Is it possible to hit girls on the butt with your hand? The main reasons for physical punishment of children. Attitudes towards physical punishment of children in different countries

15.05.2019

Experts unanimously say that children should not be spanked, since assault is not the most the best method impact on the child. And yet, many adults are sure: it is easier to spank a child on the butt once than to repeat many times why something should not be done.

Today we will discuss the arguments of domestic and foreign psychologists who oppose physical punishment, and find out why children should not be spanked.

The statistics are inexorable - about 60% of Russian parents use physical force against their children from time to time. Of course, in most cases these are not severe beatings, but the notorious spankings and slaps on the head, which mothers and fathers generously “give” to naughty children.

Why do parents still spank their naughty children? Because this is the easiest way out of the situation.

Judge for yourself, there is no need to look for the reason for a bad deed, there is no need to think about children's emotions, or select other methods of education. I spanked him a couple of times, and it seemed that the conflict was over.

Let's find out what can happen if you constantly use physical punishment towards your baby.

Why can't you spank a child?

You can disagree with psychologists and assure yourself for as long as you like that light spanks and slaps are good for children, that in this simple way they will quickly understand what they can do and what they should refrain from doing. However, this is just self-deception, and here's why.

1. A child learns through imitation

If you regularly spank your child, be prepared for the possibility that he will one day hit you, a sandbox buddy, or a pet.

In this case, your words that “You can’t fight” or “Don’t you dare hit your mom” will have no effect on him. The child will quickly learn that the big can hurt the little, and the strong can hurt the weak.

2. Self-esteem decreases

Children's sense of self is created primarily by their parents.

A small child does not yet understand the cause-and-effect relationship between a spanking and his bad deed.

Slapping a two-year-old baby in your hearts because he broke a car will not teach him to be careful when handling things.

“I was hit, I’m bad and don’t deserve love,” that’s what children think. And with each blow, their self-esteem decreases more and more.

3. The child gets used to spanking

Probably, after the first thrashing, the baby will listen to you and stop being naughty. However, make no mistake, this did not happen because he repented and realized that he had done wrong. The child simply got scared and wants yours back. good location and love.

If physical punishment has become commonplace, children begin to perceive it as inevitable and do not change their own behavior.

4. Spanking does not teach internal control.

Children who receive “first number” from their parents do not learn to control their actions.

They need approval, a person who would say what is right and what is, accordingly, wrong.

Such children live by the principle: “I won’t do this, otherwise I will be punished.” But ethical standards are much more important: “You can’t behave like that, because it’s bad.”

5. Hitting people is a crime.

Physical force is the use of force, that is, an action that is wrong and condemned by any society, and sometimes even criminally punishable.

You won't hit your colleague who did something wrong at work, will you? How is your child different from other people?

6. Writing about your own powerlessness

The main argument of adults is that the child is simply uncontrollable and does not respond to other arguments. However, in this case, the problem is not in the child himself, but in your relationship and inability to cope with children.

By handing out slaps on the head, mom or dad admits to weakness and thereby lowers their authority in the eyes of the child.

This means that children’s provocations will continue.

7. Mistrust of parents

Corporal punishment destroys trusting relationship between family members, affection and love are broken.

Agree, it is difficult to love the person who spanks you.

This method of education is effective only because children are still small and cannot oppose their parents with their own strength. Sometimes childhood grievances are carried over into adult life, making it difficult for grown children and aged mothers and fathers to get along.

8. Decrease in intelligence

Meanwhile, American psychologists conducted a study showing that the level of intelligence among children who are regularly spanked by their parents is significantly lower than that of their “unbeaten” peers.

And discipline and obedience are better in that group of schoolchildren to whom adults are more loyal.

How to resist spanking?

Let's say you realized that you can't spank a child and decide to abandon this unpromising method. But what should we take into service? We offer several useful tips from experienced psychologists.

