No dramas: why are manipulations in a relationship dangerous? True manipulators are usually overconfident, cynical, self-sufficient, and pragmatic. These are selfish men who do not have a sense of guilt at all. How to behave towards manipulators
Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbulletin blog!
“My favorite is a manipulator man. It's always easy for him to make me do what he wants. I notice more and more manipulations on his part. I began to doubt whether I would be happy with him. My married friends have completely different relationships with their husbands, they discuss problems together, go to meet each other. I tried to explain this to my friend, but he managed to talk me over and turn everything inside out. I feel empty and sick from my relationship with him. " Maria writes.
« ... my ex doesn't let me go and makes me guilty all the time. We intersect with him at work, and every time I feel overwhelmed by such meetings, I begin to doubt myself as a specialist and as a woman. Work colleagues have already noticed this and tell me that I must be careful with him. I think he is a manipulative man. Can I somehow protect myself from his negative influence on me. Before, before my relationship with him, I was a cheerful and happy person, now I am overwhelmed with pain, doubts and do not see the light at the end of the tunnel ”, - Svetlana writes.
In previous issues, we analyzed the behavior of a man capable of aggression, see more →. In this article, we'll touch on another dangerous behavior that can be encountered in relationships - manipulation.
It can be argued that all people, consciously or unconsciously, to one degree or another, use manipulations. Sometimes manipulation is necessary for survival and is beneficial. But often the use of manipulation suppresses our true nature, the ability to express ourselves directly and directly is lost.
The manipulator uses and controls other people using certain techniques.
When you are being manipulated:
- You are not doing what you really want to do.
- You lose energy and feel empty and exhausted.
Why we use manipulation
Manipulative behavioral strategies are adopted from the parental family and close environment. The child screams, cries, is capricious in order to achieve what he wants, and if his parents encourage him in this, he begins to learn manipulation techniques. The behavior of loved ones also becomes a role model. If manipulation was often used in the relationship between parents and relatives, the child begins to imitate them.
The child unconsciously develops the ability to manipulate others in order to avoid trouble, to achieve what he wants.
Psychological reasons for manipulation
1. The manipulator gains confidence through control over other people
The reason for manipulation can be defined as a conflict between the desires to be independent and to receive support in their environment (F. Perls).
A person does not believe in himself and wants to find support in others. But he does not trust others either, so he tries to control them with the help of manipulations. It is characteristic for him to treat another person as an employee who must do what he is told. We can say that the manipulator solves his inner conflict at the expense of other people.
2. Afraid of close emotional ties with other people - fear of involvement
Another possible cause of manipulative behavior is cited in the works of psychologist Eric Berne. He suggested that people start playing games with each other in order to better manage their emotions and avoid proximity... There is a hypothesis by psychologist William Glasser that one of the main human fears is the fear of involvement. If a person experiences fear of involvement and intimacy, he begins to use manipulation.
3. Steals psychic energy
The manipulator uses the energy of other people to compensate for the lack of self-esteem. Since lately I have most often come across this type of manipulation in my work, I decided to pay special attention to it.
Emptiness and emotional exhaustion in relationships
In practice, I often met cases when women felt emptiness, emotional exhaustion, lost energy, both physical and mental, from a relationship with a man. It is not always immediately clear where the reason for the waste of energy is. At first it seems that it is a matter of everyday stress, workload. A woman takes her condition for granted, and they do not understand that the reason is in the closest environment.
You also have to meet with cases when women after, against the background of ordinary experiences that are in one way or another characteristic of people, feel a strong breakdown. They literally do not have enough energy for ordinary daily activities, they do not want anything. When we start comparing their state before the relationship, the picture comes out diametrically opposite: they were full of energy, cheerful, active. We begin to analyze the traumatic events for the period of the relationship, and we do not find real reasons for the overexpenditure of energy. It turns out that all this time they were in a relationship with a man to whom they gave more energy than they received from him.
Psycho vampires
The people who steal energy from us are called "psycho vampires." They use other people's energy to compensate for their lack of self-esteem. Psycho vampires take advantage of the vulnerability of some people with mental wounds.
Psychovampirism has been studied in detail in the framework of positive psychotherapy H. Pezeshkian who in his book “Psycho vampires. About positive communication with those who steal our energy " examines this phenomenon in detail.
Psychovampires recognize their victims, guided by a sixth sense, reacting to phrases in conversation, signs and hidden signals. The main signal is the victim's temporary or chronic low self-esteem.
There are psycho vampires who are constantly present in our life, sucking the energy out of us, and there are those who attack us from time to time when we are weakened. The hardest thing is to be in a relationship with a man as a psychovampire. To better understand this phenomenon, let's see what types of psychovampires we can meet in life.
Classification of psychovampires and methods of "antidote" according to H. Pezeshkian
Trap vampire
He needs to devalue others in order to feel good. He is a narcissist who cannot be pleased.
Victim needs recognition from others, looking for the reasons for failure only in himself.
Antidote- remember your strengths and bend your line.
Vampire "Yes, but"
This type sees only problems in opportunities and chances, in advance he is afraid not to cope.
Victim- a purposeful person, determined to actively solve problems. As a rule, the victim wants to stimulate and inspire his partner to overcome problems, gives some of his energy, but the psycho vampire does not appreciate this, he only whines and builds new schemes "yes, but ...".
Antidote- to give up attempts to change a person and his doomed attitude to problems, to carry out his plans in life, not paying attention to his whining.
Depressed vampire
Such a person is constantly bad and others are to blame for this, he is fixated on himself, believes that others are deliberately harming him. Not able to realize and admit their mistakes. A person with low self-esteem, overwhelmed with fear and envy, sucks energy from others.
Victim- can be any person, a depressed vampire can ruin the mood of anyone.
Antidote- to analyze what worries this vampire. The most constructive way to neutralize this type of psycho vampire is to win their trust and help.
Conservative vampire
Fears to turn off the road and try other ways. He does not know how to let go of the situation, he is very stubborn. In a relationship, this is a person who does not like to leave the comfort zone. He does not want to change anything, and if the partner has chosen him as a spouse, then he must accept him as he is.
For example, a man, having married, does not want to change his way of life with an eye to the needs of his wife. When she tries to suggest alternatives to his lifestyle, suggests trying something new, he feels offended.
Victim- a person capable of taking a certain risk, trying new opportunities, open to new ideas and projects.
Antidote- unfortunately, if you are not satisfied with the way of life of a vampire-conservative, his usual methods, then the conflict is pre-programmed here and there is little you can do. Give him some time to change and if he doesn't want to crawl out of his comfort zone, move on.
Vampire cold hearted and ignorant vampire
These are emotionally cold people who carefully measure their courtesy, are more focused on things and things than on relationships, and are overly rational. Not able to understand the feelings of another person.
