Surrogate mother: rights of surrogate mothers, prices. How Surrogacy Happens

16.08.2019

Surrogate (substitute) motherhood means the bearing and birth of a child conceived through in vitro fertilization. At the same time, the genetic material that becomes the basis of a new life does not belong to the woman herself, but to strangers for her, who, for whatever reason, cannot have offspring themselves.

The opportunity to use the services of a surrogate mother for many single people or infertile couples is the only way to get genetically related children. The method is in great demand, despite the need for significant financial investments.

Most Russians consider substitute motherhood to be something exotic and not entirely ethical. This is facilitated by the wide spread of various misconceptions.

Source: depositphotos.com

"Surrogate" children are different from "normal" children

A child born as a result of surrogacy is neither physically nor mentally different from their peers, conceived naturally or born by a biological mother who became pregnant using the IVF procedure. On the contrary, this baby has a higher chance of being born healthy - without genetic abnormalities and intrauterine developmental defects. The fact is that the procedure of artificial insemination of a surrogate mother is preceded by a thorough medical examination. With the same attention, doctors study the health status of future biological parents. Fertilized eggs prepared for the IVF procedure are selected in order to exclude possible anomalies. Bearing a "surrogate" baby, his birth and the first months of life are also under the strict supervision of specialists.

This cannot be. The genetic material that determines the features of appearance, such a child receives from biological parents. Fertilization and the first divisions of the embryo occur in a test tube. At the time of placement in the body of a surrogate mother, it has a complete set of genes that can no longer be supplemented. In the future, the baby will become like his mother and father. A woman who carried and gave birth to a child does not pass on any hereditary qualities to him.

"Surrogate" child is threatened with infertility in the future

In children born from surrogate mothers, no specific malformations of the reproductive system are observed. Moreover, substitute motherhood has officially existed for more than 40 years, and the first "surrogate" children have long become adults and have their own families. Among them, not a single case of infertility, directly due to the circumstances of conception, gestation or birth, has yet been registered.

The biological mother of the child must be young

This is not true. The only condition for the use of the replacement motherhood method in this case is the ability of the biological mother's body to produce live eggs, which is possible not only during the period considered optimal for bearing a child, but also after a woman reaches 40 years of age, when pregnancy and childbirth are associated with certain risks.

Among the biological parents who resort to the help of surrogate mothers, there are many people who for a long time tried to have children, were treated for infertility, resorted to artificial insemination. In most cases, the biological mother is no longer very young. Often, substitute motherhood is resorted to by women who have missed the optimal age for bearing due to a passion for their careers.

The mature (over 40 years) age of the biological mother with any method of conception has an increased risk of the birth of a baby with developmental disabilities. A thorough check of fertilized eggs before their implantation in the body of a surrogate mother can significantly reduce this risk. In addition, today a woman has the opportunity to take advantage of the achievements of scientific and technological progress and store the eggs taken at the optimal reproductive age in frozen form for subsequent fertilization. At the same time, the probability of having a healthy child increases.

For conception, the egg of a surrogate mother is used

In most cases, family couples who are able to give normal germ cells resort to substitute motherhood. However, there are exceptions: sometimes, due to the unsatisfactory state of the reproductive system of future biological mothers, eggs are taken from their blood relatives (for example, from sisters).

In some cases, single men wish to use surrogate motherhood. In such a situation, the future father has the opportunity to use an egg taken from an anonymous donor. In Russia, since 2012, there has been a legislative restriction that prohibits a surrogate mother from becoming a donor of genetic material at the same time.

Wealthy women use surrogacy to avoid childbirth

It is impossible to exclude such cases, but if they happen, then infrequently. The fact is that the procedure for taking eggs is a very difficult task. The ovarian puncture is performed under general anesthesia. For several weeks before this, the woman is forced to take hormonal drugs that activate the maturation of the follicles. All of these procedures are unpleasant and associated with certain risks.

As a rule, surrogate motherhood is resorted to by women who cannot conceive or bear a child due to age or serious pathologies that are incompatible with pregnancy. Such a decision is usually dictated by difficult life circumstances, and not by the desire to make life easier for yourself by avoiding the hardships of pregnancy and childbirth.

