The girl's first step towards reconciliation. How to put up with a female point of view. When a man himself does not go to make up

In the relationship of each couple, sooner or later, quarrels occur. Of course, after some kind of conflict, there can be two ways. The first way is to disperse immediately, since there is no strength to withstand such a life any longer. The second way is to take a step towards reconciliation. The latter path is, of course, more productive and rewarding. After all, we are interested in the possibility of maintaining the relationship, and not interrupting them immediately for the rest of our lives.

For all the seeming simplicity, it is not easy for everyone to take a step towards reconciliation. Most women consider themselves very proud, they do not want to admit their mistakes and go towards their partner. As a result, they take a wait-and-see attitude, and want their partner to be the first to take a step forward. But their desires are not always fulfilled, because a man can consider himself right and not feel the slightest desire to be led by a woman.

"There are only two ways to command a woman, but no one knows them."

Kim Hubbard

There are different situations in life. In some cases, we, weak women so want to be on their knees in front of us and beg for forgiveness. But what if no one has ever done this to us in their entire adult life. But we later regretted more than once that we had not been able to maintain relations in time ... In order not to repeat such mistakes in the future, we will try to learn how to independently take a step towards reconciliation. After all, it is we women who must be wise, have patience and the ability to forgive. And there is absolutely no need to take on the role of a stern accuser, blaming your own beloved man for all imaginable and inconceivable sins. True happiness is possible only if there is kindness in the heart and the ability to forgive.

How can you take a step towards reconciliation? Of course, it all depends on the specific situation. Suppose a quarrel broke out between you about dishes that were not washed on time. A quarrel began over a trifle, and then you remembered each other all the sins for several years lived together. As a result, you harbored grudge against each other, and a "cold war" began in your family.

“Love is not a lying stone; it is like bread - it needs to be done every day. "

Ursula C. le Guin

You, as a wise and understanding woman, can correct the current situation. Try to find the most optimal way how to do it, because you know his weaknesses and habits better than others. For example, you can bring him his favorite cake in the evening and say with a smile that this sweetness will smooth out the bitterness from your quarrel.

If your husband is a man with humor and understanding, he will fully understand your desire to make peace. And then you will only have to forget about such an unpleasant incident as soon as possible. But maybe your husband is a proud and touchy person. Then he may not respond to your cake and will continue to look at you as a criminal. If you are interested in continuing the relationship, you can simply admit that you are wrong. Highly simple words: "Sorry, dear, I seem to have gotten a little excited" ... can do much more useful than a long resentment against your spouse.

Not all fights are as insignificant as conflicts over unwashed dishes, unprepared dinner time, etc. Imagine that your husband does not give you enough sums of money without which you feel extremely unhappy.

"Do not fondle and quarrel with your wife in front of strangers: the first is a sign of stupidity, the second is rabies."

Cleobulus of Linda

Sooner or later, you will not stand it and make a scandal. But sooner or later, you will still have to take steps towards reconciliation. Suppose that now you have taken a different look at your habit of spending money left and right, you have decided to agree with your husband's desire to save money. V in this case the best solution a mutually beneficial compromise. You yourself can offer a convenient solution to your husband, it is quite possible that he will agree. If the proposed compromise does not arouse delight in him, then at the same time he may offer own version solving the problem.

In other words, in order for reconciliation to take place, it is necessary to force yourself and own husband look at the cause of the conflict more seriously and together find a way out of the crisis.

Very often young and emotional people in response to the problems that have arisen, they begin to offer each other a divorce. In this case, in fact, they least of all want to get a divorce for real. They just want to scare their partner, so that he himself begins to look for steps towards reconciliation. But sooner or later, the threat of divorce ceases to seem like a frightening prospect, and it is quite possible that the relationship will not be saved.

Very often, in order to get forgiveness from his wife, a man gives her gifts. And very often good gift, indeed, it can melt the ice in the heart, and the spouses easily reconcile. So we women may well use gifts for reconciliation.

“Before we got married, Misha helped me in everything,” Sveta complained. - He took out the trash, dragged boxes, washed my car. And suddenly, after the wedding, he stopped doing it. I have the feeling that I don't mean anything to him anymore. " Like many men, Misha had an incentive to provide minor favors during courtship. But after they got married, he decided. that with a part of his income, Sveta received more valuable gifts. In fact, the fact that he sometimes helped her around the house made Svetlana feel that she was more important to him than the work that absorbed all his attention. Misha, noticing how highly she appreciated his help, decided to do pleasant trifles to please your wife.

Of course, it is not at all necessary to give your husband something very expensive. A cute little thing will be enough, for example, a cassette with his favorite songs, favorite dish, new notebook. It is only necessary to present this present in such a way as to make this action a real performance. For example, pack notebook or a cassette in a beautiful wrapping paper and bring a gift to my husband on a tray, while saying a fiery speech: "My dear, I hope that this cute little thing will help melt the ice between us, which has formed as a result of a recent quarrel" ...

