I immediately set a framework for myself - a week to find a worthy foreign candidate for husband. The first thing I went to the Internet - "marry a foreigner." One of the results in the search engine is the Fortunata marriage agency, which specializes in pandering Russian girls and boys from other countries and even on romantic tours abroad. Exactly what is needed!

The agency is located on the outskirts of Moscow in a hotel complex. Tatyana, the owner of the company, meets me in a small office. From the threshold I ask about the guarantees of a successful acquaintance.

Over the entire history of the agency's existence - and this is 15 years - more than 500 happy unions have been concluded. On the table and walls are photographs of couples sent to Tatyana by the newlyweds. There are also proudly hanging certificates confirming the qualifications of a psychologist in family relationships. At the same time, Tatiana herself was married three times, and is now divorced.

"Foreigners love Russian girls. Unlike emancipated European women, a Russian girl is soft, supple, homely, ready to love and start a family. Light brown hair, bright eyes, plump lips, a kind of Russian matryoshka, is the ideal of any foreigner,"

It turns out that to meet a foreigner, you can go on a romantic tour. Tatyana catches my surprised look and explains:

This is a great way to combine business with pleasure! You enjoy your vacation in another country and at the same time meet nice men. For a week abroad, we invite you to meet five candidates. Italy, Germany, Bulgaria, Switzerland, France, Greece, Spain - you just need to choose the direction you are interested in. The cost of tours is different, depending on the country and on the number of days of stay. So, for example, a week-long romantic tour to Bulgaria costs 1,000 euros, to Western Europe a little more. This includes p birth and excursion program. There you will be accompanied by Managers are mostly Russian wives of foreigners who will show you all the interesting places in the country plus tell you how it is to live in a foreign land.

Wherein the agency is not responsible for security, but only gives warnings and instructions. So in which case, under the contract, the agency does not bear any responsibility.

There are also classical services of a marriage agency. Tatyana offered me two options. A full package for six months costs 50 thousand rubles. This includes a photo shoot, video recording, placement in the dating database and a full consultation for six months. The matchmaker promised help in writing a letter to potential suitors, as well as the services of an interpreter. However, it does not promise me a 100% marriage, but it guarantees constant acquaintances with men. A cheaper option is a basic service for 15 thousand rubles without consultations and an interpreter.

Our difference from a typical dating site is that we ourselves are looking for a man according to your preferences. Together with you, we will draw up a portrait of the ideal husband and during the term of the contract we will select candidates.

I was asked to complete the contract immediately. I promised Tatyana to think about it, although I myself definitely decided that it was too expensive. It is better to go abroad several times yourself or register on a free dating site. Which is what I did.

Meeting website

I chose the RussianDating site. According to statistics, there are most users from the USA (6734 people) and Turkey (4313), followed by England (1939), then Canada (924), Italy (920) and Germany (849).

After registering on the site, in less than a day I received more than 40 messages from men from various countries. A day later, the number of friend requests increased to 80 people. For convenience, I have added several profiles to my favorites - men from Germany, Turkey, Italy, the USA and a resident of Canada living in Moscow.

I almost immediately received an offer to meet from a resident of Antalya named Korkovadoya.

“We should meet, unless, of course, you consider me old. Do you have a Schengen? I think we could meet for the first time in Europe,” a 35-year-old tall brown-eyed brunette writes to me, judging by the description.

After not receiving a response from me within 20 minutes, he flared up: "It's a pity that you ignored me, deciding that I was old for you. Sorry to disturb you."

The Europeans were less persistent. They were interested in my hobbies and talked about themselves. It turns out that most of them really want to build a family. At least that's what they say.

Russian women are close to me in terms of mentality, - 30-year-old Diego, a programmer from Italy, explains his interest. - Russians have a realistic attitude to life. I met a girl from St. Petersburg, we met during her vacation in Florence. Almost immediately after we met, we began to live with me in Pisa. She was cheerful and economic, I felt very easy with her. But two years later we had a crisis in the relationship, and we decided to disperse. I visited her in Russia and I liked the warmth and simplicity of the Russian mentality. And now I've been looking for a girlfriend on dating sites for six months now.

"Russian women just want to be happy, loved and enjoy everything that marriage can give them. Italian women are more interested in work and money. And besides, Russian women are really beautiful!"

So, in a week of constant correspondence, I received an offer to meet from an Italian from Rimini and an expat from Canada living in Moscow (he suggested meeting somewhere in a local bar after work).

I told my friend about my success. As it turned out, she also had experience of communicating with a foreigner on a dating site.

We met on the Internet, - Olga recalls. - Charming German, 10 years older than me. Daily correspondence and calls did their job - a year later we met in Stockholm and began to live together: either with me in Arkhangelsk, or with him in Mönchengladbach. He left his fiancee for me. But after four years of relationship, my feelings faded, and I invited him to leave (at that moment we were apart - each in his own country). As a result, he sent me a video from the forest, where he collected all my things, burned and buried with the words "I wish you will find your personal hell" (I wish you to find your personal hell).

