Features of raising children in an incomplete family. Illusions of single parents or raising a child in an incomplete family

20.07.2019

The article is devoted to the actual problem of the child's life in an incomplete family. This article discusses the issues of parent-child relations, the formation of the personality of a child from an incomplete family. The characteristic features of the upbringing of children by single parents and the emerging difficulties of upbringing in the social and pedagogical sphere are described.

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FEATURES OF UPBRINGING A CHILD IN AN INCOMPLETE FAMILY

T.V. Kudryavtseva

NDOU "Kindergarten No. 118" JSC "Russian Railways", Samara, Russia

Annotation: The article is devoted to the actual problem of the child's life in an incomplete family. This article discusses the issues of parent-child relations, the formation of the personality of a child from an incomplete family. The characteristic features of the upbringing of children by single parents and the emerging difficulties of upbringing in the social and pedagogical sphere are described.

Keywords: single mother, single parent, upbringing

The main purpose of the family is to satisfy social, group and individual needs. As a social unit of society, the family satisfies a number of its most important needs, including the reproduction of the population. At the same time, it satisfies the personal needs of each of its members, as well as general family (group) needs. The main functions of the family follow from this: reproductive, economic, educational, communicative, organization of leisure and recreation. There is a close relationship, interpenetration and complementarity between them.

The role of the family in society is incomparable in its strength with any other social institutions, since it is in the family that a person's personality is formed and laid down, and he masters the social roles necessary for the painless adaptation of the child in society. The family acts as the first educational institution, a connection with which a person feels throughout his life.

The family has at all times been in the center of attention of progressive social thought, progressives and scientists, from ancient philosophers to modern reformers. And this is not surprising. The family is a system of social functioning of a person, one of the basic institutions of society.

Questions devoted to the problem of parent-child relations were considered by scientists throughout the development of psychological science and practice. In Russian psychology, research in this area was carried out by scientists L.I. Bozovic, L.S. Vygotsky, I.V. Dubrovina, M.I. Lisina, A.N. Leontiev, V. S. Mukhina, G. T. Khomentauskas, D.B. Elkonin and many others.

Such Russian specialists as: Pukhova T.I., Kochubei B.I., Grigorieva E., etc. there is a consensus that not every complete family is a normal environment for the full development and upbringing of a child, but nevertheless the presence of both parents in the family helps to more successfully solve many problems related to the preservation of his mental health.

In recent years, demographers, sociologists, psychologists, teachers and other specialists have shown concern about the deep systemic crisis of the institution of the family, which manifests itself in the deformation of traditional family foundations and family upbringing.

An incomplete family is not only a family of divorced parents, but also a family that has lost a breadwinner, a family of a single mother, as well as a woman who decided to take a child from an orphanage. And each situation has its own psychological characteristics and difficulties faced by a single mother (less often a single father).

Recently, the list of social guarantees has been significantly reduced and the level of social protection has decreased. A woman-mother raising a child without a father must herself be responsible for the welfare of her family. Particular need is felt by incomplete families in which children with deviations from the norm in physical or neuropsychic development, and even more so children with disabilities, are growing up. If a disabled child needs constant supervision and care, then a woman has no opportunity to improve material well-being, they have to live on the child's disability pension and child allowance.

The need to care for a child in the absence of outside help, the destruction of the sphere of public services does not allow women to express themselves in the professional sphere: material responsibility is of decisive importance in their choice and formation of behavior. Many women see parenting and childcare as their main mission and overshadow professional success and careers. At the same time, material well-being and often employment in two jobs removes a single mother from raising and caring for a child, and he is left to himself.

Even the most caring woman in an incomplete family does not physically have enough time to raise her child.

Among the problems of single-parent families, the problem of its functioning as an institution for the upbringing and socialization of children is especially acute. Those who believe that the costs of raising children in an incomplete family are primarily related to the impact of negative economic factors are right.

The specific lifestyle of a family with one parent has a tangible effect on the educational process. The absence of one parent in the family can be the reason for the inadequate, unsuccessful upbringing of children. In incomplete maternal families, boys do not see an example of male behavior in the family, which contributes to the formation, in the process of their socialization, of an inadequate idea of the role functions of a man, husband, and father. The behavior of an unmarried mother in the family is largely due to the absence of a second parent. This also affects the socialization of girls brought up in single-parent families, distorts their ideas about the role functions of a woman, wife, and mother. Children brought up in single-parent families are deprived of an example of the relationship between a man and a woman in the family, which negatively affects their socialization in general and their preparedness for future family life in particular. Pedagogy assesses the indicator of children's identification with their parents as one of the main criteria for the effectiveness of family education. At the same time, the child expresses acceptance of the moral and ideological norms of his parents. The implementation of this component of the educational process in an incomplete family is deformed due to the absence of one parent. In incomplete paternal families, the problems listed above are supplemented by the absence of maternal affection, without which the upbringing of children cannot be complete either.

Due to the absence of one of the parents, the remaining one has to take upon himself the solution of all the material and everyday problems of the family. At the same time, he also needs to make up for the resulting deficit of educational influence on children. It is very difficult to combine all these tasks. Therefore, most single-parent families experience material and everyday difficulties and face pedagogical problems. The psychological climate of an incomplete family is largely determined by painful experiences that have arisen as a result of the loss of one of the parents. Most single-parent families arise due to the departure of the father. The mother rarely manages to contain and hide her irritation towards him; her disappointment and discontent is often unconsciously projected onto their common child. Another situation is possible, when the mother emphasizes the role of the innocent victim in which the child finds herself. At the same time, she seeks to make up for the lack of parental care in excess and goes beyond all reasonable limits. In all such cases, the educational atmosphere of the family is distorted and negatively affects the formation of the child's personality.

Psychological research (A.I. Zakharova 1 , E.O. Smirnova  4  , B.C. Sobkina, Z. Mateycheka, Ya.G. Nikolaeva 3  and others) testify that due to the above reasons, children from incomplete families, in comparison with peers from complete families, have a number of psychological characteristics: lower academic performance, a tendency to neurotic disorders and illegal behavior, manifestations of infantility, negative attitude towards parents, disorders sex-role behavior, a painful feeling of difference from peers, unstable, low self-esteem with an urgent need to improve it, inadequate demands on the mother and a high desire for changes in her behavior, an active search for a “significant adult”.

