Crisis in women in 30 years. The right way out of the crisis. Take care of your personal life

15.04.2019

Every woman in one way or another, approaching the line of thirty years, is faced with the problem of a psychological crisis. You can deny it and not notice that you have become more irritable, you can blame the problem on a partner, an unbearable boss, and the callousness of those around you. But dissatisfaction with the existing relationship, resentment against her husband / friends / life is just one of the guises of the crisis of 30 years.

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Of course, this does not mean that when you blow out the candles on your anniversary, you will be “knocked down” by an unbearable blues, and you will want to lie down so as not to get up again. It is possible that you will live this difficult period even before the calendar approaches the round date. Or, on the contrary, you will start reassessing your values closer to 35 years. Time range personality crisis has no clear boundaries, as well as the terms during which it will last. You can not leave this state for a year, falling into melancholy, stuck in a black streak. Or you can take stock of the “acquired by overwork” and start planning for the future for the next ten years. In this article, we will look at the main manifestations of a personality crisis and how to emerge from it as a winner without getting stuck in a labyrinth of regrets about lost opportunities.

Choosing between intimacy and loneliness

According to Erik Erickson's theory of personality, at each stage of development we have a specific task. The midlife crisis confronts us with our ability to care for another person without fear of losing ourselves. Although referring to life crises now it has become very fashionable, it is better not to expect that "it will pass by itself." And the period "a little over thirty" is just about the fact that when you are between two poles - "intimacy" and "loneliness" - it's time to choose. Choose between a selfish desire to live only for yourself, not to sacrifice your figure and lifestyle for the sake of children, to refuse noisy companies for the sake of the family. The question is not always so acute: either one or the other. But intimacy requires some concessions, and we are not always willing to make them. So, if you are not having a relationship, perhaps the problem is precisely that you are afraid to let the other person get too close to you, avoiding Serious relationships? Even if you have a husband or a loved one, but you still remain unhappy, perhaps you were not able to reach the level of intimacy? Do you think that your sacrifice, for example, a career for the sake of children was unnecessary?

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How to determine that the crisis of 30 years has come

It is not so difficult, and if you constantly catch yourself thinking that your friends are doing better / there is little money / there are more wrinkles / excess weight doesn’t go anywhere / the husband doesn’t love / everything is tired and so on in a circle, then congratulations, the crisis is already knocking on your door. But seriously, such thoughts really signal the presence of a similar problem, and this is due to a reassessment of values. But this is just one of the points. Also about the crisis testify:

constant irritation;
Bad mood;
fatigue, feeling of impotence and emptiness;
dissatisfaction with relationships (both with a partner and with a close environment);
constant comparison with others (it seems to you that you are worse than theirs).

Of course, the state is not pleasant, so let's figure out how to overcome the crisis in order to get rid of such emotional baggage.

Experience of the past

characteristic feature crisis period 30 years is a depreciation previous experience. If before that you were engaged in wedding chores, creating family hearth and raised children, then, having stepped on the shaky ground of depression, you will begin to reproach yourself for not taking place in the professional field. If everything is fine with the career, then the consciousness, at this moment aimed at the negative, will notice that everyone normal men already dismantled and there were only losers around. Self-blame can get to the point that, looking back, you will not see anything that would deserve praise. And then even a bucket of ice cream will not sweeten the pill of disappointment.

What to do? To stop devaluing your life, remind yourself that it was your past experiences that made you who you are now. Words are not enough for this, so I suggest you do introspection, armed with a pen and notebook. Write down what you think you did for your future in the previous stages of life. learned English language? Did you go abroad for an internship? Graduated from graduate school? Did you exercise regularly? Did you give birth to a daughter? It's time to start counting resources. Don't criticize yourself for what you didn't do, focus on what you have achieved. Now re-read what was written and thank yourself, God, life, the Universe for the experience.

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Building a strategy

Often we get stuck in crisis situations because we don't see the future. Now everything is bad, the work is not happy, the beloved man has not yet met and there is no one to give birth to a child. Or, on the contrary, a crisis in marriage and fatigue from everyday problems make it difficult to believe that life can be joyful.

