What does it mean to be engaged: traditions and rules of engagement. Orthodox marriage, betrothal, wedding

20.07.2019

The Orthodox marriage consists of two parts of the service, once separate, but now combined into one celebration. First part, betrothal(in Romanian logodna, in Italian fidanzamento) is a solemn announcement of marriage vows; while the second part is the marriage itself, in the Orthodox tradition called wedding(in Romanian cuunie, in Italian incoronazione), a name derived from the crowns placed on the heads of spouses.

In earlier times and in societies other than today, marriages were arranged based on agreements made between the families of the bride and groom, and were often planned in advance when the bride and groom were still very young (teenagers or even younger). Under such circumstances, it becomes understandable to want to announce the marriage vows through an appropriate rite of betrothal, in order to notify the entire community of believers that two young people are promised to each other, even if their marriage has not yet taken place.

Today, people marry mainly on their own initiative and with a partner chosen by themselves, therefore, there is no point in celebrating the betrothal separately from the wedding. It is for this reason that two separate services have been merged into one. Nevertheless, one should not forget that the service books still provide for the possibility of betrothal and marriage at two separate moments.

A LITTLE THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE

The sacrament, or, using the terminology of the Orthodox Church, the Holy Mysteries of church marriage does not set out to unite a man and a woman from a legal point of view. It is rather the recognition by the Church of the union already created by God in the life of two spouses, it is the entrance in a mysterious way of the human union of spouses (as an earthly union, subject to sin, pain and death) into the divine dimension of the Kingdom of God.

The union of two in a Christian marriage makes again possible the realization of the first project of Eden: the achievement of eternal joy by the life together of two complementary beings.

For this reason, an Orthodox marriage is outside the scope of a legal agreement. During the ceremony, the bride and groom do not exchange wedding vows: the very presence (as well as the presence of witnesses to confirm their free choice) indicates the commitment made between them and the disposition to the action of God in their marriage.

Although the Church is indulgent towards widowers who enter into a new marriage in order to avoid loneliness, nevertheless, marriage is not spoken of as a union of spouses "until death do them part." In fact, since this union is included in the dimension of the Kingdom of God, it also takes on the character of eternity. For this reason, instead of talking about inseparable marriage, as in Roman Catholic theology, Orthodox theology speaks of marriage the only And unique. It can be said that for the Orthodox there is only one true sacred marriage in life, while subsequent marriages (of widowers, as well as in other cases where the Church allows a second marriage if the first marriage is irretrievably destroyed from a human point of view) are viewed more as a measure of indulgence which, through the blessing of the Church, introduces a new bride and groom into the life of the community of believers.

Precisely because by offering marriage a new, "divine dimension" to a couple's life, the Orthodox Church does not condemn human unions. Its purpose is not to determine whether couples who are not married in church are living "in sin" (in a broad sense, one can say that everyone who does not live according to the grace and will of God lives in sin, regardless of whether whether he is only in civil marriage or also in religious marriage), but rather, its task is to call all couples to move from human union to participation in the divine life offered through the sacrament of church marriage.

WITNESSES

The bride and groom are accompanied to the marriage by a friend and girlfriend (in Greek terminology they are called παράνυμφοι, which can be translated as “friends of the spouses”), which have a very important function in the ritual: to testify with their presence the freedom of marriage, that is, their free personal choice (absence coercion, threats, or other conditions that invalidate the marriage), as well as the absence of other bonds (a previous marriage or betrothal, the completion of which was not recognized by the Church). For this reason, it is important that the witnesses know the bride and groom well.

Over time, various local customs were established, and witnesses often resemble godparents (Romanian uses the same term nănaş for both). Witnesses today are almost always a man and a woman, quite often it is a husband and wife. Thus, the witness couple takes on the task of guiding the young couple in their married life.

No matter how beautiful and noble this custom, it should be emphasized that witnesses do not have the role of godparents or mentors; their task is to testify to the freedom of marriage, and everything else that they want and can be useful to a married couple is not a requirement of the Church.