It is also important that in the absence of one of the parents, the child is deprived of the opportunity to fully form a stereotype of the behavior of his gender. So, in the absence of a father, a boy is not able to observe the features of male behavior in the closest example and involuntarily takes on female traits. And for the girl, the mother in this situation is forced to combine her own maternal role and the role of the absent father; as a result, psychosexual development is contradictory.

In an incomplete family, the main thing is missing for future spouses - an example of marriage. Therefore, there is no definite opportunity for children - future spouses and parents - to form a culture of feelings, relationships characteristic of the relationship between husband and wife. Future husbands who are brought up without a father often adopt a female type of behavior, or they develop a distorted idea of male behavior as aggressive, harsh, and cruel. And future wives, who grew up without a father, have worse ideas about the ideal of the future spouse, in family life it is much more difficult for them to adequately understand the husband and sons. Therefore, in such families there are obviously more reasons for conflicts, divorces.

Educational opportunities in an incomplete family are limited: control over children becomes difficult, the absence of a father deprives children of the opportunity to get acquainted with different types of family relationships and entails a one-sided nature of mental development. This is due to the lack of adult sexual behavior patterns that could be imitated in the future. A boy who has received a "protective" maternal upbringing is often deprived of the necessary masculine traits: strength of character, discipline, independence, decisiveness. For a girl, communication with her father helps to form the image of a man. If there is no father in the family, then the image of a man turns out to be distorted - impoverished or, on the contrary, idealized, which subsequently leads to either simplification in personal relations with a man, or to insurmountable difficulties. Based on the negative experience of the parental family, spouses from single-parent families find it easier to break apart in their own family.

All this does not mean, however, that an incomplete family is necessarily dysfunctional in the educational aspect. These problems can arise in an incomplete family with a higher probability than in a complete one, but this does not mean that they will necessarily arise. In some cases, the psychological atmosphere of the family is quite favorable and does not create difficulties in the formation of a healthy personality.

There are very contradictory opinions about families where only the mother is involved in raising a child. Some believe that this is always bad, others argue that the child is absolutely indifferent to who is raising him, and still others argue that an incomplete family even has certain advantages over a full family, since the parent left with the children is personally responsible for everything that happens. in his family and does not try to shift the blame for his own failures, miscalculations or mistakes onto other family members. To illustrate their claims, they cite numerous examples of the upbringing of wonderful (often outstanding) people who grew up without a father.

For a small child, the surrounding society is a family. It is in her that the child's “I” changes. And the number of people around does not really matter in this matter. Much more important is the quality and intensity of mutual relations. A child can live with one mother and understand well that they treat each other with great respect. The child clearly realizes that in his mother's dreams he is a strong and good person, that she reckons with him, expects a lot from him. This situation does not always happen in complete families.

Undoubtedly, each of these points of view can be equally accepted and refuted by other examples with which life abounds.

Thus, an incomplete family, although it faces a number of objective difficulties, nevertheless, has sufficient potential for full-fledged upbringing of children. A parent who, due to circumstances, turns out to be the head of an incomplete family, needs to be soberly aware of the psychological characteristics of the situation that has arisen and not to allow them to lead to negative consequences. The experience of many prosperous single-parent families shows that this is possible.

Bibliographic list

A.I. Zakharov How to prevent deviations in the behavior of the child. - M .: Education, 1986.
Mateychek Z. Some psychological problems of raising children in an incomplete family // Raising children in an incomplete family / translation from Czech. Khvatalova L.N., total. ed. and afterword by N.M. Ershova. - M .: Progress, 1980.
Nikolaeva, Ya. G. Raising a child in an incomplete family. // Ya.G. Nikolaeva.- M., Vlados, 2006.-159 p.
Smirnova, E.O. Specificity of the emotional and personal sphere of children living in incomplete families / E.O. Smirnova, B.C. Sobkin // Vopr. psychol. 1999. No. 6. Pp. 18-28.
Saving, N.A. Work with incomplete families. // N.A. Saving.- Minsk., Krasiko-Print, 2006.-176 p.
Tseluyko, V.M. The psychology of a dysfunctional family. // V.M. Tseluyko - M., Vlados, 2003.-272 p.
Tseluiko, N.A. Parents and children: psychology of family relationships. // N. A. Tseluiko. Mozyr., 2006 .-- 132 p.

Dear readers, this article will be interesting for those who are interested in the problems of raising children in single-parent families. Unfortunately, in our time it is not uncommon to meet a child growing up without a father or without a mother. From the point of view of psychology, of course, the baby lacks a second parent. However, you can minimize the absence of mom or dad by observing special rules and avoiding mistakes.

How to raise a baby

The parent must understand that when raising a child alone, all his needs must be taken into account. Only in this way can you raise a person who will be mentally healthy, with normal self-esteem and relationships in society.

The need to develop social skills. The child must understand how to behave in society, communication with peers is very important. You can't do without forming experience on your mistakes.
Active participation in public life. Attendance at cultural events plays an important role.
Parental communication with the baby. It is very important here not to overdo it, but at the same time give enough care and love. The child should receive as much of your attention as he needs. Often a lonely parent has a lot of responsibility, the need to raise money and go to work a lot. However, you need to find time, listen to the baby's feelings and help him with advice.
Emotional needs. It is very important to timely answer the questions of interest to the child, his actions, often praise for his successes, and take an active part in his life.

Sex education

When a child is brought up in an incomplete family, a serious problem may arise if the boy stayed with his mother or the girl with her father, that is, the gender of the parent does not match the gender of the baby.

As they grow up, children begin to copy the behavior of adults, boys - father's, girls - mother's. At this point, it is very important to have an example to follow.

However, what to do when this is not possible. It is very difficult to be both a dad and a mom at once. In addition, how can a man explain to a girl about women's problems and experiences, and a woman - how to be a man.

