Male adultery: how to choose the tactics of behavior. What to do if the husband is cheating and lying? How to learn, how to behave, how to teach a lesson. Psychologist's advice

This is a fact that is pointless to deny: you have been cheated on. How to behave in such a situation? Forgive or take revenge? Hate or understand? Astro7 expert advises.

It is possible to argue that men cheat more often, and the statistics are most likely right in this. But women change too. And my love did it. And the man hangs with the same question. Life after betrayal is the same for everyone without exception. For simplicity, consider the case of male infidelity, although women are not much different from it.

First emotions and real reasons

The emotional stage is inevitable, because the one who was cheated on never thought in his life that a loved one was capable of such a thing. This is a revelation. Therefore, first you need to understand what happened, and preferably on a sober head.

And the essence of emotions is this. A traitor is called the worst words in the world. He offended, he betrayed, he broke an oath, broke trust, killed love. But is this possible, because this is a FAVORITE person? This means that he was seduced, taken away, which means that the third one is to blame. Razluchnitsa.

Who am I then? I am a former lover and resentful. I am unhappy, I am a victim of insidious betrayal. All that's left is to cry. How I want him to return, because sometimes, in moments of self-pity, I am ready to forgive him everything ...

If you turn on the mind, then the scheme will turn out like this. There were major relationships between a man and a woman. They lost love and trust. Sex ceased to satisfy. One of the partners - a man - decided to get on the side what he did not receive with his woman. These are feelings, love, attention, support, sex… the list goes on. And the whole question is only whether it is possible to return love and trust to the main relationship: was there a one-time betrayal, or is it impossible to return anything?

Being on emotions, a woman is able to break firewood. She is ready to forgive immediately or, conversely, break off relations and take revenge. So to forgive the traitor or not to forgive?

Arguments for and against are different. Their decency is not discussed now, each person has his own moral standard.

Arguments for forgiveness of infidelity

1. It could be a one-time misconception. The man does not have special feelings for the rival, maybe this is generally a chance meeting. And he really loves, he apologized ...

2. General formal values. For them, a man is still required. Values ​​can be "our" children, his money, one house for two. I don't want to lose this.

3. Fear of loneliness. It is better to have a bastard man next to you than emptiness. You can even allow him to officially change - the main thing is not to quit.

4. Forgiveness is noble, it will let a man know that his woman is strong and loving. He will never cheat on such a woman again. And she will fight for him, clash with her rival!

Arguments against forgiveness of infidelity

1. Changed once - will change again. To forgive for the first time - he will decide that everything is possible, and now he will always be forgiven for everything.

Every married man at least once thought about cheating. Experienced psychologists say that even the thought of adultery affects behavior.

A rare man manages to hide his infidelity from his wife. I have a friend who pays a lot of attention to his wife, takes care and does not even look in the direction of other representatives of the fair sex - that is, behaves as a good husband should, and when she is not around (she often on business trips) - sleeps with other women.

He himself motivates his behavior with the confidence that everything in his family life is exactly as it should be. Man he does not worry about his infidelity, therefore he does not allow various annoying blunders , and there are no problems in the family - the spouse does not even suspect that her missus "goes to the left."

If a man is well aware that infidelity is bad, that cheating in family life should be avoided, he begins to worry about his adultery. As a result hiding your infidelity becomes problematic occupation , and a man (it is scientifically proven that representatives of the strong half of humanity do not know how to lie as masterfully and believably as ladies) "gives himself away with his head."

A smart wife will always notice treason. To do this, she will not at all need to have such irrefutable physical evidence as the smell of someone else's perfume, traces of lipstick on her shirt and daily delays at work.

A man's eyes give out! True, it is worth noting that in some cases they "do not even hint" about his campaigns to the left. Then 10 signs of treason come to the rescue. After all, a man will not be able to hide everything in any case!

1. Forgetfulness and fatigue

He suddenly began to forget your memorable dates : dating day, weddings. He even remembers your birthday only after a corresponding reminder from the electronic diary. He stop wearing a ring , putting it somewhere on the far shelf of the closet or hiding it in a jacket pocket. He constantly complaining about being tired , explaining the reluctance to have sex or go to the cinema together (restaurant, theater, etc.).

In principle, his lack of sexual desire is the first sign of infidelity. Even if its cause is in him, and not in you. Also one of the brightest signs is that sex has turned into a banal input-output process: no foreplay and tenderness, a record speed of sexual intercourse. In general, if previously multiple orgasm was the norm for you, and now a single one has become a holiday.