What to do? Grow up and clearly define your area of responsibility. The position of an adult differs from that of a child in that you set realistic goals, not counting on the fact that "a magician will suddenly fly in." To do this, you need to identify your life goals, what you want to achieve, what result to achieve, for example, in a year, two, three. The clearer and clearer you define your goals, the easier it will be for you to build a ladder to achieve them. Avoid traps like "when I marry an oligarch" or "when I become a famous model/presenter/singer". Leave those dreams to eighteen year old girls and do what you can.

We evaluate the result

To make it easier for you to assess how the process is progressing personal growth(or he's not progressing at all), start journaling. Write down in it everything that comes to mind: who you are offended by, what annoys you, why you feel bad now, what has changed compared to yesterday. In the safe space of the diary, look for answers to the questions: “What have I achieved?”, “Am I living right?” and "What's next?" Remember that a crisis is an opportunity to new stage development. And if you end up with:

Then you can be satisfied with the inner work done. You can continue the list, because we are constantly developing, and, having crossed the thirty-year milestone, you continue your spiritual growth, but we will talk about this in the next article.

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It became interesting to us, what do women who have successfully taken place as professionals think about the age crisis? That's what Ivetta heard.

Ksenia Smirnova, host of the 112 Ukraine TV channel

It seems to me, and observations of peers around me confirm these thoughts, that crises in the perception of reality do not depend on age. The crisis depends on the discrepancy between the picture of happiness and the ideal future drawn in the head (most often in the teenage romantic period) and its reflection in real 3D graphics with all the accompanying disappointments. So it is important to throw the passport as deep as possible into the nightstand in time, clear your head of the romantic illusions of youth and fill your life with meaning. It is different for everyone: if the work is beloved, if the family is sincere, and not because society is already somehow uncomfortable, but if the family and work, then to leave home with pleasure and eagerly return back. We return to the beginning - the crisis is not in age, but in the head from unsatisfied desires or their absence (which is already being treated by other specialists). My favorite message: “If there is a “for whom and for what”, then any “how” can be sustained. Yes ... And about the passport - I'm serious: hide it more often. And give free rein to desires!

Valeria Mikulskaya, host of the “Morning with Inter” program

A crisis? This is definitely not my word! I will share my favorite advice with the girls: “I woke up, smiled and went to conquer the world!” But yes, 30 is just about, every day is closer, and I, of course, will not be cunning, I think about what I already have, and “I haven’t had time yet” over my mother’s favorite. I didn’t have time to get married, become a mother, create my own little cozy world. Not at all, I'm not a careerist, it just so happened that I'm doing what I love, and this makes me happy. Although, alas, I am burning, sinning, sacrificing weekends, romantic evenings, social events ... How else? After all, I am always on the road, traveling and discovering our native and very, very Ukraine. Stay? You know, most of today's thirty-year-olds in my circle have a completely different mindset about "in time", "it's time", "everyone already has two children." I'm a bit of a fatalist and I think everything has its time. Mine is still on the way, so I say “no” to all sorts of “frontiers”. Indeed, in matters of the heart, the main thing is not “on time”, but “forever”!

Tatyana Litvinova, judge of the show "MasterChef", "MasterChef. Children”, expert of the programs “Everything will be kind”, “Everything will be delicious” (STB)

My midlife crisis started even before I was 30, I was about 29. It coincided with a divorce, with major changes in my business. In general, at that moment everything collapsed around me. The crisis lasted for a long time, about six years. And it all ended with my restaurant burning down. This was the end point. I experienced all this and realized that thanks to such situations, new qualities are born in a person. I rethought everything that surrounded me, I was no longer satisfied with my environment, my friends. I used to have a pronounced syndrome of an excellent student, I tried to do everything on the top five, I was too worried about the opinions of others. I still try to act like an excellent student, I just learned to perceive life philosophically. "Do what you can - and be what will be" - now my opinion. Today, when it arises problem situation, I relax, do what I can, as well as possible, and already knowingly imagine the future result as the best. The same can be said for readers. You will survive any crisis and you will only get better from it.

Photos provided by the press service of TV channels

What's wrong with being 30 years old?

Life up to thirty years flies like a moment - childhood, school, university, relationships, first job ...
And now, there comes a moment when a woman stops and realizes that this is not at all how she imagined her life.

