Youth and beauty 

How to raise a successful person in a modern school. My Successful Parenting Experience. Thirdly, the ability to negotiate with people

One of the important stages of raising a child is the formation of his self-confidence. Psychologists explain that this character trait helps children take on difficult tasks, try something new. If the child is not confident in his own abilities, he will be afraid to be considered a loser, disappoint loved ones and cause disapproval of others. In the future, such a person will not be able to achieve success in his career, because employees who take responsibility and offer non-standard, risky solutions to various tasks are especially valued. Follow our recommendations - and raise a self-confident child, providing him with a successful future.

Praise the child not only for success, but also for efforts (regardless of whether the child succeeded or not)

Achieving the goal is important for adults, and the child is only learning - first, hold a spoon on his own and then read, write, play ball games. Therefore, the requirements for children should be different. At the stage of growing up, the learning process itself is important, so parents should encourage the efforts of the child, regardless of whether he succeeds or not. If your son, while playing football, missed the goal, still applaud loudly and express your delight. It is impossible for a child to feel embarrassed if something did not work out for him. Let the baby understand that no one will mock him, condemn, scold him for his mistakes. In this case, he will not be afraid to try new things and learn more.

Encourage Practice


Have you noticed that the child watches basketball on TV with interest, did he like to draw or sing? Try to encourage him to do this more often. The main thing is to act unobtrusively and without coercion. If you see musical talent in your child, do not force him to play the piano until his hands hurt. So after all, you can completely discourage interest not only in a particular instrument, but in music in general. All classes should be dosed, and let the teacher tell you the mode of classes.

Let your child solve some of their own problems

Life throws up hardships for everyone. A person should learn how to cope with them even in childhood, because as they grow older, all problems will only become more serious. Therefore, give your child the opportunity to independently find a way out of difficult situations, develop communication skills with different people. Try not to constantly interfere in your child's life, trying to make it as easy as possible. Prompt him with advice, listen and encourage, but do not immediately run to punish his offenders, without even understanding the situation. If you constantly intervene in the life of a child, trying to protect him from all adversity, he will grow up dependent and insecure. Then, even at the age of 40, your child will expect that at any moment his mother will come and solve his problem.

Challenge your child


Teach your child to always move forward. Let him know that achieving a small goal is only the beginning, now he can do something more meaningful. For example, if a child has started learning to ride a two-wheeled bicycle, suggest that he remove the extra wheels. Convince him that he is ready to go anyway, and you will insure him if necessary.

Mistakes are an essential part of learning

We all learn from our mistakes, and children are no exception. Therefore, do not demand from the child that he be perfect, grasp everything the first time. Nothing if the child made an unfortunate mistake. But he realizes his mistake, learns from it, and next time he will better cope with the task.

Encourage children's curiosity

Children are little whys. Of course, their endless questions tire and even begin to unnerve adults. It is only important for parents to understand that, asking about something and learning new things, the child develops, replenishes his vocabulary, broadens his horizons. Getting answers for their “why”, the baby understands that there are a lot of interesting things in the world that he needs to learn more about. The curiosity of the child flares up, it motivates him to learn and grow on himself.


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According to statistics, boys and girls, who in the first years of life ask a lot of questions to their parents and get answers to them, overtake their classmates in primary school. Such children are interested in learning new information, they learn better and absorb knowledge faster.

Discover new opportunities

Try to take your child for walks and on different trips more often, tell him something new, read interesting and informative books. All this contributes to the expansion of horizons and the formation of self-confidence.

Share your experience and knowledge

The whole world of a baby in the first years of his life is his parents. In his eyes, mom and dad are superheroes who can do anything. Be worthy role models. Pass on your knowledge to the crumbs, teach him everything that you know yourself.

Never criticize


Children are very vulnerable. Even if the child failed, in no case do not criticize him, do not say that he did everything badly and incorrectly. Moreover, it is impossible to use comparisons with children who turned out to be better, faster, smarter. Otherwise, you run the risk of completely discouraging the child from doing something. He will simply begin to be afraid to disappoint his parents again and will not dare to try something new.

