Beauty and health of teeth 

How to talk to a child so that he hears you. Down with "Say" and "Repeat". Let the child decide

Working mothers, oddly enough, are better at building dialogues with their children - because time trouble organizes a person, and they have only a few minutes before going to bed, during which they need to have time to say and hear a lot. Yulia Sonina and speech therapist Natalia Perel - about how and what to talk about with a child

Chekhov has a story on the topic of communication with a child. It's called "Home". About the prosecutor of the district court and his seven-year-old son Serezha. One evening, when the prosecutor comes home from work, the governess tells him that Seryozha climbed into his father's table, took tobacco and smoked. IN educational purposes the prosecutor for a long time tries by all means to convey to his son how bad it is for health, what the consequences of climbing into someone else's table can be, and what property is - all in vain. The case ends with the fact that the prosecutor tells his son a fairy tale about a prince who smoked and smoked and died of consumption. And this takes his son. Shocked Serezha promises not to smoke anymore.

You can always find an approach to a person - there would be a desire. As a rule, the child is open to communication. He always has a joke in reserve about a Frenchman, a German and a Russian who are flying in an airplane. He can retell this endless anecdote, like the Forsyte Saga, as many times as he likes, without changing a single word in it. Until mom sends him to dad in the evening, provoking a dispute over who is more tired - dad at work or mom - first also at work, and then all evening one on one with a child, French, German and Russian. No matter how tired the parents are of this chatter, the child cannot be turned off. You need to get used to his twitter, ideally - learn to enjoy it. Not only children, but people in principle, it is important to be able to talk - to express their thoughts and feelings. And feelings are even more important. Perhaps this is the secret of family happiness.

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A separate story - children-introverts. There is nothing wrong. It will just be more difficult with such a child. You never know what's in his heart. Is he satisfied? Dissatisfied? And if not satisfied, then what? It is not easier for introverted parents who find it difficult to talk with children. From time to time, posts like this appear on parental forums: “The speech therapist told me that I need to talk to the child, but I can’t. I'm not very talkative at all." Here you need to be able to cross yourself. Especially if the child does not go to kindergarten. home education implies that the child learns the world through his mother, grandmother or nanny who sits with him. This is a big responsibility, and it should be understood that you need to talk to the child, and a lot. Speech is the highest psychofunction. Our world is arranged in such a way that we communicate with the help of language - we formulate thoughts, convey emotions. And it's not as easy as it seems at first glance.

Don't train

When talking with a child, you do not need to play the teacher with capital letter. Step on the throat of your pedagogical song. A child is a person just like you. Only he has less life experience. And this is a big plus. No adult will listen to you with such attention. So try to be an interesting conversationalist.

Give an example

An adult person sometimes cannot express what he feels, and it is a million times more difficult for a child to do this. So your question is “what, couldn’t you tell?” - rhetorical. Could not. The child must be taught to speak. At the age of three, he is unlikely to be able to find out for himself where the toilet is in a cafe or ask a saleswoman in a stall how much ice cream costs. He needs to be given speech model and the opportunity, if anything, to hide behind your beautiful skirt: “Come and say: “How much does your popsicle cost?” Or do you want me to ask this time, and you look and ask next time? The main thing is not to press, leave the retreat.

Find a topic

Oddly enough, questions from the series “What for tomorrow homework? or “Where did you get your jacket dirty?” not very conducive to conversation. There is a list of more friendly topics:

  • How was the day?
  • What was interesting?
  • What did they do during recess?
  • What was served for breakfast?
  • What did they play? Will you teach? Explain the rules.
  • Who are you friends with?

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shut up

The child has the right to silence. He must be respected.

Have fun together

The general impressions of going to football, to the dentist or visiting grandma are very close. Speech constructions like “Do you remember how...” and “Did you see how she...” help to establish contact even with strangers.

Create a ritual

It is not necessary to talk to the child 24 hours a day with a break for sleep and food. It exhausts the smeared action. In order to conserve energy, set aside for intimate conversations certain time and place. For example, 15 minutes on the way to kindergarten or school. Or half an hour in the nursery before bed. Every day, with the phone off. You can also pat him on the head.