So, for example, a single woman with a successful career can have a hard time going through her thirties due to the lack of children. Or a woman who has always dreamed of being a housewife and raising children, having fulfilled her dream, suddenly realizes that something very important is missing in her life.

As a rule, by the age of thirty a woman takes on its main social roles - spouse, mother, specialist, etc. Life enters the usual track, becomes monotonous, measured, routine - home, work, home. Many women feel that they are losing something very important in the daily worries, which leads them to sad thoughts.

If such a lifestyle brings joy to a woman, she is in demand at work, she is loved and understood at home, then the crisis is unlikely to affect her. Such a woman sees in her life not a routine, but stability.

Often, by the age of thirty, a woman realizes that made a mistake in choosing a life partner. She understands that conversations with her husband come down to exchanging news from work, solving children's problems and maintaining household. Sex becomes a real marital duty, and the husband and wife cease to be interesting to each other as individuals. Relationships begin to resemble the notorious suitcase without handle, which, as you know, is both hard to drag and a pity to throw away.

An unloved job, an unpleasant team, or a lack of interest in one's own profession can cause depression..

On the one hand, a woman is afraid to radically change something in her life, but on the other hand, she understands that it is still possible to do this at the age of thirty, but later it will be much more difficult. She cannot make such a responsible decision without support, but she often simply does not find support from her spouse or relatives.

What to do?

The answer to this question is simple. If a woman is overtaken by a crisis of thirty years of age, it means that something in her life does not suit her and it's time to change something. Relationship with spouse individual cases, perhaps even the spouse himself), lifestyle, place of work, field of activity, etc. But the most important thing is You need to change your attitude!

Thirty years for a woman is the flowering of youth and sexuality. It is at this age that a woman is most attractive. She is still young and pretty, has a special female beauty, charm, style, but at the same time she is already confident in herself, knows what she wants.

In addition, thirty years is still the age when everything in life can be reviewed and changed.. You can change your job and occupation, get an education in a new direction, or even jump with a parachute. In a word, thirty years is a great time to start living in harmony with yourself.

The development and maturation of a person individually. But it unites everyone common feature: at certain moments of life are formed age crises. For women, one of the most powerful and difficult is the crisis of 30 years. Its manifestations are attempts to better understand oneself, rethinking relationships with family and friends, thoughts about further development career and family...

Causes of the crisis 30 years

The crisis does not appear out of nowhere. There are characteristic prerequisites for it. In their thirties, they become the trigger mechanism for a crisis.

Difficulties in personal life. Women who are not married by the age of 30 experience low self-esteem and develop chronic depression and uncertainty about the future. It doesn't happen to everyone, but to many. If the lady is married, probably disappointment in family life accumulated fatigue from constant chores around the house and caring for children. Relatives and girlfriends do not take away problems, but vice versa.
The appearance of signs of aging. By the beginning of the fourth decade, it's hard not to notice characteristic symptoms maturity: deposition of fat on the thighs, cellulite, sagging skin, mimic (and some have "real" large) wrinkles. In those who have given birth several times, the signs are even more pronounced.
Career uncertainty. Not necessarily a career becomes something important. But when a serious bet was made on her, and by the age of 30 a high post was not achieved, a crisis is inevitable.
Unfavorable comparison of own achievements with others. By the age of 30, you want to succeed at least in some area. Failing to buy a good home, not having a baby, not moving abroad, a woman begins to experience shame, usually unconscious. Classmates and classmates who have achieved more, by their example strengthen negative feelings and moods.

The reasons "converge" together in the period of 28-32 years. Fluctuations are possible, but insignificant. It is no coincidence that the crisis of 30 years is called the most dangerous and most difficult in a woman's life. This crisis "diagnoses" up to 80% of the fair sex in developed countries. Based on what symptoms?

Symptoms of a female crisis

It will be possible to determine the crisis state by observing behavior, communication and thoughts. In these areas, the symptoms of the crisis are especially pronounced.

