Doctor Komarovsky on what to do with a capricious child. What to do and how to raise a very capricious child

14.06.2019

Ekaterina Morozova - mother of many children, editor of the "Children" column in Colady magazine

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Many parents complain about excessive capriciousness of children. Of course, the main question for mothers is what to do when moodiness becomes a permanent state of the baby. How to respond correctly - ignore, scold or distract? But it should be understood that it is equally important to find the reason for this behavior of the child. Your solution to this problem depends on it.

Capricious child: what is the reason?

Not a single action of the child arises by itself - out of nowhere. Any action is a reflection of the feelings and inner state of the baby. Main reasons for excessive capriciousness are usually:

Health problems.
The child does not always understand that he is sick, hungry or tired. If he is too small or overwhelmed with emotions, he cannot express his condition. This discomfort is expressed in capricious behavior.
Surplus of guardianship from parents and relatives.
The desire to protect the baby from dangers and various mistakes often leads to the fact that the child completely loses the need for independence. The result of total control, blowing off dust particles and the tradition of doing everything for the child is the inability and unwillingness of the baby to grow up. In this case, the capriciousness of the child, as a rule, means that he is spoiled.
Crisis of the age of three.
Abrupt changes in a child of this age are noticed by many mothers. First of all, this is due to the fact that the baby declares himself as a person, and demands freedom for himself. The child begins to rebel against overprotection, expressing this by virtue of his abilities - that is, capriciousness.
Relationships and microclimate in the family.
The flow of information from the outside, active communication and new experiences are the main cause of baby fatigue. Therefore, at home, he is waiting for calm, stability and an atmosphere of love between his parents. In the absence of such (quarrels and scandals, changes in life, etc.), the child begins to protest. This is where capriciousness, tearfulness and other reactions of the baby to a reality that does not suit him appear.

Instructions for parents: how to cope with the whims of the child

First of all, parents need to understand that they are the most common cause of whims. If everything is in order with the baby’s health, then his whim is a response to the environment, parental behavior, upbringing methods, etc. Therefore, first decide on the reason and figure out why the child is naughty. Next, based on the situation, learn to respond to whims correctly:

Your baby's peace of mind is up to you. Learn to listen and hear and everything will fall into place.

Each of us once watched the following picture, a little curly angel sprawled on the floor of the store and with wild cries urgently demands to buy something for him, and next to him is a confused parent who is terribly uncomfortable for an ill-mannered child in front of others.

Some of us even managed to be in the shoes of this very parent, observing our own unruly offspring.

How to avoid such unpleasant moments? How to achieve understanding and obedience from our obstinate children? These are the questions we will try to find answers to.

1. Consideration should be given to the age and developmental level of the child. in the formulation of requests and requirements. That is, the baby must understand what you require of him and be able to fulfill this requirement.
2. Misdemeanor and punishment should be interconnected in time and intensity. The kid should be aware that it is for this offense that he is being punished, so you should not postpone the punishment until dad comes home from work or the next day. In addition, the ratio of the severity of the offense to the intensity of the punishment must be maintained. If this is a petty prank, it will be enough just to talk to the baby.
3. Calm down yourself before making a decision about punishment. Often, parents themselves are in an extremely unstable emotional state. This cannot but affect the correctness of the decision, and not for the better. Therefore, get together and talk to the baby calmly.
4. Form the foundations of the child's behavior by personal example.“Do as I do, not as I say” - this statement should become fundamental for parents. If you forbid your child to watch TV for a long time, you should not spend the whole day with him on the weekend. If you want the child to obey the elders, you should not conflict with the grandmother in front of him.
5. You, too, may be wrong in your judgments. Be prepared to discuss the problem and reconsider bad decisions. This will give the child confidence that you will always do the right thing towards him.

Always reward good behavior. Do not forget to praise your baby for being obedient, reward him with sweets, a toy, or a trip to the zoo for excellent behavior.
Perhaps he will again want to receive a well-deserved reward.
Evaluate behavior, not personality. Point out what he did wrong. By doing this, you give the child the opportunity to correct and correct their behavior.
Try to find reasons for bad behavior. Ask your child why he behaves this way. Check with someone who spent the whole day with him. Perhaps someone learned it or set it up. This is very important, because later you will be able to eliminate the negative influence.