Don't copy his slang

Unlike young children who see adults as role models, teenagers want to differentiate themselves from us. Don't try to speak their language and play girlfriend. This will be regarded as the seizure of territory.

Playing drama

When communicating with children, we often use a method that is called “monodrama” in psychology. When a child chooses a toy for himself, which will be “him” in the game, and dad or mom, with the help of other toys, play all the other roles. You can just play whatever you want. You can play different instructive situations. For example, "How I took the car from Sasha and why you shouldn't do that."

Tutta Larsen, TV and radio presenter, son Luka (9 years old), daughter Marfa (5 years old)

I don't go home much, but when I'm with the kids, I belong to them to the fullest. If they say something, I listen. So far, full-fledged conversations are obtained only with Luka. It is enough for Marfa to read a bedtime story and kiss her, but Luka has questions. He wants dialogue. Usually we communicate with him while he takes a bath before going to bed. This good time and an environment where you can talk about important things without fuss. That is, the conversation begins as if about nothing, and then it turns out that it is about something important. Recently, the topic of sex has come up. Our dog went into heat and my son was worried she was dying. I explained everything to him. He thought for a couple of days and asked the following question: “Does this happen to people?” I said, "Yes, if the woman is not pregnant." A couple of days later, he asked why people do this and that. And when I said that this is called sex and people do it so that they have children, my son remembered my own words. When he was small, I said that children are born from kisses. What should I say to a four-year-old child? A new version he didn't like it. He said, “Ugh! Muck! I will never do this." No so no. He will grow up and understand that sex is not disgusting, but joy. Then he went to the country, where, as usual, he played and rode a bicycle with his friend and peer Danya. And when he returned home, he asked: “Mom, is there sex with two women?”

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Ksenia Kesoyan, sons Lev (13 years old), David (6 years old)

When Leva was little, he began any dialogue with the words: “Let me tell you something funny.” Then followed a story about anything, but it is imperative that at the end everyone laughed. In fact, he immediately warned about it. And we were touched and praised: “Well done what - such funny story! Ahaha". If today I ask Leva the question “how are things at school?”, then, most likely, I will hear the answer “fine”. The more questions about the topic of study, the more formal and rigid the conversation becomes. When I want full-fledged communication, I can hint: “Here, in one blog, they compiled the top best rock ballads of all time, and there, can you imagine, there is not a single Led Zeppelin composition at all.” And for the next hour and a half, we'll be chatting animatedly. Moreover, Leva will speak, and I will do what is in the language of the fans of Theory big bang is called empathic listening. To talk to the younger David, you need to ask “Do you think Kirill knows how to craft a cake?” and then listen for a long time to what they ate in kindergarten who is sick, who is new. And, most importantly, I will understand that everything is fine - they are happy with life.

I will tell you a fairy tale

Storytelling is a theatrical genre, literally "storytelling". In fact, it is much more difficult than reading a book aloud, but also much more interesting. Especially if the narrator does it informally and targeted, involving listeners in the process. Try this: you compose a fairy tale up to a certain point, the child repeats the last phrase after you and continues on. "And so Vanya went where his eyes look." This can be done by the whole family - for example, when you are sitting in a car in a terrible traffic jam. Anything is better than arguing.

Anna Ilyina, daughter Sonya (5 years old)

In our family recent years 200 only girls are born and only talkative. It's not a problem. This is a tradition. Several generations of parents have tried to neutralize this talkativeness, or at least turn it to their advantage. While I was saying something, it's like, if only there was a sound, my mother could calmly do household chores. All Skodas - overturned teapots and broken vases - I did in silence. Therefore, my mother was satisfied with my sound. And in the case when it was necessary to quickly shut me up for a few minutes to make a call, for example, by phone, my mother used simple trick. She seated me on a stool and told me to fold my “lips into a bow” and sit like that for a minute. Because then someday I will have a beautiful mouth. The mouth has grown like a mouth, but the reception is good - I have already tested it on my daughter.