Feeling of unrealized opportunities. You wanted so much, and now you worry about the unattained and under-received? So, the first symptom is found. At the age of 30, the majority thinks about their own insolvency. Even women who have made an excellent career, who have given birth to two or three wonderful children.
Constant "discovery" of new problems. Are you starting to notice a lot of trouble? It’s trouble with the figure, not very good at work, the husband doesn’t love, the children don’t obey, your favorite series suddenly ended? This clear sign crisis. It is accompanied by many negative emotions, and against the background of the latter, any events seem worse than they are. A serious role is played by a subjective-pessimistic view of what is happening.
Thoughts on old age. “Here I’m thirty, I’ve become quite old,” obsessive thought indicating a crisis. Psychologically important figures are a separate topic, and we will not talk about it now ... The main thing is that the thirty-year milestone is perceived as a subjectively terrible event, indicating the “end of youth”.
Birthday is no longer a holiday. As soon as you begin to perceive your birthday as a sad date, the crisis becomes very clear. After all, the further, "the worse." And next full year- another step towards old age.
Desire for change. By the crisis of the 30s, a clear desire get rid of the old and get new. Women change their style of clothing, think about moving to another city, think about divorce and changing jobs ... Usually, drastic changes lead to worst consequences: there is no satisfaction from changes, since they are not caused by an objective need, but by the desire to escape from problems.
Scandals, resentment, disappointment in loved ones. The crisis of 30 years threatens the family and relationships with relatives. The shortcomings of the husband, parents, girlfriends, colleagues come to the fore. The result is irritation and omissions, developing into swearing and the end of normal communication.

Symptoms rarely appear together. Usually there is only one clearly expressed, and the rest go in the background. The presence of even a couple of signs of these is a wake-up call. It's time to start solving the problem.

How to deal with a crisis

Views on overcoming the crisis in 30 years are different. Some psychologists advise doing nothing at all, but just waiting. Indeed, time relieves the crisis. More precisely, from his symptoms. But the reasons will not go anywhere if you do not work on them consciously. What to do?

Take some responsibility away. Excessive workloads and the need to take care of business in the family and at work will not help to cope with the crisis. At least for a couple of months it is necessary to make life easier. Husband, relatives, close friends will help at home. At work - colleagues with whom good relations have so far been maintained. Is it possible to temporarily shift duties to someone? Do it.
Resurrect an old hobby, find a new one. Monotony is not good. Relieve stress and distract from bad thoughts will help favourite hobby. Sewing, photography, cycling… What do you enjoy the most? Now is the time to get back to the things that give you pleasure.
Spend time with your husband, relatives, friends. It will help not to spoil relationships with loved ones spending time together. But not on the usual "duty" occasion (someone's birthday, New Year etc.), but just like that. Get out with your husband to a pleasant institution, stay on romantic evening and the night together, sending the children away. Visit relatives living in another city. meet good old friend after a long separation.
Change to better side. Take advantage of the desire for change - improve yourself. Start going to a fitness club, swimming pool, lose weight. Go to foreign language courses. Sit in some personal growth training. As a last resort, take internships and courses related to your work. Useful for peace of mind.
Raise the level of endorphins. And we must not forget about physiology. Endorphins that keep you going positive attitude and optimism, are produced in a larger volume during sports, sex. Also, being in the sun (including in a solarium), eating chocolate in reasonable quantities is also useful. In general, use every moment that brings joy!

We deliberately do not call for self-digging, compiling lists of positive and negative traits, preparing plans for the future. From the crisis of 30 years such psychological tricks they do not save, because during this period a woman is deprived of rationality. No matter how much you talk about the "beautiful distant", and a walk on fresh air, a glass of wine by candlelight, deep sleep will be more useful. Find out more in the video below.

Results

It is impossible to avoid the crisis of 30 years. In women, it is caused by subjective lack of fulfillment in life, problems in the family, career difficulties and deterioration in appearance. Effective Ways wrestling: have a good time, preservation good relations with loved ones, caring for own body. The right approach and an optimistic attitude will shorten the crisis period to a couple of months. After that, relief will come, and life will return to normal.

A bit of mysticism. Surprisingly, the crisis of 30 years coincides with the Saturn cycle in astrology, which happens in everyone's life just in time for 29 and a half years (read: "The Return of Saturn", or Why Nothing Adds Up (When You're 30)). All the "tails" that were not handed over in youth - the separation from the parents that never happened, the uncertainty in the profession, the tangled relationship with the opposite sex - begin to persistently knock on the soul.

