The biological essence of female adultery. Women's infidelity: causes and consequences. What makes women cheat, why girls and wives cheat - the psychology of female cheating

19.08.2023

Cheating, the psychology of cheating is an amazing phenomenon. On the one hand, cheating is very common, and some of us have experienced this phenomenon more than once in our lives; on the other hand, every time you experience severe mental pain, there is a feeling as if the world is falling apart into small pieces and there is no longer any possibility to glue and fix anything.

In a state of such strong mental confusion and mental pain, a person can begin to do various things, take revenge, try to sort things out, sort out the situation. And this is more than natural: we all want to get rid of the pain as quickly as possible by making a quick decision about how to live on. And most often, such a solution is to end the relationship. Nevertheless, psychologists dealing with the psychology of infidelity advise just not to make any sudden movements in a state of passion. A lot of time must pass before the moment when a person can calm down and reasonably decide what to do.

There can be quite a lot of ways out of this difficult situation, and a break in relations is far from the only one. In order to understand what happened and make the right decision, it is necessary, first of all, to bring yourself into a state of peace of mind, which, of course, is very difficult. Help here will be able to talk with a psychologist who understands the psychology of infidelity, travel, work, sports. Having found inner balance, you can try to soberly and sensibly look at the situation. There are various reasons for change. Let's try to list some of them.

1. Cheating as a signal of extinct love.

The first reason that is distinguished in the psychology of treason. Of course, in this case, you need to clarify your relationship with your partner and muster up the courage to calmly exit this relationship. In the end, your partner probably just didn't have the guts to tell you the truth, but you can only blame him for that, and not for the lack of love.

2. Cheating as a signal of a relationship problem.

This is the second reason in the structure of the psychology of betrayal. Relationship problems don't mean the love is gone. Rather, on the contrary, such a betrayal suggests that the partner wants to solve the problem in such an unpretentious way and return love. For example, if a husband feels that his wife has distanced himself from him, he may become suddenly attracted to his secretary. But the basis of this attraction is not love for the secretary, but a compensatory attempt to cope with his feelings of frustration. That is, instead of making claims to his wife, a person unconsciously corrects the situation by cheating. Therefore, psychologists very often say that betrayal can sometimes be a relationship stabilizer. Often people who have gone through subsequently remember this as a good lesson that taught them to treat their partner more attentively, with greater understanding, sympathy, taught them to be more tolerant, generous, and helpful.

3. Cheating as a signal that a person has some kind of internal problems.

Also a fairly common reason, in the structure of the psychology of treason. These problems can be many. For example, the unpreparedness of a person for a serious relationship. Very often, as soon as such a person feels that relations with a partner are moving to a fundamentally different level, inner fear pushes him to betray. The person himself suffers greatly. After all, some part of him wants a serious relationship (otherwise he would always remain at the level of superficial relationships), and some is very afraid and pushes a person out of the depths.

Another internal problem may be self-doubt.

Very often, with the help of a large number of sexual relationships, a person increases his self-esteem, proves to himself and to the whole world that he is a superman or superwoman, that he is a winner and master of souls and bodies. But since self-doubt is a very deep internal problem that cannot be solved in such a homegrown way, a person is still left with his own insecurity and dissatisfaction.

Another problem identified by psychologists involved in the psychology of adultery can be various kinds of stereotypes, following which, of course, is also self-doubt. For example, a stereotype is widespread that a real man must necessarily have not only a wife, but also a mistress. Or, for example, it is often said that loyalty to one partner causes a certain dependence on him, and therefore a person comes up with ways to avoid it.

There are other reasons, but in any case, it would not be reasonable to react with a complete break in all these situations. After all, if a person in case of infidelity is driven by his internal problems, then, with the correct and qualified resolution of these problems (for example, with the help of a psychologist who deals with the psychology of infidelity), it would be possible not only to return the old relationship, but also to make these relations deeper. and sincere, not overshadowed by any psychological difficulties. Of course, if they are expensive. Maybe a loving partner, faced with the fact of infidelity, instead of suffering from negative emotions, resentment and self-pity, should try to look at the situation differently? See, for example, that two people suffer in this situation. To see that life is more complicated than we often imagine, i.e. to realize that there is always some cause behind the effect, which we may not know or which we misinterpret. Remember that betrayal is just a signal, but if you understand it correctly, you can not only not destroy, but also renew and improve relations. In conclusion, speaking about the psychology of betrayal, it must be said that betrayal can be both the end and the beginning, and it is up to us to decide how it ends.

Discussion

"... in this situation, two suffer???"
This is slyness, the person who goes for it more often does not experience mental anguish and, as a rule, succumbs to the impulse, what kind of suffering is there ...
And often the reason can be a banal corporate party, too much drinking or just a person’s moral debauchery, for some reason this side is not considered at all in the article.
The author seems to me to have absolutely no life experience ...

Psychologists are almost the same people as we are, but only with a twist :-)).

Xenia, have you been cheated on?
Have you cheated on your husband?

Comment on the article "Psychology of betrayal"

Reasons for female infidelity

It is wrong to consider adultery exclusively the prerogative of men, female adultery to her husband has the same right to exist, the only difference is that women are guided by others, and indeed change less often (although this is exactly the case when quality exceeds quantity). Since the emotional side of communication is more important for a woman, it is unlikely that she will change with the first call of the body (which is more understandable to men). A woman will go for emotional intimacy, spiritual contact, betrayal will be more like a second family than a fleeting affair, and it will be almost impossible to convict her of this, because guided by the concern for the peace of mind of all participants in the triangle, she will very carefully cover her tracks.

