. He closed the door to the room and pretended to be talking to a woman. I pulled the handle, cried and asked him to open the door for me. When he did this, it turned out that the telephone conversation was with his sisters. I was angry, they laughed.

Beating again:

Over time, this whole fairy tale became some kind of nightmare. In public, he still showed me respect and courtesy, was kind, smiled, but at home we constantly had fights.

In the beginning, he was respectful to me in bed, but over time I felt that he was just using me. We had sex, he made me do whatever he liked, and then he just left.

Over time, our relationship began to boil down to just such closeness.

I didn't like it, of course. Once I mustered up the courage and told him that I did not like it so much. For this he hit me. I was so hurt and hurt. I am very tired of these quarrels, of hysterics. And I said I would go to the police in the morning.

Do you know why I didn't do this earlier? Because I didn’t know the language, I didn’t know the city, and I didn’t think that someone could understand and protect me. That time, when the police came to us at his call, I had a chance to tell them everything, but I was scared. After all, they will close him for this only for a few days, and then he will return and kill me.

After my statement, Sasha got scared. On the same day, he bought me a ticket to Kyrgyzstan. I called my sister to see me off and make sure that I did not talk to anyone at the airport, and sent me to Kyrgyzstan.

The next morning I flew away. Now I regret not asking for help.

Homecoming:

But it didn't end there. After my return to Kyrgyzstan, Sasha and I continued our communication.

Here I always thought that I myself was to blame for my situation. That I misbehaved and got what I deserved. It seems it was called the Stockholm Syndrome.

I tried to make up with him. She asked to take me back. She said that I would improve.

Depression:

The next year is very difficult for me to remember.

He felt that I really wanted to be with him, and manipulated it. He took offense at me for no reason and stopped communicating until I again begged for forgiveness from him.

During our quarrels, I felt very bad, I did not sleep and cried constantly.

I don't know if he was going to call me back to France and make a bride visa, but after a year our communication was cut off completely.

I saw how he was simultaneously communicating with another girl and writing her love letters, calling her to him. It was very painful for me, but I couldn't bear it anymore.

I had to move away from this stress for a very long time. The psychological and physical violence that he committed against me caused the emergence of complexes that are very difficult for me to cope with.

Happy end:

Over time, I realized that the reason was not in me. It was just that kind of person. He would do that to any other girl.

Now I am 34 years old. Recently, my dream of a foreign fiancé has come true.

We met him on a dating site for foreigners. His name is Stephen, he is 49 and he is Scottish.

Perhaps you think that mistakes do not teach me anything? This is not true. Just comparing communication with him and communication with Sasha, I understand that Stephen is completely different.

After six months of our online communication, we agreed to meet with him in Kiev, where he proposed to me.

All problems with documents have already been resolved and from day to day I will move to live with him in Scotland.

Stephen knows everything about me. He is completely on my side and promises that he will never do that.

Many girls dream of marrying a foreigner and leaving their native land in the hope of a better life. Foreign films about love, pleasant trips abroad and happy stories in magazines paint a picture of an ideal life in another country, seducing with financial well-being and the opportunity to radically change their destiny. But is married life really so wonderful away from native lands?

My story of meeting my future husband or how I married a foreigner

I never had a goal to leave Russia and find family happiness abroad by marrying a rich man who would take me to wonderful distances. I traveled a lot before getting married and visited many countries in which life was significantly different from the Russian way of life. Several resort romances even happened in my life, when, having met an interesting man on a regular trip, I was overwhelmed with romantic feelings. But communication after the end of the vacation usually ended in a few weeks, and most often the chosen one simply disappeared without any explanation.

I met my future husband at the conference, where the management sent me, and Thomas acted as a speaker at it. Our communication began exclusively within the framework of a working relationship. At the conference, we chatted over a cup of coffee between talks and were surprised to find a lot in common. He speaks excellent Russian, so there was no question of the language barrier.

After the conference, he went back to Germany, and I returned to my city. But we continued to communicate on Skype and phone both on work issues, and just chatted like good friends. Six months later, we knew almost everything about each other. He again needed to go to Russia, and he offered to meet. And after this meeting, he admitted that he had come only for me.

On the one hand, it flattered me very much, and I even allowed myself to dream a little about a serious relationship, but on the other hand, I understood perfectly well that we belong to different cultures. The relationship continued, we went to visit each other several times, and six months later he proposed to me.

I weighed the pros and cons for a very long time, but I agreed in the end. was modest in a small German town, which was attended only by our relatives.

Who is better: a foreign husband or a Russian?

