How to make peace with your wife after infidelity: accidental infidelity. Accidentally cheated on her husband with an ex ... How to live on

27.04.2019

Often, having lived together for a long time, spouses lose interest in each other. Love is dulled, and everyday life tightens the sparkle in the eyes with a continuous veil.

It’s good if there is respect for each other between the spouses and they, without doing stupid things (betrayals), talk to each other and make a mutual decision to change something in their lives or disperse completely. But this is not always the case.

It happens that someone alone is looking for warmth and thrills on the side. This is very sad. Let's talk about female infidelity. How to identify this betrayal, prevent it (if it is still possible) and what should a husband do after everything has already happened.

Revealing a cheating spouse is not always easy. If you succeeded, then the fact of infidelity has already occurred. If the possibility of female infidelity is still at an early stage, then everything can be fixed without much conflict and resentment.

How to determine the potential for cheating wife

Take a look at your relationship. What do you see? You talk little and laugh together. Increasingly, communication is reduced to short and irritable phrases. The wife behaves passively at home and is happy to go to work or visit her girlfriend. All these are the first bells that portend the collapse of a relationship.

The first thing you should do is try to talk to her. Create a calm environment and not intrusively lead her to a conversation without mutual recriminations. Try to figure out together what went wrong in your relationship. If you entered into a marriage of mutual love, then feelings just don’t go away, and you have a chance to set everything up again. If everything is very neglected, then it is necessary to simply disperse without swearing and fighting, without losing companionship (especially if there are common children).

What most often causes female infidelity in their words?

List of excuses for cheating women:

You paid little attention to me

You can't provide for your family

You cheated on me

I just fell in love with another man

None of this will calm you down, but some of the points listed above can correct the situation.

Spent little time

This is the most common excuse, which is not always fair. If you are constantly busy at work and try to retire at home for relaxation, then reconsider your attitude towards yourself and work. Set aside one hour to communicate with your spouse. This will help. Try at this time to compliment her, praise and affectionately hug.

financial difficulties

It's more difficult here. Look for another job, try to find additional income, or simply cut back on unnecessary things. In principle, if you have taken responsibility for the full provision of the family, then you must find a way out. But remind her that financial crises occur for everyone and this is not a reason for treason. Together in joy and in sorrow! Remember these words?

your betrayal

If this happened, then you yourself broke firewood. Try to sincerely repent and convince her that you love only her. Might work.

fell in love with another

A hopeless situation. If this is love, then step aside and let go of the situation. Perhaps this is not love, but a temporary passion or love. Wait. Time will put everything in its place, but will you need it later?

Treason, many families sooner or later face this problem. Male infidelity is somehow more familiar and ordinary, they are often explained by physiological attraction. But if female treason is the "sword of Damocles" over the security of family relationships. A woman will never change only out of physiological needs.
What could be the reasons for her betrayal.

First She fell out of love with her husband. Lives with him only because of habit, comfort and stability. In every fleeting romance on the side, she will look for her, “the same”, true love, and being disappointed in her, each time she will return to her husband’s native embrace.

The second reason- random change. Yes Yes! It happens to women too. But unlike men, she will be driven not by physiological needs, but by emotional ones. Perhaps the husband speaks little heart to heart with her, rarely cares for her, almost never brings flowers. And then a sort of Don Juan appears, showering her with compliments, here she is, thirsty for emotions and worship, can not stand it and rushes into his arms.
Very rarely, but random infidelity in women also occurs due to sexual dissatisfaction.

Perhaps they have not seen their husband for a long time, it is not for nothing that there are jokes among the people about long business trips of men and traitorous wives.
Or the notorious holiday romance, so many psychologists advise going on vacation with your husband, they say, refresh your relationship and don’t be tempted.
A common reason for accidentally cheating on the part of a wife, especially if she has been married for a long time, is sexual dissatisfaction. The husband can no longer give her physical pleasure, so she runs to the side.
Well, the last factor that provokes random female infidelity is nymphomania. . But this is a pathology. Such a woman will never be fed up with sex with one man. There's nothing to be done, it's better for her not to get married at all.

The next reason that incites a woman to "walk left" is excessive wealth . As the saying goes - "stuck. Everything is there, I want adrenaline, so she finds entertainment in various men.
The reverse reason Lack of money . The husband brings little money and cannot satisfy all her material needs, so she is looking for a wealthy admirer on the side.

