Why do handsome men have ugly wives? Why do beautiful women choose ugly m. Why do men marry ugly

Mating oddities found an explanation

"She's so scary, but he married her, and with me, a beauty, he just walked!" Everyone has heard these cries of the soul many times. And we regularly ask ourselves the question: really, why ??? "MK" figured out the "strangeness of choosing a partner" with the help of specialists and is now ready to answer the most painful questions.

Myths about love do not come out of nowhere, they are confirmed by numerous stories - a beauty was abandoned for the sake of an ugly woman, and an intelligent manager for the sake of yesterday's prisoner. And the whole trick is that we see only the tip of the iceberg, and the clue is hidden at the bottom. It's just that we all have advantages for which we are loved, and shortcomings that are forgiven us.

Why do men love "gray mice"?

This is what 33-year-old Marina told the psychologist: “I grew up in a middle-income family and since childhood I dreamed of marrying a rich man. When my mother tried to teach me how to darn socks or make jam, they say, you will get married, it will come in handy, I snorted: "I won't need this!" I saw in the mirror that I was beautiful. So there are chances!

One friend took me to work as a type of adviser. He took me with him to all business meetings, business dinners and other events of this kind. There I met Yevgeny Konstantinovich, my Zhenechka. Outwardly, he was nothing - glasses, however, expensive, bald patches, despite the fact that he was slightly over thirty, a tummy skillfully hidden by a jacket made to order in Italy. But he seemed handsome to me - a billionaire! And it began with us ... He did not know how to look after and was a little greedy, but nevertheless he bought me jewelry, gave me a car. And how I courted him! In bed, she began with the image of an innocent girl and gradually moved on to the role of a sophisticated mistress. What I didn’t think of to captivate him ... and he was carried away, and how! And two years later, when I already felt like Zhenya's wife, he told me that he had decided to marry. But not on me! And on some nondescript mumra who works for his firm in the legal department. He, you see, is calm and comfortable with her. He is sure that she will be a good wife - she knows how to bake pies and ... attention! - darn socks! Billionaire - why does he need darned socks ??? She, therefore, will sit at home, bake pies and give birth to children. And he, if he wants, can afford any beauty lover. Interestingly, and if I immediately played just such a cluck, hiding, and not emphasizing my beauty? If I darned socks and made jam, would he marry me? "

What's on the surface of the iceberg? Marina learned from her history only that it is more convenient for a rich man to keep a nondescript "mouse" at home in order to calmly go about his business. And beauties are more suitable for adultery.

What's at the bottom?“The beauties believe that they are already a prize in themselves,” believes the psychologist Denis Tokar, “and not too bright girls (sometimes consciously, sometimes not) compensate for the external inconspicuousness with emphasized femininity - tenderness, sexuality, delicate taste and other feminine virtues pleasing to the male eye ... But the main thing is that they are ready to take care of a man, create an aura of peace and comfort around him, make him feel like a hero and give himself to him. They try to listen and hear him, to be sensitive to his interests and needs. This means that they are ready to do their part of the relationship work. And such "mice" win in comparison with beauties who consider themselves valuable in themselves and do not consider it necessary to do anything else for the relationship - except to hand themselves into the hands of a man and entertain him in bed. "

Examples.

There is no stranger couple on the Oscar red carpet than the stately macho Hugh Jackman and his wife. According to many tabloids, “the sexiest man on the planet” could get any beauty, but for the second decade his heart belongs to the “gray mouse” - his wife Deborra-Lee Furness, who is also 13 years older than him.

The famous Dr. House, recognized in 2008 as the sexiest doctor in the entire history of cinema, actor Hugh Laurie is married to theater administrator Joe Green and says that she is the most dear person to him. Although Joe, to put it mildly, does not at all look like Doctor House's on-screen beloved Lisa Cuddy.