You need to learn to negotiate with your baby. Imagine your friend in his place. You wouldn’t spank an adult with a belt because, for example, he disturbs your sleep? You would prefer to leave the room, ask him to leave, explain that you are tired, etc. Try to do the same with your child.
Don't accumulate negative emotions. Children often bring things to a boil with their pranks. If you tolerate them, don’t voice them and don’t get angry, then in the end everything can end in a spanking. Express your emotions: “Your behavior makes me terribly angry.” By ceasing to accumulate irritation within yourself, you will learn to talk and explain yourself to children, which means that the need for spanking will disappear.
Look for the problem within yourself. We have already said that spanking is not a child's problem. This is a signal about the psychological distress of the parents. Perhaps you are under stress and do not know how to cope with anger. If you find yourself grabbing your belt too often, your best bet is to see a professional.
Don't consider your baby to be an exact copy of you. Sometimes you can hear a parent complaining: “Before I couldn’t say a word to my father, but my parents don’t listen to me at all!” Mom grew up as an obedient and calm girl, but she gives birth to a child with a difficult character? It’s okay, consult a psychologist, read literature on raising “difficult” children.
Apologize to your child. Each of us is a living person, and not an ideal being. If you can’t contain your irritation, be sure to ask your child for forgiveness for the slap or slap on the head. Tell him that you were angry not at the baby himself, but at his misbehavior.

Of course, one article cannot tell you how, if not spanking, to raise a child, instill in him norms of behavior, and stop hysterics and whims.

So, when asked whether it is possible to spank a child, most psychologists confidently answer: “No.” Physical punishment often doesn't work positive result, but, on the contrary, violate parent-child relationships.

Think for a moment before you Once again spank the fidget. Perhaps there are other parenting methods in your parenting arsenal that will be more effective?

6 comment(s) to “”

Assault has nothing to do with “spanking”, as is known, even royal and royal persons in childhood have been spanked by their teachers or parents... Even the Bible says that loving parent a disobedient child whips, but he whips lovingly. How to "vaccinate" against bad habits and inclinations, naturally, if other methods do not help. It is natural and normal for a child to be spanked by his own father or mother! Adequate parents will not harm their child. You can punish with words much more painfully and hurt the inner little man anything, even explanations that may not always be clear to the child. The question of who spanked and why he spanked is more relevant than using force or not. Psychologists have drawn a lot from the Bible, but they have not realized that physical punishment is the norm for educational process, extreme, but still the norm.

Great article. I am also sure that children should not be spanked. If a parent spanks his child, this does not prove the child’s guilt, but the parent’s inability to explain to his child what he is doing wrong.

Spank kids, let alone slap them on the head? I can't wrap my head around it. Well, except for the massage, of course (there somehow you need to lightly pat). My eldest did not receive spankings and slaps from me and grew up kind girl, but gives change to the boys at school. It happened once, however, as the author writes, “strength against strength.” At the age of three, my daughter began to be completely capricious on the street: wallowing in the mud and kicking her. I dragged her home (the girl struggled mightily, almost flew out of my arms a couple of times, I was scared). And at home, no persuasion or anything like that. Then I spanked her, but she was wearing a thick down jumpsuit. Then there was a conversation and an agreement. There were no more such hysterics. I don’t plan to assault my youngest either.

I really like the first method: imagine your friend committing the same offense in the place of the child. Indeed, you won’t spank your friend, even if he interferes with your sleep or throws his things around the house :-) This method works well for me, and the irritation with the baby immediately decreases.

It is difficult to disagree with the author’s opinion, but nowadays the younger generation is becoming more and more ill-mannered. I am also against violence, but I believe that sometimes it is still possible to “spank” a child. This applies in cases where other, humane methods of education have been tried in vain.

Even before the birth of her child, she was categorically against this method of punishment. After all, there are much more humane ways to explain or punish a child for his offense.

What do you say about education through corporal punishment? Most likely, you will be strongly against it. Let's turn the pages of history and look at how our ancestors raised their children. Beating at that time was the norm and even the rule good upbringing. As a result, we see that in those days obedience was not just a word, and even contradicting parents was considered rebellion and happened only in exceptional cases. In those days, whims were unheard of. So what is a “whip”? good method, and is it better than the modern “gingerbread”? It is the question of the appropriateness of corporal punishment that we will examine today.

