How to find out if the wife is cheating. The menstrual cycle becomes irregular. Behavioral changes

01.06.2019

The midlife crisis, which overtakes many men and women over the age of 40, is the cause of dissatisfaction with their lives, careers and those closest to them. It is not surprising that this period is characterized by a huge number of betrayals and divorces. Women not only experience a midlife crisis, but also have to deal with the physical and emotional manifestations of menopause, and therefore they perceive male infidelity especially acutely, because at this time they urgently need support and understanding.

While adultery is hard to justify, many middle-aged men who cheat on their wives feel that they, in crisis and married for many years, have the right to do so for one reason or another. According to studies by Western experts, at least 40% of spouses seek consolation in the arms of their mistresses, justifying themselves by the fact that nature created them that way.

Sex ≠ love?

The male sex hormone testosterone is of great importance for both sexual health and overall health. Testosterone is responsible for the growth of bones, muscles and blood sugar levels in men throughout their lives. Some of the symptoms of low testosterone are: hair loss, decreased sex drive, increased fat mass, premenstrual irritability in women, lack of energy, loss of muscle mass, and weight gain.

The production of testosterone in the body of men gradually decreases after 30 years, but the tendency to "amorous" affairs on the side increases just at this age. To understand the relationship between testosterone and cheating behavior, you need to know about the hormonal differences between love and sex in men.

Love stimulates the production of hormones in the brain. When a man sees a photo of his wife, provided they are in a good relationship, the level of dopamine associated with feelings of pleasure rises. The “patterns” by which true feelings of love and devotion develop in men’s brains are different from the “patterns” associated with sex. Men can be selflessly loyal to their family, but still feel the urge to make love to other women. A casual conversation with a woman can increase the testosterone levels in his body, and this will not be related to his feelings. This explains why marital infidelity is not always the result of dissatisfaction with their marriage: for some men, sex on the side is a biological need.

How to understand that the husband is cheating?

As a rule, an empathetic spouse unmistakably senses when her husband has another woman. However, in addition to intuition, you should pay attention to some simple signs indicating marital infidelity.

A typical symptom of infidelity in middle age is a sudden urge to change. If your husband suddenly changes his interests or starts using a new perfume, he may be doing it for someone else.

The cheating husband often asks his wife about what she is doing and when to schedule a romantic date. If he's gotten better at taking care of himself, lost weight and dressed up, and forgets to wear a wedding ring, he may want to impress another woman.

Lack of sex drive in middle age is common. However, it can be explained not only by a decrease in testosterone levels or erectile dysfunction, but also by a love affair. On the other hand, sudden passion and innovation in bed often suggests that your husband is not being completely honest with you.

If unexplained holes appear in your finances, and your husband regularly withdraws money from the account, he may be spending money on his mistress. Long phone calls to one number or buying a second phone that he hides from you should make you wary.

Unexpected delays at work or sudden business trips that have never been seen before can be a sign that your husband has someone. If he asks you not to call him at work because it’s a distraction, your fears may not be in vain.

Why is the husband cheating?

While most people tend to justify male cheating on biological grounds, it is far from simple. We are all different from each other, and the reasons for infidelity can be completely different.

Some men cannot resist female charms. If nature created them that way, it is almost impossible to change them. Such men, who are called womanizers, cannot control themselves at the sight of an attractive woman, and they are unlikely to ever make a faithful husband.

Marriage is a responsibility and should be approached with the utmost maturity. Often people get married, and only then realize that their chosen one is not ideal for them. This leads to constant quarrels and conflicts in the family, which forces a man to seek his happiness on the side. Having met a woman who instills in him confidence and makes him feel special like his own wife cannot. Ultimately, he cheats on his wife and may leave the sinking family boat.

Men love to experiment, and one day they may be possessed by a desire to meet a new person and diversify their lives. As a result, when the husband realizes that things have gone too far, it is no longer possible to return the past.

Men are very fond of the attention they receive from other women, even if they have wives. Over time, husband and wife get used to each other and less and less indulge each other with attention. As a result, the feeling of admiration and understanding that a new girlfriend gives a man makes him lose his head.

Sometimes it is not his lustfulness that should be blamed for a man's betrayal, but the inability to refuse the fair sex. Faced with a woman who drew attention to him, a man does not find the strength to say no to her, even if he is completely satisfied with his relationship with his own wife.

Some men like to take risks, and an affair on the side is always fraught with a considerable amount of risk. A love affair outside of marriage gives a man a pleasant sense of danger, and therefore he starts an affair that his wife may never know about.

Having multiple women at the same time increases a man's self-esteem. This is especially true for middle-aged gentlemen who feel that their time is running out and who seek to prove to themselves that they can still succeed with young women.

And finally, another woman can rekindle in a man a long-forgotten feeling of passion and love, which will allow him to break out of his familiar family routine. Even if this is not true love, the thirst for new sensations makes men break the word given to their wife at the altar.

Family relationships are not just a matter of polygamy or monogamy. One man can choose for himself the path of a faithful husband and devote his life to one woman, while another is not able to remain faithful without intending to destroy the family. Of course, hopes for eternal passion and love are unrealistic, but understanding why men enter into relationships outside of marriage will help women soberly assess the situation and make their own choices that will either strengthen the family or lead to an inevitable breakup.

Female infidelity is a rather complex phenomenon. First, from a social point of view. Society has an extremely negative attitude towards female infidelities. Secondly, from the point of view of family life. Men rarely forgive their wives for infidelity, therefore, as a result of female infidelity, families often break up. At the same time, rarely does anyone think about why wives cheat on their husbands, what is the reason for this situation. Often men themselves lead a woman to cheating by their behavior.

The nature of female infidelity

Many men do not consider sex on the side to be cheating. For them, love and sex are separate things. A man can love his wife very much, but at the same time, from time to time have connections on the side with women that he liked.