To be honest, after such a story, the desire to continue the correspondence disappeared. It's time for dating in real life.

speed dating

On a warm Saturday evening, I went to speeddating in English, taking place in a cafe in the center of Moscow, to look for a foreign husband.

At the entrance, I paid for a ticket in the amount of 1.5 thousand rubles, received a badge with my name and a participant card, where sympathies are noted - with whom I would like to continue acquaintance. If the sympathies coincide, the organizers send each other's phones for further relations.

The African-American host seated me at the table. There are 11 more Russian girls sitting at the neighboring tables who want to meet foreigners.

You look pretty young… Mom sent it? - the smart blonde in a leopard dress asks me.

No, she came herself - I can’t say that I’m on a mission from the editorial office and I’m ready to run away any minute.

I tried almost everything, even registered on the dating site Tinder - to no avail, - my neighbor continues the conversation. - But today my mother brought me here, I'm already 27 years old, it's time to get married!

In addition to desperate seekers of husbands, there are those who simply spend their leisure time like this.

I am an English teacher, I am interested in practicing it with native speakers. Plus, it's a fun time! says a 35 year old woman.

There is a feeling that she is disingenuous ...

Finally, those for whom we all came here appear - 12 men sit down on the opposite side of the tables. According to the rules, 5 minutes are allotted for acquaintance, then, on a signal, the men move to the next table, while the girls remain in their places.

I came here just to have fun, I practically passed by, - says my first partner, who for some reason turned out to be Russian (then I looked again at the speeddating poster, which promised only expats).

It soon became clear that there were only four out of twelve foreigners here, and the rest were Russians, like my first counterpart.

At a signal from the lead, the men changed places, and in front of me was Daniel, a swarthy Colombian.

You are very beautiful, just like your country. - Oh, these foreigners know how to win over.

I love Russia very much, I have been working as a designer in Moscow for three years already. I don’t plan to return to my homeland, I want to find a wife in Moscow, ”Daniel says frankly. - Russian women are ideal wives: they think about family, children, household. Our women, like Europeans, think only about career and money.

Daniel smiles warmly and I circle his name in a heart. The next person to sit next to me is a 45-year-old Frenchman who moved from Paris to Russia for work.

I work in a laminate factory. I know French, Italian, German and English, but there are few people in Moscow who can speak them. Therefore, to meet a girl, you have to go to such events. I don't like Paris, I would like to live with my Russian girlfriend in Russia.

The latest expat was Alex from the UK. Alex is an English teacher and has been living in Moscow for five years. A 27-year-old guy wants to practice Russian and is looking for an interlocutor, not a wife. Perhaps I was just not his type, and a real English gentleman decided not to upset me.

I did not manage to communicate with the fourth foreign guest, he left the institution in the middle of the event.

At the end of the speed dating, I handed over my sympathy card to the host. The next morning, the organizers sent me the phone number of the Colombian Daniel. He liked me too. The first SMS came from him a day later ...

So, after speeddating, I had one potential husband. An obvious plus of this method of acquaintance is that you immediately see a person, and even five minutes is enough to understand whether he is attractive to you or not.

public places

Another friend of the "owner" of a foreign husband threw an idea - you can easily meet a foreigner in bars, restaurants, at exhibitions. The main thing is to choose the right place.

Jamie came from Canada to Russia for work, Anna shares her memories. - When we were introduced by a mutual friend in a bar, he was so shy that he ran to the toilet! During the week we constantly saw him, but just as friends. Then Jamie flew to Canada for a month, but continued to write letters to me. After he began to fly to me, we went on vacation together to Spain. He proposed a year and a half later. On December 31, he secretly flew to Russia and asked my parents for my hand in marriage. And then he called me to the bridge of lovers, where everywhere there were inscriptions "Anna, willyoumarryme?". The wedding was played in Russia.

Where to meet an expat in Moscow? The foreigners I met on speeddating have identified a few favorite places.

I really love the Patriarch's Ponds, Tsaritsyno. Of the establishments, I like quiet cafes, like "Apartment 44", "Marie Vann" and "Pushkin", - shares the Frenchman Michele.

I often visit Strelka on Krasny Oktyabr, a meeting place for smart, interesting young people with whom you can talk in English, says Daniel from Colombia. - Favorite route - from the Tretyakov Gallery to Gorky Park.

I can relax in the old "Propaganda" on Kitay-gorod, and next Saturday go to fashionable Soho. Moscow is beautiful in its contrast, why choose one thing? - says Alex, a teacher from Britain.

One evening, taking a break from my foreign acquaintances, I watched the Instagram feed. When I saw a handsome young man from Germany in the recommendations, I automatically liked one of the photos.

The German reacted almost instantly and began to write to me actively. We started talking cheerfully about all sorts of nonsense, a little later it turned out that he was a German hockey player and came to St. Petersburg for the World Hockey Championship.