Psychologists say the same thing. It is believed that outwardly quite adult thirty-year-olds often linger in adolescence. psychological age. They continue the internal dialogue with their parents at the level of youthful rebellion, they endow the world with unjustified expectations and are unable to understand the actions of other people. Practicing psychologists usually meet with several female psychotypes who are experiencing the crisis of 30 years in different ways.

Housewife

Girls who got married at the age of 19-20 sincerely believed that the life of a housewife, wife and mother is the limit of happiness. However, ten years later, when the children grew up, marital relations ceased to excite, and many friends managed to take place both professionally and in family terms, housewives often find themselves at the reception of a psychotherapist. The request most often sounds vague: depression, loss of interest in life, chronic fatigue, irritability. On this basis, it may develop excessive suspicion and unreasonable jealousy to her husband, and in children against the background of mother's constant bad mood Unexpected problems start at school.

Why is this happening? Early marriages in girls who have entrusted their economic and social well-being to a man are often associated with the fact that the role of the father automatically passes to the husband, and the woman never turns into an adult, into a person who has a certain autonomy and her own psychological boundaries.

A person who experiences deep inner discomfort will find the strength to get off the usual track.

Working Mom

Often in a young family, a woman begins to work on a par with her husband out of economic necessity. In such conditions, one does not even dream of nannies, and the child is often left with relatives. In my practice, there was a case when a couple who were difficult to lift family business, gave one year old baby mother's unmarried sister. Women in such families by the age of 30 experience deep feeling guilt as a mother, and as a wife, they have a lot of claims against their husband. The profession may or may not work out, but in any case, at 30, such a woman feels tired.

Free and established

For what reason, it would seem, should such a young lady turn to a psychotherapist? Alas, our girls, unlike their Western counterparts, experience powerful pressure. public opinion. It is broadcast through different channels: married (albeit not quite happy married friends), parents, relatives, colleagues. And even if, deep down, a girl does not consider marriage the goal of life, others will try to correct her!

Anti-crisis behavior

What to do if the crisis of 30 years has come? Run to a psychologist or a pharmacy for antidepressants? Not an exit. Imagine that by the age of 30 you have come to a certain line on the map of your life, and in order to step over it, you need to leave something behind your back ... And see the goal ahead! Refuse immature, dependent, immature behavior. Analysis own thoughts, or, scientifically, reflection, will help you realize which way you are going. Is it the one you chose yourself? Or maybe this path suits your mother, or husband, or mother-in-law? Family model, type of activity, methods of raising a child - whose models do you follow? Do you create, perhaps by trial and error, your own standard of behavior, or do you follow the beaten path, alien to you in spirit?

If you feel that you are following through life, justifying other people's expectations, you will suddenly “remember” what you dreamed about in your youth, what you wanted to become, what relationships seemed ideal and pleasing to you. As a rule, the question arises: how can the situation be changed? Get out of your usual groove? That's what the crisis of 30 years is for! A person who experiences deep inner discomfort will find the strength to "jump out of the train." Build new relationships or change old ones, go to college, change jobs, get divorced in the end (How to predict a divorce from wedding pictures: 8 observations of photographers). Able to take responsibility for behavior own child, since today the vast majority of psychotherapists adhere to the axiom “A child is a family diagnosis”, and deal with problem child almost pointless without personal development mother.

The crisis we are interested in has not yet entered the medical manuals, and therefore exact list no one will give you symptoms. On the other hand, if you carefully listen to the conversations of girls aged 25 and older, you will definitely find similar topics.

Dead End: “I feel trapped. My legs feel like I'm falling into a swamp."
Nonsense:“Before, I knew what needed to be achieved, and went to my goals, but now I don’t understand why.”
Fear of the future: “Ahead everything is in a fog. I've lost my bearings and don't see where I should go."
Bad dreams: “I constantly dream that I need to be in time somewhere, but I get stuck at every step. I’m standing and I can’t budge - my legs don’t listen. ”

All these are complaints of beautiful and successful smart girls. Some of them are married, some prefer open relationship, but it is obvious that neither the presence high paying job, nor the presence of a beloved man does not save from deep confusion. At the same time, stares into the mirror. How many wrinkles are there - one or one and a half? Are the circles under the eyes the same as a month ago, or darker?