There are many reasons, only one thing is clear, the soul of a woman is incomprehensible, but if she is in warmth, care and comfort, she will never cheat on her man.

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Random Cheating

He who truly loves is not jealous. The main essence of love is trust. Take away trust from love - you will take away from it the consciousness of its own strength and duration, all its bright side, - therefore, all its greatness.

Anna Louise Germaine de Stael

Even a loving couple is not immune from betrayal. Such are the paradoxes of human psychology. Then, if a wife finds out that her husband is unfaithful to her, he only lowers his head dejectedly - they say, he does not cut a guilty little head and a sword, - or sighs, silently praying for forgiveness, or shrugging his hands, or making excuses.

Here are typical male excuses: “He doesn’t understand how it happened”, “Just found a minute eclipse”, “She climbed up to me herself”.

“Pussy”, “bunny”, “lapula” - this is what they call a mistress when they cannot remember her name.

But the wife, too, can show weakness in a certain situation, and then she also reproaches herself for what happened.

“The demon beguiled” is the most “reinforced concrete argument of unfaithful spouses of both sexes, against which it is difficult to find an objection.

Most often, such situations occur in those families where both spouses or one of them had experience of premarital sexual relations. A person, be it a man or a woman, always easily made sexual contact, then fell in love, got married, but the old stereotype remained.

A noble English nobleman indignantly says to his wife, a former dancer:

- Yesterday I was at the opening and saw your portrait in the nude. How do you explain this outrage?

- You need not worry, sir, the artist painted me from memory.

Joke

Let me tell you two stories from my experience.

Natasha, a sociable, cheerful woman, married for love. Men have always liked her. Previously, she had many love affairs, which she did not attach much importance to. With some lovers she had a long-term relationship, with others short-term. Natasha easily converged and easily, without anguish, parted.

She immediately developed a serious relationship with Valery. “As soon as I saw him, I immediately understood: this is mine,” she says. “This is the man I need.”

If he knows exactly what he wants, he is a real man. But it is better to be married to someone who knows exactly what you want!

Valery is reliable, strong, self-confident. These qualities attracted many women to him, but he did not spray on romances. Once in his life there was a woman he loved. They lived together for three years, then she seduced his best friend, and Valery left her on the same day. He is a talented mathematician, passionate about his work: “Mathematics is my mistress for life, it will never betray me.”

Natasha conquered him on the very first evening. She is funny, witty, sociable. Doesn't like to get stuck on problems and doesn't like to create them. Valery felt comfortable with her, joked that his favorite mathematics was true to him, but he cheated on her with Natasha.

A man is a game that considers itself a hunter.

Natasha knew about Valery's long-standing unsuccessful romance and drew the right conclusions for herself. Yes, she was not going to cheat on him. She loved and respected him. Compared to Valery, all her former fans lost significantly.

They lived in perfect harmony for 5 years, they have two children. Natasha did not want another fate for herself. Although Valery was silent and could not stand "tinsel", as he called all the romantic bells and whistles that Natasha used to love so much, but now it did not bother her. “What happened, it’s gone, all these are mistakes of youth,” she said to her friends when they joked about what a faithful wife the windy Natasha had become.

Everyone knows that she is a faithful wife.

Everyone knows, but no one believes.

Once at work they had a party. One of the young employees named Sasha, who came to them recently, did not leave Natasha all evening, showered compliments and openly framed, and she, yearning for male attention, accepted his advances with pleasure. Slight intoxication, the atmosphere of general flirting, a handsome man nearby - all this played a role. Natasha, the true daughter of the ancestress of Eve, also did not escape temptation.

She did not suffer from remorse of conscience afterwards. Natasha is generally an easy-going person.

“What happened, happened,” she said to herself and decided to live as if nothing had happened.

The suddenly returned husband finds his wife with her lover and, indignant, freezes in the doorway.

- Why are you so surprised? Didn't you recognize your best friend?

Joke

But her casual lover, with whom she was not going to maintain a relationship, did not want to give up. He liked Natasha, and besides, male pride jumped up. It is one thing if he seduced a handsome colleague, amuse his vanity and limit himself to this, and it is quite another thing when a woman whom Sasha already considered his own avoids meetings.