Surrogate mothers often keep their children to themselves

The risk of such a development of events is not excluded. During gestation and childbirth, a woman may become attached to the unborn baby and not be able to overcome the emotional stress associated with the need to transfer it to biological parents. A future surrogate mother must take a course with a psychologist, but this does not always help.

There is also a directly opposite possibility: relatives, mother and father, may refuse a newborn for psychological or some other reasons. Although each case of substitute motherhood is accompanied by the drawing up of an agreement regulating the obligations of the parties, there is no mechanism for the forced transfer of a “surrogate” child in our country.

Fortunately, such scenarios are extremely rare. As a rule, children born by surrogate mothers safely find their families.

Surrogacy is outlawed

In Russia, surrogacy, including commercial surrogacy, has been officially allowed since 2011. It is regulated by the Federal Law "On the Basics of Protecting the Health of Citizens in the Russian Federation", a number of articles of the Family Code, as well as orders of the Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation.

Despite the fact that legislative acts have a number of significant gaps, practice has established that not only officially registered married couples, but also citizens living in a civil marriage, as well as single women and men, have the right to use vicarious motherhood. Sometimes persons who are not in a marital relationship have to prove their right to motherhood or fatherhood in court. However, these cases are becoming more and more, and it is hoped that such problems will disappear over time.

The authorities of other states treat the practice of surrogate motherhood in different ways. It actually exists but is not regulated by law in Finland, Belgium, Spain and Greece. In countries such as the UK, Denmark, Israel, Canada, the Netherlands, surrogate motherhood is allowed with significant restrictions (as a rule, the provision of these services on a commercial basis is prohibited). In Belarus, only those women who are unable to bear a child due to serious health problems can use the help of surrogate mothers. On the territory of France, Sweden, Norway, Austria and Germany, substitute motherhood is completely prohibited.

The development of substitute motherhood is hampered not only by delusions about its safety for the unborn child. Many consider this way of acquiring offspring to be contrary to ethical standards. There is an opinion that the use of a woman's body to carry a genetically alien fetus violates her rights and is actually exploitation. Some people equate commercial surrogacy with child trafficking. A negative attitude is supported by the heads of the main religious denominations: they believe that the practice of vicarious motherhood undermines the foundations of family relations.

Nevertheless, it must be admitted that the services of surrogate mothers allow those people who in other circumstances would be deprived of such an opportunity to become happy parents. Most likely, this practice will develop especially successfully if legislators take care to study the existing problems and create an adequate legal basis for their solution.

Video from YouTube on the topic of the article:

Barren marriages and childlessness are the misfortune of many families, as well as people who have not created their own families. That is why assisted reproductive technologies (ART) are in great demand in the world, a wide range of which is offered by modern medicine.

Why is the Church so actively opposed to surrogate motherhood?

Surrogacy- assisted reproductive technology, in the application of which a woman voluntarily agrees to become pregnant in order to bear and give birth to a child biologically alien to her, who will then be given up for the upbringing of other persons - genetic parents. They will legally be considered the parents of this child, despite the fact that a surrogate mother endured and gave birth to him.

The use of new biomedical methods in many cases makes it possible to overcome the disease of infertility. At the same time, the expanding technological intervention in the process of the origin of human life poses a threat to the spiritual integrity and physical health of the individual. (…)

In the prayers of the wedding ceremony, the Orthodox Church expresses the belief that childbearing is the desired fruit of legal marriage, but at the same time not its only goal. Along with the “fruit of the womb for the good”, spouses are asked for gifts of enduring mutual love, chastity, “unanimity of souls and bodies”. Therefore, the paths to childbearing that do not agree with the plan of the Creator of life, the Church cannot consider morally justified. (…) Artificial insemination with the husband's sex cells can be classified as acceptable means of medical care, since it does not violate the integrity of the marriage union, does not fundamentally differ from natural conception, and occurs in the context of marital relations.

