Many requests for consultations sound like this: “What to do if the husband communicates with ex-wife? I'm jealous! I'm against!". Very often this becomes a real stone of discord in the relationship between husband and wife. Therefore, if it bothers you, the problem needs to be solved or ... to change your attitude towards it. In which case, how to proceed, we will consider in this article.

Always to the question: "What to do if the husband communicates with his ex-wife?", I answer the question: "Do they have children?" Why? Because this is a decisive factor in which line of behavior to choose and how to treat this communication in general! Let's look at two possible answers.

Have you got a children

If a man has children from his first marriage, then you must understand one simple truth- he will communicate with them, and therefore communicate with their mother. He will go there, come to their home. And if he does it, then he the responsible person you can rely on. If a man is not at all interested in his children, who are you going to give birth to? Why do you need such a man?

And in this case, his communication with his ex-wife should be limited only to talking about children, their future, and so on. That is, to be limited and forced. If it is, and you are jealous, then the problem is no longer in him, but in you. You need to work on yourself, increase your self-esteem and focus on your life!

Have no children

If there are no children, and the man continues to communicate with his ex-wife, then the question really ripens: "Why is he doing this?" There are actually only two options. Or he still loves her, but in that case, you don't have to put up with it! Or feels guilty in front of her. For leaving her, broke her heart and hopes. This happens quite often and here a lot depends on you. You need to tell him that this offends you, hurts and you do not want her to be in your life, even indirectly! If he feels guilty and cannot cope with him, then let him return to her, and you will look for that man who will be yours completely and completely! Outline your boundaries, your position, he must understand that if he does not cope with his guilt, he may lose you. And let him make a choice.

If you do not let him know that this does not suit you and do not clearly indicate the time frame in which he must take action, this can drag on for a very long time. He will continue to rush from you to her, from her to you. You will feel far from being his only woman and will wonder what to do if your husband communicates with his ex-wife. Do you need it?

With love, Yulia Kravchenko

female psychologist

It is not uncommon for a spouse to take time out. And right away it should be said that this is completely normal, if it does not go beyond certain limits.

But for obvious reasons, the current wife / husband cannot always easily come to terms with this state of affairs. However, it can be successful.

Communication with an ex-husband / wife: advantages and disadvantages

There are few advantages to this interaction, and they are all indirect. Chief among them - - is an indicator of a person's benevolence. He was able to disperse without scandals and is able to maintain normal, friendly relations.

The disadvantages are stronger. They are as follows:

• the likelihood of treason;
• scattering of attention.

At least, this is the concern of people who are faced with the fact that their significant other devotes time to their past family. Although in fact, all of the above is not always the case.

It's not worth worrying about cheating. If the person is happy with the relationship and is not hyperactive in sexually, then he most likely will not have a connection with someone else.

Leakage of money from the budget is a more likely option, but only if the spouse has... And we can say more - this is inevitable if this person is decent.

Another thing that can be troubling is the dissipation of attention. A person who is faced with such a problem may believe that his partner, due to communication with the past family, will become less focused on the current one.

This is rare. Even if he communicates, he does not think about her during the time when he is surrounded by his new family.

Maintaining friendly relations after divorce for the sake of common children

In the overwhelming majority of cases, communication after separation occurs precisely because of what the relevant people have. And you should not worry about this, and even on the contrary - if possible, treat it positively, but within reasonable limits.

The full development of children is possible when they have two parents at once.

At the same time, it is important that they treat each other kindly. The child does not need to feel the tension in the relationship of his parents.

Parents must also communicate in order to understand how their common son or daughter lives, in order to be able to effectively interact with him. Otherwise, it will be difficult to find with the child mutual language.

Communication of a man with an ex-passion as the cause of jealousy of a new wife

The main reason a wife is uncomfortable with her husband's interactions with ex-wife or the woman he had a relationship with long time, - the assumption of the possibility of treason.

It is jealousy that makes you nervous and make scandals about the fact that a man pays attention to his ex-passion. It is impossible to unequivocally answer the question of what to do in this case. To do this, you need to take into account what character a person has.

Indeed, there are situations in which some men may have sexual intercourse with his ex when they are already in a new relationship.

To determine the likelihood of this, you need to take into account 2 things. The first is how much he generally shows attention to other women. The second - what was the reason for the separation.

If a man often flirts with girls or just looks at them, then you should worry about his relationship not only with his ex-wife, but also with other women.

To determine the likelihood of sexual intercourse specifically with an ex-spouse, you first need to find out how many years they have been married. Research shows that being in a relationship for long periods of time is very dull sex drive to the appropriate partner.

In many cases, it does not recover even after a long time.

It is very difficult to determine exactly whether cheating is possible. Therefore, it is best to frankly talk about this with both your husband and his ex.

What to do if the husband communicates with his ex-wife: advice from a psychologist

Anxiety about maintaining friendly relations with ex-wife - this is absolutely normal condition... Especially in cases where there are strong feelings within the new family.