Therefore, we recall the following:

1. Witnesses do not have to be married. It also doesn't have to be a man and a woman. The Church considers marriages legal in which two men or two women act as witnesses.

2. Witnesses do not have to be Orthodox Christians. It is not their faith or membership in the Church that is required in marriage (as required by the rite of baptism for godparents), but it is important that they really know the newlyweds well. In other words, it is better to have a real friend, even if it is not Orthodox (or even, in extreme cases, not a Christian), than a member of the Church who does not know the bride and groom. Today there are those who insist that the witnesses be Orthodox Christians, but those who say so should explain why the Church, allowing one of the spouses to be non-Orthodox, should be more strict with the witnesses than with the groom and bride!

3. The Church does not require anything from the witnesses after they have performed their duty at the wedding.. Witnesses not are obliged to become godparents to the children of the spouses (although this often happens in practice), or to bear any other duties: any support or help to the spouses is their free friendly gesture.

MIXED MARRIAGES

Until a certain point in Christian history, the Church refused to bless marriages in which one of the spouses did not belong by faith and baptism to the believers of this Church.

In recent centuries, with the development of the mobility of society, the number of mixed couples has increased, and the Church is gradually extending church marriage to these couples, albeit with some caution.

As far as the Russian Church is concerned, the first cases of Orthodox marriages for mixed couples were allowed in the eighteenth century for Swedish prisoners of war who married Russian women and did not have their own shepherds.

Today, intermarriage between Orthodox believers and baptized believers of non-Orthodox Christian churches is possible (including the most recent denominations, such as Seventh-day Adventists and Pentecostals, with the exception of new movements with a Christian core, such as Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses). Church mixed marriage with unbaptized (atheists or representatives of other religions) is not possible. The principle of this exception is that it is unlikely that a person who does not believe in Christ, and does not belong to His Church (at least to one unorthodox denomination), can honestly take on the task of leading the life of a Christian spouse, observing church faith.

Even if mixed marriages are possible, the Church still encourages its members to always try to find spouses of their faith, especially if both are practicing believers. The practice of Orthodox Christians is not easy, so going through life with someone who does not share this path adds even more complexity and extra effort.

Depending on the case, especially when the spouses do not decide on the first marriage, the blessing of the bishop may be needed in order to proceed with a mixed church marriage.

RITE OF ENGAGEMENT

Let's see how the wedding ceremony takes place in the Orthodox Church today. The first part of the betrothal ceremony takes place in the porch of the church. If the church does not have a vestibule or an internal portico, then the betrothal occurs at the entrance to the church, which means the entrance to family life (for the same reason, in the rite of baptism, prayers for the exorcism of the devil and confession of faith take place in the vestibule). The bride and groom come forward, accompanied by witnesses on both sides - the groom on the right side, the bride on the left. This is how men and women are usually arranged in the temple, which is easy to remember by looking at the location of the central icons of Christ and the Mother of God.

The priest conducting the wedding blesses the bride and groom, gives them lighted candles and wraps them in incense. Then the betrothal ritual begins, consisting of prayers, litanies and the exchange of rings, symbolizing mutual promises of fidelity.

Initially, a gold ring for the groom and a silver ring for the bride were envisaged, but nowadays a pair of rings made of the same material (sometimes even less valuable) is more often used. Before the betrothal ceremony, the rings are consecrated by sprinkling with holy water and for some time they are on the holy throne. If you wish, you can bring the rings to the church some time before the wedding and leave them to recline on the holy throne during the service of the Divine Liturgy.

The symbolism of the rings (that is, the circle that has no end, as well as the mutual promises of the spouses, endless and unconditional) is explained in the prayers of the rite, when the rings are remembered, donated in various biblical episodes as a sign of fidelity, trust, responsibility and divine mercy.

