How to survive a divorce with a wife without too much stress? Conscious suffering and depression. Suppress your negative feelings
Natalya Kaptsova
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The departure of a husband is one of the most difficult situations in a woman's life. Divorce is a loss of trust in the closest person, the collapse of all plans, betrayal, a flurry of questions that you have to answer for yourself, and the most serious test for your willpower and self-confidence.
How to survive a divorce with a spouse? ?
Not falling into a protracted black depression is perhaps the main task in a divorce. Especially when a divorce is not a peaceful agreement of people tired of each other, but a “knife in the heart”, small children and lack of air, because then there is only emptiness. Of course, time is the best doctor, and stress-experiences go away on their own, after a while.
But this the process can, alas, be delayed for more than one year Yes, and it takes too much power. Therefore, the problem should be dealt with immediately, without accumulating resentment inside , which will then carry you down with an avalanche. What recommendations do psychologists give to women who find themselves in such situations?
- Contact a professional psychologist if you are unable to cope on your own. The stress of divorce can be very traumatic for the psyche. If not a single day goes without sedatives, the flow of tears does not dry up, and nothing can distract and interest you, the help of a psychologist will not be superfluous.
- Set a goal- be happy no matter what. Don't back down, don't give in to weaknesses, stick to your goal.
- Throw away all negativity. Do not accumulate negative emotions in yourself, getting rid of them as they come (there are many options - from breaking dishes to tears in a girlfriend's vest).
- Don't lock yourself in. No need to hide in the shell and hide from relatives and friends, devoting yourself to your "grief". This is not grief - this is a new milestone in life. It is close people who will help to overcome the difficult period as painlessly as possible. No need to be ashamed of your tears, feelings and words that someone may perceive as “whining”.
- Spend your time doing enjoyable things. Do not leave free hours for soul-searching and self-pity. Think about hobbies, friends, cinemas, etc. You should not sit at home within four walls - fill your life with pleasant events.
- No matter how much you want to take revenge on your ex-spouse, turn his life into hell, make him suffer (even involuntarily) - do not stoop to gossip and revenge. You will not fix the situation, but your reputation may suffer significantly. Not to mention the fact that the stressful state itself will only get worse from such actions. Let go of resentment.
- Do not try to replace the emptiness inside with an urgent search for a new relationship.. They will not help you forget your spouse. The relationship with your ex-husband is still too alive in your mind, and the new partner is doomed to the fact that you will constantly compare him with your spouse. Yes, and relationships built on the basis of "spite of the former" will never be durable. And even short intrigues will not bring you peace. Just give yourself time to cool down and your state of mind to stabilize. You can dive headlong into a new relationship only when the past no longer turns your soul inside out, and you are really free for new love.
- Time certainly heals. But, given the laws of our memory, from time to time you will still return to divorce and moments of living together with your spouse. A common friend suddenly met, a melody and a postcard in a box on the mezzanine can remind you of the past. The pain that you did not let go right away can then haunt you for the rest of your life. That's why your main task is to forgive. And not only for the divorce, but for everything that you were unhappy with. Remember only the good moments and mentally say thank you for having them. With these kind thoughts, let go of your grievances and your ex-husband.
- Going headlong into work and children is not the best way out. It is clear that it is necessary to distract from thoughts, but this option entails your chronic fatigue and neurotic disorders. Yes, and children need a healthy, cheerful mother, and not a pale ghost with hands shaking from processing. That's why switch to what you really wanted, but was not available in family life. Make a list of what you want. And do it methodically. Realize that now you can afford everything.
- Do not reproach yourself and do not look for the cause of the collapse of the family boat in yourself. First, it doesn't make sense. Because the divorce has already happened, and we need to move on. Secondly, in a divorce, two are always to blame. Thirdly, you are not an oracle, and could not foresee everything. Try to accept the breakup as another fait accompli of the biography, and nothing more.
- Do not allow relatives, and even more so - strangers to criticize you. They have no right to accuse you of breaking up a relationship, of having children without a father, or of being an inattentive wife. There is no need to quarrel, of course. As well as making excuses. Behave in these situations with the dignity and calmness of an elephant after bathing - “The topic is closed. Please vacate the premises”, “I don’t know who you are talking about”, “I think that my relationship with my husband concerns only the two of us.” Also ignore the ill-wishers who, at any opportunity, seek to bite you, informing about the events of the life of a stranger.
- Don't give up on yourself. Who said that a divorced woman or a woman with children cannot find happiness? According to statistics, it is in this matter that luck accompanies them more often than others. Categorically do not allow yourself to "sink" to a disheveled aunt in a worn dressing gown with circles under her eyes. Do makeup and hairstyles, watch your appearance, buy new clothes, smile to yourself! The pillow, of course, will endure your tears, but life goes on - and it's too early to bury yourself. Be an example of a self-sufficient strong-willed woman who knows her own worth for children and relatives.
- Hide out of sight everything that may remind you of the past. Souvenirs, gifts, photographs, etc. You don’t need to throw it away, just put it away. Or on the mezzanine, or even take it to the dacha and put it in the attic. Someday, when the pain subsides and enough time has passed, you will want to revisit them.
