How to avoid constant humiliation from your husband. Tired of enduring her husband's insults
Your beloved husband begins to hurt you: insult, scream and humiliate. Is it possible to fix this and return everything to normal?
The dream of every woman is a friendly family, a loving husband and happy children. Every woman wants her husband to be not only a support, a protector, but also a best friend, a person who can be trusted with absolutely everything.
A woman wants her husband to become the closest person in her life, whom she will never doubt, and who will support her in any circumstances.
But, unfortunately, not all our dreams always come true. And sometimes the unexpected happens ...
What if my husband insults and humiliates?
If your husband began to behave in such an inappropriate way, then you need to find out what caused this. Ask yourself questions: how long ago did the abuse start, how long did it last, and what could be the reason?
- If humiliation and screaming began spontaneously, then think about what could affect his behavior. Maybe he has problems at work, with friends, colleagues? Perhaps there were some unpleasant events, incidents? Remember everything to the smallest detail, or try to find out somehow, because this will greatly help you understand the situation.
- But if you didn't manage to remember, and you yourself understand that all this has arisen a long time ago, then try to bring your husband to an honest and frank conversation. In the course of this conversation, you need to find out what is the reason for his behavior, and why he became so rude to you.
Perhaps the husband was waiting for this conversation and will answer you honestly, explaining what really happened.
TOP-6 possible reasons: why did the husband start screaming and threatening?
It happens, it happens that the husband does not tell what happened to him, what contributed to his aggression towards you. Instead of a confidential conversation, you only observe the screams and irritability of your spouse. If the husband insults, you must first think about the reason for the occurrence of such behavior.
The reasons for this behavior can be classified in several positions:
- Spouse's feelings, in relation to you, have cooled down. This can happen in every married couple. Indeed, in a series of everyday worries and problems, the couple begins to forget how much they loved, how good it was together. The husband may not understand what is really going on, and instead of rekindling the fire of love for his wife, he begins to aggressively attack his wife and blame her for everything. He can be dissatisfied with the appearance of his wife, her behavior, loss of passion and tenderness, therefore he splashes out his dissatisfaction through insults, yelling and humiliation.
- He had a mistress. The man does not dare to tell you about this. It's shameful and disgusting. He himself understands this. And the courage is not enough. Therefore, the husband can begin to take his wife out with screaming, eternal discontent and humiliation. Thus, he seeks that the wife herself decided to leave him. And he seems to be not guilty of anything, and who is free in the end.
- You become disgusting to your husband. Due to the fact that you always grumble, nag, bother you. Well, and most importantly, you have launched yourself. He then fell in love with the girl he saw for the first time: elated, light, beautiful and well-groomed. And now they have become a simple housewife, and have probably forgotten when they bought a sexy dress for themselves. Therefore, the husband loses respect and interest in you, and may even insult you, and shout and humiliate you. He does not understand where the girl with whom he fell in love has gone and why now he is forced to live with a completely different person.
- Peacock man. If a man is handsome and arrogant, then there is a great danger that he will always humiliate and insult his wife. After all, she is not good enough for him, not smart enough and beautiful. And who, can be compared with him. Such husbands generally have gray mice wives. After all, such women have low self-esteem and are constantly silent, and this provides excellent opportunities for a husband to mock his wife with impunity.
- A man feels a woman's dependence on him. If a spouse constantly looks into her husband's mouth, is silent and indulges his every word, then she automatically becomes his victim. In this situation, the spouse can constantly insult and humiliate his wife, knowing that she will endure everything. After all, his wife is in a position that needs him. She tries not to annoy her husband once again and swallows all the insults.
- Your total control annoys him. The husband is not a child, and your control is not clear to him and causes irritation. Especially if you encroach on his personal space: look into his phone, look for information in his computer or his notebook. Respect the personal space of your loved one. You should not follow him, and try to control everything. After all, such behavior can end in a quarrel, shouting and insults.
After you have found out the cause of the aggression towards you, you need to start taking action.
Psychologists advise:
- You shouldn't shout back at your husband and be aggressive. Keep calm. Don't be like his behavior. Better tell him that you are very hurt and hurt when he does this. Let him feel ashamed that he offended you.
- Don't tell everyone about your husband's behavior. Do not put up with quarrels in public. After all, if you make up soon, then these rumors may reach him, and he will again begin to aggro at you.
- Get yourself in order. Both externally and internally. Become more confident in yourself, bolder, more graceful and more beautiful.
- Invite your husband to visit the places where you started it all. that have become very dear to you. Let them remind you of your tender feelings, of your quivering dates and first kisses. This way, you can calm your husband and return him to his former feelings.
