Why does the child not want to learn to talk. The child does not want to study: what to do? What to do if the child does not want to study, having a choleric or melancholic temperament

20.09.2019

Question: The child does not want to study, is afraid and does not want to go to school. What should parents do?

Let's try together with you to find answers to these questions.

From the first days, the school poses a number of tasks for the child, requiring the mobilization of his intellectual and physical strength. This state can be called a state of internal tension, doubt, self-doubt.

Such psychological stress, being long enough, can lead to disappointing results: the child becomes inattentive, undisciplined, distracted, indifferent to the performance of educational tasks, quickly gets tired, lags behind in studies, and simply does not want to go to school. Can parents somehow help him avoid this, overcome the difficult path "preschooler - schoolboy" without any special upheavals and unnecessary psychological trauma?

Today it is widely believed that the problem of modern children is the lack of a fundamental vector, a goal in life, the desire to get everything at once. But is it? Maybe it's not that they know little about what a "real person" should be, do not participate in public life, spend most of their free time at a computer or watching TV?

Over the past 20 years, our country has undergone such profound and serious changes that it could not but affect the school. More recently, reforms have come to the school. The family has become the main thing in the upbringing of children, the responsibility for the behavior and attitude of the child to the educational process has now completely fallen on the shoulders of the parents, and this is quite natural - the teacher's task is to provide the necessary amount of information, and our parental task is to help our children to perceive new knowledge. The school has ceased to be the main link in the process of raising a child, and this must be taken for granted. We were left alone with the problems of our children. So let's learn to understand them without relying on outside help. The upbringing of our children is our sole responsibility.

Why don't kids want to learn?

The first of September for a preschooler crossing the threshold of school is not only a new satchel, a large beautiful bouquet of flowers and new friends, it is also a rather serious test offered to him by life.

The physical and psychological burdens that fall on a first-grader are almost harder than those experienced by graduates of the eleventh grade. Often, even well-prepared children who attended kindergarten and already have basic communication skills have difficulties.

The first year of schooling is an extremely difficult, critical period in a child's life. His place in the system of social relations is changing, his whole way of life is changing, his psycho-emotional load is increasing. Mobile kindergarten games are being replaced by daily training sessions. And not very clear classes.

One first grader spoke proudly of how she goes to school to become a good student. She listens very carefully to the teacher, does not talk to her neighbor on the desk, learns letters, but only in kindergarten she liked it more, because it was more interesting there, and the teachers also loved her and allowed her to run.

It is very difficult for a first grader to understand why he came to school, he needs not only to rebuild from an obedient child into a good student, but also to realize that the main thing is not the ability to “not make noise”, “not to fight”, but to gain knowledge. There is a certain substitution of the concepts of “learning” and “behaving well”. At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this - the student listens carefully, does not get distracted in the lessons, respectively, and knowledge will come. But it's not. The child experiences emotional discomfort due to the uncertainty of ideas about the teacher's requirements, he does not understand the very task of learning. He reads, solves examples, writes neatly, not at all because it is necessary for his own development, he will simply be praised for it. And if he does not want to be praised, if he wants to play with his favorite doll or roll cars? Then the protest begins. Usually it is expressed in unwillingness to go to school, in nitpicking about clothes, tears for no reason. Children cannot always explain their feelings, and therefore they throw senseless tantrums about the dress in which they will not go to school, the fact that they were woken up early, and the porridge for breakfast is tasteless.

One of the students asked the teacher: “Natasha, why are you so sad today? Did someone offend you? ”, Invariably answered:“ My mother forbids me to go to school in sneakers. One day, the teacher, having met with her mother, made a joint decision to let the girl come to class in sneakers (although, of course, a beautiful dark blue dress looks better with shoes). But, having received permission to wear sneakers, Natasha declared the next day that she always wanted to go to school only in boots.

And it's not whims at all. This is a protest expressed in a way accessible to the child. In such a situation, before forbidding a child to wear sneakers, I would advise parents to carefully ask him about what he does at school and how his classmates treat him. It is most convenient to do this in an allegedly random conversation, and in no case should you ask “head on”: “What did you do at school? Don't the guys hate you?"

Even if they offend, few people admit it - this is not a kindergarten, "schoolchildren do not slander their parents." It is easier for your child to remain silent than to expose himself as a sneak or a loser. Therefore, it is best to start such conversations from afar, accidentally remembering one of your classmates or an event in which the class took part. Never rush, be patient and you may find out more than you intended. Hurry up - the child will close and the next time he will be more careful to enter into a dialogue.

So, we found out that from the first days the school poses a number of tasks for the child, requiring the mobilization of his intellectual and physical forces. How can we help him to realize the need for "work for its own sake"? Of course, you can talk to him about the future, talk about those who studied poorly and did not go to college. This is very useful information, especially for a first-grader, for whom "institute" and "space" are equally far away, and maybe space will even be closer. Any talk about a happy future at this age is meaningless! Children live in the present. Naturally, they dream, but I assure you, it is not at all about how they will become doctors or famous mathematicians, for them the future career is a means of acquiring a new toy or the opportunity to go to an amusement park. And how then to explain to a small person the importance of attending school, to convince him of the need for a complete and final parting with the "kindergarten" ideas about classes?

Please do not forget that, despite the new status, your child is still small, you should not tell him about the future admission to the institute or about how he will become a “janitor”. Try to get by with simple examples and motives: “It's so good to know a lot! How can we go on vacation to Egypt in the summer when you have not learned how to write the name of this country beautifully? etc. The new social situation of development demands from the child a special activity—learning.

When a child comes to school, there is still no educational activity as such, no one is involved in solving complex mathematical problems, the lessons are more introductory than scientific, many of them are built in the form of didactic games. Therefore, we can talk about learning activities as a way to form the ability and desire to learn. This is a special specific task of primary school age. Unfortunately, the child cannot realize this specificity, the activities offered to him at school in no way correspond to his personal desire, he needs specifics that he can evaluate himself and tell his parents about it. In kindergarten, he was explained quite clearly: if you behave well - well done, cleaned the bed after a daytime sleep - well done! I didn’t run away for a walk - very well done! There is no such thing at school, especially in the first grade, when they don’t give grades, and you endlessly write out some kind of sticks in a notebook, or draw Christmas trees in mathematics, or listen to a book that the teacher reads. How can he, the poor man, know whether he is good or not! And then he goes to the teacher. And everything would be fine if he studied alone in the class, otherwise, in addition to him, 29 more people are waiting for an assessment of their own work.

One second grader to the question: “How are you at school?” replied: "I don't know." And he did not deceive, he sincerely did not know how he was doing: it seems that he is not scolded, it seems that they are not praised, and if they are praised, then for an activity that is absolutely incomprehensible to him. And any incomprehensible activity leads to a “brain lull”.

A feature of schooling is the acquisition of scientific knowledge. Only in the school, where the main part of the activity is the acquisition of scientific knowledge, special conditions have been created for exclusively intellectual activity.

In the family, in the yard during a walk, in the game, a small person acquires worldly concepts, but within the walls of the school, his task is to assimilate the theoretical and practical first scientific knowledge and skills. Throughout all the years of schooling, the child is taught to learn, but in elementary school, when this type of learning activity is formed and formed, this task is leading.

