How to achieve obedience from a child for 2 years. How to make a child to hear you. The first time. Rule of positive reinforcement

20.09.2019

One of them - direct order to the child. However, it is important to warn moms and dads from the use of such a method. The fact is that we, of course, quickly get the desired child. Masha immediately sits down and eats porridge, Sasha removes toys. But what do we bring up in the child? Are you raising independence? Are you brought up responsibility? Unfortunately no. Such a method of parents to achieve obedience from a child only to the fact that its initiative falls, he himself will never want to do what he is imposed now, will do everything from under the stick. In addition, the relationship between the child and parents is violated. Children certainly love parents, but under such circumstances, they simply have to consider mom and dad as violators of their personal freedom.

The other is also very "effective" - belt method. The belt, unfortunately, raise children and in today's, XXI century. It has long been proven by the science that violence in the child can be raised only insecurity, misinterdiction, closure, distrust of others. What does such a person achieve in life, what do you think? Yes, the child really will not do it anymore. However, he will not do that not because "it is impossible", but because it will be afraid of you. In general, corporal punishments demand from parents much less mind and abilities than other educational measures.

Gift method- often used by parents. Controversial, of course, the method. It has both positive and negative sides. Example, Misha does not want to do lessons (too lazy to him). Then the excited parents put such conditions: "Misha, if you do lessons, then we will buy videos." Misha naturally sits down, painstakingly makes lessons, goes to school and gets five, good? Yes, great. And parents did not seem to make Misha do lessons, and Misha has learned something, and received the top five. But, what do you think, will the Misha take the next time the textbook independently? Unfortunately no. He will wait for the next gift from his parents. After all, they are obliged to give him for it ... And Mom, and Pope ourselves rebuilt their deadline. Unfortunately, this method is not suitable for the upbringing of a full-fledged personality.

Still way - let it be as it is. "Well, I don't want to do this, let him rest, I will do it myself, I'm not hard," says herself "kind" mother, dads less often). The son (or daughter) in the end becomes more and less hunting at first difficult things, then easier, and in the end, it becomes reluctant to even get up and put slippers. So what are we talking about? About upbringing. Where is the upbringing?

Overwhelming, punishing the child, or, on the contrary, hustle to him in one way or another, we, adults, do not give yourself a report, what exactly is raised at this moment in the child? How do we affect the son or daughter? If you look at the child's education in perspective for the future, then these ways to achieve obedience we will be elected:

The most important thing – install warm and trust relationships with a child , then he will be glad to obey you, unless of course the requirements do not go into incision with other needs and motifs of Chad. Just respect the child, be sincere in communication, strive for understanding it.

Pay attention to the child when it requires it. Very often, children do not listen to adults only from the desire to be in the center of their attention. So they satisfy their need for attention and care.

Relieve responsibility. Yes! It is this trait that makes a child adults, and an adult is a full-fledged personality. If a child knows that and when he needs to do, he himself, without orders, screams, the reminders of parents will make the necessary. Of course, obedience and responsibility is not the same thing. When obedy from the child simply require the execution of the entrusted. To be responsible - it means to independently make a decision and consciously fulfill it. After all, the child should not constantly fulfill the will of the adult, he should have his own "will", naturally, directed in the right direction. How to start upbringing responsibility? For the first time being taken for some reason, many children need moral support and the presence of an adult. Further, when activities have already been learned, the child needs a reminder and in control. Subsequently, it will not only fulfill all the work itself, but also will not need a reminder.

In what conditions is the responsibility? In self-esteem. All children need positive self-esteem. Confident baby is easier to cope with any task. Therefore, do not skimp on praise.

There is another emergency method, apply it when nothing else helps. . It is important to note that sanctions are not punishment. Punishment is something bad for a child. For example, angle, slap, reproach. And sanctions are just unnecessary deprivation of a child of some right, deprivation of "good." For example, deprivation of the right to interact with children, use the toy, TV, etc. However, it is necessary to remember that sanctions should be proportionate, it is impossible, for example, to deprive food, sleep, movement.

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There are several ways that parents seek obedience from the child.