The betrothal formula, which in some cases is read three times, is as follows: A servant of God is betrothed(name) servant of God(name) Servant of God is betrothed(name) servant of God(name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen».

The priest puts the rings on the ring fingers of the right hand of the bride and groom. The right hand (with which the Christian is baptized) is the keeper of the rings in the ancient Christian tradition, as well as in the Hebrew tradition, from which many elements of the Orthodox marriage originate. In the practice of the Roman Catholic Church, wedding rings are separated from wedding rings (while in the Orthodox Church there is no such distinction), which in many cases has led to the transfer of rings to the left hand. If the bride and groom, following local customs, want to wear rings on their left hand after wedding ceremony, then this is not a serious problem.

The rings worn on the hands of the newlyweds are soon exchanged three times (by a priest or witnesses, depending on local tradition). The exchange of rings expresses a constant exchange between spouses who, complementing each other, enrich each other.

If the betrothal ceremony is followed by a wedding ceremony (today, in the vast majority of cases), the betrothed and the witnesses go to the center of the church, where a table with wedding crowns is prepared. As the couple approaches, the choir sings the verses of Psalm 127, interspersed with the refrain "Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee."

WEDDING RITE

Entering the center of the temple, the bride and groom stand on a carpet specially prepared for them (it can be a towel embroidered with patterns, as is customary in Russia, or just a rug wide enough to accommodate both spouses). This carpet, borrowed from the Hebrew wedding tradition, symbolizes the dimension in which the spouses are accountable to the church: the conduct of daily life, the upbringing of children, the family hearth.

The priest begins the wedding with three prayers, in which he asks for God's grace for the spouses, grace under the influence of which the human union becomes a union led by the Holy Spirit. (The priest prays for the descent of the Holy Spirit on those who are crowned in a similar way, as during the Divine Liturgy the Holy Spirit is called upon bread and wine to turn them into the body and blood of Christ.)

The hands of the newlyweds are connected by the priest, and then he ties them together with a ribbon or veil. Then the priest puts crowns on the heads of the married couple as a sign of royalty (the Church gives the couple the opportunity to be the rulers of their family life, as well as participants in the kingdom of Christ itself), and also as a sign of perfection: the husband and wife become each other’s “crowns”, the completion of the divine image , a possible means of saving each other, as mentioned by the apostle Paul in chapter 7 of the First Epistle to the Corinthians. The crown is also a sign of martyrdom, that is, evidence of faith "in joy and in sorrow", before sacrificing one's own life. The secret of marriage requires a willingness to die for oneself, for one's personal well-being, in order to be able to give oneself to another throughout one's life.

The wedding formula, which in some cases is read three times, is as follows:

« The servant of God is getting married(name) servant of God(name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen". Similarly, the formula is repeated for the bride: “ The servant of God is getting married(name) servant of God(name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen».

The crowns placed on the heads of the spouses are exchanged three times (by the priest or witnesses, depending on the local tradition), while the choir sings: " Lord our God, with glory and honor crowned me (them)».

READING

Two biblical passages related to marriage come from Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians and from the Gospel of John.

St. Paul reminds the early Christians of Ephesus (as well as Christians of all times and peoples) of the mutual duties of spouses, drawing a parallel between the love of a husband and wife, and the love of Christ and His Church. Just as Christ loves His Church to the point of self-denial and willingness to sacrifice himself, so the husband must give himself without reserve to his wife. Just as the Church, in turn, is subject to Christ, so the wife must be subject to her husband. If this model is adhered to at every moment of married life, then marriages will not fall apart! The wife, having given the last word to her husband, will learn to control her instinctive desire to protect the family during volitional conflicts (which usually has nothing to do with the immediate survival of children and families); the husband, remembering the need to sacrifice himself for the sake of his wife and children, acts in such a way that the final decision left to him does not proceed from personal interests, but protects the interests of the whole family.