- Found out that the ex-husband is going to remarry? Did you see him on the street with a new passion? Smile and mentally wish him happiness as you wish a friend. By letting go of resentment, you are freed from those shackles that pull you to the bottom. - the most complex science, but it is she who forms the creative energy that determines our future happy life.
- Do you have children in common? In no case do not set your crumbs against the father. You should also not criticize and blame your ex-husband in their presence. For children, divorce is even more difficult than it is for you. Your task is to make them feel that, despite the divorce, dad and mom still love them, and nothing can prevent this.
Is there life after divorce? Definitely - there is! Just accept it the way it is and move on . Look for advantages and eliminate disadvantages . Realize your true needs and, set a goal, move towards it . Getting over a divorce is hard. But your future and present depends only on you!
Divorce is the end point of the relationship between husband and wife. Breaking the bonds of marriage does not always go unnoticed. For some, breaking up can turn into big problems. Thoughts about how to save a family that precede a divorce are replaced by mental anguish, how to survive a divorce from a husband. For a long time, a woman lives in a stressful situation, which ultimately negatively affects her physical condition and mental well-being.
When entering into marriage, every representative of the weaker sex dreams of a long and happy life with her beloved. One of the important components of a harmonious family life is trust. Often the reason for divorce is the betrayal of a partner. In such situations, a woman faces a difficult choice. How to proceed? To understand and to forgive? Or destroy the family and leave children without a father? It turns out that a whole load of problems falls on women's shoulders, which she must solve herself.
Having made the decision to part, a woman must be prepared for the difficulties that she will have to face. Unfortunately, the divorce stamp is not a guarantee of further peace and tranquility. Many tests and strength tests are yet to come. The good news is that they are not endless. Everything ends sometime. It depends on the perseverance of a woman how quickly she will restore her peace of mind and begin a new life.
Have you decided that you want to return your ex-husband to the family? Then read how it can be done in the following.
How to survive a divorce with your husband? Psychological stages of divorce:
Many women who are on the verge of divorce experience extreme stress. According to psychologists, these ladies emotionally experience feelings that are similar to those experienced at the death of a loved one. Life does not stand still. Not without reason they say that after the storm - clear weather.
First stage
Experiencing constant psychological discomfort due to turmoil in the family, a woman tries to come to terms, to adapt to the new realities of life. She delays the moment of inevitable separation from her husband. Resentment, distrust are growing day by day, like a snowball.
Under the influence of regular stress, the woman's brain triggers a defensive reaction, which is expressed by detachment, indifference. From the outside, it may seem that the woman is indifferent and does not care what happens in her family. In fact, such a state is the appearance of a protective reaction of the body. This mechanism is given by nature itself to dull mental pain, to help survive emotional breakdowns.
By denying the changes that are taking place, the effect of mental anesthesia is achieved. But this is a temporary phenomenon. Sooner or later, a woman begins to realize a fait accompli. She has no choice but to accept it. She moves to a new level of emotional state.
Second phase
Realizing the fact of the destruction of the family, the woman begins to wonder why this happened. She often returns to the past, scrolls through the events of the past days in her head. The analysis of what happened causes her negative emotions in relation to others. Moreover, the object of her anger is not only her husband and his mistress (if there was one), but also children, parents, girlfriends.
In her desire to find the culprit in her undeveloped family life, a woman often spoils relationships with people around her. Children are especially affected. During this difficult period for the mother, they are constantly nearby. Often become witnesses of her aggressive behavior.
At this stage, a woman, despite the outgoing anger, discontent and resentment for the whole world, needs support. Close people need to be patient. Such behavior of a woman should not be assessed as a real attitude towards herself. This is her defensive reaction. It's easy to blame others. It is much more difficult to realize one's helplessness in the current situation.
Third stage
Anger is replaced by guilt. Having splashed out her negativity on others, the woman “cools down” and begins to “soberly” assess the situation. Analyzing the disintegration of her family life, she comes to the conclusion that divorce could have been avoided if she hadn’t ... Further on the list, all conceivable and inconceivable shortcomings are attributed to herself: a negligent mistress, an inattentive wife, a bad figure. The list of claims is endless.
It’s a paradox, but even in the case when the husband committed a betrayal (changed, left the family), the wife will find an excuse for him. Makes himself feel guilty.
This stage can be characterized as moral self-destruction. If timely action is not taken, the results can be disastrous. In the case when a woman and her relatives cannot manage on their own, psychologists should be involved. At this vital moment, installations are necessary that the point of no return has been passed and you need to move on.
Fourth stage
The feeling of guilt receded. But the difficulties are not over yet. There comes a no less painful period - depression.
Memory helpfully throws up pleasant moments of family life. Everything bad recedes into the background. A woman yearns for her ex-husband, for her family. At this stage, she lives on past memories, seeks to return her husband's love. Thus, the state of depression is prolonged.
There is no return to the past, there are unjustified hopes. Accepting this fact, the representatives of the weaker sex feel oppressed. External signs of a depressive state in people manifest themselves in different ways. For some, it is expressed in constant tearfulness. For others, with outward calm, there is a storm in the soul.
If a woman experiences such emotions after a divorce, let her know that this is a natural, inevitable state. The main thing is not to let the depression take on a protracted character. There are cases when a depressive state due to the collapse of family life lasts for years. A constant feeling of despondency prevents you from starting a new life, freeing yourself from the shackles of the past.
