Broke up with a man how to survive. You broke up with your boyfriend. What to do and how to live on? Watch good movies

23.04.2019

Some women forget quickly previous man and are marching towards a new relationship. For others, life after parting turns into a continuous test. Of course, you can grieve and feel sorry for yourself for a week. But then life will have to be adjusted. By a strong-willed decision. Cosmo agent of the week, Alexandra Glushkova, gives empirically proven advice.

Remove it from your friends on social networks. No seriously! And this is not Kindergarten... Of course, you will say that you are a completely reasonable lady who is above all this: they say, you can easily demonstrate your indifference, leaving him as a friend. But no. You will be very tempted to look at his page to find out how he lives there without you. And a couple of photos from a fun party will be enough to drive you into depression for a month. Do you need it?
Don't tell him to "stay friends." And if he does, then tell me what you need to think about. Keep in mind that you have to do a lot of work on yourself and on your relationship before it can be called friendship. As a rule, in a M / F pair, one wants to be friends, and the other wants more.
Delete his number and do not write long letters to him. If you want to capture thoughts and feelings - write on paper. So you will throw out all the accumulated negative, and the paper will insure you against accidental sending by pressing the Enter key.
Do not withdraw into yourself. Share the trouble with your loved ones. Soon you will feel that your soul is not so hard. If you want to cry, cry! And best of all at home or on the shoulder of a friend, and not in the subway or supermarket. Meet friends and make new acquaintances. Now it’s only good for you.
Take care of yourself! Shopping has always been and remains the best antidepressant. Buy yourself something nice, get yourself a manicure and new haircut... The mood will improve by itself.
Avoid posting details of your life on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Do not vent your anger and resentment in public. And it's better to complain about life after all to trusted people, and not to five hundred subscribers, half of which you don't even really know.
Do something that interests you. Get over yourself and finally go to the gym. Watch a movie, re-read your favorite book. Throw a party at last! Provide yourself with a sea of new and vivid impressions... By the way, the sea too great option to relax and put your thoughts in order.
Stop blaming yourself and do not try to make desperate plans for revenge. Revenge never brings relief. Do not consider that you have lost something, it is better to look at it from the other side - you have gained. Surely fate has prepared something better for you! Life goes on!
Fall in love. As you know, nothing helps to forget an old relationship as the beginning of a new one. Light like a wedge on your ex has definitely not converged. But your colleague from the IT department has invited you for coffee for a long time. You seem to have a powerful way to agree.

Text: Alexandra Glushkova

Relationships have an unpleasant tendency to end, hence pain and mental imbalance often appear. It doesn't really matter who broke the connection. It is more important to learn the ability to cope with losses in order to gradually return to everyday trifles. Today we will consider the main recommendations that psychologists give to their clients. So let's get started.

Step # 1. Don't hang out with a guy

When the relationship ends, there is no point in continuing to communicate like friends. Exclude the guy from your life completely, let him know about it. Do not agree to the offer to remain friends, nothing good will come of it.
If you decide to cut off the connection completely, avoid vague phrases and indistinct expressions like "I think things are not going very well with us." Act decisively and unambiguously.
Get rid of anything that reminds you of a guy. Burn letters and postcards, give away teddy bears, or put these items away in the attic. Delete SMS and emails to avoid re-reading them in the evenings.
If a guy gave you an adornment that has a certain material value, return jewel the former owner. If he refuses, exchange the present or melt it down.

Step # 2. Don't cross with him

It is not uncommon for a couple who has suffered a breakup to have mutual friends... You may know classmates, colleagues, boyfriends of a guy. In this case, you should exclude all contacts with them for the first time.
Ask your acquaintances not to discuss the topic called "Me and him" anymore. Please say this question is closed for good. Change your daily routine so as not to overlap with your beloved.
Pay close attention to your social media accounts. Delete all shared pictures, change the profile picture, cross the guy out of the Friends category.
Remove all hashtags from photos that your friends have tagged you on. Change the statute to a cheerful statement, put new photo to Home Page.
If, after the breakup, friends are on your side, ask them for a favor. If possible, let them stop posting pictures with your ex-boyfriend in social networks or even remove the young man from friends.
If your friends are not in your favor, stop visiting their pages. Clean up your contact list, leave only dear people in it.
Stop visiting the guy or his friends on the pages. So you will constantly come across a photo with him, this is in this moment not necessary.