Difficult kid

If the deviations in behavior are permanent, then you may be dealing with a so-called "difficult child". Actually, not worth it hang labels and take very drastic measures impact. First, we need to deal with the origin of total disobedience. Psychologists distinguish four main reasons:

Fight for attention. For the normal development of personality, the baby needs your love and attention. But often, employment does not give you the opportunity to devote enough time to the crumbs. In this case, the baby finds a way to attract maximum of your attention - he stops obeying.
The struggle for self-assertion. If you communicate with a child only in an orderly tone, suppress his personality, do not want to listen, understand - be prepared to protest.
Desire to take revenge. It occurs if the child feels uncomfortable in the family. For example, he feels that parents pay more attention to the youngest, or as a result of a divorce, a stepfather came to the family. Here the principle “If I feel bad, then let it be bad for you” works.
Loss of faith in your own success. If the kid constantly hears criticism in his direction, sooner or later he will develop low self-esteem. “Why try, you still can’t please your parents.” At the same time, complete external alienation: “Let me be bad, I don’t care.”

Whatever happens in your life, no matter how busy you are, do not forget that a small person is growing and developing next to you. His you need to love, understand, give enough time and attention. Remember a child is not born "difficult". It becomes so under the influence of external negative factors, eliminating which, you will undoubtedly get a positive result.

Capricious baby

Nothing drives parents crazy like the endless whims of their harmful offspring. Crying, screaming, tantrums - nothing more than an attempt to attract the attention of parents.

In order not to develop this orientation in the behavior of the crumbs, Three basic principles must be followed:

Pay attention only to the good behavior of the child. In fact, it is very difficult to ignore bad behavior. This is the first thing that catches your eye and causes a response.
But you have to try. The kid should know that as soon as he starts to grumble and act up, mom and dad will turn away and leave. In the absence of an audience, the performance does not make sense, and the little one will quickly calm down.
Reinforce good behavior with praise. It is very important to describe the behavior for which you praise the child. For example: “Thank you baby for helping me deliver the groceries” or “What a great guy you are for putting on pajamas yourself.” In this way, the connection between good behavior and praise will be formed in the minds of children.
Focus on good words all your attention, do not praise the baby, buried in a tablet or TV. At the same time, look pleased and joyful, if you say “well done” in a tired or dissatisfied tone, then such praise will definitely not work. Don't forget about physical contact. Babies thrive when they are gently stroked on the head or hugged.
Switch your baby's attention to something else. If your kids are still very young, you can avoid whims and tears by switching their attention to something more exciting. This should be done in a playful way, easily and naturally.
For example: if the baby is desperately resisting the evening wash, focus his attention on the pleasant aspects of the upcoming action. Instead of: “Quickly in the bath!” Say: “Let's check out how the rubber duck blows bubbles.” This is a very simple and very effective way to avoid unnecessary whims.

Stubborn child

Some children simply torment their parents with their stubbornness. But is stubbornness always a negative trait? The desire to think for yourself and stand up for your beliefs is not so bad in the scale of life. You must understand that Your child's stubbornness is part of their personality.

Accept the child as he is not try to conquer and suppress his nature. Realize that simple methods of education do not work here and an individual approach is needed. In the process of education, you need to help the child to maintain strong character traits, not allowing them to interfere with his successful development.

In order not to experience difficulties in raising a stubborn one, start acting like a cunning parent, that is influence the crumbs indirectly:

Give your child the illusion of choice. The stubborn needs more than a direct order, he needs to be given options. For example: “Which hat will you wear - green or blue?”. At the same time, the option of going outside without a headdress is not considered at all.
To not happen Don't get angry or raise your voice. Children tend to copy behavior. Don't be surprised if your stubborn man makes his demands loudly if you yourself do the same to him.
Whatever happens, try to do without punishment. Understand the situation and correctly explain to the stubborn causal relationship between the misconduct and its consequences. For example, despite the prohibitions, the kid rushed around the apartment so much that he caught a floor lamp and broke it.
Without corporal punishment and screaming, explain to him that since, through his fault, such a nuisance occurred, he will have to postpone the planned trip to the circus and buy a new lamp. Let the child understand that he himself punished himself for disobedience, and not the tyrants and despots of his parents.

Ill-mannered little devil

The infant child demands that his needs be met as soon as they arise, not wanting to wait even a second.

With proper upbringing, as they grow older, the baby learns to correlate his requirements with the desires and capabilities of others. Such an important skill as patience is brought up.

But, if your grown-up offspring still requires instant fulfillment of all his requirements, it is obvious that serious flaws were made in his upbringing.

