How to say and receive compliments correctly. How to say nice compliments
This somewhat unusual book is designed for easy reading and at the same time is a guide for those who want to learn how to say compliments. In addition, this gift book is a small eulogy to women.
Why small? Because praising a woman is never too much, and also because we are not talking about the inexhaustibility of women - millions of volumes have been written about this, but about compliments to her. It seems to the author that all the possibilities of compliments have not yet been revealed. Russian etiquette provides for respectful admiration for a woman on the part of a man, and respect for a man on the part of a woman.
The general purpose of the book is to soften morals.
Consideration of the problem of compliments is built taking into account the advice of Aristotle, which he gave in the "Rhetoric": that is the ultimate goal of everything. " I am deeply grateful to Professor Valery Pavlovich Bolshakov, Doctor of Philosophy, Head of the Department of Theory of Culture, Ethics and Aesthetics at Novgorod State University, who took the trouble to edit this book, made valuable comments and gave professional advice.
Who is this book for?
For men and women. But mostly men, and those who are beginning to communicate with women, and men in their prime, and the wise experience of numerous relationships with women, and single men, and losers. However, the same can be said about such categories of women. In any case, you will find in the book an example, direct advice, support, and theoretical justification.
This book will not discuss the complex issue of "feminization of men" and "masculinization of women." It will be about real men and normal women, about how to warm the soul of women with chivalry, nobility and a warm word.
I am quite sure that if a man gives women a "generous stream" of compliments (using the ones given in this book) and at the same time is bold and witty, he will be successful with women. And if this man still sings and plays well ...
On the power of words
"The Russian people have a word for everything." The main function of speech is communication, and compliments are part of living speech. With the help of speech, we express both feelings (attitude to the event) and thoughts at the same time. Even the innocent exclamation of "Ah!" expresses intonation not only feelings, but also an attitude to the event. They say that the ability to speak and convey our thoughts in words made us human.
Psychology notes three forms of speech influence: message, persuasion and suggestion. The message is emotionally neutral; it is simply the transmission of news, information and has no direct relation to compliments. Persuasion is addressed to mental activity. Suggestion is directed towards the emotional sphere. The purpose of persuasion and suggestion is to make you believe what is being said. A compliment, like persuasion and suggestion, affects the stronger, the higher the confidence in the speaker.
People in their actions are more often guided by feelings ("I want!") And emotions ("Ah! Ah!"), And not by rules and laws, therefore, the ability to influence the feelings and actions of people with a word, in particular, compliment, as well as polite words, it is difficult to overestimate. They say that a word is already an act.
“You can save with a word,
You can kill with a word
In a word, you can shelves
Lead for yourself! "
In relation to compliments, people can be divided into the following four categories:
They do not understand what it is and why it is needed.
They want to compliment, but they don’t, they are afraid or they don’t know how.
They know how, but they don't want to.
And they can and do compliments.
What is a compliment?
Compliment- these are kind, pleasant words, a flattering remark or review, in short, praise. This is the good that is carried by the word.
OK
Flattery
Wish
Congratulation
Greetings
Toast
"Ah, wife, wife, wife,
We drink champagne to the bottom. "
Why Compliment?
Compliments have dozens of functions.
1. Okudzhava has already given one answer: "After all, these are all happy moments of love." 2. To please the one to whom it speaks. All people love to be admired - women, men, children and old people. Note that compliments raise the mood not only of the person to whom they are spoken, but also of the person who is giving the compliment. It is always pleasant to do good to a kind person. 3. Psychologists warn that one cannot stay in a state of concern for a long time, in a state of a vanquished: this state first depresses the psyche, and then kills the will to win and faith in oneself. A compliment and encouraging words can bring a person out of this state, let's call this verbal suggestion compliment therapy. "Tell me two or three gentle words. And there are no depression, I am healthy." “A kind word - heals the heart. An evil word - it hurts the heart. " 4. With the help of a compliment, you can instill in a person a quality that he does not have, or it is poorly expressed, or correct some defect, for example, inaccuracy, if you praise him for even insignificant successes in this direction. These are compliments of insight. The words “Cheer up, you are young, smart and beautiful, everything is still ahead, and, in general, while a person is alive, nothing is lost” immeasurably more faith and kindness than what was said in the same situation “Yes, poor fellow, deeds yours are absolutely hopeless, no one and nothing will help you. " A good compliment inspires, instills confidence in your dignity, heals the soul: “I am appreciated! They see good in me. " "It's a good word to say - give a road in your hands."
One of the provisions of the theory of catastrophes states that the rate of sinking into a catastrophe tends to increase. Why? The resource is getting smaller and smaller. But the immersion can be stopped with a compliment - support.
- You are a strong and intelligent person, I am sure you will find a way out.
One of the goals of a female compliment to a man is to strengthen, and if they are not there, then to nurture wonderful male qualities: reliability, masculinity, the ability to make a decision, supporting his initiative, encouraging in case of failure and admiring in case of success. This, incidentally, applies to all family members and friends.
A male compliment to a woman is an expression of worship for a woman, admiration for a woman. The purpose of a compliment to children is to encourage the expression of their abilities.
Inspire only good things. I believe compliments make people better. And the person who was told that he is wonderful, and should act accordingly.
If so, then it follows, in particular, that the improvement of women is in the hands of men! Men! Give wonderful compliments to women and they will become better.
5. Generally speaking, a compliment is an element of communication. A person is inclined to feel strong sympathy for another person if he has expressed him even weak approval. With the help of a compliment, you can win over a person, restore good relations and even make an enemy, if not a friend, then a neutral person towards you. If the husband often compliments his wife, then the likelihood of a quarrel becomes negligible. I think keeping the relationship between spouses in bloom is the most important function of compliments! "Happiness does not curl in the air, but it gets it by hand."
The team does not like uncommunicative, unfriendly, withdrawn people. If it is customary in a team to say compliments, then in this team there is not only a good microclimate, but, however strange it may seem, there can be good labor productivity. Therefore, smart leaders often compliment people.
Compliment masters can persuade a woman to do something for herself. This is not very honest and not like a man, but they do: "You are so beautiful, well, what should you do ...".
Compliments show that you are doing well, that you are admired by others. So, for example, a woman, putting on a new dress, expects what others will say about it. And if no one has noticed this, she is upset.
And finally, with the help of a compliment, you can earn a charming smile. A young day saleswoman, serving a customer, asks:
What else would you like to buy from us?
Your charming smile! - says the buyer, and receives it.
There is an old saying: "It is easier to love humanity than to say a warm word to a mother." Words should accurately express your feelings, and feelings should match the words. Words about love without a feeling of love are not love.
Cowardly men who are complex in front of women, as well as rude and ill-mannered men do not compliment a woman at all. It's worse for them. They are loved less.
In conclusion, let me remind you of the "Captain Gray effect": making a fairy tale with your own hands. As Captain Gray did it for Assol.
If your request begins with a compliment, a mention of the merits of the person to whom you are applying, his authority, your chances will increase, and the very fact of the appeal, as it were, emphasizes this authority.
Compliment requirements
Compliments should be bright, smart, necessarily benevolent, varied, otherwise they will simply lose their admiration and even be unpleasant. The compliment doesn't have to be long. "Briefly and clearly, that's why it's beautiful."A compliment, like any verbal masterpiece, must be exceptional in terms of content, form, and performance. But the most important thing is that the compliment takes into account the individual's individuality and brings him joy.
Should a compliment to a woman be true? My answer is this. Whatever you praise in women is true. Compliments should be sincere, and this is more important than their absolute truthfulness. As a rule, a compliment is not required to prove its authenticity.
One of my broken friends, a great connoisseur of women, said: "A man should boldly lie, and a woman should boldly believe."
Compliment classification
A compliment can be expressed in any kind of proposal, in a word or even an exclamation. 1. Direct appeal. - You are lovely today. 2. From a third person. - He always did it better than me. - He knows that creators live longer and more interesting. 3. An exclamation point. - Oh, how beautiful you are! 4. By treatment. - Maria Ivanovna! I have known you for many years and I never cease to admire you! I am sure that it will always be so. 5. Compliment - comparison:You are as fresh as a rose!
Ask this encyclopedist, he knows everything.
And how do you know all this?
Well, why are you so beautiful?
Everyone is talking about your wonderful Spikelet hairstyle. Not a hairstyle, but a work of art!
To whom and when to compliment?
Compliments can be said to all good people and always, if it does not go beyond the bounds of decency, if it does not harm others, if the person is ready to listen to you and please your compliment. It also depends on what kind of relationship you have with this person, how long have you known him and what the compliment is. As you can imagine, it is difficult to give unambiguous advice. But I think it's better to say a kind compliment than not to say. "Compliment others, but laugh at yourself."
If you treat a person badly, you will try not to communicate with him at all, not only to compliment him. This is a very personal matter, although they say compliments and publicly, for example, in toasts, when presenting awards, at anniversaries, presentations. Knowing the state of mind of the other person will help determine whether it is appropriate now to give him a compliment, whether the person is disposed to listen to you, whether he will accept your compliment favorably. That is, you need to understand the state of the other person. This is called empathy.
Empathy(from the Greek - suffering, pain), in Russian empathy is the ability of one person to emotionally respond to the experiences of another person. This is the ability to understand another person, the ability to look at the world through the eyes of this person. Empathy- it is even the ability to reincarnate into another person.
People who have such a gift know how to understand why another person did this or that act, and therefore they can forgive. "To understand is to forgive." It is difficult to understand because people are different. This skill, as a rule, increases with increasing life experience.
In a hostel, it is very important to understand a suffering person in order to help him, as if taking part of his pain on himself, to share his pain with him. Dale Carnegie states: “Seventy-five percent of the people you meet tomorrow crave sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you. "
An alternative to empathy is rudeness (mental ignorance). Ham does not understand the other person, does not understand the motives of his actions. He understands only one thing - he himself should be good and comfortable. People who do not have empathy are called callous, woody, thick-skinned, emotionally deaf. Here's an example.
Hello, Kolya, how are you?
Yes, bad, Sasha, I crashed a car, I'm going to buy a new one. And how are you?
Yes, too bad, the third day did not eat.
Well, you give, force yourself. (Kolya Sasha did not understand at all.)
Such people are unlikely to say a compliment, if at all, and subtle graceful compliments are probably simply inaccessible to them.
Rationalism of life, overregulated learning, rudeness and ignorance, selfishness, as a rule, kill empathy, because they make it unclaimed, and often funny. And then you have to restore it.
Great writers, poets, artists have the gift of empathy. Remember L.N. Tolstoy, who subtly described the spiritual world of his heroes, including women - Anna Karenina, Natasha Rostova ...
And if you don’t want to say compliments, you don’t turn your tongue? This means that you do not love this person, do not wish him well.
A sense of proportion in compliments
A compliment is usually associated with exaggeration. "If you overstep the measure, then the most pleasant will become the most unpleasant" (Democritus). It's terrible to imagine your condition after you have eaten a hundred ice creams or 10 cakes. Saying little "unpleasant" is deadly. True, with compliments a little easier, exaggeration is not fatal, but it should not be excessive, otherwise the compliment turns into a mockery, excessive courtesy can turn into obsession, good nature - flattery, wit - buffoonery, courage - rudeness, simplicity - roughness, free attitude - by the brotherhood of the pani. Being precise, subtle and graceful with everything is not easy.
You cannot, for example, compare an old woman with a young girl and vice versa.
You can't praise some obvious flaw or obvious flaw, it's more tactful to just ignore it. If a person truly loves unselfishly, then his compliments are not an exaggeration, this is his true conviction.
Exaggeration in a compliment - it is a representation of some quality more significant, better, more beautiful, more important than it really is. Some exaggeration and amplification is necessary to create an artistic image, but you can overdo it, and the compliment will turn into flattery and even mockery or mockery. Let's try to graphically represent the norm (limits of reason) and exaggeration - a deviation from the norm. Measure is a unit of measurement, a border, a limit of manifestation, for example, of some quality of a person. A norm is an established measure, an average value of something, a normal state.
Take, for example, a compliment: "Your generosity knows no bounds!" Let us put aside the chosen quality along the horizontal axis from left to right in an increasing degree: from greed and avarice to the norm and further to generosity and wastefulness.
Compliment area
greedy | stingy | thrifty | norm | generous | wasteful
Knowledge of the norm is the most important condition for correct cultural behavior. Knowledge and adherence to the norm constrains and does not allow everyone to act according to their own whim, although the concept of the norm and measure is different for everyone. Complimenting goes beyond the norm on both the left and right.
Women are more sensitive to measure. They have a better developed sense of proportion.
The fame of a complimentor and a woman's pleaser is not the worst. However, in this "kind of sport" it is necessary to observe the measure. The author knows a case when a young engineer complimented a girl secretary so many times that he had no choice but to follow her, which is what happened. As the proverb says: "He called himself a load - get into the bucket." After 14 years, the marriage broke up.
I don’t want to believe that there are women who haven’t heard a good compliment in their lives.
The ideal and the norm are different concepts. Ideal is unattainable. If only there was a norm! But the ideal is needed, it shows in which direction one needs to improve and how far reality is from the ideal. The norm of universal human communication is the recognition of a person as the highest value, and the first value is the good of a person. It would not be bad if these simple rules were observed by our powers that be.
“Drain the braga, do not add ferment; give the girl, don't grow it. "
Polite words and courtesies
Polite and kind words are very close to compliments in terms of the impact on a person, so let's talk about them. We have lost the habit of saying to each other a pleasant "just like that", everyone is internally ready to hear rudeness. Therefore, we always associate a kind word with either flattery or a desire to receive something.
A kind word is simply support, an expression of kind feelings.
Politeness is the observance of the rules of decency, good breeding, courtesy, inner culture.
“A polite man should treat his wife the same as a stranger, only ten times more polite,” said Bernard Shaw.
To be polite does not mean to be intelligent yet, but true intelligence is impossible without politeness, culture of behavior and culture of speech.
The words of Dmitry Likhachev have already become textbook: "You cannot pretend to be an intellectual."
Psychologists have created a "theory of roles and masks." For example, he put on the mask of a brave person - that is, he began to force himself to perform brave deeds - you see, and indeed, he became a brave person, the role became part of the character, "the mask has grown." He began to speak polite words and improved his upbringing.
By fostering politeness in a child, at the same time they foster a moral principle, form a moral consciousness, develop the habit of speaking polite words.
The little boy was presented with a toy, he was so happy that he forgot about everything.
What should I say? - Mom returns him to earth.
A person may not be educated enough, but polite enough. Having a diploma and being polite are not the same thing.
Here are some polite words:"Please...". "Be kind ...". "Sorry". "Thank you". "Thanks". "Please". "You are very kind". "Could you...". "My regards". "Do not consider it a work ...". "I'm sorry to trouble you". “If you don’t get lost ...”. "What can I do for you?". "Do not refuse the courtesy ...". "Be so kind...". "You are very kind". "You spoke to me very politely." "I'm happy for you". "Thanks. You have served me very well. " "You did everything you could for me." "You've done a great job." "Can't I be of some help to you?" "I have the honor to take my leave."
As you can see, these non-dying old-fashioned courtesies and politeness do not cost money. Another benefit of being polite is that it elicits reciprocal politeness. "As it sounds, it will respond." It follows that it is beneficial to be polite. Remember the national trait of the Japanese - excellent politeness and smiles. We're not overly spoiled by politeness. When they call me on the phone, picking up the receiver, I immediately say either "Hello" or "Good morning, afternoon or evening." It happens that my subscriber falls into a slight shock, cannot come to his senses for a long time, and then either hangs up the phone or says that he made a wrong number.
However, not everything is so simple - the politeness must be sincere. Demonstrated polite behavior can be offensive. Even Democritus said: "If you overstep the measure, then the most pleasant will become the most unpleasant." So, politeness without a moral foundation can take the form of hypocrisy, hypocrisy, and manners. The source of good manners and "outward graceful behavior" (N. Shelgunov) is love for people, benevolence, which is the wealth of a person's spiritual world and the basis of his morality. And in the absence of good manners, a sense of proportion and the ability to show their moral feelings in an appropriate form, virtue can turn into an insult, excessive politeness can turn out to be obsessive, good natured flattery, and wit - buffoonery.
The opposite of politeness and courtesy is rudeness, rudeness, rudeness. Unfortunately, the vaunted "tough" - strong-willed, brave and strong people - are often just rude boors. You have not noticed that a rude person is elementary not-beautiful in appearance.
There are words surprising in their effect - these are conspiracies, slander (falsehood), slander, spells ... These words have either witchcraft or healing powers, if they are spoken by a sorcerer or a doctor, and if you believe in them, of course. Here is a wonderful "Conspiracy for Love", imbued with a touching hope.
“I will light a candle in the darkness of the night, I will bow to it three times obediently and I will say conspiratorial words:“ Oh, you are great, bright spirits, you take away evil from love, you hear me, I pray you, do not extinguish the candle I lit, I lit it with a pure thought: I didn’t lure someone else’s husband, but lit it for the sake of my beloved husband (groom), promised to me by fate itself.