Marcel is a nice and funny athlete, he broke up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago. When I asked why he wrote to me, he replied that he had never been to Russia and did not communicate with Russian girls, but when he saw my like, he could not restrain himself. Our communication lasts a week, and Marcel really hopes to meet, each time thanks to Instagram for our acquaintance.

In general, to find an interesting person, it is not necessary to buy expensive tours abroad or go on blind dates. Sometimes it's enough just to trust fate.

Married to a Foreign Man: Real Stories of Culture Clash

In our age of globalization, marrying a foreigner, and even moving to his country, is no longer as incredibly exotic as in the time of Anna Yaroslavna. And it’s easier to get used to a new life: everywhere there are the same jeans, bathrooms, traffic lights and shops. But this similarity is purely external. Local cultural characteristics do not allow you to relax so immediately, you have to get used to it!

Husband is German

I am Belarusian. The Germans eat potato pancakes with jam and apple mousse. I still can't bear it. In Belarus, dranik is a sacred and necessarily salty dish that is eaten with sour cream and all sorts of sauces. And my mother-in-law is offended that I call her “you”. In their case with the family, this is not a sign of special respect, but, as it were, “non-recognition” of her as a family member. Like, “I don’t know you, you are strangers to me.” The Germans are also very surprised that I am torn to wipe every wound with vodka. As for Eastern European cuisine, they are amazed at HOW MUCH we cook when we are waiting for guests or for holidays.

Husband is Turkish

In big cities, Turkey is such a Muslim Europe. Only in the mornings it’s not the bells that ring, but the muezzins scream, you just need to get used to it. I still haven't fully gotten used to it... It's hard to walk the streets with small children, it fills me with a wave of social tenderness. Here is a real cult of childhood. This is not for show, in families it is even stronger, Turkish children are very pampered, rewarded, squeezed. But it is very easy to go shopping without even knowing the language. Local sellers are so pumped up that they will understand even lowing and gestures and put exactly what they need on the counter.

Almost all women love to cook, and many men too, very conspicuous after Russia. Everyone loves to eat no less, the portions are large, there are no barbecue-juice-salad picnics, they carry cooler bags with a huge amount of food. I didn’t have any problems with my husband on the basis of different cultures, he immediately tuned in that he would marry a European woman and give it, bring it at the snap of his fingers, if you want coffee, ask out loud or do it yourself. The only battle we had was over an intimate hairstyle. Here it is customary to remove it baldly, no most modest and short haircuts are recognized, this is dirt. But this battle was before the wedding.

Husband is a Ukrainian from the outback

The change of culture was very radical, because not only the country was changing, I moved from the city to the village. Immediately - a new style of communication. I tried to communicate with my mother-in-law by name and patronymic. But here only “mother is you”. They immediately pulled me over when I called my husband a diminutive name (that is, not an affectionate, but a diminutive), well, for example, “Vanka”. “Have you quarreled with him or do you not respect him? Don't talk like that in front of people, otherwise rumors will circulate."

Nothing can be done on Sunday! For me, working and accustomed to the urban way of life, it was a martyr's torment. Postpone cleaning for the weekend, and then - oops, it's already there. And that's it. Then I learned to plan, and to be honest, to bypass the ban. The husband is supportive. There was a funny cultural moment. Taught English tenses with children. There is a sentence “Who made the birdhouse? – Me. And when did you make it? - On Sunday". The children had cognitive dissonance.

Here is a very fatty cuisine, they can serve stewed duck with fresh milk, for me this is just horror, horror. So it was here that my husband was forced to get used to my traditions. And I made a mix of this and that. I like. I even learned to eat okroshka :)

Husband is Italian

I didn’t have a culture shock in Italy, because I often went there before marriage. Well, the main points that surprise Russian wives.

Eating strictly according to the schedule. If a guest has come, dumping everything that is out of the refrigerator is not accepted. Not because they are greedy, but because it is believed that at non-dinner time a person simply cannot be hungry. And at lunchtime, a polite person simply will never go to anyone and will not even call, because this is sacred. Guests are offered drinks: aperitif, coffee, water. To feed a person, you need to invite him to lunch or dinner. If you ask an Italian if he wants to eat, he looks at his watch before answering. Food for Italians is ... in general, this is everything for them. But you don’t need to drink to the bottom, you can even not drink at all.

It is not customary to make comments even in the most affectionate and polite form. A hint of a showdown is considered inappropriate behavior. Well, that is, some, of course, quarrel with neighbors, relatives, but this usually means a final break in diplomatic relations. Discussing any serious topics and even more so arguing is not welcome. It is customary to nod in agreement to any nonsense that you are told. At first I was surprised: why does everyone always agree with me? :) Then I figured it out. :).

This is all from the experience of communication in a small village in Lombardy (one of the most economically developed regions in the North of Italy). In the South, things might be different. But food is sacred throughout Italy.

Husband is Greek

One of the first discoveries is that hot water is not always available, but is heated by a boiler and ends rather quickly. We turn on the heating in winter for an hour or two. Because +18 in the house is quite warm, and you can get used to it. But +15 is quite cold.

