What should be done to make the husband earn good money, how to make the husband earn money? What to do if the husband does not give money

19.07.2019

You are right in the idea that the distribution of financial resources in the family should be determined at the very beginning of living together, maintaining a common household, and better even before the beginning. This is a mature way to prevent the emergence of unpleasant situations and emotions experienced in connection with them, such as you are now telling us about. At the moment, you know who is spending what, how much he earns and at what level he is able to meet his and family's needs. You are offended by your husband about the principle of financial security and distribution of expenses that exists in your life together. You are experiencing such emotions now because you initially adhered to a neutral / conciliatory position on this issue, did not discuss the subtleties and nuances of the family's monetary policy, letting your husband on a subconscious level understand that this state of affairs suits you, it is possible with you, you are not significant , be patient, deny yourself, which means that he has the right to refuse you, that your goals and needs are not so important, there was no talk of entertainment and self-care at all - a waste ... without which we essentially cease to be women and rejoice life (lack of joy, resentment is a direct path to heart disease). You expected certain actions from him, an attitude towards money, pinned your hopes on him, not knowing exactly his similar expectations and possibilities. Lack of unity and transparency, tacit unspoken demands, led to a situation that was essentially a litmus test of the existing family problem as a whole, revealing its existence and showing the need for a solution. Surely you just now asked for the help of specialists because this issue is only one of many that worries you in your life together, there is no disagreement on only one point, in any case, all the problems of a couple are closely interconnected and one of them gives rise to another ... You and your husband definitely need to discuss all the exciting moments in a calm atmosphere, in a good mood, to work out general, new, as you have already decided, rules of the family budget, taking into account his opinion, to find a compromise. In harmonious couples between people there should be unity in all areas of interaction, not only in such an important one as financial, but also in such as everyday life, rest, sex, food, entertainment ... In any case, in the problems of a couple there is always the role of both partners, that is, both of you have come to this situation on an equal footing. Understand that with a woman there is always that man whom she allows to be, behaves with her in the same way, respects, appreciates and loves as she appreciates and loves herself. We are with those people whom we have allowed, whom we deserve. Because each person himself determines the permissible boundaries of the behavior and treatment of others in relation to himself. It is not possible to constantly adapt to other people's standards, to meet someone's requirements, to endure the negative manifestations of another person, and it is not necessary. You don’t owe anything to anyone, you don’t have to feel unhappy for the sake of someone. If you want to improve relations, solve a financial issue, then you should try, take steps, find a common language with a man in building your family budget and union as a whole in the direction you want, comparing with yours and agreeing everything, finding out: his desires, anxieties, views, values, principles, priorities too, his point of view - he has the right to be different from you, has his own inner world, upbringing and is not to blame for this. If you wait for him to understand and begin to meet you halfway, waste your time - men are far from guessing our thoughts, desires, feelings, they need to say everything, explain, they live by logic, and not sensory, like we, their life the emphasis is almost always shifted towards work, career, support, earning - this is normal. You have something to think about. Do not be afraid to make decisions, talk about your needs, voice your views, desires and plans for life, say what you feel, offer joint solutions, because you are trying for yourself too. There is no other way to find a common language, a compromise, to establish relationships, to build them harmoniously, except for conversations, dialogue. Let this conversation take place in the atmosphere of a romantic dinner, arrange it first of all for yourself. Do not ask for anything, do not make excuses, calmly and confidently, without accusations, reproaches, unnecessary emotions, say whatever you think is necessary, how you see the role of each of you in the happy life of your couple, touch all absolutely areas of your interaction, starting a conversation with how much he and your relationship are very dear to you. Believe me, everything will fall into place as soon as you start treating yourself with care and respect. After all, patience is sometimes simply unbearable, destructive for our personality, depresses, speaks of our disrespect for ourselves, prevents us from developing and enjoying life. Why, why? Think about it. Never dissolve in another person and relationship, keep your integrity. Do not allow your feeling of happiness and fullness of life to depend on another person, his opinion or behavior, actions, decisions. Just pay attention to yourself, understand that the most important value for you is yourself. What to do next with your life - the choice is only yours. Start changing everything the way you want, do not expect someone to make her happier - fill it yourself with the desired, new, positive content. In order for a man to understand how much you really are valuable, beautiful, worthy to pay attention to you and spend not only your energy, but also money, began to respect, pamper, cherish and cherish - start all this, the best do first of all for yourself. Be good first of all for yourself (the husband will only switch then), become for yourself the main value, the object of efforts, the life guide, you are worth it, you will never leave yourself, do not offend, do not betray. Take care of yourself, love yourself, appreciate and respect - the same will be treated by other people. Everything will be all right with you. Believe in yourself, you can, you will achieve everything, you will succeed, do not be afraid of anything - live with these thoughts. Each person chooses for himself whether to be happy or unhappy - allow yourself to be whatever you want. If you need professional advice, have any questions, want to clarify the situation, get answers, figure out everything, find ways out, write to the chat, I will be happy to help. Good luck, love and harmony with yourself. I will be grateful for the assessment of the answer.

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How to manage the family budget, where to live, how many children to have and who will be the main earner in the family, you must agree in advance, before you start living together. But what if you did a stupid thing and now the man does not give you money for the general budget, or he gives you, but not enough, and you have to ask him for it?

What to do if the husband does not give money for the general budget

“We live together, he earns well. Me not. Love each other. The question is purely financial. The husband does not give money for the general budget. The budget is not shared.

He buys groceries, but once a month, and I constantly buy them with my meager salary. Bottom line: constantly indebted to our accounting department. I take my salary in advance, because there is simply not enough.

The mobile phone was disconnected for non-payment, stopped visiting the doctor, simply not enough for shampoo. I cook, wash, clean, wash ... At the same time I study and work ... And I save for gifts for him.

Tried to talk - says: greedy. I became angry and irritable. What's next!?? Yana Anisimova ".

Psychologist Elena Poryvaeva tells about what to do in a situation if your husband does not give you money.

One thing is not clear to me how, and most importantly, why a woman, young, without head problems, lives with a husband who does not give money. Explain to me how you are going to live with him further? If you live together, love each other, then how can such questions arise at all? What do you generally mean by the concept of "love each other"?

In what sense? Physically? Because in all other senses such a man personally, I would really like to give a kick. What's the use of it earning more if you keep it? Or do you live in his apartment?

Well, you know, housekeepers are paid wages for their work. Moreover, for washing floors, washing, cooking separately, and for sex - separately. And do not force them to buy groceries at their own expense. And in general, accounting and control are important in commodity-money relations.

I don’t want to advise you anything, but if a man gives you money, in such a situation there are two options. Either it's time to make legs from such a friend before it sucks, otherwise, God forbid, children will appear, and you will have even more requests. Or you have to try to replay him in his own game.