But just how to explain to a child that “drawing carrots” is the way to future science? Many parents believe that there is no need to explain anything to children: “He should do his homework! He is obliged! ”, there is another wonderful argument:“ This is now your job, you must study! And if you get bad grades, I'll never buy you anything again." What if the child begins to study poorly, and not at all because he does not want, but cannot, is not able to perceive the material at a given pace, or has missed something somewhere, but cannot catch up on his own? This also happens often. It is very important not to miss the moment when the child ceases to understand the educational material, when the fulfillment of a task that is absolutely elementary, in your opinion, becomes a problem for him. It doesn't have to be in the first days of training or even in the first year, but one day you will encounter it one way or another. How to behave with a child in a similar situation?

The term "school" is not new; it has its roots in ancient thinkers. The first ancient Greek schools were conversations in nature between scientists and young people. Classes did not have a strict schedule, they were held in nature in the shade of trees, near temples. In such classes, the sages shared their discoveries and observations, young people asked questions that interested them. The symbiosis of wise scientists and young people was bearing fruit. After the meetings, scientists had new ideas for discoveries, and young people gained knowledge.

The reluctance to learn is due to many reasons.

The modern school has become a heavy burden for children. Overwhelming tasks, tight time frames, strictness and humility. Not all freedom-loving natures can survive this. Incapable children do not always want to learn. But for the parents of any child who does not have a craving for learning, for many years they turn into hard labor. With the question: “What if the child does not want to study?”, they turn to different specialists.

The main problems of school education

Lack of an individual approach to the student.
A huge amount of material, subjects, disciplines.
The development in the child of a sense of humility and resignation, the education of the inhabitants.
Acceptance of one “only correct” opinion, lack of time for reasoning and analysis.
The imposition of labels and stereotypes.
A single list of items and hours for them.
Teachers are the same people, if relations with them did not work out from the very beginning, then the child begins to hate the subject.

Refusal to learn may be accompanied by aggression

Each specific situation is individual, to consider the reasons, consultation with a specialist, a positive attitude of the child and parents are needed. Unfortunately, it is impossible to change the school system by one student, and getting a certificate is very desirable. Under the circumstances, you need to try to adapt to the school rules and change what you can.

In the course of a confidential conversation, try to find out what reasons repel your child from attending classes, whether there are any really negative aspects of attending.

A confidential conversation will help to identify the reasons

Among the most common reasons for not wanting to study:

Sound thoughts and positive experience of the closest environment tell us that education in a modern school is a feasible task. There are always means to solve specific problems. It is important not to lose trust and dialogue. The first steps should be aimed at solving specific problems, and then the positive motivation will enhance the effect.

How to help a child? confidential conversation

It is important to start a frank conversation with the child without resentment and accusations, during which it is necessary to find out the main reasons for dislike for school. It is important to ask the child why the desire to study disappeared or did not appear, what can be done to resolve the situation. You and the child should communicate on an equal footing, such dialogues will help you get to know the child better.

It is impossible to correct the situation by psychological pressure

It is necessary to explain that the current situation is solvable, and its solution will bring positive moments to all parties.

What actions should be taken to find out the reasons for non-attendance of classes:

Problems in communication with classmates. At school, the child not only learns, but also communicates and makes friends with classmates. If he is deprived of this positive side of being in a children's team, difficulties begin. If a child is offended, threatened, extorted money, then a comprehensive approach is needed with the participation of the school administration, teachers, parents of the instigators of bullying.
Conflicts with peers lead to reluctance to go to school
If everything is left to chance, the child may develop an idea of general injustice and a sense of impunity in relation to him. Remind yourself how difficult it is to focus on work when personal problems get in the way. You should not argue that this is a trifling reason for not attending school, by doing this you will push the child away, he will not tell you anything more. If the situation allows, try to give advice to the child on how to solve everything on their own. If successful, the child's self-esteem will increase many times over. You will look like a hero in the eyes of a child.
After the situation is resolved, the child will feel more secure and confident, now he knows that the family will definitely support him.
Problems in a particular teacher. If there are difficulties with a particular subject, it may be the teacher. Many children project the feelings that the teacher evokes onto a particular subject. In this case, the subconscious itself rejects the educational material. The child gets bad grades, and then completely avoids classes. Moreover, other subjects can be given to him well.
Rarely do students dislike subjects taught by friendly, positive teachers.
This problem is quite common. Teachers of the old school are very demanding and authoritarian, if the student is freedom-loving and openly expresses his feelings, then conflict cannot be avoided.
The child is tired due to stress
Many teachers have "favorite students", if the child is not among them, then hostility may arise. Remember and explain to your child that teachers are ordinary people with their own weaknesses. You should not support sharp criticism of the teacher and angry statements, by this you once again emphasize that it is fashionable to humiliate and insult people. The child must understand that he is above all this.
If the child complains about injustice, then try to help him with the subject. When the student's knowledge leaves no doubt about the bias of the teacher, it is worth talking with the class teacher. If the situation has not changed, then you will have to defend your point of view before the teacher.
The child does not like the working hours of the school and its remoteness. Most of the educational institutions work in the first shift, if a lot of time is superimposed on the road, then the child gets up early every day. Perhaps your child is an owl according to the biorhythm, his peak of activity falls in the evening, and in the morning it is difficult to get something intelligible from him.
Try to explain to the child that most of his life he will have to get up early, in the future he will enter a higher educational institution, he will work. It is not always possible to take into account the peculiarities of biorhythms, but if public wishes are not taken into account, this will negatively affect the whole life.
Try to optimize your child's schedule. Perhaps he does his homework for too long, spends a lot of time at the computer, is heavily loaded with circles and sections.
Falling in love in high school also distracts from studying
If there is a school nearby, then it is better to consider this option, perhaps it is not so prestigious, but your child will go there with pleasure, only because he will be able to sleep an extra hour.
Try to bring the child to a dialogue, invite the child to choose a way to solve the problem.
Poor health, health problems. Sometimes a child is unreasonably scolded for despondency, apathy, laziness. All these conditions can be caused by overwork and illness. A child can get tired not only physically, but emotionally, mentally. Everything is very individual, some children attend several circles and sections, and someone with grief in half studies only the school curriculum.
It is necessary to analyze the saturation of the child's day, check the state of health. A feature of the school are long blocks of study, which are interrupted by short vacations. Only a summer vacation is truly complete. If you see a breakdown by the end of the quarter, then you need to optimize the child's daily routine.
Not always mental fatigue is clearly noticeable, the child becomes absent-minded, inattentive, irritable. Assess your child daily. Increase your child's time in the fresh air, try to do homework, and devote the rest of the time to physical activity. It is necessary to sharply limit the stay for various gadgets, of course, it is impossible to completely exclude. The learning process requires interaction with technology. It is necessary to work very efficiently on a computer, it will be very useful for a student at the institute and at work.
The child finds learning boring and uninteresting.
Often children are not interested in learning
Laziness and boredom are a natural reaction of the body to monotonous and exhausting activities and homework. A hopeless situation that does not leave the child the right to choose depresses interest. Even a working person can change jobs, unlike a child who will have to fight the system for 10 years. A long training period and hopelessness do their job.
There is no positive motivation and expediency of training. Many modern first graders have no desire to learn from the first day. You can’t blame the child for this if he has been preparing for the first grade in the courses for a whole year, and is tired by the first of September. It is necessary even in preparation to comply with the measure.
Most parents, based on the experience of previous generations, argue for negative motivation. This does not affect modern children, they know that their parents will soon leave and the restriction in benefits can be experienced with toys and delicious sweets.
Punishment won't help.

Encourage any interest in subjects, praise for achievements. This is the most effective positive motivation. Praise will give strength to the child, increase self-esteem.