Neither stress relief, nor excess alcohol will push a woman to change if she loves her man, but when there are no more feelings, and then she suddenly falls in love - this is a significant reason for the woman herself to destroy her previous relationship. This is the most common reason and the most terrible from the point of view of the husband, since he can do practically nothing here, you can’t forcefully correct people’s feelings and you won’t return them back.

So that female adultery in marriage does not happen because of a new love, you will always have to be proactive and support the feelings and interest of your companion. There is no need to stop dating after you put on a ring and put a stamp, because someone else will continue to compliment your woman and help with heavy bags at the entrance. From such household trifles and male self-confident relaxation, women cease to feel their need, and having received a simple look of admiration in another place, they will want to return there.

But some women do not act on such romantic convictions, but prefer to have a lover solely to satisfy intimate needs. Those. you are completely satisfied with her as a partner in life and communication, but something is not going well in the intimate sphere, and most women know how traumatic it is for a man to hear criticism or dissatisfaction in his address on the topic of dissatisfaction in bed, so they choose to protect your peace of mind, satisfying your hunger on the side.

It should not be discounted that women experience grievances for a long time, and if, in her opinion, you have not apologized or repented enough, then betrayal may well act as an instrument of revenge, most often for your betrayal, so that it is equivalent and you can feel the same pain. There is no need to talk about the continuation of such relations, everything will look more like a cold war, without the possibility of returning trusting interaction.

Among the not so frequent, but still occurring reasons that push for treason, there are boredom, a desire to feel the romance of the initial period of the relationship, an example taken from the parental family, the desire to get the desired position or promotion. Frequent or long separations can push for cheating, but here the question is how your communication is organized - some couples, living nose to nose, manage not to give their partner due attention, and some, staying online for months, take the relationship to a new level knowledge and depth.

Nevertheless, remembering that feelings and intimacy, and even more so relationships for a woman, are practically inseparable, half of the reasons can be prevented if you do not let the interaction take its course and continue to give your woman a feeling of need and love, and by noticing the next signs of an impending betrayal (in women, she rarely happens spontaneously, as well as love) quickly turn on. At the initial stage, any husband is able to beat a new admirer, because he is better aware of the weaknesses and tastes of his beloved.

Signs of female infidelity

Doubts about betrayal can creep in from scratch, driven by a man's own insecurities, but there are situations when a woman's behavior changes and makes you think. If the betrayal was one-time under the influence of the moment, then nothing will change in your companion, but if the situation takes a serious turn and a stormy serious romance begins to develop behind your back, then it will have peculiar external manifestations.

If earlier your lady could absolutely calmly ask to read the message that came to her phone, because her hands were busy, she sat quietly at the open chat window when you approached from the back, but now the situation has changed. Passwords appear on communication devices, screens turn off when you are nearby, and when you try to look yourself, a scandal begins - eloquently indicate the emergence of a secret, and it would be nice if this is a surprise in honor of your anniversary, but it is unlikely.

Changes in appearance for the better are a signal that a woman wants to please. Jeans are abandoned, but new stockings have appeared, makeup is always perfect, and she began to work on her figure for several days in the gym. If even a slight, but a crisis, did not happen in her life, no one deployed her with a caustic remark in the direction of taking care of herself, but this is done with an alluring gleam of joy in her eyes, then this is for the sake of someone. Do not rush to draw conclusions on such indirect things, perhaps your wife is trying to return a spark of passion to your relationship, and all ideas of seduction are addressed to you.

The emergence of new friends and companies where she is not going to bring you. But she regularly spends time there, especially in the evening, often staying until late at night or even staying overnight with her girlfriends, justifying that it was late and drunk to go. If this state of affairs is also reinforced by cooling in intimacy or even removal from intimacy, then the reason is not at all in poor health or constant lack of sleep.

This may be followed by a nervous removal of your touches, criticism of actions and statements that have not previously caused negativity. Showing disrespect and lack of attitude as a man, degrading or degrading comments indicate an extreme degree of irritation and it would be good if you were lost in the jungle.

Excessive employment that has appeared, preventing her from picking up the phone even on the tenth call, obliging her to return home closer to the night, frequent mention of one of her colleagues - can be a work rush, but then she will not be against your help, and will not forbid picking her up late From the job.

Complete indifference to you and the manifestations of your life is a natural sign of a more significant man who has appeared. She no longer worries why you are late - this gives more time for romantic communication, she is not touched by your problems - this no longer affects her life, she is indifferent to quarrels and scandals - it does not matter and spend energy on what is no longer relevant in her life she's not going to. Questions disappear from your wife’s speech, and she answers all yours with indifference and indifference, giving you the right to do as you please.

In principle, at first you can even rejoice at such changes - your woman began to look great, she can’t stand the brain with interrogations and requests to show your correspondence, she doesn’t demand anything (no reports where she was, no material things), she approves of all your trips and undertakings, she starts to take care of herself. The change model looks like a wish list of men for their companions, but in fact, few people like such coldness and detachment, and the induced beauty and attractiveness is inaccessible. Although such changes can appear without betrayal on the part of a woman, and even if this is the case, they signal that the relationship is under great threat.

