Nutrition and diet 

True love is not always tragic. Love is like sunstroke or love is like death. How women and men are friends

... The feeling of "I" as a separate person disappears, in the inner world and external affairs the husband and wife feel themselves to be only a part of some common whole ...

There can be no deep and sincere love where selfishness rules. Perfect love is perfect self-denial.

From the diary of the holy martyr and passion-bearer Empress Alexandra on the meaning of family and family life

Signs of true love

So what is true, true love? What are its manifestations? Let's turn to the Bible. The essence of true love is revealed by the Apostle Paul in his famous hymn, in 1 Corinthians.

“... In perfect love there is no fear, but perfect love casts out fear, because in fear there is torment; the one who fears is imperfect in love. Love is longsuffering, merciful, love does not envy, love is not exalted, is not proud, does not rage, does not seek its own, does not think evil, does not rejoice in untruth, but rejoices in the truth, covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never fails, although prophecies will cease, and tongues will cease, and knowledge will be abolished. And now these three abide: faith, hope, love, but love is the greatest of them. "

It is difficult to add something to what has been said, however, you can highlight individual points and consider them in more detail.

"Love never ends". Eternity can be called a very important feature of true love. Anything that cannot be eternal has no right to be called love. And what disappears from the relationship? Passion, love. After their extinction, at best, emptiness, indifference, sometimes bright memories arise, at worst - negative painful emotions: hatred, despair.

If love is truly true, then a marriage built on this foundation must be eternal. Ideally, spouses remain faithful throughout their lives, even after their death. Of course, not everyone, having been widowed, can no longer marry, therefore, a new wedding is allowed in the church as condescension to our weakness. “It would be better for you not to marry again, but if you cannot bear this feat, then join,” says the Church.

And there is no doubt that the unity of souls that spouses have during life, if the spouses really love, will also take place after death, since the eternity of love extends not only to earthly life, but crosses the border of death.

You can give an example from the life of Xenia of Petersburg.

She was widowed when she was twenty-six years old and had no children. The unexpected death of her beloved husband so much struck Ksenia Grigorievna that she turned over all her ideas about the earthly world and human happiness. She perceived the departure of her husband to the other world as her own death.

The life of the ascetic informs that she did not enter into a new marriage and voluntarily took upon herself the feat of foolishness for Christ's sake. To the people she seemed insane; in fact, her actions were filled with deep spiritual meaning. Having renounced her former name, Ksenia took the name of her late husband and wore his costume. The blessed one assured that it was Xenia who died, and willingly responded if she was called Andrei Fedorovich. Thus, with her imaginary madness, she exposed the madness of this world, including the frivolous attitude towards marital intimacy and fidelity.

* * *

"Love is not looking for its own." That is, a person loves another for nothing, unlike falling in love, when they are often loved for something and because: he is strong, beautiful, intelligent, wealthy, etc. True love is unconditional love. How to understand this? Let's remember our parents or children. If you ask: "Why do we love them?" - then it is difficult to answer this question, since individual characteristics, of course, are not a reason for unconditional love.

We love both parents and children only because they are, as they are. In a marriage with true love, spouses love each other only because this particular person is your half (regardless of appearance, financial situation, etc.).

Sometimes there are married couples where the husband or wife is far from handsome, but what a quivering, tender relationship, what care for each other! As the priest Iliya Shugaev figuratively notes: “A person's appearance is a dull glass. From a distance you can only see the glass itself, and what is behind it you cannot see. But when you cling to such glass, you see only what is behind these glass, and you no longer see the glass itself. "

In this regard, one can recall the well-known fairy tale "The Scarlet Flower". The youngest merchant's daughter fell in love with the ugly monster for his love and kindness to her. Love for an invisible friend helped the girl overcome fear and disgust for his visible image. Ugliness, ugly appearance - love conquered all this. Appearance receded into the background. As a result, a transformation took place: the "forest beast" became a young prince, "a handsome man, with a royal crown on his head."

"Love is longsuffering," and indeed, patience, overcoming all kinds of difficulties and obstacles are the central characteristics of mature, true love.

In fairy tales, legends, the theme of marriage, love is closely related to the theme of trials, difficulties that spouses have to overcome. This is a typical ending of folk tales: after going through fire, water and copper pipes, overcoming and atoning for their mistakes, he and she find each other, find, as they used to say, their “betrothed”.

An interesting word "betrothed". It expresses faith: the chosen one was destined to meet. And when two meet, they recognize each other. People often look for each other, as in the famous fairy tale: "Go there, I don't know where, bring that, I don't know what." But they immediately understand when that very fateful meeting takes place.

One situation comes to mind.