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Oksana Ioffe, daughter Irina (9 years old), son Andrey (5 years old)

I have noticed that my children enjoy hearing stories about themselves. The topic “how I was little” is especially fond of the son. “How did you know that I would be with you? What did you say when you first saw me? How did you know that I'm your son and not someone else's?" We often talk about this topic, and I noticed that it is very important to stick to the "canonical" text here. Since the details of the story, repeated many times, he remembers literally and perceives any deviations painfully. It seems to unnerve him, brings chaos into the once and for all rebuilt picture of the world. There is also the topic “how were you when you were little?”. Modern children, even the most advanced ones, in my observation, are poorly oriented in time. For them, 1985 and 1895 are about the same thing. Infinite away. And the stories of eyewitnesses from those prehistoric times, children listen with bated breath. They ask a lot of questions, they are amazed, they remember some details for a long time. I once said that in my early childhood Collective farmers in carts came to the market, and I was very surprised. My modern children do not even believe in the theoretical possibility of this - horses on the streets. But it’s normal for them to ask: “What was your favorite computer game?”, “What was your game console"," What was your favorite arcade game machine? And to be horrified to hear that I didn’t even have a VCR and on a weekday you could only watch the cartoon in the program “ Goodnight, kids.

Summary: We talk with the child in the language of feelings. Try to ask less questions. Statement phrases help the child understand: they hear him. Avoid stereotypes when talking to children.

This skill facilitates our communication with the child in daily situations. For example, in case of disobedience or when the child experiences strong negative feelings and cannot control himself. This skill helps to find the right words for encouragement and condemnation. And it is also necessary if we want to transfer responsibility for the events of his life to the child himself.

Speak the language of feelings.

We've all seen our toddler or teen upset, angry, confused, or experiencing a whole gamut of feelings at the same time. How to talk to him so that in response he does not shout that they do not understand him here, and slam the door?

First of all, you need to listen to the child: what is happening to him? What does he or she feel?

Try to imagine yourself in his place. What would you yourself feel in this situation - anger, resentment, pain, maybe hunger?

Name this feeling: "You are now offended (angry, feeling pain, hunger ...)".

Say "Would you like..." and help him satisfy those desires in his imagination.

The child will understand: his feelings are recognized. He is told not about what he should feel, but about what he is really experiencing at this moment. He does not need to be afraid or ashamed of his emotions. He learns to recognize himself, to trust himself. Speaking the language of feelings makes him feel safe.

It is very important to let the child understand that he can experience two feelings at the same time. For example, he likes to play with his younger brother. But if at some point all the adults gathered around the baby, the elder feels abandoned and may even experience hatred.

Wouldn't the child get worse if negative experiences were named after them? On the contrary, he will be more easily and quickly consoled if he hears the exact designation of his negative feelings - he was understood and accepted. This helps even when the child wants something very badly. If the other person understands the power of this desire, it is much easier to cope with the absence of the desired.

Do you ask questions?

The idea to teach parents the correct language belongs to the famous American child psychologist X. Ginottu. He believes that in order to better understand the feelings of the child, one should not ask him questions, but speak out in the form of statements.

For example: the son came from school gloomy and somewhat rumpled. Ginott advises avoiding questions like, "Why do you look so sad?", "What did you do again?" It's better to comment: "You had a hard day today." Or: "You seem to have had a hard time."

Statement phrases help the child understand: they hear him.

Often, with our questions, we focus negative attention on the child. Try not to ask your son or daughter any questions for a few days. Want to know something? Either refrain from the question or change it. Say only what you feel or are going to do yourself. Not what the child does or should do. For example, instead of: "How will you get home?" - "I'm worried about you. I would like to know that you will get home in complete safety."

Without stereotypes.

It is clear that we may not like a lot in the behavior of a son or daughter. In addition, we are worried that some events may affect their future life.

It is often difficult to contain your feelings. And our language itself gives out the usual formulations when we speak with a child. Still, it is worth trying and gradually accustoming yourself to a certain algorithm, a sequence of statements. This algorithm was proposed by the Bayards, well-known adolescent relationship consultants.