The first thing that should never be done is to make scandals about this occasion ... Many people, when trying to manipulate them, unconsciously make a decision that is the opposite of what is required of them.

Instead, you need to be rational. First, you should talk frankly and seriously with your spouse. At the same time, you need to plan this conversation and inform the time when it will take place.

Suddenly, this is not recommended, since there is a high probability that a constructive conversation will turn into a scandal. In the course of the conversation, you need to try to find out how the husband relates to his ex, and why exactly he communicates with her.

The latter is extremely important to determine. If, after the next question, the man tried to evade, then one should think about the degree of his frankness. If the conversation turned out to be productive, but the anxiety after it did not go away, you can talk to his ex.

But you should definitely notify your husband about this. He learns about what happened in any case, therefore, to hide, thereby causing distrust to himself, once again it does not follow.

However, the latter measure is rarely required. If the husband is frank about why he is hanging out with his ex, the anxiety should go away. If you wish, you can even make friends with an ex-passion.

Although this option is not suitable for everyone. If this can be done, then, among other things, it will also be possible to find out all the mistakes that were made in past relationships.

One more important question: how to behave with a spouse who communicates with an ex-wife? The best option - it is unnecessary to react to this in any way - neither approve nor condemn.

Why is your partner still communicating with ex-girlfriend? Photo: Lori.ru.

If a loved one is texting with an ex ...

Why is he still hanging out with the girl he broke up with? Why does he keep their joint photos, without trying to delete them, is friends with her and even helps to solve problems?

Or one wonderful evening SMS comes from her. You, accidentally noticing the name of the sender, ask: "Who is this?" And he throws: "Yes, so, nothing important."

All the horror and indignation that your partner has not yet forgotten past love falls on you. Millions of thoughts rush through my head: “He still loves her”, “She wants to return him”, “What do I have to do here then?”, “Why didn't he tell me that they are still communicating?” ...
And such situations are not uncommon.

Let's try to figure out how it turns out that, in addition to real partners, their former passions are involved in a relationship. Here are some examples from practice. The consultation was attended by a man who had been married for some time and was raising children. But in crisis moments in a relationship with his wife, he fell into melancholic memories of his old former love... He even maintained a weak connection with her, congratulated her on the holidays, followed her page on social networks. He did not cheat on his wife and did not even try to return the past. As a result of work in psychological group he was able to realize that he was just hiding from the real deepening of his relationship with his wife. The depth, closeness and intimacy terrified him. He was really worried that his wife might get too close to him, to see his vulnerable sides. Therefore, he preferred to escape into romantic memories of the past. The final point in this story was the fact that he went to his hometown where he and his ex were from. There they met and talked about why their relationship did not work out, how both now live and what their life tasks are. Then this person told in the group: “It is difficult to find in the world a person who is more distant for me than my ex! We are so different people that today they could not live a day together! I returned from my city with great relief from the fact that I put an end to it. I no longer have to live with illusions about missed happiness. " After that, the man really grew up began to communicate with his wife: he became more frank and accessible, spoke with her openly about everything that worries them. This incredibly brought the couple closer and warmed their relationship. The result of all this was the birth of another child.

Another participant found that her partner communicates too closely with her ex-girlfriend, is friends with her, goes to visit. The jealousy and indignation of our participant knew no bounds. Eventually the best option for herself, she chose parting with her lover. Less than a week has passed since her ex-boyfriend and his former passion began to live together. Subsequently, our participant revealed that she guessed that her partner was using her like anesthesia to cope with the breakup. That the relationship with him was somehow strained, artificial, without special feelings on both sides. For our participant, it was a lesson that you shouldn't seek unfree partners.

Another case occurred with a woman at a fairly respectable age. She was married and raised a daughter. Her short marriage can be called unhappy: ex-husband drank and beat her. After the birth of the child, they divorced. Participating in groups, surrounded by people who supported her, she confessed that she had never really loved her husband. And that she was truly attached to her college friend. Raising "good, the right girl"Played a cruel joke. For many years she kept the memory of her lover, raising her daughter alone, afraid to turn to him again. The fear of rejection was so strong that she, even left alone after the divorce, did not dare to do this until her daughter grew up and moved away from her. Loneliness and the thought that there was nothing more to lose prompted our participant to find her lover, who himself had divorced many years ago and lived alone. It turned out that their feelings for each other were preserved. And even though they are not at all 20 years old, they began to communicate and get closer together again, trying to make up 35 years of separation.

If we sum up all these cases, then the main idea is this: an “unfinished” relationship is like an iron forgotten at home, not unplugged. They attract attention and energy, throw us back into the past. We speak our former words that should have been said sometime, we make excuses or ask for a belated forgiveness. However, nothing is more real to us than an unfinished relationship. We all know this by ourselves. But when we see that our partner has not ended the relationship, but is already trying to build it with us, then this is a delicate moment. You will not be able to interrupt this contact for him: neither blackmail, nor tantrums, nor sex from morning to evening, nor intrigue will save you from the fact that your partner is not yet free.