Victim- an emotional, relationship-oriented person.
Antidote- do not open up too much in front of rational people, communicate rationally and clearly, and satisfy your emotional needs through communication with friends. This will ease tensions in the relationship.
Himalayan vampire
A person who is constantly striving for new heights, who is impossible to please. He believes that the main thing in life is success and achievement. In a relationship with a Himalayan vampire, everything is fine as long as there are no complications.
Victim- a person who is highly dependent on the opinions and influence of other people, seeking to gain approval and please the Himalayan vampire, as a result of which he only depletes his emotional resources.
Antidote- increasing self-esteem. A conscious decision not to give others authority over you. Find people to whom you are really important and discuss your affairs with them, regardless of how others are evaluating you.
Expert vampire
Rational, selfish people with low self-worth. They believe that their world can be transferred to the life of another person. They are not able to look at the situation with different eyes. They love to criticize their partner. In close relationships, they have a destructive effect on the partner, literally drive him crazy.
Victim- a sensitive person, insecure and doubting, emotionally weakened, in a stressful situation. The expert vampire reinforces the victim's doubts.
Antidote- Analyze if criticism of an expert vampire can be qualified?
For someone to become an expert for you, you need two conditions:
- a person should be really an expert,
- you must turn to it yourself.
Let's summarize
Unconsciously, we ourselves give a certain person power over ourselves. Each of us has several sore spots. We often do not realize them, thinking that everything is behind us for a long time. Psycho vampires find our sore spots and press the right button.
It is impossible to keep psychovampires if you are not aware of your past weaknesses.
To protect yourself from manipulation, you need to avoid being a victim:
- To recognize your own vulnerabilities, as they say, to know yourself well.
- Work them out and learn how to control them.
- Increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
How to become a self-confident woman see →. Read about how to recycle past negative experiences and heal from old wounds in the next issues of the blog. Good luck and see you soon on the pages of the Samprosvetbulletin!
It is so accepted that intrigues and manipulations are attributed mainly to women, while the weak half of humanity suffers from psychological pressure from men no less. Male manipulation is often much more insidious than female manipulation and is rarely used in the interests of the couple.
A confident and self-sufficient person will try to establish contact with the subject of interest through confidential conversations, revealing his soul and getting to know a woman. That is why a man will never seriously admit that he is manipulating his girlfriend, wife, or mistress. Indeed, in the understanding of the stronger sex, it is an instrument of changeable women: either exalted or hysterical.
Nevertheless, manipulations in the relationship between a man and a woman occur both during the "candy period" and during marriage. But the most interesting thing is that sometimes managing a woman can bring harmony to a relationship if a man does not play around in building an ingenious plan to conquer the body and soul of a woman completely and completely.
Manipulating a woman - is it always bad?
It is believed that male manipulation is bad and unworthy. And if a man is not driven by the goal of asserting himself, to humiliate a defenseless girl? And if this is love, affection, the desire to be with her, then how to "tie" the object of adoration to yourself, is it worth doing at all? Manipulating a woman without humiliating her dignity will help a man, as it were, to spur his girlfriend of life, letting her know that she should cherish a man and her relationship with him.
Some ladies believe that a man owes them by definition. He must earn good money, he must spend all his free time with her, must anticipate all the desires and dreams of his chosen one, and a lot more must.
This approach is unfair - a man is not obliged to play by the rules just because "a real man must ...". Only by giving and receiving in return, one can count on a long and spiritual union. In some cases, the manipulation of a woman helps to rein in her and make her more agreeable, but only when there is no malicious intent in the methods of influence on the part of the man.
Male ways of controlling a woman
What types of manipulations do men choose, what strings of a woman's soul are pulled in order to subdue her? How do you manage a woman? The main methods are as follows:
Humiliation.
This type of manipulation is very insidious and sneaky in nature. It consists in hints at the unattractiveness of a woman (comparison with others, emphasizing shortcomings), her lack of such a sharp mind as the most "beautiful and ideal" man. As a result of such manipulations, a man gets a notorious life companion, the lady will even be afraid that the man will leave her. If you want your life friend to start taking care of herself, to increase the level of her knowledge, then you should spur her on in a different way, without killing her belief that she is the best. For example, go in for sports together, and not reproach her with extra pounds, lying on the couch with a bottle of beer.
Attempts to convince a woman that she is not worthy of a man.
Male manipulations are approximately as follows: "A woman should stay at home and raise children", "What can you do without me", "Who needs you." This is true for family people, where a man has a larger (sometimes only) income, and a woman is a housewife. Unemployed (or receiving a penny), not as attractive as others, a woman will begin to doubt herself, pleasing her husband even more. Often times, men do not appreciate being cared for, when they come to a clean and comfortable home. But manipulations in relationships in the form of reproaches will lead to the fact that both the husband and the household, and she herself, will become hateful to the woman.
A man “does not notice” how his chosen one is trying to please him.
This is a subtle psychological move so that the girl does not think that she has conquered a man's heart forever. This method of manipulation can be good and beneficial for both the man and the relationship. A friend of a “cold” person will not let herself relax, she will direct her efforts towards self-improvement, education, and strengthening relationships. Just do not be too blind to the attractiveness of a lady, because there will certainly be those who will appreciate her beauty, generously showering with admiration. Often young people ignore the stories of their companions, saying an offensive phrase, like: "Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking about mine." It is important to know when to stop in everything - it does not matter whether a woman is manipulated or is done unconsciously.
Promises to get a star from the sky to intimacy and ignoring after sex.
This manipulation is used by young people who are not in the mood for a serious relationship. The girl, who has lost her vigilance from romantic words, gifts, is already coming up with names for future children. This is female psychology. What disappointment awaits her when interest in her abruptly disappears. And this happens more often, of course, with still young and gullible creatures. But deception on the part of a man will haunt the girl for a long time. The next time the one who was used for pleasure will not believe even the truth. Male manipulations of this kind are dangerous for vulnerable girls.
Refusal of intimacy on the part of a man.
What do the strong representatives of humanity want at the same time? Perhaps they have become boring with ordinary sex, they want something new, but the man does not know how to say it correctly. Another reason may be relationship problems, lack of personal space, conflicts at work, depression of the man himself. The woman, offended by inattention (and even refusal), believes that the problem is exclusively in her (has become unwanted). It's great if the couple is able to sit down at the negotiating table and find out the reason for the silence in bed.
Manipulation of a woman in the form of an accusation of all sins.