And I pray you, bright spirits, endow the fire with your strength, good strength, all-pervading, protecting love from destruction. You will light a fire in the heart of a dear one, illuminate everything in it from a torch, illuminate it to the very bottom - I feel there is a frozen piece of ice - the jealousy of a fierce evil lovemaker. Melt that little piece of ice, turn it back with a tear with fuel.
And I also pray you, good spirits, kindle a fire in the blood of a sweetheart, so that in love he would be tender, fierce and, like a sip of water in the most sultry heat, a kiss would be sweet to him.
And for the third time I pray you, bright spirits, protect my pure love, save me my beloved husband (groom) with a faithful heart, indivisible with anyone. "
This is the poetry of the soul! And why, in fact, a young beautiful woman cannot be a happy gourmet at least for a while? More are received by those people who demand a lot and give a lot. If you behave like a queen, like “priceless” and “desired,” then the men will also consider you invaluable and desirable. Those who behave like royalty are treated like royalty with those.
Very briefly for men about Women
To successfully compliment women, you need to know them well, so let's talk about women.
Women are different, but they have always played a leading role in life and family and society. It is no coincidence that the French say: - Cherchez la femme! (Search a woman!).
Each man can have his own highest deity: a mother in childhood, a wife in youth, a daughter or daughter-in-law in adulthood. Old granddaughter or grandson. It turns out that it is the woman who helps the man to find the fullness of life.
The content of these notes may seem frivolous, but these are notes about life and for life. And life is multifaceted. Let's touch on one of the facets of life - responsibility for life. At present, the overwhelming majority of managers, ranging from presidents to small clerks, are men. And what do we see? We see the rapid growth of science, technology, quality of life ... But what do we not see?
We do not see stability and peace, we do not see a fair distribution of benefits on Earth. We do not see morality in the highest echelons of power. The world is threatened by a very serious ecological catastrophe, so serious that the whole of humanity can perish! But it is not enough to know about this danger, one must finally realize it and act, act immediately! And in Russia, even the birth rate fell. Where are the men? A shame!
One can draw a global conclusion - men, at least as managers, politicians and manufacturers, have not coped with their task. "Not everything is all right in the Danish kingdom." Hence the conclusion - maybe power should be given to women, maybe then it will be better in the Danish kingdom?
Ancient Sparta is considered an ideal state. Spartans were a match for their husbands, the same courageous, strong, strong-willed, hardened. They were reckoned with. "Why do husbands obey their wives in Sparta?" - asked the Spartan woman. “Because only in Sparta, wives give birth to real husbands,” answered the Spartan woman. There were legends about the courage of the Spartans. The Spartan sent five of her sons into battle and waited for news at the gate. A messenger appeared. "How are you?" - "All five-ro are killed", - the messenger replied. "I am not asking about that: who won?" - "We". “Then I’m happy that they died,” said the mother.
Here is a blood-curdling entry from the diary of Lydia Okhapkina, who found herself with two young children in January, the cruellest month of besieged Leningrad, without any supplies of food or things (she had already exchanged everything she could for food in December), without fuel.
“My Ninochka cried all the time, for a long, drawn-out period and could not sleep in any way. This cry, like a moan, drove me crazy. I then, so that she could fall asleep, gave her my blood to suck. There was no milk in the breasts for a long time, and there were no breasts with everything, everything had gone somewhere. Therefore, I pierced my arm above the elbow with a needle and applied my daughter to this place. She slowly sucked and fell asleep. And I could not sleep for a long time ... ". This is a hymn to a woman! A monument should be erected to such a woman!
And here is also a chilling reality. Only the opposite in nature. It's about the merciless queen of the pirates, Grace O. Mail. Its history is as follows. She was 18 years old when she killed her fifteen-year-old brother in a knight duel for power in a pirate clan created by their father. It was so extremely cruel that I lost the desire to describe it. And there are such women who do not cause admiration for women. But this is rare.
And here is a typical story of one intelligent, emotional woman - a writer with an uncomfortable personal life, who was disliked, underwhelmed, and disliked. I will quote her confession.
“Why are we women so greedy for words? Why are we losing our guard? Why can't we objectively assess the situation? Why, seeing and understanding everything, do we close one eye to his shortcomings? Why do we love with our ears? I will suggest an answer: every woman has accumulated unclaimed inescapability. Tenderness that has nowhere to put it - the children and grandchildren have grown up, the husband has grown old and tired, and there is still a lot of unspent tenderness and love. Where to put it? Not to take with you to the grave.
Self-love. Oh, this is our feminine pride - I really want to love and respect myself and hear and listen to flattering words about myself. And I don’t want to think how sincere and truthful they are, the main thing is to hear them. As often as possible, and need their gentle sounds. Flattery - it will replace love. No one can resist her. A favorite inferiority complex will be destroyed as soon as a woman sees loving eyes, hears sweet speeches, feels the embrace of gentle hands, the touch of men's lips, and a kiss, long and passionate, will make you forget about reality. And then - so much I want happiness, recognition of your dignity, love and communication that, having met a hero who managed to light your torch of love, I don't even want to think about the truthfulness of the words that are pouring in a generous stream. And we, women, just long for / to be beautifully deceived. We will believe everything you say, our dear men. "
Very briefly for Women about men
Just as a man should understand the feelings of a woman, so a woman should understand the feelings of a man and know their peculiarities. Generally they say that men and women are different systems. As you know, there is no social or gender equality in the world. Theoretically, there can be equality before the law, equality of rights (equal rights) and equality of opportunity. But this is possible only in an ideal state.
Men do not like it when women complain about their hard life with a man, and love to be praised. This must be known and used for the benefit of the family. Men are more selfish and women are more stable in their habits.
Many men just need to successfully fulfill their function; the atmosphere of tenderness and intimacy is less important for them. And most importantly, men simply do not understand what women need and why the first gentle stage of preparation is needed. They do not need this at all. What to do? Explain, tell, show, praise for success - and you will achieve your goal, in particular, and with the help of compliments to the man.
Let's talk about the features of Women and their differences from men
To say compliments well, you need to know women and a woman's heart well. How are women different? They have a greater softness of character, they are more emotional, more inclined to talk about their feelings, more often men speak diminutive words, a woman's speech is generally more polite, there are fewer rude expressions. (There are, of course, annoying exceptions). Women are less inclined to generalize and philosophize. Women are less adventurous. Women have better intuition. Women are often more important not what is said, but what is said, that is, the personal attitude towards her.
A woman is a bearer of healthy conservatism, she preserves what is reasonable, kind, eternal, and a man is the first to react to changes in external circumstances. A woman has a more clearly expressed goal - to preserve her family, a woman is more housewife, more caring. A woman is more worried if she is alone. Women, of course, have their female flaws, but this book is not about that.
Women are different and unique, so their compliments should be different, personal and unique for each. So, a gentle woman will like gentle words more. Women of the rude and aggressive type are probably less sensitive to compliments, although this does not mean that they should not be complimented.
In women, there is always a consciousness of their feminine value. Therefore, many women tend to evaluate their value by the attention and love of men.
One woman was very depressed by her obesity, but one day her beloved man told her that he "loves every gram of her fat" - and no more complexes!
If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the way to a woman's heart is through care, affection and tender words. Do not skimp on compliments and attention to women. It is true that they say that women love with their ears, and men with their eyes. Speak to the woman in a respectful, friendly, attentive manner.
Respect for a woman must be brought up from childhood. First for little boys for girls, then for young men for girls. And girls and women should be able to take this respect with dignity, for granted, not to be embarrassed by it.
I have had many such cases here. I enter the bus, there are no empty seats, and next to the standing elderly woman, a young guy sits, lounging, and does not see anything or pretends not to see an elderly woman. I lean over and quietly ask the guy to get up and offer a seat to the woman. With displeasure, the guy got up, and the woman refused to sit down. It stands next to an empty seat and rides for 5 more stops. A stupid situation is created: people are standing around, and the place remains free until someone, not knowing our exercises in education, sits down. Sometimes guys say to me: "Did you free it for yourself?" I think the woman should have sat down.
Increasingly, women are becoming bosses. But men should never forget that, first of all, they are not bosses, but women. A woman can more often moderate her claims in favor of a man; this must be appreciated and praised.
An old friend of mine, an interesting person, a wonderful psychologist and entrepreneur, managing a large number of firms and branches, on principle appointed only women to be the heads of firms. He considers women to be more predictable, with a more developed sense of responsibility, more hardworking and honest.
Both at a party and at home, the hostess must be praised for the culinary art, otherwise a scene similar to the one described below may occur. “Once the hostess put hay on the dining table. Households were indignant, and she said: "How could I know that you pay attention to this, I have been feeding you for 20 years and you have never said if you like my food."
And once there was such an annoying incident with me. My friend and my father and I have been repairing the car for a very long time. We came from the garage tired, excited, hungry. My friend's mother invited us to the already set table. On the table was a tureen, bread, pies ... The hostess poured the soup and went into the kitchen. When she returned, we had already finished off the delicious soup. And suddenly she burst into tears. Not understanding what was the matter, we began to calm her down, that, they say, the soup is wonderful ... But it turned out that it was not soup, but broth and we had to eat it with pies with meat, and we ate broth with bread -bom. She tried so hard, but we did not appreciate, did not guess.
Don't talk to a woman about her age. Be tactful (tact is the ability to think about others and modesty). For example, never say to a woman - "Grandmother", say: "Su-darynya", "Mistress", "Sweet lady" ...
And in general, do not call a person biological concepts: "Man", "Woman". "Female! You got out of line. "
Here's an example of how you shouldn't joke with a woman about her age.
Once I met my old acquaintance, a blooming woman, whom I had known since childhood, on a visit, kissed her hand and said: "Hello, old lady." I, by the simplicity of my soul, meant that we have known each other for a long time and have not seen each other for the last fifteen years, but she looks great and does not look like an old woman in any way, but she was offended and did not talk to me anymore. This unpleasant incident taught me a lot. Women are indeed very sensitive to their age as a threat to their physical attractiveness.
Here's a reality for you. At the 90 (!) - summer anniversary of the national artist Yablochkina, one admirer told her:
You look wonderful.
You flatter me, dear, - answered Alexandra Alexandrovna, - how can a woman look good in 70(!) years?
We must agree with the statement that a woman is as old as she looks, and a man is as old as he can.
About intimate
Everyone has the right to happiness in intimate life. A good compliment is a great start to attack, foreplay, and the creation of a certain intimate setting that precedes intimacy.
Ivan Mikhailovich Sechenov noted a lot of disharmony in the sexual nature of man. For example, sensuality manifests itself earlier in a man than in a woman, but it also fades out earlier. Traditionally, a man offers intimacy first, and a woman either accepts or rejects it. One of the prerequisites for sexual harmony is the equally active participation of the husband and wife in sexual intercourse. Often there is no such situation, a man's readiness comes much faster, and often instantly, while a woman needs a long preparatory period. This is where unworthy words, caresses and compliments are needed. Here the role of a man is great, it is necessary to slowly prepare a woman, a woman needs tenderness and long-term foreplay. Well, give them to her! Say gentle compliments and everything will be fine. Men love the result, and women love the process.
And one more advice-commandment: instead of irritation, instead of an argument - a compliment! Do the opposite - instead of looking for objections, find those with which you could agree, and the quarrel will subside. If your tongue does not turn to say a compliment, then at least shut up, if this is beyond your power, offer to postpone the decision until the moment when both of you calm down. But do not put off reconciliation for weeks or months. There is such a terrible "DDT effect" - the accumulation of various kinds of harmfulness: radiation, poisoning, fatigue, irritation, dissatisfaction with the spouse, lack of money ... The DDT effect is terrible because it is invisible for the time being, but if a certain "critical mass" is reached then it's too late! Quantity will turn into quality! Don't be overwhelmed by this effect. But if it was not possible to do the Preliminary Action and prevent the conflict, then do not let it grow. Joke and compliment more often. Well what should you do! Can't you? Or maybe you don’t want to? Or can't you bring yourself to? Well what can I say - be a man, read this book and force yourself. Agree, a dispute cannot be resolved by another dispute.
By the way, do you know who invented kisses? Men. What for? To close a woman's mouth.
There are morning words, for example: ... You are still asleep, lovely friend - It's time, beauty, wake up: Open your eyes closed with bliss Towards the northern Aurora, Appear as the Star of the North! At dawn, don't wake her up, At dawn she sleeps so sweetly; Morning breathes on her chest, Brightly breathes on the pits. And her pillow is hot, And a hot, exhausting dream, And, turning black, they run on the shoulders of the Scythe with a ribbon on both sides ...
There are daytime words and evening words, and there are also nighttime words.
These are the most tender and sensual (not necessarily truthful), but exactly those that a woman expects from you. Sing the night songs for her personally. For example, the poems of Afanasy Afanasievich Fet.
“What happiness: the night and we are alone! ..” “Do not leave me ...” “The night was shining. The garden was full of the moon ... * "... I will caress you and burn and tire you ...".
I'm sure everyone has a sufficient supply of good, sincere words and poems. And if not, then take the advice: buy two copies of the collection of Russian songs and romances compiled by Gusev or two copies of the collection of excellent poems "Love Lyrics of Russian Poets." Carry one copy in your pocket and study at any suitable time (in transport, in turn ...) until you learn at least half of their content. And if you wear out the collection to the point of unrecognizability, before you learn it, put the second collection in your pocket.
Words have a limit, but there is no limit to feelings and the capacity of the heart.
Forms of veneration for Women
For complete happiness, you need a lot: love, community of interests, similarity of characters, mutual understanding and one more thing - the ability to behave with a woman (tact, politeness, good manners ...).
"The height of culture is determined by the attitude towards women" (Gorky). Politeness and tact must be brought up from an early age, our children must know and follow the rules of good manners all their lives, especially in relation to a woman.
Perhaps the following elementary rules for venerating a woman will seem edifying, but here are some of them. [
In the presence of a woman, you need to get up, let her pass first when entering and exiting the doors, shake hands when exiting transport, you need to help carry a heavy thing, give way to convenient places in transport and in public places, help to take off and put on a coat ... This is etiquette behavior of a man in Russia.
You can't shout at a woman, you can't keep your hands in your pockets while talking to a woman. It is impolite to talk to a woman while holding a cigarette in her mouth, and in general, smoking in the presence of a woman is possible only with her consent. A man should not be the first to extend his hand to a woman, especially in a glove, while a woman does not have to take off her glove, this is her right.
A man should not sit in the presence of a woman.
Once I watched at the university (!) Such an outrageous scene. In the corridor, with his back against the wall, in a jacket and a hat, a Caucasian sits on his haunches, and a girl stands in front of him, and they talk. And both, apparently, do not understand at all the tactlessness of what is happening. Firstly, it is customary for men to take off their caps indoors, especially at a university, especially in front of a woman, and secondly, a university is not a wild village in the mountains, where the roads are dusty, there are no benches and where it is customary to squat, and most importantly, he is talking to a woman, but it never occurs to him to get on his feet. I do not blame that girl, after all, this is her right, but I forbade my daughter to talk to a guy if he did not stand in front of her, especially with a squatting one. A woman has the right to sit in front of a man, but not vice versa. An exception is the case when a very old person is introduced to a sitting girl, then she must stand up. A girl who respects her dignity will not allow rudeness, licentiousness, vulgarity in her presence.
When meeting, the first man calls himself, if he introduces himself to a woman. A young girl may be the first to introduce herself to an older man. If you are talking with a woman and her acquaintance approaches her, then she is not obliged to introduce you to him.
If a woman (unfortunately!) Smokes, then the man should take care of matches or a lighter. Carry your lighter with you, even if you don’t smoke. It's enough if it comes in handy once a month.
The man leads the woman to the left of himself or from the side which is convenient for the woman. If passing traffic can spray a woman, walk so that you are between her and the carriageway. When crossing the street, try to be between your companion and the traffic. The daughter or son always goes to the left of the mother or father, the girls to the left of the husband. If a woman walks with two men, then she herself chooses a companion on the right or walks in the middle.
Always let the woman go ahead, except when it is dangerous or when entering a restaurant and cafe. In the locker room of a theater or restaurant, it is not the cloakroom attendant who helps a woman to undress and get dressed, but the man accompanying her. In a restaurant, a man gives a menu to a woman, sucks her and makes an order himself.
On a visit, your first greetings are to the mistress of the house. The hostess is the first to sit at the table. The most honorable places are near the hostess. At the table, the woman should be seated to the right of the man. Do not forget to move the chair for your lady, sit down only after she has sat down. The wine is poured first to the woman.
A man goes through the theater control first and presents tickets. In the theater, if a woman passes between the rows, the man must stand up, and the woman can sit. The man-rank passes between the rows facing the seated, as well. a woman as she wishes.
At a dance evening, a lady accompanied by a man can only be invited to dance with his permission. Inviting a woman to dance, they stretch out their right hand and say: "May I invite you?" After the dance, the partner escorts the woman to her place and thanks for the dance (“Thank you, it was nice to dance with you”, “Thank you, you are dancing beautifully, I hope you will not refuse to dance a waltz with me”) and does not leave alone, until someone from relatives or friends comes up to her.
