Why does the husband constantly quit to his wife? Husband constantly insults his wife, or is it worth saving a family boat
Women can face the situation when the husband does not know how to drink, and because of this, problems in the family begin. Because of the alcohol spouse, it may not only do not fulfill his duties, but also to let insults towards his wife. Due to such behavior, not one couple divorced, while in some cases it was possible to save the family. It is enough to know how to behave correctly, if the husband is in the feed and behaves inadequately.
Essence of the problem
Unfortunately, now the women are often faced with the fact that the husband drinks and will not sleep at home. Of course, such behavior cannot be considered normal, and the wife has to be constantly nervous if a close man uses alcohol for all day. Because if he left all night and does not make himself felt, then there are thoughts, whether everything is in order with him, because he is drunk.
Alcoholic in the family can behave in different ways: some can control themselves, even going into pie, others bring their spouse to the divorce. But in any case, the droveman brings his loved ones to his loved ones, because it is harmful to taking ethanol, and gradually a person kills himself.
Much worse if the husband drinks and begins to humiliate a woman, and this is happening regularly. Often because of this, the wife leaves, because it is not ready to endure a drinker and at the same time aggressive. But there are such spouses who are betrayed by a man who love him and therefore suffer drunk trunks. It is especially difficult for them, because it is impossible to leave a calling husband and it is impossible to stay happy.
It is important to know what to do if the husband drinks and insults. Because if you take certain measures, then there is a chance to return the normal relationship and save the family.
If insulting
Having left, for a week or a month, the behavior of a person becomes more and less adequate every day. And the more he drinks, the more problems cause. Some become aggressive and cannot control their emotions that are much brighter manifested in a drunken state.
Because of this, the drinking husband begins to humiliate his spouse, calls her and in every way trying to bring to tears. If this happened once, then you need to try to forget about what happened. Well, if the spouse admitted his guilt and apologized, promising not to repeat the like. Perhaps he will keep his word, and it does not have to part with him.
However, if a person drank almost every day and insulted regularly, then there is no longer enough of any patience. The easiest way will be divorced so that you do not have to endure humiliation and because of this suffer. But the situation becomes more difficult if there is a common child or several children. Then the woman has reasons to desire to save the family and return love. It should be remembered that if the husband swears, you will see it in response, then nothing good will come out of this. A wise woman knows that aggression will not be able to achieve the desired result.
How to:
- Do not be understood in response, do not call and do not try to humiliate.
- Do not interrupt, not leave, listen with a calm facial expression.
- Do not apply force, since even the sinch can provoke a man for violent actions.
- Try not to scream, you can raise a little if necessary.
- It makes no sense in the impulse of anger to explain. We must wait until the husband cools, and then try to talk to him.
However, if such behavior does not help, and it was possible to achieve a break between boats, then you should think if you need to live with such a person.
Perhaps it is time when you should go and stop fighting for the relationship.
If changing
Not rare the situation when the husband walks, drinking a large dose of alcohol. It is possible to suspect in treason if the spouse did not spend one or a few days at home, and also began to delay stably at work or not to come to his wife at all. Of course, it is not necessary to immediately conclude that he had another girl, because he can spend time only with friends. However, if it seems that he began to walk, then you should look for evidence.
But before you need to decide for yourself, I want to know the truth or it will be easier to pretend that nothing was. Because if it really turns out that he changed once or often incorrect, then the relationship will not be the same.
How to behave:
- Try to understand that it pushed it to treason. Perhaps the wife became cold, the feelings were faded, relevant relationships due to scandals. However, it is not necessary to get involved, justifying her husband, because treason for any reason is an unworthy act.
- Do not arrange hysteria, do not cry and do not beg. Even if he stays with you from pity, then this couple will not be happy. If he loved another, then it is not necessary to hold it.
- Feeding on a divorce, you do not need to convert because of persuasion and gifts. Remember that if I changed one day, I will betray the second time. If you are not ready to put up with it, then there is no point in keeping relationships with an incorrect person.
- If you decide to forgive, then never remember about what happened and do not reproach.
- Put the requirement - be treated from alcohol addiction if it wants to stay at home.