And of the more direct signs from which you can not hide, you can list the appearance of expensive jewelry and perfumes, new clothes and phones, without increasing income. This also includes the solution by a woman of her own problems on her own and an increasing immersion in correspondence, while you can watch her face smiling at the screen. She will come home in the same car, smell like someone else's men's perfume. But these are no longer signs, this is a direct provocation and mockery.

The psychology of female infidelity

A woman's betrayal may look like a man's, the frequency and quantity may coincide, but the psychological and motivational aspects will be different, which is due to the difference in gender psychology. If you start from the basic physiological level and analysis, laid down in the subcortex, then men are driven to treason by the desire to fertilize the maximum number of women in order to procreate and consolidate their gene code in the phenotype of the area. A woman does not strive for fertilization by many, because. from the point of view of the evolutionary survival of the species, it is enough for her to have one strong male who takes care of her and the children. This is where the mechanism works, aimed at attracting the maximum number of men, in order to then choose the strongest of them. Those. the natural behavior of a woman is to interest a large number of men.

Cheating begins when the previously chosen man no longer shows himself as the strongest and most reliable option. He may stop showing initiative or care less about a woman, because. its goal has already been achieved. Here the female mechanism works, saying, as it were, “he used to take care of the best, but now he doesn’t - the threat of hunger and death,” and there are many men around who show their strongest sides in all their glory. The problem is that initially all men carry out such a PR campaign of themselves, but few are able to show themselves in this way all the time.

Of the psychological moments that are not so involved in evolution, it is worth noting the desire to please that is constantly present in a woman, and in a bored life all reactions become predictable, the need to talk about the feelings and exclusivity of a partner disappears, and a woman plunges into a nasty feeling of uselessness and forgetfulness to anyone. In such circumstances, to melt away from a man who raises her to a shining Olympus (for a while, we remember) is an organic and natural behavior. You need attention and confirmation of your desire, of course, it’s better from your husband, but if he only looks at the carburetor, then it doesn’t matter where to get his support and mood from.

Cheating is a serious step for a woman, and without affecting her soul, such things do not happen, and if it happened once on the train, then she will tell this story to her friends ten years later. Also important for a woman is the opinion of society, which condemns women's adultery much more than men's, and a married lady, in some places they can be persecuted. Therefore, deciding to have a relationship on the side, a woman will not take the initiative, but if everything is completely bad with her husband, she will not resist her seduction, acting in the eyes of a strict public court as a victim of a lack of husband’s love that fell into the hands of a seducer (men are to blame, and she clean).

The very concept of infidelity carries a different meaning, and your wife can cheat on you without ever touching another man. Turning a blind eye to such an emotional connection has become customary and many do not consider communication with men to be bad, but when a woman tells all the secrets to another, when she asks him for advice and is interested in how the day went, you lost her, and the question is when she will physically disappear It's a question of time. At the same time, intimacy with a stranger can cause a surge and indignation in a man, but for a woman it will not mean anything.

Female adultery is detrimental to a man's self-esteem and to the continuation of a relationship, tk. there is no lightness and thoughtlessness in it, it is always a serious event based on strong feelings (love for a new partner or for a former one). This frightening feature, however, gives hope, because the possibility of casual relationships is reduced, and the options for preventing at the initial stages or even preventing such a development of events are within the power of the interested spouse. A woman will not look around if her official relationship suits her in terms of the main defining moments for her.

Not a bad article.
Unfortunately went through it.
just divorced - his wife has two small children in her arms.
Do you know what I'm expecting? When a woman comes and falls at her feet, because self-esteem is hurt, and even if something did not suit her, then betrayal is not an option. For treason, the expectation is that a person will come with a confession and will defend with his actions.
However, for some reason it almost never happens, and the side that has changed has a reason for betrayal.
For some reason, the side that has changed is waiting for you to approach it and seek it. Where does this nonsense come from in the head of the changed side? due to the presence of resentment for this or that ....

Buddy, you're sorry, but the woman is your ordinary whore. Not because I changed, no. But because he continues to sleep with you, being in a relationship with another man. You are both cash cows for her and she has no real feelings for either of you. And the fact that this is the norm for her speaks of a complete moral decline. There is nothing worse. Think about whether you need such a woman next to you!? There are a lot of free girls and women around, and sometimes even with a child who lacks a strong shoulder nearby. And who are ready to GIVE you both warmth and fidelity and love, if you become their favorite and only. Do not stain your feelings and do not let anyone trample them. Live honestly, in harmony with yourself and with the person who is nearby, only this person should be loved by you and love you. And then the word betrayal or treason will never come between you.

