Professional publications of doctors 

Attract increased attention to it. What people are overlooked and why is this happening?

Any person is pleased with the attention of others, but sometimes there is an extremely acute need for excessive attention. Such people often need attention due to the need to somehow compensate for their own insecurity and low self-esteem. If the need makes you feel uncomfortable, learn to avoid this behavior.

Steps

Healthy ways of expressing yourself

  1. Get creative. People who need attention are often prone to unnatural behavior. By their actions, they only try to attract attention, but do not express their true feelings. Creativity is a great way to show your personality and learn to be yourself. Choose your preferred creative activity and take up painting, literature, music, singing or making crafts.

    • Don't worry if creativity was alien to you in the past. Do what your heart is about, even if you doubt your abilities.
    • Be creative for yourself. Find ways to creatively express yourself, do not think about the evaluations of others and do not rush to demonstrate the results of your creativity.

  2. Use social media correctly. Often times, people with this problem use social media incorrectly. It's okay to make plans with friends and read the news of the modern world, but if your publications are intended only to attract attention, it is better to think twice.

    • Rate how boastful your posts are.
    • You don't need to constantly feel sorry for yourself, ask for compliments or support.
    • You shouldn't write "I love having fun with the best friends in the world !!"
    • If you need support, instead of saying "Worst day in my life. I want to lie down and die" it is better to write: "Today was a terrible day. Who would not mind talking? I could use some company." It's okay to ask for social media support directly, but be sure to write clearly and go straight to private messages.

  3. Focus on others. A person who seeks attention is almost always focused only on himself. Try to shift the focus to other people. Use a variety of methods. Spend time with loved ones, volunteer, or try to get to know someone better to get to know the person better.

    • Do any of your neighbors need help? Offer your services in a homeless cafeteria or nursing home. Help the library staff, read books to the children, or help other students with their homework.
    • Spend time with friends and family and take an interest in their lives. Remember how dear they are to you. Do not get distracted during conversations and listen carefully to the interlocutor.
    • Find your own way to focus on others. For example, organize a collection of things for the homeless or have a community cleanup in your area.

    Change for the better

    1. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. It is not pleasant to dwell on the mistakes made, but often people mentally return to the moments they have experienced over and over again. Learn to forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes.

      • The past cannot be changed, but valuable lessons can be learned from the past. Appreciate your new experience and do not repeat mistakes in the future.
      • Think about situations in which you tried to draw attention to yourself, then forgive yourself for doing so. Recognize your behavior so that you don't do it again.
      • Be kind to yourself, as you would with a friend who needs support. Say, "I know you shouldn't behave this way, but then it seemed right to me. Everyone is wrong. Next time I will try to do it differently."

    2. Learn sincerity daily. Choose the appropriate ways and practice being yourself every day. For example, do something that makes you happy, or repeat important positive judgments to yourself.

      • Learn to be yourself and behave sincerely without regard to other people's opinions. Get into the habit of doing a certain thing every day if at that moment you are yourself. Sometimes you just need to honestly express your opinion, which you haven't done before: "I really don't like this cafe very much." You can also change the way you approach business (for example, wear comfortable rather than fashionable clothes).
      • Come up with affirmations of your own to help you accept yourself. Say, "I am a good and pleasant person in myself," or, "I accept and love myself entirely, even in times of change and personal development."

    3. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is trying to live in the moment and not get lost in your own thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness is most often achieved through meditation, but there are other ways as well.

      • Read books or websites that describe the different ways to meditate. Take meditation courses and learn the basic techniques.
      • If meditation is not for you, then practice noticing current physical sensations. Do you feel guilty, shame, or bad memories? Pay attention to how you feel the fabric from the clothes on your skin, or how your feet feel in the shoes.

    4. Make up your mind for a change. Change is almost impossible unless you consciously convince yourself of the need for change. Make a commitment to yourself against inappropriate behavior and start taking concrete steps towards your goal.

      • Write down your promises. You can take a calendar and mark the day on which you promised yourself to change.
      • Write down daily and weekly goals like “Five minutes of meditation every day” or “Every week I will devote 5 hours to volunteering and charity.”
      • Tell others about your decision. Share with close friends and family. Such people can keep track of how you stick to your promises.

