What to do when loved ones hurt us? What to do when a loved one is a drug addict

23.05.2019

There is such a law of the material world. The one who brings you the most happiness, from the same you will receive the greatest pain. We often forget about it - or pretend not to know. But that's how it is - most of the pain comes from those closest to you. What to do when loved ones hurt us?

Our kids. How much pain does a mother have to endure in her entire life? Exactly as much as happiness. They seem to be balanced - birth pain and the baby's first smile, sleepless nights and the first steps, illnesses and victories. Further more. Worries about his safety, relationships, future, health. But women still become mothers, hoping that there will be less pain.

Our husbands. The closer and more intimate you are, the more pain you will experience. At the same time, the situation may look simple from the outside - in order to experience pain, it is not necessary to become a victim or betrayal. Often, his indifference in some matter breaks his heart. After all, we are the closest people! And if the husband, like all people, goes through a crisis and moves away, then this brings a lot of pain and suffering to his wife.

Our parents. Those through whom life once came to us often involuntarily become a source of resentment for us. Because they do not approve, they say hurtful things, do not support. My friend has wonderful parents. And the relationship with them is warm. But they still cannot accept her choice of profession - they consider what she does not serious. And they joke. They constantly joke and tease. Than they hurt their daughter very badly.

And you can go on for a long time. Failure to understand this law leads to the fact that families fall apart, relationship between children and parents are heating up. What is the reason? The fact that we want to experience only happiness in a relationship. And this means that we have a certain clearly written scenario - how it should be. What should my husband answer if I cry. How the child should learn and respond to comments. How parents should express their love for me. And the pain is born precisely from the fact that there is no coincidence with the script.

The world seems to be shouting to us: “Open your eyes! You do not see the person who is next to you! You just use it for your own enjoyment! "... But we don't hear. We don't see any signs. We are just offended. Taking offense is much easier than opening your eyes. Opening our eyes, we will see that next to us is a person, and not an automatic machine for giving out happiness. A person with his own needs, desires. Which we do not notice and do not hear. Which is ignored by us as soon as it ceases to correspond to the scenario.

The husband who gave the flowers fits into the script. Therefore, we feel joy, harmony, etc. But if the husband came tired and still, God forbid, barked something like: "Leave me alone!"- this is not what we ordered. But doesn't a person - in this case a husband - have the right to get tired at work and want to be alone?

We are already talking so much about ourselves, about what we need to accept and experience. We need time for ourselves. And why is a man worse? How is he different from us? The same person - two arms, two legs. A different response to external stimuli, other goals in life. And that's all. Otherwise, the same blood flows in him and the same emotions are seething. Yes, emotions are 6 times weaker. But if we consider that we sometimes release them, and men almost never, then who is more difficult to live with them?

When mom accepts and supports, it's good, we rejoice and love. But when mom gives unsolicited advice, meddles in her own business, trying to help or criticizes - how do we feel? Indignation, resentment, anger. Anything. Except for love.

When the children are obedient and draw the correct skewers, it's great. When they study for A's, we are proud and praise. Or at least we don't scold. But as soon as the child is capricious, bring a three or a fight with someone - what feelings arise? ... Anything. Except for love.

When a husband shouts or asks to be silent, when he forgets about some important date, works a lot or, on the contrary, is in search of himself - how many wives have enough patience and acceptance? After all, all he needs at this moment is love... How many can pray for him, love him as he is? Right now. It is much easier to complain about him, to be offended, to remember that in fact I am a queen and he is not worthy of that. That I have three higher ones, and he has none. That I no longer eat meat, but it still cracks. That I spend all day with the children, and he only spent half an hour. And you can also reset everything that it does. For you, for the family. Just think, he works - his salary is small, we do not have enough. Just think, takes us by car to where we need to. After all, the traffic rules do not always comply, and sometimes you have to beg. So what if I took out the garbage or cleaned up the house - I do it every day, and nothing. Any achievement can be reset to zero. Ingratitude can ruin any impulse of the soul.

But there is another option. To begin with, think about what is happening to him?

