Features of the education of girls. The basics of raising a child. How to Raise a Good Person

How to raise a girl in order to raise her as an integral and harmonious personality? There are no special secrets, the main thing is to follow the recommendations and your own intuition, and also be able to listen to the child.

Physical education of a girl

Sport is an integral part of the development of any girl from an early age. He develops discipline in her, a culture of communication, correct habits, planning skills, etc.
You can choose one or several sections: from dancing to figure skating. It can be professional sports or simple amateur activities - you decide. But do not forget that sports are needed for a girl to be in good physical shape, and achievements and titles are a consequence of her good work or dedication.

For girls, such sports and activities are ideal: all types of dances, yoga, rhythmic gymnastics, figure skating. In adolescence, fitness and aerobics will be relevant.

Culture

First of all, parents serve as an example for the child. If they speak competently, do not allow swearing, are busy with their own business, then they will definitely set the right example. She should see what you are reading, working in the kitchen or in the house, giving your family time. For example, from an early age, a mother should cook family meals with her child, try to allow her to do adult business, but under her supervision. This will instill in the girl a love of cooking and everyday life.

It is mom who instills the makings of thriftiness and femininity. She should serve as an example for a growing daughter. Therefore, cooking together, going to the store, choosing the first cosmetics - all this should be instilled by the mother.

The father, in turn, is for the girl her first male environment. Therefore, he should also serve as the right example, build trust and express concern. Dad is obliged to behave well and courteously not only with his daughter, but also with mom. The girl must see what family relationships, care and love from her father are.

She often draws parallels and draws appropriate conclusions from this: how her future husband will lead, what kind of relationship should be between spouses. Her parents are a role model, and her father is often the prototype of his future chosen one. If there were frequent scandals between parents in the family, the father could allow assault, then this may affect the further fate of his daughter. She will subconsciously look for the same chosen one who could resolve disputes with her fists. Therefore, parents should first establish their relationship, and then deal with the development of the child.

If the child's mother is divorced, then you should not form a bad opinion about the father. This can foster hatred of all men or internal complexes. There should be education in the spirit of equally good attitude, both to the surrounding men and to women.

Harmonious and self-confident personality

How to raise a girl so that she grows up independent and self-confident? Firstly, one must not suppress her in her aspirations, harshly violating her plans. If you see that the child is doing stupid things, then correctly guide him in the right direction, without causing aggression and misunderstanding. Try to be restrained with the girl, teach her life correctly, as she is more vulnerable and subject to emotions than boys.

In order for your daughter to grow up as a harmonious personality, she must not only be developed, but also not have unnecessary complexes. Often they come from childhood. For example, parents can directly point out her shortcomings in behavior, beauty, make the child insecure. On the contrary, you need to say that she is the most beautiful and best, to surround with love and care. If you see that these shortcomings still interfere with your daughter's life, then deal with them competently. For example, if a child is inclined to be overweight, then enroll her in class, if she does not know how to move beautifully - to dance.

Frequent mistakes parents make when raising their daughter:

1. Indicate its shortcomings. It is important to understand - if you really criticize, then you need to do it right!
2. They bring her up as steadfast and courageous as the boy.
3. They are too supportive of her bad behavior, they believe that girls are weaker than boys, they need to be pitied and encouraged in any situation.
4. They forget that a girl needs to be fostered with femininity.
5. They believe that she does not need to develop in life, to reach career heights. The main goal is a successful marriage and family happiness. But in this way the child will not be adapted to the realities, he may face many difficulties.

The daughter will always follow her mother's example, but the father's attitude also plays a role. Therefore, both parents should equally apply efforts to her development, becoming as a person. The fruits of your labor are bound to be successful.

Childhood is the time when information is absorbed best of all, learning new things is quick and easy, and the basic qualities of a person gradually begin to take shape. That is why it is important to pay attention to how much parental love and versatile upbringing your child receives. It's easy to define. It is enough to divide all classes into several areas and see if there is any "bias".

Intellectual education

Intellectual education refers to the development of the ability to think logically, express one's thoughts, receive and apply knowledge. This can be achieved by various means. Everything begins in infancy with the development of fine motor skills and knowledge of the world through sensations. The child needs to be allowed to touch various things: buttons, beads, fabric, natural materials. Next, the baby begins to explore the space and explore it. Learns to speak.

The more a girl is, the more she needs intellectual education. If at three years old this is teaching games and the formation of creativity skills, then active training of memory, imagination, attention, the ability to read, formulation of competent speech and so on are connected closer to school.

At school age, intellectual education moves away from the objective world and moves to a plane that is divorced from reality. These are tasks in mathematics, and the study of the surrounding world through books, and already independent "adult" conclusions about reality based on the data obtained.

It is important to note that in the field of intellectual education there is no difference between boys and girls. Both should be given sufficient attention to this area. Games can serve as one of the tools in the development of intelligence. Both common and those that are located on various sites with gadgets. The latter can be very useful when choosing training programs. Among them there are logic games, and games for attention, and various flash drives that help to study the world around you.

Aesthetic education

Aesthetic education in our society, traditionally, is more often applied to girls. This is the development of the ability to see the beauty of the world, empathize, feel, understand oneself and others. For these skills to appear, you first need to get acquainted with art. Moreover, it is important not only to perceive, but also to participate.

For example, music. Perceiving music by ear is one thing, but taking part in its creation by playing musical instruments is completely different. That is why they recommend not only listening to music, reading books, looking at pictures, but also drawing with the child, inventing fairy tales together, and playing musical instruments.

It is also important for a girl to start developing taste and sense of style. Both of them relate to the aesthetic component. Design clothes, choose beautiful outfits. And you need to focus primarily on the classics. Remember that experimentation can begin when there is a concept of worthy and unworthy. Namely, the classic is a model, a beacon in the world of fashion and style.

Physical education

Physical education is the ability to keep your body in good condition. That is, observe the regime of work and rest, sleep and wakefulness, hygiene, keep your body in good shape. This requires not only physical exercise, but general health promotion.

For a girl, in this regard, special emphasis should be placed on correct (not cut down, but correct) nutrition, daily routine and hygiene. To help your child get used to eating right, let him try as many different foods as possible. And also explain the basic principles of food selection. Of course, in an accessible form.

Moral and labor education

Moral education is the development of morality. Understanding is "good" and understanding "bad." Also, this area includes establishing relationships with the world around, that is, with other people. Ideally, the child should trust his parents and communicate well with peers.

Labor education is the development of independence, accustoming to work and responsibility. For the girl in this case, the issues of housekeeping are especially important. It may sound old-fashioned, but our society is such that a woman who does not know how to run a house feels flawed. It is better to avoid this in advance and immediately accustom the child to work.

Remember, the more even and versatile a child develops, the easier it will be for him in adulthood. The task of the parents is to provide the baby with all the necessary things and help with the acquisition of new skills. Don't worry if things don't work out. Over time, your child will cope with all the difficulties.
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Relationships between mothers and daughters in different families are built in different ways. It doesn't matter if there is a close bond between you or you are constantly fighting, in this article you can read about the main stages of developing a strong relationship and raising a happy and healthy daughter.

Raise your child as a person, not as a princess

From the moment you found out that you were having a girl, the people around you have probably peppered you with adorable dresses and all kinds of pink princess clothes. There is nothing wrong with pink dresses, princess movies, toys, and princess birthday parties. Many girls gravitate towards such things, even if their parents do not approve of such a style and tend to a gender neutral environment. It is important to encourage all kinds of games that develop the child's imagination and abilities, not just the desire to dress beautifully and wait for their prince. Cultivate other character traits in the child through play and the awakening of fantasy (for example, such traits as wit, responsiveness and perseverance) so that the child is as versatile as possible and does not get hung up on the role of a prim princess. Teach her to be a well-mannered broad-minded person, not the ruler of an imaginary kingdom. Encourage your little daughter to step out of her princess style and do her chores (not just sophisticated and sophisticated!), Focus on learning and working together, and try new activities like soccer and martial arts. A six-year-old fan of princess style is one thing, but a sixteen-year-old girl who considers herself a princess is another.