Natasha immediately warned him that there would be no continuation: she loves her husband, and what happened between them was just a momentary weakness under alcoholic vapors. But Natasha's excuses did not satisfy him. He began to literally pursue her, called, demanded meetings. After work, he followed her all the way to her house and whined that she had no right to do this to him, he was in love, and she teased him and left him.

I am too malleable man: as I see a beautiful woman, so she reaches out to me.

V. Georgiev

At first, Natasha wanted to reduce everything to a joke, advised him to switch to other female colleagues who were not averse to having an affair with him, offered to introduce him to his unmarried girlfriend, who was probably his type, but Sasha did not want to accept her playful tone.

Over time, the one-time lover began to annoy Natasha with his importunity and impudence. At work, Sasha did not leave her desk and demanded attention, and in the evenings he repeatedly called her at home, insisting that she come out to him “to talk”. Natasha pulled him back more than once or twice in a sharp tone, but at least with a crowbar on the head. The next morning, he was hanging out on a bench in front of her entrance, and Natasha, going out with her youngest daughter (her husband was taking her son), was forced to sort things out with him in front of the child. But the unlucky boyfriend did not lag behind and trailed behind her until the very kindergarten, where Natasha led her daughter.

It's easier to have three new lovers than to get rid of the previous one.

Valery is neither blind nor deaf. Local gossips regularly reported to him that Natasha was again seen off by “her boyfriend” and “waited in the morning.”

In the end, Valery's patience snapped, and he asked his wife what was happening. He knew that Natasha, a born coquette, was liked by men, and in any company she did not remain without male attention. But before she knew how to keep them at a distance.

Rumors reached her husband that his wife was cheating on him. Deciding to check, he returned home early. The wife barely had time to hide her lover in a new closet.

Husband comes in and immediately to the closet. He opens the door, and there is a lover holding a poster in his hands.

- You are cheating on me! shouted the angry husband.

Dear, how could you think such a thing?! This is a new service of our store. You see, his poster says: “Thank you for your purchase!”

Joke

To her husband’s direct question why she couldn’t get rid of the annoying admirer, Natasha hesitated, made excuses, and then admitted: “Once we had drunk with him ...”

In response, the husband silently began to collect his things. Natasha clung to him, cried and swore that this was the first and last time, but concentrated on collecting her bag. Not forgetting a single detail, Valery put the keys to their apartment on a table in the hallway and left.

Natasha tried to commit suicide, then she was treated for depression. She sought reconciliation with her husband, but he avoided meetings. He never returned to Natasha.

There is nothing to ease a break with a loved one, but there is something to aggravate.

The more harmonious the relationship in marriage, the more crushing the blow for the spouse who learned about the betrayal of his half. Accidental betrayal can occur during the best period of their relationship or during a quarrel.

Change can also be under the influence of tragic circumstances.

Anya, my patient, lost her only son. He was hit by a car in front of her eyes. The doctors were unable to save him. She walked out of the hospital, not seeing anything in front of her. There was an emptiness in my soul, everything around me died. I didn’t want to go home - everything there reminded me of my son. And I didn't want to see my husband. I did not want to hear words of sympathy and consolation from relatives and friends.

Fleeing from the rain, Anya went into some cafe and sat down at a table, thoughtlessly looking at one point. An unfamiliar man sat down next to her and spoke to her. She remained silent, his words reaching her with difficulty. He offered a drink, Anya nodded. Then he invited her to his house, she nodded again and followed him.

Anya spent five days with a stranger. During this time, they almost did not talk, during the proximity, Anya did not feel anything, did not realize where she was, she did not even know the name of the owner of the house.

Her husband Eugene has turned gray these days. Deciding that his wife killed herself out of grief, he called all the hospitals, ran around all the city morgues. A funeral was coming, and two troubles fell on him at once - his son died, his beloved wife disappeared. She wasn't even at her son's funeral.