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Capable but lazy child

Imagine, at the age of three, he himself, learned all the letters by cubes. Knew all colors. Poems could read an hour in a row without stopping. All my friends were surprised. Once you read it to him, he will already remember half of it. And favorite books so "read". If I tried to cut somewhere, he immediately said: "No, not like that!" - and corrected as needed. I sometimes even wondered why he even needed me to read them if he knew everything by heart.

When we went to school to enter, everyone warned us: in order to enter this school, you need blat or money. And we just came for testing. I prepared him, of course, and he went to the school preparation group. But this, I'll tell you honestly, was a so-so group. Everything that happened there, he already knew. He was bored there in the classroom, and the teacher said: “Yes, Valera knows everything, but I can’t ask him alone all the time.” He went there only to play with the guys... So, we came for testing. He went through the written tour with a bang and there were the same difficult questions on the oral one, but the teacher who accepted only shook her head: "What a capable child! What a developed one!"

Have you come to me to find out how best to develop a gifted child? - I decided to intervene in the monologue, because the situation was not too clear for me. What to listen to? What to pay attention to? - But your strong school probably has a psychologist. He will be able to give you more qualified, pedagogically oriented advice. Or is there something else? Does Valera have health problems?

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! - Mom earnestly tapped her knuckles on the arm of the chair. - With our health
everything is fine.
"Then what brings you to me?"
He doesn't want to study! Can you imagine?! With his powers! The teacher said: "Either your Valera
takes over, or look for another school."
- But maybe you are exaggerating your son's abilities, and it is really difficult for him to study in this, most likely complicated and enhanced program. Preschool geeks don't always turn into
into good students...

No, doctor, you believe me! He was an excellent student in the first two classes. And it's not hard to learn! If he somehow worked, then this program would be for him - ugh! And he is like that in everything! Last year we went to a music school. They entered the competition, again without any cronyism. It seems like he wanted to. For the first three months, the teacher could not boast. And six months later, he quit. I won't go, that's all. You see, I have a feeling that he is not developing, but degrading. I used to read a lot, now I don't read much at all. All day long he can watch TV or play on the computer. But there were also karate, volleyball, even ballroom dancing ... He gave up everything.
- But why? How does Valera explain his refusal?
- Doesn't explain anything! Tired of everything! My father and I went to all sorts of explanations and teachings - nothing helps.
- Probably, I need to meet with Valera himself. What grade is he in now?
- Finishes sixth.

Valera turned out to be a pretty, sociable boy, with delicate features and graceful movements. He willingly talked about school and family, easily, almost imperceptibly making fun of himself and the people around him. About each he said something good, something funny and always mentioned some of the shortcomings. For example, about the class teacher, he said that she is an honored teacher, she teaches a very interesting elective for high school students, she can’t stand it at all when she is objected to, and in class she repeats all the time: “You need to think with your head,” as if people can think in some other way. any place.

When I asked Valera how he explains the situation that has developed in his school, the boy laughed coquettishly and said:
- That's the way I am. "Able, but lazy" - so our teacher says.
- What do you think about this?
- I don't know.
- But you will have to change schools, part with friends ...
- I don’t know, maybe it will manage somehow ... I’ll pull myself up ...

What about the circles you started and quit? What's this?
- Well, at first I was interested everywhere, and then at every lesson - the same thing, the same thing. Boring!
- What's interesting?
- Well, it's interesting to walk, - Valera brightens up. - Fighters on TV are interesting to watch. Play on the computer. It is also interesting to go somewhere, to travel. I love excursions. We often have them at school. Go to museums. Encyclopedias are very interesting. And much more!

It seems to be a paradoxical situation. The boy is clearly gifted by nature. Quite decent conditions in the family and learning conditions (this is confirmed by both my mother and Valera himself). He's interested in a lot of things. And his studies at school do not add up and stable cognitive interests are not formed. Why?

Why can children learn but don't want to?

Strange as it may sound for people over thirty, today's children often do not want to learn for a very simple reason: they do not know what it is for. There is a very good children's anecdote. A boy comes to his mother and says:

Mom, say "fun".
- Why is this? - Feeling some kind of catch, the mother asks suspiciously.
- Well, you just say: "fun".
- What does that even mean?
- Yes, you do not ask anything, you just say: "fun!"
- Yes, I will not say any nonsense!
- You will not? So don't make me learn English then!

Our children are not the same as we were. This is a banal truth, but in everyday life it is often forgotten. Our children
more different from us than we were from our parents. They live in another country, under a different social system. Arguments that somehow affected us often simply do not reach them. Fifteen-twenty years ago, the vague concept of some kind of "duty" (either to the country, or to future generations, or not at all to whom) was, nevertheless, a completely effective reality. The father said to his son:
- You think he doesn't want to study. Must and all! Here I am, you think I want to get up every day at half past five
and go to the factory? However, I am going. Because it should. And you have to study.

And behind this generally paradoxical statement for both the father and the son, there was some kind of reality. The son, observing the life of his father and the people around him, vaguely understood what was at stake and, at least, did not discard the father's explanation, as they say, "from the threshold."

For today's children, the announcement that they must learn is an empty phrase. Quite doubtful are the statements that, only by studying, you can get a good job in life. Our children are not stupid at all and every day they see people who, if they learned something well, obviously did not do it at school. Nevertheless, these people are perfectly (often much better than their pro-educational parents) "arranged" in life. In addition, children, especially those under the age of 14, are generally not very capable of predictive thinking. Thinking today about what will happen to them in five or six years, and even somehow subordinating today's actions to this is an overwhelming work for their minds.

So what to do? The only way out is to show children every day, at every opportunity, that knowledge and education make a person's life more interesting, more fulfilling, and expand the boundaries of the world accessible to him. Accessible not in terms of "take and eat", but in terms of "understand". And this understanding (and, ultimately, management) can bring no less, and often more satisfaction than direct possession. Explain with child-friendly examples. Now few children want to become astronauts, but many dream of a business. Most of them have absolutely no idea what it is. Explain to them. Be able to prove that business is, first of all, a correct understanding of the situation and the actions of people, and secondly, managing all this in the interests of the business. Let them know that there is a special science that deals with all this, and by the time they grow up, no business without the application of this science will be simply impossible, just as it is impossible to fly into space without using the achievements of mathematics and physics.

Another reason why quite capable and even gifted children often do not study is a lack of interest in learning. They are simply not interested, and none of your beliefs and threats will help here. The only way out in this case (if the child is really gifted) is to find a school or program that is quite adequate to the child's abilities. Interest in learning will return - academic performance will return.

Sometimes children's academic performance suffers because of conflicts at school. In the middle grades (5-8) this is especially common. The child claims to be a leader, but does not have the strength or ability to lead others. The child is caught between two "groups", cannot determine his position, conflicts with both sides and, of course, always loses. A new, not very sociable student came to the class where the relationship had already developed. He has no friends, during breaks he stands alone at the wall, not daring to take part in the noisy games of his classmates, does not respond to clumsy "prompts", attempts to involve him in communication. Gradually, such a child becomes a scapegoat and, as a result, cannot study well, does not want to go to school.

These and many other situations are united by one thing - the child's inability to establish adequate relationships with peers, a violation of his social functioning. Violation of progress here is secondary, it comes from the fact that the child lives in constant tension and gradually becomes neurotic. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the causes of conflicts between the child and classmates, and contact a specialist for individual or group psychotherapy. As in other cases, here it is necessary to find a resource that you can rely on when restoring broken communications (for example, a child communicates well with peers in the country), and provide the child with all possible support in the family. Disrupted relationships at school are always predominantly a misfortune, not the fault of the child. Therefore, parents should mainly think about how to help him, and not about what he can be blamed for.