Causes of the crisis

Experts have become interested in the crisis of thirty recently. Why? Firstly, only those who do not need to get up at half past five every day to milk a cow or work in a hot shop like Stakhanovite can afford such “entertainment”. In other words, it takes at least enough time “for yourself” to recognize personal disorder.

Secondly, the crisis implies that there are alternatives in life, because if you have a single path prepared in advance, then it is pointless to suffer for a better share. And our sister and you only had options recent years fifty. Previously, ladies were instructed "not to resist the will of fate" and generally not to think too much. Women's Crisis past - the crisis of marriage - had to be passed quickly and silently. At first it was supposed to displace the horror of the first wedding night, and then slowly master the basics of communication with the inherited husband. Everything.

But you and I don't live so boringly. Now you can get married at least at eighteen, at least at fifty-five, we choose spouses ourselves, and professional fate is not in someone else's, but in our hands. Beauty, and more!

Oddly enough, all this splendor can play a dirty trick on us. Deciding which road to take next, we thereby abandon countless tempting options. Each step is a farewell to the opportunity to try something new. If you are in Moscow, you are no longer in Bali. If you surf on tropical islands, then you do not make a career in an international corporation. Life is one, and you cannot be an astronaut and a ballerina at the same time - this unexpected understanding one day becomes a serious shock.

When much is lovingly built and polished, we ask ourselves a desperate question - how justified was our choice? Do we have time and resources for some other life? This is perhaps the first ingredient in the harsh mix of an unexpected crisis. But there are others.

American psychologist Eric Erikson viewed life as a series of successive stages, each of which has its own specific task. For example, the goal of the first year is to gain trust in the world, and parents should help the baby as much as possible in achieving this. At the finish line of other stages, theoretically, autonomy, initiative, diligence and, finally, ego-identity should await us. Behind this word lies a very precise and integral experience of oneself as a stable, strong person, capable of changing and at the same time keeping something absolutely unchanged inside.

Alas, the unresolved tasks of the previous stages make it difficult to cope with current issues. Just like at school - got sick new material You walk into class and feel like a complete idiot. If much has remained undeveloped, then, having finally matured, you suddenly find yourself in a complete misunderstanding of who you are and what you want from this life. This feeling usually grows and worsens by the age of thirty, causing insomnia and panic attacks. Here is the crisis for you.

Crisis is a wake-up call

Fearfully? Do not be afraid. The crisis is a guest, albeit uninvited, but important and valuable. Imagine that a harmful virus has entered the body, but you don’t have the strength to fight it, and you live on without guessing anything.

Such an alignment is dangerous - who knows what an unidentified enemy will have time to do there. And when there are resources, the body reacts to the stranger with heat and pain, literally forcing you to lie down in bed and begin treatment.

In the case of a crisis, of course, there is no virus - only ourselves and our lives, with which we have been doing something wrong for a long time. Wrong choice or brushed aside true desires and silent warning bells. Perhaps the goals you so zealously sought were far-fetched or completely alien. Maybe you have long lost the ability to recognize what you need, and not your parents, colleagues, husband.

From here there are two conclusions. The crisis is a bolt from the blue sky, it requires a stop and responsible mental work. And it is also a guarantee that you have enough strength to change your life for the better.

The wrong way out of the crisis

The rescue of drowning people is the work of someone who knows. True, it is not entirely clear how exactly one should be saved, so stupid ideas can come to mind.

Option number 1: take antidepressants. Modern antidepressants work wonders. There is a temptation to declare a state of crisis a whim and, with the help of magic pills, regain a cheerful state of mind. And what? Inexpensive, fast, efficient. But there is a risk that from now on the pills will have to be taken for life: questions “on the meaning” of drugs do not resolve, they are just waiting for the right moment to attack you again and still demand a solution.

Option #2: return to puberty. An old friend at thirty-somethings suddenly tied up her ponytails, pulled on her stockings and got a boyfriend ten years younger. It also seems to be a way out - through a change of man and wardrobe, try to return to the blissful pre-crisis time, when the main problems were created only by pimples on the nose. Another thing is that, playing a teenager, you can deceive anyone, but not your rational self, which one day will certainly loudly declare: “I don’t believe it!”