In order not to admit their mistakes and mistakes, men shift the blame for their failures to their companions. For example, a woman is outraged that her husband does not devote time to the child. But in response from the manipulator he hears that he is already tired, that he has no strength at all, and also his wife, who gnaws for no reason, and the child's upbringing is lame. Fatigue is a good reason, you can devote only 15 minutes of time to the baby by asking about the past day, telling a story, even without getting up from your favorite couch. The main idea of such manipulation is “it's all your fault”. In the presented example, the wife is to blame for the husband working so much, because she and the child are sitting at home and do not bring money. But creating a family, the man understood what awaited him in the future. On this you can build protection against manipulation.
Conflict challenge from a man.
This is what energy vampires and people who are familiar with all do, who prefer to expose their lady of the heart in front of all special people with an unstable psyche. Deliberately bringing the woman to screams, tears and hysteria, the man immediately replaces anger with mercy, his tone becomes calm. The woman, in the end, begins to believe that she really lives with a man with truly angelic patience, and not with a tyrant who speaks nasty things in order to throw out her inner negativity. Hence - a number of psychological problems associated with the fact that she is not worthy of him, and.
How to resist manipulation in a relationship with a man?
Do not think that all men sleep and see how to rule a woman. Often a rash word comes out of a man's mouth not out of malice. Plus, a boyfriend, husband, or lover is an ordinary person. Sometimes he "breaks down" because of poor health, troubles at work.
How can you resist manipulation? Consider if there is any truth in his words. Do not accumulate resentment by crying into your pillow at night. Talk to your beloved heart-to-heart, listening to his position in response. Only the conversation should not take the format of a scandal or a game with only one goal, when a woman speaks and a man is silent. By searching for a compromise, by fostering mutual respect for each other, you can come to a peaceful agreement.
The main rule of how to resist manipulation by a man is not to dissolve in him without a trace, to go a little to the side, after hearing an offensive phrase from him, to try to figure out the situation on your own, putting everything on the shelves in your head. External control can even help a woman, spur her on to self-improvement. If the manipulation of a man has long outgrown the level of “good”, and from a caring partner he has turned into a selfish manipulator pursuing only his own goals, do not hold on to him so tightly. Think about where this relationship will lead you.
What if you are "caught"
In the hands of a manipulator, you cease to be yourself, act in an unusual way for you, justify him and your behavior in front of your acquaintances. Go against yourself, thinking that it is "for" something. And you don't see any other exits. To avoid male manipulation, first, figure out why you allow it.
Manipulative people are very dangerous. When this word is used in the context of any communication, it creates fear. It is not for nothing that manipulations are considered dangerous for those who are exposed to them.
Many people think that almost always only women manipulate men, throwing tantrums and shedding tears, but this is not so. Men, too, can be trained in the subtleties of psychological pressure. The stronger sex can take advantage of women's weaknesses in the same way that women can take advantage of men's weaknesses.
We are not all sinless
Usually everything happens mutually if the relationship as a whole suits you. If everything started well, then, most likely, attempts at psychological pressure are being made not only by your man, but also by yourself. In a relationship, everything is mirrored, no matter how you want to perceive it.
In relationships, manipulation is constant, especially from women. You cry, take offense, give ultimatums. Don't be surprised if a man behaves the same way. Over time, he will understand everything.
As for the manipulations of the conscious, and from the very beginning of the relationship, then everything is much more complicated.
It is so accepted that intrigues and manipulations are attributed mainly to women, while the weak half of humanity suffers from psychological pressure from men no less. Male manipulation is often much more insidious than female manipulation and is rarely used in the interests of the couple.
A confident and self-sufficient person will try to establish contact with the subject of interest through confidential conversations, revealing his soul and getting to know a woman. That is why a man will never seriously admit that he is manipulating his girlfriend, wife, or mistress. Indeed, in the understanding of the stronger sex, manipulation is an instrument of changeable women: either exalted or hysterical.
Nevertheless, manipulations in the relationship between a man and a woman occur both during the "candy period" and during marriage. But the most interesting thing is that sometimes managing a woman can bring harmony to a relationship if a man does not play around in building an ingenious plan to conquer the body and soul of a woman completely and completely.
Manipulating a woman - is it always bad?
It is believed that male manipulation is bad and unworthy. And if a man is not driven by the goal of asserting himself, to humiliate a defenseless girl? And if this is love, affection, the desire to be with her, then how to "tie" the object of adoration to yourself, is it worth doing at all? Manipulating a woman without humiliating her dignity will help a man, as it were, to spur his girlfriend of life, letting her know that she should cherish a man and her relationship with him.
Some ladies believe that a man owes them by definition. He must earn good money, he must spend all his free time with her, must anticipate all the desires and dreams of his chosen one, and a lot more must.
This approach is unfair - a man is not obliged to play by the rules just because "a real man must ...". Only by giving and receiving in return, one can count on a long and spiritual union. In some cases, the manipulation of a woman helps to rein in her and make her more agreeable, but only when there is no malicious intent in the methods of influence on the part of the man.
Male ways of controlling a woman
What types of manipulations do men choose, what strings of a woman's soul are pulled in order to subdue her? How do you manage a woman? The main methods are as follows:
This type of manipulation is very insidious and sneaky in nature. It consists in hints at the unattractiveness of a woman (comparison with others, emphasizing shortcomings), her lack of such a sharp mind as the most "beautiful and ideal" man. As a result of such manipulations, a man gets a notorious life companion, the lady will even be afraid that the man will leave her. If you want your life friend to start taking care of herself, to increase the level of her knowledge, then you should spur her on in a different way, without killing her belief that she is the best. For example, go in for sports together, and not reproach her with extra pounds, lying on the couch with a bottle of beer.
Attempts to convince a woman that she is not worthy of a man.
Male manipulations are approximately as follows: "A woman should stay at home and raise children", "What can you do without me", "Who needs you." This is true for family people, where a man has a larger (sometimes only) income, and a woman is a housewife. Unemployed (or receiving a penny), not as attractive as others, a woman will begin to doubt herself, pleasing her husband even more. Often times, men do not appreciate being cared for, when they come to a clean and comfortable home. But manipulations in relationships in the form of reproaches will lead to the fact that both the husband and the household, and she herself, will become hateful to the woman.
A man “does not notice” how his chosen one is trying to please him.
This is a subtle psychological move so that the girl does not think that she has conquered a man's heart forever. This method of manipulation can be good and beneficial for both the man and the relationship. A friend of a “cold” person will not let herself relax, she will direct her efforts towards self-improvement, education, and strengthening relationships. Just do not be too blind to the attractiveness of a lady, because there will certainly be those who will appreciate her beauty, generously showering with admiration. Often young people ignore the stories of their companions, saying an offensive phrase, like: "Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking about mine." It is important to know when to stop in everything - it does not matter whether a woman is manipulated or is done unconsciously.
