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How to show love for your parents. Parental love, its manifestations and lack. What psychologists say

Mom ... how much is in this word. This is light, kindness, the power that is able to move mountains, revive and save from the most terrible disease. They say that the father loves the child for who he is, and the mother for what he is. That is, the mother's love is unconditional and the most constant of all feelings inherent in a person. What is motherly love - in this article.

What does motherly love mean?

As often happens, until a woman has her own child, she does not understand what mother's love is. But as soon as he picks up a living lump and looks into bottomless eyes, then, as they say, disappears. It is difficult to determine the nature of this feeling, because it is inherent in us genetically and determines the movement of evolution. Mother's love is what a defenseless baby needs, unable to live independently, and if he does not receive it, then he may die. A mother loves her child a priori. She doesn't care how he looks, how he studies and what his character is.

She will find an excuse for any act and will be able to find advantages in disadvantages. Not every mother is capable of showing tenderness, care and warmth, because much depends on the atmosphere in which she herself grew up, but in difficult times and in a situation of danger, she is ready to protect her child to the last drop of her blood. In modern society, this is not required in the literal sense of the word. Love consists in the desire and need to give, to raise, teach, feed and clothe. As they say, prepare yourself for old age, because children are our future.

How is maternal love manifested?

If a woman is not a terry egoist, he will give up his own desires for the sake of his child. She is no longer alone - there is a part of her next to her, and she is ready to give her the whole world. Together with the child, rejoice and cry, grow and learn new things, get to know the world. She will do everything to raise a full-fledged member of society, give and teach everything that she knows herself, help to realize herself, to get on her feet. For those who want to know what mother's love is capable of, you can answer that much, if not all.

She will move mountains for the sake of the child, she will look for the best doctors if he is sick, the best teachers if he has the ability. Mother's great love is reflected in religion. In Orthodoxy and other confessions there are many cases when the power of a mother's prayer saved a child from inevitable death. The mother infinitely believes in her child and supports him, creates and protection, demanding nothing in return, because her feelings are disinterested.


Why is mother's love the strongest?

Because a woman understands that no one else needs her child except her. Yes, in history there are many cases when women raised other people's children, and this was especially evident during the wars. Today, children continue to be adopted, taken into families, but often the situation is dictated by the inability to have their own. The very concept of motherly love stands apart from all others. Love between a man and a woman can end, but love between a mother and a child has no expiration date.

Blind maternal love is called such because the mother is simply not able to adequately assess her child. For her, he is the best. That is why it is so rare for the mothers of even the most notorious villains to abandon them at the trial. Not everyone is ready to admit the mistakes of their upbringing, because this would mean that the woman was a bad mother, and few are ready to agree with this.

What is blind motherly love?

Unfortunately, not all mothers, starting the so necessary care of the offspring that have been born, can stop in time and understand that the baby has already grown up and is ready for an independent life. They continue to do for him what he can and wants to do himself. Often, women who are disillusioned with men give birth to a child “for themselves,” making it. This is a dangerous situation that rarely results in anything good.

Without thinking about how the child will live after the death of the mother, these women from birth put an end to his fate. As Anatoly Nekrasov writes in his book "Mother's Love", every time helping her child, the mother takes away his own opportunity to improve his life. Unfortunately, this is unconditional motherly love, and not everyone realizes that it also has a downside.

A mother's love for her son - psychology

A mother's love for her son is different from the way she feels for her daughter. This is largely due to the difference between the sexes. No, she does not see him as a sexual object, but the jealousy that she feels for potential daughters-in-law is inherent in her from the very beginning. The son's love for his mother is strong, but she raises him to care. It is psychologically arranged that a man finds love and care in his family when he marries, and no longer needs the care of the one who gave birth to him.

Mother's love treatment

The founder of mother therapy is B. Drapkin. His treatment is based on the great importance of the mother's voice to the child. He recommends that all women recite phrases aloud while the child is asleep, which will act as a set. Mother love psychotherapy helps with various diseases, nervous disorders, tearfulness, and poor sleep. You can independently compose phrases that the mother wishes to bring to life, and pronounce them over the crib of babies under the age of 4 years.