Let's say you are going to discuss some not very pleasant situation with your child - for example, skipping classes at school.

1. Formulate in one sentence what you want to say. If you did not hear about the incident from a child, explain how you came to know. "The school called today and said you haven't been there in 10 days."

2. Say how you feel about this situation: "I'm worried," "I'm upset about this," "I'm surprised."

3. Point to possible consequences such behaviour. In this case, you can exaggerate something. It is important that the child understands that this is the result of your thinking. Then it will not injure him and will not provoke him to fulfill your fantasies in practice. "I imagine you dropping out of school, roaming the streets, not being able to find a job, etc."

4. Admit your helplessness. At the same time, express a desire for what the child himself should do. "I want you to finish high school. But I know I can't constantly control you and make you do it."

Children are great happiness. With this, we think, no parent in the world can argue. But usually, simultaneously with the birth of a baby, parental delusions and illusions are born. And one of the most common misconceptions concerns communicating with your own child. Few of the mothers and fathers seriously think about how to properly communicate with the child. It seems to them that the baby will always be obedient and attentive, and difficult moments will never arise. But as soon as the threat of misunderstanding looms between mom and baby, parental self-confidence disappears without a trace. We will try to give some actionable recommendations about how to properly communicate with the child.

The role of communication in the development of the baby

Mother and child begin to communicate during pregnancy. Literally from the first months after conception, the baby recognizes the voice of his mother and can distinguish her emotional background. funny songs and reading children's fairy tales soothe the baby, and in the future after the birth of an echo this communication allows mom to quickly establish emotional contact with her baby. Psychologists and pediatricians have proven that children with whom parents communicated before birth are more calm, self-confident and develop much faster than their peers. They are less susceptible various problems in adolescence and already as adults do not lose close connection with own parents.

From birth to two or three years, communication with the baby is a monologue. Parents talk a lot and with different emotional coloring, and the child listens and learns to distinguish various shades speech. The more you talk to your baby during this period, the faster he will learn to talk. After all, the culture of speech is formed in a child unconsciously, he copies the words and manner of speech of his parents. Therefore, if you think that a child under three years old does not listen too much to your manner of speaking, then you are seriously mistaken. Once he starts talking, he will copy exactly what he has heard before and what he will hear daily. It is useless to correct various speech errors in a baby when you yourself make them several times a day.

Approximately from the age of three, the baby begins to communicate actively and opens up for parents here. wide field for its development. Every day he is able to assimilate new information, replenish his lexicon and at the same time grow spiritually and mentally. Communication during this period of time becomes one of the most important aspects the life of the child, so parents should devote a lot of time to him. Lack of communication, as well as his poor quality, the baby perceives as a lack of love for him. This further provokes the development of various psychological problems.

In adolescence, communication with a child is again reduced to a monologue. A teenager tends to be silent and listen to his parents. He is not too willing to make contact and tries to minimize it. But do not think that the child no longer needs to talk to you and share his joys and troubles. Such a need is still present, but the teenager cannot formulate it correctly and move with his parents to new form communication, when the conversation takes place on an equal footing. But without such a dialogue between two kindred and equal souls, it is difficult to become an adult and learn to have a discussion or simply express your thoughts.

As you can see, at any age your child needs communication. But we will definitely tell you how to properly communicate with a child.

Aspects of communication with the baby

Keep in mind that you will have to build communication with the crumbs throughout his life. Be prepared for the fact that at its different stages you will have to radically change the already built scheme, adjusting to age-related changes child. But in any case, the aspects of communication will always remain the same. They can be listed as follows:

  1. A culture of speech

From the moment your baby is born, try to improve and expand your vocabulary. Feel free to read books and special literature that will help you develop. This approach will form your child's correct and competent speech, which will not only develop him mentally, but will also help in the future when entering school.

