Why it is impossible to make a remark to other people's children. Examples of how to properly reprimand parents. Seven important rules for communicating with other people's children - exactly how to make a remark to someone else's child, and what you cannot do or say

10.04.2019

By making remarks to strangers, we often create some tense atmosphere, because no one likes reproaches and admonitions. I am a non-conflict person by nature and prefer not to interfere with the way of life and behavior of strangers, but if these manners and behavior go beyond the permissible boundaries, then I will not remain silent.

But is it worth doing? Indeed, sometimes a simple remark can develop into a real conflict.

First story

A couple of years ago, when my children were still very young, they rode a slide. Two teenage girls climbed a little higher on the pipe. At first they laughed, and then they thought of something to do - to spit in the doorway just where little children crawl. I think no mother would want her child to crawl over spits.

I took the kids off the slide, took out a napkin and went up to the girls. I didn’t shout, didn’t swear, but began to talk to them like adults. “Girls, you are already big, you will walk your spitting with your feet, and the little ones are crawling here with their hands. You are not two years old - you must understand this. Keep a napkin, I ask you to dry everything. "

My appeal had an effect on them, they reacted calmly and wiped them off, as I asked. But soon there was another similar case... This time, the boy, in the company of several more friends, so relish, sorry, spat at the slide on which he stood, that I was even taken aback by such impudence.

As in the first case, I asked him to wipe it off and held out a napkin. And he said: "I will not!" He was 10 years old. To which I replied: “Won't you? Do not. Your mom will wipe it up. " I took the child and walked off the slide. I had no idea who he was and, of course, I did not know his mother, but then he ran after me and asked for a napkin ...

In these cases, I came out the winner. Of course, for these guys I was already an adult aunt. But recently there was a case when I looked at everything a little differently. Sometimes it is worth keeping silent, so as not to harm yourself with good intentions.

Second story

In the evening, I went for a walk with my daughters to the playground near the house. They took the sand accessories and first of all ran into the sandbox. There was already a 2-year-old boy in it. The boy was looked after by the company in good spirits.

I still don't know if my mother was among these young people, but one drunken young girl (maybe my mother, or maybe my sister) paid him a little more attention than the others. There were five of them. They drank a liquid of unknown origin from plastic bottle, smoked, yelled and swore in such a way that I was just in some daze ...

The children were digging in the sand, I thought that now these young people would wake up at least a little conscience and they would subside with us. But no, the stream of mat was flowing in an endless stream. I thought that, after all, we are in the playground, and I have the right to protect my children from this dirt.

When the "looking" girl in again I blurted out an obscene speech, I could not resist and made the remark that there are children here, and that you need to follow your speech. The guy turned around, he was two heads taller than me and with the words: “So what? Come on?" began to advance. I am alone, I have two children, what could I do to him? Nothing…

There was not a single sign of reason in his dim eyes. This girl began to calm him down: “Okay, don't get excited, I heard everything,” and so on. He went out. But I realized that it was simply not safe for me to stay, despite the fact that I was right and that I was in the playground. We shifted somewhat to the other side, I occupied the children with other entertainments, and scolded myself ...

After all, one of my comments could lead to a serious conflict, is it worth it? Is it necessary to fight for righteousness and purity, or is it better to remain silent, so that it does not work out for yourself ...

For the best articles, subscribe to Alimero's pages at

On account of whether to make comments not to your child, but to someone else's, each parent has his own opinion. But if you still prefer to interfere, it is important to remain polite and polite, because this is what we want to teach our children.

If you do not want the parents of someone else's child to look at you with a sizzling look, and the baby himself is not upset or offended, it is important to observe several simple rules and everyone will be happy!

Rule # 1

Their parents should speak with children, because they are the authority. But there are situations where there are exceptions, and you still need to intervene. This, for example, is the case when a stranger's child takes away from your own toys, offends him, beats him, and the parents of the little bully do not react or they are simply not around. What is the right way to talk to someone else's baby?

First, you need to be aware that you have no right to teach and educate someone other than your child, he has parents for that. You just need to show the crumbs of boundaries that cannot be crossed in relation to you or your child.

For example, instead of saying “stop playing around” or “don't fight”, you need to say “please don't push Ksyusha (your daughter)” or “I don't allow you to push Ksyusha”. Instead of shouting: “do not touch the bike”, say: “this is our bike, if you want to ride, ask Ksyusha if you can take it”.