They don't swear - they talk about the weather. They don't kill each other - they talk about football. It is they who do not fight in a fit, but talk about politics. It is better for old people to give way to places in public transport. And especially for old women - you will be more whole. Moscow drivers are bunnies compared to Athens ones. In Athens, running a red light and pedestrians crossing the road is a common thing. Also scold them for not running fast enough.

Do not ask the names of babies under two years old. Their name is baby or baby. The name will be given at the christening. Forget about what you want to name your child. He will be called by the name of the father-in-law or mother-in-law. Such an unbreakable tradition. Well, if you want to insist on your own, prepare for war.

What other birthday? Name day - this is a holiday with gifts and congratulations. What is the new year? Christmas! And the most important holiday is Easter. Everyone celebrates, even atheists.

Husband is Basque

I am Ukrainian. How did our cultures collide? Elementary. Only I eat borscht, because "beets are cow food." Well, please. In retaliation, I don't make local food. What? Tortilla? It's soooo hard and only locals can do it. Let them do it. We have this dinner on Thursdays. And on other days of the week, something also local is invented, and that I don’t cook either. Talk about food - I don't know who talks more, Spaniards or Italians :) Cold? The same parsley as in Greece: 18 is already almost hot. 19 - all windows open and there is a groan, there is nothing to breathe, they say.

Husband is Spanish

Spain surprised me, perhaps, with a more reverent attitude to name days. Some people love them more than the birthday itself) Well, the little things - the holidays are different. A family dinner when everyone is invited is Christmas. New Year is so, for young people a reason to get out to a disco, and on January 2, if you please, go to work!

Lunch, especially at work, is better with someone. At first it was annoying, but now I normally tell my colleagues, they say, book a place for me in a restaurant. If this is a lunch or dinner according to the card, and not a set lunch, then they order several dishes to “share” with everyone. Married men, especially those with children, share the hardships of life in half with their spouses. But this is more true for young people, not older than forty years.

Husband is Canadian

Mutual understanding with him is much greater than with Russian men. But I still struggle with some habits. I don’t like it when they sit with closed curtains in the daytime under electric light - here I often come across this. And I also have a “law of surfaces” - that which stood somewhere on the floor is not placed on the dining table, etc. And the locals are very calm about this, they can pour water into the kitchen sink after washing the floors.

People eat Russian dishes, sometimes I cook on request. But no one eats caviar, which is a pity. Sometimes I want to, but I have a lot of one, even a small jar. And no one drinks cognac except me.

Husband is Japanese

In this country, a foreign wife will never be her own, and this will be demonstrated to her, although not out of spite. She is forever different. And it is more difficult for her to find a job than for a Japanese woman. You will have to get used to the fact that all the money and all the property is on the husband. He even receives child benefits in a bank account. In general, a Japanese husband must be chosen even more carefully than any foreigner. The wife will be very financially dependent.

It would never occur to a Japanese man to help around the house somehow. Requests will surprise him. He won't take the cup from the table to the sink. Even very kind and loving. At most, he will go for a walk with the children, so that it would be easier for his wife to clean up. It is not customary for wives to help carry heavy bags or give gifts. In fact, in five years you can teach him to help a little, for example, throw dirty socks into the washing machine. But this will require enormous effort.

When a Japanese husband comes home in the evening, everything should be perfect there: dinner is ready, the house is cleaned, the children are nicely dressed. And no girlfriends in his house! There is a day for friends. If the husband suddenly came earlier than usual, and you are drinking tea with a Japanese friend, the Japanese woman will explode and, constantly bowing and apologizing, will literally run away.

And another detail - the husband and wife hardly talk here, this is normal. At the same time, he may even love her very much. But he has no idea what to talk about here. He expresses his love in two ways: either he earns more so that his wife can afford nice personal purchases, or he finds time to stay at home, go somewhere with the whole family for a walk.

The article was prepared by Lilit Mazikina

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A girl contacted us. She said that she was the victim of violence - and from a foreign citizen, whom she considered her fiancé. At the same time, the girl said that at one time she believed that she herself was to blame for being in such a situation. She told her story because she hopes it will warn other Kyrgyz women from repeating her mistakes.

Kaktus.media consulted with a lawyer who explained how, from a legal point of view, one should behave when faced with violence. Note that all names in this story have been changed. The photographs are also illustrative.

Karina has always had a dream - to marry a foreigner. She met foreign princes on special dating sites, but they were all wrong.

At some point, the girl came to terms with reality and married a local boy. But his marriage was unhappy. And after a while, the young people broke up.

Karina was 27 years old when an old dream of a foreigner was reminded of herself by a message from one of the dating sites from a Frenchman of Serbian origin named Sasha.

The girl told the correspondent about this love site. Note that we state the facts as Karina herself stated them.

Acquaintance:

- When we met, I immediately really liked the photo of Sasha. He appears to be a very pleasant, endearing man. He was 44 years old. But the age difference did not frighten me, because I already understood that Western men do not start a family early. But young girls are preferred. Usually a man over 50 will look more at a girl of 20-25 years old, and even 30-year-olds have very little chance of meeting.

