Oddly enough, but most often it is women who suffer from complexes with intimacy. They are embarrassed about their figure, stretch marks or cellulite ... But men don’t even think of this, they don’t pay attention to their imperfections and do it right! Why are the fair sex so critical of themselves? Everything is simple - television, the Internet and glossy magazines they impose other standards on us, which are very difficult to achieve with the usual. Men also look at beautiful girls on TV and demand the same from their soulmate. But we live in real life and each of us has flaws. If you cannot accept yourself for who you are and forget about the complexes, our article will help you.

You cannot be liberated even with a permanent partner and are “squeezed” in yourself, which is why you can’t get pleasure. Yes, and your partner notices this and do not be surprised if he soon disappears and finds himself a more liberated girl. Everyone has flaws, but this does not mean that you need to constantly think about them. Of course, you must fight them and try to improve the condition of the figure. But if you do not have ideal forms, this is not a reason to become a nun and forget about intimacy forever.
How to loosen up in bed and stop being shy:
Look for dignity in your body. You constantly focus only on the shortcomings. But surely there is something good in your figure - for example, feminine hips or beautiful neck. Focus on the virtues, choose the clothes that emphasize them. If you like your reflection in the mirror, you will be in harmony with yourself and get rid of complexes.
Check out our How To Erotic massage man
Work on your figure. Stop sitting and complaining about life! If something doesn't suit you in your figure, change it! Exercise regularly, eat right and visit as needed cosmetic procedures. By working on yourself, you can correct the shortcomings or even completely eliminate them.
Focus on your partner. Believe me, if you are a passionate and skillful lover, a man is unlikely to pay attention to stretch marks or a couple of kilograms. excess weight. Try to please him, so you will forget about your complexes, and your man will thank you accordingly (love, affection, care).
Buy nice underwear. Properly selected luxurious underwear will increase the self-esteem of anyone. The main thing is to choose suitable model, which will emphasize your dignity.
Have a drink. This does not mean that you need to drink yourself unconscious before intimacy. Enough 1-2 glasses of wine, the drink will liberate you and cheer you up. Don't drink too much otherwise romantic evening will turn into a circus, and the man will run away from you at the first opportunity.
Eastern dance. If you want to feel your body, sign up for classes oriental dances. They will help you manage your body and love it.
Forget about baggy home clothes. Buy beautiful set for sleeping or underwear, sleep in it. Stop hiding your body even from yourself!

Turn on the music. Choose seductive songs that aren't too slow or too fast. Turn them on before starting the process. Believe me musical accompaniment both you and your partner will love it.
Study your erogenous zones. You need to know everything about your erogenous zones, this information will also be useful for your man. He will know what to do and how to relax you.
Don't forget fragrances. Some flavors work like natural aphrodisiacs. Decorate your home scented candles or sticks with citrus aromas.
Believe me, even world-famous beauties are no different ideal forms. And yet, they are desirable and they have no complexes! What are you worse? If our advice did not help you and you cannot feel the pleasure of intimacy, consult a doctor. You may need more serious help.

anonymously

Hello! I'm 26, experience sexual life quite long and extensive in terms of the number of men, but, unfortunately, not the quality of sex. With the last partner together 7 years. Throughout my life, I experienced an orgasm with a man only when I was somewhat detached from my partner psychologically, and therefore, I didn’t think, “Here, he caresses me for 15 (for example) minutes, and I lie and only allow myself to be caressed, and more I didn’t finish.” That is, I am very afraid of seeming like a log in bed and constantly trying to portray myself as a passionate tigress. This is very disturbing, as if I are rolling back the mandatory skating program, and not doing sex. It seems to me that most often, sex for me is not a sincere occupation, not a way to get and give pleasure, but a way to feel desired and prove my own significance (how can I "set" my brains?

