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How to stop children's tantrums (several ways). Changes in the usual way of life

When a child reaches the age of 3 years, many parents are faced with a problem that they did not know about before - frequent. Ignorance and misunderstanding of the reasons for the hysterical behavior of children, as well as a dead end, how to behave at such moments and stop the frightening behavior of the baby, causes the panic of many mothers and fathers. The advice of a psychologist will help you figure out what is the reason for this behavior in children of 3 years old, how to deal with tantrums and prevent them in the future.

In raising such a child, parents need to be patient, constantly praise him, hug and caress him, communicate on an equal footing, listen and involve him in household chores.

Strong

The processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain of such children are balanced. A child with a strong type of nervous system is almost always cheerful and cheerful, easily communicates with others, and for the appearance of hysterical behavior, he needs a weighty reason.

Conflict situations with parents and peers are extremely rare for such children, they sleep and eat well, willingly engage in various circles, but often change hobbies, because having figured out something, they immediately lose interest in the old hobby. The negative aspects in the nature of such children are inconstancy, frequent violations of their promises, difficulties in observing the daily routine.

Unbalanced

The processes of excitation of the nervous system of such a child in the brain prevail over the processes of inhibition, so he is quick-tempered, easily excitable and emotionally unstable. A new toy or a bright event can put a child into a state of excitement. Therefore, such children sleep poorly and not soundly, often wake up and cry at night.

In the circle of peers, an unbalanced child tries to seize leadership, to be in the center of attention and events. These kids don't know how to finish what they start. Being engaged in any business, they cannot stand even the slightest criticism, they can flare up, give up everything and leave, while getting angry and showing aggression. Parents of such children can be advised to be more flexible and patient, to teach the baby to bring everything to the end, to be restrained and obligatory.

Slow

This type of nervous system is characterized by delayed excitation and the predominance of the process of inhibition. Children with a slow type of nervous system eat well and sleep well from birth, they are calm, can be alone for a long time and not suffer from it, finding entertainment on their own.

Parents of such children are often surprised by their restraint, prudence and predictability. The child is slow, brings any started business to completion and does not like a sudden change of scenery. He is restrained in emotions, so it is often difficult for parents to understand his mood. The advice is to encourage the child to be active, developing motor and speech activity.

Children with weak and unbalanced types of the nervous system are most prone to tantrums at the age of 3 years. To exclude pathologies and congenital diseases of the nervous system, parents are advised to show the baby to a pediatric neurologist.

Causes

The older the child becomes, the more he has needs and desires that are not always supported by parents. It is at the age of 3 that the child begins to violently show emotions and respond to prohibitions with tantrums.

You need to know about the main factors that cause violent, hysterical protest in children:

Even if parents establish the true cause of frequent tantrums in their child at the age of 3, they must understand that the emotional sphere of the baby is not sufficiently developed to stop in time and suppress the storm of unrest. The child cannot control his emotions, he does not act up on purpose, but any misunderstanding or provoking factor can cause whims that develop into hysterical seizures.

The main difference between hysteria and whims in a child is that the baby begins to act up consciously. With the help of whims, the little manipulator tries to get his way, he can stomp his feet, scream and throw objects, but he controls himself, continuing to manipulate until he gets what he wants or is punished.

Hysteria occurs in a child involuntarily, emotions cause a whole storm of indignation, in a state of seizure the child beats his head against the walls and floor, screams, sobs, many children are prone to the appearance of a convulsive syndrome during a tantrum. Such convulsions acquired their name "hysterical bridge" because of the child's posture - during a tantrum, he arches.

Tantrum stages

Children's hysterical seizures are characterized by the following staging:

  1. Screams. This is the initial stage of hysteria, the child stops hearing anyone, he screams loudly, frightening his parents, while making no demands.
  2. Motor excitement. Manifested by falling to the floor, hitting the head against objects, pulling out hair, etc. The baby does not feel pain during this stage of hysteria.
  3. Sobs - the child cries loudly, sobbing and without stopping for a long time. His whole appearance expresses resentment and discontent. Since it is difficult for a child to cope with emotions, after the sobbing stage, he will sob for a long time, and the emotional state can be described as emptiness. After a tantrum, the baby may fall asleep during the daytime, the night's sleep will be shallow and intermittent.