That is, I bought food for a month - cook only from these products. What are you inventing, why are you being disgraced, humiliated both in front of the accounting department and in front of a man? The husband does not give money for the general budget, he ate the products he bought - everything, bon appetit, dear.

If he wants to eat deliciously, he will run to the supermarket next weekend. And you prepare a list for him, what to buy. Start playing on his field. If the man does not give you money, take a thick notebook and write down all the expenses.

When starting to cook dinner, be sure to write down what products and in what quantities you used to prepare each dish. Then fill in the cost of the food and calculate the cost of the lunch. The same with breakfast, dinner. And with everything else.

Then, when asked why there is nothing to eat in the house, you just give him a notebook. On the basis of the same notebook, make a list of the necessary products and their quantity for the month. And give it to your sweetheart along with the notebook. Let him study.

You just inform him that if you purchase products in smaller quantities than indicated in the estimate, you will not be able to guarantee him an uninterrupted power supply until the beginning of the next settlement month. If he is not a fool, he will understand. Why toil with a fool?

In general, if your husband doesn't give you money, just stop cooking when the food runs out ... If you don't have money, then you don't have it. Why humiliate yourself so much, ask for a loan? To prove to him that you are even ready to beg for his sake? And even about saving money for gifts to a peasant who does not care that his woman has nothing to eat ...

If the husband does not give money. How to get the husband to pay the salary?

Every woman dreams of having a normal, happy married life, not a constant battlefield. However, not every woman can really boast of such a family. For example, if the husband does not give money, or gives very little, how to get the husband to give the salary?

And in general, how to find out what its value is, if he simply does not want to talk about it? It is good if a woman herself earns enough to fully support herself and her children, however, in most cases this is not the case. So you have to use a woman's cunning.

· Well, of course, you can just try to convince your husband with words, if the husband does not give money, then he has some explanation for this. Maybe he thinks you are a spender? In this case, start keeping track of money in a notebook or in a special computer program and discuss your family's expenses with him.

Try to convince him that you are capable of managing the money and will not lower his salary in one day at the jewelry store. Also try to convince him that secrets are not good for the family. It is very important that the conversation is calm and self-controlled. Well, if this does not help, you will have to do something more effective.

· The best option is when all financial issues are discussed in advance. Even before the wedding. Will it be an equal relationship, when each of the spouses contributes an equal amount, or is your husband ready to take care of everything if he vowed to provide for you before the wedding - try to remind him of this promise.

· So, if the husband does not give money and conversations with him did not lead to success, try to give him a complete list, which includes everything that needs to be paid in the near future along with receipts, as well as a list of necessary purchases. If he resists, say that you ran out of money, and your salary was delayed. Perhaps this method will have to be used not once or even twice, but until he himself gets tired of doing such a mess. It's so convenient when all the household chores fall on the wife - isn't it easier to give her the money?

· Alas, there is no absolutely universal way if your husband does not give you money for your husband to start giving you all his salary - after all, men are all different, and each one needs an individual approach. It all depends on many factors - on upbringing, on the prevailing character and much more. And if one can simply threaten with divorce, then the other does not lend itself to blackmail so easily.

· And finally, think - why do you need a husband who does not give you money for your joint expenses? Perhaps it will be easier to change your husband and no longer bother yourself with this problem?

How to ask your husband for money

Your husband is probably giving you money, but you need to ask him for some additional amount. In this case, you can advise the following.

Tip 1: Think in advance how much money you need. There is no need to calculate in front of your husband how much it costs, or maybe not so much. You must be absolutely ready! Give exact amounts and exact quantities of your purchases. Make a list. A man will clearly understand you much better;

Tip 2: Wait until your husband is in a good mood. Maybe it will be tonight when his favorite team wins. Maybe in the morning after a good cup of coffee. You will have to determine this;

Tip 3: Don't ask for too much, even if the man usually gives you money. It is better to limit yourself in expenses than to see the husband's indignation and reproaches. He earns this for the family, not for your whims. At this moment, be restrained and look at the things happening with understanding;

Tip 4: When you have money, spread it out so that you can return a part to your husband and have enough for your expenses. Perhaps it doesn't matter to him that you are repaying the debt. But inside he will feel respect for you. This means that you appreciate his work and cannot leave him without remuneration for this work;

Tip 5: If your husband starts scolding you for spending money, be careful, watch your words. If you say something wrong, then go and beg "alms" from others. And not many people want to take out "dirty linen and huts". Moreover, this can develop into a large amount of gossip.

How to ask your husband for money:

Start by saying that you miscalculated your expenses for this month. Speak so that your husband understands that you want him. It doesn't take a lot of words. This is an introduction, and men do not like to listen to "water" for a long time;

Show him a pre-prepared list of your needs with their exact (but rounded) amounts. Most men have a mathematical mindset, they quickly figure out what and how. Especially if the husband is not giving you money for the first time;

Tell us how you need this money now. That you don't just waste them, that you use them wisely. Your husband will appreciate your words;

When you convince your husband to give you money, do not forget to thank him and, preferably, hide, for a while, out of sight. In order to avoid unnecessary questions that can drive you into a dead end.

You just got married, but your husband does not give money for family and personal expenses? This is possible, as is the case when questions about the distribution of money in the family arise only after many years of marriage.

The family budget is an art in which different distribution of money is possible. Many women want to feel financially comfortable and disagree with being unable to manage their money.

Why doesn't the spouse give money to his wife and how to deal with it? You will learn this and much more from our article.

Why doesn't the husband give money?

Before moving on to solving a problem, you need to understand its cause. There are many explanations why the husband behaves this way and does not allocate money to his wife. Some of them can be corrected quite easily - some men simply do not understand that a woman needs money for both personal and domestic needs. In this case, a conversation and illustrative examples are enough.

As for the rest of the reasons, the problem here goes much deeper. The husband does not give money to his wife for the following reasons:

He is used to doing everything only for himself and does not think that his wife also needs something. Periodic reproaches usually improve the situation only temporarily, but when it comes to distributing wages, he again does not remember the needs of his wife.

Saving is good, but only in moderation. When a man tries to save money in everything, it reaches the point of absurdity! “Why do you need new tights if the old ones can be sewn up?”, “Maybe we won't eat meat?”, “You can buy used clothes and equipment, why overpay for a new one?”

The thought of sharing money with someone irritates him, even if that someone is his beloved wife. It is most difficult to eradicate such qualities in a person, since they are formed over the years and can be caused by external factors, or education, and not just thoughts in his head.

Correction and manipulation

He likes to reproach his wife for asking him for money and from time to time he gives it to her. Such a relationship cannot be called healthy, since it is wrong to enjoy the fact that you put your soul mate in an uncomfortable position. The husband reproaches with money also in the case when there are problems in the relationship that are not related to this.

