How not to quarrel with a girl. Ignorance of one's own negative qualities. Why do we fight all the time
Relationships between two people can not do without quarrels. We are all unique and have our own view of the world, under such conditions it is impossible to do without a conflict of interests. The closer the relationship between a man and a woman, the more likely it is to meet disagreement.
Screaming, swearing, broken dishes - all this is a consequence of inept conflict resolution, which most often is defending one's position. When the intensity reaches its peak, lovers either give up or break up. But can't this be avoided?
Why should we quarrel?
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A philosophical question most often asked by people with little life experience. Quarrels have their own function, without which we simply will not be ourselves. During the conflict, a person manifests himself as an independent person, a full-fledged member of society.
If during a quarrel you immediately agree and give up, you will become a weak victim of manipulation. If you defend any position to the end, you will become famous as a stubborn rude person who thinks only of himself. As you can see, it is necessary to find a middle ground between these two extremes.
Conflict strengthens relationships
Let's imagine a relationship without conflict situations. This is possible only with the unquestioning consent of one of the partners in all disputable situations. What wallpaper to glue, where to go on vacation, what to name the children. These decisions will affect the lives of both lovers, so they must be made together.
If the mother wants to name her son Bogdan, and the father does not consider other options except Cyril, then a conflict arises. If it were not for him, then resentment would forever lurk in the head of one of the partners. Grievances tend to accumulate, poison feelings and thoughts. The quality of the relationship becomes worse, and disgust and hatred replace love.
But what if mom and dad still came into conflict? Yes, they could quarrel and come to nothing, this is a bad way out of the situation. But this happens only in those couples who see the quarrel only as defending their position.
If mom and dad show respect for each other and set not themselves as the goal, but a compromise, then the name of the child that will suit both will be chosen without any offense. It is not necessary to come up with a third option, you can stop at Bogdan, you just need to convince dad that this name suits better.
Important- during the conflict, set the goal of a peaceful solution to the problem situation and finding a compromise. Stubbornly defending your position can harm relationships. Look at the situation through the eyes of a partner, try to understand his disagreement.
Rules for Right Conflict
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It is possible to learn to quarrel and not swear. To do this, we recommend using the following tips. They are aimed at removing selfishness from reasoning and instilling in partners the desire to come to a compromise.
1. Don't pay so much attention to trifles.
How many couples break up because of stupid things like unwashed dishes and scattered socks. These little things escalate into larger topics of quarrel, eventually leading to deep wounds. Can't this be avoided?
Do not make a tragedy out of trifles, no matter how much you want to. See the dirty dish in the sink? Inform that you will wash it yourself, but ask not to repeat this again. Speak in a calm, peaceful tone. Do not impose a conflict, even if in response they did not hear the desired agreement. Your patience can save everything.
2. Don't Delay Conflict Resolution
Leaving for later finding a compromise, you run the risk of poisoning your thoughts with resentment and the desire to hurt your soul mate. Solve problems as they come, otherwise you risk being left alone.
If you quarreled before going to bed, be sure to come to at least a temporary truce. Falling asleep in an embrace in the same bed, in the morning your quarrel may lose its significance and seem like a mere trifle to you, which is not worth your tears and offended cries.
3. Control your emotions
Many of us are familiar with the picture: the husband returns home from work, the family sits down for dinner, and suddenly it turns out that the wife forgot to buy bread (milk, sugar, and so on). He sharply expresses dissatisfaction, she begins to make excuses, as a result, the conflict grows, relations between spouses deteriorate because of such nonsense.
How to avoid such a development of events and not swear with your husband? What behaviors can a wife choose?
Attempts to justify themselves, most likely, will anger the husband even more. It is also not necessary to meekly listen to reproaches and drive your grievances inside, this can affect health.