2. Unusual behavior

Depending on the nature of the man and the reasons why he walks to the left, his behavior becomes different from what you are used to. A sharp change in behavior is also a clear sign of betrayal. It should be noted that the behavior changes as if from the inside - outwardly he tries to show that everything between you is the same as before.

There are two options here. If the wife is to blame for the betrayal (at least if the spouse thinks so), then the husband behaves extremely irritably. But if betrayal is entirely on his conscience and, in principle, there is no one to blame but himself, then the spouse, on the contrary, becomes unusually caring, gentle and loving. Let's consider both.

He's soft and fluffy...

So he became a little distant, thoughtful, very considerate and kind. Not a day goes by without him giving you some nice trinket or flowers, arguing for his unusual extravagance by saying that he simply "wanted to do something nice." So a man tries to pay off, to compensate for his adventures with increased attention, even if of a material nature.

...then angry and irritable

On the other hand, he can become harsh and rude. If earlier during quarrels he was the first to go for reconciliation, trying in every possible way to smooth out the conflict, now he doesn’t even think about correctness and gentleness. This often indicates that you annoy him, do not suit him sexually. In other words, it simply puts all the blame on you.

3. Distrust

If earlier you had a common profile on a computer, one email box for two, now it created my own profile and mail , putting on both clever passwords. He argues that he receives important documentation from work, - he is afraid that you might accidentally delete it.

If before his phone was lying around, and often he asked you to answer the call, now even in his soul he has conversations with business partners. He don't let go of your cell phone , takes it even to the toilet, afraid to leave the phone unattended, "alone" with you.

The reasons for such behavior does not explain or gives dubious arguments in their favor. For calls and sms when you try not to answer , - for example, goes out into the corridor or simply turns away, covering the phone screen with his hand from your curious or even indifferent looks. At each call, he shudders anxiously.

He began to react inadequately to jokes, to perceive jokes about adultery badly. Any playful hint (for example, "dear, what is that long woman's hair on your jacket, I have short hair") confuses him.

He looks with frightened eyes and rather stupidly tries to get out of an unpleasant situation, to "hush up" it. He became thoughtful. Often he just sits or lies, thinking about something, silent, not hearing anyone and not seeing anything in front of him.

10 signs your man is cheating on you

5. New things in bed

He uses new unexpected poses for you and does it confidently and skillfully. To your "who taught you this?" he replies with annoyance that he saw something like that in a movie.

It may be the opposite - complete loss of interest in bed. The husband no longer hugs you when he wakes up in the morning, for example. He makes remarks about unshaven legs or a "not so" intimate haircut that hasn't been seen before.

6. The smell of another woman

He smells like someone else's perfume. It works only if the "alien smell" has been noticed repeatedly. This also applies taking a shower right after work . He also didn’t have time to say hello to you in a human way, but he already went to wash, isn’t it strange? Previously, this was not observed in family practice.

Women's hair appears on his clothes, scratches and traces of lipstick appear on his body. By the way, because of the scratches goes to bed in a t-shirt hiding your body from you in every possible way. Allegedly because he is cold.

What betrays a traitor with a head?

10 signs your man is cheating on you

7. Changes in the car

He painted the car and began to wash it more often, buy new accessories for it. Front the car seat is not retracted the way you are used to , in the ashtray there are butts from thin cigarettes (you do not smoke or smoke cigarettes of a different brand).

Him spending has risen sharply , but he argues this with frequent machine breakdowns. Because of these breakdowns, he is supposedly late home.

8. Image change

If earlier he went to work in jeans and a sweater, not adhering to business style, now he began to wear expensive suits. He became interested in fashion for men's shoes, buys bright shirts, new watches and purses.

He began to take care of his appearance . I signed up for a gym, a swimming pool, sometimes runs in the morning, started doing manicures and pedicures, and changes my hair. He reacts nervously to your remarks that you like him the way he is, and nothing needs to be changed.

9. New habits

He changed his brand of cigarettes to a more expensive one, buys another shampoo, toilet water, aftershave gel, etc. New words appear in the lexicon, moreover, more characteristic of women , sometimes copies the accent characteristic of his mistress. He became more relaxed in public, often flirting.

10. Jealousy and calculation

The husband became jealous and picky. Constantly looks through your diary, meticulously reads sms . He is looking for something to complain about, so as not to be guilty himself. Moreover, if it allows you to do the same, then the list of messages and calls is often empty. In the phone book there are new phone numbers of men with names close to women (for example, Victor, Alexander), and new women's numbers do not appear.