Oksana and Stepan, having already been together for several years in a happy, prosperous marriage, did not cease to be surprised, remembering their first meeting. The future spouses met unexpectedly: Oksana was late for work and stopped a passing car driven by Stepan. As both later confessed to each other, they immediately realized that the real meeting had taken place. What are the signs? It is difficult to explain it in words. Both felt that the heart seemed to turn over in their chest and then began to beat faster, words were not required. Further life confirmed the truth of the first feelings that grew into true love.

* * *

The real life of spouses is filled with all kinds of trials, overcoming which two really become "one flesh." In this regard, I recall another example described by the Orthodox author Marina Kravtsova.

Natasha and Alexey got married early, right after school. At twenty, they already had two children. Twins were born, Ira and Larisa. Everything was going great. She had her own apartment, Alexey worked, Natasha was happy to do household chores. And then something terrible happened: Alexei was hit by a car. And a young handsome man lay bedridden. And, much worse, he was sentenced to life infirmity and real estate. The tragedy played out in the family did not break Natasha. Not a single day did she doubt that she would stay with her husband. Although everyone who knew her - friends, former teachers - insisted that sooner or later she would have to arrange her female destiny.

Understand, - they said kindly, - you are still a girl, and he is a cripple. Is this how your youth will pass? Look at yourself, you’re a beauty, everyone on the street is looking at you.

It was true. Natasha is very pretty. And not only the face is beautiful, but also the soul is beautiful.

I once made my choice, ”she said as she snapped. And no more "well-wisher" dared to open his mouth. For eight years Natasha selflessly looked after Lesha. Girls grew up. She worked, hardly met any of her friends, she just had no time. And most importantly, Natasha did not believe the doctors who treated Alexey. She was constantly trying to find such a specialist who could put her beloved on his feet. And I found it. The way she believed in the healing of her husband, how selflessly and faithfully she served her family, could not go in vain. Alexei got to his feet. He feels like a complete person. And, of course, this is the merit of Natasha, a woman who knows how to love.

* * *

Love "is merciful" - in other words, it forgives everything. Indeed, forgiveness is one of the main hallmarks of true love. We are all different, with our own character traits, habits, preferences. And often not everything is pleasant about the soup-friend. How you sometimes want to start redrawing, remaking your husband or wife. After all, it seems that just a little bit more and he (or she) will understand everything and begin to behave better, change. However, if this does not happen, how often do we feel resentment, anger: "After all, I tried so hard for him!"

In this regard, it is worth recalling the situation described by the holy elder Paisios the Svyatogorets.

The young man who lived like a worldly began to feel feelings for the girl who lived a spiritual life. In order for the girl to reciprocate him, he also tried to lead a spiritual life, to go to church. They merried. But years passed, and he returned to his former worldly life. They already had grown children. But, in spite of everything, this man continued to live dissolutely. He made a lot of money, but spent almost everything on his depraved life. The frugality of the unfortunate wife kept their household from collapse, with her advice she helped the children to stay on the right path. She did not condemn her husband, so that the children did not begin to feel hostility towards him and did not receive mental trauma, and also so that they were not carried away by the way of life that he led. When her husband came home late at night, it was relatively easy for her to justify him in front of the children: she said that he had a lot of work. But what could she say when, in broad daylight, he showed up at the house with his mistress? ... He called his wife and ordered various dishes, and in the afternoon he came to dinner with one of his mistresses. The unhappy mother, wishing to save the children from bad thoughts, received them cordially. She presented the case in such a way that her husband's mistress was allegedly her friend and the husband stopped by this “friend's” home to bring her to visit them by car. She sent the children to other rooms to learn lessons so that they would not see any indecent scene, because her husband, not paying attention to the children, even allowed himself obscenity in their presence. This was repeated day after day. Every now and then he came with a new mistress. It got to the point that the children began to ask her: "Mom, how many friends do you have?" "Ah, these are just old acquaintances!" - she answered. And besides, her husband treated her like a servant, and even worse. He treated her very cruelly and inhumanly. The nightmare continued for several years. Once this man was racing in a car and fell into the abyss. The car crashed, and he himself was seriously injured. He was taken to the hospital. And the doctors, having done what they could, sent him home. He became crippled. None of his mistresses even visited him, because he no longer had a lot of money, and his face was mutilated. However, the wife carefully looked after him, not reminding him of anything from his prodigal life. He was shocked and it changed him spiritually. He sincerely repented, asked to invite a priest to him, confessed, lived as a Christian for several years, having inner peace, and rested in the Lord. After his death, the eldest son took his place in the business and supported the family. The children of this man lived very amicably, because they inherited good principles from their mother. In order to save the family from decay, and her children from bitter sorrow, she drank their bitter cups herself.

* * *

"Love endures everything." True love is sacrificial. How to understand this? Sacrifice is the ability to push your interests into the background for the sake of another, even when they seem so important. This is an opportunity for the sake of your neighbor to give up something valuable to yourself. There can be many options. In this regard, I recall the following example.