- Revise your wedding photo album, your favorite movies. Go to a concert together, develop. Fill your relationship with positive emotions so that insults and screaming do not have a place in your life.
- Talk to your spouse about how to root out causes that cause such negative reactions. Try to find a compromise together so that this doesn't happen again.
- Try to calm your husband down with your tenderness and affection. Say that you understand him, that a lot has been piled on him, that he no longer has enough strength and patience, and therefore he became like that. Ask how you can help him, what can you do for him? Then, perhaps, the husband will understand that you are not his enemy, but you are on his side. Thus, you will calm your husband and can restore a trusting and harmonious relationship with him.
If a man does not stop humiliating you, then perhaps he feeds on your energy, and it gives him pleasure. There is nothing to help here. One advice - disperse!
What if my husband hits?
The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is assault. But this, alas, also occurs. What to do in this case?
- You must immediately show your spouse that this is unacceptable for you! Explain to your husband that you do not intend to tolerate this.
- Do not in any way find an excuse for him. After forgiving him, you will only untie his hands even more.
- After this act, threaten him with the police or tell him that you tell your loved ones everything, you have someone to dull for you. And kick your husband out of the house. Or leave yourself. The husband must realize all the bitterness of the deed he has done. He must understand that you cannot do this!
- If the husband beats constantly, then he just needs psychological help. After all, this is already a man-tyrant. He has a bunch of complexes and a huge lack of self-confidence, in the first place. To help him figure it out, in this case only a psychologist will help. But he must come to this consciously!
If the husband is not going to change, then there is only one way out - to run away from him as soon as possible. And not to put yourself or your child at risk anymore.
What if your ex-husband humiliates you?
It also happens that you seem to be already divorced, but your ex-husband humiliates you ...
There may be several reasons for this:
- He has been angry with you ever since he was married.
- There is a lot that is not said.
- Perhaps he regretted that you broke up, and wants to get you back. But you don't take him back, so he is aggressive.
- If you forbid him to see the child, then the ex may start to insult you.
- He found out that you are impartial about him.
When you see that the ex-husband wants to communicate with the child, and you forbid him, then you cause another scandal. Why do you need this? Understand him too! And give a chance to build a relationship with your child.
Do not tell anything bad about your ex-husband, because these conversations will soon reach him, and will cause a wave of indignation. After all, he was once your spouse, respect your choice. If you said something bad about your ex, and he found out, sincerely apologize to him so that he no longer has any reason to offend you.
If the husband is angry at something long ago, and there is a lot of unsaid, then take him to a calm conversation. Discuss everything that worries both of you, and this may be enough to maintain a peaceful civilized relationship.
Well, when you can't come to peace, try to keep your communication to a minimum. Or stop communicating altogether.
How to protect yourself and children
Your child gets a lot of harm from her husband's humiliation. Children are very sensitive to parental conflicts. They pass everything through themselves, and remember this for the rest of their lives.
We think that the child does not understand anything yet, and is removed from conflicts. But in fact, it is the mother who is the protection and support for the child, and when she is insulted, the baby does not feel protected either. He begins to experience fear and irritation. Subsequently, conflicts between parents have a very negative effect on the child's psyche, disrupting it.
Therefore, in a situation where a husband humiliates his wife with a child, the advice of a psychologist is unambiguous - stop it immediately!
You can take your child to grandmothers and talk to your husband in private. Find out the reason for this behavior, explain your point of view, and promise each other: not to raise your voice and no longer insult each other!
If, however, this cannot be done, then it is possible to seek help from psychologists, attend psychological trainings. But this can only help if the husband also wants to improve. And if he doesn't really care, and he doesn't want to change and continues to humiliate you, then don't hurt yourself, not the child - go away!
conclusions
It is necessary to understand a simple truth: the situation cannot change by itself. You should ask yourself questions:
- How can I influence the situation?
- What exactly can I do to make my husband stop humiliating and insulting me?
- Is this my fault?
When you answer yourself sincerely to these questions, then there will be an opportunity to change everything and take the right path. Yes, crying to girlfriends, complaining about your husband, and insulting him in return is much easier, but completely ineffectual.
Of course, it is necessary to speak out, but only to a loved one, whom you trust, and who will not tell your problems to others. Yes, and you can cry. And sometimes it is necessary, but only not for long. After all, any situation must be corrected by concrete actions.
So pull yourself together, even though it won't be easy, and take action. Everything needs to be planned out to the smallest detail, you can even write down a detailed plan of action. You must clearly understand and realize how you will behave in the event of another inappropriate behavior of your spouse.