In general, we can say that the walking husband should not tolerate, if only the woman itself is not prone to treason. Because incorrect men are extremely rarely corrected, at best, they pretend good for a while.
Fighting dependency
When the problem lies in alcoholism, then it is important to overcome this disease to establish relationships. It will not enough to say "not drink", it will be necessary to take certain measures.
A woman needs to be ready to pass a hard way, because the struggle with addiction to everyone is difficult.
You can try at home to defeat alcohol cravings. For this you must first and the substances of its decay. A person should not allow himself even sometimes drinking not to break. You need to establish your nutrition, use vitamins to normalize the work of your body.
Folk remedies can be used as a supplement, but not as the main method of treatment. Because healing braids can support organs work, however, are not enough effective to combat dependence. Therefore, you should use medicines if you want to achieve a positive result.
In extreme cases, you will need to contact the clinic where they fight with a burden to alcohol. Specialists will help a person to recognize the availability of a problem, as well as configure dependence. In the clinic put droppers, prescribe drugs that can help. Doctors carefully monitor the condition of a person, and they will really help defeat alcoholism.
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Family quarrels and constant conflicts with her husband: how to lead yourself if the husband is constantly shouting?
When adults make marriage, they should understand that there may be controversial situations and quarrels in family life. Without them, the development of the pair in principle is unlikely. Miscellaneous education, various social status formed in childhood and youth habits, approach to raising children, moral values \u200b\u200band lifestyles can be causes for serious quarrels and conflicts.
Start quarrels and shouts of a husband
Suddenly emerged strong feelings can combine completely different people. But, after some time, "then one, then another" begins to intervene in the process of living. There are life situations in which the husband and wife are accustomed to behave in different ways. If conflict situations sometimes happen in your family, but you hear each other with my spouse, always find a solution that arms both sides without moving to insults, you should not worry about - in the dispute (and quarrels) you have every chance to find the truth. The ability to find helps to keep a healthy atmosphere and a favorable atmosphere in the family.
But even if in a calm conversation, the husband shouts to his wife without visible to that causes, behaves too impulsively and even aggressively, his behavior scares and wounds, it is worth thinking if you need such relationships?
Rather, whether you are ready to accept this model of relationships. Do you want to keep your family? If so, how to confront cries and scandals? You may be useful for you our advice and recommendations.
Why does husband scream to his wife? We are looking for reasons
If the behavior of the husband has changed very much, he cannot contain himself in a conflict situation, constantly screams, breaks through any occasion, try to understand why quarrels begin. To do this, go back to the very beginning, analyze what you said or did before the corresponding reaction followed. In no case, do not blame yourself, it is important here just to find the "grain" from which the quarrel grew.
The causes of the shouts of the husband can be:
- problems at work;
- alcohol, drugs, gambling;
- psychological stress;
- failure of feelings;
- low self-esteem;
- age irritability;
- healthy scenario.
If your loving and caring spouse suddenly began to break down on a cry, it is quite possible that his something bothers something. He may have problems at work or financial difficulties that he cannot tell you. The causes of aggressive behavior can be the use of alcoholic beverages or drugs. Gamers, alcoholics and drug addicts (if they can't get what they need) behave inadequately, too aggressively, splashing guilt and dissatisfaction with the closest people. If you are confident that all of the above reasons are not related to your situation with your husband, then, most likely, the roots of your today's problem - in the past.
If your husband grew up in a family where the cry was in the order of things where his father and mother only solved family conflicts and disputes in this way, he does not even represent another behavioral scenario. Most often, the man repeats the model of the behavior of the father unconsciously, even if in childhood he himself suffered from such relations and promised himself to never behave like his family in the future.
The husband constantly screams: what to do?
If you got inside this "porridge", and even firmly mired in the model of relationships, where you are a woman who constantly ending her husband's shouts, get out and radically change the situation will not be easy. Any your deviation from humble behavior will be perceived as a riot and cause even greater displeasure of the spouse. So that regular shouts of the husband did not lead to more planning consequences, start acting gradually. Below you will find several recommendations. Their foundation is a constructive work on themselves and with their emotions, since you will be able to "remake" a husband hardly, your main key is your personal behavior.