Build Your Daughter's Self-Confidence

“She is so cute!”, “What a beautiful dress!”. You've probably heard this hundreds of times. She is undeniably adorable. But you have to be objective and judicious about the traits that are most appreciated in girls and the compliments they often hear. Compliments tend to be based on appearance, which can lead to low self-esteem and unhealthy expectations of a girl's appearance during adolescence and adulthood. Appearance compliments are great, but only when balanced by compliments for their sense of humor, creative imagination, and strong math skills. Remember that when you need to convince a young girl that beauty and self-esteem depend on the inner state of a person, and not on clothes, cosmetics, height or weight, there is no better role model than your own mother.

Simulate a healthy body image

Regardless of their daughter's age, it is important for moms to demonstrate confidence in their bodies and not discuss issues like "feeling fat" or the latest diet plans with her. Dissatisfaction with their weight is often passed from mother to daughter. While childhood obesity is not uncommon, many healthy weight girls are unhappy with their figure. One study suggests that, on average, 40% of nine- and ten-year-old girls have tried to lose weight. Another study showed that 53% of thirteen-year-old girls are “dissatisfied with their bodies,” compared with 78% for seventeen-year-old girls. Weight problems can lead to low self-esteem and eating disorders. Exercise and eat well with the whole family to improve health, not to wear smaller dresses or have a better figure.

Be prepared for non-girly behavior

Our expectation of girls to be invariably attractive extends beyond physical appearance and into the behavioral realm. Stereotypes lead us to the idea that girls must necessarily have a gentle character, sophistication, modesty and a willingness to please, but this is simply unfair and unjustified. Like their opposites ("boys are always boys!"), Girls are living beings! Toddlers sometimes have tantrums; teenage girls have outbursts of emotions ... Girls can act very unpleasant, "not girlish", such as throwing toys or slamming the door, or simply refuse to help their mother carry her bag because they can be as angry, stubborn or rebellious as and boys. Although girls can be difficult to manage in terms of discipline, this misbehavior is associated with gaining independence, building self-confidence and developing self-identity. You don't have to tolerate your daughter's bad behavior, but you must recognize her ability to behave badly and get through bad days. Otherwise, you may start to be rude, which, of course, is unacceptable.

Don't go overboard in pursuit of excellence

Many girls strive for excellence and try to please their parents, teachers, coaches and other adults. Perfectionism sounds like a wonderful personality trait and, in healthy doses, can heighten your daughter's desire for success. But chronic pervasive perfectionism can lead to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, wasting, and other problems in girls (all people!). Reconsider your daughter's expectations for her achievement in school, sports, and other areas of her life. Reassure her to relax from time to time. Do you want your child to have great grades, or do you want him to learn to be happy and harmonious all his life?

Let the child follow his own interests

We've all heard the stereotypes: theater mom, soccer mom, dance mom, and so on. Mothers who are too assertive or obsessed with their daughters' interests create a bad reputation for involved parenting. In order not to become one of those mothers who indirectly live their lives through the lives of their children, you need, firstly, to allow your daughter to choose activities according to her interests, especially in pre-adolescence and adolescence. Secondly, as you become more and more involved in sports or other child activities, you still need to remain an adult and keep your head on your shoulders. Do not force your daughter to spend hours rehearsing her dance and do not "cheer" on her team too actively because of the desire that she (and you) will certainly win. If she begins to do your favorite thing, and then she has a burning desire to quit, do not put pressure on her daughter. Try to find the right words to keep your child engaged in the sport or hobby until the end of the year or probation, but keep in mind that if you force your child to do something they don't like, it can have unpleasant consequences. ... If your daughter doesn't like to go outside of school, know that one or two extra activities she chooses and truly loves will do more good than the one (or ten) extra activities that mom and dad chose.

Don't Become a Problem Solver

As a mom, you have to deal with many challenges in your life and your family's life, which is why it's so easy to get confused and start fixing all the mistakes and problems your daughter is having. It's great that you want to protect your child, but try not to micro-manage his life. If she gets a bad grade or has a fight with a friend, talk to her about it first - don't rush to call the teacher to correct the grades or invite her ex-best friend over. Pay attention to serious dynamics - the child often gets bad grades lately, often changes groups of friends, is very sad about the breakup - and talk to her about what is happening, what she hopes for and how you can support her. But remember that her relationships with friends and her grades ultimately belong to her; she will learn a lot if she can manage and understand them on her own.

Support your daughter in her quest for independence

Behind the desire not to live the life of a child and not solve all her problems is a frightening ultimate goal - to allow her to escape from care. Years will fly by, and very soon your daughter will go to university or go into adulthood. The teenage years is the age when a child not only learns who he is, but also how to solve problems. As a teenager, you may need to keep track of things like meeting her doctor's appointments and getting your college papers on time. But you shouldn't do homework for your child and do her housework. Homework and housework, as well as self-planning, summer vacation work, and good budgeting skills will help your daughter acquire the necessary arsenal of tools to live away from mom and dad.

Be a mother, not a friend

Even if you and your daughter are bosom buddies and easily share intimate, there is a line between mother and friend. Don't cross it. This young girl who lives under your roof may seem like your closest confidante or default friend, but she's your child. To feel like a "cool mom" do not buy her beer and do not exempt her from following the house rules, do not exchange swimwear or skinny jeans with your daughter and do not load your problems with your spouse on her. If your child realizes that you have crossed the mother-friend border, she may be offended by you, because most of the parents of her friends do not allow themselves to do this. In addition, maintaining clear roles for mother and daughter will help you to more easily transfer her departure to a capital university or to the adult world, and an empty house will not be perceived so depressingly.

Don't pick your favorites

Your natural closeness to your daughter (s) can easily lead to favoritism that breeds rivalry between children. All children are very sensitive to the choice of favorites and pets, regardless of their gender or the gender of their siblings. Even when children piss you off, try

We bring to your attention a selection of useful articles on raising girls, these articles describe how to build communication and relationships with a girl in order to raise her as a real woman.

In Vedic times, boys and girls were raised separately and taught completely different sciences. The girls were taught the feminine sciences: sewing, cooking, dancing, singing, studying the properties of flowers, plants, fragrances, studying the laws of the ancient science of Vastu - how to create a harmonious space at home so that it promotes spiritual growth, financial well-being and maintaining warm family relationships. Boys were taught to be strong, taught to defend their homeland and family, take responsibility, set a goal and achieve it ...

And it is right. Every child from childhood knew his responsibilities, knew that the family is sacred, that it is created once and for all. Girls understood the power of Chastity, so they took care of themselves for their future husband, just like the boys observed salibat (sexual abstinence and asceticism), which allowed them to curb sexual energy and channel it into a creative direction, achieving great results in their activities.

Now we have a mixed upbringing, girls are taught male sciences, taught to set goals and achieve them, taught to be professional managers, responsible workers, but not taught to be Women, not taught how to create and maintain a family, how to inspire a husband, how to give birth and raise healthy and smart children, how to accept what her husband gives her and be grateful.

Women and Men have completely different natures, different psyche, our bodies and the movement of energy in the body are different. Where a woman is strong, a man is weak, and where a man is strong, a woman is weak. This is what Nature ordered, the Creator, so that we could harmoniously complement each other. So that by creating a union, we can return to the original Oneness and feel the Absolute Divine nature, which includes the male and female hypostasis of one God. We can touch Eternity only TOGETHER ...

ROLE OF WOMAN IN THE SLAVIC FAMILY. BIRTH AND RAISING OF A Daughter.

Once upon a time, in ancient times, our ancestors knew the basic principle of life, knew what the power and special role of the sexes were. People followed their nature and lived in harmony with themselves and with others. Teaching a son to be a Man and a daughter to be a Woman was the main task of the parents. Having taught this, they could rest assured that the children would fulfill the task for which they were born.