The Gospel of John speaks of the first miracle performed by Jesus in Cana, where water turned into wine (and good wine!), is a model of the transformation of a human union into a Divine union under the influence of the grace of the Lord. The couple is no longer just a human institution, but a sign, just like the Church, that the Kingdom of God is already present among us.

COMPLETION OF THE CHIN

After some more prayers and litanies, the priest blesses the cup of wine: the bride and groom drink from this common cup as a sign of their common fate throughout life, in joy or sorrow. The cup of wine in this case comes from the traditions of Hebrew marriage and has no connection with the wine of the Eucharist.

Then the priest circles the newlyweds three times around the center of the church, while the choir sings some troparia (hymns of the Orthodox tradition), associated in their meaning with the symbolism of marriage. During the singing of the troparions, it is customary for the witnesses to follow the bride and groom, holding the crowns on their heads.

The singing of the troparia comes from the ancient custom of accompanying the bride and groom in procession with singing after the wedding, from the door of the church to the door of the house of the newly-married couple. Over time, this social custom was abandoned, church hymns moved to the end of the ceremony, and the procession became an episode of the marriage ceremony.

At the end of the procession, the priest unties the hands of the couple and places the crowns on the table. In the final prayers, the priest asks God to keep the crowns undefiled in his kingdom: as a sign of the inheritance awaiting the bride and groom, who grew up in love and fidelity, who brought the spiritual fruits of their marriage.

After the final blessing, a series of greetings and wishes follow: veneration of icons in the center of the church (or on the iconostasis), wishes for many years to the new couple (many years), exhortation of the priest to the husband and wife to preserve in their lives the grace received from God. In the case of mixed marriages, also a non-Orthodox priest can join in the wishes of the newlyweds, addressing them words of encouragement and instruction.

REMARICATION

The Orthodox Church maintains a very high standard of the family life model, but recognizes that marriage ties can end either due to force majeure (for example, the death of one of the spouses), or due to varying degrees of human sin (when one of the two abandons the other, for infidelity and other reasons that reduce marriage to pure hypocrisy). In these cases, the Church allows (in the case of widowhood, always, and in all other cases, with the written blessing of the bishop of the diocese in which the marriage took place), a second wedding. The church also allows a third church marriage (although it does not recommend it), while it absolutely forbids a fourth.

There is a rite of remarriage of a repentant nature, from which we see how the Church allows a second marriage, meeting even more painful personal circumstances. Today, the rite of remarriage is used only if both spouses have already been married before: this is a measure of respect for the spouse entering into marriage for the first time. Thus, it is rare to see this typology of a wedding ceremony.

PRAYER FOR THE RETURN OF SPOUSES

There is a specific prayer, rarely used today, that is greeted by the couple upon their return to the church after the wedding celebrations. It would be good to continue to use this prayer, which is an appropriate "rite of passage" after the honeymoon, returning the newlyweds to their active role in the local community of believers.

PROBLEMS AND DIFFICULTIES

Often, church marriage involves some practical difficulties, both in relation to civil marriage and in the presence of previous marriage ties. This guide does not purport to provide a general answer to all problems, but offers some points for thought below.

If the couple is not in a legal marriage, it is necessary that this happens either before the wedding, or at about the same time. It is possible to conduct a church Orthodox marriage with a civil effect, but only if the priest conducting the church marriage is a church official recognized by the state. To do this, inform yourself in the temple in which you want to get married (even better if you diligently visit this temple!).

If the previous marriage was an Orthodox spouse, then the blessing of the bishop of the diocese in which the previous marriage took place is necessary. If a non-Orthodox spouse was in a religious marriage, then he must declare permission to enter into a new marriage in accordance with the rules his Churches. If the given Church does not consider the spouse free, then the Orthodox Church cannot interfere in this respect. Converting to Orthodoxy to circumvent this problem, if possible, not viewed positively.

If the previous marriages were only civil, then there is no bar to a church marriage, provided that there should be no ties of the previous civil marriage, as well as unresolved disputes (child custody, etc.) associated with the marriage.