Promises to get a star from the sky to intimacy and ignoring after sex.
This manipulation is used by young people who are not in the mood for a serious relationship. The girl, who has lost her vigilance from romantic words, gifts, is already coming up with names for future children. This is female psychology. What disappointment awaits her when interest in her abruptly disappears. And this happens more often, of course, with still young and gullible creatures. But deception on the part of a man will haunt the girl for a long time. The next time the one who was used for pleasure will not believe even the truth. Male manipulations of this kind are dangerous for vulnerable girls.
Refusal of intimacy on the part of a man.
What do the strong representatives of humanity want at the same time? Perhaps they have become boring with ordinary sex, they want something new, but the man does not know how to say it correctly. Another reason may be relationship problems, lack of personal space, conflicts at work, depression of the man himself. The woman, offended by inattention (and even refusal), believes that the problem is exclusively in her (has become unwanted). It's great if the couple is able to sit down at the negotiating table and find out the reason for the silence in bed.
Manipulation of a woman in the form of an accusation of all sins.
In order not to admit their mistakes and mistakes, men shift the blame for their failures to their companions. For example, a woman is outraged that her husband does not devote time to the child. But in response from the manipulator he hears that he is already tired, that he has no strength at all, and also his wife, who gnaws for no reason, and the child's upbringing is lame. Fatigue is a good reason, you can devote only 15 minutes of time to the baby by asking about the past day, telling a story, even without getting up from your favorite couch. The main idea of such manipulation is “it's all your fault”. In the presented example, the wife is to blame for the husband working so much, because she and the child are sitting at home and do not bring money. But creating a family, the man understood what awaited him in the future. On this you can build protection against manipulation.
Conflict challenge from a man.
This is what the familiar energy vampires and people who prefer to expose their lady of the heart in front of all special people with an unstable psyche do. Deliberately bringing the woman to screams, tears and hysteria, the man immediately replaces anger with mercy, his tone becomes calm. The woman, in the end, begins to believe that she really lives with a man with truly angelic patience, and not with a tyrant who speaks nasty things in order to throw out her inner negativity. Hence - a number of psychological problems associated with the fact that she is not worthy of him, and the excuses of the partner.
How to resist manipulation in a relationship with a man?
Do not think that all men sleep and see how to rule a woman. Often a rash word comes out of a man's mouth not out of malice. Plus, a boyfriend, husband, or lover is an ordinary person. Sometimes he "breaks down" because of poor health, troubles at work.
How can you resist manipulation? Consider if there is any truth in his words. Do not accumulate resentment by crying into your pillow at night. Talk to your beloved heart-to-heart, listening to his position in response. Only the conversation should not take the format of a scandal or a game with only one goal, when a woman speaks and a man is silent. By searching for a compromise, by fostering mutual respect for each other, you can come to a peaceful agreement.
The main rule of how to resist manipulation by a man is not to dissolve in him without a trace, to go a little to the side, after hearing an offensive phrase from him, to try to figure out the situation on your own, putting everything on the shelves in your head. External control can even help a woman, spur her on to self-improvement. If the manipulation of a man has long outgrown the level of “good”, and from a caring partner he has turned into a selfish manipulator pursuing only his own goals, do not hold on to him so tightly. Think about where this relationship will lead you.
What if you are "caught"
In the hands of a manipulator, you cease to be yourself, act in an unusual way for you, justify him and your behavior in front of your acquaintances. Go against yourself, thinking that it is "for" something. And you don't see any other exits. To avoid male manipulation, first, figure out why you allow it.
Psychocomplexes. Female manipulation by a man in a relationship and ways of protection
Manipulation- This is a type of psychological influence used to achieve one-sided gain through a hidden inducement of another to perform certain actions.
The purpose of the manipulation- to achieve what you want, without taking into account the interests of the opposite side.
Unclear, unclear expression of their thoughts and requests.
Using emotionally charged arguments, when the emphasis is on moral or other values, which should persuade the partner to agree.
The desire to shift responsibility for the development and outcome of events onto the victim.
Manipulations would be impossible without the presence of psycho-complexes in the person to whom they are applied.
(or what male weaknesses women play on)
These thin strings of the human soul obediently respond in every way from the skillful touch of the master. When it works psychocomplex, a person becomes uncritical, begins to behave like a child, obedient to someone else's will. Therefore, the impact on psychocomplexes is the most effective means of manipulation. people... It was no accident that it was said that the truth is not in the mouth of the speaker, but in the ears of the hearer.
There are not so many psycho-complexes, but enough to manage people and achieve their goals. Let's talk about the main ones in the context of the topic of inter-sex relations.
Human fears are one of the most powerful and effective psycho-complexes. They are often caused by poor awareness of the person. Therefore, if you are frightened by some mythical dangers and are urged to do something to eliminate them - inform yourself.
In the context of developing relationships, this is the fear of loneliness.
Anti-manipulation protection: A man must be ready to lose a woman at any time. Only in this way can he maintain control over the situation.
It was customary to believe that a man should take care of a woman. It is just so abstract - every man about every woman. And to this is added the fact that he must take care of his woman especially diligently. This principle is not even discussed - it has long been imprinted in the genetic code of our society.
« Baby do you love me? Fine, then you owe me ...". A man owes a woman - this is the foundation of a woman's view of relationships with the opposite sex. Moreover, what exactly a man “should” depends on the current needs, desires and mood of the woman. This is one of female strategic levers - pressure on the reality of men, programming them for behavior that is beneficial to them.
Guilt is one of the oldest elements of manipulation on earth. All religions of the world use it. Do you know the phrase: “We are all sinners!”? Are you familiar? - So you have to go to confess or repent.
After repentance, you may be told what to do. Have you noticed? - They tell you what to do! And even as if you yourself need it. Throughout the ages, the church has used guilt as a reliable control over the actions of the people.
In interpersonal relationships, this manipulation works very simply. One person makes it clear to another person that he is to blame for his problems. The more emotional the better. For the manipulation to work, the second person must feel responsible for the emotional state of the first person. This condition is easily met if the second person is in a relationship with the first.
The feeling of guilt can be based both on individual small events and on some big event, on the basis of which a person is considered guilty in life.
The next step is to give you an idea of what you need to do to make amends for your "guilt".
Guilt manipulation often goes hand in hand with fear of loss manipulation.
Protection: Have your own idea of what is good and what is bad. And base your actions only on it. In the end: and who are the judges?
Image a real man is the most powerful psychological lever with which women successfully control the stronger sex. From an early age, women implant this control lever into the subconscious of boys. They, justifying their requirements for the child, use the argument: “ You are a future man". And if they want to encourage a child, they use praise: “ Well done, you acted like a real man!". If you do as we need, we will recognize you as a real man. If you do not, you will not be a real man in our eyes.