In the evening, he warns that he will be late and will be later, but he tries to agree on everything - for example, that he will buy such and such products on the way home. He does this so that you do not disturb him every minute with calls.

10 signs your man is cheating on you

I wonder what famous women think about male infidelity? What allows them to understand that a man is unfaithful?

I am still very young and in no hurry to get married, so I can talk not about adultery, but about the infidelity of a loved one. I am sure that you can do without newfangled modern methods - lie detectors and special agencies that send false mistresses to your husband.

There are women who are very sensitive to fragrances - they always remember how their beloved man smells. And if the aroma of other people's perfume is mixed with the natural smell, this is a sure and bad sign.

And simple worldly wisdom invariably works: it’s enough for me to look into my eyes. It is always incredibly difficult to look into the eyes of those whom you deceive.

In addition, I know for sure that one should not strive to call a man to a frank conversation. Phrases like “we need to have a serious talk” help him come up with excuses. The best attack is sudden.

It is necessary to leave the man alone, not to harass him with interrogations and create the appearance of complete trust. And then, at the most unexpected moment, ask him a provocative question. Taken by surprise, he will be confused and will definitely give himself away.

Faithful husbands today are rare specimens. You can always guess about the betrayal if it happened.

If the relationship suits her - both morally and materially (after all, one must think about the family future with children) - and if she really wants to build relationships with this particular man in the future, then she will pretend that she knows nothing. Of course, what does it cost...

Well, if the relationship has exhausted itself and you want to finally put an end to it, then betrayal is a great reason to leave. In a relationship, it all depends on the woman.

A smart woman feels everything, notices everything - and if she wants something, she always gets it. The main thing is to be wise and far-sighted. And don't live on impulses.

Yaroslav KOLOMIETS

It happens to many of us - treason Of course, everyone has their own definition. For some, this is flirting, someone is offended by secret correspondence on social networks or phone calls. And someone comes to more ... But why does this happen ?! What becomes the cause? Each case has a different story with different intricacies, one thing in common - the search for the best; if a person is dissatisfied with something and does not want to make an effort, try to change the situation, he is simply looking for a replacement. A person who will "fit" under his / her parameters.

But how behave after cheating husband, is it worth it to forgive and how to survive it for a woman. Here are some tips that have been proven by experience, with the help of which you can draw a plan for further action. Or it just makes you think.

Step one: Should I forgive my husband?! Some cheaters don't deserve forgiveness. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Has he changed before? In the case when the spouse has already had an affair on the side, he will not stop, continuing to behave “on the knurled”. It will last, it can take a long time, until someone (of course, you must do this for the future of the family) reins in your husband and makes it clear that such behavior hurts other people's feelings.

• Why does he do it? A single offense is easier to justify and find a worthy explanation than a long or repeated relationship. Try to put yourself in his place: imagine a situation similar to what happened, what would you do? Can you understand what happened?

• What do you think he would do if this happened in the future? Can he guarantee that it won't happen again?

• Realistically assess the relationship at that time. Was everything great? Realizing that the relationship was terrible, the spouse is unhappy, and you are too jealous - in this case it will be easier for you to forgive (and at one point forget about what happened). Otherwise, if a woman is sure that everything went smoothly, ideally, it becomes impossible to trust again and open up to love.

• Does he regret what happened? The spouse must understand that he hurt, otherwise he will continue in the same spirit. The husband should feel guilty. Learn: How to deal with loneliness.

step two: Set aside time and space for reflection. Immediately after the exposure, you do not want to let your husband go far. However, the best option for both is to secure freedom for a few days. You need to realize that his behavior is unacceptable and finally remember pride. Ask him to move out for a few days - they will be needed for reflection and to deal with emotions. After that, be sure to meet and ask exciting questions, talk sincerely about everything that is sore. It’s better to speak out right away than to hold grudges and then manipulate them.

Step Three: now if you decide to forgive and continue the relationship, then you need to forget about everything that happened and try to build a new relationship. Don't be afraid of change - relationships can become better than before. Of course, trust is lost. But it is better to look from a different angle - even this could not separate you. Of course, the feeling of insecurity and anger will remain, the struggle with it will continue. You should learn to build life further!

Here are some tips to help your relationship survive even such difficult times!

I would like to recall an important thing - treason never lasts long. Everything comes to an end. And this will come too. If at first everything seems fascinating, exciting and unsurpassed, then over time the feelings fade. When the spell breaks and you get to know the person better, one funny little thing turns out - “she also has mood swings, and she’s not so perfect.” The reason is so simple, everyone has pros and cons, the mistress is no exception. Just passion and blind infatuation provokes to see only good features in a partner. If you do not immediately run to file for divorce after learning about what happened, but wait, then the affair will “die” with its own death.