Hello. You can fix your brain surgically, but that won't help. Are you trying to make a RATIONAL decision? EMOTIONAL PROBLEM. It's the same as thinking: is it time to cry over Mumu's sad fate or wait? I want to - cry, do not get through - do not cry, but the brains have nothing to do with it. Brains can only participate in creating the material basis for the manifestation of emotions. For example: agree with your partner that today you have a day off, a lazy day - you will lie and give yourself to his caresses, but you will not answer. But tomorrow he will have such a day (so that he does not think about social injustice). This is how you will slowly learn not only to give, but also to take. You are not alone: ​​it is easier and more habitual for many people to GIVE, but they are embarrassed to TAKE. In vain: there should be harmony between income and expenditure, and not a disproportion, which then goes sideways for both. Good luck to you!

Consultation of a sexologist on the topic "I can not relax in bed" is given for reference purposes only. Based on the results of the consultation, please consult a doctor, including to identify possible contraindications.

About consultant

Details

Sexologist, candidate medical sciences, Researcher Department of Sexopathology, Moscow Research Institute of Psychiatry. Practical work- Neurological clinic in Polyanka.
Author of about 100 scientific publications, 16 books, 2 patents, more than 1200 media publications.
Area of ​​scientific interests: female and male sexual disorders, Eastern methods in the treatment of sexual disorders.

Some women and men wonder: "Why can't I relax during sex?". When you do not get true pleasure from intimacy, this is reflected in all areas of life, and not just in relationships with a partner. It is important to understand the cause of the problem so that it can be solved. Consider how to learn to relax and enjoy sex.

Source of the problem

In order not to complain, they say, I can’t relax during sex, you need to understand why this happens. The reasons may be as follows.

• Diseases reproductive system. In this case, it is worth being examined by a specialist.

• Incompatibility with a partner. During intimacy, he commits wrong actions.

• Psychological complexes. Many are simply unhappy with their appearance. They may feel embarrassed about their face or body, even if it's okay, so they can't relax.

• Extraneous thoughts. After a difficult and difficult labor day intimacy is usually so banal, boring and unpleasant that one does not want to enter into it. This can be quite explained. Thoughts about business simply prevent you from thinking about your partner and focusing on your feelings.

• Not that time. If intimacy falls on the wrong hour, it is very difficult to relax and tune in to enjoyment. From the untimeliness, thoughts arise: “Why do I not feel anything during sex?”

• Wrong place. Of course, the reason is rather ambiguous. A universal and ideal place simply does not exist. However, where exactly the partners are given love strongly affects the sensations experienced.

You can fix the problem by finding out true reason. Perhaps in your case there will be several. Heed to actionable recommendations, enjoy sex and relax during it.

love yourself

To enjoy making love and enjoying intimacy, you need to accept yourself as you are. If, in an objective assessment, you understand that you have shortcomings, then immediately begin to make efforts to get rid of them. Go for a massage, a beauty salon, exercise or spend useful procedures. If you have imperfect figure, remember, the partner still paid attention to you. Perhaps some drawback, on the contrary, he likes. You need to understand and love yourself.

Place and time

You can choose absolutely any place. The main thing is that it should be comfortable and pleasant for both partners. Many people like classic version- soft, warm and cozy bed, which allows you to completely relax.

Others, on the contrary, need a shake-up, so they prefer the most unexpected places(elevators, fitting rooms, parks, etc.). Why not try? Just be vigilant and do not go beyond the bounds of decency.

When is the best time to have sex? Experts recommend engaging in intimacy spontaneously, and not according to a plan. For example, invite your partner to take a bath together - water procedures sure to end with sex that will bring pleasure. Or before going to bed, give your other half a passionate long kiss. He will excite not only the partner, but also you.

Don't think about anything

It is difficult to have sex when various thoughts come into your head. At least for a while, forget about everyday affairs, worries and problems. Drive away extraneous thoughts, switch to your partner and your feelings. If this is very difficult for you to do, remember some pleasant moments that are related to sex. For example, it could be unforgettable night where you get the most out of it.

Also try not to worry about the fact that your partner will soon have an orgasm during sex, and in the meantime you will be left without him. Understand that the main thing is not this, but the process itself. In addition, intimacy can be repeated after a while. And this is not necessarily sex in the classical sense. Petting and oral sex will also bring a lot of pleasure.