Oksana and Nikolai got married at the institute. She is a promising future children's doctor, he is a scientific worker. Everyone around them considered them a brilliant couple with huge career prospects. But life has set other accents. The first child, a girl who appeared in the family, completely turned Oksana's plans. She did not expect that it would take so much attention to the baby. All forces, all care were directed at her. In addition, the overwhelmed economic affairs took away all strength. There was nowhere to wait for help. The husband was forced to give up his scientific career, took on almost any job, if it gave at least some money.

The girl grew up, Oksana was finally able to go to her favorite job. Having just felt herself professionally in demand, she realized that she was expecting a second child. The situation was aggravated by the fact that the management of the institution in which Oksana worked was going to send her to an expensive internship in her specialty, which in the future opened up great prospects. What to do? Nikolai was adamant: "We will have a child," he snapped. Oksana was forced to accept. A boy was born It is difficult to convey what Oksana had to endure, who found herself with two babies in her arms. The husband was hardly at home trying to find income. Diseases, upbringing, kindergarten, studies, additional education, music school ... Oksana had to part with her dreams of a career.

Of course, this is a very serious sacrifice for the sake of children. But life also consists of everyday, at first glance, small concessions, and sometimes loving people give each other the most precious thing they have.

* * *

An excellent example of sacrifice was described by the famous author O. Henry in his story "Gifts of the Magi".

“One dollar eighty-seven cents. That was all ... And tomorrow is Christmas. The only thing that could be done here was to flop on the old couch and howl. That's exactly what Della did ... Della stopped crying and stroked her cheeks with a puff. She now stood by the window and looked sadly at the gray cat strolling along the gray fence along the gray courtyard ... She suddenly jumped away from the window and rushed to the mirror. Her eyes sparkled, but the color faded from her face in twenty seconds. With a quick motion, she pulled out the hairpins and let her hair down.

It must be said that the Jung couple had two treasures that were the subject of their pride. One is Jim's gold watch that belonged to his father and grandfather, the other is Della's hair ...

And then Della's beautiful hair spilled, shining and shimmering like the streams of a chestnut waterfall. They went down below the knees and covered almost the entire figure with a cloak. But she immediately, nervous and in a hurry, began to pick them up again. Then, as if hesitating, she stood motionless for a minute, and two or three tears fell on the decrepit red carpet.

An old brown jacket on her shoulders, an old brown hat on her head - and, throwing up her skirts, sparkling with wet sparkles in her eyes, she was already rushing down into the street.

The sign she stopped at read: Hair Products of All Sorts.

Would you buy my hair? she asked Madame.

I'm buying hair, ”Madame replied. - Take off your hat, you need to look at the goods. The chestnut waterfall began to flow again.

Twenty dollars, ”said Madame, as usual weighing a thick mass in her hand.

The next two hours flew by on pink wings ... Finally she found. No doubt it was made for Jim, only for him. It was a platinum chain for a pocket watch, a simple and austere design ...

At home, Della's animation subsided and gave way to prudence and calculation. She pulled out a curling iron, lit the gas, and began to repair the damage caused by generosity combined with love ... Jim stood motionless at the door, like a setter smelling quail. His eyes rested on Dele with an expression that she could not understand, and she felt scared ... He just looked at her, not taking his eyes off, and his face did not change its strange expression ...

Did you cut your hair? - Jim asked with tension, as if, despite the increased work of the brain, he still could not realize this fact ... Jim took a package out of his coat pocket and threw it on the table.

Don't get me wrong, Dell, ”he said. - No hairstyle and haircut can make me stop loving my girl. But unfold this bundle, and then you will understand why I was a little dumbfounded in the first minute.

Quick, nimble fingers tore at the string and paper. A cry of delight followed, immediately - alas! - purely feminine, replaced by a stream of tears and groans, so that it was necessary to immediately apply all the sedatives available to the owner of the house. For there were combs on the table, the same set of combs — one in the back and two on the side — that Della had long since admired in a Broadway window. Wonderful combs, real tortoiseshell ones, with shiny pebbles embedded in the edges, and just the color of her brown hair.

Then she jumped like a scalded kitten and exclaimed. After all, Jim has not yet seen her wonderful gift. She hastily handed him the chain in her open palm. Brushed precious metal seemed to play in the rays of her stormy and sincere joy ...

Dell, - said Jim, - we have to hide our gifts for now, let them lie down a little. They are too good for us now. I sold the watch to buy you combs. And now, perhaps, it's time to fry the cutlets "...

* * *

So, a wonderful story of the sacrifice of young loving people who gave the most precious thing they had to please each other. And this, probably, is true love, which is the most valuable gift that can only be given to each other.