The role of women in Slavic society was special. The life of entire states was based on the piety, purity and wisdom of women. She was a source of balance in the family and society, a guarantee of peace and happiness for everyone. It was the woman who embodied the qualities characteristic of the Soul: love, kindness, mercy - after all, the Soul has a feminine nature.

Among the Slavs, a woman was revered as the continuer of the Family, a symbol of fertility. After all, it is the female image that is enshrined in the words "Motherland", "Mother Earth", "Mother Nature". The woman herself, expecting a child, was considered the favorite of the Gods bringing happiness. Therefore, to become a mother, and continue Rod, was one of her main destinations.

In a Slavic family, the mother was the focus of emotional ties, through her, relationships between family members are realized. If the father for the child embodied the law and duty, then the mother for him was associated, first of all, with love and affection.

In the first days and months of the baby's life, the mother's role was to protect him from the dangers of the outside world, from the influence of evil spirits and people hostile to him. Usually the mother looked after, fed and watered her children of both sexes in the same way, but when they grew up, she devoted more time to raising her daughter.

A special closeness between mother and daughter was manifested in the custom of wrapping the girl in her mother's clothes, her clothes, according to Slavic beliefs, conveyed to the girl all the best qualities of her mother. It was believed that magical knowledge is also transmitted along the female line from mother to daughter or through a generation - from grandmother to granddaughter.

In the period from six to twelve years old, the Rite of Zakosycheniya was performed over the girl. She was braided two braids: one braid was braided by her mother, the other by her father. Beautiful ribbons, fragrant herbs were braided into braids. The girl was given scallops, hairpins, ribbons.

From childhood, the girl was dressed like a girl. It was believed that if a daughter knows from childhood that there are beautiful dresses and beads, then this will help her develop one of the aspects of femininity. But she should not only see such clothes on herself, and mom should set an example with her appearance. The child imitates the adults. The mother developed in her daughter such qualities as tenderness, gentleness, sensitivity, love for the world around and animals. The girl was taught that the world around us breathes, it is alive. Fresh flowers, trees, grass, living earth. Water hears and feels. The girl was instructed on how to praise the Gods, pay demands, to which God, and on what occasion to turn.

When the girl was thirteen years old, she was initiated in Lelnik. This is the first public rite of a teenage girl. She was being prepared for being a woman.

After the ceremony, she could already lead round dances and sing songs with the girls, participate in games on holidays and read fortune-telling about her betrothed. Such a girl dressed differently, dressed up in beautiful sundresses and woven bright ribbons into her braids. The guys paid their attention to her. Such a girl was already raised by other girls who passed the Lelnik ceremony. After Lelnik, the girl could already be wooed. From that moment on, she diligently prepared for marriage. She embroidered her dowry, prepared clothes.

Another ceremony was held by a girl. This is the Rite of the Messenger, after which she became Vesta - that is, knowledgeable / knowledgeable, trained in all the wisdom of marriage, in the future a caring mother, a good housewife, a faithful, wise and loving wife. It was held from sixteen to twenty years. At this age, there was a deep spiritual work on oneself, acceptance of oneself as a future wife and mother. The girl studied needlework, family and ancestral rituals. She revealed the concept of a man and his acceptance into her world. It was very important that before marriage, the girl retained her chastity. The mother had to follow this, because if on the wedding night it turned out that the bride was not a virgin, then the groom and his family blamed the mother of the bride, and she also got praise and honors in the case of the honesty of the young.

Each girl, in the Roda, became the basis of a future family, therefore, by traditional education, they developed high spiritual qualities in her, which should be manifested in the purity of thoughts and the wise use of ancestral Vedic knowledge.

Mothers were very attentive to the upbringing of girls and their passage of all age initiations. The older the daughter becomes, the more understanding about the world and its construction, the father and mother had to fill her.

As mentioned above, since ancient times in Russia, girls were brought up, first of all, for the future family. The emphasis was on two basic qualities that an ideal wife should have. The first is Chastity and the second is the ability to accept as much as her husband can give her.

Chastity was considered a guarantee of a girl's future happy life. From the moral point of view, everything is clear, but if you look energetically, you can imagine the subtle body of a woman as a vessel with pure living water - this is female Goodness. And now the girl begins to walk and communicate closely with young men. To one she gave her Goodness, to another, to the third, and when the time comes to create a family, a woman is completely devastated, there is neither desire nor energy to create a family.

Meanwhile, this feminine Goodness, the most mystical, the greatest power in the Universe. And if a girl understands this and takes care of herself for her future husband, then she comes to the moment of creating a family filled, and thus she can influence her husband. She shares her Goodness with him, which multiplies his strength, and he becomes able to reach heights in any areas, in external activities, in self-knowledge, etc., he also becomes protected by the power of his wife's chastity from any negative influences.

Therefore, this quality was very much appreciated in Russia.

Watch the video by Marina Targakova, which tells about the difference in the perception of the world by Men and Women, how to reveal the true feminine nature of a girl, what is most important to teach a girl so that she becomes a real Woman, Bereginya, a happy wife and mother.

Oleg Gadetskiy reveals the secrets of raising strong, responsible boys and wonderful caring empathetic girls in a family. Differences in the approach to raising boys and girls.

A WOMAN IS BORN ALREADY PERFECT.

Remember little girls - they are absolutely disinterestedly feeding toys and teaching dolls the alphabet. They play at mummies, teachers, doctors - their whole childish being is imbued with the idea of \u200b\u200bservice. They are very affectionate and give a lot of Love. They have a very rich imagination, they easily converge with people. At the same time, they are very spontaneous and pure. And they are happy. Until a certain age, until they begin to educate and prepare them for the fact that the world is an ocean of pain, in which one must survive.

In ancient times, everyone understood that a girl is born perfect. They did not try to alter it or somehow polish it. She was taught to accept her feminine nature. They were praised a lot, even pampered. At the same time, they developed their natural talents. They dressed up, made a lot of compliments. And so the girls learned to maintain their self-esteem.

Things are different now. Women do not understand their original completeness, so they are constantly trying to develop something in themselves, working on themselves like a man. They set goals, plans, tasks and go to them, training purposefulness, willpower, determination. Qualities that are essentially masculine.

And it all starts in childhood. When, instead of praising and pampering her daughter, her mother makes her learn math with tears. When her inept household help is judged by severity.

With such attitudes, we go out into the world. You have to be smart and read a lot of smart books. Better yet, defend your PhD in Quantum Mechanics. You need to be strong and determined. Realize in business. You have to be tough and sometimes brutal. You need to go over the heads and manipulate men, because they only bring pain.

And our original essence goes somewhere. We now have a generation of women who don't like to cook. Who do not dance, do not sing, do not like children. But on the other hand, they build a business well and earn money. Are they happy with this?

The Creator created us as Women and gave us a valuable gift. And for some reason we do not consider him valuable and treat him at random. But we can only realize our unique features when we follow our path.

A woman walking the male path will feel unhappy all the time. After all, everything that is in it very harmoniously could be used elsewhere.

As soon as we remember our purpose, our nature, the world changes. When we develop self-esteem, people treat us differently.

And we can no longer treat ourselves as recyclable materials. Then we choose those with whom we communicate. And those we marry. Then we are able to set boundaries for our loved ones so that they do not sit on our heads. And only then can we give something to this world.

What can we give? The most valuable thing is yourself.

A woman with dignity is capable of being happy. And this happiness, like a magnet, attracts people to her. Wonderful men come into her life, because they like to be close to such a sun. She has girlfriends and friends - after all, she has something to share with people. Children bloom next to such a mother - they see that adult life is full of happiness and love.

Such a woman is able to make happy those who are with her. When you are full, it is easy for you to share happiness - because you have a lot of it.

It all starts at the point when you realize that you were born already perfect. And all you need is to remember how it happened ...

HOW TO RAISE A GIRL so that she will rely on her husband in the future, and not on her own strength?