Hello! My name is Andrey, 29 years old. Briefly about myself: a family man, without bad habits, I try to spend all my free time with my wife and daughter. He never cheated on his wife and never gave reasons.
My wife cheated on me, as I found out, it lasted six months. Of course, I noticed the initial stages, but I could not believe it. I naively trusted her. Once I could not stand it and got into the phone to my wife (for reference, this is not my characteristic feature). When asked what is it? She began to rely that these were all such jokes, in correspondence, she completely stood her ground. She also yelled at me, what a scoundrel I am and get along in someone else's phone. A couple of days later, I said that I talked with her boyfriend and he said that yes, they had everything (in fact, I did not talk to him). Here she confessed to everything. My state at that moment is difficult to describe in words. But I calmed down, thought it over, decided to talk to her. We talked almost all night. (She herself is a very uncommunicative and closed person) I learned so much where I made mistakes (if I knew all this before), after this conversation I seemed to fall in love with her all over again. But she already has mutual feelings for me, of course she doesn’t have any! I even forgave her, I say, let's start all over again. She says she doesn't want to be with me. And he doesn't hate me, and he doesn't love me either. I ask her how do you feel about me? She says indifference, although I understand her actions suggest otherwise. Now she has moved out to her parents, because. my apartment, I didn’t kick her out, it was her decision. She sometimes comes, cooks food for me, helps with the housework, we even have sex. She frankly treats me like a friend. In one of the conversations I ask, do you love him? She does not speak openly, but according to her words about him, it is obvious that she loves him. Although he does not reciprocate her, he is a womanizer by nature, she knows this, but still communicates with him.
p.s. This whole situation has changed me tremendously, I have changed for the better. He took care of his appearance, became even more active in sports. He became better in intimacy, in her words, almost her ideal. But she does not want to return, and I do not insist and do not ask her for this. Although here I am tormented by doubts, but maybe it is worth acting more actively!?
I don't know what to do with this relationship anymore!? I want to return it, but I don’t know how and whether the game is worth the candle!? Or maybe start building your life anew, with someone else!?
Please help me figure it out!

Hello Andrei,

After reading your story, I found a lot similar to mine.

I have been in a civil marriage for eight years now (the last year I have been divorced)
All these years, only my husband was the number 1 man, despite the fact that there were no supernatural feelings from the very beginning. He is not an emotional person, but a good family man, father, home, caring. But he’s not at all sensitive, not affectionate, and for seven years he has never uttered the word “I love you” and so on.

Like your wife, I also fell in love with another man, with whom I first talked for a very long time because of a common hobby.
When I realized that something was happening to me and I would soon be unable to resist everything, I tried to reach out to my common-law husband (in the 7th year!)
No results. The turning point was when my direct question “Do you love me?” he replied "I don't know"...

Then I no longer resisted the temptations and succumbed to feelings. To be honest, I even hoped that everything would pass soon, everything would cool down and maybe everything would work out with my husband.

But unfortunately he was under hypnosis. He did not respond to all my "calls".

I told him about everything myself, because I could not stand these torments. We went to see a psychologist.
Somehow, after a couple of weeks, he even spat out this “I love you” from himself, but nothing else happened.

He then overestimated everything, decided that although he made mistakes, I was to blame for the whole situation. That I subjected our entire family to...

In general, almost 8 months after my confession, he is now moving out of our joint house.
And for all this time there was not a single attempt to "bring" me back.
And I wanted it so badly! I wanted him to fight for me at least now!
I felt so unnecessary, so unloved ... And so I wanted to hear: “Nasten !!! Let's try it all over again! We will succeed! I will try!!! I realized everything, forgive me too! Let's! I love you very much and I cannot and do not want to live without you. I do not want to lose you! We will be happy"

instead it was: “I already lost you. You love another. Why bother you? I spent everything I had on us, and now I'm standing with empty pockets. What will I tell my relatives?…” etc. In general, by, completely by ....

And since he is not an active person, not proactive, he preferred not to do anything, so as not to receive a no in response.

In general, Andrey, fight for your love, if you really love it more than anything in the world!!! Talk to her, show her! It is very important for women to know and feel loved, desired, in demand, like air.
If her feelings have not completely cooled down, or maybe subsided for a while (from resentment, from disappointment, because of a new person ...), you can rekindle the fire.

At least try! So that later you don’t blame yourself and don’t punish yourself.

If my husband would immediately take the bull by the horns and begin to act purposefully and persistently, talk to me about everything, maybe take me downstairs to spend time with me at an intense level!, then probably everything would not have gone so far as it is now .
Because at first I also thought that my new chosen one, well, not a womanizer, but he was not deprived of female attention. But he also fell in love with me like a boy. Now he and I do not want to cause any harm or pain. Everything is going exactly the way I always wanted. On an emotional level. How everything will be in everyday life - time will tell.

But with him (so far) nothing else connects me except for feelings. No kids, no housing, no joint work or business. We have only one great hobby together - and this is no small matter for the relationship.

And therefore, there is a game going on - who is "stronger"!

I wish you good luck!!! Happiness and patience! All this is rewarded!