I thought he was the one. Sasha gave the impression of a smart and well-read person. After a month of our online communication, we agreed to meet in Turkey.

Probably, you ask, why not in Kyrgyzstan or in his homeland in France? It's just that a ticket from France to Kyrgyzstan is more expensive than from France to Turkey. And to fly to his country, I would have to apply for a visa, which is long and expensive.

First meeting:

We spent two weeks there together and it was unforgettable. Sasha rented a car and we drove all the beautiful places on the south coast. He took me to beautiful restaurants, lived in luxurious hotels, in general, for me it was all such a beautiful fairy tale that suddenly came true.

Against the backdrop of all these vivid impressions, my love grew. At the meeting, Sasha turned out to be very charming. You know, he's the type of person who knows how to please everyone. In general, I lost my head and did not even notice the bell that should have alerted me: some time after my arrival in Turkey, Sasha began to persuade me to intimacy. But I have a principle - having sex before marriage is wrong. So I didn't give in.

Before leaving back to Kyrgyzstan, he invited me to go to him in Toulouse, a city in France, on a fiancee visa.

A fiance visa (fiance visa) is a type of visa, which may have different names depending on the consulate, designed to enter the country for the purpose of marriage. This visa is also called a marriage visa, or marriage visa.

Of course, all this was too unexpected and fast, but I fell in love so much that I simply could not think of anything else.

What happened to him, I don't know. He saw my calm and docile nature. He understood my Eastern mentality. I knew that if he marries me, he will always be in my life in the first place. Western men want it. They look for it in our women. Their weaker sex is no longer weak, and many men cannot accept this.

Moving to Toulouse:

A month later, I packed my things and went to him on a fiancee visa. Of my relatives in Kyrgyzstan, only my mother. I didn't say much to her. I knew her prejudice against foreigners, I understood that she would be against my sudden move.

When I arrived in Toulouse, the fairy tale that happened to me in Turkey continued in France. He showed me the city. We went to beautiful places, restaurants, I went to the ballet for the first time, which, of course, left a lot of vivid impressions in me.

Sex:

We lived together for a month, and Sasha again began to bring me to the topic of intimacy. At first, he simply persuaded, and then stated that he could not marry a girl until he slept with her, since only after intimacy could he consider her completely his own. In the end, I had no choice but to give in to him.

I was just very scared that because of my principle he would refuse to marry me. I already fell in love with him very much and did not want him to leave me.

I really regretted it later. Seeing that it was very easy to influence me, Sasha every time began to threaten me to terminate the engagement and send me back when he did not like something.

Quarreling:

Over time, I noticed that he often created situations that made me nervous, made me unhappy.

For example, we planned to buy me a wedding dress. He is a manager and an engineer in the same company, he works a lot, so he was free only on Saturday and Sunday. But on Sunday, bridal salons are closed, so we agreed to go for a dress on Saturday.

When I did not find him at home that day and called, it turned out that Sasha decided not to go for a dress, but to spend time alone at his dacha.

In the evening, returning to the city, he saw that I was upset and freaking out because of broken plans. Instead of comforting me and somehow smoothing over the situation, he began to bring me even more and shoot all this on a cell phone camera.

Then we still bought me a dress, but the next day, after another quarrel, my dress was gone. I looked for him everywhere, in the house, in all the rooms. I was very scared that he sent this dress back to the store and decided to break up with me. I got hysterical, I called him in tears to make peace. In the evening, when he arrived home, he admitted that the dress had been hanging in his garage all this time. He did it on purpose to piss me off.

Of course I did! And he, instead of smoothing over the situation, again began to just laugh at me and film how angry I was.

In addition to filming my tantrums, he sometimes called his family, in particular, his sisters, and told them about how I behave.

Beatings:

After a while, things got even worse. During our quarrels, he began to raise his hand to me. Sometimes Sasha strangled me and threatened to kill me.

I would probably also be able to film all this so that I have evidence. But his mood changed too suddenly. Our quarrels started at one point, and the next he was calm again.

Therefore, he always had evidence of my alleged insanity, but I had nothing. Once he even called the police to us after another quarrel and told them that I beat him. Luckily, they didn't believe him. Where should I - small and thin - hit a big and strong man.

Relations with his family also worsened. They knew neither Russian nor English, and therefore believed only what he told them. During my time in Toulouse, I didn't learn enough French to be able to express myself clearly.

His sisters and he eventually began to play pranks on me. He closed the door to the room and pretended to be talking to a woman. I pulled the handle, cried and asked him to open the door for me. When he did, it turned out that the phone conversation was with his sisters. I got angry, they laughed.

Again beating:

Over time, the whole fairy tale became some kind of nightmare. In public, he still showed me respect and courtesy, was kind, smiling, but at home we constantly had quarrels.

At the very beginning, he treated me with respect in bed, but over time, I felt that he was just using me. We had sex, he made me do whatever he liked, and then he just left.

Over time, our relationship began to be reduced to only such closeness.