Sometimes the reason for studying below the capabilities or even failure is the unformed cognitive interests of the child. Such children, as a rule, grow up in single-parent or socially disadvantaged families, left to their own devices from an early age. The abilities of such a child can be quite high, but the area of his interests is very narrow, lies within the courtyard or quarter, where he communicates with the same as him, "children of the street", of course, without enriching himself in any way from them and without enriching them in any way, apart from practical survival skills. Sometimes such children make a very pleasant impression with their independence and intelligence, but their future, as a rule, is not drawn in rosy colors. Despite quite satisfactory abilities in elementary school, they, as a rule, are listed as "lagging behind."

They might get lucky in high school. This will happen if on their way they meet a talented teacher who will be able to convey to such a child his love and his interest in any subject, thereby awakening the "dormant" capabilities of the child's brain. It is not at all necessary that the child's life will subsequently be connected with chemistry or botany, but the brain has already begun to work, and the process of forming cognitive interests has begun, food for which can be found almost everywhere. We all heard, and read more about such cases. Unfortunately, they are extremely rare in real life. The author was lucky to observe only two such episodes.

Reading and non-reading children

It's no secret that today more and more children grow up without picking up a book. Their literary experience in this case is limited to comics, more or less casual magazines, and subsequently to half-hearted attempts to master the works of the school curriculum in an abbreviated form. How to deal with this state of affairs and is it necessary to deal with it at all? - this is the question that parents often ask in one connection or another. Let's try to figure it out.

What is the reason why children today read less on average than their peers 15-20 years ago? It can be assumed that several reasons are responsible for this, including a change in the characteristics of the information flow, a general acceleration in the pace of life, a change in social values, and a changed attitude towards the book in general. Let's start with the last one - watching the colorful collapses of half-naked girls and space monsters (namely, this is how our children see books for the first time), it would not occur to any normal person to utter some phrase that was quite banal for previous generations, such as "I owe all the best in myself to a book " or "Love the book - the source of knowledge", or even "The book is sacred." Far from everyone reaches the high library halls and dusty tomes, and any child of absolutely any age has seen a lot of book collapses.

Further. An increasing amount of information, especially information relevant to youth and mass culture in general, comes today through audio-video products, television, as well as through a computer and computer networks. This is an objective reality, and there is nothing you can do about it.

The general acceleration of the pace of life and, perhaps, even some aspects of thinking lies in the fact that a child from childhood gets used to a certain specific amount of information and events per unit of screen or book time. This number, judging by modern cartoons and video clips, is very large. Most adults are simply not able to follow these endless "slaps", chases, shudders and falls, which modern cartoon characters are subjected to with resilient constancy. Children make it easy. Accustomed to such a "density of information", our children, of course, have difficulty reading, for example, English or Russian novels of the nineteenth century, where the speed of the existence of events and images is fundamentally different from the latest clip of the Nogu Svelo group or the modern production of the Disney film studio. In order for them to do this, however, special techniques are needed, which we will discuss below.

And finally, today a child or teenager who spends most of his life reading fiction or non-fiction is often perceived by other children as an almost comical character. Even if this is not the case, then peers, in any case, have (often justified) doubts about the adaptability of such a child, that is, youth public opinion is gradually moving away from "high-browed" towards sociable "boys and girls." Thus, we are again, already in the next generation, "catching up with America."

Summarize. Children read little, and this seems to be normal. But suppose we have a fairly cultured, reading family that is righteously and slightly snobbishly trembling under the modern dominance of mass culture, and that would like by all means to ensure that their children read books. What should such parents do? First of all, decide. What would you like to see in the hands of your children? Modern crime-love-fantasy fiction? You don't even have to stress too much here. From early childhood, buy your child comics about ninja turtles and the adventures of Barbie dolls. Later, buy a couple of literary expositions of your child’s favorite TV shows, read and discuss with your family the latest detective story by Alexandra Marinina or the latest fantasy novel by Nick Perumov. Sooner or later, the child will also join you. If you still didn't join, don't be discouraged, he didn't lose much. Besides, it's not evening yet. Everything will be fine.

Do you want your child to "carry Belinsky and Gogol from the market", to be read by Pushkin, Moliere and Dostoevsky? Here is where you have to work hard. For starters, you have to forget about comics and magazines with stickers. Read aloud to a small child the children's "classics", accustoming him to folk tales that are strange to an adult ear (try African ones - you yourself will get a huge impression), and to the sluggish descriptions of Bianchi, and to the dryish politicization of Rodari, and to Nosov's obvious socialist rhetoric. Don't forget the didactics of Leo Tolstoy and Konstantin Ushinsky.

Starting from the age of five or six, move on to historical stories for children ("The Adventures of a Primitive Boy", "Plates of a Stone Book"), stories about animals and sentimental stories (Lydia Charskaya, "Little Lord Fauntleroy", "Without a Family", etc.). d.). Even when the child learns to read on his own, do not stop reading aloud to him., because, of course, he freely reads the primer or anthology for the second grade, but he himself has not yet mastered large, interesting books. You can read in turns, you can arrange family readings. But somewhere from the age of eight you show cunning.

The trick is that the reading ends at the most interesting and dramatic place, you have an urgent matter, and the book remains lying on the corner of the table. It is unlikely that the experiment will take place with the first or even fifth book. But someday such a moment will come that the child will get tired of "waiting for favors from nature" and will take them himself. Then your task is to carefully and persistently slip books to the child. God forbid you follow the path of direct recommendations. Books should appear unobtrusively in your home. They can be brought from the library and simply "creep out" of the cabinets. For starters, it must be exactly the genre to which the child's "first" book belonged. A historical tale of primitive people? Please! Here's another one for you. "The Wizard of Oz"? Here's a sequel for you! And so on.

Gradually expand the palette of genres. If your child is accustomed from childhood to perceive an unadapted, highly artistic text by ear, then his possibilities are already very wide in the third or fourth grades. The author knows children who, at the age of nine, enjoyed reading the most boring Lord of the Rings, Jules Verne and Jonathan Livingston Seagull. And remember: a child who "learned to read" in the sense described above, no cartoons and computer games are a hindrance. He already knows how to perceive the system of images from the printed page of this book, and other systems of images do not obscure, but only complement his world. Sometimes, growing up, such children stop reading books that their parents like and move on to modern literature. There is nothing wrong with this. You have done everything you could, and your children will return to Pushkin, Shakespeare and Dostoevsky at the next stages of age development.

TV, video and computer. Benefit or harm?

Many children are very fond of watching TV or videos. Many children can sit for a long time at game consoles, begging from their parents or bartering with friends for more and more new cartridges. Happy owners of "real" computers (which, we note, is becoming more and more) have even greater opportunities for pastime, including work, education or entertainment on the Internet. How to treat it? To hold on and not let go, or, on the contrary, to let events unfold in their own way, referring to the fact that each generation has its own songs?

First you need to consider what kind of child we are dealing with. How old is he, five or fifteen? What is his temperament? How is his health (first of all, we are interested in the state of vision and the nervous system)? Having answered all these questions for themselves, parents develop for themselves an individually acceptable strategy for dealing with the "miracles of the twentieth century" and, if possible, strictly adhere to it.