    5. Spend time effectively alone. If you love attention, then you probably spend a lot of time with other people. Remember to be alone sometimes. Make it a goal to be alone with yourself for a certain amount of time per day or per week.

      • Do what you love alone so you don't get bored and have fun. Read your favorite books or magazines, take a walk in the park or near your home, do your favorite hobby.
      • It's okay to be awkward at first. Do not give up and soon such moments will start to bring you joy.

    6. Track your progress. When you start changing your behavior, remember to evaluate all the changes and your successes. Try keeping a diary, asking for the opinions of loved ones, or analyzing the past.

      • Don't be too hard on yourself. Any change takes time.
      • Praise yourself for every success. Take pride in the work you've done. Tell yourself, "I did it. Effort pays off."

    Support from others

    1. Rely on friends and family. Choose people who are honest with you and who really care about your well-being. Learn to trust their opinion, as well as listen to comments that are not always pleasant. This could be a brother, sister, aunt, close friend, or coworker.

      • Pick a person with whom you are in constant contact so that they regularly notice changes in your behavior.
      • The person should be ready to share with you even the unpleasant truth.
      • Even when criticized, this person should remain kind and sympathetic to you.
      • Seeking the attention of others is often associated with addictions such as alcoholism, drug addiction, and binge eating disorder.
      • This behavior does not mean that you are at risk.
      • A support group will be useful for you, even if you have already asked for help from a loved one.
      • Find a support group in your area. If there are no such groups nearby, there are online support groups.

    3. Therapeutic treatment. If you do not have a person to contact, then see a therapist. A specialist will help you understand and eliminate this behavior, as well as solve the problems that caused this situation.

      • Schedule individual appointments or group therapy sessions.
      • Find the contacts of an experienced psychotherapist online. Many sites have comprehensive information. Look for a specialist who has experience in solving similar problems.
      • Some psychotherapists are available with insurance. Always check the price in advance.
    • If you notice attempts to revert to old behavior, then don't be too hard on yourself. Change takes time. Never give up.
    • If you find it difficult to fulfill your obligations, then enlist the support of a friend, family member, or counselor.

    Warnings

    • Such behavior can take a dangerous turn. Some go to the length of self-harm or create dangerous situations to get attention. In this case, you need to urgently seek help from a specialist.

Before you start grabbing attention, it's worth considering why. It is not difficult to achieve this with shocking behavior or appearance, but the result will be questionable.

A self-sufficient person does not need special attention, but, paradoxically, it is these people that cause heightened interest in any company. This is worth remembering for all insecure people who want to turn the tide in their favor.

1. Attract attention - overcome problems

First of all, having decided to turn the opinion of others about yourself, you need to reconsider your own attitude towards your personality. No matter how trite and old it sounds, but the first person whose attention you need to attract is yourself. In order to attract attention in the positive sense of the word, you will have to work hard, maybe even work on some internal complexes. I know, I can, I am a person - something like this setting for further positioning should be present when communicating in any team.

As a rule, a lack of attention is felt by a person in a formal setting or in unfamiliar company. If there is a desire and need to become visible in the work collective, in particular, to attract the attention of superiors, one tactic is required in order to become the soul of the company in an informal setting, another.

2. A person is not popular due to timidity

Having his own opinion, he hesitates to express it aloud, although it may be of some value. To overcome shyness, you can use a special technique - to distance yourself from yourself. Ask for words and look at yourself from the outside. As a rule, the very fact that a previously dumb person showed decisiveness will already attract attention. Literally a few valuable proposals made publicly will make you pay attention to the person.

You can attract attention not by knowledge, but by human qualities - in time and tactfully give advice, offer unobtrusive help, treat others to something delicious of your own preparation. You shouldn't aim to charm everyone at once. It is enough to enlist the sympathy of a few people. An opinion about a person is formed like a snowball, and if a person really deserves it, over time everyone who needs it will learn about him.

3. You are the one who fit into the company

In this situation, personal qualities are more important. That is, it is not necessary that the physicist has nothing to do in the company of lyricists. It is precisely the opposite of interests that can cause more active attention than complete agreement with the majority. The range of behavioral factors in the informal community is much wider, so it is worth exploring the company's priorities before showing individuality. In any case, respectful attitude towards others will create an atmosphere of understanding, regardless of the position taken.