It is very convenient for women to pretend to be the weaker sex, allowing stronger men to take on the solution of all problems. But at the same time, every woman wants a strong man to fulfill HER desires and follow HER decisions, and take responsibility for all the consequences.
It is usually used in conjunction with manipulation of a sense of duty and guilt.
Pay attention to the fact that the very mention of a “real man” is a subtle hint to a man that he should strive to realize in himself the female interpretation of a “real man”. Thus, not only a direct manipulative motivation for action is formed, but a guilt complex is also instilled in a man, and he will not stand idle for a woman - a man's guilt is always a useful thing.
Protection: Remember that a "real man" is fiction, myth, phantom, wiring, and standard manipulation. Don't be afraid to NOT match it!
5. SSV (sense of self-importance and superiority)
Many are susceptible to flattery. The art of making direct and hidden compliments in such cases is the most important weapon. You can compliment the person himself - express admiration for his enterprise, intelligence, appearance. It is possible to describe in superlative words the business in which he is engaged, to mark his successes in this field.
It is done so that a person loses vigilance and a sense of reality. His reality is shifting towards the fact that since he is seen this way, then he strives to justify expectations or ideas about himself.
In fact, a woman flattery tells a man how she WANTS to see him. And if you did not live up to her expectations, then in the future such phrases as - “ I thought you were like that, but you really are…. "). Although in fact a woman perfectly sees who you really are. And by manipulating flattery, she just wants to direct your actions in the direction she needs.
Protection: Stop trying to flatter you if you clearly see that the compliments being given to you are not true. If you fall for this bait, then your actions will be aimed not at what YOU want, but at meeting someone's expectations.
Generosity is a feature of our national character. Kindness, generosity of the soul - these qualities are worth their weight in gold, only they do not shower them on anyone. And all because these wonderful qualities of human nature are most often used by people for the most unseemly purposes.
In relationships, there are such varieties of it as “You are a generous person, I know that, and only you can help me now”, “you are able to forgive what others cannot” etc.
Protection: Focus on EQUAL RESOURCE exchange.
You need to pretend to be helpless and weak, arouse pity and compassion for yourself, make you surround yourself with care and offers of help. Feelings of protector and patriarchal responsibility, which are inherent in a normal man, simply on a physical level push him to help a lady suffering from an unbearable load. Ladies use it with pleasure.
The weakness and helplessness of a woman is greatly exaggerated. In fact, ladies are, on average, much more resilient than we are. Nature has taken care to give them an increased margin of safety. But if a woman does not want to do something, if she intends to withdraw from solving the problem or simply exploit you a little, then in most cases she pretends to be helpless. "Ah, I can't do this", "Ah, I don't understand this", "I don't understand this" etc.
Pretending to be stupid and weak, the woman shifts all the problems onto you, and then she can only watch how you, satisfied with your coolness, grumble for her, such a “stupid” one.
It is often used in conjunction with manipulation of your masculinity, CHSV and generosity.
Protection: Avoid girls who have more problems than you.
Most likely you have met the type of girl - “easily offended”. Women are very fond of being offended. This is a sure-fire trick for getting what you want from many of them - and what, almost all of them! And in a relationship with a girl, be sure - this method will be applied to you more than once or twice.
This manipulation by a man occurs in the most standard way: they hint or openly tell you about some of your desire, and if you do not rush to fulfill it at breakneck speed, they become cooler towards you or openly offended. This happens until you do what you want - then the flowers bloom again. However, this does not last long: exactly until the next whim and the subsequent resentment.
It also happens that with the help of insults, a model of behavior that is beneficial for a woman is imposed on you. There is already a perfect circus: either you do as your chick dictates to you, or you get a portion of scandals, reproaches and, of course, tears.
Often used in conjunction with guilt manipulation. Resentment is one way to make the other person feel guilty.
Protection: Try as soon as possible to learn to understand where the resentment makes sense - read, you really did something wrong, and where it is simply an element of manipulation.
Some people just say the magic word. "Weak?"- and they will be ready to commit the most insane things. They usually warm up their pride like this: “Prove that you can do it. You are strong - not a coward! "
This is one of the most common manipulations. The target of the impact is the desire of every person (especially a man) not to look like a coward. Look indecisive, risk-averse and inept, unprofessional. The bait involving manipulation is a challenge to the addressee.
Since decisiveness and riskiness are masculine qualities, it is used mainly in conjunction with manipulation of masculinity.
Protection:"Kicking off". How to "kick off" is easy to understand from the following life example:
The client is in a hurry, beckons the waitress: " Is it too bad to bring me coffee quickly?"- The waitress immediately retorts:" And give a poorly good tip?”
In order to reliably protect yourself from someone else's influence, it is necessary, first of all, to determine your weaknesses, that is, to admit that you have certain psychocomplexes. It will be quite easy to do this if you do not announce them publicly.
Analyze the events of recent months. Did you do everything on your own or did someone else's? If someone manipulated you, try to determine - in what way, that is, through what psycho-complexes you have. The manipulated person always has "hooks" for which the manipulator hooks him. If a person is free from any "hooks", then it is impossible to hook him.
Psychocomplexes are those barriers that often prevent the transition to the level of consciousness for which independence is an important parameter. The sooner you realize that you do not have to meet someone's expectations and justify them, the sooner your consciousness will move to a new level of perception of the world.
No dramas: why manipulation in relationships is dangerous
A harmonious, strong relationship is something like a Bigfoot that no one has seen, but there is a rumor that he exists somewhere. Together with an expert on amorous affairs, Polina Arens, we figured out how to build relationships without drama and manipulation.
Each pair is unique, has its own ideal shape, meanings, goals and values. Moreover, the form and meanings of each couple change over time, relations and balance are transformed, the balance of power often changes during the life cycle of the family. It is impossible to single out any one role model of relations that is unique for all, which would be universal.
First, let's figure out what we mean by strong relationships. The pair is a dynamic structure, not formed once and for all and cemented in fragile equilibrium. According to psychologist and abundance consultant Polina Arens, the strength of the relationship is determined by the balance of contributions, in other words, the couple will be stable as long as both partners are equally interested in the relationship and regularly invest their time, energy, emotions and finances in approximately equal proportions. into a relationship.
What causes harmony in a relationship?
However, if at some point the balance is disturbed and one of the partners begins to realize that he has become the master (mistress) of the situation, the beloved is conquered once and for all, the exciting uncertainty and passion have disappeared, and the unconditional attractiveness of the second half decreases, then distance automatically occurs.
In psychology, this situation in a relationship is called the "paradox of passion", in which the importance of each partner determines how harmonious and strong the couple will be.