Not long ago, physical punishment of children was commonplace.

Psychological aspect

Before we start the conversation, let's look at the statistics. About 95% of respondents, when asked whether their parents beat them in childhood, answered in the affirmative. More than a half Of these, 65% added that these punishments brought them tangible benefits.

Let us now move on to consider the influence of physical punishment on the child’s psyche. Psychologists, as well as all other sensible people, are convinced that a child will never find a reliable defense against such a weighty “argument”. With the goal of forcing the baby to do something, bypassing his endless whims and harmfulness, the parent, using force, will solve it very effectively.

Everything works, but here the question arises that the cause of the bad behavior has not been clarified and eliminated. Thus, we get only a short-term effect. Dr. Komarovsky also speaks about this. To regularly fulfill your requests and demands, you will have to resort to violence all the time. Is constant beating not part of your plans? Remember that the child is afraid of punishment only the first few times, then he gets used to it and only becomes more and more embittered against you. The desire for revenge, based on resentment and pain, grows.

Most often, after a breakdown, the parent develops a feeling of guilt towards the child.

Parents, as a rule, in most cases strongly repent after each breakdown. Their sense of guilt is growing, because they raised their hand to a small and completely defenseless person.

Most main advice, how to restrain anger and assault: feeling that you are about to lose your temper, quickly run out of the room, breathe deeply several times, count: 1, 2, 3, 4... and so on. Help yourself in any way you can to avoid another beating.

Science vs. Whipping

WITH scientific point From our point of view, the question of the advisability of using physical punishment for educational purposes has been considered more than once by scientists. Professor Murray Strauss, who teaches at the University of New Hampshire, claims that children whose parents beat them as children are more likely to mature age have more low level intellectual development(IQ). Grown up kids whose parents tried to look for alternative options influences and methods of education have higher rates.

Is it really true that, without wanting it, we introduce a “fad” into the child’s psyche about his low self-esteem, give him self-doubt, reduce mental capacity? Are we really inviting fear and pain to replace confidence and intelligence? We see that children study poorly and think slower than their peers, we reproach them and punish them for every bad mark, but this only aggravates the situation.

A child who is subjected to physical punishment, grows up unsure and withdrawn

Law against beating

About 13 out of 100 people participating in an independent survey pointed to the fact that the problem of domestic violence should be not only internal, personal, but also social. These issues should be dealt with by special bodies monitoring the observance of the rights and freedoms of the child. Such services should come to the rescue of a defenseless person who does not yet have sufficient strength of his own to resist the threat. It is always easy to punish the weak. In the legislative system of any country, you can easily find a clause that states that any violence against children must be prosecuted by law, even to the extent of deprivation of parental rights.

Remember, hitting a child is prohibited from a moral or legal point of view. Not a single part of the body is designed for violence - not the back, not the butt, and especially not the head! This is the law!

Seeing a hysterical fit in a 3-year-old child and feeling that only a spank can bring him back to reality, do not rush to do this. Remember that you can always find other methods of influence. For example, use this: sit the baby on your lap and hug him tightly. Give him the opportunity to calm down in your arms and come to his senses. After some time, you will be able to talk to him calmly.

You can help a child get out of a hysterical attack with love and understanding.

When deciding for yourself whether to physically punish a child or not, and not finding convincing arguments that such actions contradict all possible principles - moral, mental, and legal - answer yourself this question: what can give rise to violence (we recommend reading:) ? Answer yourself honestly: nothing but violence.

Consequences of assault

Let us emphasize again: never hit a child! Compare the situation when someone hit you. How will you treat this person? How is a child different? in this case? Yes, practically nothing. The mechanism for perceiving the situation is the same. Still just tiny, the kids already harbor in their little heads the dream of revenge on their parents. They cannot cope with adults yet, so they switch to easier targets: younger comrades, animals. It is terrible to understand that the wrong behavior of parents towards their children can ultimately give birth to the country of new maniacs, murderers, rapists and sadists. Most of these monsters were at one time victims of excessive domestic violence.