What to do if the child is already spoiled by a bad upbringing? Definitely take action and the sooner the better. Try to teach your baby to be patient, using the following techniques:

Do not fulfill the child's demands instantly. For example, when he asks you to read a book to him, do not drop everything, but say that you will do it when you are free.
Gradually lengthen the response time to his requests. The walk will take place not on first demand, but after dinner, when my mother will cope with household chores. And the trip to the park will not be until Sunday, when dad will have a day off.
Arrange in advance with other family members, grandparents that they will not interfere in the cultivation of patience, in order to lure their beloved child to their side.

Kindergarten education

It is even more difficult to cope with a naughty child for kindergarten teachers. After all, it is impossible to concentrate all your attention on one ill-mannered baby. Therefore, it is necessary to combine the individual educational process with the group one. The first step is to find out the reasons for the disobedience. They can be caused not only by the bad manners of the baby, but also by external factors:

Body malaise.
Discomfort.
age crises.

If the first two factors can be eliminated, then crises will have to be patiently waited out. Psychologists know two crisis periods for babies. It's 3 years and 7 years old.

At 3 years old, the child is aware of himself as a person and begins to actively assert itself. During this period, you need to be patient and try to negotiate with the baby without oppressing his personality.

At the age of 7, a child's worldview changes. The kid experiences a lot of emotions, he begins to study himself, compare his behavior with the behavior of adults. Teachers and parents during this period need to become an example for the younger person.

Inappropriate behavior of children in kindergarten can also be caused by mistakes in the behavior of the educators themselves:

The inexperience of a young specialist. Children are excellent psychologists. And if they feel weakness on the part of the educator, then they will definitely take advantage of it.
Lack of attention from the teacher. It is well known that if you just take a break from the little mischief-makers, expect trouble.
Therefore, constant attention from the educator for the kids entrusted to him is simply necessary.
Inability to organize leisure. Children spend in the kindergarten from 9 to 12 hours a day.
In order for the kids to attend the group with pleasure, the teacher needs to properly organize their leisure time, taking into account not only the age and individual characteristics of the wards, but also their interests. Any activity should be of a developmental nature, only then the children will maintain a steady interest in activities and games.

Based on the foregoing, the following conclusion can be drawn. Defining your well-mannered, slightly ill-mannered, or completely spoiled, but still dear and beloved offspring to a preschool institution, be sure to check the professional level of teachers, who will raise the baby in your absence. And don't forget that The most important influence on the child is still exerted by you - his parents.

Useful video

Learn visually how to raise a naughty child in the video below:

Conclusion

Children are our everything. For any loving parent, there is nothing more important than raising a worthy and successful person from their offspring. How nice to see the achievements of the baby and clearly understand that this is largely the result of your conscious actions aimed at shaping his personality, thinking and the foundations of behavior.

The issue of raising children is one of the most difficult in the life of parents. It is very difficult to predict how this or that remark of mom and dad at an early age will affect the future character of a new member of society. Many people dream of absolutely obedient children who would accurately follow commands. But this is not normal. A child is not a robot or a dog that is being trained. It is very important to create healthy conditions for the formation of a new personality without serious oppression or liberties.

The first turning point is when the child reaches the age of 2-3 years. This stage is also called the "protest period", when the child begins to actively oppose the commands of the parents. What to do if the baby does not obey or even fights? The main thing is to understand the reason for his bad behavior and adequately interact with him regarding his needs.

How does the “protest period” manifest itself?

At two years of age, the vocabulary of a little boy or girl is replenished with new words. One of the most significant and essential is "no". Seeing how parents communicate, a 2-year-old child understands that by applying this expression in time, he can get what he wants or refuse what is disgusting to him.

Basically, the baby is naughty in such situations:

when he is forced to do something he does not want,
if he is forbidden to do what pleases him.

It is important to be able to distinguish the first signs of egoism from the normal activity of your child and not to put too much pressure on him. When there is an atmosphere of permissiveness, the child does not always understand where to stop, but with the constant restraint of the desires of a 2-year-old child, he can grow up withdrawn and poorly adapted to social life in the big world. The main responsibility lies with the parents. Depending on their behavior, their child will develop.

Additional reasons for the whims of children

If a child at the age of two does not actively obey his parents, then it is necessary to carefully analyze the whole situation. The main additional reasons for bad behavior are:

Too strong demands on the baby. Many mothers and fathers want their child at 2 years old to be able to do what first graders cannot do. Often you can find a situation where a little boy is forced to learn English words in childhood. Knowledge of foreign languages is good, but constant pressure has a bad effect on the psyche of the baby.
Spoiled. This happens when you make constant concessions to your child. Another option may be the strictness of the rules of conduct from parents and permissiveness from grandparents. The child understands that it is enough to turn to another authority, which will not be able to resist his whim, and he will receive anything.
If the baby is sick, you need to take better care of him and not force him to do certain things.
For about a year, a small member of society will very actively test his parents for firmness and justice. Of course, the process of raising a child lasts for many years, but what will be laid at an early age of 1.5 to 6 years will become the basis for the formation of a new personality.