Maybe he is having a difficult period at work? Or an astrological difficult stage? Or maybe I ignore his desires, without noticing it myself? Or do I put him in the last place in my life - I never listen, I argue, I don’t help? Maybe he feels superfluous in our house when I am busy with everything and do not give him space? Or maybe, on the contrary, there is too much of me in his life - and he has no time to be with himself, to listen to his heart? Maybe he's just tired? I'm tired today, but tomorrow it will be easier? Or maybe I started the situation and his fatigue accumulated like a snowball?

This is something to think about before blaming. Before you complain or take offense. Before you start rolling the scandal.

There is a great exercise. Sobering. Found by chance on the Internet, but it struck me with its simplicity.

So, take a piece of paper, divide it into two columns. In the first, write down all of his shortcomings, everything that he does "wrong" or "terrible."

For example:
yells at you during an argument,
does not clean up the plates after itself,
does not walk himself with children,
too much (or little) works,
greedy
earns little
does not speak heart to heart,
loves his mom too much
offends
forgets to take out the trash,
requires clean socks every day
Etc.

Write down everything that annoys you, offends, infuriates you, and so on. Maybe one piece of paper is not enough. Then there will be two, three - or more. The main thing is not to write on the back of the piece of paper. We still need it.

And when you proudly look at your list - do not rush to rejoice. We will not write in the second column its pros and balance. We'll see how you react to that.

For example, when he yells at you, you tell him what you want. Or kicked out of the house. When he doesn't give you money, you insult him or take revenge the next time he wants to buy something.

Next to each of its shortcomings, write your reaction to it. And you will see what he sees. What do you:

rolling tantrums
take out his brain
yell at him
hit him
dictate to him what to do
forbid him to go where he wants
reproach his education
scold
insult
require
involve kids by telling them what a scoundrel daddy is
complain to your friends
breaking his things
threaten divorce
comparing him to other men
throw your wedding ring
smashing dishes (which is perhaps the most harmless on this list)
leave home
packing your bags and leaving for good

Be extremely honest with yourself. Remember how your quarrels went, what you did - no need to write about how you felt. The purpose of the exercise is different.

And when you're done, tear off the left half. Where you listed its shortcomings. Tear off and flush down the toilet. And I recommend that you read the right half again. Thoughtfully. Just imagine how your husband lives with you. After all, it is you, the closest person, that inflict the most pain on him, too. See how your behavior demonstrates respect for him, respect for yourself (after all, a woman who respects herself would not make most of such a list for sure). Is there a lot of love in your behavior and reactions?
An objection will be raised - but he too…. Move it away. Look at yourself. What you can change. Your reactions, your behavior. And it is quite possible - experience has shown that this is the case - the husband's behavior will also change. He will not have to defend himself, because there will be no one to attack. And it will also be pointless to attack him - after all, on the contrary, there will be not an enemy, but a loving person.

Oleg Gennadievich Torsunov says that the only way to change relationships Is to work with your egoism. And stop thinking about your partner's selfishness. This is true. This is true. Don't confuse self-esteem with selfishness. They lead in different directions and to different consequences.

He will not allow himself to demand special treatment from loved ones. She will ask for it - and behave accordingly. A selfish woman always demands, someone always owes her something.

A lady will not complain about her husband at every corner and criticize his actions. She also would not think of offending him. After all, if your husband is a goat, then who are you yourself? Just a selfish woman.

The lady won't let her feet be wiped on her. But for this she will not need to fight and defend her innocence. She will simply step aside so that the man can think about his actions.

The Lady is not the Snow Queen. She has the same feelings as an ordinary woman. But she knows how to live them and express them in a safe way. For this she probably practiced for a long time in this.

The lady knows how to separate the wheat from the chaff - and she sees that often the husband is not insolent, but simply tired. And that means that he just needs a little more attention and love.

A lady is a mature woman. Who respects herself and respects her loved ones. In any situation - no matter how difficult it is.