Men are supposed to defend the honor of women. One of the reasons for the difficulty in the formation of masculinity in boys is female upbringing: all teachers before school are women, in school, basically all teachers are women, in the family boys also communicate more with women.
Men are supposed to entertain women with interesting conversation. It is supposed to answer letters of women immediately, no matter how busy you are. It is supposed not to be late for meetings and dates with a woman. It is supposed to stand on the es-calator of the metro one step lower. It’s supposed to ask a woman if it is possible to open a window in a room or in a transport ... It’s supposed to be, it’s supposed to be ... So much is supposed to be, why else say compliments?
They write about this case. John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, was in Paris with his wife, Jacqueline. Kennedy was asked to talk about state affairs, he said: "I can't, I'm busy, I'm accompanying Jacqueline."
Men! Be knights in big and small. Protect and honor the woman. A woman who is revered shines with joy and is younger.
COMPLIMENTS FOR WOMEN
What to praise in a Woman?
It's a strange question to praise everything!Ability to love.
Femininity. Elegance.
Benevolence, extraordinary mind, wisdom.
Aesthetic taste.
Amazing plastic. Fantastic flexibility.
The ability to keep the family on their fragile female shoulders.
Selfless devotion to the family, home economics.
A woman's ability to understand the state of mind of another person.
Great emotionality.
Purely feminine virtues - meekness, solicitude, a sense of responsibility before children, invisible everyday heroism of cooking, washing dishes, caring for a sick child ...
With whom and with what to compare women?
Please.Verna- like Tatyana Larina, like Penelo-pa (wife of Odysseus, who traveled for 20 years), like ...
Beautiful- like Natalia Goncharova, like Sophia Loren, like Gina Lollobrigida, like Claudia Cardinale, like Elizabeth Taylor, Olga Grineva ...
Portrait resemblance in this case is not absolutely necessary.
Slender- like Anna Pavlova, like Nadezh-da Pavlova ...
Sexy like Marilyn Monroe ... Compare with fairytale heroines: Zo-Lushka, Fairy, Sorceress.
Compare a woman with a gentle dove, with a fragrant rose, with a slender birch tree, with a white swan ... and call her that more often. There is such a custom at weddings. The bride and groom are offered competition: who will most likely call each other affectionate names, appellations, comparisons and adjectives. Agree, it's a pity that this is just a wedding custom. Gentle appeals:
My treasure is priceless, my dear sweet, my kind dove, tender quail, sweetheart, berry, darling, my friend ... Adjectives:
Gentle, affectionate, charming, beloved, sweet, dear, gorgeous, beautiful, slender, godlike, hairy, graceful, homely twisted, precious, dear, fragrant, desired, feminine, sincere, golden, radiant, extraordinary, sunny, athletic, funny, free, cheerful, attractive, seductive ...
Examples of Compliments to a Woman For those who cannot think of a witty compliment, I will offer some straightforward compliments that should be considered as preparations for original compliments.
Compliments about appearance (face, figure, makeup, cosmetics, hairstyle, hair color) |
You look great today.
You are always elegant!
You are an exceptionally beautiful woman.
You have a very sweet smile.
You are getting prettier by leaps and bounds.
You are unique! You are charming.
You will decorate any reception, any ball, any company.
You have a new hairstyle, it suits you.
I always admire you. It's always nice to look at you.
You have wonderful thick and lush hair
Hello Roman spout!
Good, there is no other like this in the world.
If you come to a holiday, you will be the most beautiful among all women.
What wonderful hair you have!
Beauty - to look out from under the pen - that's what our grandfathers used to say.
And she is white with her face and cheerful with her eyes.
Small spool but precious.
If you go around it, you will eat a roll.
He will look that he will scorch with fire, and the word, they say, will give him a ruble.
Your eyes are like the blue sky!
You will sin with her unwillingly!
“If you stop loving me, I'll die that very evening,” sings the ardent Kirkorov.
One woman I knew said that for her a change of hairstyle was like a change of fate. What is it for her if no one noticed the change of hairstyle! Men, be attentive to women, they are trying for you.
"How many kids do you have? - Two. - It is not enough, such a beautiful woman should have a lot of children ... ”.
I remembered such a legend. In ancient Greece, the beautiful Phryne was sentenced to death for the fact that she admired her naked body too much. To save the pretty woman, at the trial, the defender tore off her clothes. The judges saw her nakedness and, stunned by the beauty of her body, overturned the sentence.
One of the oldest compliments known to the author belongs to Homer. When he had to describe Elena, who had climbed the Trojan wall, he didn’t say how beautiful she is, he said: “The Trojan elders looked at her and said:“ Yes! It's not a pity to wage such a war for such beauty! " (Helen the Beautiful is the daughter of Zeus and Leda, in her youth she was abducted by Theseus, freed by the brothers, returned to Sparta and was married off to Menelaus. The second time she was kidnapped by Paris and taken to Troy. Menelaus called for help from Greek heroes and started the famous Trojan War. (1260 BC) described in the Iliad.)
They say beauty, like genius, is the achievement of a nation.
The most important and expensive compliments
The most expensive compliments are compliments about the most important thing in a person: about his spiritual and moral qualities, about his character, about his ability to communicate, about his abilities, including intellectual ones.
You are smart and charming! It's interesting to communicate with you.
You have a subtle sense of humor.
You are observant, you have a sharp mind, that is why I love to communicate with you.
- A woman's mind is better than any thoughts. When a woman says that she has grown old, you can say:
God be with you, you have unfading beauty for life, this is the beauty of mind and kindness!
You are such a sensitive person!
Your husband is lucky - you have a wonderful character.
A healing aura emanates from you.
You can heal in your good biofield! You would not think that such a fragile woman has so much courage.
With a real girl you will become a real one.
There is no better friend than a faithful friend. — A good wife and husband have no value.
You can smooth out my wrinkles.
They say a kiss lengthens life by three minutes, but your kiss lengthens by three years! - You are not better than others - you are the only one! This category of compliments is the most valuable, but also the most difficult, because it requires deep observation, empathy, and understanding of the essence of another person.
Compliments about clothing, style, fashion
You are dressed so elegantly today, it reflects your essence.
You have wonderful shoes.
You are always dressed in a new way.
You are always tastefully dressed.
This elegant blouse suits you.
This color suits you.
You have a wonderful (excellent, refined, graceful) taste!
This hat suits you.
You can dress so well and so cheaply. (This is a woman to a woman.)
You are a great connoisseur of etiquette.
How do you manage it? You are always dressed in fashion.
By the way, fashion is a symbol of the new, while etiquette, on the contrary, tries to preserve the previous experience. Both were invented by people to satisfy their needs.
If you notice that a woman is wearing a new dress, please praise this dress. If you don't like the dress, just say, "You have a new dress today." Think how much work it took a woman to sew or buy a new dress, and no one even noticed this, it's a shame. The same is about hair, about shoes, about a hat, about jewelry.
You need to dress well not only “for others,” but also for yourself, in order to feel confident and comfortable. Of course, one should not focus only on the woman's appearance. Plutarch said: "Not the appearance, but the good nature of a woman should constitute her glory in society." In the East, they say: "Wisdom does not need fluffy clothes." There is a similar Russian proverb: "It is not an outfit that paints a wife - housebuilding." Probably, both that, and another, and the third should be on top. If for a person it is all the same what to wear, then this is indifference not only to himself, but also to those around him.
About the Woman-hostess, the caring mother, the Wife
Psychologists note that the traditional roles in the family - the husband earns money, the wife brings up the children and runs the household - are violated. Today, intimate relationships play a leading role in marriage. The lack of mutual kindness and attention is especially acute. You can make up for this deficit with kind compliments.
Wife for advice, mother-in-law for greetings, but not dearer to his own mother.
The wife keeps peace in the family.
It’s fun to have a good wife before.
Sell, husband, a cow, but buy something for your wife.
Your husband is lucky, you cook so wonderful.
You know everything about cooking!
Where did you get so much energy? You are tireless and caring, you are busy all day.
You have wonderful children.
You have a pretty daughter.
You have such a nice husband.
"Silent in grief, troublesome on holiday ..."
From the evening a girl, from midnight a young man, and at dawn a hostess.
The wife keeps peace in the family. To take a good wife is neither boredom nor grief.
Daughter in a cradle, a dowry in a small box.
Beauty to the crown, and the mind to the end.
You are clever, you understand that patience is the main condition for a calm, even, happy life.
Modesty and dignity make you truly attractive.
An acquaintance of mine used to say: "You praise, praise a woman, she is not only not worth it, but it also becomes worse." Is it possible? Quite. Is there a solution? There is - praise more. And if it doesn't help, call the author of this advice.
Compliments to mother-in-law
The way to a girl's heart goes through the mother-in-law's heart, if the mother and daughter are friendly. If a young man has managed to win over the heart of the mother of a girl he likes to himself, then the heart of his daughter will open to him more easily, and victory will be achieved without much difficulty, and in his future life he will have a reliable well-wisher. This rule has full reason, since every mother protects and cherishes her child, and at the moment when she noticed that her daughter is interested in someone more than others (in such cases, mothers are especially perspicacious), she has the natural need to get to know this person better. One cannot ignore the influence of a mother on her daughter, one cannot offend her by not recognizing her decisive influence on her daughter's heart. We must boldly get to know our future mother-in-law and make the most favorable impression on her, including with the help of compliments. Do not spare compliments
For mother-in-law.
You have raised a wonderful daughter.
Thank you for your wonderful daughter.
Your daughter cooks wonderfully, this is probably your school.
I am your unpaid debtor, you sacrifice your well-being for the sake of our happiness.
You are an amazing, wise mother-in-law, you do not interfere in the life of the young.
You refute all the evil anecdotes about mother-in-law.
Thank you for your help in raising our first child.
You are a very delicate person, you know how not to hurt other people.
They scold mother-in-law in vain, it is very easy and pleasant to communicate with you.
You know how not only to understand, but also to support a person.
Your daughter and I are your debtors, you know how to give gifts without expecting a reward. Your kindness has no boundaries!
I will cite a few anecdotes about mother-in-law, relying on their sense of humor and condescending attitude towards men.
How is bigamy punished?
Two mother-in-law!
And here is a very curious anecdote, it was invented either by men, or by a mother-in-law, who knows very well what she is capable of.
Mother says to daughter:
This admirer of yours is so disgusting to me that I would gladly become his mother-in-law.
Roger received two ties from his quarrelsome mother-in-law for the New Year. To please her, he immediately put on one of them. See-dev this, the mother-in-law exclaimed with displeasure:
Aha! So you didn't like the second tie!
What does the son-in-law think when the tiger attacked the mother-in-law?
Well, if he attacked, then let him get out of it himself!
Is this negative attitude of husbands towards their mother-in-law and mother-in-law towards the husbands of their daughters fair? The philosopher Democritus said: "With a good son-in-law you get a son, and with a bad son-in-law you lose a daughter." I personally, probably, was very lucky - my mother-in-law and I dearly loved each other. She was a kind person and was ready to do everything to make her daughter's life with me happy. She seems to have succeeded.
In addition to offensive ones, there are also very warm conversations about mother-in-law: - Wife for advice, mother-in-law for greetings. , - At the mother-in-law for the son-in-law and the mortar milks. When they go to a dangerous business they say: "This is not for the mother-in-law for pancakes."
Be specific about compliments
Don't just say, “You look good today,” but explain why she looks good today.
Specific compliments seem more sincere, more attentive and more individual. General compliments may seem like just the usual soulless phrases. To prevent this from happening, after the general
to conclude, add: "... because ...".
You look good today, because you have a new hairstyle, ... because your hairstyle opened up your slender neck, ... because you revived the suit with a white collar, ... because you put on such a funny brooch etc. A specific compliment not only brings joy, but also teaches.
The continuation after "... because ..." is the answer to the hidden question "Why?" And the question "Why?" Is a scientific question. It turns out that compliments-masterpieces are a scientific matter! (Note that the question “Why?” Is a target question, the question “How to do it?” Is a methodological one, etc.)
To master this technique to perfection, practice - to all the short and general compliments given in this book, add a dozen sequels "..because ...". Don't be lazy and you will feel how your compliment skills have increased.
You are a wonderful leader because ...
You made a good report, because ... It is easy to communicate with you, because ... I love to dance with you, because ...
Don't focus on the obvious. She-devra requires great insight, wit, observation and originality.
Commenting on completely obvious is-gyn - "- maybe it will be pleasant for a woman who is not spoiled at all with compliments (" At least tai! V), but she can quickly get bored, as she will understand that you saw only external qualities in her without noticing the richness of her inner qualities, her essence.
Amplification of compliments
A compliment is always some kind of reinforcement. Try amplifying the compliment with an adjective "which". It turns out an excellent degree of compliment, compliment - admiration, compliment - expression.
How wonderful you are!
What a wonderful hairstyle you have!
What a lovely ring you have!
What a light gait you have!
How wonderful you dance!
This is what the conductor of the balls, His-Ruska Korsuneky, said to Kitty:
“You rest, waltzing with you,” he said to her, starting the first slow steps of the waltz. "It's lovely, what lightness, precision (precision)," he said to her what he said to almost all good acquaintances. " (Anna Karenina)
Vronsky's mother about Anna: “You are one of those lovely women with whom you can talk and-
It's nice to be silent. Goodbye my friend. Let me kiss your pretty face. "
Reinforce the compliment with the adverbs "very" - "most"
Feel free to insert a great word into a compliment. most.
The most beautiful, the most beloved, the slimmest, the most tender, the most desirable, the most unique, the most affectionate, the kindest, the most, the most, the most ...
- You are the most beautiful woman in the world. (You have the right to say so, this is your personal opinion, after all, you do not violate the constitution, after all, that’s what you say. Everyone loves his woman. And beauty is all that gives aesthetic and moral pleasure. ) - You are very smart and charming. “All women are beautiful, But my most beautiful beloved! Do you have a different opinion? I wish you to improve. "
Reinforce the compliment with flattering comparisons, epithets, and adjectives
(An epithet is a figurative highly artistic definition that gives an additional
a divisive characteristic in the form of a hidden comparison.)
- You dance wonderfully! - You have a wonderful voice, like ...
Your hairstyle is like ...
Your lips are two pomegranate petals (Lokh-vitskaya).
You are always incomparably good (Nekrasov). - You are unusually good today, I wish you always bloom!
You have the smile of a Hollywood star!
Your arrival has brought us great joy.
For training, do this introductory exercise. Name several objects, preferably poetic, and decorate them with an extremely large number of adjectives, at least 10. For example, a rose: fresh, ever-blooming, winter, morning, fragrant, bright, blushing, with thorns, without thorns, white , scarlet, red, tea, cream ...
A compliment is one of the simplest, most affordable and absolutely penniless ways to bring joy to another. A compliment not only brings joy, but also adds strength and confidence. A compliment usually consists of one or two phrases, but very bright and meaningful.
What is the difference between a compliment and approval, flattery, wishes, congratulations, toast?
OK- this is a frank good review, recognition as good, correct, admissible.
“Oh, you are my dear clever girls! You did everything right. "
Flattery- hypocrisy, obsequious praise. There is both coarse and subtle, imperceptible flattery. Where is the line between flattery and compliment? The fundamental difference between a compliment and flattery is that a compliment reflects goodwill towards a person (gives a person), increases the amount of good in the world, and flatter in order to cajole, deceive (receive from a person). "On the tongue is flattery, but in the head is revenge."
Wish- a greeting expressing a desire for the future, so that something good will happen in the future. "I wish you friends and I do not wish enemies."
Congratulation- a greeting on the occasion of something pleasant, joyful, recently happened or existing now. Hello is usually combined with a wish.
“Congratulations on your next trip around the sun. I wish you a long and happy journey. "
Greetings- speech, treatment with the expression of good wishes, approval, consent.
Toast- a short speech at a festive table with an offer to drink wine in honor of someone or something in the past, present or in the future.
"Ah, wife, wife, wife, We drink champagne to the bottom."
The opposite of a compliment is ridicule, abuse, resentment, ridicule. "A man is not a beast: you can kill him even with a word."
I suppose there is a skeptic who will say: "Compliments are just nice words," and will be right and wrong at the same time. Yes - in the sense that compliments are beautiful words, even super-beautiful ones, and no - in the sense that empty promises are called "beautiful words", and a compliment is a good deed.
Give compliments to Women in high calm
"The language of the eyes is an eloquent language ..." (Teplova)
Without you, I seemed to be blind in one eye, which looks into a fairy tale.
Oriental legends are famous for the sophistication of the presentation and the brightness of the epithets.
"With a red rose your laughter is locked, A thrill of the Nightingale's song Lurks on your chest ...". "Your camp is like a Turkish saber, Mouth is a red-hot ruby ..."
Enjoy Kuprin's language, re-read his wonderful story "Shulamith". I will give a description of the adorable, inexhaustiblely varied wives and concubines of King Solomon. They don't say that in life, but it's a pity.