The most optimal solution is adequate replacement. In this case, either a new dad, a new mom, or a close relative or friend of the required gender can be considered. The main thing is that the baby has a good relationship and understanding with this person. If your family lacks a dad, then a grandfather or uncle will be a good replacement for the boy. If mom is absent, then an aunt or grandmother will be a good example for a young princess.

It is very important that a well-chosen relative pays maximum attention to the younger generation, communicates with the child regularly, prompts and guides him.

If children from single-parent families have no other relatives, except for a single parent, then think about it, perhaps there is a neighbor or work colleague in your environment who will be happy to keep your child company. Then you will be able to avoid the problems of improper sex education.

Single mom mistakes

Bad reviews about your father can ruin your daughter's future.

Raising a child in an incomplete family can be burdened by parental mistakes.

Women may not think about their behavior in the presence of a baby, thereby spoiling the relationship with him, losing his trust, and sometimes harming psychological health.

Dad problems

The first problem that arises between parent and child is the lack of an invisible connection. The fact is that the mother bears the baby, gives him life, breastfeeds. They form a strong connection at a subconscious level. Often times, men simply do not have such an attachment to a child.

Dad experiences a particular difficulty when taking care of a growing girl falls on his shoulders. Most often, after such upbringing, you can meet a kid who has absolutely no femininity. It will be difficult for such a woman to build a family, she will feel like a “father of the family”, which not every man will like.

Considering the peculiarities of raising a child in an incomplete family, it is necessary to take into account such rules.

Give your child as much time as possible.
Always listen to your baby, take an interest in his experiences and problems in kindergarten or school.
Don't turn your child against the other parent.
Try to be your little one's best friend.
Do not scold your child if he remembers how good it was in a complete family.
Praise your baby, but only deservedly, do not go too far.
Do not be isolated. Be sure to communicate with different people, go to exhibitions, to the theater.
It is very important that the baby has communication with people of the same gender as the missing parent.
If the child is interested in the reasons for the divorce, you should not come up with fairy tales, it is better to immediately tell the whole truth, taking into account the age of the baby.
If your toddler is of the opposite sex, read literature, find out the gender characteristics of children. The father should be able to support and explain the incomprehensible changes in the daughter's body, and the mother - to the son.
Don't get depressed. Remember that the baby reacts sharply to your condition, the mood is transmitted to him. Control yourself, because you do not want the child's psyche to suffer.
Never say out loud in front of a baby that you will forever remain lonely and unnecessary, or that all women (men) are bad.
If you are planning to create a new relationship, always take into account the opinion of the baby and try to establish contact between him and your new chosen one or chosen one.

Now you know the peculiarities of children in single-parent families. Follow the tips above and try to make the absence of the second parent as invisible as possible for the growing baby.

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NON-STATE EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION

ADDITIONAL PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION

INSTITUTE FOR DISTANCE TRAINING

by discipline: Child psychology

on the topic: Raising children in single-parent families

Work completed

3.30.1 course listener

Malinina Anna Sergeevna

supervisor

to. psychol. Sciences, Assoc. Shelepanova N.V.

Rybinsk -2015

INTRODUCTION

As you know, the family is the main social unit of society. It is in the family (and only then at school, institute, etc.) that the human individual receives his initial knowledge about the world, a system of values. It is in the family that, as a rule, views on the world and the worldview that a person will carry through his entire life path are formed.

Unfortunately, all over the world, including in our country, not all children - future citizens - are brought up in two-parent families where there is a mother and a father. A significant part of families with children are incomplete. There may be many reasons for this, but the fact that the child has already appeared compels the parent and social protection authorities to take certain actions to raise the child, taking into account the specifics of his residence in an incomplete family.

The relevance of this topic can be explained by the fact that children growing up in single-parent families are the same members of society and have the same rights as all other people. Sooner or later, these children will grow up and enter into independent life. They will work, participate in public life, create their own families and bring up their children. To ensure the socialization of children from single-parent families, to give them the opportunity to realize themselves in life, a technology is needed for working with such children, which would ensure the implementation of the above provisions.

The purpose of this work: features of raising children in single-parent families.

In accordance with the set goal, it is necessary to solve the following tasks:

To characterize a family with one parent, to characterize the reasons for this social phenomenon;

Identify and describe the possible negative factors of raising children in single-parent families;

Outline the conditions for improving the upbringing process in single-parent families;

To study the procedure and rules for organizing social and pedagogical assistance to an incomplete family in raising children.

parenting single-parent family

Chapter 1 THE PROBLEM OF INCOMPLETE FAMILIES

1.1 Single parent families

The question of incomplete families is relevant because a significant part of the population is concentrated in them, which have not developed natural living conditions inherent in the very nature of family and marriage relations. These are children without a father (or mother), adults who do not have their own family and continue to live with their parents. This situation not only complicates the material side of life for most of them, but also deprives them of the full-fledged spiritual life that a happy marriage could provide. Such families are also called "maternal", and a woman raising a child (children) without a father is called "a single mother."

The totality of incomplete families is diverse and extremely heterogeneous. The sources of their occurrence were traditionally considered to be divorce, widowhood (death of one of the parents), illegitimate birth.

The incomplete family model is objectively more consistent with the post-industrial society with its social mobility, a high level of development of scientific and industrial technologies, informatization, and hence the great importance of professionalism, which is difficult to combine with the fulfillment of family responsibilities.

If there is one parent in the family, then he bears the burden for two, the whole burden of upbringing, as well as the material support of children, lies with him. A widow, a divorced woman, or an unmarried mother most often tries to provide her children with the most prosperous living conditions. However, for this, she should be included in the labor process as much as possible, and therefore she has much less time to raise children than in a full family.

When raising children, a widowed or divorced woman, an unmarried mother, faces very different problems. The nature of the difficulties complicates their life in different ways, regardless of the fact that the basis is essentially the same - only one person is involved in raising a child in a family.