Support the child when he experiences difficulties and failures

No matter how talented your child is, he will still know all the injustice of this life. He will face difficulties, endure offensive failures. At such moments, the child needs his parents to simply support him. Remind your child that in order to achieve a goal, you need to work hard and believe in yourself, and all difficulties are just steps on the path to success.

Encourage the desire to try new things

Starting something new is always exciting. Therefore, be sure to support the child if he wants to enroll in a sports section or learn to roller skate. Praise him for wanting to do something useful. Tell your child that you are proud of how boldly he begins a new phase of his life.

What character traits are necessary for a happy life, how to raise a successful child - parents often ask psychologists about this.

Of course, communication skills, determination, responsibility, initiative, purposefulness, willpower will help the child become successful. But is it possible to cultivate all the listed traits at once? Wouldn't the result be the same as in I. Krylov's fable "The Swan, Cancer and Pike"?

What character traits need to be nurtured first of all, and they are already activating, pulling up the rest?

Maybe pay special attention to curiosity, try to diversify your beloved child? After all, they say that you need to have time to lay in the child as much as possible before the age of seven, then he will grow up successful. Therefore, mothers and fathers begin intensively on a voluntary-compulsory basis, that is, thanks to all sorts of promises, tempting stories, from an early age, take the child to various circles, sports sections, enroll in music and art schools. And he is obliged to be the first everywhere, to show the best results. And how else, because it's your child!

And all this is done by parents, of course, with the best of intentions. Such is the time now – the race of education. At two years old - to read, at three to operate freely with mathematical operations. How, your child is already four years old, and he does not study mental mathematics? And does he speak English (German, French)? You are behind the times, what do you think? And parents, under the pressure of social educational psychosis, tear the unfortunate child away from interesting games and write them down everywhere - just in case, so as not to miss something, to keep up with the neighbors Vanya, Tanya, Petya in something.

As a result, the child is so overfilled with various information, demands, orders that he does not want to do anything or play, he cannot focus on one thing, he has not learned to bring what he started to its logical conclusion.

Maybe pay special attention to the development of the ability to learn, independently find the necessary information, assimilate it and apply it? Yes, the child will be smart, perhaps even super smart, but will he be able to find application for his outstanding knowledge, skills and abilities? Books contain all the wisdom of mankind, but knowledge, if not used in any way, is of little importance for a prosperous future child.

Can it be a paramount task to put the education of initiative? But without responsibility, intelligence, communication skills and other important character traits, such a quality can lead to completely unpredictable results.

What about communication? The skills to easily find a common language with others are very valuable, but you can talk for hours about trifles.

Life shows that, most likely, the most important thing for becoming a strong, intelligent, holistic, successful personality is the ability to set goals and achieve them. Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to educate the child in purposefulness and willpower.

It is not easy to teach to set effective, effective, working for the benefit of goals. If only because the tasks that have been outlined should be significant for the child himself. Otherwise, he will fulfill them only under the moral pressure of adults, not at all understanding the meaning of the requirements placed on him. Why should he do this? A beloved child can pose such a question at any moment, quite unexpectedly for adults who naively believed that everything was clear and transparent anyway.

This reaction of the child is completely natural. For example, parents convince that it is necessary to study. And why hurry, if the same parents say that you need to study all (!) life, especially at school, that it’s never too late to study, and you can, for example, leave school after the ninth grade, get a professional education, work, and then If you understand that you want to know and be able to do more, you can enter a university. It is necessary to clearly explain to the child that schooling is a necessary step for a prosperous future, a short starting acceleration for a successful result. And the opportunity to fully concentrate only on studying, developing his talents will never be presented to him again.

In addition, the goal should be specific not only in the wording, desirable in terms of results, but also determined in time. It is necessary to teach to count and value your time. For example, an unaffordable luxury for any person is to study a foreign language at school for ten years, and as a result, do not connect even two words into a correct sentence. At the same time, sit for hours on homework in a foreign language. The child has a feeling of infinity and futility of this process. Offer to set a goal: to pass the level in a year and pass a serious international exam as an objective test. Then let him independently think over ways to achieve the intended goal with high quality and on time: what will help him - courses, tutors, self-study, how much time and on what days he will be able to study, how he will improve his skills (listen to CDs, watch films in a foreign language, correspond by e-mail with a native speaker and communicate with him via Skype, etc.)