Fifth stage
At the final stage, the woman emotionally burned out, accepted the fact of the loss of her family. Yesterday's wife seeks (and even finds) the benefits she ended up with after the breakup. There are attempts to start a new life. There is a desire to throw off the burden of accumulated negative emotions.
Pregnancy and divorce
Divorce is a heavy burden. A woman in her usual state endure it hard. How to survive a divorce from a husband for ladies who are expecting a baby?
At critical moments, many have a desire to have an abortion. The child is perceived as a burden. How to bring him up alone? Who will need me with children? Worst of all, some see getting rid of a child as revenge on their ex-spouse.
No need to make hasty decisions. Abortion will not make the separation process easier. It will not solve problems, but rather add another portion of negative emotions and health problems.
When deciding to keep the pregnancy, one should not hope for a quick return of the husband. The child is not a guarantee of the restoration of the family. It is recommended to let the spouse go. Soon a new man will appear in a woman's life, who will not stint on kind, warm feelings for her.
In reality, a woman will have to face many problems, both domestic and psychological. Here are some practical tips that may make life easier at this difficult moment in life:
The collapse of family life is a difficult test for a pregnant woman. The pleasant expectation that a baby will soon appear in her life is overshadowed by thoughts of how to survive a divorce from her husband. You should not despair. Nice event ahead. The woman will no longer be alone. She will have her child with her.
Video Dr. Kurpatov: How to survive a divorce or ...?
Quick marriage after divorce
Family life collapsed. The husband left. How to survive a divorce with your husband? Some women in search of an answer to this question hastily build new relationships.
Not letting go of the situation with parting to the end, the woman, as if into a pool with her head, rushes into novels. In most cases, she is driven by a desire to take revenge on her ex-husband, to prove something to him. Her condition can be described as follows: look, who did you lose? Did you think I'd be lost without you?
When starting a new relationship, a woman expects that they will help her get rid of depression and return her husband. Most often this does not happen. Constantly comparing a new partner with an ex-spouse, while secretly mourning her family life, yesterday's wife only exacerbates her already sad state.
New love is great! But still it is better to wait until the passions for divorce subside. If a woman's eyes do not dim tears from the pain of betrayal of a loved one, her soul does not require revenge, then peace of mind has been restored. All this increases the likelihood that she will not overlook a worthy man with whom she will be happy.
"Therapy" with alcohol
Few divorces have not brought heartache. Not everyone is able to break up painlessly. Often, in the fight against loneliness that has piled on, a woman embarks on the path of alcoholism.
At first, small doses of alcohol really help to distract from bad thoughts. But the depression that has piled on, negative emotions do not allow to be forgotten. Then alcoholic drinks are poured in larger quantities. And even there comes a moment when it seems that the problems have receded, and life is beautiful.
The effect of alcohol ends, a severe hangover sets in. Poor physical health, combined with the realization that the problems have not gone away, only exacerbate the depressive state. The woman is falling into the abyss. She does not care about herself and, worst of all, about the children who stayed with her. Native people, trying to reason with them, are forced to take their children away, which also does not give a positive effect.
You can not consider alcohol as a way out of a difficult situation. It will not solve problems, but only add new ones. If problems arise, when there is no strength to give up this addiction, urgently contact specialists. A happy full life is possible when there is no place for alcohol.
Start of a new life
Husband cheated, betrayed, abandoned. The inflicted psychological trauma left a mark in the soul of a woman. All stages have been experienced, the advice of psychologists has been listened to. What's next?
Firstly, it is not necessary for everyone to know about what happened in the family and soul of a woman. To do this, there is a close circle, which includes friends and family. It is not worth talking about the shock to colleagues and neighbors. Their pity, sympathy and gloating (which, alas, is not excluded) will be superfluous.
Secondly, how the future life of a woman after a divorce will develop largely depends on herself. There are many options for the development of events! The main thing to remember is that "everything will pass, this too will pass." In this situation, there is nothing left but to accept your past mistakes, draw conclusions based on them and move on with your life. You can find positive aspects in everything. Even in parting. Sometimes a divorce opens up new opportunities for a woman, reveals the horizons of her worldview.
It is not necessary to sit at home and dwell on your loneliness. Cinemas, exhibitions, socializing with friends, going to the park with children. This is just a minimum of things that will help unwind.
It so happens that after a lapse of time after a divorce, a woman wants to reunite with her ex-husband. And if this desire is also fueled by “good advice” from the outside, then doubts and anxieties will again settle in the soul. Maybe try again?
Of course, when all the hardships are behind, they no longer cause unpleasant emotions. And many women after parting are not afraid of reconnection, despite the beatings, betrayals, humiliations that they experienced in marriage. Everything is in the past, forgotten, which means you can give your ex-husband a chance. In this case, you should not go on about your emotions. Haste in this matter is inappropriate. Do not rush things. Time passes (about six months), and there is no trace left of the woman's former desire to reunite.
You start a new life - change your hairstyle! It's hard to disagree with this! Divorce can have a magical effect on a woman. She literally blossoms. Along with internal changes comes the desire to change externally. New hairstyle, clothing style, new acquaintances. All this dramatically changes self-esteem. And a self-sufficient, self-confident woman is no longer concerned about the question of how to survive a divorce from her husband. What divorce? Which ex-husband? What are you speaking about?