If your family has really good relationships, then such a performance will be a great way to relieve tension. But if your quarrels have long become commonplace, then it takes a lot more strength and resourcefulness to make reconciliation truly possible.

If you and your spouse have your own original point view and do not want to take into account the opinion and desire of another, then no steps towards reconciliation are able to correct the situation. In this case, reconciliation is basically impossible, because your selfishness and fixation on your own position leads to hatred and hostility. Therefore, you need to take into account the desires of the other, or once and for all recognize that further relationships have no meaning. Such recognition will make it possible not to turn your own life and the life of your spouse into hell.

"Never argue over dinner: the hungrier always loses."

Mikhail Genin

But we hope that all is well in your family. This means that occasionally outbreak of quarrels can be extinguished in time by the ability to take a step towards reconciliation. Do not be afraid that your intention to make peace will be regarded as weakness. In fact, only a person with a strong and firm character can honestly admit that they are wrong. Maybe during a quarrel you had Bad mood, and you did not find anything better than to rip the irritation on your spouse ... So who, if not you, should take responsibility for reconciliation?

So, we came to the conclusion that if a woman herself was the initiator of the conflict, then it is most reasonable for her to admit that she is wrong as soon as possible. But what if the spouse was the initiator of the conflict? In this case, few women can swallow the resentment and take the first step towards reconciliation. In this case, the best solution would be to try to calm down and distract yourself. You do not have to put up immediately, you need to give yourself and your spouse an opportunity to "cool down" a little. Then it is necessary, focusing on your own mood and the mood of your husband, to try to talk. With a smile, you can offer your spouse a "temporary truce" in order to go to a restaurant, to the cinema, to the theater or to the forest. Moreover, you need to make this offer so that your spouse does not have the opportunity to refuse you. A gentle voice, an enchanting smile - all this will be useful to you now. If your spouse has not yet cooled down from the quarrel, then promise him in the forest or on the way to the theater to discuss everything calmly again.

You are annoyed by watching action movies every night on video, and he hates your favorite talk shows - take clear sheet paper, write down the time of him and your favorite programs, and then invite him to draw up a "TV use schedule" - so that no one would be offended! Let him donate another episode of news for your Brazilian TV series, and you, in turn, skip a couple of episodes of the TV game so that he can cheer for the players.

Or maybe you have such a situation: you prefer vegetable food, but he is used to borscht and mom's cutlets? It is not at all necessary to introduce him to vegetarianism. Reduce the problem to a minimum: start a separate meal program (I mean, eat separately) - you eat your salads, and for it, fill the freezer with dumplings and sausages.

Your spouse can be surprisingly vulnerable and touchy. And it can be very difficult for him to compromise. But you, as a gentle and understanding woman, can smooth out all the rough edges and make reconciliation a reality. Many men make up especially easily in bed. So your task is to provide him with a luxurious night. Of course, you will not always be able to put up in bed, but this method cannot be discounted.

When you feel especially sad after another quarrel, try to shift your focus to something else. For example, after a conflict, you might ask your spouse to review your wedding photos in order to remember all the funny moments. Laughter - The best way make up, use it as often as possible. Then you do not have to painfully search in what way to take a step for reconciliation.

In general, as long as the spouses live in the same territory, it is not at all so difficult to take steps towards reconciliation. It is much more difficult if they have already dispersed. For example, one of the most active and violent quarrels provoked the desire of the spouses to live separately. Of course, in this case, it is much more difficult to forget the quarrel. A conversation on the phone can be completely useless in this case.

Therefore, it is best to insist on a personal meeting. You can come up with any reasons for this, even those that turn out to be absolutely fantastic - the most important thing is to see each other. For example, you can offer to meet in order to visit to a mutual friend, who does not yet know about the discord that happened. It is advisable to actually go on a visit to the benevolent and interested people The very atmosphere of the meeting can seem like a great way to reconcile.

Sometimes a sense of humor is the best way to deal with differences in character. Larisa, a chemist by profession, was very annoyed by the inability of Yuri, a university teacher, to cope with elementary "male" tasks: screw in a light bulb, clean the sink. At first she tried to re-educate him: she used her friends as an example, complained that he was so “armless”. But over time, Larisa "cooled down" and began to do what she demanded from her husband. She began to treat his lack with humor, realized that he was not given to work with his hands. Yura appreciated the attention shown and began to answer his wife in the same way: he himself began to take his son from kindergarten and go shopping. They stopped quarreling over trifles altogether.

You can arrange a joint party, the atmosphere of fun and ease will be a wonderful reason for reconciliation. As a last resort, you can just come to visit your spouse, who in this moment lives with his parents. If your spouse's parents are in your good relationship and want to help you save your family, you can first ask them for help. When you come to visit, they should meet you at the door with an expression of joy on their face. And immediately inform your son that the welcome guest has arrived. Then the husband will have no choice but to join the general tea party. And there, depending on the situation, you can take a step towards reconciliation.