Step # 3. Change your own schedule

Teachers in educational institution and employers will not accept an excuse like "I broke up with my boyfriend, so I can't come." Find the strength to go to the right place, even if you run the risk of bumping into your ex-boyfriend there.
Change the schedule to ease the situation. In any case, you need to get into the classroom or the room for work. Look for ways out of situations.
For example, if you study together at a university, go to the classroom last a few minutes before the start of class. This way you will avoid unnecessary conversations and sidelong glances.
If, due to the nature of your work, you have to constantly collide in the dining room, start taking lunch with you. Eat in the workplace to avoid eating on your nerves.
In cases where it is necessary to make copies or drop into the office where he will be, postpone all manipulations at the end of the day. So you will not meet and save your psyche.
Concerning extracurricular activities, reconsider hangout places. Avoid visiting bars and clubs that often "hang out" ex-boyfriend... Go with your friends to the newly opened cozy place.

Step # 4. Find a new activity

By avoiding conversations and meetings, you will not save yourself from emotional distress. Sometimes moments of despair will cover your head, breaking the harmony inside.
To avoid this, you need to immerse yourself in a new activity. Find a hobby that you can devote enough time to. This will take your mind off other thoughts and meet new people.
Have you dreamed of dancing for a long time? Forward to training school! Are you dreaming of getting a driver's license? Graduate from driving school! Move to new victories and realize yourself in what you love.
Volunteering will help to survive parting with a boyfriend. Find an organization that deals with this, join it. Help animals, nursing homes, orphans. Breathe life into them and yourself!

Step # 5. Embrace the sadness

It is important to realize that sadness is a natural feeling that everyone has. Breaking up with your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself. You can be sad, sad, and even cry, but when absolutely necessary.
Experienced psychologists say that a person goes through 5 main stages of grief. They include denial of what is happening, anger at oneself and a certain object, attempts to make a deal with the inner "I", prolonged depression and acceptance of the situation.
You don't have to follow all of these steps. You must understand what exactly awaits you in the future, come to terms with it. This process quite natural, so you will gradually return to a fulfilling life.
Suffering can include feelings of guilt, loneliness, self-doubt, anxiety, and countless other signs.
All this will be reflected in the psycho-emotional environment and general condition health. Most often, during a period of sadness, a person experiences apathy and sadness, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia, and nausea.

Step 6. Express your emotions

The longer you hold back emotions, the more they will overtake you in the most not right moment... Throw out all the accumulated suffering, share it with a friend or close relative.
People who do not like to talk and listen to instructions should keep a diary or personal blog... Share your emotions with a sheet of paper, cry.
If necessary, consult a psychologist, there is nothing wrong with that. You can tell everything to a specialist, he will guide you on the right way and help you cope with trauma.
Talk to your ex-lover in your mind. Tell him everything that has accumulated. You can write a letter to this guy, then burn it and forget about everything.

Step 7. Understand yourself

The results of numerous studies have shown that people who believe in something are much easier to experience negativity than those who lead a miserable existence without any goals.
In this case, no one forces you to deeply immerse yourself in religion and become a fanatic. We live in modern world, it is worth understanding that everyone has their own opinion. Therefore, you can first resort to the study of meditation.
Every world religion has a similar technique. Explore and choose what you like best. Try yourself in classical yoga, consider Buddhism, the techniques of ki kong and tai chi. Such things help to comprehend the inner world.
If for some reason such methods do not suit you, you can simply turn to a psychologist. If you have not been able to cope with the experienced emotions during the year, a visit to a specialist is inevitable.
Otherwise, you run the risk of meeting a number serious problems... Over such a long period, brain activity begins to work differently. Prolonged depression has a detrimental effect on you, provoking the inability to collect and concentrate.

Step 8. Find harmony

Do not forget about your friends, they will always be there, no matter what. So now is the time to start spending more time with them. Visit an entertainment place or get together friendly company in your home. Get distracted more.
If you love listening to music, create a completely new playlist. It shouldn't contain sad songs about unrequited love and the like. On the contrary, listen to positive music without getting stuck in thoughts. Happy songs are your salvation.
Start living full life, sing and have fun. Sing along to your favorite songs out loud without being embarrassed by those around you. Let at least someone smile around you. Become the center of attention, don't hesitate. People should look up to you, not judge you.