You can fight hysteria at the initial stage - the stage of screams. If the child has stepped over stage 2 or 3, conversations and attempts to calm usually do not bring results.

How to stop an attack

Many inexperienced parents who first encountered a similar situation are interested in how to quickly stop a tantrum in a child at the age of 3 years. The famous pediatrician Komarovsky claims that the tactics of behavior during a seizure should be as follows:

Do not spank on the butt, yell at the child and chastise him for bad behavior during a tantrum. He still will not understand anything, it will only increase the explosion of emotions. The tactic of talking will work only after the seizure is over. If a child becomes hysterical during the period of admission to kindergarten, and does not want to part with his mother in any way, you do not need to hold him in your arms for a long time and say goodbye, it is recommended to leave the child with the teacher and leave faster. So the time for children's hysteria will be reduced.

Tantrums at night

Many parents notice that the baby began to arrange night tantrums at the age of 3 years, which were not observed before. The baby wakes up at night, screams, refuses to drink or go to the potty, and often the mother cannot even understand whether the child is sleeping during the cry or is conscious.

There may be several reasons:

To establish a night's sleep and prevent tantrums, you need to deal with the reasons that provoke them. It will not be superfluous to show the baby to a child psychologist.

Prevention

Now it remains to figure out how to deal with tantrums in a 3-year-old child in order to reduce their frequency and level of emotions during attacks. It is recommended to take the following measures:

Immediately after the end of the hysterical attack, you need to hug the child and try to explain to him that the mother is upset by such behavior (but not by the child himself!). The kid must understand that parents want to be proud of their child, and it is impossible to be proud of such ugly behavior. It is important that the child understands that his mother still loves him, despite his bad behavior and strives to minimize whims.

It is impossible to completely prevent the development of tantrums in a baby at the age of 3 years; every child must go through this stage of emotional maturation. But you can reduce the frequency of attacks by paying him due attention, taking into account his opinion and teaching him patience and self-control.

Much depends on the behavior of the parents - they must be attentive to the child, and at the slightest deviation from the norm (severe seizures, cessation of breathing during a tantrum, convulsive syndrome), contact a pediatric neurologist and psychologist.

What to do to cope with the tantrum of the baby and at the same time not let the child manipulate you?

Tantrums happen to all children. This is a state of violent release of uncontrollable emotions, when the baby feels powerless and angry because he cannot do or immediately get what he wants.

Almost all children go through this period. That is why it is necessary to develop rules of conduct that will help minimize the consequences of children's tantrums. They will not allow tears and screams to gain a foothold in the reactions of the child as the main way to achieve what you want.

Rule #1


When you see that the baby is starting to tantrum, try to switch his attention. This technique works great for children under three years old. But do not rush to give the baby sweets: this will lead to the development of the “tears / candy” mechanism, and the child will begin to actively use it.

Rule #2


Stay calm: count to ten, take a few deep breaths. After that, the desire to yell at the child will disappear. If you do not pay attention to the whims of the child, this may be more effective than making you angry, because often children throw tantrums just to get the attention of adults.

Rule #3


It is impossible to shout at a child, to punish for a tantrum, moreover, it is unacceptable to spank. The task of parents is to return the baby to a calm, normal state. Hug the child, stroke, soothe him with the sound of your voice.

Rule #4


During a tantrum, you should not try to conduct an educational conversation: the child simply will not hear you. Speak quietly about everyday, interesting things for the baby - becoming interested, he will stop crying.

Rule #5


If the child screams and stamps his feet for a long time, hold on to the end, do not break down and do not make concessions. Your calmness and firmness will inspire the child with confidence that nothing terrible will happen from the upset that has happened and life will continue. Otherwise, the baby will begin to perceive any failure as an irreparable disaster.