"Eternal Bond" Pierce Brosnan, even in his 60s, continues to hold the title of sex symbol ... and be a faithful husband to his fat wife. Agent 007 was always accompanied by beauties (Halle Berry, Denis Richards and others), but the main place in Pierce's life and heart has been occupied by TV presenter Keely Shay Smith for almost two decades.

Why do women love despots?

In the office of a specialist, 43-year-old Alexander asks: is it really true that women need tyrants and despots?

“It happened a year ago, and I'm still in shock. I fell in love with a girl, and soon realized that I could not live without her. I am so arranged that if I really fall in love, I dissolve in a person, break into a board in order to please, to do something pleasant. The girl just bathed in my attention and care, she did not know anything about it.

But one day I call her and ask when I'll see you. And she: “Never. I met the man of my dreams ... I'm sorry. " And that's all ... When I learned from mutual acquaintances what he, the man of her dreams, was, I felt bad. He is a personal assistant, carrying a businessman. He talks to her like this: “Shut up, woman! Do what I told you! Are you fool? Should I explain it in another way? " And she endures all this with truly slavish obedience! She looks at him with adoration, like a dog at the owner, does not say a word across. And, by the way, one of her friends told me, commenting on this: “You got fucked up, dear. We women should be treated like that, we love the brutal. And you dismissed snot with her, so you got yours. " Do women really prefer such people to normal men - loving, gentle, caring? And if so, why? I am all tormented by this question ... "

What's on the surface? The rejected Alexander made a superficial conclusion based on Pushkin's motives: "The less we love a woman, the easier she likes us ..." He decided that his girlfriend was just waiting for an iron fist and metal in her voice and did not appreciate a good attitude.

What's at the bottom?“Tyrannical traits never appear in a personality from scratch,” explains psychologist Alina Kolesova, “they complement the strong character that women associate with reliability and security. And it causes it for a reason: hardly any of the women just like it when they raise their voice to her, order, take under strict control and restrict freedom. A despot is not one who bangs his fist on the table at home, but in the rest of his life is weak and weak-willed. This is a man who is inclined to tightly control the situation around him as a whole, this applies not only to his woman. From such a person emanate fluids of strength, self-confidence, integrity of nature and inspire a woman with the feeling of a “stone wall”. At the level of unconscious perception of the transmission of force, it is just the external manifestations of brutality - a loud voice, harsh judgments, decisive actions. Of course, such a despotic type is not suitable for every woman, and not everyone will choose this in a pair. Rather, a woman with a gentle character will rush into the arms of a tyrant, feeling that she often cannot cope with external problems or with herself, and she needs a “counselor”. However, if a sweetheart is a tyrant only in relation to a woman, and in front of difficulties from the outside will give in, hide in the bushes - no one will like it. "

Examples. Sonechka Bers, an educated young lady, accustomed to going out into the world, playing the piano and guests, was married to 34-year-old Leo Tolstoy at the age of 18. The first thing the groom did was to tell the bride about his premarital relations, and the next morning after the first wedding night he wrote in his diary: “Not that!” Nevertheless, the husband locked his "wrong" for 19 years in Yasnaya Polyana and made it so that a well-bred young girl gave birth to a child a year - in total, Sofya Tolstaya gave birth to 13 children, 5 of whom died in childhood. And when he found out that his wife was pregnant with her 13th child, her husband accused her of seducing him herself - after all, by that time the count was preaching complete chastity and sexual abstinence. Because of the inflammation of the mammary glands, it was difficult for Sophia to feed, but at the insistence of her husband, she did it anyway, because he did not recognize the nurses. And soon Lev Nikolaevich ceased to recognize the work of servants - and the entire household in the family estate fell on the shoulders of unfortunate Sophia. She tried and created comfort, which caused even more irritation to her husband. Tolstoy said in his hearts: “It's very hard in the family. I can't sympathize with them! All the joys of the children: the exam, the successes of the world, the music, the environment - I consider all this a misfortune and evil for them! And everything is Sofya Andreevna ... ”As we know from the books of Tolstoy himself, it was possible to leave a despot husband, who himself does not know what he wants, was possible in those days. But Sophia not only did not leave, she also blamed herself when, at 60, Tolstoy left her himself. And before that, she managed to raise children and very seriously take part in the work of Lev Nikolaevich - Sophia copied drafts of his works (thousands of pages) by hand, negotiated with publishers, and in response regularly received all new claims. Researchers of the writer's life note that in the women's issue, the count contradicted himself: on the one hand, Tolstoy believed that women deliberately pulled forces and means out of a man, but at the same time he was categorically against emancipation as a woman's ability to support herself. Tolstoy loved to publicly express his hard-hitting views on women, but everyone around him understood that his attacks were aimed primarily at his own wife. The pity and misunderstanding of those around her why she allows herself to be treated this way (coupled with the peasant count's indifference to his own courtyard girls) led Sofya Andreevna to hysteria, paranoia and repeated suicide attempts. But she still didn’t leave her husband and waited until he left her himself, saying at parting instead of gratitude: “I don’t blame you ...”