One of them - direct orders to the child. However, it is important to warn moms and dads from the use of such a method. The fact is that we, of course, quickly get the desired child. Masha immediately sits down and eats porridge, Sasha removes toys. But what do we bring up in the child? Are you raising independence? Are you brought up responsibility? Unfortunately no. Such a method of parents to achieve obedience from a child only to the fact that its initiative falls, he himself will never want to do what he is imposed now, will do everything from under the stick. In addition, the relationship between the child and parents is violated. Children certainly love parents, but under such circumstances, they simply have to consider mom and dad as violators of their personal freedom.

The other is also very "effective" -belt method. The belt, unfortunately, raise children and in today's, XXI century. It has long been proven by the science that violence in the child can be raised only insecurity, misinterdiction, closure, distrust of others. What does such a person achieve in life, what do you think? Yes, the child really will not do it anymore. However, he will not do that not because "it is impossible", but because it will be afraid of you. In general, corporal punishments demand from parents much less mind and abilities than other educational measures.

Gift method - often used by parents. Controversial, of course, the method. It has both positive and negative sides. Example, Misha does not want to do lessons (too lazy to him). Then the excited parents put such conditions: "Misha, if you do lessons, then we will buy videos." Misha naturally sits down, painstakingly makes lessons, goes to school and gets five, good? Yes, great. And parents did not seem to make Misha do lessons, and Misha has learned something, and received the top five. But, what do you think, will the Misha take the next time the textbook independently? Unfortunately no. He will wait for the next gift from his parents. After all, they are obliged to give him for it ... And Mom, and Pope ourselves rebuilt their deadline. Unfortunately, this method is not suitable for the upbringing of a full-fledged personality.

Still way - let it be as it is. "Well, I don't want to do this, let him rest, I will do it myself, I'm not hard," says herself "kind" mother, dads less often). The son (or daughter) in the end becomes more and less hunting at first difficult things, then easier, and in the end, it becomes reluctant to even get up and put slippers. So what are we talking about? About upbringing. Where is the upbringing?

The most important thing - Install warm and trust relationships with a child, then he will be glad to obey you, unless of course the requirements do not go into incision with other needs and motifs of Chad. Just respect the child, be sincere in communication, strive for understanding it.

In what conditions is the responsibility? In self-esteem. All children need positive self-esteem. Confident baby is easier to cope with any task. Therefore, do not skimp on praise.

There is another emergency method, apply it when nothing else helps.Pedagogical impact on the child - sanctions. It is important to note that sanctions are not punishment. Punishment is something bad for a child. For example, angle, slap, reproach. And sanctions are just unnecessary deprivation of a child of some right, deprivation of "good." For example, deprivation of the right to interact with children, use the toy, TV, etc. However, it is necessary to remember that sanctions should be proportionate, it is impossible, for example, to deprive food, sleep, movement.

Every parent wants him the child has become successful. To go well, I knew a lot and knew how to be proud of them. And in the desire to make a child successful, parents start hard to teach a child with various wisdoms, led to courses and sections. But is it always brings the expected results?

I suggest you discuss this issue under this article. How to achieve the child to become successful?

Do you often have to meet a very smart preschooler, who then turned into a school in the most ordinary middigarch? I, in my practical life, such children met often. Why is it going on? Why did the school seem to be smartly in school and then really loses interest in learning?

And the problem here is not at school, as many parents think, and not in teachers, but in the family. After all, in any class there are students who learn perfectly, go to school with pleasure and all the time strive for new knowledge. And the teacher at all children is alone, and he teaches everyone equally, and the assessments put on the same criteria. And the results are different. In the same class there is successful children, and there are unsuccessful.

The reason for this is not in the mental abilities of the child, but in the ability to work. Doubt? Then how to explain that a child who is unprepared to school, who has never studied before school, whom no one cooked to school, unique to write, nor count becoming very good successful studentif diligently works in lessons. Here is this diligence, the ability to work and do what is required to help the child become successful.

I suggest you see the dialogue of specialists in psycholinguistics carefully. At 21 minutes you will learn the main condition for the realization of the abilities of the child.