Hello. I don’t know if my comment will be relevant after a long time, but I want to speak out. I am very lonely and very fixated on a similar issue. My name is Alexey. About myself: a family man, earner, with higher education, no bad habits. For all the time, the relationship with his wife, NEVER changed and did not give a reason. I want children, madly ... And so in 2008 I met my wife. In 2010, I caught my first betrayal. She dated my classmate. I accidentally saw the correspondence. They had a S..s. in a couple of days. Scandal followed. She tried to open the veins. I have forgiven. The next attempt at treason is 2011. The applicant is a friend of her sister. I, too, seem to have done it. And s..s, probably did not take place. The next attempt crushed me to smithereens. I literally felt the blows of the knives. 2015 Treason with my friend. Lasted several months. I don't know if it was s..s or. At that time we fought a lot. She constantly clung to trifles. She was very cold. And once again quarreled, I left the house. The next day, I think I'll sit near her entrance, I look. After 40 minutes, I saw my friend Eduard there with flowers. He saw me, ran like a coward. You can't describe what was going on inside of me. I don't wish anyone. I lived alone for a couple of weeks. Scandals followed, reproaches against me, and complete humiliation of me as a man. My friends are a company of 8 people, turn their backs on me. In the same company, one of the friends was especially important. They called him Glory. I did a lot for him and loved him like a brother. Honestly, I am writing - I am 32 years old ... and there are tears in my eyes. I would give a lot for him, just like that. And this Slavik knew about the betrayal of my wife and was silent. He drank, ate in my house, took my cars, borrowed money, called me BROTHER. — AND SILENT. In this company, there was a friend with whom we were not best friends, but he was the only one who supported me. It was he who prevented me from doing terrible things - which crossed my mind. At that time, my wife became simply insane. It is necessary to tell a little about me in this group of friends. Basically, I am a leader. I have always organized everything. I collected everyone. And he helped everyone. In addition to my work, he was spinning a lot, and achieved a lot. My friend Eduard (32 years old) is the exact opposite of me. I'm athletic, blond. He is a pear-shaped, balding Jew. By itself, a lack of initiative, lazy, a person living with his mother. What to say about him ... if he had a loan of 500 bucks for 2 years at that time. He, bastard, stirs up in secret with my wife. And he asks me for money to close the fine. Here's something. WHAT AM I? I forgave her again. Why? Because I love. You know? I did a lot of different business, and everyone says that if you are a successful businessman, then you are not a decent person. Maybe it's about me. But in relation to relatives, friends - I am SINCERE and HONEST. I never left anyone in a difficult moment, and did not refuse help .... At the end of 2015, after 7 civil marriages, I proposed to my wife. In 2016 they got married. Now we live together. I love her too, but there is no trust. Now everything seems to be fine ... but! Strained with intimacy. She does it like a robot, while not particularly bothering. There are no children. So far it doesn't work. But she doesn't work for it. Now lately, it has become difficult to communicate again. Misunderstandings, presentations and skirmishes. Constantly biting me. And the same thing, "I'm bored," she says. You are not a romantic. Yes. I have to admit, I'm not a romantic. For me, it is much more important to feed her, clothe her, monitor her health. Go on vacation with her, furnish an apartment, buy her a car. What she recently said. “You bought me a car so I could earn more…”

Hello! I am 32 years old. A few years ago I met a married man (he was divorced, but lived with his wife). They broke up a few times. After each break, time passed, he appeared again in my life. He said that he loves, I threw everything and everyone, and met him again. But as soon as I again plunged headlong into him, he said that he could not promise me anything at the moment. I kept hoping for something, waiting. This happened three times and lasted for several years. My psyche couldn't take it. The last parting was even harder. There was absolute apathy for everything. I have lost faith in men. A year after breaking up with him, I met a guy, as it seemed to me, I fell in love. We understood each other from half a word from half a glance. I start a sentence, he continues. In general, everything is wonderful. And then the ex shows up. He says that he left his wife, he wants to be with me. I say that I am in a relationship, and I don’t believe him anymore, although somewhere in my subconscious I was waiting for actions from him that would achieve me. There are no actions. I am getting married, giving birth to a baby (he is now six months old). My husband and I are constantly arguing about everything. Not only do we not read each other's thoughts, but even if we explain in words, we do not understand. We fight constantly. I stopped feeling like a woman with him. We began to communicate less, intimacy is rare, courtship and compliments are zero. I developed an inferiority complex. I decided to go with my child to my parents in another city for a week, and I meet my ex there. Word for word, everything flashes again. A couple of days ago, I slept with him. It turns out that he returned to his wife again, allegedly because of his daughter, and he doesn’t know what to do now. He says that you need to think everything over before taking a decisive step, but for now he offers to just meet. But I catch myself thinking that he again deceived me. From the moment we met him, I was tormented by guilt that I was cheating on and betraying my husband (even before the sex happened). The feeling of guilt intensifies, it does not go out of my head that I betrayed him. I don't know which one I love or if I love them at all. I would like to continue to stay with the baby with their parents, but I understand that this cannot go on forever and we must somehow decide how to proceed. I have a cry for help for you!
Please help me find the right solution and understand myself. I feel helpless and confused. I'm sorry if I expressed it too vaguely.

- Good afternoon Thanks for the reply and interesting articles! You write, do not support quarrels. But I no longer know how to communicate with my husband. When I try to tell him something that I miss his attention, I need help, I want to communicate, etc., he does not perceive hints. I repeat after a while again, again no results. As a result, I break down and start to tell him, and he tells me that you can’t say normally, you just saw me. When I propose to discuss the problem and find a solution together, he again perceives all my statements as accusations and reproaches. Therefore, I no longer know how to discuss something sore with him, because in any case I will remain guilty. How to communicate, so as not to hear that I am a chainsaw, but also to solve the problem? I am with the child all day and I want to communicate with him. We used to be able to chat until the middle of the night, but now he comes and clicks the TV remote and says he's tired. And the fact that I'm tired, does not see. I tried to praise him, to show how important it is that he is with me, how I feel good with him, but all this is one-sided. He won't praise me for anything, he won't notice that I'm tired. It scares me that our communication is reduced to nothing. I start to delve into myself, what is wrong with me? How to find a compromise with your husband?
  - Vika, do you want to improve relations with your husband? Start "feeding" him emotionally - adding positive emotional strokes without demanding anything for yourself in return. Start making compliments yourself, give smiles, help, praise, say words that emphasize the importance of this person. Only in this way you will achieve the goal of being desired. Breaking loose and expressing what is sore is a losing tactic.
    “I am with the child all day and I want to communicate with him. We used to be able to chat until the middle of the night." - Men are so arranged that their talkativeness manifests itself during courtship or when a woman is interesting to him. Expand your social circle, do not focus only on your spouse.