For women, everything is much more complicated. For them, love and sex are not separate. If a woman decides to have a sexual relationship, in most cases, this means that she has feelings for her partner, a certain attraction. Therefore, the reason for betrayal for a married woman must be very weighty and serious. She clearly understands the consequences of this step, prepares for it for a long time, and if she decides, it means that she has already weighed all the pros and cons, and is ready to bear responsibility for her act.

In other words, we can say that a woman decides to cheat as a result of despair. If she stops believing that she can be happy with her husband, then she can decide on an affair on the side. Often, betrayal, the appearance of a new man in life, seems for a woman to be the only opportunity to feel happy again, to find the meaning of her life. After infidelity, a woman is rarely able to return to her family. Since sex without feelings is impossible for her, she stops loving her husband and a new man becomes the main thing for her, so she rarely returns to the family.

Lack of attention

The most common reason why women are cheating is a lack of attention. Relationships between spouses often become colder over time. Husband and wife do not feel the same feelings for each other, communication becomes less intense, distance occurs.

If a man does not show due attention to his wife, she begins to feel as if she was abandoned, to think that no one needs her, does not have the former attractiveness. Such thoughts instinctively push a woman to try to prove the opposite, she seeks attention from other men, which can lead to betrayal.

Some women themselves are to blame for this situation. After they get married, they begin to take care of themselves less, become nondescript. Of course, in such a situation, a man begins to pay attention to more attractive girls, and when a woman discovers that they are not paying attention to her, it is often too late - the husband already has another one. Then the wife begins to take revenge, attracts men to her and as a result the family is destroyed - both spouses begin to cheat on each other.

Another common reason is the absence of the husband at home. If a man is busy at work all the time, provides everyone with his beloved wife, she can still feel lonely and, if at such a moment she finds a person who will provide attention to the woman and show concern, it is likely that the situation will end in betrayal.

Cheating out of revenge

It's no secret that many men cheat on their wives. Not always there is a feeling behind this, often just a desire to conquer another woman, male selfishness. When a wife finds out about the facts of infidelity, she, of course, is overwhelmed with emotions. Under their influence, she can even commit rash acts - for example, cheat on her husband, even with the first person she meets.

This development of events will have an extremely negative impact on family relationships. First, you need to remember the difference between men and women cheating. For a man, cheating is not connected with feelings, and for women, as a rule, yes. Therefore, men very rarely can forgive their wife for treason, which means that if such a fact is discovered, the likelihood of the destruction of the family increases significantly. In addition, this behavior of spouses is a negative example for children, so before changing, it is better to think several times if this action is worth future suffering. This recommendation applies to both men and women.

It should be borne in mind that even if a man was able to forgive the betrayal of his wife, the family will not be the same. It will be unpleasant for a cheating wife to remember the very fact of infidelity out of revenge (after all, there were no feelings, which means that such sex was unpleasant for her). She will blame her husband. As a result, there will be a constant smoldering conflict in the family, which will not lead to anything good.

Desire for new emotions and sensations

When a romance just begins, there are a lot of positive emotions. A man and a woman want to be around all the time, see each other for as long as possible, get to know better, and so on. Gradually, over time, falling in love is replaced by a habit. The spouses are no longer connected by mutual feelings, but by habit or the presence of common children.

Husband and wife know each other very well, they understand perfectly, but there is not enough emotion. In such a situation, you want to relive the feeling of euphoria, falling in love, and so on. And a woman, like a man, may well try to renew feelings or seek new sensations, which is the reason for the wife's betrayal to her husband.

According to some scientists, the point here is in elementary physiology. As the strength of feelings decreases, there is a decrease in the production of certain hormones that make a person happy, and in order to get their portion of happiness again, many are looking for new partners with whom they think they will experience this feeling again.

Sexual dissatisfaction

The reason for the wife's betrayal may be the inability of the man to please her in bed. The problems can be different. For example:

Health problems. It may well be that under the influence of stress, the man lost his self-confidence, and certain sexual dysfunctions arose. A woman may have a similar situation. For various reasons, she may not be able to relax, enjoy sex, which leads to a lack of orgasm and, as a result, a desire to find a new partner. Sexual incompatibility is also a common problem.
Living conditions. The reason for dissatisfaction can also be cramped living conditions, when it is difficult for a husband and wife to be alone, there is no time for foreplay or high-quality intimate relationships - everything must be done quickly.
Psychological problems. One of the spouses may be afraid to be relaxed or go on some experiments in bed, which does not allow diversifying the sensations and getting mutual pleasure.

Confidence that a man is not worthy of her

Many girls, especially if they were the only ones in the family, can consider themselves princesses. After all, in childhood they were allowed to do everything - the best toys, the most delicious food, a lot of attention - everything is for them. And when they get married, and it turns out that a man also requires attention to himself, does not always take into account all the desires of a woman, they begin to cheat - to look for someone who will be able to fulfill all their desires.

Moreover, such women often do not want to get divorced. They constantly “nag” their husband, express their claims to him, they can even humiliate and demand more and more benefits for themselves, but they categorically do not want to get divorced - for them this is a deterioration in their social situation.

It is important to know about this type of women also that they do not feel guilty after the betrayal. They blame their husband for having to go looking for a better man. If the husband met all the requirements (which, in principle, is not possible), then nothing would have happened. At the same time, they are absolutely unaware that their requirements are overestimated.

The result of this is that a woman starts a relationship on the side, and a man also seeks understanding and love outside the family, therefore, the family is gradually falling apart, despite the presence of formal relationships and living together.

What Scientists Think

Research on why wives cheat on husbands suggests that women are unfaithful to their husbands, mostly if they are not happy in marriage. The likelihood of cheating due to sexual dissatisfaction increases 2.9 times compared to the standard situation (when a woman feels happy and everything is in order in the family's intimate life).

Most often, women cheat with co-workers, longtime friends, or ex-men. It is extremely rare that they can afford to cheat with a friend of their husband.

In general, it must be remembered that women value their reputation and do not seek to change if everything suits them. Therefore, you should pay attention to your loved ones, pamper them sometimes, and in case of problems in relationships - contact specialists.