The only quality required to implement the abilities of the child is the ability to work.

With reference to school is the ability to fulfill the requirements of the school and teacher. Recently, you can still meet parents who believe that the child does not need to be asked in school that it is possible to become smart and not knowing the multiplication table, and the rules of the language ... Many parents scold school for checking, believe that Inhibits the child and does not affect the child performance. From here and there are many problems on the way in a successful child.

When comes small baby To school, he has a certain luggage of knowledge. But this knowledge should be learned to apply! In addition, you need to learn to receive new knowledge and skills, and this is possible only when the child knows how to take these knowledge and think! But thinking our children often do not know how and do not want. It is much easier to just repeat over someone's answer than to come up with himself. And parents, without knowing it, support the child in this reluctance, when they say "why do you need it?", "Some stupidity you ask you." And indignant by school regulations.

There is another underwater stone on the way to success, which is noticed by a few. This skill is wrong. But about that another time.

In conclusion, I want to note again. If you want to be proud his successful childSo that he studied with interest, teach him to work. And best of all this is done during execution.

It is very interesting to hear your opinion on this.

So, we offer 10 rules that will help you and your baby to come to peaceful coexistence.

1. Rule of ten "impossible"

The less often we use the word "no", the greater weight it will have when we say it.

Remember, whether a walk with the baby is often accompanied by falling as out of the horns of the phrases: "Do not run - you will fall," "Do not touch the cat - she is surely a flea," "Do not climb in a puddle!" At the sight of a similar picture, it pulls to ask mom: "What can I do?!" Agree - it is unlikely that it is hardly possible to present a three-year period, chinno and powerively passioning in the alleys of the park. If the system of total prohibitions pursues a child and at home, at all wishes it can not follow it. And since the "Mission is impossible" - you should not try. As a result, Chado becomes unmanageable. Therefore, together with her husband, and perhaps with the senior family members, conduct a revision of the rules of the behavior of "good boys and girls". Select among them, say, 10 (and perhaps less) categorical and permanent "impossible". Available, clearly and seriously convey them to a child. Discuss in advance the system of punishments for violation of a peculiar "Code" and stick to it. Most likely, while you will do a difficult choice among an infinite multitude of restrictions, only those that are really significant for life and communication, for example, "can not be left with a stranger", "you can not beat other children," etc.

2. Take into account age

Adult requirements must comply with child's capabilities, be accessible to understand it.

For example, even a four-year-old man can not sleep quietly, while you are waiting for a doctor's reception, and therefore take a book with me, toy. In any case, than the child younger, it's easier to do without prohibitions, distracting the baby, switching his attention or presenting requirements in a game form. It is perfect, for example, the game "Who is faster" (will gather toys, it will be divided). Starting from the 10th month, the child is able to understand simple instructions, but his memory is still very weak. It cannot hold the rules for a long time, which would seem to be learned. Especially since the child is an impulse, irrepressible and strong. Curiosity, thirst for a new entrench him, and a weakly developed will does not make it possible to refrain from forbidden actions. Therefore, the child preschool age must be periodically reminded what can be done, and what is impossible.

In order for Kroch to respect and accept the requirements for your instructions to become a life guide to him, he must understand their meaning. Based on this, it is worth giving small simple explanations: it is not enough to say to the child: "Do not touch the stove", better: "Get away from the stove, it is very hot, you can burn." Explain the chad, explain that in silence people are easier to think, remember, talk to each other. Moreover the wording rule should be positive - avoid particles "not".

4. Hardness in establishing rules

Children feel fine in doubt adults, false and hesitation in behavior.