This situation is probably unacceptable: today you are in a fighting mood and, raising the interests of the child to the shield, half an hour after the start of classes, drive him away from the TV or computer, urging him to play, read a book or help you with the housework. And tomorrow a friend came to you, and so that the child does not interfere with your highly intelligent conversation, you yourself send him to the same (very harmful yesterday!) Screen and do not remember him for three hours. This is a mistake that affects not so much the state of health of the child, but the process of upbringing as a whole. The next time you say your monologue about the dangers of computer games or continuous watching TV, the child simply will not believe you.

And now a few tips that may be useful to parents who have begun to develop this most "wonderful" strategy.

Council the first. Limit the time your child spends in front of the TV and computer screen. The following periods are considered reasonably safe.

For a child 3-5 years. TV or video - 3 times a day for 20 minutes. Computer - 1 time up to 30 minutes.

For a child 5-7 years. TV or video - 3 times a day for 30-40 minutes. Computer - 2 times a day for 20-30 minutes.

For a child 7-10 years old. TV or video recorder - no more than two hours a day with obligatory breaks. Computer - no more than one and a half hours a day, with obligatory breaks after every 20 minutes of learning or playing.

For a child over 10 years old. TV or VCR - no more than three hours a day with obligatory breaks after every hour. Computer - no more than two hours daily, with obligatory breaks every half an hour.

Tip two. Do not neglect the well-known safety rules. You can watch a modern color TV from a distance of at least one and a half meters. For older TVs, this distance should not be less than two meters. If your computer does not have a very modern monitor, be sure to purchase an additional protective screen. In watching television programs and working on a computer every 30-40 minutes (for young children every 20 minutes), you must definitely take breaks.

Tip three. If the child suffers or has other neurological disorders, it is necessary to significantly limit the viewing of "horror stories", bloody action movies and programs that are overly exciting to the child. If you have an idea to "train" the nervous system of a healthy, but overly shy and cautious child, then start with something easier and while watching, be near the child all the time (so that he can touch or cuddle you at any time to you). If the child has a serious, especially progressive, visual impairment, then the time indicated in the first tip should be reduced by 1.5-2 times. If a child wears glasses, then he must wear glasses to watch TV and work at a computer.

Council the fourth. Don't forget that the "miracles of the twentieth century" is not only entertainment, but also a powerful tool for teaching and educating a child. That is why it is advisable (if, of course, funds allow) to have at home not a game console for a TV, but a real computer (slightly outdated, but quite suitable for educational purposes, models are quite cheap today), not just a TV, but a VCR. Modern video and computer programs can help a child learn a foreign language, typing and design, learn how to work with reference books, get to know the world of animals and world history in a huge amount, satisfy their cognitive interest in almost any branch of knowledge and find new friends. All this is especially important for children who are not sociable, inactive, often sick, and, of course, can be a real salvation for disabled children.

Bad advice. What should be done to instill hatred for school and aversion to knowledge in a child?

So, what needs to be done in order to confidently and surely instill in a child a persistent hatred of school and an equally persistent aversion to the process of acquiring knowledge?

Bad advice #1. Tell your child more often that he must learn in any case, despite all the feelings that he has about this. Constantly give examples of people who hated school all their school life, and then achieved great success thanks to the knowledge gained there.

Bad advice #2. Pick a child around your son's (or daughter's) age who is doing better in school and who your child already has a strong dislike for (this could be a neighbor, a classmate, or your friend's daughter). Tell your child regularly and in detail about the successes of this character, about how she (he) studies well, studies in art (music, mathematics, astronomy or culinary) school, helps her mother around the house, respects her elders, plays with her little brother, etc. etc. In response to your child's attempts to silence you, confidently pronounce some capacious, sarcastic phrase, such as: "Here! The truth hurts your eyes!"

Bad advice #3. Tell your child more often about his shortcomings, mentioning his virtues as rarely as possible. Do not limit yourself to general definitions such as "lazy", "scoundrel", "brainless", "armless". If the child has a poor memory, insufficiently developed attention, or is bad with abstract thinking, be sure to mention this. It is also necessary to tell the child more often that all these qualities will remain with him forever, since he "absolutely does not work on himself", "is too lazy to tear his ass off the couch", etc.

Bad advice #4. Be sure to tell your child that no one will ever be friends with someone like him (stupid, poorly educated, non-reader, physically weak, cowardly, etc. - see Tip Three). If the child objects to you in the spirit that Katya and Vasya are already friends with him, raise your eyebrows contemptuously and exclaim pathetically: "Is this friendship?! Now in our time ..." There is no need to finish the phrase so that the ideal picture of friendship in "your time" the child could complete it himself. Although it is necessary to mention that in your time, classmates who fell ill were always brought home lessons (for some reason, this is not accepted among today's children). Let the child who has to learn lessons over the phone realize the inferiority of his own relationship with classmates.

Bad advice #6. Tell your child often and with taste what a terrible fate awaits him if he does not study well. Be sure to mention criminal "sixes", prostitutes, alcoholics, sellers from stalls and "oakhead" security guards. Try to tell him that Boris Yeltsin, Boris Nemtsov and Boris Berezovsky studied well at school. Often cite your parents as an example, that is, yourself. If you've succeeded in life, it's only because you've been staring a teacher in the mouth for ten years. If you or your spouse consider yourself a loser, then explain to your child that if you studied at school a little better, you would have become astronauts or bankers long ago (depending on your passions and ideals). And you can (for harmony) like this: dad is an astronaut, and mom is a banker. Honestly, your child will get real pleasure.

How can teachers and specialists "help" in this matter?

The main role in developing aversion to school and knowledge undoubtedly belongs to the family, but at the same time it cannot be denied that teachers and specialists can provide significant "help" to parents.

For example, teachers can often and reasonably inform a child that he is a useless and, most importantly, absolutely hopeless student, from whom nothing worthwhile will ever come out. In addition, the colorless personalities of teachers and completely uninteresting and boring lessons help a lot in "our business". Although this, of course, is not absolute, because in any school there are two or three good teachers whose lessons truly develop and educate children. Much more "useful" may be the "bad reputation" that a child has at school, let's say, because of his excessive mobility. Then the child turns out to be "extreme" in any collective prank and, even having by nature an easy and good-natured character, gradually becomes embittered against the school and the teaching staff as a whole. The reputation of a "mattress" and a "brake" also helps a lot. Two or three phrases spoken by the teacher in time (a real example: "And now we will wait with the whole class until it comes to Vasya"), and the child's unwillingness to go to school reaches truly astronomical proportions.

The "help" of specialists here can manifest itself in two ways. Firstly, a specialist (mainly a neuropathologist) can help parents convince the child that he (the child) is seriously ill and the school in all its beauty and cruelty is simply contraindicated for him (the child). Oriented in this way, the child will have the most severe headaches or attacks of gastritis in the morning before going to school, uncontrollable vomiting before the controls, at school he will feel dizzy, heart ache and blood pressure jump.

The author has known the girl Masha for three years already, who has an official diagnosis of "vegetative-vascular dystonia", regularly faints on the threshold of school and does not attend school for four or five months a year on the basis of certificates that she regularly "removes" from a neuropathologist, convincing him that at home she feels much better. At home and at school, the "sick" Masha is spared, but for three summer months she works obliquely in her aunt's garden in Krasnodar in 30-degree heat, without experiencing any difficulties from her "diagnosis". Masha is overweight, hates physical education and is terrified of elevators, hooligans and control. No psychotherapy affects Mashenka, since it is much more convenient for her to remain "sick" than to become healthy. She is going to enter medical school this year. I wonder how she will study there?