For the third year I have been living in Germany and during this time I have seen and learned a lot about the traditions of this country, having the opportunity to compare family life in Russia and abroad. And here are the conclusions I made.

• Financial stability. In almost all countries, the man is the main breadwinner of the family and brings the lion's share to the family budget. Women, of course, also work, but married ladies are most often concerned with children and home. Therefore, if my spouse suddenly decides to find himself in another professional field, he will first of all think about how this will affect finances, and only then he will begin to realize himself in something new. In Germany, it is very rare to find a man with a family who stays at home while his wife works. This behavior causes condemnation and negativity from others. Of course, in any country you can find parasite husbands, but their percentage is very small in comparison with Russian men.

• Communication culture. In Russia, it is considered normal if the husband uses obscene language in the presence of his wife, children, and just on the street. You will not surprise anyone with the profanity heard at our bus stop. Abroad, this is found only in disadvantaged countries. In Germany, this behavior is considered savage. Abusive words can be heard only among adolescents.
• Relationship. My husband talks about the fact that European men always respect women if they follow certain rules and fulfill their duties towards their husbands. A woman in a family will be respected if she takes care of her husband and children in the first place. But if a wife allows herself a regular mess in the house, an empty refrigerator and frequent tantrums from scratch, then there is a high probability of divorce. Although after the divorce, many former spouses maintain excellent friendly relations, which is rarely seen in our country.
• Bad habits. Men in other countries, like in Russia, can drink alcohol or smoke from time to time, but not in such quantities or with such regularity as in our country. My spouse can afford to have a beer with friends 1-2 times a month, or a few glasses of wine at Sunday lunch. But drunken men sleeping anywhere on the street in Germany is practically a crime and the lot of vagabonds (who are practically absent here). In addition, smoking is condemned here and causes general disapproval. Drunk women who are married and have a family are generally nonsense.

Trials of the first year after the wedding with a foreigner

Of course, life abroad with a foreign husband differs significantly from Russian realities. At first it seemed to me that I was in a fairy tale, until I faced a whole bunch of problems that I could not overcome without the support of my spouse.

• The language barrier. Fortunately, my husband speaks good Russian, which cannot be said about his entourage and relatives. Everything was very problematic for me with German, despite the express courses that I took back in Russia. It was very difficult at first to communicate in an unfamiliar language, sometimes switching to English in order to communicate with others. It was only after a year of living in Germany that I began to communicate more or less freely, although I still make small mistakes. And my accent immediately gives me a foreigner.

• Attitude of others. Many of Thomas's acquaintances were at a loss for his choice. Many even discouraged them, arguing that Russian girls marry foreigners solely for mercantile purposes. At first, everyone was very wary of me. Especially those who constantly tried to catch me on selfish thoughts. Only over time, their attitude towards me changed when they saw that I really love my husband and even try to find a job myself. But during this period of my life I had to show all my patience and endurance.
• The laws. Unfortunately, I was not aware of the harsh German laws for me. In particular, my husband was very unhappy with the car fines that I received through ignorance or inattention. It is also very strict here not only with the rules of the road for both drivers and pedestrians, but also with the observance of cleanliness on the street. Once I received a policeman's remark for a plastic bag that accidentally fell out of my bag.
• Citizenship. To obtain citizenship of another country, it is not enough to marry a foreigner. To do this, you must constantly appear in the appropriate authorities for foreigners and submit a bunch of papers confirming the right to stay in the country. So far, I have not received citizenship, so in the event of a divorce, the state will have every reason to deport me home.
• Job. Finding a job abroad without citizenship, even with the status of a spouse of a legal citizen, is very difficult. My documents on education received in Russia are absolutely not quoted here. Even to work as a simple seller in a store, you will need a work permit, which still needs to be obtained. At first, I was eager to find at least something, but my husband asked me to pay more attention to the house and think about planning a child, taking all the financial support on myself. As a result, sitting at home, I got carried away with making cakes to order, which are very popular here. Of course, I really want to return to the financial sphere, which I had to leave in Russia, but for such a serious job I need to re-learn in Germany, as well as confirm my knowledge of the language.

• Communication. I really missed communication with my friends and family. And making friends in a foreign country was not so easy. I was saved by Skype, through which my parents and loved ones supported me, but I really wanted to talk to someone, go to the store or just take a walk in the company of a loved one. My husband's younger sister, who helped me with my German and constantly asked me about Russia, gave me great support in this regard. Unfortunately, I have not acquired real close friends, except for my spouse, in a foreign country.