Step 9. Get a pet

If you still don't have pet rather start it up. Many people know how much the animal helps out in such situations. It doesn't matter who it is, a dog or a cat, a snake or a lizard.
Walking outside with your pet can distract you and even get to know interesting people... In this way, new personalities will help broaden your horizons. Perhaps you will discover a lot of new and interesting things. Look for like-minded people.
Do not forget that animals are capable of giving love, and they are unlikely to be able to offend you. So take it as a basis, you can't push every guy mutual love... Unlike a pet that will always be devoted to you.

Step 10. Go in for sports

If you are a little overwhelmed and previously could not find time to visit the gym, now is the perfect time. Physical activities help you distract yourself as much as music does. It is especially pleasant to combine these hobbies. Stop whining and take care of yourself.
Soon you will forget about pressing problems. Also, your self-esteem will rise, do not be arrogant. This is also worth understanding, stay in reality. Among other things, you will be able to establish a normal diet and healthy sleep.
After breaking up a relationship, a person ruins nervous system, but you can stop everything at the very beginning. It should be easier to relate to the current situation. Thinking as if it were the order of the day. Understand that you are not the only one similar situations happen quite often. Do not be driven.

Step 11. Take care of your appearance

Don't take the advice literally, you don't have to completely change your image and wardrobe. However, such a move will not be superfluous. If you take proper care of your appearance, your efforts will bear visible results.
You will become more attractive and interesting opposite sex... Refined beauty should not be confused with vulgarity. Be moderately sexy, choose the right clothes and makeup. Hair also plays an important role.
Note the change appearance most celebrities after the breakup. Many stars have changed radically in better side, becoming more charming. Start changing your appearance with a smaller one, watch the result.

When breaking up with a guy, you should not despair at the root. Pull yourself together and think carefully. Put all your thoughts on the shelves. Weigh the situation soberly and gradually begin to let it go. Take the right new steps in life.

Video: how to get over a breakup

In the life of every person, parting happened, when yesterday so dearly beloved, dear and close person, on this day leaves, taking a piece of the soul and closing the door to a happy family future. Indescribable pain, a feeling of emptiness, grief, despair and resentment settles in the heart. Many are trying to find an answer to the questions: how to survive parting with a loved one, what to do to regain faith in love and open the heart to new feelings? Psychologists recommend letting go of the person, not holding on to the past, but finding in the situation positive factors.

Why do people worry so much about parting?

Parting with a loved one is a kind of mental trauma that is not easy to get through. Psychologists attribute the following to the main reasons why people react so sharply to a breakup:

True love- when the heart completely belongs to one loved one, all thoughts about him, it is inconceivable to imagine that he can leave. After parting, love does not go away in one day or a month, it will take a lot of time for the feelings to burn out, cool down, so it is extremely difficult to survive the break.
Attachment to a person - if a couple has been together for a long time, people trusted each other, then it is extremely difficult to accept, to understand that this is no longer there and will not happen again.
Fear of being alone - after parting with a loved one, the self-esteem of the abandoned person, as a rule, drops sharply. Appear obsessive thoughts with the pretext "what if": "What if I don't meet anyone?", "What if I'm left alone / alone forever?", others. Such reflections catch melancholy and aggravate the process of experience, delaying the "recovery".
Self-flagellation is one of the main factors that make you experience the situation of parting with your loved one again. Constant memories of the happy happy days together, viewing joint photos, listening to sad compositions - this makes you return to the past, which no longer exists, which depress the state even more.

Psychological advice on how to cope with loneliness after breaking up

Each person can survive parting, it will only take time, a little effort. A real, sensible, sober assessment of the situation, acceptance of the situation as it is, the realization that the relationship is in the past, and is open in front of you will help to cope with the problem new stage life. In order to survive parting with a loved one, psychologists advise you to take 4 simple steps:

Letting go of the past.
Find something positive about a breakup.
Remove all the negativity that parting attracted to life (think positively).
Open your heart for a new life, relationships, feelings.