If, however, you give up and put up with such behavior of your spouse, then everything will become much worse. And you will not only waste a lot of time, but you may not be able to return the old relationship. The situation is getting worse at times. He will understand that no one is stopping him, everything is permissible for him, so he will continue to insult and humiliate you, perhaps even in public.
To endure and suffer is not an option! Is that how you want to live your whole life?
No, you deserve the best! Therefore, be fully aware of your responsibility and start acting in the right direction. And perhaps soon, your situation will change for the better, or it will be completely resolved.
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To solve the problem, you first need to understand the reasons for its occurrence. It is common for men to insult their wives in an effort to protect their living space. In this way, they respond to requests not to linger after work, not to go fishing with friends and to other moments when, from their point of view, the wife introduces unpleasant prohibitions. In this case, you can try to negotiate with your spouse, to clarify the situation.
Consider if you are provoking your husband to insult. If so, you should correct your behavior and be sure to discuss the problem with your spouse.
Men who are unhappy with their marriage or their life in general often prefer not to talk about what worries them, but to harass their wife with humiliation and insults, ripping off evil on her. Such treatment cannot be tolerated, but you can try to reassure your husband and explain to him that his words only worsen the situation, and do not help to solve the problem at all.
The most difficult and unpleasant case is when a man offends his wife simply because a similar model of behavior was adopted in the family of his parents. An experienced psychologist can correct the situation in this case.
How to respond to insults
If your husband begins to offend you, you should first try to talk to him calmly. There is no need to raise your voice or even more humiliate it in response. Say that you would like to have a calm conversation and that the insults make you very upset.
Sometimes it is simply not possible to move on to a constructive dialogue. In this case, you can either ignore the man's words, or even leave the room or even the house in order to calm down on your own and not allow to offend you further.
Discuss the reasons for his behavior with the man. Ask him to explain why he does this, and talk about how unpleasant it is for you to hear insults. No need to blame or scandal. If your husband is still too angry and cannot talk calmly, think about what your actions he is reacting to aggressively. Maybe you hurt his feelings or offended him in some way? In this case, the problem can be solved by changing your behavior and explaining to your husband that it is better to replace the insults with simple and calm phrases about what does not suit him.
If talking, changing behavior, talking to a therapist, and being ignorant don't work, and your husband continues to mistreat you for no reason, it might be time to think about breaking up. Letting a man hurt you and keep a family in which your spouse does not love, but offends his beloved, is not worth it.
He is a man of such a plan: at first he said, then he thought. He has been like that from the very beginning of our relationship. From what moment did he begin to behave this way ... He always behaved. At first, I apologized, asked for forgiveness, regardless of who was to blame, I agreed with him that I was also to blame ... I tried not to have someone's fault alone, but to have a common fault .. Over time, it became less acute and cordial to react to the more I ran after him, it was worse for me (cried, called, stopped at the entrance, he collected things and took them apart) an example of his psychos is that, in his opinion, I do it wrong, I do not behave like that. as he imagines. (he always dictates to me phrases how to speak to me, literally, how I should answer him, for example, I say: - I'm going to get up now and wash the dishes.
His version is yes yes yes right now I will quickly run and wash the dishes. Verbatim. This morning he woke up half an hour earlier than me. Playing with my daughters ... I hear them in my sleep, trying to wake up ... At the same time, she says to me - and now our daughter will get up to the child and go out with hatred and make you eat! With hatred ... This is normal))) for no reason .. I'm telling him what are you talking about nonsense? Maybe I say you answer me with hatred. Of course, I grumbled (at him, but I don’t throw tantrums at him.) He took off the ring and put it on my table. Roles in our family are such as I, as a loving wife, I run, I make teas for my husband, I always follow that he has clean things, I cook food, I clean, I look after the children. I am a rather attractive young girl who gave birth to two children, I am not yet 25, I have a beautiful figure of about 40-42 (why do I mean that I did not start myself, I don’t behave like a chainsaw, I don’t wash myself, I don’t be rude to my husband) he works almost for 2 jobs, I don’t burden him with children, I don’t force him to do his everyday things, like throwing out the trash to wash the dishes after me, I even pour him food and tea myself. But this is so boring for him the campaign. That from my point of view, he presents himself above me. Yes, I'm not saying that he is bad, I love him and I forget all the quarrels I forgive every time his breakdowns, I talk to him, listen to him carefully. He is raising my oldest child from my first marriage. Treat him well. He says that he loves me, etc. We have a good dad. But his are some kind of psychos (he himself admits to hard labor a little later when we make up, he says that it is not he, but all because he freaks out and insults me like that, but then he realizes and asks for forgiveness. And that's all I have to understand him t to I am his close person and to whom else he can break down, but I will understand and forgive everything. But every time his phrases hurtful words are added with an abusive definition, raising my voice. Accusing me that I did not look like that. harai (when garlic say the word, girls make an offended face, it seems to him that I am doing this and it means that something is wrong) but I have never in my life shown something wrong with my female "tricks", if there really was something not so I always bring to the conversation. But he makes me seem to me that I am below his level. I can not listen to the insults I really do not deserve. To me it all accumulates. How should I behave ... What do I do don't know anymore
I began to cry, I used to do it sooooo rarely. I cry because I can't answer him with anything. From resentment. I can’t offend him. A lump in my chest rises from resentment. Continue to write to him first? Again, everything is as on a knurled one. With his own weapon, I cannot offend him, remove the ring ... For me it is a symbol of love, for me it is something more than just a ring. Conversations are unlikely to help, I always give in to him
This article will discuss the question that many women ask themselves: “My husband constantly insults and humiliates, what should I do?» .