Many people have to deal with the infidelity of a loved one. Women's infidelity happens just as often as men's. Some representatives of the stronger sex are normal about this and are not even jealous of their life partners. However, owners have a much harder time. To prevent cheating, they need to change and influence their partner in the right way.

Causes of female infidelity

During the candy-bouquet period, it seems to every guy that the relationship with this girl will be the happiest. Emotions cloud the mind, and thoughts of betrayal and possible separation do not come.

Over time, emotions become dull, and sexual life becomes monotonous. This is the main cause of marital infidelity. But there are other reasons for cheating wife:

Feelings from different sides

Unfaithful wives often think about whether to tell their husband about what happened or not. They constantly torment themselves with these thoughts and make decisions depending on the current state of the relationship.

Feelings of men after the betrayal of a wife or girlfriend:

Resentment and depression. The betrayal of a beloved woman is very difficult to survive.
Indifference, which suggests that this girl is not important to a man.
Anger and rage caused by the fact that the spouse does not appreciate her husband and all his efforts for her.
The desire to forgive, but to take revenge on his wife. This feeling is associated with the infringement of the male ego.

All these sensations are explained by male instincts. Usually, the representatives of the stronger sex in treason are concerned about the fact that someone else has taken possession of the body of his woman.

Men who are faced with adultery are often interested in why women cheat. Psychology can give a lot of answers to this question. Of course, the main goal of psychotherapists is to help a person and support him in a difficult situation. However, they are realists, so if you need to tell your client the unpleasant truth, they will do it.

Female adultery through the eyes of psychologists is not accidental. In their opinion, it is the man who is most often to blame for this. If a woman is happy with her chosen one, she will never think of cheating. In such a situation, a man needs to take responsibility and begin to change so that similar situations do not occur in relations with other women.

Explaining why wives cheat, psychology tries to understand the various nuances of the behavior of married couples. Most often, spouses prefer to remain silent about the details of their life together, because people are afraid to admit the unpleasant truth. But it is precisely these nuances of behavior that are the cause of infidelity..

Shock therapy in the form of an unpleasant truth is very effective. With its help, you can objectively look at the relationship and understand that the man’s fault in the infidelity of his woman is also there.

Emotions are extremely important for women in relationships. In the first months there are a lot of them and the sex life is very intense. But over time they fade. The main mistake of men is relaxation. After a few months, the husband relaxes and stops investing in the relationship..

To avoid cheating, you must always give your woman emotions. For example, you can have sex in an unexpected place or attend some unusual event. It is necessary to be unpredictable so that a woman does not know what to expect from you. If you become unpredictable and diversify your sex life, the likelihood of female infidelity will minimized.

The psychology of a woman's infidelity is very ambiguous. The real reasons depend on every little detail in the relationship. Quite often there are situations when a girl is in a relationship with two guys. For example, one of them gives her emotions and quality sex, and the second - wealth and comfort. If a girl does not choose one of the guys, this indicates that each of them is very valuable to her. Most likely, they complement each other and allow a woman to satisfy all needs..

In such situations, you should not blame only the man. There is also a woman's fault here. Instead of immediately going to the left, she could calmly talk to her husband and invite him to diversify the relationship. If this conversation did not happen, it means that the woman did not consider it necessary to start it. Most likely, she simply stopped respecting her man and went to satisfy her needs on the side.

When a man meets the woman of his dreams, he tries not to think about the bad and just enjoys the pleasant moments with her. However, the reality is that the romantic beginning of a relationship cannot guarantee the representative of the stronger sex that in the future his chosen one will not have a lover.

So that your wife does not have the opportunity to cheat on you, you need to reconsider your views on relationships. It must be remembered that the genetic program of a woman is self-realization and the birth of offspring with the strongest man. This means that when a woman cheats, she compares her husband with another man to see which one is the stronger male.

List of women's needs:

Emotions.
Birth of offspring.
Good quality sex.
Material well-being.
The realization that next to her is the best man.

Accordingly, in order to prevent adultery, a woman needs to receive everything she aspires to. For example, if everything is fine in your bed and the responsibility for the relationship lies entirely with you, this significantly reduces the risk of infidelity. If a man earns well and constantly develops, this allows him to satisfy material needs. Unpredictability and a varied life gives the girl a maximum of emotions. For a girl to be happy in a relationship, a man must invest to the maximum. If everything happens this way, a woman will not cheat even out of curiosity..

The first thoughts about cheating come to a woman in those moments when she begins to doubt that her man is the best. Then there is a comparison of two men and a choice of a more worthy candidate..

No one is immune from the betrayal of a loved one. Various situations happen in life and you need to be prepared for them. So that a girl’s betrayal does not cause you too much pain, you need to understand before entering into a relationship that most often in life something happens that people are afraid of and try to avoid in every possible way.