“The king had seven hundred wives and three hundred imprints, not counting the slaves and dancers. And all of them were fascinated by his love Solomon, because God gave him such inexhaustible power of passion that ordinary people did not have. He loved white-faced, black-eyed, red-lipped
Hittites for their bright, but instant beauty, one that blooms just as early and charmingly and withers just as quickly as a daffodil flower; swarthy, tall, fiery Philistines with coarse curly hair, who wore ringing gold wrists on their hands, gold hoops on their shoulders, and on both ankles, wide bracelets connected by a thin chain; gentle, small, flexible Ammoreian women, folded without reproach - their loyalty and humility in love became the proverb; women from Assyria, who lengthened their eyes with paints and etched blue stars on their foreheads and cheeks; educated, cheerful and witty daughters of Sidon, who knew how to sing well, dance, and also play harps, lutes and flutes to the accompaniment of a tambourine; yellow-skinned Egyptians, tireless in love and mad in jealousy; voluptuous Babylonian women, whose whole body under their clothes was smooth as marble, because they used a special paste to destroy the hair on it; the virgins of Bactria, who made their hair and nails a fiery red color and wore salvars; the silent, shy Moabites, whose luxurious breasts were cool on the hottest summer nights; careless and wasteful Ammonites with fiery hair and a body so white that it shone in the darkness; fragile blue-eyed women with flaxen hair and a delicate scent of skin, who were brought from the north, through Baalbek, and whose language is incomprehensible to everyone living in Palestine. "
I read and remembered the words of my old friend, who said: "As soon as I see a beautiful woman, I feel that I have been robbed."
Do not break away from Kuprin's wonderful syllable, I will continue:
“And the king understood that in much wisdom there is a lot of grief, and whoever multiplies knowledge - grieves much grief. He also learned that even when laughing, sometimes the heart hurts and the end of joy is sadness. And one day he dictated to his scribes:
- All the vanity of vanities and vexation of the spirit.
But then the king did not yet know that God would soon send him such a tender and fiery, devoted and beautiful love, which alone is dear to wealth, glory and wisdom, which is dear to life itself, because it does not even value life and not afraid of death. "
And how poetically Kuprin Sulamith describes - the poor girl from the vineyard! “Inexpressibly beautiful dark and bright face. Heavy, thick auburn hair, into which she stuck two scarlet poppy flowers, cover her shoulders with countless elastic curls, and run down her back, and flames, pierced by the rays of the sun, like golden purple. Homemade necklace made of some red sous-
hykh berries touchingly and innocently wraps twice around her dark, high, thin neck.
- I didn’t notice you! She says softly, and her voice sounds like the singing of a flute. - Where did you come from? - You sang so well, girl!
She shyly lowers her eyes and blushes herself, but under her long eyelashes and in the corners of her lips a secret smile trembles.
- You sang about your sweetheart. He is light as gray, like a young mountain deer. After all, he is very beautiful, your dear, girl, isn't that so?
She laughs so loudly and musically, as if a hail of silver falls on a golden dish.
I don't have a sweetheart. It's just a song.
I don't believe you, beauty. You're so beautiful...
You are laughing at me. Look how black I am ...
She raises her small, dark hands. And the wide sleeves easily slide down to the shoulders, exposing her elbows, which have such a thin and round girlish pattern. And she says plaintively:
My brothers got angry with me and ordered me to guard the vineyard, and now - look how the sun scorched me!
Oh no, the sun has made you more beautiful, fairest of women! So you laughed and your teeth are like white twins-lambs that came out of the bath, and there is no blemish on any of them. Your cheeks are like halves of a grana under your curls. Your lips are scarlet, it is a pleasure to look at them. And your hair ... Do you know what your hair looks like? Have you seen a hundred-do sheep descend from Gilead in the evening? It covers the entire mountain, from the top to the under-knife, and from the light of dawn and from the dust it seems the same red and just as wavy as your curls. Your eyes are as deep as the two Esebone lakes at the gate of Batrabbim. Oh, how beautiful you are! Your neck is slender and straight, like David's tower! ..
Like a tower of David! - she repeats in ecstasy.
Yes, yes, the fairest of women. Thousands of shields hang on the tower of David, and all these are the shields of the defeated military leaders. So I hang my shield on your tower ...
Oh, talk, talk more ...
And when you turned back, at my call. And the wind blew, then I saw under your clothes your obasos and thought: here are two small chamois that graze between the lilies. Your camp was like a palm tree, and your breasts were like bunches of grapes.
The girl screams weakly, covers her face with her palms, and her chest with her elbows ...
- And I saw your thighs. They are slender, like a precious vase - the product of a skilled artist. Take your hands away, girl. Show me your face.
She obediently puts her hands down. A thick golden radiance pours from Solomon's eyes, and enchants her, and makes her dizzy, and flows with a sweet, warm shiver over the skin of her body ... "
That's the way to talk to a woman! And no woman can resist.
And here is a letter from Napoleon to the beautiful Polish woman Marina Walewska.
“I saw only you, I admired only you, I only want you. Calm the impatience of passion with an immediate answer. N. "
And here is Romeo's speech about Juliet at their first meeting.
Romeo (to his servant)
Tell me, who is she whose charm adorns the One who Dances with her?
Signor, I don’t know.
She eclipsed the beams of the torches! Her beauty shines in the night, As incomparable pearls in the ear of a Moor. A rare gift, too valuable for the world! Like a white dove in a flock of crows - Among my friends, my beauty. As the dance is over, I will seize the moment I will touch her hand in awe. And I loved? No, renounce, gaze: I have not seen beauty until now!
Compliment in verse
Poetic speech contributes to its perception. Poems are especially appropriate on special occasions. Even if the verses are not my own, I don't see a big sin here. If you are investing feeling, then imitation or repetition of high standards is not a cliché. And Pushkin said: "We will assign ourselves someone else's delight, someone else's sadness." If only the feelings were sincere.
You can say: "You have a light gait", or you can use verses:
It used to be, proudly, smoothly, A little shoe touches the ground.
Here are excerpts of Pushkin's poems that can be used as the most exquisite compliments:
You were born to ignite the Imagination of poets, to disturb and captivate Him with the amiable liveliness of greetings ...
These famous lines can be said with a touch of humor:
And then again you appeared, Like a fleeting vision, Like a genius of pure beauty ... ... And the same charm in you, And the same love in my soul! ... You were born for languid bliss, For the ecstasy of passions ... (To which a woman can say: "Let me determine for myself why I was born.") "I revere the shrine of beauty!" My wishes came true. The Creator sent You to me, you are my Madonna, The purest charm, the purest example. Bela is like sugar, so tender, That every vein is visible. Or from Blok: "... wondrous bottomless eyes ..." "... and there is a narrow hand in the rings ..." "I met you and all the past ..." (F. Tyutchev)
Excerpts from romances, serenades and songs
If you love to sing and know a lot of songs and romances, then you know a lot of compliments. Romances, like compliments, are the music of the soul; they give the soul joy and tranquility.
There is nothing easier than singing to a woman to the accompaniment of a piece of a song or romance - this will be a wonderful compliment.
"... It's not a miracle to look at you, Everyone is not averse to loving you ..." "Dear head, thoughts endlessly." "Burn, burn, my star, Welcome star of love, You are my only cherished one, There will never be another." "What a woman...".
"Let many years pass, I will also like you."
Say compliments in the high syllable of Russian romance: "I love you, I think about you and repeat your name in my thoughts ..."
Madrigals
Now, unfortunately, the custom has been forgotten to write poetry in the albums, and there are no such albums in the houses.
Madrigal is a small piece of music and poetry of love and lyric content.
How to write madrigals? Do not know. When I, deprived of a poetic gift, had to write poetry to a woman, I read Pushkin, “raced,” so to speak, “pushed”, and then suffered less over poetry. If there is absolutely no time or poetic gift, just learn a few excellent mad-rigals, an intelligent woman will forgive you plagiarism. Only you yourself should at least know who their author is.
And again Pushkin:
To Sosnitskaya's album
You could combine with the coldness of the heart The wonderful heat of captivating eyes. He who loves you is very stupid, of course; But he who does not love you is a hundred times more stupid.
Madrigal M ... oh
Oh, you, who did not burn with love, Look at her - you will recognize love. Oh, you, who have already grown cold in heart, Look at her: you will love again.
Bakunina
It is in vain to sing me your name day With all the zeal of my obedience; You are no nicer on the day of St. Catherine. Then, you can never be nicer to you.
To A. B.
What can we hastily say to her in verse? The truth is dearest to me. Without having time to think, I will say: you are the nicest of all; On reflection, I will say the same. Be calm, my delicate, Timidly loving and beloved, You are my fragrant autumn, Gentle, light, necessary.
Acrostic
A very effective gift is acrostic, the initial letters of the lines of which form the name of the addressee of the verse, and it seems to me easier to compose an acro-verse. In addition, you can immediately see that the acrostic was written personally to the addressee.
Here is an acrostic written by the director of the Moscow Conservatory, Safonov, to his friend, composer and pianist Alexander Scriabin:
By the power of the creative spirit Raising everyone to the heavens The joy of sight, the sweetness of the ear, I am a fountain of pleasures for all. A stormy life of anxiety Having experienced as a person, Finally, without a doubt, I will end my life as a riot policeman.
Declaration of love
Many feel deeply, but they do not know how to express their feelings in words, do not know what and how to say, and most importantly, they are simply afraid. You need to tell what you feel, so say: “I don’t know how to say this, but my heart is open before you ...”. Good literary quotes do not contradict the sincerity of feelings.
Before an epoch-making event in life, before declaring your love, read Onegin's inspired letter to Tatiana:
Every minute to see you, Everywhere to follow you, The smile of the lips, the movement of the eyes, To catch with loving eyes, To listen to you for a long time, to understand with your Soul all your perfection, To die in agony before you, Turn pale and fade away ... here is bliss! ... how awful To languish with a thirst for love, To blaze - and mind all the time To subdue excitement in blood; Desire to hug your knees And, crying, at your feet To pour out entreaties, confessions, penalties, Everything, everything that I could express.
But, as you remember, even such wonderful words that not every woman hears in her life did not give the expected result.
There are quite a few poems alone in such an important matter. And yet! They must be spoken. True, other solutions to this problem are known - right through. So Edison approached his laboratory assistant and asked: "Would you like to be Mrs. Edison?" A month later, they married and lived a happy life.
"I say: How sweet you are, but I think: How I love you."
Sonnet- this is a poem of a solid form: 14 lines of two quatrains and two three-verses (sonnets of Petrarch, Voltaire, Derzhavin) or Shakespeare's: three quatrains and two-verse.
Here is one of Shakespeare's sonnets about unaccountable selfless love.
When you want, having cooled to me, Betray me to mockery and contempt, I will stay on your side And your honor will not defame with a shadow. Knowing perfectly well every vice, I can tell such a story, That I will forever remove the reproach from you, I will justify the stained conscience. And I will be grateful to fate: Let me fail in the struggle, But I bring you the honor of victory And twice I gain everything that I spend. I'm ready to be a victim of being wrong, so that you are only right. This is sonnet number 88.
A total of 154 sonnets are known, translated into Russian by the remarkable poet Samuil Yakovlevich Marshak. Some of the sonnets were set to music by Dmitry Kabalevsky. All of Shakespeare's sonnets are exquisite and breathe complete self-denial and genuine love for a woman. I advise young men to memorize some sonnets, your work will probably be appreciated if, for example, during each dance you read a sonnet to a woman.
How to Compliment
Before you compliment, make sure to be listened to and create, if possible, a favorable atmosphere, for example, look in the eyes and smile affably. A smiling person will quickly evoke sympathy.
Before you say a compliment to another, tell yourself: “I wish good for this person,” and then he will believe you, because a person colors his speech with an attitude to the transmitted information.
formations. We usually do not prepare to say compliments, this is an impromptu, it must break out involuntarily, from the heart.
Compliments must be spoken boldly and confidently, but, faithfully looking into the eyes of a woman, she must understand that she is the only one in the world to whom this is said. Sincere delight should sound in the compliment. Compliments should be selfless. Shy and cowardly ones don't compliment. Overly broken-nye say compliments left and right, but not sincerely, with irony. Neither one nor the other does not suit men.
A compliment usually begins with direct speech, with an appeal.
"Natasha, you are adorable today!"
Never say the same compliment to two women, especially if they know each other, especially in one evening, especially in the same company. They will say about you: "At every meeting, all the same speeches." But to praise one woman several times what you think is wonderful is quite acceptable, if, of course, the woman likes it.
- I can't get enough of your shoes.
And repeated assurances of love are simply necessary!
You can start a conversation with a light compliment, but you need to be prepared and continue the conversation. When giving a compliment, you can kiss the woman's hand, smile and bow respectfully. A compliment is easily compatible with a joke.
The compliment - "You have three feet with one feet" - cannot be attributed to exquisite, but for some reason long-legged girls like it.
A compliment, said rudely, with errors of language, with verbal cliches, looks ridiculous. Here are some funny examples of this:
I want to tell you the following: a, you are beautiful, b, you have a flexible body and c, you have a quick reaction.
You are beautiful in the light of today's demands.
You are good at the hair part.
You are "beautiful" roses.
You are more beautiful than Natasha.
You are the most beautiful woman in our laboratory.
You can not use colloquial and rude words (snooze, theirs ...), as well as words-parasites: so to speak, this is the very, it means, the famous "you understand", here, "uh-uh ..." ... Parasitic words are gaps between phrases for slow-witted people. It is better to just speak slowly than to hum or clutter up your speech.
There is such a law: before accepting an idea, a person must accept the speaker as a person who commands trust and respect. An idea will be more reliable if the person expressing it believes in it himself. These two laws are remarkably stated in the poem:
So that the interlocutor comprehends our thought, We need a heart, rather than a language. How can you convince another of something, When you yourself do not believe in your own word ?!
Psychologists believe that we express our feelings not so much in words (what we say), but in intonation, the placement of accents of speech, loudness, expression in our eyes, and a smile (as we say). We recognize hundreds of nuances of the mood of the interlocutor unconsciously, without having time to ponder the meaning of the words. This ability came to us from our ancestors, when the moments were important for survival. One and the same word or phrase can be said rudely and tenderly, insinuatingly and hostilely, defiantly and conciliatory, with a smile and through clenched teeth, welcoming and spiteful, in the direct and in the opposite sense. The same is the case with compliments. For practice, ask the children to say several phrases with emphasis on different words, for example, in the following phrase: "Buy me ice cream." Buy ice cream for me ”- an expression of a request. "Buy me ice cream" - buy it for me, not for your brother. "Buy me ice cream"- I need ice cream, not cookies.
For those who want to learn how to "read a person like an open book", I strongly advise you to get acquainted with kinesika- the doctrine of gestures and facial expressions, with physiognomy- a student about the expression of a person in facial features and body shapes and with proxemics- teaching about the position of the interlocutors relative to each other during a conversation. These ancient, well-developed and fairly objective experimental arts are practically forgotten in our time, and in vain. Their knowledge helps, for example, to understand at first glance the intentions of a person. Required books are listed in the unused literature list.
Let's try to answer a philosophical question: is it a Science or an Art to give compliments? Human thinking is carried out in two forms: logical and figurative, they also correspond to two types of cognition: Science and Art. The word simultaneously affects both the consciousness and the feelings of a person. It follows that the mastery of a compliment should combine both forms of human thinking, but I would give preference to feeling, although it seems that feelings are not a science or art, but an emotional experience. However, Pushkin singled out the "science of tender passion." Well, God be with them, with these theories, if only compliments were spoken from the heart, well, on time and women would smile at you faithfully.
In conclusion, I want to assure you that everyone can learn to say compliments, as well as to joke, if he does not spare time and work.
How to accept and respond to compliments
There are people who find it difficult to accept praise in their address, whether from embarrassment, or from modesty or from low self-esteem. And for the compliment it is customary to thank. It is impolite to remain silent, a compliment is a benevolent gift.
Thanks for the compliment! I am very pleased to hear that.
I'm glad to hear that from you!
Well, fullness! You flatter me!
It only seems to you!
Thank you for the kind words, but you are exaggerating!
You look nice too.
I'm glad you liked it.
I can say the same about you.
And you have a beautiful suit too.
“I am not a goddess, but a woman,
A woman's responses to a compliment like: "Oh, you flatter me!"
- It's just a compliment! - the girl will coquettishly say, confident that what was said is true, but passionately wanting to be persuaded.
People with low self-esteem, downtrodden, lost, do not know how to speak or accept compliments.
Sayings about female beauty
As you know, beauty is bodily and spiritual.Women's beauty is a national heritage.
She was so beautiful that she was always right!
The braid is a maiden beauty.
Written beauty.
Where are you from, lovely child? (Pushkin)
But what if fate has not endowed you with the beauty of Sophia Loren?
Do you know how to be attractive and irresistible, without possessing classical beauty? A woman, even an ugly woman, has a set of the most reliable means to be attractive and irresistible. Do you possess these qualities? Check it out and take it on board. External qualities: grooming; impeccable clothing, shoes, hair and manicure; beautiful gait; benevolent smile.