Everyone knows that certain restrictions that organize it are needed to a small child. In childhood, Kroch must master the concepts of "good" and "badly", to make important standards for themselves in human society. However, parents are hard to insist on the fulfillment of the rules, it is difficult to speak to your child "it is impossible" - often they are afraid that children will love them less. In addition, adults are not always fair: making a decision, we risk mistaken, for example, because you do not speak full information. So, parents often occupy one of the children in the dispute without finding out to the end of a true culprit and truly offended. Therefore, give yourself time to meditation, do not rub off the shoulder. When the tactics of behavior are determined, be confident and bring the execution that you asked to a logical end. Children very thinly feel doubts adults, false and oscillations in their behavior. In this case, the child will dance what he wants, as long as you do not give way. Flaying with a child in such situations will lead to the fact that the next time he will again and again check you for strength. Therefore, refusing, do not smile and do not look at the kid condescendingly, because such a look implies: "My dear, I say" no ", but I can always convince me".

5. Eyes in the eye!

It does not matter, the year of the child or three, whenever you prohibit him or require obedience, sway and look into the eyes - it will give your words a greater importance. If you do not look, you will not hear. Indeed, try to build a conversation with a person who does not look at you. After some time, you will probably think that it is immersed in his problems or hovers in the clouds and simply does not listen. At the same time, dropping to the level of the child's eye, you help him focus on your words. Based on this rule, it is pointless to shout from another room "take off the shoes": the child can always pretend that he does not hear.

6. "One, two, three ..."

When the child was wreking, tell him that you would count to five or ten to give him time. If you count to the end, and he does not obey, you will punish it. This method is effective for children over 2 years old.

7. Rule "Time Aut"

When your favorite child becomes truly unbearable, the best solution is to leave it for a while alone.

Use, for example, tested by centuries still Prapradshkin Method - Take a child into an angle or select a place where there is no TV and toys. Such a forced timeout is a serious punishment for the baby, because standing in the corner or just sit on a chair - it's terribly boring. In addition, childhood flows differently than an adult: when a child is even busy for 10 minutes something uninteresting, it seems to him that the clock passed.

Ten minutes of the game for the baby are equal to an adult hour.

No need to go to the cry, completely calmly, but firmly tell about the following: "You are very angry, stay here, while anger will be held" or "Sit on a chair and sit for 5 minutes. Calm down". By the way, the time of isolation depends on the age of the child, for each year a minute: 3 minutes for three-year, 5 - for five years. If your child turns out to be next to you explicitly earlier than the time-time-out of time, take it back, otherwise the punishment will cease to be effective. In no case can not lock the child to the chulad or another dark place so as not to scare it. However, this method has complexity: most often, such punishments end up with a formal "deficiency" for forgiveness. "I will not be so much" often sounds only to break out of the hated corner. Therefore, it is better not to enter into any negotiations at all before the time of punishment has expired. Only then figure out whether the child realized, for which he was punished.

8. The right to choose

Children certainly need to provide the right to choose, but the choice should be reasonable and limited.

As we have already spoken, strict rules must first of all refer to important parties to life. In those areas that are not so significant give your child the opportunity to make a choice. For example, putting in kindergarten, ask him the question: "Do you want to wear blue pants or a red jumpsuit?" Ask breakfast: "Will you eat a strawberry yogurt or apricot?" The child will feel that his opinion is significantly that he is listening to him. At the same time, the choice should not be too wide, it is better to reduce it to several alternatives. If you ask: "What do you want to wear this morning?", It is likely that in the middle of winter you will set your baby dressed in summer shorts. Of course, as the child grows, the freedom to choose should increase.

9. Observe the day of the day

For preschool children, rhythm is fundamentally important..

That is why the competent educator in organizing classes should be once undergoing. For example, the occupation begins with a board game, then a mobile game follows, after that reading a fairy tale, etc. Parents are sometimes surprised - whether their children are not bored. Not at all. The fact is that we, adults, are so accustomed to life on the run, to changing rapidly impressions and events that we do not understand that the children need a dimension and rhythm. This gives them a vital support, relieves anxiety and nervousness. In the opposite case, the feeling of chaos is born and as a result - disobedience: the child does not understand how the rules need to follow and whether it is necessary at all. If an adult is an unpredictability of life excites, then the baby is tiring and confuses, confuses. Day rhythm is expressed for a child in mode. When he knows the "program" of the day in advance, understands that every lesson has its time, it easier makes it necessary to leave the most interesting game and go to bed or dine. The child learns "to be friends with time": he knows that if it won't sit at the table too long, it will have time to play. Of course, you need to choose this mode that is most suitable for your child, and save it for a long time.