As a rule, a young man is afraid that a girl will cheat on him, but continues to hope for her sincere love. When he overestimates the relationship and idolizes his chosen one, life strikes him. Relations break up due to the betrayal of the girl. Naturally, this leads to disappointment and a drop in the guy's self-esteem..

Before entering into a relationship, you do not need to hope that they will be perfect and eternal. Lower their importance and enjoy your time with the girl. This will lead you to peace of mind, and in case of betrayal, you will not be unsettled..

If, nevertheless, you find out that the chosen one has cheated on you, you need to look at your emotional reactions. If you experience anger and resentment, but deep down you want to forgive, there is no need to make hasty decisions. Try not to communicate with her for 2-3 weeks and see if you can live without her. If you feel angry and want to hit your girlfriend, there is no need to try to restore the relationship, because your injured ego will not allow you to calmly hug and kiss the girl who slept with another.

In any case, no general advice can be given.. When such situations arise, you need to be guided only by your thoughts. Whatever choice you make will be right, because you make it for yourself. If a girl repents, and you feel that you cannot live without her, you need to forgive. Otherwise, don't even talk to her. After resolving this situation, you should remain in a comfortable emotional state. And with or without a girl - it's up to you.

If a lot has been written about male infidelity, then female infidelity is associated with a certain secret and it is not particularly customary to talk about it ...

The obsession of female infidelity

I considered myself a good wife. She took care of her husband as expected - breakfast, lunch for work, neatly packed in a plastic container, dinner in the oven in the evening; always clean shirts and ironed trousers ... Other men did not interest me, even in a nightmare I could not imagine that someone else could interest me. I believed that cheating occurs only when feelings go away, and emptiness remains between people. My relationship with my husband was bright and complete. He and I ... we truly loved each other, and most importantly, we trusted each other very much. I never even thought that someone could be better than him.

But… one fine day a man of 40-45 years old came to work with us. He just recently divorced his wife. He was very nice and charming. We began to communicate, and imperceptibly our contacts grew into gatherings over a cup of coffee in a cafe. Everything that happened between us scared me very much and at the same time attracted me. I understood that I should not communicate with him, that this would lead to something that I did not need. I felt terrible shame in front of my husband, and it seemed to me that he already suspected something. But I could not stop and forbid myself this relationship.

I was drawn to a new friend. And one day, instead of the usual coffee, a glass appeared guilt…

... And I cheated on my husband. Ask why? I don't have an answer to this question. My husband loves me, we have a very good relationship, and I'm not going to divorce him. But…

After the betrayal, my life turned into a nightmare. I can't look my husband in the eyes. I think he feels everything. I became nervous, irritable. I cut off contact with a new acquaintance, but I can not erase from my memory that one meeting we had, when I allowed another man to enter me.

I don’t know how I can continue to live with my husband - the feeling that our relationship will never be the same as before. Something is gone forever, and the most unbearable thing is to realize that it was I who destroyed the atmosphere that we had in the family with my own hands.

If a lot has been written about male infidelity, and we are all kind of used to this fact, then female infidelity is associated with a certain secret and it is not particularly customary to talk about it. If a woman is faced with her husband's betrayal, then, overwhelmed by emotions, she tells everyone about it ... Both her mother and her friend, complaining about what a bastard her husband turned out to be. To which mom can say: “I always told you about this ...”

A man, having learned about female infidelity, as a rule, keeps everything in himself. Cheating wife is perceived in society as something shameful. And the strong half of humanity prefers to remain silent about its shame.

Reasons for female infidelity

Why does a woman change? This happens for various reasons.

In one case, the tender "I" of a woman constantly needs attention and love. And no husband can satisfy the constant emotional hunger of his wife. And so she is looking for evidence of her beauty and usefulness in other connections. It is vital for her. At the same time, some find excuses for themselves and the pangs of conscience are unknown to them. And someone cheats, feeling guilty, realizing that this is wrong, but he cannot refuse the attention of other gentlemen. And it is not at all necessary that the husband does something wrong. Just a woman wants a holiday and love, passions. But this is not the case in family life - this period has already passed, it is being replaced by other stages. And no less interesting.

Such betrayals occur due to the fact that in the family the feelings of a woman are protected, and in a quiet, monotonous environment, they fall into "hibernation". From what there is a feeling of melancholy and boredom. Of course, this speaks of certain women's fears of going into the depths of their experiences and relationships. True love begins when the stage of boredom and emptiness is overcome. And it has to be done once. It won't take you all of a sudden to get what you dreamed of, but as you live through this deep-seated feeling of anguish over and over again, you will discover the ability to love in yourself. And then the need for numerous novels on the side will disappear.

Other women cheat out of suffering. Desperate to receive love and understanding from their husband, they commit adultery out of anger and hatred, or maybe out of revenge. Husband can be hurt in this way, but how will it help you? This "adventure" will not change you or your life. And if you really want to find your happiness, then the pain that your husband causes you must be experienced. Cheating in this case is like a pain pill. It relieves pain for a while, but does not eliminate the cause.

There is another category of women - these are ladies, like the one that wrote the letter. She loves her husband, and betrayal for her is like an obsession, a romance without continuation, but this act turns her world upside down and begins to undermine from the inside, destroying relationships and former peace. Why, against the backdrop of the well-being of family life, is treason taking place?