  1. Communicative and educational

If you are thinking about how to properly communicate with a child, then one of the answers will be emotionally. Baby doesn't just take from you important information, he seems to "absorb" parental feelings, emotions, energy message. You bring him up with literally every word and teach him how to communicate with everyone around him. The spiritual connection that is formed in the process emotional communication, will connect mother and child throughout life and will help in difficult moments.

  1. Understanding

Communication with the child is necessary in order to understand him. Otherwise, any conversation is meaningless. Already a three-year-old toddler has the right to his opinion and mood. Unfortunately, he is not always able to correctly express his little grievances and disappointments. But it is the parents who should teach the baby to express their emotions and conduct a dialogue even if he is angry. Understanding the child, listening to him and showing empathy is the main aspect of communication.

If all of the above aspects are observed in your daily dialogue with your child, then you can be envied. After all, strong contact has been established in your family, and communication is built naturally and harmoniously. But, unfortunately, most often parents do not even notice how many daily mistakes they make in a conversation with their children. But these annoying blunders can be completely avoided if you analyze your phrases directed towards the baby a little.

The most common mistakes parents make when communicating with their children

Many parents believe that they are raising their child correctly and do not even think about how their daily dialogue with him is built. And this is not surprising - there are so many worries and problems around that sometimes it is quite difficult to control yourself at home. So orders, threats and ultimatums fly to the children. Think it's not about you? Let's check. Here is a list of the most common parental communication flaws:

  1. command manner

This is typical of many parents, they often do not even notice how they begin to state their requests to the child in an orderly manner. The kid misses his parents all day long, waiting for them from work, and at the meeting he gets only something like this - “Don't scream! Eat faster! Go wash your hands immediately!” Ugly picture, isn't it? In addition, she very quickly destroys emotional contact with the child. At first, he closes in on himself, then becomes embittered, and in adolescence he begins to do everything contrary to the given orders. If you are interested in the opinion of the child, his feelings and emotions, then in no case allow yourself such communication.

  1. Ultimate communication

This manner is quite common in conversations with both kids and teenagers. Parents manipulate what is dear to the child for one purpose - to get what they want from him. Such communication confuses him, he is torn between the desire to fulfill the request and resentment for its submission.

  1. education

Often, parents do not even notice how their daily communication with children turns into a series of moralizing. In response to any story about the day, a request or comment, the child hears a series of moralizing conversations and comments. This kind of talk is irritating and further essence such conversations are simply completely missed. Your child will quickly learn to “disconnect” from you and stop perceiving any information coming to him.

  1. Adviсe

It is very difficult for parents to get rid of the habit of giving advice, it seems to them that without a guide to action, their beloved child simply cannot exist. Unfortunately, parents usually advise in response to the complaint of the baby. At this moment, the child is waiting for understanding, sympathy and support, and receives whole list recommendations. This offends and forces your child to withdraw into himself. The next time the child may not tell you about the problem, so as not to listen to advice. Please note that it is necessary to advise very dosed. This is acceptable only when you are asked for advice or after you yourself ask the child for permission to give advice. Otherwise, such behavior will only alienate children from their parents.

  1. “But I told you!”

This phrase is the scourge of communication with children, it kills any mutual understanding and trust. Even when you are absolutely right and have repeatedly warned your unlucky child about something, then still try to restrain yourself. Believe me, the child is already upset, so he does not need an additional reminder of his insolvency at all.

  1. accusations

Do not blame the child for anything. The habit of commenting on children's actions through a personal relationship does not carry an educational moment and interferes with communication. If the child is guilty, then calmly comment on his act, but in no case go over to the individual with accusations and criticism.

  1. Communication in the form of guesses

Do not think for the child of his feelings and emotions. Communication from the position “I know everything about you” offends the baby, he experiences not only resentment, but also moral devastation. And this, in turn, will not contribute to building trust and warm relationship with parents.