So, to pacify the screaming husband, try:
- not to be the initiator of conflicts;
- do not focus the attention of a husband on domestic trifles and not "saw", if it (in your opinion) earns little or pays attention to you;
- do not raise the voice and not develop a conflict (contain, even if you have something to say, but you understand the consequences of your "excuses");
- listen to the claims calmly and restrained (it is not necessary to immediately rush to perform everything on points, but it is impossible to ignore this situation);
- solve problems in a calm conversation (after the husband calm down to try again to talk all the accumulated claims. Well-help structures help, it seems "I correctly understood that ...", "You said that ...", etc., which neatly continue the thread of the conversation, but do not turn the said claim);
- do not load your husband with your downtown, if he is the only breadwinner and the breadthrough and really get tired at work (you do not need to create a scale of its fatigue, just decide once and for all - after work your husband wants to relax at least a bit. It makes no sense to demand from it momentary to endure garbage "Since he has not ever ever ever," or "quickly wash the dishes" - it will only evade the emotional background);
- houses of the tired spouse should wait for cleanliness and delicious dinner (destroying and hunger clearly will not make it calm and satisfied);
- praise him, say that love and more often hugging (perhaps he does not have enough of your attention or he "fell out" from family life. Be the initiator of warm relations, and do not wait for the first steps from his part - you have a family, and not competitions to conquer each other);
- analyze each situation, the conversation, the act that led to the scandal and quarrel (maybe you missed something and the problem really exists);
- realize that such relationships are not normal and try to change them for the better or break;
- contact a specialist (a psychological approach can significantly simplify work on relationships, but unfortunately, alone understand what to do, it is often not easy. Try to go on, perhaps, the problem consists not only that the husband is constantly screaming, and lightens much deeper ).
Sometimes even very good wives, hostesses and beauties who are very loved by their husbands, can marry a person who is used to solve conflicts on elevated colors, without choosing expressions.
This means that you are in these circumstances - the victim. Whatever you do, a spouse who repeats the negative behavior of the father in such circumstances, there will always be good arguments to bring you to tears and to be guilty.
How to react to her husband's cries
If all your efforts do not lead to positive results, if you have deteriorated from the constant quarrels and conflicts, if you have a children who have to constantly observe the clarification of relationships on elevated colors between parents, you should think about how to finish these relationships. Everything is simple here: if you feel bad and you are sure that nothing is done anymore, why are you waiting for something?
Tears, persuasions and even threats will not help. People do not change if they do not want it.
Save the family, where the husband screams, and the wife suffers, it is often only an experienced specialist. For the establishment of relations may take years. Staying in such relations due to financial dependence or for any other reasons, women silently suffer in such marriages. They do not apply to their problems at work or friends. Unfortunately, only a very small percentage of women in which the husband constantly screams, insulting and humiliating, is decided to break the marriage.
Sometimes such a decision takes women who lived 10 and more years. The main motive may be their depressive state and the lack of mental strength and physical health to continue attempts to preserve marriage.
However, you should not miss the possibility that your screaming husband himself needs support, his screams and breakdowns on you caused him problems. The best solution here will be to find a good psychologist to parse not family, but the personal problems of the spouse. It is possible that it is in strong stress due to the circumstances that do not concern you.
If you are difficult to decide to break the relationship with your husband, who constantly originates with screams and scandals, for yourself, think about your children, about them and their own future. They are doomed to inherit your behavior model and just as suffering in family relationships. Therefore, if a husband constantly screams on you, and all your attempts to "calm" are in vain, understand, it will not change, and here you already choose: tolerate and suffer or leave and once and forever stop suffering.
Why does a husband find fault to his wife? What does he need? Why does he choose a perfect trifle and again falls again? What to do with such a man?
Small accession to start. It happens, of course, that a man, in essence, on the verge of normality in the field of psyche. But then he quit not only for his wife, but also to other people. And, in fact, it is his constant behavior in life. He behaves so with the leader, friends, acquaintances, etc. (Psycho, if simple). What to do with such men? Treat? Leave? You decide. But it is clear that these are not changed and will only be worse with time.