Why does adultery happen in marriages? What are their reasons? Something went wrong? All these questions arise not only among those who have become a victim of such behavior of the second half, but also among those who are just trying to start a family. Even if a guy has just started dating a girl, then he may have a worm of doubts that will sharpen constantly and tirelessly: is his beloved cheating? Making complaints and asking inappropriate questions is the same as insulting a person with distrust. Maybe it was only your imagination that built some ideas about infidelity, and the girl did not even think to look at someone else. And then she will not like your suspicions, in the end, she will get tired of it, and she will want to end the relationship in order to avoid humiliating questions and your jealousy from scratch. And she will be right in this situation! And you will show yourself not in the best light. If, nevertheless, you cannot cope with unreasonable jealousy, then it is better to turn to the experience of psychologists and find out by indirect signs whether your friend is cheating on you. But even in this case, it is better to take some action and start a showdown when you make sure that your relationship is in danger of a final break. Whether it is worth trying after that to hold the family together or let your wife go to all four sides is up to you, but also your other half to decide. Perhaps the betrayal was just her protest against your own wrong behavior. Then it is enough to simply reconsider your relationship, and everything will work out.

Signs of female infidelity

Let's make a reservation right away: all the signs below are just a reason to sound the alarm or check a woman for loyalty. Perhaps the reason for the changes in his wife's behavior was much more prosaic reasons than a passionate romance started on the side. Pressure from friends, parents or colleagues, a banal malaise or a serious illness discovered, in the end, an unexpected pregnancy for her - all this can lead to a radical change in lifestyle or a change in appearance. Looking for a stranger in these situations - a rival and competitor - is simply ridiculous. He's not there!

The first signs of treason

Among the first signs of treason, psychologists distinguish: 1) Restricting access to personal space Until recently, my wife could carelessly throw her mobile phone on the couch and ask from the shower: "Look who's calling me there?" Or even ask to answer that she will call back soon or be free. And suddenly she began to hide the phone, and in social networks changed the passwords to those that you do not know. This is already a reason to think about cheating, but at the same time check other signs. Perhaps you recently rude to your mother-in-law on the phone of your wife or ridiculed her friend on her behalf for being overweight. Here is the second half and decided to "punish" you by restricting access. After all, access to personal space does not mean the destruction of it. If such facts really took place, then it is worth apologizing to the wife for inappropriate behavior with her loved ones, and then everything can fall into place. If the restriction of access remains so, then look for other signs before making the final verdict of treason. 2) Abrupt abandonment of very persistent habits Has your wife suddenly stopped visiting the fitness room or, on the contrary, began to rush there, although she was previously indifferent to sports? Or does she suddenly develop a passion for classical music, and she disappears at the conservatory after work, and at the weekend attends the opera house? At the same time, the wife became suspicious, began to worry a lot about trifles. Often does not answer calls on a mobile phone, and sometimes it is “temporarily unavailable or out of the network coverage area”. These are serious warning signs. If your wife has nothing to hide, then she will always gladly and thoroughly answer your questions about fitness or opera. You, of course, understand that when you are exercising on the simulator, it is simply inconvenient to answer the phone. After physical exertion, the same characteristic aspiration may appear in the voice ... as after violent sex. The perfect disguise for physical betrayal. But there is no need to talk about it. But to ask why the classes suddenly became so interested is quite appropriate. If fitness, on the contrary, is abandoned, then the reason for this may be the rise in price of the subscription or the closure of the gym, which was close to home or work. And these are not the moments that the wife could not explain. Most likely, she would have complained about the situation before the classes were over. If the wife swam in the pool, then it is also impossible to be in touch there. But in this case, ask yourself: why didn't you go swimming together? As for the conservatory or theater, it is customary to turn off mobile phones. This is understandable, as well as the fact that if rap or hard rock is constantly heard at home, which only you like, when your wife loves classics, then she will always look for a place where she can listen to something more comfortable for her ears. Here it was not treason that could play a cruel joke, but your intransigence and the imposition of your own musical taste. 3) Constant delays at work without warning When my wife suddenly began to stay late at work, this would have been inexplicable before, but in the current crisis situation, this is normal. When the management cuts part of the staff, the remaining employees are given just a frenzied amount of work for a meager increase in wages. If your spouse describes this whole situation to you, then you have no reason not to trust, because this information is objective. If a wife wants to get a promotion because she has the chance, then she too can devote more time to her work responsibilities. And she will not share these considerations with you in the only case: when you reproached her with the fact that she occupies a low position, that is, “no one at all,” and you yourself are a size and in good standing with the authorities. If there was no such thing, and the woman is silent and does not admit why it takes a long time to leave work, then this is a reason to ask if she has an office romance. 4) Sudden change of image in the direction of a sexier A change of image can happen unexpectedly if your shy wife has come under the influence of her brighter girlfriends. Instead of plain hair of an incomprehensible color, she acquires blonde hair or becomes a burning brunette. And maybe a redhead. New things appear in the wife's wardrobe, more elegant and expensive in appearance. Of course, it's a shame that she was the last to ask you if she should go to a makeup artist or stylist. But what can you do if she asked you several times, and you shrugged your shoulders vaguely? And then the mother-in-law could also intervene, who "sawed through" her daughter's brain that her husband should always like her, which means she should take care of her appearance. Otherwise, he will leave or find a mistress! It's good if the young lady began to take care of herself. But what should be alarming is deep cuts in clothes, skirts that are too short, or, if emphasized, tight-fitting silhouettes. If only all this has not happened before, then it becomes clear that the girl wants to attract someone. And if at the same time you pay attention to cutesy behavior, changes in gestures, gaze, etc. - this is already a reason to suspect treason. The assessment of the wife's behavior in bed can finally dispel doubts. 5) Chilling in intimate relationships Every person has their own sexual temperament, and you probably know very well what your wife has. How quickly she falls asleep after "this", whether one act is enough for her, or is she insatiable, like a nymphomaniac, whether she often has a "headache", in the sense of a reason for refusing to intercourse - all this should be known to you. If suddenly something has changed, especially in the direction of cooling the relationship, then we can assume that the wife is getting satisfaction somewhere on the side. Or your opponent “makes something better in bed,” so you become uninteresting. But this is not always a reason for suspicion. Your wife might just be pregnant! At the beginning of pregnancy, many women have a decrease in libido, and this is a normal physiological process. Moreover, many have to deal with such an unpleasant phenomenon as thrush at the beginning of this period. If your wife refuses intimate relationships in this case, then she is doing the right thing, because she does not want to infect you. At the same time, remember: thrush is not a venereal disease and arises as a result of a decrease in immunity, and not because the wife "brought it". This is even more a confirmation that the spouse is really pregnant. The question arises: why doesn't she talk about it? To answer this question, remember how you prepared to first confess your love to her, how you were going to propose. It took moral strength from you! And no less spiritual work is required from a woman to declare you a future father. Yes, someone else appears in your relationship. But this third one is your son or daughter, who need to be paid attention to even before birth. And it is also required of you. Sooner or later, the wife will be forced to say that she is going to become a mother, and then you will be convinced of her loyalty. But if there is no pregnancy, then it is worth asking if the spouse is sick with something serious. When the diagnosis is frightening, then it is she who may be afraid that you will leave her. If you are not a complete egoist, then she will most likely entrust you with her sad secret to you. When a spouse is healthy, like a bull, and, moreover, does not bear a child, this is already a reason to ask, for a start as a joke: has she found a replacement for you?