Women have a wonderful property - to be reborn from the ashes, like the sacred Phoenix. For this, she needs time and inner strength, which God himself initially awarded her.
Divorce is a small death. Loud words? Not at all. Psychologists believe that suffering after the breakup of a long-term relationship is similar to experiencing the death of a loved one. Death is always followed by birth, and this is an immutable law of the universe.
How to survive a divorce with your husband? The advice of psychologists will prompt and help you, because there can be no easy ways and simple answers to this question. Our experts will help you figure out what happens between divorce and the start of a new life, and how a woman can overcome this path.
Divorce is like amputation: you stay alive, but there are fewer of you.
Margaret Atwood
Condition of a woman after divorce
A person who has suffered a serious loss experiences great mental pain, in which the strongest emotions are mixed: hatred, love, shame, guilt, resentment, a thirst for revenge.Habitual life is destroyed, fear of loneliness creeps into the soul, remorse and a frantic desire to return everything back, crawl back into your shaky and uncomfortable, but such a familiar and understandable world.
On the verge of divorce, a woman is overcome by fears and doubts. How to survive loneliness? How to raise children? What to live on? How to explain the reasons for breaking up to friends?
A society in which more than half of all registered marriages end in divorce (probably even higher for informal marriages) is sympathetic to divorced men, but takes a cruel stance towards divorced women.
If a man returns to the status of a "bachelor", then the woman is branded "abandoned", "divorced". Many experience incredible pangs of shame at the thought that sooner or later neighbors, relatives and colleagues will find out about a divorce.
Women who married early, from the parent, are not used to taking responsibility and do not know how to make decisions. After a divorce, their situation changes, they have to build a new, now independent life. If a woman did not work, she is forced to start a career from scratch at a not very young age.
Former wives of wealthy husbands are afraid of poverty. And even if a woman is quite successful, the need to perform unusual functions falls on her - pay bills, go shopping, repair equipment.
Many couples, after many years of marriage, have the feeling that they are a single whole. Often, from a person experiencing a breakup, one can hear such definitions of their condition: “as if a leg was cut off” or “like a heart was torn out of the chest.” Psychologists call this fusion.
To restore her integrity, such a woman needs to psychologically separate herself from her husband, family, and even children. This is a painful process in which you have to reshape all the prevailing ideas about yourself and your role in life.
Divorce is a sad event, but life does not end there. Treat it like a serious, but completely curable disease. Recovery will be long and difficult, with periods of exacerbations and remissions, but it will definitely happen!
Proper handling of grief
In order to survive grief, you need to live it. All severe stressful situations associated with loss, whether it be a breakup, death, loss of a job or fortune, are experienced in more or less the same scenario.Psychologists distinguish several stages of experiencing loss, and the most important task is to consistently go through each stage without skipping or getting stuck on any of them.
The experience of grief is an individual process, and it is impossible to accurately indicate the time frame that will be required to pass one or another stage. The greater the shock, the harder and longer the process will go. In the case of a divorce, we can say that all stages should be completed in a maximum of a year.
There are several scientific concepts of experiencing loss, but they all have much in common and can be conditionally combined into five stages. Let's dwell on each of them in detail.
1. Shock and denial
Have you ever been severely injured or burned? At the first moment, you probably didn’t feel anything, and only after a couple of moments a severe pain began. It's about the same here.Consciousness defends itself and refuses to believe in what happened, and a person lives for some time in an illusory world where everything is still the same.
The leading emotion at this stage is the fear of the inevitability of loss.
Now you need to find those resources that will help to cope with the fear of loss. Tactful and unobtrusive support and care of others is important. But the most resourceful is self-support and self-care.
There are quite simple exercises that will help you find the source of strength in yourself for the correct experience of the stages of mourning. At the stage of denial, such an exercise can be a written answer to the question "How will I live without a husband."
2. Anger and resentment
If the correct resources for her living were found at the previous stage, and she ended, the next stage begins. It is about trying to change the situation. Anger provokes active actions, and in this case, this energy is directed in search of the guilty one. The object can be not only the ex-husband or rival, but close people and the survivor herself.Women often get stuck at this stage because our culture has an unspoken taboo against anger ("good girls don't get mad").
To move on, it is very important to learn to recognize your anger and express it correctly. This, of course, does not mean that you need to throw your fists at your ex-spouse. While you are in a state of passion, you should not do anything at all. Wait for the flash to pass. But do not leave anger and anger within yourself. Release them outside. If you want to scream, scream. Break the glasses. Sob. Speak out your feelings in private, tell your friend, mom about them, “give them back” to the one who caused them.
In order to self-help, you can do a written analysis of the situation. The exercise consists in a detailed description of your negative emotions, what you don’t like in the current situation, what caused anger and why.
3. Compromise, or stage of guilt
At this stage, the desire usually comes to find and correct errors. It was at this time that women make attempts at any cost to return their spouse, humiliate themselves, blame themselves for everything and promise to improve.Be careful not to fall into self-blame. To do this, it is important to separate the concepts of "responsibility" and "guilt". Responsibility lies in accepting and correcting your mistakes, and guilt lies in self-punishment.