I will write in this article about quite normal men who come rapidly only to his wife. With the other people, they behave politely, they try to like them and, of course, do not come up at all.
Wives (sometimes with other close people) they are transformed and become petty, ignoble or even low in behavior, men. Puttingure to any nonsense, criticize those areas of life, where the woman is most of all hearing criticism and quit.
It comes to the point that the woman awaits won't wait when her man leaves somewhere. To work, to friends or somewhat else, no matter. In his presence, it feels some constant tension. It feels that as if the man is constantly the edge of his eyes, follows her actions, and the edge of her ear for her words to find a reason to frit.
Why is this happening? What to do?
There are usually 2-3 reasons and I will set them down below.
The first reason is the wrong behavior of the woman.
Example.
- Oh, I forgot again. (I put it because you did not remind you. I put it because I'm tired, etc.)
This is an exemplary dialogue of the "loving" man and women. A woman is justified for making a mistake. In this case, it is not important, this error was real and rude or it is more than any kind of man, just to fall over once again to his wife.
I repeat that it does not matter. A man quit, a woman is justified. The position of justifying weak.
And if the woman constantly leads to itself, then the man will think about this: "My wife admitted that I was right. So I am wise. Therefore, it is necessary to raise it more often and indicate it for its disadvantages. So it will be better for her, and for the family. ".
Example.
"Dear, you put a cup here, and it should stand for 1 cm to the right."
- Yes, I put everything right. From today, she will stand here. And yesterday I put it on 1 cm. Lefter and now I still indicate where to put. You yourself first learn to put a cup where necessary, and then I tell me how to put it right. And if something does not suit, stand and do it. And at the same time, I also cook tea and cook dinner. And then you, raseous.
(It is very important here, of course, not only words, but intonation, pressure in words)
Much is much better, in my opinion than excuses. In some situation, it is possible even the best option. After that, it is usually a small scandal in the family. But I repeat, in my opinion - this is the best option than if a man is Gund and Gundov that a woman there has done something wrong, it didn't do it here, and here he is right, etc.
The family in this case is like a boiling volcano, which periodically throws Lava, but it seems to me that it is better than a woman just begging every day, and she is silent. (I repeat - this is an example for an ordinary man who begins to heal if it is periodically not to put in place. If he is "psych", then there is no fact that it is even safe)
Another example.
"Dear, you put a cup here, and it should stand for 1 cm. To the right.
- Yes, put.
"But you put 1 cm. To the right.
- Thank you for prompted.
- Well, you put!
- I agreed with you. Yes, put. Why do you repeat again?
This is another option of dialogue. A woman does not argue with a man and, most importantly, not justifying.
Often it is much better than the first two options. (For some women and more difficult)
Only such a speech algorithm (and mental, of course), it is impossible to completely solve the problem of constant pick-up her husband to his wife. However, this is one of the ways and quite effective. (If you do not impose unless younger expectations)
We just need to behave like this. It will not work, of course. It is necessary that this version of the answer is stable for some time. For this, such dialogues need to work in imagination.
Example.
"Dear, you put a cup here, and it should stand for 1 cm. To the right.
- Dear. You do to me hurt with your permanent quirks. We behave like a child. I am waiting for support from you in difficult life situations, understanding and sympathy. And what do I get? Captures about what a cup is 1 cm. To the right? Yes, what's the difference where she stands if I feel bad and I need your support in a difficult situation (due to the fact that there is no stability of income, problems with children, parents, etc.), and you say about the cup.
For me, so one of the best options, but he, of course, also requires training and fit under a specific woman and a concrete man.
And here let's briefly switch to the reasons for constant criticism and pick-up from a man. What is the main reason? This reason for the infantilism of psychological development. That is, the presence of children's or more often, teenage, thinking algorithms.
