Long family life. How to keep a happy marriage for years to come. The basics of strong family ties

06.04.2019

Have you ever wondered what family happiness is? What moments create the unity of several people, make the union harmonious?

The family in the process of evolution was not formed in vain. It is a community of people that has own traditions, remembering their ancestors, respecting their family, striving to adequately educate the new generation.

A real family is strong and friendly, all its members feel close connection between themselves.

How to live with my mother-in-law in the same apartment? Find out about it from ours.

What does it mean?

A happy family is immediately visible: there is harmony, understanding.

If you pay attention to the photographs, you will see smiling faces, people stand closely to each other, there is an attraction between them, glances, gestures are directed at close people.

Children in such families know that they are respected. Free time and rest happy family strives to spend together.

They feel good around them, small conflicts do not develop into large ones, but are incentive to change... If a quarrel arises, it ends quickly, because a happy family does not see the point in sorting out the relationship, she is looking for a way to solve the problem better and faster.

When figuring out whether happiness really reigns in a family, you need to take into account that the family can be happy externally and internally.

Externally- this is an expression of your feelings, relationships in public. And it does not always coincide with the internal one. You can see smiling faces, but if you look closely, you will understand that in fact people are far from each other and are simply pretending to be happy.

Internalfamily happiness is real, when there is no need to demonstrate your attitude, harmony always reigns.

A combination of external and internal manifestations and constitutes complete happiness. It is such a family that is truly harmonious - it does not need to pretend - joy, fun, love are natural and do not disappear under the influence of circumstances or strangers.

What is family happiness: psychology

What is family happiness?

Family happiness closely related to emotionsthat family members have for each other.

By getting married, people hope that happiness will come to them, they will live together until old age, and have children.

but pink glasses fall quickly, comes family life, financial problems, people begin to see the disadvantages of a partner. The first comes, then the next, and not every family goes through them calmly.

Many couples, others live for years in war mode, unable to find mutual language, but also not wanting to leave in order to create a new, more prosperous union. Eventually not only spouses suffer, but also their children.

If you happily come home, meet your soul mate, you feel good together, then you can call yourself a happy couple.

Qualities

Let's take a look at what qualities a happy family has.

A happy family will not find out the attitude in public, criticize a partner, complain about children or the older generation.

They act together, together and this is what unites them even more. There are no strong disagreements in it, because the goals are directed in one direction, and there is such a family as a single organism.

Harmony - concept and manifestation

HarmonyIs a state of balance, equilibrium.

In a harmonious family, there are practically no quarrels, and if disputable situations arise, they are resolved as efficiently and profitably as possible for all its members.

In a harmonious family you feel calm, integrity, there are positive emotions, and if someone is upset, sick, then close people support, help to get out of emotional negativity or a difficult life situation.

In a family where there is balance, the morning starts positively, in the evening people rush home, because there they are waiting for loved ones who need attention and care.

The basis of harmony is calmness and that you are needed, that loved ones will always support you, give you a smile, help improve your mood.

In such families, they are unacceptable - they upset the created balance, bring negativity into existence. Harmonious families avoid, as a factor, threatening peace and integrity.

Are there perfect alliances?

It seems that a happy family is some unattainable ideal.

You, your friends, periodically conflict with loved ones, someone has financial difficulties, in other families someone is sick.

And the question arises - are there really absolutely happy families? Yes, they are. This largely depends on the married people themselves, on their willingness to work on relationships, save them.

Probably, there is no concept of absolute happiness, and it is not attainable. But create a good one, friendly family everyone is capable. However, this is a lot of work, and above all on yourself.

You can not, have no right to force others to change, but they are able to work on their own attitude towards close people. And by changing your attitude, ways of influencing, communicating, you will begin to notice that family members have begun to behave differently.

Each person has their own concept of happiness, therefore it is impossible to derive a single formula, a recipe, following which you and your family will certainly be satisfied with life together.

But if you try to bring harmony and joy to the world, then you can certainly achieve this. There are happy families, and people themselves make them so, ready to fight for their happiness and build it.