Nowadays, people continue to use the phrase: "If he hits, then he loves". But how true is it? This adage is absolutely not true. When we love, for example, our cat, are we going to beat her? Love is not measured by the number of insults and humiliations.
In this regard, the question arises, why does the husband constantly insult and humiliate his wife?
Why the husband constantly insults and humiliates: the nature of male sadism
"The husband constantly insults and humiliates what to do"
When analyzing the reasons why a husband can humiliate and insult his wife, it seems that the statement of the Apostle "Let the wife of her husband be afraid" in our time, some men are taken literally. After all, it is not about the wife not knowing where to find a place for herself at the sight of her husband, but about the woman not being afraid to upset and upset her man with something.
Although many will say that the woman is to blame, that she provokes a man to be rude, this is not always the true reason. “I didn’t clean it, I didn’t wash it, I didn’t weld it” - all this is a reason for male nagging.
How can a man turn into a real despot who constantly insults and humiliates? Do you think this is a difficult question? No! Usually, such changes occur in men, for whom it is easier to be a despot than the head of the family. Using power is easier than starting to think and act. Giving commands to your wife is easier than taking responsibility for decisions. And if a man at the same time has not learned to love the people whom he commands and to be grateful to them, then he turns into a husband who constantly insults and humiliates.
If the husband constantly insults and humiliates, then he no longer wants to do what is entrusted to him, he only strives to rise above others.
A man who constantly insults and humiliates his wife is likely to have low self-esteem, complexes, and male failure. Insulting and humiliating, he strives to raise his self-esteem at the expense of humiliating an accessible object, that is, his wife. Against the background of his wife, it seems to himself that he is no longer so limited.
A woman should understand that in a situation of humiliation there are two sides - her husband and her. If a woman stops playing the role of a victim, then the husband ceases to be a despot.
Such men do not succumb to persuasion, conversation, it is quite difficult to change them. It makes no sense to endure humiliation for years and wait for the husband to change. You need to start acting not out of his changes, but out of changes in yourself.
The husband constantly insults and humiliates because of the desire for self-affirmation
The desire to humiliate his wife is observed in men who are lower in social status than their wives. Humiliation acts as an attempt to prove to herself that he is good for something, and she is nobody at all. “Admiring” his wife, who is in tears and upset, such men for some moment cease to seem “ugly ducklings” to themselves.
The process of humiliating a strong woman gives them the opportunity not to look for a profitable job, to lie on the couch all day and drink beer, but why change something? The miner will come home, we will tread on her self-esteem, so that she does not even think of scolding us. And then we will continue to bask.
Remember that such a man is not driven by love, but by pride and anger.
The husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife, because he is afraid of losing her
From such men, women hear only one thing: “Look at yourself, who needs you? You should be grateful that I live with you! If not for me, then where would you be now! " With such phrases, a man underestimates his wife's self-esteem. And women believe in the words of their husbands. They live in fear that he will leave them, and suffer humiliation.
"Husband constantly insults"
The question is, does such a man represent something of himself? This type of man knows that no one but his wife will need it. This gnaws at him. Instead of words of love, affection, he is only capable of insults. Such a man is driven by a feeling of fear.
The husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife because of the complexes that come from childhood
We all come from childhood. The influence of parents on the personality of the child is enormous. If the husband's father insulted and humiliated the mother, then there is a great chance that in adulthood the husband will copy his father's behavior. And he will do it completely unconsciously.
In destructive families, in which a negative psychological microclimate, children are formed with a mass of complexes and fears, which greatly affects already adulthood.
In this case, you can fix everything with the help of psychotherapy.