Just ask yourself a question. Will this truly adult man (psychologically) constantly find fault in trifles to his beloved woman? What for? So that the wife is just waiting for, when a husband leaves home? (And not only the wife, but also children), of course, a psychologically adult man will never do so. Especially if there are difficult times in the family, a woman gets tired, she is scary, or she constantly experiences stress, and, by itself, perhaps and does something wrong. Psychologically mature man especially in a difficult period for a family or for a woman, on the contrary, will support her, will calm down, will try to somehow distract and whether to solve difficulties (or help a woman to cope with them)
But infantile will quite be constantly picking up to his wife and criticize her . He can not otherwise, even if it is obvious not in his interests.
Practically by definition a man who constantly quit to his wife, to some extent infantile. After all, "picky" behavior is the behavior of a psychological teenager, which often, as a real teenager, strive to argue on any issue, you need this in a situation or not. A teenager protests and makes many different nonsense, sometimes destroying his life (at this age, for example, usually begin to drink, smoke, etc.). The psychological teenager-man behaves similarly.
Accordingly, the example above (the behavior and words of a woman) to some extent encourages her husband to become a psychologically adult. To remove those traits from your character, which, in fact, interfere with him not only to establish relations with his wife, but often interfere with their manifestation not only to establish relations in the family, but also to succeed in life. (Not the fact that it turns out, I warn you right away. Some men do not want to psychologically grow up, since this process implies that responsibility)
And the last way is the woman the most advocate. That is, find and criticize a man.
This method although externally and looks like a dispute, but is radically different from it in effect.
The dispute is just pulling the rope on the field where a man feels stronger. He already knows perfectly well that you set, for example, a glass of 1 cm. The right than necessary. You described many times in a joint conversation, where a glass should be, may even record it on some kind of paper or in the file. And now, when you put a glass of 1 cm. The right than you need, then you "hit."
It is useless to argue. The husband will show you the contract with you, where it is clearly spelled out the right place for a glass. He has witnesses and written evidence, where he should stand according to the rules.
Your attempt to translate the dispute to another topic is just as immediately noticeable. Your husband can tell directly.
- Dear wife, you do not transfer the conversation to another topic. A glass stood to the right to 1 cm. To the right. So you are not right and must recognize it, then start me to obey me, then admit that I am the wisest and smart man in the world, as I know where the glass should be correctly. And then of course, in general, stop arguing, since how much we do not argue about the glass, you always do not give right.
That is, your position is obviously weak. And you need incredible efforts to somehow put a husband in place.
It is necessary to act asmetry :). That is, it is necessary to break it periodically and find fault to a man at the moment when he starts his dispute, and then when it is profitable for a woman and at those moments where the man is frankly weak.
Where can a man be weak? Sex, making money, humor, inability to raise friends, educate children, and still with a dozen qualities that are obvious to his wife, it is difficult to argue with them, etc.
That is, you take some kind of quality where a man is weak and start talking about him. For example, money. There is not enough money. Your salary is little for life. In the store, try on things that are clearly not my husband's pocket. Speak something like: "Now, if you earn like Ivanov, now we would not need ..., and we would do ... :))ยป
It is not necessary to even do it in the version of direct jelly. Just "share" with a male information and difficulties in the family, ask for advice it is much easier and better than how to argue or try to answer the male maps where he considers his positions strong.
Gradually, the man's mooring and do not stop doing this at least until you adjust the self-esteem of your man, and he will not cease to find fault to you in the slightest matter without.
Immediately, I will say that the method of the worker, the truth requires a certain self-confidence from the woman, as a man can still snap. But remember that the nesting is not a one-time action - this is a mandatory effect for any man, even relatively perfect. Just for the perfect man, such a critic can be once a quarter. For a man who constantly quit is a daily "treatment" for half a year.
And the last option is to reduce the sensitivity to the soldiers.
In part, a man quit, since a woman reacts to these quit. She is afraid of them, and the man of something with the help of them achieves from a woman. If not love, at least not indifferent.
You need to learn not to react so much to the soldiers.
How to do it?
Trying during the pickup man to pretend that you do not care - it usually does not work. Such a feeling sometimes it consists that such men feel the spinal cord that the woman doesn't care and continue to gouge, until the woman explodes, pay or somehow they will not bring it out of equilibrium.
Better do the following exercise.
You imagine in your imagination, as your husband quit for you. Then you imagine that you do not care on his quit. You feel about them if not indifferent, then as something like an unpleasant wind when walking.