Don't hold on to memories

When a person leaves, there are reasons for this: cooled feelings, new love, frequent conflict situations with a partner. It is important to understand that if a loved one has left, then he needs to be released - it will be painful, difficult, but you need to put a fat point on this life stage, to get rid of all thoughts, memories of the past. To survive parting, you need to clear your head of thoughts about the departed loved one, forbid yourself to even think about what connects with him.

Get rid of negative emotions

Negativity is bad for the emotional, mental and physical condition health, so it is worth getting rid of it. Forget about the pain that you had to endure during parting, about the resentment that settled in your soul and poison from the inside, about the hatred of your once loved one, who so cruelly betrayed, trampled on your heart. Throw away everything that reminds of former partner, causes a wave of indignation, grief, streams of tears.

Chat with friends and family

After parting, it is not necessary to lead a reclusive lifestyle, to sit alone. Rather, even on the contrary - the emerging free time can be spent on close people, friends with whom you have not previously been able to meet. Do not be afraid to talk about your feelings, experiences that are lurking in your soul, speaking out, you will achieve relief, and the support of your family will help you regain self-confidence.

Program yourself for happiness and new relationships

In order to survive parting, it is necessary to understand that this is not only the end of a relationship, but also the beginning of a new life, in which there will be other meetings, acquaintances, joys. Let go of sorrows and sorrows, open your heart to new feelings, relationships, believe that you can love and be loved. Tune in to a positive wave, allow yourself to enjoy every day, believe in a miracle and do not be afraid of being hit by Cupid's arrow.

Ways to deal with heartache after a long relationship

Coping with depression, pain after parting is possible with the help of a variety of changes in life, new hobbies, activities. It is not necessary to change everything radically, sometimes even small innovations can give the existence of a new meaning, joy. Known methods to help you get over a breakup:

Change the image - cardinal changes in appearance, according to psychologists, can affect life after parting, quickly changing it. The change of image can include changing the haircut or hair color, clothing style, updating the entire wardrobe. In addition, if changes take place in beauty salon, it will become an additional pleasant pastime for the girl.
Going in for sports - visiting the gym or doing a little exercise at home will help improve your mood and get a boost of energy after parting with your loved one. it wonderful way keep yourself in shape, which helps to feel confident, attract enthusiastic glances from the opposite sex.
Shopping therapy - best remedy for women to fight depression and anxiety after breaking up with a loved one. Updating the wardrobe always has a positive effect on the girl's condition, helps to get through a difficult time, improves her mood, helps to keep the girl occupied, to escape from suffering. Going shopping with your girlfriends, you can not only buy new clothes, but also have fun.
To go on a trip is great chance see the world, get unforgettable experience and experience delightful emotions. During the trip, there will be an opportunity not only to enjoy the beauty of the picturesque nature or architectural structures, but also to think about important things. For example, analyze your actions, evaluate why a loved one could stop loving, whose fault and what should be changed in order to avoid mistakes in the future, and other relationships would not end in parting.
Starting repairs in the house is a great opportunity to distract yourself, radically change something in your life after parting with your loved one. Do a little redevelopment, change furniture that brings back memories of your former lover, this will create your comfort zone.
To meet new people. People need new acquaintances like oxygen to maintain life, develop, and gain new knowledge. Arrange a reception for new acquaintances at home, relax and have some great fun that will bring back the craving for life, get over the breakup.
Take a break from sad thoughts: visit exhibitions, museums or theaters. Visiting cultural places provides an opportunity to get inspiration, get closer to the culture and the world of beauty, helps to get rid of the worries after parting with a loved one. This is a great chance for spiritual development and self-development, thanks to which you will not stand in one place, but will constantly develop.
Read positive literature - good book able to change the worldview, get a charge positive emotions and find inspiration for a happy future. Preference should be given to books on self-education, psychology or classics, which can force you to reconsider your views on life, evaluate your actions and other people in a given period. Literature can help in building plans for the future, forget about the experiences after parting with a loved one.
Buy yourself a pet - taking care of someone will help you forget about parting, get through this trouble. There will no longer be a feeling of loneliness, because upon returning home you will be greeted by a cute cat or a funny dog, which will brighten up your leisure time and help to cheer you up.