The husband constantly insults and humiliates when the woman provokes
There is no need to completely discard this reason. Any person can be pissed off. And if such manipulations are carried out on a hot-tempered man with hanged aggressiveness, then the case may end in insults.
Women sometimes ask for rudeness from their husbands themselves. As they say, the stronger the blow, the more painful the response. In response to insulting his wife, the husband may also insult.
The husband constantly insults and humiliates: what to do, how much more to endure?
What should a woman do who is constantly insulted and humiliated by her husband?
Remember that there is always a choice, it may not always be pleasant, but it is!
If you understand why your husband constantly insults and humiliates, then you can choose for yourself a strategy for further behavior. What a woman can do:
Do you think a wait and see attitude will help you? If yes, ok. Be patient and wait for a miracle. But if you are already asking yourself a question, your husband constantly insults and humiliates what to do, then this is hardly an option for you. Although there are women who have lived with such husbands all their lives. But when asked are you happy? The answer is negative.
my husband constantly humiliates what to do "
Many were confused with this state of affairs, because they were financially dependent on their husbands, worried that they themselves would not be able to cope with raising children, etc.
Listen to the expression:
He who does not want that many reasons, and who wants that many opportunities.
Get financial independence, give up the role of the victim. Take care of your own education, career.
Seeing your changes, perhaps the husband himself will begin to change.
You can try to talk to your husband
Having an open and honest conversation can make a difference in a relationship. If you start to put into practice daily friendly conversations, then there is a chance to change your relationship. Conversation is the secret to a successful marriage.
It is the dialogue that is important here, not the monologue. If you take the first step, and your husband keeps silent and avoids making contact, you will become a real persecutor for him, which, again, will cause a surge of anger and irritability.
Every minute disappearance of the problem is impossible. You need to try to prevent your husband's breakdowns. Pressure and force cannot force him to stop offending. He should feel your love, not indifference and ignorance.
If you feel that the tension is growing, do not rekindle it further, do not treat your husband as a child who needs to be scolded and raised. Start to perceive him as a full-fledged adult.
If you change your image, your husband may stop insulting and humiliating.
Changes in appearance pushes people to internal transformations. Having done your hair, makeup, wearing neat clothes, straightening your back, you. Believe me, the husband will definitely notice these changes. If you love yourself, your body, then the husband's attitude towards you will also change.
A person's appearance affects the attitude towards him
With such changes, you can stop insulting and humiliating your husband and return passion to the relationship.
If your husband is insulting and humiliating, you can file for divorce.
If you fought for your marital happiness with all your might and stumbled upon your husband's unwillingness to change, then divorce will be a logical way out of the situation. Survive separation from husband will be easier than enduring constant abuse. If you have children, then most likely a divorce from your husband will be a breath of fresh air for both you and them. If there are no children yet, think about what example this man will give them?
Try to figure out at what period your husband began to insult and humiliate you?
If at the beginning of the relationship everything was fine, and then everything went bad and your husband began to insult and humiliate you, remember what prompted him to do this? Perhaps there was some event after which he changed his attitude towards you? If you figure out what went wrong, maybe fix the situation.
If the husband was like that from the moment you met, then ask yourself the question, why are you still with him? What is the benefit to you from such a relationship? Maybe in your family there were cases of insults by your mother? And did you carry these behaviors into your adult life?
To understand if you are not thinking of a victim, answer yourself to the questions:
Do you fear your husband's irritability and irascibility?
Are you giving in to your husband out of fear of his anger?
Do you have a strong desire to do everything for your husband if he gets into unpleasant situations?
Are you justifying your husband to yourself and others?
If your partner pushes you or raises his hand in a fit of anger, do you tolerate?
Are decisions related to your life, work, friends influenced by your husband's reaction?
If your answers were in the affirmative, you exhibit victim traits.
Go to a psychologist if you are a victim and your husband is a sadist
A psychologist helps in situations like this. Turning to a psychologist, set yourself up to the fact that he does not have a ready-made pill for your problem. Working with a psychologist is lengthy and requires, first of all, your changes. Do not think that the psychologist will correct your husband, and you sit on the sidelines. After all, such an abnormal relationship, in which the husband constantly humiliates and insults his wife, was formed precisely with your participation and part of the responsibility lies with you.
It happens that when working with a psychologist, women begin to realize their mistakes, work on themselves, they start a new life. But the husband remains the same despot who continues to offend. Only now he is not insulting the victim, but a confident woman who will not tolerate such a command.
The main thing to realize is the following:
If you don't do anything, it won't stop.
The husband constantly insults and humiliates what to do - the advice of a psychologist