Childhood trauma and poverty

Perhaps your husband had a bad example of financial relationships in front of his eyes. For example, his parents did not earn enough money, and the funds that did exist were spent on unnecessary and useless purchases. Such a trace is deposited in the mind for a long time - in many cases for life. It seems to him that only he knows how to properly manage money.

Should a man give money to his wife?

If the husband does not give money to his wife, maybe this is normal, and there is nothing bad about it? Even with the time of the primitive system, a man was considered a breadwinner and from century to century this tradition was only consolidated. The man earns money for the needs of his family, and the woman is engaged in the household and children. Of course, today this trend is not everywhere, since many women work and contribute to the family budget, but if you ask the question “My husband does not give money: what to do?”, Then this is not about your family.

When a man marries his beloved woman, they are bound not only by a stamp in the passport, but by something more. The husband takes his beloved from his father's house, where they took care of her, including financially. Now this responsibility is transferred to him, and in return he receives the comfort of his home and children, who become the continuation of his family. It is not at all necessary to have children right away, but this option is also possible.

A man should give money to his wife so that she can spend it on both household and personal needs. Also, he can keep part of the earnings for himself and not tell his wife about the stash - such actions can be understood, but he is obliged to give money for what is needed and even more.

If the husband does not give money - what to do and how to be?

You already know that a husband should give money to his wife and you have familiarized yourself with the main reasons why he does not, but how to deal with this problem? It all depends solely on the situation, but general recommendations will definitely help you cope with the current financial misunderstanding.

If the husband does not give money on maternity leave or for the child

The decree is a special time that lasts 3 years and during this time a woman needs special financial support from her husband. Since after a child turns 1.5 years old, aid from the state is only a couple of hundred rubles, is this money?

When deciding to have a child, a man should be aware of the costs that will follow. They can be divided into global ones before the baby is born (stroller, crib, changing table, clothes), and those that will be permanent. At a young age, these are diapers, baby food, medicines, clothes (children grow very quickly). After a few years, the child will need to be taken to the kindergarten, then to school, and then also to learn at the university. Depending on at what stage you have disagreements with your husband, you can use the following tips:

Explain to him the need for planned expenses and their importance for the child.
Roughly describe how much it costs, since men often do not represent the cost of a stroller or school uniform.
Start reproaching him with the fact that because of his greed / stinginess, his own child suffers. The method is tough, but if a man is interested in family relationships, then it will work.

If he does not give money for the farm

Does your house have an old renovation, and the plumbing constantly breaks down? In this case, one cannot do without expenses for the household, but what if the husband does not give money for this and in every possible way closes this topic?

Explain to him that spending regularly on the household avoids global spending later on. When the walls begin to crumble, and the pipes are completely clogged, then your home will become unusable, so it is better to prevent such problems than to solve them from scratch later.

Offer to reduce household expenses by having him do the housework himself. In the process, he will understand the cost of consumables, and may even decide to pay the master when he realizes how complicated everything is.

It is not only about renovations, but also about constant household expenses.

If the husband does not give money for personal needs and clothes

A man should understand that a woman constantly needs to spend money on herself. Otherwise, from a beautiful girl, she will turn into a tired lady, dressed in old clothes, without makeup, manicure and hair. Do you need it? Definitely not, so such problems need to be dealt with drastically. If he does not want to give money for this and does not understand the conversations and requests, then it makes sense to think about parting.

If he does not give money for groceries

If it comes down to the unwillingness to give money for the elementary, then the problem is very serious. Doesn't provide funds for groceries? Don't cook for him! Let him try to make something edible himself from what is at home. An adequate man on the same evening will give you money and ask you to cook something tasty, and if not, then it will be extremely difficult to solve the problem.

Is it worth getting a divorce if the husband reproaches and does not give money to his wife?

The family is a unit of society in which the halves should be with each other in sorrow and in joy. At the same time, marriage should bring mainly positive emotions. A marriage is built on respect, in addition, spouses should be able to compromise, and not stand up to the last.

When everyday quarrels turn into such serious problems, then you need to try to solve them, but if several attempts do not give the desired effect, then you should get a divorce. If the husband does not give money to his wife, then it means that he does not treat her as well as he should.

A relationship in which one of the halves constantly feels hurt and morally humiliated is worth ending. Divorce is not a sentence; it is the only solution to serious problems.

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When the husband does not give money, you can try to solve the problem, and depending on whether there will be a result or not, you need to decide what to do next. Divorce is an extreme method, but if your husband does not give money for basic necessities and does not want to improve, then your leaving will be the right and rational decision. And in no case should you be afraid of public opinion or be left alone!

Why does the husband not give money to his wife and what to do about it?

What if your husband won't give you money? Sometimes women are faced with such a question, whose husbands are stingy to allocate an extra penny for a gift or for things that the family needs. There is a type of men who make good money, but are prone to excessive savings. This behavior often offends their other halves. Any purchase or another waste of money is faced with a violent protest from his side. What to do if the husband does not give money, you need to figure it out in more detail.

Economy or greed?

Many men simply do not understand the line between economy and banal greed. He can constantly look for excuses and reasons why he does not spend money on flowers and gifts. But in fact, at the moment he thinks only of himself. There are many reasons for this behavior.

Perhaps in childhood he had a hard time, he was malnourished. Now he has grown up and earns good money. But on a subconscious level, he still had a fear of poverty. Therefore, I am used to saving every penny.

It is important to let him know that this is not an economy. That a woman is pleased with the attention, including if she has to spend money on flowers and movies. It is possible that he simply does not understand this. Or I’m not yet ready to bring you so close to my life.

Why are there no gifts from him?

If a husband gives little money, but at the same time can earn it, this does not always lie in his childhood. Sometimes it's just stinginess - a pathological character trait. And, alas, it is almost impossible to get rid of it. This man believes that one blouse every five years is enough. And the flowers will wither very quickly, and you can watch movies online at home.

Some men simply cannot force themselves to buy a gift just like that. And the reason for this may not only be greed. This can sometimes be a form of defense.

For example, once he was confronted with the fact that he was forced to buy something, money was lured away by force. Maybe he had a wife or a girl who constantly sawed, forced to spend, reproached for lack of money.

After a negative past experience, he now has a definite opinion about useless spending (they say, why is it spent if they are always not enough anyway). In this case, you can help him, break his stereotypes, show that you love him even without money.

What to do to make him give flowers?

It is necessary to formulate a peculiar attitude from him - he gave flowers - you have a good mood all day, you are affectionate. Let him understand that by buying a bouquet, he will not only achieve your location, but also give a wonderful mood for the whole day.