What else is characteristic of true love?

Real, true love has a sense of self-renewal. If marriage is built on initially correct spiritual foundations, then the moment of meeting (as an experience of a constantly renewing feeling) is always present with the spouses. It so happens that the spouses spend most of their time together: they work together, they relax together, they are happy and sad together. And, most importantly, they do not get tired of each other, but, on the contrary, more and more open new facets, new features in each other. Why it happens?

In true love, a person reveals himself and helps to reveal himself to a loved one. If sensual pleasures, passion inevitably lead to satiety, then mature love is not satiable - a loved one does not get bored: love reveals in each other the image of God, which is inexhaustible and incomprehensible. Such love through all the masks, character traits, habits, body shell sees the true spiritual face of a loved one. And often, already in their declining years, a husband and wife seem to regain themselves, but already at a new level of relationship.

True love includes caring for another. Caring is a manifestation of the ability to give, not related to considerations of benefit and self-interest. Psychologist and philosopher I. Yalom identifies the following characteristics of true care:

Detachment from conscious attention to yourself, not thinking about what he will think of me? What's in it for me? Do not seek praise, admiration, sexual release, power, money;

Caring is active. Mature love is in love, not loved. We give lovingly, not attracted to another;

Mature caring stems from a person's wealth, not from his poverty, from growth, not from need. A person loves not because he needs something else, not in order to exist, to be saved from loneliness, but because he cannot do otherwise;

Mature care is rewarded. Through care, a person receives care. The reward follows, but it cannot be pursued.

True love involves respect for the person of another. ... Respect is the recognition of the right of a spouse to choose his or her own individual view, even if it seems to us unreasonable, incorrect. This is sometimes very difficult to do. However, it is very important not to try to squeeze your spouse into the Procrustean bed of your own ideas, attitudes, points of view, even, it would seem, from the best intentions. This, of course, is not good for the relationship. On this occasion, I recall the example described by the holy elder Paisios the Svyatogorets.

“Once, while living in the Stomion monastery, I met a woman in the Cavalry, whose face was shining. She was the mother of five children. Her husband was a carpenter ... If the customers made any trifling remark to this man ... then he seemed to break loose. "Are you going to teach me ?!" he shouted, breaking his tools, throwing them into a corner and leaving. Now you can imagine what he was doing in his own house, if he destroyed everything in other people's houses! It was impossible to live with this man for a single day, and his wife lived with him for years. Every day she endured torment, but she treated everything with much kindness and covered everything with patience ... “After all, this is my husband,” she thought, “well, let him scold me a little. Maybe I, if I were in his place, would have behaved the same way. " This woman applied the Gospel in her life, and therefore God sent down His Divine Grace to her. "

But how often we do it differently! We are trying to remake, re-educate, remake a spouse, we are engaged in exhortations, persuasions, we give continuous advice, thereby constantly violating the freedom of the individual and his sovereignty. What is the bottom line? "Good" excitements, as a rule, end in a quarrel, conflict, and this is quite understandable: a loved one does not want to "re-educate", and begins to resist quite legally. Probably, more often you need to remember the words spoken by Ambrose Optinsky: "Know yourself, and that's enough for you."

Another example can be cited.

The spouses (Irina and Vyacheslav) lived in a married marriage, as they say, in perfect harmony. There was agreement on all the main issues: values, faith, outlook on life, interests ... Everything was fine, except that the husband could not get rid of the harmful, almost forty-year-old smoking habit. This became a stumbling block in the relationship between the spouses. Irina, out of good intentions, decided: “I will do everything so that he gets rid of his addiction. After all, this is harmful to health and an Orthodox person has no right to such weakness. " The situation was complicated by the fact that Vyacheslav did not make the same decision for himself.

The wife began to resolutely "eradicate" the lack of her husband: persuasion, an explanation of the harm of nicotine, threats ... But everything developed according to one scenario. Calm Vyacheslav patiently and for a long time endured all Irina's admonitions, but after a while he exploded and fell with anger on his wife. The relationship was at an impasse. What to do? Irina could not find an answer to this question. With this problem, she went to her spiritual mentor, hoping to receive recommendations for the re-education of Vyacheslav. But everything turned out differently. Laughing at the unsuccessful attempts to reason with her husband, the spiritual father said: "But you knew who you were marrying, why do you think that you can change an adult?" Then he continued: “You have missed the most important thing. It is impossible for a woman to change a man's nature. All your admonitions are perceived by Vyacheslav as attempts to interfere with his freedom, his personality, therefore, in response to good persuasion, resistance and irritation arise. Humble yourself and love your husband for who he is. And God will put everything in its place ”.