Movies about motherly love

  1. Dancer in the Dark Lars von Trier. The film about the difficult fate of a single mother won an award at the Cannes Film Festival.
  2. "Where the heart is" directed by Matt Williams. Films about mother's love deservedly include this picture about a 17-year-old girl who decided to become a mother, left alone.
  3. "My Sister's Angel" directed by Nick Cassavetes. Mother's holy love, played by Cameron Diaz, helped her daughter fight cancer.

Books about motherly love

Tales of maternal love by famous writers include:

  1. "Please take care of your mom" Kun-Suuk Shin. Family members did not at all appreciate the efforts of his wife and mother, and when she disappeared, everyone's life turned upside down.
  2. "Mother's heart" Marie-Laura Pica. The book is about a woman who devoted her whole life to her children, but was forced to say goodbye to them, as a serious illness takes her strength.
  3. "Call a doctor" Natalia Nesterova. The main character is abandoned by her own mother at birth. She grew up, became a doctor and came to a call to a house where a sick woman who gave birth to her is waiting for her.

As in any relationship, a mother's love for her child is deeply intimate. But we, unfortunately and great grief, do not always remember this. And then we never remember at all. Here, ladies, answer: if your husband is in trouble at work, who do you blame? That's right, the boss is a fool, fellow careerists, and so on. Or you are an angel and blame no one at all.

Mother's love and school

Now, attention! Your son is in trouble at school. I got a deuce, got into a fight with Petka, and asked Anechka this question, you know, not because of her age. Who is guilty? Even questions do not arise - it is! Your beloved offspring! And you don’t want to hear anything about the fact that this Anya answered the question (only she doesn’t admit it to her mother), this Petka has been quietly teasing everyone for a long time, and then he began to say nasty things that cannot be tolerated (but the teacher did not hear this ) ... And twos too, you know, are different! But there is such a terrible phrase: "You shame me again!"

And it turns out our bloodline is between two fires: on the one hand, the school pushes, and on the other, the family supports it. Where does one go in this case? Well, if there are two parents, then there is a possibility that "when mom was covered, dad was already released." But, firstly, not a fact. And secondly, not everyone has a complete set of parents ...

What happened? It's just that someone outside, in this case the school, interfered with your relationship with your child. And you allowed to make the relationship worse. Your love is no longer unconditional! Think about it, this is your child! Read the previous paragraph - what did he do something so terrible?

Mother's love and failure to meet expectations

Why did I start all this? Our summer plans are a little lost. I feel - oh, my child is in vain in the city, walking along the route "refrigerator-TV-computer". Summer is passing!

I called my friends and a very old friend - a sports tourism coach suggested: let's take your baby to the training camp! Sun, air, water, movement in the fresh air. Let him try, he wants to - in the fall he will come to study.

I tried it. It turned out to be difficult. There is no endurance, no habit of joyfully enduring difficulties, mobilizing will. Yes, a lot of things are missing, and I knew it very well before ... But now it is night. And I can't fall asleep after talking on the phone with a coach friend ... She just had the opportunity to talk calmly, and she called me to discuss the situation at the training camp and prospects. Nothing new! But in a conversation with her, I began to look for an excuse for my son's behavior; and then - rightly so, I became very unhappy with him.

Although, tell me, why do I need this, why is it so important for me that he does sports tourism? And all because this is my friend, we once went on hikes together. And I would really like my son to “continue my work”, “meet my expectations” ...

A mother's love is to love a child as he is.

I have a wonderful child. He is kind and glorious, and he will certainly acquire qualities that are still lacking in his character. Maybe not today or tomorrow, and not even in a year. But everything will be fine if now I can love him the way he is. Do not allow anyone to wedge between us, to break the little world that we are building together with such difficulty after the loss of dad.

This, of course, does not mean that I am going to spit on everything and lock myself in a golden tower with my precious boy. No! Only

disassemble the actions, not the child;

do not side with the attacker against the child;

and do not forget to speak and show him: you are dear to me the way you are. I need you anyone!

All the same, the love of a mother (and a father, if there is one) for a child is the most important thing in upbringing.

Watch an interesting and useful cartoon of students from France.

The article was written with the participation of the site administrator http://detionlain.ru

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Mother's love is the most disinterested, kind, light and tender feeling in the world.