So you will show him that it is pleasant to give gifts or pleasant trifles, that a kind of payment will follow for this. This is especially true if a man thinks something like this: "I will not give, they will not appreciate it anyway." So, your task is to evaluate, prove the opposite. And the effect will not be long in coming.

He may also be simply afraid that he will spoil you with his attention now. What if, someday, such a moment comes that he will not receive so well, and this inner fear of possible failure frightens him. Your task is to prove back.

Express delight, thank, praise with every purchase. Let him not think that you are used to attention, spoiled. Soon he himself will give the earned capital, entrusting you with spending. After all, he now knows that you will not waste money in vain, since you are so happy about little things.

Why doesn't he have enough money?

Often, a family can face the fact that the husband does not give money to his wife. There are specific reasons for this:

The husband does not work. He may stop working due to various circumstances. For example, he was laid off, quit his job, fell ill, or moved. In this case, your task is to do as much as possible so that he gets a job again. It is necessary to instill in him that all the difficulties are temporary, that he is a good specialist and will definitely find a job.
He can work, but not earn. The reasons for this phenomenon may be insufficient qualifications, lack of work experience, lack of motivation to move up the career ladder, frivolous attitude to work, banal irresponsible. In this case, you need to instill in him that the family needs to be provided, that he is the main earner. And only he can take care of the well-being of the family, give children and wife what they need. Don't forget about praise. This is the best way to motivate and stimulate change in life. Quarrels and reproaches will not lead to anything good.

And if he is pathologically greedy? The reason may be such a character trait, the presence of another woman, or gambling addiction. In this case, you should not try to fight greed on your own. If he earns well, he always has money, but at the same time he does not invest the earned in the family budget, perhaps the situation has reached a dead end, he himself does not know how to get out of it.

Or does not want to live with you anymore, but cannot decide on the last step. Straightforward conversation can help you figure out the true reasons for this behavior. It is unacceptable in a family to spend money only on their own pleasures, when a wife or children need basic things.

How to overcome greed?

According to many psychologists, a greedy or overly economical man can be seen even at the stage of acquaintance and the beginning of communication. And if he is in no hurry to give flowers, gifts, does not drive to a cafe or cinema, he is convinced that this is a waste. In further life together, he is sincerely surprised why no one previously demanded anything from him, but now there are resentments and reproaches. It is important, even at the stage of communication, to recognize such a negative character trait, to begin to fight with it or to retreat.

Indeed, in the future he will consider that he is not obliged not only to support his wife, but also joint children, and this is already a pathological situation. You may need to visit a therapist together to help him understand the importance of financial spending in the family. A sincere attitude, conversations sometimes help a woman to overcome such an attitude towards herself on her own.

All in your hands. But remember, you need patience and diligence. The process of dealing with greed is long and tedious. And it does not always end with a positive result.

Greedy husband. What if the husband does not give money?

It is not uncommon to hear from women that their husband is a terrible niggard. They are ashamed to tell them about it, because they are sure that this is a big problem in family relationships. A person who demands to be held accountable for every penny spent loses his temper if a woman has spent more than planned, does not cause the respect of others. In addition, he does not understand that this shortcoming of his humiliates and insults his wife. The woman is unable to correct the situation, she does not have the knowledge sufficient to make adjustments to the behavior of her husband. There may be several reasons for this, respectively, and there are also many options for influencing a man.

If the husband is greedy: reasons

There are several reasons why the husband became greedy:

The husband's parents are very greedy people who presented their lack to the child as a great dignity.

The logic is correct, but not correct.

The husband is saving up for a large purchase. If you know that your husband is saving up for a large acquisition, do not make scenes about the fact that he has cheated you in something. Perhaps, after that, he will give you more than you wanted to spend today.

Despot. A man who lacks self-confidence and self-sufficiency is trying to make you a "beggar" who humiliatingly begs for a pretty penny. It doesn't matter to him at all whether you buy milk for a child or yourself lipstick for this pretty penny. The main thing - he felt like a hero, they grovelled in front of him!

Control. You are marrying the man who promises to turn your life into a fairy tale. Only he does not specify that you will find yourself in a terrible tale. He allows you to graduate from college, then says that children should see their mother more often than teachers in kindergarten. You quit your job, take care of children in the firm confidence that your husband knows his responsibilities, and will provide you with everything you need. No matter how it is! He will work, but whether you will receive this money from him or not is a question! He will lead a lot of reasons not to give you money for a new blouse:

Why do you need it? You don't go anywhere anyway;

Who are you dressing up for if I love you anyway? So, while I'm at work, your lover comes to you?

Tell me what you need, I'll go and buy it myself.

You can continue indefinitely! By the way, it is impossible to fix this type of men!

In other cases, there is an opportunity to persuade a person and prove to him that he is wrong.

So, what are the methods to influence the greedy husband? What to do if a person hides part of his salary or tries to avoid talking about money in the house altogether.

If you want your husband to stop nagging about where the money goes, keep a diary where each page is dedicated to what you bought that day. Also, collect receipts and pin them to the expense page.

After a while, you will have evidence that the money is not spent on your trinkets and shoes, but on the arrangement and maintenance of the family hearth.

You are the mistress of the house who knows how much money you need to spend on groceries per month, how much for utilities, and how much to set aside for unforeseen expenses. Agree on these amounts with your husband, and agree to put the rest in the piggy bank. You can contact the piggy bank only in case of emergency. Leave money for yourself and your husband for personal expenses. Let you put less in the piggy bank, but it will be an emergency supply.

This option is suitable for those families who do not yet have children. Does your husband not like that you are spending a lot? It is very easy to refute this statement. Notify the man that for the next month each of you lives on your own salary. No, you don't stop living together and loving each other. This is just an experiment! Most likely, your hero will give up in ten days.

You decided long ago that it was time to change the car for a new one. Take on the challenge of raising funds for this purchase. Show your husband that you care for your family's status in society, no less than he does. Set aside every penny you cut out for future purchases. Ultimately, having bought a new car, the husband will understand that you can be trusted with the family budget.

It is rarely possible to re-educate an adult. This is especially true of a man who, since childhood, has a stereotype in his head that all women are spenders. If you love this person, and do not want to part with him because of his lack, please be patient. Explain, talk, point out that he is not behaving correctly. Give examples from movies, books, and life stories. Just do not use relationships in the families of your friends and loved ones as an example. This will only make the man angry. After all, other families have their own problems.

What if the husband does not give money?

This problem is acute in recent times in many families. Not all women have the opportunity to go to work for different reasons. Some women are forced to stay at home, caring for the baby, others are in the last months of pregnancy.

But these women practically do not receive money from their husbands. And those women who work and invest their earned money in the family budget do not receive financial support for the house from their spouse.