At the end, imagine that the husband behaves well, does not fit, but on the contrary, says compliments, supports you, etc. Exercise must be done not one day, and a couple of months.
And of course, only a decrease in sensitivity will not help. This is just one of the work techniques ๐ with your husband.
At the end of a little bit wrong. I certainly do not know your situation. It is possible that your husband will find something to find face, even if you behave perfectly. But maybe he constantly criticizes you for the same mistakes that you provocated 100 times. I, for example, do not perceive the requirements of my wife to remove the socks scattered with me like a soldier. Just learned to clean them and that's it.
It is possible that at least part of the "pickwick" men are not at all quit, but, in fact, the usual requirements of the partner in the family, which you just need to learn how to do it. If so, learn how to do what the husband asks. If this is still real quirks on the "empty" place when the reason is always found, the algorithm is higher.
Let's summarize. A man who constantly quit to his wife is a partially infantile man. (In the overwhelming majority).
The worst way to fix his behavior is justification and disputes. (disputes a little better)
Much better is an ironic consent, a nesting or statement of your feelings from his actions.
I will not say that effective ways will start to act right away. First you need them to become familiar to the woman. Then, in order to work inertia and the man began to change his behavior. But this is several times better than justification, which only strengthen the cattle behavior of a man.
Try the above methods and I am sure that you will definitely succeed in reducing your husband's pick-ups or even reduce them.
And, of course, do not forget to work on your own self-esteem. Often come up precisely to those women who consider themselves in many ways unworthy men. But we will discuss the topic of women's self-esteem in other articles.
Sincerely, Rashid Kirrov.
Face with lies is always unpleasant. But one thing, when a random person says untrue, and another is to constantly listen to a lie from his own husband.
What to do in a situation when the spouse? What solution in such circumstances will help solve the problem? Is there a sole right answer to such complex questions?
Flame eats grass, Rye - iron, and lying - soul.
Chekhov A. P.
Who is to blame for lies and what can be done
Absolutely every person is individual and attitude towards everyone from everyone. Some, like Voltaire, believe that if you can calm down or to give a person, it is a blessing. Others, like Kant, are deeply convinced that under no circumstances to lie.But all this in theory. In practice, faced with a deception of her husband, every woman feels a devotee and unhappy. She immediately arises two questions: "For what he is with me so?" And "what to do next?". As it is trite, it does not sound, but the first thing you need to do is calm down. In such difficult situations, the "cold" mind will be much the best adviser than the "hot" emotions.
To begin with, it should be found out how often the spouse is lying and for what kind of girls read the same thing). The tendency to speak in a lie is formed in childhood. If the child was brought up with strict parents and for each digression from the rules of his ruled either punished, he gets used to hiding everything. A similar model is actively enjoyed by adults. If you notice that the husband is constantly lying, analyze the situation in detail.
There are two possible options:
- Pliziness is the trait of his personality. He is lying constantly and everyone: at work - the boss, in the company - friends, and at home - wife. With all the desire, fix the pathological liar without the help of a qualified specialist will be unlikely. Here is a consultation of a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist doctor.
You can cope with this problem only by setting the true cause of the tendency to deceive everyone. To become sincere and truthful, a person will have to show big volitional efforts.
- He lies only his wife - This means that the cause lies in relationships.
Psychologists argue that it is women with their excessive control often pushing men to lies. In such a situation, attempts to change the situation and make communication confidential need to begin with themselves.
Different causes of male lies: what lies behind them
If the husband constantly lies only to his wife, then again it is necessary to establish the cause of such behavior. Understanding the reason, it will be possible to take action that will be effective to solve the problem.Possible causes of male lies:
- Desire not to offend the spouse "If a wife ask questions, a truthful answer to which can upset it or offend, most men cross, about whether she really goes a dress."
To avoid similar unpleasant situations, a woman needs to make it clear that it normally perceives constructive criticism and better refer to the truthful not very flattering reviews than to the "sweet" lies.
- The desire to look in the eyes of a spouse more successful. If the husband "artificially overestimates" his achievements, then his wife should think, is not too critical she appreciates him.