“If a woman does not want or cannot inspire, then she will have to create herself. She does this because she believes that you will not wait from a man. I will do it myself, go and earn faster than wait from him. But in fact, a woman needs to learn to wait, not to earn, that is the mistake.

Here the question is not about how quickly, but what will be more correct, because sometimes the result is given faster, which ultimately will not lead to Happiness and Harmony in Family and Life. Let a man be like a steam locomotive - it takes a long time to accelerate, but when he accelerates, you cannot stop. This is how a man's psyche works. A woman, on the contrary, has a lightning-fast psyche, accelerates quickly, quickly stops. Therefore, a woman needs to learn to push a man, accelerate, disperse, disperse. And he went. Everything, and she becomes happy. The system is working. " - Oleg Torsunov

First of all, society must once again be imbued with respect for the institution of the family. Modern society is overly individualistic, so no one wants to sacrifice themselves for the benefit of the Family as a whole ...

As a result, when the slightest problem arises, the husband or wife does their own thing, often to the detriment of the children. The role and place of both men and women in the home and family should be equally respected.

Nowadays, women follow a male pattern of behavior for promotion in a competitive environment, which harms not only their emotional sphere, but also their hormonal system. Modern society needs to respect women, and their feminine image should serve as an example of true harmony.

It is important to teach a girl to be caring, compassionate, inspiring and gentle. She should have an idea of \u200b\u200bthe different cultures and spiritual traditions of the world, so as not to limit her worldview only to the picture of modern society. She should be taught all kinds of fine arts - music, painting, literature - to develop femininity, as well as gardening, cooking, handicrafts such as embroidery and knitting. All these arts are meditative in many ways and heal at a deep level.

However, a woman should not be left alone at home for long. It is better for her to be part of a large family, community and any other women's associations that honor the higher feminine nature and are able to give her the opportunity for companionship at a time when her husband is not around.

A woman with a strong will and character will be able to enter adulthood with strong convictions and confidence grounded in spirituality, and will be able to lead not only other women, but society as a whole. True independence has nothing to do with aggression and masculine values. It is the power of inner beauty and divine nature.

The most important thing is that men should learn to treat the girl with respect in the family; not only the father, but also the brothers must respect her. Then it is more likely that she will learn to trust men. A woman should always be under the protection and patronage, then she will be able to keep her family in divine grace. A woman should be treated with care, not trying to control or manipulate her, not considering her as his property and not trying to dominate her. We must remember that a woman cannot rely on a man who is unreliable himself. Man and woman are equally responsible for the situation in which they find themselves today, so they should look for a solution together.

Raising a girl in the womb and at the subsequent stages of her development. Marina Sukhinina, a lecturer at the School of Health and Joy of Dr. Sinelnikov.

Raising a little Goddess. Marina Sukhinina, a lecturer at the School of Health and Joy of Dr. Sinelnikov.

Features of the upbringing of a girl - Marina Sukhinina (School of Dr. Sinelnikov).

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT CHASTITY.

Chastity is inseparable from humility. It is difficult to imagine an arrogant, impudent and at the same time chaste girl. Of course, this does not mean that girls have to be quiet. People have different personalities. But no matter how lively the girl may have, she did not cross certain boundaries so as not to lose her maiden honor. And thus earned the guys respect. They understood that the girl would not let them go too far.

When now girls, imitating the heroines of modern mass culture, do not behave modestly, but on the contrary, cheeky, rude, assertive, offer themselves (or even impose!) On boys, write love notes to them, inviting them on a date, spread their inviting very decent photos for everyone to see on the Internet, divide the guys among themselves, they don't know that they are falling into a trap. On the contrary, they consider themselves to be the masters of the situation, since guys (especially those who are older) are happy to respond to flirting, and it seems to girls that the whole world lies at their feet.

But it quickly turns out that the attitude of the guys towards them is consumerist, and often rudely cynical. It cannot be otherwise, because the centuries-old installations, passed down from generation to generation, are too strong. And even when at the level of consciousness a person adheres to different views, the so-called collective unconscious (or ancestral, genetic memory) tells him the truth. And the truth, in this case, is that decent girls do not behave like that. This means that the attitude towards them arises as to dishonest ones. With all that it implies.

But girls, no matter how they set themselves up, by their very nature are aimed at emotional attachment to the person with whom they will have a love affinity. This is again a medical fact, which, however, many parents do not even suspect.

“Over the past twenty years, we (research scientists) have learned (and this is scientific evidence) that the hormones released during intimate behavior induce feelings of attachment and trust. Especially in women, as oxytocin is primarily a female hormone. I call this hormone ... “politically incorrect” because it challenges the claims that the differences between men and women are based on cultural traditions and socialization. It challenges the idea that sexual behavior is easy to separate from emotional attachment ... A hormone is a molecule that “travels” from one organ to another and carries a message. Depending on the context, oxytocin carries a variety of information throughout the body. During childbirth, it travels from the brain to the uterus and instructs it to contract and push the baby out. During breastfeeding, oxytocin tells the brain cells to make milk. But oxytocin also travels within the brain with messages about emotions and behavior. If you take a virgin rat and inject it with oxytocin, and then put it in a cage with droppings from another rat, that virgin rat, under the influence of oxytocin, will act like the cubs are her own. In this way, oxytocin conveys the message "create bond, create emotional attachment" ... "

Oxytocin is produced during lovemaking, kissing, etc. not only in women, but also in men, estrogen (female hormone) enhances its effect, and testosterone (male hormone) reduces. Therefore, the girl in the face of changing partners will be in a more vulnerable position. No matter how much she inspires herself that “bed is not a reason for dating” (quote from an anecdote), her psyche will resist it.

“In addition to emotional attachment, oxytocin affects our judgment and risk assessment. It affects the areas of the brain associated with feelings of trust. Basically, when young people are sexually active, oxytocin acts on the girl's brain to wave a red flag. Let's say it's just casual intercourse, a one-night stand with someone she doesn't really know. Normally, the brain would give an alarm: “Think about it! Is it good? Is it safe? How will you feel tomorrow morning? Is this a smart thing to do? " But instead of this part of the brain, instead of the amygdala, oxytocin acts, which to some extent silences this voice. And the girl is less careful, less suspicious ... "

Our ancestors were wiser than us, they did their best to protect their daughters from extramarital affairs. Thus, they observed the principle of telegony and protected children from severe mental trauma.

SOME IMPORTANT TIPS FOR RAISING GIRLS

Taking care of the daughters' future personal happiness, it is important to develop in them feminine gentleness, compliance, the ability to seek and find compromises. Diligence, accuracy, the ability to create home comfort are also very important for girls. Gentleness goes hand in hand with meekness, patience, and humility. With those qualities that especially resent feminists, because for them it is associated with weak will and the eternally oppressed position of women. But if a person has an inner core, he, with all his meekness, will not succumb to bad influences and will show intransigence to evil.

Remember that the dolls girls play carry a very important educational burden. The child reads information from them without words, at the level of the image, and involuntarily begins to imitate. Barbie doll is a fashionable, well-groomed "diva" for whom children are, at best, only an addition to the glamorous interior, and often an annoying hindrance. They are good in photographs, but in life they are too much of a hassle. Bratz dolls are daring girls with a passion for fashion, who think first, second and tenth about outfits, parties and, again, a glamorous lifestyle, expensive and, of course, at someone else's expense. What comes out of this in reality, I hope, is clear.

Try to make the girl look pretty, but don't dwell on her outfits. And even more so, do not encourage interest in cosmetics. Now cosmetics are being promoted not only for adolescents, but also for five-year-old babies. For girls, makeup is an important step towards growing up. This is especially dangerous now, when growing up in many adolescents is associated with sexual freedom.