If this happens, you need to talk seriously with your husband. He has to explain for whatever reason does not issue money... Many men are used to collecting money from their wife on the sly for large purchases and believe that a woman is able to squander all the money on completely useless things, therefore they are afraid to give money to their wife. But, in the process of saving, men, nevertheless, should not forget that there are such things as cooking, washing, separate products for the child. All these things also require significant funds, which, in principle, cannot be taken from a woman sitting at home. Yes, and a woman puts a lot of effort into washing and preparing delicious food for her husband, this also needs to be taken into account.

But a woman should not start such an important conversation with the words "Let's finally have a serious talk!" This will cause aggression in the husband or he will simply be afraid of the conversation and will try his best to avoid it. You can start a conversation about the family budget with the words: "You know, dear, I would like to discuss with you some questions concerning the economic side." You cannot speak in a raised voice, you will not achieve anything by this, but, after all, your main goal is to convince your spouse to give money for household expenses, and, possibly, for you too. First of all, you must carefully prepare for the conversation. Make a list of the expenses that come with shopping. For each product or thing, indicate the price you pay (maybe your husband is not yet aware that the food has doubled in price). Additionally, it is recommended to keep all receipts for food and household products. Let your spouse see where his money is going.

Naturally, you should not show other receipts, for example, for a recently purchased, gorgeous blouse. During the conversation, it will not be superfluous to find out what responsibilities in the house for the household part your husband will perform.

The best female conversation strategy is to ask for help and compromise. You should not go on the offensive, even if your spouse reacts rather harshly to all your comments. If your husband is totally against it, ask him to argue his point of view. Perhaps he has some questions or wishes for you. It is within your power to find out all this. Understanding, gentleness and a desire for compromise will help you resolve a disputable situation.

You probably made mistakes from the beginning when you tried to divide everything into "mine" and "yours." For example, a refrigerator most likely refers to the total cost, but your husband is unlikely to like it if you do not take out the food from him at least once a day and do not prepare food.

Usually two spouses invest in the family budget. If you are also contributing to the family basket, sit down with your husband and count him and your expenses on groceries, pocket, household expenses, as well as expenses on housing.

Ask your spouse to notify you about additional large spending.

You can create a family budget in different ways. You can, for example, put the same amount in the family basket. The money that you have left, you can spend as you want. At the same time, spouses do not have the right to control these expenses.

In the second case, all, without exception, money should go to the family basket, but if any pocket expenses or a large purchase are required, money can be taken from the family budget.?

The husband does not give money, how to fix it?

The husband does not give money. What to do: Tips and strategies.

According to the strong half, there are no greedy men, but there are mercantile ladies. But in fact, a family is also a joint household, therefore material concerns about the family should lie not only on women's shoulders. Agree, a rather cruel husband who loves to eat and forces his wife with a lower salary to get out with all her might. It's worth saying right away: a man, especially a greedy one, is incredibly difficult to re-educate. But you can try.

When the game isn't worth the candle

There may be many reasons why the husband does not give money, but we will not understand this. You should not continue a relationship with a man in several cases:

First, if the money goes to a mistress or another family;
There will be nothing good if the husband saves not only on you, but also on the children. Think for yourself: all your life you will have to carry not only a child, but also a husband. In this case, the man is not a support, but turns into another burden;
It is worth analyzing the love triangle "you-husband-money" from the moment you first started dating: did he give gifts, did he take you somewhere, did he spoil you. If not, then you are unlikely to fix it.

But such misers, in fact, are rare. More often than not, husbands simply do not understand that you need money for his own food and for his own comfort. Your task is to make it clear to him.

In addition, sometimes the wives themselves are to blame. During a period when a couple is in love and just dating, you may not even notice that a man is saving on a girl. But the foundations for running a joint household are laid even before the wedding. But even if you missed this moment, something can be corrected. Here are just a few strategies for dealing with miser.

Prove to your husband that you are not a spender

This can be effective if the husband's father saved on his mother, if the husband grew up in a poor family and therefore saves on everything, investing money not in the family, but in the business, or if he considers all women to be spenders.

First of all, don't throw a tantrum at the man. As an experiment, you can buy everything yourself within a month and keep all receipts, as well as keep accounting: what was bought for breakfast, lunch and dinner, how much money was given for housing and communal services and the Internet ... Summarize and show him all the shopping lists. Make sure you don't waste your money on nonsense. You can also make him responsible for all purchases of food and household chemicals, as well as for payment of utility bills. Let him buy everything on his own. At the end of the month, he will be convinced that your requests to allocate money for the household are fully justified. If even after such experiments, the husband remains a stingy knight, think about what keeps you next to him.

Do not try to be responsible for all family expenses yourself. Just be smart. When asking your loved one what he wants for dinner, order all the food you need for dinner, and at the same time what is missing in the fridge.

Second option. When preparing a meal, write out all the products that you used in this case in a notebook. Prices can also be entered there. When he once again declares that there is nothing to eat at home, just give him this document and give him the opportunity to study it. Based on the "document", you can also compile a list of products that he needs for a month. Let him go and buy himself. Better together.

It's important to know! To make your husband give money more willingly, name specific amounts and declare the most accurate number of purchases. So it will be easier for him to understand what they want from him.

Create comfort and safety

If your husband grew up in a poor family, then the habit of saving will remain with him for the rest of his life, as will the fear of poverty and uncertainty about the future. What should you do? Just create a favorable aura at home. First, explain adequately to your loved one why you need a new heavy-duty vacuum cleaner or food processor. Second, do your duties with pleasure. Let the house become a cozy nest, where it is cozy and warm.

Remember to delight and inspire your husband. Be sure to cheer him up and share with him the feminine energy. Communicate with him by giving your warmth and sharing a smile. But what really cannot be done is to take on all the material worries about the family and even about gifts to him. Be a woman.

If affection and tenderness are not entirely effective, you can take more drastic measures. For example, to cook dinner from what is. There is only barley at home - to cook barley porridge without anything. If there is nothing at home, we do not cook anything. Let him realize how important his money is in the family.

There is another option. If your husband resists, you can send him to go shopping or pay your water or internet bills. If he asks why not you, then say that you have delayed your salary, but there is no money.

It's important to know! When receiving a salary, be sure to give part of the money to your husband. So he will understand how grateful you are to him for the money that he gives you. In any case, it is important for a man to feel like a real breadwinner in the family, and not just a machine for issuing money. Always thank him sincerely and from the bottom of your heart. You can even in public.

How to ask for money for your own needs

It is more difficult than asking for money for a household, but it is also permissible and necessary. First of all, you need to understand that you are asking for money for the most expensive thing that he has, that is, for himself. This will give extra strength.