When asked what hysterical behavior is, mothers will answer without hesitation: aggressiveness, loud screams, tears, uncontrolled actions. Similar signs are often found in children from 2 to 5 years.

In any case, a child of any age will not leave indifferent either his relatives or eyewitnesses of the attack. How to behave in a similar situation to the mother? Punish? Slap? Ignore? regret? The main thing is to keep calm.

A hysterical attack in children (no matter at what age - at 2, 3 years old, at 7 or 8 years old) is characterized by emotional arousal, aggressiveness, which can be directed at others or at oneself.

The child begins to sob, scream, fall to the floor or ground, bang his head against the wall, or scratch his body. At the same time, he almost completely “disconnects” from reality: he does not perceive the words of other people and does not feel pain.

In especially severe cases, there are involuntary convulsive reactions, which are known in medicine under the name "hysterical bridge". The body of the baby arches in the form of an arc, and his muscles become tense.

It is necessary to distinguish between a hysterical attack and a whim. The first is characterized by involuntary. Capricious behavior is a deliberate step, based on the desire to possess any thing. Such techniques are often included in the "arsenal" of children prone to manipulative actions.

Hysteria in young children most often usually proceeds according to a similar scenario and includes several stages. Each of them is characterized by certain symptoms, which you need to know, as this will help to quickly stop the attack.

The main stages of a hysterical attack in children:

  1. Harbingers. Before the “concert”, a child of 2 or 3 years old begins to express displeasure. It can be whimpering, sniffling, prolonged silence, or clenching fists. At this point, the tantrum can still be prevented.
  2. Voice. At this stage, the child begins to scream, and so loudly that it can scare others. Demanding to stop is useless - he is cut off from reality and does not hear anyone.
  3. Motor. The active actions of the child begin - throwing things, stomping, rolling on the ground or floor. This phase is the most dangerous for the baby, because he can be injured, because he does not feel pain.
  4. W final. Having received a "relaxation", hysterical children seek support and consolation from their parents. The kids are tired physically and mentally, since such a strong emotional shock takes a lot of strength from them.

An exhausted child usually falls asleep quickly, and his sleep will be deep enough.

Who is most prone to tantrums?

Psychologists note that not all kids are equally prone to hysterical seizures. The frequency and strength of an emotional outburst is determined by the type of temperament and higher nervous activity:

  • melancholic. These are children with a weak nervous system, characterized by increased anxiety, often mood swings. Such a baby is often hysterical, however, due to the weakness of the central nervous system, it soon returns to normal;
  • sanguine. Children with this type of nervous activity at any age (whether at 2 years old, or at 7 or 8 years old) are usually in a good mood. Tantrums can happen if the cause is severe stress. However, this rarely happens;
  • choleric. Such children are characterized by an unbalanced character and bright emotional outbursts. Hysterical attacks occur suddenly in small choleric people, and are often accompanied by aggressive manifestations;
  • phlegmatic. Such kids already at 4 years old (and even younger) are characterized by calm behavior and prudence. In them, inhibition processes prevail over excitation, so tantrums practically do not occur.

Based on the foregoing, we can conclude that mothers and fathers of small melancholic and choleric children, that is, children with unbalanced types of nervous activity, will complain about children's tantrums more often.

Before moving directly to the factors that provoke the occurrence, it is necessary to dwell in more detail on the features of the development of three-year-old children.

At about 3 years old (give or take 7 or 8 months), children begin a period known as the "crisis of three years of age." From this moment, the child realizes himself as a separate person from his parents, he has a desire for independence.

You can learn more about such a psychological phenomenon as from another article by a child psychologist. This material contains a lot of useful tips, including how to deal with the hysterical behavior of the child.

For all children, such a crisis period can manifest itself in its own way, but usually psychologists distinguish a kind of seven-star signs:

It would seem that at 2 years old the baby was so obedient, and now he starts to do everything “out of spite”: he takes off his clothes if he is asked to wrap himself up; throws a toy if asked to pick it up.