And the material world - it is like that, it always sends tests, checks. And always balances happiness and pain. All suffering - like happiness - always comes rightfully. Not by chance. Our loved ones in this place are simply instruments in the hands of fate. Reliable tools - because they always hurt more - and easier to understand.

If death occurred at home:

- a loved one died in nighttime:

Call a funeral agent to assist with the following necessary procedures:

Call an ambulance to certify death.
Obtain a death certificate form (or an accompanying sheet) from medical workers and a corpse examination protocol from a police officer.
If necessary, call a specialized car to transport the body to the morgue (the phone number is usually indicated on the death certificate form). All of the above documents (death registration form and corpse examination protocol) are taken by the corpse transportation service staff together with the body for submission to the morgue. In this case, it is necessary to obtain from the employees of the corpse transportation service a referral form to the clinic (request), to obtain an outpatient card (if it is not on hand), prepare all medical documents, discharge epicrisis for the deceased, from hospitals, if any.
In the morning, with a referral from the corpse transportation service, a medical certificate, the passport of the deceased and the passport of the applicant, go to the clinic to receive an outpatient card with a written posthumous epicrisis. After that, with an outpatient card of the deceased (always with an epicrisis!), The passport of the deceased and the passport of the applicant, you must go to the morgue to issue a medical death certificate.
After receiving a medical death certificate at the clinic or morgue, at the registry office (at the place of residence of the deceased or the location of the morgue / clinic, or at the registry office on duty during non-working days) receive a stamped death certificate and a death certificate (form 33). Form 33 is a certificate for receiving cash assistance for burial.

- in the daytime:

Call a funeral agent to assist with the following necessary procedures:

Call a police officer to draw up a protocol for examining the corpse.
Call the local doctor to examine the body, certify death, draw up a death certificate, referral to the morgue and posthumous epicrisis (the epicrisis must be drawn up in the deceased's card, which the local doctor must bring with him). Corpse transportation is called by a doctor, after a report on the statement to the doctor on duty in the city. All documents received, except for the passport, must be handed over to the carriage of the corpse.
After sending the body, obtain a medical certificate of death during the working hours of the morgue.
In the registry office (at the place of residence of the deceased or the location of the morgue / polyclinic, or in the registry office on duty during non-working days) obtain a stamped death certificate and a death certificate (form 33). Form 33 is a certificate for receiving cash benefits for> burial.

If death did not occur at home (at a party, in a garden plot, in a country house, in a village, in a country house, etc.):

Call the ambulance team of the area where the death occurred to declare death.
Call a police officer from the area where the death occurred to draw up a protocol for examining the corpse and formalize the direction of the corpse for a forensic autopsy.
Obtain a death certificate from medical workers, a corpse examination report and a referral for a forensic autopsy from a police officer.
Call a specialized car to transport the body to the morgue in the area where the death occurred (if the police did not do it, the phone will be prompted by the medical workers). All of the above documents (death certificate form, corpse examination protocol and direction for forensic autopsy) are taken by the corpse transportation service personnel together with the body for submission to the morgue.
With the passport of the deceased and the applicant's passport, go to the morgue where the corpse was delivered to obtain a medical death certificate.
After receiving a medical certificate of death, the registry office must obtain a stamped death certificate and a death certificate (form 33). Form 33 is a certificate for receiving cash benefits for burial.
If necessary, call a specialized car to transport the deceased to another morgue (at the place of residence). Remember that without registering a stamp certificate at the registry office, it is impossible to transport the body to another morgue.
Call an agent of the funeral service to place an order for the provision of funeral services and organize> funeral.

If death occurs in a hospital:

If a person dies in a hospital, the attending physician or nurse notifies those close to him and gives the phone number, which can be used to find out which morgue the deceased is in and how to obtain a medical death certificate.
After receiving a medical certificate of death, in the registry office, obtain a stamp certificate of death and a certificate of death (form 33). Form 33 is a certificate for receiving cash benefits for burial.
The body of the deceased is located in the morgue of a medical institution and remains there until the body is transported to the city morgue or to the place of burial (cremation). The day and place of transportation should be determined depending on the wishes of the relatives of the deceased.