The manipulations associated with the donation of germ cells violate the integrity of the individual and the exclusivity of marital relations, allowing the invasion of a third party. In addition, this practice encourages irresponsible fatherhood or motherhood, knowingly released from any obligations in relation to those who are "flesh of flesh" anonymous donors. The use of donor material undermines the foundations of family relationships, since it implies that the child, in addition to "social", also has so-called biological parents. “Surrogate motherhood”, that is, the carrying of a fertilized egg by a woman who returns the child to “customers” after childbirth, is unnatural and morally unacceptable, even in cases where it is carried out on a non-commercial basis. This technique involves the destruction of the deep emotional and spiritual closeness that is established between the mother and the baby already during pregnancy.

"Surrogate motherhood" traumatizes both the pregnant woman, whose maternal feelings are trampled on, and the child, who may subsequently experience a crisis of self-consciousness. Morally unacceptable from the Orthodox point of view are also all varieties of in vitro (out of body) fertilization, involving the preparation, conservation and deliberate destruction of "excessive" embryos. It is on the recognition of human dignity even for the embryo that the moral assessment of abortion, condemned by the Church, is based (see XII.2).

Fertilization of single women using donor germ cells or the realization of "reproductive rights" of single men, as well as persons with the so-called non-standard sexual orientation, deprives the unborn child of the right to have a mother and father. The use of reproductive methods outside the context of a God-blessed family becomes a form of theomachism carried out under the guise of protecting human autonomy and misunderstood individual freedom.

In Russia, surrogate motherhood is regulated by the following legislative acts and regulations:

Family Code of the Russian Federation, art. 51-52.
Fundamentals of the legislation of the Russian Federation on the protection of the health of citizens of 22.06.93. No. 5487-1, art. 35 "Artificial insemination and embryo implantation".
Law "On acts of civil status" dated 11/15/97. No. 143-FZ, Art. 16
Order of the Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation dated February 26, 2003. № 67 "On the use of assisted reproductive technologies (ART) in the treatment of female and male infertility".

To register a child (children) born by a surrogate mother, parents must submit the following documents to the registry office: medical birth certificate, consent of the surrogate mother, certificate from the IVF clinic.

Now, in the absence or pronounced inferiority of the uterus of an infertile woman, another woman is involved in carrying the pregnancy - the so-called " surrogate mother". This naming itself is a form of discrimination against a woman carrying a pregnancy. Sometimes a surrogate mother is compared to a breadwinner who helps a needy family for altruistic reasons, but do not forget that there is still too much "difference in the intensity of the relationship between a surrogate mother and the fetus and a nanny and a child."

There is a danger of turning surrogate motherhood into a profession. In the process of carrying a pregnancy, mother and child are in a state of constant communication, a deep psychosomatic connection arises between them, the break of which, due to contractual obligations, can lead to severe mental illness.

What does the legal permission of surrogate motherhood lead to?

"Surrogacy akin to prostitution. Because a woman uses her body to give birth to someone, well, for his pleasure. The pleasures of being a father, a mother. Therefore, naturally, the Church cannot be for prostitution. She has always, from time immemorial, been against it.

Surrogate motherhood, as well as just prostitution of a person - both a man and a woman - humiliates. The fact is that God did not create man as an instrument for the pleasure of other people. In this case, they are put in an unequal position - it turns out that one pays the other not for his work, not for his talent, but for the exploitation of what was given to him by God - his own body. Man is used as a kind of farm for growing people. This is, of course, a completely ungodly thing."

Since the topic of social inequality is mixed into the problem, because, according to Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov,

“surrogate motherhood is, of course, a technology by which the rich exploit the poor. Because this contract, these procedures and the provision of medical care are all an expensive multi-month process. It turns out merciless, impudent and shameless exploitation of the poor by the rich. If we live in a welfare state, we should not have this.

Even 100-200 years ago, people said that prostitution is the exploitation of the poor by the rich, because people from the rich do not become prostitutes. It's the same here. It is hard to imagine that the daughter of the president of a large company would go and become a surrogate mother. No, this is the lot of young, good, but not very, maybe, intellectually developed girls from the countryside, from some working suburbs, and so on.