What will it give? The child learns to set a goal, develop a plan to achieve it, mobilizes willpower by doing. He sees and feels the result himself. If we take the same example with the study of a foreign language, then she can freely communicate in the language she is learning, she always answers correctly and quickly in foreign language lessons and completes her homework in a few minutes - which means that, in addition to everything else, time has also been freed up for other activities, recreation .

The goal is not to set the top five in a quarter / year in mathematics, since grades are often very subjective set by the teacher, but a thorough understanding of the essence of the material being studied. And then it's not so important whether you get a 4 or a 3, a valuable, indescribably sweet feeling of freedom, the absence of a humiliating fear that you won't be able to cope with an example, a task.

If a child knows how to set effective goals and he has enough willpower to achieve them, then such traits as communication skills, initiative, and responsibility develop in parallel. Including mercy, the ability to empathize, to understand another person - after all, we teach to set goals that in no case should harm anyone. Without all these qualities, it is impossible to quickly reach the set heights.

If you have a different point of view and it is confirmed by real examples from life, write.

What is the main task of us, as parents, in front of our children? Why do we need a child? What can we give him, besides how to feed, clothe, wash and educate?

The main task of parents is to adapt the child to life in society, to teach him to be able to build communications, to fulfill himself.

The child must be able to achieve material wealth and build relationships with people around him, who are not all and will not always be on his side. These two skills, so necessary in real life, can only be given to a child by parents, the school does not teach this. The school does not teach high-quality communication, weakly teaches teamwork. It is an illusion that we learned communication at school, we learned it in SCHOOL YEARS! In the yards, on the street, playing wonderful team games and communicating with people of all ages. This is how children learn to communicate: to talk, to negotiate, to experience conflict situations, to make friends.

In the usual framework of society, many are of the opinion that you need to be comfortable and “keep your head down”. Therefore, the school brings up "convenient" children, "comfortable" students. The illusion of leadership, when teachers praise an obedient student, grows in your child. And as a result, it turns into an eternal search for praise and emotional stroking even in adulthood, depression of former honors and honors students when they learn about the successes of twos and threes among their classmates.

If you orient a child to unconditional obedience, he will be comfortable, but unlikely to be successful in the modern sense of the word. A "comfortable" child, as a rule, is depressed, does not have his own opinion, is not able to make even his own small decisions and be responsible for them, a person. But permissiveness is also unacceptable for the development of a successful personality. So we need rules.

The family should have clear, understandable boundaries - and no unconditional love in its terrible manifestation

A bad soldier will never become a general. The child must learn to adhere to the rules, set boundaries and cooperate with the people around him. He comprehends this stage at the age of 7-8 years.

From the age of 7-14, you should expand his boundaries of responsibility and gradually reduce your boundaries of influence. The child should become more independent and responsible. Don't limit it. Let him do what he sees fit, if his decision cannot bring him physical harm. Give him this responsibility. Based on this, the estimates obtained are his area of ​​responsibility.

Do not break the child under generally accepted criteria and norms

Do not support, especially in front of a child, those who criticize him, who complain to you about him. Remember, they are not so much complaining about him as they are complaining to you that your child is uncomfortable for them. The best response to criticism would be: "Thank you, I heard, I'll think about it!"

No matter how parents behave, it must be remembered that unconditional love for them is inherent in children. The child is biologically imprisoned for the fact that without an adult he will die. But if you start to compare it with some norms (strangers), the child, in order to please you, can play along with you. He will earn praise and then he will try to be "good" for you, for his boss, for his partner. And this means that it will be easy to manipulate. Successful people are almost impossible to manipulate; rather, they are manipulated.