Physiological signs of treason (body)

There are still a couple of signs by which men often judge female infidelity. These are menstruation, which occurs several times a month, as well as the desire of the spouse to get to the bathroom as soon as possible. The first option is simply disrespect for you. Why not just say that you are tired or sick? Why cheat so that everything is sewn with white threads. This is a reason to think. The second option can be caused, for example, by the same thrush. How does it feel to endure the itch for a long time and not run to the bathroom when the first opportunity is presented! Also, the spouse may be embarrassed that her deodorant turned out to be faulty in the heat, and she does not want to appear before you dirty and sloppy. So the bathroom may be for you, and not for the destruction of the odor of a stranger's cologne and traces of recent sexual pleasures.

Signs of cheating on panties, underwear and other clothes

Speaking about the image, we missed one important detail - underwear. It can also lead you to suspicion. For example, you have never shown an addiction to leather underwear, and suddenly your wife has it. This thing is not cheap, and a wealthy lady can buy it just for the sake of experiment. If this creates a serious gap in your family budget, then before making such a purchase, your spouse should ask how you generally feel about underwear made from such an unusual material. If a lady of the heart introduced a peignoir into her intimate wardrobe, which she had not previously used, then this can be attributed to imitation of the heroine of a recently watched film. But if this piece of linen is not worn for your bed "dramas", then you need to be on your guard. You need to carefully find out: why this piece of clothing was purchased: either it is just a useless gift from a friend, or a way to please a lover. This can also serve as lace panties, a new bra, often enlarging breasts, etc. your life partner.

Woman's behavior after her betrayal

It is enough to pay attention to what changes appeared in the daily behavior of the wife to say: "Perhaps she cheated on me." And these are not necessarily views of the husband as a complete insignificance, when she mentally compares him to a rich (more courteous, affectionate, powerful) lover. Here everything can be exactly the opposite:

amazing dishes of exotic or European cuisine that are not prepared for the holiday; excessive politeness in treatment, bordering on a constant desire to apologize for ... treason; surgical cleanliness in the house; no one knows where the burst of energy came from, up to the desire to dance. Of course, putting in perfect order in the house and cooking pickles - all this can be the result of "getting on the brains" from the mother-in-law, or, conversely, - the admonition of a dear mother, they say, you are no longer young, you cannot keep "this dog" alone by the beauty. And they advise the mother to surround her dear spouse with unprecedented care, so that he himself does not look to the left. A sudden fascination with cooking unusual dishes can play a role. If the wife is an addicted nature, then over time this interest will subside, the food will become more mediocre, and this will only remain to be regretted, as well as unfounded suspicions.

Cheating through the eyes of a psychologist

Psychologists are impartial, and therefore their verdict sometimes seems cruel to us. Sometimes, instead of taking the side of the deceived spouse, they suddenly begin to justify the action of the one who dared to instruct him. Often, wanting to understand what caused the betrayal, they bring to light such nuances of the behavior of both spouses, which the family preferred to keep silent about. But even such shock therapy is sometimes useful, because it allows everyone to see their own shortcomings, and not indiscriminately blame only the wife who cheated on her husband.

Reasons for female infidelity

Often cited as the main cause of women's dissatisfaction, and not only in sexual terms. Just sex can suit a partner, but man is not the only one alive! The wife also has her own “spiritual body,” which has needs. Go to the theater or dine in a restaurant, go on a romantic trip, just walk arm in arm in the evening park - why all this often remains at the dawn of a relationship, and then disappears somewhere later, replaced by the routine of pots, pans, cleaning. Especially if the second half, that is, you, does not bother with household chores, considering his wife the working camel who will carry all this on himself. When you do have a relationship with another man, it often represents as promising romantic start as you once had. Moral: a woman needs to be conquered with something all the time, even in spite of the presence of a stamp in the passport, joint living space and common children. And then she will have no reason to even look in someone's direction. Remain a gallant gentleman, not a lazy man lying on the couch, who, apart from the TV, is not very interested in anything. You can often hear that for a man, the family is his rear. But this does not mean at all that this is what is always behind you. If there is a rear, then there is a front. And this is not a career, not personal successes, but the protection of the family and even its material support. The latter is fundamentally distinguished by family life and military disposition. Sometimes women “bite” on the lover's security, on his expensive gifts, and not even out of greed, but because “the man wasted himself”. The tempter can thus put your soul mate in an uncomfortable position. Especially if she does not know how to reject expensive gifts and annoying courtship. Often such relationships are a burden even for her, but she is unable to stop them. Then a psychologist is needed. Or you yourself can suddenly show yourself as a superman and do something grandiose for your wife in order to win her away from your opponent forever.