Irina had something to think about - she did not expect such an answer, but she firmly decided to do as her spiritual father said. Imagine the woman's surprise when she discovered that after the termination of the "admonition", the relations in the family changed dramatically for the better. The long-forgotten peace and quiet returned, and the husband began to show concern and participation.

* * *

The prototype of love without reservations and conditions is the love of the Lord Jesus Christ for humanity, who initially loves everyone, despite our deep sinful distortion and imperfection. The proof of this great love is the death of the Savior, who gave his life for the deliverance of man from eternal death. What other examples are needed! It remains only quite "a little" - to learn to love your neighbor so as not to think: "Well, let him first correct himself, take the right path, and then I will love him, of course, and truly!"

The whole point is that you need to love a person as he is now, with all his advantages and disadvantages. And then love will melt, transform, reveal all the best, all the most beautiful in the other; you just have to wait patiently and love. After all, we throw an apple seed into the ground and do not come to harvest in a month, but for many years we patiently look after the tree, and only then we wait for the fruits. The fruits of love also do not appear immediately, the human soul is much more complex than a plant. And not every tree survives, many die. And more than half of families fall apart, bearing no fruit, except for abandoned children and twisted souls. Priest Ilya Shugaev compares marriage to two stones, sharp and hard. As long as they do not touch each other, then everything seems to be fine, no one offends anyone, but put them in a bag and shake them hard and for a long time! ..

In this case, two options are possible: either the stones are hewn and no longer injure each other, or not, and then the bag breaks and the stones fly out of it. The bag is family, marriage. And either the spouses, through small self-sacrifices, rub themselves in, or scatter at each other in anger. A huge number of divorces occur in the first two or three years of marriage. People do not understand that there was no love yet, but there was only love. For love still had to fight. And just none of the spouses wanted to get rid of their sharp corners. Then a new marriage is possible, and there the same continues as in the first. The man mistakenly believes that he has again got a bad wife, and the wife thinks that she was unlucky with her husband. In fact, both do not want to pull the "beam" out of their eyes and build a truly mature and loving relationship.

So, we have listed the main signs of true love. As Abbot Georgy (Shestun) notes, “... a person achieves full-fledged love all his life. It is a gift from God that is given by grace. And in order to achieve such love, you need to earn it: you need to acquire grace and keep it. And most importantly, you need to live to see love, you need to earn it. And if this happens, then in a few years the husband looks at his wife, and the wife looks at her husband, and he thinks: "What a blessing that I married her." And she thinks: "What a blessing that I married him." The understanding that this chosen one is the only one, that another person is nearby and impossible to imagine - this is love. But it comes when the ship of family life has overcome many storms, has survived in spite of everything. "

Spiritual, soulful, bodily love

In a true, mature relationship, all three levels of love are present: spiritual, mental and physical. ... The spiritual side of love is manifested by mercy, forgiveness of offenses, humility, sacrifice. Sincerity in love is emotional involvement, sensitivity, attention, the ability to resolve conflicts. The physical side of love is manifested by tenderness, affection, harmonious sexual relations.

These facets in marriage complement and enrich the relationship. The Holy Scriptures say that Adam got to know his wife in a new way three times.

The first time it was when he first saw his wife, created from his flesh, and for the first time confessed his love to her. He said, "Behold, this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh," and gave her the first name, "wife." This is the first love, perfect, spiritual, when a person sees another person in love, then it’s another person, but at the same time, it’s me. ".. He who loves his wife loves himself" ...

The second time Adam came to know his wife after the Fall, when both fell, but his wife fell first ... Adam needed to forgive his wife and be reconciled with her. And he again gives her a name - Eve (Life), "for she became the mother of all living." And this love is the love of reconciliation, forgiveness is spiritual love.

The third time “Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived ... ”and gave birth, and continued to conceive and bear children. This is the third type of love - childbearing, bodily love.

As one kind of love appears after another, it also fades away one after another, but in the reverse order. The first in the life of the spouses to fade away and subside is bodily love. It dies down not because it is not good, but because it is fulfilled. It dies down but does not disappear. From her remains tenderness, the memory of the soul and body.

If people have lived together for a long time and well, then the second love also dies down - forgiveness and reconciliation. Why? The husband and wife have forgiven each other for a long time, even for the future, and are ready to accept the other with all the illnesses and oddities, character traits. The second love dies down, but does not disappear. Endless patience remains from her.

First love, spiritual, never subside. While people live on earth, the husband looks at his wife: "You are bone of my bone, you are flesh of my flesh." This is how the real embodiment of love gradually takes place in marriage. The Lord opens the inner eyes of a person's heart and helps him to see the image of God in his beloved. This image turns out to be so beautiful that even visible flaws fade into the background, they are not noticed.

Love requires a lot of work and patience, but its fruits pay off handsomely. According to the Christian philosopher K. Lewis, when a person "really learns to love his neighbor as himself, he will be given to love himself as his neighbor."