Mental (internal) qualities: kindness, gaiety and cheerfulness, sharp mind, humor, good manners, independence and courage in judgments and actions, self-confidence, education, tolerance, sensitivity, caring, tenderness.
Possessing these qualities that are quite attainable by any woman, you will be irresistible without possessing the external beauty of Sophia Loren. Men will tell you: Sophia Loren is almost as beautiful as you! Of course, to achieve all this, you need to have a great will, intelligence and perseverance.
About gifts for a woman
Gifts and compliments have very close functions - to bring joy. Experienced people say that it is better to regularly give small gifts and compliments than one expensive one for the whole year. Regular gifts prove your continued loyalty to the woman. You have to pay for everything.
Flowers, a box of chocolates, a good book, perfume, ceramics, exotic fruit, a bunch of dried porcini mushrooms are always in place ...
Of all kinds of gifts, flowers, poems and compliments are the most sublime.
It is almost always appropriate to bring flowers to the mistress of the house. This gift does not oblige you to anything, but it is always pleasant and from the very first minutes introduces an element of cordiality into the conversation.
When presented, the bouquet is held in the left hand with flowers upwards - "from the heart". "I give you flowers and congratulations on your birthday." The donated flowers must be put in a vase right now.
About the number of flowers donated: 1 flower - a sign of attention, 3 - respect, 5 - recognition, 7 - adoration, 9 - I am at your feet. It is not accepted to give an even number of flowers. "Custom - Despot among the people."
The bride is given white roses, calla lilies, lilies, carnations. Lilacs, lilies of the valley, lilies cannot be combined with other flowers.
When you wish a woman a happy birthday or just give flowers, you need to say a compliment. The flowers will wither, and the accompaniment will be remembered for a long time, if it is good, masterfully and to the point said.
Most appreciated are flowers donated just like that, for no particular reason, just to express their sympathy and tenderness. No one has ever complained that they received a lot of flowers. At the birth of a child, a young mother has the right to wait for flowers, fruits and a warm letter from her husband to the maternity hospital.
You should not give a gift in the hallway without undressing. You can do this in front of guests, at the table, with a good joke. In an official setting, they say: "Let me present you, dear ... flowers, an album, a book, a picture ...". Usually they say: "Accept my modest gift", "This is our gift for you."
The gift must be unfolded right there, expressed your attitude to the gift ("I have long dreamed of having such a book. Tomorrow I will start reading") and thank you, saying a compliment in return to the donor.
Packaging is very important, it creates the first, most important impression of the gift and expresses the degree of respect. Girls and women choose pink gift wrapping, blue for men.
You should not refuse a gift, whatever it may be, it is better to thank. Once there was such a case. The husband gave his wife stockings. The wife was very offended. Smiling wryly, she returned the gift and said: "You should know that I wear tights, go and present these stockings to your relatives." This incident was not the cause, but it precipitated the gap. Usually, having unfolded the gift, they say: "Thank you, you always have a rare taste", "This is what I dreamed of."
Female names
Nothing pleases a person like someone's own name uttered by someone. So call this name, sing this sweet song to the man. Study and memorize the origin and meaning of female names. It is always a good pre-log for dating, a subject for conversation and a source of compliments.
Here are the names we inherited from the Greeks: Anastasia is the resurrection, Galina is the calm of the sea, Catherine is pure, Zinaida is from Zeus's clan, Zoya is life, Irina is peace, silence, Oksana is a guest, Lydia is from Lydia, Sophia is wisdom, Varvara is a savage, Veronika is victorious, Evdokia (Avdotya) is glorious, Faina is radiant.
For anyone who is seriously interested in the meaning of names and their connection with a person's character, I recommend a small book by O.V. Chepurnykh "The Secret of the Name" (Moscow, RIPOL, 1997).
Holidays bearing female names
Congratulations to Women on the Day of March 8
I wish that men always love you as they did on this day.
So that you have the man of your dreams.
Happy festive evening.
"Among us, wonderful, intelligent and educated people, you are an exception."
Taunts, taunts, irony - these are all anti-compliments, that is, this is not all for women! All the more insulting and humiliating the pride and dignity of a person is public abuse.
How it is unacceptable to speak with a Woman
You cannot tell greasy, indecent anecdotes in front of a woman, by this you put yourself and the woman in an uncomfortable position.
In my opinion, lately you have grown a little, - said one simpleton to the lady.
God, is it such a thing to say to a lady?
I'm sorry, but I thought that you are at an age when such little things do not matter. (This, of course, is the height of tactlessness.)
In conclusion, I will give an example of an anti-compliment (if the purpose of a compliment is to please, then the purpose of an anti-compliment is to offend a person, to laugh at him).
COMPLIMENTS NOT ONLY FOR WOMEN
Compliments to elderly lovers
Old age is inevitable, so you need to accept it calmly and try to find positive aspects in it.
You are still the same energetic, cheerful, fit ...
Time won't take you.
You don't change. How many years I have known you, you are all the same witty and energetic at home.
You will not be given your age.
You look very young.
You are a horseman!
You are always up to date.
You have never lost touch with youth.
You know that creators live longer.
A big ship has a great voyage.
Nobody has such a majestic look like you.
Your mind is open to new ideas.
You think in an original way.
It is thanks to you that I became ...
You know more than others in this field!
I admire your ...
As always, your head is full of ideas and exciting plans!
Toast-compliment: “How are we different from Ivan Ivanovich? In the same way, how philosophers differ from sages. A philosopher is a seeker of wisdom, and a sage is the owner of wisdom. "
There are several ages: passport or astronomical; physical, or biological (what a person looks like and what he can); mental, or emotional (what more often a person thinks about the future or the past); as well as spiritual (how he perceives the new). All ages are, of course, related. You know, there are also young men - old people of spirit, they don’t need anything, they are unhappy with everything, but there are wonderful young at heart old people - no marasmus, clear mind, optimism, humor. It is easy to communicate with such people, it is pleasant for them to say practically any compliments, they themselves will joke and say a compliment no worse than a young one.
Old people are easily suggestible - so inspire them with what is useful to them. The old people are losing their health, and you gently suggest that they are in good health, that they are vigorous, that they have a clear memory, a good mood ...
Old people are touchy, so you need to talk to them very delicately. To treat old people with compliments, so that compliments are smart and appropriate, you need to know well the peculiarities of this age, therefore, I will cite excerpts from the book of P.M. Granovskaya "Elements of practical psychology" on the psychological characteristics of old age.
“Let's note the characteristic features of old age - great life and professional experience, balanced decisions, prudence, energy saving, compliance, increased anxiety, prudent maneuvering, age-related decline in qualifications, rapidly developing physical fatigue, hearing and vision impairment, living separately from children, loss of loved ones, deterioration of health, fear of death, anxiety, suspiciousness, grumpiness, reassessment of the past. "
The period of life after retirement is not so small - about 16 years for men and 24 years for women is quite comparable to the period of youth and the duration of work, it is quite possible to retrain for a fugue specialty. The main thing is not to give up on yourself. A particularly low assessment of their health, physical and mental, was given by non-working pensioners who suddenly left active work, so they should be especially encouraged with a compliment, pushed to creative activity, to setting new goals, exciting plans, to emphasize the personal importance of the old man, his social usefulness. The absence of a future quickly destroys a person.
Old people are very sensitive to expressions of attention and care, to a warm word. Especially in need of communication, attention and condescension, elderly people who have retired, have lost their relatives, are lonely. Attentive attitude to old people, humor, compliments will help prevent their premature aging.
Awareness of senile changes is already a way to overcome them.
Let's note the amazing old people: Titian wrote until he was 99 years old, and as he wrote! At the age of 100, the acrobat John-Son walked on his hands. Chokia Zalikhanov at the age of 115 participated in the ascent of Elbrus.
Examples of compliments to men
Compliments to men are not accepted. If they do, they are usually accompanied by light irony or an innocent joke. In men, professional and strong-willed qualities are more often praised:
You are an excellent specialist.
You are a jack of all trades.
Well done, even to the palace.
They sing songs about him and tell fairy tales.
You are firm in your likes and dislikes.
You are such a capable programmer.
You are a strong, fair person.
You have a decisive character.
Eagle's gaze and falconry take off.
I am delighted with your professionalism.
You know how to take a bull by the horns, every minute is precious to you.
You are full of energy, like a split atom.
There is an aura of wisdom and understanding around you.
Communicating with you, you understand that life is much more interesting than you think.
Clear falcon.
An active life is your norm.
A good cock is never fat.
You face difficulties with courage and courage.
In addition to professional qualities, three great masculine qualities can be blamed: rationality, activity and courage. It is safer for an elderly person to compliment, he is beyond suspicion and his compliments do not commit to anything.
The following story tells about how the old people were revered in Sparta.
“At the Olympic Games, an old man was looking for a place among the spectators. He made his way between the benches, but there were no empty seats. At the end, he reached the bench where the Spartan youths were sitting, all as one jumped up in front of him, making way. The stadium burst into applause. The old man exclaimed: "All Greeks know what is good, but only Spartans know how to do well." And someone said: "Only in Sparta is it worth living until old age."
In conclusion, let us reassure men with the following maxim: "A real man will always achieve what a woman wants."
Compliments to children
Briefly about the psychology of children. Human life begins not from birth, but from the moment of conception. From the fourth week, the child can already feel the love of his mother, rejoice, be frightened, hear sounds. By the age of twelve weeks, all organs and systems of the child are finally formed and their development begins. He is sensitive to the mood of the mother, grimaces, clenches his fists, falls asleep and wakes up with his mother. During this period, more than ever, mother and child need care, love and kind words.
At the most tender age (0 - 2 years), the child learns the world through actions (a period of intense trial and error), the child grabs everything, pulls in his mouth, sucks, examines. In that
age should be encouraged to move actively. The unconditional joy of life and the happiness of knowing the world is inherent in the child. So it is necessary to show that the world accepts him and is also happy to see him, so smile and say gentle words to him. There is an interesting explanation why children are cheerful - they do not live in the past and not in the future (they are still small), they live in the present, here and now. Teenagers are happy about this that they understand that they have everything ahead of them.
Then the child learns the world in images, in sounds (external speech, pronunciation), and later abstract thinking develops (for example, I 6T "in the mind") and then according to the proverb: "The son is mine, but the mind is yours."
There are many ways to influence the behavior of children: explain, show, teach, prohibit, punish, or praise for good behavior.
Nowadays it is fashionable to say that it is better to over praise children than to scold for every fault and mistake. Indeed, praise is approval, and approval is a weapon more powerful than swearing. Encouragement inspires, and punishment cuts wings. But without prohibitions and punishments, education is also impossible, one must skillfully use both encouragement and punishment.
Compliments to children are rewards for future success. There is a simple law: praise. everyone likes! Toddlers may not be able to determine which behavior is reasonable, but they understand the praise and easily associate it with the desired behavior.
What to praise in children?
Any success, any victory of a child over himself, any good deed should be noticed and praised. If you decide to explain something to the children, then you can support your explanations with the promise of a reward or punishment. I think it makes sense to follow the "carrot first" principle. The awards do not have to be sweets or money; they can be additional courtesies or verbal encouragements, praise and compliments. Such awards should not "work according to Durov": for a correctly executed order - candy, but as a reinforcement of the basic idea that the child is loved, that he deserves love, that he is significant. It keeps the kids calm, stimulates obedience and increases their self-esteem.
You are fine today, you cleaned up after yourself, I didn’t even remind you. You, it turns out, have a wonderful memory.
You are the youngest of the fellows!
-. For cleanly washed dishes, we will award you with the honorary title "The best assistant in the kitchen!"
I am proud of you, you were the first to greet Aunt Dasha.
I liked your independent drawing. Now I believe that you can draw from your head.
Dad and I are happy with you. You were good at washing dishes. Do you know what gave us special joy? This is what you yourself guessed to wash. I saw a mess and washed it. On Sunday we'll have a festive breakfast and go to the movies.
When did you learn to write the chest letter "A" so well? I'll show it to my dad, he'll be happy too.
Did you yourself guess to paint the leaves with green paint? (This is for the smallest, for a seven-year-old child, such praise will sound like an insult.)
How nice to see that you look so neat. How did you manage not to plant a single spot on your dress?
You did the right thing to protect this girl. This is a man's act.
I appreciate your independence. You will grow up to be a real man.
Probably the most important thing is to show with praise that you appreciated the child's specific efforts, firmly believe that he will continue to be good, and from here the child makes an important conclusion for himself that he is good himself. But insecure children, notorious, require special attention. It happens that a newcomer in a kindergarten group sits under the table for the first week and waits for his mother. It is necessary with an affection, a kind, hopeful word to pull him out of those limits of ideas about the world around him and about his own possibilities, which he limited himself to. This is a delicate work of the soul.
However, here, too, you need to observe a sense of proportion. Excessively generous praises and rewards can be regarded by a child as fake, as ingratiating themselves or causing "star fever."
On the other hand, psychologists rightly point out that adults abuse children too much. Adults have forgotten the difficulties of their childhood. If children did not have so much innate confidence in themselves, a bright mood, they would never have coped with the gigantic task of learning the world in conditions when they still do not understand many words.
Children should not be given anti-compliments, then all the above-mentioned compliment functions will become functions with a minus sign. For example, instead of a compliment, these are the mocking of a child:
- And why only do you have a head on your shoulders? You forgot to buy bread again. Better say calmly: - Today, for some reason, the whole family will have dinner without bread.
Talk to your children kindly, in an amicable way, and they will reflexively talk to you in the same way. Even a well-bred person finds it difficult to endure swearing calmly. In accordance with Newton's third law (action is equal to reaction), swearing is followed by swearing, and "the fire flares up." Instead of noticing a mistake, catching and scolding, try to make the child himself tell what he did wrong, and you express a firm belief that he understood everything correctly and will not repeat such a mistake again. This will preserve your friendship.
Are there times when you need to use an anti-compliment?
Yes, there are. If the child knowingly, many times lies, steals, smokes, is rude, and hooligan. explanations and heart-to-heart conversations do not help. Distraction, rewards, and forgiveness are not beneficial. If all the warnings are made and the child understands what he is doing when he violates the norms of behavior, knows what will happen to him, then this gives you the right to punish him. Maybe first deprive him of his privileges (movies, pocket money, sweets ...), and then do what you promised to do with him. Now you simply have to fulfill what you promised.
You cannot tell children: "You have a bad memory", "You are a fool" - this lowers self-esteem, reduces the flight of imagination in the process of generating ideas. It is impossible, of course, to apply severe punishments to a child if he is less than three to five years old or when he does not clearly understand why it is necessary to do what is required of him. But he must clearly understand the purpose of the punishment and that he himself is to blame. Let him be afraid to do bad things, not you. Corporal punishment requires the least intelligence and ability from parents. Perhaps, instead of punishing the child, read books about how schoolchildren were punished in the past, for example, in a bursa?
Praise a good, deep question. Asking questions is a sign of strong thinking activity.
How to develop empathy in children?
In very young children, empathy is absent, but there is egocentrism - concentration on one's own “I”: the whole universe is for me alone. And empathy will be developed later, on the basis of experience, as you understand that all people are somewhat different, but in some way the same: you want it and the other wants the same, it hurts and the other hurts, you are cold and the other is cold, we all want to be happy, we all need to drink, eat, sleep ... However, people think and treat the same thing differently. And everyone must be understood, or even better "read like an open book."
Some children easily transform: I am a horse, I am a locomotive, I am a mother. This is also empathy. Such a skill inherent in childhood will help to understand another person.
You can suggest the following games and conversation topics to develop empathy:
Read psychologically rich tales and stories, discuss the characters of the characters, their actions and motives of actions. Let everyone speak out, invite the children to summarize, agree on a general opinion.
If flowers could speak, and you could hear them, what would the flowers in the flowerbed and the same flowers on the table in the vase tell you?
What did Kolobok think when he sat on the nose of the Fox? Was he afraid or simply did not understand anything? And when he was in the fox's belly, how did he feel?
Reincarnation and role-playing games develop children mentally, children begin to understand what other people think and feel.
Ask the children to compose a story from the name of a hare or an elephant in the zoo, and then in the wild, crucian carp in an aquarium and in a pond ...
How does the grass feel when it is mowed? De-revo, when is it cut?
Show the children an intricate figure and ask what is it? note
children to the fact that everyone will have different answers. This means that people are different, but they all need to be understood in order to live with them in harmony.
- You spilled paint on the floor. What will mom say?
Some psychologists consider the modern world to be schizoid, note that people are more and more immersed in themselves, lose their sense of empathy and understanding. Remember the common chilling phrase: "These are your problems", they say, it does not concern me. This terrible disease is the callousness of the soul. Such a person is hardly capable of a kind joke or compliment. Develop a sense of empathy in children.
Once Marshak asked his son: - Whose fairy tales do you like more, mine or Pushkin's? The son was silent.