This theory is based on the idea of the psychologist Kurt Lewin about field theory. According to this theory, we are all part of the same energy field, and objects or persons who are endowed with high importance for us are also part of our own energy field. If we talk about the energy field of a couple, then we can say that it will be stable only if both partners are of equal importance, otherwise the very imbalance will come, in which the weaker partner will want to return the attention and love of the strong.
Passive aggression, or manipulation
It is at this moment that the drama and manipulations begin on the part of the weak, who feels the strongest anxiety due to the distance of the beloved and the fall of self-esteem, completely tied to the strong partner.
The main goal of such manipulations is to restore the former security of the relationship by any means and to solicit as much attention and recognition from the strong as possible. However, any requests, hints, begging, tears and tantrums are types of passive aggression and are very poorly perceived by a strong partner.
Feeling that he is being pressed and manipulated, the strong feels both guilt and irritation towards the once adored lover. There is a desire to simultaneously release from this pressure, and at the same time continue to meet the expectations of your partner. It is this paradox that explains the temporary improvement in relations after dramatic quarrels and all kinds of manipulative techniques. But irritation only builds up and will erupt very soon at the most inopportune moment. The strong partner will leave sooner or later, and the self-esteem of the weak will be completely destroyed.
So, we are faced with the question: how to build strong and harmonious relationships without manipulation?
First, never forget about the free will of the one who is next to you, because harmonious relationships are possible only when both partners grow and develop in them.
Secondly, in the event of any imbalance, it is very important to switch from a partner to yourself, start pumping your resources, increase objective self-esteem and work on your own achievements, since only this can increase your importance to your beloved and reignite the fire of love.
Manipulation and honesty in relationships
People who are manipulative and manipulated in relationships are common. In psychology, they are also called passive-aggressive - this is a demeanor when a person hides his true feelings, especially negative ones, so as not to “upset” the interlocutor, but at the same time deliberately sabotages the idea. This behavior always leads relationships to problems.
Interestingly, recently, in response to an article about personal boundaries, an unexpected comment came from a girl that this was manipulation. Telling a person, softly and kindly, that you do not accept about yourself is honesty and openness in a relationship. Silence about what you do not like and hope that he himself will figure out - this is stupidity. And if you are silent and offended, this is a passive-aggressive type.
Imagine a girl who comes to a store and silently looks at the seller. Guess what she needs! Well, of course! She's a girl. What, you don't know what girls need?
This is exactly how some women sometimes behave. They do not want to tell their partner what they need, because they are trying to "calculate", but what is he - real? Such ladies think that if they tell their partner what they want, then it kind of “doesn't count” - and what will he do when I'm not looking? I'd rather watch how he behaves in a natural way. And to say what I need is “manipulation”.
The difference between honesty and manipulation
How can you tell honesty from manipulation? Important intention... Honesty always has the best interests in mind, both yours and the other's. Manipulations are carried out by an individual so that only he can feel good, often at the expense of the interests of others.
- If you've told your partner what you want and don't want in a relationship (politely and gently), then you're helping him build a good relationship between you. It helps both of you.
- If, for example, you lied that you were with your grandmother when you were on a date with another man (or just forgot), then you are trying to get an advantage only for yourself.
- If you are in a store and the purchase has not yet been made, be sure to express that it is worth continuing to look for a better option: “I'm not sure if this is your style”, “I think this is not your color”, “the previous dress looked better” or “ let's try this one more ”.
- If the item has already been purchased, there is no way to help prevent an error. If a friend asks for your opinion at a party and she is already in this dress, then give her the confidence to feel good and have a nice time. If you tell her that the outfit does not fit well, she will be upset and will not be able to enjoy the holiday.
- You don't have to lie! Tell me what exactly to you Like in this dress: beautiful embroidery, fashionable cut, famous designer, delicate material, the color matches her eyes or skin tone. Something about him must be attractive! Even if it doesn't suit her.
Difference between honesty and insensitivity
Also, some girls believe that you should always cut the truth-womb in the face, otherwise it is a lie. But very often the truth-womb is insensitivity and callousness, and not honesty.
For example, if a friend asked you how a dress sits on her and it sits terribly on her, then the correct answer depends on whether the given outfit has already been purchased and where she asks you about it. It is important to understand how to help your friend with your answer, and not just express the truth - the dress does not suit you.
Consciousness of behavior
When you express your feelings, it is always important intention... Try to be honest and kind at the same time, really help your partner, not hinder.
Naturally, we constantly influence each other. But if the impact is aimed at achieving your selfish interests, regardless of the harm that you do to another, it is manipulation. If you are not trying to achieve your selfish interests, but still harm the other person, this can be insensitivity.
Get in the habit of thinking about the purpose of your actions and words before you do or say anything.
This will make your behavior more conscientious, and you - a more pleasant and desirable partner, companion and friend.
Manipulation in the relationship between a man and a woman
Manipulation is the most common occurrence. Someone is trying to manipulate us, and some we are. Most people constantly face manipulation in their daily life without even noticing it.
Manipulation is always a hidden influence. Because open influence is no longer manipulation, it is just influence. This may be an attempt to negotiate, convince, intimidate. And manipulation is always hidden, this is its essence, the main criterion.
"Manipulation is a latent psychological influence in order to obtain a benefit for the author of the manipulation."
Necessarily hidden and necessarily receiving benefits.
How manipulation works
Usually the manipulator acts through our emotions. As a rule, there are no other options. Hidden physically, we cannot be influenced. Only through our emotions. That is, the manipulator, with the help of words, or hints, creates a state in the listener that he becomes uncomfortable. The manipulator in him evokes some feelings, for example, a sense of guilt, a sense of fear. The manipulator hints with some words, draws a certain image, and because of this, the person experiences some negative feelings. And since we do not like to be in negative feelings for a long time, we want to get rid of them. How can you get rid of it? We do something that this manipulator needs, he kind of directs us. And as a result, our negative feelings disappear.
But if we openly want something from another person, then it will be either an order, or a discussion, or a dispute - these are all open methods of influence. In general, they can be called a belief.
Persuasion is an open psychological impact using emotions and logic in order to convince the interlocutor of something.
I want to convince you of something, for this I use words, emotions, and wave my arms, for example. Open. You can see it. And, accordingly, you can agree with me or not.
There are seven types of basic manipulations. Let's take them apart. And you, when you listen, remember - when you use them (I’ll say right away, we all use them). We use manipulation all the time. And when they were used on you - remember.