There is no doubt that the best conditions for the educational process are created where the family is complete and where all its members are mutually connected by an attitude of deep understanding, trust and sympathy. But the "fullness" of the family in itself does not serve as a reliable guarantee of happiness and success in upbringing. It only creates a more favorable educational situation or slightly better prerequisites.

1.2 Causes of single-parent families

In an incomplete family, there are specific conditions for raising children. The breakdown of the family negatively affects the relationship between parents and children, upsets the stability of the emotional atmosphere. Due to the fact that parents themselves experience emotional distress, they usually do not have the strength to help children cope with the problems that have arisen just at that moment in life, when they especially need their love and support.

The Czech psychologist Z. Matejček believes that upbringing in an incomplete family is the same normal, normal upbringing, only it is carried out in more difficult conditions. He argues that most of all, one should take into account the personality characteristics of the person who is left alone with the child. The ability of this educator to meet all the requirements plays a much greater role in the formation of the child's personality than the fact that the family is incomplete. In addition, we must not forget that the child himself, by the peculiarities of his temperament, influences the formation of his own personality. The child is not at all a passive participant in the educational process. And life in an incomplete family is the same cooperation as life in a family according to any criteria of complete

The main reasons for the increase in single-parent families are:

1) Increase in the number of divorces.

Divorce is a common cause of single-parent families. Since children, as a rule, stay with the mother, the mother forms an incomplete family, and the father either becomes a single person, or remarries, or returns to his parents.

The factor of divorce in modern conditions has become a mechanism that lowers the value of marriage and family relations. Today there is a decrease in the proportion of men and women who are married, an increase in the number of divorced and unmarried women.

Noting the increase in the divorce rate in Russia, it should be borne in mind that in 1965 the legal conditions for divorce were facilitated, and therefore, to their actual number, there were added marriages that had long since disintegrated, but were not legally formalized in a timely manner. The influence of this factor on the divorce rate continued for several years.

In the mid-90s, the growth in divorce rates in the country was replaced by stabilization, but at a high level - about 4.5 divorces per 1000 population.

Thus, the problems of the stability of marriage and family relations are still relevant for many Russian families.

2) An increase in the number of births outside the officially registered marriage.

In case of illegitimate births, the family is initially incomplete, the child from the first days of his life is raised only by his mother, without a father. Such a family always consists of a mother with children. The modern family demonstrates a rejection of patriarchy. A significant part of people do not see exceptional value in the family lifestyle and live in an unregistered marriage. In this case, the family is initially monoparent, and the child from the first days of his life is raised only by the mother, without the father.

Dictionary of the Russian language S.I. Ozhegova gives the following definition of the term "illegitimate": Fornication, illegitimate child. " In the everyday Russian consciousness, women raising a child without a father have become the term “single mother”.

If earlier the birth of illegitimate children occurred due to unforeseen circumstances, then by the end of the twentieth century. - the beginning of the XXI century. more and more women give birth “out of wedlock” deliberately in order to fulfill their needs for motherhood.

3) Increased mortality in men.

Among families that have become incomplete due to the death of one of the spouses, there are more mothers with children than fathers with children. The reason is that the mortality rate among men is slightly higher, therefore, there are more widows than widowers. That is why researchers pay great attention to the study of widows. But it is worth noting that widowers, not widows, are in a more vulnerable position. In addition, it is widowers who are more likely to seek to remarry.

Widowhood itself is of different quality, i.e. there are two variables that define the specificity of widowhood: “naturalness” or artificiality of widowhood. In the first case, the cause is the death of one of the spouses from natural causes (old age and accompanying illnesses), in the second - due to accidents, addictions, sudden illnesses, etc.

Thus, widowhood is a serious test, a life challenge for the surviving spouse and his relatives, including children.

1.3 Factors negatively affecting the upbringing of children in single-parent families

Among the problems of incomplete families, the problem of its functioning as an institution for the upbringing and socialization of children is especially acute. Today, one of the parents is absent in every fifth family with minor children.

The upbringing process in an incomplete family is usually deformed. Children from single-parent families have an urgent need for a certain social status, they want to have both parents. When a relationship breaks up, parents often take opposite positions in parenting, which undoubtedly affects children. The parental upbringing positions can differ significantly, which causes the child to feel confused and inferior. both parents are significant others to him. Such children usually adapt less well to the social environment. N. Soloviev said that “the father, in terms of his potential capabilities, is no less gifted educator than the mother. For his upbringing function, he, like his mother, is prepared by nature and society. Soloviev N. Father in a modern family as a subject of sociological research // Sat. Art .: Father in a modern family. Vilnius, 1998

Thus, it can be said that raising a child without a father is incomplete.

There are six most common mistakes that arise in the process of raising children in an incomplete family:

1) Overprotection, when the child and the problems associated with him come to the fore in the system of life values and orientations (exaggerated forms of love). Overprotection is one of the forms of parenting deformation.

2) The estrangement of the mother from the actual upbringing process and an excessive focus on material care for the child. Subsequently, such a child begins to demand more and more from the mother, but since she is no longer able to fulfill increasing demands, this becomes the cause of numerous conflicts and experiences.

3) Obstruction of the child's contacts with the father, up to the persistent eradication of the qualities inherited from him, which is due to the mother's dislike for her ex-husband.

4) An ambivalent attitude towards the child, manifested either in bouts of excessive love, or in outbursts of irritation.

5) The desire of the mother to make the child exemplary, despite the fact that he does not have a father. The mother becomes the "home overseer." The child either becomes passive or gets involved in the life of street companies.

6) The estrangement of the mother from caring for the child and his upbringing. The reasons for such situations can be different, ranging from irresponsibility, an excess of primitive interests, the satisfaction of which the child interferes, an unfriendly attitude towards the child, and up to extreme cases: mother's alcoholism, promiscuity in sexual relations, prostitution and other forms of antisocial behavior

Thus, the costs of upbringing in an incomplete family are, first of all, a consequence of limited material resources and low social status of such a family and are only indirectly related to the absence of a second spouse in it.