Why is IVF an inhuman technology?

From the moment the fetus is conceived, the Church considers it to be a person with an immortal soul.

“Although this person has not yet taken shape, but this is already a person with an immortal soul. And he continues to live in eternity,” notes

IVF technology requires huge numbers of embryos to be frozen in refrigerators.

“It is very scary that so many children who have a soul are in some kind of condition in refrigerators. And it is not known what will happen to them next: they may never become human. This technology is scary and inhuman.”

Does God dislike the happiness of parents who have received a child from a surrogate mother?

Surrogacy is a program that allows single women or couples to have a child if, for medical reasons, independent pregnancy is contraindicated. To date, the attitude to this phenomenon in the world is ambiguous, since not only show business stars, but also ordinary women use surrogate motherhood. Is surrogacy allowed in Russia? It is impossible to give an exact answer, since over the past few years the State Duma has several times introduced changes to the laws that are fundamental for surrogate motherhood.

What does the law say?

Article 55, and specifically paragraph 9, describes surrogate motherhood as an auxiliary RT that potential parents resort to. A woman who agrees to be a surrogate mother undertakes to bear and give birth to a child for a married couple with whom she had previously entered into an agreement. Fertilization of a woman is carried out by transferring a donor embryo, which was obtained on the basis of the genetic material of biological parents. This is done in order to minimize the genetic similarity between the surrogate mother and the unborn baby.

Can happiness be given?

Clause 10 of Article 55 describes a list of mandatory conditions that a woman must meet if she wants to become a surrogate mother and bear a child for other people. This paragraph of the article of the Russian Federation states that a woman can be a surrogate mother:

aged 18 to 35 years
with one (at least) own child who does not have psychological and physical developmental disabilities
in good health, which can only be assessed by a special medical commission of several doctors and issue an official conclusion
signed an agreement on voluntary participation in the surrogacy program with the participation of a lawyer of the supervising agency
having a written consent on behalf of her husband that he is not against the bearing of someone else's child by his wife (only if the woman is married)

Surrogate motherhood is regulated by Articles 51 and 52, which contain several subparagraphs each. These articles describe the rights and obligations of parents and a surrogate mother directly during the transfer of custody rights over a child.

The first article protects the rights of a woman and prescribes that, without her written consent, a married couple cannot be officially registered in the person of their parents. It would seem that this article creates the ground that will not let future parents feel calm, since the last word always remains with the mother. Partly it is. But the second article also protects the rights of parents if a woman in a state of postpartum depression, some time after signing the official consent, demands that she return all civil rights to the child. Such upholding would be contrary to Article 52, and in this case the law would be on the side of the successful parents.

We draw up a contract

Is it possible to prevent the development of such an unpleasant situation between the two interested parties? Of course, but only with the participation of an experienced lawyer who has been working in the field of surrogacy for at least five years. It is important to understand that the future baby is not the main subject of the transaction, since surrogacy is not a commercial process.

The contract is not concluded for the purpose of securing oneself from a material point of view, but only to legitimize actions with civil rights (in this case, the transfer of rights to a child).

It's not just about the money

The only truly commercial aspect of the transaction concerns the payment of all expenses for the mother that may accompany the pregnancy. This includes the cost of food (it should be varied, regardless of the time of year), travel (if the surrogate mother lives in a neighboring city), accommodation, medicines (for medical reasons and a doctor's prescription), vitamins, etc. However, the amount covering these expenses cannot be called "material remuneration", as it would be more correct to call it "material compensation".

In the course of drawing up an agreement between the two parties, this item should be described in particular detail and carefully. It is important to clarify that in the event of termination of the contract by the mother (refusal to transfer rights - a form of refusal), she must compensate for all costs of pregnancy management, including the costs of the surrogate agency that supervised the woman for all nine months.

Order 67 also relates to the topic of surrogacy and dictates direct evidence that may be the reason for allowing a married couple to apply to surrogacy agencies in order to bear a child by another woman.