First of all, take control of your emotions and try to understand what caused such a violent reaction. It is the uncontrolled outburst of emotions that leads to a major scandal. Try asking him without raising your voice, with a calm tone: “I feel that you are in trouble, can I help you with something?” Listen carefully to the answer, try not to interrupt with short, meaningless phrases like "Don't worry," "Don't take it to heart." The main thing in such a situation is to let the interlocutor speak out, listen to him and support him with your attention.
But keep in mind that the desire to understand the opponent must be absolutely sincere, not ostentatious.
Remember the main rules that will help you avoid trouble in family life.
- Avoid Blame
Even if some words or actions of a partner deeply hurt your feelings, this does not mean at all that he wants to annoy you.
Your feelings and experiences depend, first of all, on you. Learn to manage your emotions, stop depending on external influences. If you flare up quickly and cannot help cursing, do yoga, meditation, breathing exercises. This will greatly help you find peace of mind.
- Discuss the issue, not the actions of your interlocutor
Try to find a solution that takes into account the interests of both parties.
- Evaluate not a person, but his specific act
Even if the partner really did something wrong, do not rush to hang labels on him like "lazy", "inattentive" and so on.
- Show maximum respect for all family members
It should be expressed not only in words, but also in facial expressions and gestures, in behavior. Do not forget to congratulate them on holidays. If your husband has a close relationship, for example with a grandfather, then you should definitely take this into account, and do not forget to give a gift to grandfather on his birthday. Your husband will appreciate it, he will return to you a hundredfold all the care and tenderness that you give to his family.
- Remember revenge is not the best quality
Do not seek revenge on the offender or teach him a lesson, it is better to try to analyze the situation and understand the motives of his behavior. Then it will be easier for you to forgive.
And in general, look at the situation from a distance, as if you are watching a movie, maybe your fault in the scandal is? After all, two hands are needed to clap (quarrel). If one person knows how to control himself, there will be no scandal!
I wish you female wisdom and harmony in the family. And if there are quarrels, then don’t worry, it doesn’t happen without them, sometimes they are even very useful, passion smoothly flows into bed.
Watch the video, after it you will never want to quarrel with your beloved husband:
Family life is fun. It is a pity if, instead of having a good time together, the spouses spend time quarreling. In this article, you will learn 6 tips from a psychologist on how to stop quarreling with your husband.
Tip 1.Understand why quarrels occur most often.
The ability to reflect and, of course, a family psychologist will help you. This is one of the most frequent requests, and in vain some people think: “What nonsense, everyone quarrels!”. Quarrels can ruin your mood and relationships for a long time. Someone quarrels, and someone discusses controversial issues.
Tip 4.Expand horizons.
Men are not like us women. Most of them have encyclopedic knowledge. That is the main thing about many things.
Why are you worse? If you want to keep up a conversation with your husband - be interested in news, politics, economics. On your own scale, but at least to maintain a smart conversation.
It is not joke. For some reason, most people forget that they know the elementary score when it comes to a scandal.
Why, as soon as someone starts raising their voice at us, we immediately want to say: “Don’t yell at me!”, Instead of being silent for 10 seconds? During this time, the interlocutor will have time:
a) understand that he got excited;
b) be afraid that you are offended;
c) be interested in your silence.
a) consider counterarguments;
b) understand why he started screaming.
Further dialogue will certainly be more productive.
Tip 6Keep a diary.
It happens that some controversial topic arises, and the spouses decide: "We'll talk later."
Instead, it is better to write down in the diary the claims that arise against your husband, and his claims against you.
You know, there is such an aphorism: "I'm not vindictive, but I write everything down." This is a very, very good idea. While you are writing, you will have time to think over everything thirty-three times. Maybe you'll stop being angry with your husband. The reason for the quarrel will resolve itself.
Tip 7. How to stop quarreling with your husband.Find your own way to find inner peace. Or, in other words, relaxation.
Yoga, meditation, walking. When the nervous system is in constant tension, a reason for a quarrel arises from the air.