At this stage, be especially attentive to your surroundings - tormented by feelings of guilt, women tend to fall under the influence of others, into sects, and turn to religion.
Correct living of the stage will be helped by written work on mistakes (what you didn’t like in your behavior, how to fix it) and a letter to yourself with forgiveness of your mistakes and conclusions for the future.
4. Depression
The most difficult and longest period, when suffering reaches its highest point. This is due to the fact that at this stage there is a complete awareness of the loss, which means that it becomes necessary to break emotional ties with the former spouse.Surviving means accepting this gap, “letting go” of a once close person.
To avoid getting stuck at this stage, make a list of all the benefits of married life with your ex-husband. Then write a letter in which you remember the positive moments and thank him for all the good things that happened in your life together (you do not need to send a letter to the addressee).
5. Acceptance
At this stage, the restoration of the person takes place. It becomes clear how to live without a husband, what resources for personal growth are available. A new life begins.When it comes to understanding that as a result of a divorce, the conditions for further development have developed and new opportunities have opened up, you can consider that the experience of grief is over.
Of course, such deep wounds cannot disappear without a trace. There will always be a deep scar on the heart. But it is in your power to make it a symbol of victory over circumstances, because you have gained invaluable experience and learned to turn failures into a resource for development.
What NOT to do after a divorce
Being in a traumatic situation, a person does not control himself and often commits rash acts. What typical mistakes do women make after a divorce from their husband, and what do you need to keep yourself from?1. Trying to win back a departed husband
Even if it works out, the “honeymoon” will end sooner or later (more often - early) and will indeed turn out to be as unsightly as before. Remember the hackneyed expression “glue a broken vase together”?This also includes all attempts to keep the husband in the family, tying him to children or manipulating the disease. In the first case, you play with the emerging child's psyche, in the second - with your own health, since imaginary illnesses tend to become real.
2. Start a new relationship right away
A woman after a divorce, especially if her husband left for another, feels inferior. It becomes important to prove to the former, others and especially to oneself one’s female attractiveness. The result is casual connections, after which there is a feeling of dirty hands and deceived expectations.Many rush to the other extreme and rush into a new relationship with the firm intention of correcting all mistakes. In fact, without having time to realize what happened in a short time and recover, a woman pulls the old model of relationships into a new marriage, and with it all the old grievances, unresolved problems.
Psychologists generally do not advise entering into a serious relationship earlier than a year after breaking up with a previous partner.
3. Suppress your negative feelings
Often, men after a divorce do not behave in the best way. Ex-wives often do not dare to express negative feelings towards their spouse, for fear of incurring his discontent and losing their last hope for his return. What is the result? A husband who did not think about reuniting with his former family, seeing the obedience of his ex-wife, begins to use his impunity. Here there are property claims, refusal of obligations, sometimes moral or physical bullying.4. Involve children in a relationship with an ex-husband
Children experience the divorce of mom and dad almost more than the parents themselves. Often they blame themselves for it. These are the characteristics of the child's psyche. During the period of parting, parents often do not care about children, and they feel abandoned and unnecessary. Add age crises here, and your experiences will seem like a trifle compared to what is going on in a little person's soul. Children are not friends and girlfriends, do not impose on them the role of confidants of your secrets. By making a vest out of a child, you shift the burden of your responsibility onto him.
Refrain from manipulating your child and do not resort to blackmail, no matter how tempting it may be to pull those strings.
The behavior of parents in the family and with each other forms in children a model of their future relationship with the opposite sex:
- Do not insult your husband in front of your children and do not speak ill of him.
- Dad should remain the strongest and most courageous in the world in the child's imagination, even if this is not true. When the baby grows up, he himself will draw the appropriate conclusions.
5. Live in the past
Leave the past alone. It can't be returned. Women tend to idealize past relationships, and memory helpfully erases negative events. If a lot of time has passed since the breakup, and you are still going through wedding photos or, on the contrary, delving into old grievances, this is a reason to sound the alarm.Don't take revenge. Let go of resentment, even if you cannot forgive. It will come when the pain subsides. Try to live now. Don't let the past be your present, otherwise you won't have a future.
Council number 2. Keep contacts to a minimum as much as possible
Do not hang out on social networks on the page of your ex, remove his photos, gifts and memorabilia from your eyes. Perhaps, when the pain subsides, you will be able to communicate normally and even make friends with new families. But now, take pity on yourself and do not open a fresh wound. Tears give an excellent emotional release.Divorces...
If people at some point stopped getting along with each other, divorce is the right way out.
But first you need to try to do everything possible to save love.
Adriano Celentano
Note that it is to empathize - not to comfort, not to cheer up, not to give advice (all this is necessary, but a little later). Cry with you, hug, hold your hand, be silent.
Take care of yourself and your body. No matter how much you would like to lie down all day, curled up under a blanket, you should not neglect hygiene and nutrition. Try to catch your slightest desire and do not deny yourself anything.Take a walk in a beautiful place, have lunch in a good restaurant, buy some shoes. Pleasant relaxing procedures - a bath, massage, a hot bath - perfectly help. Excellent relaxation gives physical activity: sports, hiking, general cleaning. But don't force anything.