Psychologists can also contribute to the process, for example, in the presence of a child, announcing their unfavorable conclusion about his mental or emotional development. School psychologists sometimes conduct a procedure in the classroom called sociometry (during which leaders, accepted and rejected students are identified), and then discuss the results of this study with the teaching staff or, even worse, with the studied class. This is absolutely ethically unacceptable. The results of school sociometry are a working tool for a psychologist, on the basis of which he plans his further work. No more.

Sometimes a psychologist may say something quite ethically neutral in the presence of a child, for example: "Maybe you should look for a more adequate program for teaching your son?" Most kids will ignore this, but some with self-esteem traits will decide:

1) I am hopelessly stupid, and they want to send me to a school for the mentally retarded;
2) I am very talented, this school is too bad for me. I deserve better.

Therefore, it is better for parents to listen to any, even the most neutral conclusions of a psychologist in the absence of a child. If the psychologist "forgot" about it, remind him. If the psychologist finds it necessary to communicate something to the child himself, he will do it separately, in specially selected expressions.

Back to Valery...

Valera could never complain that he was not told how good he was. The adults around him admired the boy's abilities a lot and often. But no one said about one simple truth to Valera: ability in itself is no more a virtue in a man than tall stature, blue eyes, or curly hair.

An absurd thing from the point of view of formal logic, but, unfortunately, a true thing from the point of view of practical psychology: a person's abilities are not his resource. Moreover, sometimes very pronounced abilities even interfere with him. And we are not talking about geniuses estranged from all vain things here. In the author's practice, there was a case when a ten-year-old boy had a phenomenally developed visual and auditory memory. He literally memorized what he read and heard at once. Naturally, in his studies, he used to rely on memory. This helped him very well in elementary school, but when subject education began, difficulties began. Perfectly memorizing everything, literally without difficulty learning by heart, our little phenomenon never learned to think, analyze, isolate the main thing from what he read. A lot had to be caught up, a lot (from what was simply memorized) to be re-learned until the boy’s performance stabilized at a level that suited him and his parents (you yourself understand that both the “phenomenon” itself and his parents were accustomed to success from an early age).

So, a person's resource is not abilities in themselves, but only something achieved or formed on the basis of these abilities. For example, the ability to listen to others, developed by a person on the basis of an innate phlegmatic temperament. Or the ability to sing beautifully, achieved on the basis of an innately strong voice. Or the ability of a physically strong child to play football well, developed in a sports school or in yard football battles.

Valery undoubtedly had the abilities that in pedagogical and psychological language are called general giftedness. Why haven't they turned into a resource? Yes, because the adults surrounding a gifted child have formed in him a false idea that abilities are a value in themselves, that he himself does not need to do anything, and all the good things in his life will happen by themselves. The greatest value in the life of a small child is love, praise and encouragement from significant adults. Valery from a very early age had all this in abundance, without spending absolutely no energy on it. Naturally, he got used to this state of affairs and did not want to change his position when the situation around him began to change. After all, he remained the same - a capable, sweet child. Previously, everyone admired him, why now they demand something from him?

For quite a long period, we talked about all this with Valery's mother. She often argued with me:
- And what, it would be better if we did not praise him ?! But after all, children should be praised - you yourself say, and it is written in all books ... But is he really a cute child - contact, developed, smart? Don't you agree with me?
- Of course, children should be praised. But not because they are brunettes or redheads! And Valera was too often praised for the fact that he thinks quickly, remembers well, and easily catches a pattern. He was praised for his innate "general giftedness", which, if one does not adhere to the Hindu views of reincarnation, has absolutely no personal merit. In the end, it's even embarrassing. Indeed, in the structure of his personality, there are undoubtedly genuine resources, for example, his same contact, curiosity, love for visiting museums ... Tell me, did anyone praise Valera for her curiosity?

For curiosity? Mom thought. - I do not know. I do not remember.
- Is Valery really lazy?
- No, what are you! He is mobile, groovy, not at all lazy ...
- And where did this definition come from, which he himself so willingly repeats?
- Well, you see, it was necessary to somehow explain that he is so capable, but he studies worse and worse ... Well,
teachers have such ... such ... they say that about many children ...
- And Valera is used to believing what they say about him ... - I picked it up. - Although you, and he himself knows that laziness is not at all about him ...
- Yes, yes, he is generally very gullible!
- That's what we're going to work on...

Then I worked with Valera himself. For some (short) time he was like a group, where he immediately got along with all the guys. No problems in group work were shown by Valerina. His stay there was only necessary so that he could get feedback from the guys. Everything happened just as I planned. Everyone liked the agile, developed Valera, and, seeing him off, the group told the boy that it was interesting to talk with him, that he was not harmful and easily agrees so as not to argue and swear, that he not only easily performs some exercises, but also tries, to make it look nice, that some of the things he talks about (for example, talking about visiting museums) make other children think about such phenomena and problems that they had not thought about before. All this, as you already understood, was Valera's real resource.

It was with a discussion of the group's opinion that we began individual work with Valera. We made a list of its pros and cons. We singled out among the advantages those that are a resource (when Valera understood what was the matter, he really liked this word, and then he willingly operated on it). Among the shortcomings, we identified those with which you can work, and those that are not very amenable to volitional control (for example, Valera had a slight degree of myopia). They found out for certain that Valera does not have a shortcoming called "laziness" and, therefore, the teacher's definition of his school failures will have to be revised.

Valera's high level of intellect (a virtue, but not a resource!) and his curiosity, directed in our case at his own personality (a resource, and what a resource!) together determined the very high effectiveness of psychotherapy. In a fairly short period of time (about four months), Valera managed to completely rebuild his ideas about himself and how exactly he should achieve success and recognition. And Valera needed success and recognition like air. The boy did not hide this from himself or from others, and it was precisely this honesty that allowed him, at the peak of his problems, to protect himself from hysterical neurosis.

After three months, my mother began to notice that Valera's school affairs went smoothly. The teachers said that the boy brings additional literature to the lessons, talks a lot and interestingly on the topic of the lesson or close to it. He tries to draw attention to himself with a non-standard approach to the topic, revealing its unexpected side, with some kind of associative material (we talked a lot and in detail with Valera about all these strategies during the sessions, worked out examples). Fortunately, Valera really studies at a good school, in which the teachers were able to understand the "creativity" of Valery's approach and, noticing the return of interest in learning, at first did not require meticulous observance of the "letter of the law" from him. Gradually, however, the requirements became more stringent. The educational process included not only what was interesting for Valera, but also what was boring and even disgusting to him.

This is not my resource, - Valera argues authoritatively, sitting in a chair in my office. - All these neatnesses, underlining with different features, or when you need to count the same examples in twenty pieces. This is Petya Korolkov's resource and Masha Galkina. They have notebooks printed on a computer. I still can't keep up with them. But I can figure out how to solve the problem in three ways, and tell them. One way for me, one for Petya and one for Mashka. And Olga Vasilievna would never guess. And then I’ll roll up Petya’s answers from examples (I myself will always make one or two mistakes), and Masha will emphasize everything to me with her pencils. I still sit with her. And by the way, other boys and girls share desks, fight, hit each other on the head with backpacks, and Masha and I have mutually beneficial cooperation. Is it a resource?
- Resource, resource! - I laugh and, unable to stand it, I add: - Well, you are a beetle, Valerka! Capable but lazy!

Almost all parents in a certain period are faced with a situation where their children do not show a great desire to study in an educational institution. They grab their heads: “How is it, because he is so smart and talented, most recently he studied with pleasure and brought good grades from school, his teachers praised him, but now it’s as if they have changed ...”