How to deal with a child's disobedience?

First, it is worth understanding that it will not be possible to completely avoid conflicts. The maximum that young parents are capable of is to do everything possible to reduce the number of acute moments in communication with a 2-year-old child. This is a very difficult and responsible process. You can’t make rash decisions that can then come back to haunt you through the years of life. To prevent such situations, you must:

Constantly communicate with the baby. Ignoring is the worst choice for any parent. This refers to a permanent indifferent attitude towards one's own child.
Show ingenuity in the process of games and education. The real art is to prevent the whim of a baby aged 2-3 years. For example, if a child constantly scatters toys and does not want to collect them after himself, you can hide them after another such trick. When a girl or boy realizes that such behavior leads to the loss of entertainment funds, he will be more attentive next time.
Refers condescendingly to a reasonable number of episodes of disobedience. Such activity is a variant of the norm and you can not put pressure on a child of 2-3 years.

In general, with the frequent occurrence of situations when the baby does not obey, he must be educated based on the “iron” algorithm of action, which will include the following steps:

If the baby is naughty, then he should get a chance to stop his behavior on his own. Parents are obliged to explain the wrongness of his actions.
When he does not stop his actions, it is necessary to punish him according to the previous warnings. If you do everything right, then the child will begin to think about his behavior in the future.
Be sure to explain to your child why he was punished.

Only if such a sequence is observed, it will be possible to ensure the normal harmonious development of the baby and his awareness of his mistakes.

Separate important nuances

It is extremely important to understand that the child himself must come to the correct analysis of his actions. Toddlers are prone to whims and often do not want to do what their parents require. The best way out is to have a calm conversation with a boy or girl under the age of 3 years. It is necessary that the little person explain the reason for his behavior, and mom or dad, in turn, will explain why this is wrong.

In addition, it is not recommended to use the examples of other children when talking with your own. The phrase “that girl is better because she obeys her mother” can cause irreparable damage to the baby. The child begins to think that others mean more to their parents than themselves.

You also need to consider the nature of your baby. If he is a leader by nature, then the desire of the pope to dominate can cause conflict. The authority of parents must be backed up by constant appropriate actions, and not just shouting or hitting the table with a fist.

However, such recommendations look great on paper. You don't have to think it's easy. In fact, raising children is one of the most subtle and complex arts that requires tons of patience and endurance from parents. But the results and fruits of such attention to their children are worth it.

What drives parents crazy most often and most of all are naughty boys and girls. New Zealand psychologist with 30 years of experience Nigel Latta promises to provide methods, find out the causes of the problem, develop a simple plan to "fix" the child.

The Power of Focused Attention

There is nothing - I repeat, absolutely nothing - that would be equal in strength to the attention of parents. Attention alone can explain and solve many problems.

But why is attention so powerful?

The answer is simple: it's in our blood. Think about the fact that at least 10,000 years have passed since we got out of the caves. By the standards of the history of our planet, this is half a blink. We share 99 percent of our genetic material with chimpanzees, although I have occasionally met people who, I am sure, share 99.9 percent of their genetic material with chimpanzees.

It follows that, biologically speaking, we are just hairless monkeys with the ability to exchange text messages. Probably, just for this, we developed a separate thumb on the hand. Despite all the achievements of civilization, a lot of animal remains in our brain. Sometimes we are very good at discussing complex topics, such as the advantages of plasma TVs over CRTs, but under all this external chatter lies the brains and hearts of a savage.

All behavior of children is directed to those who care for them. If you are still small and cannot take care of yourself, then most likely you will not last long in the jungle. You will just be eaten.

You must have seen a similar picture more than once: there are two children at the table. One calmly eats, and the other knocks on the plate with a spoon and scatters food. Parents fuss over the bully, not noticing the calm child. They keep saying, "Don't do this, Emily, or you'll go to your room!" And what does a calm child learn? The fact that if you want to attract the attention of your parents, you need to hit the plate with a spoon and scatter food.

Have you ever wondered why kids pick up bad habits so easily? Because we give too much attention to these habits. If you pay attention only to bad habits, then bad behavior will only be reinforced. Other kids will want to do the same to get the same attention.

We reward bad behavior with a variety of phrases.

Here are just a few of them.