Meditation is the most effective way to stop the flow of obsessive thoughts and give rest to the overloaded mind of a soul tormented by emotions. Learn to distinguish between emotions, explore your feelings. Remember that when you watch your emotion, its effect weakens. Study your reactions to what is happening. Try to understand what exactly triggers difficult experiences. Concentrate on the good, be aware of your desires. Do what you love, form your circle of friends. Develop. In marriage, women often “lose” themselves and begin to live the life of their husband, pushing their interests into the background, especially when it comes to dependent relationships. Love your loneliness - this is a good period to understand yourself and finally understand what you want. Many women after a divorce have a second wind, and they achieve success in business or creativity.
Video: How to survive a divorce from your beloved husband
Conclusion
On the Internet, you can find many recipes and answers to the question of how to survive a divorce from your husband: advice from psychologists, the experience of those who have suffered a breakup with a loved one, literature on the topic of relationships. Of course, the most effective will be to contact a professional psychologist who will help you go through this difficult path with the least loss.Strength will be needed at the next stage of life, when an important question will arise before you: how to build new relationships and finally find well-deserved happiness.
A loved one left you, you got divorced. Surviving a divorce from your husband is very difficult, it is not just parting with the person to whom you experienced a feeling of love. Divorce destroys all plans, deprives self-confidence, as well as the ability to trust, because often its cause is betrayal, betrayal. A woman faces a lot of questions, in particular, to agree to a divorce or to make every effort and save the family? Especially when there are children, how in this case not to injure them and bring up harmonious personalities from them. How to cope with the consequences of a divorce, improve your life and set yourself up for a new relationship?
For many women, the breakup of a family is a serious psychological stress, which not everyone can survive. Often, after a divorce, a woman falls into a deep depression, which is very difficult to get out of, sometimes it takes a lot of time and the help of a professional psychologist. If a woman (children) remains in the care of a woman and at the same time she is engaged in professional activities, it is simply impossible to ignore the state of stress in which she is. It is necessary to immediately solve the problem, otherwise it threatens the development of serious consequences. Therefore, during this period of life, it is advisable to seek the help of a psychologist who will help restore spiritual harmony and normalize personal life.
It just seems that the question of how to survive a divorce from a husband is an insoluble problem. In reality, every woman can cope with this, you just need to gather your strength, want happiness and clearly achieve this, not for a moment despairing and not succumbing to weakness.
We get rid of negative emotions.
At the very beginning, it is important to get rid of all the negativity that has accumulated inside you. No need to hide your emotions, experience pain, resentment and disappointment within yourself. This will only lead to a deterioration in your condition and to the fact that you become isolated in yourself, as a result, an unpleasant feeling of uselessness will arise, which can ruin your future life quite a lot. Therefore, do not accumulate emotions and experiences, but splash them out as they arise: cry everything out, scream, beat the dishes, but best of all at home, and not in public places, alone, in the absence of children (if any), because they are also not easy. As a "vest" you can use a very close friend.
In order not to withdraw into yourself, communicate more with your loved ones, relatives and friends, they will help you overcome difficulties. Do not be afraid to seem intrusive, sharing your experiences with them, they will definitely understand and support you, perhaps they will give you good advice.
It is very important to keep yourself busy on the way to overcoming depression after a divorce. It can be a long-forgotten hobby, a new hobby, walking with children (if any), going to the theater, cinema, exhibitions, discos, bowling, dancing, aerobics, swimming in the pool, meeting friends, meeting new people, etc. In a word, try not to be sad and have fun, fill your life with bright events that will distract you from gloomy thoughts about your husband. In addition to having fun, you need to increase your physical activity. Enter morning exercises into your daily routine, which will charge you with vigor and good mood for the whole day. During the day you can go to the gym.
I note that if you have children, never speak badly about your husband in their presence. After all, in any case, he remains their father, it is very important that good relations be maintained between them. There is no need to prevent their communication or set them against it. At the same time, after a divorce, you do not need to devote your life to children. In the future, you will reproach them for their own personal life that did not take place.
If all of the above does not help, depression does not want to go away, then you should change the situation. If you are working, take a vacation and go on holiday. Children can be left to their mother or other close relatives. New experiences, different surroundings, and other worries will help bring you to your senses. You can go alone, or you can invite friends to keep you company.
Don't dream of revenge.
After the collapse of relations with her husband, I really want to take revenge, somehow annoy him, say a bunch of bad things about him, disgrace him in the eyes of friends. Often this happens reflexively and unconsciously, but in any case, you should not stoop to the level of gossip about your ex-husband. Speaking about the shortcomings of your ex-husband, you, thereby, expose yourself far from the best side, as a result, you are more likely to lose your reputation than he is. Plus, you will add to yourself these experiences and unnecessary troubles, which will only further aggravate your already unimportant condition. In addition, you must agree, because once your relationship with your husband was not so terrible, once in your life with him there were pleasant moments, of which there were quite a few. You just need to remember them and mentally thank your ex-spouse for the happy moments delivered. And then take and just let him go, forgetting all the insults and wishing him well and happiness. Only after getting rid of thoughts about him will you feel real relief.