Why do women love the bad guys?

And here is the problem that 30-year-old Anton came to a psychologist with:

“I work as a programmer, busy at work all the time; with women I get along with difficulty, I do not know how to look after. But if I start a relationship, I do it one hundred percent: flowers, gifts, restaurants, trips to the sea. I earn well, but I don't need much for myself. My Nastya grew up in an intelligent family, every weekend we went somewhere together: to an exhibition, to a theater, to a skating rink. After - always a restaurant. I found places where we had not been before: in this way Nastya and I tried, probably, all the cuisines of the world. Events seemed to be developing according to plan. I was already looking on the Internet for options for a joint summer vacation, and in the fall I was thinking of making an offer ...

But suddenly Anastasia announced that she was leaving for her former classmate, with whom she had an affair on the social network. I found that guy on the Internet: a gangster mug, judging by the statuses on the page, constantly interferes with some stories with fist showdowns, does not really work anywhere and drinks hard. And so I think: what was it that Nastya lacked with me, that she clung to such a freak? Or do women like to feel head and shoulders above their man in order to communicate downright with him? "

What's on the surface? Offended Anton learned from his bitter experience that women are strange creatures who do not appreciate positive men who take them seriously and with respect. And it is worth becoming (or pretending to be) a bully, unpredictable and unreliable, as stupid women lose their heads and rush to "re-educate" and love the unlucky one.

What's at the bottom?“Bad guys are not loved for the bad things that they do, - for the very bad deeds and qualities no one can love,” explains psychologist Alina Kolesova. - They are forgiven for their shortcomings - the ability to get drunk, fight, etc. - since these actions follow from their general "machismo". The bully has his charm, but not in the hooliganism itself, but in the freedom to go against the rules, against the routine, not to depend on the opinions of others. It is pleasant for everyone to feel like a fragile and adored girl when the first hooligan of the yard with loving eyes is nearby. The typical “bad guy” is fearless, unpredictable, reckless, strong, direct, aggressive, independent, with the obvious inclinations of a leader who knows how to subjugate others. The secret of the bad guys is concentrated masculine traits. Next to such a charismatic brutal "bad guy", a positive, modest "nerd" looks completely unromantic. Girls fall in love with rebels who have the courage to protest against boring rules and dogmas, imbued with confidence in such a force. The bad guy will save you from any situation - simply because he likes to feel like a hero, he does not care what dad-mom-colleagues-neighbors say. True, most often the love story with the "bad guy" breaks down into everyday life, into which the "bad guy" also transfers his indifference and recklessness, only in family life it all looks less attractive. Of course, there is also a rescue element in girls' love for bad guys. And it is the good girls-excellent pupils who get into this story - after all, they were brought up in such a way that it is good and noble to pull up any poor students. "

Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie. Photo: still from the film.