10. Rule of positive reinforcement

Praise the child for the correct actions, even for trying to behave well. Praise deployed, do not save on good words. The baby then wants to see your joy again and again, and for this it is obedient.

And now about the main thing. Remember, you are not gendarm, but a loving parent. Look for your options for resolving problem situations. Try to be closer to the child, spend more time together - and, perhaps, prohibitions and rules will need quite a bit, and about all controversial issues can be arranged.

Prohibited techniques

Agressive aggression. The child tried to hit you, bitten or pinned? Even if you want to show how it hurts you, it is unacceptable to repeat his actions. Also ineffective and corporal punishment. They inspire the idea that the truth is always on the side of the strong one. The "Double Standards System" is included in life: "Mom says how disgusting to fight, but herself can hit me." It turns out - "What is allowed Caesar, not allowed to slave." Creek or wicked words are also one of the forms of aggressive behavior. In families, where they communicate only on elevated colors, no one hears anyone. After a while, the children seem to exercise in bringing the parent before the scream, it becomes a good entertainment for them. The author of wonderful books on psychology Vladimir Levi writes: "The parent, trying to change his child, not since herself, in vain loses time." Remember: our demands help the child to accept human culture, to become part of it, which means that they should be politely, culturally - humanly.
Frighten Buki and "Boyaki", "Uncle-Militizers" and "Babai" - who only do not attract parents to achieve obedience from their offspring. Unfortunately, only a little more dangerous to please in a bag of terrible Baba Yaga makes Pankes from small robbers. But fears that appeared in childhood remain for a long time.
Use threats that you will not be able to implement. For example, if you say: "I will never talk to you more" and, of course, do not threaten, the child will understand that your words are a little.
Succumb to provocations. Never join the game, if the son or daughter throw you: "I don't like you anymore." However, they ourselves do not manipulate the child, do not play the feeling of guilt: "You killed me!", "My heart was painful!"
Promise a gift even for good behavior. After all, this is a banal bribe.
Condemn the actions of a spouse or grandmother with grandfather. Even if you think that your loved ones went too far, if you do not agree with their methods of upbringing, do not discuss them with a child.
Remember old resentment and misdeed. The rule should act "punished - forgiveness - forgotten."
Raise or other vital things. Also can not be punished with difficulty: in such a situation there is a chance to disable the desire to wash the dishes or, let's say, sweep.
To humiliate Cruise expressions ("Honeymay as small"), ridicule, comparisons with other children destroy the personality, self-esteem.
Shift the child to punish the child. "That's father comes, he will arrange you," you can not be good at the expense of another person.

Many parents complain that children show complete indifference to homely duties, make everything from under the stick. However, you should blame not lazy and indifferent children, and ourselves. If the father and mother motivated the child correctly, gradually and tactfully accustomed him to the sacrificing work on the house, the result would be completely different. How should adult behave?

The absolute majority of children at the age of 3 years have a habit to imitate parents. Noticing that the father or mother is busy, the crumb is trying to do the same. This initiative should not be stopped, from the fear that the kid will break something spoil, but to maintain and encourage - of course, in reasonable limits, without bringing to permissiveness. Even if a child does not work something, in no case do not need to scold him, make fun, call a stretchable or irrelant. So you only spoil the whole thing. It was better to initially give him the simplest orders forces, praise behind the diligence (but not to capture) and delicately indicate errors (but not too often), suggesting how to do it right. Thus, you gradually take care of the baby to the fact that he has some duties and they must be executed. And when the child reaches more conscious age (about 5 years), this habit will fix it.

Act by rule: "From simple to complex"

All children are different, someone will get everything quickly, and someone will go much longer. This should be treated with understanding. If you see that some kind of commission turned out to be too complicated for a child, simplify the task. And only when he learns quickly and easily fulfill her, try to give it more difficult work. It is very important that the baby see and understood: "I can, I get it!" Do not forget to praise a child from time to time, say that his home help is important for parents.