Love manipulation. “You love me, but how much? How else? And if you love me - give me this. " Or: "If you love me, then you will do this and that." This is the binding of love to an action that is beneficial to you. A person is forced to do it if he wants to show that he loves you. It turns out that love is a kind of commodity that, if necessary, can be exchanged for services or money. “Since you love me, then do this and that. If you don’t do it, then you don’t love me. ”
Manipulation of feelings of guilt, I talked about them. Often used by women against men. But in fact, women are most often manipulated. That is, women are “driven” into feelings of guilt, and then they get something at the expense of this. For example, they can get sex. “Well, ungrateful, we have been meeting for so long, I take you to restaurants, and you cannot even do such nonsense for me… You behave like this… You see, I love you so much, and you…”. The man is trying to make the woman feel guilty with these words. And then she goes to bed with him out of guilt. What does a woman feel at the same time? She wants to get rid of the feeling of guilt, but for her she needs to do what the manipulator asks for, and she does it.
Women can manipulate men's sense of responsibility. If a man is serious, for example, in front of his woman. "You sit at work for a long time, and I can't do anything without you." The feeling of responsibility presses. Often in this way, women try to tie a man to themselves, to keep the marriage. “You leave us, but we have common children. What will happen to the children? " Or: "You go away, leave me alone with the children." This woman presses on the sense of responsibility. Many families hold on precisely to the fact that a man does not see an opportunity to leave his wife.
Do not quit, leave, really. Because irresponsible men leave, and they have no problems with this. He just goes to his mistress, he doesn't care, the grass does not grow, at least she has 30 children left. But to leave for some reason, weighty for a man - this already applies to responsible men, and often they cannot do it. Because the wife manipulates the children, either with her health or in other ways. In the long run, this does not lead to anything good, but many use it.
You may argue: "If you do not use manipulation, then how to keep a man in the family if he decided to leave?" Or how to keep him from cheating if you feel that he is carried away by another woman? As a psychologist and a man, I do not recommend that you use manipulation and intimidation. This will permanently ruin your relationship. There are other methods you can use to protect your man from the sexual influence of another woman and strengthen your family.
You will learn about these methods and the reasons why a man can change from the video course "How to protect a relationship from a mistress."
Love, family, life - the X factor
Sexual manipulation of a man. Types of sexual manipulation
Women - EVERYTHING, to a much greater extent than men, have acting skills, which are a natural and necessary condition for living in society in general, and in personal relationships of people in particular.
But, naturally, each of the women has its own role - it plays mainly those roles or the role that suits her more in terms of her internal and external properties.
Here are the most common roles women use to sexually manipulate a man:
Roles of women as sexual manipulation of a man
Man Sexual Manipulation: "Real Woman"
This sexual manipulation of a man is used by EVERY woman at least once in her life - before she gets married.
Indeed, EVERY bride diligently poses as a "Real Woman" for her chosen one. After all, the rate of this manipulation is very high - a woman needs to make this man her own - to marry him.
As a rule, if in fact this woman is not a Woman in essence, but, excuse me, just a woman, and even if her chosen one is not the same man, this woman, after successful sexual manipulation by a man, returns to her origins - becomes a woman.
Man Sexual Manipulation: "Blonde"
The woman plays the role of a silly, BUT a charming lamb, which, well, cannot do without a strong, intelligent and other man nearby.
This manipulation of a man is based on his eternal desire of a man to feel like a "real man". Even if, in the eyes of a single woman.
Man Sexual Manipulation: "Mommy"
This manipulation of a man is built on the desire of many men to relax - to feel like a child again.
This desire is especially characteristic of those men who, in childhood, were subjected to educational pressure from their mother. A woman, manipulating such a man, literally builds a relationship with him on the principle of "mother - child".
Well, if someone - both a woman and a man, likes it - as they say: Their problems.
Male Sexual Manipulation: "The Boss"
This manipulation of a man is built according to the previous principle "Mommy", only a woman already shows one side of motherhood: a hard or, less often, a soft order.
If in the previous case a woman, like a mother, could be condescending and affectionate to a man-child, then here she says harshly: Do what I told you, otherwise you will be punished.
It is clear that such manipulation is suitable for women and men with a sexual inclination of sadomasochism.
Sexual Manipulation by a Man: "Hearth Keeper"
This sexual manipulation of a man is built on the creation in his brain of the idea that without THIS woman he cannot live a day.
Who, without her, will take care of him: feed, clothe, maintain the house - run the household? And, importantly, who will take care of the children?
Agree, it is a VERY common manipulation of a man. Many wives, in life, thus keep their husbands with them.
BUT, everything can end in an instant, only a man will see that there are women, more often, a specific woman who can provide him with a better family hearth.
Yes, moreover, her body is younger and in sex she looks more interesting, naturally. And, it turns out, they have a long-forgotten love, like - lyuboff.
Man Sexual Manipulation: "I'm Your Victim"
This manipulation of a man is built on the creation in his mind of a stable thought: For me, THIS woman has endured and is enduring SO many hardships and hardships in life.
Because of me, she could not continue her studies, because of me, she lives on my beggarly salary, and she could marry a rich, more worthy man. Because of me, she suffered, giving birth to children for me. And so on, in that spirit.
Agree, a very common manipulation of a man in many families.
What is typical, and sex, with such a manipulation by a man, is presented to him as a victim on the part of a woman: If you did not need it, I would not suffer so much while having sex with you.
Sexual Manipulation of a Man: "I'm Hysterical"
Everything is very simple here: sexual manipulation of a man is based on the fact that if a man does not do this and that, in accordance with the wishes of the woman, then she will throw a hysterical scandal at him.
In this case, in order for this manipulation by a man to be possible, it is necessary, strongly, beforehand, to tie him to oneself. How?
There are many ways, but, most often, it is a man's love for his children, the inability for him to get away from this woman anywhere, or a strong sexual attachment to this woman.
Well, there are, of course, masochistic men who enjoy the hysterical behavior of a woman.
Of course, these are the main and most common ways of manipulating a man that women do. I emphasize that this is all sexual manipulation of a man.
For, even if a man and a woman are not aware of their sexual underpinnings and, even if their sex life is not very prosperous, or comes to naught, but the Basic instinct rules here.
Even if it manifests itself in a form that is not quite adequate.
What do you think: Sexual manipulation by a man, in one form or another, takes place in a "man-woman" relationship?
Friends, I decided to remove this article from the site. It was written a very long time ago and there really were many controversial points in it. Today I decided to re-read it and I myself did not like much. I mixed a lot in one pile then, some ideas were not bad there, some were not needed at all. Now I would write it in a completely different way, and perhaps one day I will.