Examples of

Glossy magazines and programs often talk about couples, whose love could be set as an example.

You have to understand that every family is individual. The methods for creating happiness for individuals are different.

One of best examples — elderly couple, who lived together for many years, retained love and loyalty. They have happy children and grandchildren who come to them on holidays, but do not forget common days... Such a family can say that "we are together no matter what."

Happy couples can also be found among celebrities. One of them - Monica Bellucci and Vincent Cassel... They have been together for 15 years, they are raising two wonderful children.

Another famous couple - Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith - one of the strongest couples in Hollywood, they have two children, married for 14 years, Will does everything to make his wife feel loved.

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell together for about 30 years. Goldie says the most precious thing to her is that she feels loved.

Svetlana and Fyodor Bondarchuk have been together for 20 years. After so much time, their feelings have not faded away, and they do not hesitate to demonstrate them in public.

Angelica Varum and Leonid Agutin. An amazing couple whose love is visible from the outside. Despite their bright and temperamental characters, they love and appreciate each other, and keeping the family is important for them.

What do you need for this?

What makes a family happy?

Having an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat is good family, the question arises: what needs to be done to make her happy?

The desire of two people to develop a relationship, them, as less painlessly as possible to get out of crisis situations.
Children- one of the reasons for happiness. Of course, even without them, you can be content with life, but many couples break up due to the fact that one of the partners does not want or cannot have a child.
Striving for one goal... If a woman wants children, and a man is more inclined to travel and entertainment, then sooner or later conflicts will arise on this basis.
Sexually compatible. Intimate life is one of the most important in living together... The incompatibility of partners often becomes the cause of betrayal, dissatisfaction with each other.
Ideally, the need for sex should be about the same, or one of the partners makes compromises.
Pay no attention to minor problems , they are not worth it. Quarrels over nonsense destroy harmony, slowly erode the stone of happiness.
Spend time not only togetherbut also allow each of the family members to have own hobby, the opportunity to relax alone. Every person needs personal space.
Don't hold back your emotions, do not accumulate them inside especially negative ones. If you are sad, angry, talk to a loved one, tell them what is bothering you. If you feel joy, happiness, love, gratitude, share these emotions as often as possible.

How to diversify family life? find out right now.

Pledge and rules of well-being

Observing the following simple secrets , you will get closer to feeling family happiness and harmony.

love your spouse;
respect his values, freedom, desires of a partner and children;
be able to make compromises in order to maintain happiness and balance;
well-being, finances - one of the whales on which family life rests. Money problems affect feelings of happiness;
have common interests... Naturally, spouses can have their own hobbies, but there must be something that unites them;
have common goals;
look at the upbringing of children in the same way;
upon occurrence problem situations, to have a dialog;
trust between group members is one of the important points;
be able to be sincere and tell the truth. Lies come out sooner or later.

How to be a happy wife?

To make a woman happy in family life, first of all choose the right man.

You have to work on your happiness. Relationships don't develop on their own.

If you marry, you take responsibility for maintaining harmony in your relationship. Shifting responsibility for your actions onto others is unacceptable.

Support for loved ones in hard time - one of the guarantees of family happiness.

Family happiness recipes

How to become a happy family?

There are no uniform recipes, but still exist general principles , tested on many unions.

Respect each other. If there is no respect, the family will sooner or later fall apart, it simply will have nothing to hold on to - two people will live next to them, completely not taking into account the interests of others.
Create a family traditions and stick with them.
Spend joint rest... Travel, weekends outside the city create leisure, unite, allow you to communicate more closely and understand your partner and your children.
Support your spouse in difficult times. When a person is having a hard time, problems at work or unwell, he needs the sympathy and advice of loved ones. Indifference, inability to provide support is distancing.
Learn to respect children. A child, even a small one, is a personality, he needs self-expression, a certain amount of freedom in actions and thoughts.
Raise respect for elders in children.
Touch each other. Tactile sensations helps to experience closeness, and touch can express more than words.

Remember that in order for a family to be happy, all its members must strive for it.

Work on relationships, do not let the negative seep into your union, strangers interfere, and then harmony will accompany you throughout your life together.