Chapter 2. IMPROVEMENT OF THE UPBRINGING PROCESS IN INCOMPLETE FAMILIES AND ORGANIZATION OF SOCIAL AND PEDAGOGICAL ASSISTANCE TO INCOMPLETE FAMILIES

2.1 Necessary conditions for upbringing in single-parent families

In order to prevent the formation in the character of a child brought up in an incomplete family, character flaws, a number of conditions must be observed in the upbringing process. The fulfillment of these conditions contributes to the most effective educational impact of an incomplete family on the formation of the child's personality. What are these conditions?

The first condition is the authority and personal example of the mother (father). Authority should be understood as the deep respect by children of the mother (father), the voluntary and conscious fulfillment of her (his) requirements, the desire to imitate her (him) in everything and listen to her (his) advice. All the power of the mother's (father's) pedagogical influence on the child is based on authority.

The second prerequisite is the pedagogical tact of the mother (father). Pedagogical tact is a well-developed sense of proportion in dealing with children. It is expressed in the ability to find the closest way to the feelings and consciousness of children, to choose effective educational measures to influence their personality, taking into account age and individual characteristics, specific conditions and circumstances.

The third condition that is necessary in the upbringing process is the culture of life in an incomplete family. The concept of cultural life includes the correct relationship between members of an incomplete family, respect for each other, as well as a reasonable organization of the entire life of an incomplete family. At the same time, children learn to independently reason and evaluate facts and phenomena, and mom (dad) passes on life experience to them, helps to establish themselves in the correct judgment and unobtrusively directs their thoughts.

The fourth condition is knowledge of the age and individual characteristics of children. Knowledge of the characteristics of children allows the mother (father) to learn how to treat them correctly, increases the responsibility for their upbringing and ensures unity and consistency in the requirements for children on the part of all members of an incomplete family.

The fifth condition is the following: satisfaction of the need for emotional contact with the father (mother). A person, as a social being, has a peculiar form of orientation - an orientation towards the mental image of another person. The need for "reference points" in the emotional mood of other people is called the need for emotional contact. Moreover, we are talking about the existence of a two-way contact in which a person feels that he himself is an object of interest, that others are in tune with his own feelings.

The sixth condition is that parents determine for themselves the need for the meaning of life. Big problems arise in communicating with the child, if parenting has become the only activity for the parent that realizes the need for the meaning of life. Without satisfying this need, a person cannot function normally, cannot mobilize all his abilities to the maximum extent.

The seventh condition is the need to determine the need for achievement. For some mothers (fathers), the upbringing of a child is prompted by the so-called achievement motivation. The goal of upbringing is to achieve what the parents failed to achieve due to the lack of the necessary conditions, or because they themselves were not capable and persistent enough. For example, the mother dreamed of playing the piano, but there were no conditions for this, and now the child needs to intensively study music.

The eighth condition is the need to criticize the implementation of a particular education system. There are incomplete families, where the goals of upbringing are, as it were, moved away from the child himself and are directed not so much at himself as at the implementation of the upbringing system recognized by the mother (father). These are usually very competent, erudite mothers (fathers) who devote a lot of time and trouble to their children.

The ninth condition for correct upbringing is the formation of certain personal qualities of the child. The problems of independence are exacerbated in those cases when upbringing is subordinated to the motive of the formation of a certain desirable quality for the mother (father).

Thus, in order for a child brought up in an incomplete family to develop harmoniously, the mother (father) needs to pay attention to her own words and actions, to the family's everyday life, to know and take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child, and on the basis of this to build her upbringing system.

2.2 Socio-pedagogical assistance to single-parent families in raising children

The purpose of social and pedagogical assistance to an incomplete family in raising a child is to help the child in the process of his socialization and to create conditions for his self-realization in society. To achieve this goal, a specialist carrying out social and pedagogical work with single-parent families must:

Carry out activities to study the personality of the child and the people around him, analyze the influence of the social environment on the formation of the child's personality;

Predict the development of the problem and its solution in the process of the development and upbringing of the child;

Organize the interaction of all members of an incomplete family on the basis of a dialogue;

Help correct the mistakes of upbringing that negatively affect the development of the child's personality;

Help a mother and a child from an incomplete family to find and realize themselves;

Inform about possible legal measures to protect an incomplete family;

Provide assistance in the field of emotional and psychological health;

To form the moral and legal stability of members of an incomplete family.

Thus, a specialist working with single-parent families informs her about the importance and possible ways of interaction between parents and children, talks about the development of the child, gives pedagogical advice on raising children; advises on family law issues, on interpersonal interaction in single-parent families, informs about existing methods of upbringing; explains to the mother (father) how to create the conditions necessary for the normal development and upbringing of a child in an incomplete family; protects the rights of the child in the event that one has to deal with the complete degradation of the personality of the mother (father) and the resulting problems of unsettled life, lack of attention, and the human relationship to the child.

The object of influence in an incomplete family can be a child, adult family members and the incomplete family itself, as a whole, as a collective. The activities of a specialist carrying out social and pedagogical work with an incomplete family, as well as with a complete one, includes three main components of social and pedagogical assistance: educational, psychological, and mediatory. Let us consider each of the components sequentially.

The educational component includes two areas of activity of a social teacher: assistance in teaching and upbringing. Assistance in learning is aimed at preventing emerging family problems and the formation of the pedagogical culture of parents. Help in education is carried out by a social teacher, first of all, with parents - by consulting them, as well as with a child through the creation of special educational situations to solve the problem of timely assistance to the family in order to strengthen it.

The psychological component of social and educational assistance also includes two components: social and psychological support and correction. Support is aimed at creating a favorable climate in the family, most often during a short-term crisis. Correction of interpersonal relations occurs mainly when there is mental abuse of the child in the family, leading to a violation of his neuropsychic and physical condition. This type of violence includes intimidation, abuse of a child, humiliation of his honor and dignity, violation of trust.