Only current advice is given, and some thoughts on infidelity and how to behave after it is revealed. Everything else is up to you. It is up to you to decide whether you want to keep the relationship or not. You just shouldn’t rush into a decision, because running away is the easiest thing, and trying to start all over again, finding the strength to forgive and fall in love again is much more difficult. But it's worth it. So love each other and take care of your relationship.

Upon learning that the beloved man has gone “to the left”, women behave differently. Someone is ready to arrange an unforgettable showdown for the lovebird, while someone prefers to remain silent and pretend that nothing happened. How not to behave when you are being cheated on?
Sometimes a woman takes on a kind of martyrdom. That is, she knows about infidelity, practically owns complete information (who this woman is, where and when her husband meets his mistress), but at the same time she is silent. She does not say anything, thus she humiliates herself both in her eyes and in his. Even if the marriage in the end can be saved, then this happens with a huge moral loss on the part of the woman, and there can be no talk of any family happiness. You can't be silent. Often a woman is afraid that if you start to sort things out, especially if you give an ultimatum, your beloved will leave. But according to statistics, if a man does not leave the family six months after the start of sexual relations with another woman, then only eight out of 100 cheaters leave the family! Men extremely do not like cardinal changes, they are afraid of them. Moreover, out of the eight who left, four come back. Therefore, there is no need to experience wild fear that he will leave and never return.
Of course, if a woman begins to suspect betrayal and puts a lot of pressure on her beloved, arranges tantrums and scandals, a man will want to leave not even from her, but from these scandals. Most of all, men value comfort and tranquility in the family. Do not want this, do you want to build relationships further, do you have the strength to step over a difficult stage in your life together? Then you need to behave calmly, benevolently and confidently.
Often, women learn about the betrayal of a loved one from “well-wishers”. In order to understand how to act in such a situation, you need to decide what you will do if it is really true. Replay the situation in your head, discarding the emotions of resentment as much as possible. Are you ready to understand and forgive betrayal? If you are ready, then all gossip and denunciations should be treated accordingly. Few people say anything? In such a situation, a woman should never express her concerns to a man, because she has made a decision that she stays. And if you stay, what difference does it make whether he had anything with a secretary or not? It is much easier to live with the thought that nothing really happened, and in time you will simply forget about this situation.
If you are not ready to forgive and stay in the family, then before blaming your loved one, be sure to clarify some points, that is, you don’t have to take the word of people who told you about treason, you only need reliable facts. The fact that, for example, someone mistook your husband's colleague for a mistress does not yet mean that he is sleeping with her, perhaps it's just flirting. Let's not forget that many women also like to flirt, but this does not lead to anything. So don't beat yourself up.
Meeting with a homeowner. Such meetings make absolutely no sense, especially if you want to tear out a tuft of hair to your mistress and show who is the boss in the house. Men are so arranged that they are bound to feel guilty. Oddly enough, it invigorates them. If there is a wife and a mistress, he will be especially guilty before one of them.
When his wife escorts him to work, kisses him on the nose, gives him lunch, a little son who looks like him immediately runs out, blinks his eyes and says: “Daddy, I'll be waiting for you,” he feels guilty before his wife and family. When, after all this, he comes to his mistress, he will even make love to her with a sense of guilt before his wife, and, in the end, such meetings will come to naught. But if a woman says: “Listen, where are you going? To be at home at 8, ”she gives him a negative charge. This is what a mistress needs, who, after such “gentle” instructions, will tell him affectionately: “Don’t worry, it’s okay, she just doesn’t understand you.” And if his wife also calls him to check, and the “caring and sensitive” mistress, without showing displeasure, quietly helps to open the window, as if he is driving in a traffic jam, at that moment he will begin to feel guilty already in front of her. It is this woman who helps him in everything, accepts him as he is, and therefore loves him. Feeling guilty before a mistress is the collapse of a marriage.
So, if the wife nevertheless comes and starts tearing her hair out on the lover, then at the moment when the husband arrives once again to his passion, she, with tousled hair and sad eyes, will tell him: “Nothing, nothing, Kolenka, I understand everything, I same woman." That's it, his mistress is a hero for him, she's done well. And you can forget about the hysterical wife in general.
Change for change. Such a reaction resembles the expression: in spite of the conductor, I will buy a ticket and not go. In the pursuit of revenge, in most cases, you will only punish yourself. Cheating on a husband or a loved one is always a very big tragedy, because it is a betrayal. But you need to understand that when a woman leaves, for example, for a resort in order to forget herself and start, as they say, in all serious ways, in fact, at that moment she doesn’t need sex, but to feel that someone needs her, that she also a woman, that she is sexy, that she can be loved and wanted. As you understand, a short affair will give all this for a very short time. When a woman arrives home after a vacation romance or just some dubious relationship, she will become apathetic, because she will understand that her husband left, and her lover just used her. A woman rarely, after short novels, has the feeling that she used a man for her own purposes, usually the realization comes that he used her as a toy. Therefore, there is no need to go for such an experiment, it will not help solve the problem, and perhaps only exacerbate it.
Forgiveness must be earned. When you immediately forgive a man for cheating, he understands what is the main value of your life, which means that he can once again go left, and you will forgive him again. Therefore, you need to arrange a grandiose theatrical performance in order to hang guilt on the cheater, and he really deserves it. As I said, the main thing is to do it without scandals, quietly and calmly. You can roar and speak out with your mother or girlfriends, but then come and calmly say: “You know, dear, you think about it and do something for our relationship.” It is necessary to bring a loved one to the fact that he again began to seek you.
Men love to say the phrase: "Let's start all over again." So tell him: “Come on, courtship, restaurants, flowers, serenades under the window, but I still can’t come on a date because my mother didn’t let me go,” and so on. If you decide to start all over again, then you should again have a candy-bouquet period. Let the guilty spouse give gifts, win attention, kneel. But after you have forgiven him, never remember this case of betrayal again. Even in a joking way: “Hee hee hee, where did you go, to Zina?” - Forget about it. You have to make a decision once. Forgiveness means that everything is from scratch, without reminders of the mistakes of the past. If you don't forgive, break up and file for divorce.