Why does a girl sleep with another guy but don't leave

It so happens that the other half is playing a game "on two fronts", that is, she has you, and at the same time - a lover. And she prefers not to stick to any of the banks completely. Perhaps you and her lover are mutually complementary links in her life. You know how to provide for a family, she sees in you a promising father for children, but finds sex with you boring and monotonous. Or maybe it's not about sex at all. She may not even sleep with the other guy, but spend most of the time with him, saying that this is just friendship. Perhaps this guy understands her better, this is a vest in which you can cry, with him a more comfortable conversation turns out than with you. And then this is a reason to change something in yourself, and not reproach his wife with her infidelity.

Who is to blame for treason

Surprisingly, both are to blame. If a friend of life is too lustful that she cannot be satisfied with only one partner, then where were your eyes when you chose her as a life partner? If you then closed them on such "shortcomings", then you just have to wait for the hormonal background of your chosen one to subside, and she will not look at other men. At the same time, she with all her soul can be with you, but change physically. But if the wife has changed, falling in love with another person, then this is a more serious situation, because it often ends in a breakdown in relations, divorce, and leaving for another family. A stable love triangle may form, and here all three will be to blame. Sometimes a lady remains a double woman for a long time, until someone first gets tired of this state of affairs. And then you have to unravel the thread and look for the reasons that gave rise to these strange relationships.

How to know if my girlfriend or wife is cheating on me

This question is often asked by insecure men. In fact, jealousy is self-doubt, and it often arises from scratch, for no real reason. Executing a creature dear to you with distrust is not the best way to maintain a relationship. Therefore, you need to make sure that the betrayal really takes place.

Ways to Catch Cheating

The most common method is spying on the person you suspect. You can spy on your own or with the help of private detectives. You can track down either your soul mate or a perceived competitor. There are different methods of espionage thanks to modern technologies:

the use of eavesdropping devices; peeping information on social networks; visual observation using portable video cameras or optical devices. But if you are a sick person from your own jealousy, then entrust the work to impartial detectives. After all, any information received can be misinterpreted by you, and you admit yourself to be a fiasco. For example, an affectionate word addressed to a yard dog and recorded on your recorder can be mistaken for a conversation with a young man. Some couples call the husband a dog or a cat! And surprisingly, a woman with a developed imagination can give her mobile phone or tablet a name by which she will one day call it aloud.

Fidelity test to check your beloved

There are various test options on the Internet, and with the help of them you can test both yourself and your soul mate. If you take responsibility for her, then you may misinterpret some of her phrases or even fill out the test with biases. Then the results may turn out to be distorted. Better to just invite her to answer the questions herself as a game. Naturally, you yourself will also participate in this and fill in all the fields with her. If you have nothing to hide, then she, too, will agree to do everything with you. Just be careful: the test does not show the fact of infidelity, but simply a person's tendency to infidelity. It is possible that your wife realizes that she is "not averse to the side", but for the sake of you, beloved, honestly restrains such impulses and does not dissolve. There are many ways to get another person to do something that he himself would not want. And often it can be physical or mental pressure. It is silly to argue that a woman is physically weaker, but this does not mean that you need to literally knock out testimony from your wife. After all, recognition under such pressure will generally be your last conversation, after which she will not have hesitation and doubts about who is better. Of course, a lover, because he does not let go. And she will run away to him without looking back, at least in order to be under the wing, besides, she will justify herself 100% if you prove yourself as a real dork. Putting pressure on a woman morally is also not the best option, because the relationship with you will definitely not return to normal from this. Most likely, the spouse will file for divorce and, quite possibly, will even be left alone, deciding that she is so much calmer - without any fights. If you want to put an end to your relationship with your wife, because you yourself have chosen a more suitable party for yourself, then feel free to start a showdown: you will achieve your goal and get a divorce.

My wife has a lover, what to do

If you have made sure that your wife really has a lover, and this is no secret admirer, not just a friendly colleague who is not averse to chatting with someone else's wife for a long time, namely a man who has an affair, then you can just compete with him. Instead of starting a showdown, you can just call your wife to work, and furnish it very effectively. And after that invite her to a restaurant, saying that you would like to free her from household chores today. Further more. You can start a trip to the resort with your spouse. This will tear her out of the circle of communication with an uninvited suitor for a long time. Perhaps your life friend just needs vivid impressions, and if it is your persona that will be associated with them, then why waste time and moral strength on a lover? Here the rule works well that the wife needs to be pampered so that she herself does not start pampering. Perceiving your life friend as a "free application" to you is the way to the fact that sooner or later she will change. If a woman is not appreciated and not told about it, observing the "Spartan atmosphere" in the relationship, then she will subconsciously look for someone who will appreciate her. There is no need to skimp on kind words, on showing attention and affection. Then you will have a chance not only to calmly relive this romance started by your wife, but also to stay with her when the lover simply disappears from the horizon. Sometimes another psychological move also helps. Oddly enough, but you need to let your wife go to her lover. It is about women they say that at home, when they “unfasten” false eyelashes and hairpieces, wash off the “plaster”, they turn into kikimor. But with men, things are really no better. Your wife sees her lover as imposing, well-groomed when she meets him only in fits and starts. Now she will see him watching sports matches that will be more important than her. In this case, yesterday's "treasure" will almost eat pasta with stewed meat or dumplings, so as not to be distracted from the screen, or bite off the sausage directly from the loaf. There are many pictures of such a plan, and all of them will not be in favor of the person who was throwing dust in his eyes. Doesn't the wife then want to return to the man whose family way of life was worked out together with her?