Option number 3: change everything. Badly? This means that decisive steps must be taken. Get divorced - this time. Quitting is two. Change the place of residence and preferably the climatic zone - these are three. Well, lifestyle, of course. Turn, for example, from an office worker into an adherent of oriental practices and wind up in Goa. And then sit under a palm tree and howl with anguish, because the crisis quietly entered the suitcase and flew along with you.

Option number 4: tolerate. Bite your lip and live former life through "can't". Well, except to make yourself a little indulgence by enrolling in right-brain drawing courses - to bring a little creativity into everyday life, so to speak. Most likely, nothing will come of drawing, because at that moment all sorts of ailments and ailments will fall on you. Yes, for a while they will shift the focus from mental pain to physical pain, but are you really ready to risk your health?

The right way out of the crisis

Reassessment of values and meanings is a painful process, but as a result, you will get a chance to get rid of the ballast and build a new route - one that will bring you back to yourself and give you an experience of fullness and meaningfulness of life. Here is the long-awaited plan of action. Use it as a guide and, if necessary, refine it on your own.

Disassemble big picture into components: family, work, friends, hobbies, appearance, relationships with relatives and colleagues, home, travel. How satisfied are you with each piece of the puzzle? The best clue is your emotions. Do not rush to evaluate. Just listen to yourself - and catch the feeling of joy and satisfaction, or, on the contrary, bitterness and irritation. You can make two lists: one will contain positions with which everything is okay, the other - those that cause doubt and discomfort.
Imagine and remember. At this stage, the inner critic can rest, but the imagination should be given full rein. If there were no restrictions, how would you like your house to be? What about a loved one or friends? Go through each item again and try to imagine a picture that will make your heart beat faster. Old dreams can be of help - how did you imagine it all in kindergarten? Just please don't rush - such serious work may well take weeks. (Our "Who am I" quiz will help you.)
Compare. What do you have and what do you really need? Don't panic if the gap seems too big - as you know, fear has big eyes. And try to restrain the desire to immediately make a revolution, it is not yet the time to make responsible decisions.
Work out a strategy. Now wake up the inner critic, and let him appreciate what you have - perhaps you don’t even have to dig a new foundation pit to build a brighter future. On the other hand, at this stage you need to muster up the courage and say goodbye to what clearly does not suit you. Maybe it's time to change your profession or leave a person whose relationship brings too much pain. Remember often that many people have taken the risk of major changes in retirement age so you caught on just in time.
Take action. Be prepared for the fact that the thought “I have killed so many years in vain” can paralyze. And again, a crossroads: either out of desperation to leave everything as it is, or to gain courage and move forward. To make it easier to take the first step, write down the sequence necessary action on each of the points, and keep them simple and obvious.
Model the future. In the process of step-by-step changes, constantly remind yourself where and why you are going. It is very important to keep in mind the image of the intended goal, behind which, of course, new ones will appear later, no less worthy.

In general, the crisis of 30 years is a kind of test of loyalty to oneself. Fate takes an existential slap on the butt for those of us who play harmful games. And she provides great chance after all, live your life in such a way that later you don’t remember these very words of the classic. It's a sin not to use it!

The crisis of 30 years and the midlife crisis

You must have heard of the midlife crisis. Some psychologists believe that, by and large, this is the same as the crisis of 30 years. Others insist on separating these phenomena, although they admit that in history specific person they may well overlap.

	Crisis 30 years	Middle age crisis
When it happens	About thirty	Around forty (but options are possible)
What's happening	Reassessment of values and meanings. The person no longer wants to live “by the rules” and longs for change and independence.	The understanding comes that life has moved towards sunset and something, alas, is already unattainable.
Temporary resource	We are still climbing the parabola of life, and we have plenty of time. In addition, parents are still cheerful, so adult children can safely reorganize their lives.	Oops, we are already looking down from the parabola of life. And if we consider that during the period described, some lose their parents and become the next in the sad line for death, then this view becomes especially gloomy.
Physiology	There are no global changes in the work of the body.	There are often noticeable hormonal changes or, for example, found serious illness. All this can have a significant effect on the psyche.
Exit	In both cases, deep inner work and certain transformations outside world– in relationships or, for example, in the professional sphere.