The intermediary component of social and pedagogical assistance includes three components: assistance in organizing, coordinating and informing. Assistance in the organization is aimed at organizing family leisure activities, including: organizing exhibitions and sales of used things, charity auctions, hobby clubs, organizing family events, contests, etc. Assistance in coordination is aimed at activating various departments and services to jointly resolve specific family and the position of a particular child in it. Information assistance aims to provide families with information on social protection issues. It takes the form of counseling.

The work should use the emotional support of the family in order to mitigate the impact of the stressful event and mobilize the family's efforts to overcome the crisis; educational assistance, which consists in providing information on the stages of overcoming the crisis and the prospects of an incomplete family, is supported by documentary facts.

In conditions of low motivation for single-parent families to apply for social, pedagogical, psychological help, it is necessary to use such a form of work as patronage. Patronage is one of the forms of work of a specialist working with a family, which is a visit to an incomplete family at home with diagnostic, control, adaptation and rehabilitation purposes, which allows you to establish and maintain long-term ties with an incomplete family, timely identify its problem situations, and provide immediate assistance. Patronage makes it possible to observe an incomplete family in its natural conditions, which will provide more information.

Along with patronage, one should highlight counseling conversations as one of the forms of work with an incomplete family. When working with an incomplete family, you can use the most common methods of counseling: emotional contamination, suggestion, persuasion, mini-trainings, etc. If an incomplete family is not the initiator of interaction with a specialist, counseling can be carried out in a veiled form.

Also, group methods of working with an incomplete family can be used - trainings. The training is a combination of many methods of individual and group work and is one of the most promising methods for solving the problem of psychological and pedagogical education of the mother (father). It is used in work with incomplete families with children with mental, physical and social development problems.

An incomplete family has its own characteristics and socio-pedagogical work with it requires taking into account all its characteristics: the problems of an individual member of an incomplete family are a common problem for the entire incomplete family; incomplete family - a closed system, not everyone can enter there, even a social teacher; an incomplete family is autonomous in its life. A specialist in working with a family cannot solve all problems for her, he must only activate it to solve family problems, achieve awareness of the problem that has arisen, and create conditions for its successful solution.

CONCLUSION

Drawing conclusions from all of the above, in order for a child brought up in an incomplete family to develop harmoniously, the mother (father) needs to pay attention to her own words and actions, to the family's everyday life, to know and take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child, and on the basis of this to build her own educational system. Much attention should be paid to the formation of the child's personal qualities, allowing the child to communicate with the father (mother), which plays a significant role in the formation and development of the child. Provided that the father (mother) is not an antisocial element of society and he (herself) wishes to take part in the upbringing of the child. In conclusion, I would like to note that there are no less single-parent families headed by a father, contrary to popular belief, than those headed by women.

LITERATURE

1. Gippenreiter Yu.B. We continue to communicate with the child So? -M.: AST, 2009

2. Gippenreiter Yu.B. Communicate with the child How? -M.: AST 2009

3. Levy V.L. Unusual child-M .: Knowledge, 1988

4. Karl E. Pichbart A Guide for Single Parents-M .: ROSMEN, 1998

5. Gorshkova L. The split bowl // My child. - 2005.

6. Dementyeva I., Zubareva N. The degree of social responsibility of a teenager in complete and incomplete families // Education of schoolchildren. - 2003. - No. 10.

7. Zvereva OL, Ganicheva AN, Krotova TV Family pedagogy and home education of children of early and preschool age. Study guide.-M.: TC Sphere, 2009.

8. Ostapets A.A., Abrosimova G.N., Trubacheva M.E. Patriotic education of preschoolers by means of local history and tourist activity-M .: ARKTI, 2004.

9.Khodosova A.P., Egorova N.A., Grishina D.V. Transitional age.-M .: 2007.

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Characteristics of an incomplete family, the influence of its problem field on the personality of the child. The main causes of conflict situations between parents and children in an incomplete family, especially their manifestation. The main directions of social work with incomplete families.

Not every complete family can guarantee a good upbringing. Children who grow up in a complete family, along with children who lived their childhood only with their mother or grandmother, develop according to the same biological and psychological laws, the same standards of upbringing apply to children. The generally recognized difference is that on one side there are more favorable conditions for the upbringing and formation of a child's personality than on the other.

The life of a child with one of the parents introduces some specific circumstances into upbringing.

Most single mothers have the opportunity to give their child the necessary moral, spiritual and physical education. Fortunately, there are rare cases when a child is left to himself, living in an atmosphere of mental poverty. But if this happens, then this is a consequence of a serious mental disorder of the parent who is raising the child.

In an incomplete family, the following difficulty may arise from the very beginning. Consider the option when the mother is left with the child. There is no doubt that a single mother is more busy than a mother in a complete family. Is it possible that a single mother is more preoccupied with personal problems? Such a mother is less concerned with her child, and in some cases she stops caring for him altogether. Opposite cases are also possible. Some mothers, frightened that they do not take enough care of the child, from a heightened awareness of their responsibility for the child or from too strong attachment to “the only thing she has left”, oversaturate their child with impressions, trying in every possible way to speed up his development. It should be remembered that an excess of impressions is just as harmful as a lack of them.

Also, the danger lies in the fact that the upbringing process is one-sided, there is no variety, there is a lack of appeal to the individuality of the child.

Most often, an incomplete family differs little from a complete family if it concerns the realization of the child's needs in acquiring life experience. In a situation where a child is brought up by only one parent, he is not threatened by the deprivation of the need to make discoveries, to know the world around him, to play, to learn the laws of the environment. Usually, the first social learning takes place in the narrowest family circle, respectively, under normal conditions, the mother can cope with it herself.

There are a number of problems in an incomplete family. One of them is also related to the child himself. Psychological studies have shown that such children develop well emotionally in single-parent families, whose mothers are ready to resourcefully respond to questions from children, comment on their actions, and show interest in their child's discoveries.

The limited opportunities for acquaintance and communication with different social roles in an incomplete family are more related to girls, because boys, especially at school age, due to their sports, natural science or technical interests, as a rule, find the necessary number of male examples, respectively, their absence of a father is smoothed out in to a certain extent, according to some psychologists.