How to tell if your wife is cheating at work

Office romances, alas, are not uncommon. And this is not always a meeting of two lonely hearts. It also happens that an "omnipotent" director or a big boss courting a married subordinate. In return, he offers career growth, high wages, and he also gladly spends his own money on a lady he likes. This even from the outside seems disgusting to many. But if this is your wife, then this situation is a real disaster. A faithful wife will either quit this job, or make it clear that she is not ready to accept the courtship of the "bonza", no matter what benefits he promises her. And here you need to distinguish between what reaches you: gossip or truthful information. If the director walks around your wife with a gogol, this does not mean that she reciprocated. Showdowns should be started with him rather than with your beloved. The person understands that his power extends only within the unit or office headed by him. But here you are "not from his system", and he may be afraid of you, because he does not know what to expect from you. If you want to be confident in your wife, then unexpectedly pay her a visit to work under the pretext of a surprise - unexpectedly bought tickets for a film premiere, an invitation to friends, or some other plausible pretext. You can also ask your spouse for a corporate party. If the other half has nothing to hide, then she can take such an idea with enthusiasm.

Cheating spouse at 40, what to do

Sometimes a woman tries to adjust her outlook on life at a more mature age than your marital union took place. And then she can find herself not just a nice, cheerful guy that you once were, but a wealthy man who could:

provide a good family; protect your household from many problems; give expensive gifts; look after nicely; really take care of the children (and yours!), which you have not done until now. In adulthood, a wife may suddenly look at the world through a different prism - the prism of practicality, which leads to a very dangerous betrayal. This is no longer an easy flirting on the side, but a search for a reliable foothold. If you do not cope with this role yourself - if you please ... Whether it will be possible to save marriage or at least relations with children in this situation depends not only on the escaped wife, and not only on your children, but also on your precious person. Understand your spouse and forgive The first thing to do is to get into the position of your wife and understand what she was unhappy with in the marriage. If you tyrannized the whole family, did not spare the children, provided them poorly, then it will be difficult to hope for a change for the better. Here only you yourself will have to ask for forgiveness from the one whom you consider to be guilty. If you drop pride, then you can take such a step if the woman is really dear to you. If you perceived your wife only as a servant in the house, then you can hardly apologize to her, and then you will have to start life from a blank sheet. Children will have to be released to a new father, but still gain their favor in order to sometimes see them. If you were a too gentle person in the family, and the wife did not perceive you as a serious support from this, then it’s time to change something in yourself and win the wife’s favor. If from a romantic girl she was able to become a practical lady, then yesterday's "tyukhtya" can turn into a real superman. By the way, “tyukhti” initially has more chances to be a beloved father, because children love not successful ones, but kind ones. In this case, the divorce can be postponed and just wait until this romance ends on the side. Divorce after infidelity and life from scratch If it was not possible to improve relations after the betrayal, and only diplomacy was established in the issue of raising children, then this is not a sentence for you as for a married man. If you realize that your wife will be tightly held by her new family, then create your own. A man - and a groom at 40! Just do not do it in spite, because you will cripple the life of yourself and your new chosen one. You need to marry the woman you truly love and who loves you. After all, she will always subconsciously compare herself with your "ex." And if you choose a woman from whom your husband left, then this awkward feeling will visit you when you are afraid of not living up to expectations. Only strong feelings for each other can distract from these thoughts.

If a loved one has changed, is it worth forgiving her

Not only your wife can deceive you, but also the girl with whom you are still dating. Cheating is different. For example, a girl can take someone's courtship while drunk. She herself will not be happy with this turn of events. This is exactly the case when you need to behave like a knight: forgive the girl and deal with an unexpectedly arisen rival. You can even forgive your wife's fleeting romance if you see that these violent feelings are not for long. As a rule, a gentleman can run away from a married lover as soon as she starts a conversation with him about starting a family. Such people prefer someone else to be responsible for the woman. V this case- on you. In the meantime, your wife plunged headlong into her romance, just think about what you did not suit your friend in life. Maybe it’s you who will be able to put everything right. Just avoid reproaches, feel like you were in your youth, when you just courted her, trying to be better than your rivals. Have you been challenged? Accept!

Statistics: do wives often cheat on husbands, and girls often cheat on guys

Now you can find disappointing statistics that cheating occurs in 70% of married couples. But there is no unity among women's and men's sites regarding gender data in this regard. If on sites for a strong half of women's infidelity, the numbers are often underestimated, then on women's resources it is indicated that over 75% of men are unfaithful in marriage. Should you rely on such statistics? Most likely no. In addition, you need to understand the reason for each individual betrayal. After all, you can be a good husband and an exemplary father, and statistics can be spoiled by domestic tyrants, drunks and outright womanizers, whom it is not a sin to change, but a way of salvation for a humiliated wife.

Psychology: the consequences of infidelity and relationships after it

If the result of the betrayal did not become a final rupture, this does not mean at all that it will not leave a scar in the soul. Even the strongest and most courageous man is defenseless in front of only one feeling - love. If she is so strong that her own self-esteem is drowning in her, then, oddly enough, this is a chance not only to forgive and take back her unfaithful wife, but also to maintain good relations with her and never remember her accidental romance. You can often hear: "Be above this." But as a rule, such a remark concerns some kind of conflicts at work, petty quarrels. But you can be higher than betrayal, higher than your opponent. Difficult, but you can always try. After all, how well your family life can develop further depends on how much you rise above this conflict. And if it so happened that your marriage fell apart, then try not to keep evil. After all, the wife is gone, but it will not leave you. Don't let him grind through your soul. It is better to find another fulcrum for yourself and throw off the burden of mental pain. It will not be possible to do this right away, you will have to get sick with this disease for some time. But it must not be allowed to take on a chronic form.

Date: 18.01.2018

Content

Once upon a time there was a family. It arose when two people consciously decided to join their destinies in order to continue going through life "hand in hand."

Spouses is a word meaning that people follow fate in one team, jointly pulling out the burden of everyday, material and problems related to raising children. The life of the union is colored by common impressions and memories of memorable dates and victories achieved (purchasing housing and household belongings, education of children, family trips on holidays, holidays).

For children born in this family, mom and dad are two pillars on which their entire biography, attitude and sense of security are based.

And suddenly ... The union of two people turned out to be fragile. Adultery of one of the partners destroyed him, and the "infallible half" of the family felt the unsteadiness of the ground under their feet, hard going through the betrayal.

Age of betrayal

According to British researchers, infidelity is least common among spouses aged 18-25.