It is difficult to answer this question. We are all people, and, of course, on the way of each of us there are temptations that are difficult to refuse. That's why it's a temptation ... But the most unpleasant thing is when conscience and guilt begin to torment. There is a fear that the husband will find out everything and leave you. Many women cannot stand such tension and tell their spouse everything. But think for yourself, does he need such truth? What will he do with her? This truth can destroy the relationship irrevocably.

Everything depends on the situation. If you cheated, and your husband has always been good to you, then think about whether this will be a blow to him?

Fragile male "I"

The male "I" is much more vulnerable than the female. And a man is more worried about the breakup and betrayal of a woman. He is faced with a choice: to leave you or to forgive and live with you on? Will he be able to forget everything and forgive you? And will he still treat you?

Your husband is not a psychotherapist or a priest, I think it makes no sense for him to tell the truth just to ease his soul. There are other "pillows" that you can tell about what happened.

And in order to forget everything and continue to live together, you must, of course, accept yourself and forgive. Don't judge or judge yourself. As soon as you lower the level of self-perception, then your requirements for people, your expectations will also decrease.

It also happens that a man, having learned that his wife is cheating, reconsiders his behavior and begins to treat his wife differently. And maybe leave without even trying to forgive. And someone, guessing everything in his soul, behaves as before and says nothing because of fear of changing his life - so be it, let it be treason, but comfortably, predictably. How many men, so many reactions.

The worst situation is when a woman cheats with a friend of her husband. This is really a low blow. Double betrayal.

If , and it doesn’t matter who cheated, man or woman, this event has come into your life to wake you up from a mental sleep. For you to turn to your depth. Think about your relationship.

Before cheating on your husband, ask yourself the question: how will you feel later? Are relationships dear to you? Maybe it’s worth solving some difficult problem in the family, and not running away from it into the arms of another man?

It all depends on what you want in this life. A comfortable marriage and love snatches on the side? Or close, deep and trusting relationships in the family?

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

It is always difficult for those men who are faced with infidelity on the part of women, because the situation is extremely difficult and everything is not at all the same as if I had changed, that is, it will be easier for men to explain everything, but for a girl, the reasons for infidelity are completely different and do not have nothing to do with the banal desire to try something new, and then come back.

If you have personal experience in this matter or situations arise in which the experience and advice of others will not be superfluous, you should write about it in the comments.

Female betrayal through the eyes of a psychologist causes, psychology of lies and relationships

Psychologists say that cheating can happen in different situations.

For lost love. The woman met a man whom she truly fell in love with.

Because of relationship problems. Lack of attention, misunderstanding. Husband abuse.

Women's internal problems. Often, with the help of a large number of connections, a woman proves to herself that someone needs her and she is loved and appreciated.

Some people think white lies, holy lies. Someone cheats, not wanting to hurt. Women often lie to embellish their lives.

Female adultery is revenge for inattention or revenge for infidelity

All girls are unpredictable, they can take revenge on a man for cheating. Remembering the pain that betrayal brings, there is a desire to hurt as well. Also, betrayal can be due to the inattention of a man, his indifference. When a husband stops seeing a person, a weak nature. A stranger man at this moment begins to take an interest, make compliments, show signs of attention.

Female betrayal is a betrayal or not, good or bad, what to do with it

Certainly a betrayal. A woman changing, compares men and prefers another. Everyone decides what to do with it. Someone is ready to change himself, ready to forgive and learn a new family life is much better than the old one that was before the betrayal, while others cannot give forgiveness.

Female betrayal how to survive and forget it, how to hide in marriage

Try to forget as quickly as possible, switch attention to the family, husband. If possible, delete a lover from life, change jobs. So that the husband does not find out anything, it is best not to give out this secret herself. If someone you know knows, stop talking to them.

Female betrayal in Rus', the Caucasus

In ancient Rus', a woman was severely punished for treason, sending her to a monastery or sentencing her to death. A man could beat his wife.

In the Caucasus, women's infidelity is still taken very seriously.

In some countries, the death penalty is possible if this fact is proven.

Female betrayal to forgive or not, divorce is inevitable

If you have the strength to forgive, it is better to save the family. After a while, you will see how your wife will change in relation to you for the better. Much depends on the cause. If everything happened because of your lack of attention, try to forgive and change. If the wife systematically goes to the left, then divorce is inevitable.

Female adultery before marriage and wedding, the consequences

This is a fairly common occurrence. Girls think if it's not a husband, then it's not cheating. Once you know, then talk, think. Treat it like it was in another life. In any case, do not stir up the past.

More on the topic "From the point of view of psychology, what is treason":

Reasons for female infidelity

Signs of female infidelity

The psychology of female infidelity

Causes of female infidelity

Feelings from different sides

The obsession of female infidelity

Reasons for female infidelity

Fragile male "I"

Female betrayal through the eyes of a psychologist causes, psychology of lies and relationships

Female adultery is revenge for inattention or revenge for infidelity

Female betrayal is a betrayal or not, good or bad, what to do with it

Female betrayal how to survive and forget it, how to hide in marriage

Female betrayal in Rus', the Caucasus

Female betrayal to forgive or not, divorce is inevitable

Female adultery before marriage and wedding, the consequences