It is important to establish your own rules without offending or hurting your child's feelings. For example, instead of yelling: “Don't take the toy from Ksyusha,” say: “Let's share. Now Ksyusha will play a little, and then she will give the toy to you. " Or do not “give Ksyusha the scooter”, but “now it is her turn to ride” and do not give the transport to the kid, keep him near you.

In such cases, intervening in small children's conflicts is very useful and correct, because with your polite example you will show how you can resolve disputes without screaming and resentment, and children absorb everything like a sponge. In the next a similar situation when the baby gets older, he will not yell at his comrade, but will act as you have always done.

Rule # 2

In no case should you evaluate the child's behavior or his upbringing, you just need to ask him not to interfere or harm you or your child. Instead of saying “stop hitting me with your feet” or “girls don't do that,” say “please don't kick me, I'm not happy.” You can also contact the parents and ask them to talk to your child if he does not respond to you.

Rule # 3

The tone we use when making a request for a child should be polite and friendly. Firstly, the child will feel it and he will not have a desire to do you "for evil" in the event of a hostile attitude. He will not be scared and will not cry, and the parents of the baby will not be unhappy with your remark.

Remember that courtesy and mutual respect is the key to a healthy society and should be shown to children with early years, then there is a chance that a stranger will not attack your child with aggression.

How to make a remark to a stranger's child correctly? It is better to contact his parents, since they must solve the problem. However, there are situations where comments are inappropriate in any way.

Some people believe that one cannot remain indifferent to what is happening and it is quite possible to intervene in the situation if the issue concerns the upbringing of children. Others adhere to the rule that it is unethical to comment on other people's children. But still others prefer to build on a specific situation.

"Letidor" has already found out when we have every right to reprimand someone else's child. But at the same time, it is important to learn how to maintain a balance between the desire to help and the ability not to violate other people's boundaries.

We invite you to listen to our permanent expert - family psychologist Alexei Ivanovich Golev, who told us in what situations we should not interfere when it comes to the behavior of children.

Alexey Ivanovich Golev

So, a remark to someone else's child is inappropriate in the following cases.

In no case should you make a remark crying baby... And it is not so important for what reason he cries. Perhaps this is a consequence age crisis, or maybe the child is just poorly educated. Even if this is the second case, do not try to calm the stranger crying baby your comments.

By the way, your advice to mom or dad on how you can quickly calm your child down will also be inappropriate.

Each parent himself knows how to calm his baby. Of course, sometimes a baby's cry can be very annoying for strangers, especially when mom or dad ignore what is happening at this time.

At first glance, it may seem that the problem here is precisely in the parents, who do not pay attention to children's tantrums. But do not forget that this can be one of the methods of education, and it is strictly forbidden to interfere in the process of raising other people's children. In addition, sometimes you just need to wait out the hysterics, because the child at this time does not perceive the words of others.

The behavior of someone else's child seems to you beyond the bounds of decency, but does it not affect personal comfort in any way? Then it is not recommended to make comments either to the child himself or to his parents.

Don't let people overstep their personal boundaries, but also make sure you don't overstep others.

If a child causes discomfort by his actions, then you need to contact the parents with a polite request to explain to him about the rules of behavior in society. But if you just don’t like how someone else’s baby behaves on the street, it’s absolutely impossible to make comments.

For example, some parents take their child to numerous circles, while others do not even think about enrolling their children in additional activities, because the children do not have certain preferences. Sometimes moms and dads share their opinions with other parents, they say, "circles are simply necessary for the development of a child!"

Whatever your opinion turns out to be about parenting, remember that it is subjective.

Photo: Shutterstock.com Let's be friends at social networks! Subscribe to us on Facebook, VKontakte and Odnoklassniki!

Ekaterina Morozova - mother of many children, editor of the "Children" column at Colady magazine

A A

Unfortunately, modern children know much less about politeness than children 15-20 years ago. Increasingly, one can observe how adults are lost from uncivilized and sometimes simply outrageous actions and words of other people's children in public places.

What to do if the situation requires you to make a suggestion to an outside child? Is it possible to teach other people's children at all, and how to do it correctly?

Is it possible to make comments to other people's children - situations in which it is simply necessary to intervene

In 2017, there was a video on the Web for a long time, in which there was a queue at the checkout Small child stubbornly pushed a stranger with a shopping cart while the boy's mother did not react to her son's insolence in any way. The man's nerves gave way, and he poured the milk from the bag over the boy's head. This situation divided the "social networks" into 2 camps, in one of which they defended the child ("Yes, I would have stuffed him in the face for my son!"), And in the other - men ("The guy did the right thing, impudent children and their mothers should be taught clearly ! ").