In our article we will talk about the love of a mother for her child, what it is, how it manifests itself and how important it is for each person.

What is this maternal love

Mother's love knows no boundaries. This is love that does not require anything in return. This feeling is difficult to describe, but we all feel how much each mother loves her child. Mother's love can give strength and revitalize when we feel bad.

A mother always accepts her child as he is, and he is the best for her. In a difficult moment of life, mom will come to the rescue, calm down and inspire for further achievements.

Mothers are different, they all show their love in different ways - someone is more strict, and someone is more gentle. It depends on her upbringing and the atmosphere in which she grew up.

But without a doubt, every mother loves her child. She is ready for anything to make him a happy, kind and worthy person.

Baby waiting

Expecting a baby is one of the most beautiful times in a woman's life if she feels like giving life to a new person. The attitude and readiness to become a mother are very important.

Very often, relatives, grandmothers and aunts begin to put pressure on a newly-born family so that the newly-made wife becomes pregnant as soon as possible. You cannot give in to their desires, because this is only your life.

The birth and upbringing of a child is a very big change in your whole life, it is a great responsibility, taking on which, there will be no way back.

The more consciously future parents approach the birth of a baby, the more love they will feel for the child and will be able to do everything that is necessary for his happiness and development.

How do you know that you are ready to become a mother? Here are some criteria by which you can determine:

  • if you realize what difficulties you will have to face, but they do not scare you;
  • you realize that your life will never be the same again. It will radically change and from the moment the baby is born, all your goals and desires will depend on the baby, his needs and well-being;
  • if you are ready to give the baby all your time, your love and care;
  • if you have formed as a person and will not project your intrapersonal problems onto the child;
  • the decision to become a mother is conscious, based not only on emotions, but also rationally;
  • if the relationship between you and the future father of the child is harmonious, you have come to a consensus on how to raise the child, you discussed how your relationship will change from the moment of his birth.

If you answered yes to each item, chances are you are ready to become a parent. If these conditions are met, the child will not cause discord in your family, but will only strengthen it and bring you closer.

Feelings at birth

Most often, when a baby is born, a woman begins to experience the most beautiful, inexplicable feeling for him, which comes to the fore and overshadows even the pain that she had to endure as a result of childbirth.

If this feeling did not arise immediately, there is nothing to worry about, because this is a completely new stage in your life. Undoubtedly, it can cause stress and fear.

Strong feelings of love and affection may come weeks or months after birth, this should not be feared.

Your bond with your child will gradually grow stronger. You will feel what is bothering your child in a particular moment, what he wants. As an argument, you can cite the fact that it is much easier to love the person you know and understand.

The power of maternal love

Mother's love is one of the strongest feelings. This is easily confirmed by examples when, at the moment of dangerous situations, unprecedented physical abilities awaken in the mother in order to save the child.

Also, the power of mother's love is manifested in inexhaustible care, acceptance of her child as he is. A mother is ready to forgive her child in any situation, to save him and help.

In the pursuit of happiness for a child, it is very important not to forget about your relationship with your husband, because it was they who gave birth to a new person, and they should be in the first place, since the child will someday grow up and want to create his own family, and you will stay together with her husband. It is important that over the years of upbringing, you remain as interesting to each other as at the beginning of the relationship.

but on the other hand

Often there are cases when maternal love crosses certain boundaries and becomes excessive. There is a huge overprotection and a desire to do ordinary things for the child instead of trying to do them himself. After all, a mother can do it faster, better.

For example, when the child is slowly dressing, or makes the bed not so carefully. You need to understand that the more independence you give your child in childhood, the more independent and confident he will become in the future in order to solve his adult affairs.

It also happens that a mother's love for her son becomes very zealous and possessive. For example, when a child brings a girl he liked to meet for the first time.

If you begin to notice notes of jealousy in yourself, you need to get rid of them as soon as possible and understand that the child is not your property. He becomes an adult in order to live as independently as you do.

Why is love for your children important in shaping their personality?

Love and acceptance are the most essential feelings that a small person needs as they grow up. It often takes patience and compassion for him to grow up on his own.

For a child to grow up happy, to be able to create and create, to become a successful and confident person, his parents must do a great job. Whatever mistakes your mother makes in raising you, try to be patient and caring at all times.