Pay close attention to the romantic upbringing of girls, but do not inflame sensuality. Many teenage series and books do just that. But, fortunately, there is other literature and other films, and much more talented ones, which have a stronger, deeper impact on young souls. In these works, female chastity, fidelity, pure, sublime love are praised. Timely read "Jane Eyre" by Sh. Bronte, "Scarlet Sails" by Alexander Green, romantic stories by Turgenev and other similar works will give the teenage girl the right guidelines. Especially if the mother is not too lazy to discuss what she has read with her and connects it with real, modern life, backing up the words with specific examples.

Try to influence your daughter's social circle. In adolescence, this, of course, is more difficult than at five or six years old, but still the opinion (and in some cases a ban!) Of parents is of great importance. “If you want to preserve your daughter’s honor - look who she is friends with” - something like this sounds like an Arab proverb that I once happened to hear.

And most importantly, do not forget that more than anyone else in the world, girls (as well as boys, but now we are not talking about them) need mom and dad. In the book What Do You Teach My Child? M. Grossman writes: “Be sure, your influence on your daughter - at the age of twelve, and at fourteen, and at the age of sixteen - is much more than you might think ... Education is what she needs. She needs parental warmth, support and guidance. You are required to have clear rules and high expectations ... Build contact with your child. She needs a close, trusting relationship with you ... Share your accumulated experience with your daughter, instill in her your moral values \u200b\u200b... This will certainly affect her behavior. Yes, she may argue with you, but research shows that teens from families with high parental expectations are in no hurry to engage in early sex. If you treat such relationships clearly negatively, it will be a serious factor of influence on your daughter ... "

It is very important for parents who wish their daughters happiness to remember this and not succumb to crafty talk about the fact that the world has irreversibly changed.
Author of the text: Tatiana Shishova.

Watch the video about raising children from the series "Here and Now" by Sergei Strizhak (issue 27). A very interesting video that describes the ancient traditions and principles of raising children among our Russian ancestors (Slavs).

Alexey Trekhlebov (Vedagor) on raising children.

HOW TO INCREASE THE CHILD'S SELF-ASSESSMENT.

The success of human life, in addition to objective circumstances, is also influenced by the level of self-esteem, which begins to form in the preschool period under the influence of the child's environment, primarily the parents. Self-esteem is a person's assessment of their capabilities, qualities and place among other people.

Self-esteem of the child.

A healthy atmosphere in the family, the desire to understand and support the child, sincere participation and empathy, a sense of psychological security - these are the components for the formation of a positive adequate self-esteem in a child.

A CHILD WITH A SUPERIOR SELF-ESSENCE may believe that he is right about everything. He seeks to control other children, seeing their weaknesses, but, without seeing his own, he often interrupts, treats others downright, tries with all his might to attract attention. From a child with high self-esteem, you can hear: "I am the best." With high self-esteem, children are often aggressive, belittling the achievements of other children.

If the CHILD'S SELF-ASSESSMENT IS UNDERSTANDED, most likely, he is anxious, not confident in his own abilities. Such a child all the time thinks that he will be deceived, hurt, underestimated, always expects the worst, builds a defensive wall of mistrust around himself. He seeks solitude, touchy, indecisive. Such children do not adapt well to new conditions. When doing any business, they are determined to fail, finding insurmountable obstacles. Children with low self-esteem often refuse new activities for fear of not coping, overestimate the achievements of other children and do not attach importance to their own successes.

Low, negative self-esteem in a child is extremely unfavorable for the full development of the personality. Such children are in danger of forming the attitude "I am bad", "I can not do anything", "I am a loser."

WITH ADEQUATE SELF-ASSESSMENT, the child creates an atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love around him. He feels appreciated and respected. He believes in himself, although he is able to ask for help, is able to make decisions, can admit the presence of mistakes in his work. He appreciates himself, and therefore is ready to appreciate those around him. Such a child does not have barriers that prevent him from experiencing a variety of feelings for himself and others. He accepts himself and others as they are.

IF YOU PRAISE IT IS CORRECT.

Of great importance in the formation of a child's self-esteem is an adult's interested attitude, approval, praise, support and encouragement - they stimulate the child's activity, form moral habits of behavior. Physiologist D.V. Kolesov notes: “Praise for strengthening a good habit is more effective than censure for preventing a bad habit. Praise, causing a positive emotional state, contributes to the rise of strength, energy, strengthens a person's desire for communication, cooperation with other people ... ". If the child does not receive timely approval in the process of activity, he has a feeling of insecurity.

However, praise must also be correct! Realizing how important praise is for a child, it must be used very skillfully. Vladimir Levy, author of the book "Unusual Child", believes that there is no need to praise a child in the following cases:

1. For what was achieved not by their own labor - physical, mental or spiritual.

2. Beauty and health are not to be praised. All natural abilities as such, including a good disposition.

3. Toys, things, clothes, accidental find.

4. You cannot praise out of pity.

5. From the desire to please.

PRAISE AND PROMOTION: WHAT FOR?

1. It is important to remember that absolutely all children are talented in their own way. Parents should be more attentive to their children in order to find the talent inherent in the child and develop it. It is important to encourage any child's aspirations for self-expression and development. In no case should a child be told that he cannot become a great singer, dancer, etc. With such phrases, you not only discourage the child from striving for something, but also deprive him of self-confidence, underestimate his self-esteem, and reduce motivation.

2. Be sure to praise children for any merits: for good grades in school, for winning sports competitions, for a beautiful drawing.

3. One of the methods of praise can be an advance payment, or praise for what will happen. Approval in advance will inspire the child to believe in himself, his strength: "You can do it!". “You can almost do it!”, “You will definitely cope!”, “I believe in you!”, “You will succeed!” etc. Praising a child in the morning is an advance for a long and difficult day.

Vladimir Levi advises to remember about the suggestibility of the child. If you say: “Nothing will ever come of you!”, “You are incorrigible, you have only one road (to prison, to the police, to an orphanage, etc.),” then do not be surprised if this happens. After all, this is the most real direct suggestion, and it works. The child can believe in your attitudes.

METHODS FOR IMPROVING THE CHILD'S SELF-ASSESSMENT:

1. Seek advice as a peer or senior. Be sure to follow the child's advice, even if he is far from the best, since the educational result is more important than any other.

2. Ask for help as a peer or senior.

3. There are times when an almighty adult needs to be a younger one - weak, dependent, helpless, defenseless ... from a child!

Already at 5-7 years old, this technique, used from time to time, can give miraculous results. And especially with a teenager, in a mother-son relationship - if you want to raise a real man.

PENALTIES: RULES FOR PARENTS

Not only encouragement, but also punishment plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. When punishing a child, a number of recommendations should be followed.

1. Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor psychological. Moreover, the punishment should be helpful.

2. If there is doubt, whether to punish or not to punish, do not punish. Even if they already realized that they are usually too soft and indecisive. No "prevention".

3. One punishment at a time. The punishment can be severe, but only one, for all at once.

4. Punishment is not at the expense of love. Whatever happens, don't deprive your baby of your warmth.

5. Never take away things donated by you or anyone else - never!

6. You can cancel the punishment. Even if he misbehaves in such a way that it could not be worse, even if he just yelled at you, but at the same time today he helped the patient or protected the weak. Remember to explain to your child why you did this.

7. It is better not to punish than to punish late. Belated punishments inspire the child with the past, do not allow him to become different.

8. Punished - Forgiven. If the incident is over, try not to think about old sins. Do not interfere with starting to live anew. Remembering the past, you run the risk of forming a feeling of "always guilty" in the baby.

9. No humiliation. If the child thinks we are unfair, the punishment will work in the opposite direction.

METHODS FOR NORMALIZING A CHILD'S HIGH SELF-ESTIMATION:

1. Teach your child to listen to the opinions of others.

2. To be calm about criticism, without aggression.

3. Teach to respect the feelings and desires of other children, as they are just as important as your own feelings and desires.

WE DO NOT PUNISH:

1. If the child is not feeling well or is sick.

2. When the child eats, after sleep, before sleep, during play, during work.

3. Immediately after a mental or physical injury.

4. When a child cannot cope with fear, inattention, mobility, irritability, any deficiency, making sincere efforts. And in all cases when something does not work out.