All children are individual and better than parents no one knows the peculiarities of the psyche of the baby. But still there are some rules of communication that must be observed with all children without exception. Only in this case, the baby will hear you, perceive and with great willingness to make contact. And this is the most the main objective communication between parents and children, right? If you stick following recommendations, then your emotional contact with the baby will always be strong, and communication will bring only joy:

  • Start any conversation with the installation emotional contact. To do this, stroke the baby, kiss and hug him. You can look into his eyes, take his hand, and only then begin to communicate. Surprisingly, this rule works great with teenagers. After all, they need no less than babies tactile contact and parental tenderness.
  • Always answer all your child's questions honestly and frankly. If for some reason you cannot satisfy your baby's thirst for knowledge, then tell him the reason and the time when you will be ready to continue communication.
  • Avoid a mocking tone in conversation, it is perfectly readable by children of any age. Try to communicate only on an equal footing, and this advice does not depend on childhood. three year old baby- this is the same personality as a thirteen-year-old teenager. He also has his own problems and worries, which seem to him just insanely heavy. You should listen and help, and not mockingly dismiss the child.
  • Do not forget to praise your baby, but it must be done correctly. Do not put the child on a pedestal and shower him with praise for any action. It is necessary to praise for those actions for which the baby had to overcome something and make some efforts on himself. Evaluation and recognition of his victory will give the baby a feeling of joy, and a desire to move to new heights.
  • Be interested in the life of the child and do not be indifferent. Believe me, children always feel sincere interest and can distinguish it from the ostentatious. If you are not ready to communicate right now, then calmly explain this to the child and set the time period when you will come up and talk with pleasure with him.
  • Use figurative speech in a conversation with your child, give examples from your favorite fairy tales and try to explain various phenomena in understandable to the baby language.

At the end of our article, I would like to say that communication with your child is a very great value. After all, not a single moment of life, unfortunately, can be repeated and you will not have time to look back, how your “chick” will grow up and “fly out” of the family nest. Therefore, appreciate every precious moment spent with the baby. After all, it is from such trifles that a whole life is built and true parental love is manifested.

How? One of the most important issues that parents have to face, because you need not only to speak, but also to do it right.

The process of communication with a child begins from the very first minutes of his life, gradually acquiring various forms and including new factors that make it possible to exclude quarrels and turn interaction with a child into an exciting process. That is why answering the question: “How to talk to a child?” several factors should be distinguished: the behavior of parents and the characteristics age development his child.

First age stage begins, according to many psychologists, even when the baby is in the womb and ends at about three years. Starting communication with an unborn baby is a personal decision for everyone, but according to experts, at this time it is still favorable to speak, sing songs, turn on classical music. After the appearance of the baby, communication becomes mandatory and it is recommended to include in it:

  • Quiet, soft speech, accompanied by a smile, thanks to this, the baby will feel comfortable and safe.
  • Sound imitation of the baby, thus, can make it clear to the baby that he is loved and understood, but you can’t drag out the “hawking” because it is necessary to accustom the baby to normal speech, so it’s worth doing smooth transition from a child's speech to a more adult one. By adding other sounds to speech, then words, and after that communication occurs only in words. This technique not only helps the baby, but also helps parents remember what they were when they were the same small children.
  • You can make communication with children more alive with the help of non-verbal means, that is, gestures. When telling your child about something, try to point to the object, thereby drawing the attention of your child to it.
  • The use of short simple sentences. It is recommended to repeat what was said if the baby did not understand or did not remember.
  • It is possible and necessary to educate and develop children in the game. One of effective techniques"Mirror". It is necessary to sit opposite the child and exactly repeat all his movements, facial expressions, sounds, after the baby is interested, speak cognitive and interesting things until the child starts losing attention again. This technique can be repeated about two or three times in one day, but you should not abuse it, otherwise it may lose its effectiveness.

The use of such simple ways necessary, because it is thanks to them that you can show your child your love and interest.

The second age stage is from three to seven years, at this time children actively learn about the world and everything around them, they ask a lot of questions, build their guesses and theories. It is important to follow some recommendations so that the baby does not grow up gloomy, sad, with a low interest in the world or self-esteem.