To be continued...

E.A. Morozova Psychologist. From the book "Harmony in Family and Marriage"

When does love become a tragedy?

Love is self-legislative and free, that's why it is tragic. This tragedy is generated by the conflict of the moral requirements prevailing in society and the impossibility of fulfilling them within the framework of love (more precisely, it would be said that it is moral requirements that impose on this beautiful and inherently boundless sense of limitation).
Many stories by I.A. Bunin based on unhappy love, the death of people. Many of us shudder from the irreparability of the fate of the main characters, even fictional ones, whose souls were permeated with quivering love, a real enlightenment of life ...
But their dreams and hopes were not destined to come true. Sometimes really ridiculous, stupid and therefore terrible circumstances hindered them.
So in "Easy Breath" the girl, before whose beauty the author admires, is killed by a Cossack officer.
In "Gala Hanska" the absurd quarrel became the reason for the suicide of the heroine of the story and, almost, the complete insanity of the protagonist. When the most absurd accident leads to the death of a loved one, it is a tragedy.
Many more stories of this writer fill the soul of the reader with sadness about unhappy love. But in Bunin's short story "Natalie" the main character is "punished" by two different feelings at once: "two loves at once, so different and so passionate", such "amazing beauty of Natalie's adoration" and such "bodily rapture of Sonya." But this lyrical story, though full of drama, is not tragic.

The idea of ​​a tragedy in love is perfectly reflected in the works of another wonderful writer - Kuprin... AIKuprin's story "Olesya" shows mutual love, striking in its purity and sincerity, doomed due to the impossibility of compromise. So great is the gap between the two worlds of two people - a man and a woman. He belongs to the society of people, she is completely devoted to nature. Love was taken by surprise and just as unexpectedly left. The only thing that remains of their tender and generous feeling is only bright memories.
One happy moment and eternal separation is a tragedy. Having experienced a real feeling once, you will never be able to forget it, you will never be able to enjoy something less, for the rest of your life experiencing the need to fill the bottomless heart's emptiness - this is a tragedy.
The story shows that the tragic beginning is carried in itself not only unhappy, but also happy mutual love, which with even greater force pushes those who love out of the ordinary and generally accepted norms.
In another story by Kuprin - "Garnet Bracelet" - a man is accused of ... love! But was he really to blame for love, and is it possible to control such feelings. The husband of the main character admitted that he was present at the "enormous tragedy of the soul." A woman's life path was crossed by real, selfless, true love, "but the love that every woman dreams of passed her by," eternal exclusive love. He considers love to be an absolute value, the pinnacle of moral relations, not constrained by any moral evaluations, thanks God for this "tremendous happiness", for "the only joy in life, the only consolation, a single thought." She renounces the love of the one who worships her, and only after his death does she realize that she has lost.
Love is a free manifestation of the essence of a person. It cannot be prescribed or forcibly overcome. The rules of conduct and evaluation are losing their indisputability here. Love, as the highest emotional and spiritual tension, removes all one-sidedness, all exceptions, all boundaries of virtues ...
But love without any hope, the desire only to love, even if not to be loved, to love without response and faith in reciprocity, "a life that humbly and joyfully doomed itself to torment, suffering and death" is a tragedy.

How many words, how many phrases are dedicated to her, the queen of all feelings - love. Love is a gift from above. We get used to it from childhood: first we love our parents, toys, pets. Then, growing up, we find other facets in it: love for the opposite sex, for the Motherland, for creativity and people in general. She comes unexpectedly, destroys the established way of life. Love gives wings to someone - and people begin to "fly". It destroys someone's whole life, condemning them to suffering and pain. The theme of love is so immense and multifaceted that it seems to be found in the works of all writers and poets. And everyone sees it in their own way, "from their own bell tower." Kuprin, for example, spoke of love, "which is repeated only once in a thousand years." A. P. Chekhov, speaking through the lips of his hero, the landowner Alekhine, asserted: "... when you love, then in your discussions about this love you need to proceed from the higher, from more important than happiness and unhappiness, sin or virtue in their walking sense or no need to reason at all. " But the work of Ivan Alekseevich Bunin was special, the most memorable to me. He devoted many works to the theme of love. Not having a complex plot, being short in content, Bunin's stories carry a whole stream of feelings, emotions and impressions. The love of the Bunin heroes is always tragic, shrouded in a veil of sadness. She is a mysterious element, capable of both infinitely exalting and destroying a person.

The theme of love and suffering are inseparable in the writer's work. Love is bright and unexpected, but always hopeless and often has a sad ending. Bunin combined a huge number of stories about the sad, but life-giving power of love into one collection - "Dark Alleys". Subsequently, critics will call this collection "the encyclopedia of love." I think there is every reason for this.