Who is right? And in what situations do you really need to react?

In fact, it is up to everyone to decide whether to intervene or not to interfere, due to good breeding, but it is important to understand that teaching other people's children is not your concern, but their parents'.

Video: Remarks to someone else's child

And you can only make claims to the parents of these ill-bred children, with the exception of the following cases:

Parents are not observed next to the child , and his behavior requires urgent adult intervention.
Parents defiantly do not want to interfere (for example, for the reason that “you cannot bring up a child under 5 years of age”), and intervention is simply necessary.
The child's actions entail causing material harm to you or others. For example, you are a salesperson in a store, the child's mother has gone to the next department, and the child is running along the shelves with expensive alcohol or other goods.
A child's actions entail physical harm to you, your child or others ... Sometimes it happens. For example, frequent situation when the mother of someone else's child is too passionate about something and does not see how her child pushes or hits another child. As a result of these actions, the pushed child falls and is injured. Naturally, in this situation, one cannot wait until the mother of a fighter finally breaks away from her important affairs (phone, girlfriends, etc.), because the health of her own baby is at stake.
The child is disturbing your (public) comfort. For example, in the subway, he deliberately wipes his boots on your fur coat, or, while sitting in the cinema, he demonstratively loudly crunches popcorn and bangs his boots on the seat in front.

It is important to understand that there are situations in which children behave according to their age. For example, they run along the corridor of the clinic or the premises of a bank (store, etc.). Children are always active and it is natural for them to run and have fun.

Another issue is when children deliberately behave disgustingly, and their parents defiantly do not intervene. Lack of reaction in a situation that requires it leads to a feeling of complete impunity in the child with all the ensuing consequences.

Output:

Frames are needed and important! It is these frameworks that imply the observance of the rules and norms adopted in society that educate us in humanity, politeness, kindness, and so on.

Besides, nobody canceled moral laws. And, if a child breaks the rules, he must understand that he is breaking them, and that this can be followed, at least, by censure, and at the most by punishment. True, this is already a matter for the parents.

Video: Can I make comments to other people's children?

Seven important rules for communicating with other people's children - how exactly to make a remark to someone else's child, and what should not be done or said?

If the situation forces you to make a remark to the child, remember the main rules - exactly how to make a remark, what you can and cannot say and do.

Analyze the situation. If the situation does not require urgent intervention, perhaps you should not bother with your comments. Put yourself in the shoes of the parents of this child and think - does the child's behavior really look defiant, or does he behave according to his age?
Present all your claims to the parents of the child ... Contact the child only if there are no other ways to influence the child's behavior.
Talk to your child politely. Aggression, screaming, rudeness, insults, and even more harm to a child and any physical impact in general are unacceptable. Of course, there are exceptions (for example, when a child aggressively attacks another child and non-intervention is "like death"), but these are only exceptions. In most cases, talking with a child is enough.
If your "notation" has not brought results, and the child's parents still do not react - move away from the conflict aside... You did your best. The rest is on the conscience and shoulders of the parents of the little impudent person.
There is no need to evaluate the child's behavior. That is, explaining that he is acting badly, behaving disgustingly, and so on. It is necessary to suppress the very act of insolence, demonstrating that it is unpleasant for you.
Explain to someone else's child that he is wrong, as his own. Imagine that it is to your child that you are making a suggestion and from this position talk to someone else's child. We teach our children the rules of behavior as accurately as possible, politely and with love. That is why children hear and listen to us.
Stay within the bounds of what is permissible.

Surely annoying when own parents ignore the shameless behavior of their child, justifying it with the phrases "he is still small" or "none of your business." It's sad and unfair, especially when it touches you directly.

But it is in your power to remain polite and kind person, setting a worthy example for their own children. The best way resist the ignorant - to be an example of the right polite behavior in spite of everything.

Video: How to make comments to a child correctly?

What can you say to the parents of someone else's child if he does not respond to comments?

Parents always react sharply to the remarks of strangers made to their children. It happens that remarks are not fair, and are made of "harmfulness" and this is the nature of a person who is annoyed by the mere presence of someone else's child.