If there are children who are trying in every possible way to reconcile you with your husband, then they should thoughtfully and calmly explain that this makes no sense, because what was already impossible to return. If you do not get rid of the accumulated resentment and anger in time, they can lead to the development of quite serious problems with the heart and gastrointestinal tract, since they are the ones who suffer from constant stress in the first place. Just forgive the once loved one, leaving only positive memories of him in your memory.
Try to understand the reasons for divorce, which can be a lot. Once you understand your mistakes, next time you will not repeat them again. Having identified the reasons for failures in family life, you will be ready for new relationships and acquaintances.
Looking for our own way to find peace of mind.
The state after a divorce resembles an illness, only a mental illness. For its treatment, you can use the following methods:
- Try to read esoteric literature (for example, books by authors: Louise Hay, Sergey Lazarev).
- Try to think exclusively in a positive way, influence your own subconscious every day, setting yourself up for a brighter future. This can be done with the help of certain mantras, which should be pronounced while standing in front of a mirror.
- Listen to music if you wish at maximum volume, you can dance and sing to the beat.
- Treat yourself to delicious meals more often (but don’t get carried away, otherwise it will affect your figure) and watch your favorite comedies, but not romantic ones.
You don’t need to rush in search of a young man immediately after a divorce, thinking that a new relationship will help you say goodbye to thoughts about your ex-spouse. This judgment is erroneous. You will begin to think even more about your ex-spouse, constantly comparing your current relationship with the previous one, which will negatively affect the relationship of the present. Short-term novels and light intrigues will not do you good, it takes time to restore peace of mind. Only then can you think about a new relationship.
material difficulties.
It is worth noting that if a woman, being married, was completely dependent on her husband, then after a divorce her emotional state is aggravated by material problems that inevitably arise, especially if there are children. It is good if there are parents and a relative who will provide support. And if not? In this situation, you will have to rely only on yourself. There is no time to loosen up. You need to find a job, if necessary, you can even go to retraining courses. You can ask for help from acquaintances and friends, maybe one of them will help with the work.
By the way, this position has many advantages. A woman can rethink some views on many things, realize her real needs and desires. It should be noted that according to statistics, it was after a divorce that women most often achieved success. The presence of children and the need to provide for them and oneself reveals a lot of hitherto hidden talents and opportunities in a woman. Once in a difficult situation, women are forced to show extraordinary perseverance and energy, which in the future will lead them to the top of their careers. By the way, in most cases, women are later grateful to their ex-husbands for divorce, because it was he who made it possible to devote himself completely to his career and achieve success.
New life. We think positively.
A woman, after a divorce from her husband, seems to be taking the ground from under her feet, she loses the meaning of her existence. It is important at this moment to rid yourself of emotional attachment to your ex-husband, because you definitely have no love left. If you realize that each of you now has your own path and accept this by letting go of your partner, it will become much easier for you. And then you need to try to imagine the future as you would like to see it and believe in it. After all, now it does not depend on the former spouse. Imagine your future chosen one, how he should be. It's no secret that thoughts are material. Our thoughts and ideas completely create our future. Negative emotions, constant depression in which a person is, provoke the development of negative events, which further lead to a depressive state. A vicious circle is being taught, getting out of which is becoming increasingly difficult. Therefore, watch your own thoughts, think less about divorce and how to survive it, and more and more imagine a wonderful, bright and happy future that lies ahead of you.
Today we will try to figure out whether there is life after a divorce and what psychologists say about this.
Divorce is, unfortunately, a common thing these days. People get married quickly and get divorced just as quickly. Family values have been shaken a little in the last 50 years, and in this regard, families break up very easily.
Society realized it, the propaganda of nepotism began, but now we have to work with what we have at the moment. And at the moment we have not comforting statistics, for every 1000 registered marriages, there are more than 500 terminated. And divorce, meanwhile, is a phenomenon that traumatizes the psyche no less than a serious illness or death of a loved one. So it is worth taking a closer look at this phenomenon.
In our article we will talk about those divorces initiated by men. In such cases, divorce is very difficult for women. For most women, it becomes a certain problem, for a number of not unimportant reasons. The injured party will have to change the status from a wife to a divorced woman, and in this regard, she asks herself a lot of questions to which she still has no answers:
Can I love someone else?
Can I be alone?
Will I ever be happy now?
And these are far from all the questions that pop up in the mind of a rejected woman who is forced to divorce her husband.
In addition to the mass of thoughts related to the upcoming changes in life. A woman is overwhelmed with emotions, which sometimes she cannot cope with. If a woman feels that the feelings that she experiences in connection with the current situation do not allow her to live a normal life, then there is a need to turn to the advice of psychologists.
It is essential to go through all the feelings associated with the end of your married life, the main thing is not to get stuck in any one. Next, we will describe the stages that almost every woman goes through after a divorce.
Stage 1 "Ice"
What do you feel: nothing, a feeling of emptiness, shock, indifference.
What should you do: this stage must be overcome. It is best to find someone who can listen to you and tell him how you feel.
Stage 2 "Denial"
What do you feel: you cannot believe it; it seems to you that this is a terrible dream that is about to end.
What do you do: if this stage has come, it is already good, then the previous one has passed. And you again need to go through it and, if possible, discuss it with someone.
Stage 3 "Fear"
What do you feel: despair; insane fear for the future; powerlessness over what happened, and it scares you.