It is believed that marrying a foreigner is akin to playing roulette. Or you will hit the jackpot, or you will be left at the broken trough. However, we know girls who refuted this ridiculous myth. Their marriages turned out to be extremely harmonious. We want to prove that marriage with a man from another country can be extremely happy ..

First story: marrying an American

Polina, 31 years old

Our love for German culture connected us with my husband Aaron. We met in a pub in a small Bavarian town, and the subject of conversation was the intricacies of German grammar. It is interesting that our dialogue took place in German - he did not know Russian, and I, to my shame, spoke poor English. We began to meet, and the more we got to know each other, the more we both were amazed by the fact how people so similar to each other could be born at a distance of many thousands of kilometers, and, most importantly, how we managed to meet in a foreign country. But two years later, his contract in Germany ended. Since we could not simply go to different parts of the world, I left my teaching job at a German university and went with him to America.

Frankly, it was naive on my part to think that America is the same Europe, only technically improved and more developed. I had to get used to a lot. But my husband, in my eyes, is not an American, he is just my dear person. The biggest difficulty with moving to America was not knowing the language. We continued to communicate in German, and he translated everything for me all the time.

After celebrating my first Christmas with his family, I decided that English must be taken immediately: I was introduced to his relatives, and I could not squeeze a word out of myself. Fortunately, no one laughed at me, on the contrary: they supported me and helped me to master the language. Of course, not all Americans are so kind, there are snobs who do not hide their dissatisfaction with the number of immigrants, but it is considered very incorrect to speak out about this.

The first thing that struck me in American reality was the cult of credit! Everything is bought on credit - from a bun for breakfast to a house and a yacht. In my opinion, this often becomes the cause of family troubles: many Americans are simply not capable of basic planning of their expenses.

Another American cult is family values. I was surprised to see how many men came with their wives to childbirth preparation classes. In general, women have a lot of rights here, especially in the event of a divorce. Perhaps that is why ex-husbands for the most part try to maintain friendly relations with their wives.

Another difference between Americans is their attitude to problems and difficulties. Any trouble, small or large, is considered a temporary phenomenon that can certainly be overcome. There is no such attitude that if something happens, then everything is "I'm a failure, the end of everything." A person thinks about what needs to be done to correct the situation. Russian men, it seems to me, are more inclined to give up and blame someone else for their problems.

This attitude was passed on to me: I learned English, confirmed my Russian diplomas as a linguist, and at the moment I teach Russian and German.

Second story: German husband

Oksana, 26 years old

We met at the romantic Hohenberg castle in Bavaria. I was then a student and did an internship in Germany, and in Bavaria there was a final seminar for all trainees (there were 60 of us), to which German students interested in Russian were also invited. Among them was Hannes. I immediately liked him: a pleasant young man who stood out favorably among others and spoke amazing Russian. We met on Monday, and on Wednesday morning I went home. Ahead were five and a half months of telephone communication and thousands of sms.

For me, this is what is usually called love at first sight. The longer we talked, the more I realized how interesting he was, a developed person, with an open mind, sincerely in love with Russia and everything connected with it ... And the more I realized that I wanted to be with him forever. We have overcome many difficulties and have done a lot to be together. For almost three and a half years, we met once every three to five months - either Hannes came to me, or I came to Germany. And for almost two years now we have been living together. And a month ago we became a real family under Russian law.

It is not easy for me to judge how significant the cultural conflict between Russians and Germans is, since at the time of our acquaintance I knew a lot about German culture and about Germany. And Hannes knew a lot about Russian culture, about Russia and had been here more than once. In addition, I speak German, and Hannes, as I have already mentioned, is fluent in Russian (our family language is Russian). Now we have everything so harmonious that we have the same views, habits, and ways to spend our free time. Neither of us have ever had to compromise.

Judging by Hannes, the Germans really love and value their homeland, their native nature, they know a lot about the history and art of their country.

They prefer quiet rest, in nature. It can be walks in the woods, in the mountains, cycling. The Germans also respect their parents very much; they, in my opinion, have a special attitude towards family values. Hannes values ​​home comfort very much. We always celebrate Christmas and many other holidays with our family.

Relations with his friends were excellent immediately. Everyone treats me very well, and it seems that they are always glad to see us at their place. But the attitude of the public (people they know, but not very close), especially at the beginning of our relationship, was not always favorable. Many believed that I was with Hannes only because of his citizenship and that I dreamed of leaving for Germany. But all this is not so - I am very happy that we live in Russia, because I love my country very much and so far I cannot imagine moving. Undoubtedly, a lot has changed in the life of each of us since the moment we are together. But we like all these changes.