If death occurs in a public place:

If an accident happened on the road or in a public place, then the police and an ambulance are called, from the scene the body of the deceased is sent to the forensic morgue. When a relative or other disappeared close person, you must contact the police. You will be given the addresses of forensic mortuaries where you can drive to identify the body and obtain an opinion on the cause of death.

If the death was violent (accident, murder, suicide, car accident, burns, drowning, falling from a height, etc.):

In the event of a violent death or suspicion of it, the body of the deceased without fail, from the scene, is sent to the forensic morgue. The police or prosecutor's office conducts an inspection on the fact of death, as a result of which a criminal case is initiated or a decision is made to refuse to initiate a criminal case.
For the burial of the deceased, you will need to obtain permission from the police or the prosecutor's office, depending on who is conducting the check on the fact of death. You need to obtain a burial permit before registering your death at the registry office.
After receiving a medical certificate of death, in the registry office, at the place of residence of the deceased, obtain a stamped death certificate and a death certificate (form 33). Form 33 is a certificate for receiving cash benefits for burial.
Call an agent of the funeral service to place an order for the provision of funeral services and organize a funeral.

All of us, family psychologists and psychotherapists, know how difficult it is for loved ones in the event of a person's death. And if we delve deeper into the aspect of grief, we will be faced with the fact that it is not so much pity for the one who died, as for himself, who was left alone and feels abandoned. All people go through this, unfortunately, from time to time, you have to lose loved ones.

But you have to live somehow. And the best option would be to quickly get out of this state, letting go of the person, and building your future.

One of my clients, whom I know for a long time, went through this. Her husband died. It happened unexpectedly, an accident where he was not driving. Everyone is alive, but he is not. She lived with it for a while. helped by two daughters - a high school student and a student. The husband came in a dream, asked to let him go.

Looking at the situation as an esoteric psychotherapist, and examining the causes of death, one can understand how a person lived, what connections he had, and who has what karma, why all this happened. And, based on this, already build your future.

But to begin with, as an esoteric psychotherapist, I recommend doing a technique such as the "goodbye pattern." It allows you to let go of the deceased, and as quickly as possible (as possible) bring yourself into an adequate state.

So, working on the story of my client from Moscow, we came to the conclusion that her husband had lost the meaning of life. They were in business. things were going well. The client objected that we had many projects, but now it turned out that these were all projects of the wife, not the husband.

And, indeed, she remembered his words, something from a series: I'm tired, I'm tired of everything…. I won't see my grandchildren ... I don't want anything else, and I won't build another house ...

Further, as an esoteric psychotherapist, I came to the conclusion that there was a certain blockage from above from his karma. It looked like this: he loved his wife very much. They have been together since school. Her husband idolized her, but she was the head of all business projects. The spouse stopped developing, scored on himself, he was always "with her", but he himself, as a person, found himself, somewhere, lost.

And at the time of the accident, he was without her, when looking at the situation, it just became apparent that he had to be separate from her. The wife confirmed that they were always there, together, they did everything together. She felt like herself.

So what's next? We came to the conclusion that he created a good base for himself for a future birth. He has very close ties with his family, financially everything is also excellent here. The husband put in a lot of effort. And now, most likely, he will be born again, again, in this family. Maybe this will already be the grandson's version.

According to the situation, everything did not look very destructive and overwhelming. There were some lines of force, as if all this was going according to a certain program. Let me note that death is such a program, when a person enters another world, then there he is cleared of negative habits, attachments, and other life troubles. Therefore, the dead sometimes ask through dreams and ask to be released as quickly as possible, and they, having passed this path, were able to incarnate again, already in a new body.

There is one more important point worth noting. It is associated with religion. If, for example, the deceased was Orthodox, then it will be good to conduct all the rituals - 9 days, 40 days. And also order a commemoration for a year. requiem, magpie and put candles on the eve. These are not easy actions. At this moment, the deceased receives energies that allow him to go through the afterlife faster and not languish. Therefore, commemoration will always be a big plus, both for the deceased and for his relatives (as a kind of relief for the soul, and a brighter state).