There can be no single recipe for attracting the attention of an informal company. You may have to act as an animator in a boring company. In another case, a greater effect can be achieved by trying on the image of Blok's Stranger. The main thing to consider is that, having captured the attention of the public, you will have to correspond to the created image, at least until the end of the party.

We are all accustomed to the fact that it is the woman who is assigned the role of attracting attention. By her appearance and habits of the fair sex, forcing him to turn to herself.

In fact, men also have the ability to win ladies by showing themselves, but how do they do it, and what tricks do they use?

Several signals that indicate he is interested in you

Did you know that flirting starts long before both parties start a conversation? And if it is you who have the ability to decipher non-verbal messages, then you are one step ahead of your opponent. This will give you confidence in your abilities and allow you to stay on top.

So, what to look for:

  • The guy preeners himself, that is, he instinctively straightens his clothes, hairstyle, the tightness of the knot on his tie, pulls on the collar on his shirt, tucks it into his trousers, pulls on his socks and even ties the laces. This means - he seeks to look his best, which happens at the level of instincts. Your task is to get ahead of his feelings and praise him for a fashionable haircut, chic tie or modern suit;
  • Unconsciously raised eyebrows are also a symbol that the guy wants to attract your interest. And when this " the light will light up», All you have to do is smile and take a step forward;
  • If a man stands in a position in which his hands are resting on his hips, he shows his readiness for communication and acquaintance. Get close to him and smile, start a dialogue and do not stop watching your hands. If they freely stretch along the body of the interlocutor, then he is sure that you will not go anywhere;
  • If a guy is in the mood for flirting, then his thumbs will unconsciously catch on the belt or pockets of his trousers. Such gestures will mean the following: he is ready to meet and spotted you;
  • A clear symptom that a man is trying to capture your gaze will be “ caring peacock pose": Without declaring war, he will tighten his stomach, thrust out his chest and straighten his shoulders. The fact is that the guys are sure - we only like "pitching", and therefore try to match their image;
  • Showing nobility is another way to win women's attention. This can manifest itself in the following: they gave you a seat, helped you put on a coat, opened doors in front of you, were missed in line, and so on. Be sure to show admiration;
  • In the event that a guy puts his feet at a distance of about 46 centimeters, he seems to mark his territory and urges you to evaluate him. In principle, this can be compared with the habits of wild animals in their natural habitat.

Variants of how other guys are trying to capture female attention

Techniques for seducing women are not complex and ornate, but this does not mean at all that they do not need to be known or distinguished. Remembering everything that is written below, you will always be fully armed and will be able to make a decision in advance about the need for a subsequent acquaintance.

So, how they do "it":

  • A man loves to attract the attention of a lady with a special style of communication. His speech becomes respectful, clean, there are compliments, appropriate jokes, there is no vulgarity and there is a hint of seriousness;
  • Pay attention to his gaze. If he definitely liked you, then he can demonstrate the gaze of a predatory animal or a cute kitten, an admiring parrot or a snake, ready to swallow its prey. The main purpose of this gaze is to make the opponent draw attention to herself. By the way, in this case, the lady has the opportunity to understand what exactly is expected of her;
  • Another way a guy or a man trying to attract the woman's attention is his boasting of his material position. Moreover, regardless of what the real state of the material base is. Among the male environment, the opinion is firmly established that money and a tight wallet are the most attractive factors that guarantee the attention of the opposite sex. Let's make a reservation right away that this tactic cannot be called correct, although it can bring results. Having achieved success, the guy begins to think that the girl needs him only because of the money;
  • Every guy knows how much women appreciate affection and gentle attitude towards their person. Therefore, left alone, the man begins to demonstrate an amazing transformation from a tiger into a fluffy and purring kitten.

The main male mistakes

It also happens that a guy is trying with all his might to attract the attention of a woman, but gets a completely opposite effect. In this case, you can try not to show surprise or disgust, but to correct the situation and try to delicately hint at his mistakes.