Sex without doping

Doping refers to alcohol. Many use it to liberate and enhance sensations during intimacy. It really helps to relax, become more confident and courageous. But alcohol dulls the senses, and the pleasure of sex is no exception. Therefore, it is better to make love with your partner sober. That will be much more enjoyable! If absolutely nothing without doping, then the maximum you can afford a glass of wine.

Tune in for sex

Most often, a woman cannot relax during sex. This is due to the fact that a woman needs to prepare and tune in to enjoy. From this will largely depend on the resulting sensations. If you get down to business with a clear understanding that heavenly pleasure will soon come, then it will be so.

However, you need to be aware that sex is not necessarily an orgasm. Of course, for many, it is a kind of end point, top, peak of the process. But just for the sake of it, making love is definitely not worth it. Intimacy may not end with an orgasm if the partner is tired or very aroused due to everyday activities. Therefore, you need to enjoy the process, concentrate on the sensations and enjoy every moment, and not expect an orgasm to come.

Don't rule out the prelude

A very important part of the preparation for making love is foreplay. Moreover, women need much more time to “warm up”. When a man experiences an orgasm, his partner is just beginning to approach the peak of pleasure, so do not forget about foreplay. Focus on erogenous zones Special attention, and then you will see that the girls moan during sex. Why don't you try making the foreplay longer? This is a very helpful recommendation.

Train

Getting pleasure largely depends on the preparation of the vaginal muscles. This is because sensation and orgasm are the result of their contractions. To increase the sensitivity of the pelvic organs, you need to provide a rush of blood to them. This can be achieved through training. Good result give exercises for the press. They will tighten the muscles, provide correct location and uterine support. Kegel exercises are very useful, the effectiveness of which has long been proven. Their meaning is that you need to consistently strain and contract the vaginal muscles.

Study the body

If even you are not familiar with your body, then your partner does not know much. He simply has nowhere to draw information from, which “buttons to press” in order to deliver true pleasure. Only one can understand how to completely relax during sex. Therefore, study your body, look for your erogenous zones. This can be done alone if you are shy, or with a partner. Last option will be more enjoyable and exciting.

Feel free to ask your other half to look for your erogenous points with you. He will definitely be carried away by the idea and will do it with enthusiasm and self-forgetfulness. Just do not forget to show your partner that he hit the target. This can be done with words or a violent expression of emotions.

Feel free to make sounds

Loud sighs and groans are great way communicating with each other while making love. They help to express desire, excitement and pleasure. Experts note that men and women who prefer to have “loud” sex are more satisfied with sexually. You rarely say this about those who are engaged in pleasures in silence. Moans help convey information about preferences to a partner, indicating the most pleasant moments.

Have you ever wondered during sex? It has long been proven that women use vocalizations in bed to achieve orgasm. Loud sounds help to be saturated with oxygen and automatically enhance pleasure, thereby bringing you closer to the peak point faster. Moreover, girls are well aware that men find sighs and groans very exciting. Therefore, they successfully use it to warm up the interest of their chosen one, accelerate orgasm and increase his self-esteem. So feel free to make sounds during sex.

If you often think: “I can’t relax during sex,” then think about the very technique of making love. Perhaps you are doing something wrong, although this concept is purely individual and rather loose.

Rhythm and breath

Rhythm in sex is very individual. Some people like slower, softer, more precise and gentle movements. Others prefer sharp and fast jolts. When you make love, pay attention to which option you like best. This will help you relax and experience pleasure.

Proper breathing is also great importance for true enjoyment. When it enters body tissues enough oxygen, they get everything they need. If you take the deepest breaths, then blood will rush to the small pelvis, and the sensations experienced will become not superficial, but brighter.

Poses

Choose during sex best poses which, in your opinion, are the most pleasant. For example, for maximum penetration, a man stands behind, and a woman takes knee-elbow position. In the common people, this position is known as "dog-like". To feel your partner with your whole body, enjoy kissing and better make love in a missionary way. For a woman to be in control during sex, she needs to sit on top and become a "rider". These positions are considered the best, but they may not suit you. Make love the way you like best.