Do not be afraid, Pushkin will not be offended.
You will be offended, - said the son.
Compliments to yourself, your beloved
Can you praise yourself? If you have something, then why not - praise yourself. In general, Psychologists advise you to think well of yourself, not to speak badly of yourself, advise you to reward yourself with small gifts for all your efforts and achievements, and call this "reinforcement."
For example, you did well on an exam, or you sewed a beautiful dress, or you had a successful conversation, or, by pushing yourself, did a decisive act. Praise yourself, compliment yourself:
“Today I am pleased with myself. I'm fine fellow. Turns out I can do something! Everything will go better now. "
Even the smallest joys of life have a wonderful effect on the physical and mental state of a person. A slice of chocolate, a cup of tea, a funny anecdote, gentle stroking, words of participation noticeably reduce the content of stress hormones in the blood and increase work capacity. Stress is not a fact itself, but an attitude towards it. Two-thirds of illnesses are stress-related. Women can ask for a compliment, buy themselves a cake, or tights, or a flower.
Psychologically, the expectation of a reward "reinforces" the desire to succeed, make efforts and win. Success in business is needed at least in order to simply stay in harmony with oneself.
You shouldn't give yourself gifts for no reason. It's up to men to make supposedly gratuitous gifts to women — such a sweet game!
When should a woman compliment a man?
We have already figured out to ourselves that a man should always compliment a woman, and when a woman should compliment a man? Practically in the same cases when a man compliments a woman.
When it is necessary to conduct psychotherapy for men, correction of the state of mind, then a compliment is needed as a remedy.
When a man has low self-confidence or guilt.
When there are difficulties in communication and it is necessary to establish more trusting relationships.
To increase a lively interest in each other.
When you are having difficulty finding a partner.
For sexual initiative.
When you want to get the greatest joy from your intimate life.
Compliments from the audience
Even if the lecturer is confident in the social value of his lecture or course of lectures, friendship and good contact with the audience is of paramount importance.When listeners are interested in speaking and are not prejudiced, the speaker achieves the goal with less effort, and the listeners themselves learn the material better. The process of listening does not always involve the perception of thought. First of all, you should provoke interest in your speech, get people to listen, think and believe you. To do this, it is advisable to make the audience fall in love with you (this is called attraction) and strive to ensure that not only listen to your words, but also experience certain feelings. In order not to lose contact with the audience, it is necessary to catch the reaction of the audience and more often use words that emphasize respect for the audience - no arrogance, no negativity towards the audience. As Plutarch advised, "either as short as possible, or as pleasantly as possible."
"Dear Ladies!" "Dear listeners!" "Dear parents!" ...
The lecturer can praise the audience for their activity, for their attention, for interesting questions and answers, for their ability to listen, for cleanliness and order in the classroom, for their desire to learn, for good attendance and discipline, for their interest in classes ...
So, it is necessary to praise not only children, but also adults. They say: "And the cat is pleased with an affectionate word."
The lecture can be ended with the phrase: "I am happy to wait for the clever questions of my esteemed opponents." This will put your opponent in the condition that he really should ask a smart question. More often than not, there are no questions.
"Compliments" to the bastard
Can you compliment a bastard? Wild question! But they say! Power, money and power always fascinate people with a weak spirit (like a spectacle snake), take away from them not only will and courage, but also honor and dignity, they are ready to kiss the money bag. This is not a compliment, you go into business, but flattery and servility. Probably, it was precisely such cases that Chekhov had in mind when he said that it was necessary to "squeeze the slave out of oneself drop by drop." Weak people even like the power of power - no need to think, no need to fight, no need to take risks, the feeling of responsibility does not oppress, everything must be done by an uncle. No civil position, according to Okudzhava's song:
"And if something goes wrong - not our business, As they say, the Motherland ordered ..."
We must always remember that all orders are written not by the Motherland, but by the people. People also accept and execute laws. If these people are honest, then everything is fine. And if not? It is then that all the abominations of life begin ... In this case, compliments will not help.
HOW TO LEARN TO SPEAK COMPLIMENTS?
You do not need to possess any special qualities in order to easily and freely say compliments, this is available to everyone. Maybe the following qualities should be somewhat above average: resourcefulness, courage, quickness of reflection, understanding of the state of mind of another person, a sense of proportion. And the main thing, as always, is to want to do a good deed. Developing the ability to enjoy good deeds should begin with children (giving gifts, group games, caring for the younger ones, a friendly atmosphere in the family and in the classroom ...). And, of course, you have to work hard. Fools and idlers are lucky only in fairy tales.
Memorize a few dozen good compliments and, without delay, - to the point. But do not pour compliments left and right, otherwise
they will be worthless, and you will be known as a chatterbox. Start with young girls who are sympathetic to you, it is easier, and they are more tolerant of the quality of compliments than older people. Start with the lightest, praise the clothes, the hairstyle.
Use the wonderful tradition of the Georgian table - to say compliments to your neighbor in a circle. This game should be carried out regularly.
Once I had such a case. I was the head of a fairly large department. To unite the team, once a year, on March 8, I arranged a common feast for the entire team right in the department and made a long toast in honor of each woman in the department.
I remember publicly and vividly I praised the work and mental qualities of one very quiet, inconspicuous, silent lonely woman who performed an important, but monotonous and not prestigious operation - washing substrates. After the feast, she came up to me and in a whisper invited me to visit her. Many years have passed, and I still regret not using the invitation.
There is a very funny and very simple (for those who can fantasize) method of endowing objects with completely unusual properties, it is called rather tricky - the method of focal objects.
This is done in five steps.
FIRST STEP: an object is selected that we want to improve or give it completely unusual properties and is placed in the focus of consideration. In our case, the focus is on the woman.
SECOND STEP: several random objects are selected. For example: an electric light bulb, a balloon, a TV set, a tiger.
THIRD STEP: for these objects, a list of their characteristic properties, functions and features is compiled.
An electric light bulb - glows, warm, transparent, burns out, is included in the power grid ...
Balloon - flies, inflates, does not sink, bounces ...
TV - shows, speaks, sings, has control knobs ...
The tiger is a fierce, striped, clawed, tailed, with a beautiful and expensive skin, rare, listed in the Red Book ...
FOURTH STEP: the formulated properties are transferred to the focal object, that is, to the woman.
FIFTH STEP- the received wonderful ideas are used to formulate complements, for unexpected comparisons.
Of course, not every idea turns out to be wonderful. As a rule, among the absurdities, the most original ideas come across that just won't come to mind. They need to be "played" into a sparkling compliment.
So let's see what happens? Just don’t be offended by women, we are conducting a thought experiment. Let's play a hooligan.
Let's start by looking at the qualities of a light bulb.
Female glows. How can a woman shine? Glows with intelligence, happiness, joy, a smile. Glows so that you can read in the dark. "You shine with intelligence and happiness!"
Female hot, emotional.“I admire your resourcefulness and temperament. If not for your energetic intervention, we would not have received such wonderful results! "
Female transparent.“You can see with the naked eye that you have a kind soul and pure thoughts. You can even see how the heart beats and blue blood flows through the vessels. "
Female burns out. It is clear that if you do not love a woman, she will burn out.
Female included in the electrical network."I feel what a warm bio-field you have and I bask in it."
Female FLYING. Clearly, a woman must be compared to an angel with wings. Ilis with a swan, with a butterfly, a dragonfly ...
INFLATABLE female. When inflated, the woman changes. You can make a slender woman, you can make a fat woman. With an overdose, a woman becomes explosive. No compliment is danced.
Female shows. What can a woman show by her example that is admired? No problem here, a rich idea. An example of caring, hard work ... A woman can show aerobics exercises, yoga asanas, how to love ...
Female speaks, sings- here you can think of something extraordinary: praise a chesty, gentle voice ...
Here is the woman with control knobs(!), it is more difficult to come up with a compliment, but then a great idea appears - to control a woman with the help of gentle witty compliments.
Female ferocious- not good. Female striped, tailed, clawed - does not work. Here is the woman rare(all women are different, and therefore not only rare, but also one of a kind)
Beautiful and expensive skin must be transformed into delicate skin in an intimate compliment.
Female, listed in the Red Book! Is this my wife?
We examined several properties of only four objects and, you see, we caught something. Strong advice - consider 20, 30, 50 objects and you will feel that you wanted to compliment!
It turns out even more original if a combination of several properties is considered at the same time, but this is already "aerobatics".
It is possible, using the method of focal objects, to come up with completely unbelievable clothes, hairstyle, makeup, tights, a hat for a woman ...
If the woman has a sense of humor, and you are full of goodwill and just want to fool around or demonstrate your wit and instant reaction, invite the woman to name several very different objects and
before her eyes, make a couple of dozen excellent compliments out of them for her.
The method of focal objects is a wonderful method of developing fantasy and imagination, associative thinking and even serious invention.
To create compliments, you can also use the method of Morphological analysis. To do this, you need to draw up a table ("morphological box") with "coordinates": parts of a woman (head, hair, legs ...) - how to praise them, or parts of a woman's toilet (dress, handbag ...) - implementation options these parts of the toilet.
A word of caution: artificially created compliments can be theatrical, as they say, "pretentious", head-on, cold or abstruse. A compliment is a delicate matter. For a woman, it doesn't matter by what method the complement is created, but it is important that it be kind and natural.
How can you develop the habit of complimenting and using polite words?
Especially during the week try to tell the interlocutor something pleasant about him, about his appearance, about his work ... Praise everything that you like about him. Allow yourself to admire everything that is good you see. Soon you will feel that it is pleasant to tell people pleasant things. Make it a good habit.
The game The child says to everyone the phrase: "I like it in you ...".WITH A SMILE ABOUT WOMEN AND MEN
Women about themselves, or women's logic in anecdotes and parables
Psychologists say that science does not know such a subject - female logic. But they are, of course, wrong. If there are women and there is a science of logic, then there is also female logic, and hence the postulates of female logic. Women's logic can be called the logic of feelings and relationships, the logic of self-giving (“I would be cute next!”).
In order to understand the mysterious loving soul of a woman (or to completely abandon this matter?), I will try to propose some (humorous, of course!) Postulates of female logic, without trying, on the basis of their logical deduction, to obtain theorems of the “theory of women », If the axiomatic method is appropriate here at all.
You need to know women's logic! Here is an example of retribution on a national scale (!) For ignorance of women's logic. In 1970, a major mistake was made when calculating the pension fund - 1 billion rubles was not enough! What's the matter, since the population census has just passed? It turned out that women underestimated their age, by the way, why do women live longer? One of the possible reasons is that they behave better.
So, some of the "postulates" of female logic and in the words of women themselves:
And I told you!
I'll die, then you will know!
I gave you all my youth, and you ...
To forget a man, you have to find another man!
You will leave, you will not see your son!
I must be pitied and conquered!
Either me or the dog!
A man works as much as he can, and a woman works as much as necessary!
One woman with a happy smile convinced that she managed to live from 35 to 50 at the age of 30.
Madame Dupont bought a ticket for the National Lottery.
If I win, I'll buy myself a new dress, ”she says.
And if you don’t win? The husband asks.
Then you buy it for me ...
I found a great way to peel onions, rub the horseradish and not cry.
What is this method?
I entrust this work to my husband.
Why did you decide to divorce?
I have no reason to quarrel with my husband.
They say your husband has three mistresses?
Yes. We can afford it.
What did the doctor tell you?
He said I was beautiful.
Announcement in the newspaper: “Selling cheap fishing tackle and fishing clothes. Telephon 132-45. If a man picks up the phone, say: "Error".
* * *Let's go, Masha, to the bachelorette party.
Come on, let's go, I love bachelorette parties, and which of the men will be?
Where do you hang out late into the night? I am at your age ....
I remember, I remember, I was 3 years old then.
Madam! Your husband is lying unconscious with a piece of paper in his hand!
Well, finally the bill came for my mink coat!
I don’t want to know you! I pack my things and always go to my mother, ”she said.
Okay, honey, ”he said,“ here’s the money for the trip.
“Oh, what a wonderful dress you have, and the style, and the fabric, and the decoration, and the color to the face, and the collar is just a miracle! You, Vera, have wonderful taste. "
Female version“Oh, what a wonderful dress you have, and the style, and the fabric, and the decoration, and the color, and the collar-chock is just a miracle! It’s a pity, Vera, that it doesn’t suit you. ”
In conclusion, I will cite popular proverbs about women: “What a wife doesn’t like, her husband doesn’t eat”, “Thin girls haven’t heard, good women haven’t been seen”, “A young girl drives, but she doesn’t find it”.
One emancipated lady said: "I envy the free emu bird." Indeed, the family life of the emu bird (weighing up to a centner!) Is arranged in such a way that it would satisfy the most ardent suffragette. Having experienced, so to speak, the joys of the marriage bed, the female emu lays her eggs wherever she has to and pretends that nothing has happened. The male builds a nest, carries eggs into it and incubates them faithfully, does not even eat anything at this time (the female, of course, does not feed him), and when the chicks hatch, he feeds them until they grow up on - so much that they can take care of themselves.
And the female at this time is quietly having fun in the eucalyptus bushes - is this not the height of emancipation?
The author apologizes for the inadmissibly short and one-sided study of female logic and refers to the wonderful book of V.I. Kurbatov. Women's logic. (Games of communication and behavior). Rostov-on-Don: Phoenix, 1995.
Male logic in anecdotes and parables
“Having decided to marry, the man wondered for a long time which of the three girls in love with him to marry and decided to give each of them 5000 dollars.
The first one bought the best clothes, went to the best beauty salon and said:
“I love you very much, and I want everyone to know that your wife is the most beautiful woman in town.
The second spent all the money on her potential husband, bought him new suits, shirts ... and said:
- I love you very much, you are the most important thing in my life, and I spent all the money on you.
The third invested money in the business, earned another $ 5,000 and returned everything to the man, saying:
- I very love you. I did this so that you would understand that I am smart and not wasteful.
The man thought, thought and married the one with bigger breasts. "
The anecdote, of course, is good, it correctly characterizes the majority of men, but it is not clear why this anecdotal man looked attentively at the girls only after he gave them money?
- You swore to love me all your life, and you yourself are leaving. “Yes, dear, I swore to love you all my life, but I did not swear to fulfill my vow.
A young man turned to the German philosopher Kant and asked:
- Are brunettes or blondes more faithful wives? “Gray-haired,” said the philosopher without hesitation.
- How do you become philosophers? - asked the young man. - If you have a good wife, you will be happy, there will be a bad wife and you will be a philosopher.
An indecisive man asked the philosopher: "Should I marry or not marry?"
- Do as you want, - he answered, - you will regret it anyway.
- Why?
- A beautiful wife will be a joy for others, an ugly one - a punishment for you.
Once a Greek sage was asked:
"What punishment do you give for celibacy?" - and Solon replied: "Marriage."
Themistocles is an Athenian commander who played a decisive role in the organization of all-Greek resistance forces during the period of the Greco-Persian wars, who achieved the transformation of Athens into a sea power, the creator of the great Delian Union of coastal cities and islands of the Aegean Sea, a man of great courage, said: “Greece in everything Athens is in command, I am in command, my wife commands me. and her son. Therefore, the main person in Greece is my baby son. "
- If a wife often demands gifts, it means that she is not a gift.
Two friends are talking:
What is the best way to teach a girl to swim?
You gently put your left arm around her waist, take her left arm and hold it tight, and then ...
I need to teach my sister.
You should have said so from the start! Push her off the bridges into the water!
With the general warming of the planet, buying a fur coat for a wife is simply stupid.
How much does a saber cost? The buyer asks.
Two zlotys.
Why so expensive?
When you are attacked, it lengthens twice!
Just think twice. When my wife hits me, the poker lengthens 10 times!
"I know I won't be able to seduce you, but I love the journey itself." The laws of life are the most important
Man everywhere and always strives to satisfy his own needs. The deepest aspiration of people is to be significant. Violation of these laws will bring you many troubles.
Each person is superior to you in some way, and therefore he has a lot to learn, and, consequently, to emphasize his significance (and his own bliss). If, in a conversation with you, a person emphasizes his superiority in something, you will find the right path to his heart if you let him know that you sincerely acknowledge his superiority in this.
You were shown a collective photo: Who will you be looking for first? That's right - yourself! We are interested in our own name more than all other names put together. By memorizing the name of the interlocutor and casually using it, you are giving the person a subtle and very effective compliment. But if you forget his name, write or pronounce it incorrectly, you put yourself in a very disadvantageous position.
Etymology and definitions of some words
Thank you - I give you a blessing. Hello - be healthy, live.Daughter-in-law - God knows what, filial property, a new person in the house.
The mother-in-law is the blood of all.
TRIZ - Theory of Inventive Problem Solving.
Conscience - with a message from God.
Coaching the habit of being polite. Polite words and courtesies
Politeness is the observance of the rules of decency, good breeding, courtesy, inner culture.
Civility is friendly, courteous words, pleasant, helpful treatment.
To be polite does not mean to be intelligent, but true intelligence is impossible without politeness, culture of behavior and culture of speech.