I didn't like it, of course. Once I plucked up the courage and told him that I didn’t like it that way. That's why he hit me. I was so hurt and hurt. I am very tired of these quarrels, of tantrums. And I said that I would go to the police in the morning.

Do you know why I didn't do this earlier? Because I did not know the language, I did not know the city, and I did not think that someone could understand and protect me. That time, when the police came to us on his call, I had a chance to tell them everything, but I was scared. After all, they will close him for just a few days, and then he will come back and kill me.

After my statement, Sasha got scared. On the same day, he bought me a ticket to Kyrgyzstan. I called my sister to accompany me and make sure that I did not talk to anyone at the airport, and sent me to Kyrgyzstan.

I flew out the next morning. Now I regret not asking for help.

Homecoming:

But it didn't end there. After my return to Kyrgyzstan, Sasha and I continued to communicate.

Here I always thought that I myself was to blame for my situation. That I misbehaved and got what I deserved. I think it was called "Stockholm Syndrome".

I tried to make amends with him. She asked to be taken back. She said I would fix it.

Depression:

The next year is very difficult for me to remember.

He felt that I really wanted to be with him, and manipulated this. He was offended by me for no reason and stopped communicating until I again begged for forgiveness from him.

During our quarrels, I was very ill, I did not sleep and constantly cried.

I don’t know if he was going to call me to France again and get a bride visa, but after a year our communication ended completely.

I saw how he simultaneously communicated with another girl and wrote love letters to her, calling to him. It was very painful for me, but I couldn't bear it anymore.

I had a very long time to move away from this stress. The psychological and physical violence that he committed against me caused complexes that are very difficult for me to cope with.

happy end:

Over time, I realized that the reason was not in me. It was just that kind of person. He would do that to any other girl.

Now I am 34 years old. Recently, my dream of a foreign fiance came true.

We met him on a dating site for foreigners. His name is Stephen, he is 49 and Scottish.

Perhaps you think that mistakes do not teach me anything? This is not true. Just comparing communication with him and communication with Sasha, I understand that Steven is completely different.

After six months of our online communication, we agreed to meet him in Kiev, where he proposed to me.

All problems with documents have already been resolved and from day to day I will move to live with him in Scotland.

Stephen knows everything about me. He is completely on my side and promises that he will never do that.

Most people think that marrying a foreigner is like playing roulette: either you hit the jackpot or you end up with nothing. But some girls refuted this stereotype and proved that their marriages turned out to be extremely harmonious. K News talked to four girls who told their stories about how they found their love outside of Kyrgyzstan.

Biktisagul. Married to a New Zealander

- This is not my first marriage. My previous husband, unfortunately, died and I was left alone with my daughter. Soon I flew to Turkey to work.

Our history of acquaintance with the current husband is very romantic. I met Dallas in Turkey, where I worked as a shop assistant. According to his stories, when he saw me, he fell in love immediately. And I did not pay attention to him, but he asked to take me home. And then he invited me on a date. We went to a restaurant and there he proposed to meet.

I used to joke with my friends that I don’t need all these candy-bouquet periods, but I’ll get married right away. I said the same to my future husband and he, oddly enough, agreed. It so happened that I proposed to get married (laughs) and I do not regret it.

Of course, I doubted, hesitated, but my friends and colleagues told me "Do not miss such a man!". Indeed, he was liked by everyone with his gallantry and good breeding. We got married three months later. Dallas came to Kyrgyzstan and we played a wedding here according to all Kyrgyz customs.

I wanted us to gather in a small circle. I planned that 10-20 people would gather. But my daughter insisted that I wear a wedding dress, but my relatives called other relatives, and so about 80 people gathered for the celebration. My girlfriends supported me, called singers and dancers, there was even a toastmaster. He liked everything. So I have a loving husband and family.

My family loves me and almost carries me in their arms. My husband calls me his princess, and I love my husband's parents as my own. Most of all I miss my homeland, its climate and its people.

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Cholpon. Married to an Indonesian

- My husband's name is Riven. We met in Bali when I was vacationing there. In general, we talked for more than six months and recently got married. We are still a young family that is just taking the first steps into the future.

Six months ago it was hard to part with him. I had to go back to school, and he went to his home. But we talked on the Internet and after a few months of such communication, he proposed to me. I agreed, I love him.

Of course, the relatives were shocked when they found out that they would have to intermarry with a foreigner. But it was also difficult for me, it was scary to leave for a foreign country to live forever, and I am still in wild doubts.

The culture here differs only in language, but is similar in many respects. A very patriarchal country and everyone strictly observes traditions. The hardest thing for me is that Southeast Asia is not very sanitary.

I miss Kyrgyzstan. I madly miss Bishkek, relatives, work and home. It's a big stress to leave for another country forever.

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Aisuluu. Married to an American

- My husband and I met in 2008, in Japan. I went to study through a student exchange program. We met at a party with our mutual friends. At first they talked as friends, and later they started dating. Soon he left for the USA, and I stayed in Japan.