Teach your child about money from an early age

Now is a very strange time in terms of passing on life experience to your children. Reading the classics, and even remembering our childhood, we see that from an early age a child participated in helping with the housework, and at the age of 12 it was a full-fledged assistant or housekeeper. Now the world has changed. Parents go to work, children do not understand how parents work, where the money comes from. They lost the opportunity to learn from their parents to extract resources. And this is the skill that will help them in adulthood to be financially secure. Previously, children really learned how to create a resource - they grew something, knitted, embroidered, carpenter, helped in the forge, etc. Our children don't learn from us. Even if you take your child to work with you, he will rather have fun there than learn anything.

It turns out that at home a child can learn only household chores, but this is not an activity to create a material resource. In addition, being at home doing business, he does not learn communication skills at this time. A modern child cannot mine a resource. Namely, the ability to do this gives the feeling that you are useful, educates and nurtures self-respect in the child. The child becomes infantile. He does not understand the meaning of money, he does not know how to use it.

What to do?

  1. Start with yourself: demonstrate your careful, respectful attitude towards money. Children remember what you do, not what you say.
  2. From 4-5 years old, when the child is a little familiar with the account and knows the letters, small bills and coins can be considered. Give him his first wallet and put money of different denominations in the range of 50-100 rubles. If you go to a store, tell him what he can buy for himself, for each coin / bill separately and for all at once.
  3. Along with the wallet, buy a small notebook to keep track of his expenses. At first, you will have to keep these records with your child, but literally in a year the child will balance his own balance. Enter the rule: issue the next amount only after the report is submitted. Give out so much pocket money so as not to think about how and on what he will spend it. But explain that the money given is not for one day, but for a week, and if he spends it right away, you will not give him anything until the week is over. Your task is to let him manage the money and learn to choose between momentary desire and really useful purchases. Encourage proper management of income and expenses.
  4. Let your child pay for their purchases at the checkout. At first he will be shy, and then he will do it with pleasure. Because this skill will increase his self-esteem.
  5. When the child is 7-8 years old, tell me how he can increase his budget. For example, he can negotiate with his relatives to give him money for his birthday, and explain to them why (saving up for a toy, roller skates, etc.). Your task is to warn him that the amount is not called - this is the choice of the giver. My advice: do not pay for your studies - this is a very powerful demotivator.

Let your child do what they love

If your child is engaged in some business that brings him pleasure (draws, designs, reads) - DO NOT INTERFERE! And even if lessons are not learned from him, let the whole world wait. By doing what you love, a child learns almost the most important thing in his life: he learns to be in a state of flow! It's not about loving yourself, it's about loving the GOOD! This skill to enjoy what you do for several hours, to be focused on one thing, will pay off a hundredfold in the future. If you “pull” him out of this state once, ten times, it will be written in the subconscious: “it’s not good to do what you love, it’s wrong, you have to do what is required, even if you don’t like it.”

Make sure your children spend most of their time outside the home.
It is advisable to give preference to those circles, sections, additional classes, where children of different ages are gathered! Let the children go outside, visit, do not interfere in their relationship with other children. Because this is how children learn the skill of communication and stress resistance.

In conclusion

But what about the school? I am not saying that school is evil. In no case! I have only positive memories of the school and teachers. And I studied well. Only this knowledge was of little use to me in those three institutes that I later graduated from, and even more so in ordinary life. Make the most of what she can give, but not contrary to the interests of your child.

The most important condition for a child to grow up successful is to instill humanity in him, because it is with humanity that real success will come to a child. It is necessary to tell the child about your love as often as possible, and also to show it by actions.

Second, the ability to think

It is necessary to teach the child to think and think. Without such skills, a person is unlikely to be able to succeed. It is important to be a role model here. Let him see what parents think in any situation and look for solutions, and then he, too, starts to think and analyze.

Third, perseverance

Success usually comes not only to the most talented, but also to the most persistent, so it is important to cultivate perseverance in a child. Creativity is perfect for this, especially if it is a designer, plasticine or pencils with paints. It is important to help him bring something to the end if he is not able to do it on his own.