By fostering politeness in a child, at the same time they foster moral qualities, form moral consciousness, develop the habit of saying kind, polite words. And here the feedback is already starting to work - he began to speak polite words and improved his upbringing. A person may be insufficiently educated, but polite enough. Having a diploma and being polite are not the same thing.
However, not everything is so simple: politeness is not just words, it must be sincere.
Politeness without a moral foundation can take on the form of hypocrisy, hypocrisy, and manners. The source of good manners and "external graceful behavior" (N. Shelgunov) is love for people and benevolence, which constitute the wealth of a person's spiritual world and the basis of his morality. And in the absence of good manners, a sense of proportion and the ability to show their moral feelings in an appropriate form, virtue can turn into an insult, excessive politeness can turn out to be obsession, good nature - flattery, and emphatically polite behavior can seem offensive.
The opposite of politeness and courtesy is rudeness, rudeness, rudeness.
Exercise "Thank you." The word "Thank you" expresses gratitude for everything good: for service, for attention, for help, for a good job, even for a kind word and for a compliment.
Teach children to say thank you for everything that is being done for the child.
Train your child. Take a few items, hand them over to your child and invite him to say “Thank you” or “Thank you” every time, without a reminder, automatically.
Chatting Topics "Polite Words"
Speak yourself and make the children learn and speak polite words. Tell the children when to say polite words.
Have a polite word contest. The one who will name the most polite words - hand over a good gift and the title: "Polite, well-mannered person."
Read books to your children about courtesy, good manners, etiquette, and ethics as a discipline of morality and ethics.
Courtesy rules
Behave in a way that makes others happy with you.
Be nice. Greet at the meeting, thank you for your help, for a compliment, for a gift ... When you leave, say goodbye. Don't make them worry about yourself, say where you went and when you will return. Do not be capricious, do not grumble, do not spoil anyone's mood and never (Klyueva).
the whole body and leads to muscle relaxation and a decrease in stress caused by stress. Breathing deepens, blood is enriched with oxygen, blood pressure decreases, the body is freed from adrenaline.
We will end these notes with an excerpt from S.Ya. Marshak "Wish to friends":
May every day and every hour get you something new. Let your mind be kind, And your heart be smart!
There is always something worthy of praise in any person. People are waiting for signs of approval. Compliment them!
Laughter therapy
Laughter therapy is one of the most affordable ways to improve a person's emotional state. Laughter gives a pleasant shake
LITERATURE
Granovskaya P.M. Elements of practical psychology. - SPb .: Light, 1997.
SigelE. How to raise a preschooler. - M.: ROSMEN, 1998.
Shakespeare W. Romeo and Juliet.
Parkinson K.N., Rastomji M.K. Children. How to educate them. - SPb .: 1992.
Davydov M.G. And in your honor there is a proverb. - M .: Rurik, 1992.
Formanovskaya N.I. You said: Hello! Speech etiquette in our communication. - M .: Knowledge, 1989.
Whiteside R. What Faces Talk About. - SPb .: Pi-ter. 1996.
Physiognomy. / Comp. Novoselova G.M. - SPb .: Ivan Fedorov, 1993.
Nikolaeva, Petrov. Etiquette. Ability to live and behave at home, in the family and in society. - M .: Tsi-tadel-Triada, 1999.
Gasparov M.L. Entertaining Greece: Tales of Ancient Greek Culture. - M .: 1995.
A wonderful moment. Love lyrics of Russian poets. / Comp. L.A. Ozerov - M .: Art. lit., 1988.
Russian songs and romances. / Comp. Gusev V.E. M .: Art. lit., 1989.
Yaffe M. Sex in a woman's life. - M .: Meditsina, 1991.
Spiegel J. Flirting the path to success. - SPb .: Peter, 2000.
N. V. Klyueva, Yu. V. Kasatkina Teaching children to communicate - Yaroslavl: Academy of Development, 1997.
Every person who considers himself well-mannered should be able to correctly say compliments. This skill is considered to be an indicator not only of good manners, but also of psychological culture. Only an attentive, positive-minded person who knows how to notice the dignity of the people around him is able to say beautiful compliments. People give each other compliments because it feels good, to improve relationships or make contact.
When you have mutual sympathy with your interlocutor, it is not difficult to say compliments. Always and in any person you can find something that can be praised: appearance, character traits, actions, etc. One should only remember that one must say everything from the heart, sincerely. Difficulties arise when complimenting a person who has low self-esteem, because he is afraid to believe in them. In this case, try to look at him through his own eyes and try to understand what exactly he might like about himself. These are the qualities and praise. For example, how he looks today, or how well he holds up, or some details of the wardrobe.
Should I say compliments?
For some reason, many men are sure that the shortest way to get a girl's favor is gifts and compliments. If you endlessly admire her beauty, then from the outside it will look frivolous. She will quickly get bored and interest, if he was, will soon disappear. There is another extreme. Some people think that compliments should not be given at all, so as not to show their interest. This is also wrong. This entails low self-esteem, insecurity, depression. After all, a compliment, if it is made naturally, without fawning, can have a great influence on a girl. The main thing is that these words sound confident, from the position of a strong person, and not look like stimulation of further intimate relationships.
You can emphasize in the girl those features that she worked on, but which other men do not notice. Perhaps it could be some unusual piece of clothing, or a new hairstyle. If you find it difficult to choose or did not notice anything, you can praise her energy, activity. Just remember that a compliment must be spoken in a playful way so that it does not look fawning or sound fake. It is hardly worth giving compliments about the appearance of beautiful girls. They are used to them, and you risk looking trite. A compliment made unobtrusively sounds especially beneficial. For example, in a conversation, praise her smile and immediately move on to another topic, do not develop your enthusiasm.
With the help of a compliment, you can make a new acquaintance or add emotion to an existing relationship. If you and your half have been together for many years, this does not mean that tender words are no longer needed. A compliment can be compared to a spice, a kind of peppercorn in conversation. These words give the girl the opportunity to feel that you are interested in her.
Isn't it nice for you to see how close people or friends act according to your ideas? And you compliment them to maintain a warm relationship or deepen it. It is a pity that more often than not, this is all taken for granted. Now it will be appropriate to recall the well-known biblical dictum: "Deal with people as you would like to be treated with you." Therefore, one should encourage good deeds, do not spare compliments and words, be restrained, evaluating negative deeds, because the latter can stimulate repetition of these actions.
How to say compliments correctly.
It is known that a woman loves with her ears. So, dear men, it is on the ears that you need to act correctly. What can you say to a woman to make her heart flutter? This knowledge is the art of compliment. Here are some tips to help you.
First. You must have a good idea of the tone in which you will speak. Even if you find many good words, but you begin to pronounce them through your teeth, or with frowned eyebrows, they are unlikely to be able to achieve the goal. Facial expression must match the words, because women receive information primarily from eye contact.
Second. Compliments must be reasoned. Not only "what", but also "why" you like it. “I love your new hairstyle. It suits you very much. "
Third. Try to refer to the woman by her first name. For every person, the sound of his name sounds so sweet. If you want to compliment, contact by name, for example: "Tanya, this dress suits you very much, it emphasizes your stunning figure." If you are talking to a female business partner, then using this advice, you will be more likely to convince her that you are right.
Fourth. If you want to get something from the interlocutor, you should not say compliments, so as not to be seen as a flatterer. It is unlikely that after this you will be able to achieve something from a person.
Fifth. Don't reciprocate the same compliment. For example: - "Sasha, you look good today!" - "You too…". It's like when the person has nothing to say.
Sixth. If you have a desire to criticize, then it is better to first emphasize the positive points, then the problem, and then the way to solve it. Criticism that begins with a compliment is less painful for women.
Seventh. As a rule, when we say compliments, we expect a grateful look in return or kind words. What if a woman doesn't know how to accept compliments? If she has low self-esteem or is not sure about the subject of your admiration. If so, you can ask a question right away to help her answer you. For example: “You have such beautiful flowers on your window. How do you take care of them? " In such cases, they will thank you and answer the question.
A hidden compliment.
If the woman did not accept your compliment, then the following reasons are possible: either the compliment was unsuccessful, or she is a problem person. Don't take the situation immediately to heart. Many people, especially women, are wary of compliments, so they need to be spoken from the heart and thoughtful.
There is such a thing as a hidden compliment. Such compliments are subtle, but create an atmosphere of trust and affection. A typical example is a sincere interest in the interlocutor, questions about his life, work, family. It would be nice to return to what he said later to make it clear that you were an attentive listener. Try to ask questions about what the person is interested in, about their hobbies. Mention his name more often, because it is not only an indicator of respect. Thus, hidden compliments are the most effective and safest, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
What compliments to say?
English writer Wyndham Lewis said: "Always tell a woman that she is not like others, if you want to get from her what you get from others." Look closely at the woman you want to compliment and you will surely find something in her that you can praise. Whether it's a handbag, a blouse, a hairdo, a smile. Such compliments are especially appropriate on holidays, when women dress up. It is important to notice the changes in her image and underscore them. Let your girl be a self-confident person, but she also wants confirmation of her irresistibility. Compliment her in a way that makes her feel like you are making her stand out from others.
If you want to compliment an unfamiliar girl, don't grin. She can regard him as a mockery, which means that the attack will begin to defend herself. Consider that you have lost. On the contrary, with a good friend, a smile will do a good job.
Any woman has a lot of reasons for praise. It can be femininity, kindness, charm, elegance, patience, etc. Men, remember this.
A compliment is a sign of attention.
It is a mistake to believe that the ability to say compliments in men is in the blood. It is quite possible to learn this. The main thing is to be sincere. Do not use words in the superlative degree "excellent", "very best", "excellent." In this case, your compliment will look like flattery and is unlikely to be accepted. Want to enhance the effect? Add something exclusive to the compliment.
It is not advisable to use the word "today" when making a compliment. "You look good today." She will inevitably have the thought that yesterday she did not look good.
Keep it simple. Get rid of theatrical gestures and facial expressions by complimenting.
Try not to use platitudes. Compliments about eyes and a smile have already set the teeth on edge, but only an exquisite man can praise the shade of the hair, the shape of the palms, the beauty and slenderness of the neck.
Do not forget that the compliment should be in time. If a girl is upset or offended by you, you shouldn't tell her that she has a dazzling smile.
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Mistrust
Hello! Recently, at a dentist's appointment, I heard the following in my address: “When you offer something, you instantly get a lot of questions and a lot of mistrust that you don't want to do anything ...
How many times have I noticed: a sincere smile and a kind word spoken to the most quarrelsome person, even if not for long, will neutralize his irritation. This is enough to quickly retreat and avoid a showdown. And if you talk to good people about their merits, you can get a lot of positive emotions. This is how I reasoned when I agreed to take part in the experiment: for about a week to make compliments - to friends, colleagues and even strangers. However, as practice has shown, not everyone is ready to accept praise.
TEST MODE
To begin with, I decided to practice the art of compliments on my friends and colleagues. Firstly, it is not as exciting as addressing strangers, and secondly, it is much easier to highlight and evaluate the external merits or achievements of a person whom you know well.On Monday morning, I came to the office before everyone else and prepared to greet the employees with compliments. The first "victim" was the assistant director, Oksana. She came in a fitted dress with a neckline, and I was not slow to note the dignity of the girl's figure: “Oksana, you look great today! This dress is very beneficial to emphasize your lush breasts! " Here it is worth making a remark: we have been working together with Oksana for a long time, so she took even such a frank compliment calmly. She answered with a smile: “Thank you, it’s very nice of you,” then she said that she had purchased this dress recently at a sale, and immediately plunged into work. It was obvious that the girl was used to receiving compliments and reacted to them calmly, even to some extent indifferently. Time passed, colleagues were in no hurry to take their jobs, so I went to the cafeteria: make myself some tea and at the same time look for the next object of the experiment. In the corridor I met the accountant Galya - a very stylish girl who always looks great. I suspect that male employees sometimes do not look into the accounting department to get professional advice from Gali. Today she looked a little different than usual - instead of the usual short skirt, revealing long slender legs, she was wearing a floor-length sundress with flounces, emphasizing the waist. This new romantic image could not leave me indifferent, and I said: “Galya, I cannot pass by without a compliment! This sundress suits you very much! " The reaction was unexpected: Galya blushed, looked down and, smiling embarrassedly, said: “Oh, how nice it is to hear such words! Thanks a lot!" It was obvious that the girl, accustomed to hearing compliments every day, accepted them with great pleasure.
Popular
I, pleased that in the morning I had cheered up the person and received surprisingly sincere gratitude, was so glad that instead of green tea I poured myself coffee with sugar. I decided to consolidate the success of the day during a dinner with a friend. As soon as we took a table in the coffee shop, I told Anka that she had excellent styling. And also - that she is smart, because one of the fastidious clients today accepted the concept of an advertising campaign developed by her. My friend did not remain in debt - she praised my attentiveness and ability to be glad for the success of others. Psychologists call this a "reciprocal compliment", and Anka and I just love to say something pleasant to each other, and for this our style of communication we have long come up with an ironic name - "exchange of mercenaries." Satisfied with the results of the first day of the experiment, I went to bed, deciding that tomorrow I would start giving compliments to all the pretty women in my path.
FULL FAILURE
I deliberately did not come up with compliments in advance that could be given to strangers. I decided that improvising was much more fun. When I was buying fruit for lunch in a supermarket near my house, I involuntarily drew attention to the sad cashier, who, like a robot, punched through the goods and automatically repeated: “Do you have a discount? No? Thanks for purchase, come again!" Honestly, from the mere sight of it, I lost the desire to visit this place again, which turns people into zombies. I decided to please the woman (she looked a little over forty) by saying a few pleasant words. Just what to celebrate? The hair is hidden under the cap, and the figure and clothes are under the brand dressing gown. I had to take a closer look ... Here! Well-groomed hands and neatly polished nails covered with pale pink varnish. When my turn came, Tamara (judging by the inscription on the badge), without looking at me, asked: "Do you have a discount?" I, trying to smile as naturally and sincerely as possible, answered: "No" and added: "What a beautiful manicure you have!" Apparently, at that moment there was a failure in Tamara's "program". She froze for a couple of seconds with a bag of my apples in her hands, and then looked up at me in surprise. She looked carefully and sternly, with an expression of deep condemnation, said: "Girl, if you do not have a special card, I will not be able to give you a discount!" Then, pursing her lips, she punched the goods and defiantly put the change and the check on the counter. Frankly, I did not expect such a turn of events. Well, okay, people do not believe in the sincerity of others. But to suspect me of asking for a discount for a compliment is too much! Nevertheless, I felt terribly ashamed, and I hastened to leave the trading floor of the store with the poetic name "Orchid". All the way to work I could not come to my place, scrolled the situation in my head. Perhaps compliments should be made only when you are sure that they will not sound ambiguous. During my lunch break, I decided to take a walk in a nearby park. She walked, gnawed an apple and looked out for someone else to puzzle with her inept compliment. On one of the benches sat a girl of about twenty with long golden hair in a braid, reading with enthusiasm. I sat down next to me and tried to consider the title of the book. "Nuclear reactions of deep inelastic transmissions" ... Wow, Turgenev young lady! Although this is the most suitable option in order to make an indirect compliment (that is, to praise a person's achievements, not his appearance). Choosing the moment when the girl was distracted and reached into her bag for a drink, I said: “You are amazing! I thought nowadays only the fashionable writer Sergei Minaev is read! " The future luminary of the domestic nuclear industry grinned and answered with sarcasm and bitterness in his voice: “Yes-ah… I was smart enough to enter the Faculty of Energy. But I don't seem to be able to study. " Since, with all my desire, I could not maintain small talk on the topic of nuclear reactors, after a minute pause I wished the girl success and went back to the office.Summing up the results of today's unsuccessful day, I decided: I do not know how to make compliments at all. I was not even comforted by the reference to the mentality of Russians, which was mentioned in articles about the art of compliment, as if they were prone to self-flagellation, dissatisfaction with themselves, exaggeration of their shortcomings and self-irony.
AND HOW DO THEM?
I am an optimistic person and am not used to giving up a business halfway through, but after a series of unsuccessful attempts to please people with compliments, my enthusiasm has slightly subsided. Therefore, the vacation that I planned to spend while traveling across Europe came in handy.After a week of living in Germany, I noticed that Germans are very friendly and polite people. I was overwhelmed, calmed down ... and decided (what the hell is not kidding!) To continue my experiment on them. Moreover, my cousin, a graduate student at the University of Dresden, agreed to help and suggested a few phrases in German. True, I was able to learn only two compliments - I studied English at school and recently began to master French. So the German language seemed to me just a set of ridiculous sounds.
Walking through the park, which stretches near the palace of some important count, I noticed a girl wearing magnificent shoes. I will not presume to say whether the brand is well-known, but Kerry Bradshaw would certainly wish to get them in her collection. "You have such beautiful shoes!" - Blushing and stammering, I barely uttered. Perhaps my German was so bad that the girl pretended not to hear me at all. She defiantly turned in the other direction and, proudly raising her chin, walked away.