"Tarquinius, stop it!"
"How long to ask you, Tarquinius?"
"How many times have I told you!"
"Tarquinius, I'm warning you for the last time..."
"Tarquinius, stop torturing the parrot!"
"Tarquinius..."
"Tarquin!"
"TARKVI-I-INY!"

Paying attention to bad behavior is very easy. Bad behavior is self-evident. I often hear parents say, "It's like he's doing it on purpose to piss me off!"

Naturally, children do it on purpose. They are not specifically going to drive us crazy, they just attract our attention. Maybe they would like to make us happy, but if we get angry, then this will do. This does not mean that you need to completely turn a blind eye to bad behavior. But 90% of all bad behavior can be completely ignored. If you stop fixing it, it will disappear.

Usually, when I say this to my parents, they respond with a whole hail of objections in the spirit of "yes, but ...". When people say they tried to do something and it didn't work, they usually mean that they tried it for ten minutes and then gave up. Or sometimes they ignored unwanted behavior, and sometimes they paid too much attention to it. I personally believe that if you decide to act in some way, then you should always do so. Is always.

The little hairless chimpanzees need to understand that as soon as they start grumbling and acting up, chimpanzee mom and chimpanzee dad will turn their backs on them and walk away with all the bananas.

This is where praise comes into play.

Praise is to children what water and sun are to plants. Praise is the holy grail of parenting. Once you understand this, you can deal with almost any problem.

Good behavior is reinforced with praise. You may think that it is easy to praise, but for many parents it is difficult. Many parents simply do not know how to praise their children. Some people find it inconvenient. This attitude towards praise is common among those who themselves received it insufficiently in their lives. It's hard to praise someone when you don't know how it's done.

Below I describe a few techniques for effective praise. The word "effective" means that it helps to reinforce the desired behavior of children.

Secrets of Effective Praise

Praise for specific deeds

In professional jargon, such praise is called "marked". This means describing the behavior you are praising your child for: "Thank you for helping me deliver the products." So in the minds of children, a connection will be developed between certain behavior and praise.

Express personal attitude

When praising a child for good behavior, do not forget to use the pronouns "I", "me", etc. It is necessary that he understands that he is not being praised by some cosmic forces, but specifically by you: "I really liked how you put on pajamas" instead of "Well done! You put on your pajamas well."

Focus on praise

Don't praise your child from the newspaper or TV, or from another room. Stand up, go to him, sit down so that you can look into his eyes, and let him know that all your attention is now focused on him.

Look joyful

The advice seems obvious, but too many people forget about it. It's not enough to just say "well done" or "well done". If you say it in a tired or displeased tone, still upset about what he did five minutes ago, then such praise will not work. At least try to put on your face a satisfied expression - the brighter and livelier, the better.

Don't Forget Physical Contact

Children literally blossom when they are given physical attention, that is, they are touched, stroked, etc. You must have seen more than once how monkeys look for fleas from each other, including from their cubs. For them, this is the highest pleasure. If you don't like the idea of looking for fleas, then you can at least hug the child and hold him close to you.

Praise must be immediate

If you want to reinforce the behavior, don't put off praise until later. As soon as you see something positive, immediately praise your child for it. The faster you lavish praise, the better your child will understand what behavior they are being praised for. It also follows that more attention should be paid to good rather than bad behavior.

And to complete the picture, do not forget about the rule that should be firmly imprinted in your brain.

Ignore behavior you don't like.

Praise the behavior you enjoy.

Remembering this is quite easy, but very important. Once you understand the power of your attention, you will begin to use it to your advantage. Purposeful paying attention is the only extremely powerful weapon that will help you in the battle for dominance over your own home.

The trick is to pull the strings yourself.

Switching attention

As for young children, switching attention is also a fairly powerful means of controlling their behavior. Young children are extremely easy to get excited about new things. Thanks to this, you can keep them entertained and avoid unpleasant scenes 95% of the time.

As I said, young children can spin any kind of tales and they always believe in them. Just fantastic! In addition, switching the attention of children is just fun and interesting. The easiest way to do this is in a playful way. If you yourself are terribly bored and uninteresting, then most likely the focus will not work. Fun is contagious. The boundaries of this approach have not yet been explored. Every day, parents around the world come up with more and more new forms of attention shifting, achieving results that they never dreamed of before.

True, it is worth admitting that switching attention is not easy for some. People somehow internally resist this. But once you get used to using this technique, life will become easier and more fun. If you're having a hard time grasping the concept of switching attention, I suggest looking at some examples.