What should you do: at this stage, the best thing you can do is, again, talk about your fears with someone who can listen. What is said out loud becomes less scary.
Stage 4 "Rage"
What do you feel: you are furious; blame yourself and your ex-spouse for what happened; you are ready to endlessly quarrel and swear with others, splashing out your resentment and anger on everyone.
What should you do: it is best to release anger physically, but without hurting anyone. Write everything that infuriates you in the form of a letter, and destroy it, tearing it into small pieces, splashing out all your anger in these actions. Playing sports can greatly contribute to reducing aggressiveness. In the end, beat the dishes, it can help a lot to discharge.
Stage 5 "Despair"
What do you feel: most often it is depression, with all the conditions that follow from it: apathy, indifference, fatigue, a feeling of hopelessness and a feeling of guilt that constantly accompanies you.
What do you do: The main thing is not to fall into despondency, for this you need to constantly do something. Do not close yourself from the world, communicate with friends, look for their support, please yourself with little things.
Stage 6 "Calm"
What do you feel: lightness, understanding that there is life after divorce, a sense of freedom.
What to do: rejoice that all the most difficult stages have been passed, you have survived them and found the long-awaited peace.
Stage 7 "Acceptance"
What do you feel: gratitude for past relationships, for the experience gained in them; surge of energy and strength; positive attitude for the future.
Next, we will offer practical techniques that will help you get through a divorce from your husband as you go through all the stages described above.Don't give in to impulses. Many women find themselves so frightened by the uncertainty of their future, without a husband, that they can commit rash acts. They resort to threats, blackmail, humiliation, or indulge in all serious things, just to somehow drown out the pain that tears from the inside. Try to divorce your husband without scandal. Usually we greatly regret those actions that we do impulsively, without thinking. At these moments, we are only trying to do something, hoping to correct the situation, thereby aggravating it.
Don't suppress your feelings. At the other extreme, suppress the feelings that you are experiencing, close yourself off from the whole world, and die quietly. You shouldn't do this either. Talk about your experiences with people who are willing to listen to you. Pain and resentment must be expressed aloud so that they go away and leave no trace.
Make plans. A new hobby or hobby can help you let go of the thoughts that weigh on you and occupy your head with something else. Fitness, running, singing, learning languages, dancing, needlework, you never know what you can do. You have survived a divorce from your husband, you now have a lot of free time that you can completely devote to yourself. Dream and make your dreams come true.
Maintain a positive attitude towards the future. You happened to divorce your husband, and you certainly are not going through the best period in your life. But you need to remind yourself that these are temporary difficulties, and all negative emotions will be experienced and eventually go away. And they will be replaced by joy, lightness and freedom.
If you feel that you cannot cope on your own and are mired in pessimistic thoughts, then seek the help of a psychologist. A psychologist will always help you divorce your husband, without much harm to your mental state.
If you yourself cannot realize that there were many good things in your family life, which you need to remember now, then look for ways to help you accept this. Find the positive side of the fact that you had to divorce your husband.
Learn to live separately from your ex-husband. Divorce- this is the separation of people, once, emotionally connected with each other. And no matter how paradoxical it may be, it is difficult for both parties to get used to the new order in their lives. It is very difficult to separate yourself from the person with whom you lived together, built a life, with whom you had plans for the day, month, years.
In this situation, you need to analyze what does not allow you to separate. Perhaps this is a habit, then you need to form new ones. If these are still feelings, then you need to work with them too. Unrequited love tends to pass if it is not turned into an obsession. If you have a feeling that you can’t let go of a person in any way and mentally continue to live with him, then seek help from a psychologist. The advice of a psychologist will help you survive a divorce from your husband, and finally separate from him.
Look to the future with enthusiasm. Probably no one succeeds in divorcing her husband and, at first, being a joyful positive person. Negative thoughts, the future in black colors, all this is undoubtedly the companion of a woman going through a divorce. But you can't stay in it for long.
If, long after your divorce, you still don't see a brighter future for yourself, you need to seek professional help. A psychologist can give advice on how to divorce your husband and remain at the same time, a woman ready to live on with hope for a brighter future.
How a specialist can help if you contact him after a divorce:
It will help to look at the situation, divorce from her husband, from the outside.
It will help you find ways out of a depressing situation.
It will help you survive a divorce from your husband, and understand that life is not over.
He will be the very person who will listen to you without judging or judging.
He will give practical advice on how to divorce your husband, and at the same time remain a self-respecting woman.
Helps you see the positive aspects of your divorce from your husband.
It will help you not get stuck in one of the stages that you will go through after a divorce.
He will show you how to divorce your husband, and make a positive experience out of this life situation, and not just negative experiences.
It will help you see your inner capabilities necessary to cope with the current situation.
It will help you understand the reasons for the divorce, so that in the future you would not make such mistakes.
It will help to understand the relationship with the people around you, so that you would have the opportunity to seek help from close people too.
It will help you to believe that the ended relationship was not the last in your life.
Our article is designed so that every woman who has experienced a difficult divorce for her can find an opportunity to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So that women who are in the process of divorce understand that there is no need to go alone along this not joyful path. If you can handle a divorce on your own and move from one stage to another, then that's great. But if you, or perhaps some of your acquaintances, are stuck in one of the first five stages, then this is a serious reason to turn to a specialist.