Marriage does not preclude the husband or wife from becoming monastics in the future, but such a choice can only be made with the consent of both spouses and if the parents are (no longer) responsible for minor children. In such cases, the marriage is suspended by the church authorities, and the husband or wife (or better, both) can take monastic vows.

"SUITABLE" DAYS FOR MARRIAGE

What days can you get married?

This simple question has complex and sometimes different answers, with long lists of "days when church marriage is forbidden," so let's try to understand the reasons why some days are unsuitable for church wedding ceremonies.

Problems of fasting and holidays

Marriage is not usually seen as a modest celebration for a small group of spouses and witnesses, but as a public recognition of a union that brings families and friends together in a joyful and festive atmosphere. Fasting days are not the right time for this type of celebration, so the Orthodox Church forbids marriages on these days: during periods of many days of fasting, such as Great Lent, or on the eve of individual fasting days. It may seem strange that marriage is prohibited on the eve of fast days (Tuesday and Thursday), but is allowed on the fast day itself (Wednesday and Friday). The reason must be sought in the tradition of celebrating banquets, lasting all night, as well as in the idea of "not wasting" the wedding night at the dawn of the fast day.

Also, marriages are not celebrated on the days of the biggest holidays, so as not to distract attention from the holidays of the Church. Often the days after major holidays (for example, the days between Christmas and Epiphany) are excluded for wedding rituals. Not all Orthodox Churches follow the same rules after the holidays: in some churches you can hear that marriages are not performed during the first week after Easter (or Holy Week of Easter), in others you can hear that marriages are prohibited for all forty days after Easter. In any case, it is better to consult directly with the church where you are going to get married, as there may be differences in the calendar.

The Sabbath Problem

Marriages are forbidden on Saturdays, although this is usually not a fast or pre-fast day. The reason for this prohibition is pastoral in nature: the participation of large groups of people in the celebrations on Saturday evening devastates (or significantly reduces) participation in Sunday services. Although this prohibition is considered quite strict (especially for families who have a Saturday free from work), this rule absolutely makes sense, and today (especially in the Russian Church) it is followed with all strictness.

It must be remembered that the prohibitions on holding a marriage are not absolute prohibitions and exceptions are possible, with the blessing of the local bishop. The crowning priest does not have the right to independently make a concession without explaining the reasons to his bishop and without his permission.

Engagement is a tradition that has been around for centuries. It is the key to a strong family life. Her goal is to get permission or blessing from her parents for a future marriage.

Our ancestors called this ceremony "handshaking" or "conspiracy", during which the parents of the bride and groom made a decision about the wedding.

Betrothal traditions in the modern world

The seriousness of intentions entering into marriage is evidenced by the engagement in the temple

Orthodox believers believe that the foundations of respectful relationships in the family are being laid in the church. Church rite of betrothal and subsequent distinguished by meaningfulness and holiness. In the presence of numerous witnesses, the young people make a promise in the church before God, relatives and friends, to be together in sorrow and joy until the end of days.

But before you perform the sacrament of this rite, you need to know what an engagement is.

Traditionally, the groom makes a formal marriage proposal at the time of the engagement. To do this, he comes to the bride's house and asks for her hand, but the visit must be informed in advance in order to avoid unpredictable moments.

First, the groom's appeal should be addressed to the father, then the mother of the bride and his chosen one.

If the "go-ahead" for the upcoming wedding is received, then ceremony of giving an engagement ring. The groom gives the betrothed a ring, which is a guarantee of strong love.

The girl should put the gift on her ring finger and wear it until the wedding. At the time of marriage, a wedding ring is worn over it.

Which engagement ring to choose

Giving an engagement ring indicates that the groom's intentions are serious.

The ring must be with a stone.
Popular with most brides are the "princess" and "oval" shapes.

The main condition of the engagement is a positive response to the proposal to be legally married and that the bride is satisfied with the gift.