It should be noted that raising a child in an incomplete family is an absolutely ordinary, normal upbringing. The peculiarity of such upbringing is that it is carried out in more difficult conditions. Therefore, a parent who brings up a child alone acts very wisely, when he comprehends, understands the situation, looking for the right ways to identify possible obstacles in order to avoid danger. It is necessary to realize that the upbringing parent himself is the source of many difficulties, and accordingly he must eliminate them.

Kind, honest, open, multifaceted relationships with people can create a joyful and pleasant atmosphere at home, contributing to the best development of the child, helping to transform an incomplete family into a complete one.

Mental illness associated with upbringing in an incomplete family.

In some cases, exorbitant loads, not only mental, but also emotional, cannot withstand the child's psyche, the child has tics, neuroses, stuttering, obsessive fears, and sleep disturbances. The unfavorable conditions under which this occurs include chronic stress in the family. If parents constantly sort things out in the presence of children, humiliating each other, the child feels abandoned, unhappy, unloved and rejected. The child receives deep mental trauma even if the family breaks up.

If a child has a neurosis, manifested in obsessive movements and fear, stuttering and tics, this means that the child is not coping with the load, he lacks parental love and understanding.

If neurotic phenomena do not affect the personality of the child, do not affect his relationship with peers and character, then the situation is fixable. But it should be said that children with an unstable psyche quickly quickly become oriented in life, they seem to be inhibited in development, and their behavior becomes uncontrollable. In this case, one can assume the possibility of a serious mental pathology. But such a state cannot always be distinguished from deep neurosis. This should be done by a specialist.

What should the mother protect the child from? If the demands are excessive, do not correspond to the child's capabilities, then they generate fear of classes, but most importantly, the fear of the mother, who will scold and punish. For a child, maternal anger is the hardest test because it makes him rejected. And this is the first step to mental illness. A child's nervous system that is too fragile, especially during a crisis, may not withstand such upbringing. Therefore, you need to take care of the child, since knowledge and skills are needed for a healthy person. Parents need to remember that now the healthy development of the child depends only on them. (Source No. 2)

The negative consequences of raising children in an incomplete family.

As a result of raising children in an incomplete family, it becomes problematic to deal with manifestations of aggressiveness. If a child is afraid of his own aggression and rage, then in adulthood he will be afraid to show anger or irritation about injustice or past failures, that is, he will not be able to actively defend his interests.

Another negative consequence of the upbringing of a junior schoolchild in an incomplete family is the formation in the child of a sense of his own inferiority. This feeling arises when a child feels abandoned, not loved enough, because he was not important enough for his parents to sacrifice their personal differences. Together with the parent who has left home, the child loses an important part of his personality.

Former children of divorce in most cases have a desire for a happy marriage, giving themselves communication not to repeat the mistakes of their parents. However, these aspirations are greatly hindered and often fail, primarily because they are unfamiliar with the model of a functioning partnership.

A child who was raised in an incomplete family has less pronounced or negative experience of preparing for life in a family. The likelihood of marriage breakdown among those who grew up in single-parent families is much higher in comparison with those who were brought up in two-parent families. An incomplete family can have a negative impact on the academic performance of children, their moral character, activity, life position in the future, preparation for family life.

It is appropriate to say that sometimes an incomplete family is more useful for a child than an incomplete one, albeit a complete one (for example, when the father is a drunkard in the family). It is very important here to outline the boundaries when a complete family ceases to be useful for the child: when there is violence from the father towards family members. But often, when, breaking off relations with the father, mothers do not think that life will become very difficult without him. As a result, the upbringing process is disrupted, and the difficulties experienced by an incomplete family are much more serious than those experienced by a complete family.

The costs of upbringing in an incomplete family are associated primarily with the impact of negative economic factors. The overwhelming majority of single-parent families have the characteristics of “benefit-dependent” and “poor”. Single-parent families have serious financial problems, because such families in general are more dependent on social support from the state.

It should also be said that all the unfavorable factors that affect the parents, such as material problems, poor housing, frequent change of place of residence, poor physical and mental health, adversely affect the child.

Thus, we come to the conclusion that the costs of upbringing in an incomplete family are, first of all, a consequence of the limited material resources and low social status of such a family and are only indirectly related to the absence of a second spouse in it. (Source No. 12)

The family is the main institution for raising a child, since he is in it for a significant part of his life. It is in the family that the character and personality of the child is laid.

An incomplete family is a group of close relatives, which consists of one parent with one or more minor children. Today, family breakdown is an acute problem in modern society. Statistics show that recently the number of preschool children brought up in single-parent families where the mother is the teacher has increased dramatically. Practice shows that the life and conditions of raising a child in an incomplete family differ significantly from the life of a child in a complete family. In addition to the material difficulties that are constantly present in single-parent families, single mothers are not able to simultaneously realize their maternal and paternal positions. Such living conditions of the child affect his personal development.

Single-parent families are formed for several reasons:

the birth of a child out of wedlock;
death of one of the parents;
divorce;
separation of parents.

Hence, the types of single-parent families are distinguished: illegitimate, orphaned, divorced, disintegrated. In addition, the paternal and maternal families are separated.

Maternal families occupy the majority of incomplete families. Raising children in such a family has a number of features. Due to the absence of one of the parents, the other has to solve the material and everyday problems of the family. In addition, the remaining parent needs to make up for the lack of educational influence that has arisen in this situation. It is not easy to manage to solve all the tasks at the same time. Therefore, in most cases, incomplete families are faced with various problems of a material, everyday, pedagogical nature.

The loss of one of the parents contributes to the emergence of painful experiences that affect the psychological climate in the family. A large percentage of single-parent families are formed due to the departure of the father. In such cases, it is rather difficult for the mother to restrain her negative emotions in relation to her ex-husband, and her irritation and discontent often unconsciously pours out on the joint child. It also happens the other way around, when the mother focuses on the child as an innocent victim. She tries to make up for the lack of parental care and guardianship by surrounding the child with excessive affection. In both cases, the educational atmosphere of the family is greatly distorted, which, as a result, negatively affects the development of the child as a person.