Early marriages between persons who have not reached the official majority are often made out of curiosity and a desire for independence, the same curiosity pushes young people on the path of betrayal. Marriage is perceived by them as a burden that impedes self-affirmation. But according to statistics, loyalty and treason are equally recorded among early-maturing newlyweds.

The first 7 years of marriage give the greatest number of betrayals and - the process of creating a family is not easy for many.

After 40 years, both sexes give increasing numbers of marital infidelity.

American researchers note the magic of round dates - the peak of betrayal falls on the 30th, 40th and 50th year of life. The explanation for this is simple - the transition to an older age category scares people with the approach of old age and the associated fear of loss of attractiveness and sexuality. We must be in time! And morality is pushed aside. This is a midlife crisis.

Reasons for male infidelity

Men closer to 50 years old are worried about a decrease in potency. In this physiological process, they are ready to blame aged wives - they do not excite, do not attract. I would like to confirm my capabilities with younger women. Hence - "gray hair in the beard, devil in the rib." How can a house hen in a worn-out dressing gown, a grouch, always preoccupied with everyday problems, compete with a well-groomed slender new girlfriend!

And free women are a dime a dozen, especially in our country, where for a hundred years men have been exterminated in wars. For example, according to the Federal State Statistics Service, during the Great Patriotic War, when there were losses of the military and civilian population of the country, 19.5 million men died, and 6 million women. What can we say about those wars in which only conscript soldiers.

Alcoholism also mows down mainly the male population.

Work-related injuries are much more common among men.

According to Rosstat, as of January 1, 2017, the number of women, starting from the age of 30-34, exceeds the number of men. By the age of 60, the ratio of women to men is nearly 1.6. With a penchant for adventurism, there is an opportunity to roam! Self-esteem rises, a love affair diversifies the gray everyday life.

Moreover, with a noticeable social status, with an academic degree or a successful business, even an old man in his advanced years can count on the favor of very young beauties. The old womanizer is sincerely sure that he arouses love in the heart of his chosen one. Although correctly noted - girls do not fall in love with elderly plumbers.

Why is my wife cheating?

Cheating on the wife is caused by resentment in response to the adventures of the husband. This is her revenge for betrayal, infidelity. This reason for adultery occurs at any age. It is difficult to say how equivalent such revenge is - after all, a husband, carried away by a new relationship, may not be interested in his wife's suffering. However, if such a move turns out to be saving for her pride, then why not resort to it. But the family is unlikely to become stronger from attracting new participants to the conflict.

Cheating women over the age of 40 have their own reasons.

The main reasons for female infidelity

A wife's betrayal to her husband is the result of many circumstances:

By the age of forty, after an endless series of household chores for a woman, new horizons begin to flash:

children grow up and there is no need for their constant guardianship;
time is freed up, part of the worries can be shifted to matured children;
career ascent is still possible, but it will happen by inertia from earlier efforts - you can look back and praise yourself for the results achieved;
occurs, the risk of unwanted pregnancy decreases.

At the same time, some nuances of personal life are alarming:

reflection in the mirror (the appearance of wrinkles in the eyes, deep nasolabial folds) hints at;
the husband performs his marital duties as usual, without "unnecessary" emotions, and yet he once ardently declared his love.

Anxiety arises: really? Need to check. Colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances - do they see me as a woman? I would like to hear compliments.

The long-term routine of family relationships is less and less joyful. Family responsibilities have long been assigned. A woman is usually assigned a monotonous daily function: cleaning, cooking, washing and caring for clothes; it takes a lot of effort, but loved ones often do not notice such things.
Intimate conversations with my husband are in the past - everything has already been discussed a hundred times. Both have no interest in the affairs of the second half. Chronically there is not enough attention and participation. According to statistics, 81% of women in a love affair on the side are looking not for sexual adventures, but for the trust and friendship of their lover.
There is another bad tradition in many families - rudeness. Many believe that there is nothing to stand on ceremony in the family and you can answer questions, keep silent or, conversely, order. Continuing this behavior is the habit of making fun of your spouse in public. Alienation and the need to find a soul mate on the side gradually grows.

In a crisis period of life, a woman feels insecure. Children and family do not get rid of the feeling of inner loneliness. And if there is also a seducer nearby ...

How to recognize cheating

In a family based on trust, adultery is not immediately revealed. The deceived spouse remains in the dark for a long time, because he does not allow the thought of the partner's entertainment "on the side", even if the facts of adultery are obvious.

Typical signs of cheating

Over the years of family life, the spouses have studied each other well, but suddenly new nuances appeared in the habits of one of them:

Unexpected workaholism - the second half begins to stay late at work, explaining this by hands-on jobs, meetings, overtime work; suddenly there are business trips for several days, which was not the case before.
Changes in appearance. The spouse wakes up interest in wardrobe, new clothes; legibility appears in the quality and aesthetics of the underwear. Women with b O With great zeal, they take care of the skin of the face and body. There is a need for a long study of your figure in the mirror.
Craving for perfume. Requests change - before leaving the house you need an expensive high-quality perfume.
Emotional uplift. A mysterious expression appears on the face; a good mood is given by the humming of popular melodies.
The mobile phone is specially guarded, SMS and information about calls are carefully erased. Any phone call causes mild panic. New passwords are set on the computer.
Household chores and school successes of children become uninteresting.
The plans of the second spouse for the evening are meticulously clarified in order to build a plausible legend about his absence.
Numerous claims appear against the legal spouse. It turns out that his habits have long been annoying, tired of putting up with them, patience is running out.
Sexual attraction to a partner is noticeably cooling down, and new excuses are found.
From time to time there is talk about the fact that they are also tired of having a rest during their holidays. Are looking for options for a separate pastime.
In the family budget, inexplicable "black holes" appear for buying gifts for the subject of a new hobby.

The most shocking evidence is infection with a sexually transmitted disease.

And if this is love?