Why can't you hit children? As soon as you hit the baby, he immediately understands that:

it is possible to hit the weak;
parents are unable to cope with children's pranks;
assault - great way solve all problems;
the closest people (parents) cause fear, you need to be afraid of them;
the child does not have physical ability respond to the offender.

Due to the inequality of power, the child simply cannot respond in kind to the offender

Despite the fact that 67% of parents surveyed speak negatively about the use of physical punishment for educational purposes, they still periodically spank their children. Often parents raise their hand against a weak toddler because of their own powerlessness. They cannot convey the word “impossible” to the little one in any other way. Hitting the butt seems to them the most effective way. No, it shouldn't be like that. Anyone can understand a tired mother, exhausted, irritated and frustrated, but none of the listed conditions justifies spanking and slaps in the face of her beloved baby. Feeling that you are about to lose your temper and lose your temper, begin to act: count to 10, breathe deeply, go to another room, hit a pillow, try different ways eliminating anger. Do your best, but don't let yourself hit the weak.

What to do?

We have already mentioned that bad deeds, harmfulness and whims are only consequences, and the reason lies in something completely different. What? It will seem strange and banal - the desire to be seen and heard.

The baby wants to get our attention at any cost, so give him that attention. Walk and play together more often, hug and kiss more often. You will see how correctly you are acting: affection and care can melt the coldest ice of the heart.

What to do when you have exhausted all verbal arguments? What to do if you absolutely need to convey to your child that his actions are wrong? Silence is not an option, but trying to change the situation can be a good method.

Joint leisure strengthens family relationships, increases the level of trust

Learn to make compromises

Situation: you are tired and want to sleep, but the baby still won’t calm down. You tried everything to calm him down: requests, threats... It seems that he is doing everything on purpose to annoy you. A little more and you will lose your temper... Stop! Imagine in the place of your 4-year-old toddler an adult - your friend who is the same age. He wants to have fun and make noise, while you are already mortally tired and falling off your feet. Are you going to spank him or, worse, flog him with a belt? Most likely, you will try to find another way to negotiate. You will either go to another room yourself, or ask him to leave, citing your own fatigue. Try the same methods with your baby. It may turn out that the baby just missed you, then the most the right remedy - big hugs and sincere conversation.

The second situation: the child offends other children on the playground and may hit them on the head with a spatula. Step aside with him and talk to him calmly but firmly, explaining that you will go home now, since he does not know how to play well with others. Also tell him that you will do this until he learns good behavior. Seeing that even after your conversations the baby continues to do bad things, know for sure that he is doing it out of spite. This is how he wants to get your attention.

Give yourself the opportunity to be real

Scale negative emotions Your child’s pranks and pranks will soon reach the boiling point. You fight with yourself, try not to scream or get angry, but still, having reached the limit, you cannot cope and again beat your little blood (we recommend reading:). After this, you reproach yourself, scold and blame. Not worth it. Most the best option- talk to your child and explain why you did this.

If an adult made a mistake, you can directly tell the child about it

Conversations can be had at any age. It doesn’t matter how old the baby is now - one, two, three years old or 10 years old. Don’t be shy about your anger and irritation, let your baby know about them. Don't strive to be perfect mom, be lively and natural. Call a spade a spade: “I was terribly angry with you because...” Always back up your words with explanations. By freeing yourself from the need to accumulate anger and anger, and by learning to talk about it with your child, you will see for yourself that the need for punishment will disappear by itself.

Find the root cause within yourself

If you begin to regularly and methodically spank your little one for any offense, but for serious offenses you can spank him severely, there is a clear problem. Of course, not a child’s room, but your personal one. Being in a difficult emotional and mental state, the parent is constantly tense and irritated. With punishments and spanking, he takes out his anger and relieves stress. Most people who beat children were beaten themselves as children. They don’t see anything wrong with beating: we were punished with a belt on the butt, and we will be punished too. Realizing that his parents’ tactics towards the person were wrong, he keeps shielding them, proving to those around him and to himself that beating is useful. Such parents may hit their child on the lips in the heat of anger for some impudent word addressed to them.