This means that one loves less, is less interested in a relationship, values himself higher and is ready at any time to point out the door to a partner (in your place there will be two hundred), does what he is comfortable and wants. The second loves more, the relationship is of great value for him, he depends on the assessment of the partner's praise, adapts to his desires (and suddenly he gets angry and quits). Sorry, but this relationship is pregnant with abuse! One partner is psychologically dependent, and he will be called the more pleasant word "follower", or will become a classic victim - left at the mercy of the dominant. You yourself said this by comparing it with the child-parent or boss-subordinate relationship. If you get an idiot parent or a tyrant boss, you will be tortured and humiliated. If you are caught wise and kind, you will be happy. It is especially bad for a child - he does not choose at all, and simply endures violence, thinking that this is how it should be. Adults of any gender should not be encouraged to assume the position of a child or a subordinate. More often than not, it ends badly.
Thanks for the comment, Anna. Yes, the article describes the extremes. I am still in favor of dominance being more adequate and closer to balance. When one is completely dependent on the other - it is also not good, here you are right.
A very correct article, you can add that there should be no arrogance and pride in a relationship, no one should put himself higher among partners, in a relationship a man should lead a woman as a partner in a dance, life is like a dance, and a man leads, as he is partner, and she should relax and have fun
I absolutely disagree with the article. The author's main mistake is that he says right away how “better” and that all women “love”. You should never level everyone up. It is immediately clear that the author is illiterate and illogical. I can cite as my personal example, I am a leader and dominant in everything, including sex. I am attracted only by modest, timid men with a gentle character. My husband openly recognizes my leadership, his self-esteem does not suffer from it. We are very happy in such a relationship, we have mutual respect and love, he is a wonderful person. And the author's subjective opinion about ALL women is offensive and discriminatory. I do not exclude that many women are looking for a model of relationships that is presented here as the "only correct" one, as a rule, these are weak, dependent, insecure, without a sense of their own dignity, women who were brought up under patriarchy. And it will not play around, such a model of relations is beneficial to men from all sides, hence such an obsessive propaganda. Not surprisingly, the author is also a man who belittles women. Unfortunately, this is still common in the CIS countries, but in Europe and the United States, relations have long passed to a new level and there is much less discrimination against women there.
Elizabeth, there are still people who like to be beaten or strangled, but these are rather exceptions, like your case. And the desire for a man to be “taller, stronger, smarter” is characteristic not only of downtrodden, dependent and insecure women. There are very few women who would choose a man who is shorter, with less earnings, more stupid, too soft, etc. regardless of their social status and independence (if there is a choice, of course). More precisely, sometimes they can choose something worse than themselves, if otherwise this is compensated and the man is taller. Moreover, for women who have achieved a lot, this becomes a problem, because they themselves are quite high in their level, and they want a partner at least at the level, or better above. Those who are below - do not cling. And the choice of such men is much less. And these are not my fantasies, alas.
As for Europe and the USA, I also have familiar colleagues and enough clients from different European countries. There were a couple of people from the USA, Canada and even Australia. Not everything there is as fabulous as it seems to you from here. But I will not persuade you, I do not need it. Thank you for your opinion and in the future I ask you to be more polite when expressing your point of view, otherwise I will simply send you to the ban.
From personal experience I will say that I have never been attracted by girls that do not value themselves and do not respect.
If a woman is not stupid, she will never tolerate.
The entire article is reminiscent of the manual “Dominate, rule, humiliate”. IMHO.
My dad always told me that a man should be strong, courageous, fair. Do not give in to difficulties. Appreciate your family. Love your woman, be her support, wall and protection. Respect her and listen to her needs.
Respect should be one of the main points in the family. Therefore, the section “You can dominate in two ways: by rising above your partner, or by lowering your partner below you.” wild for me, to be honest.
To extinguish your loved one and assert yourself at the expense of a girl, in order to feel like dominants, is not manly, as it seems to me.
By increasing your self-esteem at the expense of the weak, you will not become stronger, but will sink even more.
Uh-huh, I don't like the option of “lowering the value of another person in order to be higher” either. Nevertheless, it exists, I wrote about it. I am not saying that it is necessary and correct to do this, that it is good. I wrote that this also happens.
Also, note that the importance of the other is not dropped in order to become stronger - it is not required. It is enough that your significance is higher.
I don’t understand why your importance should be higher?
For me, a relationship and a family is a union of partners equal in importance (if everything is in mind).
I believe that if one of the partners is more valuable or significant, then this is somehow unfair and ugly in relation to the other. A priori, all people are different and manifest themselves in relationships in different ways. The distribution of the roles “dominant” and “driven” is not always appropriate, but again IMHO.
And besides, I have many friends who, to be honest, cannot be called alpha males / dominants. All of them are in a relationship and are happy with their halves (this is what I mean, there are no comrades for taste and color. All of them have their own demand)
Therefore, personally, in my opinion, you need to be yourself and honest with your woman. There is no need to try to pretend to be someone or exaggerate your importance, it at least looks stupid.
It's not worth portraying. Better to pump yourself.
As for your friends - if their level is higher than their women - that's enough. It is not necessary to be some kind of super alpha, it is enough to be taller (smarter, stronger) of a particular woman.
As for equality, it would be very good, but still usually not achievable, just because people are different. As I wrote at the very beginning of the article - even if it is you and your friend, one of the two will still be more important. This does not mean at all that the other will somehow humiliate him or elevate him on purpose. But it will be more important, even if very slightly and almost imperceptibly. But in general, after a long time yesterday I re-read the article and decided to remove it - then I mixed a lot of everything in a heap. It would be necessary to rewrite it normally, but now this topic is not particularly interesting to me at all.
Greetings!! It was a great article! Let in extremes, but she helped me a lot, I send my sincere Gratitude to the Author!) I threw it off to girls who put my importance and the importance of my communication with her above her own interests. As a result, they experienced addiction, suffering, etc., and after reading this article they became a little sober and at least intellectually understood what was what
I even saved the page in tabs, @Alex, I understand that for the sake of me alone you will not update the text of the article, although it was really high-quality and working material. In general, I would be grateful if you somehow send me the original text. or by mail: [email protected]
Ps: for personal use only,
Hi Alex! You had an excellent article about domination ... I personally, I reread it at least 20 times and to be honest, she once opened my eyes very wide, for which I am immensely grateful to you ... Really, Thank you. To many of my friends, I gave it and recommended reading it! It's a pity that you removed it from the blog, I decided to go in and read it again, but alas ... I hope this was not facilitated by the comments of people who did not get this article ... As I noticed, there are a lot of controversies here, in the comments ...
Hi, Max! I removed the article after rereading it myself many years later. Probably I have a different level now, and I saw a lot of nonsense there. Also, many things should be described differently, now I see them deeper. In general, it is worth rewriting it.
We will wait for a portion of new thoughts ... Good luck and inspiration to you!