Cheating is difficult. Adultery through the eyes of a rejected spouse is a despicable betrayal, in the interpretation of the hero-lover and his entourage - a novel. He or she is having an affair! There is:

an introduction in the form of an acquaintance;
intrigue of different duration with explanations, expectations, glances, calls and correspondence;
culmination - secret dates, intimacy;
denouement - the extinction of interest or an explanation with the legal half and the creation of a new family.

A real romance! The interest in life has returned, the blood has begun to play, fantasies are embodied. I would like to make bold plans for the future.

Divorce

It is impossible to disregard such a development of events when a spouse ends a partnership at one hearth and creates a new one with a dream of family happiness. What to do? Hold him back with magic or public censure? How to endure such a blow to self-esteem? Advisors from among family and friends give diametrically opposite advice, whom to listen to?

Former spouses still need to find the courage to talk to each other and discuss all issues, trying to do without unnecessary accusations. Two people started a family, they are both to blame for the fact that the union broke up. We must try to complete the breakup without causing any unnecessary mental pain.

How to keep your family together

More often it happens that the "romance" turns out to be a temporary episode. Spouses are tied together by common children, property, habits. Both do not want to radically change their lives. But the fact of treason is obvious, it has already been discussed by all acquaintances. To the personal grievance of the "victim" is added the unwillingness to be branded a "sucker" in public opinion. A passing hobby creates big problems, sometimes for many years to come.

Statistics say: at least once in a lifetime, every second woman and 60-75% of men change. This means that many are familiar with the situation of treason. There is no need to dramatize it. The culprits in most cases experience remorse and themselves suffer from the fact that they could not resist the temptation.

True, a significant number of men and a certain part of women do not see a great offense in their love adventures - they simply succumbed to circumstances, but they did not intend to destroy the family. Selfish natures, seeking to get as much pleasure out of life as possible, do not take into account the feelings of other people. But, if such a person turned out to be a legal spouse, it means that once his narcissism did not become an obstacle to entering into a marriage with him. It remains only to put up with such a character.

A marriage of convenience meets less often with problems of family relations than an alliance of passionate love, concluded in the cloudless at first heaven - if the chosen one is characterized by violent emotions, they can also lead him to new hobbies.

From whom to wait for help

In any other everyday issue, we turn to a specialist in case of difficulty - a doctor, auto mechanic, electrician, and do not try to solve the problem on our own. If the family is on the verge of collapse due to infidelity, the best solution would be to contact a family psychologist. Yes, you have to open your soul to a stranger, talk about the experienced humiliation. But a competent specialist will impartially study the state of affairs, determine the origins of discord, problems of family relations and betrayal, the degree of guilt of each spouse. The main thing is that he will prompt the way out of the impasse. Cheating on a husband or wife can be a mistake, a one-time love affair, and not a crime. Many happy years lived together cannot be crossed out due to the fact that one of the spouses has committed an ugly act, but very much regrets it.

Family psychology today has extensive practical experience in restoring harmony in relations between spouses. By eliminating misunderstandings, you can work together to strengthen the shaken family union. Let the memories of past betrayal not become a stumbling block in quarrels, but play the role of a signal light, which in difficult situations will warn against committing such misconduct.

Prevention of cheating

To save yourself from heavy worries about marital infidelity, it is better to adhere to the principles from the first days of family life:

Regardless of how a family was created - because of passionate love, forced or soberly - maintaining it requires the trust and mutual respect of the spouses.
Quarrels happen in any family, but you cannot accumulate resentments and unpleasant memories. The ability to ask for forgiveness is very useful in marriage.
You cannot humiliate your spouse in private or in the presence of strangers.
Even in the absence of common interests, one must respect the tastes and hobbies of the spouse.
Ordinary and boredom kill marriage. To be interesting to your half as long as possible, you need to improve yourself (oh).
Marriage is not just a common shelter and bed, it is a union of like-minded people, in which concern for others comes to the fore.
The family cannot be a battlefield, the family is a quiet haven that consoles and heals the soul after working days.
Moral support and praise should be met within the home walls of every family member.
If you want to make constant claims in the family, then, before ruining an established relationship, every unfaithful spouse should think that his new chosen one also has some flaws that he will have to put up with.

The family is only registered at the registry office, but it is created by the tireless daily work of two loving hearts.

With the advent of genetic analysis, scientists in Great Britain, Germany, USA, Russia and other countries began to face an interesting phenomenon: about 15-30% of fathers in prosperous, "traditional" families are raising a child that is not theirs and are not even aware of it.

For males of any species in nature, such statistics are a real disaster. A man, hoping to pass on his genetic material, invests enormous resources in raising offspring, but it turns out to be a stranger.

Why do women cheat

Researchers at the University of Queensland (Australia) have conducted research on this issue for many years. They came to interesting conclusions: in human DNA there is a special gene that literally "pushes" individuals especially predisposed to treason. This gene is called AVPRIA.

It is active in both the male and female body. Australian scientists surveyed more than 7.3 thousand pairs of twins, each of whom was in a long-term relationship at the time of the survey. The results of the study have shown that ladies are not far behind gentlemen in terms of infidelity.

About 18% of women cheat on their husbands throughout the year. For wives - about 22% of men. Husbands who easily forgive their own infidelity are very sensitive to their wives' infidelity. There are several factors that push the weaker sex to have sex with strangers in the presence of a permanent sexual partner.

Women during ovulation

The most fickle are the young ladies approaching the period of ovulation. This "magical" period of the month makes almost all women extremely windy. By the time of ovulation, the female body is overflowing with the hormone estrogen, which is responsible for reproduction in women.

Under the influence of estrogen, the latter are practically unable to resist the call of nature, pushing them to find the strongest and healthiest male and at all costs to mate with him to obtain strong and beautiful offspring. Even if a woman has a spouse, she subconsciously looks for the best candidate for the role of the father of her children.

Emancipated women

The more emancipated a woman is, the easier she forgives herself for "small weaknesses" in the form of casual relationships. If even 40-50 years ago, female infidelity was perceived by society as a grandiose scandal, now they increasingly turn a blind eye to it. Female intercourse has become more spontaneous.