IN similar situations the right way– get rid of childhood psychological traumas. If you don’t see the reason for your anger and frequent use of corporal punishment, consult a psychologist. The science of psychology will help in this case to identify the root cause and eliminate it.

The main assistants in the matter of education, namely humane education, are patience and endless Love. To raise children - a lot of work and the work is not easy, but all problems and difficulties can be overcome. Seeing the negativity from the toddler, do not rush to conclusions. It is important to find out the reason for this behavior. Don't forget that each age has its own characteristics and needs that need to be listened to.

A person who has barely been born should already appear before you as a full-fledged personality. You cannot perceive him as a weak and subservient being who fulfills all your demands and desires without complaint.

Corporal punishment leads to the fact that the baby becomes scared, embittered and morally humiliated. Do not allow yourself to destroy the trust that exists between you and your child. Beating awakens feelings of hatred in him, and this will only make his behavior worse. Following this, new punishments will come. Stop this vicious circle. Don't let your child lose his self-esteem.

Today there is an opinion that a mother or relatives can spank a child on the butt with educational purpose. What do psychologists think about this?

To the question “Is it possible to spank a child?” experts from the Elitora Development and Education Center answer.

Any parent trying to answer the question, “Is it okay to spank a child?” will collide in modern times with difficulties, the reason for which is the lack of a clear answer to this question. Most child psychologists - Russian, and especially foreign - categorically prohibit touching a child in any way, without distinguishing between the concepts of “spanking” or “beating”, calling any touching of a child for educational purposes unacceptable. But in other way, Soviet education was not based, but still included elements of corporal punishment, which, subsequently, according to the personal perception of each parent, did not lead to serious psychological trauma. In fact, there is no evidence of a causal relationship between mild corporal punishment and the psychological harm it causes.

So today there is an opinion that, after all, a mother or relatives raising a child, subject to a number of certain conditions, can “slap the child on the bottom” for educational purposes. Below, specialists from the Elitora Development and Education Center will tell you what conditions are being discussed and whether it is realistic to comply with them.

Everyone's definition of "spanking" is different.

One of the problems with spanking as such is the vagueness of the concept itself, or rather, its perception by the punisher. For example, in most cases a man is physically stronger than women, and therefore daddy’s spanking will turn out to be much more noticeable in reality. In addition, it is difficult to calculate the force of a blow when a child is fidgeting (and usually a calm child is not punished), and if you accidentally miss the butt, you can really hurt some other sensitive part of the baby’s body. And this is basically not acceptable.

Spanking for yourself

Why do parents punish their child? It would seem that the initial purpose of any punishment is to convey to the child that he is wrong, to establish in his head the scheme “if he did something bad, punishment will follow,” and so that the reason for the punishment is remembered better. But no matter how strange it may sound, most parents who corporally punish their child most often do it for themselves. It turns out that there are so many mentally unbalanced mothers and fathers? The reason is that parents who are unfamiliar with child psychology believe that in their particular case, spanking a child is the only way to calm down/make their child obey, but, being in a very excited state, out of emotion they simply do what is easier and more accessible to them. In fact, parents who have certain parenting skills will always be able to find the right approach and words to your child in any situation and during any hysteria, if you know the system of thinking of children and some psychological techniques.

Corporal punishment begets punishment

Parents who spank their children often sincerely believe that their actions are aimed at correcting their child, but very often spanking does not lead to results. In this case, instead of stopping and looking the right words, the angry parent believes that this is simply not enough, and spanks as many times as will force the child to achieve this emotional state, when he actually stops understanding words and generally anything that happens. The parent drives himself and the baby into vicious circle, trying to correct with a spanking what he himself had created. If you meet such a couple on the street, from the outside it may seem that this is a very spoiled child who is no longer so well-mannered that he does not accept his mother’s or father’s punishment. In fact, in such a situation the child simply cannot perceive anything adequately.