Tantrums at this time are quite common, in especially difficult situations, the baby is naughty 7 or 8 times a day (of course, classic hysterical seizures are much less common).

When a child is four years old, tantrums gradually fade away, as other, more advanced methods of expressing their own emotions and desires appear in the children's arsenal.

To know how to deal with constant child tantrums, you need to have an idea of ​​what causes them. The solution to the problem will depend on what exactly triggered the hysterical reaction.

The most popular reason for tantrums in babies is conflicts that inevitably arise in parent-child relationships. In addition, do not forget about the age characteristics of children at 3 years old.

In general, the cause of a hysterical reaction in three-year-olds can be several main factors:

Thus, each hysteria has some underlying reason. It should be understood that a three-year-old child is not going to intentionally anger his mother, on the contrary, his own attack also scares him. That is why it is necessary to respond correctly to children's behavior.

If tantrums in a child of 3 years old become more frequent, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. And the most important recommendation is to avoid a hysterical fit. That is, your goal is not to fight the reaction, but to prevent it and mitigate the severity of outbreaks:

  1. It's important to support. Both toddlers at 3 years old and children at 7 years old feel safe if you follow a clear daily routine. Therefore, you need to try to put the child to bed at a certain time during the day and in the evening.
  2. We need to prepare the child for the coming changes. For example, it is necessary to warn about a future visit to a kindergarten not when the baby crosses the threshold of a preschool for the first time, but a few weeks before the event.
  3. You must be firm in your decision. No need to change your firm decision in response to tantrums and whims. The older the child, the more his bad behavior turns into a method of manipulation. By the age of 7 or 8, you simply cannot cope with the young manipulator.
  4. Bans should be revisited. On the other hand, it is necessary to "revise" the restrictions and leave only the really vital ones. But it is better to refuse optional prohibitions. Who said you can't make sandwiches if lunch is delayed?
  5. Children should be given a choice. Three-year-olds need independence and independence, which can be provided by the usual alternative. The child can decide for himself which blouse to wear for a walk - blue or yellow.
  6. Try to pay maximum attention. Children strive to get parental attention by any means, even bad ones. Try to spend more time with your child and respond to his desire to be with you.

It is important to carefully monitor how the child reacts to the development of the situation. If you notice the harbingers of hysterical behavior (clenched fists, whimpering, formidable silence), it is better to immediately switch the baby's interest to something else.

How to stop a tantrum in a child?

If the hysterical attack has not yet gone too far, the baby can be distracted by an unusual object or a sudden act. This method occasionally works, but you should also know other tricks to reduce the intensity of passions:

Do not think that after the first application of one of the above recommendations, tantrums will disappear. Some mothers think that as soon as they leave the room, the child will calm down. This is simply not possible because it takes time to form a new habit.

What to do after a tantrum?

It must be understood that work with the child begins precisely after the end of hysterical reactions. They should be dealt with sequentially and progressively, unless, of course, you want them to be repeated again and again.

First of all, it is necessary to teach the child socially acceptable methods of expressing their feelings and aspirations. The best way to do this is through role-playing games or reading special literature - fairy tales and poems.

You should also convey to the children the idea that they will not always be able to get what they want. Moreover, the desired is not achieved with the help of such undesirable actions as screams, tears, jerking of the lower limbs.

Always explain to the little "bully" how much his act upset you. Be sure to demonstrate that your love for him is unconditional, but tantrums make you feel a lot of unpleasant emotions.

Children's tantrums are often fixed in the child's behavior and become a habit. Therefore, this problem cannot be solved quickly. In addition, the duration of retraining will depend on the type of temperament of the baby. The most difficult thing will be with little choleric people.

Most often, after six or eight weeks of regular work of the parents, the tantrums in the child stop. However, in rare cases, such behavior not only does not stop, but also becomes more frequent or severe.

Tantrums in a 4-year-old child are still more rare than commonplace. Therefore, if at this age hysterical attacks are repeated, we can assume the presence of diseases of the nervous system.