So, ladies are scared away:

  • Ignorance of the acceptable boundaries of communication, interrogations, inappropriate jokes and black humor, the use of vulgar words and an abundance of compliments;
  • A look directed past the interlocutor, or an assertive and short look that frightens the chosen one;
  • Wrongly chosen tactics of behavior, called "crushing the intellect", because of which the lady begins to feel like an ignorant baby;
  • Too assertive demonstration of feelings, because of which a man loses confidence in himself;
  • When a guy pays attention to the amount of the gift presented to the lady, and not to the emotions caused by it. In principle, this becomes a manifestation of greed, and the woman finds herself in an awkward position, feeling obligated or obligated.

Women by nature tend to underestimate men's ability to gain attention and seduction in general. In fact, representatives of the stronger sex show unprecedented cunning and ingenuity when it comes to the need to attract a lady they like.

So, for example, it is not personal contact that yields results, but a conversation on a cell phone, when the interlocutor does not see any gestures or facial expressions, and bases her opinion on the intonation of the interlocutor.

So, before calling the girl, the guy will think over the content, topic and duration of the conversation, and the conversation itself will be short and laconic. Most likely, the call will be completed on his initiative, thus introducing a note of ambiguity and incompleteness into the communication, a desire to wait for the next communication session as soon as possible.

If you are sure that a man is trying to grab your attention, then he most likely does the following:

  • Looks free and demonstrates his independence from the company he came with. He constantly looks around, looks for someone with his gaze and is not fully involved in the conversation. The guy sometimes goes to the bar or smokes in splendid isolation;
  • He smiles slightly at you, studies your surroundings, and does it with enviable regularity;
  • With a smile, he makes a welcome gesture with his hand or head, seeks to become a part of your company or strike up a personal conversation.

And remember: in the event that a man wants to get the attention of a woman, he will not complain about life circumstances, use the lady's inclination to show understanding, kindness and compassion. Rather, on the contrary, he will take advantage of our talkativeness, and he himself will demonstrate a lack of talkativeness and the desire to conduct empty conversations.

- Doctor, everyone ignores me!
- Next!

The founder of transactional analysis, Eric Berne, describing human communication, introduced a unit of communicative interaction and called it stroking. Stroking, both physical and communication, is essential for the development and maintenance of well-being. If they fail to get positive strokes in the form of recognition and praise, the person looks for negative strokes: kicks and punishments. This can be especially clearly observed in children who do not have enough parental praise, and they run into punishments with bad behavior, negative stroking is better than their absence. If you dispense with terms, it turns out that stroking is a breath of attention. What should be done so that others are more willing to give us their stroking, for example, if we are giving a presentation or come to a new place of work?

1. Consider the needs of your audience
At sales trainings, they tell us that the emphasis should not be on the fact that we want to sell a certain product, but on why the buyer needs it. A person gives up money when he hopes to satisfy some of his needs. The same thing happens with attention. We are listened to carefully when our story helps to satisfy some need of the listener. If we take the time and energy to match our information to the needs of the audience, we will be rewarded with their attention and interest. It is not difficult to learn how to make such connecting bridges, you just need to remember about it. Remember the anecdote about a student who knew a question about fleas for the exam, but pulled out a question about fish and began his answer: "Fish live in water, they do not have fleas, but fleas ..."

2. Ask questions
To receive something, you have to give something. If we come to a new team and are interested in the experience of colleagues and local traditions or give a lecture and request the wishes of the audience, thereby we show our attention to them and, as a rule, get more attention to us. We show that we are open to contact and exchange. An exception is the situation when we take such a position that we ourselves do not need anything, and for others we are ready to do everything, just to be tolerated. Then others feel it perfectly and begin to use us one-sidedly, often without even realizing it. It is very difficult to resist such a temptation.

3. Allow yourself to be looked at
Do not hide, do not be afraid of the attention paid to you. Let others see your personality traits, interests, reactions to certain situations. If we hide in a deep hole so that no one sees our flaws, no one will see our virtues either. If we respond to attention to us with tension and embarrassment, others may stop paying attention to us out of the best of intentions so as not to cause us discomfort.
My client graduated with honors from a prestigious university, got a promising job, where she perfectly coped with her duties, but, unlike her colleagues, did not advance up the career ladder. When we began to investigate what was the matter, it turned out that the girl behaves so imperceptibly at work that she merges with the walls. For this reason, she was simply forgotten.