  1. The word can not be used extremely rarely and after a ban on something, an explanation of "why" follows. Since it is at this age that children begin to understand the causal relationship and so that they do not have to try everything on their own to get own experience, you need to explain each step and its consequences.
  2. Use of paraphrasing. The number should not be reduced, so you have to learn one of the techniques of psychology - paraphrasing. For example, if your child wants to tear something off a doll or intends to break a car, you can turn it into Living being: but wouldn't it hurt the typewriter, and if they did that to you? This wording gives your child the opportunity to think and understand that it is undesirable to do this.
  3. The endless “why” is not for nothing that this age is called “why”. And that is why it is very interesting with young children, because they look at the world differently, they are interested in what adults have completely forgotten. It is mandatory to answer questions and only in a language understandable to the baby. If it suddenly turns out that you do not know the answer to the question, turn the situation into a game and let him feel like a detective, for example, and find the answer to the question together.

But perhaps the most difficult in terms of communication is adolescence, if in childhood parents are an unconditional authority and example for the baby, then teenagers often do everything in defiance, making a kind of revolution. Do not think that with such behavior your child is trying to alienate the family, it is at this age that children need increased attention and support.

Body restructuring, naughty hormones, role reversal, sexual awareness - this is only a small part of what a growing person has to face. In dealing with children adolescence you can rely on the following recommendations:

  • Reinforcing self-confidence, it is at this time that the child’s confidence is catastrophically low. Reproaches and claims only exacerbate the situation, turning the family into enemies. Therefore, it is necessary to praise your child more often, to encourage new useful hobbies and interests.
  • When committing a negative act, look and scold the act, not the child himself. Let him know that you are not turning your back on him.
  • You need to learn to listen to the child and talk to him, the best role for parents is a friend, you should not doubt you, you main support and a support that will understand and not condemn. But it is worth observing the measure and not patronizing the child, the time has come when he must learn to take responsibility for his actions himself.
  • Treat your child like an adult, it's very hard, but it's important. The child has grown up and now he is becoming an adult, right now an adult from the role of a mentor, develops into a friend, and it is only in the hands of the parents whether this transition will happen or not.

When communicating with children of any age, but especially with teenagers, one should not perceive the child as a being below himself, which must be obeyed, such an approach will not bring anything good. Golden Rule interaction with the child - to be perceived as an equal, then he will not only listen, but also ask for advice or support in a given situation.

General rules for fruitful communication with a child

  1. Children do not perceive open moralizing or moralizing, but often this is indispensable, so they choose creative forms: parables, fairy tales, selected films or videos. The main thing is to be interesting.
  2. Constantly improve yourself and interest your child. Indeed, according to most teachers the best upbringing that is based on personal example.
  3. Sincerity, children - the most effective sensor for lies, they feel it a mile away. Therefore, entering into a dialogue, you must believe in your truth.
  4. Brevity is the key to understanding, children concentrate for a small period of time, therefore, the more meaningful and the smaller your speech, the better.
  5. Always remember that you are talking to a child, control your speech so that he can understand it. Do not use unfamiliar, heavy words, avoid subtexts and allusions. State your thoughts as precisely as possible, and since young children do not have developed abstract thinking, try not to use generalizations.

Using these tips and remembering that a child is a reflection of his parents, the process of parenting turns from a difficult task, into an amusing trip"growing up" from a baby to an adult independent person.

How to talk to a child so that he listens?

Very often, the “roots” of problems with a child’s disobedience do not grow from the characteristics of his temperament, but from how exactly we talk to them. How to talk to a child is somewhat different from how we are used to communicating with adults.

To find mutual understanding with your baby and make sure that your request is heard by him, you need to be guided by some recommendations.

1. When talking to a child, it is very important not to take an authoritarian position, which may be perceived by him as such, at least on the basis that you look down on him. Therefore, psychologists recommend to go down to the level of the baby’s eyes so that he can communicate with you “on an equal footing”.

2. In a conversation, address the child by name, try to speak confidently, but at the same time gently, without an edifying tone. Words and phrases of politeness (thank you, please) will not only show the child your good attitude but also teach him to be polite.