But here, too, there is one interesting point that we can also take into account. For example, my personal experience. For a long time I remembered my grandmothers in church, but then, after many years had passed, for some reason I didn't want to do this. I began to find out why? And then the answer came to me. These are no longer grandmothers, but girls, they have already incarnated, so there is no one there (no one to remember). Wat such an interesting point.

At the end of the article I will say on the topic: could death be foreseen? According to some of his words - yes. In this case, one could also turn to an esoteric psychotherapist in order to see the further path of a person and make a correction for the future. The same applies to people - extremals, where an increased craving for death is indirectly traced. It is also better to remove such programs. Although, everyone decides for himself. # Esotericonline # learning esoteric # "esotericvideo #problems breed

#remove the corruption #remove the curse #remove the spell # divinationonline #settlement #esoteric for beginners # "fortune-telling # fortune-tellingfree #" esotericfree

Useful Tips

Immediately after the death of a loved one, you do not need to do anything. Take as much time for yourself as you need. Someone wants to sit next to the deceased, and someone immediately leaves. You may want someone to make sure your body is level until the joints are stiff and unable to move. Rigor begins in the first hours after death.

How long you can stay with the body depends on where the death occurred. If a loved one died at home, there is no need to move the body immediately. This time is used by a person for religious, cultural or ethnic customs that accompany death.

If death occurs somewhere outside the home, in a hospital or in a nursing home, discuss all important points with the staff in advance if possible. This will help them plan things out so that you can have time with your loved one who has died.

Some people want the whole family to sit with a loved one who has departed, comfort each other and, possibly, share memories.

If a person died at home

So what to do if a loved one dies at home?

1. First of all, you must call the ambulance team for the doctors to record the death.

Doctors may suggest that you perform an autopsy. This medical procedure is performed by a pathologist in order to find out the exact cause of death. For example, if a person is believed to have died of Alzheimer's disease, then an autopsy of the brain will provide a definitive diagnosis.

If your religion or culture opposes an autopsy, ask your doctor accordingly. Some people planning a funeral worry that the autopsy site will be visible, but all physical signs are always covered up by clothing.

2. After calling an ambulance, you must call the police so that a representative of the authorities is convinced that the death is not violent.

3. Next, you should contact the funeral services bureau to take away the body. After that, call the ritual agent of the city ritual service, you can also use the services of a private ritual service.

4. You must obtain a body examination report from the police, and a death certificate from the medical staff.

5. The next day, you must take your passport, body examination report, death certificate, medical card and medical certificate of the deceased, as well as his passport and go to the morgue in order to issue a medical death certificate.

After receiving a medical death certificate, you need to contact the registry office at the place of residence of the deceased in order to obtain a stamped death certificate, which is the main document of the deceased person. You should also be given a death certificate.

Where did the person die

What if a loved one dies in a medical institution?

When a person dies in a hospital, the nurse or attending physician informs the family about it, as well as notifies them of which morgue the body is in. The loved ones of the deceased after the sad news should take several steps.

1. First of all, you should call a ritual agent of public services or contact a private service.

2. Then you should contact the morgue registry to issue a medical death certificate.

3. After the medical death certificate is in your hands, go to the registry office at the place of residence of the deceased in order to issue a stamped death certificate and a death certificate.

What if a loved one dies in a public place?

When a person dies in a public place, his body will be sent from the scene to the forensic morgue to establish the cause of death and in order to issue a medical death certificate.

After the relatives of the deceased learn about the incident, they must take the following steps.

1. Go to the morgue registry in order to issue a medical death certificate.

2. Then contact a public or private ritual service, call a ritual agent.

3. After the medical death certificate is in hand, you must contact the registry office at your place of residence to obtain a death certificate and a stamped death certificate.

What if a loved one passed away as a result of a violent death?

If the death of a person did not occur for natural reasons, then his body is sent to the forensic morgue. This is done in the event of a car accident, murder, accident, suicide, etc.