So that a person did not have the desire to invent an achievement, it needs to be believed and supported him. Criticism should be dosed and very objective. The main thing is not to compare your husband with the rest of men not in his favor, because it is perceived very painfully and in the future can provoke a false false character.
- The desire to avoid negative consequences, quarrels, scandals. If the wife too limits the person's personal space and each of his retreat from an acceptable behavior for it ends with a scandal or notations, even with time, even an honest person will begin to deceive.
If the spouse is against the meetings of a husband with friends, sidewood with them a few hours at the bar, he will say that she was linger at work. This is the situation about which folk wisdom says "the misfortune for lies is even honest."
In order to prevent such cases, it is enough to trust the beloved person and give him enough free time and space. In gratitude for this, most men cease to lie, get out and speak the truth.
Treason - the most terrible lie
The situation listed above is grieved and upset, but most women can put up with them. But when the precedent arises that the husband has changed and lying, it is already very serious and is true betrayal.If we are talking about the only treason and the husband considers it a big mistake, then some women manage to forgive and save relationships.
And if the spouse changes constantly, then there is little hope for the preservation of a happy marriage. Save it only a huge work on the relationship, which both spouses will be made. A good option will be a visit to a family psychologist.
What is the result of doing?
The answer to the question "If my husband is lying to me, what to do?" Everyone finds for itself independently. If the relationship is valuable for you, then you need to take all possible measures to become trustful.
Believe your spouse, take it with all the shortcomings, and it will become more honest. But if there is no appropriate positive reaction from person, is it worth spending your own efforts to improve the situation in marriage? Everyone must make your choice.
Question to a psychologist:
Hello, I'm straight in despair. Relationships are not going on, we live together for 6 years in marriage for 5 years, two children 3.7 years old and 7 months.
The husband all the time eats me, constantly sawing for everything: I do not save the light, water, gasoline, not so I drive, I do not answer, it seems that you are looking for a reason just withdraw me.
I am a good, funny, responsive person, if you do not touch me. As soon as it turns on the husband in her husband, all, I'm a beast, they hurt me, amaze, offend his words. No, he does not yell, he does not insult me, he just swear quietly, but it starts to yell already when I rushed to him with foam, it's a beast, it may be in the walls, yelling as a sick. Then calms down and everything is fine with him.
I am a squeezed rag, I immediately become less than milk, eternal health problems ... It feels that he is all in a buzz.
For example, this situation: I say "I went to the store we will see the chandeliers," he "went to me." We arrived, the baby sleeps in the car, the engine is not wasting, we go look, come back, we go home, he is without a mood. I am a funny I ask what happened and begins "Here we do not save, so much gasoline burn, here you have no economy, turned on the light in that room and left, all this is an endless diarrhea of \u200b\u200bthe remember of all my not economical actions.
And I love to take a walk on shopping, lay, just go somewhere, just at home do not sit, forced - 2nd young children.
He does not understand me at all and only saws without end, broke me and children all the psyche, they see all these disassembly.
He is constantly nervous, come out of the apartment, I stand at the apartment with a carriage, for example, in the clouds I fly, waiting for him, and he comes out "What a long time would have caused the elevator" or "Creek the car that you stand" or "that the door I don't You can open "(he with a cradle from the stroller)," what you barely drag ", etc.
If something bought not something or something happened, he will unscrew any situation so that I am guilty. I'm already talking to him in my forehead, even if he is to blame, it will still turn out that I will "skimmer."
At his attack, I stopped adequately react, immediately starting to insult and finish talking about this.
I can't live anymore in some kind of imaginary economy, eternal discontent, Bubneja and forever nervous husband. What to do with it, I do not know.
I thought it can matter in me, but without him, then I am a funny person, not aggressive and malice, then there is no practically. Nerves are calm, no one infuriates. I apologize for the vinegar, in the head of Supbar. I do not want to make a family, how can I be in this situation, how to make a joint life without mutual reproaches and scandals?
The psychologist Future Igor Anatolyevich answers the question.