Practices for relaxation

Sexologists recommend using special practices to relax and enter a state of rest. They help to get rid of extraneous thoughts and tune in to enjoyment. They can be performed periodically at any time, not just before intimacy. Practitioners will teach you how to properly relax during sex in order to experience pleasure.

Relaxation should not be neglected, it is very important in the crazy modern rhythm of life. If during the day you performed serious tasks, then after a hard day you need to relax. Otherwise, the tension will remain in the body, and the state of anxiety will develop into a chronic state. It is recommended to do at least one practice every day for ten to fifteen minutes. Only with regular exercise can you get rid of stress.

Consider what practices exist to develop the ability to relax during sex.

shaking

This practice is considered very effective. The point is that you need to get on your feet and start squirming with your whole body. Including you can shake your head, arms, legs and hips. It may look funny, but the result is sure to be. Definitely try it, especially if you are wondering every day: why can't I relax during sex.

When performing the exercise, it is important to periodically change the rhythm. Otherwise, some muscles will constantly work, while others will be at rest. Contact practice with good mood, with a sense of enjoyment and pleasure. Turn the focus inside your body, listen to it and trust its impulses.

Wallow

Also very effective method for relaxation. You need to lie down on the mat and roll so that you feel the maximum contact of the body with the floor. That is, you must occupy the maximum area. It is important to roll from one side to the other very slowly. This practice is very relaxing, be sure to try it!

Spontaneous dance

This practice is best done barefoot, listening to the desires of the body. The exercise will be more effective if you include music that alternates from slow to active and vice versa. This will allow you to move smoothly and actively dance. Ideally, you need to practice alone, so that no one sees. This way you can close your eyes and learn to listen to your body. Over time, you will understand how to relax during sex. These should not be movements of beauty or seduction, but a dance of one's natural beginning. You can imagine yourself as some kind of animal. Release excess activity, rage and that adrenaline that has accumulated during the day.

special breath

If for some reason you can’t lie around, shake your body or dance, but you need to relax, then try this technique. It is very simple and accessible to everyone. Take a deep breath, mentally collect all the accumulated tension in the body, and then exhale sharply. So alternate actions for at least ten minutes. If you breathe in this way, you will experience deep relaxation. This is what you need after a hard day.

Belly breathing

When performing this practice, you need to inflate the stomach like a balloon when inhaling, and when exhaling, blow it off. The easiest way to feel such breathing is in a supine position on your back. In this case, it is better to position the legs so that the feet are on the floor, and the legs are bent at the knees. In this position, the stomach and lower back relax as much as possible, which many women need during sex. It is also recommended to put one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach. This will allow you to control the correctness of the exercise. This will help you understand that you are breathing from your belly and not from your chest.

Mutual understanding with a partner

To experience true pleasure, you need to choose the right partner. Certainly, perfect match rare, but still worth striving for. Try to please your loved one, and he will respond in kind. Feel free to talk about sex, express desires and discuss sensations. These should be gentle requests, not intrusive advice. Over time, if this is your person, you will achieve a complete understanding.

Now you know during sex and enjoy the process. Use the above recommendations in practice and make love with pleasure!

Do you think that sexual fears are peculiar only to young guys with little experience of close relationships with the opposite sex? Alas, you are mistaken, any adult man has a couple of phobias that do not allow him to calmly relax in bed and get a lot of pleasure from sex. What are men afraid of in bed, and how to help overcome this fear will tell.

Top 5 male sexual fears in bed

In the first place in the top of phobias, and not only in sexual terms, is the fear that an erection will disappear at the most crucial moment. According to statistics, 30% of males suffer from a similar problem.

Erectile dysfunction doesn't just happen to amateurs strong drinks and heavy smokers, but also with those who, for example, have a sedentary job, or irregular work schedules, as well as with men who occupy high positions, experiencing constant stress.

So if your beloved is a top manager big company, a workaholic, or spends most of the day behind the wheel, then he is at risk.

How should a woman behave if her beloved has erectile dysfunction?