Completion of a relationship is a special process that requires time and living of all feelings associated with the breakup: resentment, sadness, anger, unspent love and tenderness, guilt and devastation. It is absolutely impossible to rush it or skip it. It is only possible to simply support the person who is experiencing his loss. The psyche does not know how to exclude experiences. She knows how to suppress them, freeze or displace them. But all this for the time being. Moreover, repressed feelings, as a rule, entail the whole emotional world... Therefore, people seem to be empty, superficial, selfish, incapable of love and sympathy. And no the best medicine from past love than to experience everything that has been accumulated and let go of the past.
Thus, the choice is yours. Or admit that the person next to you is not completely free for you, that he needs support and participation. Or frankly admit that this option does not suit you, and leave.

In any case, there is no "magic pill" or universal way solve such a problem. For some, the presence of the “former” is an escape into an illusion, for others it is incomplete love, which no one is going to complete at all. For some, this is just a way to look beautiful: maintain your ex-lover after a hard break. And for some, it's a way to deal with the guilt of a breakup.

The main thing is to clarify for yourself a situation that is often not worth making a drama out of it.

Maria Dyachkova (Zemskova), psychologist, family therapist and presenter of personal growth trainings

A husband or boyfriend communicates with an ex-girlfriend - this is a situation that cannot but disturb. Many women try with all their might to suppress such a friendship - of course, the reason for this is ... But is the fact that a man is friends with his ex always dangerous for the current relationship? We deal with the non-trivial women's site "Beautiful and Successful".

Why does a man hang out with his ex?

Let's not raise the worst suspicions right away, but think about what a friendship between two people who were once romantically involved or even married might look like.

If the husband communicates with his ex-wife because of the common children then this is quite understandable. Friendship is the best thing a separated parent can show to a child. I think it would be superfluous to explain how a conflict between two closest and dearest people can affect the child's psyche.

So if your man managed to build friendly relations with the mother of his child - give him credit: he is a really good father!

And if there are no children- what then can unite former spouses(or boyfriend and girlfriend)? Look objectively at these two facts:

• Once these people chose each other and felt strong sympathy for each other. This means that there really are many uniting moments between them, because that choice was not an accident, "random". And whatever separating factors were found after that, but that initial choice - it was not unfounded.
• During a close relationship, people study all the "cracks" of each other, establish a kind of "field of communication", which very rarely arises between opposite-sex people who have never been in romantic relationship... Moreover, this "common language" has nothing to do with sexual attraction and sympathy - it's about communication. Even couples who have parted due to strong contradictions, resentments, etc., often still long years retain this ability to instantly understand their ex / ex. Because you look at him / her, remember how this strict beauty (or this respectable businessman) jerks her leg in her sleep, say some of your "code" phrase ("Hedgehog, don't freak out!") - and that's it, no problem!

These two points, in fact, are already enough for a man not to want to "scatter" such ex-woman and kept communication with her in the format of friendship.

Why, then, are we all without exception? Yes, because this "key" to friendship is often superimposed on grievances, unresolved disputes, etc.

And besides - people change, live their own lives, do not want to "drag" old acquaintances into their new realities ... This is understandable in everyday life. But the situation when a guy is friends with his ex should not be deleted from the category of acceptable ones.

The husband is friends with the ex-girlfriend: when is it worth sounding the alarm?

If a man communicates with his ex - what to do? Something bothers you - hide, watch!

What should alarm you?

• A man makes a choice in favor of the former in those matters when the current partner also has his own interest. For example: he goes to help a friend with repairs, spending on this the weekend that you planned to spend only together, takes the whole evening by correspondence with the ex, although you are nearby and would also like to talk, etc.
• The guy is friends with the ex-girlfriend purely tete-a-tete: he does not introduce you to her, no third parties are usually present at their meetings (for example, her new man or their common friendly company).
• You will learn about a vast and frequent communication your man and his ex-girlfriend suddenly. Classics of the genre - unsealed correspondence on the Internet, untimely phone call, and ... In general, if a man is hiding something - it's strange!

If you are uncomfortably worried about how much time and enthusiasm your man spends communicating with his ex, then do not be silent! Tell him about this, explain the reasons for your dissatisfaction and suspicions. After all, not all men are so perceptive as to immediately and without explanation notice that a woman is offended by something!

When a guy is friends with his ex and you can't get over your jealous feelings, it shouldn't be your personal problem.

You do not have to suppress all emotions, and a man should be aware - with what actions he offends you. If you are jealous in vain - let him prove it to you, demonstrating that you are a priority for him, and friendship with an ex is in the background. If suspicions are not groundless, then he will not waste your time and patience, but will have to choose which of the two women is dearer and more important to him.