In order to ask for money for your own needs, please your husband. Give him a sumptuous dinner and the most beautiful date he has never seen even before his wedding. Have a luxurious dress and lace stockings on you, and his favorite dishes on the table. By the way, a date can take place not only at home, but also on its roof. However, here it does not matter what it will be. The main thing is that your man is happy and relaxed. It is at this moment that you can ask him about money for your cherished dream. If artistry and plasticity allows you, you can dance him a striptease or belly dance. The most important thing is to become his dream, the very woman he once married.

There is one more important point. Promise that you will show him that the money invested did not disappear without a trace. If it was cosmetics, then use it to turn yourself into a supermodel; if you asked for money for a dress, then be sure to show off in front of your husband. For men, the result is more important.

* If your husband unreasonably accuses of spending money or simply does not want to spend money on you, you can threaten that you will go “beg” your friends. This he definitely will not stand. As a last resort, you can ask your friends to buy you something that he does not want to buy you. And if this is done with a large company, he will definitely understand his mistakes.

* Be sure to tell your husband how much you need this money. When talking, use not feelings and emotions, but only logic.

* Having received the cherished funds, try to hide from his eyes. Let it cool down and rest from you.

Asking your husband for money is not at all a shame. It is important not to forget that you are a woman, not a terminator or a paper-making machine. In the end, it is you who create the microclimate in your family and this is only your task, therefore you have the right to material investments in it.

The husband does not give money - a question to the psychologist.

Hello, Elena. You write that since you are on maternity leave, you have started quarrels with your husband - as a rule, men have a hard time going through the time when the wife is on maternity leave, because they feel a lack of attention (it is all riveted to the child or children), affection, care to themselves, they feel “out of work”, abandoned, just a tool for supplying the family with money. Therefore, you need to correct this situation: so that he is imbued with your needs, include him in taking care of children more often, show each other signs of attention - those that were when there were only two of you. There is still such a moment - did your husband want a second child? If this was just your idea, then it is not surprising that now he considers it necessary to make decisions on his own, for example, to go to the sea - because you yourself once made the decision to have a second child. If this is not the case, and your husband also wanted a child, remind him of this now. What options do you have in your situation - either tolerate everything as it is; or be imbued with his position and be sure thank, be grateful for the money that he gives you - so that he gets his share of the pleasure of providing his family with money, and does not feel like just a cog, and as if it should be so. This will motivate him to give you more money and feel his worth, value, in a word, a balm for his soul. Or a radical way of behavior (but first think carefully whether you are ready for it, because once you said this, but did not, you thereby make it clear that your words are worthless) is a divorce and alimony on his part for two children. How to behave better, of course, you know better, and I suppose first you need to try it in an amicable way - remember why you once fell in love with him, start expressing your love, giving your attention and being grateful. In order for him to enter your position, first try to understand him: just imagine that you get purely feminine satisfaction in dealing with children, he is a man and it may be of little interest to him, he is interested in new sensations, meeting friends, a trip to the sea (by the way, in your company) - in order to also feel satisfaction from life. And read the article Methods of influence in communication, if you can - get out and read the book “How to change your man. A Guide for Women "Michelle Weiner-Davies. Good luck and understanding!

Sometimes life together brings the most unexpected surprises. More recently, your boyfriend spoiled you with gifts and spared no expense on you. But once you moved into shared housing, everything changed. The husband does not give money for clothes, food, or bills.

What is the reason for his greed? And how to overcome it?

The husband thinks you are not frugal. He believes that as soon as money falls into your hands, you immediately rush to spend it on your trinkets, which will turn into unnecessary trash. He thinks that you are too easy about the money earned by sweat and blood. Now we are not talking about shopaholics, we are talking about a normal woman who sometimes needs clothes and shoes. Men think differently from women, they are convinced that buying three shirts a year is absolutely normal. They do not understand why a woman needs several pairs of shoes and why it is impossible to appear in the office in the same outfit for several days in a row.
Situations are different, but in no case should you give up. Men are quite adequate creatures, so they can understand you and accept the conditions set. It's always easier to compromise.

As far as I have studied this issue of the greed of husbands, it is nothing more than domestic violence. From the video, the psychologist essentially intercedes for the husbands of tyrants, and considers women to be inadequate persons! I am shocked in general.

I have been on maternity leave for 3 years. I’m going to go to work, but not everyone wants to take on work with problems with small children. At first, the husband was very good and helped with the child and fur coats, he gave diamonds and gave his salary. Until one day the mother-in-law intervened. 4 years have passed since then. I gave birth to my second child in the hope that he will change .. only now he is getting worse and worse every day. He buys groceries at home and pays bills. But he doesn't give me money for personal expenses or to buy fruit or clothes for children, he thinks it's a waste of money. It is referred to that all the money goes to an apartment in shared construction, he allegedly saves there, and how much he put off and does he put it off for me in general. does not consider it necessary. I stopped buying clothes altogether, so I’m looking for a job, but I don’t have anything to go to an interview. He gives the unfortunate 100-200 rubles and then asks for a report on where I am, although with the same money I can buy home cucumbers, tomatoes and also make a salad for him. He will eat this salad and says he shouldn't have taken it. He even wants to buy pads for me himself so that I don’t spend anything extra. And with all this, he ceased to reckon with me at all, does not respect me, as I begin to ask him for money for little things. A quarrel begins where he swears at me and humiliates me. Not a single affectionate word, If I am sick, it does not bother him at all, he does not even ask how his health is, he gives money for medicines grudgingly and grumbles. Intimacy has not been more than a month, not even trying. And the fact that he has someone, he is always at home in the evenings. I am so tired of him, there is nowhere to go, there is no work, the children are small. But I already hate him. I don’t know how to be ... (

Hold on. I have the same situation. I have been married for 12 years and have three small children. Bastardism and indifference have grown to such levels that we are on the verge of divorce on my initiative. So…. Listen to your heart.

It's easy to argue, go make money yourself, if the children are in your arms. Alas, I was also unlucky, and at an extreme stage: my husband earns good money, but ask for everything ... eh. I don’t know where it goes, debts are constant.

The most interesting thing is that once I helped him, I gave him a lot of money to pay off debts and buy a car. While she was working fine, but as in the decree she ended up: "all of it" at once, but I can fall into the fog, he will burn everything, but he won't give me a penny, he took care of everything for himself, even what I bought for mine.

It is not possible to live with a miser. Forgive me, I want to puke when you read, for example, articles about infidelity or greed, and how the authors deftly twist everything and blame the wives for everything. After such articles, the already lost self-esteem falls even more. My personal experience has shown that a cheater will always cheat, and a greedy person will never give you anything. And there is no need to rush around with this "freak", save the family, try to change relationships in the family or change itself, you must immediately leave such a "treasure", and not waste your precious health, youth and life.