If the child persistently does not show initiatives, the desire to perform some home duties, think about how you can interest it, passibly. Excellent way - to transfer homework in the form of the game, entertainment. For example, you can arrange a competition: "Who will turn order faster" (options: "Wash the dishes", "remove toys", etc.). Try to avoid reproaches, threats: "You will not do something - do not take for a walk." And most importantly, be an example for a child in everything!

Did you have a feeling that referring to the child, you talk to the wall? I have a million times.

Typical situation. Dinner time.

- Max, go. Cutlets with pasta on the table.

Max sits two steps away from me in the living room and plays with dinosaurs. One jumps on the other, he shakes aside - it is terrible. I repeat. With pressure.

- Max, it's time. Sit down at the table.

No reaction I say again. Does not go.

Scary I want to slope: "What's wrong with you, the Christmas trees? I'm talking to the wall? "

Sometimes it does not work. I regret it is scary. Because yelling on a child - not correct. From all points of view.

First, according to research in psychologists, children whose parents show verbal aggression towards them, have a lower self-esteem and more prone to depression.

And, secondly, raising the voice to the child, we teach him to ignore us. Oddly enough. We repeat the same thing several times. And then either give up and make what you need, ourselves (the child understands that it was not necessary to listen to us), or begin to yell (the child understands that it is necessary to move only when you yell, before you can wait).

What to do? Stilated Child Development materials and found several really good tips. Not even tips, but an algorithm of action.

1. Make sure the child really hears you. No need to distribute guidance from the other end of the room.

If a child is less than 6 years old, then you should sit next to him, look into his eyes and say what you were going to tell him. You can easily touch his hands or enjoy.

With older children, it is necessary at least to establish visual contact. That is, first we are convinced that the child drew attention to us and only then appeal to him asking or instruction.

2. It is important to understand that perhaps the child ignores you not on purpose. Children up to 14 years old often do not notice what is happening around them.

According to scientific data, if children are passionate about something (play, read or just dream), then they do not pay attention to what is happening around them. They do not have what they call peripheral attention.

That is, the parent can be near the child and say something to him, and the child of his parent ignores. Not specifically. So it turns out. That is why before asking for something of a child, you need to make sure that he hears you (see paragraph 1).

3. On the other hand, the child can ignore you quite consciously. It happens that the children check their parents "for strength", that they can afford, and what not.

For a child, it is extremely important information and similar tests are quite normal development stage.

4. Making sure that the child hears you, let him know what was planned. And wait. See what happens.

If the child did what you asked about - wonderful. If not ... We read on 🙂

5. Repeat the request again and explain it. Tell your child about the reason why he should fulfill it.

Understanding that your words are not an arbitrariness that you have serious foundations, motivate the child to "be obedient." It does not always work. But the likelihood that the child will do what you ask is strongly higher in case it understands the meaning of the request, its reason.

Example: "Please put on the jacket right now. We must get out of the house in a minute, otherwise we will be late for a visit to Piter. And it will not be too polite, right? ".

6. Let the child feel the consequences of their behavior. Did not remove the clothes in the basket with dirty linen? - Favorite T-shirt remained unseen. Knocked, going to Taekwondo? - Late and the instructor made 10 extra push ups.

This method works fine. True, some consequences can be dangerous to the life and health of the child (and we naturally, they will not allow them), the onset of others has to wait too long. What then?

7. Calmfully inform the child about what is waiting for him if he does not fulfill your request.

"We go to the park in 5 minutes. If you are not ready in time, then we will not be able to play the game that you love so much. We spend time that could be used to play, persuasion and disputes. "

The child has a choice. Or he obeys the rules or violates them. In the latter case, he must understand that he will have to answer the consequences. I did not do what the event was asked for (event 1), then event 2 will inevitably come (usually unpleasant to the child).

8. Last and, perhaps, the most important rule. Be sequential. If you promised to a child that in the event of a non-fulfillment of your request, it will be something else, then hold down the word. Otherwise, the next time you just do not believe. And again they will not hear.