Whatever dads and mothers, grandparents do in their noble desire to set the child on the right path, use the method of carrots and sticks, shame, praise, draw “lazy” his unenviable future, cite peers as an example in their studies, and having exhausted all methods influences, in despair, go with their son or daughter to a psychologist.

Meanwhile, the reasons why a child does not want to go to school are quite simple, however, they require careful analysis.

Scale of the problem

Do you know that originally the word "school" in Greek meant "free time, conversation." Philosophers invited those who wished to a kind of "lessons", where they exchanged experiences, having unhurried conversations in a calm atmosphere. Now compare the ancient Greek and modern schools. Today, the education system is far from the original: strict control over academic performance, assessments.

The school fulfills its mission - to give children certain knowledge, and the individual characteristics of a particular student is already a secondary issue. Parents want the same for their children to learn information for eleven years, bring satisfactory grades, so that later they can enter a university and get an education. The guys are direct and sincere, many of them do not accept the system of education imposed in the form of an ultimatum.

So, not wanting to learn is an adequate response. Do you remember yourself at their age? Was your desire to go to school every day so great? Did all subjects arouse the same interest in you? Were all teachers loved by you? Hardly. And the modern education system these days is far from ideal.

If you look, then all children, without exception, want to learn. However, all students have different abilities. Some are endowed with an analytical mindset, others have creative abilities, and others gravitate towards humanitarian subjects.

Meanwhile, they all have to master the same sciences, many of which are simply not given to them. So, before labeling a child as a loafer, try to delve into the problem, figure out what underlies the loss of interest in learning, and if you could not reveal talent in him in time, think maybe in this situation there is your wine too?

While it is not too late, it is necessary to take measures that consist in identifying career guidance in the child, a propensity for one or another of the studied sciences, and, if necessary, transfer to an educational institution where these subjects are studied in depth, select circles, enroll in electives.

10 Reasons Your Child Doesn't Want to Go to School

If parents can find out the reason why their child does not want to study, then we can say that the problem is half solved. The main factors that cause a negative attitude towards school are:

Total parental control. A child who has returned from school is immediately forced to do his homework, scrupulously examine the diary, notebooks, and begin to scold him for unsatisfactory grades. Meanwhile, he needs at least 1.5 hours to recover and rest. Fatigue, absent-mindedness lead to the fact that he becomes irritable, a storm of protest rises in him against such control and, as a result, there is an unwillingness to learn.
Lack of control. It also happens that parents go to the other extreme, giving the child complete freedom of action, they say, he is already an adult and responsible. The children also want to take a walk, play with friends, watch TV, play computer games. Do not overestimate the capabilities of a son or daughter, control within reasonable limits has never harmed anyone.
Conflicts at school. The child may not tell his parents about his personal problems. He can quarrel with other guys, teachers and not advertise this fact. Meanwhile, this is the main reason why children do not want to study and attend an educational institution, and are underachieving.
Change of world view. Parents have high hopes for the baby, who showed outstanding abilities from a very early age. How bitter is the disappointment when a child, whom they proudly called a genius, suddenly declares that he is not interested in learning. Such children cannot learn under pressure, and excessive pressure only annoys them.
There are no incentives. If a child does not want to learn, it is possible that he does not have motivation. Not all children understand why it is necessary to go to school every day, not all are focused on a long-term result, on graduating from an educational institution, at least without triples.
Health speculation. Frequently ill children can sometimes feign signs of illness. Parents feel sorry for their child, often allowing him to stay at home instead of going to school. The cunning one, receiving an indulgence, begins to think something like this: “Why do we need this school, grades, if they still don’t punish for absenteeism?” After all, good marks will be given anyway, pitying the “poor patient”.
An unfavorable situation in the family, scandals between parents contribute to irritability and nervousness in the student, reduces intellectual processes and the desire to learn.
Bad Company. Very often a teenage child does not want to learn if he is influenced by other children who prioritize other values and possibly bad habits.
Complexity. If a child has any defects in appearance or is far behind in any subject, it is quite logical that he will not feel like going to school for fear of ridicule.
Excessive activity. If a boy or girl is hyperactive, it will be difficult for him to sit through all the lessons at school, to withstand teacher control.

There are many secondary reasons why children do not want to go to school. It can be psychological stress, and overwork, and lack of sleep (usually this applies to younger students), and excessive responsibility of the child, which can lead to a loss of interest in learning.

What should parents do if the child does not want to study

First of all, you should talk confidentially with the child, as with an adult, to find out what exactly is an obstacle for him to successful learning. Having established the cause, you should immediately begin to eliminate it. The success of the process, which will not be quick, depends on how quickly you act.

For example, if the reason for the lack of interest in learning lies in the excessive parental care, then it is necessary to slightly lower the reins and give the child a little independence (within reason). It may well be that at first he will study worse, but then he will definitely understand that walking in outsiders is not very prestigious, and will make some efforts to get good grades.

Establish a trusting relationship. Ask how your son or daughter communicates with peers, perhaps he has a serious conflict with one of them. With kids - students of −1-4th grades (from 7 to 11 years old) - the problem can be solved, as they say, on the spot. It is enough to come together to the class and talk with the children, with all together or separately. With children in adolescence (12-15) and older (16-18) it is somewhat more difficult, because at this age one does not want to seem weak in front of peers.

What else should be done if the child does not want to go to school? Be sure to talk to your teachers. Not all teachers are tactful and fair. Don't let anyone hurt your child.

Spend more time with your children, go to concerts, movies, walk, play sports. Find common interests - this will contribute to rapprochement.

If you cannot resolve the situation yourself, it is useful to seek the help of a specialist, sometimes a psychiatrist, if the problem is very serious.

It would be wrong to think that visiting a psychologist is something shameful, because your child's health is at stake. It is possible that even one visit to a specialist will be enough to make the life of the child and all family members easier. The advice of an experienced psychologist specializing in school problems will help relieve tension and stop further disputes about the importance and appropriateness of education:

Build a trusting relationship with your child, become a friend to him. In this case, he will have no secrets from you.
Constantly show your baby how much you love and care about him, and his bad grades will not affect your attitude.
In no case do not compare the child with other, more successful comrades. This may cause a backlash.
Allow yourself to be independent and decide for yourself when to sit down for lessons and in what order to do them. However, unobtrusively suggest that you first need to start on more complex subjects that require maximum concentration.
Do not set rigid time frames, do not force you to sit down for lessons. Agree that if the kid does his homework before 19.00, then after that you will go to the skating rink, to the cinema, to the zoo. Don't be afraid to encourage.
Do not skimp on praise, remember that the best reward is parental approval.
Do not swear for unfinished lessons, but state the facts, for example: “Well, go to bed soon, homework has not been completed yet ...”
Do not do homework instead of the child, let him take his own initiative.
Rejoice in everyone, even the smallest success. The child must believe that you are ready to share his joys with him.
Feel free to voice your feelings: “I’m worried that you didn’t learn the poem well. What if the teacher asks you to tell it, and you get a bad mark?

In conclusion, I would like to say to all adults: trust your son or daughter. If a child says the words "I'm not interested in studying, I won't go to school," this does not mean that he wants to hurt you, he may need help. You will have to show extraordinary patience in order to go with your child this long way, you just have to want to.