Two of his works will help us to reveal in more detail the theme of love in the writer's work: "Sunstroke" (1925) and "Dark Alleys" (1935). Why exactly these two works? I think the answer to this question will become clear later. An attempt to understand and appreciate the nature of this great feeling was made by Blok in the story "Sunstroke". The plot of the story is very simple: a suddenly flared up feeling between the lieutenant - the main character of the story and a young woman, traveling on a steamer, connects them for a while. Passion, like a flash, lit up both. But that was a short relationship with an inevitable tragic outcome. After parting with a beautiful stranger in one of the ports, the lieutenant could not find peace of mind and peace. "The lieutenant was sitting under a canopy on the deck, feeling ten years older," - this is how the story ends. The hero, accidentally touching the unknown power of love, lost it forever. This brief outburst, this quick loss, led him to the realization of the entire tragedy of being. What did he have after such a bright, but such a short meeting? The torment of a loving soul, bitterness from loss, pain of memories will forever remain an unhealed wound in the hero's heart. But why did the author make the ending so tragic, why did he separate the heroes so soon? The storyline of the story once again confirms the author's opinion that true, true love is doomed to be only a flash, a short insight. True love does not tolerate prolongation, for it can become ordinary, insipid.

The second story, no less surprising in its strength and emotionality, was written in 1935. It was he who gave the name to the entire collection - "Dark Alleys". People who loved each other in their youth, but separated for obvious reasons, met by chance thirty years later. Once, he - a young nobleman was in love with the serf girl Nadezhda. But no one would have allowed them to marry and be together, and the young man himself was a hostage of his time. She, albeit beloved, but not his "circle". Easily parting with her, he married the one that corresponded to his position. What happened to Nadezhda, serf? She, having received freedom from the masters, became the mistress of the inn. At the meeting, which took place thirty years later, hope is confessed to Nikolai Alekseevich: "No matter how long time passed, I lived alone. Everything passes, but not everything is forgotten. Just as I had nothing dearer than you in the world at that time, and then it was not." ... She could not change her feelings - she never got married. For a minute, Nikolai Alekseevich understands that Nadezhda is "the most precious" that he had in his life. But a few minutes later he returns "from heaven to earth": with shame he recalls his last words and the fact that he "kissed her hand." All these class prejudices were too important for him, which doomed him to misfortune in his personal life. And Nadezhda remained the same - loving and believing. For her, memories of youth are the only thing that warms the soul. For him, it was just "a vulgar, ordinary story ..." It becomes sad and sad after such words.

Each Bunin hero in his own way seeks answers to "eternal" questions: what is love? how to explain it? and is it possible to do this? For some, she is an insight and a source of life. For others, this feeling is a burden or empty words. But one way or another, it shakes, excites the hearts of the heroes. And this means that this feeling is alive, that means there is love.

Love ... Perhaps, there is no person who at least once would not think about it. What is it? What does a person live by? Or is it a trifle that makes you vulnerable? A deep and strong feeling or a fleeting affection? Love at first sight? Happy? Unshared? My head is spinning from these questions. And the answers to them ... no. For centuries people have been looking for these answers, but if they do find them, then they are different for everyone. That is why they say that love is something eternal, imperishable. She excited, excites and will excite the hearts and souls of people.

At the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries, the treasury of Russian literature was supplemented by the works of two writers: Ivan Bunin and Alexander Kuprin, who found their answers to "eternal" questions. And they told the world about it. It would seem that these two writers are not alike at all. Even outwardly, their difference is so great that it seems as if they cannot have anything in common. Pushkin called Kuchelbecker "brother in muse, in fate." It can hardly be said so about Bunin and Kuprin, because their fates were markedly different. But the muse, it seems, was the same ...

Love is like sunstroke and love is like death - the thoughts of the two great writers are very similar. What is sunstroke if not a tiny doom? The gentle sun warms, hugs the shoulders ... It seems that you can no longer live without it. And here that which for so long brought you only joy, "hits on the head", cloudes the heart and mind, and leaves behind a lot of pain and unpleasant heaviness in the head and weakness in the body.

Bunin's "sunstroke" throws an unnamed lieutenant and his unnamed companion into the abyss of passions. Having known each other for only three hours, drunk either from the sun, or from the hops, or from each other, they get off the ship in some unknown place, in some small town, and spend several unforgettable hours together. And here "unforgettable" is not a bombastic or vulgar word, no. It is sincere: "... as soon as they entered and the footman closed the door, the lieutenant rushed to her so impetuously and both of them gasped in the kiss so frenziedly that they remembered this moment for many years: neither one nor the other had ever experienced anything like this in their entire life."