4. Keep your distance
It takes intrigue to be noticed. Part of our personality should be visible, and the other part hidden, so that everyone can think of it as he wants. If we resort to excessive self-disclosure and innocently tell everything about ourselves to our colleagues, students and pupils, there will be less interest and attention.

5. Strive for Optimal Anxiety
When we speak to a large audience or join a new team, it's natural to feel a little anxious. She helps us to mobilize our reserves and show our best side. If the anxiety is too strong, it no longer helps us, but interferes, we become constrained, uncollected, insecure, make more mistakes, or even completely fall into a stupor. Therefore, excessive anxiety must be reduced. But don't fight it. If we struggle and forbid ourselves to worry, we shame ourselves for this, the anxiety only intensifies. If we recognize her as our helper, this alone can help reduce anxiety. American author Ron Hoff called his book on the art of public speaking, I See You Naked. In some cases, such a presentation helps to reduce anxiety, by presenting this, we project our feeling of insecurity onto the audience and ourselves suffer less from it. You can use many other methods or come up with your own. To reduce the significance of the situation, you can think about what place today's speech occupies in the context of our whole life in general, whether it will be important for us in five years, in ten, in fifteen. You can imagine your anxiety as a separate being from us, talk to it, find out what it wants, and come to some kind of agreement. You can draw it. You can imagine that it is not me who should be giving a report now, but my friend, who is very afraid himself and asked me to pretend that I am him. If the anxiety goes off scale and nothing helps, it remains possible to seek help from a psychologist. In particular, this is shown to those whose self-esteem is extremely fragile and almost entirely dependent on others, like a thermometer on the weather.

6. Play or be yourself? Both!
If we have a one-time public appearance or a series of lectures, we can play someone who we are not, imagine the desired image and try to reproduce it. If we come to work in a new team, we are unlikely to be able to constantly be in the role, unless we have outstanding acting skills. Therefore, it is more effective not to play someone fundamentally different, but to emphasize your own winning traits. Who am I? A charismatic leader, an ironic expert, a sultry macho, an impeccable dandy, a sensual beauty in the style of Merlin Monroe or a detached star in the style of Greta Garbo, an iron lady like Margaret Thatcher, or a mischievous clown like Whouppy Goldberg? Of course, a living person is more complex than any image. At the same time, if among the recognizable attractive images to find one or several close ones, this helps to highlight those features of your own that can successfully attract attention.

7. Show your diverse sides
An image that is too uniform quickly becomes boring. That is why films are so popular in which the hero or heroine transforms, developing the missing qualities, the superficial beauty becomes smart, competent and independent, and the eternally cold-blooded knight learns to experience feelings without fear and reproach. The same thing happens in ordinary life. We experience a surge of interest when we learn that our colleague with playboy manners turns out to be a devoted husband and touching father, and a pedantic university lecturer writes songs and dances flamenco, an executive and modest secretary girl goes to work on roller skates, and a gentle and kind boss -Laughing girl in a critical situation will quickly line everyone up at attention.

8. Use a subject plan
The heroine of the novel by Somerset Maugham "Theater" Julia at the right moment of the performance took out a bright red scarf and distracted the audience's attention from another actress, her rival. In ordinary life, you should also not neglect the subject plan. Our hairstyle, clothing, perfume, accessories, workplace can, at our choice, help us attract attention or distract it, which is also necessary, for example, for operational officers, private detectives, psychoanalysts, bodyguards. Depending on the image we choose (see point 6), the subject plan will also be different - classic or avant-garde, elegant or exotic. Taking care of our appearance and workplace, we delight those around us, help them satisfy their need for contemplation of the beautiful, thereby, again, we show attention to them in order to receive their attention in return.

9. Observe those who grab your attention
Thus, you can find more and more new ways to attract attention and try them on yourself, borrow suitable ones and modify them in a way convenient for you. A good example would be successful colleagues or representatives of other fields of activity, but similar in character to you.