Young woman, accepting the ring, thereby giving consent to marriage.

With a successful marriage, the ring can turn into a family heirloom and decorate the weddings of children and even grandchildren.

Can an engagement be broken? If for some reason it is canceled, it is necessary to return the gifts. The fact is that such rings can have a family purpose or are extremely expensive.

During the engagement, the main organizational issues are resolved

Wedding celebration planning, budget and investments of each family.
The conditions of life and the place of residence of the future newlyweds after the wedding are discussed.
Issues of forming the budget of a newly-made family are discussed.
After the engagement, the detailed preparation for the wedding begins.

From the engagement to the wedding ceremony takes from a month to six. Whether it is worth extending the preparation for the wedding for a longer period is up to the future newlyweds to decide. But in any case, this period is given to solve the main issues of living together, the family budget and thorough preparation for the wedding.

Where to celebrate.
How many guests to invite.
How to issue and to whom to send an invitation to the celebration.
What outfit to choose.
Where to honeymoon.
And many more important questions.

A bit of history

Engagement in Russia since ancient times was an obligatory stage of preparation for marriage and took place in the following order:

In some of our regions there was a tradition that the bride was not allowed to appear at the engagement, in this case all agreements were negotiated by the parents in the presence of the groom.

There was a ban on the engaged to meet before the wedding.

The engagement scenario could be as follows

In an elegant setting, the groom proposes to his beloved to become his wife.
Then they guess the right moment and let their relatives know about their intention.
After that, you should choose a day of engagement that is convenient for everyone, guests are invited and a feast is organized.
Further, at the family council, the scenario for the upcoming wedding ceremony is negotiated.

Various scenarios are practiced from economical, when everything takes place in a narrow family circle, to premium class. In this case, a young couple should have an impressive amount of money and trust a professional holiday agency, thanks to which the event will be remembered for a long time.

The main thing is to preserve the meaning of a special pre-wedding tradition and observe all the stages:

In Russian traditions the engagement is celebrated by the bride. After the official presentation, it would be appropriate to have a fun celebration with friends in a cafe or bowling club, a nightclub or a disco. Lovers of outdoor recreation can make barbecue gatherings.

Interesting celebration scenarios

An engagement that is well thought out and prepared will serve as a good rehearsal before the wedding.

The following variants of this holiday are most common.

Engagement in ancient traditions

The atmosphere of this theme will be well supported by the design of the room, the outfits of the guests and the menu of Russian cuisine with pancakes and pies.

Buffet in European style

Western style involves setting up a buffet or buffet at home or in a restaurant with the presentation of souvenirs as a keepsake of the holiday. Presents for the bride and groom should be brought to this event in the form of bed linen, household appliances and other items necessary for the household of a young couple. A good European tradition is to present envelopes to guests with words of gratitude for visiting the holiday with an invitation to a wedding celebration. The gift of a diamond ring also came from European traditions.

Theme party suggests the presence of fantasy and individuality. Programs can be arranged in pirate, retro, cowboy and other styles.

The timing of the engagement should not depend on going to the registry office.
An engagement is a small wedding rehearsal and it is worth considering the details of the celebration: from the design and script of the program to a well-thought-out menu.
You don't have to combine an engagement with a bachelor or bachelorette party.

So what is an engagement? First of all, this is a holiday for two lovers, therefore, everything that happens is in their honor.

An engagement party can be a grand event that will help fill you with joy in anticipation of the wedding event and comprehend the importance of the decision to enter into a legal marriage.

Regardless of the chosen format of the holiday, it should be imbued with happiness and warmth.

In the old days in Russia it was impossible to hold a wedding without a betrothal ceremony. This ceremony is carried out after the bride-to-be, matchmaking, conspiracy of the parents of the bride and groom and engagement are held. Only after all these pre-wedding ceremonies is the betrothal with the exchange of rings carried out.