Is surrogacy legal in Russia at the moment? Russian lawyers (including Bogatyrev, Kuznetsov and others) analyzed a number of articles on surrogate motherhood and came to the conclusion that surrogate motherhood services can be safely called “immoral”, since they turn a child into a kind of commodity that can be easily sold or bought for fixed cost. The lawyers also questioned the voluntariness of surrogate motherhood, since during all nine months of pregnancy a woman, with all her desire, will not be able to change her decision, since she is already carrying a baby in herself.

Prohibit cannot be allowed

In the early summer of 2017, a bill was considered to ban surrogate motherhood in Russia. When considering the issue, it was repeatedly mentioned that the Russian Federation is one of the countries of the world, the legislative regulation of surrogate motherhood in which is undeveloped and “liberal”.

It was also emphasized that today in many European countries (France, Great Britain, etc.) and several US states, surrogate motherhood is prohibited, since it is believed that this program can violate a number of human rights. Despite the fact that surrogate motherhood is officially allowed in Russia, the state does not take an active part in its regulation and development. For statistics, almost a third of couples who use the services of surrogate mothers are foreigners.

The bill proposed to suspend surrogacy in the territory of the Russian Federation until state structures are able to strictly regulate all the rights and obligations of not only surrogate mothers, but also potential parents. A separate item raised the issue of the rights of a child born as a result of such a program. Thus, the State Duma is trying to strengthen the institution of the family in Russia, which is one of the most painful issues of today.

Senator Belyakov, who believes that the surrogacy program should be temporarily banned

During the discussion, Senator Belyakov repeatedly said that the surrogacy program as such violates the rights of the child and the person in general, since the norm in the postpartum period is considered to be the restriction of contact between the child and the woman who gave birth to him. Such measures are taken in order not to harm the psyche of both the child and the woman who acted as a surrogate mother. But, during the discussion, the senator cited new scientific evidence based on the fact that the child has a strong psycho-emotional connection with the surrogate mother even after childbirth. Such a connection is laid and develops even during the intrauterine development of the fetus, and therefore the artificial interruption of such a connection by transferring the child to new parents can lead to negative consequences for the development of his psyche.

It is also impossible to ignore the opinion of the ROC (Russian Orthodox Church), which is extremely negative about the phenomenon of surrogate motherhood in general. Until recently, the ROC simply banned IVF and surrogacy. Now some representatives of Orthodoxy are more loyal to this issue.

In any case, both surrogate mothers and biological parents must understand all the risks, be aware of all the pros and cons, and be firmly confident in their decision.

Medical statistics claim that about 20% of couples cannot have. The way out of this situation is surrogate motherhood. This gives a chance to have a child to those families who have problems conceiving. In this article, we will consider what surrogate motherhood is, who a surrogate mother is, and what requirements may be for her.

Surrogate mother

Consider who a surrogate mother is. This is a woman who is transplanted into a ready-made embryo for bearing. She has no genetic connection to him. The embryo is obtained as a result of IVF (in vitro fertilization), using the gene material of biological parents. The surrogate mother bears someone else's child for 9 months, and after giving birth she gives it to the biological mother. Before dealing with the requirements for a surrogate mother, it is necessary to understand in what situations one should resort to using the services in question. The main problem is women's. There can be many reasons, such as uterus, repeated failed IVF attempts, absence of a uterus.

Did you know?The world's first child from a surrogate mother was born in 1989 in the UK.

Requirements for a surrogate mother

Biological parents are very serious about the woman who will carry their baby. A surrogate mother should carefully monitor her health throughout. If a woman is an athlete, then she should adjust the level of physical activity. should be correct - this will also be monitored by the genetic parents.

An important requirement for a surrogate mother is consent to conclude a contract. It is expressed in writing and signed consciously, without coercion.

Important!If the surrogate mother is married, then the written consent of the husband is required.

One of the requirements is to have regular medical check-ups with the husband if they live together.

List of mandatory requirements

A woman can become a surrogate mother if:

her age is between 20 and 35 years;
she is healthy on a physical and mental level;
she has at least one child born naturally;
she has no bad habits;
she had no abortions, miscarriages, premature births and
she is not overweight.