Fourth - constant encouragement

One of the most valuable qualities of any successful person is self-confidence and self-confidence. Almost any person will be able to complete what he originally conceived if he is confident enough in his own abilities. It is important to convince the child that he is able to cope with any, even very difficult, tasks. You need to prove to your child that you believe in him. It is also important not to insult your children or question their actions. Children believe everything, especially if these words come from relatives.

Fifth - more optimism

There is a close relationship between success and optimism. It is necessary to accustom the child to the mood that everything will turn out not just well - everything will turn out perfectly. Remarkably, optimism has exactly the same power as pessimism. It is necessary to teach the child to find the positive in any, even the saddest situation. For example, any mistake is, first of all, an experience.

Sixth - respect

It is important not to forget to praise the child, if, of course, he deserves it. It is also important to thank him for any right deeds.

Seventh - Responsibility

Responsibility is one of the most important criteria for a child to succeed. Each person must be responsible for his actions and actions, and this applies not only to adults, but also to children. The child must learn to be responsible for everything he does.

A successful child is, first of all, the victory of parents! Every dad and every mom wants their children to do well, so that they study well, and when they grow up, they do what they could not do. There is no recipe for helping a child become successful, but science knows what conditions for successfully raising a child in a family can increase the chances.

Not surprisingly, this largely depends on the parents, although there are exceptions.

How to raise a successful child

So, when today's successful people were small, their parents most likely:

1. Trained them to do housework

If the children don't do the dishes, it means that someone is doing it for them. And then they are deprived not only of the work, but also of the understanding that the work must be done, and each of us must contribute to the overall improvement.

Children who have household chores grow up to be responsible people who know how to cooperate with colleagues, are stronger in empathy, and are able to complete tasks on their own.

Through household chores, such as taking out the trash or doing their laundry, they understand the true value of work.

2. Gave them social skills

American researchers have found a correlation between the social skills of boys and girls in kindergarten and their performance in adulthood. The study, which lasted 20 years, showed that socially competent children from childhood are able to cooperate, negotiate, understand other people's feelings and solve their own problems, are more likely to get a higher education and find a good job at 25 years old.

Whereas people whose social skills were not developed in childhood have a higher chance of becoming drunkards, being arrested and having no roof over their heads.

3. Had high hopes for them

The expectations that parents place on their children have a great influence on their future achievements. This was found out by scientists from the University of California at Los Angeles, who conducted a survey among several thousand children born in 2001.

Parents who have a vision for their children to go to college are guiding them towards this goal, regardless of their income or other resources. Among the children who scored the worst on standardized tests, only 57% received college guidance from their parents. And among those participants who coped with the tests better, parents saw 96% in universities.


4. Had a good relationship with each other

Researchers from the University of Illinois found that children who grow up in highly conflicted families, where parents are divorced or married, are less likely to become successful as adults than those in which father and mother lived in harmony.

Moreover, from this point of view, it is more useful for a child to grow up in an incomplete family, where the only adult is a non-conflict person than a mother and father who fight among themselves. In the event of a divorce of parents, the child and his future are affected by whether they manage to establish good relations with each other, how often the parent who lives separately will see the child.

5. Must have a good education

A 2016 study by University of Michigan psychologist Sandra Tang found that children of college-educated mothers are more likely to go to college. The researchers also found that children whose mothers were under the age of 18 at the time of their birth are less likely to complete secondary or higher education.

6. Started teaching math early

A massive 2020 study of 35,000 preschoolers in the United States, Canada, and England found that early math learning is a very important piece of the educational puzzle as a whole.

How to make a child successful? Teach him numbers before he enters school. If a child goes to school already knowing the numbers, their order and other basic mathematical concepts, this is not only a guarantee of his future high marks in mathematics. Reading such a child will also be better.

7. Developed relationships with their children

Researchers believe that children whose parents in the first three years of their lives are sensitive to their needs and cues, responding appropriately to them, build a base of confidence that will help children be successful in school and later in life. And the relationship with dad and mom will be better.

Investing in early parent-child relationships can bring long-term benefits that will accumulate over the course of their lives.

According to the researchers, the amount of time mothers spend around children aged 3-11 has little effect on their behavior, self-perception or future success. But intensive motherhood or NOT fatherhood can really hurt.