Story Three: Japanese Husband

Ekaterina, 26 years old

Japan has always been distant and mysterious to me, and the likelihood of coming here was equated to the likelihood of going to the moon. But it so happened that I was offered a summer job in that very country. And then one day, while sightseeing in Tokyo, I got lost. She wandered for a long time and several times passed the same person standing at the entrance to the building. He offered to give me a ride. This is how I met my future husband.

My parents reacted to the news of marriage philosophically: "Well, we always knew that you were not like everyone else." But my husband's entourage took me with caution. The Japanese always smile at everyone. So they smiled, but at the same time few thought that our relationship was serious and for a long time. It was unpleasant when someone hinted that Russia is a dysfunctional country "and it is understandable that you, Russian beauties, are looking for a comfortable life in our wonderful Japan." How to explain that I, with a good education, could live in Russia, if not cloudlessly, then quite well?

Family relations are patriarchal here. The husband works, the wife's task is to see her off in the morning, to meet her in the evening. It took a long time to get used to it. Especially annoying were the demands to get up an hour earlier and make morning coffee. Then I found out that these are still flowers: many people want, for example, a full breakfast with a bowl of freshly boiled rice. Dinner for my husband's return from work was, of course, a matter of course for me, but my husband also believed that he should have a full bath waiting for him. Oh, how long I resisted! It got to scandals. Once I complained to my mother on the phone, and she said: "What, is it difficult?" And suddenly I realized that it was really not difficult at all. Especially here, where "dialing a bath" means just pressing a button on the electronic panel.

Having reconsidered my attitude to the requirements of my husband, I realized that there was nothing wrong with them. Surrounding a beloved man with care, making his life ideal can be pleasant and joyful, the main thing is to treat it correctly. Family for my husband is his strength, pride and joy. He completely trusts me, protects me, cares. Likes to show off my son and me at various official receptions.

But in personal life, national differences, mainly temperament, become tangible. From my own experience and conversations with friends, I concluded that it is almost impossible to find a passionate lover among the Japanese. I know a couple where both are in their early thirties and have not had intimacy for several years, and this is a completely common situation. I try to openly discuss intimate matters with my husband. But he is reluctant to such conversations and adheres to a different position: intimate life in married life is not the main thing.

Story 4: Marrying an Egyptian

Anna, 32 years old

I never had the intention of marrying a foreigner, let alone an Egyptian. Moreover, at the time of meeting him, I was legally married, but I already understood that we had no future. An unexpected holiday romance turned my head! In the new relationship, everything was amazingly romantic. We spent crazy weekends together and sometimes even whole weeks in Egypt, he amazed me with his generosity: he could spend his monthly earnings overnight to give me a gift.

Soon I parted with my first husband, and my current husband came to visit me. We decided that we would live in Russia, where, as it seemed to us, there were more opportunities to find a well-paid job. But it was not there! The biggest difficulties awaited us here.

We practically spent the night near the OVIR in order to issue him the right to legal residence. Finding at least some kind of work for my husband turned out to be an incredibly big problem. Fortunately, after a long ordeal, he found a job as a bartender in a restaurant.

Of course, our path was not paved with difficulties alone. There were many funny moments.

For example, in the registry office, when asked if he agreed to marry me, my husband proudly pronounced his name in response! We still remember this incident with a laugh.

I must admit that no difficulties change the mentality of an oriental man. In any case, he remains the head of the family. For example, he considers himself entitled to control the spouse's social circle, he can categorically prohibit communicating with someone. And it will not necessarily be men. A friend who seemed to him not virtuous enough can also fall into disfavor.

But in other matters, the Arabs are almost saints! For example, it is customary for them that all the money earned by the husband goes to the family, and everything that the wife earns she can spend at her own discretion. Of course, there may be other agreements in the family. Much depends on the husband's family and on the environment where he grew up and was brought up.

In general, I became convinced how strong the tradition is in the East. For example, if he grew up in a village, and his parents did not devote much time to his education, you can hardly count on the fact that he will read books with you and go to museums. Moreover, he will consider that this is not a man's business!

But Arab husbands for the most part are very good, caring fathers, they are ready to spend hours fiddling with babies.

All stories published in this section were sent by readers of the "Black List of Foreign Grooms" mailing list. The stories told in the letters are told by the girls based on their own experience. Someone simply shares what they experienced in the recent past, someone draws conclusions and warns of possible mistakes.

The site administration does not always share the opinions and assessments of the authors, but believes that any experience is valuable for visitors to our site.

If you see the icon in the text !!! - note. This is the same "red flag", it marks especially important points in advice and stories.