How to find such women

Consider how to find a surrogate mother. Basically, they are women who are ready to help other people's families and at the same time earn money. You can find a suitable candidate for the role of a surrogate mother using the services of specialized companies. It is recommended to choose agencies with a good reputation. They look for surrogate mothers, examine them, help draw up contracts. The services of such companies are not cheap. The amount includes the search for a woman, IVF,. Also, the surrogate mother is paid a monetary reward during the entire pregnancy and during childbirth.

You can independently search for a surrogate mother, for example, via the Internet. However, at the same time, you will not have any guarantees in conscientious performance by such a woman of the functions assigned to her.

Important! Do not spare money and contact specialized companies, because when choosing a surrogate mother on your own, you may encounter scammers.

Who usually becomes such a mother?

A woman who can bear someone else's child, as a rule, becomes a female person who meets all the requirements. Before becoming a surrogate mother, it is necessary to undergo a series of studies to confirm the absence of various diseases and a normal mental state.

Some myths

There are many myths about surrogate motherhood, which will be discussed below.

Legislation and who can become a surrogate mother

Myths about the service in question:

“A surrogate mother can be a female person who has at least 2 children.” According to official documents, it is enough for a woman to have 1 child to be allowed to carry someone else's.
“The service can be used by persons registered in marriage.” Yes, such a condition is mentioned, but it is not required. If people are not in a legal relationship, then during the registration of the baby, the data of the surrogate mother can be recorded in the “mother” column. Therefore, it is recommended to legalize the marriage before the procedure. If a single girl wants to use the service, then only after the consent of the surrogate mother, the data of the biological mother will be entered in the “mother” column.
"The service in question is illegal." There is a law that allows surrogacy.
“Many are ready to adopt a baby rather than use the services of a surrogate mother.” A surrogate mother will give birth to your genetically related child. And when adopted, the child will be a stranger by blood.
“An aged genetic mother cannot use the service in question.” If at least 1 egg can mature in a female person, then you can get a baby even after 45 years. But if the biological mother has menopause, then the child may develop incorrectly.
“The services of surrogate mothers are used by women who are afraid to spoil the figure after childbirth.” This happens, but rarely. Typically, such services are used by women who have been wanting to have a child for many years, but cannot become pregnant or carry a baby.

Did you know?Over the past 5 years, the number of people using the services of surrogate mothers has increased by almost 15%.

Will give - will not give

Myths "will give - will not give":

“The surrogate mother gives away her own child, because she carried him for 9 months.” She is carrying someone else's child. The surrogate mother must agree to have the names of the biological parents written in the birth book. This consent must be in writing and certified by seals.
“Often a surrogate mother keeps the baby to herself.” When registering the service, both parties sign a legally executed contract, which specifies all rights and obligations. A child from a surrogate mother legally belongs to her. This means that if she does not want to part with the baby, then they will not be able to take him away (Article 51, part 4). But, if the contract is executed, then the actions of the surrogate mother can be challenged in court. A woman in labor is hard to bear parting with the baby, so they prepare for separation in psychology centers, and this is almost 100% effective.
“A surrogate mother can keep the baby for 3 days after birth.” The law does not stipulate how long a woman must make a decision. She must agree or disagree to pick up the baby before discharge from the hospital, and this is, on average, 3 days. But the law has a general term for registering a child, which is 1 month.

Myths about what the baby will be like:

"The baby will have her blood." It is a myth. The circulatory systems of the baby in the womb and the mother are not connected.
"Outwardly, the baby will have similarities with the woman who bore him." No, the genes of the child are biological mom and dad.
"Children born this way are different from ordinary children." It is a myth. Such babies, as a rule, outwardly do not differ from ordinary children and have a good.