But in most cases, the comments of strangers are justified, and require an appropriate response from the child's parents. The main thing is to make these remarks correctly so that the parents do not have a desire to get nasty in response to you simply out of principle. How exactly do you make comments?

For example, like this ...

Your intervention is essential.
We can't do it without you.
A conflict is clearly brewing between the children, among them, by chance, is there no child of yours?
Could you, during the trip, hold the legs of your child?
Our children cannot share the slide (swing, etc.) - let's help them determine the order?

That is, your main weapon in the fight against tomboys and their ill-mannered parents is politeness. If the parents quickly took into account that their child is behaving ugly, and intervened in this process, then your further comments and remarks are not necessary.

If the tomboy's parents rudely sent you to “catch butterflies,” “kick bamboo,” etc., again, there is no need for further remarks and comments, because there is no point - just leave, your nerves will be more whole.

Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Ecology of life. Children: Whether to make comments at all to other people's children is a difficult and very controversial question. But there are several general rules...

6 rules of courtesy

Whether to make remarks at all to other people's children is a difficult and very controversial question. But there are some general rules. In fact these rules are about good breeding and politeness.

General rule number one

Parents deal with children.

There are exceptions to this rule, no matter how hard you try to be correct:

someone else's child offends your child,
someone else's child takes your toys without permission,
the parents of someone else's child do not react or they are not visible - and you are forced to intervene.

How?

General rule number two

We do not raise other people's children, we mark the boundaries of what is permissible in relation to our child and our right to our toys, things, gadgets.

How it looks (sounds) in practice.

Not "don't push," but "I won't let you push my girl," or "please don't push my girl."
Not “don’t touch!”, But “this is our scooter, I don’t allow you to take it,” or “this is our scooter, before you take it, please ask Masha for permission.”

We do not bring up other people's children, we establish (control) the rules of the game.

Not "don't take the scooter away from Masha!"
Do not "give Masha the scooter", but "now is the car's turn to ride," and hold the scooter firmly.

Why is it important to intervene in childhood conflicts (especially toddler ones)?

Psychologist Irina Katin-Yartseva says:

"The rules of peaceful coexistence, the rules of politeness appeared in mankind not in a year or two, this is the fruit of a thousand-year experience of trial and error. It is unlikely that any of us deliberately wants to neglect this experience and raise children like little savages.

Therefore, our task and responsibility as adults is to teach children acceptable in society, civilized ways of communication and conflict resolution. And by intervening in children's quarrels, we show them a model of correct interaction. "

General rule number three

We do not assess the child's behavior, we ask him not to cause discomfort to other people (us).

Not "don't swing your legs, it's ugly" and even more so don't "sit up straight, girls shouldn't swing your legs", but "please, be careful, you hit me with your feet."

If someone else's child interferes with you, for example, dangles its legs on the bus and bumps you - do not "don't kick" or "don't dangle your feet", but "please don't kick me."

General rule number four

Politeness.

Confident but friendly tone. We do not scold someone else's child, we ask him not to interfere with us. Politeness will also help not to turn the child's parents against themselves. And it will not cause a sharp protest against you from the child himself.

Children learn social interaction in adults. Respect your baby, and when he grows up, he will respect you when you get old. Do not yell at someone else's child, and he will not yell at yours.

General rule number five

What not to do:

1. You can not make comments when the child is crying. No matter how uncomfortable it may cause you, your parents will figure it out on their own. No matter how it seems to you that your parents are not doing it, the parents will figure it out for themselves. Only parents know why the child is crying, why the child does not stop crying and what to do to make the child stop crying.

2. Be familiar with the child."Why are you fighting", "Why are you crying" - this is familiarity. And for children, it is just as offensive as for adults, but the child, due to age and subordination, cannot adequately respond to you and protect his boundaries, which you violate with the form of address, abruptly entering the close circle of the child.

3. Discuss the behavior of the child and his parents in the third person with the child and the parents. This is an unacceptable violation of the personal boundaries of the child and the parents. It is clear that you are angry and you want to "take revenge", but refrain, do not sink to the market level.

General rule number six

Treat your parents without blame, without being rude.

Acceptable forms:

"Be so kind as to intervene, your little one is upset that I am not giving him our scooter."

- "It seems like a quarrel is brewing in the sandbox. Is your child there?"

- "Sorry, could you hold the baby's legs?"

- "Please help me arrange the line for the slide."

And if the parents asked for forgiveness for their baby and intervened in the situation, you should not continue the conversation. published. If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to the specialists and readers of our project .