What should you do if your manhood suddenly drooped in bed? Most importantly: know that he wants you the same way as before and you are still the same sexually attractive to him. Help him, try to continue sex. Gently caress him. Kiss, hug, act natural and easy. Concentrate your affection and tenderness on his erogenous points. Use a lubricant for your caresses. Or just start with oral sex. With gentle touches, stroke his bridle and foreskin- will work 100%.

Start the prelude with masturbation, then the fear of “getting up or not” will disappear, and the erection will not keep you waiting, well, what do you do then - you know very well yourself 😉

The second common male fear is premature ejaculation. Of course, there is nothing wrong if you have not seen each other for a long time, and then your sexual intercourse came to an end very quickly. In this case, you will return to sex after a short period of time. But what about when a man finishes quickly, and the partner has not yet reached orgasm?

Young guys and men who live an irregular sex life have no reason to worry, everything is explained by their impatience and thirst for new sensations, which leads to premature ejaculation.

In some cases, fast sex requires medical correction or drug treatment(if this sexual dysfunction arose due to inflammation of the seminal vesicles).

How do you know when you have a problem? If your beloved man used to make love to you for a long time, and then he suddenly began to have time to enjoy intimacy in a matter of minutes, then it's time for you to resort to our advice.

What should a woman do if a man has premature ejaculation during lovemaking?

1. If you're making love without a condom, use one next time. Thanks to this “product”, the glans penis becomes less sensitive, and sex is longer.
2. Try next exercise while making love. When a man is ready to cum, he needs to stop, calm down a bit and continue. After 10-15 such exercises, you will see positive result, so sexologists promise.

The third fear in men is the fear of the first time with a new partner. To be honest, this is a mutual fear of both men and women. Most often, men have complexes about how you will react to the size of it. manhood, and suddenly you can’t keep your sharp tongue behind your teeth, and you will let go of a joke in his direction.

How to behave so that your first time is repeated?

First, you should listen to your new partner. Ask him what he likes in bed and what he doesn't because you can't read his mind.

Secondly, leave all your experiments for later. For the first time it's better to trust simple option: bed, classic poses for sex (acrobatic sketches you can try next time) and enjoy sex. However, this does not work if the first time with a new partner is spontaneous sex when you want it right here and now 😉

Another male fear in bed is this. Or rather, its simulation. You are probably familiar with the question “Are you already? Did you like it?". Of course, at such a moment you don’t want to upset him, and you answer him “Yes, dear!”.

Any man asking these questions wants to know that he is super-macho in bed. And many ladies do not want to offend him, so you have to evade a truthful answer.

What needs to be done to get an orgasm and a man was satisfied?

Extend the foreplay, and this should be your initiative, make a relaxing massage smoothly turning into an erotic one with aromatic oils, and then switch roles.

Do not be shy about your erotic fantasies and share them with your partner, perhaps he himself wanted to offer you something similar.

Try different scenarios making love, turn on your imagination, because there are a lot of options (in the bathroom, standing, on the floor, visiting friends, etc.).

Look for something new that both of you like. For example, try . A submissive nurse, or a passionate businesswoman in stockings and short skirt without underwear 😉

The fifth male fear is an involuntary erection. After all, usually such an erection passes quickly and often in the midst of making love. What is the essence of this fear? The constant expectation of failure, when a person is obsessed with it - it will definitely happen. How to understand what kind of erection is real? It's very simple - start the foreplay, because you also need to warm up before making love.

A good lover nothing will stop you from having sex. Let him begin to caress you, gently stimulate your erogenous zones, make a light erotic massage.

Morning erection is actually normal physiology. So you should also react to it quite calmly. Have sex when you really want to.

female orgasm- was it or not?

February 12, 2015 - 5 comments

"Did you manage to relax and have an orgasm?" girlfriends ask each other. Now the issue of orgasm is more and more important, a man wants his partner to be pleased. Yes, the woman herself feels that everyone is talking about orgasm, and if you have never experienced it and do not quite understand what it is about, then thoughts begin to creep in that you are somehow not so, wrong ...

A man is given an orgasm, but a woman often needs to learn this first. The mass of women do not experience orgasm, they are looking for a reason. And it is often their own body that is blamed. No trial or investigation. Up to the verdict of frigidity, which men often justify their psychological and sexual illiteracy.