Of great importance is the fact that the absence of one of the parents deprives the child of the opportunity to fully form in himself a stereotype of the behavior of his gender. For example, the absence of a father in the family contributes to the formation of feminine traits in a boy, since he does not have the opportunity for an example of male behavior. Also for the girl, the mother combines maternal and paternal roles in the current situation, as a result of which contradictory psychosexual development is formed. It has been proven that the majority of homosexuals were brought up in single-parent families. Statistics show that children raised in single-parent families lag significantly behind in the school curriculum, compared with their classmates with a complete family, such children are more prone to neurotic disorders and illegal behavior.

Of course, this does not mean that an incomplete family in educational terms is dysfunctional. It's just that problems of this nature are more likely to arise in single-parent families, but this does not mean that they will arise with complete certainty. There are cases, and there are not so few of them, when the psychological atmosphere in an incomplete family is quite favorable and does not cause difficulties in the formation of a healthy personality. It also happens the other way around, when in a complete family with an unfavorable psychological climate, a child is faced with serious problems of a psychological nature. Therefore, some parents who have lost emotional and mental attachment to each other, but who live together only "for the sake of children", do it completely in vain.

As a result, although an incomplete family faces a huge number of difficulties, it still has sufficient potential for the normal upbringing of children. A parent who, due to the current circumstances, has become the head of the family, must be aware of the psychological characteristics of this situation and do everything to prevent negative consequences.

Sources of forming single-parent families:
There are several sources of single-parent families. The most common is family breakdown. According to statistics, the most common reasons for divorce were named dissimilarity of characters, betrayal, alcoholism, and the creation of another family. As a rule, a woman initiates a divorce. And as for early marriages, they turn out to be less persistent than ordinary ones. Early marriages fall apart due to the social and civil immaturity of the spouses, the unpreparedness of the spouses for family life, and the irresponsible and frivolous attitude towards the family. In addition, the mortality of men from unnatural causes at working age (work injuries, poisoning, military operations, etc.) also contributes to the emergence of single-parent families.

Changes in moral norms in gender relations, premarital relations and their spread, unpreparedness of young people for marriage, and excessive demands on a partner contribute to an increase in the number of children who were born out of wedlock. The ranks of single-parent families are also replenished by families where spouses actually live separately, where single mothers adopt a child, and also, as a result of the orphanage of the child, the onset of guardianship, guardianship or adoption.

Problems of single-parent families.
Concerning the problems of single-parent families, but there are a lot of them. They can be subdivided into economic, pedagogical, medical and psychological. The most acute among the named problems are economic problems: financial and material difficulties experienced by every single-parent family. The budget of such a family consists of the labor earnings of the mother (father), pensions, allowances, state compensations and benefits, alimony for children in case of divorce.

Since most often the head of an incomplete family is a woman, today it is necessary to focus on employment policy. In our time, there is a displacement of women from jobs to the labor exchange or to the sphere of budgetary institutions, in which earnings are below average. So for the maintenance and upbringing of children, money is required, a woman has to "dodge" in search of a well-paid job, as well as additional earnings.

In recent years, there has also been a decrease in the level of social protection, as well as the list of social guarantees. A mother raising a child without a father-husband is forced to take care of her family's welfare on her own. Particularly in need are single-parent families, where children with various mental and physiological deviations and the disabled are brought up. A disabled child requires constant care and supervision, so a single woman is not able to improve the well-being of her family, it is physically difficult for her to do this. Such families are forced to live on disability benefits and child benefits.

Due to the need to take care of a child without someone's help, a woman cannot somehow prove herself in the professional field, pushing her career and professional success into the background. However, excessive employment often in several jobs, as well as material well-being, does not allow even the most caring woman to take care of a child, and he is left to himself.

Another equally important problem of single-parent families is its functioning as an institution for the upbringing and socialization of children. The lifestyle of an incomplete family has specific features that affect the educational process. It is the absence of one of the parents that can cause the unsuccessful and inadequate upbringing of the child (children). In maternal families where the father is absent, boys develop inadequate, distorted ideas about the role functions of the father, husband, and man, since he does not see a male example in the process of socialization. In incomplete maternal families, girls also have distorted ideas about the role functions of a wife, mother, and woman. Since an unmarried mother and her behavior leaves a certain imprint on the girl's socialization.

Since children brought up in single-parent families are deprived of an example of family relationships between men and women, this has a negative impact on the preparedness of children for future family life and socialization in general. After all, the effectiveness of family education depends on the indicator of children's identification with their parents. The child accepts the moral and ideological norms of his parents, and in an incomplete family, this component of the educational process is deformed. In single-parent families where the father remains the teacher, in addition to the above problems, one can add the lack of affection from the mother, which does not contribute to the full-fledged upbringing of the child.

In the educational process, it is very difficult for one parent to control and influence the behavior of the child. This is explained by excessive employment at work, which does not make it possible to pay enough attention to children.

Another problem of single-parent families that needs to be addressed is the quality of children's health. Children from single-parent families, as proven by pediatricians, are more likely to suffer from acute and chronic diseases. This is due to objective reasons. A woman raising a child alone is first of all forced to take care of the material well-being of the family, pushing her immediate responsibilities of raising and strengthening the health of children to the background. In addition, in single-parent families, there is more often the presence of bad habits (smoking, alcoholism), unsettled social and household and housing nature, the absence or non-observance of hygienic standards of life, as well as self-medication in cases of illness of children, etc.

Advice to parents raising children in single-parent families.

try to talk with your child and listen to him as often as possible in order to be in constant contact with him;
praise the child for any of his achievements, and do not punish, especially over trifles, an emotionally stable and optimistic atmosphere in the family will keep the child's confidence in the world, strengthen his self-esteem and self-confidence;
be sympathetic to the child if he remembers the past;
do not place the role of the absent parent on the shoulders of your children;
try to help the child in everything in order to master the behavioral skills that are appropriate for his gender;
try to develop social ties in your family, this will help your child actively communicate and establish relationships with familiar men.