Inna, hello. It is important to know, always the husband was such or began to behave this way, recently, realizing that you are dependent on it financially and in this way, shows its significance, playing in a "economical and perfect man." I can assume that the husband was originally the only way when you were busy not only by raising children, it was easier to transferred it and did not pay attention to such behavior. First of all, it is necessary for yourself to understand and accept that you do not live at the expense of your husband, but to raise joint children and it is valuable at least at least if you worked. Husband now enjoys the fact that you can't start working, as it understands that 7 monthly child you will not leave and can not start working. Your financial inquiries are clearly not overestimated ... You do not require a nanny for children, hiking in a restaurant, dear concerts, sports sections?
How to be?
1. In no case should not talk about divorce, since you do not want it yourself, and most importantly, the husband will quickly get used to this and will not be taken seriously .. taking into account his character, then he will start to say that You can divorce ... that you will deteriorate even more.
2. You can meet the recommendation "Seek separately". In most cases, this recommendation, the beginning of the end of the relationship or throughout life, a game is traced in "Cares - arrivals", which is already becoming familiar to the family ... And everyone understands what ultimately will be together again. Recommendation "Seek separately" can be used as an exceptional case that is not relevant in your situation and only hurt ...
A person can change only when there is awareness of the problem and the most important desire to solve this problem. So far, my husband is not exactly the desire to decide this problem ... he already has a "domestic vampire" level, he has a habit of "turning", quietly denounced his point of view, where he already is waiting for "your explosion" and then he will "spill his negative ". By accusing in all of you, where in his opinion he is "good and caring husband", and you do not know how to control your emotions. After that, the husband calms down and satisfied with life, and you are exhausted emotionally ... And you need a time to recover ..., before the next "reasonable Music Path".
You personally need to realize that your real victory will be if you do not follow the scenario of your husband, from which he enjoys at least at the unconscious level. Therefore, your strength is adequate to the situation, peace of mind, use when it requires a situation, elements of humor. If you change the behavior model, at least you will not suffer and spoil your life, from the "pick-up and husband's savings," and there is also a high probability that the husband will change the model of behavior, seeing that you do not react painfully on it " teaching "
When he starts again, then track such a model of behavior at the initial stage and look at the husband, as a "comic character", realizing that you can not follow the same scenario and already get moral satisfaction. It is necessary to make several phrases, which, if necessary, you can talk to him and change them depending on the situation or completely silent. For example, you can answer him in your own words, but with this meaning:
1. I probably love you, for your such attitude to the family, I decided not to argue, since you will always be right. 2. Yes, you are right, I want that our children would grow faster and I could get to work that there would be more money in the family and we did not consider each penny. 3. Already, and now I think about finding work, but it will be necessary to find a nanny, which will need to pay a charge. 4. I want to start visiting the Sport Section to be attractive, but since there is no money for it, it remains to be content with rare shopping campaigns. 5. If such an absurd, as the light is not turned off, then it can be calmly replied that you are very grateful, which reminded that you need to save electricity, can really become richer if you can save about it.
It is necessary to talk on the basis of the situation, calm, confident, but try to avoid sarcasm. At the beginning, he may be unhappy, let him shove ... how he smokes, it will stop, and at this point you will realize that you are no longer going about him and actually change the model of behavior.
It is also no need to forget about compliments if the husband really deserves it. Whatever husband, but you are primarily a woman and it is necessary to look good, think, how taking into account the character of the husband, finding mutual interests and from this to have fun! It is necessary to be flexible in family relationships. If the bore, then do it adequately, as it is written above, if you see that everything is really good, then enjoy family life. After all, the goal is not to build a husband, but to improve family relationships, where everyone will be fine: you, my husband, children!
I recommend you to read the books of Virginia Satir, if you enter any of the search engines, you will find them, in my opinion it is some of the best books on family psychology. Also read the book of the author Shaynov V.P "Hidden Managing Man" (inserting the author and the name of the book, then you will also find it), where you will also find useful information for yourself, learn how to respond to manipulation, make compliments and a lot. I understand that given your position, you do not have the opportunity to contact a psychologist, then you need to start learning what the whole family will bring success.
From the whole soul, I wish you - success and all the best !!!
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