Switching Attention for Beginners

Change the subject

This is the easiest way - just change the subject. For example, if the baby does not want to wash, desperately resists, ask him: "What did you do today in the kindergarten?" Focus on the pleasant part. Instead of rudely insisting on your own ("Let's go to the bathroom immediately!"), Focus the baby's attention on the pleasant aspects of the upcoming action. Say things like, "Let's see if the rubber duck can blow bubbles!"

Come up with a nice way to get to the desired action

Liven up the environment. For example, instead of "Stop whining and get in the bath immediately!" you can say: "Let's fly into the bath like a dragon!", grab the baby, circle with him along the road, growl like a dragon, and sank into the water with a hiss.

Become an idiot

The more stupid you are, the better. For this special imagination is not required. Just act like a fool, that's all. Grab something and pretend that she says (it can be a banana, a sock, a woolen rag). Or from time to time say something completely unrelated to the current situation: "Guess what I saw on the street today? A zebra that danced and sang!" Or dance and sing yourself. Teach your child to jump on one leg, or come up with something equally stupid. Forget seriousness, become a child for a moment.

outright lies

This method can also be a source of great fun. For example, if you notice that the child is about to scream, turn to the side, put your finger to your lips and say: "Shh!" Then, in a theatrical whisper, ask if he heard something. Then, in roughly the same tone, whisper, "Dinosaurs!" - and crawl with him to the window to look at the dinosaurs. In this case, anything works. Ask a child who was naughty in the supermarket if a blue bunny ran through here.

If you choose between a long tantrum or chasing a blue bunny in the supermarket (and putting food in the basket along the way), it is often much easier and more interesting to chase a blue bunny, no matter how stupid it may seem to you.

Discussion

The main thing is to make it clear to the child that whims will lead nowhere. Don't go for it. To understand how to cope with whims, you just need to not give up and at the same time not tyrannize the child, treat with love.

Good advice! If you follow them, it will be easier to calm the child. I also try to praise my daughter as often as possible. There were some problems in the period of adaptation to kindergarten. But the whims gradually stopped after the baby had matured, she began to go to the garden with pleasure.

I always try to praise the child, kiss, say that I love. And, here is a friend, against these tendernesses, her son is a bully, she can hit animals, children don’t play with him, he has constant tantrums, it’s not clear why. I don't think it's normal for a 4 year old. To stop the tantrums, they were prescribed a soothing bunny marmalade, the children like it, it has a pleasant taste and smell, and is made in the form of a bunny. Now he doesn’t throw tantrums, and he has become more friendly.

Thank you for the article

Good article

Tell your child that exciting water games are waiting for him, what kind? Imagination and fantasy will help you

06/09/2014 02:08:18, Alexa8

Disagree with previous statements. Scolding a child, "hang lyuli and deprive them of watching cartoons" - these are extreme measures. Of course, strictness is necessary in order not to educate a spoiled person. But the author tried to convey to all mothers that, first of all, you need to love your child, rejoice at his successes, praise for them. After all, even wearing pajamas correctly is a real feat for a small person. It is better to "become an idiot" for a while and fool around with a child, much more useful and effective than hanging lyuli. Just think how bored young children are in the adult world. It is necessary to be able to be joyful and cheerful parents. Love your children. Thanks to the author for the article.

"Girls, hey!

I read your forum, it's interesting with you :) Accept it to the company? "We are 4 years old" fidget ";), here's what to do if I'm a child, well, he doesn't hear me at all!? 100 times the same thing even in small things and nothing Nerves at the limit !(

Question to the psychologist. How to behave if a child during lunch (at a table of 5 people) climbs onto the table and starts jumping there. Child 3 years 7 months

06/28/2012 19:18:41, Olga_K

Everything is very smart and beautiful, but COMPLETELY USELESS!

I wonder how you can ignore the fact that a child is torturing a parrot? (an example is given by the author of the article).
And the child does not always fool around at the table in order to attract attention. He's probably fooling around simply because it's more fun than eating neat.
And why praise a child for putting on his pajamas well? He needs it himself, not me! Might as well not wear it at all.
And the advice to distract the child by talking about the kindergarten and the zebra on the street, if he does not want to swim, is IMHO designed for some idiots. The child does not have such a small amount of RAM :) to forget even in a conversation about a zebra that he does not want to swim.

Comment on the article "How to deal with a naughty child"

I sometimes wonder how I coped with the eldest, with one. And the daughter was super-active and capricious. And my twins appeared when I was already 31 years old and somehow everything is much simpler, maybe because now I perceive children in a completely different way, somehow ...