Examples. History, literature and cinema know many examples from the category of "young lady and hooligan". Remember at least the heroine Chulpan Khamatova in "The Land of the Deaf", who pulls the player, makes money at the risk of his life to return the debt, and he loses everything, and even covers it with the last words. For a long time Angelina Jolie could not part with the charming Billy Bob Thornton - a classic bully, drunkard and drug addict. And British moviegoers called Jack Nicholson the "bad guy No. 1" - that's who women have loved since childhood to this day. Robert Downey Jr., Mel Gibson, Kiefer Sutherland, Colin Farrell, Jude Law - all of them became famous not only for their talent, but also for excessive drinking, drug addiction, promiscuous relationships, disregard for public morality and enviable inconstancy. However, good girls continue to love them with the same enviable consistency - for decades. But there is one subtlety: these girls never get smaller, but their age remains young. Every normal young lady, focused on a normal happy family life, one day there comes a moment when she irrevocably outgrows her bully - and leaves him in the past, no matter how much she loved before.

Very often we see couples on the streets in which the guy obviously wins in appearance. We constantly ask ourselves why such a handsome man chose a completely ordinary girl as his allies. We asked a psychologist to comment on this phenomenon and explain what is behind it.

Why do men choose women who are inferior to them in attractiveness?

Each example needs to be viewed from several angles. If it seems to others that a woman is objectively not as beautiful as her man, then a man can, on the contrary, perceive her as an extraordinary beauty and goddess, be proud of her and believe that everyone envies him and turns his necks when he walks next to her.

Often, a man's choice can be associated with his personal image of an attractive woman, which stems from childhood, with his ideas about his mother, who, for example, was a short, plump brunette with freckles. Therefore, a man is looking for a woman who outwardly resembles his mother.

Women are much more likely to marry than men, since the stronger sex is guided, as a rule, by the psycho-emotional background, which is created when communicating with one or another representative of the weaker sex.

There is an intimate aspect, love, friendship and mutual understanding. The woman forms the nucleus of the family, so the man will carefully choose her so that his lady is like his mother also according to his personal feelings.
A man is tied to vivid emotions, he will prefer a cold beauty, a snow queen that is not very pretty, bright and with a twinkle, because with her, on the one hand, he will feel like a perky boy, and on the other, he will feel comfortable, free, full-fledged personality ...

Why do girls complex next to an attractive and successful man?

The complexes of girls come from childhood. Most likely, the woman was improperly brought up by her parents, especially her mother, therefore, in the process of growing up, complexes were formed about the hump of the nose or short legs.

How to deal with insecurity?

The main thing in a woman's attractiveness is how she feels and, accordingly, translates to others. It so happens that a woman is extremely attractive, but because of her complexes she will feel insecure, this will be reflected in her gait and gaze, and therefore people will perceive her as less sexual, since all this comes from the subconscious.

There is a great practice: if you come to any event, be it a conference or a disco, and you feel insecure, as if everything around you is above your level, just put on a mask and play the role of a woman of their circle, attractive enough or successful. It will be easy because all the women are inside the actress.

If a woman is embarrassed by the feeling that she is worse than a man, she needs to work on personal growth, go to a psychologist, work with attitudes, take a course, delve into childhood, deal with stereotypes, since we have been taught to compare ourselves with someone, from this it is necessary refuse. It is not easy and not a one day decision.
Every time you see in the mirror that you are fat or your hair is not thick enough, each part of the body should be told that it is sexy and you like it. You like yourself. It is important to control your thoughts, say to yourself: "I am gorgeous, I am irresistible, I love myself."

It will be broadcast to others. There is a galaxy of conscious women, working on themselves, feeling beautiful and wealthy - such women are always surrounded by men, and it is not men who choose them, but they choose men. We need to develop, set goals for ourselves and go towards them.
Beauty is education, success and self-confidence, and not just appearance, we are not animals. And the man will be with you not because you are outwardly beautiful, but because you give him faith in yourself.