Problems faced by a surrogate mother

Women who have carried someone else's child may experience some problems:

Maternal instinct. At first, it seems to the surrogate mother that she will give the baby away without any problems. But for 9 months, she is very close to the child. During a breakup, a woman can get severe psychological trauma. In this case, you need to seek the help of a specialist.
Anxiety. Many surrogate mothers during the gestation period are too worried about the baby. They not only want to endure it and give birth healthy, but also worry about its future fate.
Family problems. The husband and children (especially adults) of the surrogate mother also experience psychological trauma, realizing that the wife/mother is carrying someone else's baby.
Legal issues. There are cases when biological parents refuse a child born by another woman. Basically, this happens due to any deviations of the baby, pathologies, diseases. And then the surrogate mother can be left without money and with another child, sick and genetically alien.

Now you have learned what a surrogate mother is. Using her services is a reliable way to become parents for childless families. Therefore, if you have problems conceiving and bearing a child, you can safely contact specialized clinics where you will find a suitable surrogate mother. Of course, the cost of such a service will be much higher than with an independent search, but the probability of a successful outcome is much greater.

the site continues the “Real Story” section, in which ordinary women frankly share with us unimagined stories from their lives. We are grateful to each of them for their sincerity and respect the desire of many to remain incognito. After all, reality, as we know, sometimes turns out to be more complicated than a twisted movie script, and ordinary people are forced to solve problems that are beyond the power of Hollywood superheroes. This story is about a woman who, after a divorce, decided on surrogacy so that she, her son and mother could live in normal conditions. Our heroine does not regret her choice at all and claims that this decision was dictated not only by the desire to help her family, but also by a sincere desire to support a childless couple. Meet Elena and her real story.

My name is Elena, I am 30 years old. Together with my 5-year-old son, we now live in Nekrasovka, and I work in Moscow as a customer support manager in a large company associated with 1C. The circumstances that pushed me to surrogate motherhood are not as tragic as some women experience. After a divorce from my husband, we stayed with my son and my mother in a small one-room apartment in Pushkino. We lived in a cramped area, and the area is unfavorable. I have long wanted an apartment more and preferably in another place. In financial terms, everything is not easy in our family: the father of the child pays very small alimony, so it was scary to take a large amount in a mortgage.

The idea of becoming a surrogate mother would not even have occurred to me if it were not for a conversation at work: one of my colleagues asked which of us could bear someone else's child. A friend from the department told about a familiar couple who had been looking for a surrogate mother for a long time on their own and, as a result, encountered scammers several times. It turned out that the attitude towards surrogate motherhood in our team was even, and some even sympathized with women who decided to take this step. Everyone understood that no one would go for this from a good life, so why not improve their financial situation.

I then jokingly said: “We need to find out about the fee, but I want an apartment.” Laughter laughter, but the thought stuck in my head.

First of all, I went to my mother: her opinion is very important to me. I also needed support, because she would have to sit with my child during my possible departures related to the program. At first she thought that I was crazy: why all of a sudden such ideas? Then, however, she agreed.

I spoke harshly with my ex-husband and adhered to such a position that if he could not provide his child with an apartment, then in this case he has no right to vote at all. The fact that I sat on the IVF-mom forum for several days, sorted out the details, added to my determination. Thanks to this, a sincere desire appeared to help, and not only to do well for oneself.

I immediately dismissed the idea of looking for biological parents on my own: this is a very risky business for both parties. The agency still controls both sides and actually decides everything for you, which is very convenient. I considered several companies, but turned to Sweetchild. The agency turned out to be the largest and most famous, and I decided not to take risks and not get involved with small clinics.

I filled out the questionnaire, collected all the necessary information, and then passed an interview, including with a psychologist. Passed tests for drug use, nicotine and alcohol - the expectant mother should not have bad habits. It also provided for a mandatory full medical examination with tests and ultrasound from a reproductive specialist for approval of me as a possible surrogate mother. The agreement with Sweetchild was concluded immediately. I promptly went through all the examinations at the IVF Center on Argunovskaya, where we later had an embryo transfer procedure under the supervision of a reproductive specialist Olga Nikolaevna Vyatkina and pregnancy control.