I decided not to give up. Seeing a young mother with her three-year-old daughter, she came up and said more confidently: "Your child looks so adorable in this hat!" My expectations that no mother in the world can ignore the kind words addressed to her child were justified! The woman was a little embarrassed, but thanked with a smile: "Dank!"
By the evening I had learned to pronounce these two compliments quite tolerably in German. However, the Germans continued to ignore me, get embarrassed or make a facial expression that can be described something like this: "All sorts of Russians have come in large numbers here, they do whatever they want!" Later my sister explained to me that it is not very customary to give compliments in Germany. No, can you imagine? From a young man you won't even hear the banal: "You look lovely today!"
EXPERIENCE COMES
Back in Moscow, the first thing I did was compile a list of possible compliments that certainly might not seem ambiguous, inappropriate, or shocking. On the very first weekend, I went on a picnic with friends, where I had the opportunity to meet new people and at the same time say a few nice words to them. Surprisingly, my "homework" was not even useful to me, because the situation itself was favorable, and there were plenty of reasons for compliments.Tatiana was pleased to hear that her Yorkshire Terrier Asya is a very smart and fashionable dog (it turned out that the owner herself sews microscopic dresses and overalls for her "daughter"). Lyudmila, who cooked pilaf, in response to my words that I had never eaten a more delicious dish in my life, smiled and began to share all the recipes that she had ever succeeded in. Margarita, an enthusiastic motorist, also could not remain indifferent when I said: "I probably would never dare to buy a sports car, you are so brave!" Then I had to take a lesson in extreme driving from this girl, who wanted to convince me that there is nothing to worry about.
in drifting. Over the course of one evening, I was able to understand that people actually accept compliments with pleasure. It's just that we don't always know how to choose the right words. And the rules are simple. One particular merit should be noted. Keep it short so that the person understands exactly what you mean. It is advisable to observe a little and appreciate exactly what the object of your praise is most proud of. Strangers are best served with compliments that do not affect their privacy. And the most important thing. The compliment should be sincere and spontaneous. Although "homework" has not been canceled either. After all, as you know, the best improvisations are thought out in advance.
What prevents you from taking complements?
1 Low self-esteem. Believe that your qualities or achievements are worthy of the most sincere admiration.
2 Guilt. You think that you do not deserve kind words, and, accepting the praise, shamelessly deceive those around you.
3 The opinion that a compliment obliges you to something. Try to say nice words back. But do not forget to first thank the interlocutor.
4
The belief that praise is flattery and manipulation. Perhaps a pessimistic view of the world makes you look for a catch in everything. Believe that among people there are also completely disinterested ones.
Pay attention to how the children react to the praise. They usually smile. And we are ready to try, just to hear the words of approval again. If you have not learned the ability to accept compliments from your childhood, it is not too late to learn this now. Accepting compliments will show people that you are a good, open person. Plus, it's really, really nice.
How to accept compliments
How to Compliment
Can you learn to compliment yourself? Practice with loved ones. But first, open your eyebrows and smile. Or wait for a moment when you are in a good mood. Because a compliment said with a gloomy face, in the spirit of: "And you have what you need a skirt!" more likely to be perceived as a threat.
- Any person can have a lot of advantages. If you find it, praise it, but be sure to be sincere. As a rule, the interlocutor will try to give you a compliment in return.
- Never use a compliment for personal gain. Thus, you turn this nectar for the heart into ordinary slippery and two-faced flattery. Flattery is not a compliment, but only a set of words, the beauty of which is lost in a fake smile and a fawning voice.
- There are no prepared compliments; true praise is always spontaneous and sincere.
- Praise the person for something specific, do not say general phrases, for example: "You are beautiful!" or "You are a good worker." Each person is an individual. Think about what kind of compliment you would like to receive? And which one is the most desirable for you? They say that women love to be told about their irresistibility. Emphasize what, in your opinion, is the irresistibility of a particular woman. "I love the smell of your hair" sounds much nicer and softer than "You are the best."
Positive emotions can be given not only to a couple of the closest people. Just try to smile at the stranger you like and watch the reaction. And remember, when was the last time you received a compliment right on the street? How has your mood changed? It is because this praise was unexpected and sincere that you still remember it.
How to compliment subordinates:
Any production process includes not only the relationship of people with each other, but also the relationship with the management team. Much depends on how the leader behaves in relation to his subordinates.
Wise leaders understand that giving compliments left and right does not earn real authority. First of all, you need to be a really good leader, objective, honest, if necessary - tough. A compliment can only be seen as a savory addition to your outfit. But here, too, it is important not to overdo it. It is important for a manager who compliments a subordinate to remember the following.
- If you want to celebrate the responsibility and hard work of an employee, then pay attention to his specific achievements. Do not be too lazy to expand the phrase "You are a responsible person" "... how you coped with the last project should become an example for all of us." You will be pleasantly surprised by its performance in the future.
- It is better to compliment an employee's professional qualities than personal ones.
- Compliments to a person of the opposite sex that openly call for flirting should be set aside for the appropriate relationship and setting.
- The same compliment over and over again loses its value.
- If the manager gives personal compliments, but at the same time does not notice the real achievements of the employee, this can serve to reduce production motivation.
- When a leader intends to make a dismissal, you should not "sweeten" the pill with personal compliments, thereby he will only lower a person's self-esteem. Better to try to be objective.
It is always easier for people to enter the production process when complicated personal relationships in the workplace do not interfere. This applies to the leader and subordinate, especially.
We must strive to ensure that the workplace environment is not ambiguous. When the relationship between the manager and the subordinate is "transparent", it is easy and pleasant to both speak and receive compliments.
How to compliment men
The key word here is "speak." Contrary to popular belief that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (and women, as we remember, love with their ears), rather, it is about the strong half of humanity that we can say that they love with their ears. Praise, compliments and even, to be sure, flattery are deeply loved by men. Only - shhhh! - they never admit it.
Yes, it is necessary to say compliments to men. And more often. Thus, you will please your man, show that he is special for you. And, believe me, you yourself will benefit from this! “Darling, last week you washed your mug like that after drinking water, it’s just a sight for sore eyes. Can you wash all the dishes nicely now? " “Darling, you are such a good father! So you care about our son, yesterday you patted him on the head. Take a walk with him, please. "
Of course, it's not worth chopping off the shoulder at all. The compliment should still be believable, you should not stoop to rude flattery. Telling a skinny man how athletic he is will seem odd to say the least. do not invent what is not. And compliment only sincerely. If you really like your coworker's new tie, tell him so. But don't praise your boss’s tie just because it’s the boss. And then, in the office cafeteria, talk about "those creepy, multi-colored peas."
Don't suck compliments out of your finger. If you have nothing to say at the moment, just keep quiet. Don't make it your goal to compliment a man at all costs. Don't reinvent the wheel: "Nikolai, you have a surprisingly graceful skull shape." By doing this, you will only embarrass the man, and he will further avoid you.
If compliments for women are mainly directed to their appearance and cause a surge of narcissism, then for men they are a signal to action. Therefore, before you release the "arrow", set it in the right direction. To do this, try to find out as much as possible about your man's hobbies. Don't make empty generalizations, pay attention to specific details.
Psychologists say that men should be praised deservedly, avoiding vague phrases with vague connotations: "You are so extraordinary today", otherwise they will answer you with sarcasm or wariness. If you don't know where to start, play on your "instincts" - you won't miss. Having seized the moment, frankly notice how courageous, reliable, sexy he is. However, if your man is smart and perceptive, it is better to admire his intellectual achievements.
If you are interested in his activities, encourage him in moments of failure, actively discuss topics that are attractive to him, laugh at his jokes, listen carefully and patiently to his thoughts, emphasize his importance in the eyes of society and in yours personally - this will be a real compliment for him. And you - will become not only a faithful friend, confidant, but also the most desirable and only one.
To win the attention of a man, compliment him not too often, but in a timely manner and from the heart, avoiding ironic praise. Focus on their positive qualities, or even a faint hint of their presence. And then any, the most ordinary man, will inevitably turn into your prince.
How to compliment a friend
Alas, it can be extremely difficult to get pleasant words from a man - very often they do not understand why they need to talk about your charm and beauty all the time.
In view of this, compliments from a friend can compensate for the lack of compliments from the stronger sex, because they are just as pleasant.
Of the few that still amazes me in life, practically in the first place is this: a persistent desire, a tendency towards mania of seemingly normal and even intelligent people to say when they meet their friends and acquaintances something that is guaranteed to be unpleasant for them. Well, something like "You don't look good."
Or like this - showing unnecessary, that is, vulgar compassion: “You look so tired! Overworked? " At the same time, it is clear that a person himself is aware of it, is informed by a mirror, and the one who once again reminds him of this is not a pioneer, but nevertheless it is unpleasant, he will do it painfully ... , out of indifference to you, and even so, in the order of communication, instead of ascertaining the weather ...
I'm not even talking about the quintessence of all this - primitive human tactlessness: to meet a person years later and immediately note out loud the creative work of time with his appearance (option light: and as if introducing himself, something like “Yes, we have grown old ... what time does to us ... "). Very, alas, in our opinion, in the local way.
Let's take out of the brackets the so-called female friendship popularized by anecdotes and the serpentine phenomenon of a girlfriend with understandable selfish interests and secret pleasures - this is another. By the way, by association I will quote a good stranger: “What is female friendship? To see that a friend has lost weight and not tell her about it. "
More and more often I want to in my hearts ... to exclaim: “Your opinion about my unimportant appearance does not interest me! Not interested. And yours - you don’t need to fuck, doesn’t care! ”
Of course, each and every one has a different goal-setting, especially today, here and now. There are many people, and you know them, and tomorrow you will face new ones whose tasks are precisely this - to hurt and say unpleasant things to others. But for normal, averagely adequate citizens, I derive unsophisticated, simple to the point of banality, invocative words: well, no one needs - neither heterosexual, nor public, nor ordinary - to say when they meet that they look bad, it doesn't matter, tired, worn out, etc. Your impressions and opinions about their appearance are not as important as the mood of these people, which you can instantly and out of the blue spoil. If we are not talking about the need for a terrible, and, therefore, urgent truth in the face, why not say something disagreeable to a non-enemy? And this is by no means the same holy medical lie to the doomed, but it can have a humane therapeutic effect. It is especially worthwhile to treat women with care and responsibility (any a priori deserves it). And even more so - to the ladies in years (what and how to tell them - oh, more on that below, I'll equip you).
Obviously, a compliment is usually not selfish. Yes, a compliment is a tool, sometimes a master key, and a set of them will soon be handed to you ... But this is not about those women whom you conquer or whom, already possessing, were appointed to love you with their ears. As well as - for now - not about the higher-ranking ladies, on whom it depends ... Yes, about the first person you meet, not necessarily, maybe, an acquaintance! Well, create, at least for a short time, for a minute, a normal atmosphere where you find yourself. On that patch, on that site that was entrusted to you ... no, which Life advanced you to.
Unselfishly speaking pleasant, ladies - pleasing (even on the verge of rudely flattering), you and yourself are doing, as recently said Ray of Light, a girl from Ivanovo, the city of brides, “better” energetically, thereby nourishing personal mosenergo ...
It is clear, for some it is more than controversial. But in our system of hard-won coordinates, it is beautiful to increase - not for a person, for a woman! - the mood is already valuable in itself ... As in the classics - life for life is given to us ...
From myself, I continue to add. So, the bottom line, as they say, are our principal opponents:
- it is not necessary to act (what I see, then I sing) with a minus sign about someone else's appearance;
- sharing bad experiences with their animate and warm-blooded object;
- women need to tell the whole truth in person, no matter how pleasant it may be.
According to our doctrine:
This is precisely the truth, purer than pure; truth, spoken to the lady personally and - publicly. (By the way, here it is not necessary to be banal, remember the classics: "You are gentle and amazing," said Comrade Bender to Zosya Sinitskaya. And Ostap-Berta-Maria-Bender-Bey was not only a talented adventurer, but also a poet.)
I convert my sorrow
and a compliment - and the girls are all ours.
“Ice cream suits you so well! .. It's a pity,
that it will end one day too! "
From modern anti-complimentations
Class "More beautiful than they put in a coffin!"
Here is a compliment - I would not like to call it "in Israeli", but I received it in the city of Beer Sheva after a successful concert. The lady with whom I just signed my book - I hope her name is still Bella - recoiling from me so femininely, said: "Sho, I liked you from the stage more than bringing you closer!" And I did not crash, but laughed. But it was a long time ago, the last century ...
Flowers have been alive for a week now
Effective compliment
How to make a lady nice
For example, when you meet, you can say:
You look so great that I immediately recognized you ...
(The option for “didn’t recognize” is more complicated, but it exists: “Elusive beauty is the gift of being a new, unexpected facet every time.”)
In general, the meaning and quintessence of any compliment can be expressed in one thing:
And it was good and it got better!
Compliment - Fine Art:
Tell me, your appearance is not deceiving: is everything really so lovely with you (in life)?
With a slight "accidental" intonation:
In general, what else is good besides the appearance?
Irony can cleverly soften the complimentary oil:
You look good - I understand, this is external ...
Well, you were probably already told about your eyes today ...
If you are a woman, then look like this!
Yes, it's hard to be a man with taste - and not fall under your charm ...
You can imagine a middle-aged girl like this:
And this is Katya, a future fashion model ...
Oh, you just flourished in this job!
And what is love, as with love, is there happiness in life? Or will I have to do this too?
Oh, your very personality, its scale, easily and convincingly destroys the famous stereotype of the blonde!
It's the same in verse:
Premium compliment (with simple / elemental inversion)
I knew pretty women pretty
on stiletto heels and heels,
but not one went like that,
how are you!..
If the company has a lady in years ... Women of this category are constantly in a cloud of doubts about their appearance and other chronic comparative regrets ... They need to be supported and nourished, excuse me, with targeted positive! Here, not only the above compliments are possible, but also passages on the riskier edge.
Everyone loves you, and some people love you secretly.
How to give a woman just one flower correctly:
I could, of course, and flowers,
well, the bouquet would have been noticed ...
But this rose is you
among other ordinary women!
Well, and really a completely anti-crisis option:
I am without flowers, so that it is not trite ...
Angelina Sergeevna (by the way, it is much better without a middle name - it will be gratefully appreciated at any level of officialdom) Do you, my dear, get used to the envy of other women!
Pretending:
Who are you, oh stranger? You are very similar to young Masha! .. (This is her name.)
Yes, such a woman must be met on time ... (Pause. Terrible pause.) On the other hand, the woman is such that whenever she meets her, she is always on time!
It's the same in verse:
A woman like you
more precisely, without "how", but simply you -
it is only possible to shade!
(Oh, give a reason for rumor!)
If a woman decides questions ... (yours, yours!)
A middle-ranking lady official, who was sent your question from above (and for her, of course, this is some kind of imposed headache), you can simply, but disarmingly, in the course of the first telephone conversation, emotionally screw in:
Irina Pallna, thank you for having to do this at least!
In general, next time you can call such an official (if she is not of her first youth):
Here, Irina Pallna, I found a reason to hear you! And if you're lucky, then ... to be taken ... seriously.
And as an option, when you are already in the process with positive dynamics, you can complete a successful business call like this:
Yeah, next time it will be even harder to find a reason to call you ...
Workshop:
Yes, I feel that you are responsible for a lot here ... And how, with such a volume of activity, do you still manage to look like that ?!
Not knowing you personally, but knowing your attitude to business ...
Digression-citation to the topic (or even to the cashier)
One man said to Socrates:
“Do you know what your friend told me about you?
- Wait, - Socrates stopped him, - first sift what you are going to say through three sieves.
- Three sieves?
- Before you say anything, you need to sift it three times. First through the sieve of truth. Are you sure it's true?
- No, I just heard it.
“So you don’t know if it’s true or not. Then we sift through the second sieve - the sieve of kindness. Do you want to say something good about my friend?
- No, on the contrary.
“So,” Socrates continued, “you’re going to say something bad about him, but you’re not even sure if it’s true.” Let's try the third sieve - the sieve of goodness. Do I really need to hear what you want to tell?
- No, this is not necessary.
- So, - concluded Socrates, - in what you want to say, there is neither truth, nor kindness, nor benefit. Why then speak?
Madam, you look marvelous in power!
Complimentary Buffet
To a group of familiar (notorious) persons:
Oh, what a high density of good people (cult figures, authorities, representatives, gene pool stars ...)!
Collective compliment:
Well, in such a company, a man's dream would be to drink and have a snack in nature!
Along the way, "in the midst of a noisy ball":
On the verge:
Yes, Amben Malyutych, the team you lead is doomed to success (inspire, hold together ...).
It's the same in verse:
Russian compliment of the "zamelya-land" class of 2015-2017
What are your eyes!
It is impossible to confuse or forget.
I would recognize, I am sure, you
And in a hat with a slit for the eyes!
VIP-man:
Just don’t think that I can say the same to each of our two hundred - but it’s immediately felt when it’s false! - believe me: you are the only meaningfully human face from the entire Russian Forbes list!