Video: how to easily endure a breakdown in a relationship with a loved one

Going through a painful breakup is not easy, it will take time to learn how to live without these relationships, the forces that will help you forget about everything. It is important to realize that nothing can be returned, no matter how much you want it. Rebuild your life in this way, stop thinking who was to blame - so that there is no place for suffering or thoughts about the past. Perhaps in the future you will still be tied friendly relations, but for the next few months it is worth completely forgetting about the person. Watch a video where a practicing psychologist will give useful tips how to get over a breakup:

Parting is a little death

It doesn't matter who is to blame for breaking up with your boyfriend. What to do and what not to do to survive this difficult and unpleasant moment life?

Psychologists have calculated that the period of adjustment after the stress of separation or divorce lasts from several months to a year. Resentment, anger, hatred, sadness and longing are the most different feelings waves are covered in the first two to three months after the spat. In moments like this, it seems like the pain will never go away. But this is not the case. Over time, you will less and less remember the subject of your sadness, and later feelings will fade away, only indifference will remain.

Alone with myself

Broke up with a guy. What can you do to ease the pain of loss? There are no universal recipes in this regard, everything is individual. If you want to laugh - laugh, cry - cry out loud. Pamper yourself with a chocolate bar, a new dress, a new way of life. Sign up to the pool, learn Chinese, learn to drive, play the guitar. The main thing is, do not let your offended and wounded "I" withdraw into yourself, despair, fall into despondency. Speaking of hobbies: it has been noticed that a person who has a hobby, whose life is interesting and varied, is much less dependent on another. Even if your love is unearthly, even if it is for life. Having filled all the free space with one person, you will soon pay for it, you will be rewarded with loneliness and disappointment. This approach deprives you of your individuality, makes you uninteresting and boring for another person.

You are alone

It's good if you yourself were the initiator and broke up with your boyfriend. What to do when he abandoned you, when deception and betrayal of himself are choking dear person... The answer is simple. You just need to remember what is most important and the right person life has already given you - it's you yourself. It is important to realize that you already have yourself, and you are not bored with you, and even, on the contrary, it is fun and interesting to conquer new life horizons, even without a person who did not understand, who did not appreciate. Perhaps the insidious traitor will return, but now we need to think about something else. About how to comfort, warm and caress your “I”, to cheer and prepare for a new relationship. Of course, now it seems that this is impossible, that no one is needed. Or, on the contrary, trying to "knock out a wedge with a wedge", you rush from one new relationship to another. Both are wrong. Firstly, everything will come with time, a real feeling will come when you become a self-sufficient interesting person, with your hobbies, values, with your habits, with your life. Then love will knock on your "door". Secondly, throwing yourself headlong into a new relationship, you are unlikely to find what you are looking for. Comparing and disappointing, becoming even more entangled in yourself, you also hurt your current passion. And this person is not to blame - he just happened to be next to you at the wrong time. No, first you should understand yourself and your life.

Work on bugs

Yesterday everyone considered you perfect couple, and today you broke up with your boyfriend. What to do in order not to go crazy with a heap of thoughts and a load of grievances? You cry and cannot calm down. Stop! Stop harassing yourself. Call your friend for a frank conversation "heart to heart", go to the movies alone or with friends, stop shopping for the soul. Even a little thing bought for a loved one can brighten up the situation, be it cream or bubble bath, new shoes or perfume. Arrange a themed bachelorette party with your friends in the "sorry - goodbye" style. Do not deny yourself anything now. If you want to eat a whole cake and a kilo of your favorite sweets - eat, if you want to sing karaoke in front of a large audience, having not the best vocal abilities - sing. Dance and smile, laugh, rest, read, embroider and appreciate every moment of life. And very soon life will smile at you.

What to do after a divorce

Much worse situation when the family breaks up. Especially when there are children in the family. But even here it is important to calm down and realize that divorce is not the end, but more often even the beginning. The beginning of a new life, new happiness, where there is no place for tears and longing. Children are always better off in an incomplete family, where it is calm, reliable and fun, rather than in a complete one, where parents swear, giving rise to a feeling of fear and insecurity in their children. All of the above tips will help to reverse the situation here, with the only difference: in addition to yourself, it is important to cheer up children who are most acutely experiencing such periods, to support them, making it clear that, besides separate residence mom and dad, everything in their lives will remain in place. It is important for them now parental involvement, more than ever.