Betrothal traditions when organizing and holding a wedding in the old days

In the old days, usually evenings in honor of matchmaking and bridegrooms and in honor of the agreement of parents and engagements were held in a narrow family circle, but the betrothal was already organized in the presence of matchmakers, relatives, friends. During the betrothal, the young exchanged gold, silver or simple iron rings with each other, thereby confirming that they put a seal on the household and life together. These rings after the engagement evening, the future spouses carefully kept until the day when the wedding ceremony was held. During the wedding ceremony, they put them on each other again and then they wore them constantly on the right hand on the ring finger.

In addition to everything, during the ceremony of betrothal, a certain document was signed in front of witnesses (an analogue of today's marriage contract), which determines the rights to the property of the future husband and wife. The engagement usually took place about a month and a half before the wedding. This time was given to the young to pass the test of time, remaining faithful to each other.
Starting from the 20th century, the betrothal ceremony began to be held not in the house where the bride lives with her parents, but in the church in front of the priest, so that the future husband and wife could answer for their decision to get engaged before God.

Modern rite of passage

Today, young people also cannot conduct a wedding ceremony without betrothal, and, as a rule, both of these rites are held one after another on the same day. However, the difficulty in observing such a wedding tradition as the exchange of rings lies in the fact that the priests require that the young people officially register the marriage with the registry office before conducting the wedding ceremony.

The problem is that during the official wedding ceremony in the registry office, the young also exchange rings, which is why confusion arises between the conditions of church and official marriage. This problem can be solved in two ways. Or refuse the solemn exchange of rings in the registry office and because of this the ceremony will not be so beautiful. Or you can go through the ceremony of betrothal 2-3 days before the painting in the registry office, and after the official registration of marriage in the registry office, conduct a wedding ceremony in the church.

How is the betrothal ceremony performed in the church?

Church betrothal confirms that the newlyweds are ready to marry and be responsible for it before God.

In the church, the betrothal ceremony is carried out as follows. A priest comes out to the newlyweds, facing the altar, through the royal gates of the iconostasis. The wedding rings already consecrated by this moment are held by the deacon at this time. The priest, waving a censer with incense and holding two candles in his hands, which symbolize the bride and groom, reads a prayer for the blessing of the future husband and wife for marriage.

Wedding candles are tall and not thin. This is done so that they do not have time to burn out before the end of the ceremony, since this, like the wedding ring that was dropped, is considered a bad omen.

The future spouses hold the candles tightly and follow the priest inside the temple. After that, the priest puts their rings on the fingers of the young, and they exchange them three times, thus confirming that they now belong to each other forever. This is where the wedding ceremony ends, and the bride and groom, putting on the lectern crowns, go through the wedding ceremony.

Nika Kravchuk

How is betrothal different from engagement and marriage?

In our time, the sacrament of the wedding includes the wedding and betrothal. But earlier in the Orthodox Church, these two rites were separated: first, the future spouses exchanged rings as a sign of fidelity to each other, and after a while they came to the temple to get married - to ask God's blessing on marriage. Why are they betrothed and married at the same time today? In what cases does the Church still allow two rites to be separated in time: the rite of betrothal and the sacrament of marriage (wedding)? Why do spouses wear wedding rings? You will find answers to these and many other interesting questions below.

The rite of engagement: there are obligations, but no rights yet

If you have ever attended a wedding in the Orthodox Church, then you probably remember that it begins with the betrothal. The bride and groom are standing in the porch of the temple, the priest approaches them, gives them lighted candles into their hands and leads them directly into the temple. This symbolic action indicates that now the future spouses are in the presence of God. After this, a petitionary litany begins: the priest prays for the whole world and directly for the bride and groom. After that, he reads a special prayer to bless the betrothed and puts on rings for them, for the future husband - his wife, and for the wife - the spouse. The wedding couples must exchange rings three times.

Then the wedding ceremony begins immediately, differing in its meaning and external action from the previous ceremony. Why is betrothal not equal to a full-fledged marriage? The obligations of the spouses are imposed on the betrothed, but the guy and the girl do not yet have marital rights.