When he left, we communicated via the Internet for two years. It was difficult to maintain relationships at a distance, even parted a couple of times. He came to Kyrgyzstan twice. The second time he asked my parents for my hand and put on earrings. My parents were at first against the fact that I was marrying a foreigner, but gradually reconciled. I think they liked him.

The wedding was played twice. First, in Kyrgyzstan, a traditional wedding was held, a nike ceremony was held and all relatives were invited to the holiday. And in the USA they have already done it according to American traditions.

I remember only at the Moscow airport that I realized that I was leaving forever. Then I became very sad and scared.

Upon arrival, it was difficult to adapt to a foreign culture. My husband and I communicated in Japanese because I did not know English. Sometimes they used the wrong translation and took offense at each other. Over time, I learned English and it became easier. The people here are simple, open and polite.

After some time, our son was born. I like the way they raise their children. Children are treated like adults and their opinions are always taken into account. I can spank my son, but for my husband it is wildness. The son is more American than Kyrgyz.

Most of all I miss my parents and food. If my husband finds a job in Kyrgyzstan, we are always ready to return.

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Alika. Married to an Englishman

− My sister and her family worked in Dubai. They invited me, and I liked it there, I decided to stay and find a job.

When I got a job, I met my husband there. Our offices were on the same floor and somehow collided in the morning or when leaving work.

At first they were just friends, invited him to visit Kyrgyzstan for the summer. From that moment we started dating. A year later, he proposed to me. Relatives took the news very easily, except for my mother. It was not easy for her to imagine my life in a foreign country.

I was not afraid to leave Kyrgyzstan for the rest of my life, because when there is a person nearby whom you love and trust, then nothing is scary. Great Britain is rich in its deep history, beautiful architecture. People love to go to theaters, visit historical places. The British have a vague idea about Kyrgyzstan and confuse it with Kurdistan, so you have to draw a map and list all the countries bordering ours.

We are trying to introduce our daughter to the traditions of both countries, to celebrate our Kyrgyz holidays, to cook our dishes.

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Ekaterina. Married to an Arab

- I met my husband on the Internet, on Odnoklassniki. At first, I didn’t like it, didn’t impress, didn’t even consider him as a life partner, we just talked about nothing once a month. Did not find topics for conversation.

In December 2014, I once again flew to the UAE in search of work, there are a lot of our compatriots here, but like the rest of the world, there was also a crisis here, it was difficult to find a job. December 26, in the evening we met to finally get to know each other live. We had dinner, talked and it seems that we fell in love, it felt like I had known this person for many years. How I didn't see it before, I don't know. The next day, he sent my photo to his parents, they liked me right away, only his mother was worried that I did not know Arabic, and was afraid that her son would starve with a foreigner, she thought I could not cook. On the third day, he proposed to me and without thinking, I agreed.

On December 29, we registered the marriage. 4 days of communication, not knowing anything about each other, but I do not regret. When my husband proposed, my parents reacted normally, because I am not a child and have the right to choose my own life partner. Generally blessed.

We had two weddings. The first was secular, in a white dress with a photo shoot. The second Arabic lasted two days and was closed, I only have relatives and friends.

Honestly, living in a foreign country is not scary if there is a strong shoulder and a loved one nearby. You just miss your family and friends. So it remains only to miss and call on Skype with loved ones.

The culture is different, let's start with the fact that the UAE is a Muslim country, but all religions coexist in it. Women are respected here, and the law is on their side. You can't insult anyone's religion here. You can not touch a woman, even by the hand, if she is not yours. You can not live in a civil marriage. Despite a bunch of prohibitions, it’s good here, there is no lawlessness, no dirt, no theft.

We have a little daughter, only 3 months old, of course, the issue of upbringing will be mixed, the main thing is that she would grow up to be a good person. But I give priority to Arab traditions, so that I would live according to Sharia law, and again without imposing.

I want to return to Kyrgyzstan, there are not enough mountains, clean air, coolness and natural products.

So why do marriages with foreigners often fail and some women come back? What should a woman be ready for if she decides to marry a foreigner? How to get used to life in a new country?
I think that the main reason for unsuccessful marriages with foreigners is the discrepancy between the expectations and hopes of our women with the desires and hopes of foreign men. Among our women, there is often an opinion that life abroad is easy and beautiful, and men are all rich and with positive qualities. Such perfect gentlemen.
Men, in turn, believe that our women are all domestic, dependent on their husbands, accustomed to living in such poverty that after that the standard of living in their country, even below the average, will seem like paradise to them. Then both are disappointed. But more often it turns out that a man continues to bend his line, trying to realize what he failed to realize in the previous 2-3 marriages with his compatriots, and to assert himself, but a woman cannot do this due to her dependent position. As a result - dissatisfaction with life, depression.

TOwhat is the way out of this situation? Firstly, in no case should you make it clear to a man that you are so bad at home that you will never return there. This is the main mistake of our women. On the contrary, a man should know that you did not come here because of the country, but because of himself, and if your relationship does not suit you, then you will leave. I understand that it is not so easy to go back, especially if you come with children.