7 rules to make your married life happier, from Dale Carnegie:

It touches me how at weddings and other instructional ceremonies for youth sounds from seasoned secret long and happy family life. Something like: children, family - this is not only a holiday, you have to be patient, help each other, respect each other, forgive and further down the list of debts. And then we'll meet at the golden wedding.

And then I am a little embarrassed to say in my toast that it doesn’t matter. And it’s important that the person is “yours”. The secret is to meet the "right" person, and not somehow masterly learn to endure. And somehow honorable to do your duty. You need to find someone with whom you don't need to be patient ...

My mother, in the first place of my family life, said for example: you forgive your husband, well, absolutely everything! At these moments I always tensed, trying to scan what I forgave him and did not trace it ... I really do not know. It turns out I forgive him that he throws socks, that he disappears at work and may not hear what I am telling him, because he is thinking about his project (terrible disrespect), and he is also not a big boss at work, but a free artist, still there something ... And I did not forgive anything. Don't exaggerate my forgiving abilities. I just did not notice these socks, I automatically collect them outside the doors and throw them in washing machine... They don't bother me. And it doesn’t hurt me in any way that he was on his own and didn’t have any subordinates at work. It never occurred to me that there was a problem. But he doesn't hear me - so I love enthusiastic people, if I really need it - I don't disdain to wave my hands in order to attract attention to myself. And when he is not there, I have more to do with myself. If we were together all the time, it would have strained me more. So it's not me - lovely wife and learned to be tolerant. But it's just very "my" design.

Favorite work is the same. You even have problems and difficulties there. But you do not perceive them as grief and problems. Maybe as such a healthy challenge, maybe as small delays or difficulties. But if you love the process itself, then no one needs to persuade you to be patient, to go forward ... You yourself go through a hundred options and your brains, at any free minute, automatically switch to this search. And you will go to sleep tired, and your brains are still spinning and spinning: can you do that? and here it is still necessary to try? And you can even jump out of bed at night and go try it. I happen at 4 in the morning with my sleepy hand fumbling with a pencil to write something down that I need to try in the morning or look for literature on this topic ... No one is forcing me. And at the same time, I carry vindictively within myself and tell with suffering how, while working at the bank, I was once called to work close to 12 o'clock in the morning to prepare calculations for the boss, who was going to difficult negotiations. It was not "mine", I did not like it, I did them (those who needed it) a favor. So I remember him to this day. Here, yes, you need to look for forgiveness in yourself ...

And the secret of professionalism and success - as it seems to me - is also in this: to love what you do. Do what you love.

And then people ask:
How do you relax?
And we do not strain.

And why am I ... And I came to visit. A wonderful family, 20 years together, not a single "discrediting" case, patience for a ten on a ten-point system. Quietly kick out each other different angles... Squeezed. Burknut, jerk, and immediately back. You can't get angry, swearing is fraught, it's ugly and wrong. And it's useless. Children, common property... We must endure. A strong family is built on patience, forgiveness and so on ... No, this is some kind of false secret for me.

Many married couples, and especially newlyweds, think that their married life will be easy and cloudless, and the feeling of falling in love will not leave them until the very end. In fact, a long and happy life is obtained only if both spouses work hard on it.

There are so many examples unhappy marriages... Someone divorces immediately after the wedding, and someone - after twenty years of marriage. After reading the statistics, you can become a real cynic. But there are happy coupleswho live and grow old together. Why did they succeed? Below we will tell you about 35 secrets of family happiness.

1. Share with each other

Especially with what you feel in this moment... Many people think that it is main secret happy family relations... After all, it is very difficult to achieve mutual understanding and harmony if the spouses keep everything inside.

2. Remember this will pass

Many people know this phrase from the parable of King Solomon. Whatever happens in your life, always remember that this too will pass.

3. Show More Passion

Greet each other every morning with a kiss and have sex more often (even in old age). After all, as experience shows, passion is a habit and can easily fade away if not maintained. Well, physical affection helps you not to lose touch with your partner.

4. Do not scold children

Children can be a lot of hassle and stress. But over time, they will grow and leave you, starting their own life.