The ceremony of betrothal and wedding can be compared in a sense with proclamation and baptism, as well as with evening worship and liturgy. In which? Let's try to explain.

In the ancient Church, before being baptized, a person had to undergo a catechumens - for a long time he studied the foundations of the accepted faith. Before baptism, he could attend the Liturgy, but he had to stand in the porch and leave the temple when he heard the words of the priest, “Come out of the catechumens,” then only the faithful, that is, the baptized, remained.

Remember, before the betrothal, the future spouses also stand in the porch, and directly enter the central part only together with the priest.

How does the relationship between the rite of betrothal and the wedding resemble the evening one with the Liturgy?

Just as the Liturgy is more important than other services, so the wedding ceremony is more important than the betrothal. Interestingly, the rite of betrothal begins with the exclamation of evening or morning - "Blessed is our God", and the sacrament of marriage - liturgical "Blessed is the Kingdom...".

So what is the meaning of the betrothal ceremony and why was it separated from the wedding before?

What do wedding rings symbolize?

The very word "betrothal" comes from the Slavic "hoop", that is, a ring. The name already indicates that the future spouses exchanged rings during this action. Just as rings have no end or beginning, so future spouses must have endless love and fidelity.

In the Bible, the ring usually appears as a symbol of power or a detail that indicates a specific person. Important contracts were sealed with rings. If you give your ring to someone else, you will no longer hide your connection with this person from others.

Thus, the rings in the betrothal rite symbolize:

Boundless love and inextricable bond;
fidelity of spouses;
The power of one spouse over the other.

Rings were made from different materials: for a woman - golden(symbolized femininity, tenderness, obedience to her husband), and for a man - silver(pointed to power over the wife, following the example of Christ and the Church). There is another symbolism: when the betrothed exchange rings, the girl gives her future husband a silver ring as a sign of her purity, and he gives her a gold one, thereby showing that he trusts his wife to manage household issues and property. Today, the material is not given so much attention, most often two gold rings are chosen.

Why were betrothals and weddings separate in the past?

The ceremony of betrothal is not yet the wedding itself, but already the first step on the way to creating a family. Action begins with an intention, in this case the intention to marry, to be faithful to one person.

Sometimes situations arise when a guy and a girl dream of a family, but they still cannot fully become one. In ancient times, when the bride and groom were often picked up by parents, they got engaged even at a very young, or even childhood age. This was especially common in royal families. If the groom is 10 years old, and the bride is only seven, then what kind of full-fledged family, the birth of children, can we talk about? Future spouses were engaged and waited for the moment when they would be ready for the wedding.

How much time will pass before the marriage, decided individually in each case. But, apparently, over time, unpleasant stories in the style of “the groom ran away” or “the bride changed her mind” became more frequent. To prevent this from happening, in 1775 the Holy Synod issued Decree on the simultaneous commission of betrothal and wedding in the temple.

This system has been preserved to this day. But there are exceptions. What if two people love each other, but they are still students and cannot live as a full-fledged family? Or should one of them leave for a year or two to study or work in another country?

In order to reinforce such young people in their situation, it is allowed to conduct a betrothal ceremony (that is, the corresponding rank in the temple), to pray for the creation of a future family. When this couple is ready to create a full-fledged family, the priest will perform the sacrament of marriage over them.

Betrothal ≠ engagement

Many people today are perplexed: is betrothal the same as engagement, or not? No, they are different actions.

The ceremony of betrothal is necessarily carried out in the temple with the help of a priest. Future spouses exchange rings.

An engagement is a secular addition to a future wedding. The groom proposes to the bride and gives her a ring; there is no response from the girl. Often, an engagement party is held for relatives and friends. All this couple indicates the seriousness of their intentions.

To learn more about the sacrament of the wedding, betrothal and preparation for them, watch this video:

Take it, tell your friends!