And how can you give it if you don't even believe in yourself? If you are serious about taking care of yourself, a pitfall may appear in your life: your man may leave.

Why do handsome, smart and wealthy men who should be successful with women often choose those who, in the opinion of the majority, can be classified as nondescript? And who should you choose to be happy?

Dmitry Novikov, sexologist, family psychologist

There are many such cases among my acquaintances, I think many have them. For men, beauty is not the main thing. Yes, this is an important criterion, and they pay attention to it, but not in the first place, often it is for them in second or even in fifth place. For women, beauty is more important.

Men are arranged a little differently than the weaker sex, therefore they choose a life partner according to other criteria. After all, choosing a partner for short-term and long-term relationships is not the same thing. Therefore, a woman who is sexually highly attracted to men, as a rule, has some qualities that men consider not entirely acceptable to their wife.

Such women, in their opinion, are distinguished by free-thinking, great preoccupation with sex, a lower level of intelligence, a tendency to vagrancy, and an underdeveloped maternal instinct. Therefore, they are ideal for short-term relationships, but not for long-term ones. And therefore, men, wiser and growing up, choose their future spouse with their heads, and the following qualities become important for them: what kind of mother, friend, what kind of mistress, is she able not to cut and be a safe haven, always come to the rescue in difficult times.

I used to be amazed when my acquaintances womanizers, who were surrounded by beautiful women, chose much less beautiful and even ordinary-looking women as their wives. This all comes over the years, when you are no longer 20, but over 30. First of all, such a choice of a woman is some kind of tribal instincts that tell them that the time has come to build a serious relationship with a devoted, loyal and reliable person.

But another reason is also possible - pathological jealousy. A jealous man, first of all, has an inferiority complex, and jealousy has nothing to do with love, he is jealous, even if he does not love at all. Therefore, in order to calm themselves down and insure, they choose a woman who will not be in great demand, although often this does not help them much. Some men even want their spouse to put on some kind of virtual veil after the wedding, become more nondescript and be out of selection. By making their spouse more ordinary-looking, putting her in the kitchen, men can thereby protect themselves and finally breathe easy.

Naturally, beautiful people are more spoiled, they are used to getting whatever they want and get very upset if they don't get something. They need constant confirmation of their beauty and coolness. They are often extremely unhappy because they have inadequately high demands and are extremely difficult.

Svetlana Filatova, psychologist

Males choose a female with whom they will not compete. This is biologically justified, they just do not want to spend their energy and efforts to control the future spouse. Subconsciously, a man wants his offspring to be his, and he himself would concentrate on his career and making money. A woman should be his support and always behind him.

For adrenaline addicts, everything happens a little differently: they choose an equal and continue to fight with it throughout their lives. Men often do not want competition and therefore always try to choose a simpler woman. I would not say that this is due to complexes. We all have our own cockroaches, some have more, others less. It's just that someone is ready to admit it, someone is not.

How are happiness and beauty related?

They say correctly: do not be born beautiful, but be born happy. External beauty is just a showcase behind which there may be something insanely beautiful or not. Internal beauty can sometimes be more pronounced than external beauty, and this is what is most important.

Beauty is a relative concept, of course, there are ideal 90-60-90, but still everyone has their own psychosexual image. Therefore, I see two reasons why men choose ugly women.

The first and most obvious is self-doubt or the benefit from such a relationship: a formal marriage, where the wife is comfortable and serves as a screen to cover her real life, or even homosexuality, or such a woman guarantees that she will always be by her side, she is less demanding etc.

Another reason is that sex is chemistry, it is born in the brain, not in the genitals, and an absolutely beautiful woman can be cold and repulsive, as if castrating sexual desires, and ugly, but with charisma and inner warmth, cause an acute a wish. That is why beauty is not a guarantee of success in your personal life.