Short-lived effect

The only advantage of spanking is that such punishment has a very quick effect. If it works, of course. But fast is not always good or of high quality. The parent must not forget that the initial purpose of punishment should be to correct behavior not only this moment, but also in the future. The difference between physical and psychological punishment may not be visible until your child is small and unable to fight back or avoid punishment. Education doesn't end at adolescence, and by this time your child may already be big enough, agile or cunning enough to avoid corporal punishment. Thus, having chosen “spanking” as an educational tool, be prepared for the fact that you will lose it sooner or later, and your child will be left without control. It’s quite easy to escape a parent’s hand, but running away from yourself is not possible.

In custody

So is it okay to spank a child? Although all child psychologists in the world claim that Physical punishment will not bring any benefit, but, on the contrary, are harmful; many parents believe that a slight “slap on the butt” will not harm in exceptional cases and subject to certain conditions. But such parents do not always realize why they are punishing the child, what they want to achieve by this, and most importantly, what the result of their spanking will be. Justifying themselves by saying that there was no other way out, most often adults are simply lazy and looking for quick way control, which in the end does not even always bring desired effect. Having spanked his child, every parent must honestly admit to himself that he did it not for the benefit of the child, but for himself, being too lazy to look for other solutions and words, and be prepared later for certain problems of education.

When a child appears in a family, parents promise themselves to take care of him and never offend him. But this is not easy to implement, because as children grow up, they begin to test the patience of adults with disobedience and pranks. In such a situation, many fathers and mothers think about using physical punishment and wonder whether to beat a child or not to beat him as punishment for misdeeds?

Spanking with a belt or hand on the butt is one of the most popular educational measures and parents who use this method do not see anything reprehensible in it. Is Physical Punishment Really Safe and Relieving? educational process? To understand this, let's consider its impact on the child, as well as the possible consequences.

Why do many people consider it commonplace to raise children with spankings and slaps?

There are several reasons that encourage parents to use force:

"Hereditary" factors. If dad or mom themselves were subjected to physical punishment in childhood, the question of whether it is possible to beat children for educational purposes often does not even arise. They are confident that this is the only correct and possible method impact on the child, well consolidating the information received during the instructive conversation.
Another motive for hitting a child is to vent one’s own negative emotions from failures, grievances, and problems at work. It happens that children simply fall into hot hand, because there is no one else to take your anger out on.
Sometimes the reason is the reluctance to spend time on lengthy conversations and repeated repetition of rules of behavior. After all, it is always easier to slap a child on the butt than to explain to a child that he was wrong and to understand the reasons for what happened.
Sometimes people resort to physical punishment out of desperation. When parents' knowledge about the upbringing process is insufficient and it is not possible to find an approach, the use of force seems the only way cope with the “little monster”.
Mental instability. People having unresolved psychological problems or any psychical deviations, can hit children and lash out at them without apparent reason. After calming down, the parent who hit the child regrets his behavior, but still cannot control himself. In this case, it is necessary to work through the problem with a psychologist or other specialist.

What is physical punishment?

Using physical punishment does not necessarily mean beating a child. This concept includes all influences using force - rough tugging on hands or clothes, pushing, slapping the head, force-feeding or, conversely, deprivation of food.

It doesn’t matter whether the parent picks up a belt or uses other available means (towel, slippers, etc.). Any actions aimed at inflicting pain, demonstrating one's power and physical superiority leave their mark on the child's soul.

Is it okay to hit children?

How to hit a child correctly and is it worth doing it at all? Parents' opinions on this issue differ greatly. Some are entirely in favor of physical punishment within reasonable limits, while others find a lot of arguments against it.