5. Forget about small problems

It is worth thinking on a bigger scale. Think if you remember after 10 years, which of you forgot to include dishwasher... Such problems are so insignificant over a long period of time that they should not affect the marital relationship in any way.

6. Fill the refrigerator

You should not deny yourself such small pleasures. So be sure to fill the refrigerator with your favorite foods.

7. Take time for yourself

It is very important that the husband and wife have time for their own hobby. After all favorite hobby makes a person happy and gives a lot of energy. Life shows that the most harmonious relationship in those married coupleswhere husband and wife have equal opportunities for self-realization.

8. Don't hold back your emotions.

Immediately share with your partner the things that cause you anxiety. Do not allow negative emotions to build up, as this can lead to a nervous breakdown.

9. Don't take everything to heart

Well, things that are very annoying should be avoided altogether.

10. Make a compromise

For many, this means giving up their own principles. In fact, compromise is a powerful impetus for the development of a relationship. And he does not have to violate the principles of one of the spouses. The main thing is to discuss everything in detail and find a solution that would suit both.

11. Don't take your relationship for granted.

You constantly need to work on them.

12. Be spontaneous

This is necessary so that family life does not turn into a routine. For example, in last moment change the place of the vacation. Or for no reason to give your partner a gift.

13. Be courteous

Treat your partner with understanding and kindness. After all, you yourself chose him as a life partner.

14. Be patient

The developmental level of a husband and wife can vary greatly. Therefore, it is worth showing patience with a partner who is not very advanced in any of the areas.

15. Celebrate

Be sure to celebrate all holidays and memorable dates together.

16. Find common hobbies

This can be cycling, swimming in the pool, cooking classes, etc. Joint classes help to strengthen relationships.

17. Spend time together

You should only get married with a partner you like to spend time with.

18. Express your wishes out loud

19. Go to parties together.

Be sure to make time to visit them. This is especially important when children have already appeared in the marriage and the family routine begins to delay. And it doesn't take a lot of time and money to go to a party.

20. Maintain a joint budget.

At the same time, you can discuss your plans for the future and dreams. Competent planning family budget will help you achieve your plans as soon as possible.

21. Surprise each other

Remember how at the beginning of your relationship you planned to spend the weekend together, gave each other small gifts, exchanged touching messages. These things are worth doing in marriage as well, because it shows your partner that you love him.

22. Show Appreciation

Especially when your significant other does something for you. Of course, you can read gratitude on the face, but it's always nice to hear it out loud.

23. Help and support

This applies to both household and work issues.

24. Don't criticize

Before judging your partner for something, try to put yourself in his place and understand the reason for his actions. And superficial criticism will only cause negative.

25. Laugh at each other.

Treat everyone life events with humor. It closely borders on such a state as happiness.

26. Communicate more often

If the relationship is at an impasse, then you should talk to your partner and find out how serious everything is. It may turn out that this is just a short black stripe, immediately followed by a white one.

27. Make friends

Moreover, the situation will be quite normal when the wife and husband different friends... Well, it doesn't hurt to have general ones either.

28. Be generous

This is especially true for two things - time and money.

29. Be happy

If this state disappears, then make every effort to return it.

30. Don't get defensive

Don't think that the main objective partner - to exert pressure so that you accept his point of view. Any controversial point can be discussed in terms of love and kindness.

31. Trust and Earn Trust

Mutual openness is very important in marriage.

32. Remember the reasons for falling in love

Never forget why you fell in love with your partner. It doesn't matter if it is humor or ambition. It is important to always remember this.

33. Compliment

Talk to your significant other about your love more often and compliment them.

34. Make an effort

Remember that marriage can be very fragile. And to keep it, you need to make a lot of effort.

35. Enjoy your marriage

Over time, new housing will appear, children, everyday problems and so on. Everything will only get more complicated. So hug your partner right now and enjoy the moment.

Probably any girl, woman wants not only to get married, but also to be happy in marriage. It is a delusion to think that your husband will make you happy. He, of course, will try, but without your help he is unlikely to be able to cope. Create a happy union - the task of both of you. Therefore, this time I want to open the secrets of a happy marriage not only to women, but also to men.