If you are in a state of inner harmony and peace, then when your husband starts to boil, instead of supporting the quarrel, you will want to say: “Darling, when you are angry, you really want to snuggle up and hug you!” I recommend reading
#conversationalhabits
This question brought you to my blog for a reason. Frequent swearing leads not only to the frustration of a guy and a girl, but also to serious crises in relationships. Perhaps there is no such couple that does not swear at all. In a relationship, in some situation, certain disagreements arise that need to be resolved. Your point of view does not coincide with the point of view of your girlfriend. There are no people who would coincide in everything and would agree with each other's every whim. Even if there are such, all the same, their desire to be the main ones in a relationship, or just whims or a sense of pride and power in a couple, will eventually lead to these very quarrels.
Over the years, a man and a woman must get used to each other. This can be compared to gears with teeth in a watch mechanism. When people start dating, they spin around together and don't even touch. But the relationship is getting stronger and these gears begin to rub against each other, as it were. A man has his own teeth with unique patterns, and a woman has her own. They cannot immediately begin to rotate in one cycle as in a watch mechanism. With every quarrel, these teeth break, this is called “lapping” in a relationship. In the end, the couple begins to understand each other in almost everything and quarrels become less frequent than at first. Two gears rubbed against each other and they formed identical patterns. This pair has been lapped and passed the test. Only a happy joint future can expect such a couple in the future. I also recommend reading the article What do our wives want from us?
But people are different and their character is different. There are couples in which the guy is a clear leader in the relationship and he has a very complex character. And the girl, on the contrary, is very soft and vulnerable. After each quarrel, the girl begins to harbor resentment and it is hard to experience these moments. In such cases, you should try to avoid quarrels without good reasons and try to resolve everything peacefully and without shouting. Over time, all this will pass when the couple passes grinding against each other. But so that this time does not lead to big problems in relationships and unnecessary tears for the girl, you need to follow certain rules.
So, how to stop arguing with a girl?
1. Try to listen to the girl and understand the essence of her problem and discontent. Women like to speak not in direct language, but to come from afar. This is their essence and nature. No need to be angry about it, just try to listen to her and understand.
2. If in some dispute you can do without a scandal, you should not miss this opportunity. Just sit down and talk. Learn to find compromises in any disputes if you have not come to an understanding of each other in this matter.
3. Everything old remains in the past. Get it into your head and your girlfriend. No need to trample the same swamp several times, this will only lead to unnecessary resentment and damaged nerves. Live in the present and only talk about the present.
4. During quarrels, it often happens that the girl starts to cry. Many guys in such situations behave incorrectly and begin to further put pressure on their beloved, proving their case. This will only make the situation worse. Use your power and hug your girlfriend and caress her trying to calm her down. This will express your real masculine strength in this situation.
Now you know, how not to argue with a girl. I hope these tips are helpful to you. Learn to do without quarrels and not to wag the nerves of yourself and your beloved. If your chosen one is really special, then all your efforts aimed at her will come back to you with a vengeance.
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I disagree. I am categorically against swearing, shouting and quarrels, especially in public places. I can’t understand when we women managed to learn to swear with men while walking along a busy street? When did you agree to wear ugly masks of grumpiness on your beautiful faces and justify their presence? Perhaps a woman is beautiful in anger, but only when she is silent. At this moment, her eyes, throwing lightning, are really attractive. Don't you think that these eyes, reflecting anger, and alluring in their own way, are quite enough for the companion to understand you? The mouth and the entire oval of the face in negative emotions are ugly.
The spouse is constantly angry, and often even for no reason, starts up because of every little thing, is rude, as a result of which life together becomes more and more unbearable every day. And yet, despite this, you still live together, because you love him and do not want to part with him. But it is no longer possible to live with constant scandals and quarrels. How to prevent a quarrel or reduce it to nothing?