10. Observe a sense of proportion, but in moderation
Attracting attention is easy. It is enough, for example, to come to work naked. Do you need such attention? In some situations, yes. For example, in advertising, strong negative feelings from viewing are preferable to moderate positive ones, because memorization is better in the former case. In private life, everyone decides for himself whether he needs negative attention. If it is not necessary, then you have to take into account the line between extravagance and vulgarity, brightness and absurdity, originality and narcissism. An immoderate sense of proportion can also be harmful, depriving us of creative realization. Our internal scales on which the measure is weighed must be in good condition. Otherwise, we can go to one extreme or another - to refuse all stroking and keep ourselves on a starvation ration, or, conversely, randomly recruit any possible strokes, without considering the consequences.

Take a closer look at the people around you: among them there are bright, noticeable personalities, and there are those who always remain in the shadows, play secondary roles, remain unattended ... Are they somehow worse? Less talented, beautiful, sexy, witty? As a rule, no. They just got used to "not sticking out." Why?
Of course, not everyone likes to attract attention to themselves and be in the public eye, but there are those who never attract him. They hang out, remaining "third from the left in the ninth row" ...

Reasons why people don't like

attract attention:

  1. Self-doubt. "Gray mice", comparing themselves with others, find a bunch of imaginary flaws, incompatible, in their opinion, with the image of an interesting person. And if I am so bad, then I have to go into the shadows so that no one looks more closely and does not notice all my shortcomings (often, by the way, imaginary or greatly exaggerated) ...
  1. Excessive modesty as a sustainable model of behavior. At school he studied averagely, in companies he did not stand out in anything special, he did not know how to play the guitar, the girls did not pay attention ... At the institute, at work, only the characters and scenery subsequently change - a person is used to playing secondary roles. He just doesn't know how to behave like a bright, attractive character.
  1. Attitudes and stereotypes. “Be simpler”, “don't stick your head out”, “you drive quieter - you will continue” ... If you repeat this to yourself too often, you risk not leaving at all. Imagine: the wife is objectively better than her husband versed in some issue, for example, in business documents relating to a family business. But he does not show this, so as not to infringe on male pride. What can such excessive modesty lead to?

Nobody calls to be an upstart. Not in all situations you need to make your way to the front rows. But when the script becomes constant, and the person himself starts to get tired of being the second violin? A woman may get tired of being a good backdrop for a brighter girlfriend; a man is an inconspicuous employee who is always bypassed when distributing prizes and promotions ... Because in Hollywood they give Oscars for secondary roles, but in life they are usually simply not noticed. How do you stop this give-away game?

  1. Deal with self-esteem. The sore call "love yourself", backed up by the optimistic "otherwise no one will love you", whatever one may say, is fair. True, it is impossible to change one's attitude towards oneself in a minute. But take a look at those people who are successful and attract attention - do they have the perfect appearance, millions in a bank account and Harvard degrees? Everyone knows that the most popular girl in a company is not always the most beautiful. Those who have worked the most are rarely promoted. Why are you worse? Initial opportunities for all are approximately equal, so it is often a matter of presenting yourself.
  1. Assimilation of new patterns of behavior. As mentioned above, often people who do not attract attention to themselves simply do not know how to behave differently. Try to behave in some other way, and to make you feel more comfortable, do it with strangers or unfamiliar people. Start a conversation with a fellow traveler, and try to make it interesting and memorable, enter into a discussion, tell a story, the main thing here is your initiative. Meet someone on the street just like that. Treat it like a fun game: why be embarrassed and shy if you never meet with this person again? Who cares what he thinks of you?
  1. If possible, avoid those who make you feel worthless, unattractive, unsuccessful ... If you cannot avoid (for example, your colleague or relative), keep your communication with him to a minimum and track when he starts to suppress you. Look for someone you are comfortable with. All people flourish only in favorable conditions. Think: is it scary to do something stupid or look something wrong if you know that others will not judge and laugh? Therefore, communicate more with those who are pleasant to you.

It would seem that living without sticking out is quite comfortable. And only the people themselves, forever remaining in the shadows, know how tiring it is. If you have a desire, as it was sung by Tsoi, "to get up and go out of the ordinary" - then you have enough strength to change something. Let not immediately, let you not become the "king of parties", but it is not necessary ... But it is not worth living in someone else's shadow either. Each of us is an individual, and each deserves attention.