The following facts support the use of more lenient educational measures:

Any methods of physical influence do not contribute to better assimilation of information. In childhood, a person’s ability to store memories is less developed, so punishment and the events that led to it are forgotten quite quickly in any case.
Spanking on the butt is a humiliating procedure that causes anger and resentment in the child, which seems unfair to him, and therefore does not at all encourage him to realize his wrongdoing.
Using physical punishment reduces the meaning of your words to children. That is, if you start practicing this, then everything that affected the child before will cease to serve as a stopping factor for him. This means that force will have to be used again and again, since other arguments will not be taken seriously.

In addition, the negativity that arises in children in response to physical punishment often leads to a new wave of disobedience and the desire to do things “out of spite.” After this behavior, the child is beaten again. This is how the cycle of domestic violence is formed.

Consequences

Physical punishment does not go unnoticed for a child. This statement is especially true when it comes to the systematic use of force in education.

Here are some facts that explain why you should not hit children:

Constant fear of parents, resulting from physical punishment, eventually leads to the development of neurosis. Against this background, the child experiences difficulties communicating with peers and becomes unsure of himself.
Having matured, such children have severely low self-esteem, which prevents them from realizing themselves in their careers and personal lives.
A child remembers for the rest of his life that he who is stronger is right. In the future, he will use this principle himself, showing cruelty to the weak.
Children who were raised with force, in most cases, repeat this scenario, creating their own family.
Regular physical punishment reduces children's ability to concentrate on schoolwork. So should you stand over your child with a belt while trying to improve his performance in school?
Each episode of beating alienates the child from his parents, destroying intimacy and trust, and deprives the closest people of mutual understanding. As a result, when the baby grows up, he is unlikely to want to take care of his aging father or mother.
According to statistics, more than 90% of criminals were subjected to physical punishment and violence from their parents in childhood. But you don’t want to raise a maniac, do you?
The consequence of humiliation in the family is a feeling of uselessness and loneliness. In this state, a child can easily fall under the influence of dubious people who have shown interest in him. The result of this is bad companies, early use alcohol, drug addiction, involvement in criminal groups.

In addition, in a fit of emotion it is easy to miscalculate strength. A child caught in the hot hand may fall and hit sharp object and receive severe injuries, sometimes incompatible with life.

How to avoid hitting a child in a fit of anger?

Even spanking the butt is a measure that should be used as a last resort. Let's look at a few techniques to help you restrain yourself. stressful situation and learn to control your anger.

First of all, we must try to understand why the child behaves badly. Perhaps this is due to age characteristics() or something provoked him. It is absolutely useless to hit in such a situation.

We need to make allowances for the fact that children are still learning to show their emotions correctly. By disobedience, they often express a protest against some life circumstances, which they cannot yet clearly explain in words, or attract the attention of parents who are too busy with other matters.

If you feel that you can no longer hold back, you need to take a break and switch your attention to activities that help you cope with negativity, for example:

Try counting to 5 slowly in your head.
Go into another room and tell your child that you will return a little later. Left alone with yourself, you can crumple up unnecessary papers to free yourself from anger. If putting things in order calms you down, rearrange things and wipe off the dust.
Eat something tasty.
Imagine the situation from the outside - is it really that important? Remember yourself as a child and your feelings when your parents punished you.
Also in a good way acceptance will calm your nerves warm shower with your favorite gel.
Use humor more often. Any situation can be defused with a joke and the problem will no longer seem so important.

Of course, these methods do not help everyone. But, if you wish, you will be able to find a suitable solution.

Alternatives

Even if you manage to restrain yourself and not spank your child on the bottom, the problem remains - how then to achieve obedience? Psychologists recommend setting boundaries for what is permitted for children from the very beginning. early age. Explain what is possible, what is not and how to behave in in public places, is necessary from the moment the child begins to understand speech.

But no matter how well you raise your baby, periodic whims and pranks are inevitable. Explaining the undesirability of such behavior will be more effective than physical punishment. But if the child is hysterical, you need to start the conversation only when he calms down. Washing with cool water and switching attention to toys helps young children come to their senses.