The prosecutor's office or the police conduct their own check on the fact of death, based on the results of which a criminal case is either initiated, or a decision is given to refuse to initiate it.

A man died: what to do?

In order to bury a loved one, you need:

Obtain permission for the possibility of burial from the prosecutor's office or from the police.

Obtain a stamped death certificate from the registry office at the place of residence.

Contact a ritual agent from a city or private ritual service.

What if a person died in the country?

If a person dies in the country, outside the city or in a garden area, then a doctor must come from the local first-aid post, clinic or district ambulance in order for them to ascertain death. You can find out the phone number in the help desk.

Then you should call the district or police officers so that they draw up a protocol on the examination of the body. In order to transport the body of a deceased person to the morgue of your place of residence, you must obtain a medical death certificate from the registry of the local morgue or from a doctor at the clinic.

In order to take the body of a deceased person to the morgue of a large city, you can call a special service, which you will also be advised in the information services.

What to do when a relative dies in a foreign city?

When a person dies far from home, in a foreign city or country, in addition to organizing funeral events in his city, it is necessary to obtain a medical death certificate in the locality where the person died, having applied to the local medical institution. It is also necessary to transport the human body to the burial site. The transportation of the deceased is called "cargo 200".

A loved one died

A loved one of the deceased can come for the body himself by ordering this service from a specialized service. The ritual agency can also transport the body on its own, they, among other things, can prepare all the necessary acts and certificates, accompany the body during transportation and conduct a funeral ceremony.

What to do if a loved one died abroad?

If a person dies in a foreign country during a short visit (as a tourist or on business), then the implementation of the necessary procedures falls on the consulate of his home country. However, the costs of transporting the body of the deceased are borne by the relative.

In order to transport a person's body to their homeland, you need a passport of the deceased with a visa and a death certificate, which indicates that the person's death occurred in a foreign country. This certificate must be legalized and translated.

If the deceased person was insured, then the insurance company will cover most of the costs if the person died as a result of an accident or illness. But there will be no compensation if the death occurred as a result of toxic, alcoholic or drug intoxication, as well as if there was a suicide. It is also unlikely that it will be possible to receive any payments if the deceased was a participant in uprisings, strikes or was part of the military forces and formations.

What documents are needed to carry out a burial for Russian citizens?

For both burial and cremation, the following documents are required:

The body examination protocol that you receive from the police officers;

Death certificate issued by the ambulance team or the doctor of the polyclinic;

The morgue staff or the doctor of the polyclinic must issue you a medical (medical) death certificate;

The man died that needed

Stamp death certificate from the registry office;

Certificate of receipt of burial allowance from the state, which is issued by an employee of the registry office;

An agreement with a funeral service for the provision of services (public or private).

Among other things, if the deceased is going to be cremated, then they add to the list of documents for registration of cremation:

A receipt confirming that relatives paid for the burial of the urn, or a statement from a trustee that the urn will be buried elsewhere.

How to get compensation for a funeral in Russia?

People who are socially insured have the right to receive compensation for performing funeral services. Money can be received on the day of application, for this you must present a certificate of death issued by the registry office.

Compensation can be issued by one of the following organizations:

The company in which the deceased person worked and was insured;

The body where the person was given a pension;

Organization of social protection at the place of residence, if the deceased person was not insured.

Documents required to receive compensation:

Internal passport of the applicant

Application drawn up in the required form

Help that confirms death

Employment book or documentary evidence that at the time of death the person did not work

A certificate from the cemetery, which will indicate the number of the grave.

Help, a man died

It should be noted that compensation is also issued at the birth of a still child, if the pregnancy was older than 196 days. Compensation is issued no later than 6 months after the death of a person.

We will share with you some of the advice of a lawyer, what to fear in such a delicate matter as organizing a burial.

Funeral fraud is not a new phenomenon. Today, the ritual business occupies a leading position in terms of profitability, and the grieving relatives of the deceased are ready to give any money so that the last journey of a loved one is worthy.