To live life is not a field to cross. This phrase can be transferred to family relationships. It is no secret that in life there are simply no families in which there would never be quarrels between spouses. It's unpleasant, but true. Moreover, this phenomenon is inevitable. Only some couples after a quarrel may not talk for a long time, while for others this phenomenon results in a grandiose scandal with breaking dishes. By the way, quarrels tend to arise from scratch (because of garbage not taken out, a dirty plate, dirty socks scattered around the apartment, or just ordinary fatigue, jealousy, etc.). Regardless of the cause, conflicts appear all the time, resulting in people regularly and diligently cursing, and then deeply regret it. Why is this still happening? And what to do in this case?
Reasons for quarrels.
In our dreams of married life, we envision it as a lifelong passionate and romantic relationship. But in fact, life makes its own adjustments. Over time, romance evaporates from the relationship of people who once passionately loved each other, giving way to endless everyday problems that put pressure on the nerves so much. And at one fine moment, a couple may quarrel over any trifle so that they will consider divorce the only way out of this situation.
Constant quarrels and showdowns with her husband have a depressing effect on the body, cause depression and insomnia, reducing efficiency and quality of life. And the reason for this is the inability or unwillingness to concede or compromise each other. We respond to aggression with aggression, anger, shouting, swearing - everything is used to prove our innocence. After everything subsides, often most couples cannot even remember the reason for the raging scandal, regretting and lamenting their inability to keep their own emotions under control.
Very often, the reason for aggressive behavior on the part of one of the spouses lies in his past. Namely, if such behavior was the norm in the relationship of his parents, then one should not be surprised that a person will behave in exactly the same way. He simply does not have an example of other behavior, without screams, noise and scandals. He was not taught this. Another common cause of aggression on the part of one of the spouses in a relationship is low self-esteem, when the other tries to assert itself at the expense of one.
Some factors, such as normal stress, illness, constant fatigue or physical discomfort, can provoke an outburst of rage even in a very calm person. I won’t go far, for example, everyone is familiar with the state of weakness after a hard day’s work, especially in the summer heat, when my head hurts terribly and my whole body aches. At such moments, it is quite difficult to stay in a benevolent frame of mind.
It also happens that aggressive behavior occurs on the way to the realization of what was conceived, when the other half creates obstacles to this. For example, he is very tired and wants to go to bed early, and you want to go to a club or a movie and you drag him along with you. It is not difficult to guess that in most cases this situation ends in a strong quarrel.
Very often, the spouse takes out on the second half the insults that were caused to him by someone else. For example, he received a “good” scolding from the boss, someone took the usual parking place of his car in the parking lot, got rude in the store, etc. As a result, for all this, he takes out his anger on his beloved woman, who fell under a hot hand. And in retaliation, she simply answers him the same. It is because of such trifling moments that families most often break up.
How to avoid a quarrel?
Of course, there are plenty of reasons to be angry. But each person has his own reaction to this, and most often relatives and friends suffer. What then to do? How to deal with often unreasonable aggression and outbursts of rage without taking out anger on loved ones?
It should be noted that even if the spouses have been living together for more than a dozen years, they still remain different people. It is impossible to do all your life the way your soulmate wants. And that's okay. In this case, conflicts in the family are inevitable, but they can occur very rarely or take place in a milder form.
Remember, never, even with a very strong desire to prove your case, do not swear with your spouse in the presence of relatives, friends, or just in front of strangers. Inevitably, in your conflict, they will have to take sides. And it’s not a fact that it’s yours, especially if they are relatives and friends from the husband’s side. This will only serve to inflame passions. In addition, you will put your friends in an uncomfortable position with this. In this case, it is better to calm down and postpone the conversation until a more convenient moment. In a calm state, having rethought everything, the cause of the conflict will look from a different angle.
If a quarrel cannot be avoided, in no case should one use insults and humiliate her husband, because male pride is oh so vulnerable! Such behavior can move the faithful in search of one who will appreciate and respect him. And he can always find one, no doubt!