Returning home, Anya did not answer her husband's questions for almost a month, was silent, looking at one point, or lay awake, looking at the ceiling, did not eat, did not comb her hair, did not wash her face. Then she told her husband everything she could remember. His despair knew no bounds. "How could you! he shouted. - We have such grief, and you gave yourself to the first comer! I loved you, and you have sunk to the level of a whore!” Anna couldn't even answer him. How to explain her condition to her husband - she didn't care?! She did not even look for oblivion in a casual relationship that meant nothing to her. Anya herself did not understand how this happened. She has always been a loving, faithful wife, a good mother.

Her husband was never able to forgive her. And not only for treason, but also for the fact that everything happened at such a tragic moment.

“I don’t know what to expect from you now,” he told her at parting. Either you're insensitive, or you've been in disguise all these years. I can never treat you the way I used to. Even if twenty years pass, I won't be able to forgive you."

Of course, we are not immune from the danger of experiencing disappointment in a loved one. It can be caused by such qualities, attitudes and actions that we did not expect to encounter. It is difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile with them. Often, however, the source of our disappointment is to be found in ourselves. Convinced of the falsity or fragility of our own feelings, we do not want, however, to take responsibility for the upcoming break. Our task is facilitated by the not always reasonable behavior of the partner, which exposes him in an even more unfavorable light. As a result, the gap becomes for us not a defeat, but almost a victory, untying our hands and relieving our souls.

E. Panteleev

What happened to Anya is called a reactive state in psychiatric language. This is a pathological reaction to psychic trauma. Reactive depression occurs in response to severe mental trauma, in particular, to the death of a loved one, as in Anya's case, or a difficult life situation. Unlike the natural reaction of grief and sadness, which can be in such a situation in any mentally healthy person, the pathological reaction is characterized by excessive strength and duration.

Depression is characterized by a slowdown in mental processes and speech, motor retardation - a person sits in the same position, head and shoulders down, is silent or answers questions in monosyllables, walks hunched over, all movements are slowed down. In severe cases, the so-called psychomotor retardation occurs. A person lies or sits motionless, with an expression of grief, deep anguish or hopeless despair frozen on his face.

“I feel like I don’t feel anything anymore.”

Consciousness is narrowed or the patient is stunned. He can answer some questions, but briefly, with a long delay, after a pause, he does not immediately understand the meaning of the question asked. Nothing that is happening around attracts his attention. He is not able to serve himself, does not eat, does not drink, cannot do anything. All emotional experiences reflect the transferred mental trauma. There may be ideas of self-blame - he blames himself for not saving a person close to him, believes that he could be saved. Thoughts about what happened are relentless, in some cases, experiences reach the degree of delirium. In such cases, people say that a person has been damaged in his mind from grief.

Depression has no weight, but it can become a heavy burden.

So in this case Anna is not guilty. Being in a state of stunned, she was poorly oriented in what was happening and was not aware of her actions. Even if Anya had committed an offense in such a state, psychiatrists would have declared her insane. If her husband, instead of arranging interrogation and scenes of jealousy, had brought her to a psychiatrist, the situation would have been resolved much faster.

The psychiatrist says to the patient:

- You are clearly not all right with the psyche.

- Excuse me, doctor, but I would like to hear another opinion!

- Well, since you insist - please: you are also terrible!

Joke

Reactive states are reversible, and under the influence of treatment, Anya's condition returned to normal.

I managed to find her husband, I invited him to my place and explained everything to him. At first, Eugene shook his head in disbelief: “You justify her, doctor. Anya must have asked you to do this.” Then he understood and believed.

Over time, they got better. They now have a three year old son. They named him Oleg, like their dead son.

Men can have as many accidental infidelities as they like, they don't even consider it to be infidelity. A suitable case turned up, the woman liked it, she liked it too, and soon the logical finale comes.

There is no time for slow sex!

It also happens that the lady didn’t really like it, but she obviously didn’t mind, and the man took advantage of the opportunity.

In any case, the pangs of conscience will not burden him. On the contrary, in the company of friends, he has the opportunity to boast that he will never miss his own and can seduce anyone.

Random cheating for the stronger sex is such a frequent and even banal phenomenon that I will not even give examples from my practice.

The newlyweds are going to go on vacation. Husband says:

- Darling, before we leave, I must tell you about my past.

- But you did it before the wedding.

- The fact is that what I want to tell you about happened between the wedding and today.

Joke

The next day, a man may not remember the name of his random mistress. The brand of alcohol that they drank together, he will remember many years later, but the name of a random sexual partner is unlikely.