You should contact a pediatric neurologist if:

If a medical examination does not reveal deviations in health, then most likely the problem may be in the sphere of parent-child relations or in an inadequate reaction of loved ones to the behavior of the baby.

Do not give your child sedatives on their own. Inadequate medical therapy can harm the baby, therefore, treatment can be carried out only after examination by a neurologist and only with prescribed medications.

As a conclusion

The answer to the question of how to deal with a child's tantrums worries many parents. This problem becomes especially relevant when the baby is three years old.

Experts are convinced that whims and mild hysterical attacks are not a deviation from the norm at the age of three. This period is characterized by crisis phenomena, which become the source of problematic behavior.

Usually, after the end of the crisis period, hysterical seizures also disappear. If they recur after 4-5 years, it is better to contact specialists who will confirm or dispel doubts.

In general, it is important to respond correctly to ambiguous children's actions. Parents should communicate more with the child, teach him to manage his emotions, and demonstrate his unconditional love.

In this case, the child's tantrums will lose their sharpness and brightness, which means that soon the baby will stop using them as an instrument of pressure on parents. Therefore, very soon calm and peace will reign in the family.

Tears, screams, demands to do as he wants - absolutely all parents face children's tantrums. A tantrum in a child is a difficult test for both parties. The child is trying to cope with rage, resentment and other feelings that it is still difficult for him to withstand. In response, parents get annoyed, feel guilty towards others and often get lost between what needs to be done, how it will look from the outside, and what can really help stop the tantrum. Family psychologist Miriam Chachamou, author of How to Calm a Troubled Child, has a few tips to help you deal with your child's temper tantrums, while keeping in mind what's going on with your child.

1. Show indifference

When a child throws a tantrum in a public place, we often feel embarrassed, which can provoke our anger and irritation. “Believe me, people around you don’t consider you a bad mother / father at all, they rather sympathize in such a situation,” says Miriam Chachamu. - If you do not pay attention to the whims of the child, it can be much more effective than if you are angry. Often children act up just to get your attention.”

2. Name the child's feelings

It is very difficult for young children to understand what is happening to them. They are not yet familiar with their own feelings, and it is difficult for them to withstand them. It is important that you help the child give a name to his experience: "You are now angry because I did not buy you a toy that you really wanted."

Express sympathy and understanding. For example, you might say that you get angry too when you don't get what you want. But you can get angry in different ways, not all forms of expressing feelings are beautiful, useful and effective.

3. Include your child in the fight against tantrums

Hysteria is a sign that the child can not cope with his feelings. It is important to understand that he is not just trying to achieve his goal in this way, but is really experiencing emotional stress. This will help not to get annoyed with him, but to unite their efforts in the fight against hysteria.

Together with your child, come up with a playful name for what is happening to him: he was attacked by a wicked woman, Aunt Hysteria came. This will allow the child to shift his attention and see you as a friend instead of an abuser.

4. Take your time to say "no"

Preventing children's tantrums is much easier than stopping them. “Many parents say no too quickly, which can instantly bring children to a boiling point,” says Miriam Chachamu. By showing your child that you are on their side, you can prevent conflict. For example, you might say, "I would like to buy you this toy, but unfortunately it's too expensive." Such an explanation of one's own position is much better than a short "no".

5. Suggest an alternative

Analyze the behavior of the child and those situations in which he usually begins to act up, and speak with him in advance of the possible consequences. For example, if you are going to the store and you know that the child may begin to demand to buy him a toy and throw a tantrum because of your refusal, agree with him what both of you will do in this situation. For example: “I'm going to the store. I can take you with me, but only on the condition that you do not ask me to buy you something, today I do not have such an opportunity.

If the child agrees, it will be useful to agree on what will happen if the agreement is violated

“If you still start acting up, I will no longer have to take you to the shops with me (you and I will not go to the cinema as we wanted, and so on).” Thus, you can not only protect yourself from children's tantrums, but also teach your child to understand the cause-and-effect relationships of their own behavior and make the first important choices.