To prevent a quarrel over a trifle, it is important to discuss each sensitive issue with him in a timely manner, without being afraid to lay out everything that worries you. But it is also necessary to “spread out” wisely, having prepared in advance and clearly formulated everything that you intend to tell him. Only then can a sincere conversation be started.
Before you pour accusations against your faithful, think about whether the spouse is really to blame? Maybe his act is not worth a damn, maybe it can be safely endured and forgotten? Very often, because of any trifle, we, women, strongly wind ourselves up, and then, in a rage, splash out everything that has accumulated on a man. Therefore, before talking, it is better to wait a few hours. Maybe, having calmed down, you will understand that the reason is not worth it to quarrel with your loved one.
If a spouse usually starts a scandal, try to talk to him frankly, heart to heart, to find out the reason for his such behavior. Perhaps this is what he expects from you. If you do not dare to have such a conversation, it is likely that he will find someone with whom he will be frank. And then he goes to her. Forever and ever.
Sometimes the reason for nagging and temper of a husband can be something specific. By watching him, you can find out and fix it. Well, if literally everything annoys your husband, then maybe you should live apart for a while. Sometimes it helps, between the spouses, who have rested from each other, relations are being established again.
In general, in order for quarrels to arise in family life as rarely as possible, it is important to immediately arrange family life and build communication with your loved one in such a way that any unpleasant mistake of each other seemed like a trifle and could be calmly experienced. You can do some sport together. This will not only relieve unnecessary tension, but will also benefit your own self-esteem and your relationship. After all, nothing brings people together like a good time.
The woman herself plays an important role in the frequency of family quarrels. Appreciate yourself and do not allow yourself to be humiliated or raise your voice for no reason. Maybe your confidence and ignoring his furious attacks will weaken the negativity splashed out on you. However, negative emotions should not be addressed to him, and mocking notes should not slip in the tone of his voice. Try to praise your spouse more often, but for the cause, appreciating his merits. Existing shortcomings try to accept indulgently.
If nevertheless a quarrel happened, learn to put up correctly.
Reconciliation after a scandal with her husband.
Before you make any attempts to improve relations with your husband, you should wait a bit to give him the opportunity to calm down and cool down herself. It is necessary to comprehend everything, understand what happened, and only then act. To start reconciliation first for many women, especially if husbands are not right in a conflict situation, is something transcendent, not worthy. However, there is nothing shameful in taking the first step towards reconciliation. And if you became the initiator of the conflict, this must be done without fail!
If the other half is not yet set up to enter into a dialogue with you, in this case you should not put pressure. You should give him a little more time, let him cool his ardor. If, as you think, he is pouting at you for too long, you can write him a letter, setting out on paper everything that is difficult to say in person, looking eye to eye. And when, nevertheless, the moment of personal communication comes, you can let in not only gentle words, but also gentle touches, stroking and kisses. This will perfectly defuse the situation, relieve the tension that inevitably arises at the beginning of a conversation.
If the missus is still silent for several days, more original methods should be used, for example, to prepare a surprise. Just do not need in this case to use sexy lingerie or erotic games. Winning a good relationship with a husband through sex is not a good idea. A man may take this as an insult, because this is an open hint that the animal instinct in a strong half of humanity dominates everything else. Yes, and it looks, to put it mildly, vulgar. In this case, a man, if he is led by your seductive behavior, after sex, irritation will return to him again. And it will start all over again.
A romantic dinner for two can be a great surprise. It doesn’t matter at home or in a restaurant, you can whisper words of love into his ear to quiet music, say how sorry you are about what happened, that you want to forget all this as soon as possible. Finding the right words at such a moment will not be difficult. In such an environment, hardly any man can resist.
In general, it’s worth talking more with your soulmate, in a calm and interested tone, to find out what worries him, talk about your love, which needs to be protected, and not destroyed by daily quarrels about an unwashed plate or not taken out garbage.