Alas, among your acquaintances there may be ordinary deceivers who, for various reasons, pretend to be not at all who they really are. What to do? Pay attention to details, red flags, ask questions. And if it suddenly turns out that he invented all this, do not despair, but look further!

Once an American Jason knocked on my Skype. We began to communicate for the sake of English, which, by the way, he had very beautiful, gentle and even sugary sweet. He said that he lives in Miami, his house, 2 cars, salary. $ 15,000 per month, architect himself.

"You see, there are a lot of girls here who write which letters they delete and which they don't answer, but I think that a letter is such a trifle. But when you go to a meeting with the groom, who called you five times a day, who pays you and tickets, and the hotel, and everything as it should be, and is ready to get married, and all my life I have been looking for this ... And then (already in his country) it turns out that he is not divorced !!! And a divorce from his former RUSSIAN wife is expected somewhere- then two years later, according to the laws of their country, and that he is not 40 years old, but 48 - THIS IS YES ... SURPRISE! "

The most widespread stereotype is that over time, a handsome black-eyed man, touchingly in love, turns into a tyrant and despot, and you need to run away from him after all. Not certainly in that way. Everything happens much more subtly and in an oriental style. Eastern men know how to achieve their goal - not only without raising a hand against a woman, but even without raising their voices.

Many people know this feeling - the anticipation of a meeting. So Lilya was looking forward to meeting a young successful man from France. He wrote that he would be in Moscow, and it would be nice to cross over to chat, look at each other and understand if they can be together for the rest of their lives, or if it will be just a fleeting meeting.

In the second issue of the mailing list, I published Natasha's letter, where she told the story of the failed meeting and quoted lines from her man's letter. It turned out that this man is very popular among Russian girls, and many had a close acquaintance with him with various consequences. Letters began to arrive in the mailing list, where the girls shared their memories and experiences:

And here we have collected stories of girls about another, no less popular, man from Cyprus. In the first letter, he writes that he lives in London, is a designer of both jewelry and fashionable women's clothing (apparently, he cannot choose which is cooler). And so on, etc.

It all started like a fairy tale. We met on the website, he wrote to me first. Beautiful photos in the bosom of the breed. His very first letters struck me with a special romanticism and tenderness, a huge number of beautiful photos, gentle words, bouquets of virtual flowers, poems and even whole poems in letters.

Sonya: "I will not hide that I am writing to you with the aim of asking for help and advice. Perhaps you can help me sort out my life situation. I want to ask your opinion about my relationship with one virtual acquaintance."

It is very difficult to suddenly realize that you were mistaken, that you trusted a deceiver. And where to find faith that good people do exist?

"Almost the whole winter I talked with one Italian, Michele. He knew English well, and so did I, there were no problems with communication. We listened to the same music, read books - you can say we lived the same thing. In the end, we decided to see each other, live, finally. "

I never tire of wondering how different they are. But they still have something in common: it is better to stay away from all these "suitors":

“Unlike the other two“ Vikings, ”he was not a tall, light, blue-eyed“ hot Finnish guy. ”I was surprised that he was too dark and temperamental, and the name Roberto. I thought maybe some Italian or Spanish ethnic roots. We took a walk, he offered to see his house. I, taking security measures, agreed. "

Oh, these writers and eternally virtual lovers. It would seem - well, you love the notorious flirtation and female attention, so why fool a girl's head, promising a meeting, a happy life and other such desired joys? But, apparently, without such promises, everything is not true. And with promises - it seems and not for fun. But not seriously. In general, and with them, dear girls, you should not waste time:

Oh, I feel that among our readers there will be many who are familiar with these loving men. As one of the girls wrote, they have a motor instead of a heart and conscience:

Here we write that if a man decides to meet with you, comes to your country and pays the expenses, then "half the battle" has already been done. History Kati serves as proof that red flags should not be ignored no matter what! A Irina very entertainingly tells about his virtual romance with the romantic orphan "Serezha".

(from one women's forum): "A recently acquaintance American lawyer told about one type of deception of Russian girls. Its essence is as follows. An American man marries a young girl. He lives with her, uses her as he wants, and as soon as 2 years of their marriage approaches , he divorces her and sends her ":

Why is the material issue so closely related to the search for a foreign husband? And can a woman check in advance if a man is serious about her or just decided to have some fun? You can promise in letters and by phone the mountains of gold and the moon from the sky along with the stars in addition. So it turns out that a woman can judge a man's attitude only by his willingness to spend some money on her:

Please do not let it give you the impression that ALL men correspond with Russians solely for the purpose of having fun. Adventurers and seekers of free money were and are - everywhere and everywhere. But this does not mean that all men are like that.

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