5. When the internal motives of an act are incomprehensible to us.

6. When we are not ourselves, when we are tired, upset or annoyed for some reason ...

7. Self-esteem of the child. ABC Kids Club

FOR DEVELOPING ADEQUATE SELF-ASSESSMENT IN A CHILD.

Do not protect your child from everyday activities, do not seek to solve all problems for him, but do not overload him. Let the child help with the cleaning, enjoy the work done and receive well-deserved praise. Challenge your child to tasks that are feasible so that he can feel skillful and useful.
Don't over-praise your child, but also remember to reward when he deserves it.

Remember that both praise and punishment must be adequate to build adequate self-esteem.

Encourage your child to take initiative.

Show by your example the adequacy of your attitude to success and failure. Compare: "Mom didn't make a cake - well, nothing, next time we will put more flour." Or: “Horror! The cake didn't work out! I will never bake again! "

Do not compare your child to other children. Compare it with yourself (the way it was yesterday or will be tomorrow).

Scold for specific actions, not in general.

Remember that negative judgment is the enemy of interest and creativity.

Analyze his failures together with the baby, making the right conclusions. You can tell him something by your example, so the child will feel an atmosphere of trust, he will understand that you are closer to him.

Try to accept your child as he is.

GAMES AND TESTS.

I suggest that you familiarize yourself with some games that will help determine the type of self-esteem of your child, as well as form and maintain an adequate level of self-esteem.

Test "Ladder" ("Ten steps"). This test has been used since 3 years.

Draw on a piece of paper or cut a 10-rung ladder. Now show it to your child and explain that the worst (angry, envious, etc.) boys and girls are on the lowest step, a little better on the second step, even better on the third, and so on. But on the very top step there are the smartest (good, kind) boys and girls. It is important that the child correctly understands the location on the steps, you can ask him about it again.
Now ask: what step would he himself be on? Let him draw himself on this step or put a doll. So you have completed the task, it remains to draw conclusions.

If a child puts himself on the first, second, third steps from the bottom, then he has low self-esteem.

If it is on the 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, then the average (adequate).

And if it is on the 8th, 9th, 10th, then self-esteem is overestimated.

Attention: in preschoolers, self-esteem is considered overestimated if the child constantly puts himself on the 10th step.

"Name" (N.V. Klyueva, N.V. Kasatkina)

This game can provide additional information about the child's self-esteem.

You can invite your child to come up with a name that he would like to have, or keep his own. Ask why he doesn't like or like his name, why he would like to be called differently. This game can provide additional information about the baby's self-esteem. Indeed, often giving up on his name means that the child is dissatisfied with himself or wants to be better than he is now.

"Playing situations" (N. V. Klyueva, Y. Kasatkina)

The child is offered situations in which he must portray himself. Situations can be different, invented or taken from life. Other roles in the enactment are played by one of the parents or other children. Sometimes it is helpful to switch roles.

Examples of situations:

You entered the competition and took first place, and your friend was almost the last. He was very upset. Help him calm down.

Mom brought 3 oranges for you and your sister (brother). How do you share them? Why?
The guys from your group in kindergarten are playing an interesting game, and you are late, the game has already begun. Ask to be accepted into the game. What will you do if the kids don't want to accept you? (This game will help your child learn effective behaviors and use them in real life.)

Try to be more attentive to your children, encourage and praise them, spend more time together, and you will help your baby become happier, fill his life with bright colors.

HOW TO TEACH CHILDREN TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS?

The most valuable gift that parents can give their children is to give them the opportunity to take responsibility for their own actions.

For example, a child once decides to skip school because he “just doesn't want to go there”. He asks his mother to write a note to the teacher that he is ill.

The child makes a decision, not wanting to be responsible for the consequences. In this case, the mother should write a note with the following content: “My son does not want to go to school today” and tell her child: “You decided not to go to school today - I will not lie for you. If you don’t want to go to school, it’s your decision, but be prepared to face the consequences. ”

A smaller child may try to test their wings in a different way: for example, in cold weather, he wants to walk without a jacket. The mother, knowing that it is cold outside, advises him to dress warmly. The child refuses. There is no need to continue pushing the child, especially since it usually does not lead to anything.

If she tells him that he “wants to catch a cold,” then most likely the child will indeed catch a cold. But if the mother admits that the child himself is responsible for his decisions, then she must tell him: "If you feel that you are cold, go back home and put on your jacket."

When a child is responsible for his own decisions, he will feel very differently. He will not catch a cold because he is not programmed to do so - he does not think about a cold. But as soon as he realizes that the street is colder than he thought, he just goes into the house and put on a jacket. Independent decision-making is one of our basic properties by nature, and children constantly defend their right to do so. If parents make decisions for him on a daily basis, the child tends to act contrary to their instructions and requests, no matter what he is told.

WHY IS BETTER NOT TO TELL YOUR CHILDREN?

These well-known phrases seem harmless. They have become almost clichés of the national tradition of education. And if adults knew how much resentment and fear they bring to little ones ...

ERROR 1. BOGO PREDICTIONS

What adults say ... "Don't run around - you will break your neck"; "If you eat badly, anyone will beat you up"; "Don't make faces - you will remain that way forever."

“Only the second part of the structure is engraved in the memory of the child:“ you will fall, ”“ beat, ”“ you will stay forever, ”says child psychologist Oksana Lysikova. “Therefore, the little one soon concludes that life is a very dangerous event, where troubles lie in wait at every step.” Soon, the mother may find that her lively baby “unexpectedly” has become timid and incurious.

Work on bugs.

Do not intimidate, but try to interest the desired behavior. For example: “If you eat well, you will be strong and can ride a bike fast”; "If you sleep during the day, you will gain strength, you can walk in the zoo for a long time."

ERROR 2. DISCUSSION

What adults say ... “Don't touch, now you’ll break it again!”; "Let me do it myself!"

... and why you can't say it.

“The child understands these phrases as“ you are bad, you will never succeed, ”continues Oksana Lysikova. - It literally destroys self-confidence and self-confidence. In the future, such a child is unlikely to want to try his hand at the sports section or music school. "

Work on bugs.

By making mistakes, the child develops and develops self-confidence. We can help him with phrases: “Try again!”; “Broke? It's not scary, we'll fix it now! "

ERROR 3. COMPARISON

What adults say ... "Masha is also three, and she washes her hands herself!"; "Look at the boy - he never fights!"

... and why you can't say it.

The child begins to doubt - do his parents really love him? Or maybe the neighbor's Masha is still bigger? And won't they go to her forever? As a result, instead of a "positive example" the child gets fear and confusion, and instead of a desire to imitate the neighbor's Masha - jealousy and a desire to pull her pigtail properly so that she is not so good.

Work on bugs.

“A much more correct strategy is to arrange a child's competition ... with himself,” the psychologist believes. - A month ago, he did not wash his hands himself - but now he started; a year ago I couldn’t ride a bicycle - now he rides without “companions” ... Start a beautiful magazine of success and look through it with your baby. A reminder of past victories will push the child to new achievements. "

ERROR 4. PRESENTATION

What adults say ... “You are the smartest (capable, beautiful ...); "Where is Sasha to you!"

... and why you can't say it.

“Try to praise not the kid himself (“ \u200b\u200bYou are the most wonderful here ”), but his actions (“ You painted perfectly ”;“ You did everything well ”), advises Oksana Lysikova. "Otherwise, the child will be too dependent on the approval of others and will strive for praise, and not to achieve the goal." In addition, soon your little one will be in the first children's collective (kindergarten, school), where peers are unlikely to immediately rush to recognize his “stardom”. And that can be pretty disappointing. "

ERROR 5. ACCUSES

What adults say ... "Stop screaming - my head will burst now!"; "My grandmother's heart almost stopped!" etc.

... and why you can't say it.