A woman remembers not only the name, but everything that concerns her lover, even if she ended up in his bed by accident.

- I just saw a man trying to kiss your wife.

- And did he succeed?

- No.

- So it wasn't my wife.

Joke

From the book Sex and the city of Kyiv. 13 ways to solve your girlish problems the author Luzina Lada

From the book Stage of the Mirror. When a woman knows what she wants author Chalandzia Eteri Omarovna

From the book Happy Woman and How to Become One the author Vul Felix

The first betrayal Have arrived. Everything became kind of grey. Run to cry to your mother - what's the point? Speak out to a girlfriend? But she just shrugs her shoulders: “Listen, what do you want from men? They are all the same! ”No, but what a scoundrel, you are nothing at all together, but he has already found a comforter!

From the book Once in a Lifetime. Conversations with high school students about marriage, family, children the author Shugaev Ilya

Treason! Most women consider themselves faithful - although it is not known what is meant by this. After all, a woman does not feel guilty if she has time everywhere - and the family is in order, and there are no problems with work, well, a novel for the soul. Even cheating out of revenge or lack of attention

From the book Atypical Sex author Lev-Starovich Zbigniew

Treason That betrayal is a clear sin, no one doubts. Therefore, I will only comment a little on this sin. In confession, one often hears about betrayals, but the saddest thing is how a person talks about his betrayal. In the words you hear a child

From the book Formulas of Love author Pravdina Natalia Borisovna

Triple infidelity Persons who, along with marital affairs, maintain a permanent extramarital relationship, sometimes complicate their lives with another novel, i.e. are already dealing with three sexual partners at the same time. This (this) third (third) play different roles in such a Gordian knot.

From the book Training Your Girlfriend author Sadkovsky Sergey

Treason is an intimate matter. This letter is very unusual. But it seems to me that what its author writes about gradually affects all of us. My husband condemns adultery. He says that those who do not know how to love change women. I am of the same opinion. Until now, I was sure that he was faithful to me. But maybe,

From the book Erotic Stories of Runet - Volume 1 of the author

From the book Why they love some, marry others, and live with others author Petrushin Sergey Vladimirovich

Ira Group, anal, betrayal Author: dryunyaI persuaded her for a long time, a little over a month. A miniature brunette with huge gray eyes and an impeccable figure, married and without a train of rumors about a vulgar past, Ira looked exactly like that, when looking at her, one involuntarily thought - Is it

From the book Stimulating Sexual Desire author Kashchenko Evgeniy Avgustovich

Beginning of Treason Author: Alex A completely real story from my personal life, why I am writing, I don’t know myself. I am married for the second time. My beautiful girl's name is Xenia. The first intimacy was incredible and completely turned my life around. External and internal beauty, sexuality and

From the book Differences in the Sexual Motives of Men and Women author Zemsha Vladimir Valerievich

Infidelity in marriage When discussing the levels of relationships in marriage, it is difficult to get around the question of the definition of adultery. On which of the three levels is treason possible? The easiest way is with the emotional, because here, according to the definition, the concept of treason does not exist. Since there is no possibility

From the book How to Keep Love in Marriage by John Gottman

From the book I see what you think and want! Psychological techniques necessary for every woman author Orlova Angelina

From the book About what they are silent in bed. Psychology of intimate relationships the author Seagull Semyon

From the author's book

treason What is treason, how to understand it? Should a husband who talks to another woman in a smoking room be considered a cheater? And the one who in bed represents the other, copulating with you? Let's look at the matter from the other side. "Treason" - from the word "change". And not always desire

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Cheating on your own husband is the most common reason why our conscientious women turn to psychologists. In one case, betrayal is a one-time misunderstanding, in the other, a love triangle (there are many options for the development of events), but regardless of the situation, the woman is faced with the question - what to do next?

Is it worth it to fall at your spouse's feet and beg for forgiveness, or in the name of the family to pretend that nothing happened? What do psychologists say about this topic?

The main reasons for women's betrayal of her husband - are you familiar with them?

Men have a surprisingly simple attitude towards cheating - " not caught - did not change ". And talking about cheating on his wife is practically bad manners. Well, if only as a last resort, when the holes in the family boat cannot be hidden, and there is a desire to annoy the “shameless” friend of life, who is not able to appreciate either the stars or the whole world thrown at her feet.