The feeling that overwhelmed the two people did not last long: only night and a little morning. But it left an indelible mark on the souls of both.

They parted easily, only "in front of everyone" kissed on the pier. But after this parting, the same torment began, which always happens when you come to your senses after a sunstroke.

The lieutenant was tormented. Even a single day without Her seemed unbearable, endlessly long and empty. The room, in which everything breathed Her, was empty. Together with him, the lieutenant's heart, deprived of happiness, was empty.

Only the next morning did he feel better. But the world has changed for this man, and the gentle sun, which brought him together with perhaps the greatest love of his life, became "aimless." The soul of the lieutenant had hardly died, but, having fallen in love, he nevertheless died.

Falling in love, the hero of A. Kuprin's story "The Pomegranate Bracelet" Zheltkov also died. For many years he passionately and secretly loved a single woman, an unattainable woman, not paying attention to others. He loved selflessly, with a love "of which women dream and which men are no longer capable of."

But Vera, beloved "GSZh.", Failed to see that very love in this feeling. She walked past Anosova, barely touching.

Zheltkov performed a feat in the name of this love. Having deprived himself of his life, he saved Vera Nikolaevna from suffering, who was burdened by the feeling of a secret adorer.

How much do you need to love a person to do something like that? ..

Love that is "strong as death." Yes, this is not Bunin's "sunstroke". But both of them confirm the idea that true love is always tragic, sacrificial, selfless. And, of course, it does not come to everyone. It can appear and disappear, like a sunstroke, like lightning in a stormy sky, and leave behind a trail that can never be erased by anything. When you fall in love, you give something to another. And first of all - the soul. This kind of love doesn't just disappear. Probably only together with a person. You can sprinkle her with some passions, other feelings, but she will live as long as you live.

Great love - great works. Two different writers, even outwardly dissimilar so much that it seems as if they cannot have anything in common. But they have a single muse.

Many works of I.A. Bunin are devoted to the theme of love, in particular, the cycle of stories "Dark Alleys", rightfully called the pinnacle of the writer's creativity. But a strange feeling remains after reading these of his works - sadness, sympathy for the heroes, their tragic, uncomfortable fate. Heroes die, part, commit suicide - they are all unhappy. Why is this happening? Love is shown by the writer as a powerful formidable force capable of turning a person's life over. The lieutenant, the hero of the story "Sunstroke", did not think about it at all, starting, as it seemed to him, an easy affair with an attractive fellow traveler. But, having parted with her, he suddenly realizes that he cannot forget her, see the heroine again for him "more necessary than life." With deep psychologism, the writer reveals the inner experiences of the hero, his spiritual maturation. The lieutenant feels the peace and serenity of the life around him - and this only intensifies his suffering: "Probably, I am the only one so terribly unhappy in this city." Bunin often resorts to such techniques as antithesis (opposition) and oxymoron (a combination of incongruous concepts) in order to more vividly reveal the inner world of the hero, who feels extraordinary joy in everything and at the same time the torment that breaks his heart, happiness in his soul and tears in his eyes ... With tears in his eyes, he fell asleep, and in the evening, sitting on the deck of the steamer, he feels ten years older. The hero is in the power of love, his feelings do not depend on him, but they transform him spiritually - this is Pushkin's awakening of the soul, a change in the whole outlook of a person. Mitya, the hero of the story "Mitya's Love", is jealous and suffering, feeling Katya's disdain for him, some kind of falsity in her behavior, which she herself does not even realize yet. He is waiting for a letter from her, and how painfully the author shows this expectation, and how quickly Mitya's joy is replaced by the expectation of the next message, which is even more painful. Moreover, physiology does not replace love, and the episode with Alyonka convincingly proves this - the power of love is in the harmony of the carnal and spiritual, in its spiritual significance. And so brightly, so painful is the suffering of Mitya, who received the news of Katya's betrayal and their inevitable breakup, that he shoots himself "with pleasure" just to stop this pain, tearing his heart. Of course, such an intensity of passions is incompatible with ordinary life, because in life there is often so much dirt, the rough prose of everyday life, petty calculations, lust that kill love. The victim of this was Olya Meshcherskaya, the heroine of the story "Light Breath", whose pure soul was ready for love and was waiting for extraordinary happiness. Submitting to social prejudices, Nikolai Alekseevich abandons Nadezhda the heroes of the story "Dark Alleys" - and he himself does not see happiness in his further destiny. For the rest of her life, the heroine of the story "Cold Autumn" will remember the evening of farewell to her fiancé, who was later killed in the war. And her whole future life is just existence, everyday prose, and in her soul there is only that cold farewell evening and poems that her beloved read to her. Therefore, I think it can be argued that in the image of I.A. Bunin's love is such a rise of the soul, which is not given to everyone, but which everyone who has experienced it will never forget.