Your child should not suffer from the mistakes that were during your upbringing. Therefore, the appearance of a child in your family must be taken with full responsibility. It is necessary to resolve your internal conflicts and get rid of negative attitudes.

Do not skimp on feelings, on praise, help the child, but do not do all the work for him. Maintain a harmonious relationship between you and your husband. Then the child will have an example to follow, and he will grow up happy and harmonious.

Video: excessive motherly love, pros and cons

We will talk about a lot in this book. But I want to understand again why. What's so special about motherhood? After all, mom can be replaced by any other people? And mom has the right to live as she wants, right?

Or does not it have and it will not work to replace it?
Let's start with a quote that I really like and impress from the book of the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna's diaries.

“The important work that a person can do for Christ is what he can and should do in his own home. Men have their share, it is important and serious, but the true creator of the house is the mother. The way she lives gives the house a special atmosphere. God first comes to children through her love. As they say: “God created mothers in order to become closer to everyone,” is a wonderful thought. Motherly love, as it were, embodies the love of God, and she surrounds the child's life with tenderness "

Motherhood is not only love, tenderness, touching photographs. It is also a special kind of responsibility. Women's responsibility is to understand exactly how you influence the fragile minds of your kids, what is your strength and where you should be more attentive - to yourself, of course.

Mom is like a safe haven for the child

Ideally, a mother is the person with whom the child is most comfortable and calm. With her, he can be relaxed, he can be himself. Because it is under her protection. This is almost always the case - even if the security is not ideal, even if it is impossible to be yourself to the end. But with strangers, in any case, it will be more difficult for the child - he already needs to adjust to them, adapt. They can fly from them if you do something out of the ordinary.

Mom gives you the opportunity for the first five years to get to know yourself in a safe environment. When you can be yourself, make mistakes, be funny and ridiculous, need help. If the child is saturated with this security, then it is easier for him to build relationships with the world. He already knows himself and therefore there is no excessive adjustment in his relationship, he no longer betrays himself. He can remain himself and with other people, without fear of ridicule or mistakes. Isn't it valuable?

Mom as a guarantor of childhood

One of the forms of protection of the child by the mother is the protection of his right to be a child. Be active, sometimes break and spoil something, run, jump, play and engage in completely "unhelpful" activities. If the child is with his mother, he has the opportunity to sleep as much as he wants, to eat when he wants, to explore the world the way he wants. She protects him from a world that wants to mold him into a useful and manageable adult as soon as possible.

He will have time to integrate into the schedules of this world, here he will not lose anything. But no one else will give him the opportunity to be a child. And if he doesn’t play enough at five years old, he will be weird at thirty and sixty. Sometimes such "miracles" can be harmless. And sometimes it is very traumatic for loved ones.

The image of the mother shapes the values ​​of the child

It's the most important. The child makes a cast of his future life, his habits and values ​​from his parents. Of course, more from the mother, because she is usually clearer and more accessible. He usually sees her more often, spends more time with her.

If the mother smokes and drinks beer on the playground while the baby is rolling downhill, then it will be normal for the child. Normal pastime, what's the big deal. Although it seems to mom that he is still small, he does not understand anything. Then she will explain to him that there is no need to smoke. But it will be too late - the cast has already been made.

If a mother dresses too loosely, and behaves frivolously with other men - what will this teach the girl? What family values ​​can a girl receive from such a mother? Will the boy learn to trust women in this case?

That is, everything that a mother does with a child and even without a child is important. Nowadays, many people care about their image, that is, about what others think of them. It would be most useful to think about how our children see us. If we live not at all the life we ​​would like children to live, if we do what we would like them to - never - this is a reason to think.

There are also "less dangerous" features of a mother's life - for example, the level of her happiness, her spiritual life, her relationship with her husband - their depth, closeness and satisfaction, her attitude to work, to home, to the children themselves. All this is imprinted on the child's psyche.

The child will then be able to live differently, but for this he will need to realize the destructiveness of his mother's models, want to differently and make a lot of efforts on himself. Because if by itself, then it will turn out like a mother's or almost like a mother's.

Relationship model

It is very important that we take our models from our parents precisely in relationships. So a girl whose mother was loved by her husband, so much so that the child saw all this, is more likely to grow up to be a happy woman.