But what about the weak half of humanity? A rare woman treats infidelity "like a man" - that is, as a normal phenomenon and under the motto "a good leftist strengthens marriage." Usually, women cheat for certain reasons and after hard experience cheating - with remorse, emotional throwing and vows "more - for nothing!".

Why and in what cases does a wife cheat on her husband?

The wife is the head of the family
This situation is not uncommon these days. And it is with such a role in the family that a woman's chances of adultery greatly increase. In this case, there is a change in the places of the "terms", and the wife, changing the traditional worldview, decides that the right to the forbidden fruit belongs to her in fact - "I'm in charge here, and all dissatisfied dependents can go to my mother."
Physical dissatisfaction within your bed
If the sexual relationship of the spouses is a “five-minute race” in honor of March 8 (or even more often, but mechanically, for show, under an interesting series or football), then the natural course of events is an involuntary search for someone who can drown out this “hunger”. As a rule, relations with this “someone” become one-time (although, sometimes, they develop into a long-playing romance), and the family collapses.
Adultery at work
And there are options. One is daringly pursued by a colleague, shamelessly wrapping her in a trail of mind-blowing perfume, “accidentally” touching her hand and winking invitingly towards the cafeteria. Sooner or later (if there are prerequisites in the form of problems in the family), the woman's "defense" falls, and a new client for the anonymous circle "hello, my name is Alla, I cheated on my husband" is ready. Another option is corporations. Under the influence of alcohol and rushing to the will of emotions, women do a lot of stupid things.
Vacation - walk, so walk!
In some families, oddly enough, it is customary to rest separately. Perhaps to take a break from each other and have time to miss your half. And sometimes it just doesn’t work out to go on vacation together - work keeps. As a result, the wife goes with her girlfriend and ... The sea, a warm evening, a glass of wine, hot tanned lads from another country - and the program "I'm married!" in the head goes into sleep mode.
Extreme
This option can be attributed to dissatisfaction in bed with her husband, but here everything is a little more complicated. Just stability "in bed" is not everything. There are also ladies who are simply bored without “pepper” and experiments. Casual sex, sex with the boss in the office, with a colleague on the desktop, with a friend in the toilet of the restaurant, etc., become extreme, exciting from head to toe. Of course, not all options at once (this is already a very difficult case), but one of them. And repentance with pangs of conscience usually does not happen after such a marathon. If the spouse is able to satisfy all the extreme desires of his half, then the need for treason for her simply disappears.
"Heredity"
There are many exceptions to this rule. But still, it is a proven fact that a girl, in whose eyes her mother regularly changed fans, begins to believe that such behavior is the norm. And going on a spree from your husband (if you really wanted to, the cards lay down and the night is so marvelous) - it's not scary. He still doesn't know anything.
Age
Again, the rule with an exception (one size fits all revenge is impossible). But young wives are still too unstable in what they generally want from life. And a divorce in the case of a small affair usually does not scare them - “well, okay, there are people like you behind me.” Adult women are more stable in relationships. They already know that one of the pillars on which the family rests is trust. And the percentage of adultery in adult women is extremely low. Moreover, the “queue of fans” is getting shorter and shorter every year.
long separation
A husband is in the army, on a business trip, a spouse is a sailor or a truck driver, etc. A woman who is tired of loneliness (but, of course, faithful) suddenly meets a man who “understands” her and is ready to substitute his strong “friendly” shoulder. A strong shoulder quickly transforms into a hot embrace, into which a woman falls without even thinking. Because I've already forgotten what it's like. Of course, in the morning it will be ashamed. And before the arrival of her husband, the woman will have time to exhaust herself with remorse so much that she either immediately admits, or by that time she will understand that there is nothing to talk about, in principle. Because "all the same, the husband is the best."
Bad example
Some women get together to cross-stitch. Others discuss global problems and "how to get a child to do homework." The third of the meetings arrange a competition - who has a "brand" handbag, more expensive boots, darker tan and more lovers. There are others, of course, but the third option is the most "senseless and merciless." "Having a lover" for some girls is almost a matter of prestige. Like a nice car or a $2,000 dog. And young girls who have fallen under the influence of such ladies also begin to think that it’s normal to go on a spree from a fool-husband (their “purse with legs”).
Revenge and resentment
powerful factor. This is the most common reason for cheating. "An eye for an eye", treason for treason. Naturally, it is not necessary to talk about the preservation of the family in such a situation. Although it happens that such a mutual shake-up becomes for both spouses the beginning of a new stable life.
Husband's inattention
Every family has a moment of fatigue from each other, or a "moment of crisis". And it depends on both whether they survive this period without shocks or disperse, tired of throwing firewood into the family hearth. As a rule, the scenario is the same: the husband no longer says affectionate words, does not make surprises, does not kiss when leaving at work, he has to be taken by storm in bed, etc. Tired of futile attempts to change the situation, the woman begins to look around. Read also:

Instructions for an unfaithful wife - what to do after cheating on her husband?

For most women own betrayal is a serious test , which is quite difficult to get out of without losing "face".

What to do if the “terrible” did happen - what do experts advise?

To confess or not to confess? Before making a choice, ask yourself: do you love your husband? Do you want to continue sailing with him in the same family boat to a happy old age? What is the reason for the betrayal? Will you be able to live as before, given the fact of treason? And how can the situation develop after your confession?
If you love your husband, if everything in him suits you, and betrayal is a random episode (under the influence of alcohol, emotions, resentment, etc.), which you do not intend to repeat and which no one will ever know about (this is the main thing), then her husband shouldn't admit it. Because recognition, as a rule, is followed by divorce. Awareness of your guilt, of course, will haunt and torment you, but you have the opportunity to atone for your guilt with an all-consuming love for your spouse and save your family.
If there is at least 0.001% that the truth will come out if you were almost caught red-handed, even if a psychologist did not help you get rid of remorse, and confession bursts out of you as soon as you look into your husband's eyes - confess. It is possible that your husband will understand and forgive you. Sometimes betrayal even becomes an excellent occasion - to finally discuss the problems that have accumulated in the family and eliminate all misunderstandings between the spouses. Just do not tell your husband all the intimate details. And convince him that everything happened due to circumstances that did not depend on you (alcohol, eclipse, revenge for that blonde, etc.). And do not forget to add that you understand your stupidity, do not want a divorce, and in general "there is no one better than you."
Understand the reasons that pushed you to treason. Maybe it's time to change something in family life? Or is it time for a serious conversation with your husband? Or do you yourself demand more from your spouse than he can give you? Or maybe love just doesn't live in your house anymore? Your decision to be or not to be depends on the clarity of understanding the cause. That is, is it worth forgetting about adultery and returning to her husband's native hands, or is it time to tell him the truth and start a new life without him?

What if your conscience deprives you of sleep, and you feel that if you do not throw this stone from your soul, then it will be easier to drown yourself with it? How to calm your conscience and erase adultery from memory , if you catastrophically do not want to confess to your husband in treason and are afraid of losing him?

Work on mistakes
Take a break from self-eating and analyze your life. If in good company you start dancing on the table with a glass or two and you are drawn to feats, then categorically avoid such companies and alcohol in general. If you lack variety in bed, tell your husband "all the secrets of pleasure after 10 years of marriage." He probably won't mind. If you have all the chic guys at work, and everyone’s eyes are drowning the centuries-old ice, then it’s time to look for another job. Etc.
Remember: time heals
Of course, the sediment will remain, but there is no “delete” button in our memory, so relax, stop sprinkling ashes on your head, accept betrayal as a fait accompli and live on. Still nothing to change. If it gets really bad, go to the priest for confession and do everything so that in the future you don’t even have a desire to change.
Occupy Your Head with More Helpful Thoughts
Find a hobby that helps you disengage from this "embarrassing moment."
Try to ignore anything that might remind you of cheating.
Do not go to the cafe where you sat with the "adult", do not walk those streets and delete all data about him from your phone, address book and computer.
Dedicate yourself to your husband and family
Return often to the time when you first met your spouse (especially return to him when thoughts of that random man come up). Cherish the feeling of love for your husband.
If you feel that you are simply torn apart by guilt, do not dump the truth on your husband.
Take it to someone who will listen to you, understand and bury your secret in a cup of coffee (friend, girlfriend, parents - a close person). Relief is guaranteed to you.