The child takes everything literally. Sensitive and emotional children can turn into silent quiet ones - because any open display of emotions can cause mommy's head to fly to pieces! The little ones will experiment more quickly with the height and volume of the screams, make sure that everyone's heads and hearts are safe, and will begin to ignore all your calls. Later, these children are unlikely to sympathize with you during your illness - after all, my mother joked so many times that she was in pain ...

Work on bugs.

The best way to deal with a raging toddler is to turn his attention to play. Runs around the apartment with primal screams - come up and whisper something in your ear. The child will be interested ... and after a few seconds will willingly change the "chants" to "whispers".

ERROR 6. ULTIMATUM

What adults say ... "If you don't eat the soup, I won't give you a cake"; “If you don't put away the toys, you won't see the cartoon”;

... and why you can't say it.

Your little one catches everything on the fly, right? You want to hear in a couple of years: “If you don’t give a cake, I will not eat soup”; “Learn letters ?! Then buy that car! ”?

Work on bugs.

“If you can get used to the regime only through an ultimatum, call on the game for help,” Oksana Lysikova suggests. - For example, soup is a sea in which boats-vegetables float. Your "kitty" will willingly "swallow" them. "

ERROR 7. SHANTAGE BY LOVE

What adults say ... “I don’t love you like that!”; “Well, who will be friends with such a grimy man?”; "If you don't obey - I won't love!"

... and why you can't say it.

These phrases have not forced a single kid to behave well. “On the contrary, the child begins to feel intense fear and confusion,” explains the psychologist. - And he tries to return my mother's interest by any available means - that is, whims and tantrums. After all, the child subconsciously feels that his mother's love or lack of it is a matter of survival for him, there is no time for good manners! " Not to mention that blackmail with love can lead to low self-esteem for many years: the child will remember that he does not deserve love by himself, well, unless he fulfills all the wishes of others.

Work on bugs.

The most important “grammatical” rule for mothers: in relation to the baby, the word “love” with the particle “not” is not used. There are no exceptions to the rule.

Recently I talked with one mother, who has four children. Two older sons and two younger daughters. Mom complained about her daughters. That I didn't know any problems with my sons, but these girls…. I asked what the difficulty was, the answer surprised me a little, although in some ways it did not surprise at all.

“Here is the eldest, 12 years old. They are typical blonde. She doesn't need anything at all. Only all sorts of nonsense - dancing, singing, painting. As if you can earn it in life. Doesn't want to study. Doesn't want to go to school. Today she got up and said that she would not go anywhere, because she had not learned anything. And you see, truancy is better than a deuce! She doesn't go to school because she's ugly today. Then she has nothing to wear. Then there is no mood. She doesn't want to go to college. Well at least he cooks soups. How she will live - I cannot imagine. So tired of chasing her! "

I didn't even bother asking about the younger one. And she thought. I thought, because this is not the first time I have heard about such problems with girls. And because what I heard is not a problem for me. I would be glad that a woman is growing, that she has the right values \u200b\u200binside, guidelines and preferences. Although - I think so now.

When I was in school and institute, together with the boys I laughed at the blondes, who themselves can not do anything, do not understand anything. And it used to be very offensive when later the same boys gave flowers to the same blondes and took them to the cinema, and I, all so smart, stayed at home without flowers. Once it seemed to me that I should be able to do everything myself, so that if something happens, I will not be lost. To be able to provide for herself. To be able to re-glue the wallpaper itself. And even graduate from such a non-female university.

I remember myself like this from childhood - a special love for men's games, activities. Either I am Robin Hood, or the midshipman, or Malchish-Kibalchish. I was never a princess in games, I thought Cinderella was somehow strange, all the other princesses seemed boring. But the knights! Pirates!

My friends, of course, were the boys. And this determined the occupations - the Cossacks-robbers, war, battles. I have lived most of my life as a boy. This affected my life, my health, my relationships in a special way. And while I am raising my boys, I increasingly ask myself the question - how to raise girls? I found many answers - in the scriptures, in the lectures of the Teachers, in communication with those who are good at raising girls. I will try to streamline these postulates.

In fact, collecting all this, I had the feeling that this is the kind of childhood I would like. And now I am re-living many of these points, re-raising the girl in me. This seems to me to be a great criterion that the list is good and practical.

1. Raising a girl is a huge responsibility
To begin with, it's easier to educate boys. For many reasons. Boys are born "empty", and they need to be taught a lot, a lot to invest in them (if we talk specifically about values \u200b\u200band relationships). It is not so scary to make a mistake somewhere, if the boy has not grown up yet, there is still much to grow in him. Difficult - if there is no man nearby. And if there is a man, and he is good, then this is enough.

Girls are different. We are born full. With the most complete values, principles, service, care, and love are already laid in us. Again I recall the story of Mom from the beginning of this chapter, and again I am convinced of this. Therefore, the task of parents here is to a greater extent - not to break. Do not harm. Do not burn all the good that is in it. Agree, the responsibility is huge. And the cost of a mistake is higher. If you break something that you didn’t create, how to fix it?

Girls are more sensitive, vulnerable, touchy. Therefore, any breakdown of emotions, any raising of voice, punishment can break her psyche. And make out of her either a real "robocop" or a constantly offended child.

2. The girl is a princess.

This has been said a million times already, but the root of the word "girl" is "deva" - it means divine. This is both about the completeness with which the girl already comes into this world, and about the special test for the family by her arrival.

And if we translate this to a more understandable level for us, every girl is a princess. Princesses are different. There are some very gentle and hardworking, there are very creative and easy-going, there are also fighting princesses, but even they are princesses.

To see a divine spark in your girl, even if she is far from the classical understanding of a girl - she does not sit still, fights with boys, does not like to cook. You just come across a princess from a kind of warriors. So you both are supposed by fate. But even with this character, she is a princess. May be. She will not wear pretty dresses and style her hair. Maybe she will be indifferent to crowns and jewelry. But you should still treat her like a princess. With respect, respect and admiration.

3. Confidence in your beauty. Dress up, pamper.

99 percent of women consider themselves not very beautiful. Even those whom everyone else would consider beautiful. Because in childhood, we heard a lot of epithets about our crooked or bony legs, a long or humped nose, thin or too plump lips and other parts of the body.

Parents, or rather mothers, make the greatest contribution to this. They are, of course, out of love. And it turns out not very well. Mom is trying to make her daughter beautiful in her understanding of beauty, but who said that her understanding is correct? And some mothers unconsciously compete with their daughter, so they try to explain to her in every possible way that she is not very good.

Therefore, if in relation to your daughter you can prevent such negative assessments of appearance, this will already be a victory. And if you constantly tell her how beautiful she is, how pretty her eyes, hair and everything else, then your girl's self-esteem will be much better.

I foresee indignation that she will be arrogant and proud, which can be over-praised. Do you really think it's possible? Or are we doing this to convince ourselves that we have been praised enough to make us normal?

Dress up your princesses, pamper them. Let them play their part of the princess in childhood in order to have a good foundation for further development.

4. Proper training - what comes in handy

It seems to me that I talk about this all the time. But it's worth saying again. Teach the girl what will be useful for her in life. Do not force her to cram everything into an A at school, especially what she does not like. Rejoice equally in chemistry triples and in labor grades. Because not a single chemical formula and not a single physical law will be useful to her in life. And self-esteem can kill easily, like nerve cells. Or set the wrong vector of development to please you.

And teach what no school teaches. How to be a woman, how to build relationships, how to cook that very borscht and bake pies, how to iron shirts, how to style your hair. This is something that will definitely come in handy for her in life. What she exactly needs and is important. But where is it taught?

Again, if a girl is born already full, filled with all the best, then our task is to preserve all this. Maintain her purity, both physical and moral. For a girl, not only premarital relationships are terrible. There are other unhappy things - alcohol, smoking, drugs, slang. And besides, excessive attachments to money, gadgets, fashion, fast food, TV, consumption. There are many temptations in this world, and some do not seem so scary. Just ask yourself a question - is it good for my daughter? And is not her purity lost in this - whether physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual.