In this sense, the role of a mother is simple - to become such a woman as she would like to see her daughter. And at the same time be happy and loved by your man. Since the daughter's eyes are in the father's heart, seeing how the best man for her loves her mother, she herself will want to become like her mother.

With boys, everything is also simple (just in words, not easy in practice). Become the kind of woman you want to see next to your son. Help your husband become the man you want the boy to be. And to love her husband with all my heart, so that the child can see and feel it.

Children read all our relationships. Even if it seems to us that they do not understand anything. They see our lips curled with disdain when we talk to my husband. They also notice how condescendingly we speak of him. They also feel that we have not admired our other half for a long time. Most of our secret signals pass unnoticed by ourselves. But children successfully intercept and decipher them. And then they copy it.

I know one girl whose parents have lived together all their lives and pretend that everything is fine. Everyone thinks this is the perfect family. And the girl has already been married three times. And when they ask her - how is that? How is parenting a good script? She just grins.

She once told me that this pretty picture has always been just a picture. Parents lived in different rooms, different lives. They had nothing in common, except for a duty meeting at breakfast with a duty smile.

Mom never talked about my father, as if he did not exist. The father never showed affection for the mother. Two outsiders - and deeply unhappy - people under one roof. Although all this was done for the sake of her daughter.

If your mother did not love you, you will never feel loved.

This rule has been tested in practice by hundreds and thousands of women, whose letters and stories I have read and heard. Unfortunately this is the case. If a child under the age of five has not been nourished with the love of his mother until the very top, then he begins to live as if he hates himself. Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem, life at the maximum capacity of the body, civil marriages, excessive work, self-torture, self-criticism, depression - all of this could be an antidote. It was given by God to the mother. But Mom was busy with something else — her healing, her job, her looks, and her struggle with time. Anything other than a child.

Maybe she really wanted to love, but did not know how, did not know how and did not have the strength for this. The consequences are that the child goes out into the world unprotected. Like I forgot to put on my armor on the battlefield. It could be much easier and easier for him if his mother took care of protecting not only his body, but also his psyche, his soul. But out of ignorance or lack of strength, she could not.

Of course, we all come to that family and to that mother, as we are supposed to by fate. And our children come to us, who do not know how to love, also according to their own destiny. But if we still make an effort on ourselves, we can help both them and ourselves in overcoming the difficulties of life.

If she has not taught how to love, no one will teach

It is important for each of us to be able to both accept and give love. And mom teaches both. If mom is directly involved in the acceptance of love by us, then in the science of giving love, the main thing is her example. We look at how mom lives, what values ​​she has, what she lives for, how she treats people and the world.

  • Does mom know how to love at all? How open or closed is her heart? Is it only attachments that guide her, or is there love?
  • Is there a separation between friend and foe in her life? I love these, I hate these, I am indifferent to these? How wide is her heart?
  • What kind of love does she have - hyper-care, hyper-care, semi-indifference, or service? Does she crush with her love? Does it control? Trainer? Or?
  • Does she like to love herself, does she enjoy giving?
  • How disinterested is her love? Or every time she issues an invoice - first internally, then - voices it and waits for payment?

Mother's love as selfless service

It is said that it is the mother's love that is most spiritual in this world. Because a mother cannot deny her child and loves him by anyone. Even criminals have mothers, and many of them continue to love even a child who has stumbled.

The mother does not stop loving, even when the child is twice her size, even when he already has his own family, even when he forgets about her, living his life. In the heart of the mother, the child is forever.

The mother gives the child as much as he can never return to her. And that means she gives it all away without expecting to get it back. Of course, in the modern world we are far from being a mother, and our love is selfish. But when compared to all other relationships, our love for the child will be as pure as possible.

In this sense, a mother's love is very similar to God's love for us. Imagine, if our mother gives us so much, then how much God has already given us!

A mother gives her children a lot - her blood, her ancestral strength, ancestral memory. Your image, your love, your values, an example of life, an example of relationships to yourself and others. Therefore, it would be imprudent to say that it is simple. What is this nonsense. Anyone can handle it. Almost anyone can give birth. And not everyone can become a mother. Especially in this world. The world, which so much needs the Mother.