I got a call about a couple of months later and was told that my family had chosen me. Since most of the tests were still "fresh", I was accepted into the program almost immediately. By this point, I was already drinking vitamins for expectant mothers and carefully controlled my lifestyle. There were no difficulties in preparing for pregnancy at all. I had a transfer of one embryo on HRT (hormone replacement therapy, - note .. Nothing terrible happened, I felt good. I was transferred only one embryo.

I started doing tests three days later, and some kind of excitement seized me. Even my mother got involved - she stood under the toilet door: “So what?” On the tenth day, the second strip appeared. It was a very strange feeling! Joy mixed with fear.

In fact, I was really scared: what will happen next, how will the pregnancy and childbirth go? I am responsible for the baby to his parents. Two weeks later, the pregnancy was confirmed by an analysis of hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin, - approx. site), and then by ultrasound, where one embryo and a heartbeat were diagnosed.

I did not mask the pregnancy and did not hide, because I do not see anything wrong with surrogacy. I even told everyone at work. Colleagues, of course, were surprised, but then they were very keenly interested in my news. After giving birth, I returned to my old job, and there were no sarcastic questions or comments addressed to me.

Nevertheless, I did not want anyone in my son's kindergarten to know something. I didn’t want any rumors if I later appeared without a stomach and a child. The son is still small, he will not be able to respond correctly to the questions of the curious.

I don't know if the biomom simulated pregnancy or not. The fact is that "Switchchild" acts as a full-fledged intermediary, and in order to avoid any difficulties, the biological parents and the surrogate mother do not see each other and do not contact each other. I know that my “bio” was regularly sent all the results of appointments, ultrasound records. If desired, they could come to an appointment with my obstetrician-gynecologist and inquire about all the examination data.

All 9 months I was easy. As with the first child, I didn’t feel sick, didn’t feel sick, but my appetite decreased a little, and I fell asleep with my son at 9 pm. I began to suspect that I was carrying a boy, just like last time.

Maternal feelings ... The child is not to blame that his own mother cannot bear him. This is no reason to deny him love. Therefore, I treated the baby inside me with love and affection. She stroked, talked, asked to be a good boy.

But it's still a little different feeling that was with his son. During the second pregnancy, I felt sorry for the child, saying that I know that he wants to be with his mother, that she misses her too, and in a few months they will be together. A psychologist helped me emotionally cope and tune in correctly, and the curator of the program was also constantly in touch.

In fact, these months flew by quite quickly, because there was no time to be bored. Work, a child, a kindergarten, medical examinations… A surrogate mother can work if it is easy work, so I worked until the official maternity leave. The main thing is that nothing interferes with medical examinations - this is an important condition. A driver from Sweetchild brings and takes to the clinic. Every month I received an amount for food and necessary drugs.

My son did not even understand that something was happening, especially since boys are less attentive to such things than girls. In addition, I did not pay his attention to the fact that my mother had a baby in her tummy. About a month before the birth, I moved into the Sweetchild corporate apartment: it was necessary that I be promptly taken to the maternity hospital when the contractions began. A contract for childbirth on a paid basis was concluded with one of the Moscow maternity hospitals. In the last stages, it was a little hard: the pressure rose, edema appeared. Doctors put a high risk of developing preeclampsia, so they decided to call the birth a little earlier than the due day. Because the contractions were stimulating, they were more painful than my first experience.

I gave birth to a boy, he was very beautiful! The kid was completely different, unlike my son - fair, large. Feelings were ... like a sister's child. It seems to be native, but you know that it is not yours. They took him away immediately and I never saw him again. A day later, as she recovered after giving birth, she signed all the required documents for refusal.

The first weeks I missed him very much, but now I remember that time with warmth. Very interesting - what was it called?

Surrogacy helped us a lot. We sold an apartment in Pushkino, added my reward, and bought a very comfortable two-room apartment in a new building in Nekrasovka. Of course, we still had to borrow some amount, but it was not as scary as if we had taken a mortgage. 2.5 months after giving birth, I already went to work, and I expect to pay off the debt in a few years. I don’t want to be a surrogate mother for the second time, but I don’t regret my experience one bit. I am glad that I helped another baby to be born, and my son now has his own room. So good for everyone!