You may not want to come back for anything, but it's best not to show it. As a rule, men easily succumb to the temptation of permissiveness, and the dependent position of a woman is precisely the reason for such a temptation. You need to respect yourself and defend your opinion and desires, of course, within reason. Within reason, because you should not expect from an ordinary average foreigner (and the vast majority of men looking for wives in our area, just from this category) that he will provide you with the life of a millionaire. You have to accept him the way he is.

Now about what a woman needs to be ready for if she decides to connect her life with a foreigner? You need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to work hard and hard on yourself - learn the language, laws, the banking system, learn how to drive a car, make new friends, delve into everything, i.e. actively integrate into the new society. Women with a passive lifestyle will have a hard time. You also need to be ready to constantly defend your rights and views on life, since many foreigners (not all, but many) are still deep down convinced that our countries are poor, an order of magnitude lower than their countries, etc. I don’t blame them for this - they have such an upbringing and such propaganda. Your task is to reverse this point of view. Since he loves and respects you, he must love and respect your country. I do not understand at all those women who are trying to throw mud at their country, because this will then affect them themselves! And you can’t start complaining about life literally from the first letter! By doing this, you will attract, first of all, those men who are looking for dependence on him in a woman, and these are not the best representatives of the male sex and, as a rule, this does not lead to anything good. On the contrary, you need to write that everything is fine with you, but you want to find your “soul mate”.

Love knows no borders and nationalities. The topic of marrying an Arab causes controversy on dating sites and forums.

How beautiful and enticing that sounds. A girl falls in love with a handsome oriental boy.

He does not swear, does not drink alcohol, knows how to look after beautifully, his eyes burn with delight. And here it is - love. Not often, but there comes a moment when a man sincerely in love at that moment makes an offer. And the girl agrees. Usually the decision to marry a Muslim meets with a storm of indignation from the parents. They are afraid of the possibility of their daughter leaving for another country. Everyone knows that the traditions of Muslim countries are very different from ours.

And the thought of polygamy in many countries of the Arab East is especially frightening, although polygamy is not allowed in all Muslim countries. But that's not what we're talking about today. The difference in mentality in marriage with a foreigner is always a stumbling block.

But in the case of marriage with a Muslim and leaving with him to his country of residence, a lot of horror stories and myths arise. But in reality, there are a lot of pitfalls that you need to be aware of if a girl decides to marry an Arab. If the girls knew that they could be known, then many of them might have remained in their native country, waiting for their prince. There are already "women's novels" that describe this or that story of our woman, who has endured all sorts of torments in the countries of the Arab East.

How Olya married an Arab

But still, let's discuss the story of a Ukrainian girl that happened not so long ago. Olya met Ali at the university.

They studied on the same course, but in different groups. Ali courted Olya according to all the canons of European gallantry. And he was passionate in expressing feelings like a real oriental man. Where could a girl from a small town who fell in love for the first time in her life resist! “This is the man of my dreams!” Olya told her friends with delight. Olya and Ali got married. The young husband did not restrict his wife's freedom in any way.

Nor did he say that she should convert to Islam. In the second year of their marriage, they had a daughter. Ali turned out to be a wonderful father. He took care of his daughter as well as his wife. When it was time for Ali to go home, Olya went with him without any hesitation.

She also had a degree. And she hoped that she could work there after adapting and penetrating the language at a higher level. By the time of departure, Olga was already fluent in her husband's native language. When the young family arrived at Ali's house, everything changed dramatically in Olya's life. She was placed in the women's quarters, forced to wear local clothes.

Her duties included washing the entire large family living in the house. And the Ali brothers lived there with their wives and children, Ali's parents, an elderly aunt. Olga was locked within the yard. She couldn't go anywhere without her husband.

With her daughter, she walked only in a closed courtyard, where other women with a bunch of children gathered. All these women were without education, but they looked at Olga as a servant who was not worthy to be among them.

Their children offended daughter Olya. Ali obeyed his parents in everything and changed towards Olga himself. And then the moment came when Olga was required to convert to Islam. She refused. And here she was subjected to punishments, torture, and such humiliations that she had only heard about before. While walking in the courtyard with children, Olga met her compatriot.

She also lived in her husband's family, obeyed all the rules, but her husband's family was more civilized and had a completely different attitude towards her "Russian" daughter-in-law. Olga told this woman about her misadventures. And she agreed to help her escape. The problem was that Olga was taken away all the documents for her and her daughter. And it was unrealistic to get permission to take the child abroad if the Muslim father was against it. If Olga decided to run away without permission, and her husband would catch up with her on the territory of his country, Olga, according to local laws, would probably face a severe punishment for kidnapping a child.

Fortunately, this story ended happily. The Security Service of Ukraine took over the investigation into this case, forever depriving Ali and his entourage of permission to enter Ukraine. The intervention of the embassy, ​​the arrival of Olga's relatives, did their job.

And after some time, Olga was at home. Now she has come to her senses after all the torment.