If the husband is cheating: what to do, how to behave

Cheating is a depressing factor for many women, and even more than that: the inevitable reaction to it is the deepest offense. What hurts the most is the realization that you - so one and only - have been neglected. What happened seems so unfair that it causes a completely logical desire to take revenge in a similar way. Resentment, and only! Moreover, her true friends are right there: jealousy and a natural feeling in relation to her husband possessiveness. I so want to make the traitor experience something like this!

But if love still lives here, you should not try to take revenge and behave further under the slogan "an eye for an eye". Take your time: answering the same is not an option. This line of behavior will drive you even deeper into depression: it’s not enough for you that your husband has changed, so you will also betray yourself. And the “reciprocal” betrayal becomes, as it were, an additional shock that will cause even greater moral trauma.

Marriage after the betrayal of her husband: what to do when the husband cheated

Is cheating the end of a marriage? Is not a fact: it is betrayal in some cases that can revive a marriage. At first, many women do not understand at all whether to continue family relationships after this: for example, ambitious people and with a high sense of self-defense cannot forgive betrayal at all. In principle, this is difficult to do, even if a man betrayed once, but, as you know: having betrayed once, he will betray twice.

If you, with the thought “I can’t forgive my husband’s betrayal of what to do,” realize that this is your case, then the decision to leave for a while to think about what happened in detail will be reasonable. Other women consider it right to be together, no matter what, because there are significant reasons: the housing issue with the eternal drama, little children, something else. Situations - the sea, and two ways out: to be or not to be?

Secrets of correct behavior: what to do if the husband is cheating

The question "What should I do if I found out about the betrayal of my husband?" will be relevant as long as the family will exist. Here are some basic, life-tested and psychologist-approved action tips:

• It's difficult, but you don't need to make a scene of jealousy: hide resentment, although it is difficult to forgive a traitor.

• In an atmosphere of calm, talk with your negligent soul mate: what if, this is your behavior - a reason for his wrong step. In many cases, men cheat on their wives because they are tired of domestic scandals and excessive reproaches.

• In no case do not look for meetings with a rival rival: it is important to maintain your dignity in front of your husband. Another similar step will lead the husband to the idea that he did the right thing. It is unlikely that you want such an effect.

• You don't have to shut yourself up: pleasant companies and interesting places will brighten up the gray spiritual mood.

• Speak with... water! When resentment suffocates too much - turn on the water in the bathroom: say everything you feel into it; it's a great way to take out anger.

• “Spontaneous” advice is not worth your attention : they will only mislead, because only your husband and you can figure out your own family.

• See a psychologist: a professional approach will help to cope with the situation and tell you how to respond to her husband's infidelity.

• If the husband repents, you need to give a chance: wise people strive to save the family. But, if you understand that it is impossible to forgive betrayal, then break off the relationship without regret.