Discussion

No, it's not hard. I sometimes wonder how I coped with the eldest, with one. The first year was simply difficult, I had assistants only in the evenings and on weekends (my husband was at work, the eldest was at school), and the difficulty was mainly in the problem of dividing attention between two children. Now my twins (a boy and a girl) are four, and I never cease to be glad that there are two of them: they play together, occupying each other, they always have a companion, in the end they are not in danger of being the last in the kindergarten group in the evening :-)!

10/22/2002 13:22:29, Nat*

I don’t know about one, but it’s very difficult with twins. It’s very hard at first, when both are yelling either from colic, then from hunger, then from wet pants, and then, when both want to hold hands together, and already 10 kg each. Lots of unexpected problems. There are also health problems for both children and mothers. And this is the saddest thing. Think again. Read literature.

10/22/2002 07:43:29 AM, Shweta

Breastfeeding and childcare advice Breastfeeding is essential to the successful development and health of your baby. Our consultants will help you: learn breastfeeding techniques; learn how to care for a newborn and a child in the first three years of life; prolong lactation and transfer from a bottle to breastfeeding; tell you how to combine breastfeeding with going to work; wean off; arrange for the feeding of an adopted child. They will help you and tell you how...

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It’s a pity that at one time I didn’t meet such consultants (I will definitely recommend subscribing to this blog to my sister)

It's great when young and inexperienced mothers have the opportunity to consult and get answers to exciting questions. Indeed, often mothers have no one to ask a question, despite the fact that there are many advisers around (sometimes they give unreasonable advice that can harm)

The temperature has risen, the nose is running, coughing, the child is lethargic and capricious - for a mother, a cold in a baby is a real test. However, we need to get together and start acting. After all, the correctness of the therapeutic measures taken by the mother depends on how quickly her baby will recover. 1. Home mode Having noticed the first signs of illness, leave the child at home, do not send him to kindergarten or school. Even if the symptoms of SARS are insignificant - only a runny nose appeared, the state of health is not disturbed and ...

Discussion

We also have a bactericidal lamp, we periodically turn it on when the child is sick, everything else is exactly the same as in the article

The most important actions to follow in case of SARS are listed. After all, in fact, it is worth behaving according to such a plan and the child will quickly get on his feet without a bunch of drugs.

There are no insults from an adult state, this is a childish feeling. If you feel resentment, you can immediately designate for yourself: “I am in a child.” If resentment is a symptom, then why? ... In the situation where you felt offended, you placed your expectations on the other person. You hoped that he (the person) would act in a certain way, you were waiting for the desired action for you, the attitude towards yourself. However, he acted differently, in a way that is not desirable for you. Resentment means that at this moment you are attached to ...

What to do if you have an unbalanced child, very quick-tempered, capricious, and even explosive? Sometimes parents do not understand why their child is so unbalanced and capricious, which in his character prevents him from adapting to the children's environment. Analyze his actions, and try to understand what drives him. So you can correct the behavior of the child in time to make life easier for your baby in the future. Yes, and communication with him will become more pleasant and easier. Unbalanced child...

After the hospital, the inner peace of the child is more important than "then you can't wean it." A homeopath also helped us with excess "mamminess" and excitability 03/25/2012 17:28:48, Shota. He didn't ask me to sleep at night today. We gain patience - such a capricious mother-mia has become.

Discussion

I would score and sleep together. It is necessary - do not you sleep? in the morning the mood is at zero, the irritability is even more .... my daughter slept with me half the night from birth (gw), from 8 months she began to sleep all night. and a week ago we bought a bed and moved it in one night (but she would have slept next to me, but recently she gave me a black eye and I decided that enough was enough for me). After the hospital, the inner peace of the child is more important than "then you can't wean it." We were also helped by a homeopath with excessive "mamminess" and excitability

I understand you perfectly. It was very hard for me with the older one. And I noticed a pattern - the more I get angry, the more it hangs on me. Try to let go of the situation and relax - you will see that the child will become a little calmer. They are little egocentric. If mom frowns, it means she doesn’t love me much, you need to attract her attention, something like this :). Of course it will sit on the neck - what can you do. When you get better, you will re-educate. And the kids are growing up. Everything passes.

Many children are distinguished by a strong temper already in the first months of life. Parents of many children know that each baby is unique and shows character in its own way.

When a child grows up to 3-4 years old, it becomes clear what kind of temper he has. But in the same period, the first whims appear.

Medical professionals call it the first childhood age crisis.

Often, it is not a crisis at all. The baby becomes moody, irritable or whiny for other reasons. By the age of 7, it becomes clear that the crisis has nothing to do with it.