What are the secrets to a happy marriage?

So, the first secret is that you need to treat each other especially. To begin with, it is important to understand that your chosen one is not as perfect as you might think, and you can immediately start preparing for the fact that soon you will recognize him from the other side. Perhaps not the best. And here, attention, you need to calm down and exhale. It takes time to accept a partner, so you do not need to flog a fever and say that you made a mistake in your choice or that you want to break up. All families go through this, you are not special. Accepting your soul mate is difficult, but possible. It is from this moment that begins real family without Rose-colored glasses, with real feelings.

The third secret is to be beautiful to your husband. Do your makeup not when you go "to people", but in the morning after waking up. Put on nice clothes not on occasion, but at home. After all, think for yourself, for whom we dress up? Why are we used to directing a marafet for strangers, and in front of our husband we allow ourselves to walk in an old dressing gown without makeup and hair? This is somehow not logical, as for me.

The next secret of a happy marriage is: "The husband is in charge, but not the center of the universe." Your world should not be limited to or revolve around your husband. Develop, be interested, improve. Remember, a man never loses interest in a woman who grows with him. And together - this does not mean that she should be interested in the same as he. Together means synchronously. After all, if one of the couple slows down in their development, then they can no longer walk side by side, hand in hand. Someone in front, someone behind. Soon, interest in each other in such a couple will fade away and they will either live as neighbors in the same house, or disperse.

And the last, fifth secret: doing for your husband what you would like him to do for you is wrong. Man and woman are too different to be equal to each other. Therefore, if you want to please him, then study what exactly will be pleasant for him. For example, women love to talk heart to heart, men retire and think it over alone. It is important for women to have a feeling of security, for a man to understand that you need him and believe in him. In a word, for a happy family relationship, it is not enough to act at random or as you think is right. It is important to study the psychology of a man and understand what exactly will bring your husband the greatest happiness.

Couples who have been happily married for many years share their secrets on how to make love endless.