Often children, having crossed a certain age threshold, cease to show interest in learning. This attitude very quickly leads to lower grades and other problems at school. In most cases, the taste for learning disappears in adolescents. What to do in such a situation? Should you force your child to study? Child psychologists are familiar with this problem, because it is very common. Try to use the advice of specialists that will make it possible to find an approach to your offspring.

Determine the root of the problem

To begin with, it is worth looking for the reason why the child does not want to study. This is not always due to laziness or the fact that the child does not like school. The most common problems teenagers have at school:

Conflict with a teacher Sometimes a student manages to spoil relations with one of the teachers - often it is the class teacher. A teacher is also a person and can consciously or not underestimate a teenager who is rude or behaves defiantly, which is typical for children of puberty.
Backlog in a certain subject, which occurred due to illness or omission of any part of the material. Often gaps lead to misunderstanding of the following sections of the textbook, and problems snowball.
Rethinking life values. A 6-9 grader simply does not understand why he should study and how important it is to get a quality education.

There are other difficulties that can lead to reluctance to go to school and problems with learning. However, all of them, one way or another, are connected with the listed factors. It is important to try to find time to talk with the offspring, to find out the source of the problem. Knowing the cause, it is easier to find a way out.

The conflict with the teacher is easy to resolve by talking with the teacher. Parents are not always required to take any action. It is enough to show the teacher that you are worried about your child, to promise to talk to him at home. The teacher will certainly appreciate the efforts of the parents, and the situation may become more favorable.

You can always make up for a learning gap. Some children find it easier to study with a tutor than with mom or dad. Others are more suitable for group classes, where you can enroll a lagging child. Sometimes younger students are afraid to ask questions to the teacher, to ask again about what is given at home. With a first grader, you need to work at home, explain that it is necessary to raise your hand if there are questions.

How to get a teenager to study if his interest in learning has faded completely? Be sure to talk with the student, to convince him of the need for education. Explain that a good study will make it possible to decide in life, to find your own path.

The child is sure that he wants to become a designer, which means that he does not need mathematics? Tell us that the school curriculum is the basis for obtaining specialized education.

Little tricks

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This article talks about typical ways to solve your questions, but each case is unique! If you want to know how to solve your particular problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!
We have outlined the general direction of psychological work with the child. Next, we will talk about various methods that will be a great way to get the student interested in learning and get them to take up the lessons. For each student, both in grades 1 and 8, you can choose an individual scheme for stimulating learning. It is worth trying to look for the key to the heart of your student. How to teach a child to learn? We are confident that our advice will help even in the most difficult situations.
Competitive spirit
How to teach a child to learn if no efforts help? As practice shows, it is easy to captivate children of any age with any subject, creating conditions for competition. This can be done in several ways. For example, talk to the parents of a classmate and invite them to participate in a similar game. Which of the two (three, four) children will show the best marks at the end of the week will receive the best student badge. The same icon can then be transferred to another child.

At home, you can arrange mini-competitions. For example, which of the household members will solve the problem faster, or will be able to learn the quatrain. Here you will have to study objects with the child to help him enjoy the victory.
Daily regime
It is necessary to clearly think over the regime of the day. Since it is almost impossible to force a child to study, it is worth offering him some kind of encouragement after he has done his homework. After school, the child can relax, do what he likes. Then you need to allocate a couple of hours for homework, after which he will be able to watch his favorite series. However, you should check the lessons and not allow watching TV (playing computer games) until the task is completed (we recommend reading:). In this case, it will work as an incentive to have time to do everything before a certain time.

Financial incentive
Sometimes financial incentives help. Some parents come up with a complex system of rewards for learning outcomes. For example, for positive grades, the child receives a certain amount, and at least one 2 completely resets the balance. Or, at the beginning of the month, parents accrue the amount of funds to the student, from which money is deducted for each negative mark. That is, the fewer bad marks a child receives, the greater the amount he will receive at the end of the month.
Do not be afraid to introduce monetary incentives for a 5th grader or a child older. Some psychologists believe that this will teach the offspring to handle money, not to “litter” it, to appreciate what they have earned. Knowing how to count money is a useful skill that will come in handy in adulthood.
Find friends
If a child does not want to study, then he certainly wants to have weight in society. Surprisingly, studying is one of the ways to socialize. The teenager stopped communicating with peers, does he have few friends? He can be motivated by the fact that knowledge will help him become an interesting conversationalist. In addition, people who stand out with good grades are always appreciated by classmates.

To draw attention
Try to play on weaknesses. At the age of 11-14, children may have their first love, which also introduces dissonance into the educational process. Does your son like the girl in the class? Invite him to get her attention. You can, together with the offspring, prepare for any subject, or a presentation. It is desirable that the topic be interesting, and the whole class will listen to the speaker with pleasure. A positive result will be a kind of victory that will inspire and give a taste for learning.
Take time
Sometimes a child tries to attract the attention of his parents by bad studies. This happens in families where there is a baby who takes all the attention of his mother, and also where both parents work late.
Mom or dad should find some time in a busy schedule that will be used to communicate with their offspring. You can play board games with your son, have a good chat over a cup of tea.
Psychologists note that it is not the amount of time spent with the child that is important, but its quality. That is, this period of time should be saturated - with conversations, actions, events. Do not waste your hard-earned minutes on reproaches and censures. It is better to find positive moments and make sure that the child enjoys spending time with you.
What if the child does not want to study? It is very important to demonstrate to the child in every possible way your interest in his studies, adhering to the chosen line of behavior, and not stepping aside. The offspring will feel that his mother is worried about his lessons, and will try to please her with his achievements.

There are other behavioral elements to follow:
Never refuse help with homework. Sometimes a mother is too busy and cannot give her son time. It should be made clear that for parents, his studies are just as important, and try to give him confidence in his abilities.
Remember the power of praise. Many parents forget to encourage their child. Sometimes it's really hard to find at least something to praise for. However, if you regularly scold, shout and criticize your son, he will not strive to achieve results. Be sure to find something to praise the student for, for sure he has strengths. For example, focus on a good memory, or on an analytical mindset. If done right, over time, your student will strive to develop natural abilities to be appreciated even higher.
Gently control the child, showing that you are interested in what the class took place in the lesson today. It's simple psychology to motivate by self-interest. It is very important to immediately delve into the studies of a first-grader, so that later you do not have to get involved in the educational process when he moves to grades 6-7.
A simple way to help a student enjoy going to class is to buy him a backpack or some school accessory. A little update can go a long way.

Alternative ways of learning

Sometimes a child doesn't want to learn because some kids just can't fit in with school rules. In this case, it makes sense to think about alternative ways of learning.
Home schooling. If desired and possible, if the mother does not work, you can educate the child at home. To do this, you need to register at a school that practices distance learning, and take exams from time to time. This way of learning is good, but not for everyone - serious self-organization is required, because every day you have to force yourself to learn new material. At the same time, there are a lot of advantages of home education - a child can devote more time to subjects that are difficult for him, due to those where it is easier for him to navigate. In addition, lessons can be scheduled at any time of the day, have lunch at home and not experience stress when communicating with teachers.
Night school. If a teenager does not want to study, and he is already 15-16 years old, he can become an evening school student. It is not so difficult to enter these institutions, but they have the opportunity to study externally. This can also be a motivating factor - many teenagers want to become independent. They can successfully study school subjects at home and then receive a certificate.

Getting your child interested in learning is not as difficult as it might seem. It is worth talking to him frankly, explaining why you need to get an education. Try to persuade him to work every day, but do not scold or pull. If a son or daughter does not succumb to persuasion, it is worth waiting a bit, perhaps the child will eventually realize his responsibility.