The hardest part about this is that you need to start talking about it as early as possible. Because when the time comes, she will no longer be ready to listen to you. If from childhood she knows that she should have one man, that bed only after marriage, if this is the norm in her eyes in childhood, then there is a greater chance that as a teenager, she will make a choice in favor of cleanliness.

Values \u200b\u200bare instilled from the cradle, especially in girls. Because they already have it all inside, she will be close to what you tell. She will like a fairy tale where a princess has only one prince for life, and they do not always live simply, but together. She will like the tale of how an evil sorcerer wanted to deceive and steal the princess by stealing her kiss, but the princess refused and escaped. Etc. Always broadcast to the girl how important cleanliness is. By his example, the example of cartoon characters, fairy tales, books.

6. Respect her father

Although this item should have been placed first, I decided to put it in the middle so that I would not be eaten. Just kidding, every joke has only a fraction of a joke. Indeed, every time I say that the father of children must be respected, I come across wild resistance from women. Especially those who are already divorced. Arguments vary, but usually he is so and so and there is nothing to respect.

Just think what you are broadcasting to your daughter. Even without saying a word, just a smirk can give her a sign that men are nothing. And she will definitely remember this for the rest of her life.

If you once chose this man as the father of your daughter, be responsible for this. Remember only the good things that happened between you, and tell your daughter about it. As often as possible. Encourage their communication, because for a girl, dad is the first romance. If he gives her a feeling of need and love, it will be easier for her to live. If she feels his protection and support, it will be easier for her to build relationships with men.

And if he himself does not do anything special, you do. Tell her about how her dad took care of her when she was little. How he bought her first dress or first shoes. How he bragged about her photos to everyone. As he once defended in kindergarten. Collect such valuable little things, and tell, tell. Do not be the owner, do not divide the child, do not measure who did more and who did less. Your goal is to help her become happy, not to settle scores.

7. Do not criticize, give feedback only when it is very necessary and very gentle

Women are very vulnerable. Since childhood. Any careless word hurts. We often strive to "temper" girls and prepare them for a difficult life. So we'd better start criticizing them, correcting them so that they get used to it. But what are we trying to achieve?
Research was conducted. If a man started laughing at someone behind a woman's back, 90 out of 100 women took it personally and turned around to check. That is, we are so sensitive to criticism, so tense that we perceive any words behind our backs as spoken to us.

Don't criticize girls. You are welcome. Remember how your hands give up when you tried, the floor of the house was washed, and mom immediately pointed to the dirty corners. Remember how you don't want to do anything after being poked into a greasy dish, a mistake in a notebook, a crooked seam, an incorrectly superimposed shadow.

In most cases, it is generally best to be silent. The girl will probably see the curvature of her stitches herself. And if she pokes it, she can stop sewing altogether. I had a gorgeous labor teacher at school. This is probably why I'm so afraid to sew. And even having a great desire and a nice car at home, I can't start. Because for any mistake they beat us on the hands, saying “nasty hands!”. And as a punishment, they somehow forced the whole class to eat white sauce. Without anything. Just because we didn't think to bring a side dish for this sauce.

Where feedback is needed and important, try to do it very gently and delicately. Not directly. Maybe you just need to hint, and she herself will understand everything. Experiment to get a feel for this edge.

8. There is never a lot of creativity

Feminine energy is closely related to creativity. If the girl does not do anything like that, sooner or later she will be overwhelmed by apathy and depression. Creativity is different, and each girl chooses something for herself. In this moment. After a while, her tastes may change - and that's okay.

If she stops loving music, do not stand over her with a whip. Let her take a break from music - and maybe she will return to this passion again. Let her try different things - dancing, singing, painting, embroidering, knitting. Let her choose what is close to her. Let her start new, let her ditch the old.

For a girl, the main thing is to maintain a creative fervor in herself. And not to get a diploma from a music and art school, a category in gymnastics and win in dancing. Let her be creative not for the sake of the result, but enjoying the process. Do not expect usefulness, completeness, success and diplomas from these hobbies. And you will see how her eyes will shine with joy.

And as the girl grows, do not put a taboo on creativity. After all, what we easily allow children at the age of five to ten, at the age of fifteen is already considered an "empty exercise" and "wasting time." Creativity for her does not necessarily become a profession. This will be her way to live different situations, relieve stress, learn about the world and herself, open her heart. And not only this.

9. Protect her

Be sure to protect. From hooligans and unkind people. From those who undermine her faith in herself. From attacks at school - do not expect her to figure it out herself. So she will only withdraw into herself or learn to fight and survive. Do you need it? From the harmful influence of incomprehensible people - it would be good to know with whom your daughter communicates, to whom she listens. From the unnecessary temptations of this world. From lonely walks at night. From that dirt, which is enough in the world. From excessive stress on her psyche. From beatings and punishments, shouts and insults. From huge expectations - yours, by the way. From excessive housework - she will wash, iron and cook all her life. From unnecessary responsibility, especially for younger brothers and sisters. From your own negative emotions, with which you can easily break her. From your quarrels with your husband and daughter's father. From your difficulties at work. From your unfulfilled dreams, which you so want to realize at the expense of her.

If a girl grows up in such an atmosphere of love and care as in a greenhouse, it will be easier for her to build relationships in the future. She will be able to maintain her purity, vulnerability, naivety, modesty. Remember that women used to be protected all their lives - first by their father, then by their husband, then by their son. It was scary and stupid if a woman was suddenly left alone with everything that was happening around her. And the first stage - the stage of child protection - is one of the most important. It is basic, fundamental.

10 praise for nothing, not for actions

Let's get back to the topic of praise. As I said, the girl can and should be praised. As often as possible. But it is also very important to understand the difference - how to praise. We encourage boys to be active, so we praise only for their actions. That is, not "you are so strong," but "you helped dad so well with these heavy bags." Or not "you are so caring", but "you made such a cool bird feeder!" Thus, the boy is tuned in to a life full of important things.

If we do the same with the girl (and we usually do this), then the girl will begin to live in the model “you can't just love me like that”. And she will begin to deserve love in different ways. It is convenient for parents - she will do a lot of things both at home and at school. But for the girl herself, it could not be worse. She can never be happy with what has been done. It will be difficult for her to accept love and attention. She will sincerely believe that she should sleep with everyone who paid her bill at the cafe. Etc.

The girl needs to be watered just like that. Tell her about her qualities. Tell her that she is smart, beautiful, kind, affectionate, talented. Just. Not tying to results, activities, actions. So that she does not focus on actions, not on results, but on qualities and processes.
And more often hug her, wrap her with tenderness, touches with love!

11. Be a good example for her

And this point is, as always, the most important. It doesn't matter what you say, what matters is what you do. If you talk about respect for men, and call your husband by his last name, she will learn exactly this - to treat men downright. If you are talking about creativity, and you yourself plow at an unloved job, do not look after yourself and do not have a hobby - it will absorb your model of attitude to life. If you smoke, then what kind of cleanliness for your daughter you can talk about. Etc.

Children hear what we say, but they follow what they see. This is a great reason to start changing yourself, in order to become the kind of woman you would like to see your daughter in twenty or thirty years.

And the most important thing here is to be happy. So that she understands why she needs all this. Why should she keep her purity, why develop creativity, why build relationships. If she sees an example of a happy mother, this question does not arise. And if this happy mother is also adored by the best father in the world, then the girl has no other options. Her heart will strive along the path you have illuminated - and this is the best form of protection for the girl.

I am confident that all this is important for every baby. The little one you hold by the hand, put on the arms to sleep or the one with whom you are now talking about life. And it is no less important for the little one who is inside you. She, most likely, did not get something. This means that you can adopt her - and love her and add to her. Buy her Cinderella shoes, give her to dance, give her a lot of praise, re-create for her a good image of her father ...

Healing your inner girl will be a great base from which to treat your daughter differently. Differently.

With more attention, with more love. But children, after all, by and large, do not need anything else.

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