Trudy and Paul have been married for 35 years: “I once read in a very old book about marriage:“ Always treat your husband like the most honored guest in the house. ” In other words, your behavior should be the best. It changed me, and my husband reciprocated me. And my personal opinion about marriage is: “ A good relationship are built from a thousand small good deeds for each other. "
Steve and Cheryl have been married for 20 years: “Never discuss sensitive issues when you are hungry or tired. And to improve communication, chew marshmallows. What can't you do with a mouthful of marshmallows? Talk. And communication is more listening than talking. I always tell my wife, if what I said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the options makes you sad or angry, then I meant another option. "
Stephanie has been married for 18 years:“We sit side by side on the couch on purpose every evening. My father told me to definitely do this when I got married. Because then you touch each other, you feel the cozy warmth and energy of a loved one. "
Rita and Kurt have been married for 27 years:“Watch your manners. Too often, we show more respect for strangers than for those we love. Parents often expect good treatment from their children, although they themselves do not show it among themselves. “Please give me this plate” sounds much softer and kinder than “Give me this”. Kindly could you please excuse this magic words... And they're not just for dates. "
Don and Estelle have been married for 50 years: “Our main tip for newlyweds is to look only forward and look back only at good times... Each of us has flaws and failures, and as a result, if your whole attention is focused on past bad times, your marriage can become a heavy burden. Remember and revel in your successes.
Ignore the moments when you fail. Don't try to blame the problem, try to find a solution. Love is like a boomerang, throw it at your spouse and it will come back to you. "
Don and Tony have been married for 32 years:“Always find something to laugh at. Laugh together. Times can be cruel. Problems happen in all families, and things don't always go smoothly in life. But if you find a way to laugh at it, then unity will arise between you, and you can overcome everything! "
Nicholas and Rafaela have been married for 82 years:: “Always respect each other and try not to give of particular importance little things. Our parents also lived long years in a happy marriage. Our family does not know at all what divorce is. Upbringing family values a very important part of culture. "
Judy and Jeff have been married for 22 years:“Remember: Women want to be loved and adored. And men want to feel respect ... Even more than love. It sounds strange, but it is. Don't deprive your man of his masculinity. Don't take your woman for granted. Life becomes boring and stressful.
Your marriage will have times when it is both strong and weak. Regardless of what you did in the beginning of the marriage, as a result of which then later laughed at it together, take the time to repeat the same things after 10, 20, and 30 years. Read excerpts from your favorite book to each other, watch your favorite films together. "
Dave and Rose have been married for 32 years:“In a pair, each should strive to do good for the other, and not fight in the“ What about me? ”Style. And then with experience comes a mutually beneficial solution, when each person gives and serves the other. "
Chuck and Merelin have been married for 41 years.: “When we faced adversity together, it brought us closer. Childcare was also a powerful force. And as soon as you have grandchildren, the family bond becomes even stronger. "
Charlene and Rick have been married for 18 years:“Divorce is not a solution to be thought about, talked about and considered the answer to a problem. Almost all problems are short-term. Divorce is a long-term answer. If money is the cause, discuss it immediately. Family life is not vegetable garden, it is values \u200b\u200bthat give rise to contradictions and disputes. "
Paula and Dan have been married for 26 years:“Keep dating. Since we have been married, we have tried to spend one evening a month as a couple. When the children were small (up to 6 months), we took them with us, we never sat at home. And you don't have to be just the two of you. Date other people or couples. This will give you an opportunity for interesting full-fledged communication, and not a long discussion of household problems. "
Julia and Mark have been married for 15 years: “Be caring, patient and accepting of what is happening in your partner's life. We have always known that it is important to always remain an individual person. There are things that we would like to achieve personally. We would like our goals in work to be not only understood, but also supported. And this is not always easy.
My husband went through 2 stages of my higher education and a job change in 5 companies. And today I put him on a plane flying to the area of \u200b\u200bhostilities to fulfill my military duty. I have a mixed opinion about sending our troops out of the homeland. But I believe in my husband and I know that it is important for him. "
Rick and Jen have been married for 14 years: Forget your old 'best' friends. You now have a new best friend. Give each other unforgettable moments. "
Nancy and Don have been married for 16 years: "The most important thing for a long and happy family life is first of all to know yourself before getting married."
Beverly and Pablo have been married for 33 years:“Remove friends, families, and situations that negatively affect your life and family, and let your husband do the same. Save your intimate life interesting. Hear each other's fantasies. Don't be afraid to be sensual in the marital bedroom. And be sure to plan on having an amazing vacation together. "
Ralph and Teresa have been married for 17 years: " We - best friends... When sex becomes less important, it is best to enjoy doing something together (something that used to be done alone). For example, we travel by car for several days to get to a car exhibition. And we start to like each other even more. "
Lisa and Brian have been married for 12 years: “We made an agreement not to quarrel over money. Financial problems lead to divorce. And we do not want our relations to deteriorate over such an insignificant issue as money. We have gone through financial ups and downs, we have gone through times of unemployment and huge loans. But we never blamed each other for anything and always calmly discuss financial questions.»
Doren and Tim have been married for 20 years:“We are as different as partners can be different in a pair. But instead of being annoyed by our differences, we enjoy them. We find each other's quirks to be endlessly funny, like watching exotic animals in a zoo. Not a day goes by that I do not die laughing because my husband makes fun of something that I do. We often make fun of each other. And it never looks low and mean. We are the best psychotherapists for each other. "
Lanny and Christine have been married for 23 years: “You must have a common one. When a couple has it, any bump on the road to it will be a guide to the goal. Without a dream, any obstacle on the way will be a huge peak for you to climb. Find your purpose on this planet, make a list of the values \u200b\u200bof your life, take a step forward and forward! "
Anna and Dean have been married for 25 years:“If you think that you are made for each other and are going to live a long time, happy life, develop and grow together - you need to always remain in close spiritual proximity with each other. Otherwise, as a result, you will find that you do not know your spouse at all, because he / she has changed over the years.

Write in the comments, how many years have you been married, and what is the main secret married life can you share ?!