The range of sexual acceptability today is vast. But it's not about technique and experience. To be liberated on the first sex with a new partner is not to drink more wine. Other mechanisms are at work.

Girl, loosen up!

In the pursuit of sex "for health" and the search for a doctor, or a partner for " joint activities sports”, a person makes a choice, guided by an animal attraction or a situation when the opportunity of sex has turned up.

The female orgasm often requires building trust, security and safety in advance. If a woman receives this before the first sex with a partner, she is able to relax, and in the future to be liberated. Animal attraction is often not enough for an orgasm.

For long term relationship the modern volume of the mental requires us to know the partner, his characteristics, the feeling of each other, some kind of community. It is not enough just to know how the partner lives and what he prefers to do in his free time. The animal attraction will disappear, the partners will lose interest in each other, as if it never existed.

Only the feeling of the partner’s desires, even if they are alien to you, the ability to give what he would like to receive in a relationship, and not what you want to give him, is the way to long-term full-fledged sexual relations, the foundation of which is mutual sexual attraction.

You can sexually reveal any woman if you flip through not the Kama Sutra, but her soul. But not all men need it. Yes, and sexuality in women with different vectors is different, not all women need trust is critical for orgasm.

I'm looking for an experienced, I don't want to mess with a virgin

The libido is lower than the rest, and the novelty factor in everything is extremely important. Their thinking is aimed at obtaining social and property superiority. If they do not realize the desire for novelty in society, there is a desire to realize it in sex.

Non-realization makes such a skinner change women, because after the first sex, interest simply disappears. Quantity different women he wants to improve his social status. He will “check compatibility” until he hits over 40, or until there is a profitable party, which he will still cheat on in marriage, complaining about “ male nature».

Skinners think rationally and pragmatically. They are economical in everything, including sex. Of course, not all leather workers are lazy consumers in sex. It all depends on the state of the vector, realization, temperament.

At the same time, dermatologists are capable of affection, they study erogenous points and know how to handle them. Often you won’t expect much tenderness from the anal man, unless you tell him what is missing. It will not be very gentle, but will try to at least learn.

A fully developed and well-realized skinner does not seek betrayal, his libido is sublimated. He does not skimp on courtship and perceives a woman as an asset - it is more profitable to find a good permanent future wife rather than roaming the taverns in search of casual sex.

Boy, relax!

But anal sex is often delayed with the first sex, sometimes for an incredibly long time. Sometimes women begin to think: “Something is wrong with the guy, maybe it’s better not to delay the relationship and check?”. Guided by such considerations, they somehow drive such a man, and often it turns out ... a fiasco.

Anal girls are chosen by sexual behavior. Unlike leather workers, they are madly happy about inexperience and virginity. And if a girl is in a hurry with the first sex, then unconsciously there is a fear that she behaves like this with everyone, there were a lot of them and even worse - everyone was better in bed.

For anals, what was in the past always seems better, more valuable. Because they can be jealous of past partners in varying degrees deceptively certain that those were better. Fear of embarrassment and lack of time to get used to can lead to a lack of erection, and the partner's efforts can only aggravate the process.

brutal male

Of course analnik strife. In the case of a negative state of frustration, anal sex is also a kind of user, firmly convinced that a woman should give, since "they are equally corrupt", "they give to everyone, which means I'm supposed to." Such people unconsciously aim to prove to the world that all women send ...

The driving force behind anal frustrations is always resentment, at different levels. Feeling offended, analniks seek to even out their condition and redress justice. With sexual frustrations, they take it hard, and even with sadism. The feeling that you have punished a woman in this way evens out the condition a little, but there is no particular satisfaction. Conflict, like to provoke a quarrel and disputes. analniki in negative states they are always right, and it is useless to argue with them, especially about the diagnosis “I send ...” to you.

Related videos / How long to endure. Orgasm for a woman. System-Vector Psychology Yuri Burlan, lecture excerpt

Conclusion

The choice of a partner for girls is arranged not only by attraction, it is much more complicated, read about it in