To understand how to cope with the situation and what is the root of the problem, one should look into the depths of the human psyche, understand the features of its formation. This period is a key fulcrum.

The causes of child disobedience and aggressive behavior are always an external factor that has changed the internal state of the child.

Possible reasons:

№	Causes	Explanation
1	Misbehavior of parents	Parents pay little attention, speak rudely. The child hears: “Get out of here, don’t interfere, don’t interfere.” Notorious: "Or play with your toys." Attention deficit sets off a chain reaction. There are two outcomes: the baby withdraws into himself and does not let you into his wounded soul anymore, or begins to attract your attention with aggression and disobedience. If you don't want it to be good, it will be bad.
2	Parents' quarrels	Conflicts, divorce - a blow to the child's psyche. The child sees that in a relationship one parent dominates the other. He chooses a behavior model close to his innate temperament. A small choleric or sanguine person will become a fiend, a melancholic or phlegmatic person will choose the passive side, becoming indecisive and insecure
3	Transitional age	Do not underestimate the influence of adolescence on personality. All teenagers are vulnerable and sensitive, each defends himself as best he can, by virtue of his natural temperament. Some cry and dye their bangs pink, others put on brass knuckles and get into a fight. Many find solace in the virtual world. Women, imagine your PMS never ends. The irritation builds up. This happens to teenagers too.
4	Negative influence from outside	Children are acutely resentful. The reason may be aggressive attacks on the part of the teacher, the guys in the yard, schoolmates. Children are cruel because of the age-related crises that accompany almost the entire period of growing up. Please note: the press from the side sharply breaks the child's psyche, causes psychological trauma

Ways to calm naughty children

Method number 1. Positive reinforcement:

To avoid the child's harsh reaction to the request, ask for something that is pleasant.

Let the baby hear more often: "I bought a toy, please play." "Eat some candy, please."

Method number 2. Serious talk:

From the age of 2-3, talk seriously with your child. Let certain things remain incomprehensible, but the child will feel his own significance, this will calm him down.

The child must feel that he is on an equal footing. This forms a correct understanding of oneself as part of any society.

Method number 3. More freedom:

When whims turn into screaming, divert attention with new interesting duties.

Invite the child to go to the store for bread on his own, trust him to wash the floor, ask him to call a relative and pass on important information. He will no longer remember the reasons for the recent hysteria.

Method number 4. Ask for forgiveness:

Show that you need to apologize for your misdeeds. Sit next to them and ask them to forgive you for your bad behavior.

The cause of whims is often a hidden resentment. It may be subconscious.

How to educate so that children are not spoiled

A loving parent is a strict parent. Do not indulge in whims and stop unacceptable behavior every time. Be relentless.

Cultivate kindness. Show how important it is to support and help.

Always come to the rescue, explain that this is a noble act of an adult:

Help an elderly person cross the road.
Feed a homeless dog.
Feed ducks and pigeons.

Teach your child kindness. Read fairy tales that help to realize the importance of such actions. Cultivate goodness, and whims will go away by themselves.

Give the example of the heroes of fairy tales. Say: "Would Cinderella do that"?

Important! Education plays a huge role in shaping personality. What you plant, it will come up.

Ways to put a nervous child to sleep

Active kids are often unwilling to finish their mischievous games, interrupted by daytime or nighttime sleep.

Use the universal advice of psychologists, which will allow you to easily prepare him for sleep.

Tips from psychologists - getting to bed:

Make the ritual of brushing your teeth daily. You will instill the right habit and help the baby subconsciously prepare for sleep.
The taste of the paste will be associated with falling asleep. A chain reaction will trigger drowsiness.
Stop active games 2 hours before bedtime. Watch cartoons, do quiet things.
Warm water with a spoonful of honey helps. It's healthy and delicious. Soothes and induces deep sleep.
Listen to classical music.
An hour before bedtime, turn off the lights, leave a small floor lamp by the bed, turn on the sounds of nature, and read books.
Help your child imagine that the forest or the ocean is nearby - depending on the included nature sounds. Imagine sleeping in a tent.
Read fairy tales or poetry before bed.
Bathe your baby in a warm bath. It's relaxing.
A good result gives an evening massage to the sounds of your favorite cartoons. This procedure is useful, has a relaxing effect.

Important! Sleep problems in children are often psychological in nature. Show the baby to a child psychologist, or consult a pediatrician.

The doctor will prescribe mild sedatives to help the child relax.

Constant nervous tension that interferes with normal sleep negatively affects the entire body, reduces concentration, and harms the psyche.