What is taboo

Ending a relationship, separation, separation or divorce. We figured out what to do. And here short list what you can't do, even if you really want to:

Sometimes sleep together;

Cry, beg to come back;

Blame yourself for parting;

To impose;

I hope these tips will help you walk into your bright future with your head held high.

When a relationship falls apart, even if the person wants it himself, the separation is very difficult. To cope with the breakup without falling into a deep one, pull yourself together and follow the time-tested recommendations of psychologists.

1. Let yourself be sad

Is your relationship over? Then allow yourself to be a little sad, and do not try to be immediately distracted, not paying attention to what has happened, by going headlong into work. Lock up at home and listen to your favorite music or invite friends to visit, speak out, cry into someone's vest at last! However, do not get carried away and, locked in four walls, do not tune in to cherish the loss for a long time.

2. Burn all bridges

Knowing that the relationship is over and it is unrealistic to renew it, get rid of everything that is associated with it: from gifts, photographs, things that remind of previous relationship... You can, of course, dramatically get rid of a donated ring or gold bracelet, but do not rush to extremes. Valuable gifts can return former lover, hand over to a pawnshop or remove along with shared photos into a distant box, having made a promise to myself not to look there for six months or a year.

Do not console yourself with the hope that people will reconnect after parting. Suddenly no one leaves. Your husband may, in the heat of the moment (after a spontaneous quarrel), run out of the house and go to a friend, but he will definitely return. These emotional moments even strengthen the marriage. But the break of long-term relationships occurs consciously - this decision is made on cool head, in a calm state.

3. Ask loved ones for help

Do you have any idea how to survive parting with your loved one on your own? You don't need to do this. Deliver you from unnecessary worries will help frequent communication with friends, buddies and colleagues. Alternatively, you can either start communicating on social networks with people who have successfully survived the breakup.

Do not hide that you feel bad, do not hesitate to ask for advice or help. It's better than shutting in yourself and undermining your mental condition and get depressed.

4. Find a reason to be happy

Talking about how to get over a breakup with a loved one, psychologists advise finding a way to cheer yourself up. You can do what you love, start repairs at home, arrange for yourself a "time of development and change" every day - it will be a trip to the gym, to classes, or reading books or writing poetry. Such pleasant activities will help you to distract and charge you with positive.

5. Be irresistible

After parting, people can regain the meaning of life and be happy, and therefore do not give up on yourself. Many women commit in such a situation big mistake: stop looking after their appearance. But it's still more pleasant to be sad with beautiful manicure and impeccable styling... Do you want to start a new relationship after breaking up or, conversely, return your husband? Or do you need no one and want to live for yourself? In any case, stay on top. Go to a beauty salon, gym, change your hairstyle, do yoga, or get a massage on a regular basis.

6. Set new goals for yourself

How to survive parting with a man and forget about him? Revisit your plans, because when there are two of us, we follow common guidelines and constantly make compromises. If you wanted, and your loved one was against it, then now is the time to pack your bags. Did you dare to quit your job and change your profession or, for example, buy a car? Take action! Now no one will bother you.

Understand the main thing - your life depends only on you. And you decide what it will be.

7. Experiment

A new relationship or getting rid of pain after parting will not keep you waiting if, instead of falling into depression, you enjoy life, develop, and attend events. Bold experiments will help you with this. For women, this is a radical change of image, for men - moving or buying new furniture. Or did you secretly dreamed of dancing, but were shy?

So this is the end of the relationship - perfect timing to find a new hobby.

8. Forgive and let go

It is difficult for a woman thinking about how to get over a breakup with a man to forgive him. Wait. But over time, such a moment will invariably come. You will feel that you forgive and let go of the person, because you respect his choice and do not wish him harm.

After breaking up, you shouldn't chase the person and try to find out which of you two is to blame. Maintain your dignity and do not forget about self-esteem. Do not take revenge for the offense inflicted on you - this way you will let your ex-lover know that he is right in his decision to leave you. It is better to leave the ended relationship in the past, perceiving them as a stage of development on the way to the better.

And finally, advice. Do not rush to start new romances: until you get rid of the old shackles of love, do not understand yourself, you will not be able to build a full-fledged new relationship.