Quarrels, as you know, happen not only among spouses, whose relationship has already passed a certain test and is legally fixed. People who are together already enough long time, but have not yet decided to document their relationship, they can also go through periods of quarrels and conflicts.

“Of all our deeds, our family life least of all concerns outsiders; but it is in it that outsiders climb especially often. "

John Selden

Sometimes, quarrels between them can lead to the fact that the relationship is broken. At the same time, a man and a woman reason in this way: “It makes sense for spouses to put up, because in the event of a divorce, they will have to decide the issue of raising children, share property. And what do we lose? " And as a result, they break off their relationship without regret, even if they feel truly unhappy at the same time. We will not condemn anyone, because each person is responsible for his own destiny. Let's just say that before making the final decision to break up, you need to try everything. possible options which should lead to positive outcome... If you want to keep the relationship, then your wisdom and delicacy will definitely help you choose the most Right way to reconciliation.

You can often remember that, despite all the disagreements, you truly love each other. A reminder of the hot feeling that binds you may appear sure means that allows you to make peace.

Every woman has artistic ability. And even if you have never performed on stage in your life, you can still try to arrange a performance in order to provoke your own beloved man to try to go to reconciliation. To do this, you can choose the role of an offended girl and wipe away tears plaintively. Only if you are already many years old, this method is unlikely to be reasonable. The ampoule of an offended girl is suitable for young ladies with a soft and easily vulnerable nature. It is necessary to try to make the man imbued with the woeful state of his wife and experience a feeling of remorse. At the same time, there is no need to put pressure on him, instilling in him a sense of guilt. You just need to show him your despair, if he is not a complete egoist, then he will try to go to reconciliation.

Like many marriage unions, living together Nadia and Egor began with Great love and they were both happy. A few months later, Nadezhda felt disappointed. They spoke less and less. In the end, it became obvious that Nadia was unhappy. With tears in her eyes, she confessed this to her husband. She said that Yegor loves work more than hers, and when he comes home, he does not have warmth for his wife. Yegor decided to come home early and devote 30 minutes completely to his wife. Whatever she did, he would join her: peel carrots or simply follow her and talk about what had happened during the day. Gradually, Nadia began to thaw out and peace in the family was restored.

We all remember children's cartoon about the cat Leopold and his famous phrase: "Guys let's be friends". Spoken in the voice of this funny cartoon character, these words will help relieve tension. So do not hesitate to be the first to contact after a quarrel. You can even record this phrase on a video or audio recorder and turn it on if necessary. A man will not be able to remain indifferent if you decide to make up in this way.

But you just never need to try to humiliate your partner in order to demonstrate to him that you are right. Even if you understand that all the advantages are on your side, you do not need to offend your loved one at all. He will not forgive you for this, even if now you manage to evoke his repentance, then later you will have to fully feel the result of your own arrogance. Suppose the quarrel was due to the fact that he did not want to make some profitable, in your opinion, purchase. It took a little time and your husband was convinced to buy sewing machine much more important than another TV. Accordingly, you got the opportunity to say to him with a sense of superiority: “I told him ... I was right, and you are never right,” etc. The meaning of such speeches is that I am smarter than you, which means in the future I will try to be sure to insist on my own.

"Many marriages could have been saved by a translator."

Leszek Kumor

Reconciliation based on such motivations can be very, very fragile. You can't humiliate your partner with impunity, even if you really want to. Mutual respect - indispensable condition in order to very skillfully and easily smooth out all sharp corners.

Some ladies decide to speed up the reconciliation with guilt, which is very skillfully evoked in a partner. At first, of course, seeing the suffering of his wife, a man may feel remorse or even be frightened, but if such scenes are repeated several times, then in the end none of your, even the most sincere, experiences will make the soul of your chosen one move. So try to avoid speculating on your health - physical and mental - this is not the best way to reconcile.

Of course, it is impossible to give advice on reconciliation, because each situation is unique, and the characters of people, as well as their outlook on life, are unique. If your spouse is a gloomy and thoughtful person, then you should not entertain him with jokes. This attitude may lead him to believe that you are not respectful enough to his condition. It is much better to sit next to him, turn on his favorite symphony and try to melt the ice in the relationship with your words, touches, and your tenderness.

Maintaining a relationship "in working order" requires a woman and a certain amount of cunning, humor, irony, an easy (not to be confused with frivolous!) Attitude towards life, towards herself, towards her partner.

Conversely, if your husband is a cheerful and cheerful person, you can find a way to reconciliation with the help of a single funny joke that will make him laugh. And his resentment against you will pass. And, therefore, you need to do everything possible to make your relationship as bright and cloudless as before.

It's one thing to accept the apology, and it's another to accept the situation. Not all of us know how to forgive, let alone be the first to apologize.