6. Direct the energy of the child in a different direction

The child's body responds to stress with an archaic fight-or-flight response. Therefore, sometimes, in order to prevent a crisis, you can offer an alternative to it in the form of sports games. Jumping, dancing, playing catch-up allow you to release the energy accumulated for the implementation of the stress reaction.

7. Let your child make amends

Bad behavior is not always punished. “A child can feel terrible after doing something bad,” explains Miriam Chachamu. And that in itself is a punishment. If you allow the child to do something that symbolically atones for his misdeeds, thereby informing him non-verbally that he was really wrong, but that you are ready to accept his apology, this will allow both of you to move on.

about the author

Miriam Chachamu is a child psychologist and author of several books, including How to Calm a Challenging Child (Foulsham, 2008).


How to stop a child's tantrum

Children's tantrums are familiar to literally all parents. Some they visit once a year, others encounter them every day. A heart-rending scream, squealing, crying, tears - this is an incomplete description of the picture of hysteria in a child. All this can happen at home, even worse at a party, in a store or on a playground. The child screams and demands his own, and the dumbfounded parents do not even know how to react to such manifestations, what to say and do to calm their child.

Sometimes, from endless tantrums, parents either become slaves to young children, unquestioningly fulfilling all their whims, hoping to stay in silence for at least half a day, but we will make a reservation right away that this is a deceptive lull, or become real tyrants, using all the power of their vocal cords and fists.

What should parents do, whose children at some point cease to control themselves and begin to beat in hysterics? This is our conversation today.

Always remember that any conflict is easier to prevent and much harder to stop. Emotions build up very quickly, you do not have time to follow the change of mood. Therefore, when a child asks for something, wants something or does not want it, do not rush to say a sharp "no" or insist on your own at all costs.

Think carefully about all the pros and cons, it may be better for the child to give in, but if the situation is definitely not in favor of the baby, then talk to him, explain why you are doing this. For example, instead of saying categorically "no" to a request to buy some other trinket, say that you would like to buy it, but, unfortunately, do not have money.


Don't be so quick to say "no"

Important!!!

Remember, a lot depends on your first reaction, namely, whether the tantrum will start or end there.


How to wean a child from tantrums? - Doctor Komarovsky

At the first sign of hysteria, try to switch the child's attention to something else, in other words, lure. For example, interest him in a book, a toy, if you are on the street - show him a dog, a bird, a beautiful leaf, start a fun game with him, anything, distracting from what he requires.

The reception is very effective, only the parents need ingenuity and a desire to help their baby.


How to calm a child in 2 minutes

Little children, and big ones too, do not understand their emotions and feelings and do not know how to deal with them. The task of parents is to introduce them to this whole set, calling everything by their proper names.

For example: "You're angry, you're angry, you're nervous because I didn't let you do this." The child learns to understand himself and other people.

If the hysteria has already begun, and you have done everything you could - prevented, switched attention, exhorted, but it didn’t work, then so that it doesn’t happen further, remember the “golden rule” of education - control yourself, stay calm.

It is unbearably hard, but necessary, and this is a lesson for you to learn for a lifetime. Do not be fooled by squealing and crying, do not let the child manipulate your feelings.

Calmly, without nervous words, without convulsive grasping of the belt and raised tones, keep your composure with all your might.

  • "I don't want to eat!" Calmly: "It is necessary."
  • "I want candy!" Quite calmly: "Me too, but she's gone."

Any hysteria, if it is not fed from the outside, faced with absolute calm, will soon subside. Be prepared for the fact that there will be a long battle, but the victory will be yours.

When the child realizes that stamping his feet, banging his head against the wall does not affect his mother, then tantrums will occur extremely rarely.

Output:

Remind yourself often that you are not just raising a child, but building a person’s personality. How and what you teach him, so he will live. And teaching a person to deal with their negative emotions is what parents are obliged to do.


How to deal with children's tantrums?

How to stop children's tantrums?