3. Children are very bad at perceiving long phrases and reasoning. They also talk to each other in such a way that the dialogue is built on small sentences, which at the same time carry all the information necessary for the interlocutor. Therefore, if your goal is to ask a child to do something, the request should fit in one phrase. And to understand for sure whether the child understood you, ask to repeat your request. If the baby cannot do this, gets confused, then your wording was difficult for him. Also remember that it is better for children under three years old to repeat the request several times so that they better perceive and remember it. And with older children, this option will not work - repeating the request will only cause them irritation.

4. If the child does not want to do something, then you need to find good reason to fulfill the request and arrange it in a simple phrase. For example, if the baby does not want to dress for going out, then say this: “Get dressed to go for a walk.”

5. Everyone knows that requests with a “not” particle can be poorly perceived by children. Therefore, try to somehow change the phrase, while maintaining its meaning. For example, if a child runs around the house and makes noise, then instead of “do not run”, you can say the following: “Children run on the street, but at home they walk slowly.”

6. The so-called "I-messages" also show a positive effect. They imply a message to the child of their requests or wishes precisely from own face. That is, instead of the phrase "give me a toy" it is better to say "I want you to give me a toy." You can also say "Grandma wants you to give her a toy." Such a phrase does not carry any hidden aggression for the baby. Also, "I-messages" are useful as a component of the scheme "when you ..., I / me ... because ...". For example, instead of another sharp warning “Don’t run away from me in the supermarket!” you can say "When you run away from me in the supermarket, I get scared because I'm afraid of losing you."

7. The frequently used phrase with the wording "if ... then" should be replaced with the formula "when ..., it will be possible." For example, the phrase "If you remove the toys, then you will watch cartoons" can be replaced with "When you remove the toys, you can watch cartoons."

8. If you want to call a child from another room, then it would be better to go to him and ask him to come to the kitchen / room. So he will take your request more seriously, and in addition, he will be distracted from his studies in order to listen to you.

9. If the baby does not want to do something, then you can create for him the so-called "illusion of choice." That is, if he does not want to get ready for bed in accordance with all the rules, then you can ask: “What do you want to do first - brush your teeth or put on pajamas?”. It is important for the child to decide for himself what he wants to do.

10. Ask young children the question “Why did you do this?” incorrectly, since the baby simply will not be able to answer the question. Instead, it's better to say "Let's talk about what you did" - and discuss this situation together. Also keep in mind that such discussions are best conducted when the child is calm. Talking to an overexcited baby who literally just cried or hysteria is useless.

11. If the child is naughty and does not let you go, speak clearly, for example, “I will go to the toilet. I’ll be right back”, and not “Can I go to the toilet?” This will only encourage the child to say no.

12. As for communicating with a naughty and whimpering child, here you need to take into account the following rule: the louder he yells, the more measured and quieter you should talk to him. If you yell at him, it will not help to calm down. Also, between his cries, say phrases like “I understand”, “I will help you”, show that you care about the baby’s problem.

13. Communicate with older children using notes left on the table or refrigerator door. Let them be a little with humor and various “jokes” - the children like this, and they will fulfill such a request much more willingly.

14. If your child often scatters his toys, then try to solve the problem “globally” by offering the child this option, “Vanya, where would you like to store your cars / constructor?”. In such a situation, the child will feel like an adult who decides for himself what to do with his things. As soon as the choice is made by him, he will certainly put the toys in the agreed place.

16. If you need to refuse a child's request, then try to offer him an alternative, for example: "You can't go to the festival alone, but you can invite your friends to your place."

17. Let your child know about your plans. For example, when visiting, it is better to warn the child that you are leaving soon than to abruptly pull him out of the game with peers.

18. Discussing any business with your child, try to avoid so-called closed questions which can be answered either "yes" or "no". Instead of asking "How are you at school?" it is better to ask “What did you do at school today?”, “What interesting things did you learn in the lesson?”.

19. If you need to answer a child with a categorical refusal, then it’s better to just say a firm “no” - but without screaming and any condemnation. And this is exactly the case when strict and cold tone would be very appropriate.