Personally, I lost 8 years. My husband is a mixture of a greedy cheater. He does not spare money for himself, for his mistresses, for gifts for his mistresses, for going to restaurants with his mistresses ... but here for me

He works a lot, on weekends he can work too. Earns decent money. At the same time he rents his apartment, he has all the money. He practically does not buy food. he eats somewhere in cafes, does not pay for my apartment where we live together, he says that this is not his apartment, I'm not talking about just giving me money for cosmetics, clothes, etc., he doesn't give me gifts.

We are officially married. I tried ALL the ways to change the situation, both "carrot" and "stick", and the help of a psychologist, and self-improvement, but it's just useless. I will not describe in detail our deceitful life, I myself am disgusted to remember it.

It ended with his betrayal and greed killing the love in me. He became really disgusting to me. And I told him directly that I could not lie anymore, humiliate myself, endure what cannot be tolerated, and most importantly, I said that I didn’t love him anymore. In response to this, he called me, said: "Are you a queen, give you money?" and took out all the equipment from the apartment, including the child's laptop))))

Natalia Kaptsova - integral neuroprogramming practitioner, expert psychologist

Reading time: 6 minutes

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The husband receives little and does not strive to change something in this, while the wife counts every coin, saves even on the most necessary. In this case, the position of the family is critical. The woman is not happy with this state of affairs, and the husband is happy with everything.

Why did it happen, and has it always been so? Why does the husband earn little, and how to make him earn more? Here's what to think about in this situation.

The reasons why the husband does not receive a lot of money - why does the husband earn little?

Laziness is not a reason, because a person is lazy by nature, this is an ordinary feeling of conserving energy. Everyone tries to do less than they can.

He has such a character. The husband does not need anything, he is ready to sit in front of the TV forever, he is not afraid of the mess in the house, he is not embarrassed by dirty socks in the corners. And he himself is not pretentious about things. A new phone is not needed, clothes - and old ones are not bad yet, repair - why, when the wallpaper has not yet fallen. An infantile person, it would seem, is not interested in anything. But something should be captivating him. You need to catch on to this.
Not ready for a leading role. In the parental family, he was always a small child, who was supported by his mother. And the wife, by the way, was caught strong and domineering. Therefore, he does everything with half his strength.
Features of work. Perhaps such an activity requires a long start, but then this delay will pay off with interest and give the coveted large salary. For example, to achieve a promotion, you need to have 3-5 years of experience. Or you need to achieve some specific merit, develop a dozen projects.
Or maybe the husband earns normally. It's just that the wife spends a lot. It is worth soberly assessing your costs. Perhaps too much money is spent on cosmetics and clothing. Or maybe for food. Is your family used to eating gourmet food, going to restaurants? Then the reason is clear.

The main thing in this problem is the roles of women and men in the family ... Since ancient times, the wife is the keeper of the hearth, mother, tenderness and love. The husband is strength, power, prosperity, protection, support and a stone wall.

The woman's business is to improve the way of life, the man's business is to raise funds for living. As soon as money appears in the house, the wife instinctively begins to build a nest, as soon as a woman ceases to maintain comfort in the house, the man ceases to provide this house ... Vicious circle.

Conceived, women in such situations have the idea that it would be economically easier to live without a husband. It costs more than income. Somewhere you will have to deny yourself cosmetics, new clothes ... But you shouldn't do that. It - the path that will lead to a deep hole, from which it will no longer be possible to get out. The faithful will cease to see a woman in his spouse, will cease to respect her. Sits on the neck, dangles her legs, and will not take into account her needs.

What should be done to make the husband earn good money, how to make the husband earn money?

Don't get divorced. For a husband to make good money, he needs to be sufficiently motivated for this.
Stop working hard yourself. Let him have to live from hand to mouth, but this is the most effective way to reach out to him, to explain that he is a breadwinner. In addition, if a woman acts as a breadwinner, then she will not be able to devote much time to children, which she will later regret bitterly about.
Dream, make plans for the future together. Know what is worth working harder for. If it doesn't work out, then you can create wishlists and write whatever you want there without filtering out anything. Draw a wish card. Glue clippings from magazines, newspapers to a sheet of paper. Like a new TV, a sandy beach with palm trees, a new car.
Saving correctly. As mentioned earlier, do not limit yourself and loved ones in everything. Austerity won't get you anywhere. You just need to eliminate impulsive purchases, plan your expenses and keep them under control.
Let the husband feel a lack of funds for himself. Looks like old clothes, won't see sausages in the fridge. This will work better than a hundredth reminder to buy your child sneakers. And even if he goes to the parents' meeting himself, they also demand money.
Give the reins of financial management to my husband. Let him plan expenses, know what and how much a family needs per month, what prices are in stores. And what the family can really afford for his salary.
Appreciate your husband, recognize his authority. Leadership is in the blood in men. If you let go of control over the affairs of the family, then after a while the husband will take responsibility. The main thing is to wait. Any man seeks admiration for himself, wants to know that he is the best. Read also:
And, of course, praise. For starters, let it be a simple thanks for the delicious tea. Not comparing and not nagging your husband - this undermines his authority.
Talk. If the relationship with your husband is trusting, then a simple conversation with the designation of a plan for the future is enough. For example, if a family wants to relax in an exotic country in the summer, then a certain amount of money is needed for this. It can be saved by saving several thousand every month. And what needs to be done to get them from the family budget: start saving or find a part-time job.
Give birth to children. This is one of the strongest incentives for a husband to start bringing money into the house. And the more the better. The primitive instinct of the breadwinner and the hunter works in modern civilized men as well.

Taking on the role of a breadwinner is the wrong way out of the situation. You need to make your man a successful, self-sufficient person , a leader and, of course, the head of the family.

If you liked our article and you have any thoughts about this, please share with us. Your opinion is very important for us!

“The husband stopped going to work,” the sad woman utters this phrase doomedly. And we are not talking about a person who has lost his job as a result of the financial crisis or failing health. How to help a man get out of this state and is it possible to see in advance in the chosen one a tendency to parasitism?

Is it being treated?

In one family, a young pianist husband worked part-time in a restaurant in the evenings, but he got tired of this occupation, and he announced to his wife that he didn’t want to play any more for “chewing moneybags”, and he wouldn’t trade for another job either, because he was going to prepare for the competition. named after P.I. Tchaikovsky; the competition will be in 4 years. As a result, the wife became the breadwinner, and the husband calmly takes the child out of the kindergarten, spends the evenings with him, does nothing that he considers beneath his dignity, does not earn money, but does not suffer from their absence either. In another situation, the man admits that he is “tired” of work; he also sits at home and gladly helps the nanny with the children, prepares dinner for his wife, cleans the apartment. Despite the fact that he used to enthusiastically surrender to work, now he is very pleased with the state of affairs. He believes he is doing "real business and living a real life." True, for some reason he began to actively notice his wife's shortcomings - sometimes he reproaches her for being a bad mother and spends not enough time with the children, then she does not do the house the way he wanted - she doesn't cook food, doesn't wash the floors.