The conversation should proceed gently, without cooing, but also without pressure. Ask the reasons for the child’s action, calmly explain to him why this cannot be done, how to correct the situation, and also suggest acceptable options behavior. If such an offense happened for the first time, you can limit yourself to suggestion and warn that next time there will be punishment (state what).

As educational measures, it is recommended to use non-forceful methods of influence - deprivation of games on the computer, going to the cinema or for a walk, pocket money etc. It is important to be consistent - if you promised to punish for bad behavior, then that’s what you need to do. Otherwise, the child, feeling permissiveness, will repeat his pranks more than once.

To eradicate unwanted behavior, you need to talk more with children, take an interest in their friends and environment, because many problems can originate there. In addition, the child largely copies the behavior of adults. Think, perhaps in some ways you yourself are giving him bad example(shouting, using swear words, not keeping promises). In this case, not only the child, but also you will have to work on yourself.

When wondering whether to hit a child or not, you need to understand that by using physical punishment, you are admitting to your own weakness and inability to convey the message in other ways.

Psychological trauma received in childhood as a result of cruel upbringing can ruin the future of children and irreparably damage their relationships with their parents. Therefore, before you spank your child, you should think twice and look for more humane way impact.

Useful video on how to properly punish children

The topic of why people hit on the butt, and whether it is possible to hit on the butt, comes up quite often. First of all, it interests young parents. Every parent has smacked their child's butt at least once, and for sure it's done well. For example, a baby in the sandbox begins to take away toys from other children or begins to throw loud tantrums on the street, while he does not understand the words, or rather does not want to understand. In this case, parents have to resort to such pats. However, not all parents know that this should not be done. But why can’t you hit a child’s bottom?

Why you can't hit a child on the butt

First of all, you should know that any blow is a sign of your weakness. A father or mother who fails to control themselves “falls” in the eyes of their child. The child often concludes from such a situation that with his provocative actions he is able to gain the upper hand over his parents. Although sometimes a small slap on the butt can calm the baby down. It is much worse if the child begins to perceive physical strength, as the only sure way to solve absolutely any problem. In this case, there is a high probability that in the future he himself will begin to use this method in relation to the people around him. Usually Small child begins to give in to his parents out of fear, but not because he admits his guilt. Thus, this means that the baby does not learn a lesson from this punishment, so the conflict does not disappear, and sometimes even develops into a serious crisis in the relationship. Therefore, hitting a child on the bottom is highly undesirable. But if it did happen that you lost your temper and spanked the baby, then be sure to explain to him the reason for this action. For example, you could say the following words: “I didn’t want to do this, but yours doesn’t good behavior drove me crazy." Of course, every parent chooses their own ways to raise their child. Many were spanked by their parents in childhood for bad behavior. And what? It’s okay, everyone grew up healthy and smart. This does not mean that you need to immediately grab the belt, it means that the decision whether to spank your child’s bottom or not rests entirely on your shoulders. However, it is worth paying attention to the fact that if spanking the butt has become a common practice for you, then know that it is strictly forbidden to hit the butt of girls who have reached the age of 7. Because such spankings can have a negative impact on the reproductive organs!

Gently hitting the baby's bottom

Many young mothers are interested in why they hit the butt of a newly born baby? Some even consider this behavior of doctors unacceptable. But, in fact, this must be done. If a newly born baby is silent, it means he is not breathing. And in order to force him to take his first breath and thereby straighten his lungs, the obstetrician spanks the baby on the bottom.

Kicks on the butt in our lives

And so, why they spank babies on the bottom is understandable. But why can adults already hit you on the butt? For example, you can often notice how when viewing football match when changing players, a football player hits the butt of the player replacing him. This gesture is considered by football players to wish them good luck. Since football is a very traumatic sport, players can often develop various injuries on their arms, legs, shoulders, back, and the butt is the least susceptible to injury. Therefore, when spanking your butt, you can be sure that it will not cause pain. By the way, some men like to hit a girl on the butt. Psychologists say that this has an exciting effect on the male sex. And some men cannot control their natural instinct and spank the weaker sex on the butt.