Well, a little about "prevention". As soon as you get on the "slippery path" of the traitor, as soon as the sparks of the future fire of random passion flare up inside you - immediately think about whether you are ready to sacrifice family happiness, the psyche of children and the trust of your husband for an hour (night) of pleasure.

What do you think about female infidelity? We will be grateful for your opinion!

Today I will share with you the story of an old friend of mine. She recently got into a situation that you wouldn’t wish on your enemy: changed beloved husband with a past boyfriend. Quite by accident, without planning and not wanting it.

Here is a letter I received from her recently (published with the permission of the author):

“Hello Anna. I really, really need your advice. I would never dare to tell you about it face to face, too ashamed, scary and painful now. But paper will endure everything, and I don’t know at all where else to go with my grief.

I read a lot on your blog about cheating and always smiled because I was sure that this would not affect my family. For me, your articles are definitely not relevant. And somehow she even accused a reader in the comments on the forum, who cheated on her husband and askedwhat to do further and whatpsychologist's advice help her. But, as they say, if you knew where you would fall yourself, you would lay straws.

The worst thing is that my wonderful, dearest and most beloved husband is now sleeping in another room while I am writing to you, and does not even suspect that ... I CHANGED HIM.

I was always sure that female adultery - It's definitely not about me. Happy marriage, common plans and interests, friends, trips. We understood each other perfectly and were always together. My house is full of warmth, comfort and care. Perhaps without crazy passions, but with such a close and tender person nearby.

And three days ago there was a corporate party at work - the anniversary of the founding of our company. The husband, of course, was not happy that everyone was invited without spouses. And we even had a little quarrel.

But I have a wonderful team, and I didn’t want to refuse to go to a restaurant at all. I went, but with an unpleasant aftertaste that in the evening at home there would again be an unpleasant conversation.

If I had known what would happen next, I would have stayed at home without hesitation. By coincidence, on the same day, my ex-boyfriend, whom I had not seen for more than three years, turned up in a restaurant with another company. Old grievances were forgotten, and I was glad to see him, ask him about life, tell him how everything went well for me.

You know, sometimes you really want to amuse your own ego and show off your happiness a little to the one who once broke your heart. Especially since now I was already looking at the former with completely different eyes. I understood that I would never have received such happiness as with my husband - only suffering, scandals and the fear of one day being abandoned for the sake of another young beauty.

The evening was wonderful, we danced a little together, remembered the old days without pain and resentment. And then I wanted to talk a little in silence, without shouting over the restaurant noise and music. We went for a walk in the nearest park. Word for word, stars overhead...

Shared memories and jokes that only we knew about. And at some point, I realized that before dizziness I want to remind myself how we kissed many years ago under the same starry sky.

I don't remember much of what happened next. But I couldn't resist. And he couldn't, didn't even try. For him, betrayals were so habitual. Is always. As if he wanted to show that I was still not going anywhere from him, whether it was his will ...

I realize that this is all monstrous. I absolutely accidentally changed to his wonderful husband , breaking with his own hands the trust that has been between us all these years. I'm definitely not going to repeat this, and I want one thing - to forget everything that happened like a terrible nightmare!

I am sad and ashamed. And so I want to ask his forgiveness and say that this will never happen again in our lives! But I understand how much pain I will cause him with my ridiculous confession.

Or maybe he will never know about everything, and is it better to save our relationship, feelings and keep silent?

I was completely confused between my own feelings of guilt, hopelessness, and the desire to remain extremely honest in marriage, as it was before. How to be? Advise me, I can’t stand it, I can’t deal with this on my own…”

Women's betrayaloften occurs unexpectedly. And the reason for it is a sudden passion. This can happen somewhere in a noisy company: alluring music, alcohol, flirting ... And the brain turns off, and the soul asks for adventure, emotions, new sensations.

And only later, when you come to your senses, the only sensible question arises in your head - WHY?

I recently called a friend. I hope my information will help her not to do stupid things and save the marriage. In the article, I do not indicate either her name, or city, or any data, so as not to give out her secret in some random way.

I want to ask you, dear reader, if you are familiar with a similar situation. To What do you think: what should a woman whocheated on her husband? How to proceed?