Can a “normal” man not want to work? Is the deliberate withdrawal to family life and households a sign of some hidden problems?

Alexander KOLMANOVSKY, psychologist, Head of the Center for Social and Psychological Rehabilitation "Our Life":

A man's craving for sitting at home appears when the possibility of self-realization is disturbed. For example, when a person's claim is more than a reason for it, as is the case with a pianist who has very big claims for success, and he has to start with a restaurant pianist. Or when a person does not his own business and does not understand this, when he is not pulling his own strap - he is working as a manager, but it would be necessary to be a teacher, etc. I would not say that non-working men are a trend, but the changed time itself contributes to this, because the woman has become freer, more protected, and the family is not so dependent on one man as it was before.

What to do with it, how to live with it? We asked Archpriest Maximus PERVOZVANSKY, cleric of the Forty Martyrs Church in Spasskaya Sloboda, editor-in-chief of the Hereditary magazine, to comment on the situation with husbands who do not want to work and to give advice to their wives:

- The reasons for male "non-work" are different; and in one situation it is justified, and in another it is not "cured" at all. For example, a wife has the opportunity to get a good job, earn more than her husband, and the spouses, by mutual agreement, decide that it is more convenient for the husband to stay at home with the child, and for the wife to go to work. And there is nothing wrong with that, especially if the personal qualities are such that the wife does not become the administrator of the family, the commander who gives orders: "You are sitting at home, do this and that!" But if the husband is, in principle, “too lazy to work,” the situation requires professional intervention. True, one cannot help a person by force, just as an alcoholic cannot be cured if he himself does not want to stop drinking.

In any case, if the “non-work” is prolonged, only a specialist can figure out whether this is a temporary situation associated with depression or a midlife crisis, or a “normal” and comfortable state for a man. But we will not talk about such extreme situations when professional help is needed. Let us heed the advice that our experts give if the unwillingness to work is "treated at home."

Brainstorming: how to get Emelya off the stove?

A husband and wife lived for themselves, she constantly scolded him, at least for his eyes - and his work, they say, was stupid, and did not earn money at all, and did nothing around the house - she could not normally drive a nail into the wall, she has to do everything. "Why such a man is needed!" - each time the wife finished her monologue. She endured, endured, and divorced him. And he was not left alone, as his ex-wife later said: “a certain young lady picked him up,” he got a job, began to earn money and to deal with the household. This situation is quite common.

The first wife suppressed any initiative of her husband, and the second, on the contrary, made it feel that he is the head of the family, bears responsibility, they pin their hopes on him, he is the support. With his first wife, the man constantly felt a sense of guilt, they demanded something from him all the time, scolded him for doing everything wrong.

Father Maxim Pervozvansky:

- In a situation of continuous reproach, the man squeezes, and, unable to bear it, leaves. Everything strongly depends on the type of psyche - there are people who are led, it is convenient for them when they decide for them what to do and how, and there are those who strive for something, but the wife “does not give”, and they become lack of initiative. But women often behave this way simply because they do not know how to do it differently. In a situation with an inactive husband, a woman is often not happy with the current situation - she asked, the husband did not comply, she demanded, the husband refused in principle. After all, we are all principled to the point of disgrace, we do not know how to give in. But it was necessary not to demand from her husband, but to try, on the contrary, to ask his opinion: "What do you think, dear, let's think together, dear ..."

Even more specific advice is given by Alexander Kolmanovsky:

- Quite often the refusal of a man from work is caused by a crisis, loss, and the man himself may not be aware of this. It seems to him that he is simply tired or that no one understands or appreciates him. Do not pay attention to his explanations, in this state he says not what he really thinks about life and about work; he just says something to fight off reproaches. Such emptiness of a man is most often accompanied by an unaccountable feeling that he is bad, wrong, hopeless. Therefore, for his "rehabilitation" it is necessary to place him in an atmosphere of unconditional acceptance. He must be accustomed to the fact that any of his manifestations, actions, even negative ones, cause sympathy in his wife, and not condemnation. Let's say my husband spent the whole night on the Internet. The next morning, a sympathetic wife will say: “Poor, how could you not get enough sleep?” And the condemning one ... well, there is a lot of room for creativity.

As for his husband's work, here you need to understand the difference between self-affirmation, on the one hand, and self-realization, on the other. If a wife calls on her husband to “finally become a man, a breadwinner,” this makes him feel in constant neurosis. But if she helps him to truly find himself, even to the temporary detriment of his earnings, he will feel better and trust her.

You can brainstorm with your husband. "Tell me, if there was a magic wand, what would you like to do?" - "Oh, nothing, I would lie on the stove." They retreated, and two weeks later again: “Well, I’ve sat on the stove, you’ll get bored; what would you like to do? " The purpose of this approach is not to force a man to finally decide, but only to shake his inner search.

Without shutting off oxygen

Both the priest and the psychologist advise: keep an eye on your chosen ones even before the registry office. It is necessary to pay attention to how a man behaves with his parents, how he behaves in a quarrel, in a conflict, what conclusions he draws from this experience. Alexander Kolmanovsky proposes to evaluate the future spouse as follows: "The correct chosen one is not the one whose merits have delighted you, but the one whose shortcomings have touched you."

Oddly enough, but from the advice of male experts follows the conclusion: the main responsibility for establishing a peaceful and mutually respectful existence in the family falls on fragile female shoulders. Again and again we need to learn to restrain ourselves, endure and negotiate, not make claims and support our husbands in every possible way, in no case, without cutting off their oxygen.

Men who find themselves out of work can be helped by the words of a person who has experienced such an experience. Arseniy, 40 years old, was unemployed for about a year: “All my life, since I was 18, I have been working. I simply could not imagine my life without work. But in 2008, during the crisis, he found himself sitting at home. The first time there was a shock, but then gradually I began, in a good way, to get a taste. He began to do what he had never done before. My wife went to work, and I cooked breakfast for myself and my son, who was a year and a half at that moment, went for a walk with him. We made snowmen, sledged downhill. Then we had dinner together, I learned how to cook soup, read books. All this time I was looking for a job, sometimes I even went to interviews, but I really liked “staying at home”. I think that if at some point he had not made an effort on himself and agreed to go to a job that was not a “lifelong dream” - not in my specialty, with a small salary, much less prestigious than the one I worked for before that, the house could have tightened me. Over time, I again found what I was interested in, so staying at home without getting a job, because it is below your self-image, I consider it wrong. On the other hand, remembering that period, I understand that the Lord sent me an excellent vacation, this, perhaps, was the happiest time of my life. "

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